- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.

- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman

- Multitude: multitude.productions

About Us

Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.

Transcript

Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plants and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!

[theme]

Eric: The introduction to Dr. Radish Radish's Way of Protecting Yourself in These Unprecedented Times Using the Arcane, the Religiosity, and the Unexpected to Help for Good, Smart, Kind and Nice Citizens of the Great Salt Sea.

Eric (as Dr. Radish Radishes): My name is Radish Kindness Radish. And before you or I can start this book with which I hope, you will be able to arm your mind, body, spirit, constitution, humor, conscience, and appetite for the extraordinary times we are in, I must tell you something. I know it has only been a week since the Cascade started to pour slower and slower like the last dribbles of juice in a carafe for the family brunch. And this is a guide to prepare for such them times. But you might ask yourself, Radish, do you know what will happen? Well, I have to say I do not. And yet why are you here reading? And why am I here writing? Well to that I suppose I can tell you that. I'm telling you something else. When I was but a sproutling, the newest and most exciting trend were root ball cards. The sport had become wildly popular when I was growing up. Everyone stopped what they were doing on game day, locked their doors, and put out a sign that said can't work, watching root ball. And to capitalize on my town's love affair with the sport and those young Greenfolk who expertly played, an enterprising Begonia printed the visages of the 200 best players in the league with the stats and habits and predilections put on the back. I threw myself particularly into the collecting and trading of these cards because I came from a broken home. I love, loved and will always love my mama. But she knows she is thorny from both sides of her family tree. Blackberry bramble on one, stinging nettle on the other. That’d thrown off any and all partners who might stand her company after only a few weeks once they knew what they were getting into, but I did not have the option to break it off, especially not as young as I was. So one of these days I was practicing my screw root pitch out in front of the house, and my neighbors, the McPhee triplets, came by and told me that Begonia made a new set of cards with holographic images upon them. Well, I couldn't turn it down of course, so I told Tidy, my mother's current person who withstood her presence, that I was going to the card store and I would be back as soon as I could before dinner. I hopped in the back of the McPhee pickup truck and motored away. And Tidy called out, alright. I was back three hours later, the printer didn't work right, and I got a fruity ice cup and McPhee's roped me into selling bouquets to fundraise for something or whatnot. I can't remember all these years later, but I remember hopping out of the back of the pickup truck and before I hit the ground, my mama was upon me, heaving, grinding her teeth, the fury shaking off of her, she did not need a vine rattle for me to know I was gonna get it all poisonous like. But Mama, I cried. I told Tidy. Later on, I found out that Tidy said to my mother that I got in a truck to join the root ball game, and I’d be back when I would be back, who cares about my dinner? My mama said when she caught her breath, “Never tell someone else what you better tell me.” That is all to say, I am telling you what is need to be said. There's plenty of ways to walk through a lesson that you need to know. I did it, you can read it. So it's almost like you did too. And you can trust that. Chapter 1: Gunsmanship for Kids.

Eric (as Havana): Ninety-nine bottles of root on the wall. Ninety-nine bottles of root. You take one down you slurp with your feet.

Brandon (as Umbi): Pass it around, 98 bottles of root on the wall!

Eric (as Havana): No, U—Umbi, it's—it's slurp with your feet.

Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh...

Eric (as Havana): Slurp with your— I guess you root with your roots.

Brandon (as Umbi): There's been so many verses over the years, I just forget which version we're doing now.

Eric (as Havana): I mean this is just the one that I picked up in a book. You probably know better.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): Our books um, and my—my buddy Threelips, once he did drink ninety-nine bottles of sap and it was— it was a lot.

Brandon (as Umbi): That sounds like a good Friday night, baby.

Amanda (as Troy): No one partys like Threelips, man.

Julia (as Cammie): I think Umbi was there when they wrote this song, so I trust his version.

Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie, that was rude, and you know it.

Julia (as Cammie): No, what? No.

Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, you can't just say people were there when—when songs were wrote. What if I was like—

Amanda (as Umbi): Cammie, I'm fucking with you. Gah.

Brandon: And then Umbi slaps Cammie on the shoulder.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, haha. jokes.

Julia: Cammie's like

Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.

Brandon: Umbi never comes more alive than when he's on the fucking sea baby.

Julia: Yeah, that's true.

Amanda (as Troy): Havana, Havana?

Eric (as Havana): Yeah?

Amanda (as Troy): You think there's like books on jokes?

Eric (as Havana): Yeah, absolutely, of course.

Amanda (as Troy): Woah!

Eric (as Havana): You didn't know that?

Julia (as Cammie): Troy? Troy, there's books about everything.

Amanda (as Troy): What?

Julia (as Cammie): It's amazing.

Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, there's a book about you.

Amanda (as Troy): What?!

Julia (as Cammie): It just didn't happen yet, because your adventures are still happening.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh my God. Are we all like— the like— the dude on the cover of our own books?

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, man.

Julia (as Cammie): Absolutely, like how Umbi may or may not have been on the back of that pamphlet that we saw.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I thought it—I mean, is it so—is it offensive if I assume you know everything that's old, and everyone who made things that are old?

Brandon (as Umbi): A little bit but that's cool.

Amanda (as Troy): Okay, alright. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brandon (as Umbi): Windswept hair, one nipple showing.

Julia: Do you have hair and also nipples? I have some questions about your biology.

Eric: No one ask me if Greenfolk have nipples. Don’t ask me.

Amanda: He’s not gonna answer.

Julia: They don't because they're not mammals. Shut up!

Eric: They have nipple equivalents, so Brandon can make this joke.

Julia: They have little bumps on their fruit skin.

Brandon: They have uh, knots.

Julia: Hmm. There it is, we found it.

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: We found a nipple equivalent.

Brandon: Stop asking!

Eric: Stop asking.

Julia: Stop asking about my nipple equivalent.

Eric: Harold peels himself off from the side of the boat and says,

Eric (as Harold): I have a question. If Umbi's here, and Cammie's here, and Havana's here, and Troy is here?

Amanda (as Troy): Waddup?

Eric (as Harold): Who's driving the boat?

Julia (as Cammie): Troy's up there, Harold. Harold, we talked about this. We can also talk and drive.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, boats— boats usually drive themselves mostly. It’s a thing that we don't really know about boats. But um, you know I'm up here to kind of like step in if there's a problem, but really boats drive themselves.

Eric (as Harold): I thought it was— I thought it was very fair for me to ask such a question.

Amanda (as Troy): No, it’s alright, man.

Eric (as Harold): You just need to let me know if I need to drive.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, yeah, can you by default just drive a little bit? That'd be great.

Eric (as Harold): No, I'm doing everything else. I'm pulling the—I'm pulling the rigging.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, right.

Eric (as Harold): I'm rigging the pullings.

Brandon (as Umbi): Right, alright, yeah.

Eric (as Harold): Girl, I have it up to here with all the things I have to do.

Brandon: It's up to the edge of the water on the boat.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Julia (as Cammie): And Harold we love and appreciate everything you do on the ship.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, someone—someone get our favorite friend a bottle, one of those bottles from the song.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.

Julia (as Cammie): Like the sap that we stole from Esca Island?

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.

Julia (as Cammie): Harold, you can have plenty of that.

Brandon (as Umbi): The hard stuff for Harold, right?

Julia (as Cammie): Yes, what we want is a drunk boat.

Amanda (as Troy): Sounds fun, I don't know. My buddy Rob would love that.

Eric (as Harold): Um, I don't— I don't think drinking and driving is cool in any context, even in an actual play podcast.

Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, that's true.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh yeah. Word. You're right, you're right.

Julia (as Cammie): Well that's why Troy's the one that's driving and Harold is doing everything else.

Brandon (as Umbi): Exactly.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I'm drunk on life, man.

Eric (as Harold): Troy, Troy, while you're high— while you're drunk on life. Can you stop?

Amanda (as Troy): The boat?

Eric: Yeah, cause Troy, there is a line of boats that is coming very fast.

Brandon (as Umbi): Ah!

Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, you might have had a point about the driving the boat sorry.

Eric: As you throw up the e-brake.

Amanda: Yeah, which is tickling Harold to make all the sails contract.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Eric (as Havana): Hahuhhhh!

Eric: Oh Sploosh

Julia: Oh, like sploosh at the end.

Eric (as Havana): I'm fine. Harold, help me up.

Eric: And Havana has just flown off board and fell into the water.

Amanda (as Troy): Get in the sea legs, get in the sea legs.

Julia (as Cammie): Oh no.

Julia: I—I use shape water to bring Havana Tropicana back on the ship.

Eric: What—how do you— what does it look like?

Julia: Anytime I use shape water as Cammie, it's just the ocean from Moana.

Eric: Spi—it spirals upwards then tosses him in the back of the boat.

Julia: Yeah.

Brandon (as Umbi): We should tie him to the mast next time.

Amanda (as Troy): It's a good idea.

Julia (as Cammie): Or at least like get him a little rope so he can move around.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh that's good.

Julia (as Cammie): Like they do for prisoners when they let them go out into the yard.

Brandon (as Umbi): Prisoners and children, yeah.

Julia (as Cammie): And children, yes. Like a dog, would you tie a dog to a stake and it could still go around the mast?

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Julia (as Cammie): But it can't leave the mast.

Brandon (as Umbi): Speaking of dogs, did we feed Havana? Are you hungry?

Eric (as Havana): Waaaaah.

Eric: As he just vomits seawater on the poop deck. Troy, you had to throw the anchor brake, the a-brake. The anchor brake down.

Julia: There you go.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: There it is. And go into a skid, because you're heading out to Legi Island and you're—you're almost there. There's a line of ships like there's a queue currently on the outside of Legi Island. We haven't really talked about this, and for all of your uh— of the quote-unquote “land lubbers” out there listening. You know, you can just like kind of sail off to an island in any sort of way. But it's really difficult to park your boat if there aren’t docks or a slip or whatever. Which again, doesn't matter if only to say that like you know, since this is like your house most of the time. You got to pull up to the actual proper places. Or then like you're gonna beach your ship and then you can't pull it out, because it's the big ship. So Orello gave you directions to Legi Island and he said.

Eric (as Orello): I don't know, go that way. And then ask someone to follow the signs.

Julia: Why do we pay him for things?

Eric (as Orello): Because I'm delightful to have around. I'm a story.

Julia: No comment on the type of story then.

Amanda: No.

Eric (as Orello): I’m a fun story though.

Eric: And they— it seems like there seems to be a queue as you get into like the actual shoreline of Legi Island. There are like four ships in front of you, and you can kind of—if you peek your head over, it seems like there's a like a toll and lock system. For those who don't know what locks are, it’s like you kind uh— in a— in a river or something that has like water levels that are of different heights. It kind of like allows you to go to kind of pass to the next part of the river. But in an ocean, it puts up a barrier and encloses your boat, and then lets you move forward. It's kind of like a— like an atrium in a lobby or like a—the airlock system on a spaceship.

Julia: Ahh, okay.

Eric: But it's for like a very big-- but it’s boat sized. And it's right in the middle of the ocean, and that's what it seems like these ships are waiting for.

Julia: I think Cammie's going to go to the bow of the ship. Whatever is closest to the ship that is in front of us in the queue I guess? And like just big wave, big smile.

Julia (as Cammie): Avast ye!

Amanda (as Troy): They’re so charming, man. I should read a book on charming.

Julia (as Cammie): Avast ye!

Eric: Avast, hello. Okay, hold on.

[Eric rolls dice]

Julia: Sounded like a very small dice that just got rolled.

Brandon: Little bitty dice.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Li—little, a little itty bitty dice.

Julia: Oh, he's rolling D4 to see which ship notices me, I like that.

Eric: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, dude.

Julia: I'm into it.

Eric: Yeah. Yeah, you look over into like,

Eric (as Stranger): Oh, waddup, bruvs?

Eric: And you look up. You see kind of like a crowd of strapping young men and women, kind of a— on a ver— on a more of a strange-looking boat. It kind of looks like a raft, but with giant water wheels on the side.

Brandon and Julia: Cool.

Eric: There's one water— one water wheel on each side, it kind of looks like a—like a wheelbarrow, but without the front wheel, it's just the wheels like—

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Wheels on the side and then it's like a very flat I guess like 50 by 50, like wooden platform with like some barriers to keep the water from flooding on there.

Brandon: You need those.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: Oh, you really need that.

Julia: Don't want to get flooded?

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: No, absolutely not.

Amanda: It's a—it's an ocean hoverboard, we get it.

Julia: Yeah. No notes, go on.

Amanda: Go on.

Eric: Yeah. Everyone is like shredded. Everyone has like really defined collarbones, and like those— those hip bones that you see—that you see.

Amanda: Oh no.

Brandon: Oh no.

Julia: What does shredded look like on a Greenfolk?

Eric: Just like abs, abs.

Amanda: Angular.

Eric: Well, Julia, it's very funny you say this because the—the person who—who says that has an eyepatch, and like a three-corner hat—

Julia: Cool.

Eric: —tipped to the side, and she is wearing like a sweatshirt, crop top, and tights so that you can see all of her maize core abs—

Julia: Ooh, cool.

Eric: —of different colo—of different colors. And she has like— she has like an 18 pack. You can see all those kernels, baby.

Julia: Wow.

Amanda: Eric, is it two rows of kernels or three?

Eric: It's three.

Amanda: Ohh.

Julia: Wow.

Brandon: Woah.

Amanda: Six pack, three rows across. An eighteen pack

Eric: Exactly, that’s why I said eighteen.

Amanda: That’s wild.

Eric: Yeah, absolutely. And of course, each ab is a different color of kernel.

Amanda: Dang.

Julia: Cool.

Brandon: I think Troy fell in love? I think Troy's in love?

Amanda: Troy's going awooga.

Julia: With his big butterfly eyes.

Eric: Your eyes go out and so does your proboscis.

Amanda: Oh, no. And then I—and then I stuff it back in.

Amanda (as Troy): Ah! So embarrassing, so embarrassing.

Eric: Yeah. She has her hair tied up in like a sporty top knot. And she's wearing like, what can only be described as a combination of pirate boots and sneakers. Like sneakers that go all the way up. I guess it's the only way to describe it.

Julia: Cool though.

Eric: Just to keep her feet wet.

Brandon: That's cool as fuck.

Eric: Be like,

Eric (as Patty Duke): What's go—what's going o—hey, what's up, matey?

Julia (as Cammie): Avast, matey. I was just wondering what the line to get into the island is because we're just here to find some books.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean, we're, you know, we're not uh— you know this is—

Julia (as Cammie): What's your name by the way? I love your hair.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Oh, thanks. I love your hair.

Julia (as Cammie): I don't really have much of it. It's a lot of leaves and also flowers.

Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, same, same Cammie.

Eric (as Patty Duke): I like how it all works together.

Amanda (as Troy): I got hair all over my limbs.

Julia (as Cammie): Troy has hair all over his legs, would that be something that interests you?

Amanda (as Troy): They helped me— they helped me with like assessing where I am in the world.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Oh, hey, I love how hairy you are, matey. What's up, I'm Patty Duke, nice to meet you. This—this is the— this is the Dusk Treader or you know as we call it, the Dusk Shredder—

Julia (as Cammie): Cause you're all shredded.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Actually no—actually we should tell more people because we're all shredded. It's the Dusk Shredder.

Julia (as Cammie): Incredible.

Eric (as Patty Duke): You know, I guess I don't have to tell you the official name, that’s just kinda like the thing that we all call it, because like what's it a name man other than what other people will call you? Are you your own name?

Amanda (as Troy): I'm always saying that.

Julia (as Cammie): Yes I am. My name is Cammie.

Eric: (as Patty Duke): What's up, Cammie? Ah, who else—who else is there?

Amanda (as Troy): TROY RIPTIDE

Julia (as Cammie): Troy.

Amanda (as Troy): From the Crags.

Julia (as Cammie): Troy's from the Crags.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Troy Riptide from the Crags, nice.

Amanda (as Troy): Shit.

Julia (as Cammie): And this is Umbi.

Brandon (as Umbi): Hi, I'm Umbi.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Hi, Umbi.

Brandon (as Umbi): Hi.

[vomiting noises]

Julia (as Cammie): Oh, and this is Havana Tropicana. Dr, sorry. Dr. Havana Tropicana.

Eric (as Havana): Wa—wadup?

Brandon (as Umbi): Me—medical doctor student.

Julia (as Cammie): No, no Umbi. He now is a PMD, remember?

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, right.

Julia (as Cammie): He's a Pirate Medical Doctor.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yes.

Amanda (as Troy): That's right.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yes.

Julia (as Cammie): I know it's a little odd because he is a guy.

Brandon (as Umbi): He's a guy, I keep forgetting.

Julia (as Cammie): But he is a kind of doctor.

Brandon (as Umbi): I keep forgetting.

Amanda (as Troy): You can't assume that every man you meet is not a doctor.

Brandon (as Umbi): I know.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Wow. A male doctor? So cool.

Amanda (as Troy): Right.

Julia (as Cammie): I know, wild right?

Eric (as Patty Duke): You're really breaking the glass ceiling.

Amanda (as Troy): Exactly.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Cool. Cool.

Amanda (as Troy): Why are you guys all so hot?

Eric (as Patty Duke): Oh, dang. That's so nice for you to notice.

Julia (as Cammie): I was gonna get there, but thank you for bringing that up Troy.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Oh, cause you know we—we run in the water wheels that's how we make— that's how we make the Dusk Shredder go.

Amanda (as Troy): Ohhh.

Julia (as Cammie): Ohhh.

Brandon (as Umbi): That's cool as fuck.

Julia (as Cammie): I noticed that you didn't have sails?

Eric (as Patty Duke): Yeah, yeah, can't rely—you gotta rely—hey, if you got to get ready for the wind, that you don't have to stay ready. I—Oh, I messed that up.

Brandon (as Umbi): What?

Eric (as Patty Duke): I mean the point is we run on the water wheels.

Julia (as Cammie): Did—did you also read that carved into a table?

Eric (as Patty Duke): I did, yeah, yeah. And listen up, I read it and I—I read it at a bar. Yeah no, we—we power our own ship by just hopping in the water wheels, that's where we're all—we're all like this, you know.

Julia (as Cammie): That's incredible.

Amanda (as Troy): Sick.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Yeah, that's why the Dusk Shredders like the way it is man. We don't rely on any—we don't rely on anyone or anything to do— tell us what we need to do.

Julia (as Cammie): Incredible. And are you here to find some books about exercise?

Eric (as Patty Duke): Ohh, umm.

Julia (as Cammie): Or, what are you doing here on the island? And also what's up with the wait?

Eric (as Patty Duke): Listen, I don't know. I've been uh— listen, I don't know much about books. Y’kno, books are just like a—

Brandon (as Umbi): [sings] Don't know much about books.

Eric (as Patty Duke): And uh—

Julia (as Cammie): They're like instruction manuals for exercising your brain.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Yeah, no.

[Brandon laughs]

Amanda (as Troy): Woah, can my brain get shredded?

Julia (as Cammie): Your brain can get shredded.

[Troy makes an overwhelmed groan]

Eric (as Patty Duke): It seems like there’s a lot going on on your ship over there. I can’t hear a lot. Because I where—I'm on a different ship over here.

Julia (as Cammie): Sorry, we’ll yell louder. Avast!

[Everyone laughs]

Eric (as Patty Duke): Yeah, it seems like there's some sort of toll which wasn't here before. And no, we're going uh— we're going to check out the lake encounter. It's got the thing that all the pirates got to do you know?

Julia (as Cammie): The Lake Encounter?

Eric (as Patty Duke): Oh, yeah. The—it's like a theme park that’s set up that is a direct recreation of what people think the Infinite Lake and the Salmon is.

Julia (as Cammie): Wow.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Do you know about that? Yeah, but I didn't know that when the last time I came here was—was when I was on a different—when I was on a different ship. Everyone—everyone said it was so important to like pirate culture and lore, that we all go and check it out to figure out what we're looking for.

Julia (as Cammie): Yes.

Eric (as Patty Duke): But listen, I didn't know that there was a toll here.

Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I guess. We weren't aware of that either. But a tangelo told us to come here, and yeah, didn't really give us much more information than that.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh Cammie, I do remember actually now that they—when they were building this, but they didn't used to have a toll. The FastPass used to be free, but now I guess they changed the rules, and so they probably--

Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.

Brandon (as Umbi): You pay money now.

Amanda (as Troy): That's rude.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Oh, you know, they're selling some sort of FastPass, but that's only for the—for the Book Depository.

Julia (as Cammie): Oh, where are they doing now?

Eric (as Patty Duke): Oh, at the toll road. I just don't know why it's taking so long as people are trying to figure out-- The thing is that there's also like the toll is blocking off how we get into the rest of the ocean here.

Julia (as Cammie): Right.

Eric (as Patty Duke): And of course, everyone's going to the—to lake-- Everyone always goes to Lake Encounter. It's a really well-traffic area. I didn't know there was a toll before.

Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.

Brandon (as Umbi): That's why where they like, they put the— the ancient Greenfolk in with like the—the modern stuff, it doesn't really make sense canonically.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Yeah, it's part of it. I know I—it's weird, but it's fun, you know. And you can get like—you can get like an ice cream bar in the shape of what they think a salmon is, which is kind of fun.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, that's cool.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): Maybe—should we uh— should we like sail around to the front, like ask a question. Are you guys cool with that?

Eric (as Patty Duke): Yeah, I mean, we're—I think yeah, someone can come by if you kind of like raise a—you raise a flag. So when someone will come by and you can ask questions.

Amanda (as Troy): That’s right.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, like a Brazilian steakhouse.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Yeah, it's just like a Brazilian steakhouse.

Julia (as Cammie): Wow!

Eric (as Patty Duke): Yeah, listen, you gotta put on the protein. Ca—macros, all of the mac—

Amanda (as Troy): Gains, gains, gains, gains, gains.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Yeah, macros is how the Dusk Shredder goes.

Julia (as Cammie): I love that for you, that's wonderful. I don't know what a macro is. Is it—

Brandon (as Umbi): It's macrobiotics, you know. It's like us, we're like macro.

Julia (as Cammie): Ohhh.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.

Julia (as Cammie): Ca—cannibalism?

Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, what do you— what do we eat, like, what does that even mean when we eat plants?

Julia (as Cammie): You said it was like us. I mean, food is different from us.

Brandon (as Umbi): Is it though, Cammie?

Julia (as Cammie): I know that—I know it's a very hard concept for most people to understand outside of Open Fields, but food and us? Very different.

Eric (as Patty Duke): Hey what—what? Patty Duke can’t hear you guys.

Julia (as Cammie): Sorry, sorry, we were just—

Amanda (as Troy): Harooold!

Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, it's—it's fine, hold on one second.

Brandon (as Umbi): My voice can't travel that far.

Amanda: Troy pops his head over the side of the ship from where he's standing by the wheel and calls Harold up to try to get a flag raised.

Eric: Yeah, for sure.

[theme]

Eric: Hey, it's Eric. Amanda has gotten me into the habit of buying a bunch of the same clothing item if I like it in different colors because you never know when it's gonna go away. So recently, I got some like sleeveless workout shirts from Champion, which I really like. And recently, I got two more in the same size of different colors because I could get even more, and man they all feel so good. So welcome to the mid-roll. You need just a schmatta clothing that you all like. I hope you all have that and you like it. Thank you so much to our newest patron Mixcel, and thank you to all of you Patrons out there in cyberspace, who support Join the Party. Mixcel with the hundreds of other people who make room in their budgets each month to support Join the Party are the backbones of our show. And in exchange, you get access to all kinds of great stuff. Our bi-weekly Party Planning Podcast, our thriving Patron-only Discord, only $5 a month. Ad-free episodes at $8 a month. Video versions of the party planning and bloopers at $10 a month, and more and more. You might not know, but Patreon is kind of like the Tide. It goes in and out, and in and out. There's always this kind of like rolling thing, so when people join, it's great. But there's always a bunch of people who like their credit cards got declined or they lost it in the jungle, or they decide that they want— don't want to listen to Join the Party Patreon episodes anymore, which never happens. I don't know what you're talking about. So if you're listening to this now, and you want to contribute, be part of the rising tide and join the Patreon, patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, I want you to listen to Tell Me About It. Which is a madcap game show of approving the things you like are actually interesting. It is hosted by Adal Rifai, who you might know from Hello From the Magic Tavern, and Hey Riddle, Riddle. And our very own Eric Silver, that's me. Adal plays an eccentric billionaire who's wrangled his audio butler, Eric, to prove the single most interesting and cool thing ever is the movie musical Grease. To test this every episode, a guest comes on to share and defend their favorite thing through a series of games and challenges. Amanda just came on to prove that retirement plans are the best. It was very fun, you just cannot believe it. There are new episodes every other Friday. Tell me About It, the most fun podcast run by a multibillionaire. Get it wherever you get your shows. We are sponsored this episode by Tavour. Tavour is our favorite place to find craft beer from all over the US. The thing is that you don't have to do the searching, Tavour does it for you giving you easy access to a wide range of craft brews from all across these United States. Just download the Tavour app to get hard-to-find 100% independent craft beer from all over the US. I've been using this app for like a decade now, we would get the cards delivered to my shared apartment with my friends. It was so much fun to learn more about beers. I feel like a little bit of a cool hipster too. When you have like a blueberry maple pancake stout from Alaska Brewery, it's incredible. You gotta check it out. It gets shipped to you, you got a fun box. The app is super easy, it's very affordable, just do it. Download Tavour, T A V O U R from the App Store now, and you can use Join the Party for $10 off your first order of $25 or more, and they'll know that we sent you. This episode is also sponsored by BetterHelp. Recently, I actually access some really deep knowledge about myself. We had to kind of like run the air conditioning hose into our window because we have like movable air conditioning and starting to get hot. And I didn't know that I still remembered how to do woodworking for my time at summer camp, but I actually do, which is really impressive. And I use the jigsaw which I hadn't used in like 15 years to cut holes in the shelves that we have so that the hose for the air conditioning go through and I felt really accomplished. And it's something that I don't think about all that time, because it turns out that the staff member was the bone witch. I got you. You didn't think she would show up but she did. Therapy is a great way to learn more about yourself and access things you might kind of push away. And learn positive coping skills about moving forward. But I know it's a hassle to get started with therapy, and finding a therapist near you who's taking new patients is really, really difficult. And then you have to figure out if you vibe with them. So if you're looking for an easier way to start therapy, consider BetterHelp. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterHELP.com/jointheparty. And now back to the show.

[theme]

Julia: Can I also—while we're doing that, I would like to send Nonny up to the first ship to see what the holdup is.

Eric: Sure.

Amanda: Nice.

Eric: Absolutely. Harold can do that super easy. I think Harold just kind of peels himself off of the ship and waves—he waves to the front for customer service.

Brandon: It's like a princess wave.

Eric: It's like we need steak immediately.

Julia: We're all out of steak, bring it now. I'm going to also use the feature of find familiar in order to see through Nonny's eyes when she gets up to the first ship.

Brandon: Cool.

Julia: Please.

Eric: Yeah. I will say it might be farther than 100 feet.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: Just because ships be long, and it is kind of a long line. But that shouldn't necessarily be a problem.

Julia: Ships do be long, you're right.

Eric: Ladies be longships.

Amanda: Hey, Eric, don't talk about me like that.

Eric: Damn, my wife's in the room. Shit. Fuck.

Julia: Damn son.

Eric: Shit.

Julia: You gotta be careful what you say.

Eric: Yeah. Yeah, Harold is waving, Nonny goes [Nonny's sound] And hops down into Patty Duke's hands, and Patty Dukes tosses Nonny like a football.

Julia: Incredible. Nonny's loving every minute of that—

Amanda: Weee.

Julia: —just spiraling through the air.

Eric: It's like a ner— like throwing a nerf football is a whistle because you know it's working.

Amanda: Yeah. And like the little seaweeds can be like the fins on the nerf football.

Brandon: It's like flapping in the wind, yeah.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: In front of the Dusk Shredder, there's kind of a very traditional looking pirate boat like three masts, immaculate white sails, you know, really quintessential pirate looking boat in front of it, and you can't really see—and with like a Jolly Roger-esque flag flapping. You can't really see what it is, but you see like the little black flag on top, and you can't really see ahead of that.

Julia: We have to get a nice flag at some point.

Eric: Do you not have a flag?

Julia: I don't think we have like a personalized ship flag.

Amanda: No, we might just have like a musty kind of algae to over, no offense Harold's, like gray one. But I don't think we really fly colors.

Eric (as Harold): The shade!

Julia: We will bre—we'll have it so we can break it out on special occasions.

Amanda: Hmm, no.

Eric: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah. And I think Nonny-- Nonny skitters forward, and you see like a little rowboat paddle next to you.

Julia (as Cammie): Avast!

Eric (as Oscar): Hey, yeah, this is uh—this is Legi Island customer service, what's going on?

Julia (as Cammie): What's your name?

Eric (as Oscar): My name is– [mumbles]

Julia: Was that in character, or was that you, Eric?

Eric: No, that was in character.

Julia: Oh, This—this man is not anything.

Brandon: Oh no.

Eric (as Oscar): I'm Oscar, the customer service agent. Whats-- how can I help you? Direct your call.

Brandon (as Umbi): Are you in A cast member? Swish!

Eric: Good, good. Great job.

Brandon: Do they—do you get it because ca—cast member?

Julia: Yeah, yeah.

Brandon: You get it, Julia?

Julia: I got it. Thank you, Brandon.

Brandon: Thanks.

Eric: Brandon, I'm giving you a joken but then you realize is actually a jo— it's a chocolate-covered coin.

Amanda: Ah, damn.

Eric: Or it's a chocolate coin that has a joken wrapper around.

Julia: There you go.

Amanda: Hanukkah was a long time ago, that's old.

Eric: Yeah, it's an old—it's an old joken. It's an old Hanukkah joken gelt.

Julia (as Cammie): Hello, Oscar. What's your real name, and also do you actually work in customer service?

Eric (as Oscar): I—my name—my name is definitely Oscar and I definitely work in customer service because I--

Brandon: Insight check!

Eric: Sure.

[dice roll, Julia laughs]

Julia: Tell me everything about this man, I rolled a Nat 20.

Eric: Definitely.

Amanda: Yay!

Julia: First off, I need to know what kind of Greenfolk he is.

Eric: First of all, Oscar is a blackberry bush.

Julia: Incredible.

Brandon: Yes.

Eric: He's a big—

Amanda: Nice.

Eric: —he's just a big--

Julia: Is he a relative of mine, what's happening here?

Eric: No.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: No, no, he's not. With blackberries and with– and also very thorny. Oscars wearing also a pirate hat. It actually has like a Jolly Roger on it. But instead of the regular skull, it is a skull with eight eyes, and five of them are eyepatched.

Julia: Oh! Like a spider?

Eric: Two bones x, just like a spider.

Julia: Nice.

Eric: Correct. And he’s like,

Eric (as Oscar): Yeah, Oscar is the name I use for customer service. I'm—I'm currently working li— hey bu—tea lady.

Julia (as Cammie): Don't call me bush.

Eric (as Oscar): This is my— no, I didn't call you bush. Tea lady, this is my nine-to-five. This is a name that I use at work. I don't have to tell you about my personal job, but yes, my job is I'm doing customer service. I work here at the Legi Island-- at the Legi Island toll at the end of the book deposit-- to get to the book depository as run by Tessie the Storm, so.

Julia (as Cammie): Tessie the sto— you—so you work for Tessie the Storm, correct?

Eric (as Oscar): Yes. Tessie the Storm is the pirate baron that current—that controls the Book Depository and runs the toll here at Legi Islands, whether you're going to Legi Island or you're going to Lake Encounter. We have a relationship with Lake Encounter. If you end up going there, they will validate your parking for b-- for the Book Depository.

Julia (as Cammie): Wonderful. So here's the thing, Oscar, I know this toll isn't legit. and that's okay. Why you don't just—

Eric (as Oscar): No, it's very—no, it's extremely legit.

Eric: And he holds up a sack of— a sack of doublooms and a very large like, very heavy black book, kind of like a guestbook. There's tons of names in there. And he's like,

Eric (as Oscar): Yeah, we write down everyone who comes in here and they pay the toll, and depending on if they're going to la—if they're going to Lake encounter, or if they're passing through. And then also we needed other businesses are going to the Book Depository.

Julia (as Cammie): Wonderful. Oscar, how long has Tess the Storm been in charge here on Legi Island?

Eric (as Oscar): Tessie the Storm has been in charge for—for as long as anyone can remember. But you don't want to mess with Tessie the Storm, because just like a storm, you wish that you stayed home.

Julia (as Cammie): That was very well rehearsed. Thank you, Oscar.

Brandon (as Umbi): I can remember a while though.

Julia (as Cammie): Umbi can remember quite a lot.

Eric (as Oscar): We value—it is the cornerstone of pirate culture for us to honor our elders. But the—

Julia (as Cammie): That's true, because of—because most of us die really young.

Eric (as Oscar): It's very important. And Tessie the Storm cares about that very— cares about honoring the memories of our elders very much.

Julia (as Cammie): Does that mean we get a senior discount?

Eric (as Oscar): I'll make sure to give cu—I'll make sure to give clearance for when you get to the toll. Unfortunately, there's currently uh—there's some processing issues that are happening up in the front, but we're gonna get moving as quickly as possible.

Julia (as Cammie): Is that something that we could perhaps help with, and maybe we get even more of a discount to get entry into Legi Island?

Brandon (as Umbi): Is the—is the issue with the processing like, like do you need some like ambergris to grease the wheels-- is like you need to be ambergris, is that what's happening here?

Amanda (as Troy): It's really greasy.

Eric: Oscar looks over one shoulder and the other shoulder.

Brandon (as Umbi): I'm not saying I'm going to do that, but this is what you're asking.

Eric (as Oscar): Well if you are here to purchase a FastPass with Amber, you— you automatically get to cut to the front of the line, of course.

Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know, I don't know. I don't know— I— are we even visiting the park, is that worth it?

Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I would really like to meet the person that I'm going to be giving our precious Amber to.

Eric: Oscar pulls out like a, like a sign that has all the different tiers that you can pay for, be like

Eric (as Oscar): Obviously, as you get your VIP, if you get the VIP package, you get immediate access to the front of the line of the book depository, you get free entry into the-- into Lake Encounter, which of course is the most accurate recreation of what we all assume-- It’s the most accurate recreation of the Infinite Lake and the wish-granting Salmon. It's an experience for all the pirate-- for the entire pirate family. And you also get access to… luxury benefits here at the Book Depository.

Brandon (as Umbi): Why did you pause like that?

Julia: Why did he pause like that, Eric?

Eric (as Oscar): Well, I assume that if you had Amber to spend you—we can do we—we can’t just tell anyone who's only spending doublooms about the luxury experience.

Julia (as Cammie): Is the luxury experience you robbing us of more amber?

Eric (as Oscar): I can tell you from the bottom of my heart I have no intention of robbing anyone. If by robbing you mean a fair deal and fail— fair prices.

Eric: And with the Nat 20, Cammie, he means that truthfully. This is a—this is a sales pitch.

Julia: Is it a honest sales pitch and that there are actual—

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: Good luxury things that we will get in response?

Eric: He is cagey about what luxury i—what luxury means. And like—

Julia: I also would be.

Eric: —But his intention is that he's trying not— it’s what he said. Anyone who does he's not here to spend Amber, is it's a delicate balance of letting people know there's a premium experience or not.

Julia: Mmm. How do we feel about this gang? Did he also respond to my question of like, hey, we're freelancers we can help out with the problem that you're facing?

Eric: Yes, you can say that as well.

Eric (as Oscar): Like yeah, you know, there's a—there's some merch— there's a merchant coming up from uh—from Overstalk because-- who was holding up the line and has a lot of questions. But we're trying to get—get this moving as quickly as possible. If you want to go to— if you want to go to Lake Encounter now and come back, they'll validate your parking, they can validate you and let you in.

Brandon (as Umbi): Validate our docking you mean.

Eric (as Oscar): No, valid. I—what—what did I say?

Brandon (as Umbi): What did I say?

Eric (as Oscar): You said validate your docking?

Brandon (as Umbi): Was I talking?

Amanda (as Troy): So we—we can uh—we can go to the fun thing first—

Brandon (as Umbi): Wha—

Amanda (as Troy): —and not pay?

Brandon (as Umbi): Tro—Troy, huddle up, huddle up, huddle up. Don't talk in front of the sales fruit.

Amanda (as Troy): Right, right, sorry, dad.

Julia (as Cammie): He's also like 20 feet down. So if we whisper, he can't hear us.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, guys we should just sneak in. I can just sneak in and park the boat wherever, and then we can just like leave.

Brandon (as Umbi): How—how do you sneak in a boat?

Amanda (as Troy): Sail real quick.

[Julia and Brandon laugh]

Amanda (as Troy): What?

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, sorry I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you.

Julia (as Cammie): Troy, that's a great approach. I'm not sure it'll work in this exact situation. But we'll—we'll backburner that for later.

Amanda (as Troy): Alright, because like we can just tell-- do the old Crags one-two, which is where you just tell him that you're going to pay on the way out and you leave a different way. So let me just do that.

Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Cammie, what do we do here?

Brandon (as Cammie): Umm.

Julia: So he didn't—he didn't like the offer that I made the like, “hey, we can help” situation or no?

Eric: If you want to know, he told you. He's not going to tell you to do one way— one thing or another? I think he said

Eric (as Oscar): Yeah, I mean, if you want to go up and try to talk to— talk to the—talk to the person on the front, you can but well–

Julia (as Cammie): Do you know what that gentleman's name might be?

Eric (as Oscar): I mean, I'm here on boat docking customer service. I'm not part of the toll-taking team

Brandon (as Umbi): Look, Cammie's right. If there's one thing I've learned in my mmmm years of existence it's that paying for luxury is always worth it. You can't bring your amber to the grave, that's what I always say.

Amanda (as Troy): But what if we have to pay someone to like get a sick book?

Brandon (as Umbi): Shit.

Julia (as Cammie): Well, is that part of it the lux— maybe that's part of the luxury experience, is sick book.

Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe. You gotta get a souvey.

Amanda (as Troy): If we can—if we can leave with some books, then I'm cool with it. But like Dr. Tropicana needs it and I need one.

Julia (as Cammie): We need books.

Eric (as Havana): I need a book to put fluids back in my body.

Brandon (as Umbi): I don't think you’re–

Julia: Cammie shows a cup of tea into his hands.

Julia (as Cammie): Here, sweetheart.

Eric (as Havana): Thank you.

Brandon (as Umbi): Alright, are we settled? Great.

Amanda: I think let's just sail to the front and try to deal with this problem and like get in.

Julia: Wonderful. As— let's do that. Let's—let the gentleman know

Julia (as Cammie): We're gonna go to the front and see if paying the— for the luxury is worth it for us, and maybe see what the issue is holding up the line.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oscar, I'm sorry for these youngsters' impatience. I would have just paid, you know, but.

Eric (as Oscar): Oh, you could still pay. We’re always delighted– I think that paying is a good idea.

Brandon (as Umbi): No, I gotta go with the group, this is us, this is a democraship– democrashipy.

Julia (as Cammie): Yes, yes. Go on.

Eric (as Oscar): We promise. If you just wait 20—20— if you would like to try to talk to this, try to talk to the person at the front, you—you absolutely can. But I'm sure we can resolve this in a few— in an hour— in an hour's time.

Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know if I have an hour, we go to go now.

Julia (as Cammie): He's so close to death, Oscar. Look at him, he's so ripe.

Brandon (as Umbi): [coughs]

Eric (as Oscar): Alright fine. Do whatever you want, it’s your ship.

Julia (as Cammie): Did you hear the liquid slorp inside of him and his seeds rattle within him when he coughed just then?

Amanda (as Oscar): That— listen, that's the Tessie the Storm way, you can do whatever you want as long as it doesn't mess with us. It's fine.

Julia (as Cammie): Wonderful. I love that mentality in entering the world.

Eric: Yeah. Oscar then pulls on what looks to be like an invisible rope. But you can see if you look closer, it is actually a very thin strand of silk as he ge— immediately gets pulled back to the toll and the locks.

Julia: Right, because spider. Got it.

Eric: So here's yeah— here are your opportunities here. You can— you can wait on line, you can go to the front if you'd like. Or you can kind of wait it out at Lake Encounter if you so choose. Or you can do whatever you want, in a very point-and-click adventure sort of way. Those are the various options that you have in front of you.

Julia: Great, let's see what the deal is with this guy who's holding up the line from Overstalk.

Amanda: Yeah, Troy will—will steer the boat right in the path of the dinghy of the rowboat and sail up past the four ships waving to the Dusk Shredder and just being like,

Amanda (as Troy): Just—just asking a question. I'm just asking a question, bro.

Brandon (as Umbi): I'm so old.

Julia: Eric, once we get within 100 feet of the first ship in line, I'd like to use find familiar to see and hear through—through Nonny's senses, please.

Eric: Okay. Troy you pi—you unparallel park the boat.

Amanda: Uh-huh.

Eric: You start to pull forward, you're going past the Dusk Shredder, as all the bruvs of the ship wave to you. You see some of them are like lounging in the actual waterwheel because they get to finally take a break. So they all just like are lazily drawing their hand in the water. And they're all— every single one of them have 18 abs in their own way.

Julia: Incredible.

Eric: Yeah, as you get closer. So Nonny is camped out on the front ship, which is a small kind of schooner. Think about like a full-sized pirate ship but about like half the size, the pony of the sea.

Julia: Incredible.

Brandon: Very fast.

Amanda: Adorable.

Eric: Very fast, very fast but smaller. Up at the front, you see a Greenfolk hydrangea of kind of like purple and pink, colors flowing in between in the way that like when you put those two colors together, you know Animal Crossing and how like they meld together in the middle. So pink on the left side, right on the—and purple on the right side as they come together, just wrapped in—somewhere in between a toga and a dress of just like a really buttery silk.

Julia: Wow.

Eric: Like a shimmering taupe silk. Yeah, Nonny's kind of like parked on the back of the schooner watching this happen, as this Greenfolk is asking so many questions to the— to the toll operator about the different packages, and how long they're allowed to be in there, about buying and selling by weights. And by— if the weight is by weight of book, or by how many words are in per book, et cetera, et cetera. And this is the merchant from Overstalk that Oscar was talking about. Nonny turns around to the boat behind, is a incredibly odd-looking boat. It kind of looks like a canoe in the mid—in the middle, and then it's kind of attached with like an out rigging, to a very strange-looking sail. It kind of looks like slats, almost like Venetian blinds. It kind of— I don't know if you’ve seen like the those Hawaiian boats that kind of has, like, you know from Moana.

Julia: Like the Wayfinder boats, right?

Eric: Yeah, the Wayfinder boats that has like— it's like two pontoons, one where the people sit, and then it's connected to a pontoon by like a piece of—

Amanda: Stability.

Eric: —for yeah, for stability. But here, imagine that like the in the— it's a canoe with it's attached to a very large and like ergonomically shaped sail with slats in it.

Julia: Interesting.

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: And it seems that there's like one Greenfolk kind of like hunkered in the canoe area. The canoe, it's not just open, is—it's sealed. There's like a cover that holds everybody in.

Julia: Gotcha.

Eric: So you can't just like fall out of it like a canoe, there seems to be something covering that. As you pull up, Troy, how are you trying to drive the boat delicately to get to the front of the line?

Amanda: Ah, good question. Yeah, I think I follow the path of the rowboat just in case there's any kind of like defenses in front of the island, this path has been kind of cleared for us. And so I think I will pull in right between the boat that is at the front of the line, and the next boat, like I'm angling my nose in like 45 degrees. I'm like–

Amanda (as Troy): Just asking a question, just asking a question.

Eric: From uh—at the perfect picture of a pirate ship, you hear,

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): Hey, hey, no cutsies—

Brandon (as Umbi): It’s a make– it’s a make–

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): Hey, no cutsies.

Brandon (as Umbi): It's a make-a-wish thing, I'm dying.

Amanda (as Troy): Just asking a question.

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): Hey, no cutsies.

Julia (as Cammie): He's really old.

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): No cutsies.

[Umbi coughs]

Eric: And you see this like a plank. They're trying to put a plank in between their boat and the Sea Whip.

Julia: Absolutely not.

Eric: Troy, I want you to make a driving role for me.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Which can be your dexterity plus your proficiency because your proficiency—

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: --in water vehicles.

Amanda: Yeah, that's a 16.

Eric: 16.

Amanda: 12 + 4.

Eric: What do you— what do you want to do here? Someone's trying to put a plank that can– to connect your two boats.

Amanda: I think Harold and I have practiced the one-two step, which is where I am directing the boat in one direction with you know, the wheels and the sails. But then Harold can just hit the rudder a little bit, like you know when your car kind of the back tire like skids on ice a little bit and you fishtail, it essentially makes the boat fishtail. So I think if Harold hits the rudder under the boat as severely as we practice, the butt of the boat will just skitter out of the way, just out of their reach.

Eric: Yeah. I think that's good. I think you pull away as the—the plank just kind of falls and splooshes into the water you hear,

Eric (as Avocado ): Hey, the pirate code says no cutsies.

Amanda (as Troy): Asking a question bro. Pirate code.

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): A real pirate– everyone knows a real pirate would never do cutsies.

Brandon (as Umbi): Excuse me, the pirate code explicitly says cutsies all the time.

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): I'm sorry. I've been around long enough that real gentleman pirates would never do cutsies.

Brandon (as Umbi): There are no gentlemen pirates, what does that even mean?

Eric: Umbi you turn and you look at the model of the pirate ship and there's just an old soft avocado with a big pit leaning on a bone cane just yelling and shaking his fist at your shi—your ship.

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): Gentlemen pirates would never do cutsies.

Julia (as Cammie): I'm so sorry.

Julia: And then Cammie casts Candy Blast on the end of the thing.

Brandon: Candy blast?

Eric: What is candy blast?

Julia: Candy blast is a new spell from Valda’s guide

Amanda: Oh my god.

Eric: Tell me what Candy Blast.

Brandon: You shoot smarties at them.

Julia: Candy Blast, you summon a handful of hard candy-boiled sweets, mints, jelly beans, etc., and hurl them at a target that you can see within range. Make a range spell attack on a hit, the target takes 1D8 bludgeoning damage. I'm just throwing it on a space, not the person.

Eric: Sure.

Julia: And the space it is standing in, up to a five-foot square becomes difficult terrain until a creature uses an action to gather up the fallen candy. The candy produced by this spell is edible but has no nutritional value.

Brandon: That's an incredible spell.

Julia: It's a cantrip too.

Amanda: Damn.

Eric: Magehand, your wild. I assume Cammie isn't blasting candy.

Julia: Oh it's Werther's Originals, I don't know what you're talking about. It's fully just hard caramels.

Amanda: Yay.

Julia: Hard sticky caramel.

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): Grandchildren pick up the candy, Pop Pop needs a sucker while I'm telling these— excuse these poor excuses for pirates what’s for.

Julia (as Cammie): It was nice to meet you, goodbye.

Brandon (as Umbi): Have you been holding out on me with this Werthers?

Julia (as Cammie): Do—do you want some?

Brandon (as Umbi): We'll talk later.

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): Rule 544 of the pirate code, no cutsies.

Julia (as Cammie): Do you have the book, I'd like to see it.

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): No.

Julia (as Cammie): Okay.

Eric (as Avocado Pirate): This is an outrage.

Amanda (as Troy): Okay.

Julia (as Cammie): Okay.

Amanda: Eat your candy.

Eric: You keep sailing, you are so far for having this conversation anymore. But, yeah. He continues past by that weird looking boat that I've describe before, of the canoe attached to the sail pontoon, which looks absolutely wild.

Amanda: Yeah, normal boat, strange sail.

Eric: Weird definitely— definitely weird. And then you pull up and Nonny hop back in the boat as you are now—now up at the front next to this—the water pony.

Julia: Cammie's just gonna go and like bow and be like, or like a little curtsy and be like,

Julia (as Cammie): Madam, it's so nice to meet you. I see that there's a bit of a problem and a bit of a holdup. Is there anything that we can do to help?

Eric (as Hydrangea Woman): Hold on, I'm still trying to ask questions of our toll taker here. Once I'm finished, we will— everyone will be allowed to move forward. Just— if you could only just give me a moment. Now, when you say weight, is this the weight that we have here on Verda Stello, or is there a different very specific weights about Legi Island, which is different? I just need to know what the conversion rate of doublooms are.

Eric (as Toll Keeper): Ugh! Hey, lady just say, are you gonna go to Legi Island or not? I just need to know.

Brandon: Eric, real quick. I think I might know this hydrangea.

Julia: Oooh yes I was hoping so.

Eric: You might.

Julia: You might, rabbit, you might.

Brandon: So once per long rest, I choose one person I've just met, I roll one D10 and a 10, I've met this person or their parents. If I roll eight or nine, I have some tangential connection.

Eric: Sure.

Brandon: And then all else I don't, and a one is bad.

Eric: If you roll a one that's still a crit fail, but I'll give you a plus one to this because this person is from Overstalk.

Brandon: Oh, okay.

Eric: So you— you didn't find that out before, so I'll give you a plus one.

Brandon: I got a 9 then, 8 + 1.

Eric: Oh, it's still pretty good. Yeah, I think from your time you do know that this— this is one of the most prominent merchants in Overstalk, who run some of the merchant companies that brings all of the stuff into Overstalk. As we talked about, everyone is too busy philosophizing at Overstalk to go do anything. So there is a very, very popular and thriving merchant community that services all of Verda Stello, but does a little bit of import, a little bit of export, and does it into Overstalk, This is Qi Razzmatazz.

Julia: Wow.

Brandon: Say that, how do you spell out? What is that? What?

Eric: Q I Razzmatazz,

Julia: Wow.

Brandon: You see Umbi sort of like, you know, like old folk run sort of like a real pass Cammie and sort of like accidentally shove Cammie out of the way, and just like

Julia (as Cammie): Oww!

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh my god, Razzamatazzazza, I missed you.

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): Hold on one second. Excuse me, who's—who's calling—who's calling on me?

Brandon (as Umbi): It's Umbi.

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): Um, Umbi, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, young man, it's been such a long time.

Brandon (as Umbi): Young man?

Julia: What?

Eric: It's been such a long time since someone's called upon me here on the open seas. Where might I have remembered you-- known you from.

Brandon (as Umbi): You're Qi, right? I don't mean to first name you but Qi, right?

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): That's right, Qi Razzmatazz of the Razzmatazz Trading Company.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, we're both from Overstalk, I was in the Senate.

Julia: What?

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): Oh!

Amanda: Troy and Cammie make eye contact.

Amanda (as Troy): What?

Julia: Cammie said that fully out loud said

Julia (as Cammie): What?

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): Oh, Representative Umbi, It seems that at a time it's just kind of mushed together here.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, don't I know it.

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): In po— in the post cascade world is one year as the same as 50 years of cost.

Brandon (as Umbi): That's what I've been saying, no one understands.

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): Absolute—is i—it's wonderful for me to run in— to run into another Overstalker here uh—her out in the open seas. What uh—what are you doing here? Well, what's—what's happening? Would you still uh—tell me everything? I would love to know you. Your entire experience here in the o—

Eric (as Toll Keeper): Hey lady what are you go—you're gonna go other way, where are you going?!

Brandon (as Umbi): Sir, just o—one second. Wha—Qi, I would love to catch up here. Why don't we talk and we can let the young folk figure this out? For us, you know?

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): Oh, you know, young folk, it's so hard to find anyone—anyone younger than 400 years these days.

Brandon (as Umbi): And that's what I'm saying. No one understands.

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): No one understands.

Brandon: Can I like sort of like put my arm around Qi, and sort of like amble away from this situation a little bit?

Eric: Yeah, sure. I mean, you two are on different ships, but I think that you could kind of like have a conversation over in a different area to make that happen for sure.

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): You know what's hot—you know what's hot right now? Still silks! It's always been silks.

Brandon: Well, what I would also love to do is throw a teleportation bomb over there and just head over on their ship.

Eric: Yeah, sure.

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: Yeah, give me an attack roll.

Brandon: Eric, that's a 4. Oh, technically an 8.

Eric: With an 8, Umbi's like, hold on, and it just tosses the bomb and just falls right in the water.

Amanda: Oh, piss.

Brandon (as Umbi): I had to get rid of that one, it was a dud.

Eric (as Qi Razzmatazz): Oh, it's alright, we can talk between ships.

Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, why don't you ask if you can go on the ship rather than just throwing a bomb at her ship?

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, can I come aboard? Permission to come aboard.

Julia (as Cammie): Or—or invite her over here.

Brandon (as Umbi): Or—uh, do you want to come over here? We got tea.

Amanda (as Troy): Let's— let's just lash the ships together one Amber for the VIP package for both boats? Yeah, alright, good.

Amanda: And I direct that toward the toll operator.

Eric (as Toll Keeper): Alright you can't do th— you can't do the old, oh, it's just one ship after attaching two ships, they're definitely two different ships.

Amanda (as Troy): They're touching, they're touching, they're touching.

Eric (as Toll Keeper: If you want two VIP packages, you gonna have to pay two Amber.

Amanda (as Troy): Alright, one Amber, two ships, we get through. How about that? You drive a hard bargain.

Eric: I'm gonna call her Raz because I love—I love her. Raz says to Umbi

Eric (as Raz): Umbi it's been so long since I've met anyone like this. I have no problem of covering the amber, but do you promise to do a favor for me in the future?

Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, you got—

Julia (as Cammie): [whispers] Yes, Umbi says yes.

Julia: And Cammie nods her head vigorously.

Julia (as Cammie): [whispers] Do it.

Brandon (as Umbi): You got yourself a deal. I didn't need permission from my youngsters, it's fine.

Eric (as Raz): Absolutely, I am, but you know in an Overstalk, a promise— a promise is looked out upon by the planter. And if you don't do the promise, then you're going to get buried and never could—never grow back. You know, you remember that ,don't you?

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah I do.

Julia: What a weird religion.

Brandon (as Umbi): I—I remember that and I subscribe to it wholly and without reservation.

Eric (as Raz): Alright. Aright.

Eric: She leans over the boat to grab your hand and like ties it together and some of the silk that's wrapped around her body and be like,

Eric (as Raz): It's a promise.

Julia: Cammie turns to Troy and is like,

Julia (as Cammie): Did they just get married? What just happened?

Amanda (as Troy): Is that how they kiss in Overstalk?

Julia (as Cammie): Oh my gosh.

Amanda (as Troy): I need a book about kissing.

Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, I didn't realize that you had a girlfriend.

Brandon (as Umbi): What? I don't. What?

Eric (as Raz): Child. No, no, no folk can hold Raz down.

Julia (as Cammie): I don’t-- I've known you for five minutes, I don't doubt that for a second.

Eric (as Raz): Absolutely that. Alright, I made my decision. I'm paying two Amber for the VIP package for both of us. Take— we better see Tessie, we've added a seer.

Julia (as Cammie): We would love to meet Tessie. Meet and Greet should be available on this package.

Eric (as Raz): I want to see at least three-- I want to see three working eyes and five not working eyes. That's what I want to see.

Amanda (as Troy): And I want three books.

Eric (as Raz): Again, give them the—give the child—

Julia: Give the boy—

Eric (as Raz): Give the boy multiple books.

Eric (as Toll Keeper): It's like, ah finally alright, gamba.

Eric: Raz fishes around inside of her silks, pulls out a like a clutch size treasure chest, and pulls out two pieces of Amber. One very small with a fire ant in it, and one very large, but with one like really small fly in it.

Julia: Wow, I love it.

Eric: And gives them over to the toll booth.

Brandon: And Umbi's gonna reach inside his jacket cloak thing and pull out a single doubloom, flip it to the operator, and says

Brandon (as Umbi): For your trouble.

[Amanda laughs]

Eric: The toll operator eats it and says, alright. The lock wall comes down, both of your two boats come in, water rises up, and in the lock on the other side comes down and you are now on your way into Legi Island.

Brandon: As pirates would say, wheeee!

Eric: And you see the line starts to move—the line moves forward. As you ge—All of you give me a perception check.

Julia: [dice roll] 10

Amanda: 16.

Brandon: 16 plus 2 for 18.

Julia: Wow. Great job guys.

Eric: Oooh, okay. I'm gonna get into Umbi. Umbi and Troy, you turn around and you see that the little—little boat with the slotted sails immediately hops in as soon as you're out of the lock, like speeds into the lock behind you and moves incredibly quickly.

Julia: Uh-oh.

Amanda: Alright.

Eric: So they're not following you, but you notice how fast that ship moves.

Julia: Interesting.

Amanda: Alright.

Brandon (as Umbi): That's a fast ship if I’ve ever seen a ship.

Amanda (as Troy): I'm sure that won't come up.

Eric (as Raz): Absolutely not.

Julia (as Cammie): It's probably chill and we'll never see it again.

Brandon (as Umbi): That's true.

Eric (as Raz): I haven't turned my neck to look at anything else in 200 years, and I'm not starting now

Julia (as Cammie): Yes ma’am.

Amanda: Wow.

[theme]

Eric: You pull up to Legi Island. You don't have to wait in the line right outside of the toll booth. The one that doubles back on itself into a rectangle of waiting. No, the Sea Whip slides right through into VIP parking, right in the heart of the good stuff. As you all look around, you're struck by the colors. Sure, the wide sandy green leaves of the trees dotting the beach, the syrup melons hanging from them, pink like the dawn on a good day. The black flags of Tessie the Storm adorning every roof and porch. But it's the primary colors that bowl you over. Like they turned up the working parts of your eyes to really get you to understand what's going on here. This is fun. This is neat. Your rods and cones are cheering. Incredible red and yellow and blue balloons. The bold red brick of the solid Book Depository building right out front. Bright yellow arrows pointing to this marketplace, or that fruit stand. Deep blue paths molded into the shape of an opening book for your baby or nephew or grandmama. The red says, I think you're gonna have a good time. The yellow says, you're here, look around, come on. The blue says, ayy what's a couple of good-looking buccaneers doing here, someone's gonna class up the joint. They transform into confetti, into store awnings, into neon at the So Book Me Dance dance club, at the souvenir stands and the map kiosks, and then the rainbows that catch in the glint of the scimitars at the hips of Tessie's pirate guards. For a second, when you have to blink in between gobbling up all these visual sweets. You think, hold on, there are so many people here, way, way more than an island with a Book Depository should have. Are they going to have the same good time I'm going to have? Is there enough to go around? Are they following the painted lines criss crossing across the docks into the promenade, telling them to buy, to sell, to read, to enjoy. Come on. You open your eyes again. Whatever the divine gardener in the sky has planned for me, they must have wanted me to grow into this. Let's go, let's find something to read.

[theme]

Transcriptionist: KA

Editor: KM