It was an ancient Mariner / who stopped me unaware: / “On the land, on the sea, or in between, I must know you from somewhere.”
Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plants and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: It's Day One of the Bullseye Games. In the locker room before we start, Troy gets in the face of Framboise Bousier, a member of the separatist group trying to leave the Crags and Troy loves the Crags. Cammie tries to keep Havana away from Continuous Thankful the Paladin of the Path of Cultivation because of religious trauma reasons. And Umbi infuses some sleeping poison into the ring of Archimedes Sevens, the self-serious future builder of Hothouse, who collapses during the opening ceremonies and is a DNP for round one. And the excitement begins with Round One: Precision, where I lead our players through a high-stakes game of celebrity to determine Troy's score. They did good enough to put him tied for third with Framboise ahead of the schlemiel Radbert, who is filled with dandelion fluff, and Threelips who's not really that good. With Continuous and silent pirate sharpshooter Kid Cervantes leading the charge. And after the Bullseye is the After Party, so let's get the party started.
Brandon (as Umbi): Third place? What the fuck?!
[Eric laughs]
Julia (as Cammie): Troy? Troy, you did a great job.
Amanda (as Troy): I just really didn't want to let down the team, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): You didn't.
Brandon (as Umbi): You didn't, you didn't, it wasn't you.
Julia (as Cammie): One guy didn’t even compete.
Amanda (as Troy): At least we’re better than Threelips— at least we’re better than Threelips, that’s what matters to me.Yeah?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): We did better than three people, that's a lot.
Julia (as Cammie): That's a lot.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks.
Eric: The three of you are walking out of Small Key Island, even though you have an entrance, a secret competitor's entrance. I like the idea that all of you—all the competitors need to leave in the same way. Like y'all gotta go out the big front doors. It's almost like the whole—
Julia (as Cammie): We’re the people.
Eric: —the whole front of the stadium kind of like opens up to let more people jump out from the various tiers, I think. And you have people like fluttering down or using a big daisy to flutter to the ground for like the fifth floor, and you're all screaming out. So it's all like, oh, wow, I really enjoyed it. It was pretty good this year. If anyone wants to add any rhubarb stuff, please do.
[Everyone mumbles to make crowd noise]
Julia: I'm a little rhubarb.
Brandon: Peas and carrots, peas and carrots.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda (as Orlando): I’m gonna stab you!
Amanda: Oh, it’s that little kid.
Brandon: Ohhh.
Julia: Orlando!
Eric: Orlando’s here.
Eric (as Orlando): I know those bitches, I saw them at the Book Depository.
Eric: So as the three of you are walking out of Small Key Stadium, and everyone at the contest is streaming around you, maybe you bump into some folks.
Brandon: Maybe.
Julia: Ooohh.
Brandon: Oh no.
Eric: Sure. Alright, let's roll—everyone roll a D10.
Julia: [dice roll] I rolled a 4.
Brandon: I also rolled a 4.
Amanda: 5.
Eric: 5. Amanda, pick the order.
Amanda: Oh. Let's go, Julia, Amanda, Brandon.
Eric: Julia, Amanda, Brandon. Julia, roll a D10 twice for me.
Julia: Ah. [dice roll] 3. [dice roll] And 4 again.
Eric: Wonderful.
Julia: That’s a lot of fours.
Eric: It's good.
Julia: I hope so.
Brandon: The devil's number, triple four.
Julia: What?
Amanda: Oh, that's right, that's the devil's taint.
[Amanda and Brandon laugh]
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Eric: Cammie, as the crowd is streaming around you, you feel a tug on your sleeve.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, hello.
Eric: You looked down and there is an incredibly wrinkly old woman who is a segment of clementine. The clementine is sideways, so it looks like a little smile. And she has a big floppy hat and a big scarf. And real old lady shoes.
Julia (as Cammie): Hello ma'am, I love your hat.
Eric (as Old Clementine Woman): I also like your hat. I liked watching you stand out there with your—with your buff friends.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you. He is rather buff, isn't he?
Eric (as Wrinkly Clementine Woman): He is. Can I tell you something? You have kind eyes.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you. You also have kind eyes.
Eric (as Wrinkly Clementine Woman): Thank you. I murdered my husband 45 years ago.
Julia (as Cammie): Was he abusive?
Eric (as Wrinkly Clementine Woman): A little bit.
Julia (as Cammie): Then he deserved it.
Eric (as Wrinkly Clementine Woman): Alright. Thank you for bu—unburdening me.
Julia (as Cammie): You're welcome.
Eric (as Wrinkly Clementine Woman): Ta ta!
Eric: And she disappears in the crowd.
[Amanda laughs]
Julia (as Cammie): Goodbye! It was lovely meeting you!
Brandon: Off to murder her next husband.
Amanda: Only if he deserves it.
Eric: Amanda, give me two—Amanda, give me two rolls.
[Julia laughs]
Julia: That’s the end of the scene?
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: Yeah that’s just the end of the scene! It’s a montage! It’s a montage!
Amanda: A 6 and then a 2.
Eric: Alright.
Amanda: Incredible. Jesus Christ.
Julia: What just happened?
Eric: Troy, you are kind of leading the pack here, you're kind of cutting through the crowd like there's the point of the spear. Folks are definitely turning around and looking at you to be like—
Eric (as Folks): Oh, that's the guy, that's the gu— he wasn't— he was down there and I was up there. Wow! I saw the things.
Amanda (as Troy): I'll do better tomorrow. Yup.
Eric: Yeah. And you hear—
Eric (as Lily Rose): Hey, Troy.
Eric: Troy, you look up and you see someone unexpected from your past. Who do you see?
Amanda: Oh my god. Do I see uh—
Eric: It has to be a new person, it can't be Threelips.
Julia: It's four.
Amanda: No, no, um—
Julia: It’s Fourlips.
Eric: It's Fivelips, his hotter older brother.
Amanda: I would like to see the daughter of the chief cook for House Breakstone who was a pal of mine growing up.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: Oohh.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: I like that.
Amanda: I think her name is Lily, and she is a white lily of death.
Brandon: Oh, I thought you're gonna say she was like a rose or something.
Eric: I also—
Julia: You're very funny.
Amanda: Great. Her name is Lily Rose and she is a daffodil.
Brandon: Definitely yeah.
Eric: Yeah, daffodil.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Troy, Troy, hey!
Amanda (as Troy): Oh my god Lily, is that really you? Did you come over with Threelips?
Eric (as Lily Rose): Yeah—I yeah, I tagged along I—I kind of— I have a— some—I got some money riding on these. I put a bunch of money down on you. It was— I can't believe you're here. I—I saw your name in the ledger and I just— I had to—have you've heard of it, how are you? What's going on? Where—where have you been?
Amanda (as Troy): I've been ripping it up on the high seas. You know me, Troy Riptide.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Troy, I'm gonna need you to be a little more specific and not just quippy. I haven't seen you in like a year.
Amanda (as Troy): No, I—yeah, I—I left to—to seek the Salmon to be out on the high seas, try to bring glory to the Crags, baby.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Yeah. Or your, your, are your—and your brothers are okay with that?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I mean you know the—the life at the Crags isn't for everybody but I'm— I'm really enjoying it. I found a great crew. We've been like riding around, learning stuff about ropes a lot, a lot of stuff about barrels. Barrels and ships are basically same things, different sizes. Read a book that was really cool for me. And now I've been meeting some amazing people. So I think any day now I'm going to find the Salmon and bring glory to the Crags forever, you know?
Eric (as Lily Rose): I—I hope I wish, that's incre— I'm still kinda like bowled over. I put umm—you—
Amanda (as Troy): Everyone like think I was dead because I went— I went out to sea?
Eric (as Lily Rose): Yes, everyone did think you were dead.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Nah, for sure, for sure.
Eric (as Lily Rose): So I’m fine with stealing with them. And then I lost 50— I lost 50 doublooms because I thought you were gonna win this round. So—
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, I also like spiritually lost more than 50 doublooms. And I gotta tell you, I'm gonna be better tomorrow. I'm gonna be better the next day. My crew is the best and we're gonna kick ass.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Yeah, for sure. Hey, where are you—where are you going to be? I—I just wan—I would love to you know, I'm—I'm here with, I was here on the second boat that came— that came through.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, tight, yeah. The one that didn't crash.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Yeah, the one that didn't crash.
Amanda (as Troy): Nice. Yeah.
Eric (as Lily Rose): How did you— how did you know that?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, we came across the crash, picked up Threelips and I was like, hey, want to be a pirate man? And he was like not really and that kind of offended me. But like I got over because we're bros. But yeah no, it's great. Like what's— what's up with you? Are you like cooking or are you just like coming out here? Like, I can't believe-- I'm so glad your dad let you out.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Yeah. Oh—yeah, well, I can tell you more later. Where are you staying?
Amanda (as Troy): The—the competitor barracks. It’s like in the sort of like competitor village you know, but yeah, I can like meet you wherevs. I'd love to grab a pint.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Yeah.
Eric: Lily looks around and she kind of like waves back to someone and you see that there's a group of Breakstone soldiers, kind of on the outskirts of the crowd waiting for her.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Like yeah, no, I mean, I'd love to see you. I'll come by the barracks later. Yeah, for sure.
Amanda (as Troy): Totally. I'm not like up to like big crowds of people from home quite yet, but like you're—you're welcome and we can— we can go for a walk or something.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Yeah, I'll see if Threelips will come with me. Cool. Yeah, great.
Amanda (as Troy): Tight. Lily Rose, man.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Troy, Troy—
Amanda (as Troy): Troy Riptide.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Riptide.
Amanda (as Troy): Don't forget it.
Eric (as Lily Rose): Okay. I can't believe you're alive.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, I've been living every day, man. Sorry it's a surprise to you.
Eric: Brandon, give me two D10 rolls, please.
Julia: Amanda got like a really heartfelt like interesting moment, and then I got old lady who admitted a murder to me. So…
Brandon: I got a 2 and a 3.
Eric: 2 and a 3. Umbi, you're trying to follow behind your two—
Brandon (as Umbi): Excuse me!
Eric: —your two—you two—
Brandon (as Umbi): Excuse me!
Eric: —your two more long-legged compatriots and you kinda get lost a little bit in the crowd.
Brandon (as Umbi): Guy—wait guys, I'm too old.
Eric (as Teen Pirate): Hey, yeah, old man, we can help you out.
Eric: And you turn in there as some scraggly teen pirates that are kind of just like sitting on the ground around the flow of the crowd. They have to go around them like a stone in a river and are causing real ruckus.
Eric (as Teen Pirate): Yeah, old man. What you ha—do you need to help with something?
Brandon (as Umbi): Are you like this—those kinds of teens where like, I say a single word, and then you make it like your rip on me for an hour because I said a word?
Eric (as Teen Pirate): Oh, I don't know. I mean, it depends. Are you— is there a mind goblin with you?
Brandon (as Umbo): What?
Eric (as Teen Pirate): Yeah. I mean to you, it depends if you have a mind goblin with you.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Eric (as Teen Pirate): It's a—it's a mind goblin.
Brandon (as Umbi): What's— I'm not gonna say what's a mind goblin.
Eric (as Teen Pirate): Mind gobblin’ deez nuts. Wooo!
Eric: And then all the teens high-five each other.
Julia: At least you knew it was happening.
Brandon: I'm gonna throw a bomb at them, Eric.
Eric: Sure, do it.
Brandon: Is that okay? No, I'm not gonna throw a bomb, I'm just kidding.
Eric: They're teen pirates, you can Brandon.
Brandon: I am above teens.
Julia: No one's above teens.
Amanda: Yeah, you're at least like 50.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric (as Teen Pirate): So what, you're one of these like grandfa—you're like a grandfather for one of the competitors or something? Or great grandfather? Or--Or super great grandfather!
Brandon: What I am going to do though, Eric, is—
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Umbi's gonna say—
Brandon (as Umbi): Wha— what are you like—like still seeds?
Brandon: And then I'm gonna throw a flashbang on my feet and—and disengage from this.
Eric: Hell yeah. Make an intimidation check for me.
Amanda: God, I wish I could disengage in social interaction.
Brandon: Intimidation?
Eric: Yeah, you just need to– you still do it. I just want to see what—how they respond.
Brandon: Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Amanda: Incredible.
Brandon: Well, I got a two which seems right, so—
Amanda: It's fair.
Eric: Like—and yeah, you throw a flashbang like—
Eric (as Teen Pirate): I owe that old man so hard, he uh—he threw a bomb to escape me. Probably because of deez nuts. Ah!
Julia: Damn.
Amanda: Seriously the contrast.
Eric: Julia, give me another 2 D10, please.
Julia: Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you.
Eric: Oh, we're going around twice, don't worry.
Julia: 6 and 7.
Eric: 6 and 7. Cammie, Troy's talking to an attractive young-- young flower woman. And you do not see where Umbi went, but there is [exploding sound]—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, there he is.
Eric: —and you see a flashbang go up about 20 feet behind you. And that's when you—you bump into someone that you haven't seen in a long time. Who is it?
Julia: Oh, no. Oh, I don't have a character name for this character, Eric.
Eric: Let's figure it out. Who is it?
Julia: It's the pirate that kidnapped me and made me a pirate.
Eric: Nice. Hell yeah, dude.
Julia: Like I just— the vibe is like old, kinda crazy, very superstitious man.
Eric: Mmm.
Julia: Actually, no, let's make it a lady.
Eric: Hell yeah, dude. Okay. How about I'm—I'm using fantasy-named generators here. How about Alicia Smelly Haze? Is that good?
Amanda: She's a stinkbug?
Eric: She could be a stinkbug or a corpse flower.
Julia: I want to be a good friend. And yes, and you here but Smelly Haze is so bad. No, you know what, we'll do it, we'll do it. Alicia Smelly Haze.
Eric: Alicia Smelly Haze, she's smelly.
Brandon: Smelly Haze is my Weird Al cover of Purple Haze. Goodbye.
Amanda: It's good.
Brandon: Hendrix.
Eric: [sings] Smelly Haze, Smelly Haze.
Julia: I think she's—oh, she's a Bradford pear tree.
Eric: Oh, cool.
Amanda: Oh my god. Fuck those motherfuckers. Yes. God.
Brandon: They smell bad?
Julia: Yes. For people who don't know what Bradford Pears are, they are really common like ornamental tree that, especially in the Northeast, get planted a lot. But they smell when they flower like just old cum.
Brandon: Ohhh.
Eric: Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about.
Julia: Like old semen.
Brandon: Ohhh.
Eric: Yeah, just like lot—lots of really, really small bunches of white flowers.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: It's flowering everywhere.
Amanda: Imagine like smelling a lovely like rose or like crape myrtle as you're walking down the street, but instead it smells like literal terrible shit. And it's— it's omnipresent for like three weeks every spring.
Julia: It kind of smells like cat vomit.
Brandon: Urgh.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: It's a good way to describe it.
Amanda: That, yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: It's like rotting fish, but also like, yeah, body functions. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. I love the idea that Smelly Haze's thing is yes, it's all superstition. So as you— you collide and you say —
Eric (as Smelly Haze): I knew that if I burned the special oil that I got from that trader, it was worth the four Amber that I paid them. It was worth-- I knew I would run to you again.
Eric: As you look up at Smelly Haze-- hair these white flowers are put up into a high, high bun, an eyepatch that she fiddles with and constantly is moving from one eye to another depending on what— how the ley lines are telling her. I love the idea that she's also wearing like an old— an incredibly faded, like formal dress made out of lace because like that was going to be your thing. And then—
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: —and now it's becoming all Miss Havisham-y after being a pirate for 50 years.
Julia: Love it. Love it. Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): I know that smell anywhere. Alicia!
Eric (as Smelly Haze): And I know that haunted look in her eye anywhere. It's Cammie, come in here, girl.
Julia: Big hugs.
Eric: Big hug. It smells so bad Cammie.
Julia: Yeah, yeah. Cammie just inhales deeply.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): What are you doing? I saw you standing down there but I hadn't—I hadn't kept track of you. What's there going on? I—I saw it in the moon. And the way that the moon went around and with the stars as they intersected that we'd run into each other and the oil burning and my mom spoke to me and she said Cammie's around and I'm like okay, and this seems like a dream but, what's going on?
Julia (as Cammie): My— my crew mate and my best friend Troy Riptide, he's competing at the games.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Waaah. You know that—you know that incredibly buff, handsome man?
Julia (as Cammie): I do.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): I knew that ever since you were coming up as a little sprout, you were destined for greatness. I absolutely knew it. Well, I mean, listen, I'm around, I'm not doing-- I kind of invested a lot of my money in seeing what would happen next. So I'm gonna be in town for the foreseeable future. So I'm around if you need anything, let's catch up. Like we could just swap secrets and like stories and you could read— you could you know revert my ley lines because I think they're pointing the right way and you're the only one who can put my ley lines in the right way. So I'm around, I'm—I'm hanging out.
Julia (as Cammie): We'll do a tea reading for old times sake.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Please do. Because I— I need to be told how I'm going to be able to pick up—how we're going to be picked— be able to pick up some of these crab uh— some of these crabgrass crabs, because that's the— that's the only way I'm gonna have enough money to fuel my— fuel my crew.
Julia (as Cammie): Incredible. Oh, so good seeing you. We'll make plans maybe for tomorrow night or something like that?
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Yeah, well, no. I'm here, you'll find me anywhere. Just say like, hey, where's that stinky lady and I'm—I'm there.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm really glad that you've kind of embraced that as your thing.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Yeah, I thought— I thought it was gonna be leather and lace. It's not.
Julia (as Cammie): No, but that's okay.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Smelly is just as good.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): We all learn. Yeah. How's your blood lust doing?
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, you know, average.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Amanda, give me 2 D10, please.
Amanda: Yay. Alright, that was a 9 and a 3.
Eric: A 9 and a 3.
Julia: Troy runs into another hot lady that used to be in love with him.
Eric: Troy, as you look up from talking to your old friend, Lily Rose, you also hear the [explosion] and are like, okay, there's Umbi and you hear—you just smell something real strong coming from over where Cammie is.
Amanda (as Troy): Don't want that tea.
Eric: Don't want that, don't want that. A bunch of folks kind of stick mugs in your face for you to sign.
Amanda (as Troy): Am I— am I supposed to drink out of this?
Eric (as Folks): No, no. Oh, Troy, you did so great. I didn't know who you were. Sign it, sign it.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Did Troy Rip—wait, I have an important question. Does Troy Riptide know how to write his own name?
Amanda: He simply writes a T, Julia.
Julia: Ah, of course. An ornate T, but a T nonetheless.
Amanda: It is simply an arial T.
Julia: That was incredible.
Brandon: Maybe just draws a bicep next to it, you know. Who could say?
Julia: Nice.
Eric (as Moonshine Bouncyfoots): Now hold on, hold on. You need to go to the official signing areas that happens during the afternoons. You don't want to crowd one of our contestants. Yeah.
Eric: And you see there is a cricket, not a grasshopper, cricket, definitely more—more prestigious, and nice with a little top hat and a monocle and three-piece vest, who's still going boing, boing, boing towards you.
Julia: Naturally.
Eric: As this older gentleman puts his arm around your shoulder and be like—
Eric (as Moonshine Bouncyfoots): We can't be crowding the contestants. He needs to sleep. Alright, he needs sleep.
Amanda (as Troy): Wow. Are you my grandfather? Because that's true.
Eric (as Moonshine Bouncyfoots): I could be. No Troy. My name—my name is Moonsho— is Moonshine Bouncyfoots. And I'm the mayor of— I'm the mayor of Small Key Island. I also help to organize this, this little gathering that we have here on behalf—on behalf of the Bullseye Games you know, as the Bulleye Games council. So I just want to make sure that you're taking care of at all my nieces and nephews and hopefully helping you with their clipboards and their walkie-talkies and whatnot.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh. They are so helpful. And I gotta say, the whole like mold thing on them, love it. No, this is— I can't believe I've been— I've been invited and included, like my crewmates and I, they're— one of them's over there by the smell, and one of them's over there by the smoke. We're having the best time.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I’m not.
Amanda (as Troy): Best time, man. I can't believe I'm here. Thank you.
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): Absolutely. And you can call me Mayor Moonshine. I know you didn't even you didn't ask, but I figured out just get ahead of it, if you wanted it too.
Amanda (as Troy): Mayor Moonshine, thank you.
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): For sure. Well, you know, I—Troy, I just wanted to make sure, you know, I had heard about this— this storm or this or these incidents that had happened that it kinda—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, what is it?
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): —held up your— your friend Threelips and just wanted to make sure you were doing alright.
Amanda (as Troy): Like with the boat and stuff?
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): Yeah, with the boat and stuff. And I know you—
Amanda (as Troy): No, we—we picked him up, it's really no problem.
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): Yeah, nothing— did nothing happened to you when you over there? I’m just trying to gather some information.
Amanda (as Troy): Umm, like regarding what? Like huge creatures in the deep or whatever?
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): Yeah, absolutely. I gotta bring it over to— I gotta bring it over to our security team to make sure that the stadium was is huge shipin’ and shapin’.
Amanda (as Troy): You know, we—were okay, but I—I know my colleague Cammie, she—she really wanted to, you know, go and check out-- I know you guys mentioned you need protections and stuff. And, you know, we're always trying to— trying to like protect our crew. So that would be great. If you-- do you have like a tour or anything like that? Maybe—maybe I can like set her up on that.
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): Oh, absolutely. There's an official tour for all the big uh— well, we don't call them that, but let's say what it was, for the big nerds that come in on your crew.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): More, there gonna be more. There'll be a morning cu— well, presentation of walking around and things and we'll make sure to take care of them.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, nice. I'll tell them where that's at.
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): Absolutely. For sure. Okay. Uh, hey, do you have your invitation on you? I just want to double-check it, I didn't get a chance to see it before that the people and the shooting and stuff.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah, sure.
Amanda: And Troy reaches into his, like, waterproof lining of his jacket, and pulls out his invite.
Eric: Yeah. Mayor Moonshine takes out a magnifying glass and looks at it up and holds the— holds the invitation up to the sun and be like—
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): Oh, very good, very good. That's alright. Yeah, I heard of all the wonderful thing-- I had heard of the plenty of things that the Sea Whip crew has been up to, and especially your you know, a lot of things happened to us by a friend. So I was glad to get you all involved in this whole contest.
Amanda: Now, this isn't Troy's area of expertise, but can I roll insight to see what he thinks of Tessie?
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: And what he's implying?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Was there like a watermark on the invitation when he held up to the sun?
Eric: Yeah, it was—it was an arrow that stretched out all the way around the letter.
Brandon: Ohh.
Eric: Like it went from one side to the right side and then back to the left side and going down, going down.
Julia: It's kinda cool.
Amanda: Pretty.
Brandon: Like holographic.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: 16 flat.
Julia: Good roll.
Eric: Mayor Moonshine loves theatrics and blowing up and messing with a powerful spider queen is certainly enough. There's some recency bias there, obviously, but he's sure is excite—happy that something happened to a powerful thing and he's certainly relishing what's happened to—what happened to Tessie the Storm.
Julia: Sure.
Amanda: Well, Troy's gonna shake his hand, practice all his handshaking that he learned in basic.
Eric: It's like—
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): Oh, you got a grip— nice grip there. [jumping sound]
Eric: And you’re shaking him up and down.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you, sir. I love the vertical leap of your handshake. I gotta say. But thank you so much for including us, and I hope we put on a good show for you tomorrow. We're excited.
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): Oh, absolutely. I know that you'll go into you and your crew, very interesting. Very very interesting to me.
Amanda (as Troy): Sea Whip, don't forget it.
Eric (as Mayor Moonshine): I absolutely will not.
Eric: Brandon, give me 2 D10, please.
Julia: We need to start doing whip noises after someone says Sea Whip. Like [whip noise] the Sea Whip [whip noise]
Brandon: I was thinking like, what's our slogan? Is it like, if you see the whip, you better see your way out.
Julia: You see the Whip, you already dead.
Brandon: Something like that.
Amanda: Yeah. Exactly.
Eric: Wappa!
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: [whip noise]
Brandon: Wappa!
Eric: That's Friends reference for Brandon, there you go.
Brandon: Thank you. I got it. A 7 and 9.
Eric: 7 and a 9.
Amanda: Whip, we'll come back for you.
Brandon: If we see the whi— if you see us, you better whip away. I don't know.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: Something.
Julia: We'll whip you into shape if you see us.
Eric: Umbi, after throwing the flashbang down and getting mind goblined by some teens, you're looking around trying to find your crewmates, but you do run into someone that you know. Who is another pirate that you bumped into? This can be someone that we've run into already or someone we didn't. A co-worker on the sea.
Brandon: Oh, okay. Well, I think when Umbi was first starting out, he you know, he was sort of just like, let's be honest, he was just sort of like casually strolling onto other people's boats without saying anything. And then ended up on their—in their crew.
Julia: And they're like, who is this old man? What's he doing on our boat?
Brandon (as Umbi): What, I've always been here, what do you mean?
Brandon: And I think there was a pirate on one of the boats that was like responsible for like, crafting and sewing sails, where he like learned how to make sails for ships
Eric: I like that.
Julia: Actually, no, that wouldn't play. I was gonna say the person who's in charge of sails, like on a ship when sailing is called the captain of the top, which I think is really cool.
Eric: Captain of the top.
[Hums Master of the House from Les Miserables]
Eric: In my head, this is a cattail.
Brandon: Oooh, what's that?
Eric: In my head is like because you can use it for like—
Amanda: Weaving.
Eric: —for weaving and stuff. I think it look cool. I also think it's like a bunch of— I think this— this guy's really wide, like 10 cattails in a row with like mud stuck into mud.
Julia: That's cool.
Brandon: Ohh. Cool. Okay. They also are responsible for making flags. So they also made flags.
Eric: Oh, cool. Yeah. I'm gonna use my best friend's pirate name generator.
Brandon: Now, if you can make it a pun on Betsy Ross, that would be great.
Eric: How about Bernie Roth?
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: This is Bernie.
Brandon (as Umbi): Bernie, it's been so long.
Eric (as Bernie): Oh, you old so and so, come here.
Eric: And now the cattails kind of come around on you.
Brandon (as Umbi): What? Hey, what kin—what do you mean by so and so? What do you even tell people?
Eric (as Bernie): Oh, you know you old do— you old do me for, you old stuff doing things and stuff?
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Brandon: But then he hugs him.
Eric (as Bernie): Umbi, I know you're having a good time out there because you smell like old green peppers and I haven't seen a green pepper since the waterfall was still going down. I did know it's a—
Julia: Are green peppers just super rare?
Amanda: Damn. Bell peppers. Okay.
Eric (as Bernie): No, that's my cousin. And my family—
Julia: Oh, okay.
Eric (as Bernie): —at my family reunion.
Julia: Sorry.
Eric (as Bernie): Which Umbi knew but no one else do. There was a bit of worldbuilding. Umbi, you look great. You look great.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you.
Eric (as Bernie): This whole—the whole sea air, it's really work—it's really working for you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, really, like dries your skin out and makes you look super leathery and that's great for old people.
Amanda: Oh, damn. Umbi, are you pre—are you salt preserving yourself like on the long haul?
Eric: Mmm, that's why he's so old. For sure.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric (as Bernie): Hey, listen, you know, listen, I've been doing good too, taking jobs, bumping through. You know, it's hard not having a crew. I know you have a crew. You have a crew now. You still— you still—are you still freelancing?
Brandon (as Umbi): Who’s asking?
Eric (as Bernie): Sorry for asking your—
Brandon (as Umbi): What's been your favorite flag?
Eric (as Bernie): Your freelancer, right?
Julia: What?
Brandon (as Umbi): What's been your favorite flag since the— you made since I got since we left.
Eric (as Bernie): There was one that was a skull and had flames coming out of it. But the flames were also skulls. I don't know.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool.
Eric (as Bernie): —it was good.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's cool.
Eric (as Bernie): It was good. Listen, you know, I don't know what's going on with you or not. But you know, I just want to-- you’re someone who's given me such good advice over the years. I thought that I'd be able to give you some advice in return.
Brandon (as Umbi): I didn't think I did, but yeah, I'm into it.
Eric (as Bernie): Well, I mean, you did remember you were but you—you did it. You did it. And yeah, I was—I've been reading this book, it's really been keeping me grounded. And I think it might be something—if you're still freelancing, or you got a crew of your own, I guess with some young folks is, and this is something that's really gotten me through—
Brandon (as Umbi): Who's asking?
Eric: And that's when Bernie pulls out from a—a satchel that is slung across all 10 cattails, a small book that you can slip kind of into your coat pocket or into your—your breast pocket. And it's called Dr. Radish Radish’s Field Guide to Poisonous and Not Poisonous Flowers: Pine Chicken Soup for the Greenfolk Soul and 100—and a 1001 Dirty Jokes.
Julia: Brandon, Brandon roll history—
Amanda: That's good.
Julia: —see if you wrote this.
Brandon: Can I roll history, see if I wrote this?
Eric: Absolutely.
Brandon: I guess I'm rolling history to see if I already know all 1001 dirty jokes.
Eric: For sure.
Brandon: That will give me an idea if I wrote it.
Eric: Yeah, for sure, for sure. You—you immediately go to the dirty jokes and be like, are these mine?
Brandon: That would be an 8 plus 3 for an 11.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): Umbi, these jokes are so funny, I'm gonna use this.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, man. I'm so glad I've never read them before, they're so fresh and new to me.
Eric (as Bernie): You know, there's only— I know that you think that this might be a little bunch of baudy humor. It really keeps me grounded. I got plenty of copies, I'm just giving them out. Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's weird man, did you write them?
Eric (as Bernie): No, I'm not Dr. Radish Radish. Are you Dr. Radish Radish?
Brandon (as Umbi): No. Are you Dr. Radish Radish?
Eric (as Bernie): No. Are you Dr. Radish Radish?
Brandon (as Umbi): If I were, I would be giving out books that I wrote. You know what I'm saying?
Eric(as Bernie): I do. Huh.
Brandon: [laughs] Slaps him on the back.
Julia: Someday, Brandon will roll that Nat20 on one of those history checks and will finally find out that his Dr. Radish Radish.
Eric: Finally, we'll finally figure it out.
Brandon: It would be the last episode of this arc or this campaign.
Amanda: The show will just end.
Julia: We don't even find the Salmon—
Amanda: No.
Julia: —we only find out that Umbi is Dr. Radish Radish.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: That's the ultimate mystery. That's what the keys are for.
Brandon: We find out that Umbi's been the salmon the whole time.
Amanda: That even a salmon, a salmon—
Eric: That’s a salmon.
Amanda: —the salmon is a radish. It's like a breakfast radish. It's a brunch.
Eric: Oh, it’s a salmon radish.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: Sa–it’s a radish roll.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. And I think that at that point, the three of you bump into each other in the crowd, and y'all could go do whatever you want now.
Amanda (as Troy): Someone's got to hold my hand in the future because I got lost, guys.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank god.
Julia (as Cammie): There's a lot of people.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): There's so many people.
Julia (as Cammie): Someone admitted a murder to me.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Amanda (as Troy): Whoa. Also, I'm not surprised.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. She said I had kind eyes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, that's so nice.
Amanda (as Troy): I met the mayor, he said I was great.
Julia (as Cammie): Amazing.
Brandon (as Umbi): I met an old pirate that I used to be on the ship with, he was trying to get information about me and my crew and my ship and I stopped him.
Julia (as Cammie): I saw the woman that kidnapped me to make me a pirate.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohhh.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh. I saw my childhood playmate that I have confusing feelings for as an adult.
Julia (as Cammie): Interesting.
Brandon (as Umbi): I beat a bunch of teens in a verbal joust.
Amanda (as Troy): Really?
Julia (as Cammie): Wow! That's—
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): —that's hard.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know.
Eric (as Teen Pirate): Haha haha that's the old man we made fun of earlier. Hahahaha.
Julia (as Cammie): Clearly those teens didn't see you verbally whoop the asses of those other teens.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know. It wasn't that, it was another group.
Julia (as Cammie): Mmmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Nice.
Eric: Hell yes. Alright. Later that night, yeah, y'all are all back in your barracks in the competition village. And I think y'all are just gearing up for the next day. You look outside and there's right— so in the center, there's a really big fire pit with like chairs that are strewn about. And there's— you see some of your—other competitors and you see that there are some guests and some of their friends are hanging out. And seems like people are just vibing by this big— this giant bonfire which is spil—almost spilling out of the fire pit. It is surging and glowing with such power.
Brandon: What do we—do we use wood to make fires? That's dark, man.
Eric: Interesting.
Brandon: We're just burning bodies to make fires.
Julia (as Cammie): Seems fine.
Brandon: God dammit.
Julia (as Cammie): Seems fine.
Eric: Why do you think they sa—
Amanda (as Troy): We use mosses in the Crags, but also mosses as people, so it's not better.
Julia (as Cammie): No, they're not.
Eric: Yeah. Cammie, you look out and a log thats next to the fire winks at you.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Julia: I'm gonna roll.
Eric: I'm joking. No, it doesn't. It's okay. It's okay.
Julia: Rolled a 9.
Eric: It doesn't, it doesn't.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: But yeah, y'all can just say you can hang out, you can do whatever. There's a big bonfire going on. A lot of folks are outside. Yeah, whatever y'all want to do.
Brandon (as Umbi): Are there drinks at the bonfire?
Eric: Oh, absolutely.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, fuck yeah.
Eric: There's grog, there's sweet wine, there is not sweet wine, there is super grog, there's beer. There's an IPA. IPAs exist in this one.
Amanda: Dang!
Eric: Yeah, folks are passing out bottles. Someone has a guitar out but it's like noninvasive.
Brandon (as Umbi): Incredibly purple ale.
Julia: I was gonna say there's a—there's a village in Hothouse where they make the IPAs that the town is called like, not India because that would be weird.
Eric: Oh yeah.
Julia: That is another I name that makes sense.
Eric: There's a monastery that's run by like techno monks that also make beer.
Julia: Heck yeah, man.
Eric: Yeah, for sure.
Julia: Cool as fuck.
Eric: Absolutely.
Amanda: Yeah. Let's a—let's bring some sap we took from what's it called?
Julia: Esca Island.
Amanda: Esca Island. Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, hell yeah.
Eric: Start dunking mugs.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, you want to pick up some Greenfolk with me? Cammie, I don't know what you're into.
Amanda (as Troy): Like talk to them and learn about their lives? Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Like pick up their background information from them in like their souls and then give mine back. And then it is like we are trading things—
Brandon (as Umbi): Correct.
Amanda (as Troy): —back and forth. And that is how you build the bridge of friendship.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes, correct. Okay. Cool, cool. Yes, yes that's what I meant. Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): What do you mean you don't know what I'm into?
Brandon (as Umbi): Like, like entertainmentwise, or like activity-wise.
Julia (as Cammie): Huh. I mean, I did want to go see that nerd thing as the mayor called it.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, reminds me, nerd thing, thank you. Said there is a tour tomorrow morning for all the nerds to go on. So—
Julia (as Cammie): Amazing!
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I said—I said my friend Cammie, they love nerd stuff. And um—
Julia (as Cammie): True.
Amanda (as Troy): —and um, she's great on a tour, so.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, you've read a book now, I think that makes you a nerd in pirate land.
Brandon (as Umbi): It does.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're a big fucking nerd.
Julia (as Cammie): By pirate standards.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): Alright, guys. Um, I've been working a lot on this go—on this thing. It's the song's called Wonderwall. Here we go.
Amanda (as Troy): What's up yo! We are the crew in the Sea Whip in the house. How you doing fellow competitors?
Brandon (as Umbi): What's up?!
Eric (as Threelips): Troy, I was about to play Wonderwall.
Amanda (as Troy); Oh, yeah, dawg. Yeah, yeah, do your thing.
Eric (as Threelips): It's about being at the wall in— in the Cra—the castle of the Crags. I'm sitting on it and be like wow.
Julia: Cammie candy blasts into the middle of the room is like—
Julia (as Cammie): Candy for everyone!
Eric (as Threelips): Oh, hell yeah. Waddup?! Nice!
Amanda (as Troy): We got sap, only for the real heads. Unless you don't drink, which? Cool with me.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, then you could just have the sap. I think the sap is not alcoholic right?
Amanda (as Troy): It's like super alcohol. It's like super alcohol.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, super alcohol.
Eric (as Orello): Oh, one for me, thanks. Hello, it's your best friend Orello. I've been here the enti—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, god damn it.
Eric (as Orello): I was waiting for you all to come out, because no one told me where you're sleeping, and I'm sleeping on your floor.
Julia (as Cammie): No, you're not, but okay.
Amanda (as Troy): No, you're not.
Julia (as Cammie): Didn't I send you out on a mission so that you would—I gave you Amber.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, Cammie, Cammie.
Eric (as Orello): Oh, I'm back from a—[laughs] everyone, I don't sleep until I do my thing. And then I sleep wherever I want. I've done that already.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, charge him with Amber to sleep on our floor.
Julia (as Cammie): It’s an Amber per—per night on our floor.
Brandon (as Umbi): It is.
Eric (as Auerelo): Only if you catch me.
Julia (as Cammie): Bitch, I will.
Eric (as Orello): Bitch, you better.
Julia (as Cammie): I thought— I'm no— I just need to say for the record, I'm not flirting with you and I never will.
Eric (as Orello): I need you to know I'm always flirting with you and anyone else. Alright, I'll see you later. Give me a, give— sap me, please.
Amanda (as Troy): Anyone else wants sap while I'm at it?
Amanda: And Troy will dip a small, small cup of sap into his little barrel.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Did you guys know that the word ton originally came from the number of barrels you can store in a ship. And now it means weight, but originally it was about the number of barrels what you can store in a ship, and then that’s how you get the number of tons.
Brandon (as Umbi): What? No—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): —where did—like how did the word come to mean?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh it was—it was French. Apparently, they've lasted, they've been around for a long time. It's not just a place, it's also a language.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, yeah, like Framboise beetle head, whatever her name is.
Eric: A fire blasts up as you look up and Framboise is tending to the fire and threw three logs on it covered in something into it she's just staring daggers at you Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Anyway, sap for all.
Amanda: And Troy gotta put the barrel down.
Julia (as Cammie): Also if anyone would like to know their fortunes for the competition tomorrow, one Amber for a piece for a reading.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, that's smart.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'll go first.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you, sir.
Brandon: And Umbi winks at you.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: And you know, you know the con where like you get someone who's, you know.
Amanda: A prime candidate.
Julia: Cammie— Cammie like pretends to read your tea leaves. Actually probably does, but it's like—
Julia (as Cammie): Wow, such great fortune in your future, but it could be stolen away if someone else were to intercede.
Amanda: So good.
Brandon: You like read the tea leaves for real and it's like, you should have been dead 30 years ago?
Eric: There’s just a question mark in the tea leaves.
Julia: And Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh my god, are you okay?
Brandon (as Umbi): What? Yeah, I'm fine.
Julia (as Cammie): It sa—it says some teens roasted you earlier today?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't think so. That's alright.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, interesting.
Eric: Over the fence of the competition village,
Eric (as Teen Pirates): Ha ha ha ha that’s that man.
Brandon (as Umbi): Security! Security!
Eric (as Teen Pirate): That's the man who said— that's the man who said what’s a mind goblin. Ha ha ha ha.
Julia: Eric, can I try to roll like persuasion or something or deception to get people in on my con?
Eric: Absolutely. Do yeah, do deception.
Amanda: Such a good idea.
Brandon: Maybe Julia gets a little bit of a bonus for the con that we pulled ahead of time?
Amanda: Can Brandon assist? Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, if you want to, if you also want to roll, that sounds great.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Let's figure it out. Every—everyone's deceiving.
Julia: I rolled a 16. 13 plus 3.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: I rolled 10.
Eric: 10?
Amanda: Hey, it's not harmful Brandon. Brandon?
Brandon: Not harmful.
Amanda: Not harmful.
Eric: It's certainly neutral. That's what i— that's what it seems.
Eric (as Radbert): Yeah. Alright. Yeah, I could— I could definitely use some help. That's fine. Hey, what's up, it's Radbert, your friend from earlier.
Julia (as Cammie): Radbert!
Eric (as Radbert): What's up?
Julia (as Cammie): Would you like to know your fortune?
Eric (as Radbert): I ex—I definitely would. It's probably—, it's gonna be fine whatever it is. Okay.
Amanda: I love Radbert's voice.
Julia: Eric, can I do an actual reading on Radbert?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: I don't think I have like a mechanic for this, but it is like something I magically can theoretically do, like Tasseography literally says like, oh, you do like a tea leaf premonition. But mechanically it just like allows me to swap a number for them.
Eric: Sure. That's interesting.
Julia: If I roll high enough in Arcana maybe, will you let me like actually read their fortune?
Eric: Yeah, yeah, give me an Arcana check, let's see what's out.
Julia: Sick. Ooh, 21.
Eric: 21, yes.
Julia: 21.
Brandon: It's very good.
Eric: Yeah, sure.
Amanda: That's a big number.
Eric: How about—
Julia: It's a big number. It was a 17 plus 4.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: Alright. Okay.
Eric (as Radbert): I don't know what's gonna happen next. It just—it just kind of one—one job to another, I [mumbles to himself]. Let's see what happens. Okay, yeah. Alright.
Eric: What does this look like? What— how do you do this?
Julia: So with a tea leaf reading, you have the person drink the leaves and then hand you the glass when they're done and whatever the lea—like the remaining leaves from the tea determine the shape and then are able to be read. So I think that Cammie like hands a cup of tea to Radbert is like—
Julia (as Cammie): Please be careful with my cups.
Julia: And then waits for him to finish and then takes the—the cup back and it's like—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, let's see what we have here.
Eric: Oh, yeah. Radbert, like, opens the slot on his helmet and you see some dandelion poke out. And he play, he just pours the liquid and they're close and be like—
Eric (as Radbert): I’m done. Alright.
Brandon: What does the pattern on Cammie's tea set look like? Like what are their—what are their teacups look like?
Julia: Oh, that's interesting. I think that they're kind of like blue and gold floral patterns. And if you look really closely, like it looks really nice and sweet. And then like the lower level is kind of like dark mysterious forest.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: Like bramble and thorns and dark woods the closer you look at it.
Brandon: Love that.
Amanda: Fuck yeah, dude.
Eric: That's tight as hell. Cammie, you take the cup back and you see a plant in a pot, a flower in a pot.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: And I think that that also like, being in a pot also could be like a coffin. Almost, it's something res—it's restrictive. So it's like, if you pulled the card that was like the pot, it's like, it's about being like in a box or feeling boxed in or you're be—or you're— you're kind of like stuck in your life. But at the same time, on the other hand, maybe you need the structure of the pot in order for you to live. Because being repotted is also about like finding your place. So that would—that might be able to be both sides. But yeah, you look and you see a—you see a flower in a pot.
Amanda: Beautiful.
Julia: I think Cammie is going to again, I think Cammie's doing kind of deception stuff here. So Cammie's like—
Julia (as Cammie): You have found your place in this competition and it's important to stay in your lane.
Brandon (as Cammie): It's important to quit the competition immediately.
Eric (as Radbert): Oh, okay. Well what—what does it say about my future? What are you— you can tell me something else?
Julia (as Cammie): No, that's—that's—you will succeed if you stay in your lane during the competition.
Eric (as Radbert): I'll keep doing the thing that I'm doing. Alright, I like—
Julia (as Cammie): Keep doing the thing that you're doing.
Eric (as Radbert): Okay. But does it—it does it say in– because it says that what I'm doing is the right thing, I should keep doing it?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, you will succeed—
Eric (as Radbert): I’m kind of–
Julia (as Cammie): —if you keep doing it.
Eric (as Radbert): You know I kind of—kind of dense bang bang, you know.
Julia (as Cammie): I got you, no worries.
Eric (as Radbert): Alright, great.
Julia (as Cammie): Not everything's black and white when you're reading the tea leaves, you know?
Eric (as Radbert): I understand, it's hard. I'm not one of those. That's yeah, I like it. I'm just I don't believe in some of this stuff, so it's fun. Yeah, I'm glad–
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Radbert): –you can connect to it, okay?
Julia (as Cammie): I'm glad. One Amber, please.
Eric (as Radbert): Alright, I guess that's the price, hold on.
Eric: Puts the sticks his hand in through his head grabs and pulls out, pulls out an amber, and gives it to you.
Julia: Alright, someone write down I got an extra amber.
Amanda: Yay!
Eric: Nice. Yeah.
Eric (as Radbert): Alright, pretty good.
Julia: Is Radbert the only one I convinced to get their tea read—
Eric: I think you can give in some other folks. There's a lot of people milling around, but I think you only—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: —you get one amber mechanically.
Julia: I want one from Threelips, give it to me.
Eric (as Threelips): Um, they don't—they don't let me walk around with the money, cause my—the Lord Cavendish said I couldn't do it. So, but it's fun.
Julia (as Cammie): Because you're Troy's friend, I'll give you one on the house.
Eric (as Threelips): Whoa. Nice.
Julia: Yeah. I'll just do— I want to do one more because I—I want to see what's up with Threelips.
Eric: Sure.
Eric (as Threelips): Lil—Lily, I'm getting my pa—I'm getting my leaves read.
Julia: It's only a 13 for Threelips.
Eric: For Threelips. What do you—what are you looking for? What do you want to know? What are you—what is the— what's the—the stuff trying to tell you?
Julia: I want to know– because he was being really cagey about stuff earlier and like what his quote-unquote like "top secret mission" was. Am I remembering that correctly, gang?
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Yeah. I wasn't trying to be cagey.
Julia: Oh, okay.
Eric: He might be hiding something for sure. But like he really just doesn't want to be a pirate. And he’s uncomfortable by pirates, especially seeing its friend Troy become a pirate was— was the vibe.
Julia: Then I'd like some insight on like the potential secrets he might be hiding.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Eric: I think 13, you see a plank over some water. So like some wavy lines, and then above like a straight line.
Julia: So he is being threatened. His life is on a balance and he might be pushed off soon. Got it.
Eric: Yeah, it's also could be if you looked at it positively, maybe confronting your destiny. But also that first thing.
Julia: Yeah. I think Cammies takes Threelips’ face in her hands and goes—
Julia (as Cammie): You have to face your destiny, Threelips.
Eric (as Threelips): Oh, okay. Can you give me more information?
Julia (as Cammie): I simply cannot.
Eric (as Threelips): Dang it.
Julia (as Cammie): Embrace it. Face it head on.
Eric (as Threelips): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm not gonna say I believe in you because I don't really know you super well.
Eric (as Threelips): That's fine.
Julia (as Cammie): But you need to do that.
Eric (as Threelips): That's rational. Okay. I got it. Um Troy, can I talk to you at some point today? Is that fine?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah buddy, of course. Cammie is so smart and knows about like, right now but also the future. So it can be a lot.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, sorry. Another part of the tea leaves says you should be honest with your friends even if you haven't seen them in a while.
Amanda (as Troy): See? So true, man.
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah, for sure.
Amanda (as Troy): So true.
Brandon (as Umbi): And also give up for the competition. Woo!
Eric (as Threelips): I mean, I don't— I don't think I have to give up, I'm just gonna do my best and see what happens.
Brandon (as Umbi): You’re right. I’m sorry I’m drunk.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi's a little drunk, don't listen to him.
Eric (as Threelips): But he— it seems like he's drunk a lot.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah—
Eric (as Threelips): Okay.
Julia: (as Cammie): We're pirates—
Eric (as Threelips): Ohh, I'm not—
Julia (as Cammie):—I drink a lot. Of tea.
Eric (as Threelips): So I—Troy, it's so crazy you're a pirate that's so wild.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, man. Come on over let's— let's grab a seat. Do you say Lily was here?
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah, I think Lily—Lily's over there. Yeah. Hi.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, Lily, are you in the competitor village?
Eric (as Lily): Oh, you told me to meet you here.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah, of course. I was— I was just so like, whoa. Anyway, do you guys want to like go sit over—over there? I have this sap, it’s from Esca Island, you guys ever been there? Probably not, it’s not the Crags. Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): No.
Amanda (as Troy): No, it was—it was—
Eric (as Threelips): Why would— how have you been there?
Amanda (as Troy): It was crazy. I almost died is like man every— every day another adventure on the open seas.
Julia: Does Troy want privacy with Threelips without Lily or do you want to do a group chat?
Amanda: I don't mind doing a group chat, but thank you for standing in.
Julia: Yes. I was about to braid that girl's hair.
Amanda: You can still do that, later.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: You hear someone from the podcast audience say,
Brandon (as Audience): Kiss!
Amanda: Nah, Troy’s not into kissing.
Julia: Kiss three ways.
Eric: He has three lips, he can do it.
Amanda: Nah. I'm not kissing for Troy, just reading.
Eric: Yeah. Alright.
Eric (as Threelips): Hold on. I had to finish my song, I got distracted. [sings Wonderwall] And then maybe—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, Christ.
Eric: And then kind of like the front gate to the competition village slams open and just all the light that’s twinkling in from Small Key fishing village, and the party's going on is blocked out by big wings, as Archimedes Sevens, all six foot seven of him stalks into the competition. And that's when it goes [guitar string breaks] as—as Threelips subs play the guitar.
Brandon: Yeah, like three of the strings break.
Eric: Yes, he breaks three of his strings. Yeah.
[theme]
Amanda: Hello, hello, it's Amanda. I did something very scary this weekend, which is go through all of my clothes. And for perhaps the first time in my entire life, I did the thing you're actually supposed to do, which is gather all of my clothes from every drawer and suitcase and under-bed storage box and put them all on top of my bed and then went through them one by one to figure out what I wanted to keep and move to my new place and what I didn't. And you know what the thing that really warmed my heart was holding up an item of clothing, knowing it did not make me happy and thinking about the fact that it will make someone else happy when I donate it, and let someone else enjoy that tank top. That was always too long on me or that jumpsuit that I really wanted to make work but just didn't feel good. So welcome to the mid-roll. Someone else will really enjoy that thing. Welcome first and foremost to our newest patrons Jason Dean, Alex Wakefield, Valerie V. Evans Meeks, and Ace. You know, sometimes I open my email inbox and feel some trepidation. But the one kind of email that always makes me grin is a new patron email. It is truly the highlight of my week, month year life and the emails that come in when folks upgrade to an annual pledge. Those are so helpful and they give you a discount on an entire year of supporting Join the Party. If your income is seasonal, if you want to give a year's worth of Patreon support to a friend, you can do that. Because we can only make the show with all of the time and support that you give us. Your financial support on Patreon lets us take so much time to make the show the best it can be. Join us today at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. We love your membership, we love your support and we love the annual support even more. Hey, did you know that we stream on Twitch every single week? On Thursdays, at 3pm Eastern, we host Join the Party Side Quests, where we dream up settings, characters, quests, and items for you to use in your home campaign, or just to watch us create on Canva and put in silly illustrations and GIFs and make wonderful jokes. If you like the vibes of like the bloopers at the end of an After Party or a cold open, you will love side quests. We have not just that live session every single week, but also dozens of streams archived on our YouTube channel. We have a very, very cool crew who watches live with us each week, shout out to the Joken crew. So join us today, become one of us at twitch.tv/jtpsidequests. That link is in the description as well. Always a lot going on here a Multitude. And this week I want to tell you about Tell Me About It. This is a game show helmed by our own Eric Silver, proving that the things you like are actually interesting. Now Eric plays a manservant, a butler to Adal Rifai from Hello from the Magic Tavern and Hey Riddle Riddle. Adal cannot be cooler and funnier, and Eric could not be better at playing a lowly manservant. It's an incredibly fun dynamic. If you've ever watched Taskmaster, it is incredibly like that but a podcast. Or you can think of it as an in depth conversation about something your friend is really super duper into mix with like gamification and hunting humans for sport. The high score board is filled with some of your very favorites in podcasting, Janet Varney, Jenna Stoeber, Jeffrey Cranor, Matt Young and more. The most recent episode had Paul Bay, so much fun. New episodes come out every other Thursday. So join us look up, Tell Me About It in your podcast app, or go to tmai pod.com. We are sponsored this week by Twenty Sided Store. Now as Eric and I have been going through all of our stuff to figure out what we want to keep and what we want to donate as we move to a new apartment. Some of the things that make us smile the most are the things we got from Twenty Sided. That includes ziens, and notebooks and dice and dice bags, and figurines and board games and booster packs to other kinds of board games, and trading card games we already have. Actually, when we were visiting Eric's mom, in Nashville, we played an incredibly fun card game with her friend Pam shout-out, Pam, you're a real one. And Miranda, Pam's daughter who was like my mom's Pam, I don't know what to tell you. But anyway, she taught us an incredible card game that requires many different decks of cards, like multiples, but they have to have different patterns. And so I was like, Eric when we get home, we should go to Twentysidedstore. And we can pick up more decks of cards that we can play notes at home, too. And if you're in Brooklyn, I know lots of you've done this already, you gotta go check them out. They're in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. And whether you go in person, or you go to twentysidedstore.com, spell out the word twentysided store.com, you can use the code pirate for 20% off your order online, or just mentioned, Join the Party in the store. And don't forget, check out M Shanghai next door for the best soup dumplings this side, this river. twentysidedstore.com use the code pirate for 20% off your order. Finally, the show is sponsored by BetterHelp. And these ads guys really give me the opportunity to check in with myself about all of the struggles that I'm having, and all of the components of my own mental health journey, and my self-care journey that I am trying to be committed to. And this season with BetterHelp, this month, they're asking us to talk about tough choices that you are sometimes faced with in life. And those can certainly be big choices and I've definitely been there. But for me, tough choices are sometimes also really small. And they might be about you know, do I kind of lay in bed for another hour when I don't need the sleep and I really want to or is it better if I like stretch or do my journal or do something else or go for a walk, like what will help me set up for a successful day. And thinking about a policy and what I will actually make the most help up so I don't have to make those decisions in the moment. Setting a course ahead of time, making a plan with my therapist is something that I really, really appreciate. And trusting yourself to make decisions that align with your values gets easier as you do it. And saying to a therapist, hey, I need help doing this cause I can't do it on my own, gets easier every single time I do it. And when I could not find a therapist in person when I was feeling really paralyzed and not sure where to go, being able to get access to therapy online and to switch therapists at any time for no additional charge was hugely helpful when I was in a place that making decisions was really hard. So let therapy be your map with BetterHelp visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterHELPcom/jointheparty. And now let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Julia (as Cammie): Oh no Archimedes, I thought you were sick.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Where is the old man who made me not awake?
Brandon: Ummm…
Julia: Smoke bomb.
Brandon: Unfortunately, Umbi touches the oil of taggit and pretends and— well doesn't pretend, but maybe everyone else thinks he passed out from the alcohol, he just becomes unconscious.
Eric: He unconscious himself.
Brandon: Yeah. He doesn’t want to deal with this.
Julia: Rather than face his—
Amanda: Damn.
Eric: It's just like— it just like, bop.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I'm so drunk, I can't— I can't even stand.
Brandon: And then he like dips a little finger into the like remnants of the oil—
Eric: Touches himself in the middle of the forehead and out.
Brandon: Yeah, uh huh.
Amanda: Damn.
Eric: Umbi's out, Umbi's out. Okay, okay.
Brandon: This is called avoiding your issues. Avoiding conflict.
Julia: By passing out.
Amanda: Troy's gonna make eye contact with Cammie and be like—
Amanda (as Troy): Are you okay to handle this?
Julia (as Cammie): I'll wake him up later, it's fine.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, thanks.
Eric: Just a 15 foot death moth wingspan sees you from across the bonfire and stalks over, like rea—real determined steps. Archimedes I think has perfect like soldier like steps where he's like, knee comes all the way up and down, and all the way up and down.
Julia: Like a parade horse.
Eric: Yeah. Clop, clip, clop, clip, clop, clip, clop.
Amanda (as Troy): Um, Archie? Hey, Troy Riptide. I'm the one who's competing, that's my grandpa.
Eric (as Archimedes Seven): Troy Riptide.
Amanda (as Troy): That's me.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I should have heard of you but I didn't it. That's on me.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, thank you sir. I have not been a pirate for that long, so I think it's totally– I get it if you haven't heard of me yet, but I think once you hear the name you never gonna forget it. Troy Riptide. Anyway, uh—
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I won't.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, cool. When my grandpa annoys me or like other—other lads back in the Crags, I would draw on their face with this permanent marker. Would you like it?
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I would. Thank you.
Eric: Grab– Takes two hands, grabs it.
Brandon: That's amazing.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Brilliant, brilliant.
Amanda (as Troy): Grandpa will be really mad at me later, but I thought this was maybe a good like outlet for your aggression.
Julia (as Cammie): Good prank, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks, Cammie.
Brandon: To be clear, I did roll a bomb save against myself and did succeed, so I'm not poisoned but I am knocked out.
Julia: Alright, that's good. Fine, I'll wake you up later, like I said.
Eric: Sure, that's fine.
Amanda: You guys can work on getting off the Sharpie, whatever happens, yeah.
Brandon: A creature does wake up if it takes damage though. So if that's of interest to you, Eric.
Eric: That is of interest to me. Thank you.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): That's your grandfather?
Amanda (as Troy): Yes, sir.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): And you respect his counsel?
Amanda (as Troy): Most of the time. Like I'll listen, I like hear it, but then I might not listen, you know what I mean? I'd be like, thanks, grandpa, but then I'll do something different. Sometimes.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): And you tea—tea magistriss, do you also respect—
Julia (as Cammie): Hello!
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): You also respect his counsel?
Julia (as Cammie): …Sure!
Amanda (as Troy): Like he's our crew, you know what I mean.
Julia (as Cammie): If he asks, yes.
Amanda (as Troy): He's our crew.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I understand. I'm just trying to get the facts.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): From what I understand and how— I should have done more research on the Sea Whip. And all the various trials and tribulations all of you have done.
Julia (as Cammie): We're pretty chill.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): So, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Mostly small, boat’s kind of crap.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I understand.
Julia (as Cammie): Boat’s really crappy.
Eric (as Archimedes); I knew. I don't tru—I don't understand necessarily why your boat is such trash.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Archimedes): Is it a tactic, or you just like living in trash?
Julia (as Cammie): Trash.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, it's like we're comfortable in it, and we don't really respect ourselves enough to like make it better.
Julia (as Cammie): There's a ghost on it.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. We don't even—there's a whole room we don't even go into.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): This is more unbelievable. I thought it was a tra—I thought it was a tactic, but a ghost?!
Julia (as Cammie): A ghost.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): It seems like it's hemmed together.
Brandon: A trash ghost.
Eric (as Archiemedes): It seems like it's hemmed together with just algae.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, the algae does not like us very much.
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Eric (as Harold): Well, that's because you're boring bitches.
Julia (as Cammie): You can't hear us.
Eric (as Harold: Yes I can, I'm drinking on the porch.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Interesting, interesting. The Sea Whip becomes more of a curious—curiosity as it goes.
Amanda (as Troy): What's your whole deal?
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Oh, me?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Archimedes Sevens?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia: He sounds like he's about to break into song in a musical.
Eric: Weeeeeelll.
Julia: Me? Archimedes Sevens? [sings] Well, let me tell you about Archimedes Seven.
Brandon: [sings] I'm a big moth with big wings, and a skull on my wing.
Julia: And big dreams.
Amanda: [sings] Once when I was a little pupae, I dreamed of being here. Dream sequence. It's a ballet, don't talk about it.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: That's beautiful.
Amanda: Yeah. And everyone goes to the bathroom in Oklahoma during the ballet.
Julia: The dream ballet takes so long.
Amanda: So long, it’s like nine minutes, come on, get out of here.
Julia: Come on.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Archimedes Sevens, future— future-builder of the Hothouse.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, no way.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): That's me.
Amanda (as Troy); That's im—so you're gonna like, you're like elected and stuff?
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): No, once my grandfather passes, and hopefully he will go on to the great mulcher in the sky.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, it's nepotism?
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): No, actually, it's exactly the opposite. It's through a se—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): —Its through a retro rigorous—
Brandon: You’re a nepo-moth.
Amanda: It’s good, it’s good.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): —through a rigorous set. Through rigorous government-sanctioned series of challenges and contests through battle and wits. We eventually decide who the future Builder is going to be in the Hothouse, the—the leader of society, religiosity, and government. It's a perfect system.
Julia (as Cammie): So if he's not dead yet, and you haven't done the trials yet, how do you know that you're going to be Builder?
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I'm preparing, which is why I'm here and I'm going to win the contest in a thrilling comeback as designated after my DNP, did not finish, did not pla–
Julia: Did not finish but with a P.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): My did not p-finish.
Amanda: Yes, yes yes.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): And it's only going to become more and more dramatic. So I'm—
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, Cammie, it's like that thing where I say I am Troy Riptide's greatest shot on the open seas and I am going to win the games which I did not know about until I was invited.
Eric (as Framboise): [spits] Well, you're certainly not going to whatever you tell people..
Amanda (as Troy): Framboise!
Eric (as Framboise): No, I'm not talking to you. I'm tending to the fire. Continue other conversations.
Julia (as Cammie): It seems that you responded to him though.
Amanda (as Troy): Do you want a throw down?
Eric (as Framboise): I am here. I am just here tending fire. I'm not doing anything else. I go– you can have all four of these hands.
Amanda (as Troy): Lily, Three. Do you want to tell Framboise over here what happens when you challenge Troy Riptide to a throwdown?
Eric (as Lily): No, you don't, you don't want to do that.
Amanda (as Troy): You don't want to tell them, or you don't want to throw down, you have to be more specific.
Eric (as Lily): I don't want it. Is this happ— this is gonna happen?
Eric (as Threelips): Oh, I'll tell you exactly what happens. And Troy's gonna take you down with his great shots because he's the best. And I know that because I'm Threelips, his best friend.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks. Anyway, you got something to say about the Crags? Got three Cragish right here ready to hear it.
Eric (as Framboise): Oh, I don't have to say anything about the Crags. I will do it and I have been doing it. You must be– have been gone a long time. Boy pretending to be pirate, pretended to be scallywag. I have lived it. It is me.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, is it against the rules to punch another contestant not in the arena?
Julia (as Cammie): Let me check.
Julia: What am I rolling again?
Eric: No, you're fine.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: No, you're chill.
Julia: Cammie glances over and just like—
Julia (as Cammie): Nah, seems chill.
Amanda: Yeah, I want to punch Framboise.
Eric: Sure, do it.
Brandon: Punch them, Punch them.
Julia (as Cammie): As long as it's not in the arena.
Amanda: [laughs] It is a Nat20.
Eric: That's right.
Brandon: Oh shit.
Julia: Punch. Earn respect, earn respect.
Brandon: Punch that bug, punch that bug, punch that bug.
Amanda: Troy is going to kneel down, kiss Lily Rose's knuckles, take a little Cragish ring off her finger, put it on his own, and then punch Framboise right on the cheek, making a little impact of the House Breakstone sigil right on his cheek.
Brandon: That's what Troy calls a stamp.
Amanda: Yep.
Julia: The Troy Riptide stamp of approval.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Okay, Amanda, because I'm not— I don't want to roll for damage, but I would like to ask what would you like this punch to do? What— are you—would you like to intimidate? Do you want this to continue? What are you— I'll give you an extra effect of this.
Amanda: I would like to intimidate and hurt her pride, but not cause lasting damage. I'd love for this stamp to be there the next day. That's the level of damage I want to do.
Brandon: Like a bruise in the shape of the stamp, yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: That's hot.
Amanda: I want to hurt her pride, not her body. That's how you really get ‘em.
Eric: This sounds wild. Just ri— ring on bug exoskeleton. Just a real—just a cru– it's a crunch honestly. As he come down Framboise hits the ground, everything silent for a second as she picks herself up and says—
Eric (as Framboise): Okay, you are not masquerading as anything. I hate you, but I respect you.
Amanda (as Troy): I respect your whole jam lady.
Eric (as Framboise): I appreciate that. But know this, small crack of the Crags, if you do that again, I will show you what I ended up doing. Do you know the Brackish? You know the House of Vine? Do you know why there are only a few remaining members of those houses?
Amanda (as Troy): I did not get that thorough of an education.
Eric (as Framboise): It was me, I did this. This is what the Le Mans means, and soon I will make you respect. Although I respect you, you will respect me and what I'm fighting for.
Amanda (as Troy): I am open to learning but not to insults. And I genuinely want to learn more about you and my hometown.
Amanda: Troy wipes away an angry tear.
Eric: Framboise grabs the drink out of your hand and throws it in the fire as goes [fire whooshes]
Amanda: Can Troy offer hand to help her stand up?
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. She takes your hand and pulls herself up and be like—
Eric (as Framboise): Okay, this is pirate party, of course someone's got to punch someone else.
Amanda (as Troy): Woo!
Julia (as Cammie): Whooooo!
Brandon: Umbi would whoo but he's unconscious.
Julia: Still unconscious.
Amanda: Oh no.
Eric: Umbi, please take one point of damage as you feel a marker being pushed hard into your chin.
Brandon (as Umbi): Uhhh. What the fuck, get off me. Ow! Ow! Ow!
Eric: And you look up and just a big moth face and all of the light– You are just in darkness, as these big black moth wings are blocking out over the light and you are— your head is cradled in the lap of Archimedes Sevens.
Brandon: Umbi looks up and says—
Brandon (as Umbi): Am I in hell, is this hell? Did I finally die? This is it?
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, great, okay.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Admit it, you were the one who took me out of the contest when you came about and flounced and said, oh, I want to touch these things, and I want to touch these things. That was you, and you put me out.
Brandon (as Umbi): What do you mean? I don't— I just wanted to see your cool stuff.
Eric: Archimedes grabs you by the shoulder and hold– and shakes you about.
Brandon (as Umbi): [shaking sound]
Julia (as Cammie): Hey, hey, hey.
Brandon (as Cammie): This is elder abuse.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Admit it! Admit it!
Brandon (as Umbi): Admit what?!
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Admit you put me out. Take your spoils, old sir.
Brandon (as Umbi): I didn't do anything. I just— I just liked how cool your stuff was and then you fell asleep.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Until the end.
Brandon (as Umbi): Are you gonna kill me?
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): A trickster, a wiley— a wiley fellow. There's much that I have to learn from you, sir. I respect your counsel. Make me more—make me more of a wiley son of a gun.
Julia: Incredible. Amazing.
Amanda: Damn.
Brandon: And then yeah, Umbi's feet hit the ground, so he puts an arm around Archimedes.
Eric: Oh, no, you're still in the air, you're fully still in the air.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, first lesson is don't shake old people. Their seeds go all about and it hurts.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Oh, I have to write that down.
Eric: He drops you and pulls out a leather-bound journal and writes that down.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, great. Thank you. Second lesson is that competitions foster the worst in everyone and they're not valuable to enter. And if you find yourself in one, you should immediately quit, for the good—
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): He is like an Oracle and a riddle at the same time. Which—which do I listen to? Which do I not? It—this is incredible, it's wonderful. Okay.
Eric: The party continues and rages on. Everyone's drinking and laughing and having a good– a wonderful time. You get a few hours of this. Folks have played various bad songs on the guitar, and you're all kind of sitting around drinking out of dark bottles, sweet wine, not sweet wine.
Brandon (as Umbi): [singing American Pie drunk]
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Is that ol— that's an old a—and old sea shanty, you know?
Brandon (as Umbi): No, it's called American Pie, by The Pretenders. I don't know who made that song.
Julia: Someone pretending to be the band that actually sings that song.
Amanda: Troy is as gesticulating wildly to Lily and Threelips and saying—
Amanda (as Troy): When—when a barrel gets a crack in it, the thing you put in between the boards to make it watertight again is called a spile.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Threelips): Troy, that's such—such a good story.
Eric (as Lily): Troy, you're so weird now.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, dude.
Eric (as Lily): Cool.
Amanda (as Troy): They're awesome.
Julia: Troy's eyes are huge.
Amanda (as Troy): It's awesome. Man, it's great. And sometimes when you read the book, it's like you're in it. It's amazing.
Eric (as Radbert): Alright, I think it's about that time of the night, is as it always happens. So um, so do—do we think— we think the salmon’s real or not? I gotta bring up– You know, I don’t want to talk about religious conversations, but it happens. We've all been in our ca— our bottles and cups enough.
Julia: See which— where's Havana Tropicana?
Eric: Oh, he's out there.
Julia: He's not there.
Eric: No. Neither is Conti—Continuous Thankful is not there either.
Julia: Yeah, that's why I'm concerned, Eric.
Amanda: Uh-oh.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Eric's making his ‘who, me?’ face.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Amanda: Oh no, the glove is creeping closer.
Eric (as Radbert): Yeah. Alright. So I know– listen, we've been in our cups enough a little bit. I think it's— it's that time in the night. So do we think these salmon’s real or is it uh-- Or is it something else? Come on, okay we got a—we got to talk about it, it's—
Brandon (as Umbi): What do you mean? It's—wait, of course it’s real, what do you mean?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, we're out here seeking it. I think—I think personally, it’s like, it's like a lake, but in the lake is Amber.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's probably it.
Eric (as Radbert): I mean, you know, we've all—the vari—whether we grew up, you know-- and we've all heard the stories and it doesn't mean that it's real or not, it could be— it's a metaphor for, you know, Greenfolk sticking together or just, who knows why the Cascade stopped, you know? Could be anything.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, that’s true. It could be climate change.
Amanda (as Troy): I think if I read enough books, I can figure it out.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think it's a mangrove in the middle of the sea.
Eric (as Framboise): It could be. You know, I don't— what if a— yeah, what if it doesn't exist? I mean, okay, the sea-- I know that— listen, there are fishers out there, and there are also people who you know, maybe we're a little, a little more cynical, things where life has brought us down a little bit. I mean, it can be it's— maybe it's a thing just to bring Greenfolk together for Cascade when the Cascade dried up and I don't know. It's a wast— what are we— what are we supposed to tell each other when— when all of— when the world’s water source goes away? We need to hold each other together. I think that each of the governments of all the—each the— each of the countries came together and planted the— they planted the— the stones, the drought stones, of course. Yeah, each of the coun— yeah, they're not friends with each other and that's the perfect gu— perfect guise. Oh, you know, to convince all of us that this wasn't a coordinated attempt.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah?
Brandon (as Umbi): I think he's a conspiracy plant.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Do—
Brandon (as Umbi): That's fine I guess, but don't listen to him, he’s–he’s-- that's not true.
Julia (as Cammie): The Salmon's real.
Eric (as Radbert): Hey, how do you know?
Julia (as Cammie): Cause I know, because I believe.
Eric (as Radbert): Okay. I mean good, fine.
Amanda (as Troy): So what do you think?
Eric (as Framboise): I don't know, I don't— I only believe in things that I know. Things that I think me and my fellow folk were together. Could be or could be not. Not the way to live an entire life.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, have you been outside of the Crags before?
Eric (as Framboise): Eh, no?
Julia (as Cammie): Then how do you know that the other countries exist? You haven't seen them.
Eric (as Framboise): Well, I went on vacation once, since the Crags butting up against Hothouse. I've been to the border--to the border towns.
Julia (as Cammie): Then how do you know that Open Fields exists or Overstalk exists?
Eric (as Framboise): Why, are you lying? I mean you're lying? Well, because I've met someone whose name is like Happiness that's why, they would not do that intentionally. I've seen it, it's—
Julia (as Cammie); I'm just saying, you know, we believe things because we— even if we haven't seen them, we know that they're true.
Brandon (as Umbi): How do you know that the—the prize exists for the end of this competition? We've never seen it.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. And if anybody sees it, and doesn't give it to me, I'm never gonna take my shirt off around you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Have we said Troy Ripped Tide yet?
Julia (as Cammie): No, but we should.
Brandon (as Umbi): We should.
Eric (as Orello): I will start saying it at all times, Troy— oh, it's because it's what I've been thinking.
Julia (as Cammie): Orello, go to bed.
Eric (as Orello): Never.
Julia (as Cammie): Pay me one Amber's to sleep on our floor. They're mine.
Eric (as Orello); I'm gonna sneak into your house when you're sleeping, and you won't know I'm there.
Julia (as Cammie): I will kill you.
Eric (as Orello): I hope so.
Brandon (as Umbi): I kind of assume you've been doing that anyway.
Eric (as Orello): I have been.
Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): The whole —the whole-- what are we supposed to do? What, you don't believe in things? Of course, you have to believe in things. Why would you end up doing anything if you didn't believe it wholly in your heart? Of course, it's the— there's the Salmon and it's gonna grant you a wish, and it's going to re-- to-- the Cascade’s going to come back, that's what it says. I don't know why you would have read something and something so monumental what happened to our world and you wouldn't believe it.
Julia (as Cammie): I— shockingly Archimedes I agree with you.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, I think whether or not it does exist, we got—we got to go figure it out. You know, like if I get there—
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): —and then what's there is like, nothing, or like one Amber, or like an empty treasure chest what it says fooled you, then you know, at least you know that you got it. And at least you know that you were there. And then you can go back and like say your own thing. Or maybe it's somewhere different, or maybe it's another clue. And that's you know, I think it's pretty interesting. And—and I'm not —I'm not, not gonna, I'm not, not, not, not gonna do it because I don't know what it is. And I don't think it's a lie. Because like why would anyone lie about it and have a bunch of pirates go do it? We're not like, no one's missing us. They don't care what we do, you know?
Brandon (as Umbi): I care what you do, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh thanks man.
Julia (as Cammie): I also care what you do, Troy.
Eric (as Threelips): I al—
Amanda (as Troy): More like our governments and shit, you know.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): I mean, I also care what you do, and so does Lily. So I don't know why you would say that.
Amanda (as Troy): Not like that dude, more like I don't know, I don't-- I can't imagine anyone would like lie about all of this just to like make us all like what? Stay busy like chasing something and like going somewhere? Like it's not like we're not doing something else important because we're looking for the Salmon.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, if anything the Salmon is real and they're using us to find it, and then as soon as we do they're gonna kill us and take it. You know?
Eric (as Radbert): Who—who's the conspiracy plant now? Who's they?
Brandon (as Umbi): Still you.
Eric (as Radbert): No, you said they, who's gonna—who's they?
Brandon (as Umbi): No, still you. You're still the conspiracy plant.
Julia (as Cammie): Conversations with drunk people are fun.
Eric (as Radbert): I am fine, you guys can do whatever you want. I bet you still believe— I bet you believe in the keys too.
Amanda (as Troy): What do you think about the keys?
Julia (as Cammie): Keys, what keys?
Eric (as Radbert): What do you mean what? Come on we're all pirates here. We're all [gibberish]
Eric (as Archimedes): What—there's— there's an extra thing. I thought we just find the salmon and then there's a, there's a salmon and then there's a thing.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, Radbert, tell us about the keys.
Eric (as Radbert): Oh, yeah. I mean, I haven't read you—what you—you go to the book— you just go to the Book Depository and get shirts that say I hate my wife on them?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, and a knife.
Julia (as Cammie): And also drink drinks
Eric (as Radbert): Yeah. Oh yeah, I mean the keys it's like uh—
Julia (as Cammie): Tell us about it.
Eric (as Radbert): Oh yeah I found this old journal and said like there's you know there's keys to the—hold on, let me get it.
Julia: Please have the whole thing, please have the whole thing, please have the whole thing.
Amanda: If that's a goddamn souvenir, I'll be so mad.
Eric: It was on the back of the extra-large shirts.
Eric (as Radbert): Oh, yeah, I mean, like, you know, it's the—okay hold on. It's like the water will slow to fall, the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replace the world, the salmon will grant you a wish, whatever you desire. And it's like, a key in the sky. A key for a maze. A key that still hurts and a key something… I can't remember. I can't remember the—
Brandon (as Umbi): What the last one?!!
Amanda: Troy shakes his shoulders.
Eric (as Radbert): I don't know—wait—hey, oh, I— watch the—watch the merchandise.
Amanda (as Troy): I love rhymes!
Julia (as Cammie): You have to finish the rhyme, Troy won't be able to sleep tonight.
Amanda (as Troy): It's like an unfinished book!
Eric (as Radbert): I don't remember it. I don't even remember, it's in my ship, that I don't-- the journal’s on my ship, come on.
Brandon (as Umbi): Where's your ship?
Julia: I'm gonna roll Insight just to make sure that he's like telling us the truth that this is actually the like, the third part of the third key.
Eric: Yeah.
[dice roll]
Julia: Ooooh-hooo-hoo! 25.
Eric: Yeah, this is real. That's it, the third thing is a key that still hurts. The 25, you know ho—you smelled—
Julia: Yes.
Eric: —something before. You smell the resu—the—the—
Julia: The resurrection magic?
Eric: Resurrection magic, it's like an old, like old books? Cammie, you smell some—there's something else, there's another scent there as well, and you can't put your finger on it. But there's some other magics that's happening with Radbert.
Julia: What does it smell like, Eric?
Eric: You can't suss it out right out, but you know that you— you smell something else. That's like underneath the resurrection magic, okay?
Eric (as Radbert): Yeah, it's— I mean I'll look at if you got if— I look in the I—I—I can't remember, but the journal’s in there. I'll find it later if you y'all really want.
Eric (as Archimedes): I'm interested, I'd never heard of this key before, these keys before. And it's-- just so happens that our contest has a key. So…
Brandon (as Umbi): I think the keys though are fake, right?
Eric (as Archimedes): What a jester.
Eric: As he hits you incredibly hard and Umbi, it takes the wind out of you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh!
Amanda (as Troy): Lily, Three, you ever heard of this stuff?
Eric (as Lily): No, I don't really keep— I'm not— I wasn't anticipating being involved in this stuff.
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah, I'm kind of more— I've been focused on other things like whether or not I've being set up to die if I lose, so, I don’t know.
Amanda (as Troy): Again, could be a pirate.
Eric (as Threelips): I don't want that.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Eric (as Threelips): I really—Troy, I'm glad you found a thing but I don't want this.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, alright.
Eric (as Threelips): I don't want it.
Brandon (as Umbi): You could be rich. It's fun.
Eric (as Threelips): I don't want that.
Eric: And he points at Umbi.
Eric (as Threelips): You gotta be that? You smell like old bell peppers all the time?
Amanda (as Troy): No, no, that’s just him, that’s just him.
Eric (as Threelips): That's— I know, I want it I—I would rather di—I would rather die and leave a pretty corpse than need to escape from the things. Troy, I know you did, it’s not what I want to do!
Amanda (as Troy): That's fair, that's fair.
Eric (as Threelips): Okay? Geez! Troy, you just left, so don't tell me about life advice! You on-- your own so—weird scallywags, I'd rather die. And what— what I'm doing then have to is run away for the various other reasons. You're like, oh, you just run away because they ask-- you have to run away because there's a big Salmon. What if you're just running away because you don't want to deal with your problems anymore, huh? Why don't you just confront your problems instead? I know it's cool, you get on a ship and you're get to stab people for fun and you're—you don't use—you don't really use doublooms, use this other thing that has a bug in it. Okay, sure, fine. I don't want that. Other people don't want that. The majority of Verta Stello doesn't want that. Fuck! Leave me alone. Troy, I know you're running from all types of shit, but not my thing, okay? I guess I'm allowed to do it and I don't have— I don't have everything haunting me like it does— whatever your—whatever you’re out there doing and stuff so, no, I just— I'll— if—if Lord Cavendish is taking me out back when I come back to the Crags and that's what happens. I gotta face my destiny, right? Tea la– tea lady, yeah?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): I'll do it, so.
Julia (as Cammie): I did tell you that, huh?
Eric (as Threelips): You sure did. So I'm gonna just do it. I'm gonna go—I'm gonna go sleep on the ship and we're gonna hang out here anymore with you, you guys that I'm going to eat like the rock grubs, my favorite— my— my rock grubs from my— where I grew up and then I'm gonna go back and see what happens there. So, see you later, dude. Pirates.
Amanda (as Troy): Losers. You can call us losers.
Eric (as Threelips): Losers.
Brandon (as Umbi): Rude.
Eric (as Threelips): Bye.
Julia (as Cammie): Awkward.
Amanda (as Troy): Sweet dreams.
Eric (as Threelips): By—bye.
Eric: Threelips throws a bottle on the ground and storms out.
Brandon (as Umbi): That’s unnecessary. I gotta clean that up now.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I gotta—
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, you okay?
Amanda (as Troy): Gotta talk to him tomorrow I guess? Boofed
Julia (as Cammie): Boofed indeed.
Amanda (as Troy): Is this what happens when you have too much sap? My head hurts.
Eric (as Framboise): You can call it-- go to sleep whenever you want. I just—
Amanda (as Troy): No, I just— sorry guys.
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe we should get some rest for the competition tomorrow.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I think— I think you guys will have more fun without me um, I'm gonna— come on Orello, we can be bunkmates.
Eric (as Orello): Everything works out for Orello eventually.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, Troy, make sure you charge him an Amber for it.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I'll just pickpocket him, don't worry.
Julia (as Cammie): Sweet.
Eric (as Framboise): Nice.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're always fun.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks, bud.
Eric (as Orello): Troy, how can you pick my pockets when I'm not wearing any pants?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, right, good way.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, god.
Julia: You can pick a pocket even if the pocket isn't on a person.
Eric: Gross.
Brandon: That's true.
Julia: That's also a fun tongue twister that you could do with your friends.
Julia and Brandon: You can pick a pocket even if the pocket isn't on a person.
Amanda: Good.
Julia: Cammie needs to go find Havana Tropicana because she's getting very nervous. I mean, we were gonna go to bed anyway, I'll use a spell for this.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Yeah, do it.
Julia: Cammie's gonna use Sending and send a message to Havana Tropicana being like—
Julia (as Cammie): Hi, I'm concerned about you. Where are you?
Eric: And Sending, I can shoot something back to you, right?
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Sick.
Eric: I like the idea that it's like a-- like a sungull flies in—a magical sungull like flies your message.
Julia: Yeah, like a steam sungull. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, for sure. It comes back and back.
Julia: I really like the idea of it being like a little like hummingbird-style creature as well. Like very small—
Eric: Sure.
Julia: —very fast.
Eric: A bud-bully.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: I like that. Yeah.
Julia: That's cool, yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Okay, you get a message back that says—
Eric (as Havana): At study group, come join us, all are welcome.
Julia: Does he include where the study group is or do I have to charge a spell—
Eric: Yeah, yeah, he’s said the study group.
Julia: Okay. Cool. Cool. Cammie's like gotta show up.
Brandon: It's like 1 am.
Julia: Yeah, that's fine.
Eric: Wow, I guess someone's not super into the Path. Wow. Sorry, your life is without meaning, Brandon. And you're gonna come back as manure.
Julia: Cammie, with a lot of trepidation, is gonna go to this study group and be like—
Julia (as Cammie): Knock, knock, knock, Havana, it's time for bed.
Eric: Man, I love the idea. This must be like a grocery store that's in town that gets shut down around 5. I guess like maybe they're using— like someone's pulled out a table and chairs to use, like, someone's rented out the grocery store when it's not open. And yeah, there's a bunch of folks wearing traditional Path garments. Like those big flowing robes, and you know, everyone's kind of sitting around and has their own— have their books out. And there's a lot of like, giggling I guess, as you wa— as you walk in. As they're having good clean Path fun. You walk in, you hear—
Eric (as Continuous): Ah, Cammie Cassis, I'm glad that it's nice to hear that someone—someone who strayed from the Path was coming in to join us. You know, not only am I a world-class marksman, and of course a paladin-- A paladin who strives around the out—strives around the Open Fields, dealing they—helping and dealing things for other people. I'm also— I'm also a Cresco.
Eric: And standing in front of you, Continuous Thankful, who is now wearing an immaculate, immaculate suit. So shiny and new and crisp, like edges. Edges where the iron hits the cloth.
Brandon: What color?
Eric: Oh, it's like the— Brandon, you know what it is? It's the color of right when there's a sliver of sun going over the— over the horizon. You look up in the blue, so it's black, but with a touch of blue, still reminding you that the sun will come back eventually to light up the sky once again.
Amanda: Beautiful.
Brandon: Beautiful.
Amanda: Beautiful. Cammie hates it.
Eric: And he's wearing a bowl—he's also wearing a bowler hat which makes it worse.
Julia: Cammie hates it so much.
Eric: It's crisp, the edge of the bowler hat? Crisp.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, I'm just here to collect our doctor because it's time for bed.
Eric: I also remember that Continuous Thankful as a glow worm, which makes it even funnier to me.
Julia: Yes, it's extremely funny.
Eric: He’s wearing-he’s wearing a suit.
Julia: I'm picturing that—who's the character, the like worm superhero guy?
Brandon: Earthworm Jim?
Eric and Julia: Earthworm Jim.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: That's what I was thinking.
Eric: Oh, yeah. For sure a real worm.
Julia: Thanks, guys.
Amanda: What the fuck is Earthworm Jim?
Eric: I–it’s exactly the way you think it is.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: He's a spaceman, but he's a— he's a worm.
Amanda: Great.
Eric: Yeah, exactly what you think it is.
Eric (as Continuous Thankful): Well, I think that Havana can decide when his bedtime is. We're all—we're all people freely walking upon the Path though. Walking upon the Path of our lives together. I didn't know you had a— I didn't know that you had a well, I guess a reverse alarm clock.
Eric (as Other Folks): Hahaha.
Eric: As everyone giggles.
Julia (as Cammie): Does the Path not say early to bed, early to rise makes a Greenfolk happy and wise?
Eric (as Continuous Thankful): I knew it. I knew that you've read the book.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, goodbye now.
Eric (as Continuous Thankful): So what's Ca— what is Cammie short for?
Julia (as Cammie): Chamomile.
Eric (as Continuous Thankful): Come on, Cammie?
Julia (as Cammie): It's Chamomile.
Eric (as Continuous Thankful): I know. Just because you don't have the name, I have the feeling. Havana, if your reverse alarm clock wants you, I guess you should go.
Julia (as Cammie): Come on Havana.
Eric (as Havana): Okay, I'm fine. Alright. Fine. Um, Cresco Thankful, thank you. Cammie, I'm coming. jesu— Cammie, I'm coming. I'll see you— I'll see you all later.
Julia: Cammie like just grabs him by the arm and like, escorts him out. And it's like—
Julia (as Cammie): I don't think you should be hanging out with those people, they're the competition. Shouldn't you be here supporting Troy? Your best friend, your brother in arms, Troy? Troy Riptide?
Eric (as Havana): Come on. Cammie, yes, I know Troy, I know Troy. I— yes, there's still—Troy is still my friend. But I-- you turned me on to this whole thing and it's working for me. And it's nice that I’ve found other people who've done it. You don't care about this stuff anymore. So what am I supposed to do? I'm just gonna like read the same oldy, moldy book and not get-- try to like, talk to someone else about it.
Julia (as Cammie): If you have questions about the Path, I'm happy to talk to you about it.
Eric (as Havana): No, you're not. Absolutely not, no, you're not!
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe not the version of the Path that you're trying to follow. But I'm happy to talk about the Path.
Eric (as Havana): Okay. What's your real name? It's definitely—you—you do not grow up where you grew up, and you have the wor-- and you have the name Chamomile.
Julia: Man, hold on. Insight— I'm going to do— I want to do two things.
Eric: Do it.
Julia: Except the casting time on that is 10 minutes, so that's not going to work.
Eric: Oh, fuck it. Who cares?
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: It was a really far away grocery store.
Julia: Yeah. Quickly, I want to cast Clairvoyance inside the room where the study group is.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Clairvoyance allows me to create an invisible sensor within range which is a mile in a location familiar to you, a place you have visited or seen before. The sensor remains in place for the duration, it can't be attacked or otherwise interacted with. When you cast the spell, you can choose seeing or hearing. You can use the chosen sense through the sensor as if you were in the space. As your action, you can switch between seeing and hearing. I just want to see what the fuck they're talking about in there now that we've left.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Fuck yeah, dude. I'm so tense.
Eric: Okay. Sure. Yeah, you can pop that up. We have some ste—steam puff up behind you before you leave.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): So what—come on what's your real name?
Julia: Okay, now I want to roll the insight check and see why he's asking.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: 18, what's my insight? Insight is plus 6, so that is a 24.
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah, you don't care. You give me the book, and you tell me that it's a great thing for me to have and it will put me on this Path. And now I can do all this new stuff that I wasn't able to do before because I'm following it. And I can stop doing stuff, it makes me a better doctor, and I can bring Troy and Umbi back to life when Umbi blows up both of them. So like let's—you told me to do it. So like no, I— tell me the truth, or obviously I can't ask you questions about this and I'm just gonna go figure it out on my own.
Julia (as Cammie): Havana, what you need to understand is I was a different person back then. And I don't really associate myself with that life anymore. However, because I want you to be honest with me and to ask me questions, I will tell you what my name used to be.
Eric (as Havana): Yes.
Julia (as Cammie): It was Amity.
Eric (as Havana): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay?
Eric (as Havana): That makes sense. Has it—okay, so you—so you're not just messing with me. Alright.
Julia (as Cammie): Not messing with you. I wouldn't want to mess with you. I know Umbi likes to mess with you, but I don't mess with you.
Eric (as Havana): Well, the first thing you did was rename me and call me Havana Tropicana, so I don't—
Julia (as Cammie): Because I wanted you to have a pirate name that people would embrace.
Eric (as Havana): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Rudy is not a pirate name.
Eric (as Havana): That's— that's a good point.
Julia (as Cammie): I also got a new name when I became a pirate and I wanted to give that to you as well.
Eric (as Havana): Okay. It's helpful. There's no one else for me to talk to. So if you want to talk to me about it, I won't have to—they're just a group of-- and then I follow that guy around, so he's pretty—
Julia (as Cammie): Do you want to be a follower?
Eric (as Havana): Yeah. What?
Amanda: Or a male doctor?
Julia (as Cammie): Or you can be-- Havana. You could be both a male doctor and maybe a captain one day.
Eric (as Havana): Okay, maybe. I— right now it's easier to be a follower than nothing at all. So.
Julia (as Cammie): You are something though, Havana. You're our brother in arms. And one of my best friends.
Eric (as Havana): Really?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Julia: Admittedly, everyone is Cammie's best friend.
Eric: That's a good— No, that's a good point.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Alright, cool. Sure. So um there's that part near the end, where like-- where the souls of everyone who may—who was like, inattentive and lost their keys turned into the Cascade. And then-- but then it offs-- but then it turned off, so they all eventually wasn't even worthwhile for them to be alive, was that true? That's in the modern—this is modern edition, this post-Cascade edition that I read.
Julia (as Cammie); I can't say that's what I learned when I was a little sprout. But I also think that it sounds like bullshit. So—
Eric (as Havana): Yeah, I guess it's not all--
Julia (as Cammie): I've left my keys plenty of places, and I certainly—
Julia: I was gonna say “last time I died”. That's just not true.
Julia (as Cammie): —I've lost my keys many places. And, you know, it's not as bad as like, you know, forgetting to feed the pollen pigs or something like that. Letting fruit rot on the vine.
Eric (as Havana): It's-- yeah. There's a lot to think about.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Here's the thing, though, I was really tired. Thank you for getting there. They were just giggling.
Julia (as Cammie): Why were they giggling?
Eric (as Havana): They think— they think Thankful is so funny.
Julia (as Cammie): I like to giggle, but that man has never said anything funny in my presence.
Eric (as Havana): Can I tell you? Yeah, you're right.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): I know you used to be friends with him, but he kind of sucks.
Eric (as Havana): I guess, I don't know. I'm fig—he's—he knows a lot of stuff but—
Julia (as Cammie): Knowing a lot of things does not mean you don't suck. Look at Tessie the Storm.
Eric (as Havana): That was true.
Julia (as Cammie): She sucked and she had a whole island of books.
Eric (as Havana): She knew a lot of stuff. It’s a lot to think about. I'll think about it.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Havana): Thanks for telling me, Cammie.
Julia: Cammie puts their arm around his shoulders and walks him back to the room. Also, what the fuck where they saying in that room, Eric? Cammie like listens back to the tape as they walk back to the room.
Eric: Yeah. Can I tell you something? Nothing.
Julia: Truly nothing? Okay.
Eric: Bullshit, bullshit. Youth Group Hangout Bullshit Nothing.
Julia: Wasted a third-level spell to hear that they were talking bullshit nothing. Alright, that's fine.
Brandon: Just like going to VBS baby.
Eric: Yeah, it's just parables all the way down.
Julia: Damn, damn.
Eric: Cool. The next day, there's broken glass and bottles everywhere around a fire that's still going as Framboise falls asleep in her chair and is still tending to the fire. And that's when the text comes up. Day Two of the Bullseye Games.
Brandon (as Umbi): Woo!
Amanda (as Troy): Yay!
Julia (as Cammie): Time for nerd shit!