Somewhere across the map, three wayward pirates find something that’s so valuable that it can’t be bought. I hope it’s “friendship.”
Featuring Connie Chang as Wangling, Jasper Cartwright as Colo Tera, and Brandon Grugle as Abel Mortenson
New pirates, new treasure, new seeds of adventure, the same Join the Party!
Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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- Rolling with Difficulty, a fantastic Actual Play podcast you should check out.
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: You know what happened when the Cascade dried up. The plant and bug people of our world tilt to the Great Salt Sea, kicking off half a century of pirate tides. They might say they're searching for the salmon to grant them a wish that will benefit everyone. But really, they're looking for adventure, forgiveness, anything better than the landlocked life that they were destined for. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, so why don't we hear a different one? This is Join the Party Campaign Three: Legends Across The Tide!
[theme]
Eric: Well, everything sounds so different. People going with different doo-doo-doos. I'm like— I'm getting so many different sensory experiences. Ahoy, Greenfolk, I'm Eric Silver, the saltiest DM on the sea. And we are doing some One-Shots with some new friends here to kick off 2024. First, we have everyone's favorite permanent guest, but also he's a permanent guest in my heart. It's Jasper Cartwright!
Jasper: Hi, it's roomy in here.
Eric: My heart's so big, you could fit inside of it.
Jasper: You do. It's only Eric Silver big heart, big heart. So hi, I'm very excited to be here. This is cool.
Eric: We have someone new to the Multitude family of podcasts, but I've loved their work for so long, it's Connie Chang.
Connie: It's me, Connie Chang. Hello! Happy to be here.
Eric: Connie, are you ready to be a plant and/or bug person?
Connie: I'm so ready to be a plant and/or bug person. I didn't want to choose, so you're gonna see what that means very soon.
Jasper: We've been friends for a long time, and it feels like this is like the inevitable, like, apex of our friendship that we would one day be bug or plant people together. You know what I mean? Like that just—
Connie: Yes.
Jasper: It feels like this was always meant to happen at some point.
Connie: We're gonna work together to overthrow a god, in this case, Eric.
Jasper: Yup. Correct.
Eric: I'm okay with that. That's fine.
Connie: This is a One Shot, Eric.
Eric: But don't worry, we have an old friend here as well. It's Brandon James Grugle!
Brandon: It's me! What up? I'm also in your heart, but for nefarious reasons.
Jasper: And I'm fighting them off, don't worry.
Connie: I'm watching from the stands. There's a lot of popcorn in your arteries.
Eric: That's why I'm getting open heart surgery over Christmas so that I can just get Brandon out of there.
Jasper: And the popcorn, get the popcorn out while you're there.
Eric: Get the popcorn. The popcorn are really in there.
Jasper: No, leave it, leave it.
Connie: Damn.
Eric: Alright. The wonderful thing about all of this with new friends and old friends, that we have new characters that we're going to be playing here in the One-Shot. I would love for all of us to go around, tell us their names, what kind of plant and/or bug person they are, and their— just a little bit about them including their su— class and subclass. So, Jasper, why don't— why don't you start?
Jasper: Yeah. I'm very excited to be playing Colo Terra. Colo Terra is a gigantic dung beetle man.
Brandon: Yes.
Jasper: He's an ex-Paladin. He used to be a Paladin, he is no longer a paladin. He's a barbarian path of the giant. I'm very, very excited. I've been playing around with this for a little while, and I'm— like, I'm very strong. He's a— he's a very strong boy and cool. So that's all you got for now.
Eric: I do want to talk about this for a second because you did say it.
Jasper: Uh-hmm. Yup.
Eric: Why are you an ex-Paladin? Because I— I have been thinking about this and I want to share it with you.
Jasper: My headcanon for Colo Terra is that he basically— something really horrific happened to him, and he lost his faith. His faith was directly tied to his wings, which he no longer has.
Connie: Ooh.
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: And so he basically decided on a different path and is using his anger to channel what remnants of divine power he has remaining within him.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Eric: You also are a man with no nation, you're unmoored. So you've been living on the— the sea your entire time. So I've been thinking like at one point, you found
like a giant dandelion.
Jasper: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Which was like, "Oh, hell yeah, you can fly? Love that. Going to empower you." And then, like, as soon as you lost it, it's like, "Nah, dude, we're out. We're out."
Jasper: I— I'm done.
Eric: "If you— if you can't fly, you can't be a part of this whole thing."
Jasper: You’re out man. Alright. I don't know what to tell you. Literally, the one thing that we have is that we fly. You don't do that anymore. It was— it was a tough day, Honestly, it was a real tough day. But now I'm real pissed, and I'm going back to find that dandelion.
Eric: Incredible.
Jasper: Oh, and I do have a very exciting voice for this character.
Connie: Ooh.
Eric: I'm ready.
Jasper: So I'll reveal that later.
Brandon: Oh, yeah.
Eric: Incredible. Connie, tell us about your character, please.
Connie: Yes. I'm going to be playing Wangling. They/he/she, for you all lovely listeners tonight/whatever time zone you're in. They are an Orchid Mantis person. So I did want to pick something of both, a plant and a bug.
Brandon: Oh, hell yeah. I didn't know we could do that.
Jasper: Yeah. Yeah.
Connie: I'm— I'm cheating the game. That's what I like to do. They're a reborn, they have an interesting relationship with death. They're a warlock, and I learned, like, five hours before the recording that there are no deaf gods in this setting. So we're going with the Planter, I think, maybe as one of their— like, their patron. I'm not sure if that's exactly how it works out in this realm.
Eric: Yeah.
Connie: But they do, they would worship and they would revere and respect whatever entities control the tides between life and death. So if that's the Planter, then that's the person they would revere. They are the ship's navigator. They're not— they are directionally challenged, they can't rotate objects in their head very well. But she does occasionally hear ominous sinister whispers in her head that tell her where to go, and they've never steered the ship wrong since, so listen to him, folks.
Brandon: Yet.
Connie: Yet.
Eric: We haven't talked about death gods yet, but when you brought that up, I'm like, "I don't know if we have one." Because it's like I don't want like an Anubis weighing or— or like a Saint Peter weighing your deeds at the end. My idea was like, you know when you take a seed from a bell pepper and then you immediately plant that.
Jasper: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That's what I kind of thought coming back to life as a reborn was, was like, Oh, you're just gonna— you're just replanting it and now you're doing new game plus to, like, figure your shit out."
Connie: Yeah. I love that, actually. I really, really love that bit of worldbuilding. And I think she's kind of similar to Colo in some ways, as in he's also got a past that he's moving away from, that hurts a lot. Because he did a lot of bad things before.
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: Hmm.
Connie: He is now like a kind of like space cadet, sweet, fluffy person. You'll—you'll get to know them very soon.
Jasper: I got a fun idea for how Wangling's story might end though, you know? She— she— she's just up here, new death god.
Connie: Yes. I— I seriously thought you were gonna say, "Colo's gonna fucking kill her." I would have been prepared for that.
Eric: Wangling with, like, plastic gloves using tweezers to, like, pull people's souls and replanting them. I really like that.
Jasper: That sounds perfect. A little mist spray thing, like a—
Eric: Yeah. [sprays] Like from above, just misting everyone, making sure they're okay.
Connie: I'm actually so into that or like the— the Mantis-like scythe as the Grim—Grim Reaper scythe.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: Yeah.
Connie: The arm, yeah.
Eric: Oh, that's fun.
Brandon: Nice.
Connie: I'm here to be a tiny piece of sand in the beautiful clockwork mechanism that is your world. I'm here to absolutely fuck up your entire life.
Eric: Ha-ha, it's a sundial. You can't fuck it up. It's impossible.
Jasper: Okay, well, call me the clouds. Bitch, let's go.
Eric: I know it's— yeah.
Connie: That's right. Eclipse time, baby.
Eric: Love that. Love that. It's— it just so happens a lot of you have a— a bunch of you have a past and maybe some relationship with bad things happening to you. Because, Brandon, I do know your character, please go ahead.
Brandon: Yes, hello. My name is Abel, I'm a Dracula ant. That's not my name. That's just the kind of ant I am.
Jasper: Okay.
Brandon: My class is, as you would guess, necromancer, and subclass, blood ascendant. And I'm from the Hothouse.
Jasper: Ooh.
Brandon: I figured that an ant would be a good construction worker, and Hothouse is all about construction and ingenuity.
Eric: I like that.
Brandon: So I don't know exactly what happened to sort of, like, make me undead. But maybe like, I don't know, like a brick fell on my head or something, I don't know.
Eric: Probably. That's pretty funny. For those of you at home being like, "Where's this necromancer class?" This is from Valda's Spire of Secrets, the third-party book where I just got the physical copy, by the way. It's so great. It's so great.
Brandon: Oh, nice.
Jasper: Beautiful.
Eric: From Mage Hand Press, we've been using the classes in the main campaign, so I'm very excited to do this. So, yeah, Necromancer, and then you get vampire powers on top of it, which it's gonna be very fun.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Connie: That's pretty dope.
Jasper: Can I just ask real quick? Did we know what about Abel? Abel's, you know, not living status. Actually, I guess, and Wangling’s. This is— okay. You know what? I guess maybe I'm the odd one out. I'm alive. Okay. Sorry, I’ll stop asking questions.
Brandon: Maybe it was just rude to ask, you know?
Jasper: Yeah, yeah.
Brandon: I think it's respect.
Jasper: Yeah.
Connie: Wangling would share to anyone, they trauma dump, really, so you would—
Jasper: Everyone just comes up to Colo like, "You still got a heartbeat, are you okay? Like what's— what's up with you, I guess? "
Connie: Hey, we're on this ghost ship, we think that maybe, you know—
Jasper: You should join the crew.
Eric: Incredible. Just a quick question for Colo and Abel, what do you do on the ship? Because Wangling is our navigator.
Jasper: Hmm. I'm a boson and I also can be the pilot. I have a— I'm pretty good at sort of actually steering the ship.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Jasper: And pretty strong. So I kind of imagine maybe you'll like jumping during a storm.
Eric: Nice.
Brandon: Now, Eric, Jasper seems to know boat jobs.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, Brandon is convinced that boat things are fancy.
Jasper: Ja— Jasper is competent with Google and managed to Google boat jobs.
Eric: Brandon, you can do whatever— it doesn't have to be a boat job. What— like, what's your job?
Brandon: No. I mean, I was thinking probably something like a rigger or like, lookout— like— like crow's nest lookout or something.
Eric: Ooh, that's good. I like that. Yeah, you could really hang out in the crow's nest.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jasper: And just to clarify as well, boson is like— kind of like the second first mate. They— basically, like they're in charge of the deck. So, like—
Brandon: Hmm.
Jasper: —in charge of, like, the people who scrub the deck, and do all the— the lines, and like the rigging, and stuff like that.
Connie: You're middle management.
Jasper: Yeah, fully, fully.
Connie: You are.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Eric: Wonderful.
Jasper: He's way too competent for the role as well. He should be hired, but he has no ambition, whatsoever.
Eric: I love this. Well, I do want to get your character a little more familiar with each other. Let's do something I'm calling bonded by the sea. Each of you are going to roll a D10 and answer a prompt. And then you're going to direct that prompt to another character. And then it's going to go into a triangle in that— in this way.
Connie: That's so fun.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Eric: Let's do this in reverse order because Brandon is used to me doing this. Brandon, can you roll a D10 for me?
Brandon: I can. [dice roll] That's a 7.
Eric: That's a 7. Hey, Brandon, Abel is incredibly afraid of something, what is it? And then throw to another character, and they're going to answer, when was an inopportune time where this came up?
Brandon: Hmm. Okay. I think he's scared of drowning.
Jasper: Okay.
Eric: That's honestly so funny for someone already undead.
Brandon: Yeah.
Jasper: Yeah. Who doesn't need to breathe.
Brandon: Maybe to clarify, like he's afraid of being trapped, because he can't drown, because he can't die. So it's just like large amounts of water on top of him, you know?
Eric: That's awesome.
Jasper: A very specific cubic meters of water on top of you.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: That's very funny. Yeah. And Brandon, throw the second half to somebody else.
Brandon: I'll throw that to Connie.
Eric: Alright, Connie. When was an opportune time that Abel's fear of being under the sea came up?
Jasper: All the time.
Brandon: There it is.
Connie: Constantly.
Eric: Yes.
Connie: I think that's a specific like— I mean, constantly.
Jasper: It's just all the time.
Connie: Maybe that's why you're the lookout, so you're the farthest away from the water.
Brandon: Hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Connie: But I— I do think there was one time that our ship absolutely beefed it. We crashed, we fully crashed. We had to get a completely new ship, and all of us went overboard. So I think maybe we even lost some of the auxiliary minor NPCs.
Eric: Sure, sure, sure.
Connie: Like it was— this was like a dark time off for our crew.
Brandon: Hmm.
Connie: It was a dark era, several of us died. And I think Abel was pretty messed up about it, because, like, there was a moment of time where you were fully just submerged in water and no one was able to grab you or get you. But you did survive, and we were able to, like, haul your ass back to land, and all of us as well and get a new ship. But that was a pretty dark chapter for us.
Brandon: I love that.
Eric: I love that.
Jasper: Okay.
Brandon: I'm just on the bottom of the sea like legs up just, "Ehhh."
Connie: I would like it if it was actually a— if it's cool with y'all, if it was Wangling who went down and— and grabbed you?
Brandon: Oh, hell yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Connie: While you were like kind of at the bottom of this reef?
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Eric: I love that. And the fact that it's a reef and you're like 10 feet down, or like three meters down Jasper and you're just like, "Ahhh!"
Connie: And that’s why you want to drown, yeah.
Jasper: Yeah.
Brandon: I'm very short. I'm very small, Eric.
Eric: Yeah, for sure. Alright, Connie, give me a D10 roll, please.
Connie: I love this, like, little social system. I'm digging it. I got a 5.
Eric: 5. Wangling, on a scale of 1 to 10, I am this good at being a navigator on the ship, and explain— and explain how?
Connie: From his perspective, an 11. An 11, like an 11, or 12, or 13.
Jasper: Whatever number you think of, plus one, that's the number.
Eric: Incredible. And then Jasper, Colo, please answer the same question. On a scale of 1 to 10, how good is Wangling at their job as the navigator?
Jasper: Okay. So another little thing about Colo is, he is pretty dry and pretty rude. So there's no way he sugarcoats this. It's like a disrespectful four.
Connie: Disrespectful.
Jasper: It's like we definitely get there, but like he just always has notes, like always.
Brandon: We did crash that one time.
Jasper: And we— yeah, we—
Connie: Yeah, that was an absolutely Wangling’s fault.
Jasper: We crashed, and Wangling came back like, "I saved people." It's like, "You're the reason we crashed."
Eric: Oh, my God.
Connie: The voice was telling me to go through this dense fog, and— and it was the shortest point from A to B.
Eric: Incredible. Alright, Jasper, One— one more time, please give me a D10 roll.
Jasper: Oh, yes, of course. 10.
Eric: 10? Okay. I believe something that I know is outside of acceptable Greenfolk society, even out here on the sea as a pirate. What is it?
Jasper: So I agree with a, like, practice or like something that happens on the ship—
Eric: Or you— you believe something that you know is like— that a lot of people would be like, "What? What the hel— what the hell?" Even— like even out here amongst pirates, a lot of Greenfolk would be like, "What are you talking about?"
Jasper: I think Colo doesn't believe— like can't it be— like I believe that something isn't true?
Eric: Yeah, a 100%, yes.
Jasper: That all pirate superstitions are complete BS.
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Jasper: Like, he fully does— he thinks that all of it is just complete crap. Like made up to just, like, keep people in line, and any time that he goes along with them, he's just trying to be courteous and stop people from asking him questions and talking to him about it. So he's just like, "Fine. I'll bring a cat with me. What— whatever. This is— this is— this is complete BS."
Eric: I don't know why I need this cattail on the ship, but I guess it's there. I guess I'm feeding it, I guess.
Jasper: Okay, great. Okay, great.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: And Abel, does this belief bring Colo closer or farther— or pushes people farther away, especially on the ship?
Brandon: Oh, well, at least for Abel, I think pushes farther away, because Abel is aware that he's a vampire. And whether or not it's true, he will not enter any room without being invited in.
Jasper: Colo— every time— every time Abel and Colo go to play chess in his quarters or whatever, he's just like—
Jasper (as Colo): Oh, yes, come in. Just walk in. So annoying!
Eric: There's a thing about vampire mythology, especially now like in a postmodern idea, that like people mix and match the various things you know about vampires. And I love that it's like, no, the one about boundaries is definitely real in Verda Stello.
Brandon: Well, in— in Valda's, also it does say I don't have a reflection, so that is also canonical.
Eric: Oh, okay. Mage— if Mage Hand Mike allowed you to do double damage to structures with your bombs—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —Mage Hand Mike also says you don't have a reflection, that's fine.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Mage Hand Mike— it's like the Planter and Mage Hand Mike are the two gods, Eric.
Eric: Yes. Please give me two seconds, I've been so excited about this, I forgot my dice in the other room.
Brandon: Nooo!
Eric: So please— please give me a minute.
Jasper: Okay, I'm actually gonna go also grab mine then, because I left mine downstairs.
Eric: Do it, do it. Alright, BRB.
Jasper: So I was just rolling digitally.
Connie: Maybe I should grab mine too.
Eric: Like one minute, one minute.
Connie: I'll be right back.
Eric: Alright, folks, do we want to— do we want to get going? Do you want to play?
Jasper: Yes, please.
Connie: Yes, do it.
Eric: Alright. My favorite thing about this is that you got— we have not talked about your captain yet. We have not talked about your captain. We haven't talked about your ship at all, which is fine. Because honestly, the three of you are on shore leave. You've pulled up to one of the many islands that are out here in Verda Stello, especially in the Great Salt Sea. And this one has a thriving town on it. This seems to be one where people like immediately kind of put their— put their stakes down and decided we're gonna make a town here. This is the town of High Cliff Bay.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: High Cliff Bay, where all of your dreams come true when you're leaving— when you're leaving all of your responsibilities in your other country, so come here. You don't have to be a pirate, just come here.
Brandon: Seems like— maybe we can shorten that down a little bit, but I— I guess I don't work here, so it's fine.
Eric: It's in— it's into the commercial. It's a commercial you hear on the radio. And I think like you've spent some time here. I think the three of you— are— hey, are the three you friends? Like— or is this just like you guys ended up hanging out with you— hanging out with each other on shore leave just because hey, I'm three people who has— who have a lot of trauma?
Brandon: Eric, I think we're mates.
Jasper: Yeah.
Brandon: Whatever that means to you.
Eric: Sure, sure.
Jasper: Yeah.
Connie: We're—we're chums. We're chums.
Jasper: Yes. I think so.
Connie: Yeah. I mean, Wangling— Wangling is very— they're an open book. He would think that Abel and Colo are her very dear friends.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah. I think we're definitely friends. I just wanted you to use pirate language, Eric.
Eric: Sure, sure. Fair, fair. Yar!
Jasper: Yeah. I think Colo probably, like, stands their company better than everyone else's. Like— just like happy enough being around them, whereas like other people are actively like— like he's unhappy around them, you know?
Eric: Hell yeah. Yeah.
Jasper: So it's—
Connie: I'm gonna make you work for that statement, Jasper.
Jasper: Yeah, that's fine.
Connie: With Wangling.
Jasper: That's fine.
Connie: Gonna have to find reasons to love me.
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: Yeah, I will.
Eric: I think one of the— one of the first things any pirate needs to do when they get off on shore leave is like, I need to eat some produce for the first time in, like, weeks, my guy.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Please.
Brandon: Some limes, please.
Eric: You can run down to the farmer's market, which is happening. Kind of like on one of the many cliffs here on the island.
Jasper: Colo Terra is going to bound his huge form. Is it human scales that we use in this world, Eric?
Eric: Yeah, yeah. It's like you— you're— everyone is and the regular medium scale. Yeah.
Jasper: Okay, perfect. So he's 7-foot-8, but that's like with, like, six-inch horns. So like realistically, like seven-two on top of his head, you know?
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: He's gonna go bounding up and he's gonna get out withs like a huge sack of— I'm guessing like silver, because he's definitely not rich. And just be like— just look around all those stalls and be like—
Jasper (as Colo): I need one of everything.
Jasper: You know, and start throwing out coins.
Eric: Incredible. Colo, as you're looking around the farmer's market, the first thing you hear is—
Eric (as Mordecai): Oh, come over here. Do you— I see that you have a sack of silver. Would you like— I have something special that I think you would really like.
Jasper (as Colo): What do you have?
Eric (as Mordecai): Come here. Come here, I have something you can't find anywhere else. I have gold—
Jasper: Well, before I go anywhere close to this creepy voice, what am I seeing here? Like, am I about to get stabbed?
Eric: No, you're not— you're not gonna get stabbed. There is a stall with an older man who is like one wrinkly corn piece, who has a little stand and it says Mordecai's golden apples. And that's Mordecai who's sitting there with literal golden apples here out on his— on his stand. And be like—
Eric (as Mordecai): They are really delicious, and I have so much for you. And I see that— the way that you're jiggling— you're jiggling your— your purse out, you would probably don't have gold coins in there. You have silver coins, which is great because I do need silver coins.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay.
Jasper: And I'll turn around and look at Abel, and be like—
Jasper (as Colo): Abel, I have something that I think you should try and eat. I need you to check it's okay because you will die if you eat it, and it is bad for your stomach. So— but it will kill me, so you eat it first. Here.
Jasper: And I'll pay for a gold apple.
Eric (as Mordecai): Only three silver doubloon— doublooms.
Eric: The coins are doublooms, by the way. Doubloom with the word doubloom in it.
Eric (as Mordecai): Oh, that's three doubloo— three silver doublooms. That's it. That's it.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay, that seems very reasonable. Here you go. Thank you very much.
Eric (as Mordecai): Wonderful. Putting in my big pockets, which I have here. Thank you.
Jasper: I'll just grab one and throw it into Abel's mouth, just like [gobbles]—
Jasper (as Colo): How is it?
Brandon: And you just see his jaw, like, unhinge, it's just like—
Jasper (as Colo): I hate it when you do that. Feel like you're going to swallow me up to the elbow. It's not good.
Brandon: Do I need to roll anything, Eric?
Eric (as Mordecai): No, no, this golden apple, it's delicious. It's incredible. It's the best apple you've ever had in your life. It also actually has a little bit more substance and roughage because it is partially made out of metal. But it's like good, like when you wrap, like, beef in gold leaf. It's like, oh, look at this interesting taste I have in my mouth.
Brandon: Yeah, that's just expensive fiber, that's I've— what I've always said.
Eric: I love thi— I love this expensive fiber that I have.
Jasper: In which case, I'm pouring out silver onto the table and I'm grabbing me a whole like— just handfuls. Beetles actually have forearms—
Brandon: What?
Jasper: —so I guess I'm just scooping multiple, you know, things up into my sort of chest area and just sort of gobbling them down in, like, probably like one bite.
Eric (as Mordecai): Oh, incredible. You're— you're going to share that with everyone? You're going— with your— with your other compan— with your companion, with all of your mates and friends?
Jasper (as Colo): Absolutely not. I am going to eat them all myself. Look at this giant frame, it takes a lot to keep me going.
Eric: Mordecai is holding one off to the side and offering it to Wangling, and be like—
Eric (as Mordecai): Would you— would you like this? See, I have silver—
Connie: Wangling has not been present during this conversation. He— he's gone off to every single vegetable and fruit stall, and also some of the meat stalls too, and has very hideously haggled for the ugliest pieces of produce at every stall. And they've now just returned with her little arms full of just, like, the ugliest, little messed up potatoes, and carrots, and various pieces of forage.
Connie (as Wangling): Hey, guys.
Eric: Incredible. The fi— my first roll, I rolled a 13, and they're like, "This is great, I love this." Every— everyone was like, "This orchid Greenfolk is awesome. I hope they come around again."
Connie (as Wangling): Hey, guys, I got a couple of marriage proposals, and all these fruits.
Jasper (as Colo): That's cute. You what? You— someone wants to marry you, did you say or what—
Connie (as Wangling): Oh, yes, but I turned them down because of the pirate life. Those apples look delicious.
Eric (as Mordecai): We love you so much. I need a partner who will eat the ugly vegetables.
Jasper (as Colo): What? You have caused quite a scene. Can I ask how come you only get to the— the nasty-looking ones?
Connie (as Wangling): Oh, it's— it's because I feel bad for them. I— I wonder if they feel left out. You know, at the Market Square, all the prettiest ones are pushed to the front, but the ones that are kind of odd or weird are always shoved to the side and forgotten. Kind of like Abel, and myself. And a little bit you.
Jasper: I looked down at these beautiful apples that I purchased, and I'm like—
Jasper (as Colo): Yes, that is quite a good point. I suddenly feel bad about being so selective about the food I have bought.
Eric (as Mordecai): Well, the three of you seem like such a hoot. Would you like to— well, I'm done for the day, consider how you bought all of my golden apples. Come— come over to my house for a spell. It seems like you're— you're a lot of interesting fun.
Jasper (as Colo): Just come over to your house?
Connie (as Wangling): Okay.
Jasper (as Colo): What? No, wait, wait.
Eric (as Mordecai): Yeah, just come— just come to my house. Yeah, just come to my house.
Jasper (as Colo): We're just going?
Eric (as Mordecai): I'm just— I'm just an old kernel man, what can I do? I'll give you more apples. I have interesting things to show you.
Connie (as Wangling): The kernels on your face kind of look like the golden apples you sell.
Eric (as Mordecai): That's a very good point. See, now you have to come. You have to see if more things look like other things.
Connie (as Wangling): I would love to see that.
Jasper (as Colo): I do like to see if things look like other things. So Abel, what do you think?
Connie (as Wangling): Please, Colo, can we go? Please?
Jasper (as Colo): It's up to Abel.
Brandon (as Abel): If you're— if— if you're serving dinner.
Eric (as Mordecai): I have more things to serve. I can see what I have over there. It's fine. I have all these gold— gold p— I have all these silver pieces. This is wonderful.
Jasper (as Colo): Do you intend to kill us?
Eric (as Mordecai): No, I do not intend to— I do not intend to kill you. I intend to kill you with a wonderful time.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay, let's go.
Connie: Wangling does cock their triangular head to the side. They've got this like beautiful, like, pink chitin, right, with these orchid patterns over it. But their eyes are bright, dazzling blue with a— with slitted pupils of pink as well. And—
Brandon: Cool.
Connie: —she narrows them slightly not in suspicion, but just in open curiosity. And could I make an Insight Check—
Eric: Please.
Connie: —on this guy? Like, can I like try to ascertain what his true motivations are here?
Eric: Please, I would love that.
Jasper: If it helps, I don't know if this will provide the help action at all, as soon as this kernel makes a joke about— like, "I'll kill you with a good time," immediately, I pull out my great sword and I hold it to his— whatever would be closest to his neck and I'm like—
Jasper (as Colo): What do you mean you would kill us?
Brandon: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Jasper: You— you know Colo Terra does not do— like he just doesn't understand jokes, like he's just like— he's just like—
Jasper (as Colo): How do you kill us with a good time? What does this mean?
Eric: Yeah, I definitely need— that would help. I would say that would help. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jasper: Cool.
Connie: Well, that— that would bring it to a 23.
Eric: Incredible. Okay, with a 23, Wangling, here's what— here's what you understand, is that this kernel is old and he definitely wants people to come hang out. But there is something that he wants to show you. He's pushing you hard because he definitely needs you to see something. It's not of ill intent. He's not actually trying to hurt you.
Connie: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But there's something that he has—you three seem very interesting, and there's something that he needs to tell you.
Connie (as Wangling): Colo, I— I trust Mordecai. There is something interesting you wish to show us, is there not?
Eric (as Mordecai): Very insightful, very insightful. Of course, there's a— what would an old man out here on the island be able to do anything? You want to—you're gonna turn me into creamed corn, please. What a wonderful sword. Please, it's like almost like a giant butter knife that you would just smear up— smear up on me.
Jasper: I'll put away the great sword, and sort of look at him, and be like—
Jasper (as Colo): Okay, but you only kill us with a good time if we say you are welcome to do so.
Eric (as Mordecai): That's a fair— that's a fair trade. And I won't kill you with kindness, either. Absolutely. Of course, of course.
Jasper: What?
Eric: Incredible. Alright. Mordecai gets off of his very large stool he was sitting on. He's very small. He's a very small man.
Jasper (as Colo): Where did he go?
Eric: Very tall kernel of corn. And wa— and closes his shop, and now has like all of your silver coins in a sack, then waddles down the road to his house so that you can follow after him.
Brandon: Hell yeah. Let's do it.
Eric: Yeah. A little while— little while away, you see this— Mordecai's house is just a modest farmhouse with one apple tree in the back, which you can see all the way from afar, considering it's the middle of the day, and he's done very— very quickly with his selling. The— the sun is glinting off of golden apples, but that's not even a thing that catches your eye the most as the sun glints off something else. It is actually— there's a glass menagerie next to the golden apple tree. Lots of surfaces, lots of glass for light to catch on. It's almost like— it's like a prism in there. It is so bright and almost like glowing with color as it catches the noon sun.
Jasper (as Colo): That is quite beautiful.
Brandon (as Abel): It's gorgeous.
Jasper (as Colo): Wow.
Connie (as Wangling): Wow. It's so sparkly, like the sun refracting off the waves.
Connie: You said a menagerie, are there animals inside?
Eric: Well, yes, he would say—
Eric (as Mordecai): Well, the— the thing— the menagerie itself is pretty nice, but there is something inside. Come on, come on, come on, we— come on, come on, come on, come on.
Connie (as Wangling): Okay.
Eric (as Mordecai): Come on, come on, come on.
Jasper (as Colo): I'm intrigued to know what is inside of here, and I hope it is not something bad or big, or long without legs.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh, Colo, even if there were, you'd protect us, right? You always do.
Jasper (as Colo): Yes, I most certainly would. Probably yes.
Connie (as Wangling): Mwa.
Connie: And Wangling kisses you on the shoulder.
Jasper (as Colo): Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I don't like it.
Connie: He turns and bounce after Mordecai.
Eric: Incredible. Standing underneath of the golden apple tree that you see as you get closer, you see that there is a young— there's a younger man who's kind of like a full baby corn. Well, you know, like the really small— really small kernels that are on there, but like fully baby corn humanoid person, and says—
Eric (as Maize): Dad, you can't just bring people here. Why are you here early and you have— you have three various— various vagabonds behind you. What's happening? Dad, you can't do this!
Jasper (as Colo): Are you trying to say—
Brandon (as Abel): Hello.
Jasper (as Colo): —that we are not welcome here? And if so, how dare you refer to me as a vagabond?
Connie (as Wangling): Hi, good morning.
Brandon (as Abel): Did you say— did you say bag of bones?
Jasper (as Colo): Why do you always have to bring up the bag of bones?
Eric (as Mordecai): No, no. Why would I say bag of bones? This is already a problem. You could see this is already a problem.
Jasper (as Colo): I have seen this bag of bones. He gets the bag of bones out all the time.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh, that bag of bones.
Jasper (as Colo): Ah, yes.
Connie (as Wangling): I thought there was a different bag of bones you've been hiding from us Abel, and I'm disappointed.
Eric: You travel bag of bones and ask me three ounces so you can get it on the plane.
Jasper (as Colo): You have to put that in a clear see-through bag when you go through the check-in points.
Eric (as Mordecai): Yeah. No, it's fine. Maize—Maize you're gonna have to just calm down. These three, they're very interesting. I'm paid out. I sold all of the golden apples. It wasn't like that other time that I gave them all away because I wanted to go fishing. This is a totally different situation. No, I'm showing— I'm showing them the— I'm showing them— I'll— I'm showing them Ali! They seem like it would be interesting. I want to get their opinion on it.
Eric (as Maize): No, you can't— you don't know the whole point of having— you can't just bring them in the— I guess it's already— this is already happening. Hello, welcome to our farm. I'm Maize. We have a golden apple tree and there's a—
Jasper (as Colo): Why— may ask you young man— corn? Why you're trying to feign being all nice to us now when clearly you do not want us to be here?
Eric (as Maize): This is not the first time that my father has brought random people by to see what's happening and everything going on. And, you know, we have— you know what? You'll see. You'll see it. You'll see.
Jasper (as Colo): When you get older things happen to your brain, and perhaps that is what that's happening to your father. He is getting on in years and deteriorating, so I think, perhaps—
Connie (as Wangling): One day, he'll die.
Jasper (as Colo): Yes.
Connie (as Wangling): Probably quite soon.
Brandon (as Abel): But that might not be the end.
Eric: Alright. Maize leads you over to the menagerie, and opens the door which kind of like dispels all the light and color that's bouncing off of everything. But inside is the most brilliant thing that's caught your eyes so far. There is a golden bird in the menagerie.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: There's a golden bird. It's about four feet tall, wide, wide wings, big tail that kind of splits into, that curls back around on itself, and it is just shimmering in the noon light. So it's like— it has— inside the men— it's the only thing in the menagerie, and then it has like the deluxe birdhouse in there. Like, let's— almost like a cat tree but for a bird. Like so many places to ro— so many newspapers everywhere. So much seed just like kind of scattered around the floor. It almost looks— it just looks unperturbed by everyone opening the door and kind of poking their head in.
Jasper: I'm just gonna lean into Wangling and be like—
Jasper (as Colo): I bet that those eggs taste so good.
Connie (as Wangling): I want to taste one of its eggs. Planter's glorious creations. Look at this marvel.
Connie: And Wangling fearlessly and with no caution thrown to any wind, like kind of just bounce forward toward this bird.
Brandon: Do we know what this thing is, Eric? Like, do we know what a bird is, or some kind of amalgamation of bird, plant, bug thing?
Eric: Yeah, that's a good question. I think that this bird— if you— I think it was gold. It's almost like— I know I said dandelion before, but the dandelion that haunts Colo's dreams is like really the white one with the— that's with the buds. Like this one is like bright yellow, like the yellow dandelion. And maybe it has, like, little, like, flowers all over it. A really shimmering metallic.
Brandon: Cool.
Jasper: This actually doesn't bear any resemblance to any, you know, winged deity that may have happened on the scene.
Eric: It's an interesting question.
Jasper: That would change things.
Eric: Would you like to roll for that?
Jasper: Yeah. What would you like me to roll?
Eric: Just straight up, let's see what the D20 say.
Jasper: Straight up. [dice roll] Just a 7.
Eric: Hmm. No, but I think that you feel a type of way about winged animals. Maybe a little bit.
Jasper: Sure. Sure, sure, sure, sure.
Eric: Maybe?
Jasper: Yeah. Colo's gonna hang back, let Wangling go, and then just sort of purposely side-eye and kind of look a bit grumpy.
Eric: Yeah. The bird like, I mean, makes eye contact with Wangling, and it's holding your gaze and just kind of like looking at you and mirror— yeah, very much mirroring like your cocked head expressions as you're like kind of looking it over. It's kind of like doing the same thing.
Connie: I have beast speech as a warlock.
Eric: Oh, hell yeah.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Connie: It’s one of incantations that I chose. So I cock my head to the side and my mandible start clacking, kind of like a bird chirping.
Brandon: Oh, that's cool.
Connie: And I'm like—
Jasper: Very fun.
Connie: —interspersing it with warbling song that's quite melodic and beautiful to listen to. And I'm saying—
Connie (as Wangling): Hello, good morning. What's your name?
Eric: Oh. man, I didn't think I needed a voice for this bird. Alright, here we go. It'd he like—
Eric (as Ali): Oh, hey, what's up? So wild, you can talk to me. Love that.
Brandon: What a chill-ass bird.
Connie (as Wangling): Yes. I love being able to talk to all the beasts and animals of this world. My name is Wangling. Do you have a name?
Eric (as Ali): I do. I'm the Alicanto. Thank you so much for asking my name. Very nice to meet you.
Connie: Do I recognize that title?
Eric: Yeah, make a— make an Arcana Check, I'd say.
Connie: Okay.
Brandon: Brandon, the player does.
Connie: Ooh, I'm rolling hot. That is a Dirty 20.
Eric: What— yes. The Alicanto, I think, even from just a V is that it is one— it is truly one of a kind. The Alicanto loves to eat metal and can find metal, and is known on the Great Salt Sea because of its ability to find rare metals and gems. So it's like, "Oh, man, if only— if I could have an Alicanto, that would be so sick. I wouldn't have to, like, look for X's marked on the spot anymore." And you'd be like, "I'll look for it, and then I go do it." So it's like a creature of myth that also is like, oh, hey, which Pokemon would you want in real life is a kind of like real type of question.
Connie: Hmm.
Jasper: Hmm.
Brandon: It's like a truffle pig.
Eric: Yes, yes, yes.
Jasper: Oh, yeah.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh, the Alicanto. I've heard of you. You're quite the valuable bird. I— no, no, that— that's who I used to be. Not anymore. Are you happy here? Are you caged?
Eric (as Ali): Kind of. This dude's pretty chill, and he's weird son is really weird. I would super love it though, if you could let me out, but tell him that I will come back at some point.
Connie (as Wangling): And is that a lie or is that a truth?
Eric (as Ali): Oh, that's definitely a truth. I will come back, I do want to. I just gotta, like, do some stuff. I got some errands.
Connie (as Wangling): Yeah, okay. Well, we have a ship, maybe you could do your errands with us on our ship.
Eric (as Ali): Oh, no. It's here on the island. I don't know. I can't— I can't leave the island.
Connie (as Wangling): Okay. Maybe we can help you? Can we help you run the errands?
Eric (as Ali): Yeah.
Connie (as Wangling): Excellent.
Eric (as Alicanto): Oh, yeah, if you want to. For sure, yeah, just let me out. Would really love that just— if you could like provide a distraction or like push everyone out of the way, that would be super sick.
Connie (as Wangling): Okay, I trust you implicitly because you are a bird.
Connie: And Wangling turns around and says in, like, a normal people speech to Colo and Abel.
Connie (as Wangling): Hmm, team, huddle time.
Brandon: Okay.
Jasper: Cool. I'm gonna— basically, Colo's gonna walk forward. Colo will take out the kind of like the— his wing casing that he still has. It's like the—
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Jasper: —bits on a beetle that lift up and reveal the wings normally, and he'll sort of use that to kind of, like, shield us in.
Brandon: Hmm.
Connie: Aw.
Jasper: And yeah, you can see, he's got little stumps where his wings used to be. As he'll kind of bring us all in, it's dark in here, but he's like—
Jasper (as Colo): Okay, so what is happening?
Connie: And Wangling fills the team in on everything, but in like a hushed whisper.
Jasper (as Colo): Oh, I mean, I don't particularly think is the best thing to do to you know— they just kind of gave us some apples, invited us in, and then we're like—we're gonna to let-- lose your valuable book, that feels a little bad. But I'm also a pirate, so who cares?
Connie (as Wangling): The Alicanto said they would return.
Jasper (as Colo): Ah, that's true. And you trust them?
Connie (as Wangling): They probably just have to go grocery shopping and visit their grandma or something.
Jasper (as Colo): Can we help them? I'm just thinking like I don't know if I want to do pirate forever, and Alicanto could probably find me something, which means I could settle down in a nice farm sometime.
Brandon (as Abel): I— I was gonna say, have we considered hiring the Alicanto for our ship?
Connie (as Wangling): Oh. Well, I supposed—
Jasper (as Colo): Or at least inviting the Alicanto to— we could maybe help the Alicanto. We know— you— we do something for it, and then the Alicanto do something for us. And then the Alicanto goes home, and everyone is happy, and we are a lot richer.
Connie (as Wangling): Understood. I'll come back with a counteroffer.
Jasper (as Colo): Also, can you ask the Alicanto if it knows of any other of these bird-like creatures who will maybe have the ability to grant power to people and then take them away?
Connie (as Wangling): Okay.
Jasper (as Colo): Thank you.
Connie (as Wangling): That's very specific, Colo, but I will ask.
Jasper (as Colo): It's a pretty general question that lots of people ask all the time. It's a normal question to ask.
Connie (as Wangling): Whatever you say, Colo. Mwa.
Connie: On the other shoulder.
Jasper (as Colo): Ugh!
Connie: Wangling turns.
Eric: This is so great. I'm sitting here like the audience, I'm like, "I fucking love this, this is so good."
[theme]
Amanda: Hello, this is Amanda, one of the regular players on Join the Party. And if you're new here, I wanted to say a special welcome to you, specifically you right there listening. I'm so glad you're here. Specifically, you're right here in the mid-roll, where we take a quick break from the story to tell you some important stuff about what's going on with us, Join the Party, a company that makes it Multitude. And mostly, right now, I want to introduce who we are and welcome you to the show. Join the Party is a weekly actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who are genuine friends and make each other laugh every dang week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who have never touched a role-playing game before, like I hadn't during the first episode of this dang podcast, you can go back and listen to it. If you are loving this Greenfolk Pirate world of Verda Stello, you should totally listen to our current campaign. It's Campaign Three set in the world of Verda Stello, which is Season Four in your podcast app. But you can also start with our other completed campaigns. We have two full-length campaigns and one mini-campaign. Campaign One is a high fantasy story that starts at a gay wedding, it's incredibly good. Campaign Two is a modern superhero story set in upstate New York. And we have the Camp-Paign, the pun you'll understand in just a minute, is that it's a mini Monster of the Week campaign set at a supernatural summer camp. There you go. Get it, Camp-Paign, that's Season Three in your podcast app. Plus, once a month we release an Afterparty episode, where we take a minute and peel back the curtain and do a talkback. We answer your questions about the show, how we play the game, how we make this podcast, and what's going on in the story. We're doing one of those for these One-Shots as well. So this is what's happening next. For the next two weeks, there are going to be two more Legends Across the Tides One-Shots with a brand-new mix of extremely incredible guests and players from Join the Party, myself included. And then after that on January 23rd, we're releasing an Afterparty about this whole experience, taking your questions, talking about what it was like, celebrating those incredible illustrations by Chris Pickett. They did an amazing job. Check out Join the Party's Instagram if you haven't seen it, @jointhepartypod, so good. So thank you for checking us out. We are so glad you're here. And let's get on to our regular mid-roll. Thanks so much to our newest patrons, Sarah, Jamie, and Bento Kado, we so appreciate your support, because we can only make the show because of the support you give us on Patreon. 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In fact, today, I'm gonna talk about it with my therapist tomorrow because therapy is a big part of how I take care of myself. And one of the habits that I'm going to bring forth into this new year. And if you are thinking about starting therapy, and you're kind of not sure where to start, or you'd appreciate a flexible, online solution that is suited to your schedule, and lets you switch therapists anytime for no additional charge, consider BetterHelp. So celebrate the progress you've already made. Visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, .com/jointheparty. And now, let's get back to the tale.
[theme]
Connie: Wangling turns back to the Alicanto and starts like tripping again. I figured this bee speech thing is Abel and Colo are used to it, right?
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Connie: Like sometimes Wangling will just talk to a bird or a turtle that comes up from the surf, and translates back into bee speech.
Connie (as Wangling): So my crew and I have talked, we are more than happy to help you get out, so you can run your errands, but we did have a question. Are you available for hire? We'd love to hire you perhaps as maybe a tit for tat, so we can find some precious metals and even retire from the piracy life?
Eric (as Ali): Oh, interesting. I didn't consider that. Considering I didn't know my— I didn't know that my skills were so valuable, but I guess I should have understood that, though. That would be really tight for me to be around you. Hey, let's see how this goes, and maybe I'll just, like, hop on your ship and see what's— and see what's up.
Connie (as Wangling): That sounds good to me. Oh, and another question, have you ever heard of any winged creatures that may or may not be able to grant and then take away powers?
Eric (as Ali): Hmm. This does not seem like a regular question that is asked by regular people. It seems pretty specific.
Connie (as Wangling): I— just between you and me, my friend Colo was asking this question. I think he has trauma around flight or bird-based powers.
Eric (as Ali): Oh, hmm, it's entirely possible.
Eric: The bird kind of, like, sniffs around, sniffs towards Colo and be like—
Eric (as Ali): Oh, yeah, that seems like the work of the great dandelion. That really sucks.
Connie (as Wangling): Hmm. Is there any way to get it back?
Eric (as Ali): Oh, you know, maybe trials and tribulations, and climbing— climbing up the— climbing up the 100-foot dandelion and then trying to prove it. And, you know, if you're in the business of killing gods, I guess they could be something that you would spend your life worth doing. I don't know. I'm just spit balling or whatever.
Connie (as Wangling): No, this is really helpful. I've been trying to think of a birthday present for Colo and I think maybe god killing could be it. Thank you the Alicanto.
Jasper: Colo would be so happy.
Eric (as Ali): Oh, nice, nice. It's— Wangling, so thoughtful. Love it. Love it. This is so great. Yeah.
Connie (as Wangling): Yeah.
Eric (as Ali): You look— you're definitely the right person to get me out of here, please.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh. I'm so honored to hear that. I've been trying to think of a good birthday present for Abel too, but we just celebrated, so you don't have to worry about that for months.
Eric (as Ali): What about a leather wallet?
Connie (as Wangling): I think he'd like that. He's— he's a crafts person.
Jasper: A— a leather for his thin bones.
Connie: Yeah. Wangling puts a finger— they have three digits, like claw-like—
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: Uh-hmm.
Connie: —finger-like digits. They put one up as like a hold to the Alicanto. They come back, they translate everything to Colo and Abel.
Brandon: It's like, "Aw, thank you so— I would love a leather wallet."
Connie (as Wangling): Well, dang it. Now, the surprise is ruined. I shouldn't have brought that part up.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay. So we're going to do this? Do we tell the others or we just sort of open the cage?
Brandon (as Abel): I mean, should we— should we ask about why they have an Alicanto in a cage in the first place? Or like—
Jasper (as Colo): Abel, we all know you are the idealest person in this scenario, okay? So— but I think that we don't need to ask questions. This seems like a— ask questions and that will lead us to further issues. I think we just— if we're going to do this, we have to do it pirate style. But you come up with a plan.
Brandon (as Abel): Hmm. Okay, I'm convinced.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh, oh. I would just like to add my usual stipulation that we don't kill anyone who doesn't have it coming. And I don't think Mordecai and his weird son have it coming.
Jasper (as Colo): But he called us the vagabonds. Surely, that is worth death
Connie (as Wangling): He did, but I don't know if that justifies killing anyone. Guys, I'm really trying to stop the whole— like killing people for no reason thing. Like— that I did in my— my past life— for this life, I mean.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay, what if I—what if I just cut them in half?
Connie (as Wangling): Hmm, Do you think they can live?
Jasper (as Colo): I don't know. I do not know the—
Connie (as Wangling): They're not like cactus people who can, you know, re-propagate if they just have the one leaf.
Jasper (as Colo): Hmm. Hmm. Okay. Maybe I will just trim a little off the top.
Connie (as Wangling): Okay. If you think that won't hurt them, it's like hair, right?
Jasper (as Colo): Yes, sure. I will put trim the hair off the top.
Connie (as Wangling): Okay. Okay. Then, Colo will give them a haircut. And Abel, what's your plan for getting the Alicanto out here?
Brandon: Is there just a door, Eric, or, like, what's the— what's the situation?
Eric: Yeah, the door is open. Mai— Mordecai and Maize are standing in it, kinda like standing at the door. But, like, yeah, this whole menagerie is glass, and it's quite large, but you know, it's still made of glass.
Jasper: I'll just lean down to Abel and be like—
Jasper (as Colo): Just in case you need it, I can always do the big thing.
Jasper: I think Abel would know that when Colo gets really angry, he tends to grow even larger than he is now.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: That would be tight.
Jasper: Like pretty substantially as well. I actually looked this up. Even in D&D mechanics rules, I go from a medium creature to a large creature, and a large—
Connie: What?
Jasper: —creature is up 15 feet, so—
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You would—
Connie: Doubled in size.
Jasper: Holy shit. I basically doubled in size and I'm already seven foot.
Eric: Yeah, you would bust through. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: So I have a couple. I have two spells. I have— I have a spell called Hocus Pocus. I have a spell called Gahoul’s Shrieking Skull. I think Abel and Colo have done those sort of this one-two punch before, where you grow in size, and Abel does hocus pocus at the same time, which is basically just a conjuration cantrip, I can just make sort of spooky illusions. And I think it'll just be like— I can cause all of the small objects around the room just start like shaking and rattling. And so as you gain in height, the sort of like ground itself is sort of shaking and rattling. And that will at least be a distraction, and then you can sort of smash— smash the glass. Smash the glass.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay, that sounds like a pretty cool idea. And Wangling, you want to get in on this?
Connie (as Wangling): Okay, I think I will. I'd like to maybe go over to the innocents who are nearby and tell them to step outside of the zone of danger. And maybe I can explain what we're doing, what we're— why we're doing what we're doing as we're on our way out.
Brandon (as Abel): That's the strategy.
Jasper (as Colo): Sure. Do you want to go first? Give them the heads up, I guess, or no?
Connie (as Wangling): Okay.
Connie: And Wangling kind of bounds over. We're really not being the backup ones during this. Wangling bounds over.
Jasper: I'm gonna look at Abel and be like—
Jasper (as Colo): Start the shaking if it looks like that they're not going to say yes.
Brandon (as Abel): Yeah.
Connie (as Wangling): Hi, Mordecai, hi, Maize. Wangling here. I don't know if I actually properly introduce myself. So we spoke to your bird, we found out that it is the Alicanto. Congratulations by the way. Where did you find them?
Eric (as Maize): You spoke to— you spoke to the bird? You spoke to the bird?
Connie (as Wangling): Uh-hmm. I did.
Eric (as Maize): How?
Connie (as Wangling): I can.
Eric: Maize is like—
Eric (as Maize): I'm get— hold on, I— no, no, no, no, no, no.
Eric: And Maize goes into the farmhouse.
Connie (as Wangling): Where are you going?
Eric (as Maize): I— no, no.
Connie (as Wangling): Are you going to grab a weapon?
Eric (as Maize): No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Connie (as Wangling): Or are you just fleeing?
Eric (as Maize): No, no, no, no.
Connie (as Wangling): Are you being violent? Just— if you say no, then I'm gonna assume you're not being violent.
Eric: The door sla—
Connie (as Wangling): Are you being violent?
Eric: The door slams.
Connie (as Wangling): Okay. Well, that was a little— Mordecai, do you think they're grabbing a weapon?
Eric (as Mordecai): Probably.
Connie (as Wangling): Really? We haven't even done anything bad yet.
Eric (as Mordecai): May— it seems like it's turning that way. It's— I— I'm— I'm still perplexed why you start telling me what— can I stop what's about to happen or is this happening without— I can't do anything about it?
Connie (as Wangling): Mordecai, I'm so sorry, but I do need you to exit the menagerie.
Eric (as Mordecai): I'm going to take some steps backwards.
Connie (as Wangling):
Connie: I turned around with a big smile and two pincers up.
Connie (as Wangling): Start shaking, boys.
Brandon: Yeah. So I was gonna cast Hocus Pocus. I think, hopefully, if— is there any like lock or like shackle around this bird at all?
Eric: Yeah, sure. I'm sure that there's one— I'm sure that there's a shackle around it's— one of its legs, yeah.
Brandon: Oh, great. Well, I was hoping, yeah, the— the shaking would sort of shake that lock loose.
Eric: Yeah, for sure. And then what— hey, what does this look like, Colo? What's— what's happening here?
Jasper: So I think Colo seeing Maize go off to get a weapon, and, like, Colo's eyes are narrowing as Colo's like—
Jasper (as Colo): Oh, I'm actually might have a reason to get angry.
Jasper: And, like, Colo's just going to be training his eyes on that door. And I think he's just going to wait and see if Maize comes back in with a weapon. And then the he'll— basically, he's just like rush him whilst enlarging himself.
Eric: Yeah. Maize is coming back holding a large orb. I think it's about the size of a basketball, and he needs two hands to get under it, and he's running back towards the menagerie holding the orb.
Jasper: Okay. So basically, you watch as Colo kind of, like, does this, like, big kind of, like, reel forward, a little bit like werewolf style. And he starts kind of growling. And then as he does the— this little beetle kind of wings space opens up again, and you see that this sort of silvery, almost divine energy starts to, like, grow from the back of his wing stumps.
Eric: Hmm.
Jasper: And he actually— the wings kind of replace themselves. They're kind of like— or it was like the—
Eric: Cool.
Jasper: —outline of where the wings once were, kind of there and, like shimmery, almost like divine light. He just get really, really angry. He seems to get more angry when he looks, and sees the wings are there again, and he's like—
Jasper (as Colo): I do not like this. What are you holding? Put it down!
Jasper: And I'm gonna run— well, I— let's see. I'll just— I can take a little bit off the top. I was told I was allowed to do that. And so growing to my size, I now have a 10-foot reach with my great sword.
Eric: Oh, shit.
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Jasper: So if— if I— if I get the sense— this is gonna pe— this is gonna make him, you know, past tense immediately. I'll try and like use the flat side to just like— just knock him out, but—
Connie: Non-lethal.
Jasper: —he's not being that careful, you know?
Eric: Yeah. No, that's fine. Yeah, make an Attack Roll for me.
Jasper: Okay. Oh, and I'll reckless this because—
Eric: Hell yeah.
Jasper: —why wouldn't I? That's rubbish. That's better. 22.
Eric: That's gonna hit. So you bust through the menagerie, then the menagerie shatters glass goes everywhere. As Mai— as— you step forward as Maize is running towards you. 10 feet, now your sword is like 10 feet long, you have this massive reach. You swing out at Maize, and Maize kind of— tries to block it with the orb. And it goes, "Woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop." Maize blocks your massive sword with the orb. It still hits, but no damage and nothing else happens. Maize drops the orb and be like—
Eric (as Maize): Oh, my God!
Eric: And picks up the orb again and runs back into the farmhouse.
Jasper: Can I have an Opportunity Attack?
Eric: Yeah.
Connie: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
Jasper: Okay.
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: [dice roll] That's a Dirty 20.
Eric: I want everyone to know that for something else, I rolled a 4 and a 3. Just so you know, yeah, that hits, that hits.
Jasper: Okay.
Eric: Do your damage, my man.
Connie: That' so ominous.
Jasper: I'm gonna use my stone strike ability on this, so that will add a D6, and I need him to do a Strength Saving Throw. So that's total of— okay.
Eric: [dice roll] Yeah, I rolled an 8.
Jasper: Yep. Okay. So that's gonna be 19 points of damage.
Eric: Oh!
Jasper: And I take this great sword, and basically he gets yeeted 10 feet in a straight line away from me.
Eric: Yeah. Maize is running away from you and he like— he's— yeah, yeeted away. 90 points of damage and just like fall— goes head over heels, is falling over into the grass, yeah.
Jasper: Can I— what I want to do is I want to grab the orb and try and give it to Wangling, I want to be like—
Jasper (as Colo): Hey, look, this looks like something you would enjoy.
Eric: Oh, no. Maize is holding— Maize is holding on to the orb. Maize is holding onto the orb.
Jasper: Maize is holding on to the orb.
Connie: Hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: In which case, then the last thing I'll do is just lean over at Maize and be like—
Jasper (as Colo): May I ask what is— this orbit, it looks very cool.
Connie: You're good cop and bad cop at the same time.
Brandon: Large cop and small cop.
Jasper: I just want to be clear, I'm complimenting the orb, not— not Maize.
Eric (as Maize): I'm not— no.
Eric: Maize is— Maize looks bad. Maize got so messed up, but you're just like— it'd be like—
Eric (as Maize): No, no. With my last breath, I will not tell you what this orb does. No.
Jasper: Can I scream in his face and try to intimidate him?
Eric: Yeah, sure.
Jasper: I just want to be like—
Jasper (as Colo): Tell me! So I can give it to my friends for their birthdays.
Jasper: [dice roll] That's only a 2.
Eric: No. Mai— Maize is like—
Eric (as Maize): Your— you think that living here, you're the first large things screaming in my face? Come on. Come on. I've taken a lo— I've taken a lot of that by being a tiny baby corn man, no.
Eric: And Wangling, that's when you hear—
Eric (as Ali): Huh. See you later, bruh.
Eric: And the Alicanto flaps its wings and flies away. Flies North. North towards the forest.
Connie (as Wangling): Hey, are we still— is our deal still on? Will you travel us— with us on our ship? Can we come with you?
Eric (as Ali): Yeah, we'll see. Just come on out. Let's see what happens. Let's just mix it up. Let's mix it up. Let's see if our vibes work. See you later.
Connie (as Wangling): Where— where are you heading? So we can catch up with you.
Eric (as Ali): Oh, towards the cave. You'll see my trail. Don't— come on. Let's go. Let's go.
Eric: And there's like a shimmering, glittery trail following the Alicanto.
Brandon: Like a halo in the—
Eric: Exactly like a halo. Yeah, Brandon.
Jasper: Yes. Incredible. I'm gonna— I'll look to Wangling and be like—
Jasper (as Colo): Do— is this bad? Do I need to kill it?
Jasper: And I'll take out a javelin.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're going to its cave by the woods to the north. Did you kill— did you kill this strange boy?
Jasper: I stabbed the javelin into the ground right next to Maize's head, and I'm like—
Jasper (as Colo): No, not yet.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh.
Connie: Yeah, Wangling like hustles over.
Connie (as Wangling): Hi, Maize, was it? I'm so sorry about that. I did try to warn you. We will meet violence with violence.
Eric: Mordecai runs over and be like—
Eric (as Mordecai): Please—, please protect my— don't take down my boy. Please, please. He's just so stupid in the head, and he thinks he knows better than people with large swords and things. Is that right, Maize?
Eric (as Maize): Yeah, that's— that's right.
Jasper: Can Maize roll a Persuasion Check on Colo? Because he's very— he's very persuadable.
Eric: Mordecai? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Mordecai-- I’ll roll it. Yeah.
Jasper: Yeah, yeah. If I actually believe that his son is actually just kind of stupid.
Eric: I did roll a Natural 20. Yes, I did.
Jasper: Colo is like—
Jasper (as Colo): I'm so sorry, I did not realize that your son is a challenge. I thought that he was just a rude asshole. I will stop, I'm so sorry.
Eric (as Mordecai): He just doesn't have the people skills, and he doesn't— because I have all the people skills and he has all the thinking skills. He's just a baby— a little baby corn.
Jasper (as Colo): As someone who is challenged with people skills, I'm not great at reading people very well and knowing when to trust them, et cetera. I can only apologize.
Jasper: And I'll— as I get smaller, I'll help Maize off of the ground and be like—
Jasper (as Colo): But I do still want to give your orb all to my friends. Can I have it, please?
Eric (as Maize): No.
Eric (as Mordecai): Please, you take— listen, if you could get the Alicanto, it's fine. You just go take the Alicanto instead. It seems like it didn't want to hang out anyway. So just leave us— please leave us alone. You— you've already gotten what you wanted.
Jasper (as Colo): No, I want your orb. I— I did not want the Alicanto. That was my friends that wanted to do that thing. I just wanted the orb. It looks cool.
Jasper: Colo's just gonna sit down.
Eric (as Mordecai): And will you all leave if we give you the orb?
Jasper (as Colo): I will, but I cannot— like I said earlier, I cannot speak for my friends. But I think they want the bird, so I think we will all be happy probably if you give me the orb.
Brandon: The camera pans over and you see that Abel has been chewing on one of the curls. Just chewing on a leg. Yeah.
Eric (as Mordecai): Go, pl— oh, please leave. Please. Please leave here. Have the orb. Here, have it. Have it, have it, have it. Please go, go. Please go. That's what you get when you see someone interesting, it can just blow up in your face. You're interesting. Now leave, you've done it. Great.
Jasper: Do you think that I'll just lean in very close to Mordecai and say—
Jasper (as Colo): I'm so sorry. Do you have any wrapping paper?
Eric (as Mordecai): I don't— no, I don't. I don't. Go!
Jasper (as Colo): Okay, okay! Okay, I'm so—
Eric (as Mordecai): You ask too much! You ask too much!
Jasper (as Colo): Okay. Okay. I'm going, I'm going. I'm going.
Connie (as Wangling): That's very sweet of you, Colo. And Mordecai, I'm so sorry about this. I hope this doesn't close your heart off to welcoming other strangers into your home in the future.
Eric (as Mordecai): It will certainly change the way that I interact with others in the future. Yeah, I'm sorry. I will have to admit it will.
Connie(as Wangling): Okay. Well, maybe next time, don't chain up beautiful, majestic beasts inside a glass menagerie.
Eric (as Mordecai): Fair. Fair. We've all learned something today. Fair.
Connie (as Wangling): We have.
Jasper (as Colo): Also, you have to do background checks on people you bring to your house, especially when your child is here who is so challenged in the way that he is.
Connie (as Wangling): That's kind of the bare minimum.
Jasper (as Colo): You know?
Connie (as Wangling): We do some pretty bad stuff sometimes. Not as bad as I used to, you know, like murder people. But—
Jasper (as Colo): I still— I still murder people, to be clear.
Connie: Wangling gets down on one knee and, like, whispers in Maize's ear.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Connie (as Wangling): I hope that this near brush with death opens your eyes to the sanctity and feebleness of life. Rejoice and embrace this one chance you have at being who you want to be. Not all of us come back. It is less a blessing than a curse. Okay, I'm ready to go.
Jasper: We have just begun a villain arc. Maize is—
Brandon: 100%.
Jasper: Maize— Maize 100% is a BBG— a BBG from like a— in a future campaign. Like, there's no questions in my mind.
Brandon: Was not expecting that.
Eric: So I assume you follow the Alicanto after traumatizing these two— these two people.
Jasper: Yes.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Jasper: Yes. Oh, can I just— I'll give the orb to whoever it— whoever wants it.
Brandon: Can I roll Arcana Check on it and see if I—
Eric: Yeah, for sure.
Jasper: Colo doesn't have a clue what this thing is. He's just like—
Jasper (as Colo): I don't know. I— I picked it up because I thought it looked cool. And it blocked my attack, which is kind of amazing.
Connie (as Wangling): That's very impressive.
Brandon: 14 plus 6 for 20.
Eric: 20. This is an orb of magnetism. It seems like they were using this to kind of like— if the Alicanto needed to go somewhere, that's why they were using it for. So it can both push and pull things especially if there are things that are metallic on it.
Brandon: Hmm.
Connie: Okay, now I feel much less bad about kicking these people asses.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay. This is actually kind of cool, but still I prefer to be you know, far away if I can't be so, here you go.
Jasper: I'm assuming it's like smallish for me.
Eric: Yes.
Jasper: I’ll sort of just dump it in Abel’s lap, I’m assuming probably this quite heavy object.
Jasper (as Colo): Here you go.
Brandon: When you see like ants crawl around like a circular object kind of thing, that's how I determined what it was, and then use my broach on my cape to— to test its magnetism.
Eric: I like it. That's right, yeah. That's awesome.
Jasper: You just get drawn to the orb.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: I love it. Yeah. You want to follow the Alicanto?
Connie: Uh-hmm.
Jasper: I do.
Jasper (as Colo): Yes.
Eric: Hell yeah. Alright, well, it's easy for you to follow. You cut through the woods. The glitter is— the glitter is marking the sky as you— as you continue, and you come up to a rather large cave. But unfortunately, the glitter goes through a little hole in front of a ton of boulders that are stuck in front of the mouth of the cave. Just like wedged only something that as small as a bird with, like, little bird bones could— could get through. The boulders are shimmering with various metals and maybe a little bit— some common gems and they are firmly standing in your way. What do you do, my friends? What do you do?
Brandon: Do you want to try the orbit and see if you can get— able to move?
Jasper (as Colo): I think that you should try it.
Connie (as Wangling): Yeah, Abel. Do the orb.
Jasper (as Colo): It's a magical object, you like the magical objects, so you do your own thing.
Connie (as Wangling): Do the orb, do the orb.
Jasper (as Colo): The way I see it is a win-win situation for me, because either you do it and it's really cool and we get through, or it is like too heavy for you and you'll get pulled towards the rocks and it's quite entertaining to watch.
Connie (as Wangling): Yes, I agree with that. Come on, Abel, do the orb.
Jasper (as Colo): Do the orb, do the orb.
Brandon (as Abel): Okay.
Brandon: And Abel sort of like— almost like somersaults, like grabs onto the top of it, and like rolls forward, and tries to like fling it while still attached at the rock, and see if it'll like magnetized to one of the rocks.
Eric: Nice, nice. I like that. What is your— is Arcana in your spellcasting?
Brandon: Yes, intelligence.
Eric: Okay, yeah. Give me an Arcana Check, please.
Brandon: That's a Natural 1, is that good?
Jasper (as Colo): You got this, Abel. I'm so absolutely positive sure.
Connie (as Wangling): Abel! Abel! Look at him hurdling toward that rock wall.
Jasper (as Colo): Abel! Abel! Abel!
Eric: Hey, make— yeah, make a Constitution Check, please.
Jasper: Oh, no.
Brandon: 14 total.
Eric: Neat— neat. Hey, so maybe you turn on the orb in the wrong direction, because you were go— hurtling towards the boulders. You smashed up against them and please take 17 points of damage.
Brandon: Great, great.
Connie: Oh.
Jasper: Oh! Oh.
Connie: Nice.
Brandon: Down to 15 hit points.
Jasper (as Colo): I was correct. It is very funny.
Brandon (as Abel): Yeah, it's really funny.
Jasper (as Colo): Wait, are you okay? Are you okay? What happened?
Brandon (as Abel): I'm— I'm fine. I'm fine.
Jasper: Is it like still pinning him?
Brandon: I've definitely got a leg still caught.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a little chip mum that hops down and sniffs you. It's a little, like, chipmunk with a little mum flower. It sniffs you and— and checks you out while you're pinned up against the wall, Abel.
Brandon (as Abel): Hello. Hello.
Eric: Oh, I wanted—I wanted you to— to eat it and eat its body, and you can get some health for your HP back. I wanted you to vampire it.
Brandon (as Abel): It has to be a hostile creature for me to be able to gain hit points when I bring something down to zero.
Eric: It bites you on the ankle and you take one more point of damage.
Brandon: We're down to 14, and Abel's like—
Brandon (as Abel): He— hello. [bites]
Brandon: And bites the thing. If I bring it down zero hit point with my charnel drain, I regain hit points equal to my intelligence modifier plus my level minimum three.
Eric: Incredible. How much do you get back?
Brandon: 8 total.
Eric: Incredible. Alright, you get 8 points back.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Brandon: I feel bad about this as Brandon.
Eric: Sorry, man, but you should have been a— you should have been a super neat Brandon class instead.
Jasper: You did pick necromancer, so I— you know, like—
Connie: Yeah.
Brandon: Why do you think that I have to kill chipmunks? Jesus.
Eric: Incredible. Alright. Boulders are still there. You can still use the magnet orb if you want.
Jasper (as Colo): Hey, Abel, I think you should do it again.
Connie (as Wangling): Yeah.
Brandon (as Abel): I'm good. I think maybe you should try it this time.
Jasper (as Colo): Wangling, you want to give it a go or—
Connie(as Wangling): Okay.
Connie: And Wangling— are you still pinned against the boulders?
Brandon: If you pull it off, I'll be— I'll be free.
Connie: Yeah. Wangling doesn't think to do that. They raised their hand with their three pincers laid outward and they say—
Connie (as Wangling): I cast destroy boulders.
Connie: And they Eldritch Blast forward.
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Connie: Do I— do I make an Attack Roll? I can roll.
Eric: Yeah. Make an Attack Roll, please.
Connie: Okay.
Jasper (as Colo): This is the most entertaining thing I've seen in so many years.
Connie: Got a Natural 20.
Jasper: Oh!
Brandon: This— these boulders don’t stand a chance, my dude.
Eric: What is your— yeah. What is— tell me what your Eldritch Blast looks like, yeah.
Connie: Ooh. I think it's a pink streak of light that emanates from his three pincers, and the front of it is a ghostly visage of the person she used to be.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Connie: So we see like an orchid Mantis face, but there's something about it that's twisted in this kind of like fervent bloodless, like the antennae are pointed forward, almost like daggers dish on top of her crown. And you almost hear like a ghostly yell, like a bloodthirsty cry from a past life. [grunts] And then bam, the blast explodes against the rock wall.
Eric: Three of the boulders just go up in glitter. I remember this when in New York City when they were— the wildfire was happening in Canada and just, like, the smoke was— was on everything. It's just the glitter settles on everything. Or like when you're around fireworks and then, like, everything— it just like the pieces settle on everything, and now you're all— all of you are glittery. But there's a big, big hole now where the boulder is used to be. You also did get part of the cave. You get to like a little hole in the cave as well.
Connie: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And then you see just golden doublooms are just spilling out of the hole.
Jasper (as Colo): Whoa.
Brandon (as Abel): What?
Connie (as Wangling): Wangling! Wangling!
Jasper (as Colo): Wangling! Wang— that was incredible. What the hell did you— do you— does your magic make gold appear?
Connie (as Wangling): Not usually. I think maybe I blasted the cave so hard, it gave me a prize.
Jasper (as Colo): Well, do it again.
Connie (as Wangling): Okay.
Connie: I just Eldritch Blast the hole that the gold is coming from.
Jasper (as Colo): Just keep going.
Eric: Incredible. Make another Attack Roll.
Connie: No. That's— that's a 15.
Eric: Okay. I think the hole is blasted larger. You just made like a larger leak. Now, gold doublooms are coming faster now, and it's creating like a little pile.
Brandon: Abel takes off his— his cloak and starts like putting doublooms into his cloak, and so he has like a makeshift bag.
Eric: Did I think we were gonna use incumbrance rules during this One-Shot? No, I didn't. Like an Elden Ring character, you all roll but slower.
Jasper: I think, to be honest, I was— Colo was rolling pretty slow anyway, so this is fine.
Eric: Yeah. That's fair.
Jasper: Can we see the bird at all or— I mean, honestly, I think Colo said— turn around and goes—
Jasper (as Colo): I don't know about you, but I think this is fine. We could just make these and go.
Connie (as Wangling): But we could have even more if we work with the Alicanto.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay, fine. I'm gonna scoop up this gold, then.
Eric: The gush of gold doublooms is slowing a little bit, so you can kind of get a little peek inside. Wangling, I'll give this to you, because you did this. Wangling, you put your eye up against the hole, and you see that there are— there's waterfalls of gold doublooms coming all over this one large room and you see like in the angle that you have, there's a, like, rickety rope bridge that is kind of crossing through your field of vision.
Connie (as Wangling): [gasps]
Connie: I, like, stick my head back out from the hole.
Connie (as Wangling): Treasure hole. There's a huge treasure hole through the smaller treasure hole.
Brandon (as Abel): We found it.
Jasper (as Colo): Did we just— wow. We're going to be like riches. This is great.
Connie (as Wangling): We could retire.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay. I'm thinking even bigger than that, honestly. Let's, like, buy ourselves like a whole town or something.
Connie (as Wangling): And it could be a utopia, and no one would have to work, and we could all just be friends, and eat good food all the time.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay. That's fine.
Brandon (as Abel): Or— or we could not let anyone else live there, it'll just be our town.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh.
Jasper (as Colo): Just three friends living in a town.
Connie (as Wangling): I guess I could do that. It feels a little lonely, though. Shouldn't we at least invite the rest of the crew?
Jasper (as Colo): No, they are assholes.
Connie (as Wangling): Like the captain?
Jasper (as Colo): Definitely not the captain.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh. Okay. We could maybe even start our own crew with all this money, and you could be the captain, Colo.
Jasper (as Colo): No. But Abel will be the captain.
Brandon (as Abel): I have the most legs, I guess.
Jasper (as Colo): See?
Brandon (as Abel): Should we— do you want to go find some more gold?
Jasper (as Colo): Okay.
Connie (as Wangling): Yes.
Eric: So the hole— the hole is still there, but the— the Alicanto's trail goes into the cave through kind of like the regular way.
Brandon: Oh, okay.
Jasper: Eric, will you let me— there's just some small shenanigans, but truly it means nothing.
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: But Colo is gonna start, basically, with a small, circular, spherical patch of mud, and it's basically—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Jasper: —going to— basically start rolling mud and coins together to effectively create a gigantic ball of gold doubloons.
Eric: Yes.
Jasper: I figured this is gonna be the most effective way that we could transport, like—
Connie: Yeah.
Jasper: —just so many gold doubloons. So I'll be rolling that along with me as— as going round, just to kind of hoovering up as much gold for the floors again.
Brandon: Lovely.
Eric: Incredible.
Brandon: And Abel's just like dancing on top of it.
Jasper (as Colo): Yes, thank you. If you could press them in, it is great. That will— they will hold up that way.
Eric: Yeah. I would love to start a montage segment. So Wangling, can you say something like, "Come on, folks." Just to kick off the montage.
Connie (as Wangling): Come on, friends, let's go catch that golden bird.
Eric: Hey, Jasper, what's one— what's one fun but mildly dangerous thing that happens to you in the golden cave that all of you overcome?
Jasper: Okay. So, like, we probably have to do some sort of, like, really thin, like, shelf ledge.
Eric: Hmm.
Jasper: You know, we have to scooch across. Which I think is probably just like a normal— like it's a pretty wide, just like three-foot path. But given Colo's sheer bulk, like his midriff is— like his legs are so skinny and his torso is just truly— just so huge that I think it's just basically these two, like, holding on to me as Colo's just screaming, looking over the edge.
Jasper (as Colo): Ahhh! I'm going to die. This is it. This is what I've been fearing, no, no! Please, not like this. Not like this! No!
Jasper: And then, like, it's just like that for another two minutes, and then I realized that I'm at— on the other side and I'm perfectly safe.
Eric: Incredible. Brandon, what's another dangerous but fun thing that happens to you in the golden cave?
Brandon: Oh, you know, we come to a room that is just completely dark, and we have to make it to the other side of the ledge, and there's a body of water in the middle. And gotta avoid the cavefish that have sharp teeth, you know?
Eric: Shar— yeah, sharp diamond teeth. Absolutely.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah, that makes sense.
Jasper (as Colo): Do you want me to throw you?
Brandon (as Abel): That would be great, actually. Yeah, can you?
Jasper (as Colo): I can throw you across.
Brandon (as Abel): Yeah.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay.
Brandon: And then Colo throws Abel, like, perpendicular to the way we're supposed to go and just slams into a wall, and slides down.
Jasper (as Colo): Oh! Let me try that again.
Brandon: Into the water.
Eric: And then all diamond fish jump on Abel and start, like piranhas.
Jasper (as Colo): Where do you want us to bury you?
Connie (as Wangling): Abel, I cast Destroy Fish.
Eric: Diamond dust just everywhere. Diamond dust everywhere. Connie, what do I do?
Connie: There is a cave absolutely filled with hallucinogenic mushroom spores, as soon as you walk in—
Eric: Yeah.
Connie: —they're just floating and glowing. It takes us a really long time to get through this cave. It's only 30 feet deep.
Jasper: Colo got so many of them, like obviously.
Eric: The Alicanto is watching you and be like—
Eric (as Ali): Nice, bros.
Jasper: Nice, nice.
Eric: Right. Then— and the montage ends with a keyboard flourish, and you walk over to the room that you saw before. There's a wide room with coins just spilling out of waterfalls. And there is a rickety bridge that spans, like, 50 feet across this moat of gold doublooms, spilling endlessly down there. The— the mo— the rickety bridge is pretty high off the ground. And unlike Scrooge McDuck, if you fall on top of—
Jasper: Hmm.
Eric: —if you fell on top of a pile of coins, it will hurt— it will hurt a lot.
Brandon: What's on the other side of the bridge? Can we see?
Eric: The other side of the bridge, you see it opens up, there is light actual— natural light streaming down from somewhere else. And— you know, and the way that you can see, there— the other— the room on the other side of the bridge is very, very large. You, like, feel a breeze coming in as well. It's like seeing and smelling the outside for the first time in this whole cave.
Jasper (as Colo): I— I don't feel good about this. Maybe you just go on without me and I can just— I have enough in my—
Connie (as Wangling): No, no. Colo, Colo, look at me. Look into my eyes.
Jasper (as Colo): Yes, but you're going to try and, like, kiss my shoulder again.
Connie (as Wangling): No, no, no. I already did that twice, I won't— you don't have a third shoulder. Look at me. Colo, you can do this. You can get Abel and me, and yourself across. You just have to believe in yourself.
Jasper: Given— given Colo's absolute sheer disdain for any kind of, like, tail or like— you know, whatever, he's like—
Jasper (as Colo): Really, the power of belief?
Connie (as Wangling): Yes. Yes, Colo, yes. This whole time, you know, through the mushroom cave, and— and through the diamond fish, and through that steep ledge, and fighting all these things, and— and bonding, something I'm realizing, during our quest together, is the power of the bonds that bind us. And you, Colo, you are bound with trauma, and sadness, and pain to a past that you should just let go of. And I think as soon as you let go of that past, you'll learn how to fly again, but on your own terms. I see it every time you rage when the ghostly wings come out. And I see the way that your face contorts when you look at them. It weighs you down. You just have to let it go.
Jasper: Can Wangling please roll me, like, Persuasion? Because I honestly think at this point, Colo might leave the source.
Connie: Oh, no. That's a 10 total. I rolled on to the 20 and then off onto the 8.
Jasper: I mean, I was basically just going to use my charisma as the— as the DC. So the DC was only a 7. I'm just gonna look at Wangling and go—
Jasper (as Colo): Okay. I believe I think I can do it.
Jasper: I'm gonna rage, I'm gonna rage and just start running across the bridge.
Connie: Before you do, I— I reach up and I give you a little kiss on the forehead, and then I pat you on the back and cast fly.
Eric: Nice.
Brandon: I was gonna do something like that, too!
Jasper: No way! Oh, my God. I just get absolutely huge— I grab hold these two, and I'm like— just start running like—
Jasper (as Colo): Okay, here we go! Wait, what? Oh! I am doing it. I am Colo Terra. I have returned, my wings are back. I'm going to be a Paladin once again. My enemy shall quake as I enter the room for my large and huge, massive size. I will be the most feared thing on the seven seas. Look at me, so incred— my wings are not beating. How am I doing this?
Connie (as Wangling): It's the power of believe, Colo.
Jasper (as Colo): I don't think that's true. I think it's just my— should be my wings, so that's— what's happening?
Eric: Hey, hey, Colo. Hey, Colo.
Jasper (as Colo): Yeah.
Eric: Can you make a Strength Saving Throw for me really quickly?
Jasper: Oh, hang on. Can I see whatever this is?
Eric: It's happening behind you, so I would say no.
Jasper: Okay. Okay. Okay. I love that. How lovely.
Eric: Well, make a— make a— hold on, make a Perception Check first.
Jasper: Well, I am rage. I did say I was gonna rage.
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: And I've marked off of rage and I get advantage if I'm raging.
Eric: Okay. Then, yeah, do that. No, that's good. That's good.
Jasper: Cool. [dice roll] That's— well, that's a Natural 20. It's a 27.
Brandon: I think that's good.
Eric: Colo, Colo, you feel a force try to slam you into the falls, one of the metallic falls, one of the golden coins falls.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: But you are able to push against it and it almost like— like a slingshot, you take the centrifugal force, and you— and, like, it only pushes you faster as you bank hard.
Jasper (as Colo): I am the one who pushes.
Eric: As you bank hard, it only pushes you faster across the bridge.
Jasper (as Colo): What was that?
Jasper: Can I see if I turn around, like—
Connie: Yeah. What was— could we see— weren't we on Colo? Can we even see what that was?
Jasper: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, you— you could turn around, Maize, ba— all bandaged up, and he's abandoned stuff, and blood is like seeping out of the large cut.
Brandon: What?
Eric: It's seeping out of the large cut in his midsection. He's holding another orb, another metallic— another met—
Connie: Why does he—
Eric: —another orb. And he's like—
Eric (as Maize): This is my chance! You're not allowed to come to my farm and take me or my father down! And I'm coming back for that bird!
Jasper: How far away is Maize?
Eric: I would say you're now like— you didn't stop, right?
Jasper: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So you're now like— you can be across the bridge if you'd like to, which is 50 feet as I said.
Jasper: Okay.
Eric: But you can also fly back if you want. You're in the air still.
Jasper: Oh, cool. No, no, no.
Eric: That was— Maize did that to you, so it's your turn.
Jasper: I think— just pure instinct here, I'm just gonna— I'm gonna whip out a javelin, and I'm gonna throw it. I don't— I don't give out second chances very often. And—
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: —he— he's just used his, so Maize is done.
Eric: Yeah, make a— make an Attack Roll.
Jasper: I'm gonna use my sharpshooter feat here, so I don't have disadvantage, because even though it's outside of my normal range, I get a minus 5.
Eric: Right, right.
Jasper: But if I hit, I get a plus 10 to damage.
Connie: Jesus Christ.
Eric: Oh, I love that. Yeah, that's what you get for using that unmoored feat, my man. That's what you're doing— that— when you all had countries, Colo was throwing javelins, studying the blade.
Jasper: That's a 19 plus 2.
Connie: Oh, my God.
Jasper: So 21. I'm gonna use my cloud strike again.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Jasper: So let me see.
Connie: You’re gonna kill this person.
Jasper: Oh, my God. Okay, 6 plus a 2, plus 2, plus — so 14 points— oh, wait, sorry, no. 24 points of damage because I get a plus 10 from Sharpshooter. So 24 points of damage and he needs a Dex saving throw or he’s pushed 10 foot back.
Brandon: I think he's dead.
Jasper: In a straight line as he just gets absolutely impaled by a javelin.
Eric: Wham! Maize is skewered through the center, against the side of the cave, just stuck there, like—
Eric (as Maize): Why— why would you do this?
Connie: He's still alive?
Eric (as Maize): We invited you to our home. Why would you— you invited us to your home.
Jasper: Oh, I'm sorry, second attack, another javelin, like— like if he's still talking--
Eric: Oh, my God. Wam! Yeah, you— that one goes right through the corncob. Yeah. Alright. So, yeah, no, there's nothing going on— there's nothing going on anymore in, like— in— yeah.
Brandon: Oh, cool.
Eric: Yeah.
Jasper: I'm so, so sorry.
Connie: Wangling is in the middle of saying, as you're throwing the second javelin—
Jasper: Uh-hmm.
Connie (as Wangling): Maybe we shouldn't kill— oh.
Eric: Wam.
Connie (as Wangling): Okay.
Jasper: Wam.
Jasper (as Colo): What did you say?
Connie (as Wangling): Never mind. It's okay. He— we did give him a second chance and he used it to try to kill us, so—
Brandon (as Abel): We— we— the— the least we could do is not waste the blood. Maybe we should go back and— and maybe get the— get the— you know?
Jasper (as Colo): Yes. Actually, I could do it, getting the javelins back.
Jasper: So I'll fly us back, and skewer him, just to get the javelins back.
Eric: And the montage music begins again.
Jasper: Whilst Abel—
Eric: Star wipe.
Jasper: Whilst Abel drains the blood.
Eric: Now, there's like a husk, yeah, there's like a old wrinkly— wrinkly baby corn on the ground. Abel is wiping his mouth. Incredible.
Connie (as Wangling): I guess we really did turn him into creamed corn.
Jasper: Yeah. I then go through a round where I don't rage. I then get small, and I'm like—
Jasper (as Colo): I know I cannot fly anymore, because I have lost my wings.
Connie: Has it been 10 minutes?
Eric: No. No.
Jasper: But— but as in— but Colo thinks it was because of his wings, that he could fly, so he's just like—
Jasper (as Colo): I've lost it. I'm so sorry.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh, oh, no. It's okay, Colo. We can flap your wings for you, right, Abel?
Brandon (as Abel): Yeah. Uh-huh.
Connie: And I'm like lifting up the panel and trying to flap it. You can still levitate by the way.
Jasper: Colo just does like a really like—
Jasper (as Colo): Oh, wait, wait. To the left. No.
Jasper: And we get across.
Jasper (as Colo): Hoo! That was cool. I did not know that you could do that. We— that's— we should keep that in mind, that whenever we want, you can just flap my wings for me, and we can fly. This will be great.
Connie (as Wangling): Yes. I think you'll be able to fly maybe at most twice before we have to take a one-hour break. Yes, Abel?
Jasper (as Colo): Okay. It's weird that you know how much I can fly.
Connie (as Wangling): I think you can fly two times a day for 10 minutes each, and then we'd have to take a one-hour break before you can fly again.
Brandon (as Abel): That sounds about right. Yeah.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay. I'm glad that somebody knows about the inner workings of my flying abilities. That's so—
Connie (as Wangling): Yes.
Jasper (as Colo): —incredible.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh, and before we set off, I do want to give creamed corn, his burial rights. I forgot his name already. Maize, that's it.
Eric: Yeah.
Connie (as Wangling): Right. Maize.
Connie: I— I give him burial rights. I use my claws like briefly and I dig a really shallow grave and I roll his body into it, after the javelins have been plucked out. I sprinkled some dirt over and I— I— I prayed to the Planter.
Eric: Directly on the shallow grave and you've buried for— for this guy, a bunch of green shoots come out of the ground.
Connie: Aw.
Connie (as Wangling): Thank you, oh, great Planter. And please usher this small, creamed corn called Maize into your paradise. I'm not sure if a paradise exists really. After I died, it was all just black until I came back, so I hope he's resting in oblivion. Okay, I'm ready.
Eric: Incredible. You fly across the rickety bridge and you land on the other side as it— as you feel the sun and the— and the wind coming through.
Connie: Hmm.
Eric: As you walk through, Wangling you hear—
Eric (as Ali): Oh, nice. You made it.
Eric: And you see that the Alicanto flies up, and there are like 20 other Alicantos flying around in this massive, massive like— it's not even a room, it's an area. It's like this massive area in this cave is cavern. You see the light is— still it's only— it's like 2:00 PM. You've taken care of this very quickly. This— the afternoon light is streaming in and— and just all of these shimmering birds catching the light are flying around each other, playing and diving, diving and bumping into each other, and chittering at each other. And then they all come together and they— and they flap and they hover. They hover and it comes together as a face. And you see that your— the Alicanto that was near you, kind of flies back and lands right on the nose. And together, they say—
Eric (as Ali): Ho—
Eric: All three of you can hear this and it's very loud.
Eric (as Ali): Ho-ho, what's up? Thanks for coming to my cave.
Jasper (as Colo): What the—
Connie (as Wangling): Wow. Alicanto, you are many!
Eric (as Ali): We are. As— as a flock together, we come together as the spirit of prosperity. You have defended our lives and also all the other stuff that was happening. That— that guy had—he had an orb of magnetism, that shit sucks.
Connie (as Wangling): We've got both of them now.
Eric (as Ali): Oh, nice. You have two. Yeah, throw them down here. Just throw them into the infinite void, that would really demonstrate that no one would ever use them ever again.
Jasper (as Colo): Did you say infinite void?
Jasper: Colo takes two steps back.
Eric (as Ali): Oh, yeah, down there. Don't worry, you wouldn't fall in there. No, just don't fall.
Jasper: I grab hold of the other two, just to make sure that like— I know Wangling's tendency is just— just to walk forward. I just grab hold of his body like—
Connie: Yeah, I was— I was one step into— into the infinite void—
Jasper: Yeah.
Connie: —before you push me back.
Jasper (as Colo): No, no.
Connie (as Wangling): Oh, thank you, Colo. If we do get rid of these items that we did win fair and square, will we have prosperity?
Eric (as Ali): Absolutely. I can give— we can give you a blessing of prosperity for being such chill dudes. I think one of us definitely wants to leave the cave. We've had a lot of fun being— being locked up. And just everything that's happened over the last hour or so, have kind of demonstrated to us that things could be different if we leave the— if we leave the high cliffs of this island. I think going along on your ship, I think it'd be really— what do— what do they say? It would be really neato.
Jasper (as Colo): That is what they say, yes.
Brandon (as Abel): They do say that, yeah.
Connie (as Wangling): I think we could be obliged. Abel, I think all we have to do is chuck those orbs into the void.
Eric (as Ali): It's not really attached to anything. We just think that if they were weapons that— that actively made us feel bad, you throw it away. And it would be demonstrated, you care about our feelings. For example, if I had some weed killer here, and I was holding it, and then you would be like, "Hey, put that down." I would because we're— because we're bros.
Jasper (as Colo): That's— yeah.
Brandon (as Abel): Consider it done.
Brandon: And Abel with his back legs, hold on to one of them and does another somersault and flings it right into the pit.
Eric: Incredible. And make an Arcana check to see if you fly with the— with the, like— I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking.
Brandon: I'm gonna roll anyway.
Eric: You can do it anyway. I was joking.
Brandon: Well, I got a 20, it's fine.
Eric: Okay. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
Jasper: Yeah. We knew.
Eric: Yeah. You did— you remember to turn the orb of magnetism off before you threw it to the pit?
Connie: Yes.
Jasper: We throw them both and all the birds just get sucked in. Oh. Whoops.
Brandon: Woopsie.
Jasper: Okay. I don't know. Back to the ship, I guess.
Eric (as Ali): Incredible. Alicanto Number seven will come with you. That's the one— that's the one that you've been talking to you majority. Can you promise me one thing?
Brandon (as Abel): Yeah.
Connie (as Wangling): What— what is it?
Jasper (as Colo): I cannot make a promise unless we know what it is. Don't say yes.
Brandon (as Abel): No.
Connie: Wangling was in the middle of saying—
Connie (as Wangling): Ye— hmm.
Eric (as Ali): Do you promise that every day will be as exciting as this one?
Jasper (as Colo): That is impossible for me to promise, I'm sorry.
Connie (as Wangling): Yes!
Brandon (as Abel): Yes.
Jasper (as Colo): What— what—
Eric (as Ali): Incredible.
Jasper (as Colo): Ok— wait, wait, what is the—what is the penalty if we do not— if we're not able to make the next day as exciting as today?
Eric: And the Alicantos, like, fly around, they break their face formation. And Alicanto that you know— that you know and love settles very heavily on Colo's shoulder.
Jasper (as Colo): Hi. Okay. This is fine. Hello. Number seven, you said?
Eric (as Ali): You can call me Ali, it's fine.
Jasper (as Colo): Okay. We will call you Ali.
Connie (as Wangling): Okay, Ali. I'm so glad you're free now and you get to travel with us. I think the captain will really like you. Or if the prosperity blessing kicks in right now, maybe we'll have enough to get our own ship and go our own way.
Jasper (as Colo): I think we should do that. I like the idea of Abel being captain.
Brandon (as Abel): I don't—I don't know about captain, but I agree with that. Let's get a boat.
Connie (as Wangling): Or maybe we don't need a captain. Maybe it can be egalitarian, horizontal leadership.
Jasper (as Colo): I think that is a terrible idea.
Connie (as Wangling): I— I call— I called dibs on captain for the first day.
Jasper: And I'll turn and look at Abel and go—
Jasper (as Colo): Do you want to make Wangling captain? Just like every day?
Brandon (as Abel): Yeah, let's— let's do that. That sounds great.
Connie (as Wangling): Really?
Jasper (as Colo): I don't want it.
Connie(as Wangling): Oh, that's so exciting. Okay. My first order as captain is—
Jasper (as Colo): Oh, no.
Connie(as Wangling): —no one gets to question where we go.
[theme]
Brandon: I did just want to do a real quick post-credit scene, Eric, on the way out of—
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: —this cave. The camera might zoom in as Abel says a few words, and I don't know, did you see the ground of that shallow grave slightly become disturbed? Do you see maybe it's— a little bit of movement there?
Connie: To become our undead cabin boy?
Eric: Maize’s punctured body climbs out of his shallow grave and follows dutifully after Abel. But then Maize looks at the camera and says—
Eric (as Maize): I'm never gonna forget this.
Brandon: That's perfect.