Following the mayday signal from the Key with a Gaze, the crew of the Sea Whip sails towards Mango Crossing. But not before leveling up and getting some new equipment from Gloria. It seems like the wind is blowing their way… for now.
Rolling down to the Crossing, me boys / Rolling down to the Mango / We're finding the Key and setting them free / Rolling down to the Crossing!
Sponsors
- The MULTICREW DRIVE! Join today at multicrew.club
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Find Us Online
- website: https://jointhepartypod.com
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- merch & music: http://jointhepartypod.com/merch
Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Amanda: Have you ever wanted to be an engine that powers a great, roaring train ripping across the digital lands? Well, you can because, hi, this is Amanda, CEO of Multitude, and it is the MultiCrew Drive. This is when we are making it especially tasty for you to join the MultiCrew, which, going back to my metaphor, lets you be the engine that powers Multitude. It's a membership program that lets you fund new work from us and get exclusive stuff. Now, it's a great time to join all year round, but in these two weeks, it is especially great because we have set a goal of reaching 100 new and upgrading members. And to make it worth your while, we're doing a bunch of special stuff. We're having several hours of a telethon on Twitch where we play trivia and games that anybody can attend. We also have six brand-new podcast episodes featuring Multitude hosts. Mischa is teaching Moiya all about the ocean. Me and Corinne and Eric are talking all about reality TV. There is so much more. Isabel and Amanda Silberling are here with me to debate and make a competition of emails. It's incredibly good. Julia wrote a whole RPG about Helios being hungover. Okay? You can only listen to these episodes if you join the MultiCrew. And if you join by September 27th, you also get a free enamel pin, and you get your name inscribed on a literal plaque on our literal wall here in the Multitude studio, if you're on an annual plan. So learn all about the MultiCrew, why you should join, and why it is worth your while to be the engine that powers us all at multicrew.club. That's multicrew.club.
[theme]
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. "The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire." This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Eric: I think whoever's PS2 this game is running on should, like, clear out the air vents.
Julia: Rude.
Eric: And take it to a Babbage’s or something.
Julia: I'm in this photo, and I don't like it.
Eric: Because it took a full week for this episode to load.
Brandon: I didn't know where this road— this joke road was going, but I very much like the destination, Eric.
Eric: Thank you.
Amanda: You mean I'm supposed to vacuum out the air vents of my tiny computers, what power all my video games?
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, you should.
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah.
Julia: Sounds fake.
Amanda: Oh, shit.
Eric: Don't blow in the disc hole, but definitely do some compressed air in the vents, please.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: I've not been doing that.
Eric: You've been—
Amanda: You know you're supposed to wash your curtains like once a quarter? Bitch, please, that's not happening.
Julia: That sounds fake.
Brandon: How do you even do that?
Julia: You're also supposed to, like, buy a new pillow every year, and no one does.
Amanda: Bitch, please. Pillows cost like $50 now.
Julia: They're so expense-y.
Eric: You think I have curtain cleaning time? No. 2024.
Amanda: Do you think I have dry cleaning money? I'm a millennial.
Eric: So it took a little while to load. I think it's because you added that Gloria DLC, so your—
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: —PS2 is chugging now.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But now, as the sun rises over the Great Salt Sea, the Kompos Facility finally not in emergency mode, but returning to some sort of, like, quiet complacency in being the head of the World Government, and also that be far in your rearview mirror, which I'm sure all pirate ships do have.
Brandon: A backup camera.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: In your backup cameras, you don't back into a government's facility.
Amanda: It's Bartlett perched on the back railing going, [squawks] "Too close." [squawks]
Eric: Honestly, that's what they sound like now. Honestly.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Honestly. A text box appears on screen that says, "Hey, you're almost done with this story. Make sure to save and do all the character upgrades that you need to."
Brandon: Oh, is this one of those things where, like, this is the last point to do anything before you continue, because afterwards—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: —you can't do anything else?
Eric: Exactly.
Julia: Like, Spider-Man, yeah.
Brandon: Oh, okay.
Amanda: Oh, my God, that makes me so emotional.
Eric: Another text box shows up and says, "Amanda, stop being emotional."
Brandon: I'm gonna real quick— just real quick, level up to level 20 then, real quick before we go to—
Julia: Yeah, guys, I have to make sure I 100% the entire Skill Tree before we go to the final arc. Sorry, it's important.
Eric: Actually, we do need to figure out if Umbi died in the night.
Julia: Roll.
Amanda: Fine. I was gonna wait to say that after the save point. Fuck!
Julia: Roll. No, it's good. It should be before the save point.
Eric: No, this happened before the save point.
Amanda: Damn it.
Brandon: Let me roll real quick. [dice roll]
Julia: It's gonna be like a 2.
Brandon: Oh, I died. No, it's an 83.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: That's the furthest from death you've been.
Julia: Yeah. Good job, buddy.
Amanda: Statistically, not how it works, but you know, in my heart.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Let's talk about your level ups, folks.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Hooray.
Eric: I decided not to check Valda's before this. As always, we were using classes from Valda's Spire of Secrets, because we've always known that Wizard of the Coast is a bad company, and he uses AI and actually doesn't really care that much about making good stuff and improving the game. And we've only been born out the more that we've been saying it over the last five years. So you are now level 13 using classes from Mage Hand Press' Valda's Spire of Secrets. Tell me, what's going on with your characters?
Julia: I'll go first.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: So at level 13, my proficiency has gone up to plus 5.
Brandon: Wee!
Eric: Wow.
Julia: Exciting stuff. My hit points are at 96, I am the beefiest witch alive.
Brandon: Wee!
Amanda: Ey.
Julia: And I took my ability score increase and I added it to intelligence to bring that up to a plus two, which I am excited about—
Eric: Nice.
Julia: —because my history and arcana and stuff were not as high as I thought that they needed to, you know?
Eric: Julia, just roll Nat 20s. I don't know why you even matter.
Julia: But I also gained my first spell slot in seventh level spells, which is very exciting.
Eric: Makes sense.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: And I gained a new grand hex. I know my previous grand hex that I've taken has not yet revealed itself.
Eric: Oh.
Julia: So now I have two secret grand hexes that I haven't been able to break out yet, but I'm very excited to.
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: Oh, shit.
Eric: Because you've been keeping it a secret for so long, what is a grand hex? Explain.
Julia: A grand hex is like a witch ability that is particularly strong.
Eric: Oh, okay.
Julia: More or less. So, basically, I think I listed off a couple of them last time, but you could get one that's like a poison apple, which, like, basically works the same way a witch's poison apple would. There is one that I used in our live show which allows me to enchant an object so that it can fly, for example.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Another one that I haven't taken, which I was thinking about the logistics of, and is very cool, but I didn't have a chance to, like, really find a way to utilize it properly, is the witch's hut, which is basically I can make myself a Baba Yaga hut.
Eric: Oh, right.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: And for this campaign, maybe not the best choice for Cammie on the high seas, but for any other witch campaign that gets to a grand hex level, I would highly recommend that.
Eric: So grand hexes are like abilities, and they're not like spells, like your regular hexes?
Julia: Correct. It doesn't take a spell slot for me to do them.
Eric: Got you. Love it
Brandon: Now, Julia, have you considered, though, Sea Whip with legs?
Julia: I have, but it has to be something that is 15 feet cubically.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: And I believe our ship is bigger than that. I asked Eric specifically last time I took my grand hex—
Brandon: Yeah, you did.
Julia: —and he's like, "Nah, the ship's bigger than that."
Brandon: Have you considered Harold with legs?
Julia: Ooh. Promising.
Amanda: Have you considered our biggest barrel with little chicken feet?
Julia: Oh. Do we have a 15 foot barrel?
Amanda: I'm sure.
Eric: That sounds insane.
Amanda: Quick, quick, quick. Brandon, can you just calculate the volume of a cylinder real quick for me?
Brandon: I— okay, wait. Let's see if I get this right. It's going to be height times pi R squared is going to be the volume of a cylinder. Let's see if that's right.
Eric: Alright. While Brandon's figuring that out, Amanda, what's going on with Troy?
Amanda: Yay. Troy is a level 13 gunslinger. My hit points have gone up to 95, so actually less than the beefiest person in the world, Cammie. I get an ability score improvement, which I split evenly between intelligence and wisdom. Troy now has a plus one to both, instead of a plus zero to both.
Brandon: Woo!
Eric: Wow.
Julia: I'm so proud of him.
Amanda: This has been my plan since level nine, and I am so excited to finally be here. He's learned a few things over the course of the campaign.
Julia: So proud of him.
Amanda: Yeah. I also got a new class feature for gunslinger called Dire Gambit.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Ooh.
Amanda: So basically, whenever I score a critical hit, I regain a risk die.
Eric: You should try getting a critical hit, one of these days.
Julia: Amanda, please, just get a critical hit, I beg of you.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Does that double— like, does that stack with your crits count as like 18,19, and 20, or whatever?
Amanda: It sure does, yeah.
Brandon: Oh, hell yeah.
Amanda: And then I, too, have my proficiency bonus up to 5.
Brandon: Nice. Nice.
Eric: Neato.
Julia: Noice.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: Alright. Brandon, I'm afraid, but just rip the band-aid off.
Brandon: There's nothing to be afraid of, Eric. I'm perfectly sane and fine.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: You know the thing sane people say.
Brandon: First of all, I do want to say, nail it. It is height times pi R squared. I am a genius. But Umbi, yes, also got his proficiency bonus up to plus 5, and also got an ability to score improvement, which I added both points to my intelligence, which puts it up to 20, which is the max.
Eric: Oh, hot damn.
Julia: Nice.
Amanda: Ey.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Damn. Plus five flat, look at that.
Brandon: Yeah, plus five flat. And that means my Arcana is up to plus 10 bonus, which is nuts.
Eric: Oh, my God. Gotta love a Min Max character. I mean, that's what they’re for.
Brandon: Gotta love it.
Julia: Love it.
Brandon: My HP is up to 81. My bomb save DC is up to, like, 18 now, so good luck dodging my bombs, Eric.
Eric: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: My saving throw is only a 16. You go, Brandon.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Yeah. But more importantly, I've learned one new bomb formula and one new discovery. And the bomb formula I took was a formula called Seeking Bomb, and we changed it a tiny bit, because when you hear Seeking Bomb, you assume it sort of means like a heat-seeking missile situation.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Basically, what originally was is you don't take disadvantage if you throw a ranged weapon if someone was in five feet of you, which is the normal rule. But we— Eric and I talked and we changed it to you don't take disadvantage if you throw a ranged weapon past your max range.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: I like that, though, because, you know, Umbi and, I guess, alchemists, the Mad Bomber within the alchemist class is like you're throwing these bombs. So I like the idea that the seeking bomb, like, has its own little propulsion system.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: That makes it go farther.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Exactly.
Amanda: For flavor, I like the idea that just how you've equipped Troy with some exploding bombs. He's taught you a bit about, like, you know, ranged projections.
Brandon: Oh, I love that. Yeah.
Amanda: Right? Like, with the crossbow practice.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Aw.
Eric: Cute.
Brandon: That's cute.
Amanda: You, like, brace it on your forearm now before you throw the bomb. Doesn't really help but you like it.
Brandon: Yeah, I love that. Okay, that's canon-in.
Julia: Canon-in.
Brandon: And then I also— my new discovery that I took was called Alchemy of Transformation.
Eric: Oh, God.
Brandon: I have mastered the alchemical secrets of shifting matter, which allowed me to brew the following potions. And two of them are classic potions from vanilla DND called Potion of Gaseous Form, which just allows me to do with gaseous form, which is tight. And then Oil of Slipperiness. But there's three other ones that are OG from Valda's, which are tight. They are called Sandstone Solution, which basically, I pour a potion onto a stone and it could become mud. Or if I pour it onto mud, sand or quicksand, it could become stone.
Eric: Ooh. That's cool.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: There's some fun things around that, like, what about if you get a creature stuck in it, you know? There's some fun stuff there.
Amanda: And for the lichenthropy.
Brandon: And lichenthropy.
Julia: Ooh.
Eric: Well.
Brandon: Well.
Julia: Well.
Brandon: It's been—
Eric: It's been—
Brandon: —called Aqua Fortis, which is a cool name, first of all. And second of all, it basically, like, debuffs something. It's like an acid that you can throw upon, like, a shield, or a shoot of armor, or a weapon, and it debuffs it by like minus 1, like, permanently. And then if you—
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: —get do cumulative minus one penalties eventually, like, the weapon can be like, destroyed.
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Julia: Ooh, that's very much like Rusting Grasp.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Eric: Yeah. Cool stuff.
Brandon: And then finally, the last one is called Chameleon Concoction, which is I'm excited to do, which is, basically, I turn into a chameleon, where I drink it and your skin camouflages to match the color and texture of your surroundings, gaining you advantage on stealth checks, as you make stealth checks you make to avoid being seen for one hour.
Julia: No, no. I think you should become a chameleon.
Brandon: Yeah. The liquids hue rapidly shifts to match whatever material it is nearest to. So it's not just like a static one, like I can— I'm basically, like, transparent at that point, you know?
Amanda: Oh, my God.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: That's pretty cool.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: Is there gonna be a lot of naked Umbi, like, running around?
Brandon: Eric, what have you been imagining? Because that's what I'm imagining this whole time.
Eric: Okay. Okay, great.
Julia: Naked Umbi. Naked, naked, Umbi.
Eric: Well, I just heard about it, so I'm only imagining it now. Alright. Well, that all sounds nice.
Brandon: Yeah. And that's it. There's a lot of other cool Alchemist discoveries, if anyone wants to pick up Valda's. It was really hard for me to pick between them, so—
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: —go check them out.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It's pretty good.
Amanda: And if people don't remember 55 episodes in, if you go to jointhepartypod.com/verda-stello, Eric and Mike from Mage Hand Press made free downloadable PDFs with the steps for each of our particular classes. You have enough to roll a character and start going as a little preview for—
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: — what you get when you get Valda's.
Eric: It's such a little crumb of this wonderful, wonderful book.
Julia: Truly.
Brandon: Hmm. So tasty, so tasty.
Eric: It's like, "Ooh, I want the crumb. Oh, I like the crumb. Now, I want the whole cake," and then buy it.
Amanda: Wow. That's so true. It's like a free sample, and you're like, "I do want a Cinnabon."
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Eric, I did also think my— one of my things that I was considering with Lazarus Bolt, because it's— you basically get to bring someone back to life. But we have our doctor friend.
Julia: Havana Tropicana.
Brandon: But I was thinking, how would I do that in story, like in flavor?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: And I was thinking, what if I, like, somehow got, like, one of those stick needle in your chest adrenaline things?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: But instead, there's little bitty bombs, and the bombs go into your bloodstream and then tiny explode in your heart to make it pump.
Julia: That's how science works.
Eric: That's why medical procedures are so expensive, right? Because of the tiny bombs in your blood.
Julia: They gotta shrink those bombs down.
Eric: They gotta shrink the bombs down.
Brandon: They got to shrink the bomb down.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: That's not not how Aspirin works when you think about it. It’s just loosening clots.
Eric: Alright. Well, as you all wake up on this beautiful day and you all save in slot three.
Julia: And Umbi is not dead.
Eric: No. No.
Brandon: Sorry, have we been able to save scum this entire day, Eric?
Eric: No. No.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: No, not at all. The developers have been watching you the whole time. As you save, everyone wakes up in the next day, and Gloria has been up early, and she's sitting on the deck in a rocking chair that she repurposed out of— out of some old sacks of grain and just some random wood.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Eric: And she's warming a cup of coffee on top of her travel-sized kiln.
Brandon: Hell yeah, I love that.
Eric (as Gloria): Finally, it's exactly as hot as I like it.
Eric: Slurp, slurp, slurp, I'm a glow worm. Slurp, slurp, slurp.
Brandon: Does she glow when she drinks warm liquids?
Eric: Oh, you know it, buddy.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: If only I could remember how worms worked like I did when I was in biology class. I don't, but who can say?
Amanda: Thorax.
Brandon: Eric, I can tell you, worms don't drink coffee.
Eric: Wow. Brandon, you know all worms?
Julia: You know all worms?
Brandon: That's true. Yeah. No, that's a good point, I don't know all worms.
Julia: You don't think a worm would drink coffee if they had the chance?
Eric: Brandon, what if Lauren turned into a worm? Would she still drink coffee?
Brandon: Probably.
Julia: She'd be the coffee worm, though, instead.
Eric: That's true.
Brandon: I do put coffee grounds in like my compost, so that worms eat.
Eric: So maybe worms do eat coffee. Wow.
Amanda: Worms are eating coffee every day in your house, bitch.
Eric: Brandon, you sound so fucking ignorant right now.
Amanda: Brandon, I'm sorry I've called you bitch twice in the last 28 minutes.
Eric: And in front of you, there are three boxes that are laid out. Gloria is keeping this ramshackle rocking chair moving by leaning on her strawberry hammer, which she has here. She's, like, using it as, like— I don't know, like a pole that they use in Venice.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-huh.
Amanda: Gondolier pole, yeah.
Eric: Yeah, it's like a gondolier pole. Thank you. I was like, "I don't know any of these words. I'm just gonna say Venice, so they're gonna know what I'm talking about."
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: We got you.
Eric: It'd be like—
Eric (as Gloria): Well, it's nice to get back to what I'm best at and with my favorite tool. So I made you all something because you helped me out.
Julia (as Cammie): And with your favorite crew?
Eric (as Gloria): Well, I guess, yeah, it's early enough. Well, everyone else I know is dead, so yes.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay. Makes sense. I just wanted to make sure you didn't make, like, new best friends while you were gone at the hold.
Eric (as Gloria): I didn't have enough time. A lot— there was a lot of drama, a lot of emergencies going on over there.
Julia (as Cammie): Right.
Eric (as Gloria): And I just don't have— save that drama for your mama.
Julia (as Cammie): Right.
Amanda (as Troy): That's an incredible saying. Can I write that down?
Eric (as Gloria): Write— feel free. I like how the words sound similar.
Amanda: Troy disappears below decks to grab a pen.
Eric: Okay. So Troy will get his item last, but I made items for you.
Brandon: Yay.
Eric: Well, Gloria made items for all of you, as promised.
Julia: Yay.
Amanda: Thank you.
Eric: Who wants to go first?
Brandon: Whatever's most fun for you.
Eric: You know, let's go with Umbus first. Let's go and reverse—
Julia: Umbus.
Eric: Umbi, Gloria has a small box for you.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: Although it's about the size of a tissue box, it is very, very, very heavy.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh. It's so dense.
Eric (as Gloria): You gotta make it dense if you— because it's gonna be dense with cool stuff.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa.
Eric (as Gloria): Yeah. I hope you're not mad, but I had to swipe one of your bombs to make something interesting more.
Brandon (as Umbi): You bastard. I'm just kidding, Gloria.
Eric: I knew you were gonna say that. I was prepared for it. And, Umbi, you pop it open, and the reason why it is so heavy is because this little box is lined with lots and lots of metal. And inside is kind of like the shape of a potato, and it's all wrapped up in some sort of metal foil.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: And as you open it up, you see that one of your bombs have kind of been repurposed, and it is glowing inside. It's like this red, warm glow. As we always talked about, like Umbi’s bombs are these, like little— like little vials dropped into bigger vials.
Brandon: Yep.
Eric: So it's like inside of the big vial and with, like, the little— the fuse and stuff taken out. Now, there's this, like, coal that is just warm and red on the inside here.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hell yeah. What is this? This sounds fucking cool. I love it.
Eric: And now, the inventory window pops up. This is the hot potato.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Shout out to past us, right?
Julia: Good job, past us.
Eric: Should— good job, past us. The hot potato activates on your command word, and it heats up in one round. It heats up in 6 seconds. If it touches metal, it has the properties of the heat metal spell, which means it will do 2D8 damage.
Brandon: Oh, tight. Okay.
Eric: Also, if you leave it— once it is hot, if you leave it next to a bomb, it will take one round until it explodes.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: Oh.
Eric: Like it's hot, it ignites— it will ignite the fuse for you. You got to leave it there, though.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Here's the fun thing, because you have potions, right? And I assume that, like, you're making these potions, the way that you use your reagent dice, right?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: You can use numbers of reagent dice to make the hot potato heat up even more. And depending on whatever the material is, negotiable with me, you can melt through pretty much anything.
Brandon: Oh, fuck, yeah.
Amanda: Whoa.
Julia: Ooh, we put in the mad in Mad Bomber over here.
Eric: Now, if you have used reagent dice, and you are melting through something, you can roll a D10. Now, on a 1 through 7, it will make a hot potato-sized hole as it melts through the thing, which, again, is the size of a baked potato.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: A medium-sized baked potato, you freaks with giant potatoes out there.
Julia: I love a giant potato.
Brandon: You potato perverts.
Eric: That giant potatoes are the size of corgis. Like, come on. Come on, guys.
Amanda: Basically.
Eric: However, if you roll an 8, a 9, or a 10 on this D10 roll, the object you are melting fully crumbles.
Brandon: Yo.
Julia: Yo.
Eric: So let's say, for example, it is a wall, 70% chance you make a potato-sized hole in it, 30% chance, it just falls apart and melts.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Crazy.
Julia: Pretty good.
Brandon: I'm gonna make so many holes in so many ceilings.
Amanda: I'm so excited.
Eric: Also, for each reagent dice you pour on it, that heat metal spell goes up by 2D8.
Brandon: Oh, sick. Okay, cool.
Julia: That's a lot of damage.
Amanda: Eric, that's cool.
Eric: That's also important because you can attach the hot potato to an arrow, which will deal 2D8 and upscaling fire damage.
Brandon: That's cool.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: However, remember, this is a singular item, and for a lot of these things, you gotta like— it goes somewhere.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Like, it melts into the ground, or you fire it, or you leave it next to a bomb. So you're gonna have to go pick it up, but it won't like— your bombs won't destroy it because it's made out of bomb. It won't get destroyed unless it gets really, really, really messed up.
Brandon: Sure.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Cool. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, Gloria, this is awesome!
Eric: Alright, Troy, you can come back up with a pen.
Amanda (as Troy): So mama, what was it again?
Eric (as Gloria): Leave the drama for your mama.
Amanda (as Troy): For your— incredible, Gloria. You are not just a smith of metal, but of words.
Eric (as Gloria): I appreciate that, Troy. That's a very nice thing to say to an old woman.
Amanda (as Troy): I think it's really nice that we asked you to come here to help us, and you brought us presents. Because it was more like, "Whoa, this hammer, it's gotta be Gloria's. Gotta give it to her." And then you, like, made us stuff, and that's amazing.
Eric (as Gloria): It is amazing. And I hope that you don't mind that I— I'm regifting something to you, Troy. I was like, "Oh, I was about to make you something." And then I looked around in my big bag of stuff, and I'm like, "Oh, Troy would love this." So I did this— I— I've chimed it up for you, and I sharpened it for you, but I think you're really gonna like these.
Amanda (as Troy): That sounds even better, because it is not just a gift for me, it is a gift for you of not having a thing you do not want.
Eric (as Gloria): Someone gave me the gift, and I'm giving the gift onto you, like I— it is passing through me, which is something that you do. As an arrow, it bounces from one place to another place, and it bounces like that.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I thought you meant by arrows pass through my enemies, but that as well.
Eric (as Gloria): Well, that too as well. We are saying the same thing. Troy, open the box.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, thank you.
Amanda: And, yeah, Troy will take the box.
Eric: Great. Inside are three metallic arrows that are shined and incredibly pointy. They are like— they're sloped like a race car, and the back of it is almost like a spoiler. You know, the fletching on the back of an arrow is like— almost like the spoiler of a race car.
Amanda: Cool.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Eric: And they are gleaming and metallic. They are all made out of the same material, and the arrow point on the end looks real, real, real, real sharp.
Amanda (as Troy): Gloria, these are amazing.
Eric (as Gloria): I know, but don't you want to know what they can do first?
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, cut through stuff, but is there, like, other special stuff? Do they explode like Umbi's?
Eric (as Gloria): I hope not.
Eric: And then the inventory window pops up. These are called terminal velocity arrows.
Julia: Yo.
Eric: You only have three of them.
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric: And Gloria cannot make more.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: So something I want you to know first. If these arrows hit on an attack, they may continue to ricochet. After any successful roll, either the initial one or the trick shot bouncing one, you may continue to roll. For every continuous hit, add a multiplier or add an enemy that this hits.
Amanda: That's so cool.
Eric: So for example, if you continue to roll as these arrows continue to bounce and gather speed, defying the laws of physics, you may, and let's say you hit four in a row, you get 4x multiplier to your damage.
Julia: Yo.
Brandon: That's awesome.
Amanda: That's insane. That's amazing.
Eric: You may also try to hit four enemies, however, they have to be within 2 AC of the initial enemy that you hit.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Oh, okay, interesting.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: So it's like, if you fire it at a boss, you can't, like, also hit the minions. If you fire at a minion, you can't also hit the boss.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Like this—they have to be within a—within the ACs.
Julia: Good crowd control.
Brandon: And also, I have now that potion that can diminish AC, so—
Julia: Yo, yo, yo, yo.
Amanda: Yeah. But no, a very cool way to take advantage of, like, the ricochet aspect of trick shot, even when I hit.
Eric: Exactly. You— so you have to choose to fire one of these arrows, and you only have three.
Amanda: Incredible. Well, thank you. I'll keep track of them.
Amanda (as Troy): Gloria, you're the best. And if you want, like, I don't know, like, maybe— I'm getting really into like crochet. It's like this art where you make, like, a little sling.
Amanda: And then he gestures down at the pumpi.
Amanda (as Troy): So if you want, like a— like, something for your rocking chair, or, like a hammock or, like, I don't know, like a cool holster for your hammer, like, just let me know, and I can make it.
Eric: Sorry, I got thrown off that the pumpi was in a crocheted sling on you the entire time.
Julia: That's canon.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I— it is— I'm reckoning with it.
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric (as Gloria): I wasn't paying attention. I was petting the pumpi.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yes. It's okay.
Eric: So Gloria's just patting the pumpi on the head the entire time.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you, Gloria. You're a really good friend. I'm really glad we woke you up from your eternal slumber.
Eric (as Gloria): Me, too, as well. Okay. Well, I guess I have one more present. Who here didn't get a present yet?
Julia (as Cammie): Me, me.
Eric (as Gloria): Is it Havana Tropicana?
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, Havana also didn't get a present.
Eric (as Gloria): Is it Harold and Sil?
Julia (as Cammie): They also didn't get presents.
Eric (as Gloria): Oh, no. This one just say— this one just says, Cammie on it.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm so excited.
Eric: This box is long and thin, kind of something that you might carry a map in, like a big map.
Julia (as Cammie): Ooh. Okay. I'm the navigator, canonically. So if it is a big map, I'm very excited.
Eric (as Gloria): Oh, it's— no, it's a book.
Julia (as Cammie): It's a book?
Eric (as Gloria): It's a book. Nah, bitch, I got you.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, shit.
Eric (as Gloria): Just open it.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Julia: Cammie opens it.
Eric (as Gloria): What's important about it— I— there was some— I had this weird metal ingot I've been holding on to for a while that I found in my big bag of stuff, and I'm like, "Where did I get this? And I remember years and years and years ago, I found in the woods, and I'm like, "You know who would like this? Cammie." And then I did something with it, and it kind of works with your whole vibe.
Eric: And you pull it out, and it reminds you of a yoga mat. It's not a map that's rolled up. It's kind of like yoga mat-ish, but you lay it out and it is a tea mat. And it is made out of chain mail.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: And it's kind of like this blur of black and white metal, and it alternates with the string of the chain mail. And as you roll it all the way out, it's large enough for a tea ceremony of two people. And on the end is a little metallic frog. That's kind of, like ,attached to the end like a keychain.
Julia (as Cammie): I love him.
Eric (as Gloria): Well, he could be your friend as long as you play with him nicely.
Eric: The inventory pops up, and this is the ceremonial cape.
Brandon: Whoa.
Julia: Whoa.
Eric: So you can wear this as a cloak or a cape. It's pretty heavy, but that's because it gives you plus one AC.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Yay.
Amanda: Thank goodness.
Julia: 14 now.
Eric: It also comes with the little frog keychain at the end. You can use it once for it to ribbit, and hopefully, it will distract someone to make a DC13 con check so you can have— they will have disadvantage against a follow up spell that used against them. It's very fragile.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: This is the leftover metal that Gloria had so she turned it into a little frog.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: So you can hit it once, and it will ribbit. But the main thing that this thing can do—
Eric (as Gloria): I inscribe something very special in it that I think only someone with your abilities will be able to access.
Eric: And you can do something with this called sit for a while. You can magically compel a creature within range to have tea with you. They will sit on your mat, and you, too, will be brought to a calm demi plain pocket. They will stay for as long as you can keep them occupied. They are willing to hear you out if you ask them questions and keep a conversation going with you. They will always stay a minimum of one full round.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: So they will stay at least six seconds, but you're trying to keep them there for as long as possible.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: While in this demi plain, Nonny will stay in the real world. You cannot bring Nonny with you.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: That's fucking awesome.
Amanda: Hell yeah, dude.
Eric (as Gloria): Everyone just needs a chance— everyone needs a chance to take a breather, even if they don't know that they need it.
Julia (as Cammie): Just like everyone needs a cup of tea, even if they don't know they need it.
Eric (as Gloria): Exactly. I'm a bean juice coffee lady, so I'm fine.
Julia (as Cammie): You probably like a Pua or something like that. You know, something very caffeinated and very like bitter, but rich.
Eric (as Gloria): It goes right through me. I'm a worm.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric: Alright. Let me drop these items in the chat.
Amanda: Thanks, Eric.
Eric: There you go.
Brandon: Yeah, I gotta think of a good command word.
Eric: Hot potato.
Julia: Yeah. I think it was just potato.
Brandon: Yeah, that's true.
Eric: What— Amanda's thinking.
Amanda: Butter.
Julia: Butter.
Brandon (as Umbi): Bacon bits.
Julia: Ooh.
Amanda: That's good. That's good. I was like, "What's the funniest condiment for Umbi's voice to say?" Major—
Eric: Sour cream.
Amanda: Right. But that doesn't, like, hit.
Eric: Sour cream and chives.
Brandon: That's really good.
Eric: He's like, "No, my command word's a full phrase. Like, my password to get into my bank." Alright, folks, Gloria says—
Eric (as Gloria): I'm out of presents, and I don't tell the others that I didn't make presents for them.
Brandon: I thought you're gonna say for a second that she was like, "I'm out of presents, and now I die."
Julia (as Cammie): No, Gloria, I saved your life for a reason.
Eric (as Gloria): No, I'm not gonna die for a long, long time.
Brandon (as Umbi): Good.
Eric (as Gloria): I have scores to settle, both on this plane and the next.
Brandon (as Umbi): Good.
Julia (as Cammie): And you have to roll a D100 every time you go to sleep?
Eric (as Gloria): No, man.
Julia (as Cammie): Cool,
Amanda (as Troy): Does vengeance keep us young?
Eric (as Gloria): Absolutely. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Vengeance is a— is an— is a renewable energy source with no cost.
Amanda (as Troy): That sounds great.
Amanda: Troy writes that down, too.
Eric: Alright, folks, where are we heading? What are we doing?
Julia: Well, the Key with a Gaze told us where they're at.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: So we gonna go there?
Eric: You want to go there? You want to go the Mango Crossing?
Julia: I check map.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: I find out where that is.
Eric: Okay, yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So on your map, there's a— on your standard issue map, there actually— Mango Crossing is actually on there, geographically.
Julia: Oh.
Eric: Which I think is kind of interesting. We've had a lot of other places that are, like, word of mouth.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Or it's like for event reasons, like the invitation sent you towards the Bullseye Games and all that stuff. Or, like you had to find out about the Book Depository Park. But this one is actually on the map.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: It is kind of close to Leggy Island and Book Depository Park, if you so choose to peruse your way over there. But Mango Crossing is like a geological feature and is kind of like a medium-sized island over on that part of the map.
Julia: Eric, I mean, this complimentary, it sounds like a Mario Kart map.
Eric: That's fine by me.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: I mean, that's funny that you do that, Eric, because I was gonna say it's great that it's on the map, but it doesn't super matter, because we do have Michigan J Compass, who is going to lead us there.
Eric (as John Gal): Hello, my lady, hello, my darling. I'm your friend Johh Gal. Let me look at this thing. Oh, I think you should go north by northwest.
Brandon: That way.
Eric (as Gloria): Oh, I haven't heard this song in forever. Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do.
Amanda (as Troy): What else is older than the Cascade? What else?
Julia (as Cammie): So many things.
Amanda (as Troy): Did you have barrels growing up?
Brandon (as Umbi): Me.
Julia (as Cammie): Me, me.
[theme]
Amanda: Hello, it's Amanda, and welcome to the midroll. I am so excited about this new arc. I cannot even express it. And normally, I'd be excited to welcome our newest patrons here in this moment, but we actually had a ton of people join our Patreon for free. A new thing you can do is follow a creator on Patreon so you, you know, keep track of, like, the stuff they release that's free, and maybe you, like, want to join as a patron, but you're sort of waiting a little bit. So if that's you, and if you've joined us at patreon.com/jointhepartypod for free, or maybe you want to upgrade, and you're waiting on, you know, paycheck or a new job situation, then go ahead and follow us. And when it is time, you can upgrade to a paid member, which gets you such goodness as Party Planning, our biweekly podcast where we made a tier list of what Brandon called rich people activities, which set off a slew of discussion in our patron-only Discord. It was truly one of my favorite pieces of content that we've made this year, and only available to patrons at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. So join now, folks. Speaking of incredible content, it is also a very special time here at Multitude. It's the MultiCrew Drive where we are trying to add 100 new and upgrading members to the MultiCrew, our membership program, by Friday, September 27th, that's just a few days from now. Because your support sustains our business and fuels our growth and makes our hearts warm and fuzzy, we're doing three very cool things during the drive to thank everybody who's a part of the MultiCrew and hopefully, entice you to join. First of all, every single member is going to get an adorable enamel pin that says, "Support homegrown podcasts." All of you. It's gonna be great. Second, everybody who's on an annual plan will have their name inscribed in the pin. This certifies we're the best crest. Incredible. The annual plans in particular help us plan for the future while giving you two months free on your membership, so it is well worthwhile. And of course, you are also getting six exclusive, standalone, brand-new podcasts to celebrate this year's MultiCrew Drive. Four of them have already come up, and there are more coming this week, including me and Isabel J Kim, an actual attorney, going head-to-head in an email-writing battle, designed by Eric and commentated by Amanda Silberling, and a incredibly fun discussion all about podcasting, the medium, the future of it, what's going on in podcasting with Eric that I highly, highly recommended. So if you like bonus episodes, if you like pins, if you like supporting independent media, please come on through and join the MultiCrew at multicrew.club. Join before September 27th for your free pin or to get your name on the annual plaque. But even if you're listening to this afterward, it is a great time to join the MultiCrew, and you can still listen to that bonus audio. Alright? multicrew.club. We are sponsored this week by Mint Mobile, which is a wireless phone service provider that just tries to make it, like, pretty simple to get wireless coverage. And I can absolutely confirm as a person who has had my own phone plan since I was, you know, 18 or 19 and gone through many, many levels of hell in trying to, like, make accounts, change your billing, figure out how the hell to get support on various phone providers websites. Mint Mobile is 100,000% the easiest and most pleasant website to navigate of any phone provider I have ever encountered. It is incredible. You don't have to really call people. You can just get wireless service for $15 a month. It is incredibly useful. Specifically, they're having a offer right now where all three-month plans are only $15 a month, including their Unlimited Plan, which all plans, by the way, come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your own phone, and you can also bring your phone number with you, all your contacts. They really make it easy. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com/jointheparty. That's mintmobile.com/jointheparty. You can cut your wireless bill. It's a 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com/jointheparty. Now, a little disclaimer for you, folks, a $45 upfront payment is required, which is equivalent to $15 a month. It applies to new customers on first three-month plan only. Speed is slower above 40 gigabytes on an unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. And now, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, before we go, can we tell Kidd to guard the cloud key with his life?
Julia: Well, he already put it in the lock.
Eric: In my head, no one would try to, like, pull it out in a kind of, like, Sword in the Stone sort of way. Or can pull it out, I guess.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: It's like the magical key is in the magical lock, it's there.
Amanda: Okay.
Brandon: Right, yeah.
Eric: But I see your point, and Kidd Cervantes walks to the bow of the ship and points to an island nearby with some palm trees.
Julia (as Cammie): Looks nice.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, that's a really nice island, Kidd.
Eric: He puts up a cactus thumb as a hitchhiker asking to be dropped off.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, y'all want to recuperate on that cool island and make sure that nobody dangerous is coming toward the facility until we get a chance to get back?
Eric: Two spiky thumbs up.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Eric: The other five Cervantes siblings comes from a below deck with a lot of your bed sheets. And all of them, kind of a line, hop off of the front of the ship onto the other island, and then all of them go, "Prrrrr," and shoot down a bunch of palm trees. And also then, " Prrrrr," shoots the lady who's on the front of your ship.
Brandon: Hey.
Julia (as Cammie): Hey.
Eric: And evicts it— and kind of lashes very quickly in a very Animal Crossing sort of way. [building noises] Puts together a very large raft with the bedsheets as the sail and your lady, which is not a maidenhead.
Amanda: Nope.
Eric: If I remember correctly.
Amanda: That's right.
Julia: Not bad.
Eric: Kind of affixed to the front, and they all give you spiky— six spiky thumbs up from their makeshift raft they just threw together.
Amanda (as Troy): They're really good, though.
Brandon (as Umbi): Honestly, it was pretty tight.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm okay with it.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Everyone comfortable giving them like a half barrel of rations, just in case?
Eric: Prrrrr. And then a bunch of fish bubble to the top.
Julia (as Cammie): I think, like, they're good but—
Brandon (as Umbi): I think they're fine.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. Wow. I can't wait to learn more from you all. Gloria, will you teach me how to make furniture? That'd be really cool to, like, sleep in a bed of barrels and, like, sit in a chair barrels and all that kind of stuff.
Eric (as Gloria): I could teach you more than just repurposing barrels.
Amanda (as Troy): What else would I want to do?
Eric (as Gloria): That's a good point. And so we have some things to do first, Troy, but there will be time for it.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, yeah. But afterward, when we all survive and have a lot of free time.
Eric (as Gloria): Of course, when we all survive and the peace comes.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yep.
Eric (as Gloria): Yep.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yep.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Gloria): That always comes after big fights.
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh-huh.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Gloria): Regular and sustained amounts of peace.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yep.
Amanda (as Troy): You guys are doing the thing where you repeat something I say in a way that makes me feel like you don't agree, even though your mouth is saying you do agree.
Brandon (as Umbi): So Michigan, which way was it again?
Eric (as John Gal): Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey, go by northwestward.
Eric: Alright, yeah. So you can head towards Mango Crossing.
Julia: Mango crossing.
Brandon: Don't eat the seed.
Julia: It's too big.
Eric: Come on, Barbie, let's go Barbie. Mango Crossing.
Julia: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Eric: You have a little bit of time on your way there. Does anyone want to check anything, or vibes, or say anything?
Julia: I would like to take the glasses and read the documents that I stole from the facility.
Brandon: Hell, yeah.
Eric: Hmm. Oh, you're gonna Blue Skidoo into them?
Julia: I would love to Blue Skidoo, and we can too.
Amanda: Julia, Troy has knitted a little glasses cozy. What do they call those things?
Brandon: Yeah, I don't know what they're called, though.
Julia: Yeah. Yeah.
Amanda: The glasses chain for the glasses.
Julia: It's Croagie, I think. But in my brain, I was like, "Hoagie? That's not it."
Eric: Oh, the Croakies, yes.
Amanda: Mine said Gator.
Brandon: Croakies, Croakies.
Amanda: No, that's what people think is a mask, and is not a mask.
Eric: No, that's no Croa— they're called Croakies. You're right.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: I also like the idea of knitting something to keep this thing safe, because it's—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —very precious. Cammie, as the as what usually happens, the floor falls out from under you, and then comes back, and you slam down as your knees skid against something. You're in a completely white space that goes on forever. And then you hear ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. As just words start being typewritten into the space around you.
Julia (as Cammie): Too close.
Brandon: You're like, dodging them.
Amanda (as Troy): They're inside a fax.
Eric: To whomst this may concern. Ching. And it just flies right by you.
Julia (as Cammie): Aaah.
Eric: So these are just the ones you grabbed from the fax.
Julia: Yeah. They were the ones that were specifically coming to this facility about the rotten key.
Eric: Oh, yeah, the ones about the rotten key. So 80% of this document is corporate, bureaucratic nonsense.
Julia : Do I hear the, like, hustle and bustle of an office in the background?
Eric: Yeah, it's all very muted. You hear people go [gibberish] You hear a water bottle being— a cooler bubbler being replaced.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric: Someone tries to invite everyone out for drinks, and they all quietly decline.
Amanda: No, my worst nightmare.
Julia: Damn.
Brandon (as Umbi): I gotta pick up my kids.
Julia (as Cammie): I gotta go.
Brandon (as Umbi): You have kids? Aah!
Eric: [gibberish] I'm gonna get a divorce.
Julia: No.
Eric: Let me see if there's anything good in these documents. [dice roll]. Okay. What do you— yeah. What do you want to know?
Julia: I just want to know where this thing was first spotted, more information about it, whether or not it is intrinsically tied to Audrey. That's my thought process here.
Eric: Hmm. Okay. The rotten key was first sighted near the Dissolving Belt. It seems to be, as it is, charging through the ocean, kind of destroying everything in its path. Sometimes it gets slowed down by destroying a fleet. Sometimes it— the armada of rotten pirates takes down an island, but they're just making— the reports are saying it's making a straight line towards the Kompos Facility.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: It also reports that they— it has kind of like a motley crew with them in this kind of larger armada of ships, obviously, like zombified versions. There's, like, merchant ships that got turned, there's a battle. There's like, you know, some government agents that got turned, some pirates that got turned. But also there's some crazy characters with them as well, including monstrous anglerfish that is doing the kind of first wave muscle.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: Hmm.
Julia: Interesting.
Eric: And standing behind the rotten key, who is always on the front of the ship, leading forward with sword in hand, key pointing in the right direction. There is a desiccated but very large tree Greenfolk looming behind the rotten key.
Julia: No. Salix. I was in love with that tree.
Amanda: Sorry, buddy.
Brandon: Eric's like, "I didn't mean to make everyone sad."
Eric: Oh, no, I did, Brandon.
Julia: I was in love with that tree.
Eric: I'm sitting in it.
Brandon: You look so sheepish for a second.
Eric: No, I was like— I was gonna say, "Who me? Who me? Killing someone you guys liked and then bringing him back as a zombie?" I wouldn't. Who would?
Brandon: Who would?
Eric: Who would do that? Rude.
Brandon: Rude.
Eric: Whoever did— just kidding. I did, I love it. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
Brandon: Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy.
Eric: Hmm, yummy.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Sorry, did you want to be in a blank, expressionless void while you learned that information?
Julia: No.
Eric: Oh, okay.
Julia: No, I didn't.
Eric: Alright, Cammie. Well, I guess actions have choices. I don't know.
Julia: Actions have choices?
Eric: I guess, I don't know.
Julia: What?
Eric: It just— stuff happens, I don't know.
Brandon: Stuff happens.
Eric: That's what you're gonna get from that. So when this report right went out, estimated time two to four days, depending on who they run into. So time is of the essence to the Kompos Facility to batten down the hatches, as this is all coming together. They're also, you know, consolidate— stay out of the way, come to the facility, let's all come together. Let's try to protect ourselves in a kind of like a final missive. It says, "All essential key retrieval missions should still continue."
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Okay. So we still have to keep an eye out for the DK crew?
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Gotta look for barrels and bananas floating in the air.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Gotta watch out.
Julia: Cool. Cammie blue skidoos back out of there.
Amanda (as Troy): Anything good?
Julia (as Cammie): No, mostly bad.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, that's— yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm. But we have a limited timeline to get the Key with the Gaze, and then get back to the facility.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can I pitch you guys an idea, a thought I had?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): What's that?
Brandon (as Umbi): Or I— mostly, I just want you to know— or I— mostly I want to see if I'm actually cracking or, you know, if I need to put some of this tin foil on my head, kind of situation, you know?
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do we think that the salmon just maybe doesn't exist? And this is all a ploy. Maybe like— maybe for some reason that they needed the keys to turn off the Cascade themselves for some nefarious reason, and then somehow they lost the keys, and now they want the keys to get them back. And then they put out the salmon rumor, so all the pirates would do their bidding and bring them the keys so they didn't have to do it themselves. Am I going— am I losing it?
Julia (as Cammie): I don't think so.
Brandon (as Umbi): Which one? Am I— you don't think I'm losing it or—
Julia (as Cammie): I don't think that's necessarily what's happening, only because I rolled that NAT 20 last time and it seemed like that wasn't the case.
Eric: I'm stepping through the screen and I'm hitting Cammie on the nose and say, "Only Umbi's allowed to do this, not you two."
Julia (as Cammie): What?
Eric: No.
Julia (as Cammie): Who was that?
Eric: With the newspaper, I'm like, "Wap, wap. No."
Brandon (as Umbi): What a Natural 20?
Brandon: And then he winks at Eric.
Eric: And then I wap Umbi on the nose again.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, shit.
Amanda: Troy, who's not observed any of this, says—
Amanda (as Troy): I think even if the salmon is like— Cammie, what's the thing in a book where it talks about, like, a shirt or something, but it's actually about love?
Julia (as Cammie): Metaphor.
Amanda (as Troy): Even if a salmon is like that, I would still rather have the keys than have them have the keys, and they wouldn't put so much time in sending important people to meetings in the Diamond Knot and putting money into, like, those creepy soldiers, what with the brains and, like, making Edie have, you know, diplomatic immunity, if this wasn't something they wanted. And if they want it, I want it, but first, and for me.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I agree. More, like, dipshit-amatic immunity.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, my God.
Amanda: And then Troy pulls the pad out again.
Amanda (as Troy): I can't believe this.
Brandon (as Umbi): I agree. I think we should own the keys regardless, for sure. I'm just worried like— or my curiosity is if we put then— put them in the lock and turn them all, what gonna happen? I don't know.
Amanda (as Troy): I don't know, either.
Brandon (as Umbi): Good, bad—
Amanda (as Troy): But—
Brandon (as Umbi): — somewhere in between.
Amanda (as Troy): —it can't be worse than this, right?
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, it could be a lot worse than this. I don't know.
Julia (as Cammie): I think as long as we're prepared for any actuality, we'll be fine.
Amanda (as Troy): And it's not just us. We know a lot of people who know a lot of stuff. And if they think it's a good idea and we all think it's a good idea together, let's do it. The thing I don't want is just someone to make that choice for everybody. That's—
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): —what you got kings for, you know?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Like, imagine me as a king and I made all the choices for all of us.
Brandon (as Umbi): It'd be great.
Amanda (as Troy): Like, is that just me, or would that be bad? That would be bad.
Brandon (as Umbi): That would be awesome.
Amanda (as Troy): That would be bad. No.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, you'd be so good at it.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, thank you, but no.
Julia (as Cammie): No. No, I think Troy has a good point.
Eric (as Havana): Okay. So what— so if we open the keys then— oh, so I didn't see you all there. So what, if we open the keys, then what's gonna come out, like lava?
Julia (as Cammie): Probably not lava.
Eric (as Havana): Like a terrible disease?
Julia (as Cammie): Hopefully not a terrible disease.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. I mean, like, that's a good point. Like if the bad thing is the Cascade turning back on to them, like, diverting the water from whatever they're doing by using the keys and, like, that's still good for us anyway, you know?
Eric (as Havana): But they want to turn the Cascade back on. That's what everybody wants.
Brandon (as Umbi): The Diamond Knot does?
Amanda (as Troy): Do they?
Brandon (as Umbi): The One World Government? We don't know that.
Amanda (as Troy): Because, like, they seem to be getting pretty rich on, you know, not having enough and being in charge of what is left.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. They're using the emergency situation to their advantage.
Eric (as Havana): I don't know, me, Havana Tropicana seems pretty sure, everyone wants the same thing, which is turning the water on.
Amanda (as Troy): Well—
Eric (as Havana): So I guess— so I mean, that's not so bad if turning the four keys— okay. The salmon doesn't exist. No one knows what the salmon is and wishes aren't real. So worst thing that happens, the Cascade turns back on, not so bad.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well—
Julia (as Cammie): And then all the pirates are isolated from the rest of the countries.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. I mean, like, that's the thing is, like— I mean, I know this is, like, useless hypothesizing, because on the other side, if they do want us to put the keys in the lock and turn the thing, and turn the Cascade back on for some nefarious purpose, you know?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh. Like keep away and they keep all the pirates inside the Cascade.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. I think I need to put the tin foil from the hot potato on my head. Is that helpful?
Eric (as Gloria): Don't take that apart. It'll melt your face.
Julia (as Cammie): Don't melt your face, Umbi.
Eric (as Gloria): Don't— Umbi, don't melt— I didn't get it for you, so you can melt your face.
Amanda (as Troy): Um, Gloria, what do you think?
Eric (as Gloria): Do I think— what do I think will happen when all four keys go in there, and if the salmon is there?
Amanda (as Troy): Do you think it's worth doing?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Like, what do you think that the One worl— the government's motivations are?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, because your city was right on top of where the salmon is, which is wild.
Brandon (as Umbi): Also, do you know anything about a big giant blackberry dragon? I forget to ask you.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, yeah. Did you know about that?
Amanda (as Troy): Did you ask their name?
Brandon (as Umbi): Um, I don't think I did, but I'm pre—
Eric (as Gloria): You all need to stop asking me a question and then give me mind alter—and then giving me reality altering information. Please, I beg of you. I thought we were done, and I thought I could move forward.
Brandon (as Umbi): I didn't ask the dragon their name, but I'm pretty sure they would have said something like, "Names don't exist, They are a construct of the weak, like you, my young child.
Julia (as Cammie): I think it's Bramble Brax.
Brandon: That's really good, actually.
Amanda: Something cute Eric would have made up.
Eric (as Gloria): No, there wasn't a blackberry dragon where I was living, and I don't know how the city ended up ins— and I used to live outside of the Cascade, and now it's here.
Eric: Refer back to Cammie's brain blast Nat 20 to see what possibly could have happened, how the world government cut it off from the rest of Verda Stello and set it inside of the Cascade.
Eric (as Gloria): What I think I want, more than anything, is I want to know what happens. I want to know what happens next.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Gloria): And we're only gonna do that if someone is gonna put the four keys in the four locks.
Brandon (as Umbi): That was five apparently, though, what do we do with that?
Eric (as Bramble): That’s crazy, ma— that's crazy.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's crazy, man.
Eric (as Bramble): That's crazy, man.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's what I've been saying.
Eric (as Bramble): I'm just here brimbling and brambling, and now you're telling me there's five keys instead of four? It's wild.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wild.
Amanda: Wait, can Troy reach behind his shoulder blades? Is Bramble still there, or did he get lost in the airlock?
Eric: Oh, man.
Julia: Didn't we leave him behind? We left him somewhere.
Eric: No, I don't think he's with you.
Amanda: Oh, okay.
Brandon: I don't think we said it either way.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Alright. Amanda, roll a D20 right now.
Amanda: That is a 14.
Eric: No. Bramble's back there, no. That was pretty funny.
Amanda: Okay, good, good, good. As long as he's brimbling and brambling back where he's from.
Eric: He's brimbling and brambling somewhere else.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: I don't know where he is, but he's not there.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric (as Gloria): And who's to say we can't take care of what happens next? I think what's important is that the locks are open and we do what's next. Because what this— what's been happening for— what— for what's been going on for 50 years, can't be better than this.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I hear that.
Eric (as Gloria): Can't be better than what happens next.
Brandon (as Umbi): Should we be, like, forging a giant fish hook, just in case?
Julia (as Cammie): We don't know what that is.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's a good point. I don't know what that is. Strike that from the record.
Eric: Oh, right, the salmon, right, right, right. You don't know what a salmon is.
Eric (as Gloria): I could start working on various possible weapons that would be good for whatever the salmon is.
Brandon (as Umbi): Or some kind of trap or net.
Eric (as Gloria): Oh, like, I could put a net together, or maybe a spear of some sort.
Amanda (as Amanda): Yeah.
Eric (as Gloria): Or, like a basket?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know, man.
Julia (as Cammie): A basket.
Eric (as Gloria): Basket.
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe, like, start writing a really compelling speech that we could give, you know? Because you're a wordsmith too, apparently.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. You got all the wisdoms of aging.
Eric (as Gloria): Okay, hold on. Troy, give me your notebook.
Amanda: Troy hands it over.
Eric: Gloria throws it on the deck, and then, wham, with the strawberry hammer.
Brandon (as Umbi): Did it work?
Eric (as Gloria): Did it work? Is there a speech in there?
Amanda (as Troy): Whoa. I know everything I need in my mind. I don't need to write it down.
Julia: Troy, I thought you were gonna say, "Whoa. No."
Eric: [burbling] As water starts to fill up.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, no, the—
Amanda (as Troy): Harold—
Eric (as Harold): Alright.
Julia (as Cammie): Plug it on.
Eric (as Harold): I didn't think I had to make a rule about no hammers on deck, but here we are.
Amanda (as Troy): Harold, let's put Sil on the— sitting over the hole duty and can we— oh.
Eric: Booomf.
Brandon: Over the hole duty.
Amanda (as Troy): Good job, Sil. And can we set sail real fast for Mango Crossing?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yar.
Eric (as Harold): We're still— we're going, we're going. Again, no hammer— Gloria, love you like a mother that I wish I had, better than three out of five of them. No hammers on deck. Thank you.
Julia (as Cammie): Huh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Huh.
Eric (as Harold): And that's not just a rule for Gloria. That's a rule for everybody.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric (as Harold): You— yeah. Cammie and Umbi, I saw you that eye roll. I have eyes everywhere.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whatever.
Julia (as Cammie): Ruining it for everyone. Whatever.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric: And then Sil opens eyes throughout the entire ship.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah?
Brandon (as Umbi): They didn't say I couldn't use bombs on the ship.
Eric (as Harold): Yes, that's always been a rule.
Julia (as Cammie): You have a specific bomb area.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): You can only do one rule at a time.
Eric (as Harold): That's not true, Umbi! Go to your bomb area!
Brandon (as Umbi): Fine.
Eric: And remember it's the sidewalk shock of the crow's nest. It's like one-third of the crow's nest.
Amanda: I just pictured a meme that's like a mother of Sasha Colby introducing Chappell Roan at the VMAs, introducing Gloria.
Brandon: Pretty good.
Eric: Gloria is your favorite NPCs— favorite NPC?
Amanda: Yes. Yay.
Julia: Yeah, she is.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: That was the joke.
Eric: Okay, yeah. So y'all are making your way towards— you're making your way towards Mango Crossing. After a little while, you see almost like a big billboard in the water—
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: —that says, "Book Depository, only 1,000 knots that way."
Julia: Oh, cool.
Brandon: It's like one of those fucking signs in Texas for a Buccee’s, 1000 miles away.
Eric: Yeah, one of those Bucky signs, yeah.
Amanda: There's one in New Jersey that's like, "Turn around 400 miles."
Eric: I'm like— yeah, I'm like, "Absolutely. For sure."
Julia (as Cammie): No time for amusement parks.
Eric: As you go a little farther, there is another sign that says, "While you're at the Book Depository, learn what the salmon really is at Lake Encounter."
Amanda (as Troy): I did want to learn.
Brandon (as Umbi): How would they possibly know?
Julia (as Cammie): Can we do that really quick? Like, how quick can we do that?
Amanda (as Troy): Please, Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): No.
Eric: If you remember all the way back from many, many eps ago, remember Lake Encounter is near the Leggy Island/ Book Depository Park, and they will validate your parking if you go to Lake Encounter.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hold on, everybody. Hold on. Everyone, shut up.
Brandon: Eric?
Eric: Yeah?
Brandon: Do you think we should go check it out?
Eric: It's up to you, my man. I did say that the rotten key would-- is two to four days away from going— so— but it's up to you.
Julia: Oh, so— okay. How many days is it gonna take us to get to Mango Crossing? Your navigator asks.
Eric: I think it takes about one day.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: One day for you to get there from there. You got some time to play with.
Julia: I think Eric's telling us we should go to—
Eric: I'm not— no, I'm not telling you anything.
Julia: —Lake Encounter.
Eric: I'm saying it would probably take—
Julia: I think Eric's heavily implying that we have time—
Amanda: I want to go.
Julia: —to Lake Encounter.
Eric: You don't have time. If it takes one— I'm telling you, I'm not saying anything. Here are the numbies, okay?
Brandon: Here are the Umbies. Woo!
Eric: The rotten key will take two to four days from the time that that missive was sent out, which was—
Julia: That was like yesterday.
Eric: —which was yesterday. It will probably take one day of sailing to go to Mango Crossing and then back to where you want to go.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, guys, let's just go afterward when we're all safe and have a lot of time.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's what I was gonna say.
Julia (as Cammie): Hey, great idea, Troy.
Eric (as Gloria): There's always time after the fighting, where everything's safe and fine and the same.
Brandon (as Umbi): Gloria, why do you keep saying that? It's really ominous.
Amanda (as Troy): Again, if you’re— if I'm not right, then someone should tell me, but—
Eric: On this sign for Lake Encounter, so the arrow before for Book Depository—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —Island was a straight line, going, like, diagonally from bottom right to top left, right?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: This one for Lake Encounter is kind of like a big loop. It's kind of like a roundabout, almost, where it's like you got to make a big circle.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: But it's still going in the same direction that the Book Depository billboard from a little while ago was going.
Brandon: Is it like a drive through Safari situation, or is it just like a loop?
Amanda: Or it's going around an obstacle?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: It's kind of like going— it looks like it's going around something.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Yeah. It's like little forward, big curve, and then top left diagonal.
Amanda: Guys, like one of those headbands that makes it look like you got shot in the head by an arrow.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: Ah, Of course.
Eric: Kind of like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard describing traffic patterns on a podcast.
Amanda: It is.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: But it's just like a roundabout. Like, when you want to go straight through a roundabout, you gotta go halfway around, and then straight again.
Julia: You gotta go around that bout.
Eric: You gotta go around that bout.
Amanda: Ooh.
Eric: And then— and navigator Cammie, you are coming close to Mango Crossing.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Let's do it to it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Weee.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm assuming Mango Crossing is the obstacle in the midst that we have to go around?
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe.
Eric: As you are sailing forward, you start to see a island pop up over the horizon. It is kind of— you know, it's almost tiered, right? Like it's really— it's coming out of the ground, it looks like a big birthday cake.
Brandon: Ooh, delicious.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: There's the beach and a very wide base there. And then there's kind of like another step up that's a little bit smaller, another step up and another step up. And then there's like a—— and there's kind of like 10 tiers, and then there's one—
Julia: 10 tiers.
Eric: —small— from far away, small topper.
Amanda: Cake topper.
Eric: You also notice that there are some boats that are coming up in front of you in a kind of loose confederation here. You know, there's no parking lot. There's a loose confederation of boats in one group and another loose confederation of boats in another group. There is a— also a floating store that says, "The last store you'll need before Mango Crossing."
Brandon: Fuck yeah.
Julia: Does it have a sign other than that, like the logo for the business?
Eric: No, that's the logo for the business.
Julia: Oh, okay. That's a wild logo. I love it.
Eric: It's just like floating, it's on buoy. The store is floating on buoys.
Brandon: Hell yeah. I love that.
Julia (as Cammie): We can just, like, peruse their wares.
Brandon (as Umbi): I would love some jerky.
Julia (as Cammie): You think they have a wall of jerky?
Brandon (as Umbi): Probably.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric: You think they have a jerky wall?
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe.
Eric: I hope so.
Brandon (as Umbi): Me, too, Eric.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy will, with his mariner feet, find the same parking spot.
Eric: Troy, make a perception check for me.
Amanda: Oh, you mean the thing I now add plus one, too?
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Ooh.
Amanda: Gladly. [dice roll] Yep. So nope, that's an 8 plus 1.
Eric: 8 plus 1, 9.
Julia: That's still nice.
Eric: Great. Yeah.
Julia: Say it with enthusiasm, Amanda.
Amanda: That's a 9.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, there's a spot right up front.
Amanda (as Troy): Wow.
Amanda: And then Troy pulls in.
Amanda (as Troy): I'll stay with the ship. You guys check it out.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Do you want anything, like a snack or a drink?
Amanda (as Troy): No, just a book.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, let's go. I want— I— I'm thirsty, I'm hungry, I'm tired. I gotta pee.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, but you're always all those things.
Brandon (as Umbi): Rude.
Amanda (as Troy): No. See if anyone knows anything about what's up ahead.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. See if they got some mangoes.
Amanda (as Troy): See if they saw a weird key sometime.
Brandon: We're gonna go into the store, Eric.
Julia: Yeah, we hopped down.
Eric: The sliding doors open up and go—
Eric (as Sliding door): Ding, dong. Another person is going into the store.
Julia (as Cammie): Hello! Avast Ye!
Brandon (as Umbi): Yar.
Eric: Inside, this is a convenience store/bait— kind of like bait shop.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric: There's a lot of— there is a whole wall of jerky—
Brandon (as Umbi): Yay!
Eric: —that is on the wall. There's various meats, various fruit leathers that's in big bags, kind of covering one whole wall of the store.
Eric (as Old man): Oh, well, I'll help you find anything that you need.
Eric: Oh, man, I didn't come up with what Greenfolk this guy was.
Julia: What's his vibe? I'll help.
Eric: He's friendly, old. He has a big floppy hat on.
Julia: Ooh, okay. I think he is— he's a marshmallow plant.
Brandon: That's cute.
Julia: Yeah, he's a marshmallow root, I think, specifically.
Eric: That's cool. I like a pa— we've had patches of cattails before, so I think like a—
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: —patch of marshmallow with, like—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —a big floppy hat resting on top of a bunch of them would be good.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Be like—
Eric (as Old man): Well, I can help you off with whatever you need. Are you folks from around here?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, fellow old man, so nice to meet you.
Eric (as Old man): Oh, wow. You got some miles on this body, bud, I love it. [slaps]
Brandon (as Umbi): I know, I know, I know.
Eric (as Old man): You know what I always say, if you can't leave a mark on a body, it hasn't been used hard enough.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's what I've been trying to tell everyone.
Julia (as Cammie): When you leave a mark on him, he smells like green pepper.
Brandon (as Umbi): Shut up, Cammie.
Eric (as Old man): When someone leaves a mark on me, I smell like marshmallow.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, that's kind of nice.
Eric (as Old man): It is, it is. Well, if you're not from around here, well, do you know what you're doing?
Brandon (as Umbi): No.
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Eric (as Old man): Oh, not about Mango Crossing? Well, I'm glad that you stopped here. The only store you need before you go into Mango Crossing.
Julia (as Cammie): Tell us about it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait, only store we need, or only store until Mango Crossing?
Eric (as Old man): No, only store you need before you go into Mango Crossing.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): So more stores?
Eric (as Old man): There's other stores. Mine is the most important because— well, before I tell you the important thing, you're gonna buy something, right?
Julia (as Cammie): Sure.
Brandon (as Umbi): I would like one of every jerky, please.
Eric (as Old man): Al—
Julia (as Cammie): Wait, hold on, I wanna see what other wares he has before you put our order in.
Eric (as Old man): Okay, that's fine.
Brandon (as Umbi): Sorry.
Eric (as Old man): Well, if you pay for the jerky now, I'll tell you the important thing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Old man): Alright. Well, you gotta— I have to scan everyone, so you got to pull down each of the jerkies for me.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, I'm just gonna get one jerky right now, then.
Eric (as Old man): Okay. Which one do you want? There's pine pig.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, that sounds good.
Eric (as Old man): And— okay. That will be 10 doublooms.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, here you go, and a little tip for you.
Eric (as Old man): Oh, incre— oh, thank you, kind— oh, thank you kind, sir.
Brandon (as Umbi): Look both ways before you cross the street.
Eric (as Old man): Oh, thank you, kind sir, I really appreciate it. I never get tips like this that makes an old man blush all the way up from the bo— from my roots all the way up to my marshmallows.
Amanda: Cammie, you better slid hum another doubloom.
Julia (as Cammie): One more doubloom.
Eric (as Old man): Oh, another tip.
Julia (as Cammie): Because that's not a real tip.
Eric (as Old man): This is such a lovely day. I love it.
Julia (as Cammie): What else do you have that I definitely couldn't find anywhere else? Anything fun?
Eric (as Old man): Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Eric: Give me one second.
Julia: What are you rolling?
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Help.
Eric: Ding, dong.
Julia: No.
Eric (as Old man): Oh, I hope you have— thank you so much for coming into the place that you— the only place you need to go into when you're here in— when you're coming to the Mango Crossing. I'll be with you in one second. I'm just gonna talk to my friends here. But you got to come in close, because they need to spend something if they need to know what's going to happen.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true. They didn't buy a single thing yet.
Eric (as Old man): No, they didn't.
Eric: Troy, make a reception check for me.
Julia: Cammie goes unseen.
Amanda: [dice roll] Alright. That's a 16 plus 1, 17.
Brandon: That's good.
Eric: 17. Troy, you got a really good parking spot.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: You were able to slide in nicely up against this bobbing store. But, you know, there are ships kind of around.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And I don't know if you double-checked on your way in, but maybe you got a chance to look around once you— to survey your wonderful parking spot.
Amanda (as Troy): I did it, once more. I parked.
Eric: There are some key retrieval ships.
Brandon (as Umbi): Shit.
Eric: That are bobbing around to your left.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh, Sil?
Eric (as Sil): Yeah?
Amanda (as Troy): Can you quickly make the ship look like a different ship?
Eric (as Sil): Like, what kind of ship?
Amanda (as Troy): Like a new one?
Eric (as Sil): Wha—
Amanda (as Troy): Like a nice one?
Eric (as Sil): Harold said I couldn't— I wasn't allowed to change my body.
Amanda (as Troy): I would like that, please, right now.
Eric (as Sil): Okay. So nice ship mode?
Amanda (as Troy): Nice ship mode.
Eric (as Sil): Okay.
Eric: Cammie, you can see— you know how every convenience store has that mirror, the big, like, circular mirror in the corner?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Luckily, you look down and you see that a family of eight, all wearing Book Depository shirts—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —have just walked in and they're— and it'd be like—
Eric (as Old man): Alright, I'm gonna get you snack. We're all gonna get snacks, and we're all gonna get the snacks we like.
Julia: Awesome.
Eric: But as Cammie went unseen.
Julia: Great. Then Cammie is gonna continue being unseen.
Eric: You can just continue being unseen. Be like—
Eric (as Old man): Oh, where'd your friend go?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I don't know. Probably the bathroom or something.
Eric (as Old man): Ah, the cleanest bathroom is right before Mango Crossing. That's not the reason why people should come in here, but it is a perk.
Brandon (as Umbi): Man, it's nice. Um, yeah, can I get that information before the— those kids start yelling? Like—
Eric (as Old man): Oh, they're gonna start yelling. You know kids are always starting the yelling.
Brandon (as Umbi): The Book Depository has really been ruined by kids, you know? I think it's a lot more fun to go to it if they’re older.
Eric (as Old man): You know, I say that every day. I say that about my season pass and my fast pass and—
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Old man): —my elder pass for Book Depository Island, and it's just never enough. They're always up in my space.
Brandon (as Umbi): And when I say kids, I do mean also Greenfolk, like, to— up to the age of, like, 60—
Eric (as Old man): And you mean a Greenfolk up to the age of 70?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Old man): Right. Yeah, I know.
Brandon (as Umbi): 70 and older should really only be allowed at the Book Depository anyway.
Eric (as Old man): Of cour—I say it all the time.
Brandon (as Umbi): What's— and what's the kind of information we need?
Eric (as Old man): Oh, well, the— okay, the information that you need is that— are you going— you're going to Mango Crossing?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Old man): Okay. If you're going to Mango Crossing, you can't hurt any of the tortangos.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Are those— is that a Greenfolk or a thing?
Eric(as Old man): Oh, you've never seen a tortango before?
Brandon (as Umbi): No.
Eric (as Old man): Oh, well, it's a turtle and a mango, the tortangos.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's— okay. Frankly, that sounds—
Eric (as Old man): Here, I got a picture of them.
Brandon (as Umbi): Frankly, that sounds kind of delicious. Is that—
Eric (as Old man): And so you know what to avoid.
Brandon (as Umbi): Should not eat them?
Eric (as Old man): No. Oh, extremely not.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Old man): Don't touch them at all. Don't hurt them at all.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Old man): Because if you come near them, the mama's gonna get you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): What— okay. Can I look at that photo?
Eric (as Old man): Yeah, you should look at the photo.
Brandon: What's it look like, Eric?
Eric: So he, like, reaches into his— in my head, he's also wearing really, really loose overalls. So he reaches into his overalls and he takes out, like, a stack of Polaroids, and he slides one to you. And they're on the beach of Mango Crossing. These baby turtles are crawling across the beach. They are about the size of a small dog, and they have these shells that look like a ripe mango, like the red and the yellow and the green.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: I love that.
Eric: And they are like— kind of like making their way into the water. There's like four of them. But you cannot— you see a tree nearby, so you're like, "Oh, that's a lar— that is the size of a large dog."
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: The other thing you see, in the background, is that you can see a very, very large tortango face kind of lurking in the water behind it. Just like little things poking out.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: Like a little, like a nose. Just like— just a sliver of head poking out, like eyes and, like, the top of snout, and, like, you know, the eyebrow ridges that reptiles have.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And just lurking, staring at the camera.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wow. These are really cool-looking. Is there anything that they like to eat or distracts them or—
Eric (as Old man): No, just leave them alone— oh, no, there is something that distracts them.
Eric: Ding, dong. [dice roll]
Brandon (as Umbi): If you say it's jerky, I can't share with the tortangos.
Eric (as Old man): Well, which jerky did you buy?
Brandon (as Umbi): I got the pine pig.
Eric (as Old man): Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, we make a recommendation that you don't buy the mango jerky when you go in there.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, good. Yeah. I thought about it.
Eric (as Old man): All the other way out.
Eric: Ding, dong. And Troy— Sil goes—
Eric (as Sil): [pants]
Eric: And the Sea Whip looks like it was out of a catalog.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: All of the grime, all of the salt, all of the moss has been, like, retreated, as Sill is, like, peeking out. And then there's just like all this goo is now coming— and moss is just coming out of this barrel.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda (as Troy): That's a great use of a barrel, Sil.
Eric (as Sil): It is.
Amanda (as Troy): I love your work. Thank you.
Eric: And then you see some key retrieval guards come out and be like—
Eric (as Key retrieval guards): Yeah, I'm gonna get some snacks. You guys want anything?
Eric (as Sil): No, just chips.
Eric (as Key retrieval guards): Oh, I know you want a Sprite. I'll get you a Sprite, asshole. Alright.
Eric: And two of the guards the— of the ship next to you hop off and walk inside and— ding, dong
Eric (as Key retrieval guards): Alright. Who— hey, old man, you have Sprite? My guys, they love Sprite.
Amanda: I imagine Troy, like, hiding behind a newspaper like a PI in a cartoon, uh, with Gloria, and he's gonna look up, look down to his left, and sort of gesture for Nonny to go in, and send the message that we need to get out of here.
Eric: And the old man kind of still has Umbi into this huddle. Be like—
Eric (as Old man): Oh, yeah. The thing they're attracted to is that all of the lights, they know it's— that we— that— from this on, they have to be orange lights.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric (as Old man): Because you have white lights. You know the tortangos, they go by the light of the moon.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Old man): So they got all confused, and their mama will come and kill you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, that's really great information. Thank you.
Eric (as Old man): Eviscerate your body.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's awesome.
Eric (as Old man): With her giant appendages.
Brandon (as Umbi): Alright. That makes a lot of sense. Well, here, let me—can I give you something— can I give you a tip for the next information?
Eric (as Old man): Oh, another tip?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Old man): Why are you so kind, talking old folk to old folk?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Brandon: Umbi slides a doubloom over.
Eric (as Old man): Oh, thank you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Always bet on heads.
Brandon: And then puts the doubloon back in his pocket.
Eric (as Old man): Well, you got me there. Alright. Hey, you kids, hey, stop messing around with the chips.
Eric: Like, these six kids are just all on top of their parents, being like—
Eric (as Kid): I want this flavor. I want the ketchup chips. I want a— I never get the ketchup chips. There's only— they're never enough.
Eric: I thought you were gonna slide a bomb and you say duck, and then blow it up or something.
Julia: Also an option, Brandon.
Eric: Yeah, you don't know it.
Brandon: Do I notice the key retrieval guy yet?
Eric: Please make a perception check, my friend.
Julia: Have I noticed the key retrieval guys?
Eric: Make a perception check, my friend.
Brandon: [dice roll] That is a 6 plus 5 for an 11.
Julia: 17.
Eric: Umbi does not.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric : But Cammie, now that you have free range to be unseen and are looking around, you do see them walking.
Julia: Cammie is gonna whisper to Umbi that they're there.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, fuck.
Amanda: This man is like, "What's wrong with you?"
Julia: Do they seem like they are going to split up and go to separate parts of the storm?
Eric: Well, let's see if they see you. Let's see if they see Umbi. [dice roll] Be like—
Eric (as Key Retrieval Guy): Alright. Well, I gotta go to the Sprite right now. I need to get Sprite. These guys, they love Sprite. I gotta Sprite it up.
Eric: One of them goes right for the soda fountain and starts filling it up.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And the other one is kind of just— is waiting around, be like—
Eric (as Key Retrieval): I don't know why he's so— he— his joke is Sprite. I don't know if he has a Sprite.
Julia: Okay. What I would like to do is— I'm assuming the one who is not at the soda fountain is kind of in Umbi's way to get out of here?
Eric: Yeah, he's standing in the front.
Julia: Cool. Cammie's gonna say to Umbi—
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, go.
Julia: And is going to cast apathy on the one in the middle there.
Amanda: Are DND spells just mental illnesses and the symptoms thereof?
Julia: This one's a hex, too.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: So as an action, you choose one creature you can see within 60 feet of you to make a charisma saving throw. On a failed save until the end of your next turn, the creature becomes indifferent towards one creature of your choice that it is hostile towards. I'm assuming it would be hostile if it saw Umbi.
Eric: Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Yeah. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Alright, what am I trying to beat?
Julia: You have to beat a charisma saving throw of 16.
Eric: Alright. This regular grunt number one does not have high charisma.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: I'm gonna say it's plus 0. [dice roll] Oh, 16?
Julia: 16.
Eric: I rolled a 17.
Julia: Fuck. Okay.
Brandon: Oh, shit.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: What happens when you try to roll something and it doesn't— like, does it— dop you notice?
Julia: It doesn't say that there is any—
Brandon: Consequence?
Julia: —consequence to it.
Eric: What do you have to do— what are your— oh, because you have to laugh, don't you, because it's a hex?
Julia: Yes, I have to— [chuckles]
Eric: Hell yeah. And that's when the guy might look up.
Julia: [dice roll] Oh, no, I fucked up Umbi. I'm sorry I fucked up.
Eric: And he looks up and says—
Eric (as Retrieval guy): Wait a second.
Eric: And reaches into his pocket, takes out a wanted poster.
Julia: Fuck.
Eric: And says—
Eric (as Retrieval guy): Hey, you're the explosive old man!
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Brandon: Well, that's okay, Eric, because I'm gonna take out a teleportation bomb really quickly as, like, a reflex, and just, like, chuck it on the ground and roll it, and get it right between his legs, and then appear, like, right behind him.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Alright. What do you have to do to make this happen?
Brandon: I have to throw the bomb.
Eric: You gotta throw.
Brandon: But beyond that, nothing.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: Okay. So— and now my attack bonus is up to plus 8 because of my proficiency, which is great.
Eric: Alright. I'm gonna say this is a difficult shot, but he's also pretty surprised. So it would be like— I'm gonna take the AC of what this guy would be and, like, add one to it, so I'm looking for a 14.
Brandon: Okay. This is just a comedy of errors. I got a 4 plus 8 for 12.
Amanda: Guys.
Eric: So--
Julia: We're doing great right now. I don't know what the problem is.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric: Alright.
Amanda: Should we just go back to the save point? It's not—
Julia: Yeah. Can we go back to the save point?
Brandon: Yeah. Can we save scum?
Eric: I forget what the bomb— I forget what happens to bombs when you miss.
Brandon: Nothing.
Eric: Nothing?
Brandon: Yeah, they just don't go off.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric: Okay. Yes. You roll it, it goes behind him, and then it goes, "Boof."
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: He goes for the walkie talkie that's clipped onto his jacket.
Julia: Oh, no.
Eric (as Key Retrieval): Key retrieval team five, key retrieval team five. The pirates are here. The pirates are here. Come in, come in.
Julia: Can I take an action if I see him pulling this out, or no?
Eric: No.
Amanda: Nonny is coming.
Julia: Nonny's coming, oh.
Eric: Nonny's coming and that's when you— you hear, "Ding, dong." And Nonny walks between this guy's legs and looks up.
Julia: You know what the fucked up part is? When I go unseen, so does Nonny.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia: So she can't even open the door, because it's probably a motion sensor.
Eric: You're right. You're right. Nonny is outside banging on the door.
Amanda: No.
Eric: And Troy, that is when you see, like, 10 dudes jump out, like go, "Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop." And jump out of the ship that goes by you. Be like—
Eric (as Key Retrieval): We got him. I didn't think it would be at a convenience store, but we got him. Put down the Sprite. We're taking in the pirates of the Sea Whip.
Julia: Jesus Christ.
[theme]