The crew gets some answers on who burgled their ship in the night and what exactly were they looking for.
The old timers tell us all about the spectre ships they’ve seen / Tonight might make us wonder just what it is we do believe
See us on THE ROLLING BONES TOUR in just a few weeks! Seattle, Chicago, Twin Cities, Boston, NYC, Philly, and DC! Buy your tickets at https://jointhepartypod.com/live
Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
Sponsors
- Level Up Games, an excellent game store with locations in St. Paul, Hastings, and Minneapolis. Visit them before our show in Minneapolis and let them know who sent you!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Julia: Hey, it's Julia, here to remind you that Join the Party is coming to 7 cities in the US this March, that's this month, with the Rolling Bones Tour. Your two favorite podcasts, Join the Party and I also hope, Spirits. We'll be playing games, rolling dice, making monsters, and so much more. And tickets, hey, are going fast. And here's something new, we players on Join the Party, we'll be bringing back some of our PCs from past campaigns on the tour. So if you want to see what Tracy, or Val, or Carrie and Price are up to these days, you got to join us live. So get your tickets now at jointhepartypod.com/live. That is jointhepartypod.com/live to see us perform in Seattle on March 21st at the Here-After. Minneapolis on March 22nd at Granada. Chicago on March 24th at Reggie's. Boston on March 25th at Rockwell. New York City on March 26th at Littlefield. Philadelphia on March 27th at the City Winery. And Washington, DC on March 28th at Atlas Brew Works. Go to jointhepartypod.com/live to get your tickets now. We'll see you there.
[theme]
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: A group of burglars broke into the Sea Whip. They unleashed a pollen trap that filled up the hold of the ship and caused all kinds of chaos. Luckily, Nonny electrocuted them and Troy exploded them. And Cammie started a hurricane inside of the ship, so it was relatively taken care of. But that didn't save Cammie and Umbi from getting sniped from the darkness. Who broke into the ship? Who was doing the sniping? What was that pollen? What did they want? Did they take anything? What's happening? Let's get some answers by speaking to the dead. Let's get the party started.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): No, this was such a bad day.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, and it's about to get a little bit worse. I've got some questions for you.
Eric (as Nondescript): Oh. Oh, no. Geez. Oh, this is all going not exactly the way that I planned. Oh, no. Oh, God. Why? Geez. No, please. Hey, ma'am, please put me down. I'm just— I'm just a Greenfolk who is definitely alive and just wants to go on with my life, doing life things.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, you're dead.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Nooo!
Julia (as Cammie): And all of your friends are dead.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Nooo!
Julia (as Cammie): So why don't you tell me what you were doing here?
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Oh, man. This is the la— this— it's just so hard being the Nondescript pirates gang. I just wanted to be taken seriously.
Julia (as Cammie): And what were you going to do to be taken seriously?
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Oh, get a key, you know, and—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, from us?
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Yes, of course.
Eric: That's one question, speak with dead.
Julia: Uh-huh. I'm— I'm keeping track, don't worry.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Oh, no. I just wanted to be taken seriously by everyone. Yeah, you're just kind of— you go to school and— and everyone's like, "Oh, I don't know you. You seem like you're not that fun." And I'm like, "No, I am." But you're— imagine your name and you decided to give yourself as being the Nondescript Pirates Gang.
Julia (as Cammie): An interesting choice, certainly. Certainly.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): We thought it would help our branding.
Julia (as Cammie): Of being nondescript. Yes, of course.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): So we'll get hired for more jobs, but then we realized we'd be Nondescript.
Julia (as Cammie): So, hmm, I guess— hey, the dandelion situation that you have here, where did you get that?
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): I'm not gonna tell you. You murdered me. I thought I was alive earlier. Now you shattered my whole sense of self.
Julia (as Cammie): To be fair, you got electrocuted. I didn't murder you.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Oh, okay. Then I guess that the— then I guess that the octopus that, obviously, is so close and nice with you, is definitely not your friend. She's burying herself into the side of your neck.
Julia (as Cammie): Fir— first off, she rolled a really good stealth check, so you didn't see her.
Brandon: I think Nonny's the type to— after Nonny gets a victory, they just like taunt them with the electric whip, you know?
Julia: Absolutely not. It was just a stealth mission.
Eric: Oh, yeah, just— yeah.
Julia: She was in there.
Eric: She was teabagging like you're playing Halo 3, yeah. 100%. It'd be like, 'Well if I— hold on. [dice roll] Okay, I rolled a 7. I was going to try to put together the fact that this guy got electrocuted, and there was an electric octopus hanging out around you, kind of like chasing its own leg like a dog chasing its tail, and it's sparkling and crackly, but that's a fair point. Eric, the DM retracts his statement because the dice said you gotta find a different joke.
Julia: Ha, ha.
Brandon: The dice slaps your hand.
Julia: Love when the dice tells you to get different jokes.
Eric: Yeah, I gotta go get different jokes.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): No. Can I tell you something about being electrocuted?
Julia (as Cammie): What— what about it?
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): And I've only had one experience, but I'd say, bad way to die. Bad way to die.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm. Okay, interesting. Interesting.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Hey, do we all want to go around in a circle and talk about the best ways to die?
Julia (as Cammie): Drowning. Anyway—
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Is that— that's a good one. Okay, I'll put it down on my list.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): I hear being frozen is pretty nice, because you feel warm, even though you're very cold.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Oh, that sounds cool.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): I was gonna say surrounded by my friends and family, but I mean— I'm in way too deep even as a Nondescript pirate.
Amanda (as Troy): Man, I think this life might not be for you.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): I— I— from my situation, I would agree.
Julia (as Cammie): So, hey, would you like your body returned to your family in exchange for information about where you got those dandelion seeds?
Brandon: Got them. Got them. Hey, Julia, you got them.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: I need a persuasion check.
Julia: Excellent. I'm very good at those. [dice roll] Alright, let's— let's see what the dice have in store for me here.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: Alright. So I rolled a 16 plus 3 for a 19.
Eric: Oh, shit. I rolled the 19 plus 1 for a 20.
Julia: What?
Brandon: I don't think so, Eric.
Eric: I did.
Julia: What? This has a plus 1?
Eric: I did do.
Brandon: I think a corpse says minus a thousand.
Eric: He was a per— he's speaking to the person.
Julia: He has wis— he has high wisdom or high charisma, what? This guy, the nondescript man?
Amanda: Julia. The only job of a seed is to fuck. You gotta have some charisma.
Julia: No, he's not pollen.
Eric: No, he's an onion.
Julia: Yeah, he's a little onion.
Eric: He's a caramelized onion.
Julia: He's a charred onion.
Brandon: The only job of an onion, Eric, is to fuck.
Eric: Is to fuck. Alright, fine, fine, fine. I'll call that a tie. It'd be like—
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Tell me more about how you're going to secure this for me when I inevitably— well, as you're magically keeping this going, and then I'm gonna be dead, and then you're gonna just go on your merry way.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, no, I'm gonna store you in a barrel of salt, preserve your body, and then I'll bring it back to your family, obviously.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Can I be honest with you? I don't want this.
Julia (as Cammie): You don't want your body returned back to your family?
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): No, I —
Julia (as Cammie): So they can give you a proper burial?
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): No, that's obviously— I'm— obviously, I'm embarrassed of what's happened to me. Also, that sucks. I hate being dead.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, it's not a fun time.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): No.
Julia (as Cammie): But you don't have much else to live for, so can I ask for information, please?
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): If you want to— if you want, what do you— what information do you want?
Julia (as Cammie): I want to know where you got those dandelion seeds from.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): I bought— I bought it.
Julia (as Cammie): From?
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): One of the merchants that were around, you know, flying— going around on their boats and figuring out— and selling it out to different people. It was around, and I knew that I wanted it, and I put it— we put all of our money together, our rainy day— our nondescript rainy day fund.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Nondescript Onion): Also, that was five questions. Deuces. Blam.
Julia: Fuck.
Brandon: Hey, you got like two more options, Julia. Two more dead people.
Julia: I know, but that's a third-level spell, bruh.
Eric: After he says— he says— says that just like the body mooshes down, he got called caramelize, so it's like he lost his form. And now it's just like a goopy— it's just like a goopy pile now in the wa—
Julia (as Cammie): Alright. And just for that, I'm not returning your body back.
Eric: A goopy pile in the water.
Brandon: I do have to ask, Julia, for people like Cammie who grew up in Open Fields, when people get caramelized and die, did— is it tasty?
Julia: It's fertilizer, bud. What are you talking about?
Brandon: Fertilizer? Okay. Okay.
Amanda: The pumpy is sniffing and attempting to lick.
Julia: We're like in, like, knee-deep water, right?
Eric: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Julia: And that— is that puppy big enough?
Amanda: He's on my shoulder. He's fine.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Yeah. I think the pumpy is tall enough at least.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: But the pumpy does a doggy paddle and starts eating Greenfolk remains. Yeah, no, that's a— Amanda, that joke checks out. That's Science.
Amanda: Thank you. Thank you.
Julia: Should I do one more?
Amanda: I feel like they're not going to give up their supplier.
Julia: I— I feel like I could convince them potentially.
Brandon: I mean, I'm not going to say no—
Amanda: I'm not going to say no.
Brandon: —but Eric is going to be antagonistic, I guess.
Julia: Yes.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Eric is?
Julia: The character, I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, I mean like Eric playing the NPC.
Julia: To be fair, it is like specified in speak with dead that answers are usually brief, cryptic, or repetitive.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: I want to read something really important. The corpse is under no compulsion to offer a truthful answer if you are hostile to it or recognizes you as an enemy.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: I would recognize you as maybe some of the person who electrified, exploded me, fire ball exploded me.
Julia: I mean, I— again, it was a— it was an octopus that had a really good stealth role, so I don't know. I don't know. We'll see.
Eric: Julia, regardless of the stealth role, I think that when you get into a place and you're like, "I'm gonna rob these pirates who have a key." And then you die. I'm not gonna be like, "Oh, man, it was the liver cancer."
Brandon: It was an act of God.
Julia: Yeah, it was an act of—
Eric: Oh, God, I can't believe I got hit by a car or if— am I just doing it?
Amanda: So as— as Troy watches his son eat these remains and says—
Amanda (as Troy): Good boy, that's not wasteful at all.
Amanda: He'll be like—
Amanda (as Troy): What if— what if we say that they did a really good attack, and we want to buy some of that stuff, too? Would that— would that work better?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I think that, like, maybe if I could just find out more about the merchant, we could maybe have a better jumping-off point, because merchant is vague.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): And I feel like with five more questions, I can get more answers.
Amanda (as Troy): Like, hey, those— those pollens really almost killed us. Sick. What if we had them on our side?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): See, I'm— I'm trying to get better at lying.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. Or I can say, maybe if that merchant has ties to necromancy, they could fully bring them back to life and not just speak with dead.
Amanda: There you go.
Julia: Alright. Cammie's gonna grab the next one over, the second to the middle charred one, the mama bear, if you will.
Brandon: The mama bear.
Julia: And it's going to cast another speak with dead.
Eric: I like this. I think this is like a daisy that got immediately dried out.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Like, when you see a pressed like a—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —a pressed flower in a book, it's just like immediately dried out everything.
Brandon: Petrified wood, almost.
Amanda: Yeah, imploding.
Eric: Yeah. It's like all of their three petals, all of them are cracking and brown.
Julia: Cammie's gonna pick this one up by the— the shirt as well, the front of the shirt, breathe tea steam into their mouth once again. And is like,
Julia (as Cammie): Hi, I'm Cammie. You're back from the dead. You almost got us there. I hear that you got those dandelions from a merchant. Can you tell me more about the merchant?
Eric (as Daisy): Huh? Oh, I'm so glad I'm alive. I can't believe I survived being electrocuted by something I didn't see.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Daisy): Do you know what— what— did you see what happened?
Julia (as Cammie): No. I was sleeping.
Eric (as Daisy): You saved me. Thank you for saving me. You're my guardian angel.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I am. Look at me, I'm beautiful and magnificent, like an angel.
Eric (as Daisy): I'm now concerned by your tone. I've misread the situation.
Julia (as Cammie): No, I was very impressed by the attack that you did on that ship over there.
Julia: Then gestures to the— the Sea Whip.
Eric (as Daisy): Oh, you were watching?
Julia (as Cammie): I was. What was with those dandelions? One of your surviving crew members said that you— you bought them from a merchant. Can you tell me about the merchant?
Eric (as Daisy): Oh, yeah.
Julia: That's question number one.
Eric: Man, that was like an essay question in social studies.
Julia: It really was.
Amanda: Two semicolons.
Eric: Yeah. Here's the DBQ. Here's— here's a first-person account of what happened at the Pirate Cove.
Amanda: Eric, this is the thing, I know you're the one with a degree in English education, but if your sentence is long enough, it doesn't have to have a point.
Eric: Oh. Hmm. That's right. That's in the— that's in the rubric.
Brandon: That's smart.
Amanda: That's graduate level.
Eric: That's— that's— that's— that's— I didn't learn that.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. That's some PhD shit.
Eric: That's good— that's good stuff. Higher Education, folks.
Eric (as Daisy): I can't— it— I— unfortunately, the Nondescript pirates have a rule that we can't tell people where we got things, so I can't tell you and it's a secret.
Julia (as Cammie): But I saved your life.
Eric (as Daisy): I know that, guardian—
Julia: And Cammie pouts.
Eric (as Daisy): I know that, guardian angel, but the Nondescript pirates have a pact that we don't share secrets.
Julia (as Cammie): I understand. What if I was to tell you that, well, none of your other crew are alive, and so you don't have that pact with anyone anymore?
Julia: I think that's technically a second question. What if I were to tell you?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That's pretty— that's pretty good.
Eric (as Daisy): Wha— what? I'm— I'm dead?
Julia (as Cammie): No. I— I said, "None of your other surviving crew."
Eric (as Daisy): Oh. Oh, well. Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe you could be part of our crew.
Eric (as Daisy): So—
Brandon: The descript pirate gang.
Eric (as Daisy): —where are their bodies? Do you—have you see them? Where are they?
Julia (as Cammie): Well—
Julia: And then Cammie—
Eric: In my head, you're like holding them by the shirt.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Just holding them up, and they're like looking, and the only thing they could see is looking up at you.
Julia: Ca— Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Focus on me, you don't need to see that.
Eric (as Daisy): Wha— Patches? Michael?
Julia (as Cammie): You don't have to see that.
Brandon: They have names?
Eric (as Daisy): Stevenson?!
Julia (as Cammie): I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Eric (as Daisy): Why did you save me only? Why— is it because Pa—
Julia (as Cammie): I only have so many spell slots.
Eric (as Daisy): You only have so much magic to go around and I've been chosen. Maybe I can be nondescript.
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe the planter chose you.
Eric (as Daisy): Maybe I can be descript.
Julia (as Cammie): You— you know, if you joined my crew and told me your secrets, you could be descript.
Eric: I need a roll. I need—
Julia: That's fine. Great. What, deception?
Eric: I need— I need the lying— I need the lying one. Yeah, give me the lying one.
Julia: Yeah. Alright. I get plus 3 in deception, that's fine. [dice roll] A 15 plus 3 for an 18.
Eric: I'll give you an advantage because you have them in a compromising situation.
Julia: [dice roll] That's only a 15, so—
Amanda: Why did I give Troy intimidation? Troy has never intimidated anyone in his life.
Julia: Great question.
Brandon: He intimidates people with his, like, charisma—
Amanda: His bod.
Brandon: —you know? Yeah.
Julia: With his hot bod.
Brandon: He's overpowering hot bod.
Eric (as Daisy): Oh, man, a Descript Pirate Crew. Which— are you— I guess I— I guess I could. Well, do you think we have enough juice to take down the pirates of the Sea Whip?
Julia (as Cammie): I think together we could.
Eric (as Daisy): Because, you know, one of them has like— is like— is, like, 3,000 years old and blew ups off— and blew up two governments. And one of them is a— is a is a warrior poet Prince. And one of them is like a terrible magician, so they're pretty scary.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. They do sound very scary.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're goddamn right.
Julia (as Cammie): They do sound very scary, but I think together you and I and the rest of my crew who you'll eventually meet, we could do this together. But first, you have to tell me about the merchant you bought those very cool dandelion seeds from.
Brandon: You have to resupply. You have to resupply.
Julia (as Cammie): Because I think we need to resupply with those.
Eric (as Daisy): Oh, well, I— I wasn't there when they bought them, but it's one of the— I mean, so many merchants were around here, I guess, selling different magical items and— and interesting—and interesting stuff. Like if you're gonna make a move, you got to make sure that you're prepared, and we took our rainy day fund, and we went all in on this chest. And the che—and— and they said that the— the merchant had a really interesting voice and we made fun of it a lot together that we could have—
Julia (as Cammie): Did it sound something like—
Julia (as Radbert): Hey, guys, it's me, [grumbles]
Eric (as Daisy): Sorry, I— I wasn't there. I only heard it secondhand. Can you say it for me— to me again?
Julia(as Radbert): Hey, guys, it's me. You know, my— my name is Radbert.
Brandon: You sound like fucking Dick Tracy, like—
Julia: I don't know what I'm doing, alright? I'm trying to do the Radbert voice. Leave me alone.
Brandon: Like, Big Boy from Dick Tracy.
Eric: Yeah. See, I got--
Brandon: Yeah, see—
Eric: I got some zombie— some zombie puffs.
Julia: Hey, I'm Radbert.
Eric: Reach for the sky.
Julia: Cammie does her best Radbert impression.
Eric: No— which is— yeah, for sure.
Amanda: This is laughing with, Julia. This is laughing with.
Julia: Oh, no, I know.
Brandon: No, Julia is great at it. Julia was doing Cammie's impression. Cammie is not great at impressions.
Amanda: That's true.
Eric: No, Cammie is not at good at it.
Amanda: Julia is so deep in character.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Cammie has spent a lot of time doing a lot of things. I don't know if— if like bits is one of Cammie's skills.
Julia: Yeah, it's not.
Eric: Julia is too busy being traumatized as a child.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: My performance is plus 3, though, so—
Amanda: They're— they're learning it now. Yeah.
Eric: No, no, I'm not making—
Amanda: Like, a— like a dramatic stage actor who is now hosting SNL. Their— their skills are 80% transparent.
Julia: I would like to state that was question number three—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —was does his voice sound like “heh!”
Eric: Does his voice sound like this? No, I heard that. It was good. Like—
Eric (as Daisy): No, no, that wasn't— no, that wasn't it. It kind of devolved after a while but no, it wasn't that. He wasn't like a little— he wasn't— the merchant wasn't like a little— a little thing. I don't know.
Julia (as Cammie): I was trying a little— I wa— I was trying to do like a little voice. I don't know.
Eric (as Daisy): It wasn't like a me— it wasn't like a— like a little, like a— like— it wasn't like a little berry rat. It wasn't a mulberry rat. It was kind of like— it was something— it was something else. I don't— I'm— I've been through so much, my angel. I— so— it's my— my memories, they're so foggy.
Amanda: Troy whispers in Cammie's ear—
Amanda (as Troy): A fruit fly maybe?
Julia (as Cammie): Oh. Oh, yeah, maybe. Maybe because maybe then he sounded like a— a professional wrestler, but I don't want to waste my fourth question on that.
Amanda (as Troy): No. Maybe you can ask what kind of Greenfolk the merchant was.
Julia (as Cammie): That's a good question. In making fun of that Greenfolk, did you happen to find out or hear about what kind of Greenfolk they were?
Eric (as Daisy): No. I don't— I don't remember what. I— they didn't tell me who it was. They were—
Julia (as Cammie): It seems like they were bad—
Eric (as Daisy): —it was— it was a shadow and they— they were— it was like all dark, and it was in a cave, and they had, like, cloaks surrounding the— surrounding them, and they had stepped back pretty far away. So they— it was like a real, like, throwing money across the room and then shoving— pushing the chest forward. They— they did say— the merchant did say how they had all of this stuff and they went across all the seven—they gone all across the Great Salt Sea, and they had all these experiences. And had spent time, like, defeating, and romancing, and going all over the place. It was just— it was a lot to take in. There was a lot to make fun of about these various people.
Brandon: This is the people from Esca Island, like that—
Julia: It could be a Orello.
Brandon: Could be Orello.
Amanda: Yeah, it could be.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Just because the romancing part—
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: —is like fucking Orello.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric (as Daisy): And then— and then like back— you know, back at the Nondescript dinghy, we were like, "Oh, I've been to all these places and I— when I was there, I— when I was there, I kissed a banana, and I kissed all 5 of his sisters, and also his brothers.
Julia: Oh, yeah, that's Orello.
Eric (as Daisy): It was crazy.
Julia: Oh, that's Orello.
Brandon: I thought it was Abel from my One Shot for a second, but no.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: No, it's— no it wasn’t that.
Eric (as Daisy): Yeah, it was just [unclear] and we made fun of them all the time, but it was so shadowy and dark. I don't think I could pick them out of a lineup.
Julia (as Cammie): Sure. Of course, I completely understand.
Julia: And Cammie's gonna very gently caress the face of this daisy, because Cammie knows that the next question is gonna make them die again. And just like gently pets their face.
Julia (as Cammie): You are so wonderful and so kind, and I cannot wait for you to join our crew. I just have one—
Eric (as Daisy): Where am I going to sleep in the— on the ship?
Julia (as Cammie): In a hammock.
Eric (as Daisy): Like— but, like, would you have like a room for me? I had to share the room with a— it was the nondescript bedroom where we all slept.
Julia (as Cammie): We all kind of sleep in the same area, the same quarters.
Eric (as Daisy): Okay. So it's more of the same.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. So—
Brandon: You can just lie to this fucking daisy, Julia.
Julia: I don't care.
Julia (as Cammie): I have one last question for you, my dear sweet friend.
Eric (as Daisy): Oh, yeah. What—what is it?
Julia (as Cammie): This merchant that your friends purchased this chest from, was it here on the Dissolving Belt?
Eric (as Daisy): Yeah. It had to— it was here because that's where so many wheelings and dealings to get keys to get into the conferences that—
Julia (as Cammie): Wonderful.
Eric (as Daisy): So do you think I can— so do you think we can bunk to— crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.
Eric: Just dissolve— just fades into dust and then goes out with the tide.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, I think that's about enough of that.
Amanda (as Troy): It's important she died happy.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I wanted her to die happy. The other one was not happy.
Amanda (as Troy): Nah.
Julia (as Cammie): Nah.
Amanda (as Troy): That wasn't your fault that he was a dick.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, this one was much nicer. I think like me telling him that he had died, kind of put a damper on the whole situation. Letting this one think that she was still alive, a real win.
Amanda (as Troy): It's so true, man. Like, moments after a coup, you don't be like, "Hey, come along with the coup or die." You give them a good 5-10 minutes to worry about their life and then you say, "I have a way out." And they go, "Yes, new king. It's— it's much better."
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): Understandable. Yeah. Alright, I need to go sleep now.
Eric: Just like a fire drill where all— or it's like someone pulled the fire alarm and all of you were standing outside in your pajamas.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Just like a coat on over your pajamas.
Julia (as Cammie): And in the morning, like maybe if we don't have other activities, we'll try to go find this merchant, who I think I might know who it is, but we'll see.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm down. I— I got pretty gunked by all the goo, so—
Julia (as Cammie): I also got gunked.
Amanda (as Troy): —just need— you know, need some help there.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm hoping that maybe we could just sleep it off. But if not, I'll try to do a greater restoration on us. Actually, I'm just going to try that now.
Julia: Because if I short or long rest, I get it restocked, I think. So, I'm going to use tea ceremony when we get back on the ship.
Amanda: Hey.
Eric: Ooh. That's neat.
Amanda: Yeah, I think— I think we, like, trudge back onto the ship. Troy's gonna be like, you know, pulling things down and like trying to write stuff slightly, so it's not completely obvious that a huge battle happened on the ship when we wake up in the morning.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: I mean, you'll have to, over the tea ceremony, fill in Umbi because his hearing is poor and he did not hear any of this, so—
Julia: That's fine.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah. Hey, why don't— everyone make perception checks for me.
Amanda: [dice roll] Oh, nice 18.
Eric: 18.
Julia: I got a 16, 13 plus 3.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: Doesn't matter, Eric, I got 6 total.
Eric: Oh, you got a 6?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Oh, that's cool. I like that.
Julia: That feels right.
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah.
Eric: That's cool. Umbi, can you make a dexterity saving throw for me?
Brandon: I could, yeah.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Old man limberness, because bro got a plus 7 on a sa— deck saving throw.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Nice. And you also didn't get hit with the stuff, so you don't get minus 3 to shit like that.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: That's a 13.
Eric: Cool. Cammie, make a dexterity che— saving throw as well.
Julia: [dice roll] 18 minus 3, I assume.
Eric: Yeah. 18 minus 3, please.
Julia: 15.
Eric: 15. You are all cleaning up on top of the deck, sweeping up, doing some immediately after the party cleaning. And Troy, that's when you hear, " Pfft, pfft." And you see a flash of red light—
Amanda (as Troy): Hit the deck.
Eric: And sticking out of Cammie's shoulder and Umbi's shoulder are these little boxes with a blinking red light.
Brandon: Son of a bitch, god fucking dammit.
Eric: And Troy, what do you think when you see these?
Amanda: Get them off. I want to— I want to pluck them off and throw them into the sea.
Eric: You want to make a run on them?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Alright, make a dexterity check.
Julia: Oh, but you have minus 3 to that.
Amanda: I know. Alright. Well, I— it's— that's a—a 15 plus 2 for 17 minus 3 for a 14.
Julia: We're all gonna get blown up now.
Brandon: I want to make it clear that Umbi didn't see this go down, because he was sweeping up singing the Happy Days theme song to himself or something, you know? Just like shaking his booty.
Eric: Brandon, that's really funny.
Brandon: Thanks. Now, I'm gonna die.
Julia: Now, I'm gonna get exploded.
Eric: Troy, you take two steps—
Brandon (as Umbi): Sunday, Monday, happy days.
Eric: You take two steps towards your companions and then [explodes] a giant explosion.
Brandon (as Umbi): Goddammit! Not again!
Eric: Not as large as the firefall from before, but just as equally exploding. Maybe you didn't see it before, because you were doing karaoke. But it just goes— absolutely goes up. Umbi, Cammie, take 46 points of damage.
Julia: Jesus.
Eric: And Troy, you made a move towards that. Using some math, I'm gonna give you 75% of that damage, because there were two bombs and you wa— and you ran towards them. 35 points of damage, exploding damage.
Amanda: Troy has 2 hit points left.
Julia: Jesus.
Brandon: Holy shit.
Amanda: I was hiding my character sheet from Eric so he wouldn't see.
Eric: Hit point check, what does everybody— what does everybody have?
Julia: 23.
Brandon: 11.
Eric: 2.
Amanda: 2.
Brandon (as Umbi): Not so happy days anymore, am I right?
Eric: Havana, you hear [running] as Havana runs up and be like—
Eric (as Havana): How— what is happening— what is happening to all of you? Why do you keep exploding?
Julia (as Cammie): I wish I knew.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's not me, I promise. I was fucking got it out for us.
Eric (as Havana): I— that's obviously true. Alright, I'm taking out the medicine.
Julia (as Cammie): Please.
Brandon (as Umbi): You should take us below deck first so you don't get hit.
Eric (as Havana): Oh, well—
Eric: Havana freezes.
Eric (as Havana): —I didn't consider that they'd still be out here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, yeah, I know.
Amanda: From the deck, because Troy's definitely just like collapse down, the pumpy is probably like licking his face with terrible burnt onion breath.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Can Troy to try to roll perception?
Eric: Yeah, all of you can try to roll perception.
Amanda: [dice roll] Eric, what does my dice say?
Eric: Your dice says a— is a Natural 1.
Julia: Mine's a Nat 20, though.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: And I got 15, so oddly spread out.
Eric: Pretty good.
Brandon: And oddly even.
Eric: Pretty good.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Pretty good.
Amanda: Alright. Troy see pump and only pumpy.
Eric: Troy—
Julia: Fair, fair. Yeah, there's a pumpkin that is licking your eyeball as we speak.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: So it makes it hard for you to proceed.
Eric: Troy, take one point of damage as the puppy is licking your eyeball.
Amanda: Alright. Troy's down to one hit point.
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Eric: It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. It's Ouch. Umbi, you're still smoking here. I think that you—you're happy to still be alive.
Brandon: And he's also on fire. Don't smoke, kids.
Eric: Aye, oh, aye, oh.
Brandon: Aye, oh, aye, aye, oh, aye, oh.
Julia: He's on fire right now.
Eric: Brandon, before we move on, can I just get a, like, 15, 30-second no smoking ad from Umbi?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Thank you.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: Yeah. Imagine he's walking in from the side of the frame.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: And he's just walking and it's completely like white room, one of those white backdrops.
Eric: Oh, it's the one— it's like an infinite room where it's just all white?
Brandon: No, it's like— it's obviously a set, you know those kinds of things?
Eric: Oh, one of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: He walks in, and he turns to the right, and he says—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, hi there. I didn't see you. I'm— I'm Umbi. I'm 3,000 years old.
Julia: Confirmed.
Brandon (as Umbi): But I did not always look this way. I look this way because I smoked cigarettes, tobacco— I—
Brandon: Tobacco people is the question. Is tobacco people?
Eric: No, they have—
Julia: Tobacco could be people, but it also could be food/a thing.
Eric: They are tobacco people, but you can— they do grow tobacco. Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): If you don't want to look like this, don't smoke, kids.
Eric: The dried pirate tobacco, Big Tobacco is the captain of a terrible ghost ship. Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Pretty Cool. I like it.
Amanda: It's tough because he's dried, and he does make a living on the ocean. What are you gonna do?
Eric: Just a real— a southern accent scary pirate.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): And now, a word from famous Happy Days actor, Ron Howard. Ron, take it away.
Eric (as Ron Howard): Hi, I'm Ron Howard. This is an impression, no one knows what I sound like.
Julia: True.
Eric: Okay. Julia, you rolled a Natural 20, you absolute motherfucker.
Julia: Yep.
Eric: Cool. Okay.
Julia: Cammie is also the most stable, so it kind of makes sense for Cammie to have rolled a Nat 20.
Brandon: True.
Julia: Kind of whips around in the direction of where she thinks the shock came from.
Amanda: And they witnessed the first one, whereas Troy might not even know that this happened, frankly.
Julia: That's fair.
Brandon: I don't think he did, yeah.
Eric: No, I don't think so.
Brandon: And we didn't want to ruin your birthday.
Julia: The dice are telling a story.
Eric: Where— I had an idea of where this came from.
Brandon: Oh, yeah. Who— just real quick, Eric, off— not— not for tape, who did this?
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, just for us. Who's the culprit?
Julia: Yeah. Who— who did it? No spoilers, but who did it?
Brandon: Who shot me?
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, we won't say.
Brandon: I'll cut it, I'll cut it. Don't worry.
Amanda: Brandon, Brandon, cut— just— just cut this.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: And you know, Brandon won't remember, so—
Brandon: Right. Yeah.
Eric: Right, right, right.
Brandon: This isn't for— this isn't on the podcast, just tell us who— who shot me?
Amanda: Yep. Who's the big bad? What's his name?
Brandon: Who's the guy? Who's the person?
Amanda: Where are the keys?
Eric: Oh, my gosh.
Brandon: What's their weakness?
Julia: Was it me?
Eric: Cammie, you whip around and you've managed to catch a glimpse of something you weren't supposed to see. Maybe you didn't notice it because of the giant bones and the sea bees, and the jelly, and the excitement of everything going on. And also because it's not working. There is a lighthouse, that is about half a mile off the coast of this particular giant whale skeleton. It sunk into the ground. It's leaning, like, a 20-degree angle, and it's sunk— you can't see the whole thing. It— it's almost like you assumed that it was on some sort of raised cliff, or sandbar, or something and it had sunk in. You can only see about 60, 60-70% of it. But you notice it's not lit up at all. You probably think that the— the lighthouse stuff— you know how lighthouses work. It uses a giant—giant mirrors to reflect light in as many directions as possible as it move things around. That giant mirror must still be in there because you catch a glimpse of some red light for a moment, bouncing off of that giant mirror.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That kind of sprays up into the sky and radiates through the clear, clear acidic water of the Dissolving Belt. And it was only for a moment and then— and it disappears, and it's dark. And the only light, once again, is from the party with the French pop music, droning on the other side of the island. And it's starting to get a little lighter as the sun has a suggestion of maybe getting up soon if it wants to.
Julia: No, I have to sleep.
Eric: Havana is frozen and be like—
Eric (as Havana): I'm not in these— I'm not good in these situations. Tell me what I should move.
Brandon (as Umbi): We should go down.
Julia (as Cammie): I think we're in the clear, Havana.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, we should go down below deck. I don't— just in case, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda: Yeah. We'll shuffle our way downstairs, and Troy's barely on his feet.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: I just want to get out of sight, yeah. Because you know who I don't trust? Eric, the DM.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, y'all— y'all can get— get below deck. I think that's a good idea, if there's a sniper around. That's just my thing. That's my thing.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: That's your hot take?
Eric: That's my hot take.
Julia: Hey, Eric, real quick about the beautiful description you just did.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: You know how a functioning lighthouse, the lens rotates so that the light itself can rotate?
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Did I get the idea that the lens is active enough that it is rotating, or is it stationary?
Eric: No, it's stationary.
Julia: Okay, cool.
Eric: It's not— it's not being used. You're correct. It's not being used. It— no one is using it. It's broken, but it still has the light stu— the lighthouse stuff in it.
Julia: Right. So I could, theoretically, forensic evidence my way into figuring out where that person took the shot from?
Eric: Yeah, probably.
Julia: Okay. Well, I would like to long rest.
Amanda: Yeah. Did you want to do the tea ceremony or not at this point?
Julia: At this point, it probably won't matter.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia: So ignore me.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Sure. Cool.
Brandon: Well, I think that we'd be in the clear, because if those French Cragish folks are still partying, you know, like in Germany, or in Berlin when they go to bed at 6:00 AM and sleep 'til 2:00 or whatever, you know?
Eric: [French pop song] That's what the— a French pop song sounds like.
Julia: Beautiful.
Brandon: Yeah. So I think we'd be fine to do a full 8 hours, even at this like early hour.
Eric: You can still get a long rest. That's not up for debate.
Julia: Okay. Cool.
Eric: I didn't feel like— I'm not doing more— more sleep mechanic.
Julia: Thank you.
Amanda: It's safe to say we'll all sleep in after the pirate party.
Eric: Yeah. The only thing is if anyone— I just need to know if like you're gonna keep guards out again, or you're all just gonna go to sleep.
Julia: Yeah, Nonny will stay out again, and I will use shapes and omens when I wake up, please.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Yeah, I— I think Troy is too wiped. He's— he's got to rest. He'll probably keep the pumpy outside his door or, like, right in front of the door, but like, you know, just inside.
Brandon: Amanda, can I pitch?
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Nonny, Bartlett, pumpy, the Three Musketeers.
Amanda: The best friends, yeah.
Brandon: Keeping watch.
Amanda: Let's do it.
Eric: Alright. Well, let's decide if we do a One Shot to decide— figure out what they did, what kind of never-ending story they got into. We'll—
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: Cute.
Eric: So we'll put a code in there.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: And we'll just go to the next day.
Amanda: If you want that, join as an annual patron today.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: Right now.
Eric: Come to the live show, tell us you want this, and then also become a patron.
[theme]
Amanda: Hello, everybody, it's Amanda, and welcome to the mid-roll. Welcome, especially and first to our newest patrons, Max, Dominic, and Patrick. We're only able to make this show and remix our shanty for the Legends Across the Tides like we did in January and, I don't know, keep the show rolling while we plan a 7-city live show tour, because of your support on Patreon. If you want to be like Max, and Dominic, and Patrick, and have your name read on the show, and know that you are putting your money where your mouth is when it comes to supporting independent creators, please do so at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. You'll even get access to the Join the Party Patron-only Discord, which is officially. And I know this because the Webbys keep sending me emails about judging the Webbys and I keep saying no, but they have not removed me from their emails. So I can say as a Webbys judge that we are the best place on the internet. Yeah, you're welcome, patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, if you've not checked out Big Game Hunger, what are you doing, folks? This is the weekly comedy show by Jenna Stoeber, where she and friends craft the next big video game every dang episode. You can start with any episode you want, because they start with a randomly generated genre concept and vibe in each and every ep. She and a variety of funny game-obsessed guests come up with a triple-A video game IP franchise. It is so much fun. It really shares so much in the way of vibes with Join the Party. And if you listen to the show, you're gonna love that show. New episodes every Monday, so check out Big Game Hunger in your podcast app now. This episode is sponsored by the first of several local game stores that we are partnering with on the Rolling Bones Tour, beginning with Level Up Games in Minnesota. Now, this fabulous game store has three locations in St. Paul, Minneapolis, and Hastings, and they have so many things for sale, from comics to D&D, Warhammer, and Magic cards, Pokemon Trading Cards, by the way, video games, both classic and new, board games, Manga, anything you could possibly need. They even, I think, this is very cool, have a trade-in program, where they'll buy your used video games, comic books, and TCG singles to go to either store credit or cash, which is really dope. They also have events of all kinds every single week for their gaming communities and larger tournaments, like regional championship qualifiers for Magic: The Gathering. So if you are heading to our Minnesota live show, make sure you stop by Level Up Games, or if you live near Hastings or St. Paul, go ahead and check them out, Level Up Games. This show is also sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, I definitely feel that after doing weeks and weeks of very fun things coming up, I'm gonna need a little bit of time to recharge. And I think that's a— a really apt metaphor, because when I'm, you know, using all of the energy in my reserves, I do need some time when I'm not using, but kind of refilling my energy stores to make sure that I'm feeling regular and— and back to normal. And one of the things that really helped me with figuring out what I need and how to do it is going to therapy. And for several years when I could not go to, nor afford in-person therapy, I used BetterHelp. And if you are looking for a way to start therapy in a way that is convenient, and online, flexible suited to your schedule, BetterHelp is a good tool to know about. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. So if this sounds helpful, check them out. Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, .com/jointheparty. And now, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Eric: Havana has a barrel as a crossbody fanny pack, and it's like a little barrel. It's like the size of a mini keg, you know?
Julia: That's adorable.
Brandon: It's like the barrel like the dogs wear to rescue people in the—
Eric: In between a keg and the— and the St. Bernard barrels.
Julia: St. Bernard.
Brandon: Oh, okay. Okay.
Eric: And he sticks his hand in and it's just like this— this light green goop and spreads it all over your explosion burns. And it's like, "Don't— don't move while you sleep." So you all just sleep, like, on top of the covers.
Julia: I love being told not to move while I sleep.
Eric: Yeah, don't move. But no, this will count for a long rest. That's fine.
Brandon: Yay.
Amanda: Yay.
Julia: Excellent. Thank you, sir.
Eric: Yeah, get your stuff back.
Julia: I would like to do shapes and omens.
Eric: Yeah. I tried to kill you, but I couldn't, and I'm upset about it.
Julia: Ha, ha.
Brandon: You've tried to kill Umbi twice. You should learn your fucking lesson by now, Eric.
Eric: Now, first of all, Eric did not try to kill Umbi twice. Someone el— a character tried to kill Umbi twice. Eric did try to kill Umbi, generally. Like gen— like a general idea of it.
Brandon: Oh, let me quick roll while we're asleep to see if I die in my sleep.
Julia: Oh, yeah, real quick.
Eric: Hey, can you roll twice? Because you're very hurt.
Brandon: 59.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: One more.
Amanda: Safe.
Brandon: 5.
Amanda: Brandon, why did you keep rolling below 10? That's very unlikely, statistically.
Brandon: Hey, thanks for being on my side, Amanda.
Eric: Yeah. Oh, oh, hi. Oh. Sorry. I didn't see you there. Oh, it's a little hot— it's little hot at the recording studio while doing this. Oh.
Julia: And make sure you wipe it with that glittery-ass gloved of yours.
Eric: Oh, luckily, I have this DM-ing glove to pat my face with. Oh, oh.
Julia: A very absorbent sequins.
Eric: Oh, oh. I had it the whole time, motherfucker. Alright. Yeah, folks, you wake up the next day, bruised, burnt, still covered in weird green lotion goop, but you're feeling good. You're feeling— you're feeling better.
Brandon (as Umbi): My skin's never been more taught.
Amanda: And then— and then Troy—
Amanda (as Troy): What's your skin like to learn, bruv?
Eric: Nice.
Brandon: Oh, boy. How to respond to this one?
Eric: Remember, and taut is the only way you can say that word.
Brandon: Only way that is.
Eric: You can't say it another way. It's only— it is only the past tense of teach.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Umbi explains to Troy about 3 hours' worth of how his skin learned to crease itself over the years.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): It's really good at it, man.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Like, maybe too good.
Brandon: Over those 3 hours, Umbi is slowly backing out of the room.
Julia: Great.
Eric: Cool.
Julia: Do I have negative 3 to my physical abilities still?
Eric: That's a great question. Cammie and Troy, give me constitution saving throws, please.
Julia: Oh, I'm actually good at constitution saving throws.
Amanda: That's 4.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: [dice roll] It's a Nat 1, though.
Brandon: Oh, my God. Who are y'all, me?
Eric: It stays negative 3. Now, I could make it up to negative 4, but I feel like that's not how—
Brandon: That's not sporting.
Eric: Yeah, it's not— I was gonna say it's like that's not how disease work. I'm like, "Oh, that's definitely how disease works." But it's not sporting, truly.
Julia: Is this exhaustion or some kind of form of exhaustion?
Eric: No.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: No.
Julia: Just because I have mechanic for exhaustion, that is why I asked.
Eric: Oh, what is your me— sorry, what's your mechanic for exhaustion? Because I could apply to it.
Julia: The tea ceremony. You magically conjure enough tea for you and your allies whenever you take a short or long rest. A creature who drinks the tea loses one additional level of exhaustion during that rest period.
Eric: Oh, okay.
Brandon: That's nice.
Eric: Yeah, no, let's drop that down to negative 2, then.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: Yeah. Okay.
Julia: Woo. So Cammie made a little thing of tea for everyone before they went to bed and was like—
Julia (as Cammie): It's a little bit of lavender tea, just so you can, you know, soothe yourself and go back to sleep after a very eventful night.
Brandon: Because we're not allowed to move, Havana had to like delicately pour it into our mouths.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, that's fine. Troy, Cammie, your physical problems are a little bit less bad and—
Julia: Whoa!
Eric: —the foam that is covering the parts of your body are starting to recede, so I'm going to give you negative 2.
Julia: Yay.
Brandon: Nice.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: To all physical biz you have to do.
Julia: Yay.
Amanda: Better than negative 3.
Julia: Better than negative 3.
Eric: Better than— better than negative 3.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Cammie, save your spell slots. The foam seems to be receding over time with the tea, greater restoration and other, like, spells won't help you here. So it just be over— it would just be over time.
Julia: Gotcha.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: So save your spell slots.
Julia: Wonderful.
Brandon: Just like stretching, you got to stretch a lot.
Eric: Yeah. You got to work it out. You got to massage it out, because—
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: —the foam— the— the pollen is, like, in your skin.
Amanda: Like— like true skincare professionals, you have to, like, pat the cream into your skin, not rub, never rub.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Never rub.
Julia: Never rub.
Eric: Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat. Yeah. Alright. Shapes and omens, what do you want, Cammie? What do you want me to tell you?
Julia: I would like a hint at future events, please. I think specifically— hmm, do I want the identity of the shooter, or do I want the identity of the merchant gang?
Brandon: I mean, it's pretty clear that the merchant is Orello.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Okay. So we'll do the identity of the shooter. I'd like a glimpse into future events that might indicate who this shooter is. The GM tells you a shape which hints at future events. For example, if you see a tower in your tea leaves, you might encounter a wizard the following day. If you see a serpent, you might encounter a liar or a monster.
Brandon: I don't— I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't think— I think Eric kind of gets to choose what he tells you.
Julia: Yeah, no, I— I was just giving him examples about what—
Brandon: Oh, okay, okay.
Julia: —what the options are.
Brandon: So, like, if you were being nice, you could tell us that, Eric.
Julia: It would just be the shape of the Greenfolk type that this person is.
Eric: Oh, yeah. I don't have to do— I don't have to give you anything. I don't have to tell you what—answer any of your questions.
Julia: You just have to give me a shape that hints at future events.
Eric: Brandon, thank you for telling me that I don't need to answer any of Julia's stupid correct questions.
Brandon: You just have to be on our team, Eric, is what I'm saying. If you want to be our friend and our good our good, nice—
Julia: You're our friend, Eric.
Brandon: —nice, buddy, pal, you know?
Julia: Hey, Eric, are you my friend?
Amanda: But that's not good for plot, guys.
Brandon: That's true.
Julia: But what if?
Eric: Oh, why do I wa— oh. Okay. In the tea this morning, Cammie at the bottom of your cup, you see a flower. It's a rudimentary picture of a flower. You know, like kindergarten or six petals, that kind of look like hair. You know, a cir— a center circle.
Julia: Like a little sun.
Eric: Yeah, like a little sun. A stem, one leaf going one way, one leaf going another way in a pot.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: That's how adult Brandon draws a flower.
Julia: Adult Brandon steps above his artistic game.
Eric: Hey, adult Brandon maybe made the leaves go in a specific direction—
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: —because these are just like, "I gotta go get some crackers and run outside and fall and chip my tooth." Like, Bra—adult Brandon is not doing that.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: I need to go run around a soccer field that's been out during a storm, and then I fall, and cut my hand open on a fallen soccer net. Did— now, did little Eric do that? Yes, he did.
Amanda: Aw. Safety hazards.
Julia: Poor little, Eric.
Eric: "I love running around safety hazards," I say 5-year-oldly.
Amanda: I'm a twin, we don't look the same.
Brandon: Now, do we think that's Audrey or—
Julia: I have my theories about who was sniping us, but we'll find out if I'm right or wrong.
[Eric laughs maniacally]
Amanda: Wow. Sowing discord.
Eric: Sorry, that was my— that was my Radbert impression, sorry.
Amanda: It's good.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: I shouldn't be saying this, I'm enjoying it. And I— and I need to encourage Julia to do impressions of my characters more often. I don't know why I'm doing this.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: So I think, game plan-wise for today, what's on the schedule for the— the pirate assembly?
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: And then I think we could do that, investigate the lighthouse, try to find this merchant. Those are my three, like, routes that I'm seeing in my brain.
Brandon: During the lunch break, we'll go investigate the lighthouse or something.
Eric: Yeah, you can take out the pamphlet with the schedule on it. And at the same time, on like a cheerleader's bullhorn like not— it's not electric, it's just fully like a— like cone you're yelling in— yelling into. Lustrous Recompense is like—
Eric (as Lustrous): Alright, here's the agenda for today.
Eric: It's just like reading a PowerPoint, just reading the same words that's on a PowerPoint. It's like I could—
Julia: Amazing.
Eric: Wait a minute, I already have the— the thing. So you're reading— you're getting the same thing as Lustrous is— is walking around the island, shouting at— around to every single ship. Yeah, I mean, the only thing on the agenda for today is debates and talk about things in a big block, 30 minutes for lunch.
Amanda: Good.
Eric: And then— and then an afternoon session about-- for debate and talking about things.
Brandon: I'm so glad they printed this pamphlet and schedule. It's so useful.
Julia: Yeah, incredibly useful.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Alright, so what do we think?
Brandon: I mean, yeah, let's go to the— let's go to the meeting room.
Eric: Yeah. Lustrous says—
Eric (as Lustrous): Anyone who was invited into the debate square must present your key for verification by Salix out in the front before you can come inside. I'll be inside because I organized this.
Julia (as Cammie): Fair.
Eric (as Lustrous): You'll see me there, me Lustrous. Everyone bring your talking caps.
Julia (as Cammie): Not our thinking ca— never mind.
Eric (as Lustrous): No, it's for talking.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm all the way over here.
Eric (as Lustrous): I— oh, I—
Julia (as Cammie): And I said it very quietly.
Eric: He— he has another bullhorn, that's the opposite, but it's for his ear.
Julia: An ear horn.
Amanda: An ear horn.
Eric: An ear horn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Lustrous): See you inside.
Eric: You— then a crowd starts to slowly gather out on the beach of— kind of everyone. I think— there's a lot of people just kind of milling about, looking around. Like at summer camp, where you, like, look out and everyone's kind of like coming together on the first morning of camp. Where, like, everyone slept in their bunks that night, then you actually see everyone like at camp, it's like, "Wow, everyone's here." You really are seeing everyone come out of their ships and congregate. There are a lot of people here, like 200, 300 people who have gathered on the skeleton to, like, seen and be seen.
Amanda: Julia, are you thinking you want to split up?
Julia: Yeah, I was thinking whether or not we should split the party again, but—
Amanda: Because it'd be a good time to sneak into a place where no one is, and the others of us could hold down the fort in the debate.
Julia: Yeah, for sure. I mean, this is obviously a very large crowd. Can we do like a quick, like, perception or something to see if we spot—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —either Orello or Threelips in the crowd?
Eric: Yeah, for sure.
Brandon: I also want to sort of— I don't know how long I can hold this, but I would love to prepare an action to get ready to fucking blow someone up if they fucking touch me.
Eric: Someone— someone tries to pickpocket you, and you shove a bomb in their mouth.
Brandon: Exactly.
Eric: Yeah, sure. I can— I can say Umbi has his hands ready like a tourist in other country.
Brandon: Exactly, yeah.
Eric: No, that's notorious for pickpocketing.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: 14 plus 3 for a 17.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: 16.
Eric: 16.
Brandon: Eric, I got a 19 plus 4 for 23, so if you can just tell me—
Julia: Fuck yeah, dude.
Brandon: —everything—
Eric: Cool. Sweet.
Brandon: —about this crowd, tell me their shoes. Tell me what their fashions look like.
Julia: Tell Brandon only about the shoes.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. I also want to know if Aubergine is here because we don't know where he is.
Brandon: Oh, that's a good question, yeah.
Eric: Yeah, Tro— I'll give that to Troy. Troy, you see that, like, there is a contingent coming out of like a armada of ships, that's all the way over on the other side of the skeleton. And I don't know if I've described it like this, but you know, there's the big whale skeleton and the sea bees that are on top of the skeleton, but it's just like beached on this island.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And then it's like a round it is where everyone has parked their boats. And there's just like this small armada of smaller ships flying a recognizable flag of, you know, rebellion, of a big claw, and a big tree—
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: —and a green— on a dark green background with gold on it.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: And I think everyone is stumbling out of there. Some of them are just— are— were already on the beach and you do spot Aubergine piling it up with other night shades over in that area.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, good.
Julia (as Cammie): Good for him.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm glad he's making new friends. I'm a little jealous in my heart, but it's okay. I'm a father now.
Julia (as Cammie): Could be his old friends, we don't know.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. A bunch of cherry tomatoes and a green bell pepper with a mustache are like—
Julia: I love him.
Amanda: I love him.
Eric: —are like— like giving out weird hangover concoctions to everybody.
Julia: Cool, cool.
Brandon: What is the— what is the walla sound like, Eric, in a French accent?
Eric: Oh, the walla. It sounds like [speaking gibberish]
Brandon: Thank you. That's what I wanted to hear.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Truly perfect.
Eric: Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb. [speaking gibberish]
Julia (as Cammie): They keep calling for someone who's a rhubarb. Why do they want the rhubarb so bad?
Amanda (as Troy): Why don't they learn his name? It's pretty rude.
Eric: Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga.
Julia: Cammie raises a single finger to her lips, being like—
Julia (as Cammie): Do not call that name.
Eric: Yeah. You also see as you saw— you also see that Millie just kind of pushes through all of the separatists nightshades and grabs with her million arms, grabs like 10 hangover drinks and just walk, like— has like little daggers in, like, all— for other hands and just, like, threatens everyone and just takes a bunch of their— their hangover drinks, and just walks away, and gives it to her— gives it to her weird crew of freaks.
Julia: I love her crew of freaks.
Brandon: What a pervert.
Julia: Stop, you're in love with her.
Eric: Stop, stop. Yeah. I would say you also see Orello. Orello is— like most of them are— I mean, there are a lot of merchants here. Maybe you didn't see them as clearly, because it was nighttime, and there was a lot going on. But like even now, there's a lot of merchants that are stationed in different parts of the beach, just like at the last-second hawking wares. Like, walking into a stadium at a sports event, right?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: But instead of giving out, like, $15 fake t-shirts, they are giving out swords, and orbs, and cards, and bags of something. You know, all of them are just trying to give— offer it for whatever— for trade and for doublooms, but obviously for amber. And you see that Orello is one of them. Orello has his sailboat set up, which I would say you knew all the way from the beginning because you still have a piece of Sil that is on— that's on the boat.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So you knew Orello was here.
Julia: Right.
Eric: You knew that Orello was in the area, but Orello was like on the beach right now. Selling like a suit— just trying to sell a suit to someone.
Brandon: Umbi is gonna point over to Orello, and turn to his compatriots, and say—
Brandon (as Umbi): Look, it's that fucking piece of shit Orello right there.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Troy, he loves you. Do you want to maybe handle and see what— what— if he might be our— our usual suspect as it were?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. So on a scale of honesty to lie, where should I be on this one?
Julia (as Cammie): I think aggressive honesty.
Amanda (as Troy): Hell yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't think he intended to hurt us. I think he was just selling his wares and so—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): —if we could take a look at his books, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Remember, Nondescript Crew, Chest—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): —filled with dandelion seeds.
Amanda (as Troy): Sweet.
Brandon (as Umbi): And Orello, piece of shit.
Eric: I also want to mention that Mill— you see— so you saw Millie, you also see Archimedes Seven and his boat is still there.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: I had.
Eric: He's just— that he's out there. You see Lucky Edie with her crew on— of the money tree, who was once again setting up— at least temporary courts, is setting up court again. And you see Piney, who's just trying to stay blended in and just seeing what's what, kind of looking over their shoulder—
Julia: Cammie waves.
Julia (as Cammie): Piney.
Eric: Piney is really, like, looking around a lot. Really trying to see who has a key and who's walking up to Salix. Like, Piney is very close to Salix right now, and you see like how shifty everyone is, just because, like, they want to see what's going to happen next.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Has anyone approached with a key yet?
Eric: Not yet, no.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: What about Kid Cervantes and Threelips? Can we see either of those people?
Eric: Oh, you see Kid Cervantes. Yeah, Kid Cervantes is there. I think Kid Cervantes is probably the first one to walk up. Kid Cervantes doesn't— doesn't give a shit. A cowboy walks up— if I had— Kid Cervantes always walk like a cartoon cowboy.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Fully shifting his entire waist to make one big steps.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: You know, like— like—
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric: —he's wearing chaps. And he also— and he pulls out the cloud key, the one that he won from the Bullseye Games.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Salix looks turns it over with a weir— with hand shooting out from the foliage, looks it over, and lets— lets them pass, as Kid Cervantes cowboy walks inside of the big open mouth of this giant whale monster skeleton.
Julia: And no one, like, went for it.
Eric: No one went for it, no.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: So before Troy walks over to Orello, where is our key? Because what we did before is Troy would keep it in his pocket.
Brandon: Right.
Amanda: What do we want to do? Same thing? Change it up?
Julia: I think Cammie should take it.
Amanda: Sure.
Brandon: Do you want to go inside and I'll check out the lighthouse? Or do you went to lighthouse during lunch?
Julia: Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Cool.
Brandon: Let's do that then.
Julia: I want to let you guys go on the side adventures this time.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: You don't want to have any of your friends die in a ho— in a regular-ass D&D trap again?
Julia: Yeah. Yeah.
Amanda: So you want Troy to go with Umbi or with you?
Julia: No, I think Troy should talk to Orello.
Eric: You got some time before—
Amanda: Yeah, yeah. Like—
Eric: This is like the time before the event start—
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: —because they need— you know, this is like badge scanning time.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: So you know, you can— if you want to try to make a run for it, but you can— you can go in.
Amanda: There are some sad mini muffins inside.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. Set up on the table.
Brandon: Eric, can I approach my old mentee, and see if I can take him along as a bodyguard with me?
Amanda: I love this.
Eric: To— to the inside?
Brandon: To— no, to the lighthouse. Maybe it's a little bit of a buddy cop comedy situation, you know?
Eric: Yeah, if you want to. Well, you guys can do whatever you want.
Brandon: I would like to do that.
Eric: You can go up to Archimedes.
Amanda: Yeah, Troy's gonna talk to Orello, report back to Cammie, and then she and— and then Troy and Cammie will go in.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Cool. So Troy's gonna stride up to Orello, the pumpy is safe at home, on the ship. And he's gonna sort of plant a hit against the boat and the—
Eric (as Orello): No, you have to understand. I know it doesn't look like it, but this actually helps you swim. It is a swimsuit, but it also is formal wear.
Amanda (as Troy): Man, this guy.
Brandon (as Umbi): How long have you been sitting on that, Eric?
Eric (as Orello): Recently, I've been very quick and funny.
Amanda: Troy goes—
Amanda (as Troy): So sorry, gentlefolk, I— I— I need a moment of this man's time.
Amanda: And he, like, raises an eyebrow.
Eric (as Orello): I'm trying to— oh, I have plenty of time for you, exiled Prince Troy Riptide.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you, Orello.
Eric (as Orello): Yes, I do know of exiled Prince Troy Riptide. Scatter!
Eric: And all the pirates who are there, run away.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks, Orello. You know, I don't like to get in the way of you and— and you making a living, except one that extorts amber out of me and my crew, but I— I do need to talk to you.
Julia (as Cammie): Or almost murders us.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Orello): Oh, the usual, of course. It— it's so good to see you, Troy. I didn't know you would make it here.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Cool. Do you— do you think your life is better, because you get to look at— look at me, sometimes?
Julia (as Cammie): A valid question from Troy.
Eric (as Orello): This almost feels like a philosophical cone. I mean, the answer is yes, so obviously.
Amanda (as Troy): Cool. I also like to be alive.
Eric (as Orello): Of course, yes.
Amanda (as Troy): Just to say.
Eric (as Orello): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm also a father now to— to my—
Eric (as Orello): Is it mine?
Amanda (as Troy):—my pumpy. My pumpy. I kind of— I kind of kidnapped him from a god, but now he is mine.
Eric (as Orello): I realized that was ridiculous. It's a— it's a— it's a habit. It's a habit of mi—
Amanda (as Troy): That's okay.
Eric (as Orello): It's a reaction. It's a— it's a reflex.
Amanda (as Troy): I almost met my end last night. I almost died, and not in a like fun pirate way.
Eric (as Orello): Oh— oh, no.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. In, like, the real way.
Eric (as Orello): Oh, oh, geez.
Amanda (as Troy): I can't really understand—
Eric (as Orello): Heavens, heavens no.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. I can't really understand your tone right now, but—
Eric (as Orello): I'm sad and upset for you.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, thank you.
Eric (as Orello): But also, it's a little more regular because of our profession and— and current existence.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, no, that's fair. You're really threading the needle there, bud. I would love to know if perhaps you know who may have killed me or tried to with this chest full of dandelion puffs, what become big sticky lesions that sat my health.
Amanda: And Troy pulls back his— his, like, billowy pirate shirt to show, I don’t know if they’re like scars or like, you know what people do, like, cupping and there's like, you know, the outline for a couple days?
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: I don't know exactly what residue but he sort of shows whatever evidence there is.
Eric: Oh, there's still definitely like foam.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: there's still a lot of foam that you— you have to pull back.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Like—
Eric (as Orello): Oh.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, it's very unpleasant.
Eric (as Orello): They use it on you?
Amanda (as Troy): It's very unpleasant. Did it— did— id you know—
Julia: Well, that's confirmation.
Amanda (as Troy): —you know who your customers were? I don't think it's your fault, my guy. I just— I— I know you know the information I need to go extract revenge, heroically and shirtlessly.
Eric (as Orello): Well, Troy, you know, first of all— okay. First of all, [mumbles seductively] Second of all, Troy, I can't control who does want to who.
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Eric (as Orello): That's kind of the whole thing that I— if I had to say— have someone sign a waiver, saying, "Don't do it to my Paramore Troy Riptide, then I— nothing would get done."
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I know, but did you have that?
Eric (as Orello): Okay. I just— we're okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Orello): As long as we understood.
Amanda (as Troy): No, no, no. We're— we're good, we're good.
Brandon: It's not a bad idea.
Brandon (as Umbi): We made a promise— we made a promise to be— to— you know, that we'll— we'll deal with, but no, we're— we're good.
Eric (as Orello): Yeah, no. They saw— I— I fo— I had found this here on the island and I sold it— I turned it quickly. It was interesting. I opened it up and I saw the— I saw the— the puffs and I got puffs for myself.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, no.
Eric: And he— he realized he's wearing blue velvet gloves, so you pull them off and he has the puffs— he has the foam on his hands.
Eric (as Orello): And I thought someone could use it and I turned it around. And I'm sorry, they used it on you, but no, I just found it.
Amanda (as Troy): No, no. It's— it's fine. Who did you— who did you sell it to and where'd you find it?
Eric (as Orello): I sell that to the Nondescript Pirate Gang.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Orello): Honestly, their whole brand is terrible.
Amanda (as Troy): They're all dead now, it's fine.
Eric (as Orello): Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
Julia: Well, not all of them. There's one left somewhere.
Amanda (as Troy): Was one of them invisible?
Eric (as Orello): No. What?
Julia (as Cammie): Or— or a magician?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Who— so there was— there was a onion.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Okay. Help me— there was a— a daisy.
Julia: Daisy.
Eric: A daisy, yeah.
Julia: There was that other one that I burned up real good.
Amanda (as Troy): There was someone went burned up into a crisp. And then who was the fourth one?
Eric: The fourth was— I was only doing them based on how funny they would be burnt up.
Amanda: I know, I know.
Eric: So now, I got to like— I got to, like, think about it.
Julia: Yeah. I think the last one is like a potato because we didn't refer to him as a crisp.
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Eric: That's true. It's like—
Eric (as Orello): And one of them was a— yeah, there was a potato there.
Amanda (as Troy): Ah, that was that smell. Yeah.
Eric (as Orello): Yeah. A potato, must have been baked. And then there was a— there was— you know, one of those— skinny pepper. Not a big pepper, skinny pepper.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, skinny pepper.
Eric (as Orello): Skinny, spicy pepper.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, sure.
Eric (as Orello): Skinny— skinny, spicy pepper. Skinny green, red spicy pepper.
Amanda: Oh.
Julia: Green, red spicy pepper.
Eric: Green, red, spicy red skinny pepper.
Amanda: Okay.
Brandon: [Gibberish] pepper.
Amanda (as Troy): Orello, your mind holds untold wonders.
Eric (as Orello): Oh, you don't know the half of it, big boy.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, we need to know where he got the chest, though.
Julia: Cammie just sits quietly, like kind of hiding behind Troy, because she wants Troy to handle the interaction.
Eric: She's like, "I'm not— I'm not here. I'm not here."
Amanda: Troy leans forward, like he's trying to show someone down the V of his blouse.
Julia: Cleavage.
Amanda (as Troy): And where— where did you find the chest? The chest, get it?
Eric (as Orello): The che—
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Julia: No, Troy, don't— don't think about it too much.
Eric (as Orello): I— I— I thought— Troy, I found it. I just found it.
Amanda (as Troy): Like, on the beach.
Eric (as Orello): Yeah, on the beach.
Amanda (as Troy): Where at, though?
Eric (as Orello): Over ther— over there.
Eric: Orello is just gesturing towards— addressing at the beach and like—
Eric (as Orello): I don't remember where I found it. I was like, "Oh, my God, I found this." And then it happened. And I guess it was farther out. It was— it was covered in some sand and seaweed, and— and— and it was— it was halfway up in the water, but it was nowhere special.
Amanda (as Troy): I know you're—
Eric (as Orello): It wasn't like in— it wasn't in a— in a cursed Pirate Cove. And a— and a— and a ghost said, "Ooh, Orello, the— instead of taking you down— instead of condemning you for your misdeeds and weirdness in the past, you're gonna have this instead." And, like, I just— it was just there.
Amanda (as Troy): That's true.
Brandon: Sounds like something— someone who did run into that ghost would say about whatever.
Amanda (as Troy): And you're— you're so good at figuring out what things are, where they come from, so you don't sell them back to the people that own them, no?
Julia (as Cammie): Good point, good point.
Brandon (as Umbi): Good point.
Eric (as Orello): I do go on. Yes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Good answer, good answer, good answer, good answer.
Amanda (as Troy): Was there anything about the chest or its contents that reminded you of, like, a place, or a person, or maybe where it came from originally?
Eric (as Orello): I— it must have been— I guess it was in the water for a while. It was pretty ratty and messed up.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Orello): There was a lot— it was— it was gross. I was grossed.
Julia (as Cammie): Does it remind you of a man who maybe tied you up and broke your get away sticks?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Orello): You're gonna ha— Cammie, you're gonna have to be more specific.
Julia (as Cammie): At the Bullseye Games.
Amanda (as Troy): Was— was it Radbert?
Eric (as Orello): My getaway sticks get broke all the time.
Julia (as Cammie): At the Bullseye Games?
Eric (as Orello): I— all the time, my— my getaway sticks get—
Amanda (as Troy): That— that terrible helmet filled with this stuff?
Eric (as Orello): Oh. Oh. Yeah, I guess these do remind me of the guy who tied me up and hurt me a lot at the Bullseye Games and you saved me.
Amanda (as Troy): Because like it's possible it's another dandelion person, of course, but I only know one with a grudge against us, who is terrible and smells bad. I— I could be wrong.
Eric: I have to tell you. The— the thought washes over Orello's face. It's like—
Eric (as Orello): You know what? This was exactly like that. It was like the guy who broke my getaway sticks and threw me in his hold for a while.
Amanda (as Troy): Are you sure? Because I don't want to like give you an idea, and then you're like, "Oh, wow, I'm seeing this thing that Troy described all the time, oh wow.”
Eric (as Orello): I— you opened my eyes to the possibility that this is exactly what happened, it's the same. It's the— when they— they rot— they threw me in the— they— they—
Amanda (as Troy): Orello—
Eric (as Orello): I'm doing— I'm getting— it's washing over me. I'm in— I'm in the ocean of remembrance.
Amanda (as Troy): Orello.
Amanda: And Troy is gonna lay a hand on his shoulder.
Amanda (as Troy): Orello, look at me.
Eric (as Orello): Yeah. Troy. I'm looking.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm— I'm going to kill that motherfucker. And when I do it, I'm going to say, "This is for Orello."
Eric (as Orello): I would like that, Troy Riptide.
Amanda (as Troy): Don't you worry.
Eric (as Orello): Exiled Prince of the Crags. And me, also an exiled— a son of a merchant exiled from the Royal House [trails off]
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, you know?
Eric (as Orello): What?
Amanda (as Troy): Exiled Prince of the Salt Sea.
Eric (as Orello): Wow.
Amanda (as Troy): No one can say no.
Amanda: Then Troy pats his face and walks away.
Eric (as Orello): This is almost again me forgetting about the trauma I felt getting tied up by a— by a— by a zombie henchmen
Amanda (as Troy): That's all we can do, bud.
Julia (as Cammie): Anyway, bye.
Amanda: And then Troy and Cammie are gonna walk toward the— the key verification kiosk.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Verification kiosk, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Archie, my boy.
Eric (as Archie): Is that— is that the— is that—
Brandon: You haven't done this in a while, have you?
Eric: No, I haven't. I—I'm gonna think about what— what would he say seeing you has been like? It'd be like—
Eric (as Archie): Oh, once again, it's happening to me. Knowledge what I needed from the— from my old wrinkly oracle, Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): Have you noticed my skin is more taught recently?
Eric (as Archie): I have. It's— it's a jo— it's somehow more cracked and wrinkled than before.
Brandon (as Umbi): But taught.
Eric (as Archie): Yes, it is. You know, it's funny, later, you— I saw you earlier in my journey, and now it's later in my journey, and here you are again. Probably to give me skills and knowledge that I needed.
Brandon (as Umbi): No. Actually, this time, Archie, I need your help.
Eric (as Archie): I can help you, wise master?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I need—
Brandon: I'm trying to debate of how much I want to actually tell Archie here. I don't want to lie to him and we—
Julia: I don't— I don't think that he is guilty from the conversation that I had with him.
Brandon: Yeah, and we crossed them off the list. Yeah.
Julia: So we can trust him to a certain extent.
Amanda: I'm fine— I'm fine to, yeah, bring him into the fold, if we're bringing people into the fold.
Brandon (as Umbi): Archie, I hate to tell you this, because it's gonna be a shock to your system.
Eric (as Archie): Please, tell me.
Brandon (as Umbi): Someone out there here on this island doesn't like me.
Eric (as Archie): That does not surprise me from the things you've said and the way you've acted.
Brandon (as Umbi): They want me dead, Archie. They want me dead!
Eric (as Archie): I'm also continued to be not surprised, but I— it's happening. I'm sorry about the chickens that have roosted. I'm sorry about the moss chickens that are going home to roost, wise oracle.
Brandon (as Umbi): Would you mind helping me figure out who this person is, so I can stop them?
Eric (as Archie): If it doesn't interfere with my ultimate quest of becoming the builder, then yes.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think it would only help with that.
Eric (as Archie): I— well, let's see what you say.
Brandon (as Umbi): Think of the legend of Archie on the well—on the— on the skeleton island, on the Dissolving Belt, who uncovered a murder plot of the great Umbi.
Eric (as Archie): Continue, wise sir.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think we should— well, I got a clue earlier that we should check out that lighthouse over there, from— from the one and only, the greatest detective alive, Camstipher.
Eric: Alright, we will do that in three days' time.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, we should do that now. I don't have three days' time, they're gonna kill me.
Eric (as Archie): I think that they're— unfortunately— unfortunately, my oracle, my— my wise mentor, you know that there is something that comes above anything that us Greenfolk do.
Brandon (as Umbi): What is that?
Eric (as Archie): Long debates and forming treatises.
Brandon (as Umbi): You know how much I love them, but I am gonna roll persuasion check and see if I can get you to come along with me.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: It's fair.
Amanda: Brandon, say that the— the person who comes last to the debate wins.
Julia: And if you get the last word in, you win the argument.
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Brandon: Okay, this is great. Thank you all, that was brilliant. I did roll a 24 and I'm going to tell Archimedes—
Brandon (as Umbi): You know, the one who wins the debate is always one who shows up less and has the last word, so maybe you should come with me.
Eric: I was going to say— I didn't get a chance to say this because you rolled too quickly. You do have disadvantage because there's no fucking way Archimedes is going to miss this. Especially, as he says—
Eric (as Archie): I need to be involved— being— the whole point of being the builder is to be involved in the place and the things where it happens, and I didn't spend all this time getting this key to not do that.
Eric: As he pulls out the same key that you have.
Julia: Damn it.
Amanda: Hmm. Key for a maze.
Julia: Key for a maze.
Eric: Yeah, and— though, he— and he pulls out the corn key.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I have one of those.
Eric (as Archie): You do?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Archie): So then why are we not going— why are we not going to the place where we need to use it? It's next on the path.
Brandon (as Umbi): Archie, you're not listening. Archie, open up your ear holes, they're trying to kill me. And why would I go into the room where they want to kill me?
Eric (as Archie): And that will— and that will be dealt with once— and that will be dealt with once the— once the treaties are signed and our— and arranged and our— and our— our names are written into history upon the papers upon which the history is written.
Brandon: I got a 15 as well—
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: —for my second disadvantage, so I don't know if that helps.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: A 15.
Eric (as Archie): Umbi, I want to help you, but I— I'm not— how about— I will go with you to the lighthouse during the lunch break, but I cannot miss— I— I cannot be Is the openings of this. That is where all the— the fee— that's the brainstorming portion.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Archie): That's where everyone puts the ideas out.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, I guess. I— I'm gonna—
Eric (as Archie): And did you— Umbi, did you even look at— did you even look at the agenda?
Brandon (as Umbi): I did. It was just one block that said talking about things.
Eric (as Archie): So on the— no, did you look at the— the agenda—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, on the chalkboard, chalkboard.
Eric (as Archie): On the chalkboard, on the easel.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I didn't. What did it say?
Eric (as Archie): Okay, I copied it here. Hold on.
Amanda: He's such a nerd, I love him.
Julia: He's such a nerd.
Brandon (as Umbi): He's a nerd who doesn't care about his grandpa.
Eric: He pulls out his own little slight tablet that he— that he's written on and he shows you— and he shows you the agenda. It starts with the Cascade Uni— Unified Declaration, what do we want for lunch, which gets crossed out and move to the bottom.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Privateers? The monster domestication, unique opportunity!! And then let's never have this conference again.
Julia: Love that. I love that as a ending for the agenda.
Eric: And then the lu— but the lunches at the bottom. Lunch got moved from second to the bottom.
Julia: Damn it.
Brandon: Their priorities are off, I must say.
Amanda: A bunch of hungry pirates can end well.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: The only reason to go to a conference is to get lunch.
Julia: Free lunch, yeah.
Amanda: I know. Those, like, really supermarket-tasting cookies that you get lucky, there— what was one in the box, come on.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Alright. Because you've convinced me, someone has then moved to lunch back to second.
Amanda: Yay.
Julia: That's good. Good. Good.
Eric: Okay. So the order is the Cascade Unification Declaration, lunch, what do we want for lunch, privateers, monster domes—
Julia: Wait, wait, why is what do we want for lunch after—
Amanda: The lunch tomorrow, Julia. Lunch tomorrow.
Julia: Okay, okay.
Amanda: Lunch today was so good, they're gonna get feedback for tomorrow.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: Privateers, monster domestification, unique opportunity, and let's never do this again.
Julia: Cool. Beautiful.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, wow. Archie, you have a beautiful handwriting. Has anyone ever told you that?
Eric (as Archie): It was the mandatory calligraphy camps that I was sent to in the summer.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I see. It's gonna— that's gonna do really well when you're the fu— when you're the builder because you'll— it'll look like, you know, really royal and, like, smart, you know?
Julia: Fancy.
Eric (as Archie): That's what the den mothers told me.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go to the lighthouse. Yeah, if you wouldn't mind giving me some backup during lunch, that would be great. If you show up and I'm dead already, know that my death is at your hands.
Eric (as Archie): And know that the path— and know that the path that upon which we are supposed to walk did not wind me towards that, as I am on my path, my hero's journey in fact, to become the future builder. And I hope that our path—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric (as Archie): And I hope that that journey intersects with yours.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, yeah, whatever it was. Yeah, cool. One more quick thing before I go, do you know anyone else who does the sniping like you do?
Eric (as Archie): Sni— the sniping?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, like the long rifle that shoots— that shoots long?
Eric (as Archie): Ah, the long— the long— the long range gunplay, and the short range gunplay, and the melee attacks. Yes, I'm skilled in all three.
Brandon (as Umbi): Did you teach anyone?
Eric (as Archie): I wouldn't say that I'm an ex— I wouldn't say that I am an expert in it, but— and I do not know anyone who does it like I do, it's more of the round— the all-around education that I was given to me in the— at the Winter Riflery Camps that I went to in the winter. I only—I only do incredible long range gunpla when necessary. It's part of the all-around attack that I do. You know that I would much— I would much rather be up in the face of my opponents. I only use it—
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Archie): —for— for competition, and tournament, and celebration.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. You're not a fucking coward, I get it. Yeah.
Eric (as Archie): I'm— I am not a fuck— I am not a fucking coward.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know. Correct.
Eric (as Archie): I'm so large and— and big, and can do this and I'm not a coward.
Brandon (as Umbi): And smart, and powerful, and beautiful.
Eric(as Archie): And smart and powerful and beautiful. Thank you for saying whatever one is thinking.
Brandon (as Umbi): And you deserve nice things.
Eric (as Archie): I do.
Brandon (as Umbi): Does it— do you know one— like, you didn't teach anyone how to shoot long range or anything, right?
Eric (as Archie): Oh. Absolute— no, absolutely not.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay So you— and you never hurt anyone? No one's gone up to you and been like, "Yo, Archie, I got this guy who can shoot better than you in long rage."
Eric (as Archie): My mentor sir, the only one who does that is you.
Brandon (as Umbi):That's not true.
Eric (as Archie): Who comes up to me and— who comes up to me and says, "Yo, my man, what's going on?" I— I— no one comes up to me and asked me straightforward questions much like you do, which is why I value your— your conference.
Brandon (as Umbi): Archie, that's because everyone's scared of you, but you know what? Even if you do—
Eric (as Archie): That's part of the— I know. That's part of the cultivation I'm— I'm doing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Yeah. When— when— but even when you become builder, I'm not going to be scared of you, bud.
Eric (as Archie): Umbi, I love our conversation so much because you say things.
Brandon (as Umbi): I do, too. Thanks. Alright, I'll see you later.
Eric: Okay. Yeah, while you were talking to Archimedes and Orello, some people have made moves up to Salix. You can see that a bunch of scrubby pirates have walked up to him and Salix has reject— with, like, fake keys. Some that's like— they look so fake, the one is made out of shells. Another one is made out of meat.
Brandon: You know, when you were, like, in third grade and you made like a little project out of chicken wire.
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Like, shitty paper mache.
Eric: Yeah, one is made of paper mache. Salix grabs them and just pulls them into his foliage and they disappear.
Amanda: Tough.
Julia: So what I'd like to do as Cammie and Troy approach Salix with their key is I want to do a couple of shenanigan me spell things.
Brandon: Do it, do it, do it.
Eric: Of course. Sure.
Julia: I'm going to cast sanctuary on myself.
Eric: Alright.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia: Which means that any attacks or harmful spells have to make a wisdom save first. And if on a failed save, they choose a new target or lose the attack or spell.
Eric: What's the wisdom save?
Julia: My wisdom save is 15.
Eric: Okay. Yeah, out of the crowd, a pirate comes out with you from a dagger, and then just like bounces off of you, and stabs somebody else.
Julia: Excellent.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Julia: And then the other thing that I would like to do once we're within—
Eric (as Salix): I was an innocent bystander.
Julia: The other thing I'd like to do once we're within 30 feet of Salix is I would like to use my hex piece bound.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Which I haven't gotten to chance to use yet, which I'm very excited about.
Amanda: Ooh.
Eric: Ooh.
Julia: So as an action, you lock weapons to their owners. Weapons are locked within 30 feet until the end of your next turn. During this time, a creature can use its action to free its weapon using a strength check against the spell save DC.
Amanda: Wow.
Brandon: Cool. So you're like locking the key to yourself, or what's— what's the thought?
Julia: No, I'm locking everyone's weapons around me in a 30-foot radius.
Brandon: Ah.
Amanda: Like, putting the safety on everyone else.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Smart.
Amanda: That's awesome.
Julia: So no one can pull a gun or a knife on me.
Eric: In the crowd, a lot of pirates grapple with this magical manipulation and say—
Eric (as Pirate NPC): It's the magician.
Julia: And Cammie just giggles.
Julia (as Cammie): [giggles]
Eric (as Pirate NPC): It's the wi— it's the witch. The witch, the witch of the Sea Whip. It's Cam— it's Chamomile Cassis.
Brandon: She turned me into a newt.
Amanda: I got better!
Julia: Alright. Then we're gonna hand the key over to Salix.
Eric (as Pirate NPC): I can't believe she's here. She made me stab my— stab an innocent bystander. She's so powerful. Aaahh!!
Julia: Yep, yep.
Amanda: Anything else in the tank, honey?
Eric (as Pirate NPC): Aaah!
Julia: We're gonna hand the key over to Salix, please.
Eric (as Salix): You're— sure did cause quite a lot of drama walking up here.
Julia (as Cammie): I think it's more everyone who was trying to steal our stuff was causing the drama, and I was just, you know, defending myself.
Amanda (as Troy): Our whole thing is when— when guests come on to our boat, we're like, "Hey, when you're our guests, no one's gonna try to steal stuff from you, but maybe that's just like a weird thing about us that we do.
Eric (as Salix): It is a little weird for a population of pirates specific. I like it, though. It's funky.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you. I think you're funky, in a good way.
Eric (as Salix): I also meant it affirmatively.
Amanda (as Troy): How'd you sleep last night, man?
Eric (as Salix): As I always do, wake up screaming every 90 minutes.
Julia: One eye opened.
Amanda (as Troy): You what?
Eric (as Salix): Regular.
Amanda (as Troy): Did you happen to see— while you're checking our key, did you happen to see anyone going out to the lighthouse? Does anyone live there? I noticed that before it's beautiful. I— I like to paint. I don't know if you know that about me. It was one of the things we had to learn, well, as Princes, and I thought it'd be really beautiful to, like, go up there and then paint the island as a gift for— for Ludacris.
Amanda: What's his name?
Eric: Ludacris.
Julia: For Ludacris.
Brandon: Ludacris.
Eric: For Lustrous.
Amanda(as Troy): For Lustrous.
Eric (as Salix): I'm sure he would like that. I don't know who— I don't know much about the lighthouse. We only landed here for a little few days ago. Don't spend time over there because it's sinking in the sea because of all of the acid in the water.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I thought you— I thought you all live— like, live here all the time.
Eric (as Salix): Oh, no, this is a rental.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, wow.
Eric (as Salix): It's a conference— conference space.
Amanda (as Troy): : Oh, okay. Well, anyway, there's our key.
Brandon: Air bee and sea bee.
Eric (as Salix): They do weddings, bar, Bat-Mitzvahs, and Bush-Mitzvahs.
Eric: Got 'em. Look at that, look at that, look at that. That's my wife, someone who spends all her time with me. I fucking got her.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Jokens, please. Joken, please.
Eric (as Salix): Now, you should go on in before all the good muffins are taken.
Julia (as Cammie): I want a corn muffin.
Eric (as Salix): Well, you already got enough your— enough maize for yourself.
Eric: Salix gives back the maze key.
Amanda (as Troy): Salix, that was a pretty good one.
Eric (as Salix): I tend to think of it because ar— I made that joke eight times already.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, there's a lot of the maze key.
Eric (as Salix): Lot of maze key.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Besides Kid, does anyone not have the maze key?
Eric(as Salix): Kid Cervantes is in— one of them is still— yeah, one of them is still around.
Julia (as Cammie): Interesting.
Eric (as Salix): You'll see— you'll see him sh— you'll see him show up.
Julia (as Cammie): Wha— what does he look like, so we know who to look for?
Eric (as Salix): Oh, unmistakable.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): Unmistakable. Okay.
Eric (as Salix): I don't want to— don't want to ruin the surprise.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. Well, I guess we'll see.
Julia (as Cammie): Alright. And we're gonna walk in and we're gonna get our muffins.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: As you walk in, you see that this is actually quite shaded. You see that this is a lot of the sea bees hive, have been built over in this area, so it's kind of like— it's almost like it's insulated indoors, and a lot of jell like— almost like jellied windows, like stained glass as like the windows of the cutting in between the skull.
Julia: It's beautiful.
Eric: And— and it is a rental space. There's a big table kind of in the middle where the tongue would be, and on the jaw bone of this whale, and there is a dais for people to step up and make declarations and stuff, which Lustrous is now wearing a— as like a immaculate dark blue suit jacket and a kilt.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: And, like, high boots.
Brandon: Nice.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Hot.
Eric: This is to everyone who's watching Traitors right now. Whatever Alan Cumming is wearing this season, in season two, yeah, you could imagine Lustrous would be wearing the same.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: As people are still— are milling about, Kid Cervantes is there, Lucky Edie is there, Archimedes is there. Drooz is there inside holding —a holding a maze key of their own. You will see that there are some purple potatoes that are wearing like old ratty military uniforms that used to be opulent with, like, epaulets and with all the sashes and— and metals and stuff. But now, they've been thoroughly caked in mud and ripped up. Just a— a group of purple potatoes, who you might know as the Brothers on Cone. They're a nightshade, they're representing the separatist movement.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: And some other folks that you might— you might meet later. Also, you see Piney is in there as well, and then Lustrous bangs on the gavel and says—
Eric (as Lustrous): Alright, there's so much to discuss. Alright, well, let's have a quick roll call. We have the key— just looking for over the keys that are here, with the key for with— the key in the sky, Kid Cervantes, you have that. Everyone with the key for a maze, can you just hold that up?
Julia (as Cammie): Here you go.
Eric (as Lustrous): There's a lot of— lot—
Amanda: Troy frowns.
Eric (as Lustrous): —a lot of— ooh, a lot of— a lot of you here. That's interesting. Key— does anyone have the key that still hurts?
Eric: He looked around, no one says anything.
Eric (as Lustrous): Alright, I guess no one— no one— no one found that yet. That's good to know. We'll mark that down. And then a key with a gaze. Anyone?
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Oh, I know that you're not starting without me.
Eric: As you turn towards the opening, the morning lights coming in through the mouth of this whale, you see the shadow of a small figure walking towards you. They're oddly-shaped, aren't they? Three feet tall, two legs, and a— and a round head, but why are they so skinny? With a tricorder or a hat and a cape billowing off of them, it just looks so strange.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Ay, you won't be starting without the key with a gaze.
Eric: As they walk in, and you see that a key with a big eye where the handle of the key would be. And a mouth below it, with the key's teeth cascading down its body, walking on its own legs in big boots, be like—
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): I think I'm important to this entire conversation, yar!
Brandon: What the fuck?
Amanda: Whoa!
[theme]