Welcome back to the One Shot Derby, the character creation competition between three different TTRPGs! Now that we’ve played four games, The People will vote on which game we’ll play out.
This week, we’re playing True Crime Podcast Game by Eric Silver. A podcast really is a death cult. We’re sending the text version of TCPG to all Patrons, so keep an eye out.
VOTE for the One Shot Derby winner for the next two weeks here: http://jointhepartypod.com/vote
Housekeeping
- LIVE IN PORTLAND, March 23! Get your tickets at jointhepartypod.com/live
Find Us Online
- website: jointhepartypod.com
- patreon: patreon.com/jointhepartypod
- instagram: instagram.com/jointhepartypod
- bluesky: bsky.app/profile/jointhepartypod.com
- twitter: twitter.com/jointhepartypod
- tumblr: jointhepartypod.tumblr.com
- facebook: facebook.com/jointhepartypod
- merch & music: jointhepartypod.com/merch
Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host, Co-Producer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host, Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host, Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- One Shot Derby edited by: Mischa Stanton
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude Podcasts: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
[music]
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Hello and welcome. It's me, Sunchoke McGarry, great, great granddaughter of Scoot McGarry, great, great, great, great granddaughter of Scout McGarry. I might have mixed those up.
Eric: She's farther away from Scout McGarry?
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): I might have mixed those up. I'm here on my live video YouTube short show, which I am calling a podcast, which is called Dumb Hoes Getting Snowed, where we do cocaine and also talk about murders and we're all dumb hoes. Welcome.
Julia: I— Sunchoke McGarry, I have a quick question.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Oh, I have a comment in the live, yeah?
Julia: What year were you born in?
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): I was born in 2005.
Julia: Fuck.
Brandon: I thought you're gonna say like, "I was born in 2019."
Julia: '35.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): I can't legally drink, but I can definitely illegally buy cocaine.
Julia: Fair.
Brandon: We can all do that.
Julia: There's no age limit on that.
Eric: That's true, that's fair. That's our right as Americans.
Brandon: Amanda, I'm upset that you've never used this voice in a single character.
Eric: This is a great voice.
Brandon: It's a great voice.
Eric: Love this.
Amanda: Oh, thank you so much. I hope you guys are enjoying it. Welcome back to the One Shot Derby, where we have a special surprise, late entrant rounding the corner—
Brandon: What?
Amanda: —following up the back of the pack.
Brandon: What?
Amanda: Eric, what have you prepared for us today?
Eric: Oh, I wrote another tabletop RPG.
Amanda: Yay!
Brandon: Weeee!
Julia: Yay.
Eric: Oops.
Julia: Whoops. Uh-oh.
Eric: Whoops. Oops. Uh-oh.
Brandon: I love the idea that you're Cap'n Crunch in the Berry Factory, but it's oops, all TTRPGs.
Eric: Oops, all new tabletop RPGs, yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Guys, listening out there, please let me know, please tweet to @El_Silvero on all the old platforms and Eric Silver on the new ones. If you would buy a box set of Eric's TTRPGs printed out and bound in, like, sweet, little pocket-sized formats.
Brandon: Ooh.
Amanda: Like, you know, ever have a box set of, like, Tolkien or C.S. Lewis or somebody like that, or, like, the Everyman Penguin editions. I— it just struck me this morning how fun it would be to have, like, a rainbow little box set of his games. And if you would buy that, tell me, because we only need—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: —like, probably 50 to do it.
Brandon: I love that, yeah. It's good, yeah.
Julia: Hmm. Hmm.
Eric: I want that. That sounds great. I would— I'm one, does that count as me and fifty other people?
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: I'm like probably two, three, and four—
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: —because I would send it to, like, the first few people I met on the street.
Julia: Wow.
Brandon: Because you don't have to buy it. You can just have it. You're already buying it.
Eric: Well, I don't know if I count for the—
Brandon: You don't.
Eric: —50 people that Amanda's looking for.
Julia: Well, for production costs, sure.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: All right, folks, I wrote a new game. The Patreon already knows about it. It's called True Crime Podcast Game. It's a game—
Brandon: Wee!
Eric: —where we all play people who make a True Crime Podcast and we all die. Sound fun?
Julai: Yeah.
Brandon: I am so excited.
Eric: People on the Patreon already know. If you're not on the Patreon, you should join it, because sometimes I do stuff like this, where I've been kicking around this idea for a few months now, and I showed the first sketches of it to Amanda, Brandon, and Julia on one of the Party Plannings. And I've been working on it a lot since then. I've play tested it with Mischa, who's editing this podcast.
Brandon: Hi, Mischa.
Julia: Hi, Mischa.
Eric: Mischa, put that sound effect in that shows that you're here. And Roux, Multitude's old Community Manager, and Bren and their friends, who does the clips for Join the Party and also did the layout for Model Our Nation's, play tested it with their friends. So this is, like— I'm getting very close to this being finished. It will be finished, at least, the game when this episode comes out and I think I can, like, link the text to people in Patreon, so you can see everything that we're doing here. But since it's in the One Shot Derby, we're just going to play out the character creation portion. And if you want to see the rest of it, you gotta vote.
Brandon: You gotta vote.
Eric: Sorry, old women, murderists, and Christians.
Brandon: And in order to vote, make sure you go to jointhepartypod.com/live, and buy a ticket.
Amanda: Now, Brandon, I know a lot of things—
Eric: Wait, wait a second, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Julia: Hold on, we're mixing up our calls action here.
Amanda: I know a lot of things in 2025 are regressing to the mean of the 1700s in the US, but you don't actually have to spend money to vote in this election, at least.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: Show us you have land and then you can vote.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: You don't have to go to the Portland live show in order to vote.
Amanda: I mean, that would just be a bonus.
Brandon: Oh, okay. So it's two separate things.
Amanda: I mean, you can come there and ask me to do an impression of your choosing. I'll just do it.
Brandon: That'd be fun.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Okay. There's a link in this episode where this is the fourth of all the One Shot Derby. So we are opening the voting. The voting is in the episode description. It will go through, at least, the Afterparty that's going to be next week for everyone to vote.
Amanda: And if you are really horny for URL redirects, it's jointhepartypod.com/vote.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Julia: Vote.
Eric: Wow.
Brandon: Mischa, don't cut any of that. That was what was called organic product placement.
Amanda: Eric, I do just want to draw attention to and just hold space for, maybe, the fact that your play test audience is exclusively non-binary, creative professionals. And—
Julia: I was gonna point that out, too.
Amanda: —if you're not play testing your TTRPG with non-binary creative professionals, I frankly, don't know what you think you're doing, calling yourself a game designer.
Julia: What are we doing here?
Brandon: I'm holding space for that.
Amanda: Eric didn't say it, I said it, so—
Eric: I didn't even put that together. I thought that was funny. So folks, you want to play?
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: All right. Here's the intro of True Crime Podcast Game. You're on a True Crime Podcast, you're going to die, unless you do something about it.
Brandon: Ahh!
Amanda: Wow.
Julia: Now, Eric, did you choose to dress like a True Crime podcaster today? Or was that just the outfit that you went with?
Eric: I don't think that I dress like a mom looking for fulfillment after her kids are out of the nest, so I don't know what you are—
Julia: Empty nester, yeah.
Brandon: You are in, like, a sundress and, like, really, I don't know what, women wear. I don't know.
Julia: I was just gonna say, I like the hat. You usually don't wear a hat at recordings, anyway.
Brandon: You're like the PNW type True Crime.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: You know?
Eric: Oh, sure.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Where it's, like, ethical.
Brandon: Well, it's not ethical.
Eric: Where I point out— Brandon, I point out that most of the victims are people of color and I don't do anything about it.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: And then you also talk about Bigfoot.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bigfoot actually does the majority of the crimes.
Julia: Whoa.
Brandon: Here's a fun fact that you guys may not know, is Bigfoot has done murders just indirectly, because people go looking for them and they die because—
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: —they can't survive and so that—
Julia: Because they were killed by Bigfoot.
Brandon: Well, we don't know that, but we don't not know that.
Julia: Exactly. We have to assume.
Brandon: So I attribute to Bigfoot. Yeah.
Eric: Big Manslaughter is backing Bigfoot.
Julia: Brandon, did we talk about this recently? I'm having such flashbacks.
Brandon: We might, though. I don't know.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: All right. So there are four elements to character creation. We are going to kind of do the basics for each of our characters. We're gonna figure out the death that is haunting all of us. How are we going to die?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: What is our show about? And then we're going to complicate it with something on the fame table.
Brandon: Hell yes.
Eric: So let's get started. All of us, let's look over this section. We're gonna name ourselves, and then we're gonna have a draft of each of our characters job on the podcast.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: So first thing, you have to name yourself.
Brandon: Dude, these names are so good. I know—
Julia: Do you want a full name or do you just want a first name?
Eric: The example names that I have here are all first names or nicknames, so you could be Sam, Frankie, Morgan, Rory, or we got Double J, we got Big Cat, we got Jabrowski, we got The Sludge, we got Brick. So modern names mostly.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Can I go first and call Big Cat, The Sludge, Frankie?
Eric: No, Brandon, you can only pick one.
Brandon: Fuck!
Eric: You cannot pick all of them.
Amanda: However, putting them all together is pretty good, like Morgan Rory Brick is definitely a lesbian I went to high school.
Julia: Uh-hmm. I was gonna combine Big Rex into just Bex.
Eric: You could be Bex.
Julia: I like Bex.
Eric: Bex is fine.
Brandon: So Eric, it sounds like combining is the way to go. So can I have—
Eric: No, I don't know why I have this list of names, and all three of you are like, "What if we fuck it up?"
Brandon: Because they're all good names. I want them all.
Amanda: Yeah. I can't have just one.
Julia: I'm going Bex Beckett, and that's a cool name.
Brandon: Ooh, that's good.
Eric: Good. I like it.
Brandon: I'm really drawn to Double J, so I'm gonna be like Double J— what's a good last name for that, Julia?
Julia: Jenkins.
Brandon: Double— well, that's an— I can't combine, I'm sorry.
Eric: Hawkins. You could be Hawkins, Double J Hawkins.
Brandon: Double J Nawkins.
Amanda: That's good.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Double J Tawkins. Double J Tawkins.
Eric: Double J Tawkins. Yeah.
Julia: Ooh, okay.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: I'm gonna go with Big Cat.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: Love it.
Eric: I gotta be the Big Cat.
Brandon: So that's why you didn't want me to combine, because you wanted Big Cat?
Eric: No, I just wanted you not to combine. Again, I said, you only need first names or nickname and Brandon's like, "What if I Frankenstein these together? It's alive, but it has six eyes and no mouth."
Brandon: Yeah, that's called yes, banana.
Amanda: I am really drawn to Charlie. I always wanted to be named—
Brandon: Aw.
Amanda: —a women's name that could be shortened to typically masculine nicknames, so—
Julia: Same, girl.
Amanda: —Frankie or Charlie were my things. Let's go Charlie for this one.
Brandon: Would you want to be named Charles so you could be nicknamed Charlie or just be the nickname?
Amanda: Well, as a woman, I'd be like, I could be Charlotte named Charlie.
Brandon: Charlotte, gotcha.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: You know? Or like Francesca named Frankie type situation.
Brandon: Love it, love it, love it.
Amanda: Julia, you and I could only be better as a duo if our names were Charlie and Frankie, it’d be incredible.
Julia: That's true.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: We would have a Netflix series if our names were Charlie and Frankie.
Amanda: We would. We would.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Okay. So now, we're going to draft each character's job on the podcast. First things first, who's consumed a grisly piece of content the most recently?
Julia: I started reading a book last night that is called Someone You Can Build A Nest In, and it's described as—
Brandon: Wait, good title.
Julia: —sweetly furious, darkly funny, and gruesomely wholesome. It's a love story for the unloved, a happily ever after with a higher than average body count.
Eric: Yep.
Amanda: That'll do it.
Eric: Amanda: That'll do it.
Brandon: Now, Eric, I've also started watching the OJ doc on Netflix not but two days ago, which could count here.
Eric: That's true. And Brandon is farther in the future than we are.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: That's true, by four days.
Eric: I— Brandon lives four days in the future. It's really confusing for passing edits along. I've been watching a lot of Banshee lately, which was an original series on Cinemax, which now is on HBO, so there's a lot of violence and sex on it. But I think I feel like Julia—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —read this book the latest at night, even according—
Julia: It was three in the morning.
Eric: Yeah, even according to Bran— to Brandon's time change.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Okay. So Julia, you're gonna go first. Julia, please pick the order that we're going to draft.
Julia: Great. I'm gonna do it in the order that people responded, then, so me, Brandon, Eric, Amanda.
Brandon: A classic JBEA.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: JBEA.
Eric: a real classic JBEA situation.
Julia: Beej? Is that something that we could do?
Amanda: No, that's something else.
Julia: Beej?
Brandon: Beej is what my mom calls me, so let's not do that and—
Julia: Okay. Fair enough.
Eric: She does. That's really funny.
Brandon: Yeah, my nicknames include BJ and Beej.
Julia: Hmm. I love your clown mom.
Eric: All right. We're— so now we're going to draft the jobs on the podcast. I have some suggestions of jobs we can do. There's host, co-host, producer, audio guy, researcher, social media, scumbag, friend, and not on the mic, but in the room, rep from the network, or you can add your own. I have recommendations here. There must be one, but only one host. There is no ideal lineup of jobs, but I have a suggested starter pack for four players, if you want, of host, co-host, producer or audio guy, and then some other wild card. It's not import— I encourage people not only for this to be like a four-person podcast. It's always interesting when someone is not on the microphone and has other motivations here.
Julia: In terms of that, I was thinking that Bex Beckett would make a excellent researcher.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: Ooh, I like that.
Julia: Kind of a often dismissed, but a person's, like, contribution is not recognized often on the podcast, and I wanted that to kind of be Bex's whole vibe of like, "I am very qualified, I am very informed, but no one is fucking listening to me."
Eric: True.
Amanda: Love it.
Eric: I love it.
Brandon: The person trying to kill you is AI.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: True.
Julia: All right, cool.
Eric: Brampton, it's your turn.
Brandon: Well, I have two reasons for doing this. One, I think it'd be fun to force you two to be the host and co-host, but I also think that a guy named Double J Tawkins is definitely a producer, right?
Julia: Yeah. He's an off-and-on mic producer, too. That's even worse. Yeah.
Brandon: Oh, that's what I meant, yeah.
Eric: He pushes his way out of the microphone—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —to say thanks.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: And any other person would edit him out, but because he's the editor as well as the producer.
Brandon: Yep.
Eric: A 100%.
Amanda: Ooh, read for filth.
Eric: You know, remember, there— it does not have to be a co-host. It could just be a host.
Brandon: True.
Amanda: If it helps, I was leaning toward an off-mic role. So if you want to be the primary host, you should.
Brandon: It's so funny that the two Brandos and the Julia were like, "I don't want to be on microphone."
Julia: Hell no.
Eric: Sure, I'll be the host. I'll be the host. I'll be nice.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: Right. You're right. I'm Big Cat.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: I picture the art has, like, puma claw slashes or something like that.
Brandon: Ooh, yeah.
Julia: Because of Big Cat.
Eric: Right. Oh, yeah.
Julia: You're like, "Why?"
Eric: And then Amanda.
Amanda: I've decided that my last name is Crawkins, so my name is Charlie Crawkins.
Brandon: Love it.
Amanda: I think I'm a dude here. And I would really like to be scumbag friend not on mic, but in the room.
Eric: Yes, let's go.
Amanda: Where my contributions are consistently referenced and, like, true heads, there's lore that's built up about, like, you know, like, "Oh, it's a Celtics game day. Charlie Crawkins is gonna be, like, rowdy on his phone, or, like, eating pretzels or something." And that'll be me.
Brandon: And you know that Double J is pissed that Charlie's in the room, because not only is he taking his airspace, but his last name sounds too similar to his last name.
Julia: I have to ask, are they cousins?
Eric: I bet they're cousins. I bet— Big Cat and Charlie should be cousins.
Brandon: I think Charlie calls him cousins in, like, the Chicago sense.
Eric: Like they say on the Bear.
Amanda: Cousins, parentheses, The Bear.
Brandon: But Double J's like, "We're not fucking cousins."
Eric: There's a lot of Big Cat stopping their monolog and saying, "What was that, Charlie? Oh, okay." And then—
Amanda: Yes. Yeah.
Eric: Oh, this is wonderful. Okay.
Amanda: And Double J is like, "There's no microphone." And then he's like, "Let me put it in the microphone." And Charlie's like, "Nah, man. Nah, man. Not on the show, man. Nah."
Brandon: "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah."
Eric: All right. Well, then, each player must answer the following props about their character in reverse order of the jobs draft. Everyone at the table can contribute ideas, but the person whose character it is gets final say. So we're going to start with Amanda here. The three prompts are, I am known on the pod as the blank one by the audience. I got some suggestions here, funny, smart, famous, scary, ignorant, spacey, raunchy, horny, those are different, annoying, chaotic, and insert your own adjective. Then you're gonna give an example of something that was on the microphone that— why everyone knows you of this.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And then the third prompt is valid criticism on Reddit about me.
Amanda: Incredible.
Eric: So, Amanda, you're gonna start for Charlie.
Amanda: So I'm typically not the player that chooses the adjective chaotic, but I do think it really suits the role of the off-mic in-room guy.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: And I would like to posit that, like, at some point, someone turned to Charlie and was like, "Wait, Charlie, what's that?" And Charlie's like, "I just bought a boat." And you're just like— you don't know what happened, but Charlie's, like, on his phone, on the couch, on— you know, in the back of the room, and, like, he could have done fucking whatever. And he's like, "Yeah, I bought a boat." And you're just like, "Oh, my God."
Eric: I would love to— this is— that's incredible. I would like there to be a supercut out there—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —of cutting together all— everything that happened with Charlie.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Because Charlie bought the boat from a police auction.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: And then Charlie had to go to the police auction to pick it up and that's where—
Amanda: Like the trailer.
Eric: —he realized it was from the police auction. He just thought he saw a boat—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: —for a very good deal. And then the boat was involved with some sort of crime. I'm gonna leave that up to Amanda.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: So there's, like— I think that if you're—
Amanda: Like there's a mafia boat dumped a body offshore in international waters.
Eric: Exactly. So, like, envision the 10-episode supercut of all— Charlie's boat.
Brandon: I fucking love that.
Amanda: I would also like to imagine that there is, like, a listener Wiki. Like,
we have some, like, fandom Wikis of some of our shows and I love the idea that there is a Charlie entry with, like, data points about his life and lore from specific episodes like— with, like, timestamps and citations in some of them, contradictory, as he says, "I have no kids. I have six kids."
Julia: What?
Amanda: They're like, "Charlie, what?"
Julia: That reminds me of this guy who owns a bunch of wineries out here on Long Island, who, like, famously in interviews, has like, never confirmed how many kids he has, but like, according to, like, the Wikipedia, it's like, "He has at least 19 children." And I'm like, "What do you mean at least 19?"
Amanda: Whoa!
Julia: "What do you mean?"
Brandon: Well, he doesn't give birth to them, so he can't— he could possibly keep count, Julia.
Julia: Yeah, it's wild.
Amanda: Aaah.
Julia: It's truly wild.
Eric: I think I know, pretty obviously, what the valid criticism on Reddit is for Charlie, but is there something different than just the— what your role belies?
Amanda: I think valid criticism on Reddit about Charlie Crawkins Is that he is definitely underpaying his income tax.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: Because his— he has—
Eric: What? Right, right, right.
Julia: Yes, yes, yes.
Amanda: —an hourly job on the weekends working at an aquarium store, and he works one day a week there, mostly to pay for supplies, because he loves his lizards. And then the rest of the time, he just makes a very small salary because it's his garage, I think, that they record in, which is why he's hanging out there.
Eric: Sure. Okay. Yeah.
Amanda: And so people know and have tallied up the fact that he goes to Six Flags. He goes to Great Wolf Lodge. The man loves a water park. He bought a boat. They live in a landlocked state. He doesn't live on the ocean and they're like, "Where the fuck does Charlie have the money to do this?"
Brandon: Incredible. Can they call their audience members lizards, because when they're in the garage, they're surrounded by lizards, so they feel like they're talking to lizards?
Julia: Oh, I love that.
Eric: Can I say that this is a standalone garage or, like, a converted shed?
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: Like, it's funnier that it's not—
Julia: It's not attached to a house, yeah.
Eric: —connected to a house. Yeah.
Amanda: I'm picturing, like, a very classic, like, 1950s US house with a detached garage—
Eric: Yes.
Amanda: —like down the end of a concrete driveway. That's just like two strips for the wheels.
Eric: That's what I'm envisioning as well.
Brandon: Otherwise known as my dream. I want that so I can make it into a studio.
Amanda: Dude, yeah, seriously.
Julia: Every once in a while we watch Amanda just slowly have a Dr. Bertha Bones moment on this podcast.
Brandon: Oh, I thought you're gonna say an embolism.
Julia: Well, that— I think they're not unrelated.
Amanda: Yeah, basically.
Eric: This is the earliest that I can say about one of my own games. This is a good game, folks.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: It's good.
Julia: Sick.
Eric: I recorded an episode of Model Our Nations on a different show with Why We Roll with our friends, Chris and Wythe. And halfway through, we were playing different robots that were doing Model Our Nations and I was laughing because I was playing Madame Pac-Man.
Julia: Madame Pac-Man.
Eric: Because it was arcade machines that could project, like, their characters out with—
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: —the technology that happened. And I was laughing about it. I was like, "This is a good game, folks. I know I'm on a guest podcast right now, but I'm saying it." Okay, great. I'm gonna go. Big Cat is known on the pod as—
Brandon: Is it funny that the host is ignorant?
Eric: Yeah. I'm trying to think— none of these adjectives hit me for where we're at as, like, single podcaster version—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —of this True Crime Podcast.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: I think serious might be like it.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Because if I don't think that Bex did a good enough job doing research, I will read three more books and point— and then point it out on the microphone.
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Brandon: A real Hobbesian.
Eric: Not even Michael Hobbs, because he does it out of his own volition, because he's the only—
Brandon: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: But, like, you know, for some of those ones where it is— where either— even if there is a guest, it feels like one guy just lectures from their notes.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: I feel like— yeah, I take it upon myself to— even though there is a researcher, I'm going to read two more books or three more books, because I don't think there was enough.
Amanda: I mean, imagine if on Spirits, Julia was like, "This is what we know about Anubis according to researcher Sally." I, then, did a minor in Egyptian studies so that I could better understand Anubis, his real role in the cosmology.
Julia: Oh, my God.
Eric: Yeah. I audited a class from the community college to do this.
Amanda: Do you want to say, then, the studious? Do you want to say, like, the one with high standards or do you think serious is the move?
Eric: High standards is good. I think high standards— I'm the high standard one.
Amanda: You're the exacting one?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Someone's got to be on this podcast, otherwise why is it known? You know?
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: Then it's just four bananas touching.
Brandon: What, Amanda?
Julia: No notes. No notes.
Amanda: Just four people saying yes, banana is what I meant to say.
Brandon: Okay. I thought you were giving me your search history.
Amanda: Touche.
Eric: The valid criticism about me is that I think I'm the sole reason why the podcast is successful. Like, it's—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —pretty obvious. Even if I don't say it, I feel like me delivering information, which is not the reason why the podcast is successful. Who knows? It's probably— maybe because we got left at the top of the Spotify recommend charts for three months for true crime, entirely possible. I don't think it has anything. It's just kind of the delivery system, but I seem to think that the amount of research I deliver is the most important part of the show.
Brandon: Fair.
Amanda: Cool.
Brandon: Okay. That means it's good, ol' Double J's turn. Is that my name?
Julia: I also— I love that because it should just be JJ, but you're Double J.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Double J, yeah, yeah.
Julia: I just wanted to shout out about how clever of a nickname that is.
Amanda: So true.
Brandon: Sometimes people call me Double JJ and I slap them.
Amanda: Four J's.
Brandon: Four J's, idiot. I think I'm known on the pod as the scary one, because there can't be too many like, you know, spacey, chaotic ones. So I hop on the mic, unasked for because I'm correcting someone aggressively.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Or maybe, like, describing something and then— like, like, maybe you, Eric, start describing something, and I'm like, "Oh, you forgot this super fucked up thing," and I'm like—
Eric: You always tell me earlier in the research to say the most fucked up thing about the case as soon as possible.
Brandon: Yeah. So it's not just that I'm scary, like as a personality—
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: —but it's like, this man really, really loves describing the exact blade angle—
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: —of this murder.
Eric: No, no, no. You didn't talk about the arterial spray good enough.
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: Exactly.
Amanda: No, exactly.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Exactly, yeah.
Amanda: Like, do you know how many liters of blood is in the human body? Like, that is so good.
Eric: I tested it.
Amanda: Aaah.
Eric: Period.
Julia: Uh-oh.
Eric: Brandon, give me some valid criticism on Reddit about Double J. I would like to suggest to you, we codify something that we threw off, which is that Double J, pretty obviously, hates Charlie and Charlie does not know.
Brandon: Yes, I agree with that. I don't think that either one of them would describe it that way, but that people on Reddit are like, "Yeah, this is clearly what's happening, y'all."
Eric: Yeah. There definitely—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —needs to be, like, Big Cat has asked for Charlie to have a microphone and Double J blocks it often.
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: And Charlie thinks it's because he's humble.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: So I— I've been trying to think of a good adjective and, like, my instinct is to go like, "I'm known on the pod as like the woman, hashtag, misogyny."
Eric: Yeah. 100%, 100%.
Julia: And I don't know what that would be as an adjective, but like—
Amanda: You're the female one.
Eric: You're the woman one. Yeah.
Julia: Hmm, yeah.
Eric: I might just need to add that to the list, obviously.
Julia: Yeah. Originally, I didn't think that was gonna be a problem, because Amanda was like, "Oh, I want to be like a female Charlie." And then Amanda's like, "No, no, I'm a man."
Amanda: No.
Julia: I'm like, "Oh, no, you're all man." So—
Amanda: I— Julia, I think, specifically, should be the female one in the way that, like, some toxic masculine people use the word female.
Julia: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Sick. Female, yeah.
Julia: Instead of woman.
Brandon: Amanda, can you join me over here for a second?
Amanda: Oh, yeah, what's up?
Brandon: Everyone else just don't talk.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Does that mean that it's three bananas and, like, a papaya touching or—
Amanda: Well, Brandon, I think that it's never occurred to some of the people who use the word female like that, that your—
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: —gender identity and your genitalia could be different. And so it's a--
Eric: Julia, what is wholesome murder read? That book you read.
Julia: Wholesome murder. So, yes, I think I am the female one.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: Yay.
Julia: Very funny, very funny. And I don't know if, like, there's a good examp— I'm trying to think of what a good example of that being captured on microphone is. Amanda?
Brandon: Amanda raised her hand.
Julia: Good.
Amanda: Julia, may I suggest that one time, Big Cat, Double J, and Charlie got into like a 35-minute extended, heated, you know, this is like real feelings are involved debate—
Eric: This is what I was gonna suggest, yeah.
Amanda: —about the hotness of a given serial killer. And then at some point—
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: —35, 40 minutes in, they're like, "Wait, Bex, what do you think?" And then you go, "Yeah, he's hot." And they're like, "Shit!"
Julia: That's extremely funny. I think it's, "Yeah, he's hot," and then a bunch of men disagreeing with her.
Eric: It needs something so basic. I mean, like—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —right?
Amanda: Right, right.
Eric: Like one where Netflix has already codified that that's true by making—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: —Zach Efron play him, but yeah, we're still having this stupid conversation about it.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: How many times do you think the host said 'No homo' when they were talking about how hot Ted Bundy was?
Eric: They said pause so many times, Brandon.
Julia: All right. And then valid criticism on Reddit about me. Is a valid criticism like I'm going too hard on a woke angle?
Eric: I mean, if you want to.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: That's something— I would also offer, Julia, like, you should— Bex should be on microphone. Like valid criticism is, why isn't Bex the co-host?
Brandon: That's good, yeah.
Julia: Ooh, I— actually, I don't hate that. I don't hate that.
Amanda: Eric, is that in the spirit of the game?
Eric: I'm dead.
Amanda: Oh. That's right.
Julia: The author is dead.
Amanda: Shit.
Eric: I'm the author, I'm dead.
Brandon: Oh, great. So we— can we go back to the name so I can combine them?
Eric: Shut up, Brandon:
Julia: Can I yes, and that and say there is a bitter divide amongst the fandom of people who are like, "Yes, have Bex on the microphone." And another half who are like, not so subtly, being like, "We don't need a woman on the mic."
Eric: Yeah, that's fine.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. Or get your opinions—
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: —out of the research.
Brandon: I'm gonna suggest the valid criticism was, why is this person on this podcast with these assholes?
Amanda: Yes. We want better for her. Why does the Bex have her own show?
Eric: I love it. All right. Let's figure out how we're gonna die, folks.
Brandon: Weee! Heart problems.
Eric: Double J has never eaten a fruit, never. How are you gonna die? Let's figure out what death is hunting all of you down together. Pick which death is pursuing all of you and answer the prompting questions together. There are three questions. The third one is going to be an NPC creation situation.
Brandon: That's nice.
Eric: You're gonna— we're gonna create the number of NPCs equal to the number of players at the table, so there's four of us, we're gonna create four NPCs. We— there are some prompts we can use, or use our own ideas as long as the NPC fits into the archetype of the story that we're telling with this death. There's some suggestions on how to create fun NPCs, and then each of us needs to claim an NPC that we're responsible for their actions, motivations, and their voices if necessary.
Brandon: Oh, that's fun. Yeah, cool.
Amanda: Eric, much like Mustard is constantly on the beat for Kendrick Lamar, you— your sauce on it, your relish, your sidecar pickle, is consistently having players be able to get in on other player scenes in a structured way that adds to the drama.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: Like the fact that I am so invested not just in what the four of us are making together, but also voicing an NPC in someone else's character's world is like, mwa, I love it so much.
Julia: Fuck yeah.
Brandon: I love the idea that someone out there who's like a producer who looks up to Mustard, it's named Relish.
Amanda: Yep. Do you like Ketchup? We don't talk about Ketchup. He's dead.
Julia: No. I don't know that bitch.
Eric: You know some of these from when I introduced them in— during, like the play testing phase on the Patreon, but I have updated quite a number of these.
Julia: Ooh.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: Especially because we're all doing the murder together. The murder— this death is hunting all of us. So there's the curse, there's the serial killer, there's the cult, there's the rival, the government, the accident, the blank from hell.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: A very kind of Doctor Death situation, but we can make whatever occupation that is. The cryptid, for all the Julias out there, the lie, and the scam, for all the Amandas out there.
Amanda: Yay.
Brandon: Which ones for the Brandons out there, Eric?
Eric: Most of these, honestly. The accident where Brandon falls down his own stairs. So did any— are any of these jumping out at you?
Julia: I'm into the cult, personally. And whether that is like a real live cult or like a, "We're gonna summon demon cult." I think either of those is very fun.
Amanda: I really love the cult as well. I think on my own, I might pick the lie, because we have watched many documentaries centering around profligate liars, Eric, but the cult feels the most exciting for right now.
Eric: I like the lie as well. I— it was inspired by a writer on Grey's Anatomy, who lied about having a terminal disease and then became a writer on Grey's Anatomy.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And I watched the documentary, and it was wild, so I really like that one.
Brandon: I also— I like them all, personally. The lie was definitely interesting. That's the one that stuck out to me the most, because it's the most different. But I'm also into the blank from hell. That could be very fun.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: Should we roll on a d10?
Eric: Yeah, we can either choose or we can roll, whatever you want.
Brandon: Let's roll and see what happens.
Amanda: Let's roll.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: We can also roll a pick, like, out of the three or four we want.
Brandon: No, do a d10.
Amanda: Let's do d10.
Eric: All right.
Brandon: Make it spicy.
Amanda: If you roll a double zero, you die.
Eric: That's an eight, which is the cryptid.
Amanda: Hey.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: Now, this is the thing that you always do when you roll dice. Do you want to do this? It's pretty close to the lie.
Brandon: Every time that my partner and I, Lauren, are trying to decide on what to eat for dinner, one of us says, like, "We're gonna do pizza. How did you feel about that when I said that? Did that make you feel good, bad?" So the question is, like, when you heard the cryptid, was it like a disappointment? What was your immediate reaction? You know?
Amanda: I was a little disappointed. I think we should do the lie.
Eric: I think we should do the lie.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Okay, great.
Eric: It's the closest. Okay.
Brandon: All right.
Amanda: Thanks, Brandon.
Eric: I'm really happy with this. Someone working on the podcast is lying so they can have the life they always wanted. They'll even kill to hold on to it. Create an NPC with a job at the show. What are they lying about? So for this one, specifically, we're going to create an NPC in question one. We have to create a new character who works at the podcast, who's not the four of us, and does a different job.
Julia: Gotcha.
Brandon: Is it like— I'm gonna throw some out there, like X investigator/cop? Is it like a survivor of someone famous, like some— like, you know, Ted Bundy survivor or something?
Amanda: Brandon, they would never employ an actual survivor.
Eric: I have some suggestions here. There's a rare disease or injury, a thrilling tragedy, or of royal or famous bloodline.
Brandon: The famous bloodline is also interesting to me, but I don't know what it would be.
Julia: I really like the idea that this person is the social media manager, regardless of what they're lying about.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: What if they say they're a Romanov?
Brandon: I love that. What if they're the, like, grand person of a serial killer, though, or like a killer, a famous killer?
Julia: Oh. Ooh.
Amanda: Like they claim to be the, like, "illegitimate child", quote-unquote, of, like, a serial killer?
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Oh.
Amanda: I really like that.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Classic Scream twist.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. I know I said it jokingly, Brandon, but it could also make sense that they claim they're a survivor or an intended victim, or, like, close to would be victim—
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: —of one of the serial killers we covered on the show.
Julia: Or, like, my mom was a survivor of—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —insert serial killer here.
Brandon: Oh, that's one, too.
Eric: Illegitimate child— but, like, illegitimate child of serial killer with the thing Julia—
Amanda: Right.
Eric: —just said, like, that's it. I think that's it.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: The fucked up lie.
Julia: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Right? Is that the— you know, they're the child of this, and you know, the mom was an intended victim, but wasn't.
Brandon: Hmm. I love that.
Eric: You want to put a name? I'm gonna go with Birdie.
Brandon: Like bird with a D or a T?
Eric: Or Bertie. Yeah, Bertie. Could be good.
Julia: Bertie, I think, is kind of fun.
Eric: It's like, "This is Bertie." Nothing is scarier than someone with a Zooey Deschanel-ass name, who is going to kill you.
Julia: Is it just Zoey, though?
Eric: It might be— no, it's Zooey, Julia.
Julia: Zooey, of course.
Amanda: Zooey.
Eric: Zooey.
Julia: Zooey.
Eric: Like Franny and Zooey.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: That's good shit. What aggressive or radical steps has Zooey taken to maintain this lie?
Julia: Forged letters from, like, this serial killer.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: I don't— I'm trying to decide if the serial killer is like someone who is, like, in prison, possibly on death row, or if they are still at large.
Brandon: Or dead.
Julia: Or dead.
Amanda: Julia, my first thought, and I don't know why this is it, is that Zooey has, like, volunteered at a prison or made like— done like a— like an incarcerated letter writing program—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: —in order to lie and, like, has formed a relationship with some poor man who's been incarcerated, and like claims that those are letters from, you know, the serial killer.
Brandon: That's great.
Amanda: Or, like, use the stationary, or, like, reuse that paper, like some— in some way has, like— is using a real person who's really incarcerated because it’s fucked up.
Brandon: I love that. Yeah.
Eric: For this one, you can have as many steps as you want. I didn't— I— like, for I kind of hoped that everyone would throw one thing in here.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So, like, I am including all of this. I think this all works.
Brandon: Okay, then I'm gonna add another step. I love all of this. I think that's great. I think also she probably paid this person in jail to forge letters. I think, then, that Zooey took these letters to, like, some sort of, quote-unquote, "grader," like a—
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: Oh.
Brandon: You know, like you do for, like, trading cards, but like—
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: —authenticity experts/graders, but in the same way that a lot of the ways that people fake the grades on trading cards. This is just someone that--
Eric: Brandon, this is why we're married creatively, and also common law in Washington.
Amanda: It's not illegal if you don't cross state lines.
Eric: Do you know where she got the grader?
Brandon: Where?
Eric: She got it because she went on an episode of Pawn Stars.
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: Right, because we're married—
Julia: Sick.
Amanda: —because I saw the thought bubble with the word Pawn Stars pop up over your head.
Julia: Wow. Wow.
Eric: Amanda saw an image of Chumlee over my head. Yeah. Uh-huh.
Julia: Isn't he also in prison now?
Brandon: I have terrible news. Washington State does not recognize common law marriage.
Julia: RIP.
Amanda: If so, Brandon, the crows and Lauren would all be married.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. That's true.
Amanda: I would like to suggest that Zooey bought some, like, gray market serial killer paraphernalia. Like there is a aftermarket for stuff owned or touched or whatever by serial killers that she has bought something from eBay and claimed— like it's just like a generic, like, vintage thing from the 70s, but she claims it is an artifact of the killing.
Brandon: Of course.
Eric: For sure.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Is it like a sweater that she always wears on recording days or something, you know?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah, there needs— this needs to be something that—
Amanda: Yeah. It's pretty fucked up.
Eric: I think the step forward is, like, all this stuff that we've talked about is on the show in some way.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Has been on the show in some way. There is a Zooey is the child of the Golden Hour bandit.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Or something.
Brandon: I mean, it can't be a bandit. It has to be a serial killer, but—
Amanda: Sun gets in your eyes.
Eric: I think it's just the Golden Hour Killer.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah, that's good.
Eric: I think they invested all of their energy into Golden Hour.
Julia: I always really like when they're, like, the very specific type of killing to, like, slasher, or strangler, or stuff like that.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: The Golden Hour strangler is pretty good.
Julia: Pretty good.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: The Golden Hour strangle— that's why BTK always freaked me out.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: I'm like, why do you all know that? Why is that that guy's name?
Brandon: I like that the— this killer like— they're known because they had an eye for esthetics, and they were like, "I have to murder at the prettiest time of day."
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Maybe they like photographed the killings after the fact, and they would always take place during golden hour.
Eric: Oh, sure.
Amanda: Oh. Like a Polaroid or a disposable camera?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Well, that's definitely some of the— that's must be the thing that she bought, right?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: She definitely bought, like, a bunch of old Polaroids, and is like, "Yeah, there's undeveloped film in here. Can't open it or else it'll be exposed to the sun and ruin forever."
Eric: 100%.
Brandon: Love that.
Eric: An incredible lie for why you never need to have it proofed, which is why—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —she had to grade the other stuff, so she got proof and things she could control, 100%.
Amanda: Finally, I would like to posit that Zooey has gotten a— I don't see a memorial, but, like, a tattoo representing her relationship and her mom's relationship to this killer.
Eric: Is it so big?
Amanda: Oh, it's like a whole back piece.
Eric: Or, like, you can see it or— and you can see it at all times. Like it is— it's high enough that if she was wearing a scoop neck or a—
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Oh, yeah, like, it's in the clavicle.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Like, it definitely goes up to the clavicle, so you can see it at all times.
Amanda: Oh, yeah, no. I think it's like, exactly like a collar, like low neck, high clavicle tattoo about, like, the— like a broken chain. Like, she's broken free from this legacy.
Brandon: Oh, that's good.
Amanda: But it’s a lie.
Brandon: That's good.
Julia: That's terrible.
Eric: Or she's— right, yeah. And— but it's all —and the colors are, like, sunset colors.
Amanda: Is it hand prints on her neck?
Eric: I was hope— I was thinking it. I don't want that.
Julia: No, that's bad.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: I don't want it introduce that into the canon.
Amanda: Okay, okay, okay.
Eric: I don't want this person—
Julia: Amanda, it's a great thought, it's bad.
Eric: I don't want that.
Brandon: I was thinking that this person co-hosted and co-founded— a hoes who— True Crime hoes with snow or whatever.
Amanda: Dumb hoes doing coke.
Eric: No, dumb hoes getting snowed. That was-- those were your words!
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: That's what it is.
Amanda: I didn't say that. I didn't say that.
Eric: Yes, you—
Julia: Yes, you did.
Brandon: Yes, you did. Yes, you did.
Amanda: I'm not quick enough to go to snow!
Eric: Mischa, edit it in the beginning of this episode.
Julia: You said snow— Amanda, you said snow
Brandon: You did, you did.
Amanda: Well, then, that was done without my conscious knowledge.
Julia: Incredible.
[music]
Amanda: Hey, everybody, it's Amanda. I'm not even going to pretend that my anecdote for today isn't vote. People, it's time to vote for your favorite One Shot Derby at jointhepartypod.com/vote. That's right. You should and can go to jointhepartypod.com/vote to cast your vote for the episode that we are going to make. We are going to take one of these character creation sections of these One Shots and then play a full dang episode of the entire One Shot. A full length One Shot just for our patrons. And if you want to have a say as to which one we play, you can vote at jointhepartypod.com/vote. And that's not the only way that you can have your say in the One Shot Derby. Next week, we're gonna have an Afterparty about these fantastic four One Shots, so we need your questions. Add us on social, we're Join the Party pod, drop them in Discord if you're a patron, or you can always email jointhepartypod@gmail.com. Drop your questions. We are recording the Afterparty in two days' time, as of when this episode comes out, so we need those questions, folks. Send them in, and cast your votes. Thank you and welcome to our newest supporters on Patreon, who, by the way, are getting exclusive access to the full text of the True Crime Podcast game. Patrons, go ahead check your email. You will see it right now. Thanks to those who very, very smartly became patrons over the last week, because they want to hear whatever the full One Shot ends up being. Thank you to Rev PM, Oliver Nord, Kee Nguyen, Johnny, Etsy Betsy, Christopher C., Gloom Dweller, and Richie. If you, too, are loving the Derby and if you want to hear whichever episode wins, you gotta sign up now, patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Finally, I'm gonna read to you today, folks, oh my God, there's so much going on. You should come to our Portland live show. If you are able to come to Portland, Oregon on March 23rd, 2025, we need to see you there. It is a joint live show with Spirits. You don't have to know anything about either podcast to actually enjoy it. We promise it's going to be a ton of fun. So tell your friends in the Pacific Northwest, tell your family, tell your coworker that you want an excuse to talk to them because you think they're cool. Just be like, "Hey, by the way, you're in Portland, you should go to this. It's gonna be super fun." Get your tickets now at jointhepartypod.com/live. Lots happening at Multitude these days, and if you are looking for another podcast to help fill your time and some cool folks to hang out with, why don't you check out Wow, If True? This is your one-stop internet culture shop, explaining how what's happening online shapes the real world. The Internet experts and real life besties that hosted are tech culture journalist Amanda Silverling and science fiction author/attorney, Isabel J. Kim Esq. Trust me, you are going to want to hear their takes about Bigolas Dickolas, Silicon Valley, YouTubers locking people in grocery stores, and all of the stuff online that is shaping our real world. Check out Wow, If True. The vibes are excellent. New episodes every other Wednesday.
Gustavo: Oh, hi there, listener. Gustavo Sorola here with the cast of Tales From The Stinky Dragon podcast, and we're about to set the record for the quickest DND session. Everyone roll initiative.
Barbara: I got the highest roll with a 19. I move 10 feet toward the listener and say, "Hi, I'm Barbara Dunkelman. You should listen to our show, Tales From The Stinky Dragon. It's an immersive DND, actual play show with a fully voiced cast of characters plus sound design." And then I finish my action with a high five.
Gustavo: Go ahead and make a dexterity check. That's an 18. Oh, that's a good high five.
Jon: I rolled a 16 on initiative. I walk over to the tavern piano, I play a sixth song and say, "Hi, I'm Jon Risinger. Wow. Do you hear that?" Tales From The Stinky Dragon also has its own original score. It's like a movie, but for your ears."
Gustavo: All right, yeah. Go ahead and roll a performance check.
Jon: That's a two.
Gustavo: Not your best, Jon.
Jon: Okay. But I promise, the show's actual music sounds really good.
Blaine: Okay, me next. I moonwalked up to the listeners, "Sup? I'm Blaine Gibson. You should really check out the show. It's funny, heartwarming, and perfect for everybody. I'm talking DND veterans, people new to the genre, old people, babies, everybody." And then I do a back flip.
Gustavo: All right, roll an athletics check. T
Blaine: That's a Nat 20. Woo!
Gustavo: Okay. That leaves Chris.
Chris: "Hi, I'm Chris Demarais. Please subscribe to our podcast." And then I draw my sword to attack this!"
Blaine: No, put the sword down! put the sword down!
Chris: "Get this! Take them inside! Get them! Get them! I dare you!
Gustavo: Now, it's your turn, listener. Subscribe to Tales From The Stinky Dragon, wherever you listen to podcasts today.
Anthony: Are you always looking for something to watch? Do you love bad movies? Well, boy, do I have a podcast for you? Cinephobe, where Zach Harper, Amin Elhassan, and myself, producer Anthony Mayes have watched over 250 movies rate 40% or lower on Rotten Tomatoes. And we've ascertained whether or not those movies are accurately poorly rated or maybe just didn't get a fair shake. From beloved classics like Rocky IV to movies you've never heard of, like Theodore Rex, Cinephobe has you covered. So subscribe today, that's cinephobe, C-I-N-E-P-H-O-B-E.
[music]
Eric: So we now need to create four other NPCs to populate the story that we're going to tell of us trying not to get killed by Zooey protecting her secrets.
Amanda: So scary.
Eric: Okay? I have some suggestions here, any— we can all make whatever which one, if you feel compelled and you want to voice— and if you want to control and voice this NPC, do it. Here are my suggestions that I've written for the NPC prompts for the lie. There's the liar's parent from a state far from here looking for them, that one might work. Their gf, bf, spouse, who is so hot and you never hear them speak.
Julia: Great.
Eric: That one was more for the bloodline one, where they're dating like some Spanish prince who can't—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —who just doesn't speak. Someone who confirms the lie, who you're convinced is an actor or was paid.
Julia: Hmm. I'm really drawn to the boyfriend who is so hot, and I really like this idea that he's just like this Australian guy, and you've heard him speak one word and it's, "Gnar."
Eric: Gnar.
Amanda: Great.
Eric: Yeah, that's their— I mean, that's the refining quality, for sure.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: I love that. Julia, do you want control of the Australian boyfriend?
Julia: Sure.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: His name is Diego.
Eric: Yeah, his name is definitely Diego.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Now, I like the idea of the liar's parent from a state far from here, looking for them, because it's obviously her mom who is not a victim of the Golden Hour strangler.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That's what— yeah, that kind of fits really perfectly.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: What's something about— what's something that we can think about the mother that makes her stand out?
Amanda: Is she like a highly accomplished federal court judge and Zooey is, like, lying about her last name because her mom is, like, very highly accomplished?
Brandon: I like that.
Eric: Yeah. It's like the name was redacted to protect the victims.
Amanda: Right.
Eric: Yeah, I like that a lot.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Amanda, do you want to be— you— do you want to be the federal court judge?
Amanda: Oh, definitely.
Brandon: The federal court judge or the mom?
Amanda: The mom who is a federal court judge.
Brandon: Oh, okay.
Amanda: Because, Brandon, judges can be women. I'm so kidding. I did not mean that. I did not mean that.
Eric: Wow. Brandon doesn't think women can— wow.
Amanda: I did not mean that.
Eric: Women shouldn't exist and also aren't allowed to wear robes.
Amanda: I just want to also just kind of step back, just for, like, tabletop safety and acknowledge that embodying Sunchoke has given me a dangerous surge of adrenaline and so—
Julia: Oh, no.
Amanda: —if I am over the top at any point, pet me like a horse and say, "Shh." And then I'll know.
Eric: As a male feminist, I just think that women should have their curves out and shouldn't wear robes.
Julia: I think they should wear tighter-fitting robes, in fact.
Brandon: I think they should all wear wigs.
Eric: Hey, can you wear bodycon robes, judge?
Amanda: Speaking of body suit.
Eric: Here's an interesting one, can I be the producer of Pawn Stars?
Amanda: Yeah, you can.
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Or someone who works on Pawn Stars?
Brandon: You mean Chumlee?
Eric: No, I don't want to be Chumlee. I don't want to be one of the four men who are on Pawn Stars. I don't know how to say, "I can only do it for $500," that many times. Can I be like someone who works on Pawn Stars, who is trying to get Zooey back and she's ditching my calls?
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: You should be a casting agent.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Casting— yes, someone who would be a casting agent, someone who works on Pawn Stars?
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: I like that.
Julia: Do you guys know when you google Chumlee, it auto fills to American businessmen?
Eric: I guess. So, yeah, I'll be— I'm Billy, who just kind of works at A&E and is trying to find Zooey.
Brandon: I love that.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: So we need one more.
Eric: There is one still here, Brandon, if you're interested. There is someone who confirms the lie who you— you're convinced is an actor or is paid.
Amanda: Zooey could have— maybe Zooey met or recruited you as like a victim of a more contemporaneous crime, and is trying to, like, mentor you. Like, maybe she has a fake support group network and you're like a mentor or a mentee. Eric gasped.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: I have an idea connecting—
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: —some stuff that we talked about before. Because Big Cat won't let Zooey on the mic, Zooey is being courted by one of these people that Amanda just suggested to start their own very dumb True Crime podcast as victims—
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: —or the family members of victims of serial killers.
Brandon: I love that. So am I, like, the host/creator of another True Crime podcast that's trying to poach her?
Eric: Either you want to poach her or you're— or you want to start— or you're like an influencer trying to start this.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Sick. Okay.
Julia: Cool
Amanda: Eric, do you think this rival would be true crime podcaster is, like, totally snowed by Zooey or she's, like, in on the scam?
Brandon: Cocaine? What does snowed mean?
Amanda: Convinced.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Is she convinced of Zooey’s lie?
Eric: Oh, she tried to—wait, is it Sunchoke McGarry?
Julia: Wait, what if it was Sunchoke McGarry?
Eric: Is Brandon gonna play Sunchoke McGarry?
Brandon: I can't do that voice.
Amanda: We can't, we can't.
Eric: Brandon, you can be— you can take control of the mother judge. Amanda can be Sunchoke McGarry.
Brandon: I can do that.
Eric: We can do that.
Amanda: All right, very well. Sunchoke it is.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Let's do it, yes.
Julia: Fuck yeah.
Eric: Okay. So, Brandon, you're gonna be Zooey's mom, who's a federal court judge, and you are not sure if women should wear robes or not.
Brandon: No, I'm pretty sure about that.
Eric: Okay, okay, okay. And Amanda, you can be Sunchoke McGarry, who's trying to get Zooey and Bex.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: I'll include Bex. Sorry, I said Zooey, but I think Bex and Zooey to make a new show with them.
Amanda: Got it.
Julia: interesting.
Eric: Sorry, I read— I mixed up the names. I think that they're trying to get Bex as well.
Julia: Oh, cool.
Brandon: Okay, great.
Julia: I love that.
Amanda: Fine.
Eric: All right. So—
Brandon: Oh, Sunchoke, because choke, strangle. Oh, that's good.
Julia: Wow.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Wow, it's a root vegetable. It's related to jicama.
Julia: Is it? That's cool.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Yeah.
Julia: Is it different from a Jerusalem artichoke or is that the same thing?
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): They're the same.
Brandon: Oh, they're the same.
Julia: What does it taste like?
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Like a pretty mild turnip or like a kind of mildly spicy potato.
Julia: Cool. I like a mildly spicy potato. That's how I describe my family.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): We sell merch with that. It's copyrighted. You can't say it.
Julia: Oh, I'm sorry.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Thanks. I'll be hearing from my lawyers.
Julia: We can just cut it out of the episode if you want.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Nope, I'm broadcasting at all times for safety.
Julia: Wild. Wild choice. Even when you're pooping?
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Especially when I'm pooping.
Brandon: Especially when I'm pooping. Yeah, there it is.
Julia: I knew you were gonna say that.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Actually, men are not allowed to talk on my podcast, because at some point, misandry does turn around and just become sexism. So actually, I'm going to need to plug my latest advertiser. Hormones for cyst people, when you hate trans people and also want to, like, make your hair fuller and be— like have more testosterone somehow, but you think that only you and certainly not anybody else of different or varied gender expressions should have access to it. It's hormones for straight people. Now, a break.
Eric: Hormones for straight people, put the cyst back in prescription.
Brandon: Pretty good.
Julia: Whoa.
Amanda: Shit, that's good.
Brandon: Does my character have an— NPC have a name? I don't think we did, did we?
Amanda: We did not give Zooey a last name or her mom a name, but I think the honorable like Maria Menounos or whatever it would be very good.
Brandon: Honorable Maria Menounos. That's what it is.
Julia: Honorable Maria Menounos! Arrive early to— for the movies for Maria Menounos and also your trial.
Brandon: It's Maria Menounos, no relation.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Zoe Menounos.
Eric: Zoe Menounos. Zooey Menounos.
Julia: Sorry, Zooey Menounos is very funny.
Eric: No, but she definitely changed it to, like, Zoe Smith or something.
Brandon: Yeah, of course.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Or, like, Menendez or something, and she's like, claiming heritage she doesn't have.
Eric: She's claiming the Menendez brothers.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Well—
Brandon: Great.
Eric: I love it. Folks, let's create the show that we made here.
Amanda: Yay.
Julia: Woo!
Eric: I think we've danced around it quite a lot, but I think that we can lock all this together. The only mandatory elements we have to do is, one, choose a title for the show, and two, create a snappy, punny or groan-worthy tagline. There's some other stuff that I've added which is extra and only enjoyable for media sickos like us. So we could also add a theme song or some art, and I also created the template that I use to create show descriptions for podcasts.
Julia: Excellent.
Eric: Which we don't have to do. I think that we can indulge ourselves and pick one from the theme song list and two from the art list, but—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —we definitely gotta, like, put together the show a little bit. So right now, we know that it's just kind of Big Cat as solo host doing this True Crime Podcast, right?
Julia: Uh-hmm. I still— I forgot that this was part of the creation, and I still really like the idea of there's, like, cat claws going through something—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —in order to be like, "Blah, blah, blah with Big Cat."
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: I think there's definitely a With Big cat aspect to your title.
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Amanda: Killing Time With Big Cat.
Julia: Or something about, like, sinking your claws and something.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: That could be the tagline, but—
Eric: What did you say, Amanda?
Amanda: I said killing time with Big Cat.
Julia: I like that.
Eric: That's pretty good. That's good.
Julia: Because, like, you're killing time with Big Cat, yeah.
Brandon: Oh. I get it now.
Eric: I kind of like it, because it's just like— so I have some examples here of things we could do. There's alcohol and word that implies death, as you know, like whiskey and widows could be one.
Brandon: Right, yeah.
Eric: Word that means murder into a description of the relationships of the host, like stabbing sisters. But the main one I'm going for is just a general pun on the fact—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —that you have a podcast and it's about murder.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: And I think like— so my example was serialized killers. It's serialized story about killers. Killing time is up there with that first one, and then with Big Cat, and there's just a lot of cat imagery.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: I like it. Let's do it.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: I'm into it.
Eric: Killing time with Big Cat.
Amanda: I would probably style it— I would ask that we style it, K-I-L-L-I-N'.
Brandon: Apostrophe.
Eric: Oh, okay.
Brandon: I assumed that was going to be the case.
Eric: Killin' Time with Big Cat.
Amanda: Okay.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Do you have a really dumb— who wants to come up with the dumbest tagline you can think of?
Amanda: For when your nine lives run out.
Julia: Ooh.
Eric: Ooh.
Julia: Amanda's great.
Brandon: That's good, yeah, because not everyone has nine lives or something like that.
Julia: Ooh. Also good.
Eric: All right.
Amanda: Yeah,
Brandon: Oh, that's— something with nine lives. Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: The other way I think we could go is, like, alliteration, but it doesn't make a lot of sense. Like, bros, brewskies and blood or just, like, something silly.
Brandon: Bros, brewskies and Blood is a good title for us, yeah.
Julia: I mean, that was Charlie's recommendation, for sure.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: That's the name of the show. It's like, "Why are the— why are there bros? It's like, you know, you and the audience.
Amanda: You and the bros, yeah. yeah, yeah.
Julia: That's it. I like because not everyone has nine lives. That's kind of funny.
Eric: I think it's the more stay creepy, stay cool, if we're referring to Spirits. It's like a thing you can say at the end of the show, is the—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —one that Amanda said.
Julia: I like that, like, every victim, therefore is, like— has had eight close calls with death.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Well, like— what if it's like, remember only cats have nine lives.
Eric: That's what it is.
Julia: Only cats have nine lives.
Amanda: Okay, all right. You're right. You're right. You're right.
Eric: Remember, only cats have nine lives. We got there, Brandon, good job.
Amanda: Brandon, you're so right. You're so right.
Brandon: Thanks, thanks, thanks.
Eric: Brandon, we don't have Jokens in this game, but here's a bloody hand.
Brandon: Yay! My favorite.
Julia: Ooh.
Eric: It's in your freezer. I shipped it,
Brandon: Yay!
Eric: I also love this so much because they just, like, decided, okay, cat imagery. Like, we're, like— now, we're barely—
Julia: Those names, Big Cat.
Eric: —talking about the fact that it's a True Crime Podcast anymore. Killin' time with Big Cat. Remember, only cats have nine live. I like it. Brandon, I made this section for you, because you're a media sicko.
Brandon: Thank you.
Eric: Brandon, would you like to choose the theme song here? Here are some suggestions of theme songs. It was a free song from online also used by two-star Netflix movies.
Julia: Shout out Spirits.
Eric: Shout out Spirits. This is a Fruity Loops beat made by the host five years ago.
Brandon: Excellent.
Eric: Maybe it was found on Charlie's computer when he was trying to become a DJ. bad rock song by a friend's band, an unlicensed, very popular song. It's good, but you stole it from a smaller podcast and true crime parody of a hip hop song.
Brandon: I think it's got to be like a bad rock song by a friend’s band, because it's got to be Charlie's or—
Julia: I was gonna say it has to be Charlie's, right?
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. May I also suggest that he just plays it out loud from his phone every week? Because it's a slightly different remix.
Brandon: You may suggest that, and it is accepted, and it is also every week, Double J says, "Get closer to the fucking mic."
Julia: "We can put it in pause."
Amanda: "I have an aux cord. I have an aux cord. I have an aux cord."
Eric: Is it funnier that they stop trying and now Double J just kind of— instead to get Charlie less involved, just copies and pastes, like, the bad version? Like, never gets the full file to play.
Brandon: I think both. I think he lets Charlie do it every week, and then just replaces it with the first version.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Jeez.
Eric: Yeah, that's good.
Julia: Jeez.
Amanda: There's a— there's, like, social media videos that Zooey produces of Charlie, like, just his disembodied hand, like, you know, holding the phone up to the microphone, but the beats don't match at all. Like you can see the visualizer on the phone, and it does not match the audio.
Julia: Just the Dropbox file.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: We can do the art as well. Amanda, Julia, would you like to do the art with me?
Amanda: Definitely. I think Julia's—
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: —claw marks are definitely the, like, the main feature.
Eric: Yes.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So I can definitely envision claw marks, rather minimalist, but I would really love to include two of these elements if we can.
Julia: Yes.
Eric: There's spilled wine glass, headphones or microphone imagery, blood splatter, cartoon face is of the hosts, too dark to read the title, only red and black, cut out letters from a magazine, witchy imagery, butcher Catholic, headphones or microphone imagery, it's here again, unreadable font, the name of the— the name or names of the hosts are bigger than the title, and the logo of the network is distractingly large.
Julia: Can I suggest my first thought was when you said cartoon face of the host, I pictured, like, those medieval paintings of cats where they just have human faces?
Amanda: That's very good.
Julia: And it's just Big Cat's face on, like, the mountain lion's body or whatever the hell.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: And that's what's scratching the logo up.
Amanda: I think it must be in black, white, and red only because a lot of those medieval—
Julia: Gotcha.
Amanda: —you know, illustrations, illuminations and stuff like limited manuscripts are primarily in red. And then secondly, I think Big Cat is gotta be much bigger than Killin' Time.
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Oh, you want all— you want three?
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: We want three.
Eric: Damn dude.
Brandon: Yeah, because it's Big Cat, not small cat. Come on.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That's really funny.
Julia: Now, I'm also trying to be like, was Big Cat, like, at some point an old school radio host in the area, or, like, maybe ran his college radio station, and so he really thinks he has big name appeal when he doesn't.
Amanda: They definitely all went to SUNY Fredonia together, and Big Cat was, like, the head of the rock station at college radio.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: And that's how they all met, and now they live in, like, Ithaca.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Well, I was trying to think of why Big Cat is such a big head about this. They all definitely went to the same college together, and I think Big Cat worked in New York at some publication, like Rolling Stone, and now did this pivot to True Crime.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: I have to tell you guys, I think you're overthinking it. Big Cat has a big head because he has a True Crime Podcast.
Eric: No, I know.
Julia: Well, yeah.
Eric: But it was like, why did he start do— like, it isn't accepted that the show is popular, but we're trying to backfill how we got there.
Julia: How did we get here?
Brandon: It's the true crime.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Oh, of course.
Eric: Oh, right. No, no. Brandon, you're right. That's written in the text.
Amanda: I mean, the show gets a lot of downloads. Eric, I'm almost picturing like a through lens darkly version of the Dingers guys. Eric watches this YouTube channel of, like, a bunch of lads that went to SUNY Purchase together, or New Paltz, one of the two. And they, like, have a YouTube channel where they have, like, a highly modified version of a Super Mario baseball game, and they like comment over it as if it's real baseball, and it's extremely good.
Eric: It's really fun.
Brandon: It's really fun. Yeah, yeah.
Eric: It was good. No, this is great. I really like all of this.
Amanda: Hey, Eric, this a really good game.
Julia: Fuck yeah.
Eric: Thank you. Let's go to the final portion of the character creation. Fame changes you. Before you start—
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: —remember that fame makes everything a little weirder. We have to roll or pick a fame complication. You're so famous, but and I have about 10 modifiers here that's going to change our relationship to everything going on.
Brandon: Let's hear 'em.
Amanda: I think we have to hear them all.
Eric: Sure. Okay. Number one, you're ducking a reporter who's onto your business practices. Number two, you have no privacy. This one's related to getting recognized all the time. Number three, you're broke. Number four, you attract bad vibes. Number five, you all cheated on your significant others, but only one has been found out.
Julia: Yeah, I remember that one.
Eric: Number six, you're so famous, but you're avoiding the class action lawsuit about your merch. That was Amanda's idea.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: That was a good one.
Julia: That was good.
Eric: You're so famous but, number seven, you know, the audience likes one of you way more than the others. Number eight, you just moved to big city and you hate it. Number nine, you care about something else more about the podcast. Each of us are going to describe an activity we really care about. It's either a cashing in on fame thing, a secondary content thing, or a newly rich person thing.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: It’s lizards for Charlie.
Eric: That's haunting because now it feels like Charlie gets paid.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: At number 10, you're so famous, but you all have day jobs.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: We are going to pick our day jobs, and we have to work it into everything that we do.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: So, yeah, do any of these jump out at you or do you want to roll? There— later on, I will say that later on in this game, we will add a fame complication every time someone dies. So there is— we can either add another one from this table. There is a secondary table with fame complications that only happen during play, or you can make up of your own.
Brandon: I love that.
Eric: So, like, don't feel super hemmed in by the fact that we're only choosing one now.
Brandon: I think we should roll, personally.
Amanda: Yeah, same.
Eric: Okay. I rolled a d10 here. Does someone else want to roll?
Julia: I have mine.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: Ghoulia.
Julia: Nine.
Eric: Nine. You care about something more than the podcast.
Brandon: There we go.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Each of us needs to describe the thing that we actually care about more. Again, it's a cashing in on fame thing. In my head, it was like going on Deal or No Deal Island.
Julia: Okay. Say more about that.
Eric: Amanda, would you like to talk about Deal OR No Deal Island?
Amanda: Eric, are you saying that? Because in the privacy of my own head, this morning, I thought, should I apply to Deal or No Deal Island season three and would that be upsetting or would that ultimately help my job?
Eric: No.
Brandon: I think it helps the business.
Eric: I considered going on Big Brother, it's fine.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Was that also Amanda's recommendation for this week of Spirits at the time of this recording?
Amanda: Oh, it sure was, Julia. Yes. It's an excellent reality TV show where they play Deal Or No Deal Island, and Joe Manganiello is there, and they do some challenges.
Julia: Cool. Did they finally announce who the lady banker is?
Amanda: They have not. We don't know.
Eric: Amanda—
Julia: I'm dying here.
Eric: Julia, they're only going to tell us at the end of the season. And by us, I mean Amanda's gonna tell me what it is.
Julia: Amanda, you have to tell us when it happens.
Amanda: I've gotten four different households who are regulars at our dive bar to watch Dundee. Every time I go someone else says—
Brandon: Dundee?
Eric: Amanda calls it Dundee.
Amanda: It's not just me, it's also some podcasters who aren't me. But I go to the bar and they go, Amanda, "I'm watching Dundee." And I go, "Hooray!"
Julia: I love that for you.
Brandon: Now, is the island a part of the game? Like, do they have to survive or something? Or is it just—
Amanda: The conceit is that it is the banker's private island, so on Deal or No Deal—
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: —it's like a shadowy banker figure that's, like, giving you money or not.
Brandon: Right, right. Yeah.
Amanda: And so they are on the banker's private island, winning cases of money that they add to a final prize pot, but the final contestant left standing gets to battle the banker for. However, Brandon, battling the banker is literally a game of luck. You choose a case, you may or may not have something in it that's better than what the banker is offering you, and it is literally luck, which makes it thrilling to watch.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: So what I'm hearing is that some producers, some young, upstart producer was like—
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: "—You guys want to go to private island for a few weeks."
Amanda: That's why I want to apply to No Deal Or No Deal Island, because you're glamping. It's not survivor style, like you're in a glamping tent.
Brandon: Right, yeah.
Julia: Amanda, do it.
Amanda: I'm— bitch, I might.
Julia: How long are you there for? We could work around Spirits and Join the Party.
Amanda: I think it's like two weeks. Like, I think we can make it happen.
Julia: Oh, we could do that, easy.
Amanda: Yeah. Yeah. Anyway—
Eric: So, yeah, so you could do that cashing in on your fame. There is a secondary content thing, so you're doing a different YouTube channel, a different— you're trying to get into acting, you're trying to get into music. You're doing a whole other just other podcast, any of that stuff, or you get really into newly a rich person thing. I know we're all very prepared to talk about this stuff, but I was thinking like hobbies in this way.
Julia: Like spelunking. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Spelunking, you know, skiing and jumping out of a helicopter, Classic Polo sort of thing. It's getting into stock car racing.
Julia: Equestrian.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. Any of that stuff.
Brandon: Do each of us get to choose or is it one for, like, the group?
Eric: No, all of us each have our own thing. We all—
Brandon: Okay, cool.
Eric: —don't care about the podcast anymore because we're doing this other thing.
Brandon: Great.
Julia: I think Bex wants to start what she considers a more high-brow podcast, because as, like, the researcher—
Amanda: Hmm.
Julia: —she's like, "Yeah, like this— like True Crime stuff is fine, but, like, I want to do something that has like, real, like, significant weight behind it."
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: "Something with, like, real journalistic integrity. And this girl has never gone to journalism school in her life.
Eric: Oh, yeah, do it with Zooey and the other— and the—
Julia: Well, that's the problem is she doesn't want to do anything with Sunchoke McGarry.
Eric: Okay, okay, okay.
Julia: Because that girl does a podcast where she gets high on cocaine and she said, "No, thank you. I want to do something that's gonna win me a Pulitzer."
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: You know, you don't even have to listen to that podcast at a 1.5 speed, because it's already at 1.5 speed.
Julia: Yeah, baby.
Amanda: This is me talking my most stimulated.
Eric: Spotify works this into, like, their quarterly thing. It's like there are shows that recommend listeners listen at 0.75 speed. We have that capability.
Amanda: That's why it's there. Well, I think for me, it's easy. Charlie Crawkins is way more into exotic, nay, illegal reptiles.
Eric: Of course.
Amanda: So he went from just liking lizards and reptiles and working at the aquarium one day a week to pay for his supplies to importing illegal lizards from, like, South America.
Julia: Someone is gonna get eaten by the Komodo dragon that he ordered.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Julia: 100%.
Brandon: Double J is— he's obviously starting his rap career.
Julia: Obviously.
Brandon: So he's doing as a mixtape.
Eric: Nice.
Julia: That scary, scary man has a mixtape.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Big Cat is investing all of his money into rare book collecting from dictators.
Brandon: Very good. I like that.
Amanda: That's a very good one, Eric.
Julia: Oh. Oh, no.
Eric: Yeah. I think there's also like— because that's pretty straightforward, I think he can corner the market on do— using his research to figure out who the ghost writers are, and then also collecting the books of the ghost writers where they were allowed to use their names.
Amanda: Very good.
Eric: Lot of money— a lot of money is going to that.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: All right. So, yeah, let's hold on to that and make sure that we bring that back up in play. If you vote for True Crime Podcast game to be the game that we end up playing on Patreon for the One Shot Derby, we did it, folks. This is the character creation.
Amanda: Woo!
Julia: Woo!
Brandon: Wee!
Eric: All right. Let's all go around and review our characters. Let's do it in the draft order, so Julia, you go first.
Julia: I'm playing Bex Beckett, who is the researcher. She is known on the pod as the female one by the audience because she once had an opinion about the hotness of a serial killer.
Amanda: Hooray.
Julia: And the valid criticism on Reddit is half the fandom wants her to be, like, on-mic on the podcast, and the other half does not, because misogyny.
Amanda: Yep.
Julia: Oh, and the hobby that she cares about is, like, a very serious journalism podcast that is in development. Maybe she's pitching it out to other networks and stuff like that. And then the NPC that I'm playing is Diego, who is the hot Australian boyfriend who only says, "Gnar."
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: My character's name is Double J. Tawkins. My role is the producer. I am known on the podcast as the scary one by the audience, because I come on mic frequently to describe things that are way too grizzly.
Eric: Hmm, hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: A valid criticism about me on Reddit is that I hate Charlie.
Julia: It's true. It's true.
Brandon: Yeah, which is just true. My secondary hobby is that I am starting my rap career, so I tried to shoehorn my mixtape promotion in— my Soundcloud promotion in as much as I can when I get on the microphone.
Julia: Who's your biggest inspiration?
Brandon: Oh, Tupac, I guess. I don't know, man.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: First thing that came to mind was Kanye West and I was like, "Not gonna do that."
Julia: I mean, you could.
Eric: Any answer you could have said Brandon was funny. Any answer, anything you would have said was funny.
Julia: After that long of a pause, you could have said anyone.
Eric: That was so good at being in character. That was great.
Brandon: What is that white guy— that white Jewish guy that did all the like viral— super viral raps?
Amanda: Lil Dicky.
Eric: Lil Dicky.
Brandon: Yeah, Lil Dicky.
Eric: No, it's 10-second pause, and then Tupac.
Brandon: And then the NPC that I'm playing is Zooey's mom, who is not actually a victim of any kind of any serial killer, who is also a federal court judge, very serious, and whose name is the honorable Maria Menounos, no relation.
Eric: That's so funny.
Eric: All right. I am playing Big Cat who is our host of the show, Killin' Time With Big Cat.
Brandon: Only cats have nine lives.
Julia: Remember, only cats have nine lives.
Eric: Oh, remember, only cats have nine lives. Of course, everyone knows that. I am known on the pod as the exacting one by the audience, because I read extra books if I think Bex did a bad job.
Julia: Aw.
Eric: Valid criticism on Reddit about me. I think I'm the best part of the show and no one really knows why.
Julia: Fair.
Eric: Big Cat's rich person hobby is collecting rare books from dictators, and then the books written by the ghost writers of the dictators.
Julia: Oh, boy.
Eric: I am playing— the NPC I'm playing is Billy, who is a casting agent at A&E, who wants Zooey to come back to Pawn Stars, to talk about the letters that she had from her serial killer father that she—
Julia: The Golden Hour Strangler.
Eric: —faked, that she got graded on the show.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Incredible. And I am playing Charlie Crawkins, who is the scumbag off-mic friend. He's known as the chaotic one, because one time, off-mic, they were like, "Wait, what, Charlie?" Charlie bought a boat, and it turned into a whole saga about having been used for a— an offshore mafia body dump murder. He's also definitely underpaying his income tax, which Reddit has caught on to. The side hobby that he is far more into than his contributions to the podcast, which is recorded in his detached garage full of lizards, is rare reptile and now illegal reptile importing.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Amanda: And the NPC I am playing is—
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Hi, I'm Sunchoke McGarry.
Julia: Oh, hey, Sunchoke.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Hi.
Eric: Amanda had to get into character by screaming.
Julia: Yeah, that makes sense.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): I ripped them out of the chair because she's not camera ready to be on live.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): This has been the One Shot Derby. I'm really glad that you all came, but now you have to leave because this is my house, and boundaries means I can be rude to you, whatever I want.
Julia: Fair enough, girlfriend. Fair enough.
Brandon: That's fair.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): Please go to jointhepartypod.com/vote to vote in this poll, is what I'm being told you should do. Next week, there will be an Afterparty. It starts at 5:00 AM Eastern when the episode comes out. That's really chic, I'm not gonna lie.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: And then after that is something called Camp-Paign four. That's a brand of coke I really like, so I hope I'm invited to that campaign.
Eric: I am enthralled by Sunchoke.
Julia: Aren't we all?
Eric: I'm hanging on every word she says.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Sunchoke McGarry): The slower you talk, honey, the more they pay attention. Thank you for listening to the One Shot Derby. And as we say at the end, the McGarrys throughout time, who have been radio hosts and then war correspondence. And then one of them wrote for Playboy for a while and won some actually very good journalism awards. Stay high, bitches.
Brandon: Bye.
Julia: Take to the slopes.
Eric: I can understand more now. Just, like, how on so many popular comedy shows, you just kind of just, like, sit back and watch Will Ferrell cook.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It's like, "Let's see what he does."
Julia: Yeah, let's do that.
Eric: I'm Jimmy Fallon-ing over here trying not to laugh while Amanda's doing this. Jeez.
Amanda: Thanks.
Brandon: We simply must go, goodbye.
Amanda: Bye.
Julia: Goodbye.
[music]