The engine of the decommissioned-battleship-turned-relgious-museum Lake Encounter is humming at full throttle towards the Salmon. We can’t stop it now. Cammie holds on. Umbi lets go. And it’s out of Troy’s hands.
There once was a ship that put to sea / The name of the ship was the Waterin’ Me / The winds blew up, her bow dipped down / O blow, my bully boys, blow
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude Podcasts: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Amanda: Hello, hello, Amanda here up front with a little schedule update as we barrel toward the end of the campaign. Pun intended. Here is what you can expect from us over the next few weeks. Now, next Tuesday is Christmas Eve. The following Tuesday is New Year's Eve, and we felt a little bit weird about releasing full episodes on these holidays, especially as we're getting into the end of the campaign. So we are, instead, going to bring you, drum roll, please, a free, full length Conversation Pit episode next Tuesday here on the main feed. We'll also be unlocking the video of that Conversation Pit for all of you for free, which you can watch if you like, at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. And the following week, on New Year's Eve, there's gonna be another all-new full length Conversation Pit for you. It is also going to have a free video available on Patreon. And while you're enjoying these episodes, we are going to be working hard on the end of the campaign. Oh, my God. So starting on Tuesday, January 7th, you're gonna get brand-new weekly episodes until we end the campaign. No Afterparties, no breaks, not a single bad Tuesday, obviously, because the plot is too hot, people. It's too hot. We got to keep going. We have to release these episodes for you as quickly as we can. And then after the story is over, we will do a jumbo-sized Afterparty, answering all of your questions, followed by, as usual, some One Shot fun before we begin our next adventure. Okay? So just to recap, our next two Tuesdays are Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, where you're gonna get a free brand-new full length Conversation Pit on each day. Then starting on Tuesday, January 7th, 2025, all plot, no filler, weekly episodes until the end of the campaign. All right, folks. Let's get on with the show.
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. "The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire." This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: Here's how I, Eric, or I, Piney, did not think what happened during this showdown. Cammie inhabited the Webbed Salmon monster and is currently drowning Piney to plug the hole in the ship. And while all that's happening, Troy escaped on a little raft, using his mariner background to get up to the top of the ship, but is grabbed by proprietor of this religious establishment, Thoughtful Gesture. And finally, Umbi got into the engine room, took out his seed packet from the Waterer, and using that knowledge, trust fell into those hands that steer the ship asking to go to the Salmon. Full steam ahead, let's get the party started.
Amanda: Brandon, Julia and I love you very much. However, we do think there is something you need to tell us, and it's better—
Brandon: What if you fired me on the show?
Julia: Oh, Jesus.
Amanda: And it's better if you tell us now than if we find out about it later from someone else.
Eric: There's been a murder.
Julia: Brandon, you unlocked a new fear for me. Please don't ever say that again.
Amanda: Oh, my God.
Eric: Lightning crash, lightning crash.
Brandon: Yeah, you're right though, Amanda, or Amand-mom?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yep.
Brandon: I do need to tell you guys something.
Amanda: Everyone who's ever met me and Julia knows that Julia is the mommy and I am the daddy.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: And I'm the police officer who caught Brandon egging Mr. Johnson's house.
Julia: Yeah, but Mr. Johnson deserved it.
Eric: And Julia, I have a pension that says, "I don't care. I follow the law."
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: That's interesting. I want to think about that for a while. But while I'm chewing on that—
Julia: Amanda as daddy and me as mommy?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: I think I should probably let you guys know what happened when we kicked you out of the studio the other day.
Julia: Oh, when you definitely didn't die?
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: Yeah, I definitely didn't die.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: I mean, I didn't die, Julia.
Julia: You're still around.
Amanda: The audience has known for two episodes and I have not.
Julia: No.
Brandon: I know.
Julia: It was a big reveal for us.
Brandon: So what happened was, if you can recall, which I think you were still in the room for this, was I went down to the dream Bat Mitzvah.
Eric: We did the cha slide.
Brandon: We did the cha cha slide.
Amanda: Will Smith.
Brandon: And then the room started filling with water.
Julia: Kris Kross.
Brandon: And I was floated up to a little wetland pond where my ding-a-ling was out.
Julia: Oh, okay.
Eric: That's true. That I can confirm.
Julia: I think I vaguely remember that part.
Amanda: This feels like a nightmare, but great.
Brandon: And I met the Waterer, and then we kicked you out of the room.
Julia: Yep.
Brandon: And they gave me a little cheat code for this video game. They gave me a little packet of seed that would allow me to get one hint, but I had to promise that once the Salmon was wished upon. And if I made that wish, I had to go with them. Go with the Waterer, if you know what I mean.
Amanda: Ah.
Julia: Die.
Amanda: Become fertilizer.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Become fertilizer.
Amanda: Wow.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: And do you remember what would happen, Brandon/Umbi, if you didn't?
Brandon: Yes, I do, Eric. You told me that if I didn't do that, I would be reincarnated as a durian fruit, as a stink— as a stinky durian.
Eric: Right. As a stinky durian fruit, yeah.
Brandon: Stinky durian fruit bug.
Julia: Oh.
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Over and over and over again.
Amanda: Wow.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Yeah. I need to clarify for the form of actual play. I, Eric, do not have these powers and will not be taking Brandon's soul.
Julia: If only.
Eric: The Waterer will be taking Umbi's soul because he has kind of smoked it to the filter.
Brandon: I have.
Julia: That's fair. Yeah.
Eric: Rerolling a zero on a 100-sided die.
Julia: Also in real life.
Brandon: Although, to be honest, he smokes filter-less cigarettes, to be honest.
Julia: He's not afraid of death.
Eric: He burned his fingers smoking it so far down.
Amanda: Wow.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: Brandon, was it an option not to take the seeds?
Brandon: Yeah. I think so.
Julia: I guess it was an option not to use the seeds.
Brandon: It was definitely an option not to use the seeds. I think I probably could have said no, but why would I?
Amanda: But you decided to take it.
Julia: Why would you when character choice is involved?
Amanda: No. I mean, that's great.
Eric: Yeah. The Waterer is also super nice.
Brandon: Yeah, the Waterer was great.
Julia: That was the vibe I was getting.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: I didn't think they sucked.
Brandon: No.
Eric: Super chill.
Amanda: Cool bug.
Brandon: We were flirting the whole time.
Julia: Whoa.
Brandon: And that's not a joke.
Eric: Yeah. I want to give a shout out to Dr. Moiya McTier for telling me all the stuff that people think about Anubis, and I got to do the opposite.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: Hey.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: You know who wouldn't flirt with you? Anubis. You know who would flirt with you the Waterer?
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: Love it.
Julia: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: That's sick as hell. Thank you for using your hint. I'm so excited. I can't believe— so wait, do you know what the Salmon is, or you just saw it right now in your vision?
Julia: Yeah. How did it work? How did it work?
Eric: The hint was— basically, if you ask a question, it'll tell you what you need to know. In order to use this machination, when you do the trust fall, clear your mind and concentrate on where you want to go, and the ship will just go.
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: Dang.
Eric: And then Brandon asked, "Did I have to have been there before?" And I said, "No." And then we're going, where is the Salmon?
Brandon: Which I'm curious, this is an Afterparty, but Eric was like, "Oh, that's not what I expected you to choose." But I don't know what else you— would you just expect me to choose to go to the— to Kompos? Is that what you were thinking?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Ah, okay.
Julia: Wait, where did Brandon say we were going?
Amanda: The Salmon.
Brandon: Take me to the Salmon, baby.
Julia: Oh.
Amanda: Hell yeah, dude.
Julia: Interesting.
Eric: So here's where we're at. We're looking at three separate scenes right now.
Julia: They're all next to each other.
Eric: Of— right, yeah, all next to each other.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: One is Umbi concentrated, relaxed, open, trust fallen into the hands of this strange machine. I had some, like, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —Improbability Drive vibes going on.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Where it's just like your belief of wanting to do it, and you believing hard enough, you can just go. And these hands are gonna— these big like Mickey Mouse-esque hand— detached Mickey Mouse-esque hands are letting you do it.
Brandon: And I'm the sad robot.
Eric: In my head, they're yellow. They're, like, yellow gloves.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: I was picturing gardener gloves because it's a way of the path thing.
Eric: Oh, yeah, probably gardener gloves. That would be cool.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: And I was picturing that spooky lady, what tells your fortune from inside the box at a fair.
Brandon: Oh, yes. Zoltan.
Eric: That's cool, too.
Julia: That's Zoltan, yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, that one.
Eric: Yeah, I like that. We have Cammie as the—
Julia: Quote-unquote, "Salmon."
Eric: As the web— as the, quote-unquote, "Webbed Salmon" drowning Piney.
Julia: I'm also in the hole to stem the flow of salt water into the ship.
Eric: And Troy being hauled away by Thoughtful Gesture. I think Troy is just fully wrapped up by this patch of clover.
Amanda: It would be very peaceful if I wanted to be here, but I don't.
Julia: Fair.
Eric: Like you've been stuffed into a mob style, into a rug—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —of clover.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And you're getting, like, walked away from just the chaos going on now that this massive ship has word to life. I think that each one of the scenes now tips to the left—
Julia: Cool.
Eric: —as the ship starts to gain speed towards Umbi's whims.
Brandon: Fuck yeah. Is Troy gonna get Jimmy Hoffa-ed?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: We'll see what happens.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: Who knows where Troy is?
Amanda: Well, Troy was desperately trying to leave the ship to go back onto the Sea Whip, so I'm glad that it's hanging on, and I'm glad I'm hanging on.
Julia: Yeah. Troy also very pro-union.
Amanda: Oh, yeah, of course.
Eric: Hey, I think I've done enough to Julia. Let's start there, huh?
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Cammie?
Julia: What's up?
Eric: If I refer back to my initiative here, Piney— and I'll just tell you at this point, Piney is out of spell slots to banish you.
Julia: Wow. What a weak fucking magician.
Eric: I did it three times. Shut the fuck up. And that's also the feeling that's radiating off of Piney as well.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: I'll tell you. They have 16 hit points left, and you currently have them wrapped up and drowning. Here's a question, do you have any way of communicating with Piney, or are you interested in that at all?
Julia: I guess so, because I am feeling a little guilty about having to murder them, but they want to murder me real bad.
Eric: That's true. That's extremely true.
Julia: I don't know if I have anything specifically that I can use for that. I mean, I could waste a spell on sending, but I don't want to do that.
Eric: I'm just asking. You can do whatever you want. It is in the initiative. It was Umbi who did this. Umbi did the lean.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And Troy got grabbed. So it is you—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —again.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: I know we're kind of out of initiative, and we're just vibing, but you do get the ability to move first before Piney. Is there anything you want to do?
Julia: Can I look in their eyes and see if there's remorse?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: You're gonna give fucking Piney mercy?
Julia: I'm just seeing what happens.
Eric: Outside of Cammie's perspective, I need everyone else to know that Piney is looking at these stupid fucking googly eyes.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: I don't know what y'all have been imagining, but I'm imagining, you know, those, like, fat boulders that come from putting oil down the sink?
Eric: Yeah, the fatbergs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: The fatbergs, yeah.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Gross.
Brandon: With googly eyes on it.
Amanda: I was picturing Flubber, but that's worse.
Eric: It's— I feel like it's a combination of both, because it's like the web and the seaweed and the foam and just these big googly eyes on it as well.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda: I'm gonna be honest with you guys. When I clean my drains, I close my eyes and I don't look at what comes out.
Julia: That's fair.
Eric: Cammie, there's a lot that Piney wants to say. Everything they did in the Book Depository, the thieves they captured, the invaders they rebuffed, the sea monsters thwarted. But that doesn't get noticed because it's a private keep and is kind of uninteresting when you do it for yourself, and not just on the Great Salt Sea. Tessie did, and Tessie loved Piney for it. Piney also wants to note the irony of you possessing a creature that's part them and part Tessie. They want to say something about their overconfidence, about how allying with the Diamond Knot was still a good idea at the time, even if they had known about your possession ability, how Tessie will come down on Cammie like a hurricane centralized only on your head and not with the eye on your head, but with the entire hurricane put onto your head. But Piney is too busy dying, meeting a fitting end for their one-sided nemesis, getting to a fight that nobody asked for, and getting sent to the Waterer's tide. They still hate you.
Julia: That's fair. I don't like them either.
Brandon: Murder, murder, murder. Come to my dark side. Come to my dark side.
Eric: And this is Brandon speaking, not Umbi.
Brandon: Yeah, absolutely.
Amanda: But they have— we— we've— we're so invested with them and their love.
Julia: You know what the problem is? Is it goes against everything in Cammie to not— Cammie's motivating factor, the motivating, like, line that I have for Cammie is this, like, unbridled kindness—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —that they approach everything through. And I think that someone really actively hating them and trying to kill them made it difficult to remember that. And I think Cammie flashes to the scene that we saw in the first Legends of the Tide and how willing all of those people were to kill her.
Eric: An entire town with rocks in their hands, standing around an eight-year-old Greenfolk girl willing to stone her or throw her out if it would change the crops this year.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Hey, I wonder if there's some resonant imagery of that big patch of lawn that Cresco looming over you and the Webbed Salmon as a big patch of seaweed looming around Piney. I wonder if there's some similarity in those images.
Julia: I wonder. I do wonder. So I think Cammie, in the form of this Salmon, is going to spread herself wide to cover as much of the hole as possible.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: No, okay. Here's what Cammie is gonna do, instead. Cammie is going to wrap Piney up in the embrace of this seaweed-y gross Salmon, is going to pull out of the hole, flip over, and, like, use the movement to swim to the door, which the room is still flooding.
Eric: Oh, the— yeah. You were the— it's still pretty flooded. It was at a full-sized Greenfolk's shoulders/head at that point. So if you remove yourself, it's just going to keep filling up.
Julia: Right. And Piney caused that.
Eric: True.
Julia: Cammie is going to take the body of the Salmon and press it against the door that Umbi sealed—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —into the engine room area.
Eric: Yep.
Julia: And Cammie is going to come out of the possession which allows me to return to my own body, which rematerializes within five feet of the target. I would like to rematerialize on the other side of the door.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. And is Piney, like, trapped in the airlock of the Salmon?
Brandon: Well, you got out, so I'm sure there's an exit.
Julia: The other way trip. Piney could go the other way.
Eric: God. Okay, so Piney is still wrapped up in the Webbed Salmon, right?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Smart. I love this, Julia.
Eric: That's cool. Hey, that's cool.
Julia: So whatever happens, Cammie is washing her hands with the situation.
Amanda: Fair.
Julia: And, I think, yells through the door, being like—
Julia (as Cammie): That's the second time. Second time I saved your life. Bye.
Eric: All right. You hear a rush of water, like a jellyfish undulating its entire self to shoot itself forward, and then again, quieter, and again quieter alongside the rushing of water into the hold of this big, big ship. Inside, Cammie, you see that Umbi is so relaxed, laying back into these big trust fall, burlap hands.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, you found the trust fall. Fun.
Brandon (as Umbi): Huh! Yeah. Man, that's some good shit.
Amanda: Trust?
Eric: Why did you— why—
Julia (as Cammie): Is it also massaging you? Is that part of it? That's weird?
Brandon (as Umbi): Absolutely. It's like one of them chairs, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, yeah.
Eric: "Have you ever sat on a chair? It's nice."
Julia: And Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): It seems like you have this handled, I'm gonna sleep.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're just gonna take a nap?
Julia (as Cammie): Honestly, hoping for a full eight hours.
Brandon (as Umbi): Great.
Julia (as Cammie): We'll see.
Brandon (as Umbi): I— as an old person, I respect the game.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm full of spells, and I need a full eight hour sleep to do more.
Eric: Okay. That sounds great.
Julia: Great.
Eric: I love Cammie getting in there, and then immediately, just slumping down, and pulling her hat down and taking a nap.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That sounds about right.
Julia: Nonny, like, crawls out of the kettle and rests on her chest.
Brandon: Aw.
Amanda: Cute.
Eric: I like that. Umbi?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: In the engine room, someone has left a coffee mug that is filled with water. The coffee mug says, "World's Okayest engineer."
Julia: Uh-huh.
Brandon: Uh-huh.
Amanda: Eric, this is a weird way to tell Brandon about his Christmas bonus this year.
Julia: It's just that.
Brandon: First, I got fired. Now, I got a bonus.
Eric: Sorry. "World's Okayest Nautical Engineer."
Julia: Oh, okay.
Eric: So Brandon doesn't feel so personally attacked.
Brandon: I can't tie any knots, so that does make sense. I know it's not me, yeah. Cool.
Eric: Hmm. And from the little mug you hear—
Eric (as The Waterer): Hey, Umbi. Down here.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Eric: In this cup of water, you see a little water strider.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, hey, bud.
Eric (as The Waterer): Hey, it's me, The Waterer. I don't know if you remember me.
Brandon (as Umbi): Of course, I remember you. You're very small this time, though.
Eric (as The Waterer): Oh, I'm— well, you remember me. That's so cute. Oh, my God. Thanks. I'm kidding. How's it going?
Julia: Is this the flirting that was happening when we weren’t on stream?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes, it was Julia.
Julia: Oh, wow.
Eric (as The Waterer): How's it going? What are you doing?
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, currently, I'm like, laying down, chilling in these hands, and going on my way to the Salmon.
Eric (as The Waterer): Oh, okay. You— I— listen, I shouldn't be so quiet. I know you used the hint. Good use. You would have come to me sooner.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as The Waterer): Yeah. Do you— are you thinking about how you're steering the ship? You know, you can put emotions out.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, you can put, like, intentions into it?
Eric (as The Waterer): Yeah. Yeah, you can do your intentions.
Brandon (as Umbi): So if I did, like, reckless and with NOS, it would be really fast? And if I did like a slow and steady, it would be slow and steady?
Eric (as The Waterer): Yeah. The hands understand the emotions you want to put into it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric (as The Waterer): I don't think the hands know what NOS is, but—
Brandon (as Umbi): Have you tried?
Eric (as The Waterer): Have I tried NOS?
Brandon (as Umbi): No. Have you tried asking the hands if they know what NOS is?
Eric (as The Waterer): I think they understand the intentions behind it, but you're funny. You can't see but I'm twirling— because I'm a little creature, but I'm twirling my hair.
Brandon: Umbi winks at the mug.
Julia: Did they have hair?
Eric: No. I doubt.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool. Yeah. I mean, I'm gonna throw some intention in there, then.
Eric (as The Waterer): Yeah, if you want to. I don't know. I need to stop giving you hints. You're fine. I'm being— I feel like I'm getting too involved. I've been— I'm just enjoying this so much.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I mean, look, if you want to join our pirate party.
Eric (as The Waterer): It would be really cool for you and your crew to have the creature responsible for the tides of life and death on your side.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as The Waterer): I can see that being legendary for you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Imagine all the stories, the myths, the legends.
Eric (as The Waterer): I have my own myths and legends, but thank you. And so you need to spend more time making your own.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Right now, it's just like, "Remember that old guy that slept a lot?"
Eric (as The Waterer): And blew up a lot of things? Yeah.
Amanda: Lot of kids.
Eric (as The Waterer): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia: Lot of kids. So many kids.
Brandon (as Umbi): You can't prove that, Amanda.
Julia: Claimed none of them. Claimed none of them.
Eric (as The Waterer): Yeah. All right. Seems like you're gonna— seems like you're fine. Okay, I'll just— I need to—
Brandon (as Umbi): It seems like there's something that you wanted me to ask you.
Eric (as The Waterer): Oh, you wanted me to—you wanted to ask me something? You don't have to.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes.
Eric (as The Waterer): I mean, it's like whatever.
Brandon (as Umbi): I did.
Eric (as The Waterer): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): And that thing was— this is where you tell me where— what I was supposed to ask you.
Amanda: What intention should I put into this?
Eric (as The Waterer): No, you can do whatever you want. It's fine. No, it's fine. I— I'm not— I was just like— okay. I need to stop checking in. I just—
Brandon (as Umbi): No. Stay.
Eric (as The Waterer): I'm getting too involved in the whole— in the situation.
Julia: You're just in the talking stage. You can't come across as desperate.
Eric (as The Waterer): I can't too— I feel like I've given you too many— I've given you too much favor already. I'm letting the tide doing too much work for you. You got it. It's fine. You got it.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please stay. Have a cup of tea with me.
Eric (as The Waterer): All right, I'll hang out.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda: Cute.
Brandon (as Umbi): Here's the question.
Eric (as The Waterer): Uh-huh.
Brandon (as Umbi): What should I be asking you?
Eric (as The Waterer): You can ask me whatever you want.
Brandon (as Umbi): Are we going the right direction?
Eric (as The Waterer): Do you think you're going in the right direction?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as The Waterer): That's the whole point of the intention drive.
Brandon (as Umbi): What should I ask the Salmon when we get to the Salmon?
Eric (as The Waterer): Oh. What should you ask if you want to ask the Salmon? I was gonna ask you what you were thinking.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, I know what I'm thinking.
Eric (as The Waterer): Okay. What are you thinking?
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, as always, I want to turn the waterfall back on.
Eric (as The Waterer): It's a good one. It's a good one.
Amanda: Can Amanda make a suggestion?
Eric: Sure.
Brandon (as Umbi): Amanda can make a suggestion.
Amanda: Can you ask her why the Cascade dried up?
Julia: That's a great question.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's a great question, Amanda. Thank you. Now, get out of my frame.
Amanda: Bye.
Brandon: Umbi kicks Amanda out of the frame.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, is— first of all, is that a good question? And also, do you know what— why did you stop spreading the water? Was it your fault? Or was someone stopping you? Or was it not in your power?
Julia: Cammie's sleeping through this.
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: This is so funny.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Also, isn't Cammie cute when she snores?
Julia (as Cammie): [snores]
Amanda: That's so weird. It's exactly how Eric snores.
Brandon (as Umbi): She reminds me of my daughter.
Eric: I like how Nonny is doing the same exact thing that Cammie's doing, just like smaller and in a teapot.
Julia (as Cammie): [snores]
Brandon (as Umbi): Don't wake her up, though, she'll stab you.
Brandon: I also love that your hat is lifting and then slowly falling back down like a--
Amanda: Like a parachute.
Julia: Yeah. Like a feather.
Brandon: Yeah, like a feather.
Julia: It's also really interesting, Amanda, that didn't even strike me as a thing to ask, because when you've been living in a world for so long, you kind of take certain things as truth and you don't question them.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: And I love that you're questioning those things.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Like Christianity.
Amanda: Or a metaphor about climate change.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: But no, I want to know, because maybe it was for a good reason.
Brandon: Oh, yeah.
Amanda: And if we just, say, turn it back on, shit will get worse.
Julia: It's gonna get bad. Yeah.
Amanda: Or if there's an underlying problem that caused the Cascade to dry up, then we could ask about the problem.
Julia: Yeah. So that it doesn't dry up again.
Brandon (as Umbi): Smart. Amanda, you can come back in my frame whenever you want.
Amanda: Oh, thanks, Umbi.
Julia: That's so nice.
Amanda: That's my own internal monolog. It's the same as Troy. Every time I get an invoice, I go—
Amanda (as Troy): "Oh, nice, an invoice."
Julia: "I know what this is."
Eric (as The Waterer): Umbi, yeah. What do you know about where the Salmon lives?
Brandon (as Umbi): I know it's— well, I can't say anything for certain, but you got to use the keys to get to it. We know that.
Eric (as The Waterer): Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): And we know that it's like— isn't it like in the middle of the Great Salt Sea?
Eric (as The Waterer): Some people assume that it's in the middle, but it might be something— you know, when you take stories and you turn them—
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as The Waterer): —into— and try to communicate them to other people, sometimes the middle just means the most important.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hmm.
Eric (as The Waterer): But the Salmon, I— you need to be able to comprehend that this Salmon is just a fish.
Brandon (as Umbi): What's a fish?
Eric (as The Waterer): It's like— you know the creatures you see— you know the things you see flowing— floating— swimming around in the sea?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, like the big crabs?
Eric (as The Waterer): Yeah, like the crabs and the flounder fruit, and the—
Julia: Trout bushes.
Eric (as The Waterer): And the trout bushes.
Brandon: I don't like trout bushes.
Amanda: And the prickly pear pike.
Eric (as The Waterer): And the— yeah. And the prickly pikes. Yeah.
Julia: Eel vines.
Eric (as The Waterer): There's no plants attached to this. It's just—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric (as The Waterer): —scales and fish and gills and eyes and stuff.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa. Weird man.
Eric (as The Waterer): And the Salmon, in some retellings I've heard you all make, the Salmon swims in an infinite lake of fresh water, hanging out, doing its thing. And I'll tell you that the Cascade that irrigates our world, that irrigates Verda Stello, it comes from the Salmon.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as The Waterer): So your wish to turn the Cascade back on—
Brandon (as Umbi): Means the fish don't get no more water?
Eric (as The Waterer): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric (as The Waterer): I understand why you'd think that. No, you're not— the Salmon isn't—
Brandon (as Umbi): I'll shut up. I'm sorry.
Eric (as The Waterer): The Salmon can grant— has some power, but the wish you're asking, you're literally asking the Salmon to turn the water back on.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda: The Salmon stops swimming?
Eric (as The Waterer): The Salmon controls the Cascade. So if the Salmon turned off the Cascade, it has something to say to all of you Greenfolk and it wants you to find it.
Julia: Uh-oh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh. So maybe I don't have to wish for the water to come back on. Maybe we just solve the conflict.
Eric (as The Waterer): Maybe. The Salmon is a slippery beast.
Brandon (as Umbi): Mercurial asshole?
Eric (as The Waterer): And if it wants to see you that badly, it's got something to say.
Brandon (as Umbi): Did y'all ever date, you and the Salmon?
Eric (as The Waterer): I mean, I wouldn't call it dating. What's a few millennia hanging out, really?
Brandon (as Umbi): I want you to know before you finish answering this question, that I am very jealous and I do beat up people who date my exes, so—
Eric (as The Waterer): Oh, good. I like it when they get jealous.
Julia: I can't believe Umbi is being revealed as problematic so close to the end of the campaign.
Eric: I love that we're zooming out, and Cammie has her big hat pulled down, going—
Eric (as Cammie): [snores]
Eric: And Nonny is going—
Eric (as Nonny): [snores]
Eric: And Umbi is flirting with a little bug.
Amanda: In a coffee mug.
Eric: In a coffee mug.
Amanda: Halfway across the room.
Eric: The whole you just hear [snores] and Umbi's going—
Eric (as Umbi): Oh, yeah, you're right.
Brandon: This is one of those big reveals, Julia, at the end of a piece of media where the person's been problematic the whole time and you've been sympathizing with them the whole time, so it teaches—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: —you a fucking lesson about sympathizing with assholes.
Julia: Brandon has opinions about how the penguin ended.
Brandon: God, that show was so fucking good.
Julia: It's so good.
Eric (as The Waterer): Also, Umbi, did you know this ship's sinking?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, fuck, yeah. Do you think it's gonna sink before we get there?
Eric (as The Waterer): Oh, but, Sweetie?
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Eric (as The Waterer): That's me helping you too much.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, you're the Waterer. I figure you get rid of the water.
Eric (as The Waterer): I don't know everything about water, and I can't help you so much.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric: "Bloop."
Brandon (as Umbi): I'll miss you.
Eric: The water bug shifts as the boat tries to maintain more of its speed, like your car shifting to a higher gear when going up a hill. The intention drive tries to maintain its current speed.
Brandon: Do I have to be, like, up against the intention drive for it to function like, the entire time?
Eric: Correct.
Branon: Okay. So I can't do anything if I wanted to?
Amanda: Could you, like, tell it to fly or something?
Brandon: I mean, I think— this is— I think that's Eric is getting at is, like, the intention is the intention, but the physical reality of physical reality is still a physical reality.
Eric: Yeah. As you saw in the engine— in the schematics, it's still like a boat engine.
Amanda: Hmm.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: You know?
Julia: Boo.
Eric: As big and weird as it is.
Julia: But what if fly? But will it fly, though?
Eric: Eric Silver, terrible DM, will not let boat fly. Will not let boat with big hole in it fly.
Amanda: Actually, I have to get home early tonight. I have work in the morning.
Julia: I have a headache.
Amanda: I have a headache.
Brandon: And I'm taking my cookies back home, too.
Eric: God, Julia made a bunch of TikToks about how I wouldn't let a boat fly. It's doing so well.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: It would.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. If you live in a climate like mine, it has been extremely chilly recently and probably dreary, probably some rain. It's kind of hard for those of us in the northern hemisphere right now. But you know what makes it a lot better? Is the smell of freshly baked bread. Now, this is not an ad. This is where when I welcome you into the midroll, I tell you about a thing that I love. And walking home and smelling the bread that I have spent the last several hours kneading and rising and hoping will come up right. It doesn't matter how it tastes, y'all. The smell of the bread is enough. Bread smell, dayenu. Oh, my God, it's so good. And nothing I like more in this wintery time than the smell of fresh baked bread, so welcome to the midroll. It's whole wheat sourdough. Thank you. And welcome to our newest paid supporters on Patreon, Sean, and welcome back. Ninskala. Thank you so much. We so appreciate your support on Patreon. This is the way that we can make the show with as much time and energy and attention as we can. So if you want to show us your love with money and get bonus stuff like Discord access, our biweekly Party Planning podcast, ad-free episodes, even early access to new episodes an entire day before anyone else. Join us at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. It has also been an eventful week at Multitude. I was incredibly nervous to interview Jack Conte, the CEO of Patreon, on my newest show with Eric, Attach Your Resume. Now, this is a brand-new podcast from Multitude, interviewing online creators and CEOs of creative companies about how their jobs work, how they got there, and what they think is happening in art and media. And it was so cool to sit down one CEO to another and talk about what it's like to build trust with artists and work in a creative field, and maybe give up some of your own artistic ambitions to make things better for others. I am so proud of the show. Brandon and Eric have both worked so hard on it. It's edited by Mischa. Y'all are going to love it. So go on over two multitude.productions or just type Attach Your Resume in your podcast app now. We are sponsored this week by Aura Frames. And if your parents are anything like mine, what they really want for the holidays is to see their favorite people more often, and that's why I love Aura Frames as something that you can give besides like traveling or plane tickets to a relative who wants to see you more often. Now, they were named the number one digital photo frame by Wirecutter, a website whose reviews people absolutely trust, and they're incredibly smart and easy to use. You can upload unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone to the frame. And by the way, if, like me, you're like, "Oh, my God, I'm ordering gifts right now. There's not enough days left." 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[theme]
Brandon: Okay. Well, what I am gonna do with my intention, as per the Waterer's instruction, is—
Eric (as The Waterer): No, I didn't tell you what to do. Do whatever you want. No.
Brandon: —is like slamming my— the— my thumb down on the NOS button, just like get there as soon as possible, as quickly as possible, as fast as Greenfolk-ly possible.
Eric: Give me an adjective.
Brandon: Reckless.
Eric: Reckless.
Brandon: With reckless abandon.
Eric: That we can do.
Amanda: The opposite of what I said, which was stealthily and sustainably.
Julia: Can't do it. Gotta be reckless.
Brandon: We'll never get there in time.
Amanda: Love it. No.
Brandon: Never get there in time. Get out of my frame, Amanda.
Amanda: You're right.
Eric: The intention— the intent— the intention drive spins up to the intention of reckless and, "Vfffff" these big, old engines fire fast and hard enough that back on the deck, Troy Riptide wrapped up in a clover rug, in a religious clover rug, falls over and slams into the door of the administrative office that Umbi was in only a few moments ago.
Amanda (as Troy): Let me go, man. Don't you feel that something's wrong with the ship?
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): The only thing that's wrong with the ship is you in it.
Amanda (as Troy): That's really rude, actually. I don't like that. I like being here, man. I wanted to come patron your establishment.
Amanda: Troy's gonna try to break the grapple.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Strength contest. Strength contest.
Amanda: Strength contest.
Eric: Strength contest.
Amanda: [dice roll] Well—
Julia: How's your dex? Because I think you can also use acrobatics, maybe.
Eric: Yeah, you can use acrobatics.
Amanda: Could I use acrobatics?
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Oh, Thank fuck. All right, 5 plus 7 for a 12.
Eric: Hey, Julia, I'm hard of seeing. Can you just tell me what number that is?
Brandon: Oh, shit.
Julia: You're very blurry.
Brandon: That's a 2.
Julia: Is that a 20 or a 2?
Eric: That's a 20. Goddamn it.
Julia: Oh, fuck.
Eric: That's a 20. Thoughtful Gesture wrenches the door open and pushes you out into the administrative office and slams the door behind you.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): You're gonna stay right here until Piney comes and collects you, and Tessie the storm will figure out what would be best for you messing around with the one true Salmon's place of rest.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah, that goop with the googly eyes? Nice. I got two of those at home.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): No, I— no. You can't.
Amanda: Can Troy fire an arrow at him?
Eric: Can I say something cool first?
Amanda: Sure.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: No, you're not allowed.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): You can't distract me with your childish insults. I know what I'm doing. I know I'm doing what's right. I know what's— I know I'm doing what needs to be done.
Amanda: Can Troy fling his dagger, not the Dilly dagger, the normal one, at the door to try to stop it from closing all the way?
Eric: Oh.
Julia: Like in between the door jamb and the door?
Eric: Oh, to throw in the door jamb?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: That’s tight.
Eric: That would be a high dexterity move, but I think you can do it.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: It would be cool.
Amanda: Is this acrobatics?
Julia: It would be pretty sexy.
Eric: I'm looking for a 20. I think that you have proficiency in doing— in firing and throwing cool shit at a distance.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: I agree.
Brandon: I would say so.
Eric: So I'd say proficiency plus dex. I'm looking for 20, though.
Amanda: Okay. So that gives me a plus 7, so I have to roll 13 or higher.
Eric: All right.
Julia: It's pretty good. It's pretty good.
Amanda: [dice roll]
Julia: You got this, Amanda.
Amanda: Fucking 7. Ugh!
Eric: Clang, clang, clang, clang.
Brandon: Amanda, throw that nice away.
Julia: Throw it away.
Amanda: It's gone.
Brandon: Gets me every time.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): Your trickery won't help you here, lapsed Prince Troy Riptide. I know you are— of course, I know who you are.
Eric: And Thoughtful points to their bulletin board that now has all of your—
Julia: Fair.
Eric: Because they got the mail, now has all of your wanted posters on it.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, you have my photo because you want to kiss?
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): I don't want to kiss. I want to turn you into who you're— I want to turn you into who's going to take care of you.
Amanda (as Troy): Because that would be a first. I'm at the Planter, right? I have a lot to tell you about your whole religion.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): I'm not going to hear it. I can't hear it. You're just the lies of someone trying for trickeration.
Amanda (as Troy): They're the color of my spots.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): I won't hear it.
Amanda (as Troy): Look.
Amanda: And Troy goes to unroll his wings. In this distraction, can I fire an arrow at him?
Julia: Do it.
Eric: Yeah. Thoughtful Gesture's hands are up near their— where ears would be.
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric: But it just, like, pulling the clover out.
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric: So their hands are occupied. You can fire— this is at short— this is in a very small space. Do you have—
Amanda: All right. So I have disadvantage?
Eric: Do you have disadvantage on firing arrows in small spaces?
Amanda: I sure do.
Eric: Okay. So this is a disadvantage.
Brandon: Now, I don't want to wreck on anything, but in my head, Umbi did also draw a mustache on his wanted poster.
Julia: Very funny.
Eric: The wanted poster didn't show up yet, but I respect that Umbi would have done that.
Julia: Amanda, this guy can have that high of an AC.
Amanda: Well, I got— so the lower of my two rolls was a 5 plus 7 is a 12 to hit.
Julia: Piney's was less than that.
Brandon: He is literally a square of target.
Julia: Clover.
Brandon: You know?
Eric: Can I tell you? I wasn't expecting this person to be fired on. I rolled a D6 here. I'm gonna add whatever number I get to an— a base AC of 8. I'm looking for a 5 or a 6.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: [dice roll] That's a 3. That hits.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Yes, baby. Okay.
Eric: This is real action movie stuff, where you fire your crossbow and you don't know who got shot. We just hear the sound of a crossbow going off, and then we're like, "Thoughtful Gesture didn't have a crossbow."
Amanda: So, Eric, I am going to use a risk die to do covering fire.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: So— because I've hit this creature, I will now cow them. So I'm going to roll the risk die and subtract it from their next roll, whatever it makes.
Eric: Oh, cool.
Julia: Hell yeah, dawg.
Amanda: So that's a 10.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: I love it when you cow.
Amanda: Let me roll that. Same. All right, so—
Brandon: I love it when you turn an enemy into a cow.
Amanda: So Thoughtful's got a minus 5—
Julia: Ooh.
Eric: Ooh.
Amanda: —to whatever their next roll is.
Eric: Oh, my God. Okay.
Amanda: And for damage, we're going to go with— [dice roll] great. Okay, love to roll an 8 out of 8.
Julia: We do.
Amanda: So that is an 8 plus my ability modifier, so it's 10 points of damage.
Eric: Sure. I think that Thoughtful Gesture was not anticipating this. You shot an arrow right in their gut, and they bow over.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): I'm protected by my faith. I'm protected by what I believe. You're gonna get what's coming to you, Troy Riptide.
Amanda: Can Troy pat him down? Is he carrying anything interesting? Ring of keys?
Brandon: He's like looting a dead body.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. What are you looking for?
Amanda: Satellite phone, ring of keys, something that would help the navigation of the ship, because we're clearly moving.
Eric: Help the navigation of the ship?
Amanda: Which, if you may recall, is Troy's job.
Julia: It's true.
Eric: Yeah. Give me an investigation check.
Amanda: [dice roll] 15 plus 1, 16.
Eric: 16. I think it's very funny that Thoughtful Gesture has a sat phone on him.
Julia: Me, too.
Eric: Like in a— like, you know, in a satchel. Now, this big patch of clover has had a big satchel on him the entire time.
Amanda: Like a mail carrier bag?
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that there was a sat phone in there, because that must have been where they report to Piney and to—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —Tessie the Storm.
Brandon: Well, I got to ask, do we have satellites or just like walkie-talkie?
Amanda: Well, we've television, Brandon, so it's important to know that in order to get over the curve of the bialy, we do require a satellite.
Julia: Also, we're building satellites because of Hot House, so—
Brandon: But I feel like we would still use fucking map-- Michigan J Compass and maps if we had a sat phone.
Eric: I don't think it's a sat phone.
Amanda: Long range walkie-talkie?
Eric: I think it's like— yeah. It needs to be a walkie talkie that has an incredibly long vine attached to it—
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: —that goes all the way back towards the Book Depository island.
Julia: That's very silly.
Brandon: I like that.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Right?
Amanda: I love that. Yeah. No, that's fair. It's long range but one way.
Eric: It is still big and chunky like a sat phone, but it just—
Amanda: Right.
Eric: —is attached by a giant, long vine.
Brandon: And it's a vine, so if it ever gets cut or accidentally, like, broken, it just grows back.
Amanda: It'll bud a little baby phone?
Eric: Oh, I like that.
Amanda: So cute.
Brandon: That's one, too. I like that.
Eric: I'm gonna imagine that's what the wires that control the internet. Like, that's what's—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —happening in our sea floor.
Amanda: And then it pops—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Makes sense.
Amanda: —out like a 1998 era PC.
Eric: Yeah. Then it has to develop from there, yeah. I like that.
Amanda: So Troy's gonna stick that phone in his back pocket after being a little bit, like, weirded out, like he touched the spider web by the vine. And he's gonna tie Thoughtful to the desk chair in the guard's office.
Eric: Okay. Thoughtful is going to try to resist that. I'm going to do a strength check on you.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But I have minus 5?
Amanda: Yes, you do.
Eric: Yeah, because Thoughtful is also going to try to just bum rush you.
Amanda: Sure.
Eric: And slam me up against the desk.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia: Nah.
Eric: [dice roll] I got a 19 plus 1 for 20 minus 5, which is 15.
Amanda: I, unfortunately, got 5 plus 1 for a 6.
Eric: That's low. And—
Brandon: That's low.
Eric: —Thoughtful makes the guttural cry of someone who's already been shot and just slams you up against the desk. I'm gonna say that's a D10, 1 D10— oh, that's a 10. 10 points of damage, please.
Amanda: All right.
Eric: You get caught on, like, the corner and it really hurts.
Amanda: Ow.
Julia: Ow.
Eric: Thoughtful— in your prone position, Thoughtful is going to try to just smother you with his entire weight.
Amanda: Yeah, Troy's gonna try to resist and do an unarmed strike.
Eric: Sure. Make a perception check, really quickly. See what's up.
Amanda: Sure.
Julia: Don't like that.
Amanda: Well, how's a 3 plus 1?
Julia: Amanda, what is up with your dice? Why are they so spicy?
Eric: With a 4, I'm going to curse you with seeing something and doing nothing, and not being able to do anything about it.
Amanda: Wow.
Julia: Oh. Cool. Nice. To your wife?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: To your wife, Eric?
Eric: Yeah, we're locked into a taxable unit, Julia. I got to do whatever I want. Through the glass of the administrative office's door, you see a familiar sight. Something of sight that Troy usually sees when he is getting pinned down by someone larger than him. But unfortunately, I don't know if you're looking for this right now. Because when Troy, in your past, Troy has been pushed bound by someone who's too big for him, his little sister is always around to help him.
Julia: Yeah, I fucking knew it.
Amanda: Fucking fuck.
Julia: Just, like, right outside the window, too?
Eric: Just right outside the window.
Brandon: Just like flipping you the bird.
Julia: Bitch.
Eric: No, you know what she's doing. I think it would be really sick if she just, like, reached into her pockets and she was holding, like, three kunai in each hand.
Julia: I thought you were gonna say drawing— like she was drawing a photo on the window for Troy and, like, "Haha," or something like that.
EricL Well, that's a thing about siblings, Julia, is that even when they fuck you over, they're still gonna show up if you're getting hurt. And Di throws the six kunai through the window, shattering glass everywhere, and just six womps of something sharp into a patch of loam. "Womp, womp, womp, womp, womp." And Thoughtful Gesture collapses on top of Troy.
Julia: Fuck them up.
Amanda: What is the thing you said, Eric? Are they, like throwing stars?
Eric: Kunai are the ones that's like— they have a little handle, but— and you can throw them.
Amanda: Like that of shuriken? Like, they have like a—
Eric: Like shar— no, shuriken are throwing stars. This one— these are, like, sharp butt plugs.
Brandon: Yes, thank you. A butt plug. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. I have no other way to describe them, really honestly.
Brandon: Yeah, I know. I don't know what that shape is, yeah.
Eric: Oh, no. Amanda walked out because I called kunai sharp butt plugs.
Julia: Oh, cool.
Eric: Julia, how would you describe a kunai?
Julia: Not like that.
Eric: I don't know.
Julia: But now, it's the only thing I can picture.
Brandon: I guess it's like maybe a—
Julia: They're like diamonds attached to— they're spades. They look like the—
Eric: Oh, they're spades. Yes.
Julia: They look like spades and—
Eric: They're pittens, yeah, yeah.
Amanda: You know, that regular shape.
Eric: I hope we keep this in. I need everyone to know I said sharp butt plugs.
Amanda: You know, I do— I do describe Join the Party as PG-13 to parents. I think I'm wrong.
Julia: That's not. We say fuck way more than once.
Amanda: Mostly, I met some parents of teenagers who I'm like, "Listen, depending on if your kids, like, how you're cool with language, it's good for older teens."
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Eric: I— sure. I do love older teens and—
Brandon: Don't put that on the microphone.
Eric: No, wait. They—
Brandon: Don't put that on the microphone.
Julia: No. No. No, we're not.
Eric: I taught older teens. Stop it.
Brandon: Sorry, let me— I gotta light my hard drive on fire real quick.
Amanda: This is taking our mutually assured destruction too far.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Great. All right, back at the engine room. There has to be some sort of screen or periscope—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —for you to see out the front of where you're going, because the engine room is all the way down in the bottom and the back of the ship, and the ship goes forward in the front and the top in the front.
Julia: Right.
Amanda: Front butt.
Eric: In the front butt. So I like the idea that Umbi is leaning backwards, mind clear, looking away, and Cammie is snoozing. And here's what's going on screen. I think just like— in such, like, video game first-person point of view, in the way that you only see your hands when you're doing a video game, you only really see, like, the prowl of the boat.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: This— and of course, it looks much smaller than it is, because you're just kind of seeing the front of it. But as Lake Encounter gains speed, it is charging forward recklessly, and it is making a straight line to where you're going, correct?
Brandon: Yep. Umbi has headphones on and he's singing—
Brandon (as Umbi): Get your motor running, head out on the highway.
Eric: So I'm imagining the boat just, like, slams through a really small island.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ha-cha!
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Oh, it's from the beach episode. Oh, no.
Brandon: There was an endangered species of—
Julia: No.
Eric: There's like a group of pirate ships that you're, like, gaining on them, and there's a group of pirate ships that's going in the same direction as you, but you just cut in between them.
Brandon: Do they fly out of the air like a cartoon?
Julia: The way it just goes is like a tidal wave?
Eric: Yeah. Two of them do, and one explodes.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Cool. Fun.
Eric: The ship feels your intentions of Umbi being reckless, and I think something replicable only in a driving game in an arcade, the ship identifies some zombie scouts that are still surveying the area sent out by the Rotten Key to see who is around and what's going on. And the ship, while steaming forward, takes great pride in leaning to the left and sloshing to the right, sloshing to the left, and sloshing to the right, and taking on a little bit more water as it does to smush the zombie scout ships.
Brandon (as Umbi): Born to be wild.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: The ship is also— while going full steam ahead, it is chugging harder and harder to meet Umbi's intention, while it continues to take on water. Cammie— does Cammie and Umbi want to do anything? Y'all are just chilling?
Julia: I'm sleeping. I don't know what you're talking about.
Brandon: Well, I can't do anything, right?
Eric: Okay. All right. Back to Troy, then.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, which of my other friends can you kill today?
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): Sorry, I can't hear you. You're muffled underneath a patch of clover.
Amanda: Troy hefts the body of Thoughtful onto the desk over himself.
Eric: Can you make a strength check for me really quickly?
Amanda: Sure.
Eric: I don't— I do think, and if I know anything from my mob movies, that if someone dies on you and who's much bigger than you, would be hard to move them.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia: Troy is the tallest of us all, though.
Eric: That's true.
Amanda: It's 4 plus 1.
Brandon: Goodbye.
Eric: I think you can move Thoughtful's body a little bit off of you. You are pinned on the desk, but your head and shoulders— your head and tops of your shoulders are now out, so you're not being smothered.
Amanda (as Troy): Are you gonna help me up here or not finish the job, like you love to do?
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): I think I did finish the job. I—
Amanda (as Troy): Well, finish this one.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): Troy, I thought that once you stopped being a teenager, you would stop being so embarrassed of having your little sister help you when you're in a bad position.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I wasn't until you killed my best friend.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): Cammie?
Amanda (as Troy): My best non-crew friend, the Key with a Gaze. I have wept and wept.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): I didn't know you were that close.
Amanda (as Troy): Yes.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): You just— you— I thought he was— I thought the Key with a Gaze was like life partners with that future builder guy.
Amanda (as Troy): Who else am I gonna learn how to be a man from, Hy?
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): If you paid attention, if you wanted to. I don't— I'm not ascribed to needing to learn how to be a man as much as you are. That was fine, whatever you want. We have— your brother is a king. That should be enough for you for whatever type of self-actualization you're looking for.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, the Hagger, which I recently learned mean like raggedy.
Julia: Damn.
Eric (as Thoughtful Gesture): It means tired, and also raggedy, which you knew.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Please help me.
Amanda: Troy hefts at the body again.
Eric: Di is going to sit on top of the body, pressed on top of Troy. She's small, but it's still— it's definitely heavier.
Amanda: Can I do another strength check?
Eric: You can do another strength check, but I'm gonna work against you this time.
Amanda: [dice roll] All right, 17 plus 1.
Brandon: Hey.
Eric: I'm gonna roll D 10 to subtract. [dice roll] That's a 6.
Amanda: From my roll?
Eric: Yeah. Well, that's Di sitting on top of it.
Amanda: It's a 12, then.
Eric: Okay. You can move it, and it's enough to push Di off of it, while she's, like, trying to sit cross-legged on top of this patch of clover. I think you move it enough to destabilize her seat so she can't sit there. It's still on you a little bit, but you got it most of the way.
Amanda (as Troy): Why are you here?
Eric (as Di): I'm here to help you, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, right.
Eric (as Di): I need— I'm gonna tell you one last time, and I don't give my victims extra chances like this. I need you to stop, please.
Amanda (as Troy): I am not gonna stop. And if you're not prepared to kill me yourself with your own hands, then you better bail out of this boat in a lifeboat along with the rest of these civilians, because that's what's gonna happen next.
Eric (as Di): Troy, why are you doing this? Do you not believe that I know things that you don't, that you're leading yourself into somewhere that I can't help you? That I'm trying to stop you? Are you this boneheaded or is it— are you— is this just an act that you're playing to make me mad?
Amanda (as Troy): I'm trying to do one worthy thing with my life, and I think you have other reasons for being here.
Eric (as Di): And you can do that by being alive in the future. This doesn't have to be the one. There's too much writing on getting into the— talking to the Salmon.
Amanda (as Troy): So then talk to me.
Eric (as Di): You're inserting yourself into something that you shouldn't be inserting yourself into. It's not worth it. I have to be. This is— I got conscripted.
Amanda (as Troy): So then tell me. Tell me what you need. Tell me what you want to have happened. Share your goals with me, and we can do it together. If I know that I can make a decision, but right now, you're saying, "Trust me." Nah.
Eric (as Di): Do you know why the Cascade dried up?
Amanda (as Troy): No, but I really like to.
Eric (as Di): The Salmon controls the Cascade.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. I mean, yeah, that makes sense, if the Salmon can turn the Cascade back on, okay.
Eric (as Di): And that's why they're trying to get in there. They're trying to catch the Salmon and have the— and have water come back to Verda Stello.
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, that's what we all want, but does the Diamond Knot want it to pour, like, into their money factories that they can then, you know, tap it out to people?
Eric (as Di): What is a money factory?
Amanda (as Troy): Like, where they make money, idiot.
Eric (as Di): That's not a real thing, stupid face.
Amanda (as Troy): Whatever. They want to control it, so they can control us.
Eric (as Di): I don't think we get to make decisions about what— who makes what decision. I—
Amanda (as Troy): Then why trust the Diamond Knot over your own brother? Over ours— our ability as people, as citizens of Verda Stello and not as prince and a princess, to make this decision. Do you really think we're better qualified to make this kind of choice for people than people? I think less. I just learned how to read. I barely ever used money before, and I never had a job.
Brandon: I've never even been to a money factory.
Julia: It's true. He hasn't. He's only heard of them in lore.
Eric (as Di): If you think you're so underqualified to make these decisions for the Greenfolk of Verda Stello, then you should sit this one out as well. You don't know what you're doing, which is why I'm trying to stop you. All of you don't know what you're doing.
Amanda (as Troy): So tell me what to do. I'm the one that they've got right now. I was the only one without responsibility such that I could run away, become a pirate, and do something big with my life.
Eric (as Di): All right, if you want to do something, then catch the Salmon and bring it to Hy. Bring it back to the Crags.
Amanda (as Troy): What—
Eric (as Di): Let Hyperion make the choice of what to do with the Salmon. And bring some glory to our family, huh?
Amanda (as Troy): Why should he do it and not me?
Eric (as Di): We can do it together. If you want to get it out of the money factory, then fine.
Amanda (as Troy): But should— the Crags shouldn't control it, just because we're from there. Some—
Eric (as Di): Someone's going to and it might as well be us.
Amanda (as Troy): Be me.
Eric (as Di): It can be you. Fine.
Eric: Di reaches into a run of her secret spy pockets.
Amanda: Troy tries really hard not to flinch.
Eric: What kind of flower, Amanda, would you like to turn into a cage?
Amanda: Oh. Hydrat— we did Hydrangea already.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Julia, what do you think?
Julia: A iris.
Amanda: Nice. And can it be all like bubbly, or like a snapdragon?
Brandon: I was thinking a snapdragon, yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. Snapdragons have like those little—
Eric: Oh, snapdragons are fun.
Amanda: —like, tight berries of buds, so--
Eric: Oh, yeah. No, that would be cool.
Amanda: Like stippled.
Eric: Yeah. She pulls out a cutting of a snapdragon flower, and she throws it on the desk next to you. And it immediately unfurls like a bear trap and like, snaps around it as a little cage, just the size of a adult salmon.
Eric (as Di): Fine.
Eric: She touches it, and it turns back into the cutting of the snapdragon.
Eric (as Di): Grab it. That's what I'm gonna have to do. If you think you can do it better than me, then you do it. Grab the Salmon.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, I will.
Eric (as Di): And take it somewhere else. When you're in there, you can't keep it there.
Amanda (as Troy): Why?
Eric (as Di): The Salmon gets all of its power from its lair, from the— you remember the story, the Salmon at its infinite lake. Where do you think that infinite lake goes? That's the Cascade.
Amanda (as Troy): But if we take it out of this power, what you said to any of us?
Eric (as Di): Exactly. You want this or you want me to kill you?
Amanda (as Troy): No, no. I—
Amanda: And Troy picks up the flower and, like, turns it over in his hand, and flicks it at Di.
Brandon: Holy snap.
Eric (as Di): You absolute motherfucker!
Brandon: Holy shit.
Julia: Good job, Amanda. Good job, Amanda. Good job, Amanda.
Brandon: Hey, Eric, I hate to tell you but your wife fucking gotcha, motherfucker.
Julia: She got you. Nothing in your vows that said she can't turn your NPCs against you.
Brandon: That actually was in Eric's vows. I don't know if you remember.
Julia: Oh, fuck.
Brandon: It was like the second one.
Julia: But Amanda didn't do that.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: All right, I'm gonna do the same thing back to you. I'm gonna roll, because I didn't come up with stats for this thing. I'm going to do a dexterity saving throw.
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: Which Di has pretty high, right?
Amanda: Sure.
Eric: But you did surprise her, so I'm gonna give you a choice. I can either roll with disadvantage, or you can roll the D 10 and subtract from my roll, like I did to you.
Amanda: I'll roll a D 10.
Eric: Okay, great.
Amanda: Well, guys, if Troy dies in this office, know that he went out fighting.
Eric: All right. So I got a plus 6 to dexterity saving throws.
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Eric: This is a high-powered piece of equipment, so I'm gonna say DC 16. Okay?
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Do you want to roll first? Do you want me to roll first?
Amanda: I want to roll— cover my roll and then you roll.
Eric: Fine.
Julia: I'm really stressed.
Eric: All right.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: I'm gonna roll my new beautiful one. [dice roll]
Brandon: Is that the one you got at jointheparty.com/merch?
Eric: It is, Brandon. No, that's the one I got at Dispel Dice. The Dispel Dice X Join the Party.
Brandon: Oh, yeah. Is that the one you got at dispel dice.com/searchforjointheparty?
Eric: All right, that's a 12 plus 6 for an 18.
Amanda: Minus 9, motherfucker.
Brandon: Yo!
Julia: Amanda's D 20 might not roll very high, but ooh, that D 10.
Brandon: Fuck yes.
Eric: God-fucking-damn it.
Brandon: Eric, how's it feel to suck at Dungeons & Dragons?
Amanda: No. Come on, be nice. He made this whole thing for us to play in.
Eric: Oh, my God.
Julia: No.
Eric: This ice cream cake sucks.
Julia: Kicks.
Amanda: Mom, you know I hate sprinkles.
Eric: You dumb idiot mom. I only eat chocolate sprinkles. Oh, fuck.
Brandon: I didn't invite you guys to my birthday party. How'd you know that's what happened?
Julia: You don't throw birthday parties, Brandon.
Brandon: Shut up, Julia.
Amanda: My God. Oh, no. What to do with your clown mom trauma?
Brandon: It's because my mom never got me chocolate sprinkles on my ice cream cake.
Eric: Fuck. Okay.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Tell me what happens.
Amanda: Troy looks up from the flower laying in his palm to his sister's, I would say, resolved, haughty face, and just flicks the flower over, like he's flicked coins or coasters in so many pubs before this.
Eric: Right in her face?
Amanda: Right in her face.
Eric: Right in her face. And then it snaps around her. I'm imagining just this— like this metal grate that immediately, like, slammed around the paper weight that it would entrap the Salmon, and God, that must hurt if it snaps around your face. She immediately goes—
Eric (as Di): Oh! Oh!
Eric: And bends over like—
Eric (as Di): Goddamn it, Troy! This is why I never worked with family. Oh!
Amanda: Troy is wincing, and Troy is going to knock over a bunch of stuff in his wake and slam the door behind him as he attempts to run below decks.
Brandon: Now, I will tell you the window— remember, the window is smashed open.
Amanda: Oh, yeah, true.
Eric: I think you're fine.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: You put a bear—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —trap on her face. I think you're fine.
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: You won. You put bear trap on face. You're fine.
Brandon: That's a Trump card right there.
Eric: Yeah, exactly. So now, you were running out on the decks. People have started— have been jumping off—
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: —this boat as the engines have kicked on. There is no one else up here.
Brandon: What about the orchestra? The little three-piece orchestra on the deck?
Eric: Oh, no, they fell over when you— when the boat tried to squish all of the zombie scouts.
Brandon: That's fair.
Julia: Sure.
Eric: But clinging to a display of religious objects, it's Havana Tropicana clinging for dear life.
Amanda (as Troy): Havana, is everyone else okay?
Eric (as Havana): They're fine. We braced the ship against the back. We lashed the Sea Whip against the ship once it started gaining speed. I had to come— I came up to help you, but I can't— see— but this is going too fast.
Julia: Oh, buddy.
Amanda (as Troy): That was very brave of you, man, Very doctor-like.
Eric (as Havana): How are you keeping your balance?
Amanda (as Troy): Very used to it.
Eric (as Havana): Do you have the mariner feet?
Amanda (as Troy): Would you be more comfortable trying to finish the job on my sister or coming with me to find our crewmates?
Eric (as Havana): I want to go with you. I don't want to be around her at all.
Amanda (as Troy): Yep, yep. Let's go.
Amanda: And Troy's gonna, like, stick Havana Tropicana under his arm, like carrying a standee, you know?
Julia: It's like, "Oh."
Eric: Like carry— like carrying a fold-up table?
Amanda: Yeah, exactly.
Brandon: That's incredible.
Amanda: And he's gonna help Havana as much as he can, as quickly as he can, to go toward the back of the ship.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: I think because the hold was filling with water, and he knows they were going for the engine room, he's gonna try to find another way into the engine room than the flooded room.
Eric: Sure. You can do that. I also want to know that, Troy, you are significantly lower in the water than you were before.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: Like, you can kind of look down and see where the Sea Whip is, and it's about— it's twice as close as it was before.
Amanda: Yeah, I think as they're passing, Troy will be like—
Amanda (as Troy): Guys, prepare to cut loose if the ship is going down. Okay? Harold, Sil, Gloria, you okay?
Eric: They all wave to you.
Amanda: All right.
Eric: They all wave to you from the Sea whip.
Eric (as Havana): We can't hear you. You're still— we're going too fast.
Amanda: And Troy's gonna mime like—
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, but if you sink, then cut the line.
Eric: I love that the ship is like skipping behind you, like someone on a wakeboard.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: And they raise a flag, which is Umbi giving a thumbs up.
Julia: Yeah. Cool. I love that.
Brandon: It's our favorite flag.
Julia: Cammie embroidered that.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm so glad we studied pixelology, or whatever that's called.
Eric: All right. You were looking for another way down?
Amanda: Yeah. We're going toward the back of the ship, toward the engine, and trying to find a new way down.
Eric: Okay. Cool.
Julia: I have a Cammie thing when we get to my turn of the order.
Eric: Sure. Sure. I think this is a good time. Yeah, Cammie, how's your snooze going?
Julia: I think Cammie is gonna open one eye because Cammie's been on ships for a very long time, and I think Cammie's been on several sinking ships, so she kind of knows how it feels. She opens one eye and looks at Umbi and is like—
Julia (as Cammie): Um, are we sinking?
Brandon: And the camera turns to Umbi and he goes—
Brandon (as Umbi): Because I’m TNT, I'm dynamite!
Julia (as Cammie): We're probably sinking. That's fair. That's— yeah. Okay.
Julia: And Cammie is gonna, like, very gently take Nonny off of her chest, put her to the side, walk over to the door that I know has a lot of water behind it.
Eric: Yes.
Julia: And is going to use polymorph.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: Cammie, I will say, because you did spend one round of this episode actively doing nothing—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —I'll give you that short rest.
Julia: Oh.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Nice.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: So Cammie, I'll give you a choice. You want spell slots back or you want HP back?
Julia: Spell slots are always good.
Eric: Roll 4 D6 for me.
Julia: 4 D6, sure.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: [dice roll] One. [dice roll] Two, that's a 3. [dice roll] Three, that's 6. [dice roll] And two, that's 8.
Eric: 1, 2, 3, 2?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: All right. Total up the spell slot levels that you want refreshed, and as if it's eight or lower, you can do that.
Julia: Great.
Brandon: Nice.
Julia: That means I only used one first-level spell and this fourth-level spell for polymorph.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Eric: Everything else that you've done that's once per day, however, does not refresh.
Julia: Yes, I know. That was what I was trying to get back, was my possession, but it's fine.
Eric: Sorry. You used your grand—
Julia: That's okay.
Eric: Your grand hex can only fuck me once here, but I'm— don't you have two? Oh, God, there's another one. No!
Julia: And I haven't told you what it is.
Eric: Julia's laughing at me.
Brandon: Julia just smiled, Eric. That's amazing.
Amanda: She's so scary. I'm glad she's on our side, Brandon.
Julia: Yeah. So Cammie is going to polymorph and Cammie is going to specifically polymorph into a giant octopus.
Brandon: Yay!
Julia: Just a bigger version of Nonny.
Eric: I love that.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Here's the issue, Cammie.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: You polymorph into a giant octopus in the engine room.
Julia: Yep
Eric: Just like next to Umbi.
Julia: You know that octopi can open doors, right?
Eric: I do. I'm just waiting for you to open the door.
Julia: Yes, and giant octopus, pretty good on strength.
Eric: That's fine. Okay.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: I'm interest— just checking. I do like that you're just bigger Nonny.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That's really cute.
Julia: Cammie is going to open the door, swim through as quick as possible, shut it again.
Eric: Well, let's see what the dice say about that.
Julia: Uh-huh.
Eric: Okay. Why don't— let's do a strength check to see how good you are at opening the door.
Julia: Great. Cha! [dice roll] That is a 19 plus 3 for a 22.
Eric: Okay. Give it to me again.
Julia: That is a 16 plus 3 for a 19.
Eric: Goddamn, dude. All right. Umbi gets splashed like he's outside of a water slide.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia: Umbi's in the first row of one of those Shamu shows.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amanda: And let me tell you, those ponchos don't do shit.
Julia: Nope.
Eric: Yeah, right. Right. Goddamn. All right. Umbi gets a little splashed, but he's okay. Gee whiz, yeah, using your octopus strength, Cammie the octopus and Nonny the octopus shlorp their way into the flooded hold. I think it's like 75% full at this point.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: It's— it is certainly weighing down the ship, but there's still— there's still room to go.
Julia: I think Cammie is just going to spread big, wide in octopus form, suction cup down and settle over the hole.
Amanda: Yeah, dude.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. Cammie loves settling over the hole.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Like a bath stopper.
Julia: Yeah. That's exactly what I was picturing, Amanda.
Eric: Yeah, I think, once again, you're already old— you're already an old hand at this. You stop up the water, the water level stops rising. And I think, as an octopus, you're all suctioned in, aren't you?
Julia: Yurr.
Eric: Yurr.
Brandon: Yurr.
Eric: I love the idea that there's a little spot that you just can't stretch. You can just— can't stretch you and Nonny just settles into it.
Julia: And we telepathically go—
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you, baby.
Eric: Well, I mean, you're gonna have to communicate like octopi do.
Julia (as Cammie): Prrr.
Julia (as Nonny): Prrr.
Julia (as Cammie): Prrr.
Julia (as Nonny): Prrr. Prrr.
Brandon: If anyone's around, it would be so adorable.
Julia: Oh, yeah. Can I also do a perception check to see if Piney is in here still?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: A 5.
Eric: 5?
Julia: Plus—
Amanda: Who are you, me?
Julia: —3, 8. 8. Eric, it's an 8, so—
Eric: Oh, it's an 8. That's pretty high.
Julia: It’s pretty amazing, yeah.
Brandon: I haven't rolled a single dice this session yet, so I wonder if my, like, dice luck is, like, rubbing off on you two for this one, you know?
Amanda: Brandon, it's been in me.
Julia: I rolled a 19 and a 16.
Brandon: That's true. That's true.
Julia: Back-to-back.
Brandon: That's true.
Amanda: I can't blame you for this one, bud.
Julia: Just statistically, the dice are spicy.
Brandon: I remember that section of my statistics class when we talked about spicy dice.
Julia: Dice be spicy.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: All right. Here's what I want you all to do. I would like you all to roll for initiative, not because we're hopping into combat right now, but I'm trying to think of the order in which these next things all happen.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Wee.
Brandon: I legit thought Eric was gonna say, "Here's what I want you guys to do, go fuck yourself."
Julia: Go fuck yourself, actually.
Amanda: Okay. 19 for Troy.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Big, old 4 for Cammie.
Brandon: A slightly bigger 5 for—
Julia: Oh, actually, what do I get to initiative? Oh, that's a five for Cammie as well.
Brandon: Five hits.
Eric: All right. Umbi, give me a roll off for both of you, that Troy will be first, but I want to see who comes second and third.
Brandon: All right, Julio, mano a mano.
Julia: 15.
Brandon: Natural motherfucking 20.
Eric: Okay, great.
Julia: Damn. Damn.
Brandon: What is up?
Amanda: I'm sorry we wasted your Nat 20 on initiative.
Julia: Well, to be fair, his first roll was a 5, so—
Eric: Troy, Umbi, Cammie— okay. Troy, up top, Havana uses his medical degree, which is obviously applicable to finding secret spots for things.
Julia: Makes sense.
Amanda: Where else will you cry?
Eric: Right. Developed by him being a man at medical college.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Every medical professional listening to this podcast just had a heart palpitation.
Julia: Uh-huh.
Amanda: Shout out to former transcriber Nick, that one's for you.
Eric: And finds the hatch that you can hear Umbi singing ACDC.
Julia: Highway to the danger zone.
Brandon: Oh, that's a good one too. The next one I was gonna do was—
Brandon (as Umbi): I am Iron Man.
Amanda: What does that mean? Then Troy opens it.
Eric: So you can go down there and hop into the engine room.
Amanda: Great. Troy will get Havana lined up, have Havana go in first, but before he himself drops in, just cast one more eye around the deck for anyone who could be threatening.
Eric: No. It's just you and the blood orange puddles left by your compatriot, Havana Tropicana, crying and not being able to deal with what's happening.
Julia: At least it's crying and not blood.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: It'd be very creepy if our tears were the same color as our blood.
Julia: Ooh, gross.
Eric: That'd be cool. I'd like that.
Brandon: That would be cool.
Eric: That would be cool.
Amanda: That's true. You could pass off crying as a nosebleed if you're toxically masculine.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Okay. Yeah.
Eric: I wish.
Brandon: Yeah. Heh.
Eric: Heh.
Brandon: Heh.
Eric: Yeah. Heh.
Amanda: Yeah. Then Troy will drop down.
Eric: Great.
Amanda: And close the hatch behind him.
Eric: Troy, as you hop down, you see the screen, the parasol screen that we referred to before.
Amanda (as Troy): Ah, cool.
Eric: And on the screen, you can see that the ship has made quite a lot of progress in a short amount of time, but I guess that's when you're going reckless speed. And you are moments away from colliding with quite a number of things, because the SS Lake Encounter, even in its submerged state, has enough juice to be one of many participants in the giant boat crash of the zombie pirate horde, the pirates looking for fame and fortune to find the Salmon and the key— and the forces of the Diamond Knot assembled to defend the Kompos facility from the two previous pirate hordes.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon (as Umbi): Welcome to the Jungle, we got fun and games.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh, whoever's steering, we're gonna crash.
Amanda: In viewing the monitor, do I see which way will be better to turn, like safety, you know, steering into a skid situation?
Eric: If you did it right now, you could skid and avoid a head along collision with everything and everyone.
Amanda (as Troy): Turn, turn, turn. Bank, bank, bank.
Eric: Umbi—
Brandon:
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah!
Brandon: And Umbi banks.
Eric: —I need you to make a—
Amanda: See, it's gonna be wisdom. It's acuity of the mind.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Exactly. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw to bank the ship at the last possible moment. It's gonna be difficult.
Brandon: Now, when you say wisdom, do you mean intelligence?
Amanda: Mastery over your own mind skill?
Eric: No. Insight— no. This is in your loins bud.
Julia: No, it doesn't. No.
Eric: This is your loins. It's wisdom.
Julia: Are you sure? You feel it in your plum.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Brandon, you've—
Eric: I feel it down in my plums.
Julia: Thank you for knowing about my reference twice.
Eric: I got you, Julia. I also consume content for men.
Brandon: Well, it's a plus zero.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: So—
Eric: Straight up.
Amanda: You rolled a 20 before, you can roll it again.
Brandon: Here we go. It's 12.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: It's not none.
Brandon: It's better than 50%.
Eric: The ship banks hard and rolls over once, twice, crushing pirate and zombie vessels in its wake and then slows to a sploosh, settling in the water right outside of the Kompos facility. And Cammie, as you are looking around for Piney and the Webbed Salmon, you look one way with your octopus eyes, you look another way with your octopus eyes.
Julia: Do you know that octopi have a 360 view?
Eric: Okay, well, then let's say it like this. You go from the left all the way around, and you see the quick glint of big googly eyes looking right at you, and that's when the ship tumbles over. We zoom out, and every one of the zombies, the pirates, and the government agents stop—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —look at the ship and the Rotten Key chuckles and says—
Eric (as Rotten Key): Aye, now, it's a fight.
[theme]