We’re changing the entire Dungeons and Dragons live show game with DDR - Dungeons and Dragons in Reality. Escape, if your dice let you. Brandon lassos. Amanda doesn’t trust anyone. Mike battle-raps.
Live Shows
- Come see us live in NYC, Orlando, and Boston! Get dates, times, and ticket info at http://multitude.productions/live
Sponsors
- Twenty Sided Store, the best indie game store in Brooklyn. Get 20% off your online or in-store order with code JOINTHEPARTY.
Find Us Online
- website: jointhepartypod.com
- patreon: patreon.com/jointhepartypod
- twitter: twitter.com/jointhepartypod
- facebook: facebook.com/jointhepartypod
- instagram: instagram.com/jointhepartypod
- tumblr: jointhepartypod.tumblr.com
- music: brandongrugle.bandcamp.com
Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master: Eric Silver
- Brandon Grugle: Brandon Grugle
- Amanda McLoughlin: Amanda McLoughlin
- Michael Schubert: Michael Schubert
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is a collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast. That means a group of friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that everyone from seasoned players to true beginners can enjoy. Where else can you get adventure, intrigue, magic, drama, and lots of high fives all in one place? Right here.
After each episode we sit down for the Afterparty, where we break down our game and answer your questions about how to play Dungeons & Dragons and other roleplaying games at home. We also have the Punchbowl, an interview series with people pushing D&D forward creatively, communally and socially. It’s a party, and you’re invited! Find out more at jointhepartypod.com.
Transcript
Eric: Hey, hi, hello! It is summertime Eric, just riding the cool waves into the hot beach, and all that stuff!
We are hard at work with the final arc of Join the Party. But that does not mean we aren’t keeping our D&D skills sharp. This episode is a whole new type of D&D show that we've been kicking around, and I've been stoked to run for a very, very long time. This isn't the main quest, or in the Join the Party universe, but I think you'll find a lot of the same silliness and play that you've come to expect from our crew.
So, enjoy the game of Dungeons and Dragons in Reality, which we recorded in Twenty Sided Store, in Brooklyn, New York.
[theme music]
[audience clapping]
Eric: [enthusiastically announcing] Hey, hi, hello, and welcome to DDR: Dungeons and Dragons in Reality! The second-best game with those initials!
[audience laughing]
Woooo! Yay! Everybody cheer.
[audience woos and claps]
Yeah, so. The reason why we kept saying it was a secret show, is because it kinda is. We're trying something totally new when it comes to playing Dungeons and Dragons live. So just come with us on this journey, please!
Think of this kind of like an escape room. But instead of you and your coworkers arguing about which key slot this golden painted prop is supposed to go into, and then you jam it, and then you break it and they charge you $200…
[member of audience chuckles]
It's happened to me, I’m sorry, [chuckles] It's a podcast live show! Which is governed by the rules of Dungeons and Dragons.
Hello, I am Eric and I'm going to be your Dungeon Master this evening. [orders] Clap.
[audience clapping while Eric laughs]
[continuing laughing] Please clap, I need it.
[Brandon laughs]
Basically, for those of you don't know how D&D works, I am going to lay out the story framework and I have some points for my players to figure out. I'm going to lay out chunks of exposition, control a whole lot of minor characters and just keep everything running smoothly.
And these are our players, look at them! They're so nice.
[audience clapping]
Mike: Oh, hello!
Eric: Now, here's where it gets a little bit different. Ordinarily, players would play a class. So, you might be a fighter, or a barbarian, or a wizard, or cleric, but instead, they're going to be playing themselves. Everyone's class is podcaster…
[audience laughing]
And they have...they have no qualities because podcasting requires no skills.
[audience laughing]
[chuckles] Their species is human, but they each have a different background. And they all have an item to aid them on this adventure. So, please introduce yourself and we’ll start with Brandon.
Brandon: Hey, it’s me!
Amanda: Hello!
[Eric laughs heartily]
Brandon: No one clap. I don't need it.
[audience laughing]
I am Brandon. I am a human as we said. So, my background, for those who might not know, I… this...this nice, classy exterior here. When I was in middle school, I was a saggy-pants wearing, spike bel, former punk. So, my background is former punk.
Amanda: Yesss!
Brandon: And my feature is that I am punk AF, which means when I fall off of my skateboard, I take no falling damage.
Amanda: [mildly excited] Yeah!!
[audience laughs]
Brandon: So, I am proficient in longboards and Pro Tools, which is a music editing software.
[Brandon and Amanda laugh]
Amanda: That joke really kills in podcaster hangouts.
[Eric and audience laughing]
Mike: People listening are gonna pause and be like, “Aha!”
[Amanda and audience laughing]
Brandon: I know English and music theory, those are my two languages. And my item, my special item, is a pair of noise-cancelling headphones with a very long cord, which I can use as a rope or lasso. But I can also listen to things that others may not be able to hear with them. And I can also put them on and get focused. So I can like, go in the zone and get advantage on checks.
Eric: But then he can't hear anything, because they are noise-cancelling. Which is very funny to me.
Brandon: Yes.
Mike: Okay. Hello, my name is Mike. You also can call me Shubes if you want. My background is an amateur rapper…
[audience laughs]
…cuz I was in an improvised hip hop rap group when I was in Seattle.
Um, so let's see. I have a special ability called Battle Rap where I can cast the D&D attack…
Eric: [clarifying] Spell.
Mike: Spell. [clears throat] Vicious Mockery. This is also my second time playing D&D, so please be nice to me.
[Eric chuckles]
I can cast a Vicious Mockery at will if I do a rap. Depending on how good the rap is, I will roll a specific die to see how much psychic damage I do to my opponent.
Amanda: Yeahhh.
Eric: And the beat is going to be me beatboxing, terribly.
Mike: It’s alright, I can do it. I've dealt with worse.
[Amanda and Brandon laugh]
Mike: So my – my….
Eric: Listen, there are worse people, so it’s going pretty well.
Mike: The languages that I speak are English and Hype man.
[audience chuckles]
I have proficiencies in cooking and hair products. And my item is in New York Knicks basketball, with which I can compel someone to play hoops with me and I get +5 to Persuasion if I do. Also, it's a basketball!
[audience laughs]
That’s where I’m at.
[Eric continues laughing]
Amanda: That’s very good.
I'm Amanda McLoughlin, playing Amanda McLoughlin. I have a background of aspiring librarian, which I wish I was instead of a podcaster. So, that means that I speak the languages of English but also conversational hacking. Because librarianship and hacking are very related, ask your librarian friends.
And my skills are Pinterest, meaning that I can do like those DIY projects that you see on Pinterest all the time. I can do them like so fast. And also, like handyman stuff. Like stuff you have to call your dad to be like, how do I change this light bulb, but like I can do really quick.
And then my magic item is a thing that I really do carry, which is the introvert’s survival kit. So, It's like a little baggie with you know, like mints, and gum, and a phone charger, and pens and band-aids. But how it actually works here is I have to roll for Luck. If I get a 10 or above, I can choose what item I pull out of this like, bag of holding. The only constraint is that it has to be able to pass through airport security. So, it can be like a leather man or a liquid above 3 ounces.
[everyone chuckles]
Brandon: It can be a bunch of liquids up to 3 ounces though.
Amanda: That’s true! It can be a quart size bag of tiny little liquids.
[Eric and Brandon laughing]
Eric: It’s just going to be Amanda rolling, like, “I need 2 ounces of whiskey”, and she rolls on it.
Amanda: Nice!
Eric: “I need 2 ounces of contact solution”, and she rolls on it.
Amanda: And If I fail that roll, then the DM has to choose for me what item comes out of the bag instead. So, it could be like a frog…I don't know. That’s for you to choose.
[Everyone laughs]
Mike: I mean, those can go through airport security. So, it’s fine.
Amanda: That’s true, that’s true.
Oh, yes. And I have organizational skills. So, whenever I…I like a picture that there's like a murder board on the wall, only it's disorganized. I can like identify what the information is because I'm a nerd! And I want to be a librarian.
Eric: That's it and that's your players. So that is what they are going to work with. Obviously, this is different. But we think that it might be funny, and you laughed at some of them, so I think it's gonna go okay.
[audience chuckles[
Brandon: Eric -Eric, real quick. I just want to interrupt that Shubes did add to his character sheet, under personality traits, he did write “really cool”. So, uh…
[audience laughs]
Mike: Also, under flaws, I put, “cares too much”.
[Eric laughs, some clapping]
And under bonds, I put “covalent”.
Amanda: Aww, love it.
[audience laughs]
Eric: Well Mike, this is a group interview for an engineering job.
[everyone laughs]
So, you’re well on your way!
Mike: Good, gotta get back in the game!
Eric: Yeah. Is everybody ready?
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: Okay. The three of you wake up in a dimly-lit room laying on a surprisingly comfortable king size mattress.
Mike: Are we all on the same mattress?
Amanda: Hold on. Are we head-to-toe? Are we perpendicular?
Brandon: Is it the same blanket?
Mike: Is it the same mattress?
Eric: Same mattress, no blanket and you're all like sardines next to each.
Mike: Am I middle spoon?
Eric: Yes.
[Amanda chuckles]
Mike: Good, okay.
Eric: You know, I wrote that down, “Mike loves middle spoon”.
Mike: I do, it’s so good!
Amanda: Both, it’s best of both.
Eric: Is this character Mike Schubert, or is this you personally?
Mike: No, real life. I've…
Eric: It’s all the same.
Mike: I mean, yeah, I would love to be the middle spoon.
[audience chuckles]
I also vastly prefer little spoon to big spoon.
Brandon: I’m learning a lot about you tonight.
[audience laughing heartily]
Mike: I just feel safe and secure.
Eric: Mike, on Bonds, just write down little spoon.
[chuckles] You're groggy and disoriented, as you were not all hanging out the night before. And you were also not wearing these beautiful tracksuits when you fell asleep.
[Mike hums, intrigued]
Brandon: What color?
Eric: Blue.
Brandon: Great.
[Eric and audience giggle]
Eric: You also don't remember your right ankles being this heavy because there is a strange weight encircling each one of them, affixed with a glowing green light.
Amanda: Uh oh.
Eric: Now I want to ask all three of you, what is the last thing you remember?
Amanda: [breathes deeply] I remember falling asleep at home with a heavy book on my lap, obviously.
Eric: Of course.
Amanda: Mhm.
Mike: I remember starting one more episode of something on Netflix and then saying I'll brush my teeth after and then falling asleep on my bed.
[everyone laughs]
Brandon: I finished a whole pizza, which I haven't done since college, and did fall asleep watching Chef's Table.
Eric: You know, in my head I was just like, “Oh, I was just like hanging out with my friends and all of a sudden it all went black”, but I love that all three of you were like I was in my bed…
[everyone laughing]
I was comfortable. The character and player are exactly the same, I like it.
Amanda: Mhm.
Eric: All of a sudden, you hear a beautiful melodious voice come out of nowhere.
Eric (as Melodious Voice): [loud, accented woman’s voice] Good morning Dungeoneers!
[Mike hums in disapproval]
Brandon: Nope.
[Amanda murmurs discontent]
[audience laughs]
Eric: Well, this is the voice I’m doing, so just get used to it.
[everyone laughing]
You look up and you see a PA system and a camera in the corner encased in plexiglass.
Eric (as Melodious Voice): [excitedly] I see that you have woken up! Wonderful! It is so much better to have actual players than just bodies strewed upon the ground and don't worry Mike, I made sure you're the little spoon.
Mike: Oh, yay!
Eric (as Melodious Voice): First, let me introduce myself. [mischievously] I am the Dungeon Master. You are all in my dungeon. You will play by my rules. I’ve put many through many trials, but you will be the best competitors yet! I know it! Podcasters will be perfect for this grueling challenge of Strengths, Wits, and Constitution.
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Get it? Because podcasters have skills and things. That was a reference to earlier in the show.
[everyone laughing]
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Uh, et me tell you the rules. You will have 15 minutes to complete my puzzles! And walk through the golden door at the end! There you will have a Chuck E. Cheese party in the party room. And all of the games work and there is good pizza! I promise!
Amanda: Is that the winning scenario?
[Brandon and audience laughing]
Eric (as Dungeon Master): That is! Also, Charles Entertainment Cheese himself will be there!
Mike: Wait, is that what the “E” in Chuck E. Cheese stands for?
Eric (as Dungeon Master): That is! That is real!
[podcasters gasp in surprise]
Amanda: Wow! Nightmare after nightmare!
Brandon: We should...we should try to lose I think.
Amanda: Yeah…
Eric: But don’t worry, I wouldn't be much of a Dungeon Master without giving you a hint. There is a 2004 Verizon razor phone hidden somewhere in the dungeon.
[Amanda laughs heartily]
Mike: That's actually good. I never had one as a kid, so…[chuckles] I want one now.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: I’m so sorry Mike.
Uh, and then all of a sudden, the three of you feel a phone buzz underneath you.
Amanda: I look under the duvet.
Eric: There is no blanket. It is just a mattress.
Brandon: In the mattress, or is it?
Amanda: Feel it under the mattress?
Eric: You don't feel it.
Amanda: Under the pillow?
Eric: There is no pillow.
Amanda: I look under the bed.
Eric: It is not under the bed.
Brandon: Okay, it’s in the mattress.
Eric (as Dungeon Master): [frazzled] I’m still saying the instructions, please!!
Mike: I got it, I got it! I scream, “Hey Siri”.
[everyone laughs]
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Well, it’s a 2004 razor phone, so…
[everyone laughing]
Mike: Oh!!! I didn’t know if this was the razor.
Brandon: Me and Amanda just look at you, like what are you doing?!
[Amanda laughing]
Mike: I’m trying!
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Good luck! And the timer starts right now!
Brandon: Amanda, did you want to try to like pull out some sort of cutting utensil out of your bag?
Mike: Is there anything under the mattress or is it flat on the floor?
Eric: It is flat on the floor.
Mike: Okay, let's cut open the mattress.
Amanda: I pull - I'm gonna roll to pull a…oh shit I can’t have a knife, it has to go through TSA!
Mike: No, you can do the really tiny nail clipper knife!
Amanda: Okay! Really tiny nail clipper scissors.
Eric: Okay.
[dice roll]
Amanda: I got a 2.
[Eric laughs]
Amanda: So what comes out of the bag instead?
Eric: So you reach in your pack and you pull out a banana.
[audience laughing]
Mike: I eat the banana.
Eric: Good.
Amanda: [sounding unsure] And then I use the sharp end of the peel to try to cut open the mattress…?
[dice rolls]
Eric: [laughing] What?! Okay roll for Nature, and you better roll really well.
Amanda: Um, I'm sorry, that was only an 11.
Eric: Alright, with an 11, [chuckling] you smoosh the banana against it. It doesn’t smoosh totally, but it is…it doesn’t cut open the mattress.
Okay, so you're in the setting. This is in fact an abandoned Chuck E. Cheeses.
Mike: Okay.
Eric: The wallpaper of brightly colored pizza slices and 90s designs are faded. And you can see the indentations in the weird purple carpet where games and attractions once stood. Also there are weird stains, but it's not that weird for a Chuck E. Cheeses.
[everyone laughs]
You were in the atrium of the Chuck E. Cheeses, so there are double doors that, behind you, that should go into a parking lot, but it's just darkness. And then in front of you there is like one of those open hallway doors.
Mike: Okay. Um, I look in the mattress if there's a zipper on it. Is there a zipper?
Eric: Okay, do an Investigation check, Mike.
Mike: Okay, that’s the d20?
Amanda: Yes.
[dice rolls]
Mike: I rolled a 9.
Eric: And you add your intelligence.
Mike: Oh, baby. [surprised] Oh, -1!
[everyone laughs]
Eric: With an 8…
Mike: I’m into rice, come on!!
[Amanda and Eric laugh]
Eric: With an 8, you–you look around and are like, “Mmp, it must be one of those Casper mattresses”.
[Brandon chuckles]
Amanda: I'm going to lift up the mattress and look under it, fully.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: I got a 5 + Strength, which is…3.
Brandon: I’ll help Amanda.
Amanda: That’s an 8.
[dice rolls]
Brandon: [chuckles in reaction to roll] That’s a 9.
Eric: Okay…
Mike: I also help to lift the mattress!!
Eric: You guys don’t… [laughs heartily]
[dice rolls]
Mike: And I also rolled an 8, but I’m a strong…[change in thought] Oh, no…no.I don’t have, I have a +1 for athletics.
Eric: Okay, okay. With a 9, you can lift up a mattress…
[audience laughs]
And, the 2004 razor falls out.
Amanda: Yay!!!
Mike: Yesss.
Brandon: Oh good, cool.
Mike: Phew!
Amanda: We open it up, what does it say?
Eric: There is a text in there from someone called Jeremy? And Jeremy says, Hey, DM, want to get tacos tonight? So here's - here's the deal with this phone. This phone has 10% battery. It is a 2004 razor. But you can still download like those super janky apps, So you can do anything that you would do with it… with like an old phone.
Brandon: I play snake until it runs out of battery.
[Eric and Mike laugh]
Eric: [short pause] Is that really what you want to do?
Brandon: No, no, no.
Amanda: I open the web browser accidently and my dad yells at me because I racked up a $20 data bill in 4 seconds!
[Eric chuckles]
So you can do anything...you could only do one thing and it's super slow because it's a 2004 razor.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: But it’s in very nice condition.
Amanda: Let's hold on to this until we really need it.
Brandon: Keep it.
Mike: Yeah.
Amanda: And try to go through the non-double doors?
Mike: Yes. Okay, who's going through the door first?
Brandon: Let’s go through the door.
Eric: Alright. So who is going to walk through the door first?
Brandon: Not it.
Mike: I’ll do it. Do I need to roll for door?
Eric: No, you're fine.
So like you try to walk through, and then Mike, you feel a buzzing sensation from the thing that's attached to your ankle…
Mike: Right.
Eric: …and you take 1 point of damage.
Mike: Okay. [exclaims] Ow guys! This hurt. But I'm going to keep going cause it only hurt a little.
Eric: [laughing] Okay.
[Brandon and audience join in laughing]
Alright, alright. Well here we go. Mike? I want…
[Eric takes short pause to refrain from laughing while audience giggles]
Mike, you're gonna take 5 steps forward, and you take 2 more points of damage.
Mike: Alright, I turn around.
[audience lightly chuckles]
Eric: Okay, great. So Mike, as you went in through the door, you saw what happened, what's next. There in the hallway, there are 2 different arrows. There is one that points to the left that says, “Adult Stuff, Boo!” on it and then the other one says, “Game Room, Nice!”. And you run back into the atrium before you can go any further.
Mike: I saw arrows! One said Adults Stuff, Boo!”. One said, “Kid Stuff, Nice!”.
Amanda: That's weird.
Mike: But then it started hurting the farther I walked, so I came back.
Amanda: Uh oh.
Brandon: Good choice. Good choice.
Mike: Yeah.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Can we try to see if there's any like traps or tripwires around the archway?
Eric: Uh, sure. Why doesn’t everyone make a Perception check?
[multiple dice rolls]
Mike: Oh, it's a 17!
Amanda: I got a 21!
Eric: Oh, okay.
Brandon: Got a 15.
Eric: Okay, so Mike and Brandon, you look around and this is in fact a Chuck E. Cheeses and you do not like it. You realize that the 2 arrows are going to go off into different parts of the Chuck E. Cheeses, it’s just the front. So like if you go on down one of those hallways, you're going to go somewhere else.
Amanda with a 21, you look around the room and you notice that the wallpaper looks like, cut out in one little spot, which is about 10 feet off the ground.
Amanda: Yo, can someone give me a boost?!
Mike: Yes, uh, we give her a boost.
Brandon: We do thing where we interlock our hands and then get her foot.
Mike: [mumbles] Get her foot.
Amanda: Yeah!
Eric: Okay, so you guys make Strength checks, and Amanda, you make a Dexterity check.
Amanda: Alright.
[dice rolls]
Mike: I got 17 for that.
Brandon: [quietly] Uh…uhhh. Uh… [short pause] 3?
Eric: Okay, great. Good.
Amanda: I also got a 3.
Eric: [giggling] Okay. Alright, everyone is in position. Brandon, you try to hold up Amanda, and does a bad job of holding her-her balance and then she flops over on top of Brandon.
Brandon: Cool, cool.
Amanda: Not a good start.
Eric: And Amanda is just like sitting on Brandon's chest.
Brandon: Is there anything like, uh, like sticking out from the panel that I could like, that we could grab like a handle or anything?
Eric: Yeah, I think the panel is sticking, is definitely sticking out a little bit. So if you want it to like jump up and try to hit it? You could.
Brandon: But is there like a handle or anything? That’s like outcropping from the panel itself?
Eric: Oh. Why don’t you make an Investigation check?
[dice rolls]
Brandon: [short pause, followed by chuckle] Uh…3?
Amanda: No. [slightly quieter] Oh no…
Eric: Bud, I’m sorry. There is not that.
Brandon: It’s cool. Great.
Mike: Can I throw my basketball at it?
Amanda: [excitedly yells] YES!!!
Eric: Yeah, yeah man.
Amanda: Yes!!
Eric: Alright. So, to make a Dexterity, it’s gonna be an attack roll. [chuckling] And I think you have basketball as one of your weapons.
Mike: I do!
[dice rolls]
So I rolled a 3, but I have +2 for Dexterity and then +4 attack bonus for basketball.
Eric: Okay, so you have +4. So, what is that?
Amanda: 9.
Eric: 9?
Mike: Because it was +6 total, yeah.
Eric: Okay, um. So, you're going to throw the basketball at the panel and what does it look…[giggling] how do you do it?
Mike: I'm just trying to like hit it, you know, if you like hit something and then maybe it'll pop open?
Eric: Okay.
Mike: So, I threw a chest pass at it.
Eric: So I think you [chuckles] throw a hard chest pass at the panel, and it pops off. But you did it way too hard. So the ball like bounces and hits totally the other side of the…of the room.
Also, you guys look up there and there is a computer. But unfortunately, the computer has a crack in it because Mike threw his basketball too hard.
[audience chuckles]
But, you guys look down and you see that all of your anklets now no longer have the green light on them.
[podcasters all sigh in understanding together]
Amanda: Is that better or worse?
Mike: I think it means we won't get hurt. I'm gonna, since I'm already the hurt boy and I done goofed and hit the computer really hard with a basketball, I'm gonna try to go back towards the arrows and see if it doesn't hurt me this time.
Eric: Alright Mike, you walk through the archway and you brace yourself for electric shock and you don't feel anything!
Amanda: [in mild excitement] Yay!!!
Eric: You just feel bad that you broke property.
Brandon: Nice, nice, nice.
Mike: Can I pick up my basketball?
Eric: Oh yeah, for sure. It’s just a basketball.
Mike: Oh, okay. I pick up my basketball, I spin it and then I say, “Come on guys”.
[podcasters laughing, Eric doots doots a tune]
Amanda: We walk through.
Eric: Okay, so you are now at the arrows as Mike said before. And one says, “Adult Stuff, Boo!” which goes off to the left. And the other one says, “Game Room, Nice!”, which goes off to the right.
Mike: I feel like it's reverse psychology, I want to go to “Adult Stuff, Boo!”.
Brandon: Yeah, there's like crosswords in there. I'll do some, like…?
Amanda: I feel like we're gonna be better at that than we would be at the kid games.
Mike: Yes.
Amanda: So we're gonna go to the “Adult Stuff, Boo!”.
Eric: Okay, so you hear the PA system crackles to life and the Dungeon Master comes back, and they’re like...
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Oh!! You figured out my first puzzle. I hope it wasn't too shocking.
[Amanda and Mike boo, audience laughs]
Get it? It was electricity. It was an electric fence?
[Amanda and Mike continue booing]
You’re trapped in my puzzles and your booing me!? I’m going to have to make it harder!
Amanda: How about you let us out and we’ll give you all of the feedback you want?
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Oh that’s so good! Just walk through the doors and I – [tone changes to malevolent] NO I'm not going to do that.
Amanda: It was worth a try.
Eric: Okay, so you’re going into “Adult Stuff, Boo!”, right?
Mike: Mhm.
Eric: You're going to open up the very like just regular wooden door because this is like, where the adults do their office things. And you…
[audience laughs]
…and you can see that there is a – there’s a hole that is carved into the purple carpet. And it is like a 5-foot hole, in total, I don't know, diameter? I don't know math. And it's very dark as you look down. And you can see as you walk over there, you can see here, like very muffled sounds of someone yelling.
Amanda: From the hole?
Eric: From the hole.
Brandon: From down in the hole?
Amanda: Any there any other doors or windows in the room?
Eric: No, well…there-there are like some old motivational posters. So there's one of the cat holding himself up, like, “Keep your chin up!” and there's just like some papers that are strewn around.
Amanda: Okay.
Brandon: I scream, “Hello, can you hear us?!”
Eric: You hear from the hole,
Eric (as Voice in Hole): Help? I’m really stuck! Someone please help!
Mike: I ask, who are you?
Eric (as Voice in Hole): Hi, I'm acclaimed actor David Boreanaz!
[audience laughs heartily]
[short pause] Please, I need your help!
Brandon: It sounds exactly like him!
Eric (as David Boreanaz): I was in Bones and Angel!
Amanda: Uh, Brandon, your headphones!
Brandon: Yeah! How far down are you, would you guess?
Eric (as David Boreanaz): Emily Deschanel is actually really nice in person!
[audience laughs]
Brandon: That’s not what I asked!
Amanda: Focus! Focus David!
Eric (as David Boreanaz): Oh! Thank you, thank you! You’re here to help!
Amanda: How far down are you, bud?
Brandon: How far down are you?
Eric (as David Boreanaz): Help, I'm really stuck! Please, someone help me!
Brandon: Is there anything that I can throw down this hole?
Eric: There are the papers and you have everything on your person.
Amanda: Um, how about I make a paper chain out of the papers with my Pinterest skill?
Eric: Oh shit. Okay, yeah. Roll for Dexter…Sleight of Hand? I don’t know? It’s a Pinterest skill!
Amanda: Do I get advantage because of my skill?
Eric: Yeah, sure.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: 11 +, what do you want? Proficiency is 13.
Eric: Okay, yeah. You can see how the profits of Chuck E. Cheese are going way down. But now it’s a cute little paper chain and it’s fine!
[Brandon chuckles]
Amanda: So I lower down, hold on to one end and say, “Hey, David, Can you grab this?”
Eric (as David Boreanaz): Hi! I'm acclaimed actor David Boreanaz. Please, I need your help!
Brandon: It’s a tape recorder, right?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric (as David Boreanaz): From Bones and Angel!
Amanda: I let go of the paper chain.
Eric (as David Boreanaz): Emily Deschanel is actually really nice in person!
Brandon: The series finale of Angel was terrible!
Eric (as David Boreanaz): [short pause] Oh, thank you, thank you! You're here to help.
[audience laughing]
Amanda: They kind of fixed it in the comics, I'll tell you about it later. Anyway, should we go to the kids room?
Brandon: Sure?
Mike: Yeah, there’s nothing else to do in this room.
Brandon: I'd like to like take the poster, the cat poster?
Eric: Yeah. Okay Brandon, I want you to roll a d20.
Brandon: Ohhh…
[dice rolls]
Do I add anything to it?
Eric: No.
Brandon: 8.
Eric: Brandon, you…
[Eric pauses trying not to laugh, audience laughing]
Brandon: You don’t know, it could be good!
Eric: You take the cat poster down and there is… just like someone graffitied it. It says, “Brandon smells weird”.
Amanda: Oh no!
Eric (as Dungeon Master): I did that!! Wasn’t that funny?! I knew you would look for things! Sorry you didn’t help out David Boreanaz, he’s a very nice person.
[audience laughs]
Brandon: Cool, okay. I calmly put the poster back. So no one can see this graffiti.
Eric (as David Boreanaz): Help! I'm really stuck. Someone please help me! [more quickly] Hi! I’m acclaimed actor David Boreanaz, please! I need your help!
Brandon: [short pause] So, kid’s room, or...?
Amanda: Kid’s room.
Mike: Yea, kid’s room.
Amanda: Close that door firmly behind us.
Eric: As you close the door firmly, you hear the muffled sound of…
Eric (as David Boreanaz): [muffled] “I was in Bones and Ange!”.
[Eric makes incoherent muffled David Boreanaz statements as podcasters distance themselves]
Eric: And you guys are going into the other room. You look around and you see this is a very large room. There are old tables that are arranged around this very, very large pile of trash. And you also see that there is a stage. Um, and on that stage is the decomposing robotic body of Billy Bob Riccoli…
Brandon: Oh no…
Eric: A brown bear who wears yellow and red overalls and played a wooden bass and I didn't make that up.
[audience laughs]
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Oh…
Eric: You also hear under the pile of trash, you hear another voice going,
Eric (as Voice Under Trash): Hello. Hey, Can someone help me? I'm stuck under here.
Brandon: Are you a real one this time?
Eric (as Voice Under Trash): What?! Why wouldn’t I be real?
[podcasters incoherently agree to move forward]
Eric: The Dungeon Master that comes back on the PA and says...
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Oh, well! You’re not the first person to come in through this dungeon! David Boreanaz came through and he's actually very nice in person! But I’ve crushed the spirit of people before you! And I think that I will crush yours as well. I guess you could ask her for help. [short pause] If You dare. [quietly] Hahaha, take it back now y'all.
[audience chuckles]
Eric: And the PA switches off.
Amanda: One hop this time? Is that…
Eric: There’s no response.
Amanda: I thought that would be the code to get out of here.
Mike: So, where was this voice coming from?
Eric: It's coming from under the large, very giant pile of trash, which is in the middle. I should tell you it's also on top of a dance floor, which is the entire space in which, you know, all the tables are around.
Brandon: Is this trash really heavy? Why are you stuck?
Eric (as Voice Under Trash): Yeah, I’m stuck underneath the red barrel, please help me! It hurts so much!
Mike: I move the red barrel.
Amanda: Let’s clear it. Yeah.
Eric: Okay. There is a red barrel that is kind of over on like on the right side of the big pile of trash. And you see that there are legs seeking out from under it. You push it over if there's like a 19 year old girl who's just like in overalls, and just like totally dirty, covered in dust. She's like...
Eric (as 19-Year Old Girl): Oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much. I hate this, I hate this place. I've been stuck here for so long, and I was stuck under that red barrel.
Mike: Hi, my name is Mike. Nice to meet you. What's...what’s happening?
[audience laughs]
Eric (as 19-Year Old Girl): Listen, I don’t know! My name is DJ and I'm a DJ. I'm a DJ...DJ. That’s my DJ name.
Amanda: We're gonna visit that later. How did you get stuck here and what have you learned about the place? We think that David Boreanaz is not David Boreanaz, and, I don't know, there might be computers hidden places.
Eric (as DJ): Yeah, that definitely sounds about right. I definitely did this, but it was like a Long John Silver's theme? I think they switch it up every once in a while.
Amanda: That's worse.
Eric (as DJ): Definitely worse. This is better. Where are we?
Amanda: It's kind of a Chuck E. Cheeses, I guess.
Eric (as DJ): Oh, it's kind of a Chuck E. Cheeses? That’s worse than a Chuck E. Cheeses.
[audience chuckles]
Amanda: Are there any exits in this room?
Eric (as DJ): I can’t…I don't know. I just kind of woke up underneath this red barrel after I lost the last challenge. The Dungeon Master found out I was a DJ and he made me like eat vinyl records? It was really gross.
Mike: What was that, the whole challenge? You just had to eat records?
Eric (as DJ): Yeah, I was super gross. Found out I was a DJ. I hated it so much.
Brandon: That sounds more like a prank than a challenge.
Eric: The PA comes back on,
Eric (as Dungeon Master): [enthusiastically] It was hilarious for me! I got 2000 hits on my YouTube channel!
Eric: And then turn it back off.
Amanda: Can I investigate windows? Doors? Traps?
Eric: Absolutely.
Brandon: Is there anything of use in the trash? Can I investigate that too?
[dice rolls]
Eric: Yes.
Amanda: 11.
[dice rolls]
Brandon: 18.
Eric: Okay, I'm gonna start with Amanda's first. So Amanda, you look around…
Amanda: Oh, I’m just kidding! It’s 16.
Eric: Oh, 16. Okay.
Amanda: Forgot my proficiency bonus like I do in every episode of Join the Party.
Eric: Hey!! So, [giggles] you look around the room. And there are two double doors that are sealed shut. And you can go over to them and try to shake them and they are locked. And DJ the DJ says,
Eric (as DJ): You know, I don't think they would, the Dungeon Master would just let us out like that. I feel like there has to be some sort of password or pass code? I don't know. It must have put me in here for a reason?
Brandon: What did you do get stuck underneath a barrel?
Eric (as DJ): I just kind of woke up underneath the barrel! I don't really know.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Okay, so here's a list of the things that are in the trash. There is a refrigerator, a large pane of glass, 3 broken cages, some microscopes, 2 fire extinguishers, a set of weights, a giant industrial fan blade, wooden crates, and the red barrel. Plus they're also the whole…the robotic skeleton of, what the fuck was that guys name?
Amanda: The bear?
Eric: Billy Bob Broccolini? Or whatever his name is.
Brandon: I’m sorry, Billy Bob Broccolini?
Eric: Brocc-o-li? Brocc-o-li is his name.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Get it? And he's holding a wooden bass as well. And overalls.
Amanda: His base is there and it's playable?
Eric: Uh, yes
Amanda: I'm gonna pick it up.
Eric: [laughing] You are now holding a wooden bass.
Amanda: I don’t know! We have a DJ and a rapper. I feel like…
Mike: Yes.
Amanda: I feel like we need some kind of freestyle rap to get out of here.
Brandon: Hold out my noise cancelling headphones immediately.
[Amanda and audience laughing]
Mike: Okay, so there is a thought that the door needs something to open it. Can I investigate somehow of like, what might need to be done to the door to get it to open?
Eric: Okay, why don't you make a Perception check for that one?
Mike: Okay.
[dice rolls]
Mike: It's a 7.
Eric: Okay, with a 7, you see that the door is locked.
Mike: Okay.
[audience laughs]
Mike: Okay, so the door is locked.
Eric: Also, there are some wires that are coming off of the door, but it's like they're stapled to the wall. And they're attached to some speakers.
Mike: Okay. Can we turn him on somehow?
Eric: Yeah. Check it, check it out.
Mike: Okay. I go over to the decomposing bass player and see if there's some sort of power switch to get him on to start playing bass.
Amanda: Yeah, I put the bass back in his hands and say sorry.
Eric: Interesting. Alright. Why don't you make, uh….
Amanda: And I can do a handyman assessment maybe to see if there's any like minor soldering that has to happen before he goes on.
Eric: Cool. Cool. Yeah. Why do you make a roll for that? And Mike, there is an on/off switch, because I don’t know what else to do.
Mike: I flip the switch on.
Eric: Okay, it does not turn on.
Amanda: I got a 12, anything need fixing?
Eric: Uh, yeah, his elbow is broken, which would not be able to let him play the bass. And also, he's missing batteries.
Mike: So, Oh! There was stuff in the trash.
Brandon: Uh, batteries?
Mike: I don't know.
Brandon: There was a refrigerator.
Eric: There is a refrigerator, a large pane of glass, 3 broken cages, some microscopes, 2 fire extinguishers, a set of weights, a large industrial fan blade, wooden crates, and a red barrel. Plus the weird animal.
Brandon: None of those are batteries.
Amanda: The microscope might have [hopefully pitches voice] batteries?
[podcasters speak in hopefully high-pitched voices]
Brandon: Is that not plugged in to a power source?
Amanda: Nope, sorry. Sources telling me there are no batteries in a microscope.
Mike: Is there a way for us to power this person by like, making a Rube Goldberg?
Amanda: Or tunes?
Brandon: Hey DJ, do you have batteries?
Eric (as DJ): Okay, let me, yeah, let me just look around.
Amanda: Noise-cancelling headphones!
Brandon: That's true. What kind of noise-cancelling headphones are they? Are they battery powered?
Eric: Well, why don't you roll an Investigation check and DJ is also gonna check her pants.
[dice rolls]
Brandon: Uh, 15.
Eric: Okay, with a 15, you look at your noise-cancelling headphones, and they do have batteries! They're powered by one really large D battery that you can only get in like one store. But it's like, in Topeka.
Amanda: It’s heavy headphones, oh my god.
Eric: Yeah. DJ also checks her pockets, and she says that she finds a to-do list in her pocket. And she’s like,
Eric (as DJ): I didn't write this, it isn't my handwriting.
Eric: And It looks like chicken scratch, like a 5-year old tried to write it down. And the first one says, “Get the music”. The second one says, “Clear the dance floor”, and the third one says, “Do the dance”.
Mike: Ohhh.
Amanda: Ohh-kay. I’ll get the bear, y'all clear the dance floor. Let’s do this. So…
Mike: Yes.
Eric: Brandon and Mike I want you to both make Strength checks.
[two dice rolls]
Mike: That is a 6!
Brandon: 11.
Eric: [chuckles] Mike…
Amanda: Listen, we’re podcasters. Did we not say that before?
Eric: [still chuckling] Mike, you try to push over the refrigerator, like ugh, I’m going to push the refrigerator!
Mike: I do a quick set of reps on the weights.
[Amanda and audience laughing]
Eric: Okay, you still need to clear the dance floor, it's not yet fully cleared. So you might need to roll again. Not now though. You’re like, this is too large, I can’t do it in one go.
Amanda: I got a 12 for handyman, so I'll use the battery. I'll try to like, just put the elbow back together and tighten the screws and just put my fingers….
Eric: Okay, cool.
Amanda: How does it work?
Eric: Alright, so now you put the batteries in it and the…. the elbow is back and you turn it back on? And, uh, Billy Bob comes to life!
Amanda: What have I done?!
Mike: Sweet.
[audience laughs]
Eric: [doot doots tune] Then you hear just like, there's a beat that starts with like [doom-shh-doom-shhh-doom-shhh]. And you can hear now Billy Bob opens his mouth says,
Eric (as Billy Bob): [yelling] To the left! Take it back now y'all!
Mike: Oh yes.
Eric: [slowly gets louder as lyrics play] One hop this time! Errrr. Left turn, let’s stomp! Errrr. Left foot, let’s stomp!
Mike: I’ve already been doing everything he’s saying.
Eric (as Billy Bob): Cha Cha now y'all! [continues singing rhythm of the Cha Cha Slide] Turn it out! To the right!
Eric: [giggling] He’s just going to keep going.
[Billy Bob continues singing Cha Cha Slide]
Amanda: So we’re going to clear the dance floor.
[multiple dice rolls]
Mike: That was too many dice rolls.
[Eric continues singing Cha Cha Slide]
Mike: I rolled a 16!
[audience laughs]
Amanda: No.
[Eric continues singing Cha Cha Slide]
Amanda: I rolled a 14.
[Eric continues singing Cha Cha Slide]
Brandon: I rolled 4.
Amanda: We cleared the dance floor!
Eric: [laughing] Okay! So you fully cleared the dance floor. And now, now Billy Bob is just fully going at it.
Amanda: What was that before then?
[everyone laughs]
Eric: And then he gets to the part where he’s like, “Get funky with it!”, and he’s going to do the thing where you put your hands on your knees and it goes back and forth.
Amanda: Criss-cross?
Eric: And it goes, [makes grinding noise], and DJ is still off-off in the corner just watching you guys try to dance this out.
Amanda: DJ, come here, do the dance with us!
Mike: Come on DJ, we all have to Cha Cha Slide.
Eric (as DJ): I do not want to do this.
Amanda: You want to get out of here and not?
Eric (as DJ): Just… do I have to dance in front of other people?
Mike: DJ, this is not dancing. This is following instructions. You can do this!
Amanda: Furthermore, we’re podcasters,I think you're going to be a little bit better than us.
Eric (as DJ): I don’t…
Mike: [interrupting] Wow, wow, wow. You will not be better than me!
[audience laughs]
Eric: Alright, so everybody make Performance checks to try to empower DJ as well.
Mike: [contemplative] Performance…
[dice rolls]
Brandon: 14!
Mike: 20.
Brandon: Natural 20!
Eric: 20?
Mike: Yes!
Brandon: He wasn't lying, he can dance.
[audience laughs]
Amanda: I got a non-natural 20.
Eric: Okay, you guys, yeah ...So Mike is just like tearing it up on the dance floor, so freaking hard. That DJ is like...
Eric (as DJ): Oh, you know, actually ...okay, that sounds pretty fun. Just like, don't tell any of my friends that I'm doing this.
Mike: Don't worry, we got you. Dance like no one's watching because literally no one's here.
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Ah, watching? I’m watching! You're doing great.
Mike: Thank you.
Eric: DJ ignores it, and she joins you all as you do the Cha Cha Slide. And as Billy Bob is playing it, he goes…
Eric (as Billy Bob): [exclaiming] Stop. Freeze. Everybody. Clap your hands!
[everyone claps along with Cha Cha Slide]
Eric: And as you guys clap to the rhythm of Billy Bob, you hear the creakkkk of double doors open.
Mike: Nice, nice.
Eric: And now you can move on to the next room!
Amanda: [whispers] Yes!
Mike: As we move on to the next room, he gets to the part where he's like “Charlie Brown” and we're like what does that mean?!
[everyone laughs]
Does anyone know what that was!? And then we keep going.
Eric: DJ says...
Eric (as DJ): I'm gonna try to go the other way. I think my friend David Boreanaz is here. I'm gonna try to find him.
Mike: Have fun.
Amanda: Godspeed.
Brandon: It definitely is there, for real.
Eric (as DJ): Hey, did you guys see my see my talkbox anywhere?
Mike: Uh, check in the bottom of the pit.
Eric (as DJ): Oh! That's why I left it, that’s right!
Eric: And she runs off in the other direction.
Amanda: David Boreanaz is totally dead isn’t he?!
[Mike and Brandon laugh]
Oh no…
Brandon: His soul is trapped in the talkbox.
[Amanda and Eric make sounds of discomfort at the idea]
Eric: And then you as you walk-walk away down the hall, it says “Reverse, reverse!” And it gets slowly farther away, [slightly quieter] “Reverse, reverse!” [even quieter] “Reverse, reverse!”. And now you no longer have to do the Cha Cha Slide, congratulations.
Mike: Thank you.
Eric: Just like in real life, it’s mandatory until you just walk away.
[everyone laughs]
Amanda: Until the next wedding any of us attend.
Eric: Or bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah or b’nai Mitzvah.
[midroll transition music]
Eric: Hey it’s Eric again. Have you ever had days where you’re just running around -- you have errands, phone calls, coffee dates, work, school, whatever. And it is summer time in the northern hemisphere so we are hot and sweaty all over, and your forgot your bandana which is what you use to wipe the sweat off your face. And then you realize, in the middle of everything, you have ten minutes to spare, so you walk around a big box store just for the industrial AC. Welcome to the midroll. We’re not on power save mode.
Hello to our newest patrons: Louie, Joel, Debby, Margot, Emily, CP, Kylie, Judith, Space Mace, Damian, Katy, Sonya, Michelle, Robert, Merry, Skyla, Vinny, Lyle, Zee, Shane, Mischa, Mr. Folk, Anthony, Caitlin, Marcia, Elle, Lauren, Stephanie, Michelle, Mike, Danielle, Eliane, Varmint, Jamey, and Lauren. WHEW.
Thank you all for supporting this creation of art that you care about. If you want to support us and be on the Patreon train for the summer when we come back in full force in September, head on over to patreon.com/jointhepartypod.
We also wanted to remind you that we have a live show coming up in June! Multitude is taking over the Bell House in Brooklyn on June 21, 2019. This is a totally new show with some segments you’re only going to be able to see live. The Bell House is THE podcast venue, a spot where I’ve seen a lot of my favorite shows do live shows, so this feels like a really really big deal to me. The show is 18+ and will last about 90 minutes. Head to multitude.productions/live or check the link in the description of this announcement to get the link for tickets! Bell House. Brooklyn. June 21st. We’d love to see you there.
We are sponsored this week by 20 Sided Store in Brooklyn, New York. Did you know that we recorded in the back of 20 Sided for this show? They have a pretty great space back there, where they hold Magic the Gathering tournaments and board game demos and D&D Mini Painting Classes and seminars on learning to DM and all of this other stuff. So why don’t you stop in, have some fun, and walk out with some new dice? You can also use our promo code JOINTHEPARTY for 20 percent off in store or online. That is JOINTHEPARTY for 20% off and just like go over there make some friends! It’ll be great.
Alright, let’s get back to the show.
[midroll transition music]
Eric: Okay, you now walk into another very large room. And you see like, you see all the weird indentations where arcade games used to be. So it’s just kind of like empty except for the little like push-in pegs of the legs. And you look around, and the only thing that is in this room is a giant play-place.
Mike: Oh!!
Eric: You know like one of the McDonald play-places? Like imagine this is like, on steroids. Like this is full sized for people, for real humans to run through, human adults to run through. And there is just one entrance in the front. And it says, “Come on in!”. And in really, really large black and purple letters.
Brandon: [short pause] We're not doing this right?
Mike: [laughing] I kind of want to do it.
Amanda: I am going to run in.
Brandon: Is there a ball pit?
Amanda: Maybe that's where the secrets are?
Mike: Is there anything- is there anything else in the room besides the big play-place?
Brandon: Are there large things that are gonna fall down on my head as I enter the entrance?
Amanda: Like scissors?
Brandon: I’m going to investigate for traps!
Eric: [chuckling] Great! Alright.
[dice rolls]
Brandon: Uh, is 6 good?
Eric: Brandon you start looking around the play-place like try to poke at it, like put your foot down and go tap-tap-tap. And then the PA comes on and be like...
Eric (as Dungeon Master): [energetically] I’m a deranged Dungeon Master! There’s obviously traps!
[audience laughs]
[incredulously] Brandon, what did you think was?! Are we just having fun here?
Amanda: He thought it was a pizza coma.
[Eric and Brandon laugh]
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Brandon, I also want to say you have sauce on your shirt, which is why I put you in a tracksuit. And then I thought the two other people would look good in a tracksuit, so I put them on for you as well.
Brandon: That's nice, okay.
Mike: Yeah, we look like the Beastie Boys now, so it’s cool.
Brandon: We get to keep these when we win right?
Eric (as Dungeon Master): If you win! You can just wear it for eternity if you lose!
Mike: Can we go inside the play-place?!
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Yes, sounds fun for me! I’m just going to watch and put it on Youtube later. Alright y'all, just smash that subscribe button. I'm the Dungeon Master! And I just want you all to know that I'm going to be in Bangor, Maine at the end of this month, just doing a meet and greet!
[podcasters talk over each other in excited incoherence]
Amanda: We are running through, I’ve never run faster in my life.
[Eric laughs]
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Listen, I get kind of anxious when I meet new people!
Eric: And you hear it fade away. So you come to 2 doorways that are in front of you. Think about it like…
Amanda: [interrupting] In the play-place?
Eric: Inside of a play-place.
Brandon: Are we standing up or we have to be on our hands and knees?
Eric: As you crawl-crawl through like it was really short when you crawl through, and then you stood up and now like imagine you were in, if you were going to a bathroom.
There's like the men's on one side and the women's on the other side because it was like, 1980. But like one of them, and now there's 2 doors and one has a big “True” on it. And the other one has a big “False” on it. And in the middle, between the 2 doors, is a piece of paper. And this sentence is on the piece of paper, “Some animals can get sunburned”.
Mike: Yeah, that's gotta be true.
Amanda: Yeah, let’s go through the “True” door.
Mike: Mhm, let’s go through the “True” door.
Amanda: Haha! That’s a trick question.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: We walk through the “True” door.
Eric: Uh, guys push through the “True” door and you hear a little bell ding. And nothing happens.
Amanda: Good thing?
Eric: It's a good thing, it’s good.
Mike: Sweet!
Eric: And you hear-you hear some-some stomping happening in the other-in the other room.
Amanda: Ugh.
Eric: And now you're at another set of 2 doors. And again, this is “True” on one side and “False” on the other side. And there's another piece of paper in between the 2 of them. And this one says, “The hummingbird egg is the world's smallest bird egg”.
Amanda: It’s gotta be true, right?
Mike: Ugh, I don’t know anything about eggs! Or birds!
Amanda: Or birds! Hard to say. Uh, lets…
Brandon: If we split up, we can’t all die.
Amanda: That's true. Mike could throw his basketball through one of the doors.
Mike: I could.
Eric: At this point, you hear the sound of like, you know when you turn on a gas stove, and then like the gas comes on and then the fire lights? You hear that noise and it came from behind you.
Mike: Oh!
Brandon: Wow…
Amanda: Let's run through the “True” door.
[Mike makes grunt of uncertainty]
Or throw the basketball through it.
Mike: I’m going, I don’t like back-to-back same answer. I want to say false!
Brandon: It’s gotta be a trick question.
Mike: Yeah, I think false.
Brandon: I think the eggs are bigger than the birds themselves!
Amanda: Alright, you can go first.
Mike: Okay, I'll go through the “False” door.
Eric: Okay, it's just gonna be Mike?
Mike: Yes.
Brandon: No, I'll go with you.
[audience laughs]
Mike: Okay, You two are going to run together?
Amanda: I don't want to be alone, so I will follow.
Eric: Okay, all three. Okay, so all three of you push open the “False” door and you were all stuck in like some really, really gross spider webs? Like the super gross cobwebs? And it’s just like all over the place. And then you hear the lighting-the gas lighting again. And I want all of you to take 4 points of fire damage.
[Mike gasps in reaction to damage]
Because you all get singed on the bottom of your feet from a fire that is now coming in from your feet. You look down and they're like, little holes where fire is coming out of. And you all got a little scorched.
Mike: Okay.
Amanda: Alright. Should we run around to the “True” door?
Brandon: Yeah, absolutely. We run out through the “True” door.
Eric: Yeah, you run through, and when you push through the “True” door, there's another bell and you come to the other si...
Brandon: [interrupting] We also learned something!
[audience laughs]
Amanda: I think we all learned something today.
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Sorry that you didn’t all have zoo books as children! It’s not my fault!
Eric: [chuckling] Shout out to Zoo Books!
[audience laughing]
So you now come to another two doors, one is “True”, one is “False”. Except this one, the “False” is on the left, and the “True” is on the right.
Amanda: Oh no!
Eric: And this one, there's another piece of paper which is taped to the wall and it says, “Elephants can eat grains with their trunk”.
Mike: [repeating, thinking out loud] Grains with their trunk, grains with their trunk.
Amanda: No! Trunks are just for drinking!
Mike: Trunks, they-they…
Amanda: They can grab!
Mike: And put it into their mouth.
Amanda: And put in their mouth in a very cute fashion.
Brandon: Right. It's a nose, right?
Mike: Yes.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon, Amanda, and Mike: [in tandem]: FALSE.
Amanda: We run through.
Brandon: We go through the “False” door.
Eric: It was the other Dungeon Master, don't look at me like that!
[audience laughs]
Alright, you guys push through the “False” door and you hear the bell again, it goes “ding!”. And then you hear what sounds like a robot voice goes,
Eric (as Robot): [robotically] “I just really want to hug you”. Why won’t anyone come in here and hug meeeeeee?”
[short pause]
Amanda: Keep walking, keep walking. Walk away, walk away.
[audience laughs]
Eric: And you hear over the PA system, “Level one complete!”.
And are you guys are gonna get down on your hands and knees and run through a little tunnel again.
Amanda: Alright, great.
Mike: We do that.
Eric: Uh, [giggles] Mike’s-Mike is learning Dungeon and Dragons! This is perfect.
You now come to a very large ball pit, but instead of a ball pit It is filled with like those foam things from a gymnasium?
Mike: Nice!
Amanda: Yep, yep!
Eric: Yep, those big cubes.
Brandon: Rope swing?
Eric: Yeah, someone definitely - Yeah, there's not a rope swing on this one. Like you know someone like lost a cookie in there and it's like still there.
Brandon: WHERE IS IT?! GIVE IT TO ME!!
Eric: Brandon, if you want to look for the cookie, you can. Um, yeah. So that’s all you see.
Amanda: Is there something across?
Eric: On the other side, yes. There is another like, there's a downslope where you could just like, you know, tumble over and do somersaults down.
Brandon: What's on the ceiling?
Eric: Uh, just, uh, more rubbery balloon stuff.
Mike: Is there a way to walk around or we have to go through this?
Brandon: Wait, rubbery balloon stuff? What?
[everyone laughs]
Eric: Like in a bouncy castle, it’s like the top of a bouncy castle.
[Brandon chuckles]
Amanda: It’s like inflatable, yeah.
Eric: Yeah, it’s inflatable.
Brandon: Can you attach a rope to it?
Eric: Why don't you make an Investigation check?
[dice rolls]
Brandon: 4.
[audience chuckles]
I need to stop rolling, what’s the point? I keep getting the same, low numbers.
Eric: Brandon, you look at the ceiling and you're like, “Man, I wish I could do this for my room!”
[Brandon chuckles]
“I want to live in a bouncy castle, that'd be great!”. Um, that's-that’s it.
Amanda: Alright, I'm gonna try to swim across.
Eric: Okay. How are you doing that?
Amanda: I'm going to lower myself, kind of like I’m jackknifing into a pool.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: But, like, holding onto the edge so only like, the necessary parts of me go inside.
Eric: Okay, so Amanda, I want you to make a Strength check to see if you hold yourself on the side of the- of this pit.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: [disappointed] 7…
Eric: Okay, Amanda [giggles] with a 7, it's like you're dipping your toe in and you're just like you’re putting your foot down and down and down and it slips because it's just like a freakin bouncy castle.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: And you fall down all the way through, and you're going to take…
[Eric rolls dice]
…5 points of falling damage.
Amanda: So many!
Eric: So Mike and Brandon, you guys just see Amanda fall through, just fall through. And now Amanda you are - your worst fear, at the bottom of foam pit.
Amanda: Oh, so many GERMS!
Brandon: Is she like, suffocating? What's going on?
Amanda: I mean, I'm gonna try to swim back up to the top.
Eric: Okay, yeah, you can- you can swim back to up to the top.
Amanda: Yeah, I'm just gonna continue on and be like, “Try not to fall, it really sucks!”
Brandon: Okay, well, I'm punk AF, so I'm jumping in cannonball style!
[Mike and Amanda encourage Brandon on]
Do I roll for something?
Eric: Yeah, roll for Athletics.
Amanda: With advantage?
[dice rolls]
Brandon: [excitedly] THAT IS A NATURAL 20!
[everyone cheers, audience claps]
Eric: So Brandon, this is like a skateboard video. It’s like all the sudden you hear Goldfinger. It’s like, [imitating Goldfinger] “GET EM, GET EM, GET EM, GET EM, berm berm berm berm berm!”. And it’s like Tony Hawk Pro Skater and you just like throw yourself into the pit.
Brandon: Yeah. Do I bounce off of the foam and to the other platform on the other side?
Eric: Yes.
Amanda: Sounds right. Sounds right. Parkour.
Mike: I also jump in since it's foam stuff, I do a flip.
Eric: Okay, Mike. Make an Acrobatics roll.
Mike: Oh, are you sure this isn’t Athletics? Alright…
[dice rolls]
Eric: It’s a flip, so…
Mike: 13+2 for a 15.
Amanda: Nice!
Eric: Okay, so it’s a cool flip, [confused] but you still take the fall damage?
Mike: It’s worth it! How much fall damage?
Eric: Uh, you take 6 points.
[Mike makes exasperated sound]
Mike, how much HP do you have left?
Mike: Not a lot.
Eric: What is it?
Mike: 7.
Eric: Oh, nice. Okay, you guys get to – you guys slide down the bouncy slide. And now you see those bouncy things from Wipeout. You know, like, there are those balls that you have to bounce on one, and then the other, and then the other and there were three in a row. And there's this really high ledge where the next door is.
Amanda: Um, is there any other option?
Eric: Uh, no, there's no other option unfortunately.
Brandon: We can just sit for the rest of the time.
Amanda: That's true.
Mike: Just talk.
Brandon: Just talk.
Eric: [imitating podcasters in high pitched voices] So, how are you guys doing? You guys know what you're gonna do on your summer vacation?
Brandon: Discuss the choices we made to get here.
Um, well, I'm not gonna take falling damage, so I'll jump on the ball.
Eric: Alright, Brandon make an Acrobatics check.
[dice rolls]
Brandon: uh, 19!
Eric: Okay, Brandon make another Acrobatics check!
[dice rolls]
Amanda: I’m sensing a rule of three.
Brandon: It’s 8!
Eric: Brandon, make another Acrobatics check!
[dice rolls]
Brandon: 16!
Eric: Okay, Brandon, you bounce from the first one to the second one. The second one goes super awry. but you were able to grab on to the third one and you land on the other side.
Brandon: Nice. Nice. Nice.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: It was really cool.
Brandon: [quietly] Thank you, thank you.
Eric: Yeah, everybody clap for Brandon.
[everyone claps]
Brandon: Yeah!!
Amanda: Now, from the ledge, could he use his headphones to reel us up?
Eric: Yeah, if you want to.
Mike: Can you do that [directed at Brandon] since I'm like, almost dead?
[Mike chants “Go!” repeatedly]
Brandon: Yeah. I’m going to throw my headphone cord out.
Eric: Okay, make a Dexterity roll.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: And we’ll do Strength?
Brandon: [enthusiastically] 19!!!
Eric: And you guys make Strength rolls to see if you can climb up the rope.
Amanda: 19, baby!
[short pause]
Brandon: Mike’s dead.
Mike: [less enthused] 2!!!
Eric: Alright, Mike, you lose your grasp for a moment. Does anyone want to try to grab Mike?
Amanda: Yeah, I’ll try to grab him.
Mike: Thank you!
Eric: Okay, Sleight of Hand.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: [monotone] 6.
Brandon: I mean, I’m going to try too, of course.
[dice rolls]
Brandon: 21!!!!
[podcasters cheer, audience claps]
Amanda: He went in two-handed for both of his teammates! Amazing.
Eric: Wonderful. Brandon, you grab Mike before he goes to certain death, and you move on to the fourth level. And now the you had to wade through a ball pit and now…
Brandon: Is it sticky?
Eric: Yeah, it's definitely sticky.
Brandon: Gross.
Mike: Nice.
Eric: There is an American Ninja Warrior wall. It is 15-feet high.
Amanda: Is that just a very tall one?
Eric: It's very tall. It's 15 feet, just literally and you curve up. So you can run up it and then you need to like, jump up and try to grab it.
Brandon: Gotcha.
Amanda: Can I try to pull suction cups from my introvert survival kit?
Eric: Absolutely.
Amanda: They can go through TSA.
Brandon: Do I have a skateboard?
Eric: [giggles] Okay, let’s deal with one ridiculous thing after another.
Amanda: Do I have an advantage? What's my modifier? Oh, it's just luck, right?
Eric: Yeah.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: I got an eight, I'm sorry. What else do I pull out?
Eric: Okay, Amanda, you pull out another banana. But this one is like super brown.
Amanda: [whispers] Damn it.
Mike: I still eat the banana.
Eric: That’s good. Yeah, Brandon, why don't you make a History check?
[dice rolls]
Brandon: 7.
Amanda: This Chuck E. Cheeses was built in 1972.
Eric: He’s like, [imitating Brandon] “Yeah, I like longboards, but I don't know where they are. If I had one, it'd be sick. But I don't, unfortunately.
Brandon: Okay. Does anyone know where longboards are?
[Eric stifles laugh]
I ask my two compatriots…
Amanda: No.
Brandon: I mean, is there a lip to the wall?
Eric: Yes, there is.
Brandon: I can try to lasso it?
Eric: Do it.
Brandon: Okay.
[dice rolls]
Brandon: 13? Am I proficient?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh, then, 15.
Eric: Okay! With a 15, you do throw it up there and you’re doing a blind throw, and the headphones wrap around something. You feel like there's a “ting!” and it wraps around, you pull on it, and it is taught.
Brandon: Okay, then I'm going to hold on to the cord and take big steps back and try to run up the wall.
Eric: Alright, make an Athletics check.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: With advantage?
Brandon: 4.
Eric: Ro- I’ll give you advantage.
Brandon: [happily] 18!!!
[everyone cheers]
Eric: Okay Brandon, with an 18, you are able to make it up the warp wall!!
Mike: Nice! Use this! Throw it to me!
Amanda: It’s still there.
Mike: Alright, then I go for the same thing.
Eric: Alright, do it.
[rolls dice]
Mike: Mhm, that is a 10 + 2 for a 12.
Eric: Okay with a 12, you get like halfway up the wall, but you're just kind of just like stuck. And you are hanging off of the headphone cord.
Amanda: I try to give him a boost.
Eric: Okay, why don't you also do an Athletics check?
[dice rolls]
Amanda: [excitedly] Natural 20, BABY!!
[audience claps, podcasters cheer]
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Aw, my puzzles are going poorly!
Eric: Yeah, you push Mike up.
Mike: Thank you!!
Amanda: You're welcome.
Eric: And It's very cute. And it's like a loving moment between friends.
Amanda: Great.
Eric: And Amanda is still standing at the bottom.
Amanda: I will try to do it as well.
Mike: And we would put our hands over the edge to try to make it that much easier.
Eric: Absolutely. I’ll give Amanda Athletics...advantage on Athletics.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: I got a 19 + 1 for a non-natural 20.
Eric: Alright, you make it up the warped wall! I'm very impressed.
Amanda: Me too.
Eric: Eric says, and then the PA comes on...
Eric (as Dungeon Master): I’m very impressed! I can't believe you made it through my play-place of fun! And by fun, I mean DOOM.
Brandon: Is that the full title?
[everyone laughs]
Eric (as Dungeon Master): There’s some really bad stuff in there. I don't like it.
Brandon: You made it!
Eric (as Dungeon Master): It’s supposed to be gross, even I don't like it. No one likes it.
Amanda: What is at the top of this wall?
Eric: There is like a balloon arch that says, “You did it!!” but the “Y” in the “You” is popped, so it just says, “ou did it!”.
Amanda: Uh oh.
Eric: And there is a doorway leading out of the play-place area.
Brandon: Almost certainly a trap, let’s go through it.
Mike: Yep.
Amanda: Yeah. How about we do it side by side?
Mike: Yes. How about we link arms?
Brandon: Great.
Amanda: Yes.
[Eric chuckles]
Eric: Alright, everyone make a Dexterity saving throw.
Amanda: Like on the Yellow Brick Road.
[podcasters roll dice]
Amanda: 4.
Mike: 13+2 for a 15.
Brandon: Uh, 12.
Eric: Uh, Amanda, you stumble on the bad carpet and you take 1 point of rug burn damage.
Amanda: Seems gratuitous. But okay...
Eric: This was made for children to run through!
Alright, so you push open the doors underneath the balloon arch, and you look inside and there's just like a really sad birthday party going on.
Brandon: Are there people there?
Eric: That's a great question. So, let me describe the super sad birthday party first. So there's just like balloons that are on the ground it’s… the helium is going out of them. And there's like a spoiled pizza in the middle of the table and you see that there are these hooded figures that are just kind of like walking around the room.
Amanda: [shocked] What!?
Eric: And over the PA system, you hear...
Eric (as Dungeon Master): You did it! Charles Entertainment Cheese is here!
Eric: And then you see this there's like a Time Square ass-looking Charles (Chuck) E. Cheese…
Mike: Oh no…
Eric: …with just a terribly looking costume, just like also like floating around. just walking around the room.
Brandon: Does he have a hood on too?
Eric: Yeah, he also has a hood on. He also has his arms outstretched…
Amanda: Blink twice if you are here against your will.
Eric: Uh, you don't hear anything.
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Why don’t you stay for my party?? [short pause] It's wonderful, we’re having such a good time together! The party is great, you have nowhere else to be!
Mike: I approach Chuck E. Cheese.
Eric: Okay.
Mike: And I say, “Yo, What up?”.
Eric: Chuck E. Cheese just runs into you.
Mike: Like physically?
Eric: He just like, bops into you. He takes a step back and then he walks around and then, like, goes around you.
Amanda: Like a Roomba.
Eric: Mike, I want you to make a Perception check and Amanda I also want you to make a Perception check.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: Is it because of my proficiency in Roombas?
Mike: That is a 19.
Amanda: Uh, I got a 7.
Mike: [correcting] 19 +2 for a 21, Just kidding!
Eric: Hey!!
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Mike you look down and you see the guy that like, there's no feet where the Chuck E Cheese is? He's just kind of like floating where, his Chuck E Cheese robe is down on the ground.
Mike: Okay, guys, this is kind of weird. Uh, I can…I try to remove his Chuck E. Cheese head!
Eric: Okay, so you remove it and there's just like a broom
Amanda: Oh no!
Eric: There is just a broom staring back at you.
Brandon: I actually don't know if this is weird for Chuck E. Cheese or not.
[everyone laughing]
Amanda: I was picturing locusts and that's worse.
Eric: That is worse. That is definitely worse. And you hear the Dungeon Master say,
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Well, I don't have enough friends to come to my party. So I made enough for my own!”
Eric: And Mike you look around and you see that all the robes are floating in this way. So you can see that there are seven different robes. One is matte black, one has sequins, one has polka dots, one has plaid, one has stripes, one has argyle, and one has stars.
Mike: I approach the Argyle robe one.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: Wait, wait, wait, is this all for this puzzle? Just friendship? Does Dungeon Master need friends?!
Amanda: Let's try it.
Brandon: Dungeon Master, do you need friends?
Eric (as Dungeon Master): [pitching unconvincingly] No!
[everyone laughs]
Mike: Didn't sound very convincing!
Eric (as Dungeon Master): No, I definitely don’t need friends! I don't know what you're talking about.
Amanda: What if we start a collaborative role playing game that we play online every Friday night?
[audience laughs]
Eric (as Dungeon Master): No that sounds dumb! I don’t want to do those dumb things!
Amanda: We could really come to depend on each other and trust each other as friends and go to each other's weddings maybe?
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Absolutely not! I mean, why would I tell you all these intimate details about myself?
Brandon: Do you want to come to my July 4th barbecue?
Eric (as Dungeon Master): [still not convincingly] No!!! It sounds dumb and bad!
Eric: Uh, Mike, you take off, you go to the guy in the argyle and he runs into you again.
Mike: Okay, I can…I remove the rope.
Eric: Okay, the broom, instead of a broom this time, there's like a punching bag on it? And it just falls on your face. And you take 3 points of damage.
[audience chuckles]
Mike: Geepers!!!!! Cool cool cool cool cool cool…
Amanda: Dungeon Master why don't you let our friend DJ and her friend David go? They can come and join us. That way we’d have more people here.
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Well, they could come but they didn’t want to! They didn’t want to do my fun puzzles. [takes a few quick breathes] It was so fun for me, truly. I love puzzles.
Brandon: Have you considered just inviting people with like invitations and not puzzles to your birthday party?
Amanda: An evite even?
Eric (as Dungeon Master): No, No! That sounds dumb and bad as well.
Eric: Uh, Mike, from your Perception check from before, you see that there is a gold door on the right side of the room.
Mike: Okay, I sneak over towards the gold door.
Eric: Okay. There is a massive keyhole in the gold door.
Mike: Hm, okay.
Amanda: I look under the spoiled pizza.
Eric: It's nasty.
Amanda: No key?
Eric: Actually, Amanda, make a Constitution saving throw.
Amanda: Oh, dang.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: 16
Eric: You are able to hold it together even though it's spoiled and nasty.
Amanda: Great.
Brandon: Is there a cake?
Eric: There is no cake.
Brandon: What-what do you do at a birthday party without cake?!
Eric (as Dungeon Master): [frazzled] It was a good birth- I also wanted to say it’s not my birthday! I just wanted to have a birthday party and I obviously didn’t have the ingredients!
Amanda: Can I tap on the sequined robe shoulder and try to like peek inside the rope?
Eric: Sure make a Sleight of Hand check.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: 11.
Eric: With an 11 you're able to pull the robe off. And it’s just another punching bag and it just kind of falls to the floor.
Amanda: No key.
Eric: So there…
Mike: It didn’t fall on her? Why did it fall on me?
Eric: Because you didn’t do a Sleight of Hand check and it went from the back.
So there is still the matte black, polka dot, plaid, stripes and stars....
Brandon: I'm going to go polka dots? I'm just gonna try to sneak a look.
Eric: A Sleight of Hand check.
Amanda: And I'll try stars.
Mike: And I'll do matte black with the Sleight of Hand!
[dice rolls]
Amanda: 11.
[Mike raspberries in reaction to his roll]
Brandon: 18!
Mike: It’s a 1…[delayed] + 4!
[audience reacts to the dice roll]
Amanda: Nice!
Mike: Phew!
Eric: Mike, you take 2 points of damage
Mike: Cool.
Eric: Brandon, you take the robe off and there's nothing there. Amanda you tap on the Stars guy and there's a guy with very long hair who looks at you and says,
Eric (as Long-Haired Guy): [enthusiastically] The time is over!!! It's been 50 minutes. And you hear the clang clang clang clang clang, as a gate shuts in front of the gold door.
Amanda: NO!!!
Eric (as Dungeon Master): I guess you failed my time, I guess we’re going to be friends [scarily] FOREVER.
Amanda: This is a pretty dark metaphor about friendship, huh?
[audience laughs]
Mike: I limp over since I’m at 2 health points,
[Amanda awws in reaction to Mike’s HP]
Mike: What happened when we took the robe off? There was a guy under one of the robes?
Eric: Yeah the man with the very-very long hair…
Amanda: The stars.
Eric: And he has a key around his neck.
Mike: Okay, I look up at the PA system and I very weirdly say, “Give me a beat!”. Because I want to battle rap this man for his key!
[audience laughs]
Eric (as Dungeon Master): Well, I can try!
[Eric beatboxes]
Mike: I got this guys!
[audience laughs]
Mike: Mm, okay…[takes a deep breath, begins rapping over Eric’s beatboxing]
Look, I’ve got 2 points,
I'm feeling pretty bad.
But... the locked doors,
got me feeling real mad.
And I don’t know,
cause I gotta get glad.
Cause that key around your neck,
I wish I had. In my hand.
This wasn’t the plan, I’m the man.
But it's not going great, I’m on this date.
I’m down two HP points,
and I don’t know,
just what’s the point?
And why are we here?
Who is this dude?
And why is the PA guy so rude?
I just want that key,
put it in my grasp.
Because,
I’ve got a class on the situation.
[Mike ends rap with final statement] Give me your key. Sir.
[audience claps]
Eric: He starts to cry a little bit. And he says...
Eric (as Long-Haired Guy): [aloof] Yeah, man you could have just had it. You could have just asked me. You don’t have to rap at me.
[audience laughs]
Eric: And he gives you the key that is around his neck.
Mike: Okay.
Brandon: Let’s GOO!!
Mike: I give the key to Brandon.
Brandon: Why!?
Mike: I'm not doing anything!
Brandon: I go up to the door and put the key in.
Eric: Okay you put the key in the door and it unlocks the door, but there's still the gate that is down there. And the door swings open and light pours in. But, unfortunately, there's no way for you to get out and you are stuck once again in the Dungeon Master’s Master trap. And that is DDR. Thank you everybody!!
Mike: Wow…
Amanda: Ahh!
[theme music]