Last time, on Join the Party, the crew’s in a tough spot. Troy’s bleeding out, Umbi’s clinging to a dragon, and Cammie is reckoning with a past that is not their own. I’m sure they’ll wriggle out of this one…
For it's cheer up me lads, let your hearts never fail / For the friendly ship, the Sea Whip, will never come to mulch
Sponsors
- United by Blue, creators of sustainable apparel and outdoor gear. Use code jointheparty for 20% off at https://unitedbyblue.com
- Shaker & Spoon, where you can $20 off your first box at shakerandspoon.com/jointheparty
Find Us Online
- website: https://jointhepartypod.com
- patreon: https://patreon.com/jointhepartypod
- instagram: https://instagram.com/jointhepartypod
- twitter: https://twitter.com/jointhepartypod
- tumblr: https://jointhepartypod.tumblr.com
- facebook: https://facebook.com/jointhepartypod
- merch & music: http://jointhepartypod.com/merch
Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. "The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire." This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Eric: Hey, last time on Join the Party, the three of you were left in some pretty interesting positions, huh?
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: I mean, yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy has been macerated and is halfway to a pickle, as this airlock fills with brine.
Eric: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: Cammie is doing great.
Eric: Cammie is fine.
Amanda: Wow.
Brandon: Cammie feels great.
Amanda: This player long rests once and is like, "Wow, wow, wow." No, Julia, you did the right thing. I'm jealous.
Brandon: She spends four episodes talking about how she wants a nap, and then finally gets it, and now—
Julia: And now, she's doing great.
Amanda: And now is better.
Eric: Yeah. Umbi clinging to a scale on the blackberry dragon, which speaks to him in dark parables of pain and how it should be distributed.
Brandon: In my head, it's like Legolas on the side of the elephant creature, but I know it's more like some sort of, like, Camelot farce where he's, like, tied to the back of a horse, and fell, off and being dragged, you know?
Eric: No, I think it's like that, but instead of, like, the— the elephant monster, it's like— if it was an ant that also wanted revenge on everyone.
Brandon: I mean, yeah.
Eric: Like, real intelligent, dark intelligence there.
Brandon: Wouldn't you if your ant wife left?
Eric: I would. I would hate it when all the tree women were like, "Deuces. You guys— you guys suck."
Amanda: Brandon, only Eric can call me his ant wife, okay?
Brandon: I'm an ant wife guy.
Amanda: Julia, you're not, not an ant wife guy.
Julia: Hmm, yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Troy bleeding out in— in an opened airlock with Bramble, I guess, not standing, but brambling over him, going—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Bramble): Oh, God. Oh geez. Oh, God. Where do I— how do I stop it?
Eric: The blood is coming off of you and distributing into the brine, as I said in, like, an asterisk.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: So it's like—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: It's like the wall— like a fountain outside of a fancy Vegas hotel. Just kind of like, "Pshh."
Brandon: Oh, pretty.
Amanda (as Troy): Bramble, Bramble.
Eric (as Bramble): Troy?
Amanda (as Troy): If this is the end for me, I have some really important wishes that I need you to carry out, okay?
Eric (as Bramble): I won't do any of them.
Amanda: Okay. Just tell it to somebody more responsible than you. Got it?
Eric (as Bramble): I will. What are they?
Amanda (as Troy): One, make sure my pumpy is adopted by somebody responsible, I think that's Cammie.
Julia: You couldn't see my face, but I was like, "Wait a second." And then when you said that, I was like, "Yeah. Okay."
Eric (as Bramble): Dog adoption, okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Two, I need you to murder Lucky Edie no matter what you do.
Eric (as Bramble): I can't do that. I will— that will be one that I distribute to someone more— more competent.
Amanda (as Troy): Delegate it to Umbi, okay?
Eric (as Bramble): Umbi? Okay. Which one was he? Which one was he? Was he the bushy one?
Amanda (as Troy): The stinky one. The stinky one.
Eric (as Bramble): Oh, he's the stinky one, okay.
Amanda (as Troy): And three, I would like for you to establish a charity in my name, what teaches little Greenfolk that do not know how to fly, how to make friends with witches who can help them fly, okay?
Eric (as Bramble): Troy—
Amanda (as Troy): And also to read, and also to read.
Eric (as Bramble): Troy, I'll tell you.
Amanda (as Troy): It's called Troy's Foundation for Magically Flying, but also reading, which is Magically Flying with your brain.
Brandon: That's a good name.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks.
Eric (as Bramble): I'll be honest with you, because you seem like you're dying, I will use it for tax evasion purposes.
Amanda (as Troy): That's great, buddy.
Julia: Nobody knows. That's why he's there.
Amanda (as Troy): If you can do good and do crime, that's the best of both worlds.
Eric (as Bramble): I don't think so. That's why I'm here.
Amanda (as Troy): Anyway, you did a great job with Edie. Good job, bud. It's been an honor fighting alongside you. Aw. Oh, wait, can you pour this potion in the mouth?
Amanda: And Troy lifts up his elbow where he has one healing potion from his holster.
Eric: You absolute butthole.
Brandon: Got them.
Julia: Yeah. You gave those to us.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: I did, but I forgot about it because it happened in the past, Julia.
Julia: Fair.
Eric: I hate the past.
Amanda: So that's plus 15 hit points. Eric, how do we calculate how bad this duel cut me up?
Eric: Well, I was thinking you were at 10.
Amanda: Sure.
Eric: Because you started at 41.
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: It did at least 75% of damage. That's pretty close to 75%. I thought you were— you're gonna be down to 10, you can get those 15. However, I was thinking, because you're getting sliced up by unlucky Edie, the sharpened.
Amanda: Wow, contemporary—
Eric: Although—
Amanda: —reference from the Afterparty last week.
Eric: See? Because we just recorded it—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —so I remembered what I said before, these slices are deep. These cuts are deep, and the healing potion does not do much to close them up.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: So you were back up to 25. However, I think you are still weak, unless you stop the bleeding, you are—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —still weak from it. Here's the other thing, though, ordinarily, if this was some sort of bleeding condition in a JRPG or a deck-building game, or maybe even Dungeons and Dragons, I wouldn't have— I don't know what that is, because it's probably buried in a book I don't want to spend money on. You would be lose— in my head, you'd be losing a certain amount of HP per turn.
Amanda: Yeah, that makes sense.
Brandon: Oh, it's like being poisoned in Pokemon.
Eric: Right. Thank—
Amanda: Exactly.
Eric: Brandon, thank you for speaking my language.
Brandon: You're welcome.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: And the screen glitches to the extent that your sister with epilepsy can't really look at it.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Eric: That's a very specific—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —experience, but I can only assume the answer is yes.
Amanda: I know. It's bad.
Eric: So you need to stop the bleeding. If someone can just wrap you up with some bandages and put some pressure on it, you can stop that, and you would do medic— medicine checks.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: We're not really an initiative anymore, but it would take, like, an action to do it. I will tell you, you can do it to yourself, or someone else can do it to you. If someone is not a doctor, if they roll below a 10, it will be worse for you.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: That makes a lot of sense.
Eric: Much like medicine.
Julia: They infect you, yeah.
Amanda: That makes a lot of sense.
Eric: Especially maybe if you have little brambly hands.
Julia: Don't let Bramble do it. Where is Havana Tropicana?
Eric: If your hands are all thorns, you might have a problem. Great question. We last saw Havana Tropicana swirl up as the brine filled the container that is the South Kompos City prison facility.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: So don't know.
Julia: So he's— he's somewhere, though.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: We'll probably hear him crying somewhere, so it'll be fine.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Manfully, in a low voice.
Brandon: Manfully.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And Cammie has opened the proverbial basement—
Julia: True.
Eric: —after booping the lichenthrope to get it out of the way.
Julia: I did do that.
Eric: You can still hear the echo of screaming from that Greenfolk who— who recovered from that curse.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Cammie, you are taking in this kind of hideaway hole that you have found with the tanker leaking blackberry wine, these ruined books, and the slowly water damaged painting of Gloria and the city council—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: —that you put together from Troy's story hopping into the book. What I want to do here, because we've read— we've done initiative for the last two episodes, right?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: What I want to do here is something that's— might be more familiar to our JRPG player listeners, but it's more like stuff's happening all around you, and I think you've all made choices, and you can continue to make choices whenever you want. You can jump into them. I'm going to just continue to narrate stuff happening, and between the three of you, if you're, quote-unquote, "looking around," like regular observation without doing perception checks or whatever, you can kind of see some of this stuff happening. You all can jump in whenever you're ready to do something. However, if you jump in to try to, like, get ahead of something I've already narrated, we'll have to do some checks to see if you get in before what I've said, or if you're kind of reacting to the thing that's already happened, unless you make a choice kind of in situ between. Like in JRPG, there's a more fluid sort of insertion into turn-based action.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Okay? But right now, that's where the three of you are. Umbi, you are clinging to the side of the blackberry dragon that is still rampaging and currently have eaten 5 out of 6 Cervanteses. Troy in the airlock, bleeding, and Cammie, now you're in this underground hidey-hole. Also, what's happening, the turn up rising is still going on, prisoners versus guards, and now a bunch of lichenthropes are descending upon this mass. Captain Graft has already been bitten and infected, currently turning into a lichenthrope as we speak. And there's some other stuff going on, but we'll see— we'll see when we get there. Does anyone want to do something immediately? Does anyone want to do anything to start here?
Brandon: Yeah. Umbi wants to, like, look up at the dragon and be like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, buddy. Hey, friend.
Eric: I have to get a dive— I'm like pain. Channel— channel dark— channel— channel deep sadness and— and— and pain.
Brandon: Jared Leto.
Eric: No, not like Jared Leto is the Joker. More like someone's dad, you don't understand what his problem is.
Amanda: Really— oh, that's why dads have a fridge of beer in the garage.
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: Yeah, that makes sense.
Eric: That's why all the super hard Miller heavies are in there.
Eric (as blackberry dragon): Yes, my inconsequential passenger.
Julia: Rude.
Brandon (as Umbi): Rude. Um ,can we, like— so, like— okay. Here's the thing you have, like, some friends of mine in your tummy right now.
Eric: Smash, smash, smash. Pooshh! Running over some people, running over some buildings, turning more of the rubble that is South Kompos City even to— into even more rubble.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can I, like, make you an offer you can't refuse? Do you, like, want— want something from me and— and maybe you— you throw up my friends?
Eric (as blackberry dragon): I'm not sure what you can offer me other than what I'm already doing. And there's always the option of refusal. That is life.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true. I agree with that. Uh, I do have a potion of growth that will double your size in all dimensions, would that be cool for you?
Amanda: Then they could climb right out of there.
Julia: Or any sort of healing, because he's in terrible, terrible pain.
Amanda: Love that.
Eric: That's right. As— as you cli— yeah, you're right. You're clinging to some of the scales that are not, like, currently scorched and terrible. That's right.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I also have, like— I have a cure all potion or a potion of greater healing.
Eric: Umbi is the only character I would allow to do this. Like, you are out loud going through your inventory.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: You're— you're me whenever anyone around me mentions a bodily pain, and I'm like, "I got Motrin, I got Tylenol, I got Advil. Whatever you need, bud. Whatever you need. All the top meds, I gotcha."
Brandon: I open up, like, one flap of my, like, chest shirt thingy—
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Brandon: —and there's just, like, a list of stuff that I could do—
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Brandon: —to remind myself what it is.
Eric: There's a piece of paper that's, like— in like 100 point font, all of the—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —potions you have. Like—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —like a medicine cabinet of your grandpa.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Like a breaker box.
Eric: Yeah, like a breaker box, you're right. Yeah, Umbi's not Deadpool. Like, that's just what Umbi's doing.
Brandon: Yeah, 100%.
Brandon (as Umbi): So what do you think, friend? Do you want anything?
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe I can roll a persuasion check?
Eric: Umbi wants to roll a persuasion check. Yeah, I'm trying to think, does the dragon want anything? Yeah, why don't you roll a persuasion check to figure out where this thing's at.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda: My feeling as somebody deeply acquainted with deep, dark pain is that at this point, the dragon might not just sort of believe that it could live an existence free of suffering, and so it may need some persuading to improve its own station.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: You know?
Brandon: Well, it was just about to hit an 18, and then I hit the side of my dice thing here, and it flips over to a 5.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: So—
Eric: Interesting.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: —5 — I do a plus 6, though. So 5 plus 6 for 11, which is not good, but not bad.
Eric: Umbi has a plus 6 to persuasion, why are you bombing everything?
Brandon: Well, that's how he persuades, Eric.
Eric: Right. Got it, got it.
Julia: Dummy.
Eric: That's right. I— that's, like, leave the gun, take the cannoli, leave the bomb—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —take the potion. The Umfather. Um, an 11.
Amanda: Nice. Brandon, why don't we call the fuses of your bombs Umbilical cords?
Brandon: Well, we do now.
Julia: I kind of hate that.
Eric: 53 episodes in, folks.
Brandon: I love it.
Eric (as blackberry dragon): Your mortal salves and liquids are not enough to quench the fire that is inside of me. I am fueled by something internal, something roiling— roiling underneath.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hmm.
Eric (as blackberry dragon): I appreciate you as a friendly companion, but a companion rides in the sidecar, and cannot access the steering wheel that is in my heart.
Brandon (as Umbi): Man, that's really— that's really sad. Sorry to hear that. Is there anything I could do to just, like, help out in general?
Eric: And then just like big, deep breath in. [roar] As the— the teeth were— and just, like, some more building and pirate prisoners just get absolutely wood chipped.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can I offer you— I promise that when we take the facility and get all of the bad guys in there, you can eat all of them, and you give me back my friends that are inside your tummy, and this will be my favor.
Eric (as blackberry dragon): Ah, you're using your— you're using your favor so soon.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, yeah, 'cause I really want my friends back, and I also want you to eat the bad guys, because I think that is funny to watch.
Eric: Give me another persuasion check, buddy.
Brandon: [dice roll] That one's a 16.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: Good job. Good job. Good roll. Bravo, bravo.
Brandon: That was fine. It was a 10.
Julia: Well, yeah, bud. That's good for you.
Eric (as blackberry dragon): Do Greenfolk know the rules of a favor? Of a boon?
Brandon (as Umbi): There are rules to favors?
Eric (as blackberry dragon): You get what you asked for. It is no more, nor— no less. Why are you offering me something with your favor?
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, because I wanted to be nice, and I thought it'd be fun for you to eat some bad guys.
Eric (as blackberry dragon): Hmm. Nice.
Julia: "Nice," says the primordial beast.
Eric: Nice.
Brandon: I— my mouth is not big enough to eat my enemies, and I think that would be cool if it were.
Amanda: I wish it were.
Julia: What if?
Eric (as blackberry dragon): The rules that govern this life and the lives beyond are not of kindness and of deserving. It is hard, indefinite, and fast. And yet you offer— and then you— you— you— you would ask to complicate something so clean, so obvious of you do for me, and I do for you with nice.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is that bad?
Eric (as blackberry dragon): I have had one role for so long, and it complicates things.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, yeah, you've been trapped for a long time, I figure. So it's like— maybe, like a— maybe like a cool friend guy—
Eric (as blackberry dragon): I will do this—
Brandon (as Umbi): —would be nice.
Eric (as blackberry dragon): I will do this. Because of— you're nice, but you must come with me.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, fuck yeah, let's go. Where are we going?
Eric: The blackberry dragon pulls itself up from its rampage, like pulling on its own reins, leans backwards, crouches with its back feet, and pushes up. And Umbi, your weird old man skin gets so—
Brandon (as Umbi): Aaaaah!
Eric: Yeah, that. That's what happens to your weird, little old man skin. As you rocket upwards, surging through the brine up to the top of the cave.
Brandon (as Umbi): Aaaaah!
Eric: You are hurtling fast, incredibly fast, faster than should be happening towards the mouth of the cave with the blackberry thorns. With the words caught in the g- forces flying by you, you are able to catch—
Eric (as blackberry dragon): To be nice, I always tell you to duck.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, okay.
Brandon: I duck.
Eric: And then [explosion] there is debris bouncing off of you. Some sharp, some feeling natural, some feeling metallic, some feeling like hard rock just bouncing off of you. If you want to take a look at what's happening, you could either keep your head down and not have any possibility of damage, or you can try to take a peek and put yourself in danger.
Brandon: Goddammit. You know Umbi's gonna look, but I only have 7 hit points.
Eric: I know, dawg. Don't I know it.
Julia: You will die. Brandon, you will die.
Brandon: Oh, God. I mean, Umbi would look. Umbi gotta look.
Julia: You'll die.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: It's not my choice, Julia.
Eric: Alright.
Julia: Yes, it is.
Eric: Alright. Well, first, because you chose, please make a perception check.
Julia: The last thing Umbi ever sees—
Brandon: 12, 8 plus 4.
Julia: —is barely anything.
Eric: 12. You take a peek, and what the blackberry dragon is smashing through are three things. One is it's literally making the cave mouth bigger.
Brandon: Oh, cool.
Eric: Two, it's smashing through its own, the blackberry thorns that are stationed at the— at the mouth of the cave, which you might remember from the beginning of this arc. But here's the third thing, the blackberry dragon is smashing through more barnacle guards that are coming down through the mouth of the cave. Some of these also— because you feel the— the metal and some glass that's shattering against you, some of them are barnacle guards and some of them are more like the guards with the greenhouse head that you might remember from many arcs ago.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: They are— there is, like, infantry battalion numbers of these guards that are flooding into—
Brandon: Oh, shit.
Eric: —the cave that the blackberry dragon is currently smashing through.
Brandon (as Umbi): Holy shit.
Eric: Now, I would like you to make— you— this would be dexterity. It would be dexterity for you not to get a debris in the eye. I'm telling you, buddy, if you fail, you're out.
Brandon: Well, I do have evasion, so—
Eric: Oh, okay.
Brandon: —if I'm subjected to an effect that allows me to make a deck saving throw, if I fail, I only take half damage, and if I succeed, I take no damage.
Eric: Okay. I mean, but still— that's fair, but I would say with 7 points of damage—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: If I'm coming up with the number, it would be like 15, right?
Brandon: Right, right, right.
Julia: It would be more than 14.
Eric: Yeah, it'd be more than 14. But that's fair. If you so— if you pass this, this number I'm thinking of, which I'll just tell you right now is—
Brandon: A 100.
Eric: —14.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: If you would get 14 or above, you're still up. If you're not, you're down. However, you're not dead, you're just down.
Brandon: Okay. I have plus 7 to dexterity, so I have a pretty good shot statistically. Let's see what happens.
Eric: Let's— we're looking for a 7—
Julia: Statistically doesn’t mean shit.
Amanda: That's not healthy yet, buddy.
Eric: We're looking for a 7 or higher, baby.
Brandon: It was literally on a corner. I'm going to reroll it, okay?
Eric: Alright. Reroll it. Reroll it.
Julia: Gotta honor the cock. I can't even look at you. I can't even look at you. What was it?
Amanda: 60— 6?!
Eric: That's a 6.
Amanda: A 6?! A 6?!
Julia: You are— you are an absolute piece of shit. You are an absolute—
Eric: I love— Umbi is—
Julia: You'll never beat the allegations, Brandon.
Eric: Umbi, you pop up, look around, and then a blackberry thorn is just like [explosions] absolutely domes you and you're down.
Brandon: Yeah, that sounds right.
Julia: [coughs]
Brandon: Oh, no, we killed Julia.
Amanda: Fuck.
Julia: I was so frustrated, I swallowed wrong. [coughs]
Eric: Oh, let's go.
Amanda: Fuck. Fuck.
Julia: The thing is— what's gonna happen now is Brandon— or not Brandon, because Brandon is, you know, a player and not the character. But I do think that, at some point, Umbi is gonna wake up on the back of a dragon somewhere in the world—
Amanda: A different realm.
Julia: —and we just won't be able to find him anymore.
Brandon: Yeah, that sounds right.
Eric: Yeah. We'll come back to it. We'll come back to it.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Okay. So here's the thing, remember how I said that all of you would be able to look around and see stuff?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: You're both in places where you can't see stuff, Um— Cammie and Troy, so—
Julia: I can't see stuff in the cave?
Eric: I'm gonna— well, you're looking in the cave, you're not looking out at everything else.
Julia: Oh, yeah, I can't see that Umbi just got himself fucking domed.
Amanda: We're sequestered, yeah.
Eric: You're currently sequestered. So I'm gonna think of some stuff that happens.
Julia: You go ahead.
Eric: And think of them in my— and think of it in my brain stem, in my brain parts. My medulla oblongata is like, "Nice dude."
Amanda: Like, "Dude, nice."
Brandon: It's like, "Eric, this is going good. Good job. I like it, man. Yeah."
Eric: "Hahaha. Hell yeah, good job, so—"
Brandon: "Uh-huh. That dragon was tight."
Eric: "I'm gonna go back to pumping your heart. Don't think about breathing, it's gonna be weird."
Amanda: "I'm gonna keep making peristalsis happen."
Brandon: "When's the last time you blinked, man?"
Eric: "I'm gonna have Syzygy."
Amanda: Nice. Your ventricles go, "1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4."
Eric: No, now, I'm thinking about my ventricles. Stop it. Now I'm thinking about blinking, goddammit, Brandon. Why have you cursed me after I was so fair with you?
Amanda: No, it didn't work.
Eric: Why did you screw— Amanda, I don't have the hiccups.
Amanda: I thought I would startle you out of thinking about your blinking. But you're right.
Brandon: That's nothing.
Amanda: You're right. That's your consciousness.
Julia: I'm just trying to think about casting spells, and you guys are just—
Eric: Alright. So I'm gonna think of three— there are three things that's gonna happen, which Cammie and Troy don't see.
Julia: Sure. Makes sense.
Eric: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright. While this is happening, I think— because Troy did something already to Cammie.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: You're down in— let's call it like the label that's on the overworld map that you're— that you're in.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: This is Gloria's hideaway.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: Cute.
Eric: What do you—what do you want to do down there? So, yeah, that's all you see, the things that I've already talked about, the— it's the cellar. There's this tankard, this leaking blackberry wine that you recognized—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —from before. There's the books that are pretty ruined because they've been sinking—they've been in brine for a long time, and there's this portrait kind of floating around as well. There's also, like, regular stuff in here. There is— as I said before, there's like a desk, and there's some chairs, and there's some cabinets. A regular room that demonstrates that's been ha— has habitation in it.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: You know what I mean?
Julia: Oh, well, now that you say that, I kind of want to check the desk and see if there's, like, any, like, secret drawers or anything like that.
Eric: Sure. Yeah.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Is that fun?
Eric: Yeah, that's fun.
Brandon: My little cheeky bottle of whiskey.
Eric: Uh, yeah. Give me an investigation check.
Julia: [dice roll] I rolled a 15 plus 1 for a 16.
Eric: Yeah. You can go over to the desk, there's cabinets in there. Some of them have, again, some like moldering papers that have been kind of shoved in there, that have gotten really, really messed up by the brine. There is a very intricate glass bottle that's filled with blackberry wine.
Julia: Yum. I take it.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Just for funsies.
Eric: Add one blackberry wine bottle to Cammie's inventory.
Julia: I will.
Eric: And the bottom left cabinet is locked. The other ones are empty. There's— are— just has some junk in them.
Julia: Cool. I cast knock on it.
Eric: Cool.
Julia: It unlocks.
Eric: Cool. So what I like about knock as a spell in DND, I always thought it was funny that a wizard can just be like—
Julia: Knock, knock, know.
Eric: —"Hello." And then it opens. What is— what does it look like for Cammie?
Julia: I think Cammie does exactly like that. Cammie tells a knock, knock joke, and then she goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Knock, knock.
Julia: And then to herself—
Julia (as Cammie): Who's there? Cammie. Cammie who? Cammie's opening this drawer.
Julia: And then opens.
Brandon: And then does she giggle to herself?
Julia: Yeah. 100%.
Eric: Oh, boy. Alright. Cammie you open up the bott— actually, make a strength check for me.
Julia: A strength check?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: That's not good. Is it a tough strength check? [dice roll] Got 10 minus 1 for a 9.
Eric: Yeah. Okay. So you try to pull open the cabinet, and you can't. Even after you unlock it, you can't move it.
Julia: Can Nonny help me? Can she wrap her little tentacles around it and— and try to pull?
Eric: Sure, yeah. Let's see if Nonny can help you, too.
Amanda: Nonny is like one of those chunky, like, four-inch leather cuff bracelets from the '90s.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: Did Nonny roll a Nat 20, you abso—
Julia: Nonny.
Eric: You need new dice. I swear— Julia, you have rolled so many Nat 20s, I'm banning this liquid core die.
Julia: No, I love them. They're my Cammie dice!
Eric: Yeah, of course you do. You gotta do whatever you want.
Julia: I don’t get to do whatever I want.
Eric: Oh, my God.
Brandon: It balances out, Eric, because I fail all the time, so—
Julia: No. Brandon, do you want these dice for, like, the last—
Brandon: Yeah, I do.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: You guys should swap for the science.
Julia: We really should.
Eric: Nonny sees you struggling with the cabinet, and immediately knows that there's something here. So Nonny kind of braces herself with six tentacles and uses two to pull. And then, oh! And you hear the scraping sound. And the reason why you couldn't open this cabinet is because of two reasons. One, the cabinet reaches into the ground.
Julia: Oh, shit. Okay.
Eric: It actually— it went in— it was, like, dug out, and it went deeper than you thought it did. So you were literally, like, pulling it through the silt of the bottom of this cave.
Julia: Yeah, Cammie— Cammie looks at Nonny and goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Wow, you're strong.
Eric: Nonny flexes all eight tentacles.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Love that for you.
Eric: The second thing is that there's something incredibly heavy in here. And as you reach down for it, you are holding about the length of your— kind of your shoulders, is a hammer.
Julia (as Cammie): Whoa.
Eric: This hammer is metallic, and it is pink. And there is kind of like two three feet long handle, all made out of the same material. Three-foot long handle, and at the end, making the vague shape of a hammerhead, is a metallic pink strawberry.
Julia (as Cammie): This is the coolest thing ever.
Brandon: We needed that.
Julia: I'm so excited.
Amanda: Gloria needs that.
Julia: Can I do an arcana check before we move on, so I can see what's special about this hammer?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Eric, 22.
Eric: A 22. Well, in your inventory, it sure does say glorious hammer.
Julia: I knew it.
Brandon: That's good.
Eric: This doesn't have any arcanic properties. It's not a magical hammer, necessarily. There is something— you know, blah, blah, blah, Cammie reads lots of books about lots of weird things. There are ideas that weapon makers and metalsmiths have different opinions about what they like the most out of their hammers. Some of them want the materials of the head and of the handle to be as different as possible, to kind of put all the temperature on the hammer— on the hammerhead—
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: —because, you know, when you're banging out a sword or something, the metal gets hot, that's the whole thing about metal work. Go— everyone stop and watch four episodes of Forged in Fire.
Julia: This knife can cut.
Eric: But, obviously, Gloria seems to have a different perspective on this, of making a hammer that's all made out of the same stuff. You have a deeper connection to the hammer itself at, of course, of the risk of the temperature and the reverberations going through the thing itself. This is, of course, although maybe not the thing, maybe if you had put together the components, you could have put something together to make a simulacrum of this. But considering how she was looking for something red and something sweet, and something— et cetera, et cetera, that could be like a strawberry, she was trying to recreate her hammer, which she didn't know where it was.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Aw. I mean, she take it with her own her quest to the maze.
Eric: That's a great question, 22 Arcana, I can't tell you.
Julia: Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, cool.
Eric: So, yeah, you can— you can put that next to the blackberry wine in the intricate bottle in your inventory.
Julia: Yay.
Eric: Oh, also, now you have encumbrance, so now you— you can't move as fast.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: No, I'm just kidding. That's— that's—
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: I was like, "Oh, shit."
Eric: I know. Now, your roles are, like, really heavy. Ugh. None of— some of you need to play Elden Ring. Okay, never mind.
Julia: I know. I know what you're talking about.
Eric: Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Alright. So now you have a cool hammer.
Julia: Bum, bada, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Brandon: That's tight.
Eric: In my head, it's like—
Julia: I'm so excited.
Eric: You know, when in Mario Kart, there's like rose gold peach where, like, you know, like Metal Mario but peaches, like rose gold.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It's like this whole thing is just this kind of like— it's not rose gold. It's definitely more like red, pink. But I just love that it's like the same material all the way through, in the same color.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Eric, it's the same color as the pink Motorola Razr.
Eric: Yeah, ac—
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: Yes. You're a 100% correct, thank you.
Julia: You're welcome.
Eric: That's right. This is a podcast for millennials. Sorry, everyone else.
Julia: Okay. The pink early iPhone, whatever gen.
Eric: No, I— I agree, Julia. I very much agree.
Amanda: Listen, xennials use iPods Nano, which is—
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: —the proper plural, because it has no screen.
Eric: Hmm. Like attorneys general.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Got it. Anything else you want to check out in here, Cammie?
Julia: Yeah, but I'll let other people go.
Eric: Cool. Troy, you are in the airlock. The doors are open so you can hear the screaming and clanging and banging of a lot of stuff happening outside.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: The light is streaming in, and Bramble is just like, still standing over you, being like—
Eric (as Bramble): I don't know what to do, man. I don't know what to do.
Amanda (as Troy): Are there any switches? We gotta open the door to the facility. We gotta let all this brine in. Flush 'em out.
Eric (as Bramble): Uh, no, just the one. I don't think they're use— I don't think they're usable anymore.
Eric: And Troy, you can, like, push yourself up—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —a little bit and turn around. And there's some pretty gnarly slashes into the buttons that Lucky Edie did. Whether or not she did it intentionally or that's just what her hands are now, for debate, but you can't hit the same buttons that Lucky Edie did, no.
Brandon: It's difficult to live life with knives as hands, you know?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: I— I know. I hate it when the World Government experiments on me and makes my one cool thing into my only thing.
Julia: I hate when an old man poisons me and gives the government an opportunity to experiment on me.
Eric: College, am I right?
Brandon: College.
Amanda: So remember how Troy's a mariner and can find a safe place to land and dock any vehicle—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: —-on either water or land?
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: I do.
Julia: What is the vehicle here?
Eric: Is it this— this more like— like Foucault said that the body was the vehicle of the mind?
Amanda: Well, Troy's gonna say—
Amanda (as Troy): Bramble, look big.
Amanda: And jump on Bramble's back to use it as, like, a flotation device to attempt to dock himself at the facility.
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Yeah, that makes sense. That checks that.
Amanda: So I'm gonna try to have Bramble wedge a little Bramble in between the doors. I'm picturing kind of like big, like, hazmat doors that get, like, retracted when they open the airlock and then they go back together.
Eric: Yeah, for sure. For sure.
Amanda: And we're gonna just try to dock ourselves within the facility and barring that, pry the doors open.
Brandon: This is— this is the best use of the word dock edit I've ever had.
Eric: Right.
Amanda: Because it wouldn't be a safe place to land, to rush outward, against the tide into.
Brandon: That's true.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: That's a good point. She's got a point.
Amanda: So I'm not saying—
Eric: If you— alright. Amanda, if you want to ride Bramble, I can't stop you, but I'm not giving you the Mariner feat. However, however, if you are that intent, while bleeding out—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —to wedge open the door of the airlock—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: —the hard way.
Amanda: Yup.
Eric: —you can do that, but you are doing it the hard way with you and Bramble doing it together.
Amanda: That's fine. I'll do strength checks all day.
Eric: Okay. Strength checks all day.
Brandon: Amanda, Troy can use a simple machine to wedge even, like, get more force.
Eric: Damn.
Amanda: Bramble is a lever, you're right.
Eric: Okay. So Bramble is getting big, exposing his thorns to the elements as much as possible, and you are wedging Bramble in—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —between these— the doors that lead into the facility.
Amanda: Exactly right.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: [dice roll] Okay, it's a 14 plus 1 for a 15.
Eric: I did roll a 2 minus 1 because that's what Bramble has for strength, so I got a 1.
Amanda: Sure.
Brandon: That's bad.
Amanda: That is bad.
Julia: Usually, I want you to roll badly, but this time, not so much.
Eric: Okay. You have what— you can wedge Bramble in there, you are definitely in— in that crack there. And then you hear the sound as some of Bram—
Amanda: Does he break a fingernail?
Eric: —as some Bramble's thorns get snapped off as you— as you try to use him as a wedge. I'm now going to roll a 1 D6. [dice roll] Amanda, please take 6 points of bleeding damage.
Amanda: Hmm.
Julia: Not the bleeding damage.
Amanda: Down to 19.
Eric: Down to 19.
Brandon: Is it like— like snapping off a dead piece of branch so he doesn't feel it, or is it like snapping off one of his fingers?
Amanda: Brandon, I think it's like breaking a fingernail.
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: That's what I think. Where you can't feel the thorn, but you're like, "Aah."
Eric: I don't like it, and it's upsetting that my body just snapped off in that as— as Bramble says—
Eric (as Bramble): I don't like it. It's like my body snapped off in that.
Amanda (as Troy): Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Amanda: Just with the end of my turn, I'm not gonna do another action, but can Troy just pound on the door?
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: And say—
Amanda (as Troy): You forgot— you forgot one, you forgot one. Help me. Aaaaah!
Amanda: Worth a shot.
Eric: Interesting.
Julia: Oh.
Eric: I wonder if they hear that a lot in a prison.
Julia: You forgot one. It's me, I'm one of your co-workers.
Eric: It's me, one of your allies. Help me.
Amanda: Ah well.
Eric: I'm stuck in the prison.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. Welcome to the midroll. And welcome to our newest patron, Shaylee Ward. Thank you so much for joining the Patreon and supporting the show with your money. We are only able to make a show like this with so many sound effects, and custom music, and all the time that Eric puts into preparing these sessions, and bring it to you every dang week because of your support on Patreon. If you are able to support us for as little as five bucks a month, you can get access to our patron-only Discord, which is the official best place on the internet. Official by who? By me, that's enough. And also get things like ad-free episodes, bonus content in the form of Party Planning in audio and at the $10 level video podcast every other week and more. Discover it all at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, I am, oh, checks watch, 400 episodes into publishing a mythology and folklore podcast with my best friend Julia, all about the things that happen in the night and the stories we tell about it. We tell those stories through the lens of feminism, queerness, and modern adulthood. We interview experts, we talk about your own hometown urban legends, and, of course, study mythology from around the world. You can dive in at any episode you want. Just go to spiritspodcast.com or subscribe to Spirits. it's the black art with the cute green martini glass in your podcast app. We are sponsored this week by United By Blue, a sustainable lifestyle brand that prioritizes sustainable materials and ethical manufacturing to lead the charge toward better business practices. For every product purchased, they remove one pound of trash from the oceans and waterways. That's over 3.5 million pounds so far, and everything from picking up plastic bottles, littering our shorelines to cleaning up their own packaging and supply chains, all on a mission to eliminate single-use plastic. And the stuff they make is beautiful. It is endlessly reusable, and it's made from non-toxic regenerative fibers that keep harmful pesticides out of the environment to recycle fabrics that put existing trash to good use. They're not just trying to clean up the world we have, but also to make it less cluttered and less filled with junk in the future. So you can go to unitedbyblue.com and use code jointheparty to get 20% off your order. I just got my dad some gorgeous reusable water bottles from United By Blue for his birthday, and I used code jointheparty for 20% off, so should you. That's unitedbyblue.com, code jointheparty. We are also sponsored this week by Shaker & Spoon. A subscription cocktail service that helps you learn how to make handcrafted cocktails right at home. Every box comes with enough ingredients to make three different craft cocktail recipes and are developed by world-class mixologists. All you have to do is buy a bottle of that month's spirit and you have everything you need to make 12 drinks at home. It is a wonderful way to up your home mixology skills to make cool stuff with your friends or with your family, bring an awesome hostess gift, or give a wonderful gift that maybe the person you've bought all of the, like, recipe books and fancy barware for. This is another thing that I guarantee you they will love. The team at Shaker & Spoon has also been kind enough to give us a discount code, so you can get $20 off your first box at shakerandspoon.com/jointheparty. They are a fellow Brooklyn small business. We love the team over there. They are so, so kind and great to work with, and you can get 20 bucks off your first box of Shaker & Spoon at shakerandspoon.com/jointheparty. Alright, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Eric: Okay, great.
Julia: Something happens to Umbi, we don't know.
Eric: Something happens, something happens.
Brandon: Well, in his— in his mind, at least, he's back in that bar mitzvah—
Julia: He's at the bar mitzvah.
Eric: Oh, the great—
Brandon: Yeah. So—
Eric: —bar mitzvah in the sky, that's right.
Brandon: He's having a great time.
Eric: Here is something that happens, though.
Julia: What song is playing?
Brandon: Under Pressure.
Julia: Thanks, Brandon.
Eric: Everyone get ready, in four minutes, we're gonna play Coke and Pepsi, so get your food. Here's something that happens and none of you see. More of the lichenthropes descend on the battle, and more of them are getting munched. I think that Captain Graft one as his hands start to expand, the ring pops off and you're [growl] and then crunches into the prisoner next to him. The lichenthropes are descending, and more and more of them are starting to turn. The only one who managed to escape is, of course, Strunge with his soul wings as he pulls up and says—
Eric (as Strunge): Strunge can't understand what's happening.
Brandon: Oh, poor Strunge.
Julia: Same Strunge. Same Strunge.
Eric (as Strunge): These are outside of comprehensible things that Greenfolk in regular green throw— in regular Greenfolk experience. Strunge do not like.
Brandon: Strunge needs a hug.
Amanda: Strunge.
Julia: I want to hug Strunge. I don't care if he stings me. What a way to go.
Eric: This is Julia in— in The Wicker Man.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: What a way to go. Alright.
Julia: Something happens to Brandon.
Eric: Some other stuff happens. Some other stuff happens.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Searching for Strunge is his documentary, I think.
Eric: Searching for— searching for Strunge.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Seeking Strunge.
Eric: Seeking Strunge.
Brandon: Seeking Strunge.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: That's good. Alright.
Amanda: Just an option. Just some— just some studio notes, just an option.
Julia: Here's the thing, Eric, I— I think if you'll allow Cammie—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —there are a lot of waterlogged books around here, that's fine.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: We— we determined we can at least read a little bit of waterlogged books because of what happened with Troy.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: Can I check out some of these books? See if they have any fun titles or, like, you know, Gloria's Secret Diary, or anything like that?
Eric: Okay. I'll roll to see if Gloria's secret diary is here. Sure.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: All the secrets of the past, love the past.
Julia: Love your friend, Gloria, who you haven't met yet.
Brandon: Here are the answers by DM Eric Silver.
Eric: Unfortunately, I was looking for a 19 or a 20. I did roll an 18. Gloria's secret—
Julia: Ah. Ooh, close.
Eric: —diary is not here and is not— and, of course, it is not in the desk, either.
Julia: Sure.
Eric: There's a lot of academic books down here. Honestly, there's also some, like, fluffy romance books as well.
Julia: Oh, cool.
Eric: Lots of, like, two Greenfolk playing a sport and then falling in love.
Julia: I was gonna ask, what trope Gloria was into?
Eric: Yeah, Gloria likes that.
Julia: That answers it for me.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: So no, nothing— nothing super interesting in the books.
Julia: For the— the research books and whatnot, is there one on lichenthrope?
Eric: Sure. Interesting.
Julia: Because I have an idea, and this could help.
Eric: Okay. Yeah. I think if you pull all of them out, there's probably, like, some composition notebooks in there.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Especially, you know, you can go back to the desk and maybe there's a composition notebook in there. Still a lot of this stuff's pretty messed up by the brine, but you can make some stuff out. Anything about lichenthrope would be like— there wouldn't be a book on it necessarily, that she would have.
Julia: But— but she might have notes.
Eric: She might have notes, exactly. So there's some— yes, what you can make out, there's some, like, her writing down the experiences, seeing what's— what's turned—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —the quickness. It's— it kind of aligns with a lot of— with some of the stuff that you've already— that I've already said to Julia—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: —but that Cammie might have already known, which is that lichenthrope is kind of like— it's kind of like a rage for 24 hours. They want to bite others as quickly as possible, and after that 24 hours, turns into boulder.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Now—
Amanda: Composition notebooks.
Brandon: Hey.
Julia: Fuck. Now, with, like, werewolves—
Eric: Uh-huh.
Julia: —they're weak to certain things.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: And, like, vampires and stuff, there are certain things sometimes that would scare those creatures away. Is there, in these notebooks, any like, "Oh, they— they fear the sight of—" blank.
Eric: I'm thinking of some stuff. Let's see how much stuff is in this composition notebook.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Give me a roll, Julia.
Julia: Cool. What kind of roll?
Eric: Give me history, because that's kind of like your book reading— your book reading skill.
Julia: But I'm not good at that one. I'm good at Arcana. If it's history, I rolled a 13.
Eric: 13. Okay, I rolled a 3. So I'll tell you one thing.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Something that Gloria's noticed. There's maybe one part of the book that, you know, both Gloria's put together and is readable. There's a part that Gloria wrote, narrating how they took a lichenthrope down. When this plague started out, kind of like in the beginning of the zombie movie, where it's like the zombie is like in a regular space, and just kind of wrecked shop. Similar thing happened coming into the city, you know, maybe this wasn't the first biting, but it was one of the first few bitings, lichenthrope burst into a warehouse, folks are working.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: You also put together South Kompos City, a pretty large, thriving city to have import and export, huh?
Julia: Yeah. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Some sort of warehouse, lichenthrope bursts in, destroys everything, finds the first Greenfolk they can find, grabs them, bites, runs away to go kind of continue to rampage, right?
Julia: Right.
Eric: This Greenfolk that got, turns into a lichenthrope and freaks out everyone around them. Ever— a lot of the people there are holding a very large crate. As they're turning, everyone gets startled, drops the crate, the crate falls on the lichenthrope, smashes it. It breaks into pieces and reveals that their organs, some of the organs, have already turned to moss and lichen. So it seems to be kind of a scab sort of thing going on. You know how scabs, it had just like— it's from the bottom up, except for the little— the top layer. It seems to be sort of a scab situation happening where the skin quickly turns to stone, so that lichen can grow on top of it, which is the whole thing.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But then it kind of goes inside out, turning the person into the lichenthrope. Basically, it's getting as boulder-y as possible. Like the bouldering happens inside out other than the initial turn. So there seems to be a vulnerability if you break through kind of the initial outer layer.
Julia: So theoretically, like, if you were able to slice off the infected part, the rest of the person wouldn't be— wouldn't spread?
Eric: Gloria has— write some of that as well. There's some conject— like below that are hypotheses asking a few questions.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Question mark, question mark, question mark.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Gloria could not say what this means necessarily, other than the vulnerability of the insides if you break through the outside layer of stone.
Julia: Hmm. Interesting.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: I do like that you're looking at this and you're like reading through an old-ruined book, why everyone's like, "Aahhhh," outside.
Julia: I just remembered a spell that I have, but it— it— hmm, I don't know.
Brandon: Is it turned something inside out? Because then the rock would be in the middle, and that's fine.
Julia: No, it's— it's a benign dismemberment, as you might remember.
Eric: Hmm. That's right.
Brandon: Yeah, that's really good.
Eric: That's cool. That's cool.
Julia: Interesting. I don't know.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: I was hoping for, like, they feared the sign of the cross, and I was gonna make an image of a cross, so they all ran away.
Eric: Tough rolls there, Julia.
Julia: Yeah, I guess so.
Eric: Unfortunately, I can't give that to you. I can only give you an anecdote with anecdotal evidence.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: They are afraid of the Christian Lord.
Amanda: Yeah. I— I was gonna say, I don't think Verda Stello has the Christian Messiah.
Eric: They're afraid of the Anglican Church.
Brandon: I mean, are we all?
Julia: Very possible.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm worried, I'm worried. King George might come and do stuff to me. Actually, he did, it's called inquisition. Alright, let's go back to Troy. Troy, you want to do it again?
Amanda: Yeah, do a strength check.
Eric: Alright, let's do it again. You're gonna shove Bramble back in— back in the door.
Amanda: I want to do it myself. I don't want to— I don't want to harm Bramble again.
Julia: No, keep harming Bramble.
Amanda: Creature combined strength, like we both just try to— try to open the door or we—
Eric: Yeah, sure. I mean, that's what you were doing.
Amanda: Yeah. Okay, I just— I don't want to harm him. Alright. Alright, that's a 10 for Troy.
Brandon: If only you had a bomb, you got two time sandwiched, object and structures.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: You could blow up the ceiling.
Julia: Well, wouldn't that be super useful if someone hadn't looked and was still conscious?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Hmm. I don't think so.
Julia: Hmm, interesting.
Amanda: So, yeah, I think Troy and Bramble are, again, gonna try to, like, get their little fingers into the crack between the doors and heave.
Eric (as Bramble): Troy, I don't— why do you want to get in there so badly? What's in there? Do the woman who's— that— that knife lady who sliced you up?
Amanda (as Troy): If I kill her, great. But I— I need something, intel secrets help. We— we gotta get into this facility and wash them out with this brine.
Eric (as Bramble): Troy, you need— you need— you need your cuts to stop bleeding.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, then maybe there's bandages, I don't know.
Amanda: And for the first time, Troy's gonna look around, is there an emergency first aid kit for guards that were in the prison, feeding the— the rowdy prisoners?
Eric: Hold on. [dice roll]
Brandon: Is shape water a possibility? I know we— you have to, like, say something.
Amanda: That's good.
Eric: I rolled a 14. You're making some pro— you are pushing. You're making some progress. What do you have wedged in there? Arrows?
Amanda: Yeah, broken off arrow.
Eric: Broken off arrow. Yeah. You're making some progress. I can't say how well, but you are— you are doing it. You can look around. Oh, boy.
Amanda: Can I roll survival?
Eric: Yeah, you gotta roll really well.
Amanda: Alright. How's a 10?
Eric: No emergen— no emergency med kit in here, I'm so sorry.
Amanda: I think it would be more embarrassing if there was, to be fair. So as we were wedging the door open, just like slowly, slowly, you're saying?
Eric: You're not at the point where, like, liquid is streaming through the door, but you're not failing like you did last time.
Amanda: Okay. Troy's gonna make eye contact with the closest camera—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: —and say—
Amanda (as Troy): If anyone has second thoughts about what's going on here, now it'll be a great time to press the emergency buttons, okay?
Eric: Alright, I'll roll again.
Julia: Come on, die. Come on, die.
Eric: And nothing happens.
Brandon: Goddammit. What must it be down to now, like 16,15?
Julia: It must be at, like, 15,14 maybe?
Amanda (as Troy): Dump truck.
Amanda: And Troy is going to yell DiAnnalyse's embarrassing childhood name, dump truck.
Julia: Is it for her dump truck-ass? What's going on?
Amanda: No, Julia. It's because she took a big doody one time and then they called her dump truck.
Julia: So mean.
Eric: No.
Brandon: No.
Eric: Alright. That's a good one. I'm rolling again. [dice roll] That was a pretty good burn, though. Pretty good.
Amanda: It's alright.
Eric (as PA System): Everybody clap your hands. Clap, clap, clap, clap your hands.
Julia: Clap, clap, clap, clap your hands. How low can you go?
Eric (as PA System): Clap, clap, clap, clap your hands. One pop.
Eric: Slap.
Eric (as PA System): Another pop.
Eric: Slap. Umbi, in the bar mitzvah happening in your mind, you are getting— you— you're like, "I'm just trying to do the cha cha slide." And as you step to the cha cha, slide, you feel slaps on your face.
Brandon: Yeah, that makes sense.
Eric: What are you wear— what— have we established what you're wearing—
Amanda: That was like powder blue tux.
Eric: —in the dream? Oh, yeah, and the powder— right, the powder blue tux.
Julia: I was gonna say, it has to be some sort of formal wear to bar mitzvah.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah. It's like a 19th century snake oil salesman— it's a— it's a Dr. Radish Radish suit.
Eric: Oh, like it's— right, right.
Amanda: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Eric: It's a very— a very— very fancy suit. And you look down and you see that someone has stabbed you right in the— in the middle of the chest with one of the steak knives.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Eric: And you hear this— you feel this burning sensation in your chest.
Eric (as PA System): Alright. It's some— it seems like someone has parked a really crappy-looking pirate ship outside. Please move it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, that's probably mine.
Eric (as PA System): The DJ is trying to park his car.
Brandon (as Umbi): What's the license plate on the ship?
Eric (as PA System): The license plate is UMBI, UMBI.
Eric (as Havana): Umbi, Umbi, come back! Umbi!
Eric: Slap, slap, slap. And you come to, sprawled out on the beach. There's this image in my head of the tide of the sea and the tide of the brine kind of meeting.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: And you are laying a little bit in both—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: That's a brackish water.
Eric: —Havana Tropicana—
Julia: There he is—
Eric: —is straddled on top of you—
Julia: He's straddling him?
Eric: —slapping you awake, and you have a— a big syringe sticking out of your chest.
Brandon: Like, uh—
Julia: Like Pulp Fiction.
Eric: In Pulp Fiction, yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Like Pulp Fiction, yeah.
Eric: Yeah, just like in Pulp Fiction.
Julia: That's really funny.
Amanda: A movie I just saw. Hey, that was surprising.
Brandon: Umbi, like, wakes up and goes—
Brandon (as Umbi): Huh!
Brandon: Looks down on his chest and goes—
Brandon (as Umbi): Huh!
Brandon: And looks up at Havana and goes—
Brandon (as Umbi): Huh!
Eric (as Havana): Alright. Good, it's working. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Julia: Nailed it, Havana. I'm not there, but you nailed it. So proud, so proud.
Eric: Umbi, you come back with 10 hit points.
Brandon: Oh, hey.
Julia: That's pretty good.
Amanda: Go, Havana.
Brandon: That was more than I had before I die.
Eric: You also feel crazy because there's adrenaline coursing through your body. We'll talk about that as you decide to do stuff.
Amanda: That's awesome.
Eric: You look arou— yeah. Umbi, you— you pop up and you look around. So Havana is straddled on your chest, you already— you see that these tides are touching each other. You are, like, 50 feet away from the cave opening, and you see, like, all the debris of everything kind of sprawled out. You see, like— what you saw for only a moment as you were going warp speed, you kind of see the destruction that the blackberry dragon has wrought.
Brandon: I assume the dragon's not there?
Eric: No, the dragon is not there. But— so it's like the cave is all messed up. Again, like, you remember it was burrowing through the outside of the cave, destroyed all the— all the thorns. Now, you also see the brine, as it kind of got over the lip of the cave, is now spilling out. So there's only kind of a little stream of it, whatever reached over the top is kind of overflowing. You also see that there are quite a number of shipwrecks around, some of them with the Diamond Knot flag. Some of them with the key retrieval teams—
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: —insignia is around them. You don't see the Sea Whip. The Sea Whip is not— is not around.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: Uh-oh.
Brandon: That's bad.
Eric: You also hear [emergency sound] and just lights going everywhere on the other side of the cove. The facility, the main facility is freaking out.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: There's just a lot— every— def con one is happening over there.
Julia: To be fair, it might have been Harold and Sil saw the things were breaking bad and then left.
Eric: Who can say?
Brandon: Well, we're about to find out, Julia.
Eric: Who can say?
Brandon: Well, one, are the— any of the Cervantes siblings on the beach with me?
Julia: Did the dragon listen and throw up any of the siblings?
Eric: Oh, that's a good question, huh?
Brandon: I asked for a favor.
Amanda: He said it would. He said it would. Or they said they would, I shouldn't make assumptions.
Eric: Oh, yeah, that dragon doesn't— is not gendered.
Julia: A dragon got no gender.
Brandon: A dragon is dragon gender.
Amanda: Beyond gender.
Eric: No gods, no kings, no gender.
Amanda: Simply dragon.
Julia: No gods, no kings, no gender.
Brandon: Simply dragon.
Eric: Near you, there are two cactus— cactus Greenfolk kind of strewn out.
Brandon: Oh, only two. Oh. Which ones?
Eric: Let me look at— let me look at the names. Why don't we say that— let's say it's Atticus and Sutton this time.
Brandon: Atticus and Sutton.
Eric: Two of them are nearby, are kind of laid out down the beach.
Amanda: Like leading away from Umbi?
Eric: Yeah, leading away from Umbi. They're kind of just like strewn out pretty far away from you.
Amanda: So Umbi, maybe the dragon kept, you, know, sort of purging Cervantes—
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: —as it left. It's true.
Julia: Yeah, you might find more.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: I'm gonna look at Havana and say—
Brandon (as Umbi): Havana, help— help our comrades, our fallen friends.
Brandon: And point to them. And then at the same time, Eric, I would like to— as we've made very clear, Bartlett still on the ship, has been on the ship this entire time.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: So I would like to look into Signor Bartlett's eyeballs and see where they are.
Amanda: Yay.
Julia: Barlett famously Spanish.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Signor Bartlett.
Brandon: I don't know where parrots come from, Julia.
Amanda: Mr. Bartlett just sounds like a high school vice-principal and like the rude one—
Brandon: It does.
Amanda: —in charge of truancy.
Julia: Well, Mr. Bartlet is the name of the president from the West Wing.
Brandon: That's President Bartlett, Julia.
Amanda: President Bartlett, Julia. God.
Julia: Okay. Before he was governor, he was Mr. Bartlett.
Eric: Mr. Bartlett has that darkness inside of him, that we talked about before.
Amanda: Got that dawg in him.
Eric: Well, no, he's got that parrot in him. Okay. You warg into Bartlett's eyes.
Julia: You don't have to make that noise, Umbi just chooses to.
Brandon: He likes to live life on the— on the edge of fun, you know?
Amanda: So many lessons to learn from this sweet, sweet pawpaw.
Eric: And Bartlett is perched on something in the ocean. It is nearby, because you can see from a different angle, the emergency style facility going off.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: You look around, Bartlett is surrounded by wreckage. There's wood bobbing in the dark sea. I think it's night, who knows what time it is. You— you guys were down there for such a long time. In my head, it's nighttime because that looks cooler when it's nighttime.
Amanda: That's fair.
Eric: Driftwood, jetsam, flotsam floating around, bodies in the water. I think Bartlett instinctively kind of pushes off of his perch and flies around to give you—
Brandon: Yeah, Assassin's Creed, eagles it.
Eric: Yeah, exactly. To give you a good sense of what's looking around. And in various configurations, the ships have been, like, splintered apart. You know, maybe it was from the blackberry dragon. Maybe in the— in the panic, they smashed into each other and fired cannonballs into each other. They're not— they're very good at pirating. Or maybe, you know— you know, maybe they ran into this big kind of rock that's in the middle, kind of floating in the middle of the sea. It's kind of dark, so you can't really see it. But maybe— is— is it dark or is it— or it's just kind of like covered in this, like, black moss? And as Bartlett swings around, you see these two big eyes kind of open up, and in the voice of your companions, you hear—
Eric (as Sil): Bartlett, is the coast clear? I can only hold this for so long.
Brandon (as Bartlett): Quack. Yes.
Eric (as Sil): I know— I know that almost— I know that almost English from— coming out of your weird mouth from anywhere.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, you're right. It's me. I was just trying to sound like a parrot.
Eric: The moss retreats and Sil has stretched himself out around the Sea Whip as camouflage.
Brandon: Whoa.
Eric: Kind of, like, slowly retracts all of it back and collapses on the deck. And Harold is like—
Eric (as Harold): Buddy, good job. That's good. I'm glad we spent all the time working on it. It really paid off. It's good.
Brandon (as Umbi): Sil, that was sick, man.
Eric (as Sil): I know, I tried my best. Umbi—
Eric: Fully is out.
Julia: Have we considered that Sil might be a lichenthrope or a source of lichenthropy?
Amanda: We haven't, but now we shall.
Brandon: We have not.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: Damn.
Brandon: Do I see the pumpy? Is he okay?
Eric (as Pumpy): [barks] [howls]
Julia: The ship's fine.
Amanda: Yay.
Brandon: Great.
Eric: A barrel falls over, the pumpy runs out of it.
Amanda: Barrel of kibble.
Brandon: Incredible.
Eric: Yeah, and a bunch of kibble spills on the deck.
Amanda: Somewhere Troy goes—
Amanda (as Troy): Like father, like son.
Eric: Bleed— bleeding— bleeding out. Yep. The Sea Whip is all safe. They're in somewhere out— they're nearby, but all safe.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: Harold looks up, is like—
Eric (as Harold): Umbi, where are you? Where— we'll come— we'll come pick you up.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm back at the mouth of the cave where the—the blackberry— the blackberry cave thing— where we were before, where you were docked. I'm— I'm here with Havana and some— and some Cervantes siblings.
Eric (as Havana): Oh, so that weird— that giant dragon was you? It was you, wasn't it?
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, not— not technically me.
Eric (as Havana): Oh, God. Alright. About face, we're coming around.
Eric: Harold get on the big steering wheel, makes a big, ol' U-turn, but coming back to you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Sweet. Troy and Cammie are still in the cave, though, so let's solve that problem.
Eric (as Harold): Okay. Let's figure that out when we— let's figure that out when we come up— when we come together.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool.
Eric (as Harold): Alright, I guess I'll just take care of everything around here. You— you guys have been gone for a bunch of years and it's--
Brandon (as Umbi): That would be great. Is that an offer? Because that would be awesome.
Eric (as Harold): I can't. Oh, no, I can't. I thought you would be taking care of it. I guess I'll take care of it. I'll think of something. Fine. Alright. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
Brandon (as Umbi): Love you, kisses. Bye.
Eric (as Harold): Fine. Ugh. Fine. We should have stayed a moss.
Eric: Falls around. Alright, I'm gonna make a roll here. Here— you know what? I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna roll for.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Because in a moment, running by you, Umbi, is going to be Kidd Cervantes who bursts forward from the cave.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: I'm gonna roll to see how concentrated on following his siblings he is to see if he notices that some of them are strewn out on the beach here, okay?
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: Because otherwise, he's gonna try to kill that dragon and that's not gonna be good.
Eric: Uh-hmm. That this feels like a thing— that feels like something that he would do.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: If he was here. [dice roll] Oh, goddammit. Alright. Like a bat out of hell, Kidd Cervantes charges out of the blackberry cave and pulling out his pistol, pincushion. He forces the nozzle all the way down, and just starts shooting down under him. And just the thorn just start going [gunfires] just keeping him afloat, keeping him pushed up in the air as he charges out into the sea.
Brandon: Metal.
Eric: He just speeds by you, Umbi. You can't see where the Sea Whip is. So Kidd Cervantes is not passing the Sea Whip, either. He is just charging forward. And then behind you, you hear—
Julia: Uh-oh.
Eric: —a gurgle and then—
Eric (as Atticus): Dump truck.
Eric: As Atticus has a mouth with Umbi's truth serum potion jammed into it, and Atticus says the embarrassing nickname for Kidd Cervantes because he took a big poop one time.
Julia: It's the same nickname?
Brandon: Wow.
Eric: And Kidd Cervantes stops—
Julia: What a world.
Eric: —still going [gunfires] with the gun, spins around like he has a jet pack, and sees his two siblings on the beach. Fires once behind him, shoots himself into the meeting of these two tides, and grabs Atticus, and then runs over and grabs his other sibling, and pulls them into a deep, deep hug.
Brandon: No matter what kind of Greenfolk we are, we're all the same. We all take giant shits as children.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: And our siblings noticed and never let us forget it.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: What a beautiful moment.
Eric: Cammie.
Julia: Hey.
Eric: What are you doing, buddy?
Julia: I'm trying to think if there's anything left in this room that I really need to investigate.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: I will probably take the tankard of wine that's there.
Eric: Yeah. So here's the thing about the tinkered water— wine, it's big.
Julia: Oh, I thought, like, hand— a mug, perhaps.
Eric: No, no, no. It was like— like, what they make beer in— when you do a beer tour.
Julia: Oh, like one of those big bottles.
Eric: Like a big one.
Julia: Can I take a little taste, make an Arcana check?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: [dice roll] That is a 16 plus 5 for a 21.
Eric: It's blackberry wine.
Julia: Okay. So nothing special about it, really?
Eric: No.
Julia: Cool. Uh, then—
Brandon: Because it tastes good, is it complex? Is there fruity notes on the front—
Julia: What's the terroir?
Brandon: —and tobacco on the finish?
Eric: Uh-huh. So the other thing you need to know is that there's a lot of it in this room. It was pretty cloudy when you entered, but it seems these things, to me, dissipating as it's escaped the cave ever since you moved the boulder.
Julia: So like I could potentially flood this room with blackberry wine, is what I'm getting.
Eric: Yeah, you could, if you wanted to.
Julia: Yeah, I don't know— I don't know what that would do for me, though.
Eric: 21 for Arcana, right?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Because the blackberry wine, there's a lot of it. The tankard is probably not that full.
Julia: Oh, so I could go in there and cast spells. However—
Eric: There's— yes, there's a big air pocket.
Julia: —I already have the helmet, so it doesn't really matter that much, right?
Eric: I mean, let's say you wanted to— you needed some space, maybe?
Amanda: Or use your hands to shape water?
Eric: Yeah, or do some stuff, you could.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: I don't know. Here's an option. There's— you got some space, you bring some people in there. I don't know, whatever you want. You got to figure out how to get in there, of course, without letting in more brine, but— yeah.
Julia: Okay. I'll remember that for later, because right now, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna dimension door.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Incredible.
Julia: And I would like to dimension door to where Cammie saw Troy last, which was getting pulled into that door, into the facility.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Thank you.
Eric: Tell me, dimension door, you just go somewhere you think you can see?
Julia: It's— that you can teleport yourself from your current location to another spot within range, which is 500 feet. You arrive in the exact location. It can be a place you can see, one that you can visualize, or one, you can describe by stating the distance and direction.
Eric: Cool, cool, cool. I still was so caught up by Piney's window that I forget, what's your dimension door look like?
Julia: I don't even think it's a door, I think Cammie just bamphs.
Eric: That's cool. I did want you to open a door of steam.
Julia: Cute.
Eric: Like, I thought it would be cool for you to, like, put your hand out into the steam, and, like, turn a knob, and then you bamph. I just wanted you to turn a knob, honestly.
Julia: I like that idea, but I do think it is just a golden, steamy bamph.
Eric: Okay, I'll give you a bamph.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Bobby: Okay, okay, okay.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: Cammie, you are now— you're in the mouth. You're in the doorway of the airlock, which you— I guess you don't know is an airlock, but, you know, you see the doors that Troy walked into. Bramble and Troy are currently in the middle of trying to force these doors open.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Wow, you look fucked up.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah, can you bandage me? You have real hands, right? That'll be great. That'd be great.
Julia (as Cammie): Yes?
Eric (as Bramble): I only have these brambling hands. They're only good for brambling.
Amanda (as Troy): And brambling.
Eric (as Bramble): And brambling. [grunts]
Amanda (as Troy): Edie cut me up real good, but I got her, too.
Julia: Would Cure Wounds work instead of bandaging?
Eric: That's a good question. Would that put your stuff together? Let me look up the spell.
Julia: Creature you touch regains a number of hit points equal to 1D8 your spell— plus your spellcasting modifier, has no effect on undead or constructs.
Eric: So this would probably do the same thing that the spell did.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Oh, shit, that reminds me, I gotta roll another— can you roll a D6, by the way? Because you— you're bleeding out more.
Amanda: 4.
Eric: 4. Alright. 4 less, please.
Julia: Well, I would have to roll a 3 or lower to fuck you up, Amanda. So if you want, I can just roll a medicine check, and then we can cure wounds.
Amanda: I prefer that.
Julia: Cool. Let me roll a medicine check.
Eric: Alright, medicine check.
Julia: [dice roll]
Amanda (as Troy): You can— you can strip my shirt off, it's okay. I should just stop where I want, really.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't think I need to.
Julia: I rolled a 14 plus my medicine, which is 7.
Eric: Alright. Let's wrap up— Troy up with some gauze.
Amanda: Hey.
Brandon: Good.
Eric: And try to stop the bleeding, huh?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Alright. So you won't be rolling— you won't be rolling D6s to take stuff away from me just yet, but we'll see— we'll see how— how well this stays.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Hurry, hurry. We have to open these doors. Thank you, please.
Julia (as Cammie): What— I understand that the door needs to be opened. Have we tried a different approach than trying to pull on it with our bods?
Amanda (as Troy): What is there except brute force?
Julia: Gonna finally use a spell that I've been wanting to use, and I'm gonna use rusting grasp on the, I assume, metal door?
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-huh. You conjure a potent acid in your fingertips, which can corrode metal and burn flesh. I'm going to make a melee attack— spell attack against a object within reach. If you target a non-magical metal object with this spell that isn't being worn or carried, you corrode and destroy parts of the object you choose that can fit within a one-foot cube.
Eric: That's cool.
Brandon: That's pretty tight.
Julia: Okay. I'm going to, I guess, attack it.
Eric: Yeah, attack it.
Julia: Okay. [dice roll] Yeah. Fuck.
Eric: What'd you roll?
Julia: You know, sometimes you roll a lot of NAT 20s, and sometimes the opposite happens.
Eric: You rolled a Nat 1?
Julia: I rolled a Nat 1.
Eric: Ooh.
Amanda: That sucks.
Brandon: Yikes.
Eric: Now, I wonder if the reason why, maybe the reason why you're having trouble rolling this is the back of your head's getting a little wet.
Julia (as Cammie): The back of—the back of my— oh, no, did it break the helmet?
Eric: Maybe there's a crack—
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Eric: —in your terracotta helmet.
Brandon: That's some shoddy workmanship, Bramble.
Julia (as Cammie): You made it, Umbi.
Brandon: No, it was Bramble.
Eric (as Bramble): When you put something in my magical quick-drying kiln, it's not gonna set properly.
Julia (as Cammie): This is bullshit, man. I usually don't speak that harshly, but this fucking sucks. I'm a little stressed out right now.
Eric: Oh, my God. Okay. Cammie, you could do it again, and I'll just let you do it, but now, you have a crack in your helmet. And if you want to do more stuff inside of the brine and do more magic inside of the brine— like, this is the part where it's like, well, you failed your check, so what else do you do unlocking the door? It's like, okay, whatever. Like, keep going, right? We're gonna keep going.
Julia: Yeah. Right.
Eric: But I like the idea that, like, your failure here is, like, some of the brine is getting into—
Julia: Right. I gotta count down now.
Eric: —your spell thing. Yeah, there's a countdown. The crack is getting bigger, and you might have a harder time doing spells in the future.
Julia: You know what I'm gonna do?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: I'm gonna attach Nonny to the back of the helmet and have her suction cup the hole.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, I like that. That's pretty good. Let's see—
Amanda: Yes, yes, yes.
Eric: Let's see how that works
Julia: Alright. I'm gonna roll again, then.
Eric: No, no, no. You can just do it.
Julia: Oh, no. Okay.
Eric: No, you just do it now, but I, like, this, like, cons— it's like the failure is the consequence, so now you have a— a makeshift plug here.
Julia: Yes. I— what I like to do then is I want to— I'm assuming it like— the door parts through the middle?
Eric: Yeah, you just make a— make— you get a one-foot square, so you can do wherever you want.
Julia: Yeah, right in the middle, so it's half on one door, half on the other door.
Eric: Oh.
Julia: So it's easy to grab and wrench apart—
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: —if needed.
Eric: And of course, like there's brine— as soon as you rust the square, the brine starts to pour into the facility.
Amanda: Moments before you said that Nonny was gonna plug the gap. I was looking at my character sheet, hoping something would jump out at me. And I did realize that I do have a single playing card, and so I think Troy is going to grab the one card Manny from his back pocket, stick it in the gap, and try to, like, move it to the side. Unbeknownst to him, you are doing the resting spell at the same time, so as soon as Troy, kind of, like, uses the card like a credit card, popping open a bad apartment lock, it starts to crumble, and he goes—
Amanda (as Troy): Yes! Yes!.
Brandon: Incredible.
Julia: Troy did it once again.
Eric: Yeah. And the doors open because it like— there's like, "Error, error. Liquid breach, liquid breach."
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: And the doors just open and more brine just spills into the Kompos Facility.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: I thought you were gonna slap the playing card on the back of the— the helmet thing—
Amanda: That would have been smarter.
Brandon: —to stop the water.
Amanda: That would have been smarter.
Eric: [dice roll] Okay. Sorry. DiAnnalyse not showing up in this episode.
Julia: Girlfriend.
Brandon: Okay, this— your sister hates you.
Amanda: Listen, probably.
Julia: The dice apparently hate Troy and her relationship.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So now you— the doors are open, you are running down this hallway. It is the— it's kind of like up to your ankles. This is— it's very, very large. I think it's quickly kind of—
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: —distributes throughout this massive facility built into a mountain.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Right? It's like— it's real, like, James Bond, Austin Powers, evil guy lair in there. Hallways going everywhere, metal, halogen lights, warehouse-ish, hallway-esque, things going in different directions. Hallways that lead nowhere, offices filled with very important documents about civilizations and countries that no longer exist, just stashed away somewhere, probably an entire armory room, but just of bad swords, just lots— just lots of stuff.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, what are we trying to find?
Amanda (as Troy): Secrets, my sister, I don't know.
Julia (as Cammie): Secrets or your sister? Those are two different things and I can do something about one of them.
Amanda (as Troy): Both.
Eric: And—
Amanda (as Troy): Secrets, I guess.
Eric: And Troy, you trip over an office chair that is spilled into the hallway. There's a door open, and you can look in, and there— this is a room filled with screens, and there is a turned over bag of popcorn.
Julia: Oh, DiAnnalyse.
Eric: And you hear the sound of printing. This is some old school printing like [sound of printer] the dot matrix printer, not like the inkjets we have.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Like [sound of printer] as like sheaves and sheaves of paper that are all one piece of paper, just start printing. And there's like five printers in here. It's all screens and printers. I feel like all the screens are also like CRTs.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: They're like— they're the big, chunky TVs that have, like a—that are deep.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: You know, if you can imagine, like a security room.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But also it's like part security room with all these screens, and you're kind of looking around, you see— all throughout the facility, you're seeing people running around in various places. You're also seeing what's happening inside of the prison facility. The lichenthropes have really gotten their hands on quite a— there's quite a lot of boulders inside of this prison—this prison now. And also these— these printers are going— so many printers are going right now, just spilling reams and reams of paper into this room, some of it— and getting immediately wet in the brine that's now gushing, and the level is slowly, unnervingly, but not dangerously rising.
Amanda: Troy's gonna walk over and look at one of the papers.
Julia (as Cammie): Read it.
Eric: You grab one. First is a report of a blackberry dragon—
Amanda: Sure.
Eric: —destroying everything. Big swaths of the fleet that they've just put together, have been destroyed, calling out to all governments, throughout— all four of the governments for more backup, to feed troops and ships to help the Diamond— feed the Diamond Knot. Yeah, this one is like a fax almost.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Like someone has sent it from someone else and you got CC'd on this one, but this one went— all these are kind of going everywhere, right? It's getting sent all at the same time. If there's one piece, like all of the— all the snails would be going at the same time. Another one you grab is kind of in— is in response to this, is an update on the key retrieval teams. They've grabbed quite a number of maze keys. They don't know where the other ones are, but they do have a bead on the key with gaze with escaped builder contestant Archimedes Sevens as his compatriot and partner, and they— they're zeroing in on their location. They both seem to be armed, extremely dangerous, and have a deep, abiding respect and trust in each other.
Amanda: Dangerous.
Julia: I love that for them.
Eric: There's other printers going off in all directions, but there's one that's having a little bit of trouble, because this is a dot matrix printer. It only has black ink in it and has to print, like, every single line to make a picture.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And in bold letters, it says, "DANGER, ALERT, DANGER. INCOMING ENEMY FLEET." And there is a grainy picture, maybe from like a security camera that was affixed to a ship, or maybe a security camera in a government building that caught this. There is like a flying V of ships charging forward in the sea. Even from this far away, you can see that these ships are bad. They are messed up. They are broken. You don't even know how they're holding together, but they are sure going fast. And at the front, on the bow, soared out, leading this wretched crew is a moldering, disgusting key with a crown, leading the fleet of zombie plant ships, and it's coming right for the Kompos Facility. Alert, danger, alert, the rotten key is coming.
Brandon: The rotten key.
Julia: The rotten key.
[theme]