The Big Meeting of All the Pirates Who Have Keys begins! And like all important diplomatic meetings, someone is sneaking around getting info behind their backs.
My Doorkey lies over the ocean, my Doorkey lies over the sea, my Doorkey lies over the ocean, I learned it was ambl’tory.
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
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About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party. We're doing some late-night detective work to figure out who hit the ship. We talked to a dead guy who said he bought the chest from a fancy merchant. Cammie noticed some strange goings on at a lighthouse off the coast of the island, so Umbi decided to skip out on the talking and check it out the following day. As the meeting starts, the pirates on the island leer at us and definitely notice as we walk up with a real key. Then as a meeting assembles, we see all the members including the fully alive, fully pirate-voiced key for a gaze. Oh, my God. He's walking around. Let's get the party started.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Yar. You wouldn't be starting without me.
Amanda (as Troy): Is— Cammie, is that a key? Or did I eat bad rock grubs again?
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, sure looks like a key.
Julia: Can I do an Arcana check on this person? [dice roll]
Eric: Yeah, sure.
Brandon: Is that insulting in D&D games to have an ar— someone do an Arcana check on you?
Julia: No. 23.
Amanda: I think it implies you're magical.
Eric: Cammie's like, "No, it's not. I'm doing it." 23?
Julia: 23.
Eric: Yeah. Hey, dude, this is the key with a gaze. Turns out the gaze, meant it has an eye and actually sees because it's corporeal in some sort of way, shape or form.
Brandon: Fucking love that.
Julia: Can I— hmm. Can I tell if— this key, this person, this sentient thing, can I tell if it was like a person before and was consumed by this like a parasite, or if this has always been sentient?
Eric: Good question. A 23 is pretty high. I'd say cursory glance, looking over at this thing, I would say no. I don't think it's consumed any souls. I don't know if this used to be— this was not a person who was then smushed into a key form. Like, no one jam— you know that foundry you have in your— in your ship?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That's the shape of a key? Like, no one took a radish and jammed it in there, and then popped out a key. There's something—there's certainly something else going on. Also, where did they get this? They must have— that co— tricorne hat is custom.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: Custom— custom-made. Custom cape size. Target boys XL cape, but that's a custom hat.
Brandon: Is Aubergine involved in this somehow, my players, my friends?
Julia: Probably not, Brandon.
Brandon: But his memory is gone, and he has a nicely tailored outfit.
Julia: I don't know what to tell you, man. I don't— I don't know.
Brandon: I don't know.
Eric: That's a good question. Write it down on the big— can you put it on the big board and connect a piece of red string to it?
Brandon: I already did, Eric.
Eric: Okay. What else is on the big board, Brandon?
Brandon: Eric's butt and then it's strung up next to profit?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Good.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah, my butt can tell the future.
Brandon: That's true.
Amanda: Troy is going to take a step forward and say—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, hey, Troy Riptide, nice to meet you. Are you one of the keys that we all have been looking for?
Eric (as KG): Yar. I am, but I think I've been looking for you just as much, Troy Riptide.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, you know my name?
Eric (as KG): I do. I know many things. Yar.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah? Like— like, what? What did they say about me?
Eric (as KG): I've seen so many things over the last half-century, battles won, gold plundered, booty lost and won and lost again.
Julia (as Cammie): That means the key—
Eric (as KG): Ships scuttled, ships built back. Crews brought back from the dead and brought together by love.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh?
Eric (as KG): Seeds planted, seeds bloomed.
Eric (as Lustrous): Alright, key for a gaze—
Eric: This is Lustrous saying—
Eric (as Lustrous): Alright, key for a gaze. Can you find your seat as you— as you tell people of all the things you know?
Julia: What is everyone else's reaction to this in the room? Are they also surprised by the key for the gaze being a sentient being? Because Lustrous doesn't seem like he's surprised.
Amanda: Julia, that's a great point. Troy would love to do an insight check, looking around in the faces of— especially the Cragish separatists, do they know about this?
Julia: I'll also do that.
Eric: Yeah. Why don't we do a insight check here? That's— that's a great use of insight, folks.
Julia: Not a great roll from Julia Schifini.
Brandon: Lustrous is also a pervert though, so, you know, his favorite thing is a key becoming sentient. He's into it.
Eric (as KG): Only— only after some other stuff involving wine, and grapes. Wink.
Julia: Got a 7 plus 7 for a 14.
Eric: Ooh.
Amanda: Got an 8 plus 0.
Brandon: Neither of those are good.
Julia: No, not particularly good.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Troy, do you also have a plus 7 to your insight?
Amanda: No, Eric, I have a plus 0.
Eric: Okay, okay, okay.
Amanda: Actually.
Eric: Okay, okay, okay.
Amanda: When you're the Prince, baby, you don't kind of learn no more. You're already in charge.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah, Princes famously never have to tell whether or not the people around them are plotting against them.
Amanda: Nope.
Eric: No, you have a ghost to tell you things, and that ghost is reliable.
Julia: Uh-hmm. And It's also your dad.
Amanda: I mean, yesterday, somebody in like a body con dress, but it had like attached sleeves, like a bat. So when the person opened their arms all the way, it made simply a rectangle of fabric—
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: —with, like, the body con dress in the middle—
Julia: Extremely cool.
Amanda: —and then the caption was like, "Polonius: the photo."
Julia: Shit.
Eric: Oh, yeah, 14. Yeah, tell me who do you— you want to look at the— the separatists?
Julia: I would— didn't want to focus on anyone in particular. I just wanted to get, like, the vibe of the room.
Eric: Alright.
Julia: To see, like, how many— like just a percentage-wise, how many of the people seemed surprised by the sentience of the key with the gaze.
Eric: Sure, sure. Sure. I'm gonna say the Cragish separatists are—
Eric (as Purple Potato): Sacré bleu! What is this?
Julia: Obvious. Got it. Cool.
Eric (as Purple Potato): Why is everything so different from what we understood? We are just purple— purple potato brothers. Fighting for our homeland who is bringing us so many strange things. I've seen so much, so many large animals, so many large trees that are bigger than they should be, but this is too much.
Eric: So they are— they are dealing.
Julia: Very surprised. Got it.
Eric: They're dealing. The vibe of the room— Julia, have you been to a holiday party with your family, or maybe at an office and someone says something that is shocking, and a lot of people in the room are trying to just like— the air is tense or, like, the air is responding to the vibe, but everyone is trying to, like, hold it?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: I think this is the— this works for those particular things, whether you're talking about, like, your patriarchs, or your matriarchs, or your uncles who are just like, "You can't shock me, I'm 72."
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Or it's like you're in an office and someone's talking about their kink out loud, and you're like, "I'm a manager, not going to respond to this, because only bad things will happen." Just like real— the air is surprised, but I think a lot of people in the room right now are try— with a 14 are holding it.
Julia: They're trying to keep it together. Got it.
Eric: They trying to keep it together—
Julia: Cool.
Eric: —and are not cracking in this way.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: There is— there is a separate vibe between, you know, Edie's face, Archimedes' face, Drew's face, then the wildness of what's happening here.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: For various reasons, I would say. Maybe they're not all the same reason, but for the 14, that's what I can tell you.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Yeah.
Eric (as KG): Brothers, brothers, we need— we are here in the— in the— we are here in— in sacred conference, we need to hold it together. We could not be so surprised to know it was surprising, seeing so many people and so many people who have done so much to us. We need to hold it together, we need to bring it together. Yar. I have seen so— I have seen she— I've seen monsters breached the sea, see the sky breached these monsters. The—
Amanda (as Troy): How'd that work?
Eric (as KG): It was a whale situation. Yar.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric (as KG): I have seen things bloom and fade, and crunch, and crawl.
Julia: Cool.
Eric (as KG): Yeah, I've— I've seen a lot.
Julia: Fair enough.
Amanda (as Troy): Man, you should write a book about your life.
Eric (as KG): My teeth have been capped and paid, and re-metaled again.
Amanda (as Troy): Whoa.
Julia (as Cammie): So, you only existed for, like, 50 years, like since the Cascade dried up?
Eric (as KG): Yar. That's an impertinent question to ask a pirate his age.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, you just said for the past half a century you've seen all these things, I'm just curious what you saw before that, if you existed.
Amanda (as Troy): You don't have to be afraid. Like, my crewmates are mad old. Like Cammie, we don't talk about it, because that will be impolite, but Umbi?
Julia (as Cammie): Correct.
Amanda (as Troy): Like, literally, every day, we— he wakes up and we're like, "Whoa. Not dead. Nice."
Brandon: You hear the ghost of Umbi on the wind say—
Brandon (as Umbi): Talk more about how old I am.
Eric (as KG): The— when— when I was—
Brandon: What— what would he— what would he say?
Julia (as Cammie): When you were a what? I've trapped you in a corner.
Eric (as KG): I've been— I've— I've been around as long as—
Eric: Hmm, hmm.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Hmm, hmm, hmm.
Eric: It's hard delivering exposition as a pirate, huh?
Julia: Uh-huh.
Eric: As— as Davy— as Davy Jones.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric (as KG): I've been a lo— around as long as we have known the seas to exist, as the planter has brought me here. Yar.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, really?
Julia: Hmm.
Eric (as KG): Oh, yes I have.
Julia (as Cammie): Still vague, but okay.
Amanda (as Troy): What's the planter like? Like, cool?
Julia: Yeah, famously, the planter, very cool.
Amanda (as Troy): What does he like to eat?
Eric (as KG): Unknowable.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, it doesn't sound very fun. How do you— how to be their friend?
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, you met the planter. We spoke to the planter.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, Cammie, I'm trying to see if this person knows what the planter is. Now, that I'm a father, I'm much more complicated on the inside.
Eric: Edie pipes up and says—
Eric (as Lucky): I think a lot of us have met the planter in some way, because a lot of us have maze keys.
Brandon: Fucking liar.
Eric (as Lucky): So—
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, and you spoke to them? Just like— just straight up spoke to them?
Eric (as Lucky): Oh, yeah. No, I went into the labyrinth and the planter said— I sai— I seemed worthy, and intelligent, and pure of heart, and gave—
Julia (as Cammie): But you're sure that wasn't the stump?
Eric (as Lucky): And gave me the key.
Julia (as Cammie): Pretty sure that was the stump if anything.
Amanda (as Troy): What— what did the planter— planter look like? Was the planter like one minute a— a trunk and then next, a curvaceous and sexy trunk?
Eric (as Lucky): No, the planter looked like— oh.
Julia (as Cammie): A lie?
Eric (as Lucky): Just like— it was more of a feeling of just like being outside.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Insight.
Eric (as Lucky): In the sun.
Brandon: She didn't do this. She just bought the key from someone.
Eric (as Lucky): And feeling warm— and feeling warm— and feeling the warmth of a planter around me.
Julia: 22 insight.
Brandon: Contest, contest, contest.
Julia: Bring it on, come on.
Eric: 22?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah, I rolled higher than that.
Eric (as Lucky): It was— just felt— it felt— it felt—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, okay. That's cool. Um, key, welcome— welcome to our meeting. Excuse me, your— your IlLustrousness.
Eric (as Lustrous): I am try— yes, I am trying to get some order here. We are already behind schedule. We are inching ever closer to lunch, and we do not know what we're even having for lunch.
Amanda (as Troy): Everybody, pipe down. I'm sorry, your IlLustrousness.
Eric (as Lustrous): Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. I have a little ga— I have a little gavel that I brought from home.
Amanda (as Troy): It's beautiful, sir.
Eric (as Lustrous): Bang, bang, bang. It's made out of gold, all the way through. Actually, that's not true. That would be super squishy. It's mostly gold.
Brandon: He bangs it and it just falls apart.
Eric: There's a squeak. It goes bang, squish.
Julia: Sounds like a children's toy.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Squeak, squeak, squeak. It's inflatable.
Eric (as Lustrous): A lot of us have seen— we— there's more of— there's more that we have in common here that we have apart. So I'd like the opportunity to start this conference off properly, so we can figure out those similarities and be able to say something on that behalf. Hello, it's me, your host, Lustrous Recompense. Hello. I hope you're all enjoying yourself.
Julia (as Cammie): Hello.
Amanda: Murmur. Yeah, yeah. Murmur, murmur.
Eric (as Lustrous): I'm— I'm holding for applause. [claps]
Eric: Archimedes claps once but really loudly.
Julia: Big same, Archimedes. Big same.
Amanda (as Troy): Whoa, that’s like those men would sneeze really loud, and it's like, what do you have to prove?
Julia (as Cammie): I don't think that they're doing it on purpose.
Brandon: Is that what Amanda in real life thinks?
Amanda: I disagree. Oh, Julia.
Eric (as Lustrous): I thought it was important for this— for as long as we've all been doing this, I thought it was important for all of us to come together, and, you know, maybe write— write something— debate— let's— let not the battlefield of our watery graves be where we die, but upon the— the table and the speaking battle— or— and let oration be our fighting style here today, as we can re— duel— dueling of— of wits, and minds, and thoughts, and words.
Amanda (as Troy): Wow.
Brandon: You're doing great.
Julia (as Cammie): He just keeps saying so much of nothing.
Eric: Hey, thanks— thanks, Brandon.
Amanda (as Troy): I think it's gonna be a real challenge for me not to duel with my big muscles and arrows.
Eric (as Lustrous): Fai— that's— that's very fair, Troy. And I think all of us feel that we would be much better at dueling with our weapons and the— as shown by the fact that we are all here today. And I— and I appreciate all of you for coming, for— for transversing so much adversity, and adventure, and whatever is pulling you towards the path of acquiring this key in the first place. Now, I— I— it is unfortunate that no one has the key who still hurts, but I think that can be put up on the— the agenda for— at the end if we have more time, of figuring out where it is. Maybe pulling some resources to collect it, as the—all of us here could— our special committee here can figure out where that is, and make steps forward to find the salmon and use the keys accordingly.
Amanda: Can I do an insight check? Was anyone looking shifty when you mentioned a key— the key that still hurts?
Eric: Yes. It's a good question. I know that we've— we've been doing this. I want to say something really quickly about how this could go, is that you can also use insight for people, if you want to ask a question to clarify and follow up on something someone is saying as well. So you can use it definitely to see, like, what people are thinking or— or what they're getting at, which definitely would require, you know, as Dungeons & Dragons likes to do, using it like a lie detector.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But I think that for this kind of conversation, you can use insight to clarify and to ask a question, if you roll high enough, respectfully, and honestly.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Yeah. And another thing you can do also with charisma, with may— or any one of your charisma skills here, because as we've said Troy has never intimidated a person in your life.
Amanda: Nope.
Eric: Depending on how you want to do it, you can use it to extend and stretch out a conversation, whether to kill time or to hear more from people who are not speaking. Or you can use it to pivot or wrap up the conversation, to talk about something else, to stop a conversation in its tracks. And again, do it in a way that is daft and does not require a pushback. You can decide the tax you want to do it, as you pick your various skills. But I think that this would be more of an idea of, like, speak the way that you would like to speak and then we can figure out the ways that your charisma/insight would facilitate that happening.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Again, in a very sort of Powered by the Apocalypse way, these are some talking moves you can do and then we'll figure out how— to how the dice says that accordingly. So, Amanda,
Amanda: I would like to observe if anybody looks shifty or guilty when the key that still hurts is mentioned.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: To— to ask a question to the group.
Eric: I would ask questions the— I would ask a question to the group.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Troy's gonna stick his hand up and go—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah. Anybody— anybody find that key that still hurts? Anyone know where it is?
Julia (as Cammie): Or any leads, perhaps?
Eric: Archimedes pipes up and says—
Eric (as Archie): So you're— you're openly admitting you don't know where it is?
Amanda (as Troy): Nah. I don't know where it is.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. We super don't know where it is.
Eric (as Archie): Oh. I cede my time.
Eric: And Archimedes sits down.
Amanda: Okay. Can I—
Eric: Oh, you can— yeah you can roll.
Brandon: Look at that chunky die.
Amanda: Fuck. Well, it's a 7.
Eric: A 7?
Brandon: Oh, no.
Eric: A 7. People are playing it close to the chest.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Lustrous says—
Eric (as Lustrous): There's nothing wrong with admitting that we don't know where this is.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.
Eric (as Lustrous): Because if it— I would assume that it would be here. You've all been tempted to be at this conference as pira— all— we all want as pirates is to be recognized for the cool stuff we've all done.
Amanda (as Troy): Here, here.
Julia (as Cammie): Sure.
Amanda (as Troy): Is that right, Cammie?
Julia (as Cammie): I guess?
Eric (as Lustrous): For our achievement and our accolades are the— the words are the— the stories told upon the campfire is of what we do. So it's— it's fine if you all want it. The know more that we're open with each other, the more that we can learn from each other and of— and make sure that we— we decide what happens in Verda Stello instead of the powers that be in the government that aren't looking out for the actual people.
Julia (as Cammie): Can I ask a question?
Eric (as Lustrous): Of course.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm just curious as to why we are feeling motivated to take action now. Has something changed?
Eric (as Lustrous): As opposed to what?
Julia (as Cammie): As opposed to us not having met in the past. Has there been an action that's been taken by the governments of Verda Stello that we are concerned about?
Eric: You don't have to roll for that. That's a good question. Lustrous says—
Eric (as Lustrous): Interesting question, Cammie, the sea witch.
Julia (as Cammie): Sure. Tea— tea— tea and sea, really.
Eric (as Lustrous): Tea— tea sea— tea sea witch.
Julia (as Cammie): Tea sea witch.
Eric (as Lustrous): Tea sea witch.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, we— we can call you tea sea like a nickname if you wanted that.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm, no.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Cammie's fine.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. I'm taking it back, taking it back.
Eric (as Lustrous): Well, it seemed from my— from the goings on, pirate- based and otherwise, on the sea, that I have surmised that we— that we've had a critical mass of people who have keys in the first place. Now for the— some of you neophyte buccaneers out there, there was a long time, a long stretch of time where no one thought the keys were real. They were just— they were only myth as part of the ideas and stories, and myths, and legends of the stone and of the— of the great drought. But it turns out that in order for us to— and people just looked around to the various places of everything, trying to find the salmon, and they were too busy bumping into each other and stabbing each other with swords and scabbards to— to do— so that— that was— that was happening. So here we are now, the keys are real. We need four keys to access wherever the salmon is, and whoever answers the wish of the salmon has a deep responsibility to what's going to happen with Verda Stello in the future. So what's different now is it seems that as demonstrated by all of you here, the keys are real, a lot of pirates have keys more than ever before on the Tide. And that's why I— and that's why I called this conference. Also, before, I was living— I was living a terrible life, and my life changed drastically just— as I gesture to my gold— as I gesture to my gold wings behind me, as you say. And now, my— my life kind of went through a whole— I was— I was rebirth, I was reborn. I was gold plate— my life was gold-plated and different. And I— I took it upon myself to make this happen. You're all very busy, I'm less busy.
Brandon: Just to be clear, he did say out loud, "As I gesture to my golden wings behind me."?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, he did say that. Yes, correct, correct, correct, correct.
Brandon: Okay, cool, cool.
Amanda (as Troy): That— that must have hurt.
Eric (as Lustrous): Extremely. Do we all want to go around and say the worst thing that's ever happened to all of us?
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Maybe later. Maybe, like, later. Later on, later, very later.
Eric: Kid Cervante— Kid Cervantes had some real vibes coming off of him, saying like, "I don't want to— I don't want to do that."
Amanda (as Troy): We won't, we won't.
Eric: He's like—
Eric (as Kid): And that's why I'm leading this conference. You're right— that's— you're right. Yes, exactly. It's self-evident.
Julia (as Cammie): So it has nothing to do with the actions of the diamond knot?
Eric (as Kid): It does, partially.
Julia (as Cammie): Can you expand upon that, please?
Amanda (as Troy): Sec— second.
Julia (as Cammie): Second it. Third it, I third it myself.
Brandon: Yar.
Eric (as Piney): I would also like to know about this from my own personal— for my own reasons, and also upon the organization I'm representing—
Eric: Says Piney.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah. How's Tess?
Julia (as Cammie): Why isn't she here? She loves us.
Eric (as Piney): She's also busy.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): And you're—you're not busy?
Eric (as Piney): I'm busy doing this inste— I have other things to do.
Amanda (as Troy): Hmm. Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Fair.
Amanda (as Troy): How many books have you read since we saw you last, Pine?
Eric (as Piney): 34.
Amanda (as Troy): That's impressive.
Eric (as Piney): Thanks.
Eric (as Drews): Oh, it's me, Drews. I also would like to know, seeing I spend more time flitting about, you know, things of the arcane and— and unknowable, so I don't spend a lot of time understanding Greenfolk politics. Oh, yeah.
Eric (as Piney): I understand your— I understand the enthusiasm from part of this group, and the not enthusiasm I'm understanding from other parts of this group, about discussing the diamond knot, which is part of the conclave, the reason for why upon we're having this and why we're signing something that we can all agree on, so we can share this information.
Julia: Wait, I'm sorry. I— I didn't get an answer to my question. So Cammie is going to press further on that.
Amanda: Do it.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Press, press, press, press, press.
Julia: Can I roll insight or something like that?
Eric: Press first, and we'll see how it goes.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Can we discuss what the actions of the diamond knot are, that they're taking that we want to act against? Because again, I feel like we're keeping it very vague.
Eric: Alright, persuasion.
Julia: [dice roll]
Brandon: Get it, get it, get it, get it.
Julia: Okay, persuasion is plus 3, so that is a 19. 16 plus 3.
Brandon: Not bad. Not bad.
Eric (as Piney): I think it would be worthwhile from— maybe our other more hesitant delegates to say what they feel comfortable about saying now before anything has been signed.
Eric: Archimedes stands up and says—
Eric (as Archie): I have nothing to say in regards to this matter. I cede my time.
Eric: And sits back down.
Julia (as Cammie): Then why did you stand up?
Eric: Archimedes stands back up and getting— to say—
Eric (as Archie): So everyone can see me and I'm speaking in a clear loud voice. And you— and the most number of people can read my lips, if they had not seen me as I learned in my elocution classes from my den mothers. Thank you. I cede my time.
Eric: And Archimedes sits back down.
Brandon: His kink is clarity.
Amanda: Whose isn't, Brandon?
Eric: And Lucky Edie sighs deeply and says—
Eric (as Lucky): As a primer, the diamond knot has representatives from each of the four countries of Verda Stello. They meet on a regular basis to discuss world politics and events, and as it's relevant to what they assume to be the harmony and everlasting existence of the countries together on our great green, ringed world. You can imagine that discussion of the keys and the salmon and the erratic nature of life and living on the Great Salt Sea comes up at those conversations. And people in the highest levels of society participate and hear about this information. I cannot go in further as I'm not in these conversations, but that's what I know on a surface-level situation.
Julia (as Cammie): So, are we aware that they're taking actions or we're just assuming that they are? And in which case, why are they taking actions now when we've been doing this for 50 years?
Brandon: Yar, yar. Yar.
Eric: Those are sun gulls outside.
Amanda: Someone goes, "Ow. I poked myself in the eye."
Eric: You hear—
Eric (as NPC): "Aahhh!" And don't you come back here with any of that fake stuff ever again.
Julia: Cute.
Eric: As— as Salix has thrown someone else out from trying to get into the, like—
Julia: Salix, so cute.
Eric (as Salix): I would like to reveal more, and say more if we're going to—
Julia (as Cammie): So do it.
Eric (as Lucky): —all agree that we're all on the same side.
Julia (as Cammie): We can't know that we're all on the same side if we don't all have the same information.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Like ,I don't know what you want to do with your wish from the salmon, and it feels like I— I don't necessarily have to, but probably all of us can say, "We don't want one country ruling all of us or maybe even any country. "That's why we're out on the open seas.
Eric (as Lucky): I think another thing that we're not bringing up, then Edie, there's more for you to say, I think that you are being— even now and I— even as the chair, I think it is my responsibility to point out that you are being cagey, even being po— I know you're on the spot, but this is cagey even for you.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Lucky): The other information that we're ignoring is Audrey, the Rotten Queen.
Julia: Cammie is just about to say—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, my best friend.
Julia: And then just is like—
Julia (as Cammie): No. Okay. Not the time and place.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, y'all tangled with her, too?
Eric (as Salix): We've all tang— I think that we can all say that we have all tangled with her.
Eric (as Millie): I cannot believe.
Eric: As Mi— Mi— Millie, like, is stepping over. I'm— like, you're not at podiums. Imagining it was like a podium, like, on this big table, and Millie is, like, now on top of it, just like wiggling— wiggling on top of it, being like—
Amanda: Hot. It's hot.
Julia: It's hot.
Brandon: It's not.
Julia: It's so hot.
Brandon: It's so not.
Eric (as Millie): I have tangled with the Rotten Queen many a time. She has taken my— she has taken my pirates, my— my wonderful band of freaks, and I've taken some of hers. She has one, I have one. It is equal battle locked together. I hate her, but I respect her. But mostly, I hate her and respect her, a mix of the two. I hatespect her.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Lustrous, did you invite her here?
Julia: Audrey, the Rotten Queen?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric (as Lustrous): Troy, uh—
Amanda (as Troy): Sorry, your Lustrousness.
Eric: Thank you.
Eric (as Lustrous): Exiled Prince, Troy Riptide.
Amanda (as Troy): What's up?
Eric (as Lustrous): I mean you no disrespect, but I have to ask, are you fucking joking?
Amanda (as Troy): Nah, I'm simple.
Brandon: But also no one was exactly invited, so it's possible that Audrey grabbed a flyer or somehow, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): She would potentially know about it, yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Lustrous): She— I— I—
Amanda (as Troy): Because like she's just kind of against everything that we've been trying to do for the last couple years, it seems. But I don't ev— I don't know about her. Like, is she like everybody's enemy? Like, what— what's her deal? Because it seems like this is kind of all pirates are more for all pirates than we are for anyone in the diamond knot kind of situation.
Julia: Cammie just pouts a little at the idea of it. Audrey stands against what they stand for.
Brandon: How does Cammie feel that Troy seems to now be okay with her best friend?
Julia: I don't know. I don't know.
Eric (as Lustrous): Well, it's a little more complicated than that. Audrey is on Audrey side. I have some— I have some slides. Salix.
Eric: And Salix is like—
Eric (as Salix): Alright. All of you, you better [grumbles and trails off]
Eric: Salix has been standing at the mouth of the skeleton this whole time and, like, picks up a bunch of, like, posters. You know like when congressmen, like, get posters and then show them in— in— in Congress?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: It's like a single pie chart made in Microsoft Word '04.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And someone printed it out at a Washington, DC Kinkos.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And Salix then sets up a map of the Great Salt Sea with a bunch of X's all over regions that have been shaded in.
Julia: Is it reminiscent of the map that we saw in the Boiling Reef?
Eric: Ding, ding, ding, ding.
Julia: Ding, ding, ding.
Eric: Cammie recognizes, this is the same information. It looks very similar. However, it's more detailed.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: I don't know— if we go all the way— if you remember all the way back, everyone's favorite hedge-shaped bureaucrat was like—
Brandon: Joe Biden.
Eric: I don't—
Amanda: Commander Vineyard.
Eric: Yeah, Commander Vineyard.
Brandon: Oh, not Joe Biden, sorry.
Eric: No, Joe— no, Joe Biden is everyone's— everyone's trained enthusiast bureaucrat. Commander Vineyard was like—
Eric (as Commander Vineyard): Yeah. Audrey's taken over this area and just keeps hitting stuff, and we don't know why, or how, and there's no rhyme or reason. And this is a— this is almost like that map a few months later, and there's still less rhyme or reason, I guess if you're looking at it, but there's a— some bigger circles surrounding everything.
Eric: And, like, the mass is just getting— that's been drawn on by Salix or Lustrous at that Kinkos. So Lustrous says—
Eric (as Lustrous): You can see from this map here, Audrey is just collecting landmass. Audrey wants more. As much as zombie pirates would be able to fight, they do lose a step or two when the zombification process. Audrey's army is untrained, Audrey's army is— is unskilled and outside of the— Salix, put the next one.
Eric: It's like a blurry crypto suit, zoological picture of the zombified angler fish from Esca Island.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, that guy.
Eric: But it's like super blurry, like real big foot—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —quality. It'd be like—
Eric (as Lustrous): Outside of a few heavy hitters, the pirates and the— the people living on these various islands and the pirates— the strongholds that she attacks, some win, some lose. It is— it's a numbers game for Audrey. What Audrey wants to do with it, we still are not exactly sure, but you can— you put it together and it just seems the— the bigger, the better on behalf of everyone's favorite rotten queen.
Julia (as Cammie): Have we bothered to ask her why she wants this and why she's doing it?
Eric (as Lustrous): I'm gonna need—
Brandon: What do you need?
Amanda: Love, don't we all?
Eric: Give me a charisma check.
Julia: Great. [dice roll] That is a 16.
Eric: All four of the purple potato Ancône brothers say—
Eric (as Purple Potato): What do you mean they're going to talk to a zombie queen? You're the— you want to get close enough to— so that she can nom upon your— your green brain? Sacré bleu! That is ridiculous. What are you talking about?
Julia (as Cammie): I am not afraid of her. Are you?
Eric (as Purple Potato): Yes, of course. Yes, of course, I am. Why— why— why would I not be? You are the one who is not saying the regular thing, Miss Tea— Miss Tea— Tea Sea witch.
Julia (as Cammie): I guess that's the difference between me and you.
Eric (as Piney): I would like to say for the record—
Eric: Says piney—
Eric (as Piney): I'm also unnerved by this, and I— I would like to record for everyone that everyone's unnerved by this.
Julia (as Cammie): By me?
Eric (as Piney): Yes.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, why?
Julia (as Cammie): Cool.
Amanda (as Troy): You kind of gotta ask someone a question before you know they're your enemy.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Maybe we can go say hi to her, Cammie, figure it out for the group?
Julia (as Cammie): That'd be nice.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Since no one else seems to want to do it, because they're all cowards.
Eric (as Piney): If we're gonna start— if we're gonna be motioning things, and agreeing on things, can we all agree that if something, when Audrey goes down that Cammie goes out and talks to her on behalf of everyone? Because I'm not getting close to her.
Julia(as Cammie): Okay. I’ll sign that at least.
Eric (as Piney): Alright. All in fa— are we all in favor of this?
Eric: Everyone rai— everyone raises their hands.
Brandon: Yar. Yar.
Julia (as Cammie): Yay. Democracy.
Amanda (as Troy): Troy.
Eric: Lustrous—
Amanda: We'll say our names to say that we agree, right? Troy.
Eric (as Piney): Alright. We're already agreeing on something. Bang, bang, bang.
Brandon: Oh, Troy.
Amanda: Young, dumb, and full of cum, Brandon. That's what Troy would say.
Brandon: I hate this. I don't know why you keep saying this, Amanda.
Amanda: I said it again today, because it annoyed you yesterday. Love you.
Eric (as Piney): I also would like to know from the people who are just spouting out random— random things that are unnerving every— everyone.
Amanda: You brought her up.
Julia: Rude.
Eric: Piney continues.
Eric (as Piney): So you're— did— did the third one of you die?
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Not yet.
Julia (as Cammie): Not yet. We keep thinking it's gonna happen any day now, but not yet.
Eric (as Piney): But he's not— he's not here.
Amanda: Troy shares a look with Cammie.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, do you think we should share what happened to us last night?
Julia (as Cammie): No, I think it was normal kind of like— people were trying to steal our stuff kind of things, because we're—
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): —we're pretty public figures at this point.
Brandon: On the wind, you hear—
Brandon (as Umbi): What about getting shot, blown up?
Amanda: Right.
Eric: Hmm. I don't— sorry, Brandon cut out there and I didn't hear anything you had to say because he willingly separated himself from being a part of this conversation.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: That’s right.
Brandon: That's fair. That's fair.
Eric: I don't know. I didn't hear what Brandon said, but that's just like an assumption I'm making.
Brandon: That's fair. That's fair.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, he got lost.
Julia (as Cammie): He didn't ge— he didn't get lost. He went out on a— an errand. He had an errand to run.
Eric: Edie says—
Eric (as Lucky): When you have elderly crewmates, you need— really need to make sure that you have accommodations for them.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): He's fine. Stop being an ageist, Edie.
Brandon: Yeah. Get 'em.
Eric (as Lucky): I'm not being an ageist, just all of my crew dies victoriously before they get to Umbi's age, that's fine.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi's better than your crew members I guess then, huh?
Brandon: Get 'em.
Eric (as Lucky): No, they died warrior deaths, so it's— it's beautiful and— and sacrificial. It's nice.
Amanda (as Troy): Cool. I'd rather life a warrior life.
Julia (as Cammie): So why are you still alive?
Brandon: Got 'em.
Amanda: Bitch.
Eric (as Lucky): I'd like to take a recess. We're taking recess for snacks. Like, alright, we're taking a recess for snacks. Bang, bang.
Julia (as Cammie): No one second-ed it.
Eric (as Lucky): I— I— I'm diffusing tension by— by— I'm diffusing tension by getting some almonds. Bang, bang, bang.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda, come see us on tour, baby. And unlike all the other times I told you to come see us on tour, geography is not restricting you this time. Because now, for the very first time, because you asked from all around the globe, we answered. To tell you that we have audio and video recordings available for every stop on the tour. That's right. We are going to be recording the show, we have high-quality audio and video available for everyone who buys a ticket. We will email it to you after the show. That means that you can enjoy The Rolling Bones Tour remotely no matter where you are. Just buy a ticket to the show of your choosing and a high-quality VOD will be emailed to you afterward. How do I decide what show or shows to buy a ticket to? You may ask. Great news. If you check out our Instagram, or our Twitter, or the jointhepartypod.com/live page you can see the setlist for every city. All of the shows draw from previous characters, we're going to be embodying Inara and Tracy, and all the rest of your faves. So come on over, check it out, and check out our special audio announcement for even more detail at jointhepartypod.com/live. Thank you so much to our newest patrons, Oscar and Amelia. We are so excited to be out in the road, about to see so many of you in person, and even more of you digitally, and we can do that because of the support you give us on Patreon. For just five bucks a month, you can know that you are making the show possible and join the very best place on the internet to talk about The Rolling Bones Tour and so much more, our patron-only Discord. Join us today at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, if you've ever wondered what life would be like on a planet different from our own, or how writers create your favorite fictional worlds, you gotta check out Exolore. Every other week, astrophysicist and folklorist Dr. Moiya McTier explores fictional worlds by building them with a panel of expert guests, interviewing professional world-builders, and reviewing the merits of worlds that have already been built. You will learn, and laugh, and gain an appreciation for just how special our planet really is. Trust me, you're gonna want to check it out. Search Exolore in your podcast app or go to exolorepod.com. This episode is sponsored by Brooklyn Strategist, one of our many local game store partners on The Rolling Bones Tour. If you or a family member want to level up your gaming skills, if you want to take a friend to a place that has more than 800 games in their game library to play and check out, or maybe you have a kid in your life who would benefit from an after school club and camp that are fun-filled or educational, Brooklyn Strategist has all this and so much more. They say that they foster communities into ever-lasting connections. Whether that's playing games with strangers, which is what they call the thing, where you meet new people to play games with. Joining their monthly hobby leagues, doing pre-releases or tournaments for games that are releasing new content. They are here to connect veterans and introduce new players, both of those things at once. They've honestly so much going on, like more than three activities per day, and they are actively recruiting players to come in person to their store in Brooklyn. So click on the link in the description to join their newsletter and hear so much more about what Brooklyn Strategist is up to, and thank you for your partnership on the tour. Finally, we are sponsored by Shaker & Spoon. This is a subscription cocktail service that helps you learn how to make handcrafted cocktails right at home. Every box comes with enough ingredients to make three different cocktail recipes developed by world-class mixologists. All you got to do is buy a bottle of that month's spirit and you have all you need to make 12 drinks at home. And at just $40 to $50 per month, plus the cost of the bottle of liquor, this is a really cost-effective way to enjoy a bunch of wonderful nights of craft cocktails at home with a friend or by yourself. Makes 12 individual drinks at home, that's four drinks of the three recipes that they send per bottle of a spirit, and it's a really great way to learn how to use or to be introduced to do spirits you may not have tried before. So whether you're inviting friends over, classing up your nightcaps, or being the best house guests of all time by bringing Shaker & spoon to somebody else's house, go on and get 20 bucks off your first box at shakerandspoon.com/jointheparty. That’s shakerandspoon.com/jointheparty. And now, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Eric: Let's go over to Umbi. Let's see what— let's see what that old—that old gas pack is doing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Walking along the path, walking along the path, going to the lighthouse, gonna walk along the path.
Brandon: He likes to sing to himself sometimes.
Eric: Great.
Julia: Is Bartlett with him?
Brandon: No. Bartlett is as close as Salix and our DM Eric will allow Bartlett to be— to the inner circle that would be ideal.
Eric: Salix— Salix does not like buzzards flopping around the thing. I think you can understand.
Brandon: Totally.
Eric: So if you're not going to do— if you're not actively participating in that, Salix expanded four times their size and say— and say—
Eric (as Salix): Girl, get. Girl, get.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah. That's— that's what I expected. Fair.
Eric: And shooed Bartlett away.
Brandon: Yeah. So Bartlett is gonna, like, stay in the area. You know, because Bartlett knows Cammie and Troy, so if they need to talk Umbi they can, but—
Eric: For sure. Yeah. How close are you to the— the skeleton itself, to the conference area?
Brandon: I'd say I'm like a minute away from the lighthouse.
Eric: Yeah, sure. No, I like— no, this is like— here's the thing, Umbi you're cutting class, man. This is like the— the—
Brandon: Okay. Yeah.
Eric: The hallways of the school are empty. Everyone is somewhere they should be, and you are not at that place.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. That's why he's singing to himself. He's excited, he's amped, you know?
Eric: Hell yeah. Alright. So, yeah, I think that you can head towards the lighthouse. As I described before, I think you get to maybe the closest spot to the lighthouse on the beach. And the lighthouse has been submerged in water. It partially sunk into the ground on a little bit of an angle too, like a 20-degree angle, sticking out of the water, partially submerged. So you would have to get there, you can't just walk there.
Brandon: Gotcha.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Well, Eric—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: —I can make a potion of water breathing for one reagent dice.
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: Ooh.
Julia: Interesting.
Brandon: So, yeah, Umbi's gonna take that little time to make a potion of water breathing.
Amanda: Cool.
Brandon: And down it and say—
Brandon (as Umbi): Bottoms up.
Brandon: And then do a perfect swan dive into this lake.
Julia: He's perfectly swan-shaped, you know, being a pawpaw.
Brandon: He is, and he is in a old-timey bathing costume.
Amanda: Yay.
Julia: Nice.
Eric: Of course, he is. Of course, he is. For sure.
Julia: Stripey?
Brandon: Yeah, stripey.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: His ass looks good.
Julia: Vertical or horizontal stripe?
Brandon: I imagine horizontal, but you tell me, Julia.
Julia: Horizontal makes sense if you want to—
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: —have a nice-looking ass.
Brandon: Okay, cool.
Amanda: And Brandon, when he shoots his potions, does he, like, discard the beaker, like setting down a shot glass? Or does he like carefully tuck it away in his pack or something else?
Brandon: I think he slams it on the ground and breaks them.
Julia (as Cammie): Litterer.
Julia: You hear just Cammie's voice in your ears.
Julia (as Cammie): Litterer.
Eric: On the wind, on the wind. Sure, yeah. You can swim. Give me an athletics check.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: It's a little— it's— so, again, you can definitely get there without a boat, but you are gonna have to swim there a little bit. You know, everything looks a little bit longer on the water than it does over land.
Brandon: 7 total.
Eric: 7? Okay.
Julia: Jesus.
Eric: [dice roll] Alright, yeah. You swim there. There's a lot of time of you just, like, hearing your hard, old man breathing. The— the waves—
Brandon (as Umbi): [gasps]
Eric: The waves slapping you— slapping you back, taking you off course, but you cer— you defi— you definitely make it there. What are you thinking to yourself as you're swimming?
Brandon: He's naked.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm going to the lighthouse. I'm getting closer to the light house. Oh, shit, there's a jellyfish. Oh, fuck. I'm gonna get stung, hey!
Amanda: Cute.
Julia: It's a— it's a grape jellyfish, right?
Brandon: Right, exactly. Yeah.
Eric: It is a grape— it is a grape—
Amanda: Of course.
Eric: Actually, it's an orange marmalade fish.
Brandon: Whoa.
Amanda: Oh, weird.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's slightly bitter and the stings are British?
Julia: Huh.
Amanda: Hmm, rind-y.
Eric: It's taking a while. You get tired, your arms get sore. You— you pop your head out of the water and you're fighting against the tide as it's happening. So it's taking a little while, but you do get there eventually. And put your hands out and pull yourself up on, like, this— kind of this stone platform that's a few feet deep below the surface, you can kind of like start to stand on it, as you get up on the— on the lighthouse.
Brandon: Tight. Is that where the doors is, or is the door submerged?
Eric: Yeah, the door is nearby. It is partially underwater.
Brandon: Okay. Yeah. I'm gonna head for the door, dive in if I need to, and go in the door.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Brandon: To the front way.
Eric: The— the front door, yeah.
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah.
Amanda: The normal way.
Eric: It's a— it's a little, cute lighthouse. Weir— it's weird opening a door that's on a 20-degree angle, I'll tell you.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: And also, unfortunately, the door is locked.
Brandon (as Umbi): No!
Eric: Can't open the door.
Amanda: Locks never stopped Umbi before.
Brandon: I know. Do bombs work underwater, Eric, is the question I have.
Eric: Yes.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Inser— I'm going to insert 10 hours of submarine footage right here.
Brandon: Yeah, sure. Actually, is there any— I got a better idea. Is there any openings at all in this lighthouse, or is it completely hermetically sealed?
Eric: It's sealed, it's pretty—
Brandon: Damn it.
Eric: Like a barber's pole, it's sealed on the outside and it's also red and white striped, but it looks sad, like a barber has— was there 10 years ago and no one's taking care of it.
Brandon: I get that.
Eric: So the door— the openings you see, of course, is on top and also the front door.
Brandon: Okay. Well, yeah, I'm just going to make a small bomb, shove it in the lock, take away the area effects, but blow the shit out of this lock if I can.
Eric: Sure, yeah. Make an Arcana check for me.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm gonna blow the lock up. I'm gonna blow the lock up. I'm gonna blow the lock up because I got a 23.
Eric: Yay. Boom.
Brandon: Oh, sorry. No, I'm sorry.
Eric: Oh, please.
Brandon: Got 25.
Julia: Damn.
Eric: Wow. It's impressive that only the doorknob blows off.
Amanda: It's just like a perfectly spherical hole, like in Tom and Jerry, where it's like the Tom outline has run through a door.
Eric: Yes. Yeah, exactly.
Brandon: Hilariously, this kind of shit only ha— like this precision, this just absolutely—
Amanda: Surgical-like, yeah.
Brandon: —surgical ability only happens when no one else is around.
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric: Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Julia: Yeah. I think we should just leave Umbi on his own a lot more.
Eric: I like the idea that it's just like the outline of the doorknob, and then that falls out, and then like a perfect circle around it falls out as well.
Amanda: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Large enough for you to stick your whole hand through.
Brandon (as Umbi): Gonna stick my hand through, gonna open the door right now.
Eric: And the door lapse open, the water— the sea kind of, like, fills it in as nothing's holding it back.
Brandon: I'm gonna swim right in there.
Eric: Sure. Inside, the lighthouse is weird. There's the spiral staircase leading all the way up again, it's on a kind of a 20-degree angle. So it's very fun how— see, it's hard to process a stairs that go in that direction. There's some water that's kind of flooding in behind you, but just like the water coming in on the tide. And it seems like there's— that's the only— the only way up is dusty. It is dank in here and you're seeing some molds start to cre— some black mold is starting to, like, creep up the bottom.
Brandon: Now, Eric, in our world, is black mold alive?
Eric: Yeah, but it's like ghosts.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: They're all like on other plane of existence.
Brandon: I love that.
Amanda: That's awesome.
Eric: At midnight, the black mold becomes more visible, at the witching hour. Midnight to 3:00, the black mold dew has wee fun. Black mold says wee?
Amanda: It's pretty good.
Eric: From 12:00 to 3:00, black mold says wee.
Amanda: There you go.
Eric: There it is.
Amanda: There it is.
Eric: There it is.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: I'm gonna just start climbing up the staircase.
Eric: Okay. You're winding your way up, and winding your way up, and winding your way up.
Brandon: I'm looking for tracks because Umbi knows the score.
Eric: You're walking delicately?
Brandon: Yes.
Eric: Okay. Then give me an athletics check and give me an investigation check to keep your wits about you.
Brandon: Okay. I also have a teleportation bomb at the ready.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: [dice roll] First one is a 16 total.
Eric: Great. That old man sneaky.
Brandon: 13 total for investigation as well.
Eric: 13 total for investigation. This is taking some time, walking slowly up the steps, feeling each creek of each step underneath your feet.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, it's like my back.
Eric: Keeping your muscles tense, looking out for traps everywhere as you're winding your way up, and up, and up. You know, it's taking slower because of this winding of the staircase and you— it feels like you're moving right as much as you're moving up. Where are you going? You're going somewhere without moving quickly, but you don't see any traps.
Brandon: Cool. I'm gonna keep walking, then.
Eric: You keep walking up, and up.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm walking up the staircase. I'm gonna make it to the top. Hey, hey!
Eric: You feel like you've been walking forever. And as you reached the top of the staircase, you are greeted by the bright, bright, bright light of the sun.
Brandon (as Umbi): Beautiful.
Eric: Blinding.
Brandon(as Umbi): Blinding.
Eric: You can see everything from up here. You see that the— the skeleton is much longer than you would have thought. You've only seen it from the front side, from the mouth side, because of the clouds and the sea bees before, but the skeleton is big. Doesn't stretch to the horizon, but it's like, "Oh. Oh, geez, that's a whole city block, isn't it?" This whole—this whole thing.
Brandon: Wow. Bigger than what I would assume the crab monster at the Hold is?
Eric: Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
Brandon: Okay, cool.
Eric: It is like those convention centers we've been in, that's like— it stretches the entire— an entire city block. You're like, "This is one big building. This goes all the way from this side to that side?"
Julia: Damn.
Eric: "It goes from first Street to Second Street. That's crazy."
Brandon: Well, I would like to get to the point where the ship, our ship, the Sea Whip is in range, like in sight.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: And then use my natural philosopher to sort of do some investigation, to see if there's any herbs, potions, poisons, or other alchemical substances around, sort of like fingerprinting, you know?
Eric: Hell yeah, dawg. Give me that investigation check.
Julia: Do some forensic investigation, Brandon.
Brandon: So that means I get to add half of my proficiency bonus to any ability check, so that's investigation. So it'd be plus 6.
Eric: That's pretty good.
Brandon: [dice roll]
Eric: It's like your investi—
Brandon: That's 19 plus 6 for a 25, motherfucker.
Eric: Your— your investigation—
Julia: Brandon, you should go out on your own more often.
Eric: I wanna— yeah. I want to hear the numbers. So what is your investigation plus your proficiency investigation, plus half?
Brandon: Correct. I'm not proficient investigation, but yes.
Eric: Oh, si— oh, you're not prof— oh, that's sick.
Brandon: Yeah. So I'm plus 4 to investigation, plus half of my proficiency bonus, which is a 2.
Julia: That's awesome.
Eric: Oh, that's awesome. I love that. That's cool as hell.
Amanda: Call him Gil Grissom, because he is investigating the hell out of that crime scene.
Eric: Yeah! [guitar sting]
Amanda: I don't normally pull up my phone when we were recording, but I did have to look up the name of Gil Grissom, because my head says John Grisham, which I know is not right.
Eric: Who are you?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Who? Who? Who? Who?
Julia: Who? Who?
Brandon: Is that an NCIS or is that another thing?
Eric: That's the CSI.
Julia: It's CSI, bro.
Brandon: CSI.
Eric: All the CSI have "Who" songs and the first one is that one.
Amanda: Who? Who? Who? Who?
Julia: I'm also realizing that Grissom might have been the, like, start of my silver fox crushes.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: For sure.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: And can I also say, "Yeah!"?
Julia: Yeah!
Eric: [guitar sting]
Amanda: That's CSI Miami, of course.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda: But it's in the CSI family.
Brandon: Julia, this is a weird way to tell me that you have a crush on Umbi, but—
Julia: Not a silver fox. Sorry, Brandon.
Brandon: Silver papaya.
Eric: He's more like a fox that, like, hasn't eaten in three weeks.
Julia: He's a stinky fox, which is a different thing.
Amanda: He's more like a foxglove plant, what's been a little rotted in the— in the soil.
Eric: He's more like a crazy like a fox.
Brandon: All correct, all correct.
Amanda: I have to say, I sliced a bell pepper yesterday and my heart went a little bit, "Aw." Because it felt like I was cutting Umbi.
Brandon: Did it smell good, though?
Julia: Aw.
Amanda: It did.
Brandon: Yeah. See, when he gets punched, he smells good.
Eric: Incredible.
Brandon: It's like cologne, it's like painful cologne.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Alright, 25, let's— let me describe the scene and then I'll— I'll let you ask me three questions.
Brandon: Questions three.
Eric: My riddles three. So, yeah, now that you're all the way up here, you can see everything, you see the beach. You see all of the— there is— how many ships are here, how many people are here. There's still a lot of people who are milling about on beach, but I think that a lot of people have retreated backwards now that Salix is very much being like, "Hey, you can't go here." And Salix has thrown a lot of people into— into things and throwing them into the water. Like I said, there's a cutting class energy to what you're doing. Like, people are somewhere else and you're not, so everything seems extra dead at the moment.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So you're really getting— you're really getting a view for everything. You also see— now that you're up here at the top of the lighthouse, you see that— the— the— the suggestion of things that I was describing before, there is no light up here. Maybe there used to be like a big bulb or there used to be a fire, or there— there's no lighting mechanism up here anymore. There is this massive, massive, massive mirror that is about the size of you, held in the center of this lighthouse, and that can spin around and it's on like an access point. Yeah, ask me a specific question.
Brandon: Well, the first question I have is, is there any kind of physical evidence around me, whether that be fingerprints, whether that be gunpowder, whatever, fantasy gunpowder, or—
Eric: Sure, sure, sure.
Brandon: Some kind of thing that will show me or give me a inkling at least of who the fuck shot me and—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: —my friend Troy?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Okay. [dice roll] Hmm. Okay. I would say there's something close to— you're looking on the ground, and there's something close to two— I guess I would compare them to grenade pins here, that there's two of them, which makes sense because to be more blown up.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But there's also a gun— kind of something that also looks like a gun shell.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Almost. A casing of something that was left behind. So you're putting this together, and there's a combination here of this bomb, which is made in a different way that yours is.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That someone must have pulled a pin, and then shot away using a long distance cannon gun, et cetera. There's a pairing of two different weaponries together here, which are different than something you would do and something that Troy would do.
Brandon: Yeah, 'cause we're not fucking cowards, Eric.
Eric: Well, as Archimedes would say, "It's cowardly to shoot people from that far away." I would say, though, that this could work with something that— the longest distance thing you've seen is something from Archimedes, something that Archimedes shot during the Bullseye Games.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: There is a— I— I'm not a gun person. So it's like there's a gun casing that is for a very long distance gun/cannon/thing that would be able to shoot a bomb, a small bomb like that, from this far away, from the lighthouse to your ship, which is pretty gosh, darn far away you're seeing up here.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Cool. Okay, I'm gonna pocket those three things.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: My second question, Eric, is—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: —from up here, this wide-angle view of everything, do I see any, like, staging area or, like, is there a backstage kind of— like, something I wouldn't expect from a forthright Lustrous Recompense? Like, is there sort of like a— I don't know, maybe there's a cache of weapons somewhere or— I don't know. Something— something that doesn't feel right, you know?
Eric: Sure. Well, I can tell you from all the way up here, you do see, there are some ships that are on the horizon, coming from the tail end of the whale.
Brandon: Oh. And that's the opposite side that we're on right now?
Eric: The opposite side that you're on.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: So it's like if you— the whole thing with the sea bees and everything, how you had to go through the sea bees cloud to get her,. how everyone went the other way, coming from the other side from the tail of this massive whale skeleton, you can see a— a large group of ships on the horizon.
Brandon: Okay, cool.
Julia: Are they flying any particular flag?
Eric: Too far away for you to see, but you can quite see quite a lot of them.
Brandon: Interesting.
Eric: There's a number of them. The details I can tell you from this far away is that there are a large group of them and they're pointing vaguely towards this direction.
Brandon: Okay. Large group like more than 6 or, like, you know, more than one kind of thing?
Eric: More than 6.
Brandon: Oh, okay, so a lot of them. Okay, cool.
Amanda: Hmm.
Brandon: That's not good.
Eric: More than 6.
Julia: Remember who we were just talking about, who's trying to play the numbers game?
Eric: I— sorry, Julia, you fai— your internet is not working. I can't hear you on the— on the wind.
Julia: Sorry, that was the wind.
Amanda: The only good thing I can think of, Brandon, is do you observe— like, I'm assuming that, you know, you made some tracks through the sand coming here. I wonder if there is, like, any other sort of egress from the lighthouse or like a path. Like, "Oh, if I wanted to go to the lighthouse a lot, I would park my ship here, or I would take this kind of route." So maybe you can see more clues as to where the person went when they left.
Brandon: Hmm. Yeah. That's a good question.
Amanda: Like, can you tell from up top which way someone could leave?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, sure.
Brandon: Like, what's the easiest route back to the civilization area, and, like, do I just happen to see any footprints, or any like greenery, or shrubbery that's been sort of stamped down, or like anything like that?
Amanda: Yeah. Or even, like, identify the arc of it if you can see something, so you can follow it when you—
Brandon: Right, right, right.
Eric: That's a good question. Okay. Looking around the lighthouse up top, you see that there is a big chunk of the lighthouse that's falling down.
Brandon: No.
Eric: Going around the back, there's like a whole chunk that's crumbled into the sea. And there's a spo— a big smear of blood that is around the area where the stone has broken off.
Brandon: Do I see a body down below?
Eric: No. Because you look down and you see the sea lapping against the lighthouse.
Brandon: That's not good. Huh.
Eric: You can also see in that direction is that— as you're looking at this— again, this whale— this whale skeleton is bigger than you think. You— there's almost like coves that are on the side of the skeleton, that you could, you know, if you needed to, park a boat and wait out a storm, if needed, kind of, like, wedging yourself into a cliffside.
Brandon: Yeah, like a cape and a cliff.
Eric: Yeah. Just like that. Yes. There's like little coves, little— little cracks that you could at least be out of the rain and the wind if you were in a storm.
Brandon: Well, that's fun. I like that.
Eric: Yeah. And your final thing, I would say— here's a bonus to your three questions. You look up and the sun— why it was so bright, now that you're looking around, the sun is— the sun is above you now, even fading a little bit towards the right. And it's like— I think it's lunchtime, man.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm missing lunch.
Brandon: Yeah. Having gathered all the evidence, I think I'm going to get from here. How tall is this tower, Eric, and how wide is the radius of the moat?
Eric: Now, Brandon, do you— do you want wind speed? Do you want— let's assume friction, that gravity is 9.8—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —meters per second and there's no—
Brandon: Right.
Eric: —there's no friction.
Brandon: Well, air— air resistance, for sure.
Eric: There's no air resistance. Thank you. I always forget to put that on my physics tests.
Brandon: Yeah. But if you could give me wind speed and direction, that'd be great, too. Yeah.
Eric: Well, the wind is up your fucking butt, dude.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric: Dude, dude, dude.
Brandon: Okay, let's get to make it difficult.
Eric: What do you want to do? What do you want to do?
Brandon: Oh, I was just gonna see if how bad I would get hurt if I just jumped off a tower with no teleportation bomb.
Julia: Don't do that.
Eric: I mean, you could— yeah, you could do it if you want to do.
Brandon: And slow fall down?
Eric: Oh, you can slow fall down.
Brandon: Both?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: I can throw it up to 30 feet, so I can throw it out and down.
Eric: I would say that would be a very— with being out on the sea and the way the wind is, that would be a very fast way to get back.
Brandon: Yeah, that's my thought.
Eric: If you do that, that's a very good idea.
Brandon: Okay. So yeah, then I'm gonna throw it like at a diagonal, like both as far forward and down as I can, which is about 30 feet and then I'll slow fall down the rest of the way.
Eric: I love you throwing a teleportation bomb going, "Droop." And then going, "Sssshhh."
Brandon: Wee! Like fucking Link, baby.
Eric: I was gonna say that's a Breath of the Wild stuff. Now, that's cool. Just do that. That's cool.
Brandon: Oh, and I got 6 on my D6, so I can float for 6 rounds.
Eric: Oh, yeah, you're fine. That's tight.
Amanda: Umbi is circling like a hang glider.
Julia: Like a little flying squirrel suit.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And at— at this point, you know that Lustri— we go back to inside of the conference and Lustrous says—
Eric (as Lustrous): Alright. We're taking lunch, I'll have to say in my time, in my various government bodies, there's nothing wrong with getting nothing done. No, really, there isn't. It's actually— your— you must be saving up all of the time that we can— we're going to connect with each other over— over sandwiches and drinks without any ice. And we're going to be in— let's— let's take a—let's take a time. Let's take some time.
Julia (as Cammie): We probably would have gotten more done if we didn't keep taking snack breaks to, quote, "reduce the tension of the room," but whatever.
Eric: Edie says—
Eric (as Lucky): Well, if we had to not have so much tension in the room, we wouldn't have needed so many snack breaks.
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe if some people were more honest with everyone around them and not so fucking cagey.
Eric: Archimedes stands up and says—
Eric (as Archie): Before lunch, I would like to say on behalf of Hothouse, I have no statement and I'm hungry. Thank you. I cede my time.
Julia (as Cammie): Stop making— you're not— this is a pirate representative thing. If you were here representing Hothouse, you shouldn't be here, Archimedes.
Eric (as Archie): I'm— I'm always here represented—
Julia (as Cammie): Why is here, then? I like you Archimedes, but there's no reason you should be here.
Eric (as Archie): And I like you too, friend of Umbi and Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey.
Julia (as Cammie): I forget that you don't know my name. It's so incredibly frustrating!
Eric (as Archie): You're Karla. Karla.
Brandon: Kill him, kill him.
Eric (as Archie): I cede my time. I want to— if there's any ciabat— if there's any sandwiches on ciabatta, I want dibs.
Julia: Cammie looks around looking for Karla, because that's clearly not her.
Eric: The— the purple potato brothers say—
Eric (as Purple potato): We have food back at our place. We don't— we are not going to partake within the of your free lunch. There's no such thing as free lunch.
Julia (as Cammie): Have you seen our tailor friend?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah. How— how did Aubergine get on with you guys?
Julia (as Cammie): He's an eggplant.
Eric (as Purple Potato): Auber— oh, Francoise. He's your— you brought him?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yes.
Eric (as Purple Potato): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): He's my best friend.
Eric (as Purple Potato): Oh, that's not what he said.
Brandon (as Umbi): Huh!
Brandon: Oh, no.
Julia (as Cammie): What did he say?
Eric (as Purple Potato): Well, I mean, once he— you know, he was— you know, you're— you're— his— his childhood friend, Nico.
Amanda (as Troy): What?
Julia (as Cammie): He remembered his childhood friend, Nico.
Eric (as Purple Potato): What— what is happening?
Julia (as Cammie): He— he had amnesia.
Amanda (as Troy): He had amnesia. He didn't know anything about himself. That's why his name just means what he is, but in some different place—
Julia (as Cammie): Which is eggplant.
Eric (as Purple Potato): Amnesia? Qu'est-ce que c'est amnesia?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, that is a French word, actually.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, sorry, I— I—
Eric: Oh fuck.
Julia (as Cammie): Sorry. Let me— let me say it again, so that you'll understand, amnesia. Is that good? You know what I'm talking about?
Eric (as Purple Potato): Oh, oh, I— I understand.
Amanda: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Purple Potato): Oh. Is it— is it— I am— it is— it is the weight of oppression needing to speak the Verda Stello common. I speak—I speak the— I speak the Mans language fir— first, and I bear— I bear this burden—
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.
Julia (as Cammie): That's fine. I just want to know about our friend. You—
Eric (as Purple Potato): I bear this burden—
Eric: He— the potato brothers continue.
Eric (as Purple Potato): I bear this burden on behalf of my people, the need to communicate with those in power.
Amanda (as Troy): That's like really cool, man.
Julia (as Cammie): So our friend?
Amanda (as Troy): He's alright?
Julia (as Cammie): He's okay?
Eric: He's—they— they're very confused at Troy.
Julia (as Cammie): Francoise is good? He's okay? He's safe?
Eric (as Purple Potato): Fran— Fran— yeah, Francoise is fine.
Amanda (as Troy): I can't believe that's his name. That's so fitting.
Julia (as Cammie): It makes sense now.
Brandon: Why is it fitting? Because he's French?
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Like—
Amanda (as Troy): That's awesome, man. I just— I— I love— I love when my friends make more friends because that means ultimately I got more friends.
Amanda: And then Troy hugs them.
Eric (as Purple Potato): Exiled Prince Troy, I didn't— no— no hug. We are not touching. We are not like that.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, it's because my brother rules the nation that oppresses you.
Eric (as Purple Potato): Yes, it is exactly what this is.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah, no, that—
Julia (as Cammie): It's A little conflict thing, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): That makes total sense.
Amanda: Troy take a couple steps back.
Amanda (as Troy): Totally get it. I'm so glad that you're taking care of Aubergine. That's a really cool thing y'all to do.
Julia (as Cammie): None of my siblings are oppressing you. Can I hug you?
Eric (as Purple Potato): I heard you were all so strange from Framboise— Framboise, but this is— see, giving it in person is just— is a lot.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Purple Potato): Framboise was like—Oh, the— oh, the exiled Prince Troy is going to be overly familiar. Like he does not know what happened. And like—No, why would he do that? This is the whole point of being in power is you can— you— you don't have to deal with that, but it's just strange.
Julia (as Cammie): So, is that a no to a hug from Cammie who's not oppressing you and none of my relatives are oppressing you?
Eric (as Purple Potato): I'm late— I'm— we are late for stew. It's— it is lunchtime.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Purple Potato): It is lunch.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. Do you wanna come and hang out?
Julia (as Cammie): Are you inviting us for stew?
Eric (as Purple Potato): No! Sacre— I don't— I—
Eric: I want to say, "A la cuisine," but that's not what I want to say.
Brandon: Bon appétit.
Amanda: Mon dieu.
Eric: Yeah.
Eric (as Purple Potato): Mon dieu!
Brandon: Pret a manger!
Julia: Pot au feu!
Eric: It's— it'd be like—
Eric (as Lustrous): Okay. We— we— let's take the temperature down. It's lunchtime. We're taking the temperature down, it's lunch.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Lustrous): We're coming back in an hour. We have more to discuss.
Amanda: Troy's gonna trot up to Lustrous before they— are they, like, leaving to, like, go have special lunch off— off stage?
Eric: Yeah, yeah. There's like sandwiches in the conference room, but you can go and do whatever you want.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy would like to just chat with Lustrous real quick.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, hey, um, I didn't want to, like, put you on the spot in front of the crowd, because I'm— I'm like really aware of sort of how the things I say impact people. And so I just wanted to say, like, from one butterfly to another, like, are you okay?
Julia: Are you good, bro?
Amanda (as Troy): I know— I know I keep—
Eric (as Lustrous): I'm—
Amanda (as Troy): —my wings furled up most of the time, because, you know, it makes you a big target, like I— I get it, but that— that's tough or like— is everything okay?
Eric (as Lustrous): It— it is, Troy. It's— you take— it— it's fi— Troy, I'm fine. It's been a— it's been a long time since I had— since the gold plating. It's something you deal with.
Amanda (as Troy): Why would someone do that to another Greenfolk?
Eric (as Lustrous): Lots of reasons. Mine specifically, they didn't like what I had to say.
Amanda (as Troy): That's— that's real mean. Did you like say something bad about their moms or something?
Eric (as Lustrous): In a matter of speaking, Troy, yes, I did.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, like try to coup and instead of killing you, they left you alive as an example?
Eric (as Lustrous): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Because I've definitely been there.
Brandon: Those are two extremely different things, Troy.
Julia: Same thing, same thing.
Eric: Metaphor— no, Troy understands the metaphor I put down.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah, Troy understands.
Eric (as Lustrous): Well, Troy, we have different responsibilities. You as— you as a gu—as a marksman, you wrap up your wings to make sure you're not a bigger target, and instead, I keep them out, in fact, to remind people I am a target and I've always have been.
Brandon: Was it Troy who shot Troy? Troy is a marksman.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. Just if, you know, you need someone to beat someone up, I'm really good at it.
Eric (as Lustrous): Troy, you have an opportunity here, to lead if you would like to. To organize a group of people who think that they don't have anything in common and stand up for what they believe in. If that's something you want to do, you can do it. I can't do it. I've only assembled all of you here. You come from a family who's very good at holding on to each other, and making everyone fly in the same direction. I'm not saying that one should be inside of the other, and Edie is not being open with everything that I know. But I— it is not my oper— is not my place to say what she knows. And I— I can only share as much as I know. But if we don't do anything, the diamond knot and Audrey certainly will.
Amanda (as Troy): I'll think about it. Thanks.
Eric (as Lustrous): Alright. Well, don't— also, if you could just let everyone know not to disturb me during the lunch hour, because that's when I have raucous, raucous times alone privately.
Brandon: Pervert.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, for sure. Yep. And where— where's your zone? Just so I— I can know.
Julia: Zone just makes it grosser and I don't know why.
Brandon: He points to his pants, "That's my zone."
Eric (as Lustrous): There is a— there'll be a velvet rope, you'll know where it is.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, good. Okay.
Eric (as Lustrous): Just don't push— don't— don't tell anyone to push past it. I need 5— I need 62 minutes.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Great. See you later.
Eric (as Lustrous): I will see you.
Julia: I have something that Cammie would like to do while Troy was having that conversation.
Brandon: Do it. Do it, do it.
Eric: That sounds great.
Julia: Cammie is going to grab two sandwiches.
Eric: Great.
Julia: And is going to bring one over to the key with the gaze and be like—
Julia (as Cammie): I don't know if you eat, but I brought you a sandwich.
Amanda: Smart.
Eric (as KG): Yar. The relationship— you know, the thing about pirates is that you might— you can have a sword at your throat one— one moment, and the next moment you're sharing a bite.
Julia (as Cammie): Did I— sorry, did I threaten and I didn't realize?
Eric (as KG): No, it's just general—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as KG): —experience. Yar.
Julia (as Cammie): Cool. So I— I had a question, and I hope it's not awkward or presumptuous, or— I don't know, another word.
Eric (as KG): You better just ask it because I'm not going to fill in the details for you.
Julia (as Cammie): So you're a key.
Eric (as KG): Yes.
Julia (as Cammie): And we need the keys to unlock wherever the salmon is.
Eric (as KG): Yar.
Julia (as Cammie): Do you know where the salmon is?
Eric (as KG): I have a sense.
Julia (as Cammie): So, like, hypothetically, if you wanted to, like, join a crew who had the other three keys, then you could just, like, kind of sense it like a— I don't know, like a— a dowsing rod?
Eric (as KG): A dowsing rod is an interesting way to say it. Water, water everywhere, and yet find— finding a fish in that water, hard.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't know what a fish is.
Eric (as KG): Of course you don't.
Julia (as Cammie): So is— that's a— that's a yes for my question that you kind of know where the salmon is? You have a sense of where it is?
Eric (as KG): Is that chicken salad?
Julia (as Cammie): Yes.
Eric (as KG): Okay, I want that one.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Chicken of the Woods Salad, coming right up.
Eric (as KG): Nice.
Julia: It's on a ciabatta.
Eric: Just stabs it like with the— with the— its foot, I guess.
Julia (as Cammie): Do you have a name besides key with the gaze?
Eric (as KG): No, key. Just key with the gaze.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Do you have a nickname? Can I call you like KG?
Eric (as KG): If you want to.
Julia (as Cammie): Would you want me to?
Eric (as KG): You can.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. That's cool.
Amanda: That's good to know.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm Cammie.
Eric (as KG): I'm key with the gaze, but you knew that.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Did you know that I was Cammie?
Eric (as KG): I did. I can tell.
Julia (as Cammie): Because you recognize Troy and I just— another guy here keeps forgetting what my name is, and I just want to see if I'm rememberable.
Eric (as KG): Archime— Archimedes Sevens has lot on his mind, while knowing those who hold my— who hold my key is the only responsibility I have. Yar.
Julia (as Cammie): Cool. Cool. So what do you do for, like, a hobby?
Eric (as KG): Cammie, I cannot give you specific details, because even I don't know exactly what I'm fated to do. I look around, I survey. I get into scrapes. I live— I live up— I live upon the Tide Yar.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Is that your hobby?
Eric (as KG): No, I'm answering your— I'm answering your question from before.
Julia (as Cammie): It just seems like you're a very interesting person with an interesting life and I want to know more about you.
Eric (as KG): I have many stories. I don't have a lot of time for— for hobbies, for games for fun. It is— I was brought— my understanding is I was brought here to facilitate eventually finding the salmon and I can when it all comes together. If the other three keys are assembled and are working in —working in concert, I foll— I will follow them.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as KG): But for now, as the— as the key— as a lone key, as a key upon myself, it is hard being a key when you don't know where the lock is, but you know a key fits into a lock, if you know what I'm getting at.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as KG): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I think I do.
Julia: Cammie sits crisscross applesauce in front of the key and like—
Julia (as Cammie): Can you tell me your favorite story?
Eric (as KG): Oh, yes. One time, I went all the way through the stomach of 5 pirates at the same time.
Julia (as Cammie): Whoa.
Eric (as KG): I felt each one of their livers go through my teeth.
Julia (as Cammie): And the spines?
Eric (as KG): And the spines. Yar.
Julia (as Cammie): That's so cool. Tell me more.
Julia: And Cammie spends the rest of the lunchtime just, like, listening to stories of the key.
Eric: Well— yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Eric, your pirate voice is very good, by the way.
Amanda: It's very good.
Eric: Thank you. I didn't know I had it. I guess I was always sitting on it.
Brandon: Before you do anything else, Eric, I just want to pause it that maybe the camera doesn't change perspective, but turns away from Cammie towards the field in front— or the space in front of the door.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: And you see like an anime, Naruto Run, Umbi just like—
Brandon (as Umbi): [pants]
Julia: Well, Brandon, if he was Naruto Running, his arms would be behind him, please.
Brandon: Well, he's not Naruto Running, but you know those, like, anime zoom-ins where like they see them in the distance, and they see the dust cloud, and they zoom in on them, and they see his face, it's like that.
Julia: Correct.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: It's like one big sweat drop.
Brandon: Yeah, exactly.
Eric: Yeah. I like that. You're running by, and then you're, like, caught by the back of the neck, and you're like— the momentum, like, pulls you forward and you slam back down with the large hand of Archimedes Sevens being like—
Brandon(as Umbi): [gasps]
Eric (as Archie): I'm here— it's lunchtime. I have only— I've already eaten three sandwiches so I'm fueled up, but I will need 12 minutes to digest, so I have 31 minutes to help you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Archimedes, I— I do need your help, but there's someone on the way in a boat, and I don't know if they're going to be good or not. But there's a lot of them, we gotta tell people.
Eric (as Archie): There's a boat— there's a boat?
Brandon (as Umbi): There's like more than 6.
Julia: On the sea?
Eric (as Archie): More than 6?!
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Boats on the ocean?!
Eric (as Archie): That's— that qualifies to be an armada.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Exa— that's what I thought. We should run, like, the— the cool way that I was doing the second ago. We should run towards the— the conference and tell people.
Eric (as Archie): Hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): It could— this could be a trap set by the pervert, Lustrous.
Eric (as Archie): Why—
Julia: What a jump. What a leap.
Eric (as Archie): Why is he— Umbi— Umbi, when you tell me too much information, I can't process it all the time, and I don’t know the road upon which to walk down.
Brandon (as Umbi): Was it the pervert part?
Eric (as Archie): It was— yes, it was part— that was part of it. That's— that— it's like a si—a detour that I could take, but I— I can't— but it seems like there's other pressing information.
Brandon (as Umbi): Alright. Well, we should go warn people. Let's go, let's run. Away!
Eric (as Archie): I don't— I don't know— where were— where were you?
Brandon (as Umbi): At the lighthouse. Away!
Eric (as Archie): You went to the lighthouse?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah!
Eric (as Archie): And what was there? What were you looking for?
Brandon (as Umbi): I was looking for clues and I found two pins, like grenade pins, and one shell. Away!
Eric (as Archie): Well— okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): I want to ask you about that, but I also want to warn people about the armada.
Eric: Archimedes is, like, walking behind Umbi as he's, like, wind sprinting. Archimede—like the distance between them as Archimedes walks behind.
Brandon: Yeah. His— his legs are so much longer.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Who do you— what— yeah. What are we doing?
Brandon: I think I'm just gonna run up to, like, the— the middle of the thing. I guess Salix would probably try to stop me, but I'm just gonna start screaming like—
Brandon (as Umbi): It's a trap! It's a trap! Armada on the seas. It's a trap! It's a trap!
Brandon: And see if I can get people's attention.
Eric: Hey, how about Cammie and Troy, are you easier? Wha— how's your attention?
Julia: My attention was pretty wrapped on the stories that the key was telling me. But in hearing it's a trap, it's a trap. Can I see Lustrous?
Eric: Yeah. Oh, no, Lustrous is gone.
Julia: Oh, he's gone?
Eric: Yeah. Like, this is, like, a few minutes after the things that Troy and Cammie were doing.
Julia: Sure. Sure.
Brandon: He's in his special time, Julia.
Amanda: He's in his special place. Yeah. Troy will have walked over to the lunch table, stuffed several samples into his mouth. He makes what's called a quadruple decker, which is putting four sandwiches on top of each other, and then eating them all at the same time. And as soon as Umbi— he hears Umbi's voice, he'll like snap up to alert and just instinctively, like, put out a hand to, like, restrain Lucky Edie, just assuming that she's about to, like, leap forward with her knives.
Julia: Alright. So if Lustrous is not around Salix, I would like to see Salix's reaction to someone screaming, "It's a trap, it's a trap."
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric (as Salix): Umbi, you missed the morning session. Do you need notes?
Brandon: Eric, I don't know why I didn’t ask this earlier. Eric. Can I roll to see if maybe I think I know Salix?
Eric: Oh.
Amanda: Oh.
Julia: Good question.
Brandon: I don't think I'll get it, but let's find out.
Julia: Find out, you never know.
Brandon: I did get a 9, which means I have some tangential connection that I can play into, but it's not automatic.
Eric: Sure. I like the idea that, like, big trees have a— because again, a tree— I— I learned this recently, there's no such thing— there's no like scientific classification of trees. They're all, like, different types of plants that are all just biggens.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Oh.
Eric: So I like the idea that, like, tree Greenfolk of whatever creed or quote-unquote, “ethnicity”, they are, like, just grow up to be big, tough guys. So I like the idea— just like the idea of you being familiar in the various bodyguards that you might have had over your life. They're all just like— you know— you know, it's like, "Oh, yeah, I worked in the service industry, so I know how to talk to bouncers."
Brandon: It's a professional connection. Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Or like— or like CIA agents, you know, it's like trees go into this profession, like a— it's more of—
Amanda: Like, if you're a server and you go to a bar, you're gonna tip other people well.
Eric: Right. It's like you're more of like a blue-collar relative sort of thing. Like bartenders going to bars and treating the bartenders nicely is like, "Oh, you have experience with like, guards.
Brandon: Got it. So Umbi's gonna run up to Salix and say—
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't— I don't need notes. I— I need to know if this is a trap, and are you part of it? And if so, like, what's going on? I mean, like, come on, man, I'm on your side.
Eric (as Salix): A trap?
Brandon (as Umbi): There's an armada. There's more than six ships on the— on the horizon.
Eric (as Salix): Hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Information.
Eric (as Salix): No, this is not a trap of ours. You would know— you would already be dead twice over.
Julia (as Cammie): Damn, Salix.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's what I figured.
Julia (as Cammie): That's hot.
Eric: You also he— you also hear clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang. It's just a bunch of weapons fall out of Salix's— Salix's brush.
Julia (as Cammie): Every time they do something, it's kinda hot.
Brandon: I was gonna say earlier, is one of the keys just a carrot with a house key stuck in the front that he collected?
Eric: No, no, no, but that's pretty funny. It's like—
Eric (as Salix): No, I would have used any of these two and I would lo— lose the deposit on the— I would lose the deposit on the conference.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I forgot this was a—
Eric (as Salix): On the conference space.
Julia (as Cammie): You were renting this space out.
Brandon(as Umbi): Air— air—
Amanda: Air tree and tree.
Brandon (as Umbi): Air tree and tree.
Eric (as Salix): We have a—we have co— we have corporate vendors that we— we have larger vendors we work with.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, got it. Well, then we got out. There's an armada, they're coming.
Eric (as Salix): Can you show it to me?
Brandon (as Umbi): Look!
Brandon: And Umbi points at the direction and— I don't know. Does anyone— did— is one of the weapons that he showed a telescope of some kind?
Eric: Yeah, he drops— yeah, yeah. Yeah, Salix drops the telescope, like— kind of like goes over to the side of the big skeleton, pulls out a telescope, and— and then sticks it into his big foliage.
Brandon: And what flag does he see, Eric?
Eric (as Salix): Hmm. Interesting.
Julia (as Cammie): What flag are they flying, Salix?
Eric: I think everyone— everyone is staring at Umbi at this point. Everyone inside is staring at this point and be like—
Brandon (as Umbi): It may not be a trap, but it's probably not good.
Eric (as Salix): Well, I know that Lustrous only was thinking about this in the abstract, but it seems that our problems are gonna become very, very real, because they're flying the flag of the Rotten Queen.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, shit.
Julia: Cammie very quietly goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Best friend.
[theme]