We’re living in a world 50 years after the Cascade dried up, but plenty happened in between then and now. Let’s see three of those happenings.
Dive into the classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, the Traditions mechanics, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plants and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Eric: Hey, it's Julia!
Julia: Eric, hi!
Eric: Hi!
Julia: What's going on?
Eric: Oh, not much, you know, just recording an episode of Join the Party, you know?
Julia: Oh, weird.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Why am I here?
Eric: Yeah. I don't—I don't know. Send in your stand-in who does all of your recording for you.
Julia: Hmm. Hmm.
Eric: Yes. Yeah, that is a good point. We are here by ourself, let's just make sure that no one else is on the call. Julia, can you say the secret word?
Julia: Pistachio.
Eric: Okay, we're safe. We're in the clear. Yeah.
Julia: Alright, alright. We're good, we're good.
Eric: Yeah. So yeah, Julia, I would love to, you know, see something that happened to Cammie a little while ago.
Julia: Oh, okay.
Eric: Something I've been thinking about, and we've definitely been talking about this.
Julia: I'm trying to play it cool, man, but you're ruining my vibe.
Eric: Yeah. So yeah, The Rising Tide, the era that we're currently in of pirates in the Great Salt Sea, it happened 50 years after the Cascade dried up. So I would love to take a look at something that happened to Cammie, ACD, after the Cascade dried up. Let's say ACD 3? 4?
Julia: Huh, okay.
Eric: Yeah. I love to take a look at your hometown where Cammie's from. Let's look at the farming village in the Open Fields of Fruit in Hand. Because of course, a Fruit in the Hand is Worth Two on the Bush.
Julia: Sure.
Eric: That's the full name of the town, they just shorten it.
Julia: It is, it is. But sometimes, you know, people from out of Open Fields don't understand the importance of full names, so they're just like, fine, you could just call it Fruit in the Hand, it's okay.
Eric: Yeah. You know, maybe-- in Open Fields, maybe they don't have the same idea of days that we do. Because it's like, you know, the whole country is very into farming and is the main reason why their— well, their existence and their whole world kind of revolves around farming, and the religion and the community that builds around that. So I guess it's just— it's a regular working day for Cammie and the people of Fruit in Hand. I think the first thing that happens is that the—the eggplant rooster crows—
Julia: Awww.
Eric: —at four in the morning, as soon as the sun peaks over the horizon, which is, you know, entirely flat, just plots as far as the eye can see. What do you think Cammie does as soon as she gets up?
Julia: I think it's chores.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: You know, when the sunrises, it's time for chores. And it has been stressed to Cammie how important it is to keep up with like, maintenance of the farm and everything like that because the world relies on Open Fields in order for it to survive. Like, people wouldn't have food if the people of Open Fields did not farm it for them.
Eric: Pa Cassis and Ma Cassis.
Julia: Hmm. Hmm.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Like Amity, you make sure to pet the fern cows very nicely. You know, Bessie was having a hard time last night, hasn't eaten anything for two days.
Julia (as Amity): Oh, well, we have to do something about that. I'm sure I can convince her to eat something.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Oh, you have such a good—you're—you're so good with Bessie, well I appreciate that. Thank you Amity, I appreciate it.
Julia (as Amity): Of course, mama.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): I’m your ma and your pa, we have the same voice.
Julia: Oh sorry.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): It could be either one of us. We—were one of those people who marry each other.
Julia (as Amity): Hmm.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): I just want to find myself and then I— their my partner.
Julia: Yep. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. So I think 13-year-old Amity, running around. Yeah, what are Amity's morning chores?
Julia: Milking the fern cows, obviously. You have to gather the eggs from the eggplant chickens, which is a very funny joke. Thank you, Eric. You have to feed the slop to the pollen pigs. You know, all that kind of stuff.
Eric: Of course, the pollen pigs.
Julia: The pollen pigs!
Eric: They're everywhere.
Julia: They're everywhere, and they—they really—the scent gets in your nose and makes you sneeze.
Eric: Incredible. Yeah, I think it's important that you get all of your chores done because it's one of the things— getting your chores done is incredibly important to the Path of cultivation.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: The religion that ever—that the majority of people follow here in Open Fields. Hey, Julia?
Julia: Hey.
Eric: I would like to take a second and step forward here, Eric talking to Julia. Would you like me to seamlessly integrate this into the plot? Or would you like me to just dump what this religion is on you and just show you my notes?
Julia: You can give me a lore dump later. Let's seamlessly transition this into this life.
Eric: I’ll do it seamlessly.
Julia: Let me—let me explore the scene you know?
Eric: Let's explore the scene, let's see where it goes.
Julia: Let's explore together man. This world that you built, I want to explore it together.
Eric: Hey, make a perception check for me.
Julia: Alright. [dice roll] Hmm, not great. Do I have my current stats, too? That’s really funny.
Eric: You have your current stats, correct.
Julia: That's going to be only a 6.
Eric: Only a 6. As you're tending to the pollen pigs, you hear–
Eric (as Ruffian Bullies): Oh, I didn't know that they let Calamity talk to the pigs. That's dangerous, the pigs are gonna die if Calamity's feeding them.
Eric: You look up in there some ruffian bullies from the other farms nearby, who although they're covered in dirt in their overalls and flannels took some time to leave their—to leave their chores to come heckle you.
Julia: I don't think Amity really responds to that. I think she kind of just turns and goes back to feeding the pollen pigs and making sure that everyone's good for the day because that's how you have to start your day off right.
Eric (as Ruffian Bullies): Oh, I bet her parents had looked at the feed bag to make sure there wa— it wasn't poisoned. Oh, there were bugs and scorpion bugs, or like daffodil scorpions or some other terrible thing, that if the pollen pigs would eat it, and they'd all die. Yeah, I bet that that's what happened!
Julia (as Amity): I don't even think they've seen a daffodil scorpion before.
Eric (as Ruffian Bullies): What was that? I couldn’t hear you respond to our bullying!
Julia (as Amity): And nor will you.
Julia: And I think she just grabs her bag of feed and heads back towards the house.
Eric (as Ruffian bullies mom): Hewis, Dewis, Lewis, you get back here and do your chores.
Eric (as Hewis): Yes, mama.
Eric (as Dewis): Yeah, mama.
Eric: They run back to their farm.
Julia: Could have also been your papa, we don't know.
Eric: You hear over there.
Eric (as Ruffian bullies mom): If you keep bullying that poor Cassis child, you're going to be straying from the Path. And you know what's gonna happen, boom. You're a pollen pig in the next life, that's what happens.
Eric (as Lewis): Yes, mama I don't want to be a pollen pig because then Calamity will kill—will kill me.
Eric (as Ruffian Bullies Mom): No, you stop it.
Julia (as Amity): I’ve never killed a pollen pig.
Eric (as Ruffian Bullies Mom): You leave that Cassis girl alone.
Eric (as Dewis): Yes mama.
Eric: They run inside, and the farmer who is standing got at her front door yelling at—yelling at her children, looks over at you, doesn't smile, doesn't wave, just takes a second to make sure that no one’s bothering you anymore, they come back inside.
Julia: I think Amity does give a very hesitant smile and a little wave regardless of how this person is interacting with them.
Eric: Amity— I guess, I'm trying to think of what to call you Cammie, Amity?
Julia: You can do Amity at this point because that's who uh—who she is, you know?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: She has not yet become Cammie, so.
Eric: Yeah, exactly. Amity, it's time for breakfast. Your ma and pa, whichever, who knows? Come and making you breakfast, just a full farmers' breakfast with pollen pig back bacon, and you gotta eat all three eggplant eggs. You gotta do it.
Julia: Of course, I'm a growing tea plant, you know?
Eric: Yeah. Your ma also goes in the fridge and pulls out a big slice of chocolate cake, which was left over from your birthday a few days ago.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): You know what, let's just have dessert for breakfast. Why not?
Julia (as Amity): I—Okay.
Julia: And Cammie's just like, so excited, this is like the greatest day ever. Chores are done, there's cake for breakfast, incredible. Cammie is fully on board with this.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): You know, have you thought about what you want for your birthday, Amity? You know, it's been a few days and before you just said— you just said silence, and we thought that you know, we could give you that, but we also wanted to give you something a little more substantial. Is there something you want for your birthday?
Julia (as Amity): Um, you know, I was—you know how I went oh—
Julia: Oh, I need a— I need a kid name. Eric, give me a kid name.
Eric: Oh, silence.
Julia: Oh Si--, great.
Julia (as Amity): You know how uh—you know a couple of months ago, I went over to Silence's house and we had that little tea party?
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Oh, yeah. We assume that when you wanted Silence, you wanted to go over to their house. But they said uh—they said that you two weren't friends anymore. But I guess, yeah we could—do you want a tea party?
Julia (as Amity): Oh, no, I don't want a tea party. It's just—Silence had this really, really beautiful tea set. And I was hoping maybe, maybe I could get one for my birthday?
Eric: Your ma and your pa look at each other and say,
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Yeah, I think we can make that happen for you, absolutely. You know, we'll find some time to get our hands on it. You know, maybe we can get something from— if the Overstalk merchants come through in the next few— in the next few weeks, we'll definitely make sure to grab that for you.
Julia (as Amity): Thanks. That--it— that would be really nice.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Yeah. we'll get uh— we'll get on and we'll talk to Cresco Greenfoot, and we'll see what he knows. And we'll do it you know, um like, you know Amity, let's make sure you—you finish your breakfast and make sure to finish the cake. We're—we're going over the Plot today. We're doing this— there's a special community thing that we're doing all for The Fruit—the Fruit in Hand.
Julia (as Amity): Great. This is—this is the best day ever!
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Yeah. It's not for your birthday. It’s not.
Julia (as Amity): No, no, I—I know, I know. Community outreach is very important, and it's not just about my birthday, it's just an added bonus.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Wonderful. It’s Path– it's Path, we're doing Path, it's a Path event. We're doing a Path event.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Hey, why don't you do—you give me insight or hi—or history you—I want to know if you know what's going on today?
Julia: [dice roll] Okay. [laughs] I rolled another 4. I—
Eric: Oh god.
Julia: I recently changed my mouse pad out, which is what I usually roll on, and I'm just like mmm, unacceptable now. But with an insight check, that is a whole 8.
Eric: Oh okay, a whole 8. Give me another perception check, then.
Julia: Great. [dice roll] Alright, much better. Perception is going to be a 15.
Eric: Great, great. Okay, so you're not exactly sure what's going on today. I guess you haven't been paying attention, also with your birthday, and just everything going on the farm. So here's the thing, when you go into a Path of Cultivation event, there's not a building, necessarily, like what if you're going to a religious ceremony in Hothouse, you're going to a very specific building. You're more going just to a plot that's designated as kind of the meeting place, they call it The Plot. So you look over and you look out the window, and you know, The Plot is in the same place that it usually is. It’s right in the center of town. It's marked off to be large enough for all 361 citizens of Fruit in Hand. But next to it, you see that there is currently— someone's in a tractor, pulling like a—I don't know, I looked this up because I thought it was really cool. It's on wheels and it like drags lines through soil and drops seeds in it.
Julia: Yeah, okay.
Eric: Yeah, you've seen one of those?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: I looked up the name of it, it was really cool. It's called a seed drill.
Julia: Oh, interesting.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: That's really cool.
Eric: Yeah, there's also like a handcart version when it wa—it was invented in— like the Chinese invented in the 20th century and the Babylonians also did it and it was like, you know, there's a handcart version or pulled by some-- an animal. But this—this one is pulled by a tractor, and it's kind of like pulled behind it.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: But it's so— next to The Plot, it seems like there was another Plot being put together. But you know, or—you know, you don't need the seeds in a Plot if it's kind of like a community place, so it's kind of next to it over there. Someone seems to be dragging a seed drill next in there.
Julia: Cool. We love to see growth in Open Fields.
Eric: We love growth, it's good.
Julia: You know what that's called, Eric?
Eric: What's it called?
Julia: Growth.
Eric: Oh, it's called growth? The—hey, that's where all the folks at Open Fields want. They just want to grow.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: They want you to do the right thing.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Alright, Amity. Hey, how long does it take for you to eat your cake?
Julia: Not very long. Not very long at all.
Eric: You have your— I imagine there's like three eggs, two things of big strips of back bacon, like three different drinks. There's like water and orange juice and also milk.
Julia: Yeah. You don't know where she puts it, but it's gone.
Eric: It's gone, it's gone.
Julia: In like under five minutes, it's gone.
Eric: Your mom says–
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Uh, Amity can you get some fruit for us to bring to—for us to bring to The Plot?
Julia (as Amity): Of course. Anything special?
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Uhh, no, whatever—anything you like, whatever you think is ripe. Your favorite—whatever smells good.
Julia (as Amity): Okay.
Eric: Yeah. You go in the back of your farm. They—you do have a few fruit trees back there. What looks good to you, Amity?
Julia: Probably like some sort of stone fruit like a peach or a plum, or like something like that. Or whatever the equivalent of Verda Stello's peaches and plums are.
Eric: Hey, they're just peaches and plums.
Julia: Yes, right. Of course, of course, they are.
Eric: Yeah. And It's fine that you're dealing with it.
Julia: Of course. So I think Amity just kind of plucks a peach from one of the lower branches, that seems like it's just about ripe.
Eric: For sure.
Julia: You can tell by the heft of the branch, how ripe it is.
Eric: Yeah, incredible. Give me an Arcana check or a Nature check, either one.
Julia: [dice roll] Arcana or nature—they're both good, they're both the same. And it would be a 19.
Eric: Cool. Do you want this to be Arcana or Nature?
Julia: Arcana, I guess? I'm curious as to why the peaches are Arcana, so let's do it.
Eric: Arcana for sure. Yeah, you reach up and kind of like the Blight that's on your hands, it's starting to creep up your fingers, and it's creeping towards the fruit as you put your hand on it. You kind of see it like, wash forward almost like the tide. But with a 19, I think that you—you can pull your hand back before it gets on the fruit.
Julia: And I think Amity looks at their hand for a second and then kind of slips it into the pocket of their skirt, and then grabs the peach with the other hand.
Eric: Absolutely. Also with a 19 Arcana, you look up. Listen, you're 13, you're not fully grown. It's still pretty far to see all the way at the top of the tree. Does one of those peaches have a— have a nose? I'm sure it's fine.
Julia: No.
Eric: No.
Julia: No.
Eric: No, it's tr-- That's the trick of the fuzz.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It's a trick of the fuzz.
Julia: It's just a weird bump.
Eric: Weird bump.
Julia: Weird bump.
Eric: Alright. Well, you finish up, you gather a few peaches. You finish up. Any other fun stone fruit-related high jinx you get into?
Julia: No.
[Eric laughs]
Eric: No, I'm good, whatever.
Julia: No, I'm good. No high jinx.
Eric: Yeah, no high jinx. No kids had jump out and throw—
Julia: We're going into the Plot today, there's no time for high jinx.
Eric: No, no high jinx.
Julia: Please.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Hey, Amity, there's no time for high jinx, stop throwing the peach—
Julia (as Amity): I know, mama—
Eric (as Ma Cassis): —stop trying to catch the peach in your mouth.
Julia (as Amity): Or Papa. I'm sorry, I don't know which one's talking.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Either one, we sound exactly the same. That's why we love each other, that's why we love you.
Julia (as Amity): Awww.
Eric (as Ma Cassis): Because you don't sound like us, but it's alright.
Julia: I mean, that's what being a child is about, right? It's like your parents expect you to sound exactly like them, but then you don't. And like they're like, I don't know how I feel about that, you're supposed to just be me.
Eric: Yeah. Alright, Amity, it's time for the Path of Cultivation Event, everyone's heading over The Plot, you look out the window and people are starting to like leave their houses. All the farms seem to be set in kind of almost like a sunflower honestly, like the petals surrou—or any type of flower, the petals surrounding the center.
Julia: I pictured it kind of like in an interesting grid pattern.
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: I'm glad we're on the same page there.
Eric: Yeah, it's like— it's not even like a hub and spoke like a European city, it's like truly like petals inside of like the main town area. And yeah, you see folks walking forward, your parents go outside and they stand on side of you-- on either side, and you—the three of you walk hand in hand towards The Plot.
Julia: Are both my parent's tea plants?
Eric: That's a good que—I would ask you that, what do you think?
Julia: I think maybe my father is.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: And then my mom is like a blackberry bush.
Eric: That's cute.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. She's sweet but thorny, that's why he likes her.
Julia: Hmm. A little tart sometimes, but that's okay.
Eric: Yeah. It's wild that may sound exactly the same.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Sometimes you just find someone you know, they're from a different background, but you just gel so well together.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, give me an insight check as y’all walk to The Plot.
Amanda: [dice roll] Ohhh, Nat 20.
Eric: Hmmm.
Julia: I feel like this is gonna be bad.
Eric: Yeah, uh—
Julia: It's a bad Nat 20, I feel like.
Eric: The tree you're walking, and like every day, for the last five years, you feel the unmistakable chill radiating off of every single person. And with the Nat 20, I would love to just cut quickly to five years ago. Little Amity, eight years old, running through the woods. What game are you playing, while you running through the woods?
Julia: Ohh it's—it's just hide and seek, Eric. With the other kids you know, hide and seek is a classic tried and true child game, and it's somehow better and creepier in the woods.
Eric: Of course, of course. And you—you got to hide deeper and deeper in the woods so that all of your friends can’t find you.
Julia: Of course.
Eric: Yeah. You are running full speed through the woods, I guess-- in the way that kids do where like their hands are at their side but they're running full speed.
Julia: Oh, I’m Naruto running? Okay.
Eric: You’re Naruto running in the woods because you have no fear in your life. And you burst through the woods and you're at a clearing, and you see a sweet cottage with a white picket fence, kind of surrounding a rather large yard. And there's a very large wraparound porch and sitting on the wraparound porch in a massive-- it is both gnarled and shine, like someone grabbed it from a tree itself, maintaining all of the knobs and holes in it, and just turned it into a chair and then buffed it with sandpaper and with—with lacquer as much as possible. Sitting on— on that chair is a large, like six foot four old rutabaga woman with a slouchy hat pulled down over her face, and she lightly snoring in the chair.
Julia: Well, this is the perfect place to hide.
Eric: Alright, where are you hiding?
Julia: So this is how I picture Open Fields, is there's—while there's property lines, everyone leaves their doors open and unlocked. Everyone is like, welcome, come on in. I know there's a gate there but don't even acknowledge the gate. So I think Amity picks up the latch for the gate, lets herself in, and goes—and is going to hide underneath the wraparound porch.
[Snoring noise]
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): I'm giving you one chance now. I want you to get out from underneath my porch. I hate kids. I thought you should know better than hide at Baba Rutabaga's house.
Julia (as Amity): But... then... Perseverance will catch me?
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): I'm gonna give you the count of three. One—
Julia (as Amity): I don't think I could physically get out—
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Two.
Julia (as Amity): —from underneath here in three seconds.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Three.
Julia (as Amity): Oh...
Eric: The three of you are walking towards The Plot, and you're feeling the chill off of every other family that passes you. You get to The Plot, it’s in the middle of town, Cresco Greenfoot is setting everybody up in the regular Plot. And as you get closer you realize that The Plot, the tractor and the drill, and the seed drill, because uh, seed drill is a cool name and I'm gonna keep fucking saying that.
Julia: Isn't that a Pokemon?
Eric: Who’s that Pokemon? It's Seed Drill, bug grass. Yeah, you see the tractor pulled over and The Plot is ri—that Plot is right next to your Plot.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Same size, same dimensions. Cresco Greenfoot, you know him, he's also makes—he has a butter farm—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: —nearby. He takes all the milks, the almond milks, the oat milks, the fern milks, turns into butter, and it's great. So he does that alongside of his job as Cresco. He said to everyone up as everyone kind of stands either sits or stands in kind of like you know loose clumps, as you know, everyone usually does on The Plot. Cresco Greenfoot sets up to the front, and Cresco Greenfoot is also—he's actually like a patch of grass.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: I don't know if you've ever seen, Julia, like when they lay down turf, but it's just shaped like you know, a square.
Julia: He's just a little carpet of grass?
Eric: He's like a very lar—he's like four—a four by four carpet of grass.
Julia: That's so fun.
Eric: And he holds a shovel, his Cresco shovel. He's kind of like ceremonial object, but also you kind of pass it to other folks so that they can—it's like the conch.
Julia: Lord of the Flies, yes.
Eric: Yeah. So Cresco Greenfoot says,
Julia: I see you old English teacher.
Eric: Hey, oh, hey, hey, hey and he's like
Eric (as Cresco Greenfoot): Unfortunately, when things happen in our world, in Verda Stello, we have to make choices. Everything about being and walking on the Path of Cultivation is about making choices. Everything you did yesterday, touches on what we do today. And everything you do today touches on what we do tomorrow. And today, we need to do something for us to have a better tomorrow. Families, I want you to step over to The Plot here that we've—that we've set up. And everyone, unlike what we usually do in our plots, please make sure each of you are standing in front of a buried seed. There are 361 of them, one for 361 of us. None of us are exempt from what we have to do today. Me, I will be standing here, my family will be standing here, all of us, but we need to do something if we're going to save Verda Stello from the dried-up Cascade. We won't be able to continue as Open Fields, there won't be any water to water our plants with if the Cascade does not come back. So the time is now, all of us, let's stand in front of our buried seed.
Eric: Your parents, still holding your hands, Amity, walk you over just to three buried seeds and you're standing in front of it. I'm going to give you advantage right now and make another history check if you know what's going on.
Julia: [dice roll] I got an 18, 17 plus 1.
Eric: You know why you're here. You're 13, you know what's going on. Cresco Greenfoot says,
Eric (as Cresco Greenfoot): Alright, everyone, remove your seed on the count of three. 1, 2, 3.
Eric: And all 361 of you digs your hand into the loam where seed is buried for each one of you. Amity, you look down in your hand as you move the dirt out of the way. And you look around and people are smiling, some people are crying and hugging each other, and you see that they have white pumpkin seeds in their hands. Your ma opens her hand and has a white pumpkin seed. Your dad opens his hand and has a white pumpkin seed. You open your hand and you have a pumpkin seed that has been painted black.
Julia (as Amity): I-- huh.
Eric: Eventually start people start to look over and be like
Eric (as Open Fields folks): [whispering] Calamity has the seed, Calamity has the black seed, I knew what was happening. I knew this would happen. Of course, of course, Calamity has the black seed.
Julia: I think I look at my parents, and I don't know what to say.
Eric: Your dad looks away. Your mom can't stop looking at you and there are tears in her eyes, and she says,
Eric (as Ma Cassis): That's how we walk the Path. If that's what happens, that's what happens. Eric (as Cresco Greenfoot): You still have a choice, Amity.
Eric: As Cresco Greenfoot steps forward towards you. And the full—the sun is high in the sky and the full shadow of his four-by-four grass plot hangs over you.
Julia: It's hard to be almost on the verge of tears and also look at a man who is just a four-by-four piece of grass.
Eric: True, true, that's why he got chosen as Cresco. It undercuts it.
Eric (as Cresco Greenfoot): You have a choice, Amity. You can leave now and never come back, or the Path can be hard and will make you. Leave the Open Fields, do anything else but do not come back. The black seed says that your roots, and if it chose you, we all know the Blight that you brought here. It touches our soil, it touches the Greenfolk and it touches the plants, and it must also touch the Cascade. What do you do?
Julia (as Amity): I don't understand. Did—did I do something wrong?
Eric: The Cresco steps closer to you.
Eric (as Cresco Greenfoot): Either leave now or you have chosen the harder Path.
Julia: I think Amity—her fist closes around the black seed. And as we've talked about, the way that now Cammie's magic tends to manifest is like watching steam rise from a cup of tea with sunlight streaming through it. So I think that-- phew, sorry, I'm emotional hold on. So I think that as she closes her fist, that light, and that like little wisps of steam kind of release from it, and then when she opens it back up, it is a tiny little, like dandelion bumblebee?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: In that way that like dandelions are kind of like the spore version of dandelions. The fuzzy little part of dandelion?
Eric: Yeah, the big— the white puffy one. It's like an Adventure Time-style Bumblebee. It's like the size of a basketball and just kind of like, lazily flying around, yeah.
Julia: And I think that as it kind of lazily flies around, it then splits into multiple bumblebees, into a swarm of these dandelion bumblebees, and they just spread through the crowd and start causing chaos.
Eric (as Open Field folk): Aaaaah, aaaaah, I’m allergic, I don't even know! Aaaaah, aaaah.
Julia: And then I think one of them lands on Amity's shoulder, and she looks at her parents one more time, and then she runs.
Eric: On the way out of Fruit in Hand, on the front of the sign of the-- welcoming you into town, it says, “Welcome to a Fruit in Hand is Worth Two in the Bush.” On the way out, it says, “Thank you for Visiting, we hope this was the right Path. Aaahh, I made you cry.
Julia: Ehh, fuck you.
Eric: Fuck you!
Julia: Fuck you!
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. One very cool thing about this episode, in particular, is that I and the other players are listening to this episode at the same time as you. We didn't know what each other was recording because we did it separately. And so I have not heard this episode except for the part that I'm in either. And I think that is pretty amazing. I am enjoying even more than ever listening to this and reacting live with you in our Patron-only Discord, which by the way you can join and be part of the most hiphoping place on the internet every single Tuesday at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Now we are recording this a little bit in advance as we were just at PAX East this past weekend, so I will thank all of our new patrons next time. But in the meantime, if you want to be part of the very special slew of people that I will be thanking next time, join us at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Now it's been a minute since we've talked about the incredible merch available at Join the Party pod.com/merch. So I just wanted to give you a little tour of all the stuff that's available. Several of you have asked us where you can get the Campaign three theme song, the sea shanty itself, and make it like I don't know every single notification sound possible on your phone. Hey, the answer is Join the Party pod.com/merch where you can get the Campaign Three theme for a mere $1 as well as, by the way, the one for the Camp Paign with that fabulous crow calling at the end and the other versions of the Campaign theme song as well for Campaign's Two and One, as well as the party campaign soundtrack. So that's the Campaign One, all the original music Brandon made for that campaign, and his D&D, DIY sound kit with a bunch of like soundscapes and things that you can play out loud for your table or over your remote tabletop while playing with a group, it's incredibly good. Eric has made a ton of adorable phone backgrounds. We have ones from the OTA in Campaign Two. We have a wallpaper bundle of character art from Campaign One, including sweet Alonso and the Fidopolis poster, Oatcake, Tracy, and be gay do crimes. And we have a number of adorable pins and stickers. And Hello my name is, and My Superpower is which people have used at real corporate retreats, by the way, not to mention, we have enamel pins. We have January dice. We have the mountain lobsters hat. We have a number of posters and you know them, you love them. All of the wonderful things Eric has written from No Capes, our D&D re-skinning and superhero guide to our world book for Campaign Two in Laketown City, all the way to the more monsters to mash, Monster of the Week Beast Theory. There is seriously so much to enjoy we are so proud of all the stuff we gave there. And hey, we may have new stuff coming down the line, but you know what helps us make cool new merch, is buying our cool existing merch because the more we sell, the more literal room we have in DFTBA warehouse to make new stuff for you. So whether you're buying it for yourself or a friend, your notebook, your water bottle or your laptop, go to jointhepartypod.com/merch. This week at Multitude, we have as always plenty going on. And did you know that Julia edits Queer Movie Podcast? This is a queer movie watch party hosted by Rowan Ellis and Jazza John. You can join them as they research and rate their way through the Queer Film canon one genre at a time. From romcoms to slashers, contemporary cinema to black-and-white classics. Queer Movie Podcast is a celebration of all things queer on the silver screen. They have new episodes every other Thursday, and you can check them out by searching for Queer Movie Podcast in your podcast app. We are sponsored this week by the great D & Tea, where I hope several of you have already ordered your tea using the promo code Join the Party which gets you not only 10% off and free shipping, but an exclusive Cammie Cassis sticker. Now D & Tea is a values-driven company focused on selling high-quality Tea with exceptional customer service. And I can attest to that chatting with Travis and the whole team over there, as we were getting this special partnership ready. Has been an absolute dream, they are the sweetest folks, we got to hang out with them in person at PAX Unplugged a few months back and they were just amazing. And since they started in 2019, they have gone from a small company scooping tea into paper bags at conventions to now having like barcodes and branded packaging and partnerships with podcasts like us, so, so exciting. Of course, you can check out everything they have to offer from their tumbler to their D20 tea strainer, to their fabulous tea mixes. Under dark & chill remains my favorite at dandT E A.com. And again, use code Join the Party for 10% off free shipping, and an exclusive Cammie sticker. Go ahead, we promise check it out. Finally, the show is also sponsored by BetterHelp. There are a lot of things that make me want to look back at my backstory in a retrospective episode. And think about the people that I spent time with and the stuff that motivated me to go on the journey that I am doing today. But you know what, it is scary sometimes to kind of face the great unknown of myself by myself. And so that's why I really appreciate that I get to check in with my therapist each week about the things that are bringing me joy, the things that are challenging, and the stuff I just need help with, as I learn stuff about myself and sort of create the map that will lead me to my next couple weeks, and months and years. And when I was having trouble finding a therapist in person, especially during early lockdown when I wanted to obviously meet people remotely but not all therapists are yet offering that, BetterHelp was a real lifesaver. If you are looking for an easy way to start therapy consider them. They are convenient, entirely online, and a really easy way to start therapy. Or give it a try in between other options. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterHELP.com/jointheparty. And now let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Eric: Hey, Brandon.
Brandon: It's a-me!
Eric: It's Brand-io.
Brandon: This time I'm playing Mario.
Eric: Yeah. I didn't tell you we're actually changing Overstalk to the Mushroom Kingdom, is that okay for you?
Brandon: Yeah, I actually fucking love that, Eric.
Eric: That would be– yeah, fuck the Crags, we’re doing Mushroom Kingdom instead. Well, listen, it's just us buddies, just you and me.
Brandon: Oh, you just want to like hang out and talk about sports or something?
Eric: Uh, yes, we will do that for the majority of our time here. But I just want to make sure that no one was on the call. Brandon, can you say the secret word?
Brandon: Oh, yeah, um kumquat.
Eric: Alright. Yeah, we're good. Okay, we're set.
Brandon: Great.
Eric: Great.
Brandon: Great, great, great, great.
Eric: Yeah. So the ships that ride the Tide, this like pirate era that started once the Cascade has dried up. The stuff that we're doing now is like 50 years after the Cascade has dried up. I've decided to call it ACD, After Cascade Dried up.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: And BCD, Before Cascade Dried up.
Brandon: Oh, are you sure it's not ACDC, after Cascade Dried up, con— continuous—
Eric: Christ.
Brandon: —christ.
Eric: Yeah, no, I think you're right, it's ACDC, you're right.
Brandon: Okay great, great great.
Eric: Yeah, yeah that's what it is. Doublooms, doublooms.
Brandon: It’s weird that Cammie electrocuted that elephant in the World's Fair.
Eric: Yeah, Edison electrocuted that elephant just for science. Yeah, that—that definitely happened in Overstalk, by the way, you fucking know it did. There's like yeah, I just saw this lilipad elephant and a scientist walked over and electrocuted it. I guess electricity is good. But I would love to explore something in Umbi's past with you.
Brandon: He's a closed book, so good fucking luck.
Eric: Oh, good, oh, wonderful. It’s a good thing we talked about this and yeah—you're gonna be like, I don't know, Umbi would know, Umbi wouldn't tell that to you? Well, I would love to go back actually to before even 1 ACD. I would love to go back to about like six months after the Cascade has started to dry up. About this time, I think I have explained this a little bit, but I think that like as this Cascade started drying up, kind of like a— a faucet that's getting more and more clogged. So I think it comes out in spurts or like, you know, when there's air in a hose and sometimes like a lot of water comes out, and then it doesn't.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: So think about this time, the Cascade is coming down in spurts. So it's not totally dried up, but there's definitely a problem.
Brandon: It's like a crisis situation happening?
Eric: Yes, This is 100% a crisis situation. Because again, the Cascade is the water source for everything in Verda Stello. You know, it's the mouth of all the rivers, every single river comes through the Cascade and then it goes all the way through and then goes off the edge of the Discworld. And I think that there's-- an emergency session has been called for the Council of Overstalk, and Umbi is an alderman, of—of one of the neighborhoods of Overstalk. Overstalk, we've talked about this like it's kind of divided into, you know wards, if you're from Chicago, or New Orleans or just like, you know—
Brandon: Districts.
Eric: Yeah, and districts, thank you, districts. And I think that every— everyone has like an alderman which is they're like, kind of like mini mayor, is what I understand from people from Chicago, they tell me. And everyone has to come to a session, which is in the capital city of Overstalk, the stacked city of Skyreach. Where is Umbi living, and tell me about the district that he represents?
Brandon: I will. Umbi is from the District of Brassica, I think, maybe.
Eric: Hell yeah, yeah.
Brandon: And it's a pretty like average I think town within Overstalk, like it's nothing sort of special. Nothing sort of not special about it, like good or bad.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: The people there are just kind of like, are average citizens want to live a life, want to try to find the Planter and the best way they know how. So I think Umbi was sort of just like a quasi unremarkable person in the way that like you know the politician from I don't know, what's a pretty average town in America?
Eric: No is li—no, it's like everything is so polarized, it is like imagine the mayor of like, a town in Ohio in like, 1959—
Brandon: Exactly.
Eric: —but like, take out all the racism.
Brandon: Yes, exactly, exactly yeah. So just like an average guy who everyone around town thought was you know, qualified enough and kind enough to represent them.
Eric: Yeah, I like that. I think there's definitely votes, I think Umbi has maybe had this Alderman seat for like, a few, whatever. I don't know, maybe they vote every three years and Umbi has won a few times in a row. I like the idea that like especially in Overstalk, which is such like a kind of like spiritual vibey place, there are still like regular places, but like they-- living in like a vibey area, like I imagine like some towns or small cities in like the Southwest, and I don't want to name states because like Arizona is so fucked in various ways, like politically in terms of government. But like you know, in like, yeah, we live in the desert and people come here and do Ayahuasca, and you know, there’s spiritualism and all that stuff and we live in like a weird area, but we still have like towns and schools and—
Brandon: Right.
Eric: And places, and we still have like commerce, especially everywhere in Overstalk has merchants running around everywhere, taking the local stuff from one place and doing it somewhere else.
Brandon: Yeah, you still gotta pay taxes, you know?
Eric: Yeah
Brandon: Those—
Eric: —exactly.
Brandon: —seedlings aren't gonna propagate themselves, you know?
Eric: I mean, true, a 100% true. I love the idea of like on the– Umbi's way out of town, he like stops off at his local favorite food place in Brassica district. What is that?
Brandon: Oh, you know, he loves a good rotisserie, shawarma style stop-and-go kind of place but it's like— it's just like a hot fruit that you slice off—
Eric: Oh, sure.
Brandon: —pieces of.
Eric: I love the idea that it's like jackfruit, you know?
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, I like that.
Eric: Like an— or like an al pastor set up like it's a jackfruit, but it's a jackfruit with a little jackfruit, a little pineapple on top.
Brandon: Exactly, exactly. And you slice off pieces and just put it in like some sort of, you know, bread thing.
Eric: No, I really like that. I think that you stop off. Well, hey, Brandon, what's this place called?
Brandon: Oh, you know, it's called Jack's Jackfruit and Jack and Fruit Emporium?
Eric: Sure. Sure. Jack's Jackfruit and Jackfruit Emporium.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: See, you stop off the Jack’s and you pull up I think there's a car. I mean, you can have some sort of like, if you want like a seahorse instead, like a seaweed horse instead. I don't know. I'm not like, you know, I think cars or whatever sort of vehicles you get around are chill by me.
Brandon: I think not to no, but you, but I think—
Eric: That was fine.
Brandon: I think Umbi for two reasons wouldn't, or maybe has a car but when using very often at least. One because he needs to look or wants to put off the vibe of the everyman, right? Because he's, you know, he’s a politician, But two, in Overstalk people, like to think and there's no better time to think than walking around the city, you know?
Eric: Of course, I like the idea that everyone needs to walk there, like it's a— even though it's government, it's like a religious pilgrimage, a 100%.
Brandon: Yeah. And like, if you get to any function early, then you fucked up because you didn't take enough time to think on the way there, you know?
Eric: Fu—Brandon, that's so— yeah, that's real. That's a 100% very real. I love the idea. So you salv—you're about—you have your whole backpack set up. You're about to walk-- And I think like Brassica is also like, not close to the capital city as well. So it's gonna be a long journey. You stop over Jack’s, and there's a sign in the front that says “none for today, exported all jackfruit plus, water shortage equals, I'm all out. Signed, Jack and Jack and Jassika—and Jackica.”
Brandon (as Umbi): What? No.
Brandon: And I think Umbi's gonna like knock on the door real quick, is Jack there?
Eric (as Jack): Hey, I told you we don't have any jackfruit.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know, but I just wanted to ask if there was anything I could do for you.
Eric (as Jack): Oh, it's Umbi. Oh, Umbi sorry, I thou—people have been banging on my door all day. Hold on.
Brandon (as Umbi): I get it, you're jackfruit so delicious.
Eric: I think that Jack is actually a bouquet of lilies. He has four heads and each of the flowers, kind of all bound together and he has like two arms and two legs.
Brandon: Jack is gorgeous.
Eric: Jack's a hottie, I'll tell you. That’s why Jack does so well, but like,
Eric (as Jack): Oh, Umbi, thank you. I thought you were gonna be out of town already.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm on the way there, but I didn't realize it was this ba—this bad. Is it—Is it really bad?
Eric (as Jack): It really— it’s this bad. I mean, you know we have the expectations that we got to ship out, that's where we make the majority of our money. You know from expor— exporting and you know the Cra—the those Cragish guys, they love jackfruit.
Brandon (as Umbi): They do. They like telling you about it too, huh?
Eric (as Jack): They—yeah, they always send back a sword for me, saying good job, Jack. But you know the—with the water, it's like I can only have so much jackfruit, I'm running out.
Brandon (as Brandon): Alright. Thank you, uh I'll bring you something.
Eric (as Jack): Where are you going, where are you—where are you going?
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, I'm going to the council, to the Senate.
Eric (as Jack): Oh, wow, oh, incredible. Oh, wow. Um, you know, just like, if I could give you some advice just as a—as a kind of jackfruit guy to another fruit— to another fruit guy.
Brandon (as Umbi): Absolutely.
Eric (as Jack): Yeah. Just a—I— listen, you do it all the time, but just uh, you know, stand up for us. Make sure that our voice is heard through— through you. You know, the whole point of representative is you are all of our mouths.
Brandon (as Umbi): I will. It's okay, if I share your story?
Eric (as Jack): Oh, please, I'd love that. Just make sure I look—they describe me as incredibly attractive.
Brandon (as Umbi): There's no other way to describe you, Jack.
Eric (as Jack): Incredible, incredible. Alright, Umbi, you know you—hold on.
Eric: Jack leaves for a second and it comes back with like a little container. He opens it up and there's like one portion of jackfruit.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no, I couldn't take that from you.
Eric (as Jack): Oh come on—I eat it all the time. I actually wanted to have something else. I wanted to have a fern cow burger instead. I can't eat this stuff, please.
Brandon (as Umbi):Thank you so much that so— that— that touches my—my seed, you know?
Eric:(as Jack): Gro—I—I'm not touching your seed, even if you are an alderman.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's a heart—it's a— it's the heart is the seed. You get it, you know?
Eric (as Jack): No, you know I go—I got it.
Eric: He gives you like a be—a bro hug where he does like the fist on your back?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: When he hugs you? Hell yeah, and I think that you make the pilgrimage. I think they also call it the pilgrimage to Skyreach for the emergency council meeting. What do you think about on the way? Wh—why do you take your time, I feel like you must prepare yourself for what you're going to think about on the way.
Brandon: Yeah, I mean, I think he's thinking about everything, right? He's thinking about water shortage, the food shortage, how that's going to affect his people, but not only his people but everyone else around Verda Stello. He's trying to think of solutions for it, he's trying to think of the most equitable way to divide the current water supply.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: All of that in relation to what did we do to anger whatever Planter exists?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: If there is a Planter exists, how do we get to him or them, how do we talk to them? How do we convince them to bring the water back?
Eric: Yeah. I have two philosophical questions for you then. One is what did—where does Umbi think the Cascade comes from? Because like you know, no one—you can't see where the Cascade comes from. I think it's so-- you know, I know for any of you've seen Niagara Falls or Victoria Falls or any of those really, really big waterfalls, like there's so much water moisture that collects because it's such a big waterfall, you can't see the top. What do you—where do you think it comes from?
Brandon: I think it's a bit of a like a philosophical rhetorical loop thing, right? It's like—
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: —the water exists because the water existed because the water has always existed.
Eric: Sure. Could the Planter make a waterfall so big, even the Planter doesn't know where it starts, yeah?
Brandon: Yeah, it's, you know, it's like sort of like the Big Bang, and we're like you know, once you get past a certain point, the current physics we know don't apply anymore, so it's hard to say wha—what happened before that.
Eric: For sure. And the second question is, has Umbi been look— thinking about the carvings in the basin of the Cascade and the salmon? I think with the spurts, is that some people have started to read it. And it's still dangerous to look at it, but some of the more radical folks have thrown themselves in front of the waterfall to look at the— the thing about the idea of the Infinite Lake and the wish-granting salmon?
Brandon: Oh, totally. I mean, like, that's definitely an option of how to fix this crisis, like, you know, even though we don't know what it is and where it came from exactly, like there's no reason why we can't send parties out there. So it's definitely like a notch in the ol’ option belt.
Eric: Sure. No, I understand. Incredible. Yeah, I think this takes you like six, seven days to walk from Brassica to Skyreach, and you can kind of see the massive stacked city, just incredibly tall and brilliant green, stretch over the horizon as you go over a hill. And you know that you're like within, you'll get there by the end of the day. You also see as you get closer, and as you go in there, I've used the Hanging Gardens of Babylon as like a reference point. But as you get closer, yeah, there are like plants everywhere. You've been there before, but just like the sheer size and scope of this place is absolutely wild. And I think as you get closer, you also see that like, there's little sprinklers everywhere. I know you— I mean you lived in LA, like even during droughts like didn't people like water their—their lawns and stuff like that? And there's always like, you know, people are still watering the greenery everywhere and keeping it like incredibly lush.
Brandon: Yeah. Umbi spits on the ground.
Eric: Hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah. All the aldermen start to walk in and you go into the Overstalk Senate room. Inside, I think it kind—it does look like a greenhouse. It's definitely not like Hothouse-esque, which is very much of what we understand of like, you know, a growing greenhouse, where like everything-- it's like about the adjustments of the light, and like the glass catching the light. This is more like the simulacrum of a greenhouse, and just kind of letting the greenery in there run wild, because the most important thing are the vines. From the bottom there's vine stretching, like up I would say three stories, and that is where the seeds of all the aldermen are up and the third story.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: And in order for the Senate to start, everyone needs to climb up—
Brandon: Cool!
Eric: The—the vines in there and when it's done, or when someone wants to stop listening, they will climb down the vine.
Brandon: Cool!
Eric: I don't know. Again, for Star Wars, the scene in Andor when, what's her name is talking and then everyone turns off their light and leaves is like very similar, they can just climb down.
Brandon: I love that.
Eric: So then you— yeah, you get to the Brassica vine and you pull up. And I like the idea it's like, like suspended almost like in the bower of a tree, like everyone has like a little desk that they can– like a chair that they get sat at, which is like propped up in the bowers of like this tree that's at the top of this very incredibly opulent and overgrown greenhouse.
Brandon: I think as he's waiting for the session to start, Umbi is sort of setting down his samples of soil and various materials he collected along the way there.
Eric: Hell yeah, dude.
Brandon: Labeling them lovingly.
Eric: I like that. And yeah, you see people come in, and you know they're from all different walks of life. Some people are still dressed in like they're walking garb. Whether it is truly like you know more of a like hikers or adventurers outfit, or like someone is intentionally you know, dressed in rags and robes to demonstrate how terrible and hard the pilgrimage was to Skyreach. You also see other people that are draped in like gold and silks, that you can only get through the import and export of the merchants here, specifically in Skyreach. Maybe you look over and you see someone's chair, they've replaced like their desk and chair put out by the Senate, and it's like been built by the folks over in Hothouse. It's like a presidential desk and a big overstuffed chair be like,
Eric (as Alderman): Hey, that's not—that's not what mine is.
Eric: What is the leader of the Senate called? Like, is there a speaker?
Brandon: Yeah, I mean there's two options, right? Like you can have the sort of secretarial ceremonial person, who's just like facilitating the senate— or you can have an actual like, Premier or whatever that is the actual like leader.
Eric: Ohh, Premier is cool. Yeah, let's fucking do a Premier. And I think that as everyone files in, you see that there is a large, bee woman-- walks forward just kind of draped in gold fabric all around her waist. And her wings in her hand kind of like all— and her head all just kind of one lon— long piece of fabric, that's like fashioned into like this head wrap and dress. And then you hear a herald say,
Eric (as Herald): All rise for Premier Goldmarsh.
Brandon: Umbi stands up, and in the quiet you hear him opening the corner of the Tupperware container to start eating the jackfruit.
Eric: [laughs] Crinkle crinkle crinkle.
Eric (as Premier Goldmarsh): Everyone sit, sit, sit. I've called this emergency session of the Overstalk Senate to order. We need to address what is happening with our water supply and what's happening with the Cascade.
Eric: And immediately everyone starts talking at once. [Everyone talking at once] rutabaga, rutabaga, rutabaga,
Brandon: Are those the rutabagas talking to each other?
Eric: Yeah, the rutabagas are talking to each other.
Eric (as Peas and Carrots Representatives): Peas and carrots, peas and carrots,
Eric: Peas and carrots are—are leaning over their desks to talk to each other. There's just like a buzz from some fly representatives that are just around. I think that eventually, like truly after 10 minutes, like the premier finally gets everyone settled down.
Brandon: That's why Umbi started eating because he knew it was going to take 10 minutes before we actually—
Eric: No, that's fine.
Brandon: —get a word in.
Eric: I know. Umbi has finished the whole jackfruit.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric (as Premier Goldmarsh): Does anyone have solutions to what we can do about the Cascade?
Eric: There's like a long moment of silence, and someone jumps in and says,
Eric (as Overstalk Representative #1): Well, I think that we should take this opportunity to continue to build up. Let's figure out where the Cascade comes from and unblock it.
Eric (as Overstalk Representative #2): The Planter doesn't need unblocking!
Eric (as Overstalk Representative #1): Well maybe they do!
Eric (as Overstalk Representative #2): She does!
Eric (as Overstalk Representative #1): Well, I don't know what the Planter is!
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Overstalk Representative #3): Eventually, it is gonna sort itself out. I don't really— when there's nothing to do. I appreciate that I've gotten the chance to pilgrimage here and show all of you how devout I am, but I think we’re gonna figure it out.
Eric (as Overstalk Representative #4): What the salmon?!
Eric (as Overstalk Representative #5): Do any of our scholars, are they on-- do they know what a salmon is? It sounds great.
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh, Premier, have you considered that you're angering the Planter with your hedonistic use of water?
Eric (as Premier Goldmarsh): Alderman Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes?
Eric (as Premier Goldmarsh): You sure— you've taking a ripe moment to accuse me of using too much water? Would you like— I would give you the opportunity to save face and change your tact.
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't mean specifically you, but clearly, Skyreach is using more water than everyone else here combined in a moment of scarcity, which can't be helpful. And I mean not to change the subject, but have any of your away parties found any evidence of this Infinite Lake or the salmon? I don't—I don't know if it actually even exists. So I think maybe it's time to start rationing. And I think that starts with Skyreach.
Eric: Hey, make an insight check for me.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: This could be anything.
Brandon: A 6?
Eric: 6, um this is a great idea. You're speaking truth to power.
Brandon: I hope it doesn't sting me.
Eric: That's what the peas and carrots are saying. Oh, oh, this is gonna sting Umbi.
Eric (as Premier Goldmarsh): Alderman Umbi, I understand your concern--
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Eric: She moves the— she moves the microphone closer to her—to her mouth.
Eric (as Premier Goldmarsh): I understand your concern about rationing water, but um—but the coun—the senate needs to show a— to show stability in times of emergency. Let’s not jump to conclu— I—we have solutions and ideas, but not something that would scare the citizens of—the citizens of Overstalk, of what they have put their trust in us to do. We do the thinking. We do the rationalizing, so that they can continue to think and philosophize.
Brandon (as Umbi): Premier, with all due respect, the people aren't scared, they know what's happening. And maybe Skyreach needs to set an example for everyone else to follow.
Eric (as Alderman Cabbage): I've talked to my constituents. I've talked to my constituents and they all s— they all seem to think that we have it under control at the greenery of Skyreach is something that makes them happy.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, Premier and Sir, respected Alderman from the town of Cabbagetown.
Eric (as Alderman Cabbage): I am Alderman Cabbage and I represent Cabbage Heights, the richest neighborhood here in Overstalk.
Brandon (as Umbi): Respected Premier and fellow Aldermen Cabbage, uh.
Eric: I like that it’s just Cabbage. It's like—it's like you’re-- like you're talking to someone who came over on the fucking Mayflower like, like– it's like my name is Georgia because that's the last name of my great, great grandfather.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon (as Umbi): On the way here I went to uh, to stop off to get some provisions for the road. And my good friend, longtime friend, and provider of the best jackfruit wraps in all of Overstalk, Jack of Jack’s Jackfruit, and Jack Fruit Emporium. I forget the title.
Eric: No, that was it, you got it.
Brandon (as Umbi): He's out of jackfruit, we've exported all we can to help maintain our standard of living. But there's not enough water for him to grow his jackfruit. And that's not—that's just one example of the hardships faced of the citizens of Overstalk.
Eric (as Alderman Cabbage): Ahh.
Brandon (as Umbi): They're not stupid, they're not blind. They can see what's happening, it's literally right there. It's a giant waterfall.
Eric: Make another insight check.
Brandon: Use a good dice this time. There we go, 16 plus 2 for 18.
Eric: Incredible. With an 18, you can see that some people are starting to climb down. It's vaguely grouped in the Senate by area of Overstalk. You can see that all of the people in Sky—the representatives from the neighborhoods of Skyreach, and from the suburbs of Skyreach are starting to climb down the vine. Alderman Cabbage is-- fully has slid all the way down his vine.
Brandon: Maybe he stumbled a little bit at the bottom?
Eric: Yeah, he fell, he fell really—he fell really hard. But everyone's like, oh, what a slight. And you'll notice that even as you speak.
Brandon (as Umbi): Premier, again, with all due respect, this is not an either-or solution, I think we should be attacking this thing from all fronts. But you know, if in the immediate future, the next 15-20 years, if this is our living situation, then we need to start somewhere. And I think all of us here as leadership and representative, and people who represent our average citizen, we need to start this revolution with rationing. That doesn't mean we can't try to continue to synthesize water with chemicals or whatever, and that doesn't mean we can't try to recycle the water we use for our crops. But it does mean that we need to start from square one and that's rationing.
Eric (as Premier Goldmarsh): Alderman Umbi, I understand your need to support your citizenry in the District of Brassica.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, stop climbing, stop climbing down, hey!
Eric: [grumbles] Peas and carrots, peas and carrots. I just like— just like a hive mind of peas, whose all wandering folk just tumbles down the vine. And they're all—they all have monocles.
Eric (as Premier Goldmarsh): I understand you're representative of the people of Brassica, and maybe this is the rational solution. But being a representative means knowing what's best for everyone else, even what they say that they know what they need. We will keep your ideas under consideration as we have—as we have our next scheduled senate meeting. For the time now, let's continue to suggest ideas, it's possible solutions that can continue to maintain the living that we have here while also solving the problem-- solving the water crisis, and bringing the Cascade back.
Brandon (as Umbi): We don't have another year!
Eric (as Premier Goldmarsh): Know your place, Alderman!
Brandon (as Umbi): Hope and change!
Eric (as Premier Goldmarsh): Know your place, Alderman. We are now returning to the formal ideation process. We are not submit— we are not submitting things for yet another few weeks. If you have an issue, please bring it up in your— in procedure, not spouting it out here on the Senate floor.
Eric (as as Overstalk Representative #1): Hey, well, I think we should just wish for the Cascade to come back when we find the salmon.
Eric:(as as Overstalk Representative #2): Yeah that sounds great!
Eric (as as Overstalk Representative #3): Yeah, I also wish for— to be taller. Yeah!
Brandon (as Umbi): Jesus fucking Christ. Planter help us.
Brandon: And with that Umbi starts to climb down his vine in protests as the rest of the Senate begins to quote-unquote “ideate” which means they bring out the goblets of water and nectar, and a buffet of food.
Eric: Just so much wine, there's so much wine.
Brandon: So much wine.
Eric: And you can see as goblets of dark wine, and of sparkling seltzer get poured in each individual Alderman's goblets, Umbi, you walk out of the room into the real sun outside in Overstalk.
Brandon: I think as the sunbeams hit Umbi's delightfully youthful skin, he begins the pilgrimage back to Brassica. And I think on the way with the, you know, six, seven days of thinking, I think he starts to hatch a plan in order to begin a protest he hopes to get a bunch of other cities, areas, towns involved in. He wants to get people to sign on board, to start rationing, and he hopes that if he can get enough people to start doing it, he can put pressure on the Premier and the Senate in order to enact it as an official plan.
Eric: Yeah, to bring it to a vote.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: For sure.
Brandon: And in the meantime, while they don't do that, he hopes to stop exporting stuff to Skyreach, like agriculture and food and wine, and stuff.
Eric: I like that idea. As you're walking back on the long path back to Brassica, I think that we— we get a shot of Umbi's incredible youthful face. You take one look back, and the plants in the stacked city of Skyreach have never been more green.
Eric: Hey, Amanda!
Amanda: It's me.
Eric: Hello, we're here.
Amanda: I feel like I'm in the principal's office. I feel like I don't know what I did wrong, why no one else is here? What I'm going to be doing? No, I'm very excited to be here.
Eric: We've talked about what we're doing.
Amanda: No, I know, I know, I know.
Eric: We know what we're doing.
Amanda: It's just— it makes me nervous to walk in here and not look at in Brandon and Julia's are recording Join the Party like ohh.
Eric: Right. Well, let's really make sure that no one is tapping into this recording. Amanda, can you say the secret word?
Amanda: Sap.
Eric: Okay, yeah, I think we're okay.
Amanda: Thank you.
Eric: We're good, we're good. Alright, so we talked about how the events of the current episode, the ships that ride the tide, this pirate era started 50 years ago with the Cascade drying up. I would love to talk about something that happened in Troy's past, about 47 ACD.
Amanda: Sure. I mean—
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: —it wasn't that long ago before Troy, you know went out on the high seas. He's not like Umbi who's been on the seas for some indeterminate amount of time, as long as he can remember.
Eric: Who knows?
Amanda: Yeah. No, Troy had a pretty okay life back in the Crags and decided to seek more for himself out on the open seas.
Eric: For sure. Well, I would love to take a moment and go to the Crags for a second.
Amanda: Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags.
Amanda and Eric: Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags.
Eric: Hey, tell me about the Castle of the Crags.
Amanda: Yes, the Castle of the Crags is one of those that from afar you almost can't even tell it's a castle, because it's so built-in with the landscape. You know how like Icelandic—
Eric: Oh, hell yeah.
Amanda: —architecture and like Scandinavian architecture, it'll be like built into like a hill with just like a little bit of glass peeking out, but there's actually a whole house under there?
Eric: Yeah, I'm also thinking of Mordor—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: —when like it's the—the it seems like the castle or the whole city is built into the side of a mountain. Yeah.
Amanda: Exactly. And so I think this is a you know, glacier shaped or, you know, volcanic ash carved hill which has a half-submerged under the ground and half above ground, just sprawling network of caverns, and rooms and thrones, and approaches and all kinds of things. And I think because the political dynasty changes over so often, people just like, store shit and then die before they can get it.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Start secret passages, like find new ways in and out constantly. Like there's no map of the whole thing because everybody's records like burn or get trashed every time the dynasty switches over, so not—
Eric: I love that there's like, a hundred— a thousand pieces of Amber.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: In some catacomb that happened, and no one knows where it is because there was a coup where like—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —someone put it.
Amanda: Exactly—
Eric: —that's wild.
Amanda: —exactly, exactly. And so not uncommon to be like, oh, yeah, have you heard from like, Jeremy the Bold recently? Like, nah, I think he fell into someone's wine cellar. Like he's gone, man, like, he's just you know you don't—you don't hear him anymore.
Eric: Yeah. Well, speaking of I—first of all, I love this because I think this embodies Cragish culture so much that it's like, now we use the same Castle because it's in an incredible place.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: No one can sneak up on us. The mountain itself in the castle itself are so worthwhile that we're never going to chan— no matter who's in charge, we're never going to change it out.
Amanda: Exactly yeah. And it's like well defended, it's almost like a, you know, via an isthmus is that— I can't say that word.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Like, it's not like a peninsula where it's like very well, like someone chose it because it's the best place for a castle to be. And so even if you're a new ruler, who says you're gonna be there long enough to you know, knock down the castle and try again? You'd never do that. It's there, use it.
Eric: I think the other thing about it is that it's on the edge of Verda Stello.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Verda Stello is a disc world, and there is an edge of Verda Stello, so in a very like, Game of Thrones-ian sort of way. You can throw people off the mountain into—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: — space.
Amanda: I think so.
Eric: You can't get stuck up on, because there's nothing behind you.
Amanda: No.If we had someone coming up the edge of the world, that'd be a much bigger problem than a—
Eric: Sure, sure.
Amanda: —the—the castle defense. But yeah, and I think you know, the mist, the—the fine mist of the waters kind of falling off the edge. I imagine it very silently actually, of the disc.
Eric: I love that.
Amanda: Versus the like crashing of the waterfall um—
Eric: Just water continue— yeah, it's like the Cascade starts in the middle—
Amanda: Right.
Eric: And it flows all the way down through I think the major river of the Crags.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Which again, I can only imagine that there's a Cragish outpost or like a house. A house of Watercrash or something that's at the mouth of the Cascade, where it's like incredibly dangerous to be, it's like living on the side of like a very powerful part of the Nile or the Amazon.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: And like that's where they live. And of course that it goes all the way down and ends in this isthmus at the—
Amanda: The edge.
Eric: —at the edge. Oh, is that what it's called the castle?
Amanda: I think.
Eric: Castle is called The Edge, abso-fucking-lutely.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: The castle’s called The Edge. It ends at the edge and just falls off the side. That's awesome.
Amanda: Yeah, I think it's quiet. There's quiet mist and that also means that the castle is covered in algae.
Eric: Of course.
Amanda: Just like a wonderful mossy algae-y, maybe like a little bit of like weeds or ferns here and there, almost like covered in the bluish greenish pulsation of new life coming out of rocks, which is what the Crags are all about.
Eric: I mean, unfortunately, if this is 47 ACD, there's not a lot of algae on that thing. I think a lot of it died off—
Amanda: That's true, that's true.
Eric: —and there's even less than less water falling off the edge. And maybe they dammed it up because they need that water.
Amanda: Yeah, probably once upon a time it was like a beautiful and brilliant green and now all of that has been like dried out and fossilized almost—
Eric: Absolutely.
Amanda: And instead it’s like, brown and gray and not the thriving landscape it used to be.
Eric: Yeah. I think if we look at the top of the parapet, we can see that the Cragish flag, the royal purple, black, and white with the sprout coming out of the center of the—of the V. We see the Cragish flag flying, but below that is the flag of the house of Breakstone, because who is currently the ruler of the Crags at the moment?
Amanda: The current ruler of the Crags, of course, Eric, it's Hyperion the Haggard.
Eric: Hyperion the Haggard?
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Oh god. I guess that's what happens when you do a coup when the Cascade is dried up, you're very tired.
Amanda: Yup.
Eric: Hyperion the Haggard, of the house of Breakstone, with the Breakstone flag flying. Instead of the white of the v, it's yellow, and the sprout that is usually just bursting forth from the center is bursting forth from a boulder.
Amanda: Exactly, from a broken rock, that's the family Breakstone. Troy serves them not faithfully, but you know with a medium amount of enthusiasm because it's just a job man, and he can be replaced tomorrow if he dies in service. And that is what Troy is up to in 47 ACD.
Eric: I love the idea that like we— you know, we have this drone shot of the whole ca—of The Edge and we see the flag and then we turn to the right and we look in through a parapet. And inside our nine young Greenfolk snoring loudly, snoring loudly and dead to the entire world.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: This is like—this is the barrack bunks of the palace guard.
Amanda: Yeah, and Troy is sleeping fully dressed like you may remember.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: He's been doing it for years.
Amanda: He's been doing it for years. Sleeping with not the same crossbow that you see. I think the palace guards carry more like staff because it requires—
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: —a lot of you know negotiating uneven ground. And they also don't want the guards that well armed, because again, you know who can say who will be poisoning whose drink or—
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: —sticking a knife into whose side at any given point.
Eric: I think the idea that you have slingshots too.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Like it's the best you do, you have staffs and slingshots, that totally makes sense.
Amanda: Yeah, so I think he's got a—a slingshot on his belt and his staff is laying next to him in his bunk, as he snores. Though the wings are also curled up back here because that's where you learn that having a bagel delicate surface exposed is a great way to get yourself shot, or get your wings moldy which is hard to come back from.
Eric: Yeah. Especially because you know, next to you there's like a broccoli person. There's a broccoli person who has like a big rash all over their crown because they we—did not take care of themselves.
Amanda: Ohhh.
Eric: Yeah, but you look around there are nine young Greenfolk, all about the same age as Troy. As you know, Troy was already a young Greenfolk when we saw him three years ago, even so.
Amanda: Yeah, I think Troy's probably just over the age of majority, like just kind of into the workforce age.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: The coup happened pretty recently, I think the Breakstones only took over six months ago or so. And so they're just settling in where, much like the palace or seat of government in your country here on Earth. There are some staff that stay in between like the—the cooks and the delivery people. And you know, the folks that maintain the grounds, the farmers, you know, growing crops for the ruling family, whoever they may be. But the guards, we’re all new, so this is like month six of boot camp.
Eric: Yeah, oh, yes. And you'll see that it's boot camp because the door to the barracks swings open, and a stately looking banana with bruises and cuts, and a big, big mustache comes in holding a trumpet and blows it in the face of broccoli. [trumpet] And everyone jumps up, and so some of them start screaming.
Amanda: Yeah, Troy jumps to his feet.
Amanda (as Troy): I’m awake, I’m awake.
Eric (as Lefty): Ahhh!
Amanda (as Troy): Hey Lefty, don’t yell like that, they're gonna yell at you.
Eric (as Lefty): Ahhh!
Eric (as Commander Hart): Attention!
Amanda (as Troy): Sir!
Eric (as Commander Hart): This is the sorriest test group of palace guards that I've ever seen in my entire life, and I have seen 55 years of guardsfolk, over 74 ruling families. It is a disgrace. Now, I wish— I wish that Hyperion the Haggard had kept some of the guard from before instead of just killing all of them outright. That I, Commander Cavendish Hart would have a better crop of Gods when to deal with, but instead I have the terrible likes of the nine of you.
Amanda: Troy shifts in his boots.
Eric (as Commander Hart): Ohh, I'm sorry, Riptide. Did I give you permission to move?
Amanda (as Troy): Sir, no, sir.
Eric (as Commander Hart): Oh, so I maybe— I should talk to you like you are a little larva. I, Commander Hart, sir, not Cavendish, not Commander. You, Riptide, asshole! Say it again.
Amanda (as Troy): Sir, yes sir. I'm an asshole, sir.
Eric (as Commander Hart): Sir, Commander Hart, sir, I am an asshole sir.
Amanda (as Troy): Sir, Commander Hart, sir, I am an asshole, sir.
Eric (as Commander Hart): You know what we call you Riptime?
Amanda (as Troy): Um, it is Riptide, sir? Commander Hart, sir?
Eric (as Commander Hart): Yes, you are Riptide. Do you know why we call you Riptide?
Amanda (as Troy): Yes, sir I do sir.
Eric (as Commander Hart): Tell me why.
Amanda (as Troy): Sir, it's because um, like a riptide, I'm—I'm chaotic and not useful and um, I'm there when you don't need me, and when you would find me helpful I'm not there.
Eric (as Commander Hart): Underripe, can you tell me why we call it—we call Riptide Riptide?
Eric (as Underripe): Um, it's because he's there when you don't want him, and gone when you do.
Eric (as Commander Hart): That's right, that is the very specific reason why we say it.
Amanda (as Troy): And again I'm very sorry I missed that mopping section–
Eric (as Commander Hart): I do not want apologies, Riptide! I want you all to get in the showers and put on—and put on your uniforms now!
Amanda (as Troy): I did dress already, sir.
Eric (as Commander Hart): That's disgusting, get out of my sight!
Amanda (as Troy): Shit.
Eric: Alright, now we—we are going to montage your day as training in the palace guard underneath Commander Hart.
Amanda: That’s good Eric, that's good. Good stuff.
Eric: Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, let's— what some stuff that you do during the day?
Amanda: Well, the climate of the Crags is so variable and extreme that we do a lot of like practicing our slingshotting in different kinds of environments and weather.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Like I think no matter whether the wind is still, the wind is extreme, there's rain, there's hail, whatever's going on outside, we do a lot of like target practice on different inclines from different distances. And I think this is what partly results in Troy being such a good shot in the future. But in the meantime, it means that you have to be able to defend against people coming in from the outside no matter what. So, target practice and skirmishes and you know, using our like I don't know maybe we use like, underripe berries as— as ammo instead of stones when we practice.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: But there's a lot of that, there's a lot of patrols, there's a lot of standing in the—in the throne room or in the meeting rooms and kind of taking turns guarding Hyperion himself.
Eric: I like that. Yeah. I mean, this is the thing is like the nine of you even though you are all incredibly green, in all the senses of the word. You are still the palace guard.
Amanda: We’re what they’ve got, yeah.
Eric: You are the king— the royal guard here, I need to stand in front of Hyperion while you're getting trained.
Amanda: Yes. We take turns training and doing patrols, and actually being on guard throughout the day.
Eric: I love the idea of the montage here of whatever sort of like 80s synth-pop we have here—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —is like people are throwing rocks at like dummies that pop up behind a parapet.
Amanda: Yup.
Eric: And then we cut to like you scrubbing the floor of something, and then we cut to like people standing in front of Hyperion the Haggard as—as he tries to like acclimate himself to kingmanship. And like here's some like Cragish citizen beg for something-- like beg for food or for supplies.
Amanda: Yup.
Eric: And he's like, I don't know, no, no, no, no, no. And then we cut to another training thing where Commander Heart hits all of you in the face with the stic—with the staff.
Amanda: Or like has us make our beds and then unmakes it, then has us make it again.
Eric: Great. And then we cut to you cleaning a bigger floor, like the entire palace floor.
Amanda: Yeah, polishing our boots. He spits on them, re-polishing the boots.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Exactly.
Eric: And then I think that we see like, hi— like a bunch of you are standing in front of Hyperion the Haggard and he's fallen asleep in the rocky seat. And like all of you need to prop up like Weekend at Bernie's, and then the Commander yells at you.
Amanda: Yeah. And Eric, throughout this training montage, I think there are little wistful moments where like the flutes and oboes pickup in the like score.
Eric: Oh my god.
Amanda: And you see Troy looking out the window while he's like bored in court or, you know, scrubbing the floor or a boot, are remaking the bed or getting the targets over and over and over again, right in the center such that he like wears a hole through the dummy.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: And looking out toward the sea, not toward the edge, but toward where the Cascade used to be. And toward the center of the world and kind of wondering what's out there and what might be a better use of his time, because this soldier in particular, he's good at what he does and he is— I don't know, I feel like his talents are wasted.
Eric: Yeah. And then I think we cut to three of the kingsguard on patrol. It is you, the broccoli with the rash whose nickname is?
Amanda: Rob.
Eric: Rob, why is he called Rob? Because it's easy to steal from him because he's not aware at all times?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. And of course, there's Threelips who is a tulip.
Amanda: Great.
Eric: Yeah, all of you are in your king's guard uniforms. They're just kind of just like a glorified knight's armor. It's—again, very medieval, very Game of Thrones here.
Amanda: Yeah, they're all also like taken and reused from former dead kings' guards.
Eric: Oh sure.
Amanda: They're all beat up dude, they're like—
Eric: They're stained with blood drips, disgusting.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, we clean them as best we can, but they're definitely stained. And they are like marked, and like there's divots and all kinds of stuff.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. It is a quiet night here on The Edge because again, there's less water there's like nothing moving around. But of course, as Commander Cavendish Hart says, if you don't hear anything, it's because your royal is getting stabbed. Fucking look— look around, please.
Amanda: Look around you jerks, why do we pay you for?
Eric: You fucking idiots, what are you doing?
Amanda: Sir, you don't pay, as we only get room and board. Shut up.
Eric: Shut up. You get hit with a sap.
Amanda: Ahh!
Eric: I think that Troy is once again looking out over where the Cascade used to be, out into like the theoretical great salt sea. And the tulip says,
Eric (as Threelips): So, uh—man, what do you think is really out there on the great salt sea?
Amanda (as Troy): Adventure, man, I want to be a part of it.
Eric (as Threelips): What, you don’t have enough adventure here?
Amanda (as Troy): Scrubbing boots, and making beds, and standing in frickin boring court when people complain that they don't have enough to eat? No.
Eric (as Threelip): Yeah, but like what if something goes down?
Amanda (as Troy): What? Then I—I die some unnamed king's guard to some ruler that isn’t even remembered? Hyperion the Haggard? Come on, man.
Eric (as Rob): Well, I mean, that's not so--
Eric: That's Rob.
Eric (as Rob): I don't—that's not so bad.
Eric: And Rob scratches at his-- at his rash.
Amanda (as Troy): Rob, come on you're gonna make it worse, don't touch it.
Eric (as Rob): But, it itches, it itches.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, wait, wait.
Amanda: And then Troy brings a little like bottle out of his pocket and spritzes the top of his head with water.
Eric (as Rob): Oh my god, thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): You got it, man.
Eric (as Rob): Oh, like you know, that’s not so bad as royal nicknames go. Remember like Jimmy the Unnamed Queen? Didn't even have any— we didn't even know her name, so we just called her Jimmy.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Rob): She was—she was Queen for like three seconds, and she was a baby. That's why she wasn't—that's why she wasn’t named!
Amanda (as Troy): I know, I know. It’s-- listen, I'm not trying to get you all down for your choices either it's— it's— it's a good life, I just— I don't think it's the life for me, man, and I—I don't want to be distracted and let one of you get hurt or get like yelled at by the big banana and make your lives worse with me being distracted. Like I feel it, I know I— listen the target practice is easy to me, but I—
Eric (as Rob): Yeah, you're a great shot, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, thanks, man.
Eric (as Rob): I love you.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you. I love you. Spritz spritz.
Eric (as Rob): Oh that feels nice.
Amanda (as Troy): Feels nice right?
Eric (as Rob): It feels so good.
Amanda (as Troy): It’s good feeling moisturized, men should talk about that more.
[Eric laughs]
Eric (as Threelips): What? You're gonna go out there, you gonna figure out what a salmon is?
Eric (as Rob): What even is a salmon and how do you wish on it?
Amanda (as Troy): No, you tell me, what's a salmon, man?
Eric (as Rob): I don't know, salmon is like pine cone? Like a really— like a really—
Amanda (as Troy): Sure.
Eric (as Rob): —small pine cone.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Rob): Yeah, it could be.
Amanda (as Troy): That could be.
Eric (as Rob): I don't know, what do you think a salmon is?
Amanda (as Troy): I think—
Eric (as Rob): And how do you wish it?
Amanda (as Troy): I don't know. I think a salmon is like the— the flower that grows up on Rob's head when he needs a haircut.
Eric (as Rob): No! Troy! Come on.
Amanda (as Troy): [laughs] Gotcha.
Eric (as Hooded figure): That really was a funny joke, kingsguard.
Amanda (as Troy): Who the hell are you?
Eric: Turn around, I think you're standing on like the castle wall and you see three hooded figures have snuck up behind the three of you, and two of them have daggers at the throat of Rob and Threelips.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh shit.
Amanda: Troy grabs a staff, like pokes it forward, and takes a step forward.
[Eric rolls dice, laughs]
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric (as Hooded figure): Oh, a staff, that's so daunting. If only I had some sort of sharpened metal in order to cut it with.
Eric: As the hooded figure pulls out a broadsword and like slashes at you. I missed both times. So as the figure swings at you, you're able to get your staff up and goes [swords fight sound] at the last moment.
Amanda: The end of the staff is definitely pointy, is like one of those you know, like sharp knife on a stick?
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Can I try to get the sharp end against their neck?
Eric: Absolutely. Yeah, just roll an attack for me.
Amanda: [dice roll] That's only going to be a 9.
Eric: You try to maneuver your way behind the figure, and again, they just—they swing at you with a broadsword and be like oh, I wish I had a better weapon.
Amanda (as Troy): Fuck you, I'm in training.
Eric (as Hooded figure): Oh, I guess no one really cares about what the palace guards is doing. It'll just—you're so disposable. Like the bark on a tree that molts, or the shell of a bug fault that molts. Or the skin of a tomato that you peel off before you make sauce that you could molt.
Amanda (as Troy): Ew, what's your obsession with molting, man?
Eric (as Hooded figure): I don't have an obsession with molting, I have an obsession with wood and power.
Amanda (as Troy): Sounds like you’re obsessed with molting…
Eric: The three figures drop their hoods, and it's three termite ruffians.
Amanda: Oh my god.
Eric: Yes. The one closest to you has a cut over their left eye, and long hair tied up into kind of like a warrior's like button.
Amanda (as Troy): We’re only the first wave man if you get past us, there's dozens of brethren behind us.
Eric (as Termite Ruffian): I don't care and nor should you. This is the vicious cycle of living on the Crags. Yes, the Breakstones have it now, but maybe the Woodfeast-- us, the Woodfeast will have it next. But then the Hardshells, the Brackish, the House of Orange, the Order of the Vine, I don't care. I will kill any one of you to have a moment on the Rocky Seat. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter, and you matter even less.
Eric: As the main Woodfeast swings at you again.
Amanda: Yeah, can I counter-attack?
Eric: Let's do a strength check like you're holding your staff up—
Amanda: Sure, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Eric: [dice roll] I got a 15.
Amanda: Ugh, I got an 11.
Eric: Oh, yeah. The main Woodfeast baddie slices through your staff.
Amanda: Troy's gonna let himself fall to the ground.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: As his staff uselessly, you know, scatters in two pieces.
Eric: Yeah, two pieces, it falls off the side of the castle walls.
Amanda: Useless. And he like skids back and Rob and Threelips are still like held by daggers?
Eric (as Rob): Do what— do what he says, we're not ready for this.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh my god, man have some dignity.
Eric (as Rob): No!
Amanda: So Troy shakes his head and in one fluid movement grabs a dagger out of his boot and throws it at the main Woodfeast, saying as he does
Amanda (as Troy): My favorite part about wood isis that it splits.
Eric: I’ll give you advantage because that was tight as shit.
Amanda: Yeah, Thanks. [dice roll] Oh, why am I rolling like dogshit. Oh, it's only a 9.
Eric: Aright, you can roll again because it bounces off of something.
Amanda: Okay, so I have Ricochet, when I miss with an attack and don't have disadvantage, I can use my bonus action to reroll the attack roll.
Eric: Yeah. So how does it miss and what does it bounce off of?
Amanda: I think the Woodfeast is so taken aback that I also have a woody parte, that they like move their head back like what did you just say to me? And that means that the dagger flies right past their face. The hilt of it hits against the like low seawall behind them.
Eric: Yeah, of the castle wall, yeah.
Amanda: Exactly and flings backward.
Eric: It bounces back?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Give me another—give me another attack.
Amanda: Come on, baby.
Eric: Come on.
Amanda: [dice roll] Oh, 19 plus–
Eric: Boom!
Amanda: –oh thank god. Plus 3 for a 22.
Eric: With a sickening crunch, the dagger ricochets into the back of the main Woodfeast’s head, as the Greenfolk falls to the ground.
Amanda: Troy jumps up, one of those cool like karate jumps, where your arms don’t touch the ground, it's like jump up with your back.
Eric: Oh, yeah, you kick up.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, thank you. And looks down at the fallen comrade shaking his head saying–
Amanda (as Troy: Obsidian will beat wood every time, my man.
Eric: Jesus Christ. While you were saying that cool—that cool line, the other two tried to stab your friends, but I rolled a one or a two.
Amanda: [laughs] Oh no.
Eric: Threelips and Rob finally remember their training and throw both of the other goons off of the castle wall.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric (as Threelips): [pants], Thanks, Troy. Maybe— I don't know if we’re-- I—I don't know what we're doing here. We're not—we're not here to protect anyone. We're—we're nothing.
Amanda (as Troy): You are something, man, and you're something in training. I'm not going to shame you for being afraid, but gotta work through it. You got to imagine what you would do. Wasn't it cool when I said that thing and killed that guy right in front of you?
Eric (as Rob): Yeah, that was really cool.
Amanda (as Troy): You can do it too, man. We'll—we'll work on it. Listen, private lessons, okay? I'll practice coming out from behind you, practice insulting you. And then, you can get me to dagger point.
Eric (as Rob): Alright. Thanks, Troy. I really appreciate your bet— Troy uh— maybe you— maybe you should be you know, King Riptide one day.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh God, spare me. Sit in that meeting room all day? Nah, man.
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): I'd rather be on the Great Salt Sea.
Eric (as Rob): I bet the Rocky Seat hurts you but after a while.
Amanda (as Troy): Right? Looks very uneven and wet.
Eric (as Rob): Yeah, always wet.
Amanda (as Troy): Always a little bit wet.
Eric (as Rob): How—why does it always wet?
Amanda (as Troy): I don't know, man.
Eric (as Threelips): I don’t know why it’s wet, it sucks.
Amanda (as Troy): But listen, before I go, I'll make sure you got some daggers hanging around, okay? Always got to have one more than they think you do.
Eric (as Rob): Well, where are you going?
Amanda (as Troy): Well, I think— I think today solved it. I—I gotta go. I gotta— gotta be a pirate. I gotta find that salmon, give it a haircut, man, and bring it back for us. For us. Forget these stupid ruling families take over, kill everybody, fire everybody, change over time after time. I'm tired of it. Great, it's a great life for them and a hard life for us, what the hell is that about? The Crags is more than that. I'm gonna find that salmon and I'm going to tell it—well, I'm going to ask it, I guess wish. Maybe just say something into like it's—it's—
Eric (as Rob): You’re gonna wish it. You’re gonna wish it.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm gonna wish it— I'm gonna wish it. I'm going to wish it.
Eric (as Rob): Into its face.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm gonna wish it right into its frickin face.
Eric: Threelips ambles over to the main guy that you totally brained, and pulls out the dagger and cuts their hand. And Rob cuts his hand and offers the dagger to you.
Amanda (as Troy): Damn, guys. That’s metal.
Amanda: And Troy slices his palm too.
Eric: Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): A wish for us.
Amanda (as Troy): A wish for us.
Eric (as Rob): A wish for us.
Eric: The three of you high-five.
Amanda (as Troy): Palace guard for life man. Palace changes, we never do.
Eric (as Rob): Palace guard for life.
[theme]
Transcriptionist: KA
Editor: KM