Before the crew leaves for the meeting at the Dissolved Belt, let’s see what the pirates at the Hold will buy.
Fifteen plans for the dead folks’ chest / Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rot! / Drinking and scheming done in the rest / Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rot!
See us on TOUR this March! Buy your tickets at https://jointhepartypod.com/live
Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Amanda: Join the Party and Spirits are playing in your city. God, we're so excited. Eric will be wearing his DM-ing glove the entire trip, I'm both worried and excited. 7 cities, 10 days at the end of March 2024, your two favorite podcasts, Join the Party and Spirits are performing live. We're playing games, rolling dice, making monsters, and a whole lot more. So come see us in Seattle at the Here-After on March 21st, Minneapolis at Granada on March 22nd, Chicago at Reggies on March 24th, Boston at The Rockwell on March 25th, New York City at Littlefield March 26th, Philly at City Winery March 27th, and DC at Atlas Brew Works on March 28th. Get your tickets right now at jointhepartypod.com/live. That's jointhepartypod.com/live. There you can see all the ticket links and find the city that works for you. When you're rolling the bones, your future is looking good. Join us.
[theme]
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Eric: It's nighttime at the Hold. The veggie birds and the fruit birds are all asleep. The little— little strawberry condors protecting their young underneath a big seedy wing, and they're all snoozing. And they kind of snore like this— [snores] but like— and then the small ones go—[snores] oh, they're all snoring together.
Brandon: That's so cute. Everyone, be very quiet.
Amanda: Don't want to wake them up.
Eric: It's just the sounds of nature. The water bubbling as the sea monsters swim through. The volcano bubbling as sea monsters swim through there, but I guess there are more volcano monsters. The loud carousing that blows people to sleep of other pirates, because they're pirates, and they don't really sleep on the same sleep schedule as everyone else. But someone else is awake, who's not carousing. In a little house down by the sand, near the dock, a single light is on. A lamp that's like pretty old, but it's still nice. Like it's definitely $300 at a vintage store that does really well on Instagram.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: And it has one of those like really big bulbs in it. Like, the filaments that go loop de loop.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Maybe it spells their name inside of the loop de loop, which is like how big, and how expensive, and how good the light bulb is.
Brandon: Wow.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: In the loop de loop, which is clicked on by a big chain, it says Havana.
Julia: Aw. Where did he get such a nice lamp?
Eric (as Havana): I'm a doctor, I have money now.
Brandon: I shop exclusively at expensive vintage stores.
Eric (as Havana): I shop at Crate & Barrel, which means I look in the crate and barrels that fall off of ships.
Julia: Fair, fair, fair. Got me there.
Brandon: Don't— don't laugh too loud, guys.
Eric: And CB— also CB 2 were also some other stuff fall from the ship.
Amanda: Wait, is that— is that Crane & Barrel 2, is that why it's called that?
Eric: I think so.
Amanda: Fuck!
Brandon: Oh, Amanda, you woke up the birds.
Julia: Amanda gotta stop realizing things on the podcast.
Eric: It's 2024, I think Amanda and Troy have— have met together at this singularity. That's what the fly was about, when Amanda and Troy becoming the same.
Amanda: Fuck me.
Eric: The lamp that spells Havana, shining over a big table also recovered from CB 2, as it was recovered from the side of the ship and exploded by one of the sea monsters. The yellow— the warm yellow glow illuminating only as far as he can reach, a cone as it dissipates out to the side. There are figures in this home as Havana leans over the big table that says the "SS Oopsie, I hope nothing bad happens to me." That's— that was the ship he recovered it from.
Brandon: That's a real cursed name.
Julia: It's really their own fault.
Eric: Number one rule of the sea, never name your ship the SS Oopsie.
Brandon: It's like naming your boat, the boat wreck.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Or Brandon maybe, the SS Oopsie.
Brandon: Yeah, or the SS Oopsie, one of those.
Eric: That's— that's like naming your child the boat wreck.
Brandon: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. You name your child won't graduate from college.
Amanda: Tough.
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: Will be estranged from me in T-minus 18 years.
Eric: This is my child, Kaylee middle name has no empathy, Johnson, it's a family name.
Amanda: Tough.
Julia: That was their confirmation name.
Brandon: I'm gonna name my dog that, will not graduate from college.
Eric: Has no empathy.
Julia: It's probably true.
Eric: Yeah. Havana leans over the big table. The light catching his— his stark bleached white coat and he says—
Eric (as Havana): Crew—
Eric: I need to remember what— I need to remember what his— his voice is. I think it's just nasally and stupid, it was like—
Brandon: I mean, he's a serious doctor, so—
Eric: Oh, you're right. He's a serious doctor now.
Julia: Maybe he has a really sexy voice now that he's a serious doctor.
Eric: That's fair.
Brandon: Maybe.
Eric (as Havana): Crew, we have a problem. Oh, wait, I need to turn on another light, it's too dark in here.
Eric: And Havana turns on— and turns on the main— the overhead light in his house.
Julia: He's a doctor now, he understands how eyestrain can actually damage your eyes.
Eric: Yeah. Havana is wearing those blue light glasses.
Amanda: Ooh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can we talk about how fluorescent light damages my brain, though?
Eric (as Havana): As someone who's done a full workup on you, Umbi, nothing— there can't be more damage. It's impossible.
Amanda (as Troy): Bro, are you named after the lamp is the lamp named after you?
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa.
Julia (as Cammie): I think the lamp came after.
Eric (as Havana): Well, Cam— I would have to ask Cammie because you named me. I had a different name before that—
Julia (as Cammie): That's true.
Eric (as Havana): —that Eric can't look up right now and remember what—
Julia (as Cammie): It's Rudy.
Eric (as Havana): Oh, it's—
Julia (as Cammie): It was Rudy, now it's Havana.
Eric (as Havana): See, I'm losing my sense of— I'm losing my sense of self. I'm— I need to make this deeper and sexier. I'm losing my sense of self.
Brandon: Just think McSexy, you know?
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Havana): That's me, McSexy, the doctor.
Brandon: McSteamy, McDreamy, whatever the fuck it was.
Amanda: Yeah, Brandon, all of those.
Eric (as Havana): Big se—that's me, McSexy.
Julia: Patrick Dempsey.
Eric (as Havana): We have a problem. One of you brought the key, right?
Julia (as Cammie): Troy?
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, it doesn't leave my pants.
Julia (as Cammie): 'Cause no one gets in Troy's pants.
Amanda (as Troy): No. Now, one is sawdust and one is key.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, that's smart.
Eric (as Havana): Can I— can I see it?
Amanda (as Troy): Sure.
Amanda: And Troy takes it out.
Eric (as Havana): Put it on the— Troy, put it on the table so we can all see it.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, alright.
Eric (as Havana): Alright.
Eric: And it lands with a clang, clang, clang, clang. The rest of the crew is here, too. Gloria is asleep in a big chair in the corner.
Julia: Gloria's part of the crew now. I could cry.
Amanda: Cute.
Eric: Like wiggle— like, her snore wiggles through her body as she's— as she's sleeping.
Brandon: Oh, that's adorable.
Julia: I thought that was Nonny for a second, and now I'm picturing Nonny also napping on Gloria's chest as she sleeps.
Eric: Fair. They're— but they snore the same. Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And Harold and Sil are maintaining the— the intense lean on the table, being like—
Eric (as Harold): I'm here to eat all of Havana's cookies and figure out what's going on. And Havana, you're out of cookies.
Brandon (as Umbi): We're out of cookies again. Fuck! Havana, come on.
Eric (as Havana): I— if I'm gonna have meetings at my house, someone else is gonna have to bring snacks.
Brandon (as Umbi): That wasn't the deal and you fucking know it.
Amanda: Troy takes his emergency cookie out of his sawdust pocket.
Amanda (as Troy): Anyone? Anyone? No?
Brandon (as Umbi): No, it's yours.
Amanda (as Troy): It has preservatives.
Brandon (as Umbi): You take it.
Julia (as Cammie): So, it's like more sawdust than cookie.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true.
Eric (as Havana): Has anyone else noticed that people have been extra weird to us over the last few days?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm. They're all like, "Whoa. Why would you— why would you, like, make a big deal out of getting a key and then keep it secret? Like pirates known for sharing information and being honest."
Brandon (as Umbi): Exactly. That's what I thought, too.
Eric (as Havana): That's what they're— that's what they're saying.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Troy, I think that they're being sarcastic at you.
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, I was trying to be honest, I'm not gonna lie to you guys what— with the honesty, but now I see that was the broad call, it's so good to be in a crew.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): It's good. Over the last few days, has anyone approached you about offers for the key?
Eric: And can all of you roll a D20 for me?
Julia: Dice, I forgot about dice.
Amanda: 9.
Brandon: Rolling the dice, gonna do well. Gonna get a high number right now.
Amanda: Uh-oh. Both of you were laughing.
Julia: I think it's opposite laughter.
Brandon: Oh, no. I think it's opposite.
Amanda: Did Brandon get a Nat 1, and Julia got a 20?
Brandon: Well, I got a 3. I didn't get a Nat 1, thank Christ.
Julia: I did get a Nat 20, though.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: That's good.
Julia: Seems like a useless Nat 20, but I'll allow it.
Eric: Pretty cool.
Brandon: Together, Julia, that's a 23.
Eric: Cool.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Hey, Cammie, who— who approached you recently, offering a 100 ambers for the key?
Julia: I think it's the executive chef of the Outback Steakhouse.
Brandon: Oh, yeah. Do we— we never named him yet, have we?
Amanda: No.
Julia: No.
Eric: Yeah. Did we ever address it— who is this guy?
Julia: He doesn't have a name.
Amanda: He doesn't have to— yeah.
Eric: Okay. Well, Julia, it's your lucky day with your Nat 20. Tell me about this guy. So he's a disgraced chef, and he— now, he runs the—
Julia: Who said he was disgraced?
Eric: We did in the— in the pre-episodes.
Amanda: No, he was— he was judged by wanting to make high cuisine.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: I think you might have said disgraced, but we didn't really talk about what that meant.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: I think that the word disgraced was addressed, and that's all we know about him, is that he's disgraced. He's— he— one, he's disgraced, two, he's here, and three, he does really pretentious food at the Outback Steakhouse.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: But we could also—in this world, we could say that disgrace meant that his food was too high-end, and too good, and too experimental, so.
Eric: Well, Brandon, unfortunately, you rolled a three, so Julia gets to decide all of these things and we need to be quiet.
Brandon: And that's just one option, you know?
Eric: And we have to be quiet and wo— and wonder what it is.
Brandon: Another option, Julia, is that you name something very funny and punny around the word— around the name Wiley Dufresne but I— I can't think of, so—
Julia: Well, Brandon, then, I just looked at my character names for Verda Stello doc that I have on my phone for all times, and this is Sazerac St. Herbaine, which is kind of like Wiley Dufresne if you think about it.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: Wow.
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: That's good, Julia.
Eric: What's his— yeah. What's his deal? Tell me about him.
Julia: I think that he is a hemlock plant. Hemlock? Hmm. He might be Oleander.
Eric: No, I like hemlock. The reason why he's disgraced is because he killed someone accidentally.
Julia: Well, I was thinking of poisonous plants, so Oleander is also a possibility.
Eric: Oh, hell, yeah. I only— I only know the classics, so I'm—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That's why I'm like, "Oh, yeah, hemlock."
Julia: That's fair.
Brandon: Julia—
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: —another option, you know, like the puffer fish situation, he was— he was giving like, you know, plant sushi to people and accidentally, you know, he did actually kill someone.
Julia: Oh, no, I— I genuinely do think the reason that he is disgraced is he accidentally poisoned some people, for sure.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Julia: Like, that's not even a question.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: I think whether or not it was because part of him fell into the food, or if it— like, it was a hygiene thing, or if it was like a, "Oh, you're serving unsafe food," because of the— the danger and the risk, and he's a maverick, but I think one of those.
Eric: Okay. Okay. Also with a Nat 20— hey, what does he sound like, just really quickly?
Julia: Please just do your best Tom Colicchio.
Eric: Okay. Great.
Julia: Okay?
Eric (as Sazzy): Cammie, I'm so glad to have run into you, because I have an offer— I have an offer for you. And I'm glad that we had a moment to take some time and talk to each other about what's happening. Now, here in the space, we're in together.
Julia (as Cammie): Hi. Hi, Sazzy, how's it going?
Eric (as Sazzy): Great. Wonderful. Never better. Listen, I— remember the part— I— it was wonderful— here's what happened, I was walking by, I was thinking about some new green-based dishes to make, really try to move away from the whole protein thing. Obviously, the whole thing, we're always eating protein, we're always eating jerky. It's just too much to have in the mouth. But if we add green stuff, that's where you can appreciate things. The Outback Steakhouse, so I was thinking of it— I was walking by, and I was thinking, "There's a puppet show. I should go to that puppet show." And then I realized that all of you were lying about having a mythical object to everyone ,and I'm fine with that. I'm someone who has to lie constantly because I'm running from my past, so I understand. I want to take this off of your hands for you. I got an offer to offer to you, a 100— 100 amber. I just have— it's— it's something from my old restaurant days. I'm just happy to offer it to you.
Julia (as Cammie): How— what does that have to do with eating more leafy greens?
Eric (as Sazzy): It doesn't. I was giving you color to my life, much like I do when I make a plate.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh. Okay. So that was a lot of garnish for hey, you want to offer me money for a key.
Eric (as Sazzy): It's great to hear you're —
Julia (as Cammie): Did you like tweezer that? Was it microgreens on top it or—
Eric (as Sazzy): It was micro— you're— you're— you're arranging it, you're putting the little sauces around it, but no Cammie, cutting right— Cammie, much like your namesake, you're just boiling it down and getting right to the reduction. I love it.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't really reduce the tea. That's not how tea work. Okay.
Eric (as Sazzy): Alright. Listen, if— if you're— if you would like to spend more time reducing my offer, I can just offer— I— I— you know, this— this— this— this— this offer is going— going really fast. I do need to know right now if you want to take— if you want 100 amber, for the— for the key, if you can exchange.
Julia (as Cammie): I was almost gonna get you on. Yes, I would like a 100 amber, but no, I don't want to exchange the key for a 100 Amber. I need to meet the salmon and I need the key for that.
Eric (as Sazzy): Okay. Well, if it's something you're interested in, I think a lot of people are interested and I might be able to give you the best offer that's available.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay, good to know.
Eric (as Sazzy): I spent a lot of time surveying the market, you know, using all five of the senses to understand how the market is going to exchange for the key and the mythical object, new line, and the way that the fish— the tides and the fish in the sun. I'm just— it's— it's— just think about it.
Julia (as Cammie): Now, Sazzy, I will think about it. You did say you needed an answer right now, but I will think about it.
Eric (as Sazzy): I did, today's price is— today's price is not yesterday's nor tomorrow's price.
Julia (as Cammie): Now, Sazzy, you've given me an interesting opportunity, and I might have a— a lucrative opportunity for you, a very lucrative deal, but I do need to consult the rest of my crew before I can put out a formal offer to you.
Eric (as Sazzy): I didn't know— I thought that you were someone who could make deals when they happen. I didn't know that you were tied to the old ball, and chain, and ship.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, you know, that's— that's what a crew is.
Eric (as Sazzy): Hmm.
Eric: Alright. Three, Brandon, who approached you with a threatening offer of 10 ambers and a knuckle sandwich, and what war crime have they done?
Julia: Cool. Fair.
Eric: It can be someone you know, it can be someone you don't.
Brandon: I think it's something we haven't met yet. I think it's a millipede that has— how many knuckles, five? What's a million divided by five? Whatever that is, that many knuckle sandwiches to provide to me.
Julia: 200,000
Eric: 200,000 knuckle sandwiches, yeah.
Brandon: Yeah. I think her name is like—
Julia: Millicent.
Brandon: —Millicent.
Eric: Yeah, Millicent the Maleficent, sure. Got it.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Millie Maf.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: To her friends.
Eric: And what— what war crimes has she committed?
Brandon: Oh, um—
Eric: I can read you the one from the Geneva Convention if it'll help you.
Brandon: I was gonna say, "Can you— can you—"
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: That they are from the Geneva Convention.
Eric: There's willful killing, torture, willfully causing great suffering, extensive destruction, compelling a prisoner of war to serve in the armed forces, willfully depriving a prisoner of war of— of their rights on lawful deportation or transfer, or unlawful confinement and just the general taking of hostages.
Amanda: That's just the US playbook.
Julia: We do that every day.
Eric: I know. We just got to do all these things.
Brandon: Yeah. We're all— we're all war criminals, and we're complicit at it, yeah. I think she definitely did some enhanced interrogation techniques.
Eric: Great. From all the knuckle sandwiches?
Brandon: I think in the Cragish revolutionary conflict or struggle, she was recruited as sort of a mercenary, Millie the mercenary if you— Millicent the mercenary if you may.
Eric: Millie the Maleficent mercenary, for sure.
Brandon: Exactly, yeah. And yeah, I think Framboise has a hard line against, you know, not doing war crimes.
Julia: So you have to do another French accent, get ready.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I love it. I love— I love that the torture war profiteer definitely profited off of the Cragish revolution. Yeah, a100%.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Love it.
Eric: Yeah.
Eric (as Millicent): Old man, come over here. I wouldn't be walking around with everyone knowing that you're such valuable cargo around you at all times. As someone who is such an expert and master of bruises, I can see so many upon your weird squishy body. What is this from, falling off a chair?
Eric: She pushes you in one of her— one of her— one of her arms.
Eric (as Millicent): Oh, this is— oh, oh, monsieur, I am so— so old and squishy. I cannot hold the frying pan on my own. Is that— that was you, that's what happened to you?
Brandon (as Umbi): No. I got in a fight.
Eric (as Millicent): Oh, I can tell.
Brandon (as Umbi): With someone big and scary.
Eric (as Millicent): Oh, yes, let me see.
Brandon (as Umbi): Like a mount— I got— I fought a mountain.
Eric: She wraps herself around you, like this— like a boa constrictor, looking at you, and like—
Eric (as Millicent): Oh, I can tell. You fell off of— you fell down on the ship because you made an entire stadium explode from your mistakes.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, no.
Eric (as Millicent): I can tell just by rea— I can tell just by reading your bruises.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, it was a mountain.
Eric (as Millicent): Well, it seems like maybe you have too much responsibility upon your shoulders. You— maybe you could just give your key up and I'll pay you for the right price. 20 amber, I think that is enough, more than you've ever seen in your life. And put— give it—
Brandon (as Umbi): 20 Amber?
Eric (as Millicent): —to someone who knows a thing or two about unlocking the potentials, and not a bruised piece of produce like yourself.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm just gonna— just kind of put this out here. Is there anything I could say here to decline your request but not die?
Eric (as Millicent): Foucault once said. Well, we just— we are delaying the inevitable when we do not accept death as a possibility for now. It is all the same, both in the pa— both in the past, the present, the future, our death is waiting for us like a man waiting for the train. So yes, but eventually, no.
Amanda: Good god.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Got it. No, thank you. But later, you can kill me.
Eric (as Millicent): I will take that as a promise.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yep.
Eric: She touches your face with all million hands, like— like a— like a mob boss caressing just the— the cheek of someone, but it's with a million hands.
Julia: That's weirdly hot. I don't know.
Amanda: Yeah, right?
Brandon: It's not, Julia.
Amanda: I know, her like slithering up his body, I'm like, oh.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: This is someone's kink I think.
Eric: Remember when we explicitly said she did war crimes?
Amanda: Yeah, right. Listen—
Eric: With a 9, Troy, you got a pretty good offer. Tell me who offered you and let me know how many eye patches and peg legs they have.
Amanda: I'm so glad you asked, Eric, because there is—
Eric: And parrots for that matter.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: I'm so glad you asked, because there is definitely a very, very old strawberry plant that lives down by the beach, by the entrance to the Hold, who we just call the Old Man and the crab, because all he does is hang out down by the crab and feed the crab occasionally. And strawberry plants, as you may know, are vines that like spawn other plants and vines, like spider plant off like little tendrils. And so the plant is so big, we're not really sure where he starts and ends. He's just like wrapped all up in a very cool, like, outcropping of rock.
Eric: Jesus Christ. Okay.
Amanda: Many peg legs, lumber just stickin' out, don't know if it's part of him or just kind of like he's keeping it around. And lots of the fruit vultures and parrots love to roost in there.
Julia: Does he also feed the strawberry condors?
Amanda: I think he does.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And the little—the little babies going chip, chip, chip—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: —around them. That's so terrifying that there's a man who's just a giant distended bush.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: That's pretty bad.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: I also just had this image, now that I'm talking about the strawberry condors and this man is a strawberry bush, it's a real like Prometheus situation, where I think they come and they eat from him and then the fruit grows back the next day.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: Like his liver.
Eric (as Old Man): Troy, I was the one who brought— who brought the light bulb to Verda Stello and the Planter cursed me.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, no way, did— so wait, did Havana get named after the light bulb, or did the light bulb get named after Havana? Like, I really have to know.
Eric (as Old Man): What?
[bird caws, starts eating]
Amanda (as Troy): Are you okay, man? I could— I can make you like a little— a little hat or something.
Eric (as Old Man): I don't think that's allowed.
Julia: Like a hat or something.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, okay. I was just coming to say hi to the crab. I feel like if I say hi to her every couple of days—
Eric: [snores]
Amanda (as Troy): Hi, sweetie. Then maybe she'll look at me favorably If I ever find myself in her maw.
Eric (as Old Man): Probably for the best.
Amanda (as Troy): Anyway, nice talking to you.
Eric (as Old Man): Oh, Troy, wait.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, what's up?
Eric (as Old Man): I heard that you had a puppet show, full of the news and goings on.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah. Did you hear it? It was just right up on the cliff, really.
Eric (as Old Man): And you have one of the mythical keys that could turn into a wish,
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Eric (as Old Man): Troy, don't lie to me. For strawberry condors eat my flesh regularly.
Amanda (as Troy): No, you're right. You're too— you suffer too much to lie to you.
Eric (as Old Man): I also invented the axle, but people forget about that.
Amanda (as Troy): Whoa. What's that?
Eric (as Old Man): Never mind.
Amanda (as Troy): Whatever my crew may or may not have access to, is kind of the property of my crew, and I definitely don't want to lie to you, like you're smarter than that and also suffering so much. So I just— you know, maybe we're— we're— I mean, you know, we're trying to find the salmon, save the— save the world.
Eric (as Old Man): But what if I had it, and I kept it? And had the power to maybe change things for myself, mostly with this entire situation.
Amanda (as Troy): Um, well, then, I think you'd be saving yourself and not the world is— isn't the main thing.
Eric (as Old Man): Isn't that one and the same? Saving oneself is the same as saving the world.
Amanda (as Troy): That's a really good question, man.
Eric (as Old Man): There's like— there's 30 embers sprinkled in around here if you can find it.
Amanda (as Troy): Cool. Do you want like a bag for it? Because that feels a little bit like people might come take it.
Eric (as Old Man): When no one else knows, and you get lost, there's a lot of stuff in here.
Amanda (as Troy): If you think about it, lids is like hats for bags and so I could get you both like a bag and a hat, for you and the back, like would that be good?
Eric (as Old Man): No, it would be good if I have—Troy, I'll be pla— I'll be playing with you.
Amanda (as Troy): Sure.
Eric (as Old Man): You can look around for whatever Amber I have lost in kind of this whole distended terrible body I have—
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric (as Old Man): —in exchange if you give me the key.
Amanda (as Troy): No, thank you.
Eric (as Old Man): Right.
Julia: Just— just take it anyway. Just take it anyway.
Amanda (as Troy): What if I came and brought you, like, some— you know, like a— like a tent maybe for the nighttime, but also I look for some Amber, would that be good?
Eric (as Old Man): There's more— no, you're not allowed to look or help me. You can do neither.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh. Are you sure you don't want a bag?
Eric (as Old Man): No, I'm tending to the condors. You've displeased me. Everything's weird about what I do. I have weird social interactions.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. Have fun with the crab. Love you.
Julia: At least he realizes it. So did that how— go how you thought it was gonna go, or did you think you were gonna create a lore of a strawberry man who has been cursed by the gods?
Eric: Julia, I have no expectations. You don't have— you don't get messed up about your expectations if you don't have any expectations.
Amanda: There you go.
Julia: That's true. That's fair.
Amanda: That's the move.
Eric: If you stay ready, you don't have to get ready.
Julia: If you stay ready to create a man who's been cursed by the gods, you don't have to get ready.
Eric: Yeah. Havana leans over at the table.
Eric (as Havana): There's a— I don't know what the most disturbing part of this is. That someone just has 100 Amber to get— to distribute. That Umbi was ta— that someone can tell your past just by looking at your bruises, oh, and that meant the existence of this man. I thought that was seaweed.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, Old man and the Crab, yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Wild.
Brandon (as Umbi): I love that book.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah. Yeah, I've had people— I've had people come up to me as well. Various numbers of peg legs, various numbers of eye patches, giving various amounts of amber. They're mortgaging their— their ships, their future— future revenue. It's— it's interesting. I think—
Amanda (as Troy): Well, that's— that's good, right? It means that what we have is worth having. And if people want it, then that means it has— you know, it's— it's good. We should be proud.
Julia (as Cammie): And they don't even know about the blueprints,
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): They don't know— you're right, they don't know about the blueprints, which is for the best. We should probably keep that under wraps, considering it's like top— top secret government documents.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm. Hmm.
Eric (as Havana): I don't think I'm saying anything that we don't already know. Like, I don't— I don't think of this as— was that a new— was that new information anyone?
Julia (as Cammie): No, no. But here's the thing, I don't think most of these pirates, even if they have blueprints, would be able to make a key out of the blueprints.
Eric (as Havana): Maybe.
Brandon (as Umbi): Seems like Gloria might be the only one who's able to forge that, so—
Julia (as Cammie): Right. And Gloria, we could tell not to do that when she wakes up.
Brandon (as Umbi): Right, Gloria?
Eric (as Gloria): [snores]
Eric: Imagine that's just what was in the Grove the whole time.
Amanda: Yeah, so cute.
Eric: Was Gloria going mee, mee, mee, mee, mee for hundreds of years.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: A 100%.
Amanda: So cute. So tranquil.
Eric: Yeah. Oh, we were already imagining that? Okay.
Julia: Oh, Yeah.
Eric: Then I'm behind. That's on me, that's on me.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Harold): Interesting. So what are you— what are we supposing?
Julia (as Cammie): I'm just saying most of these people wouldn't be able to do anything with it, but would probably pay a lot of money because they think they could do something with it.
Amanda (as Troy): If we're like— actually, we do not have the key at all. And at the same time, we do have a menu to make a key. Would you like it, please?
Julia (as Cammie): Especially for someone who cooks up a lot of food at the Outback Steakhouse.
Amanda (as Troy): Whoever has the most money can do it, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): And then, if anyone comes looking for like, "Hey, didn't those— those— you know, the— the people— what— from that weird-looking ship, didn't they steal that thing from— from the boat?" And we can be like, "No, no, it belongs to that chef."
Eric (as Harold): Can I take a second to— to— you know, not me coming up with a better idea than all of this. What if we didn't give it to the person giving the most money, but instead, we gave it to the person who could threaten to— who we canonically know has done war crimes to make sure, I don't know, that doesn't happen to us?
Julia (as Cammie): I'd rather have money, because I do think I could fuck up a person who did war crimes.
Eric (as Harold): Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): Solely based on the fact that they did war crimes and I feel a certain way about that.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, we say yes to everybody who threatens to punch us. Like, we just walk around saying yes, and giving away our money all day, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): It's gonna be alright, Harold.
Eric (as Harold): I'm just saying there's a lot of situations in which we can apply this, you know, to keep our high— to keep our hides clean and unchapped and not forced into service by others as— as according to the Geneva Convention of 1949.
Julia (as Cammie): I— I also would much rather the chef from the Outback Steakhouse be our competition in trying to find the salmon than the person doing war crimes.
Amanda (as Troy): Wait—
Brandon (as Umbi): That's fair.
Amanda (as Troy): —what if somehow there was a way to take information printed on paper, and make it like again, where it looks the same, but is in fact a new object?
Julia (as Cammie): It was my plan to give anyone a copy and also keep the original for ourselves, but I love that Troy. I love that you're thinking. Ingenious.
Amanda (as Troy): Then we could give it to everybody who asks for it, and they don't know each other has it, right?
Brandon (as Umbi): I recently learned how to do that on a long-haul voyage across the sea.
Amanda (as Troy): Nice.
Eric: Wait, hold on. This is Eric saying what are you— what are you saying?
Brandon (as Umbi): And I learned why they call it blueprints.
Amanda: Brandon watched a Delta video about blueprints.
Julia: Oh. Brandon watched a Delta video.
Eric: Brandon, when were you on a flight? That's crazy. Wait, so what, you want to copy the blueprints?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: What do you— what do you want to do? This is Eric asking, what do you want to do?
Julia: We want to copy the blueprints and we want to sell them to the highest, quote-unquote, “bidder”
Eric: Oh, you want to sell them—
Amanda: Or all of them.
Julia: I want to sell copies of the blueprints, yeah.
Brandon: I think if we— we can also— if we made copies of the blueprints, we could put like a little piece of the blue paper or whatever it is on a piece— on the integral piece, and just like leave that out as well.
Julia: Oh, yeah. We could like have one small, little thing not filled in so that—
Eric: Right.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —even if they tried to make it, they won't be able to make it.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Yes. An imperfect copy to each. But I'm saying we could also just sell all three, because they won't know that each other has it, unless they find out later, and that's a problem for future us.
Brandon: Right. Exactly.
Eric: Okay. So you want to try to make copies, or you want to try to make a new key?
Julia: No, we're gonna try to make copies of the blueprints.
Amanda: And then later, I think we can have Gloria forge the key, yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Interesting.
Brandon: So less valuable, probably not worth a 100 amber, but probably worth, like, 99 Amber I would say, you know?
Julia: I can even say like a 50% discount for everyone.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: And I think that's a good deal.
Eric: Okay. So what order do you want to do this? Do you want to try to make the copies first, or do you want to try to bring this new offer to people first?
Julia: I think make the copies first so that we have them.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Okay, cool. And you want to make— you want to try to make three?
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Alright. How would we do this?
Brandon: Well, Eric.
Eric: Okay, please.
Brandon: They're called blueprints because of the process in which they were made previously, not anymore, obviously, but involved—
Julia: Maybe in Verda Stello.
Brandon: Maybe in Verda Stello.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: Involved dye, the same dye as we get Prussian blue from.
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Brandon: It involves cyanide, like cyanide potassium or something.
Julia: I see where this is going.
Brandon: I'm getting this very, very jumbled up, but the way they copied it turns the thing blue and then the negative— it was a photo negative where the lines were then white and the background was blue.
Amanda (as Troy): That's very cool.
Eric: Oh, interesting.
Amanda: I feel like between Umbi's bomb and fusions, Cammie's tea infusions and magic, and Troy having at this point, many books—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: —we can get this process rolling.
Eric (as Harold): And I'm a smart doctor.
Brandon: Hmm. He probably has access to poisons.
Amanda: Very true.
Eric (as Harold): That's— hmm, that's interesting. Okay. You guys— so do you want to go look around the island and try to find the plants?
Brandon: Yeah, I think we probably need some apple seeds.
Julia: Indigo.
Amanda: Troy can forge from our paper.
Brandon: Yeah, some Indigo, some paper. Yeah.
Eric (as Harold): Cool. Alright. We have our— we have our plan. No— everyone needs to keep an eye— I want to keep the key here. I don't want anyone walking away with it. I want all of us to be on the same page of where it is, and hopefully, no one can figure out where it is because it's very valuable and everyone knows we have it.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, here's my suggestion. Harold and Sil, can you stay here with Havana?
Eric (as Harold and Sil): Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm being serious, you have to stay here with Havana.
Eric (as Sil): That was my serious uh-hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): No, it was not. I know this.
Eric: Sil says—
Eric (as Sil): Okay, hold on. Yes, I will do it and we'll protect it. However, I'm worried that we won't be able to protect it for that long if things go badly, but that's the best we can do.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, here was my plan.
Julia: And Cammie is going to take the key in her hand—
Eric: Okay.
Julia: —and then shove it into Sil.
Julia (as Cammie): And we're good.
Eric (as Sil): I feel— I feel funny and unlocked.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: Nice.
Julia (as Cammie): So relock, don't stay unlocked, and don't let anyone penetrate your body. And don't tell them that it's in there. How would they know?
Eric (as Harold): Girl, you know I'm the only one allowed to do innuendos around here. We decided that— stay— stay in your lane.
Julia (as Cammie): I would— I would allow that if you have given me a serious answer.
Eric (as Harold): Stay in your lane. I feel funny.
Amanda (as Troy): Good. Keep saying funny for the next few days, and then we'll get out here.
Julia (as Cammie): Harold, Protect your brother.
Eric (as Harold): Fine. Fine.
Eric: Alright. That's— I like it. Okay.
Julia: I figured who's gonna look inside of the ooze.
Eric: Honestly, I wouldn't.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Great idea.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: I think also— I— I'm sorry, it's been a hot second since I got a parrot, and I forgot I had it.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: But I can also put my— my best friend Bartlett on lookout duty as well, outside of the house, outside of the— the tent, the cabin, whatever the fuck Havana calls home. The den?
Julia: Cave.
Eric (as Harold): It's just— just a house. I don't know why we're being weird about it. It's just a house. It's a house for a duffer man. It's a house for a man doctor.
Julia (as Cammie): Yes.
Eric (as Harold): Yes. Alright.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. So if this is about me calling you a male doctor, like I'm really sorry, man, but like you can be a doctor with whatever kind of voice you want and it feels like I kind of can't take you seriously with this voice, because it's like— it's like you're not the person I used to know.
Eric (as Harold): Troy, we're still— I'm the same person with the same voice I've always had.
Amanda (as Troy): I don't think that's true.
Brandon (as Umbi): So I'm gonna go—
Julia (as Cammie): I really like the voice.
Eric (as Harold): Okay, we're— alright. Meeting—meeting over.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda, this is your reminder to come see us on tour. If you are able to join us in Seattle, Chicago, Minneapolis, Boston, DC, Philly, or New York City, please come through. We'd love to see you. Thank you as well to our newest patron, William, we so appreciate your support, and in fact, we can only make this podcast and do things like go on tour because of the time, and love, and support that you give us on Patreon. For just five bucks a month or more, you can know that you are making this show possible and join the best place on the internet, our patron-only Discord. We just put out a brand-new conversation pit episode of Party Planning on Friday, and it was so much fun. I love answering those questions, and you can see me and Eric on the new video set here at the Multitude studio. So if you've been waiting for a reason to support us, there it is. Come and join now, patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, we have so much going on. And did you know that Eric has a podcast called Tell Me About It? This is a game show about proving the things you like are actually interesting, hosted by our own Eric and Adal Rifai from Hello from the Magic Tavern and Hey Riddle. Adal plays an eccentric billionaire who forces his guests to come on the podcast and prove that their favorite thing is interesting and cool. There's such a cute discussion happening over the weekend in the Multitude Discord all about Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which was one of the things that guest Jeff Zimmerman came on to prove was interesting and cool. So go on over and check it out. Look up Tell Me About It in your podcast app or go to tmaipod.com. We are sponsored this week by Possible Worlds and their brand-new tabletop role-playing game, The Details of Our Escape. Now, guys, this is really cool. This is a creative collaboration between game designer Tyler Crumrine, comics artist Linnea Sterte, and multidisciplinary author Renee Gladman. It is incredibly cool. I had a chance to read it. It is so beautiful. One part rule book, one part art book, and one part speculative fiction. That's how the game goes. You play it with dominoes instead of dice. And players control a caravan of over 2,000 people in search of a new home. What they are leaving and what kinds of strange and wonderful sights they encounter along, their journey is up to you, including which party members continue all the way to the caravan's final destination, of course, which is determined by fate. Now, the game is being craft on Kickstarter between February 5th and 29th, so go to bit.ly/detailsof to support the campaign. And backers during the campaign's first week will receive a $5 discount on print copies of the game. So go check it out now, bit.ly/detailsof, and that link is in our episode description as well. We are also sponsored this week by Volante Design. If you are looking for gear that makes you feel a badass in real life, make you feel like you are cosplaying every day, like you are a main character, like you got a triple s combo kill in a game, you need to look no further than Volante Design. They make high-quality handmade jackets that are so gorgeous and all other kinds of accessories and apparel. They have official licenses from series like Assassin's Creed, Devil May Cry, and Star Trek, plus tons of original collections. The Cyberpunk stuff, guys, it's so cool. Now Volante Design is all ethically sourced and manufactured and they are high quality. They are made with the kind of quality that will last you for years to come. So they very kindly have extended a 10% discount to Join the Party listeners. So if you go to volantedesign.us and use the code jointheparty, you will get 10% off your entire order. That's jointheparty, all one word, for 10% off your order. Volante Design. Stay badass. And now, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Julia: Maybe I should leave Nonny with you, then.
Amanda: Yeah, let them have a party.
Julia: Maybe it'll be like Team Fine Familiar hanging out.
Brandon: I don't see why we couldn't have a cute, little animated cutscene of Nonny and Bartlett hanging out, you know?
Julia: Alright, cool. Nonny's just like in a fishbowl, chilling.
Eric: Alright. Let's spend a few days foraging for materials. Yeah?
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Sure.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Cool. I like that.
Amanda: Troy's gonna go to the— the phonebook printers and ask for outdated phone books, and kind of take all the paper back to his quarters, where he's kept all of the books he's read, and start kind of like gingerly, you know, taking out different pieces of paper, and figuring out how to mash them all together, make a little papery pulp, and use the salt flats near the top of the volcano to create a new big, broad sheet of paper.
Eric: Alright, cool. I like that. Honestly, I'll give that to you immediately because of how much you charmed them in the— in the previous situation. Hey, Brandon, can you— make a— give me a D 20 roll really quickly.
Brandon: Sure.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Just a 10.
Eric: 10. You know what's funny?
Amanda: Hey, Brandon, that's Brandon 20, I'm really proud of you.
Brandon: Hey, thanks, Amanda.
Julia: That's a Brandon 15. Let's go.
Eric: You know what's funny, though? Is that I was looking at the Ravens stat block which we're using for Bartlett, is that Ravens have a negative 4 to intelligence.
Amanda: Whoa.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And I thought it was fu— and I thought it'd be funny if the first day, the parrot was just like—
Eric (as Bartlett): There's a person, a person's here. There's a person. Umbi, there's a— a person's here. There's another one.
Eric: Just people walking by Havana's house like—
Eric (as Bartlett): Umbi, a person. Umbi— Umbi, it's happening. Umbi, there's a person
Brandon: And I slowly turn the— the volume dial down in my brain.
Eric (as Bartlett): We— at any distance, we can speak telepathically. Umbi, also, there's someone here.
Julia: He just gets louder the more you turn it down.
Eric (as Bartlett): What should I— what should I do?
Brandon: Eric, do you have any Yaga voice on you? Can you just give that out? Do you have that?
Julia: Can you just give us a Gilbert Gottfried real quick? Just real quick, Eric, can you pull that one out?
Eric (as Bartlett): This is as close that I can do for a parrot. I think it's great. Close in spirit.
Julia: No, I think it's good. It— it really— it screams parrot.
Brandon: It is good. Just give a few squawks in there, just randomly, you know?
Eric (as Bartlett): [squawks] Umbi, a person.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric (as Bartlett): Umbi, what should I tell them? Also, do you want me to— have my voice be like— be like Havana's? I could copy his voice and I could speak like that instead.
Julia: Maybe only when you're telepathically linked.
Eric (as Bartlett): Squawk, squawk, squawk, Umbi. There's a person here.
Amanda: Oh, Julia is onto something. I think the voice in your head can be whatever you want it to be.
Brandon: Yes. Yes, yes.
Eric (as Bartlett): That's exactly what I'm saying, but I can— mut my regular voice is so melodic.
Amanda: Incredible.
Eric (as Bartlett): Hey, Bartlett, we talked about this. You're looking for people who are actively trying to enter the abode. Just people walking by, it's fine. It's chill.
Julia: It's— Cammie's next to Umbi and taps him on the shoulder.
Julia (as Cammie): I also think that like— let's be honest, even if it's someone we know, and we think that it's that person, I can do wild magic stuff. Maybe we should like ask them a secret code or a question that only they would know.
Eric (as Bartlett): Maybe you should let Nonny do that.
Julia (as Cammie): Nonny doesn't speak.
Brandon (as Umbi): Neither does my bird.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm, sounds like he does.
Brandon (as Umbi): Just in my head.
Eric (as Bartlett): Someone's getting closer.
Julia (as Cammie):Who is it, I can't hear him.
Amanda: Because then, Brandon, you can like pop into its eyes, right? Like when— when a threat comes?
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: Yeah. Yeah.
Brandon: Which I— I'm going to do right now, just to make sure that—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: See if it's actually someone coming towards the abode.
Eric: Yeah. Aubergine is knocking hard on the windows.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh shit, it's Aubergine.
Julia: Can Umbi talk through the parrot's mouth—
Brandon: No.
Julia: —like a phone?
Eric: No.
Julia: That would be amazing. That would be amazing if he could do that.
Eric: Oh, like a— like a nest camera?
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: The parrot cannot talk. The parrot can only mimic simple sounds.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: Okay, but what if it's only— what if it's only really funny when we do it?
Brandon: Okay, that's fine. Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Okay. The parrot can be a nest camera for the moment.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: Yeah. You— you installed a squawk box inside of this homunculus parrot you’ve made, desiccated pear. And there's just like—
Amanda: I forgot it was desiccated.
Eric: It's a wrinkly par— parrot perched on like the fucking door jamb of— of Havana's house and then it sounds like an old— like an old— a drive-thru fast food place.
Brandon: Yeah, like a shitty gramophone or something. Yeah.
Eric: It sounds so bad.
Amanda: Yes. Yeah, yeah. Brandon, if you could just find the Burger King 1998 sound effect pack, that would be really good.
Julia: That exists, right?
Brandon: Totally.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Take my credit card. Take it. Don't worry, don’t worry.
Brandon: It's very expensive, though. Yeah, cool. Thank you.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): [squawk] Aubergine. [squawk] Hello, no one's home. May I take your message? [squawk]
Eric (as Aubergine): No, I am fine. I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, parrot.
Brandon (as Umbi): What are you supposed to be doing? [squawk]
Eric (as Aubergine): I did not have to answer questions to you. You're just weird, I don't know, wrinkly old fruit. You remind me of my best friend, Cammie.
Julia: Yay, but also ow.
Brandon: Cammie, you can't fucking hear this. Cammie.
Julia: I know.
Brandon (as Umbi): That was rude. You know— you know it's Umbi.
Julia: Rude.
Eric (as Aubergine): Oh, I do. I— I certainly do not. Say one thing that Umbi— only Umbi would know about me.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, you know that Umbi's your best friend, I mean. I'm a parrot. [squawk]
Julia: This is great, guys. This is good RPG.
Amanda: This is high comedy.
Brandon (as Umbi): Just— just tell— tell the parrot that Umbi's your best friend. [squawk]
Eric (as Aubergine): This— this is the strangest alarm I've ever seen. I— I have no idea I had to say my best friend. Yeah, I— I like Umbi as well. We have nice dinners. I guess, you know, you have different types of friends. Best friend is more of a tier than it is—
Brandon (as Umbi): [squawk] Best friends or nothing. [squawk]
Eric (as Aubergine): It's more of a best friend, it's more of like a subset of friends you have.
Julia: Can Cammie have left while Umbi is blinded and deafened?
Eric: Yeah, sure. You guys didn't have to hang out come together.
Julia: No, I'm just saying I— I want Cammie to have gone back to the house to be like, "What's up?"
Amanda: Oh, yeah, that's smart. Yeah. Brandon's delaying him while you go check.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, sure. Yeah. Like—
Eric (as Aubergine): Oh, I was looking— I was looking all over the place for you, Cammie, my best friend. I just want you to know—
Brandon (as Umbi): [squawk] Not best friend. [squawk]
Eric (as Aubergine): Can—
Julia (as Cammie): Bartlett, shh.
Eric (as Aubergine): Can— yeah, I just wanted to know when we were leaving for— for the— the journey.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, we have to handle a couple of things here first as preparation for the journey, and then we will be on our way in like a couple of days.
Eric (as Aubergine): Yeah, I just didn't know what I was supposed to bring for the Dissolved Belt, but I'm very fa— fascinated to go wherever this— wherever the flier is saying.
Julia (as Cammie): You can bring your charming personality and also armor, probably.
Eric (as Aubergine): Yeah. Something to withstand it, yes.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Aubergine): Yeah. The wonderful thing— I— I've been learning about— about the— the— in like a pamphlet, I found like a vacationing pamphlet.
Eric: Pulls out a pamphlet.
Julia (as Cammie): Of the Dissolving Aisles or whatever this is?
Eric (as Aubergine):The— the Dissolving Belt, it's very interesting.
Julia (as Cammie): Dissolving Belt?
Eric (as Aubergine): It's this one—it's this ring of water that is more acidic than— and— and less salty than the rest of the— how do you say?
Julia (as Cammie): Great Salt Sea?
Eric (as Aubergine): Yeah, the— the rest of the sea. And it is to— it is totally clear, nothing can live inside of it. It is a— you can see all the way to the bottom of nothing. Very interesting.
Julia (as Cammie): That's—
Eric (as Aubergine): That is why all— that's why all the monsters go the sea— the monsters in the sea, that's what they go there to die, so their bod— their body is dissolved. There's— there's an instinct inside of the— the big monsters to dissolve back into it.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Like mangrove mammoths, right?
Eric (as Aubergine): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Aubergine): Just like the mangrove mammoth, they go to the—
Julia (as Cammie): But that's on land, right?
Eric (as Aubergine): —their— their— their mammoth graveyard. Yes, exactly.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Aubergine): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, interesting. I have a weird question, Aubergine, have you been on a— a boat before?
Eric (as Aubergine): That is good question. I don't know, I assume.
Julia (as Cammie): That— that you can remember. I know you don't have a lot of your previous memories.
Eric (as Aubergine): Well, I don't know why you're saying it like that. Like— like— it's like yeah, it's the main thing about me. Yeah, yes. I'm going to say no, I don't know. Not recently. I've only been— from what I can remember, I'm just here on the— the island. I assume I was. I— I just kind of assumed that I would be okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Well, I'll make you some nice tea in case you get seasick. A lot of people do when it's, you know, their first or they haven't been on a lot of boats previously.
Eric (as Aubergine): Yeah, but not in a while.
Julia (as Cammie): Can I also ask, why are you so excited to go to this specific place and also with us? Besides the fact that we're best friends?
Julia: And Cammie looks at the— looks at the parrot.
Brandon: The parrot flips you off. The parrot gives you the bird.
Julia: Whoa.
Brandon: Oh. Just also for clarity, I assume then Umbi did tell you about this that we all agreed that it's chill or are you sort of playing coy right now before we decide if Aubergine can come or not?
Julia: I think Aubergine told us already, or you told us.
Amanda: Yeah. You probably told us, "By the way, promised Aubergine that he would come," and we were like—
Brandon: I did not promise Aubergine he can come.
Julia: He know, he kind of was like, "And I'm coming."
Brandon: He said, "I'm coming," yeah.
Eric: Aubergine assumed this was already happening.
Amanda: Yes, yes.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So regardless of this conversation, Aubergine is—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: —already presuming he's going.
Brandon: Right.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: Additionally— yeah, Brandon, I— I assume that you kind of shared what happened and we were like, "Well, alright."
Brandon: Okay, cool.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: So we all agree that it is chill that he can come?
Amanda: It feels like not a choice and we'll—
Julia: Yeah. He's just gonna show up. It's fine.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah. That's alright.
Julia: It's all good.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric (as Aubergine): I just— there's something inside of me compelling to go. This— I get to be— I finally get to be a part of the adventure, and I know people who have the key, and it's like— there is— I just feel something inside pulling me to be there.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Aubergine): I don't know.
Julia (as Cammie): You know, I— who am I tell you what path you should head on, and you know, what— what life calls you towards, you know?
Eric (as Aubergine): If you— you can name it, it's still fine— it is a fine reason. You cannot put your finger that you didn't know why or how.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. I've been pulled many places in my life without real, like, explanation as to why I'm called to them. That's half the reason I—well, actually, I was gonna say that's half the reason I became a pirate, but mostly the reason I became a pirate was because I was kidnapped, so—
Eric (as Aubergine): Oh, now, the story about Cammie talking about her trauma in the past. Oh my God. See, how does it feel to happen to you?
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Still best friends.
Julia (as Cammie): This parrot has a lot of opinions. But you know what? Aubergine, this is how I'm trying to relate to you and how I'm showing empathy for your situation and I'm glad that you're being pulled in a certain direction.
Eric (as Aubergine): But what if— how do you know if what is at the end of the— the path? How do you know if it is good? Would you— if you were walking towards it, you do not know, what if you know if it's going to be something beneficial for you in the— in the end?
Julia (as Cammie): Well, I would say that there never is an end to the path. The path always goes. You arrive at certain destinations, but there is a path that continues on past everything.
Eric (as Aubergine): I would like it better if there was a sign.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Aubergine): Say—
Julia (as Cammie): I mean we all would.
Eric (as Aubergine): —the— the— "Aubergine, go here, it is good for you. Do that."
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Aubergine): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Never that cut and dry, you know? But I will send Nonny, or this parrot for some reason, to you when we're ready to go.
Eric (as Aubergine): Okay. You know, I don't want to miss anything, so I'm going to just stay on your boat for the next few days. Okay. See you later.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, but there's no one on the boat.
Eric (as Aubergine): Alright, I'm going to go and get my things.
Julia (as Cammie): But— okay. Goodbye.
Eric (as Aubergine): I will bring my— I'll bring my good— my traveling cheese. Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Alright, have fun.
Amanda: I never thought I'd be so touched by my husband doing a French accent, playing an eggplant pirate.
Eric: It's pretty good. It's good.
Julia: Pretty good. Pretty good.
Eric: Hell yeah. Okay, yeah. What— what other— what other ingredients are we looking for?
Julia: We're gonna forage for the plants that make the dyes we need.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: Yeah. So we need to find a source of iron and a source of ferrocyanide. So I imagine that these powders I've already derived a lot of, because they're probably explosive and are poisonous. So I probably have, like, at least the precursors in my lab somewhere, but I gotta gather— you know, I gotta go gather some iron rock, I gotta go get some apple seeds, and sort of distill them down.
Amanda: This one, you want to check on Gloria and ask for some irony rocks and hopefully you can find some seeds.
Eric: Yeah, we can do that. Yeah, for sure.
Brandon: Is she awake?
Julia: Did she wake up? It's been a couple of days.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You can just do it. That's fine, you can have it. I didn't know if there was something else you had to, like, find or something.
Brandon: No, I mean, I probably have to, you know, barter a little bit with an apple Greenfolk to get some of their seeds, but—
Eric: Now, who's the one doing war crimes? That's like asking someone, "Hey, can I get a kidney really quickly? You only need one, you don't need two. I need it for this— for this art project that I'm doing.”
Brandon: Yeah. I mean, Eric, you did not say that trading organs was a war crime when you quoted the Geneva Conventions
Amanda: That's true.
Eric: It wasn't, it's just frowned upon.
Brandon: It's just frowned upon?
Eric: It— it's not from the Wikipedia page, war crime.
Amanda: It's a war maybe don't, which is a whole different Wikipedia page.
Brandon: Yeah, exactly.
Julia: It's a war uhhhh---
Amanda: It's a war, yeah, sure.
Eric: Cool, cool. Alright. So let's get down to it. Let's— I feel like we're the part of the— like, the comic book where there's like multiple panels that are side by side demonstrating of these things are happening—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: —at the same time, as you're putting the blueprints together. I think everyone is working it out here. So I think what we should do— you guys want to make three blueprints, yeah?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Okay. So here's what I'm thinking, if you want to make three, I think each person should make three rolls to demonstrate how they're going to participate in this scenario.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Now, what you could do is you can either let them stand like doing 1, 2, 3, so that it's like, all of the first rolls would go together as, like, how good is this and we'd average it, and then two and three accordingly. Or if you want to try to make one good one, you can take the highs of all of those.
Julia: Can we, like, divvy out like how good each of the roll is? And then, like, decide at the end like, "Hey, if we don't want—"
Eric: No.
Julia: "—to take that last one?"
Eric: No.
Julia No? Hmm.
Eric: No. You can decide if you want to keep these or you want to try to like— you want to do— make three and keep all three, or you want to “keep the best”, quote-unquote.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: But I think that those are the two choices. You don't have to decide it until now, you can do it late— you can do it later.
Brandon: Oh, great. Okay.
Eric: We're going to all roll 1, 2, 3. I'm going to do Gloria and Havana at the same time, just being help—
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: —being helpful and doing whatever. What is everyone doing? Umbi's probably doing the metal-y stuff, right?
Brandon: Chemically, yeah.
Eric: The chemical stuff? Okay.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: I think Troy is using the barrels to press the paper flat, and make sure that they're, like, rolled out nicely, and that the adherence of the ink to the paper goes well.
Eric: I really wish there was an arts and crafts skill. The number of times we've wanted to do this. I always think it's like dexterity, but I wish it was its own skill.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: I think there should be like a creativity one or something.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, like making— doing something creative with your hands.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: What does two dexterity straight up for you?
Brandon: And is Cammie doing the actual art, do you think?
Julia: Yeah. I think that Cammie is the person who is, like, checking the original to the drafts that they're doing and making sure that everything is aligned properly.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: And making sure that it looks like a exact forgery if that makes sense.
Brandon: Yeah, you are the navigator.
Amanda: Brandon, what do you think Umbi would do?
Brandon: Oh, he's doing the, like, actual washing. So like he all set it up—
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Brandon: you get the paper read.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: You could make sure the design is all scaled and everything, and then he's actually like applying the chemicals and doing the washing and stuff.
Amanda: I mean, Troy probably has really nice handwriting from being raised as a prince, so I could do the Dex if someone needs to do Dex. I have plus 2.
Brandon: I have plus 3 to Dex, but I have plus 8 to Arcana.
Amanda: No, do that.
Eric: Yeah. I think Umbi definitely should do Arcana. Troy needs to do Dex.
Amanda: I'll do Dex, yeah.
Eric: It's also because of the ripping of the paper that also—
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: —counts for that. And then Cammie, what do you think you want to do? Umbi, you're going to do intelligence. Troy, you're going to do dexterity. And Cammie, you can do wisdom or charisma.
Julia: They're both the same, so whichever one you would prefer.
Eric: Let's do that, yeah.
Brandon: Wawisma.
Eric: Wiz—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Was— wasma.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Julia: And I'm not adding my proficiency, correct?
Eric: No, this is just— this is straight up. I don't know if any of you are good at this particularly. It's just tight shots on all of you doing incredibly intricate work. This is like some real Michael Mann watching people do crimes as closely as possible. And then I'm going to do— I'm going to do plus 2 as well for Gloria and Havana helping you.
Amanda: So just to be clear, we're gonna do all our rolls and then decide if we want to take the best one or do all three, right?
Eric: Correct. Correct.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: I love the idea that if we do decide to make the— like, keep one of them, we sort of just like Frankenstein and have to like—
Amanda: Yes, this is very cool.
Brandon: —like sow the canvas together and stuff.
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Eric: Alright. Let's do our first roll, folks. Okay?
Brandon: Okay. [dice roll]
Julia: Okay. Goddammit, Brandon.
Eric: Okay. Brandon, what'd you get?
Brandon: 4 plus 4 for an 8.
Eric: Umbi's like, "I got it," and pours metal all over himself. And then go— and then sneezes and all the iron— all of the iron dust goes up.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Brandon: That's what happens if I sneeze, yeah.
Amanda: Classic.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. Troy?
Amanda: 16.
Eric: 16.
Amanda: 14 plus 2.
Eric: Great. Cammie?
Julia: 1 6 plus 3 for a 19.
Eric: Alright, 19. I got a 21, by the way.
Amanda: Hey.
Julia: Hell yeah, dawg.
Eric: Pretty good.
Amanda: That's a pretty good one, yeah.
Eric: Alright. One's a 16.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia: That's pretty good.
Amanda: I'll take it.
Eric: Pretty good.
Brandon: God, it would have been so much higher if I rolled better.
Eric: 16. Alright, let's do another roll, folks.
Brandon: [dice roll] Son of a fucking bitch! Are you kidding me?
Eric: Brandon?
Brandon: I got a 4 plus 4 for an 8.
Eric: That's an 8. Umbi sneezes again.
Amanda: 13 plus 2 for 15 for Troy.
Eric: Alright, 15.
Julia: 14 plus 3 for a 17.
Eric: Damn, 17. I also got a 17.
Brandon: I think my dice are loaded.
Julia: Brandon, why can't they be loaded for a higher fucking number?
Brandon: 'Cause I didn't do it. It was— it was a saboteur.
Julia: Buy better dice.
Amanda: A ghost.
Eric: That one is a 14. It is—
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: —a little bit worse, but also noticeably worse.
Julia: Alright.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Like you guys spelled blu—like the bee and blueprint is backwards.
Julia: Goddammit.
Amanda: Okay. It happens.
Brandon: Just like a cute 7-year-old rolled it, yeah.
Eric: Wait a second, this is in Spanish? How did you do that?
Julia: What country is Spanish from?
Amanda: Next to— next to the Crags?
Eric: Yeah, it's— there's another separatist.
Amanda: Just right— right next to it, just south of it.
Eric: Yeah. Okay.
Amanda: Troy's a 16 plus 2, 18.
Eric: 18.
Julia: 13 plus 3 for a 16.
Eric: 16.
Brandon: 15 plus 4 for a 19.
Eric: A 19.
Amanda: Who's he?
Eric: And I got a 9. Gloria is up too late and doesn't have enough energy.
Amanda: Piss. The sneezes were catching.
Julia: These are all middling.
Eric: Man, I'll give that-- alright, this one is also a 16.
Amanda: Ooh.
Eric: So when you're done right now, in the process of things are drying, at the end of a long night, you have two that are pretty good and one that's a little bit worse than pretty good.
Amanda: So can we pick the highest of each of our 3 rolls for one perfect copy.
Eric: I can— do you— do you want me to do that right now?
Julia: I want to see what the number would be, yup
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Because all of us rolled pretty close to 20.
Eric: I can already— I can already tell you that I got an 18— your best rolls are an 18, a 19, a 19, and a 21. And that surely does average out to 19 and change, which is not a 20. It's not perfect, but it's very good.
Amanda: That's my vote.
Julia: If we take that one, who are we giving it to?
Eric: It's a good question.
Amanda: The chef.
Brandon: I think the highest bidder, right?
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Outback Steakhouse. Yeah.
Amanda: I think let's do that.
Brandon: Yeah, I agree.
Eric: Okay, so you want to combine them?
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, cool.
Amanda: Like Brandon was saying, we'll— we'll do the, you know, the best quadrants of each and— and fold them up, and age them real nice.
Eric: Yeah. You fold them up, you do one more copy, and press them down, and put them together.
Brandon: Cammie can do some tea staining to make it look more aged.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Well, it shouldn't look aged. This is not like an old map forgery—
Amanda: That's right.
Julia: —that we're trying to do.
Brandon: Cammie can do some reverse tea aging to make it look brand-new.
Julia: I can pull the tea stains out of the paper.
Eric: The 14 was fine, but Umbi this time to make up for it, was like, "Oh, I'll cover up my mistakes by pouring tea over and then— and making it look old."
Julia: No, no, that's not how it works. That's not how it works.
Eric: Alright. So you have 1, you have 19, it's very good. You can hold it up, as people who've been staring at this all night, you can tell the differences. It's not as clear, it's a little bit blurrier. And I think that's the main thing is it's a little blurry. It's hard to read, which could be explained by it being taken on the Great Salt Sea and being old once— the ink didn't dry, or it can be explained by the fact that it's a copy. .
Julia: I don't know if this Outback Steakhouse person is very skilled at identifying forgery, so I think we should be okay.
Amanda: I'm cool with it.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Well, I think each of us goes to one of our three people, not the same ones, mind you. And then says, "Hey, we got this blueprint for another key. Do you want to buy it?" And see what they offer, you know?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, that's fine.
Brandon: I mean, we can honestly get them all three in the same room and then do a little— you know, see who offers the most and play them against each other.
Amanda: That does make me worried we get a war crime against us.
Julia: Also, the war crime person definitely is going to be, like, threatening the Outback Steakhouse man.
Amanda: I know, I know.
Julia: And being like, "Bid less, motherfucker."
Brandon: That's fair. That's fair.
Amanda: And Brandon, I think that's objectively the right thing to do, I am a little bit worried about it.
Julia: I think you should just avoid Millicent the millipede.
Amanda: Yeah. I do also just want to state for the record that we did make an important change. So in copying the map, we omitted a line or, you know, connected A to B when it was really B to C. So even if you manage to faithfully reproduce and follow these blueprints to make them thing that makes the key, it's a little bit off.
Julia: The ridge is just slightly off.
Brandon: Can I pitch you maybe the scale we change? So instead of 1 to 7 or whatever, it's like 1 to 4.
Julia: Oh.
Brandon: So when you put the key in, it's just too dang small.
Julia: It's little.
Brandon: It's too dang small.
Amanda: Good.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: That's really good.
Eric: Okay. Okay.
Amanda: I hate when Eric rolls, and then moves on.
Julia: What did— okay. What'd you roll? What'd you roll?
Eric: Oh, don't worry about it. So what do you want to do? You want to— do you want to bring him? You want to set up a rendezvous or—
Julia: No, I'm just gonna show up at the Outback Steakhouse kitchen door and be like—
Julia (as Cammie): Knock, knock, knock.
Eric (as Sazzy): Oh, hello, Cammie, again. It was a full few— it was a full two days since I last offered something to you, but I think that maybe the offer was just too good. And I don't know these clams are seem to be going— much like my offer seem to be going bad, so you better take them now.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, Sazzy. How are you doing today? It smells delicious in there.
Eric (as Sazzy): Sorry. Only deal— only dealmakers get to eat.
Brandon (as Umbi): Get off my past.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, I was just complimenting your skill set. Anyway, so—
Eric (as Sazzy): Hey, cousin, cousin, what am I supposed to do with this, cousin? Fine!
Julia (as Cammie): So, Sazzy, I have an offer for you. It is not a key, but it's the opportunity to make a key.
Eric (as Sazzy): Hmm. Alright. A real ba— this is a real bait and switch situation.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Sazzy): I think that I'm getting the steak, but really it's an opportunity to make a steak at home.
Julia (as Cammie): Yes, yes. And we all know—
Eric (as Sazzy): It's farm— farm-to-table legendary objects, which is not the same nearly as what I wanted before.
Julia (as Cammie): It is not what you were trying to make a deal for before, and because of that, I am going to make this offer at a 50% discount.
Eric (as Sazzy): Oh, 50%? I'm gonna— it's gonna have to be much steeper than that, if I'm gonna have to find the source, the ingredients, find a new cast iron pan, because I'm not going to use it for this one. And then take the cast iron pan and turn it into a— a forge manufacturer. And then I gotta find a guy, and I'm already up to my eyes, like, with the passes with all the— all the menu items are coming through the pass and just—
Eric: Brandon, insert one episode of The Bear here.
Eric (as Sazzy): So I'm gonna need more of a discount there. Listen, my kitchen's running, the kitchen's going. I gotta make a deal now.
Julia (as Cammie): You are a craftsman, and I know that you understand that you can have a steak, but without a good recipe, the steak is just a steak. This is the recipe, and the deal is 50%.
Eric (as Sazzy): 25 Amber.
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Eric (as Sazzy): 30 Amber.
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Eric (as Sazzy): I can't go higher than 33 Amber.Cammie, come on. I've been doing this. We've been together, and we've been talking about this. You've come to my restaurant, you've seethed as you watched Umbi and Aubergine eat in the restaurant, and I even let you sit there, and just kind of watch it. And just stew in your own feelings that maybe you're not as close with him as you thought you were, either Umbi or Aubergine, either one works. But we— and we've gone there was so much, it's 33 Amber or I walk.
Brandon: Julia?
Julia: Yes, Brandon.
Brandon: Can I pitch you— this is player to player, this is not in character, but can I pitch you? You can take slightly lower Amber for like a percentage or profit share from the restaurant. So every time we come back to the Hold, we get one more Amber or two more Amber at the Hold.
Julia: Yes. Yes, yes. Okay. I love that.
Amanda: Brandon, that's capitalism.
Julia: Brandon, I love that.
Brandon: Just call me Mark fucking Cuban, baby.
Eric: In the way that he's such a maverick. Alright, there you go.
Amanda: I thought you were gonna say marks and angles and I'm like, "Opposite. Brandon, opposite. Bring it back, opposite."
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): I will take 33 Amber, and for the next calendar year, every time that we return back to the Hold, you will give us a percentage of your profit equal to the amount of at least one Amber.
Eric (as Sazzy): 20 and 1.
Julia (as Cammie): Excuse me?
Eric (as Millicent): 25 and 1— and 1%.
Julia: Players?
Brandon: Well, I mean, 1% could be one Amber,. I don't think we're gonna come back eight more times, so—
Julia (as Cammie): 30 and 1%.
Amanda (as Troy): They drive a hard bargain.
Julia (as Cammie): And I will make a signature tea blend for the Outback Steakhouse.
Brandon: Ooh.
Amanda (as Troy): Now we're talking.
Brandon: That will make him riches. He could bottle that shit, sell it.
Julia: He could crust pork with it.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Sazzy): That sounds— that sounds sublime.
Julia (as Cammie): Excellent.
Eric (as Sazzy): Alright. Come back— come back with it, let me see it. And once the proper inspections are done, you got a deal.
Julia: I think Cammie has it with her already.
Eric: Oh, you do?
Julia: Cammie is a closer. Cammie's ready to make a deal.
Amanda: Well done, everyone.
Julia: Nonny crawls out of her teapot and unfurls the blueprint for inspection.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Whip going [buzzes]
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Would you consider him a friendly creature?
Eric: Sazzy?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: To you, yeah.
Brandon: In a negotiation, maybe not, though.
Amanda: Well, Brandon, if you think about it, we're all trying to finally get a deal.
Eric: Yeah. What— hold on. What— yeah, what do you want— what do you— what do you want, Julia?
Julia: Well, I think we should make this deal over a cup of tea.
Eric: Why would you— a known tea witch, why would he drink anything you gave him?
Julia: Because a lot of the people on the Hold, one, are friendly creatures, and Cammie has given them many teas in the past that have all been good for them and not shitty for them.
Eric: Give me a persuasion check. Give me a persuasion check.
Julia: Fine.
Eric: Let's do that.
Julia: I just— I want to—I've rolled my tasseography roll already.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Alright. My persuasion is plus 3, so I rolled a 16.
Eric: Okay, I rolled a 7, fine. Yeah.
Eric (as Sazzy): Yeah, let's— in the— in the dining room, sure. Let's— let's— we'll— we'll survey this over a drink and toast to our good fortunes.
Julia: Y es.
Brandon: We got to sample the new tea blend, you know?
Julia: Uh-hmm. And Cammie goes inside, they pour a cup of tea for each of them and tasseography, he rolled a 10 on whatever his roll is when he— when he expects the thing.
Amanda: Yay. I love magic.
Julia: Cammie, goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Ooh. Hmm, those shapes are interesting.
Eric (as Sazzy): Ah, interesting the way that it fits together. Nothing is— oh, it's smaller than I thought it would be.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, the key?
Eric (as Sazzy): Yeah, the key, it seems like it's— the key— I guess when I imagined a legendary lo— imagined a legendary lock, the key would be able to unlock anything and it's— the lock would be so small. I didn't think that the— the divine place of the— the salmon would— would require such handheld lock holes.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. You know, when we saw one of the keys recently, it was literally this big.
Julia: And Cammie shows the size of the freshly plucked maze key.
Eric: Right, for sure.
Amanda: Julia Schifini, best player in D&D podcasting.
Julia: Just this little itty-bitty key. It was wild.
Eric: I guess it would be a contest. You can do an insight check as a contest.
Julia: [dice roll] So it is a 19 plus 7, so a 26, I think.
Eric: Sure. You're in the— so you're in the dining room, right, as the— as Sazerac is looking over the— the blueprints. And I guess like you— this is— because it's not— the dining room hasn't been opened yet, and usually, there's like really low light in here.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: You're looking around and, like, the— the tablecloths are kind of ratty, and some of the— the— the forks are like kind of dusty. And like you look around and you look in the back, in the kitchen, and there's like cobwebs over a lot of the stuff.
Julia: This man does not have money. This man does not have money.
Eric: He's like—
Eric (as Sazzy): Well, I guess it's time for me to pay up and boy, it's hard for me to part with— it's hard for me to part with these as it is to part with any sort of deal. It's more of a compromise—
Julia: Nonny slowly starts pulling the blueprints back.
Eric (as Sazzy): Compromise with the— why what's— what's wrong? Cammie, what's wrong?
Julia (as Cammie): Nothing. I just— you know, you'll get the blueprints when I have the Amber.
Eric: And Cammie, you looked on and you're stepping in like— just like a bunch of like green gel, which is like in a puddle below you.
Julia (as Cammie): How's business?
Eric (as Sazzy): Good, great. It's— it's more— it's just innovating. You know, we're finding the best way to do farm-to-table and back to the farm. Like, really keeping the cycle going. I think that's the new trend in the food that we here— that we have here.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric: And Cammie, you look into his eyes and it's just like not— the lights are not on in there.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Yeah. Alright, so I'll give you a couple of days to get the Amber together.
Eric (as Sazzy): No, I'm— no, I'm ready— no, this is great. I want to— I have the— I actually—
Eric: And he pulls out a briefcase.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, show me 30 pieces of Amber right now, Sazzy.
Eric (as Sazzy): I will, I will show it to you right now.
Julia: I'm gonna prepare an action real quick.
Eric: And he opens it up and it's— there's just like 30 delectable-looking cookies in there.
Julia (as Cammie): That's— hey, buddy, that's not Amber. That's— those are cookies.
Eric (as Sazzy): Yea— of course, it is. These are Amber. They're shining lichen. There's little bugs in all of them. It's perfect. This is— what's wrong with the Amber? What's wrong with it? You can bite into it. You— to see— if you want to see if it— if it's real.
Amanda: Julia, can you like see if he's under mind control?
Julia: Yeah, can I do an Arcana check, or— I already did Insight Check. Can I do an Arcana check to see what the fuck is going on with this dude?
Eric: Yeah sure.
Brandon: Julia, this is player Brandon talking to you, kill him. Kill him dead.
Julia: I rolled a 13 plus 5 for an 18.
Eric: Hey, why do you think he's disgraced, Julia?
Julia: Because he's crazy. Okay. Cool, cool. I'm never eating here again. Cammie's like—
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, okay. Um, well, I think before we do our trade, you need to make your Amber into actual Amber.
Eric (as Sazzy): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): And we'll talk about this another time.
Eric (as Sazzy): It is. I don't always—yeah. From what I understand, I know I've only been a pirate for only a few— a little while now, but I thought that this was the way that it all— the Amber's right here. I don't know— what's the— what's the issue?
Julia (as Cammie): No. Yeah, that's not it. Okay. Sazzy, have a wonderful day. I'm sure I'll see you soon, probably not. And goodbye.
Julia: And Cammie rolls up the blueprints again and gets the fuck out of there.
Eric (as Sazzy): Okay. I mean, if you want— I don't know why you're backing out of the deal. I didn't know that the— I didn't know that the Sea Whip pirates were people who walk out of deals, who were untrustworthy. I'm going to tell my whole crew about this. I'm gonna— everyone who works in the kitchen, and you're not allowed back here in the Outback Steakhouse.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, no. What a shame.
Julia: And then Cammie leaves, and goes back to Havana, and goes—
Eric: Just closes the door here.
Julia: Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Bad news, gang.
Brandon (as Umbi): What? What happened?
Julia (as Cammie): So Sazzy wasn't able to close the deal.
Brandon (as Umbi): Kill him, let's kill him.
Julia (as Cammie): Tried to pay me in cookies.
Brandon (as Umbi): Let's kill him.
Amanda (as Troy): How many cookies?
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, it was 30 cookies, but he did promise us 30 Amber, and that's not the same.
Amanda (as Troy): Not enough.
Brandon (as Umbi): No.
Amanda: Alright. So between—
Eric: And— and an amber cookie when once every time you show up.
Amanda (as Troy): So between Old Man and the crab, what may or may not have amber buried in the sand and scary Millipede, who probably wants to beat up on Umbi, who are we thinking?
Brandon (as Umbi): Millipede.
Julia (as Cammie): But it was so little.
Eric: Cammie, can you roll really quickly for me?
Julia: Any particular thing you'd like—
Eric: Just D20, D20.
Julia: A 13.
Eric: Oh. Cammie, you take out the blueprints, and there's strawberry jelly all over the back.
Julia: Alright. So this is all fucking pointless, is what I'm getting from this. Great. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Amanda(as Troy): Maybe the Strawberry Guy won't care. Maybe it'll increase the value for him.
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe he'll see the blood of his relatives.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. He is also anchored to the crab's house, so I don't know if he'll be able to, like, make them, but we could try.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I have no idea.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah?
Brandon (as Umbi): What if we use the strawberry jelly as glue, frame it, put it up against a cardboard.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): And then frame it, and then it's like— it's even better now.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Now, it's a 20. Now, it's not a 19, it's a 20.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, also, we could just say to anyone we try to give this to, "Hey, sorry, we also got some jelly on the back, our bad.”
Brandon: Why do you hate my ideas, Julia?
Amanda: It— things happen at sea, you know?
Eric: They're equally good, equally good.
Amanda: Both are good.
Julia: Things happened with jelly at sea that we can't talk about.
Amanda: Brandon, let me— let me try old man and the crab. Let me try. Let me try.
Julia: Just— also really quickly while we're all back at Havana's, can I look at Sil and be like—
Julia (as Cammie): Sil, you still have the thing, right? Sil, you still have the thing right? Because my day is getting really bad now, Sil.
Eric: And show— shows you the— shows you the key.
Julia (as Cammie): Alright, put it right back in there. I don't want anyone seeing that.
Eric (as Sil): Oh, it feels weird.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't care.
Brandon: In the anime, though, there's a sensor bar on that.
Julia: Yeah. Happens off-screen.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Should I try the old man?
Eric: If you want to.
Julia: Yeah, good luck digging out fucking Amber out of that old man's bramble patch.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: I hope he's not crazy, too.
Amanda: Me, either. Troy's gonna grab the map, and lick his hand, and then go on down to the cove, where the old man and the crab is sprawling out over the salty rocks.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, man, I— I got some good news.
Eric (as Old Man): Oh, hold on, they're— they're almost done feasting for the fourth time today. Now, get out of here.
Amanda (as Troy): I think it's really nice that you make sure that all those birds have something to eat before they become big— big birds.
Eric (as Old Man): Well, I don't really have a choice. It just kind of happens to me. It's more of a divine cycle.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh. What— what'd you do to piss off the Planter?
Eric (as Old Man): Bringing light bulbs in the axle.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, that's right. That's right.
Eric (as Old Man): Those— from— from before.
Amanda (as Troy): Wait, is the axle the thing inside the light bulb that gives the light?
Eric (as Old Man): Ah, maybe.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, because you're so smart, I got a great offer for you.
Julia: Everyone's a liar. He just said maybe to the fact that the axle is the thing in the middle of a light bulb. This is all bullshit.
Amanda: Julia, Troy doesn't know. Troy doesn't know.
Eric (as Old Man): I'm not— I'm not a— I'm not a scurmptist.
Julia: I'm not there.
Brandon: A scurmptist?
Eric (as Old Man): I'm not a scurmptist.
Amanda (as Troy): Will you just— just real quick, like show me one of the Ambers that you have? Just— just so I can make sure we're having a real conversation here because—
Amanda: And then Troy holds up his hand with the blueprint.
Eric (as Old Man): Oh, you— wait, the blue— that's not the key at all.
Amanda (as Troy): I— I got something better than the key.
Eric (as Old Man): My sweet child.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Old Man): I'm a weird strawberry Bramble man.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric (as Old Man): What am I supposed to do with a map of making something?
Julia: What are you supposed to do with the key in general, bitch? Sorry, sorry, Julia is just mad right now, so it's just wrecking everyone.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, listen, I know— I know your tendrils go all over the place. I don't know what, like— how the crabs got down there. I don't know what the birds can bring you. But this will give you the ability to make as many keys as you want.
Eric (as Old Man): With what hands, with what help, with what stuff?
Amanda (as Troy): That's up to you, my guy. This is what I got.
Eric (as Old Man): I get eat— I get eaten by birds regularly.
Amanda (as Troy): So is— am I hearing maybe you want to do like 25 Amber?
Eric (as Old Man): How about 4?
Amanda (as Troy): 4 Amber?
Eric (as Old Man): 4.
Amanda (as Troy): Can you show me that you have 4 Amber?
Eric (as Old Man): Yeah. [groans]
Eric: Just the vines get out of the way.
Eric (as Old Man): [groans] Yeah, there. That's 4.
Eric: And there's like 4 Amber, like, coming out of the sand like baby turtles. You know when the baby turtles are hatched.
Amanda: But they— they're real amber?
Eric: Oh, they're real amber, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): I think if I go back with any less than 15 to my crew, they will kick me out.
Eric (as Old Man): You can do 5, but like, I— I don't know what to do with the— I know that we talked about it, but I don't ha— what am I going to do with this? Like, this means so much less to me, and like if you could try to find a fifth, I guess.
Amanda (as Troy): Less than 30 is 15.
Eric (as Old Man): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. I gotta be honest with you. There was another buyer and I do not want to sell to her, but I think we will have to if she can do better than that. Can we— how about we meet at 10, 10 Amber?
Eric (as Old Man): Look at me. My child, look at me in the face.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Old Man): What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?
Amanda (as Troy): Find someone to bring you the shit you need, and make a little key factory right down here.
Eric (as Old Man): Yeah. Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): And use the extra 20 amber that you'll save.
Eric (as Old Man): Does that— does that sound— that sound good? That sound like a thing I could do?
Amanda (as Troy): It sound less good than the key, which is why I want less money.
Eric (as Old Man): Okay, three.
Amanda (as Troy): No. No. That's less than you said before.
Eric (as Old Man): Sorry, one flew into the ground.
Eric: And it's like crawling back into the sand.
Amanda (as Troy): Nah. 10, man, that's what— that's what I can do, or else I gotta go to this lady who sucks.
Eric (as Old Man): I— I'd— I can't do 4.
Brandon: Off screen, just so everyone knows, Umbi is calling Millicent already, she's on the coconut phone.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, man. Listen, I know that's not what you asked for and it's— it's— you know, I thought I'd come to you the courtesy of asking, but I'll— I'll— I'll— I'll pass.
Eric (as Old Man): I didn't— I want to be really clear. You said I have this cool thing for you, and then you gave me like, a picture of that cool thing.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Old Man): Like, what—what—
Amanda (as Troy): I do see what you mean.
Eric (as Old Man): What?
Amanda (as Troy): Can I have one, and then I'll, like, tell your story to people?
Eric (as Old Man): No— what? No.
Julia: What? No. What?
Eric (as Old Man): No way, no.
Amanda (as Troy): I—
Brandon (as Umbi): It's like when you buy an X crate on the bay, and you get it, and it's just a photo of an X crate.
Eric: It's just a photo.
Julia: Damn.
Eric (as Old Man): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Okay. Nice— nice talking to you. I'm sorry.
Amanda: And Troy wipes away a tear.
Eric (as Millicent): Ah, my bruised, sweet, weird, old smelly love. You've come back to me. You know that Millicent the maleficent mercenary, her grasp is— you know, it's the only thing you could do.
Julia: I kind of ship this now.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm— I want to— gross, Julia.
Julia: I'm into it.
Brandon (as Umbi): I want to warn you Millicent that I did douse myself in some very smelly powders before I got here, so if you do caress my skin again, you will get smelly.
Eric (as Millicent): I will take that risk.
Brandon (as Umbi): Goddammit.
Amanda: Off-screen, Troy whispers to Cammie—
Amanda (as Troy): That means Umbi was thinking about what if she touched him again.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): That's a good sign, right?
Eric (as Millicent): So what— you— you have the key for me?
Brandon: Troy and—Troy and Cammie are like 15 feet back, and Umbi turns around and goes—
Brandon (as Umbi): I'll take this deal. I'll do it.
Eric (as Millicent): So you have the key and you brought your friends.
Julia (as Cammie): We know you want to spend more time with her, Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I have certainly better than a key. I have the ability to goddamn make keys not just for yourself, but sell more of them later.
Eric (as Millicent): Just to be very clear, you've come to me, Millicent. My— I have the word malevolent in my name that everyone knows me about. My reputation precedes me, war profiteer, war crimes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Pervert.
Eric (as Millicent): Also— also—
Julia (as Cammie): Kinky.
Eric (as Millicent): Also pervert. And you're going to— you're bringing me something that is not what I'm saying.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm offering you something better. I'm offering you the ability to not only get a key, but then you can make fake copies of this and sell it to other people, like a fucking pirate does, and make profit.
Eric (as Millicent): Let me see it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Here you go.
Eric: You just hold— you're holding it up like five feet away?
Brandon: Yeah, and it's framed, 'cause I used a strawberry jam.
Eric: It's framed.
Brandon: As glue, Julia.
Eric (as Millicent): I like the frame. The frame is nice. It's a nice frame.
Julia: Hmm. Alright, bro.
Brandon (as Umbi): You can take it out. I just thought it was cute.
Eric (as Millicent): Alright. It is different. It's going to be a lot of legwork, but I thought I would be offended and need to stick every single of my million hands inside of your crevices and rip you apart. But this is—
Amanda (as Troy): So hot.
Eric (as Millicent): —this is actually kind of interesting.
Amanda (as Troy): It's not my thing, but it's someone's thing is what I'm getting at.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, it's probably Umbi's thing, right?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, Millicent, I'll pay you 25 Amber to do war crimes against my crew back there.
Eric (as Millicent): Oh, I'm already considering it. Okay. How about 5 Amber? And I need to go.
Brandon (as Umbi): For this, for the blueprint, you mean?
Eric (as Millicent): Today, I need to leave.
Brandon (as Umbi): Or does it—
Eric (as Millicent): I need to—
Brandon (as Umbi): —include the war crimes against my crew or not?
Eric (as Millicent): If— I know you have the key. Let me lay it out for you plan— plainly, my bruised— my bruised compadre.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Millicent): Is that I need the time to do this, so that I can get in— so I can get in and go to the— the Dissolving Belt. I need to make sure they're put together. And then later on, I need the time to make sure that this is all perfect. I would rather give you the five right now and not examine this. But then later on, if I'm— if you're wrong, if this is not, give me entry. I will spend every waking moment getting prepared, sharpening my little hands to rip all of you apart, of you and— and the rest of the crew. So I'll give you 5 Amber right now, no questions asked. Until the questions later, like death.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Hey, come— come closer. Not too close. Come closer.
Eric (as Millicent): Oh.
Eric: And she is right in your personal space, wrapped around you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Millicent, Millicent, Millicent.
Eric (as Millicent): Yeah. Yes, Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): My crew back there wanted me to lie to you. This is fake. This is a fake blueprint. But here's the thing, don't think of this as a blueprint, think of this as a fucking business opportunity.
Eric (as Millicent): I appreciate your candor. Tell me, what is— what is wrong with this?
Brandon (as Umbi): The scale, it's off. I can't tell you what the real scale is, but that doesn't matter.
Eric (as Millicent): Tell me what the scale is, and we all go our separate ways.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, no, no. Here's the deal. I give you this blueprint, you can make a business selling it to the other idiots on this island. You give me three Amber now, and then each time we come back, you give us like 1% of your profits, which is probably like one Amber, or two.
Eric (as Millicent): How about I leave you not dead and not ripped apart, but you— I give you three and no— no profit over time?
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, look, none of us wants to— none of us wants to die or made to—
Eric (as Millicent): No, this is good. No, no, no we are so close— we are so— and we are—
Eric: Her hands are now like on you, just thousands of little hands touching you.
Eric (as Millicent): We are so close— we are so close to a deal. Just— no, I'm not going to pay you over time. Our— our—our relationship ends here. I will give you three, if you give me the blueprint. That will do it.
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Is this kissing?
Brandon (as Umbi): Half of— three now, half a percent. So we get one Amber every half a percent.
Julia: She's— very clearly, she just wants the key. She doesn't care about the business end of things. She wants it so that she can go to the Dissolved Circle or whatever it is.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: That's a good point. Can I do an Insight Check, Eric, and just see—
Eric: Do it.
Brandon: —if that is actually the case?
Eric: Do it.
Brandon: Eleven?
Eric: Yeah. No, she's— she's— her eyes are tou— nearly touching your eyes. There is no way for you to know otherwise.
Julia: That’s hot.
Eric: She— if you take it, she's not going to do it. She's just gonna screw you over later. Like, if you want to part on good terms, or you want to try to push it, you'll see, but that's what she means that.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: At least get us 5.
Amanda: Yeah. Like Brandon, I would suggest like 5, and if we meet up outside the hold, then we need her, she needs to help us.
Julia: Yes. 5 and a favor owed, and you'll tell her the real scale.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. I'm fine with that.
Eric: Hmm.
Eric (as Millicent): So what is it going to be?
Eric: In my head, she has, like, so many scars all over her body, like on her face.
Julia: So hot.
Eric: There's so many scars.
Julia: On her exoskeleton, yeah.
Eric: She's like 50% leg, 50% scar.
Amanda: On her tum?
Eric: Yeah, all over.
Brandon: A 100% whatever—
Eric: Remember—
Brandon: Linkin Park song.
Eric: Yeah. A 100% reason to remember the name. Yeah, I got you.
Brandon: Thank you. Thank you.
Eric: I got you, Brandon.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, here's— here's my counter— my final counter, 4 Amber—
Brandon: Umbi doesn't know, he's gonna play along.
Brandon (as Umbi): 4 Amber, half a percent of your profits, and here's the deal, here's the side offer, the side bet, the side pot as— if you will. I'm going— at some point, we are going to need an inside into the Cragish rebellion.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whether we need their muscle, we need their intelligence, or we need their authority, I don't know. But at some point, I'm gonna send my— my parrot Bartlett here—
Eric (as Bartlett): [squawk]
Brandon (as Umbi): —to say hello to you, and that's gonna mean that we need your help— not you— don't you come.
Julia (as Cammie): I think she definitely come.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I don't think she should come. She's a war criminal.
Amanda (as Troy): I think you guys should live together.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I don't think so.
Julia (as Cammie): I think you're in love.
Brandon (as Umbi): And if you do so, I'll give you the real scale.
Eric (as Millicent): I'll— I'll be honest with you. I can— either— I will be able to bring the might of myself as much as I can, but I only have so many contacts, but I will do my best. If you need the favor from me, I would provide it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. I mean, if the favor doesn't work out, you don't get the scale officially from me.
Eric (as Millicent): No, you need— no, you have to give it to me right now.
Brandon (as Umbi): No. It's only after services rendered.
Eric (as Millicent): No deal, and I'm going to rip you apart.
Brandon (as Umbi): Go for it.
Julia (as Cammie): It's hot.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm calling your bluff, baby.
Eric: She stands up to full height, which is 11 feet tall long up, and you hear [thumps] as four pieces of Amber fall under the ground. She grabs the blueprints from you and says—
Eric (as Millicent): I'm not going to sell this. If you need a favor from me, just ask.
Brandon (as Umbi): I figured.
Eric: And she slithers away.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait, which hand do I shake? I wanted to make that joke.
Eric: She touches you with all 500,000 of her left hands on the way out.
Amanda: Oh, I'm sweating. Oh, my God. Oh wow.
Eric: I guess let's go to the Dissolving Belt. Okay? Let's go.
Julia: Wee!
Brandon: Wee!
Amanda: Woo!
Eric (as Bartlett): [squawk]
[theme]