Legends Across the Tides: The Island

Somewhere across the map, a crew washes up on a mysterious island. But nothing is what it seems as danger is just a swipe of a hand away…

Featuring Danielle Radford as Sleeves, Jenna Stoeber as Dani De Leon, and Julia Schifini as Sir Dune Frostridge

New pirates, new treasure, new seeds of adventure, the same Join the Party!

Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!

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Cast & Crew

- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver

- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle

- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini

- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin

- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.

- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman

- Multitude: https://multitude.productions

About Us

Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.

Transcript

Eric: You know what happened when the Cascade dried up? The plant and bug people of our world took to the Great Salt Sea, kicking off half a century of pirate tides. They might say they're searching for the salmon to grant them a wish that will benefit everyone. But really, they're looking for adventure, forgiveness, anything better than the landlocked life that they were destined for. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, so why don't we hear a different one? This is Join the Party Campaign 3: Legends Across the Tide.

[theme]

Eric: Ahoy, Greenfolk, I'm Eric Silver, the saltiest DM on the sea, and we're doing some One Shots with some new friends telling some stories from across Verda Stello. First, we have our newest member of the Multitude family who likes games almost as much as I do, but likes horror movies a lot more than that, it's Jenna Stoeber!

Jenna: It's me! Hello. Hi, everybody. It's me, Jenna. Hi, this is my voice.

Eric: Jenna, we're so happy to have you here. I'm actually so ready to play tabletop RPG with you. I can't believe you haven't done it yet. 

Jenna: I'm pretty hype.

Eric: I'm so excited. And now we have someone else who you might not have heard on our various podcasts, but we're so happy to have here. It's Danielle Radford!

Danielle: Hi. Hello. I am so excited. It is 10 something in the morning in LA and I am right— like getting to wake up and sling dice is like my favorite thing in the world.

Julia: Oh, yeah.

Eric: Incredible.

Danielle: So thank you for allowing me to come on here and talk my shit.

Eric:  Good. I— yeah, I think you're really stepping on Brandon's steez and I really like this. Yeah, you make— he's—

Danielle:  Oh, no.

Eric:  You make him feel threatened. No, you make him feel threatened, keep him on his toes.

Julia:  No, do it.

Jenna:  He's too complacent.

Danielle: Well, I also took my vitamin D today so that makes me extra Seattle. Take your vitamin D, Seattle. 

Jenna: Get your sad lamps out. 

Danielle: Get your sad lamps out. You don't have enough vitamin D in your body, I promise you. Doctors tell me that as soon as I come back to LA.

Eric: Incredible.

Julia: That's true. 

Eric: Well, we have someone who works for the— who makes themselves happy by making self-destructive choices in their Dungeons and Dragons campaign. It's Julia Schifini!

Julia: Who are you, my therapist? Shut up.

Eric: A little bit, a little bit.

Julia: A little bit. Only a little bit.

Eric: Just like a little bit. Incredible.

Jenna: Therapy Master?

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: Yeah, the TM, the Therapy Master. 

Eric: I'm a TM and it works for— I work for all systems, I work for all co-pays, it works. 

Julia: That's cool. That's great.

Eric: Incredible. Well, this is wonderful. Since we're doing a One Shot, we are all going to be doing new characters that I'm very excited to talk about. Let's go around and everyone tell us your character's name, what type of plant or bug person they are. And maybe a little bit more about them like class, subclass, how they fit into the— to the ship. Let's start with you, Jenna. 

Jenna: Well, if it isn't you also and so, it's me, Dani De Leon.

Julia: Yes.

Jenna: Dani De Leon. They are a dandelion person, getting a little long in their years. Their whip thin and they have a massive crown of very white hair/— I guess it's not hair. I guess it's flowers. Wait, I look up the word, pappus. They've got a crown of fluffy white pappus, that indicates that they are getting a little long in the tooth. That's a dandelion pun if anyone notice.

Eric: I like it, I like it.

Jenna:  Thank you. They've got a mean mug. They've got a real dour expression on their thin, long face because they spent a lot of their— their work in years as a private eye, doing a cult detective work in the— the city of Overstalk. But once they get that sun on their face, and they crack a smile, you can see that they're really just, despite the hardened— hard-boiled-egg exterior, they're really just, you know, a retiree. They're— they're just— they're just— they're on this boat as a retiree. They're just trying to get out and see a little bit of the world before their last pappus detaches from their head and floats away.

Julia:  That's so cute.

Danielle:  Are they— are they getting too old for this shift?

Jenna:  They would never say that. They're too chill. They probably said that a lot before they retired, but now, they're retired, they're just like, "Ah."

Julia:  Danielle, I would say they're exactly this old for this ship.

Danielle:  Ooh.

Jenna:  Ayee.

Danielle:  Ayee.

Eric:  Ooh. Yeah. Also, Jenna, whenever you want, feel free to— you can just, like, darkly monologue while smoking a cigarette. Feel free to do that.

Jenna:  Yeah, that's the thing, is like when Dani is not, like, actively doing navigation or negotiation for the ship, you can see them just like on the edge smoking a really long cigar, being just like really— staring out at the sea as though reliving a past life. But then when you talk to them, they're like, "Hey, beer? It's 10 AM, beer?"

Julia: Correct. 

Jenna:  It's 5 o'clock somewhere.

Eric:  Somewhere on the sea, it's 5 o'clock. Incredible.

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Eric:  God, I'm so excited about this. 

Jenna: Alright. Alright. Alright. 

Eric: Yeah. And also, let us know about your class. What class do you play?

Jenna: I'm an investigator. This is a Valda class. It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like. They— they were a private eye and so they have a bunch of skills. Magic, basically, around doing detective work, so they can like detect magic and clues, and they've got communication spells and stuff like that. They've got a fun one called nondescript, where they just are very hard to see. 

Julia: Same.

Eric: Incredible.

Jenna: You just kind of— you just kind of don't engage with them. They also have some weird occult trinkets. This is a part of this class where I have— I have like these tools that I can use that basically one of them gives me misty step, one of them gives me invisibility, and one of them gives me knock, and I can just use those once a day, basically.

Julia: Hell yeah.

Eric: Lovely.

Jenna: Yeah. Not that we're gonna get into anything super dire.

Julia:  No, of course not.

Jenna:  No.

Eric:  Who knows? Yeah. Oh, you mean Valda's Spire of Secrets from Mage Hand Press?

Jenna: Yes. An excellent, excellent supplement that I really enjoyed looking through.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Eric: I just came in the mail, so I now have to show it on the video. But yes, as everything in Join the Party Campaign Three, we are using Valda's Spire of Secrets as an option for classes. I'm so— so happy that Jenna you loved it so much. And if you had— don't have it, go pick it up, because it would Mage Hand Mike, who is running— who might run Mage Hand Press, it would make him and his dogs very, very happy. 

Jenna: Yeah.

Julia:  You got to make those dogs happy. 

Eric:  Gotta make those dogs happy.

Julia:  You gotta. Hmm. Gotta.

Eric:  Alright, Danielle. Tell us about your character, please.

Danielle:  My character is named Sleeves, as far as her— like where she works on the boat. She— so, Sleeves is a grappler. Sleeves is part oleander— mostly black lily, a little part oleander. So she's got like some, obviously, like grain down or stock, but then some mixture of like some grays, and some blacks, and some whites. She is ripped. If you are— she's basically a wrestler. I'm not going to hide. I'm not going to gild the lily. She's a wrestler, we all know who I am. And so, basically, if you can imagine like a cross between like a Bianca Belair and a Rhea Ripley, and like a China, just like big, ripped, but also she's a bard. So if she can get out of fighting with talking, she will. But if not, you are going to get super body slammed. Grappler, I've got all of the good grappling stuff. Obviously, I can give Bardic Inspiration and jack of all trades. And like any other bard, I will probably not bother to learn my spells. 

Jenna:  Yeah.

Danielle:  Because that's what a bard does.

Eric:  First of all, Danielle, I notoriously do not like bards.

Julia:  He hates bards, yeah.

Eric:  It's my least favorite class.

Jenna:  What?

Eric:  However, however—

Jenna:  What?

Eric: —if you're gonna be a wrestler, you got to be a bard, and it's the only way that I'll accept a bard in my—

Danielle:  It's the only one that makes sense because—

Eric: The only one—

Danielle:  But it's still like a fighting bard.

Eric:  Yeah.

Danielle:  But also, I, as a player, I do all the bard stuff that you hate. I am so sorry. I'm gonna tap myself on every fight. 

Eric: Let's see what happens. I'm— I'm super into the valor bard here, which is your subclass, which means that you—

Danielle:  Yes.

Eric:  —can use Bardic Inspiration for attacks as well, which is tight.

Danielle: Ooh.

Eric:  And also as level five, you— you'll use D8s for Jenna and Julia, just remember that.

Julia:  Yeah, cool.

Danielle: Ooh, D8s. Yeah. I'm very excited. Bardic Inspiration is my favorite part— 

Eric: I love it, too.

Danielle:  —of being a bard. I'm not gonna lie.

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Danielle:  Obviously, I love going on the charm offensive, but also being like, "You got this! Here's why!" And like justifying how I give someone inspiration, it's like, "Oh, that's who I want to be in my real life."

Julia:  Yeah.

Eric:  We'll see how it shakes out. I think that you're— you have such absolutely wild persuasion, I think it's like plus 8, so we'll just see. We'll see what happens.

Danielle:  Yeah, it's real— it's real dope.

Eric:  We'll see what happens, we'll see.

Julia:  Where is Sleeves from?

Danielle:  I've looked through a lot of the lore. I wasn't really able to pick one of, like, the four nations where everyone is from. So my idea is that Sleeves is an orphan who doesn't know where she's from.

Julia:  Aw.

Jenna:  Aw.

Julia:  There's also a great background that which is unmoored, which means they don't come from any of the particular countries, maybe they were born on the sea.

Danielle:  Yeah, yeah.

Julia:  So I think that would work great for Sleeves.

Eric:  That's what we have, and that's why she's such a good grappler.

Julia:  Yeah! 

Eric:  With that, Sleeves can also use dex for grapples. 

Julia:  Oh, hell yeah.

Danielle:  Bap! Bap!

Eric:  Which— which is gonna be great. Which is gonna be wonderful.

Danielle:  Limber.

Eric:  It’s lit. I'm real— I really need to have some Lucha Libre-style grapples and swirling around, I need that. I really need that.

Danielle:  Look, as someone who used to often go to the Lucha Underground Temple to go watch them some fights—

Julia:  Correct.

Danielle:  —I am coming off the top rope of something.

Eric:  Truly, please.

Danielle:  Jenna, we might have to tag team on this.

Jenna:  Heck yeah. I'm gonna do it.

Julia:  There's so many ropes on this boat.

Eric:  We'll see, we'll see.

Danielle:  Yeah I'm coming— I'm coming off some ropes.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Incredible.

Eric: And Julia, let's— let me know about your character, tell me.

Julia:  I'm playing Sir Dune Frostridge also known as Dune. She is a former Knight of the Crags Kingdom, did end up leaving disgracefully because of some gambling debts, but really is like here to have a good time on the open sea. Her royal family did immediately get murdered after she left, and so she's not feeling great about that, doesn't really have a place to go. So pirating seemed like a really good option for her. And she has been working on, since leaving, her magic. And she is actually a War Mage in the House of Cards, which means she's both a gambler, and she is a magician in a lot of ways. So she is very high in her intelligence, and her constitution, and her charisma, and her strength, and then wisdom and dexterity, not great.

Eric:  Oops. Oops.

Julia:  Oops. Uh-oh.

Eric:  There's another class from Valda's and basically all you need to know, wizard who really loves cantrips.

Julia: Just cantrips, baby.

Eric:  Just cantrips.

Julia:  You don't worry about spell slots if everything's a cantrip. 

Danielle:  That's true.

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  I like that.

Eric:  Oops, all cantrips, absolutely.

Julia:  I love an oops all cantrips.

Eric:  Yeah. Well, what— yeah, what type of— what type of person— plant person that we got?

Julia:  So Sir Dune is actually a winterberry bush, which a lot of her body is just kind of covered in very bark-like material for skin and whatnot. And typically, you would see a winterberry bush and it would be covered in leaves in a more tropic environment. But because Sir Dune Frostridge was raised in the, like, highest peaks of the Crags. She has never actually grown her leaves in, so it's just this kind of bark-like material. And she's also covered in these bright red little berries that kind of are scattered across her body.

Jenna:  Do they look both delicious and super poisonous? 

Julia:  Yes, they do. 

Danielle:  Well, yeah.

Eric:  Alright. Well, I would love to learn a little bit more about your characters, because we're going to do— we're going to do something that I'm calling bonded by the sea, where I have a table here, I would love for all of you to roll on. Each player is going to roll a D10, And you're going to answer a prompt, and then you're going to throw the second half of the prompt to a different player so that you guys have a lovely little triangle here. But I will walk you all through this. Julia, you have— I've made you roll on tables before, why don't you go first?

Julia:  You got it, bruh. I rolled a 5.

Eric:  That's a 5.

Julia:  Give me that 5.

Eric:  First, what is Sir Dune's job on the boat?

Julia:  I think it's interesting because we have two such, like, strong ladies here on the crew. So I think a lot of it is working on the ropes and the lines. I think in my head she might be like captain of the sails or something to that effect. So like anytime that you need someone climbing up and pulling on ropes, and releasing different sails and whatnot, that is Sir Dune out there. 

Eric:  Great. Okay. On a scale of 1 to 10, how good does Sir Dune think she is at her job?

Julia:  Oh, she thinks she's a solid 9.5, never a 10, because, you know, there's always room for improvement, but she's very confident in herself.

Eric:  Incredible. And then, Julia, who do you want to throw this one to?

Julia:  Oh, we gotta throw it to Danielle and Sleeves because we're very much of the same cut, the same cloth. 

Eric:  Great.

Danielle:  Hey.

Eric:  Sleeves, because of— the— the second half of this question is, Sleeves, answer the same question, on a scale of 1 to 10, how good is Sir Dune at messing with the sails and ropes?

Danielle:  I would say that like Sleeves is not great at the math of sailing. Like when it comes to like, "Oh, like you do the sails this way." Like, Sleeves is like a grunt. So Sleeves isn't gonna be like, "Oh, well, if you point the mast this way and like"— Sleeves can't drive. Sleeves isn't there for driving. Sleeves is there for entertainment purposes and to knock dudes out. Like, that is her purpose. If you need someone to help you, like, raise the sail or raise the mast, she can do that. If you need to ask her why—

Eric:  Yeah.

Danielle:  —the sails need to be where they are, she don't know. Just put her where you need her. Just like be like, "Hey, you're a grunt, like do the thing." And she'll be like, "Okay, tight. Wanna hear the story about how I choked out my brother or"— you know what I mean? You know my brother like that, like that's Sleeves' ability.

Julia:  Yeah, yeah.

Eric:  Great. So the answer is I don't know, seems good?

Danielle:  Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. She don't know boats. She's just on one and she's really excited to be here.

Julia:  Yeah.

Eric:  I’m gonna— yeah, I'll write that down.  I don't know, seems good at her job, for sure.

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Eric:  Alright, yeah. Danielle, please roll 1D10 for me. 

Danielle:  I rolled a 2.

Julia:  I also just want to qualify, that's how good Sir Dune thinks she does. She's like solidly a five. 

Eric:  Oh.

Julia:  You know, she's— she's so distracted, so lazy, will do the thing probably pretty well when asked to do it. Will not take the initiative to actually do the thing.

Eric:  Nice. This is— this is so good. I like how this is shaping up to be, like, working at a startup and you don't like your boss. This is really something.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. My favorite thing is— it's like— it's gonna just be that Dani is the brains of the operation and then these two idiots are just like, "And we pull some sails, it's great." It feels that way.

Eric:  Sleeves, there is someone back home who you think about all of the time, who is it?

Julia:  Aw.

Danielle: Oh, um, Sleeves is very distraught that Sleeves was not able to bring on a— one of her adopted sisters, just someone that she met during her travels. She calls her, her little sister, even though this woman is 40. 

Julia:  Fuck yeah.

Danielle: But Sleeves is very protective over her.

Eric:  Uh-hmm.

Danielle:  But she wanted to pursue a life in education, and as Sleeves would call, "Like, I don't know, man. Like, smart stuff." And so she went to go to pursue a life of knowledge while Sleeves wanted to pursue a life of adventure. So Sleeves often writes her, just to check in on her, and it's really hard, so it winds up being bottles put into the sea. There is probably a mail delivery service that Sleeves can use, but she just puts it into a bottle and sends it off.

Eric:  But somehow 20% still gets there. Yeah, I love— I love that.

Julia:  Solid.

Jenna:  Well, like, there's the mermaid post office.

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Eric:  Of course, of course.

Danielle:  They sell, you know. Like, somebody help this poor—

Jenna:  The seaweeds are passing it along.

Julia:  Yeah.

Jenna:  Yeah.

Danielle:  Help this poor buff child. 

Eric: Alright, Dani, here's the second half of the question. How often does Sleeves talk about her little sister and what do you know— what do you know from what— what Sleeves says?

Jenna:  I think Sleeves talks about her little sister too much, but I don't think that— and I— I think that's just because Dani has such a mysterious backstory that they only ever allude to obliquely. So if anybody who's like, "Yeah, I've got family." And— and Dani is just like, "Why would you say that?" 

Julia:  Why would you reveal that information about you?

Jenna:  Yeah. Why would you talk about it?

Danielle:  Quick question, just to double check, are Dani's pronouns she/her or they/them?

Jenna:  They/them.

Danielle: They/them? Perfect. Got it. Thank you. 

Jenna:  Yeah. I was saying Sleeves, she talks about her family too much. Yeah.

Danielle:  Thank you.

Eric:  Oh, I'm sorry. I did— I for— that was the thing I forgot to say, yes.

Jenna:  Well, this is my fault because I did name my character Dani and, um, we also have a Danielle on the call, which is a pretty cursed choice on my part. 

Danielle:  No! No, no, no!

Jenna:  In— in fact, I think Dani— I— I don't know if you guys have earned Dani's first name privilege yet, so—

Julia:  Wow.

Jenna:  Like they probably—

Danielle:  Oh. Whoa, whoa. What would we— what would we call Dani if we haven't earned—

Julia:  I— mixed De Leon?

Jenna:  I think they insist on De Leon.

Julia:  De Leon.

Jenna:  Yeah.

Eric:  Hmm.

Julia:  Alright, cool.

Danielle:  With an honorific in front or—

Jenna:  Nah, bark. Best bark across the ship. "Hey, De Leon."

Danielle:  I bark.  Danielle Radford as a person grew up military, I got no problems calling people by their last names.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  There you go. Yeah. So De Leon speak so little about their past in their family, except for in dramatic monologues in— in a single beam of light and otherwise dark rooms. So they— they think that Sleeves talks about their little sister a lot. 

Eric:  Yeah. Well, looking at a button of the comedian's, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Also in my head— it's gotten in my head, I'm probably just going to refer to Sleeves only as Sleeves. Like— Like I'm gonna use the pronouns. For Sleeves, probably not, I'm probably just gonna say Sleeves.

Jenna:  It's fun to say Sleeves.

Danielle:  And that is also completely appropriate.

Julia:  Sleeves, baby. It's just Sleeves.

Eric:  Alright, Jenna, give me a D10 roll, let's do this last one.

Jenna:  6.

Eric:  6, okay. Okay. Dani De Leon has a hidden talent, which they keep to themselves. What is it? 

Jenna:  Oh, they know so many, like, weird bar tricks. And if you— if you give them a lighter, they can do all sorts of like— like spitting flame and like— or like trapping gas in their hands and then doing like little fireball. And it's— it's extremely unnecessary because magic exists, and so you can just do magic, but they know all the mundane bar ways to do it.

Danielle:  Can De Leon tie a cherry stem with their tongue?

Jenna:  Yeah. Yes. But Is that—is that weird? Is it weird for a plant to do that with another plant's part? 

Julia:  No. No. 

Jenna:  Okay. Alright. Yeah, they can.

Eric:  Hell yeah. Okay, wonderful. Sir Dune, when did you see De Leon show this to you? And how embarrassing/ impressive was it?

Julia:  I think it was like years into our partnership of being a crew and we finally got them drunk enough at a bar that they broke out, like, even the smallest one. And Dune is just like, "Why have we not gotten them drunker before? This is amazing! Give them more beer!"

Jenna: Yeah. I think De Leon maintains a— a low level of inebriation pretty consistently, because they're retired, but very rarely tips over—

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  —the party hump as I call it.

Eric: Party hump.

Jenna:  Yeah.

Julia:  It took a lot. 

Jenna:  It took a lot of dry martinis in a really specific kind of bar where they're just, like, pounding it.

Julia:  You know what they say, three is not enough, four is too many.

Danielle:  But that's not what they say at all!

Julia:  Yes, it's not what they said.

Danielle:  I love it.

Jenna:  That's what De Leon says. 

Julia:  Yeah.

Danielle:  That's what De— oh.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah. Three's not enough, but four is simply too many.

Eric: Yeah. I also like the idea of calling the boat, the party hump. I don't think that's the official name, but someone def— you all definitely refer it to that. I like that.

Jenna:  A party hump.

Julia:  I had a truly insane idea about our boat last night as I was, like, falling asleep. And I'm like, we're not going to use this, but I needed to say it out loud. Which was the idea that we actually have two boats that we've, like, smushed together. 

Eric:  Oh, sure.

Jean:  Oh.

Julia:  And we call it the rock and the hard place. 

Eric:  Yeah.

Jenna: I do love that, actually. Because imagine how much cheaper it would be to get a salvage boat that was only half a boat. 

Julia:  Yeah.

Eric:  That also explains the fact that you have, like, two captains, like— and now you have, like, two CEOs and it's just so annoying to get anything done, which is why the three of you are so blase about pirating.

Julia:  Yeah. That's— that's pretty dope.

Jenna:  We're here for the vibes, Eric.

Julia:  Just for the vibes.

Eric:  No, I like that, because we haven't talked about captains at all, so I kind of love— absolutely love that. Like, yeah, we have two captains, it's not working. They have not done any merger training or try to, like, bring people on. Yeah, it's really annoying.

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Eric:  So I got— I really do like the rock and a hard place. 

Julia: Great.

Eric:  I like it, but it's certainly up to you three. Wonderful, thank you so much. This is so great. Hey, do you wanna— you want to get One Shotting? You wanna— you wanna hear what— what y'all are doing?

Julia:  Let's play some game. 

Jenna:  Let's game.

Eric:  Let's do some games.

Danielle:  Let's play these dice.

Eric:  Incredible. De Leon, this isn't the first time that you've woken up, stranded on the beach, water filling up your shoes. Sun blasting you in the eyes, between the eyes, around the eyes. But it certainly is the first time that you have since you've retired. And also ordinarily, it's an alarm clock waking you up instead of a sungull that is perched right on your face, pecking you in the forehead. Now that's the blast between the eyes.

Jenna (as De Leon): They bat away at it.

Eric (as Sungull): [squawks]

Jenna (as De Leon): Get out of here. Oh, boy. My mouth tastes like new look.

Eric:  Yeah. As you shake yourself awake and you're stranded on the beach of an island with two of your co-workers next to you— next to you. All three of you rouse, you see that you—there was a terrible, terrible storm last night. As you were holding on for dear life, everything was chaos swirling around you. But now, the sun has come out and you are wa— you've washed up on the side of this beach.

Julia:  Do we see the rock and the hard place anywhere nearby?

Jenna:  Is it back into being two halves?

Julia:  Oh, no.

Eric:  Part of the thing about there being two boats attached to each other, not good at storms. Not good at any storms.

Jenna:  Yeah, pretty fatal weakness.

Eric:  Yeah. So as all of you rou— as all of you rouse yourself, no, you don't see your boats anywhere. The first thing, though, that catches your eye is that this island has such interesting color sand. It's textured. It's like almost— it's soft. It's not gritty. What color is it? Is it terracotta? No, it's probably more orangey and pink than that. Oh, this— why is this island salmon-colored?

Julia:  Oh.

Eric:  That's weird.

Jenna:  Okay.

Danielle:  Does Sleeves see the bird attacking De Leon?

Eric:  Absolutely. Yeah, for sure.

Danielle:  Ah. So Sleeves is gonna fight that bird.

Jenna:  No, no, no. Try talking it down.

Julia:  No, no. Try to seduce the bird.

Eric:  Yeah  sure. Make— make an attack roll. If you want to, you can seduce him, but you can attack as your— your weapon your character sheet is just hands, so you could definitely just swipe at that thing.

Danielle: Yeah, 'cause I got these hands, Eric.

Julia:  They're attached to the Sleeves.

Danielle:  Exactly. Also, Sleeves goes up to the bird that is attacking De Leon and is— and squats and is like— 

Danielle (as Sleeves): Hey, bird! What— what is your major malfunction? Why are you hitting my friend? Also Hi, my name— my name is Sleeves. Nice to meet you.

Eric (as Sungull): [squawks]

Julia (as Sir Dune): Do you speak sungull?

Danielle (as Sleeves): I do not speak sungull.

Eric:  No.

Danielle:  But Sleeves is vee dumb, so Sleeves— she goes like—

Danielle (as Sleeves): [squawks]

Danielle: And, like, flaps. Like, pretending to flap her wings while trying to do it in a way that's like— 

Danielle (as Sleeves): Hey, we can be buds. Please stop attacking my friend. [squawks]

Eric (as Sungull): [squawks]

Eric:  And the— the sun— the sungull like cocks its head at you and then it flies away, kind of over this hump. You see that the beach is kind of like right on the sea, but then it's like a big dune that you got to scramble up to kind of get to the majority of the island and the sungull squa— squawking at— was furiously squawking at you, flies over this dune.

Julia (as Sir Dune):  Hmm. Can I just say? The sand, extremely comfortable, very soft. I might just stay here for like a couple more hours. I don't know how you guys are feeling about, like, starting the day right now, but like I'm feeling like I could get an extra 30 minutes or so. 

Jenna (as De Leon): Oh, if my mouth didn't taste the way it did, I'd be right with you. But I need— I need some kind of soil to wash this out.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Hmm. Hmm. Okay.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Hmm. I— I— I kind of feel like we need— what's the word I'm looking for? You know how when your throat hurts and you need to put water in it? 

Julia (as Sir Dune): Thirsty. Yeah.

Danielle (as Sleeves): There it is. I feel like maybe we need some of that— but we did take care of that.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Right. Okay. So well, reminder, can't drink the sea water, not a great idea. Yeah, let's—

Danielle:  But Sleeves has—

Julia (as Sir Dune): Sleeves, Sleeves, we talked about this, buddy.

Danielle: A handful of sea water and— and just like kind of like casually [pfft] like spits it out to the side like—

Danielle (as Sleeves): No, no, no, no. We can't do— we can't do that. That's bad. 

Julia (as Sir Dune): Sleeves, first rule of survival, can't drink sea water. It will make you go crazy, and then you will die.

Jenna (as De Leon): Let her— let her try. It's the best way to learn.

Julia (as Sir Dune): We— we've let her try so many times and we keep having to pay the healers.

Jenna (as De Leon): And she still hasn't learned.

Julia (as Sir Dune): I know.

Danielle (as Sleeves): It's— it's so wet. It's just so wet. 

Julia (as Sir Dune): Uh-hmm. It is so wet.

Danielle (as Sleeves): And it's so wet in my mouth hole.

Jenna (as De Leon): Now, come on. Everybody up, get out of the sink. Come on.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Alright. Alright. Oh, big stretch. Okay. 

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah. Yep. Oh, boy. 

Julia (as Sir Dune): Alright. Let's find some water. 

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah.

Julia (as Sir Dune): And then— and then probably also our boat/boats.

Jenna (as De Leon): One thing at a time. Water first—

Julia (as Sir Dune): Uh-hmm. Water first. Uh-hmm.

Jenna (as De Leon): —and/or beer. And then— yeah.

Julia (as Sir Dune): I mean, that— that sungull probably knows where there's water. And he did seem to like Sleeves and also you. De Leon, but in a different way.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Well, sungulls never like me. They don't like the looks of me.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Hmm. Fair enough. Fair enough. They're very good judge of character.

Jenna (as De Leon): Never gonna give them shade.

Danielle (as Sleeves): But you weren't shady, and that is what we love about you.

Jenna (as De Leon): I am shady. That's right. Or I used to be. I'm retired now. I'm not shady anymore.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Retired from being shady. That makes sense. Yeah, that checks it.

Jenna (as De Leon): Retired, and now, I'm sunny. 

Julia: As we can tell by the single beam of light that always follows you around dramatically. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Eric:  As the three of you scramble up this dune, it's steeper than you think it would be. It's like a 45-degree angle up the hill, and it still has this kind of like squishy give, as you're stepping into it. It's firm, but also it's kind of relenting as you step into it. And as you scramble up, you can see why, because as you turn around, you're 10 feet off the ground up here on this dune, and you realize that you're standing on top of a very large bulbous leg that is attached to the very large bulbous stomach and body of— you— you know when Violet Beauregarde eats the thing and turns into the blueberry in— in Willy Wonka?

Julia:  Uh-hmm. The full meal gum.

Jenna:  Yeah, Eric.

Julia:  Yes, Eric, I know.

Eric:  Well, it's just like this is a bunch of those stuck together. A bunch of these are stuck together. You were standing on a giant, giant like berry Greenfolk. It's huge. You're standing out like the big meaty thigh right now of a giant Greenfolk, that is just hanging out in the water. Its stomach and knees protruding out of the water. You can also see that there are some trees growing out of it. Especially like in this— in the torso, chest area. And also you say—

Eric (as Ellis): Hey, hey, hey, look over here. Hey, hey, hey, look over here. 

Eric: And because there is someone who is inside of the tree, one of the trees that you see.

Jenna:  Inside in what way?

Eric:  Inside like the tree has grown around this person.

Jenna: Wow. It looked cool.

Danielle:  Do they need to be freed? Is that what it looks like?

Eric:  They are certainly not having a super, super great time inside of the tree.

Julia (as Sir Dune): What's up? You look like you're not having a super great time inside that tree.

Eric (as Ellis): Uh, yeah, true. Very true, absolutely. Ahoy. Hello, salutations.

Julia (as Sir Dune): That's— yeah.

Eric (as Ellis): Just— can everyone— like I just need everyone, before we— before we continue everyone just stay calm and chill out because we don't want the All-Salmon— the All-Salmon is going to have— might have a problem, so let's just stay— stay low key, okay? Let's stay chill.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Okay, alright. Um, I mean, we're— in general, we are all pretty chill people, I would like to say. Like we're very chill Greenfolk. It seems like everyone is—

Eric (as Ellis): Yeah, just with your steps as well, you don't want to seem like—

Julia (as Sir Dune): Oh.

Eric (as Ellis): —itchy or like seems strange or anything— seems strange or anything.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Uh-hmm.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah. You know, I was thinking to myself that it feels rude to walk on someone, you know? 

Julia (as Sir Dune): Uh-hmm.

Eric (as Ellis): Yeah, yeah.

Jenna (as De Leon): It just feels like— feels like I'm the downtrodden heel of the man, you know? I don't like that.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Some people like when you step on them.

Julia (as Sir Dune): That's true.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Julia (as Sir Dune): That's true.

Jenna (as De Leon): Sleeves, that is so true.

Julia: (as Sir Dune): I had an ex-girlfriend, you know?

Danielle (as Sleeves): Yeah. Look, sister, we've all been there.

Danielle:  So Sleeves kind of takes a look around and wants to kind of find where the ra— like the person she can talk to in this raspberry place is.

Eric: For sure. Yeah.

Julia:  The head of this giant—

Danielle: The he— yes.

Julia:  —raspberry Greenfolk. Yeah.

Jenna:  Bring me the head of the raspberry Greenfolk.

Eric:  Yeah, make a perception check, please. First roll. Everyone can make perception checks if you want to look around a little bit.

Julia:  Oh, hell yeah.

Eric:  Because I would love to give you some more details about what's happening here.

Jenna:  Yeah, I'd love to proceed.

Danielle: Oh, no. Okay. Wow, that's actually a better perception than I thought it would be. Let's live.

Jenna:  I got a 22.

Eric:  22. So I mean, investigator is gonna be perce— is gonna perceive.

Jenna:  Yeah, it's my whole bread and butter.

Julia:  I get plus 0 to perception, so I rolled a 7.

Eric:  Nice, nice, nice.

Danielle:  I get plus 1 to a perception, and I rolled 4.

Julia:  Nice.

Eric:  Okay. Alright.

Jenna:  I rolled a 19, so we're doing great.

Julia:  We're doing great.

Jenna:  Yeah.

Eric:  Sleeves and Sir Dune, you are captivated by the Greenfolk who is in this tree. So, again, so the way that it works, you are on top of a giant berry. It's actually a salmonberry. The salmonberry does look like raspberry. It's one of those things where it's like conical and has the little— little berry parts that are all kind of tied together in that lit— in that little shape. 

Jenna:  Drupals.

Eric: Yeah, Drupals. Thank you. I knew someone would know that— would know that.

Julia:  That's a cool word.

Eric:  Yeah. So it was like the body is kind of like the main like— looks like one big berry. Salmon Berry is usually like is salmon color. So it's like this big berry and then they have like big berry feet, and big berry legs, and big berry arms, and big berry head. Almost like when you look at a baby that has like the big rolls. I think it's like very chunky like that. 

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  Aw.

Julia:  I just want to eat it, yeah.

Danielle:  Oh, little chum, chum.

Eric:  Yes.

Julia:  Are we, like, currently on like the knee, or like the tummy, or like where are we at?

Jenna:  Where is the tree? And is the tree embedded—

Danielle:  Yes.

Jenna:  —into this berry?

Eric:  Correct. Yeah. So you kind of scrambled up the thigh and you walked over to the tummy, which is where the majority of these trees are, including the one that this Greenfolk is inside of who is a moonflower. Yeah, she is closed right now, more closed right now, because moon flowers only come out at night. So you only see a little bit of her face, but flower is white and kind of like in five petals that almost looks like a— a pinwheel. But you only really see her face, because the majority of her body is inside of this tree. You can't see her hands or her legs, and her whole torso is just— is in— in there.

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Danielle:  So she's— is she covered by like branches or where it's like—

Eric:  Yeah, yeah.

Danielle:  Okay.

Eric:  It's like the— she's like inside— the best thing I can say is she's inside of the tree. She is— the tree has grown around her in there. Yeah.

Julia:  Eric has been playing God of War, so if you remember what was like Mimir's whole situation before they chop his head off, that's what I'm picturing it.

Eric: Yes, it is.

Julia:  Alright  Okay.

Eric:  Alright.

Julia:  Cool.

Eric:  De Leon.

Jenna:  Yeah.

Eric:  Here's some other stuff. As you look around, you see that there are a lot of shipwrecks around— around, especially there's a bunch of maybe near the hands of the giant All-Salmon. You don't see your ship necessarily, but you also see there are a bunch of storm clouds that are off, kind of like far, far away, which is probably where you came from. You'll see there's kind of like a biome going on here on this— on the All-Salmon as you see that there's like other stuff growing like up— near the head and, like, down, near the feet. And, like, this is like some proper Island stuff has been growing— growing around. You see that there's like some fishing nets that's out there as well.

Julia:  Hmm. Hmm.

Jenna:  Cool. De Leon looks around at all the wrecked ships and says—

Jenna (as De Leon): I know a dame like this once, metaphorically, though. Walk softly, everyone. We don't know how this— this moonflower got trapped in this tree. We don't want to become trapped ourselves.

Julia (as Sir Dune): So, like, how— did— can I ask? How did you get stuck in this tree? 

Jenna (as De Leon): Good question.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Is that rude?

Eric (as Ellis): No, it's— it's probably the fair—

Julia (as Sir Dune): I— I never know if that's rude or not.

Eric (as Ellis):  No, it's the fair thing to ask. I should introduce myself. Hello, I am Ellis Scadoxus. Hello. I— as the first person who is a part of the All-Salmon island is kind —of I have to introduce myself and the whole thing that's happening here.

Julia (as Sir Dune): You're like the mayor or—

Eric (as Ellis): I— well, you know, how much can you be a mayor for the All-Salmon who is the one who gives out wishes and is going to eventually turn back the Cascade thing. So—

Julia (as Sir Dune): Hey, sorry, not to interrupt mix mayor or whatever. This is the salmon like we— we—

Eric (as Ellis): This is the salmon, yes. The All-Salmon, yes.

Julia (as Sir Dune): We found the salmon.

Eric: This is the salmon, yes, it is. You're right.

Jenna:  Alright. 

Eric:  Yes. 

Jenna:  Hey, good work, everyone.

Eric:  Good job.

Julia:  I can't believe we just, like, did it.

Eric:  Yeah, it's random.

Julia:  That's kind of wild, huh?

Eric:  Yeah, it's random.

Jenna:  We just like woke up and it was like, "Oh, salmon."

Julia: Yeah.

Jenna:  I would like to roll insight. 

Danielle: Yeah, yeah.

Jenna:  I would like to roll insight on this person to determine if they think this is true, or if this is true.

Eric:  Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  Okay. I rolled a 13 and I have expertise in insight, which means I could double my ability check, 18.

Eric: 18.

Jenna:  For my insight check.

Eric:  Ellis—

Danielle:  Ellis Island, I just got that.

Julia:  Oh.

Eric:  Part of it.

Danielle:  I'm so stupid. I just got that!

Julia:  I also just got it, so—

Eric:  Sleeves and Danielle are on the same page. It's good. This is fine. This is good. Ellis says—

Eric (as Ellis): It sounds like you don't— I know it's strange to think that all of a sudden you found the salmon just from stumbling on it. But yeah, here—you can— if you wish for something small, then it won't count as your wish. So, like, what do you want? What's something you want?

Jenna:  Oh, I don't— I don't— I don't believe that. De Leon is super dubious of that.

Eric (as Ellis): No, no, no, I— I— I— this part of the— I've talked to the— I've talk— ho— I've talked to the— okay. Can I grant— hey, All—

Jenna (as De Leon): No, no, I— I— I got a wish.

Eric (as Ellis): —All-Salmon, can I grant them a small wish to then— to show them that you are in fact the All-Salmon?

Eric:  And you hear a big— [roars]

Eric (as Ellis): Alright, the All-Salmon says it's fine. So what— yeah, what can I do?

Jenna (as De Leon): Okay. I wish— I wish you were free of that tree.

Eric (as Ellis): That one I can't— that one I— that one I can't do. That one I can't do.

Jenna (as De Leon): Well, I don't know.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Could we have our boats back?

Jenna (as De Leon): I don't know. Pretty dodgy.

Eric (as Ellis): Well, I— you don't think— you don't think I've tried to do this before? I've been here for—

Jenna (as De Leon): I don't know.

Eric (as Ellis): I've been here for— for years trying to free myself from this thing. I wish I could do it, but I can't.

Danielle (as Sleeves): I wish I was as big as the All-Salmon.

Julia (as Sir Dune): That's pretty sick. Sleeves, I love that. 

Eric (as Ellis): Okay.

Jenna (as De Leon): Well, she literally said a small wish, and you'd literally just wish for her to be big, so—

Julia (as Sir Dune): That's just like making someone bigger.

Danielle (as Sleeves): In the scope of things that are big and small. I mean, if we have someone who was already like the All-Salmon who is big, that's not definitely like a big wish. That's like a medium—

Eric (as Ellis): Okay, yeah. Let me— let me try— I think that we can do that. Yeah. Okay. Let me see if I can ask the All-Salmon if he'll grant that for you. Okay. All-Salmon, this— what's— what's your name?

Danielle (as Sleeves): My name is Sleeves. Hi, nice to meet you. I'm so sorry you're in that tree.

Eric (as Ellis): Thank you. Appreciate it. Sleeve— okay. Sleeves wants to be as big as you. Let's see. Can you— would you do that? Would you grant in your infinite salmon wisdom to turn them into— to turn them as large as you want?

Eric: And the All-Salmon goes—

Eric (as All-Salmon): [roars]

Eric: Or kind of twiddles a few large fingers that's in the water, and you see this, like, swirling magic that comes off of their fingers, and comes towards Sleeves. And then Sleeve, you start growing, and growing. And you're getting farther, and farther, and farther away from the ground. And you're going high— taller, and taller, and taller. And Sleeves is now 20, 30, 40, 50 feet tall.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Huh. How is she gonna fit on the boat now?

Danielle (as Sleeves): Dude.

Jenna (as De Leon): Incon— inconvenient. 

Danielle (as Sleeves): This is— I'm so huge.

Jenna (as De Leon): Sir Dune, I think she is the boat now.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Well, I mean, man, then we got to, like, feed her. That's gonna be a— that's gonna be a whole thing.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah.

Eric (as All-Salmon): [roars]

Eric:  And Sleeves, you then start coming back, like, in a very slow elevator. Slow elevator, you're coming down.

Danielle (as Sleeves): No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't listen to them! Don't listen to them. Come back here. I wanna talk to you. Ahh! I was gonna do a leg drop.

Julia (as Sir Dune): That would have been sick. Sleeves would have been sick.

Eric: You can do a leg while you're shrinking. You can like— you just try to drop and— as you get smaller, and smaller, and smaller.

Danielle:  Just one leg lifts up, the rest of me goes up, and I go pound down on the thigh, but at this point, it probably just tickles. 

Eric:  Yeah. And you're like, "Oh, oh, oh." And then Ellis says—

Eric (as Ellis): Oh, take co— oh, take cover. Everyone, get down, get down, get down, get down.

Jenna: Alright. De Leon does. 

Jenna (as De Leon): Somebody says take cover, you take cover. 

Julia:  Hmm.

Eric: The big hand that had the magic on it then comes down and goes— [roars] And scratches kind of, like, the little itch from the leg drop that Sleeves did. And Sleeves, what's your AC?

Danielle:  Oh, gosh. My AC's 15.

Julia:  That's pretty good.

Eric:  You're so lucky I rolled a 3. Jesus Christ. 

Danielle:  Oh, God. I am.

Eric:  As the All-Salmon kind of like scratches the itch that was from the leg drop and just kind of goes right over you. 

Danielle:  Oh, so like in between, I'm, like, huddling and the fingers just happened to miss me?

Eric:  With the big, pudgy berry fingers just misses you.

Danielle:  Can I grab a big, pudgy berry finger, and like latch onto it?

Eric:  Yeah, if you want to.

Danielle:  Yeah, I want to grab one of the fingers, and latch on to it, and start walking towards the head, so we can have a conversation.

Eric: Alright, make your grapple check then, please.

Danielle:  Oh, no. Alright.

Eric:  Well, let's see. What's the strength of a giant you're on top of? Let's think about that.

Jenna:  Hmm, hmm.

Julia:  Just remember, Sleeves can also use dex.

Eric:  Don't I know it. Don't I know it.

Jenna:  Oh, Lord. Okay.

Julia:  We're just like—

Julia (as Sir Dune):  Off she goes. Alright. Well, we'll find her.

Jenna (as De Leon):  I guess we'll just walk.  Yeah.

Julia (as Sir Dune):    We never lost her for, like, more than 48 hours before, so—

Jenna(as De Leon):  I mean, yeah.

[theme]

Amanda:  Hey, everybody, it's Amanda. If this is your first episode of Join the Party, welcome. We are so glad you're here and enjoying this weekly actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who are genuine friends and make each other laugh. You are absolutely welcome at our table, whether you are a longtime player or someone who has never touched a role-playing game before. Whether this is your first episode of the show or you've been here for years, take a moment and share this episode with a friend. Pause the episode right now and text them the link from your podcast player or the link to jointhepartypod.com. We design these One-Shots in part because it is a way for new folks to get into the world and the campaign without having to listen to a bunch of episodes already. And we rely on you to share the good word of Join the Party and help us bring new listeners onto our ship, and into the mission, and around the table, and all kinds of other metaphors. So if you can think of somebody who would appreciate these high jinks, these jokes, the idea of pirates that are actually plant and bug people, we would super, super appreciate you. We also super appreciate our supporters on Patreon. And welcome especially to our newest patrons, Nikki, Whimsical, and Kelsey Colorin. We can only make the show because of the support of our patrons on Patreon. For just $5 a month or more, you can know that you're making this show possible and join the best place on the internet, which is our patron-only Discord. You can join for an entire year at a pretty substantial discount, and there are all kinds of other things that you can get like ad-free episodes and additional bi-weekly podcast that we make called Party Planning in both audio and video form, and so much more. Discover it now at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Join the Party is a founding member of Multitude, a fabulous podcast collective that is always up to something new. And this week, we want to tell you about Tell Me About It. A game show about proving the things you like are actually interesting. Hosted by Adal Rifai, who you may know from Hello from the Magic Tavern and Hey Riddle and our own best and saltiest DM in podcasting, Eric Silver. Adal plays an eccentric billionaire who forces guests to come on the podcast and prove that their favorite thing is interesting and cool. And through a series of wild games and challenges put together by audio butler Eric, guests are scored based on the quality of their answers or whatever Adal is really feeling like at that moment. It's basically podcasting Taskmaster, and it's incredibly good. They include some of your favorites in podcasting, like Brendan Lee Mulligan, who you may or may not heard of, Janet Varney, Jenna Stoeber herself, Jeffrey Cranor, Matt Young, and more. Check out Tell Me About It at tmaipod.com or in your podcast app now. We are sponsored this week by Volante Designs. Guys, these are all my favorite sponsors because they make incredible clothing that makes you feel like a badass. It makes you feel like a cosplayer but just in your daily life. It would make me feel like I'm wearing actual armor out on the street because they're so good. They make high-quality handmade jackets and all other kinds of clothes and accessories that bring that main character energy into your daily life. With official licenses from series like Assassin's Creed, Devil May Cry, and Star Trek, plus tons of original items, like their Cyberpunk and modern ninja items, they are seriously beautiful. They're ethically sourced and ethically manufactured, made for quality and will last you years. They've also very kindly extended a 10% discount to Join the Party listeners. So if you go to volantedesign.us and use the code Join the Party, you'll get 10% off your whole order. That's V-O-L-A-N-T-E, design.us and use the code Join the Party for 10% off your entire order. Thank you to our partners at Volante, and they want me to remind you, stay badass. Finally, we are sponsored this week by Microdose. Microdose Gummies deliver perfect entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. I have really, really appreciated the way that Microdose gummies helped me sleep easier. I don't know about you guys, but my brain is a tangle of things that I'm thinking about, and need to do, and wish I did, and I'm worrying about when I lay down to go to sleep. And I really appreciate that Microdose Gummies helped me feel relaxed, and calm, and slip right into sleep. I use them like basically every day. So if you, too, want to try Microdose, you can get 30% off your first order plus free shipping today at microdose.com with the promo code Join the Party. It's available nationwide in the US. That's microdose.com, promo code Join the Party for 30% off and free shipping. One more time, microdose.com, promo code Join the Party. And now, let's get back to the show.

[theme]

Danielle:  I have rolled.

Eric:  Okay, what do you got?

Danielle:  I have an 8.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Pretty good.

Eric:  You got a— you rolled an 8— you rolled an 8?

Danielle:  I have rolled an 8.

Julia:  I feel like only slightly below average.

Eric:  Sure. Okay. I rolled a 4, but then I added 10, so you don't grab— the All-Salmon flicks you away as you try to grab onto the finggy.

Danielle:  Oh, no!

Julia:  She's not at risk of, like, flying off of the— the leg, right?

Eric:   No, it's just— it was during the scratch. It's kind of just like [yawns]

Julia:  Okay.

Danielle:  So I take a bump?

Eric: Yeah, you take a bump.

Danielle:  Like, I fly off, and then I roll, and then I— I do, you know, like a little tumble, and then like kind of come back on my feet because I just took a bump.

Eric:  Yeah.

Julia:  Yep, yep, you're okay. You're okay, buddy. Come on. Get back up, get back up.

Eric:  Listen, you can— you can definitely— you— it's fine. You can definitely— if you want to do this trial by error— trial and error, you can do that or I can tell you what you need to know.

Julia (as Sir Dune): I do love being told what to do, so like—

Eric (as Ellis): I know it looks ridiculous, but I am translating its yawns, and it's starting to understand our common Greenfolk language. I think it's kind of getting what I'm saying, so I can talk to it. And we want— I want to get you your wishes and get you on your way.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Uh-hmm.

Jenna (as De Leon): Ellis, I'm gonna level with you, this is at best, a Some Salmon, this is— no way this is the All-Salmon.

Julia (as Sir Dune): I don't think this is like the salmon.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah.

Julia (as Sir Dune): I— I love that you feel very confident about it. Also, have you tried speaking Cragish French to it? Because maybe it speaks Cragish French.

Jenna (as De Leon): Oh.

Eric (as Ellis): I don't know that one. I don't know it. I think it's a— a particular dialect for only people who live in the terr—you know, in a very large, mega forest with megafauna, so that—

Julia (as Sir Dune): Well, this is a giant, mega berry, so like maybe it came from that forest. We don't know.

Eric (as Ellis): Ple— do you know Cragish French?

Julia:  Si vous plait. Avec Toi.

Eric:  You try— yeah, you want to try?

Danielle:  Sleeves is gonna go ahead and give some good old Bardic Inspiration on this one. Which basically just means that Sleeves becomes a hype man like—

Danielle (as Sleeves): Don't ask us if we know French. We know French. Don't—don't tell Sir Dune what Sir Dune knows. Don't let him talk to you like that.

Julia (as Sir Dune): I will not. I will not. I will say—

Julia:  Eric, can I roll to speak Cragish French to the salmon?

Eric: Yeah. You know— yeah. Yeah, just give me a charisma check, for sure, and you can add your inspiration if you want to.

Julia:  Great. Okay. So I rolled a 12.

Eric:  Okay.

Julia:  [dice roll] And then I rolled a plus 6 from my Bardic Inspiration.

Eric:  Wow. 

Julia:  So it's an 18.

Eric: 18.

Jenna:  Nice.

Julia:  I speak French to the salmon.

Eric:   Can I get a little more—  can I get a little more of it?

Julia (as Sir Dune): Ques cu se, salmon? Grant us some wishes, si vous plait. Au revoir. Et cetera.

Julia:  Was that good? Was that—

Jenna:  That last bit was Latin, but the rest of it sounded good.

Julia:  Oh, shit. Alright, cool. That's great. That's an Overstalk language, I think,

Eric: The All-Salmon does not respond. The All-Salmon can—

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Okay.

Eric:  —just starts to lightly snore a little bit into the water—

Julia:  Same.

Eric:  —a little bit into the water as well. 

Julia:  Big same.

Jenna:  Okay. That actually lends to the theory that Ellis is in some way communicating to this thing. 

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. That makes sense. 

Eric (as Ellis): So, like, I— that was a good one. I— I— yeah, it could have been megafauna that escaped the fo— that escaped the LeMans, but that's actually kind of interesting.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Yeah. I don't look it, but I'm pretty smart.

Eric (as Ellis): I— I— I can only imagine anyone who washes up here was— had intend to go do something, and then was thrown in a different way to not do that thing, and is— let's all just figure it out as we— as we're here. Here—

Julia (as Sir Dune): Is that what happened to you? How did you get here? What's going on?

Eric (as Ellis): Well, yeah, my ship—

Julia (as Sir Dune): Why are you in a tree?

Eric (as Ellis): Well, I was— my ship wrecked, was in a storm, and I— I came up here, and it seems like none— there was all this stuff going on, and then a tree grow around me, and now, I'm stuck.

Jenna (as De Leon): Like, quickly? Like— like it sprang up around you real quickly or were you, like, napping for like a really long time?

Julia (as Sir Dune): There's, like, no shame if you were napping for a very long time.

Eric (as Ellis): I was— yes. I—I—

Jenna (as De Leon): Okay. We're all nappers. This is a boat of nappers.

Julia (as Sir Dune): The big napping crew.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Oh, I'm tired now.

Eric (as Ellis): I fell asleep on top of the big All-Salmon tummy, which I didn't know was the All-Salmon at the time, I just was sleepy. And I guess the All-Salmon wanted me to stay, so it grew— the tree grew around me and now I'm here.

Jenna (as De Leon): Alright. No— I'm— no naps, team.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Wait, does— does the All-Salmon like you?

Jenna (as De Leon): Or hate you? 

Eric (as Ellis):  Oh, good question.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Yeah, like, did the All— is the All-Salmon, like, mad that, like, you, like, showed up on their tummy or they're like—

Jenna (as De Leon): Good question.

Danielle (as Sleeves): "—You're my little pet now. +

Jenna (as De Leon): Huh.

Eric (as Ellis): It's probably the second one. I didn't thought of it like that. 

Danielle (as Sleeves): You're their little kitty cat, right?

Eric (as Ellis): I think it wants me to be here. I think it was quite lonely. I mean, all of us, we've been looking for it, but I guess it's been— as— as much as it can, be looking for other people as well. I don't— yeah, that's why I'm— I guess that's why I want— I hadn't thought about that before. Sleeves, that's very astute. That's very astute, Sleeves. Thank— it's really giving me a perspective on this entire existence I have of being grown onto a god— being grown— grown onto a godly figure that I hadn't considered before. 

Danielle (as Sleeves): Well, I just— like, you're the only one that, like, can understand it, and it seems like it's really protective of you. And when you ask—

Eric (as Ellis): Yeah.

Danielle (as Sleeves): When you ask the salmon to be like, "Hey, like, make this chick like 50 feet tall." It'll do it for like two seconds, but not in a way that would, like, keep it from, you know, being like— not in a way that would make it so that, like, I could get in and grab you. I think maybe like the dude's just super, like, lonely or whatever.

Eric (as Ellis): Yeah. No.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Uh-hmm. Do we live here now?  Is that what's happening to us?

Jenna (as De Leon): No. 

Danielle (as Sleeves): You are retired.

Jenna (as De Leon): I retired to be on a boat, not an island.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Not on Salmon Island, right.

Eric (as Ellis): Well, I have to ask, do you— has anyone else said that they found the All-Salmon before?

Julia (as Sir Dune): No.

Eric (as Ellis): No? 

Julia (as Sir Dune): No. Everyone's kind of like— kind of looking forward. Some people are looking more than others, I feel like.

Eric (as Ellis): Oh.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yes, some of us are just vibing. 

Julia (as Sir Dune): Some of us are just vibing—

Danielle (as Sleeves): We're just total vibes.

Julia (as Sir Dune):  —and we stumble across the salmon, apparently.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah.

Danielle (as Sleeves): We're a very vibey boat.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Uh-hmm.

Eric (as Ellis): I had asked everyone who had gotten wishes from the All-Salmon to say where it was, so we can resolve this, and someone could turn the Cascade back on. But I guess that hasn't happened, and there's a bunch of people with thousands— with millions and billions of doublooms out there, just living it up in their pirate life.

Jenna (as De Leon): Have a lot of people— have a lot of people come and made wishes with you?

Eric (as Ellis): On— I'd say only 5—

Julia (as Sir Dune):  Five total?

Eric (as Ellis): —but I have— like, 23 have made it and the— the 5— 23 minus 5, 18 of them got smashed by the All-Salmon. 

Jenna (as De Leon): Okay, yes. Okay.

Danielle (as Sleeves): So you said only 5, and we are 5 people.

Julia:  There's 3.

Danielle (as Sleeves): 5—

Julia (as Sir Dune):  Sweetheart, 3.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yes, 3

Danielle (as Sleeves): 5— 

Julia (as Sir Dune): 3.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Wait. 

Julia (as Sir Dune): 2 less of what you're talking about.

Danielle (as Sleeves): 3. There are 3. There are three of us.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Uh-huh. Yeah. There are. Correct.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Okay.

Julia (as Sir Dune): You di— Sleeves, second try, that's pretty good.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah, you're doing great.

Eric (as Ellis): Yeah.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Thank you.

Jenna (as De Leon): Our— our lessons are really panning out.

Eric (as Ellis): So—

Danielle (as Sleeves): Thank you.

Eric (as Ellis): —li— listen, listen, I— I— I think I can figure this— I think I can help you out here you— if you'll hear— if you'll heed my— if you'll heed my help. Honestly, it's all about keeping the All-Salmon happy. So there's some stuff you can do, maybe to keep it ingratiate—as Sleeves said, ingratiate yourself with the All-Salmon so that you don't get smashed, and then you get your wish, and then you'll be on your way.

Jenna (as De Leon): I'm gonna level with you, De Leon. I've been in a lot of relationships like this before. You can try as much as you want to keep them happy, but it'll never last for long.

Danielle (as Sleeves): It sounds kind of, like, toxic.

Eric:  It's very toxic.

Julia:  Toxic, yeah.

Jenna: Yeah, it's super toxic. 

Eric:  So toxic. 

Julia: Uh-hmm.

Danielle:  Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  De Leon is going to try experimentally to pull on one of the, like, things that are actually trapping Ellis—

Eric:  Yeah.

Jenna: —to see if they can—

Julia:  Like, the branches?

Jenna:  Yeah, but they're not very strong. So let's give it some roll. 

Eric:  Sure. 

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  I rolled a 17. These digital dice are being very generous. 

Julia:  Everyone's getting generous dice today.

Danielle: Are you— what are you adding?

Jenna:  I've no bonus to strength. No, nothing.

Julia:  Zero.

Jenna:  It's just a 17.

Eric: 17. Yeah, you can— you can grip like one of the be— piece of bark on the tree or like a big branch, and you can— you could snap it off, and then it just kind of regrows. 

Jenna (as De Leon): Oh. 

Eric (as De Leon):  I— I appreciate it. You know, everyone tries, everyone tries. I really do appreciate it.

Danielle (as Sleeves):  Can— can you—

Eric:  Uh-hmm.

Danielle (as Sleeves):  —tell the salmon that I will do— I— I— I— we will— we will put on a match for them so that they can be entertained by watching— okay.

Jenna:  No.

Julia:  I don't know. Sir Dune is like—

Julia (as Sir Dune): I'm down with that, yeah. That sounds fun. We'd love to—

Jenna (as De Leon): Okay. Alright.

Julia (as Sir Dune):  —we'd love to wrestle on this— on this boat. 

Eric: You can— yeah, keep them entertained. 

Julia:  Okay.

Danielle:  Or if it's like a— oh, no, I got it. 

Danielle (as Sleeves): Can you ask them to make me 50 feet tall again and I promise I won't punch them?

Eric (as Ellis): You know what? Since there's three— since there's three of you, only one of you— and if I can give— once again if I can just give my counsel, only one of you has to turn the Cascade back on, other you can do wishes for your own self.

Jenna (as De Leon): Has— has anyone wished to turn the Cascade back on?

Eric (as Ellis): No, I think you would—

Jenna (as De Leon): Because it's not back on, I'll tell you that.

Eric:  Then I would say no—

Julia:  Yeah, confirmed not back on.

Eric:  Then I would say no, so that's why I'm kind of giving— telling people they should do— I want— I'm gonna encourage good behavior for this.

Julia (as Sir Dune): So very quickly, it seemed like you had tasks for us, which sound like magic chores?

Eric (as Ellis): Well, well, I mean, you know, the— the— the All-Salmon does like shiny things and I know that there's a treasure chest in one of those shipwrecks out there, if you want to go grab that.

Jenna (as De Leon): Hell yeah. Love that.

Eric (as Ellis): And even, like, put him on one of his pudgy fingers and stuff. 

Jenna (as De Leon): I love treasure.

Eric (as Ellis): There's also like down at the— down at the feet, there's a bun— there's just these incredible, incredible heirloom tomatoes that I know that the— that All-Salmon really, really likes to eat.

Jenna (as De Leon): Hmm. Feet tomatoes.

Eric (as Ellis): They are feet tomatoes, yeah. 

Jenna (as De Leon): I'm not into feet stuff.

Eric (as Ellis): But— and— but if you can go get those, we will throw them in its mouth— throw them in its mouth and he'll— he'll really like that. And then like, yeah, there's— up— like near the head, there's— there's a bunch of— one of the other pirates that were here kind of set up some— like some cra— some cra— some apple crab traps, and you could definitely pull them up before the sungulls get to them. I think that would be— then you can throw those in with the tomatoes and they'll really— they'll really enjoy that.

Julia (as Sir Dune): So you want us to cook them a meal and then also give them a pretty ring?

Eric (as Ellis): Yeah. You don't have to cook them, just put them— you bring them here to the tum and I think that I— and it will be a whole ceremony and we'll be able to— we can take care of that. 

Danielle (as Sleeves):  And then maybe a pedicure?

Eric (as Ellis): You could do that, too. Yeah, if you're down near the toes, for sure.

Julia (as Sir Dune): We should start with that, like make it a real like self-care day for the salmon.

Danielle (as Sleeves):  Eh, what's a self-care day?

Eric (as Ellis): Yeah.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Oh, it's like when you take care of yourself during the day.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Oh, self, and then care, to— thank you, thank you.

Julia (as Sir Dune): When— when Sleeves takes care of Sleeves, you know? Like that's— that's self-care.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah. This is— this is by definition not a self-care because we are doing the care.

Eric: It is for someone else.

Julia:  That's true, that's true.

Jenna (as De Leon): This isn't us care.

Danielle:  I can, like, roll on to the feet and then that's like a massage.

Julia:  A massage. Yeah. Yeah.

Eric (as Ellises): Yeah. Just everyone would just be like su— or like I said, everyone just be, like, super careful because again the all father— the— because the All-Salmon does— is very ticklish.

Eric:  Shut up. Everyone, shut up. Everyone, shut up.

Julia: Playing way too much God of War.

Eric:  I— it's a— it's a fun thing to call a big god in the water. What do you want me to say?

Julia: It is, it is. You're right. You're right. You're not wrong.

Eric:  It's— the— the  All-Sal—

Julia:  You're not wrong. No shame, no shame here.

Eric (as Ellis): The All-Salmon is just super ticklish. Like, again, just be really careful as you're  walking around.

Julia:  So maybe don't touch his little toesies. Gotcha.

Eric: Yeah, be really. Be—

Danielle (as Sleeves):  Oh, but— also, like, I— I go in real deep. Like, I do a bunch of leg drops. I come off that rope, I hit that calf, that calf muscle relaxes. Let's do it.

Eric (as Ellis): Sleeves, if— if a giant hand raking across its skin of— narrowly missing you is not enough to teach you what's happening. I can only give my counsel as much as I can. You do you, please. You do you. Sleeves—

Julia:  She's dri—she's drink so much salt water, you don't understand.

Eric:  Sleeves is still Sleeves.

Julia:  Like, she's still—she had some before.

Danielle (as Sleeves):  And then Sleeves literally coughs up a kelp.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Sleeves, we talked about this.

Eric:  Yeah. Incredible. Alright. Yeah. So you have these three yes magical errands, Julia, that you have to do.

Julia:  Right.

Eric:  Yeah, you can do them in any order, if there's one you want— you feel like doing.

Julia:  Gotta start with the feet. Gotta start with the feet. 

Eric: You want to start with the feet?

Jenna (as De Leon): Really? Okay. Yeah. No, let's do it.

Julia: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Danielle (as Sleeves): It's a feat of feet. Let's get the feet feat over with.

Eric:  Okay.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Eric:  You can head back towards the beach where you started, and then you can kind of climb up a different way. And you can make your way down on one of the legs. And yes, as you look down— down, all the way down at its big, little berry feet, there are some trellises that are set up with vines of heirloom tomatoes, like real weird, weird, chunky boys. Kind of like— some of them as large as your heads, growing on these trellises. Now, you still need to make your way over there and you need to be careful, because again— once again, All-Salmon is ticklish. You can kind of start around the knee and walk— and work your way down. 

Jenna:  Before we do that, De Leon is going to cast a spell that they have on themselves called Transient Bulwark.

Julia:  Ooh.

Eric:  Ooh.

Jenna:  It has an eight-hour duration, and they cast it on themselves, and basically, the next attack made against you has a negative 10 penalty to hit. So just doing something pre-emptive here about the giant.

Julia:  Smart, smart. Good choice, good choice.

Eric:  Smart. Smart, smart, smart.

Jenna:  And they'll say—

Jenna (as De Leon): Be careful around the knees, we don't know if this All-Salmon is boy crazy.

Eric:  Stupid.

Jenna:  I'm— I'm glad at least some of you know.

Julia:  Yup, yup.

Jenna:  It's like a— a game we used to play as children where you would run— you would do this over somebody's knees, and if they were ticklish, you said, "You're boy crazy."

Eric:  Oh, my God. This is so silly. Oh, my God.

Danielle:  I lived in Indianapolis for a second, I know what you're picking at.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  You make your own fun. 

Julia:  Yup. You really— you gotta.

Eric: Incredible. Alright, folks. Yeah. So you— if you want to go down there, I just need some Stealth Checks to see as you're walking down. But if you feel like— if you're just walking down to the toes, then you can do that. But if you have a different way, let me know. Let me know what you're thinking. 

Julia:  I sure don't, bud. I sure don't.

Jenna:  The inner thigh is so often ticklish on so many people, but—

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  —but I don't have a better method. 

Eric:  Alright. Then, yeah, give me— give me some Stealth Checks as you really, really carefully walk down to the toes. 

Danielle:  Are there— are there other branches around or are there other kind of like trees or other things that can be swung off of or bounced? 

Eric:  Sure. Yeah, give me a Perception Check. 

Julia:  Let's— please have a rope. I rolled a 15.

Eric:  Okay.

Julia: 16 minus 1, so—

Eric: 15. Wonderful. 

Danielle: I have a plus one in perception—

Eric:  Uh-hmm.

Danielle:  —because Sleeves is too big. So a 5.

Eric:  5. Unfortunately, no. It— every so often, it kinda like kicks its little, big feet, and like there's a real tide around this area, like there's a lot of moving water, so there's— nothing is growing— nothing is growing down near the feet—

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Eric:  —except for on— the literal— the— the toe veggies that you're going for. 

Danielle:  Oh.

Jenna:  Eric is nasty. 

Eric: Yeah, dude.

Jenna:  Toe veggies. 

Julia:  You missed a— you missed a good pun by not making it corn, but it's fine.

Eric:  I— Julia, I chose—

Jenna:  Yeah, I'm— I'm thankful.

Eric:  I— I really chose to make sure to do not one of the weird things that should be in toes, I try— I chose that intentionally.

Jenna:  Eric, I appreciate the— the veil of separation—

Eric:  Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Jenna:  —you've provided us.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  I got a 14 on stealth for—

Eric:  14.

Jenna:  —for De Leon. 

Eric:  Yeah. And Sleeves, what— can I get a Stealth Check for you?

Danielle:  Stealth is not gonna be much better.

Eric:  Your dex is so high, I think you might be able to do it. 

Danielle:  I have a 9.

Eric:  A 9. Alright. Sleeves, you're leading the charge as the one who's most excited about running— bounding down there. And like when you feel like there's a fly in your foot, you're just kind of like reflexively kick it. And Sleeves, you— Sleeves is just thrown into the air, like 30 feet into the air.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Whoa!

Julia:  I'm gonna— I'm gonna grab her. 

Eric:  You're gonna— you're gonna stand there and grab her?

Julia:  No, no, no. I'm gonna use Phantom Grapnel. 

Eric: Oh. What's that?

Jenna:  Ooh, magic.

Julia:  You conjure a chain and hook made of magical force which you can propel at a creature or unoccupied space you can see within range. 

Eric:  Hell yeah. 

Julia:  When you target a creature of large size or smaller, you can pull the target up to 10 feet towards you.

Eric:  Nice.

Danielle:  Grapnel on the grappler. Let's go. 

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  Nice. Yeah!

Eric:  I like that. Yeah, what does this look like? 

Julia: I think just instinctively a lot of Sir Dune's spells just look like a— kind of like weird magical gauntlet appearing on her hand and then the spell casting of that. So in this case, it almost unwraps like a chain, and then shoots towards Sleeves, and then grabs her, pulls her back towards them.

Eric:  I love that. I love that it's just a cantrip. That's tight as hell. And you just do it. 

Danielle:  Yeah, that's cool.

Eric:  You just do it. 

Julia:  Yeah. I just do it. I just do it. 

Eric:  You just absolutely do it. 

Julia:  If it's like resisting, they have to make a strength saving throw, but— 

Eric:  No, you just— no, you just do that.  Here's what happened, Sleeves goes, "I'mma go kick up into the air with massive force then it's just like [explosions] and just pull them back.

Julia:  Yeah, I got it.

Jenna:  That's awesome.

Eric:  Incredible, yeah. 

Jenna:  I have to imagine you use that spell on Sleeves a lot. 

Julia:  Oh, yeah.

Jenna:  But like— but like a leash on a child in a mall.

Julia:  It's very instinctive, I think.

Danielle:  You just do like the recall function where it is like pulls back.

Julia:  Yeah, it's like a retractable dog leash. You're absolutely correct.

Eric:  And— and like this is a cantrip, you just do it constantly. 

Julia:  Yeah. No limit.

Danielle:  It's habitual at this point.

Julia:  The limit does not exist. 

Jenna:  Yeah, this is more of a reflex than anything, just [zipping noise].

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Eric:  Incredible. Yeah, Sleeves, you're fine, no damage, you're good. 

Jenna:  Great. Awesome. Good teamwork. 

Julia (as Sir Dune):  That's alright, buddy. Sometimes we just like we get excited, and we make a giant salmon berry throw us in the air. It's all good. Things happen.

Danielle (as Sleeves):  That was really fun. Do it again!

Jenna (as De Leon):  Maybe later, kiddo.

Julia (as Sir Dune):  Maybe later, maybe later.

Eric: Hell yeah. Yeah, you make your way down to the toes. The trellises are kind of encircling the toes. It's like the— some of the vines are around it. And again, these tomatoes are huge. They're yellow— they're yellow, and orange, and— and green and brown, and red, but they are massive.

Julia:  Nice. 

Danielle:  For that one, I will use my dex where I can climb up the trellises and then like— just like launch myself on a tomato and use my weight to, like, pull the tomato down. 

Julia:  I love that. That's great. 

Eric:  Tell me about the weird heirloom tomato you grabbed. What does it look like? 

Danielle:  It is much more rigid than you would usually think. This is definitely one of those ones that you get at, like, a Trader Joe's when you're like, "I'm going to be really impressive and, like, make my crush a tomato sandwich."

Jenna:  Ooh.

Danielle:  Like, this is the heirloom tomato you use for that. So it— it's got obviously like the red and the yellow tinting, and then down kind of where like the humps in the tomato are because it's— it's a lot more pronounced than a regular grocery store tomato. You see like the yellow where it bleeds into the green.

Eric:  Uh-hmm.

Danielle:  If you were to cut this tomato open on the inside, it would burst with like a rainbow of color, like yellows, greens, reds. The seeds are—

Julia:  That's my dream.

Danielle:  —abundant, but there are— the seeds are also like tinged yellow and green, but we haven't done that yet.

Eric:  Uh-hmm.

Danielle:  But it's definitely more bumpy in texture than you would usually expect, and you would definitely impress anyone at your dinner party. 

Julia:  Hell yeah. 

Eric:  Here's a fun fact about being a DM. You can just like make people talk about tomatoes. It's super great.

Julia:  Yeah.

Eric:  I love it. Tomatoes are truly my favorite thing, so I'm doing— this is self-indulgent for me. I'm loving this. This is great.

Julia:  I can confirm. Uh-hmm.

Danielle:  Oh, yeah, burst of flavor. If we were to open it, but hopefully it's not a person, so— 

Eric:  No, no, no, no, no, no.  No, actually, you know, that's a good point. Can everyone make an Investigation Check to see if you pluck—

Danielle:  Oh, man! I'm sorry!

Eric:  To see if you plucked the tomato that has a face on it. Just really quickly— really quickly.

Julia:  14.

Danielle:  Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Eric: 14. 

Danielle:  That's my bad.

Jenna: I rolled a 2,  so even though my investigation is good, I don't think it's going to surmount it.

Danielle: I rolled a 2. I roll like shit. I'm so sorry, y'all. I rolled a 2—

Julia:  That's alright.

Danielle:  —and my investigation is 0.

Eric:  Yeah. That's okay. You're just looking at the tomato and describing it. De Leon, you do see a tomato that has your face on it, which is really—

Jenna:  My face?

Eric:  Which has your face, though you're like, "Ah, getting old."

Julia:  Yeah, it's a wrinkly tomato. Damn. 

Eric:  Yeah, yeah. Sir Dune, you can just pluck one that has no face on it. You're fine.

Julia:  I love it. It's like— it's green, but also very, very deep red.

Eric:  I like that.

Jenna:   Love this.

Julia:  Yeah, yeah.

Eric:  Hell yeah. Alright, bang. One errand done. Congratulations, you got tomatoes, and you can put them back— and you— like this was a JRPG, you just kind of like— black screen, now you're back— you're back at the stomach with Ellis--

Jenna:  Love that.

Eric:  —and you can put the tomatoes down.

Julia:  Eric, can I roll like an Archana Check to see if these are like magic tomatoes?

Eric:  Sure.

Julia:  Like if I ate one—

Jenna:  I love that.

Julia:  —something good will happen to me?

Eric:  Smart.

Jenna:  Love that.

Julia:  Well, I got a Nat 1, so don't worry about it.

Eric:  Sir Dune, these tomatoes are actually the things that grant wishes. And Sir— and the sa— salmon is not actually powerful. It's actually— this has been a smokescreen, and the all—and the tomatoes are the things that will grant you a wish, but only if it has a face on it.

Julia:  Sir Dune goes—

Julia (as Sir Dune): Group huddle real quick. Crew huddle. 

Jenna:  Yeah. Yeah.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Salmon doesn't grant wishes. It's these tomatoes.

Jenna: I  rolled a 22 on my Arcana. 

Eric:  Oh, no. These are just tomatoes. They're very good tomatoes.

Danielle (as Sleeves):  Well, you're the only one with a tomato with a face, right? 

Jenna (as De Leon):  Yeah.

Julia (as Sir Dune):  Yeah.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah.

Julia (as Sir Dune):  Yeah.

Danielle (as Sleeves):  Wait, does that mean we have to kill that tomato? 

Jenna (as De Leon): No. The— no. No, both of you  Both of you, no.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Are you sure?

Jenna (as De Leon): These tomatoes are not magic and we don't have to kill them. So that's good news for both of you, right?

Eric (as Ellis): They're not— they're not— they're not— they're not magic tomatoes.

Eric:  Ellis says.

Julia (as Sir Dune): We're— sorry, we're crew huddling right now, Ellis, and like I would just appreciate the space.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah.

Eric (as Ellis): I'm just trying to provide counsel. I'm just trying to be helpful. Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. I think— you did it close enough that I thought I was involved, but I can't— because I can't move. 

Julia (as Sir Dune): I try to turn away from you— I apologize. I turned our backs to you.

Eric (as Ellis): Yeah.

Julia (as Sir Dune): And I should have been more clear with my messaging. 

Eric (as Ellis): Yeah, so that's fine. I mean, it's fine. Listen to De Leon. De Leon is very smart. Just listen to what De Leon is saying, that's true. That's true.

Julia (as Sir Dune): I'm also very smart.

Jenna (as De Leon): Well—

Eric (as Ellis): I'm sure you are on the things that you know.

Jenna:  The dice say otherwise.

Eric (as Ellis): On the things you know.

Julia (as Sir Dune): I am also very smart, and Sleeves is the smartest among us.

Eric (as Ellis): Everyone— the three of you all have individual ways that you're smart. I'm not excluding any of you by saying you're not smart. Sleeves has physical— physical smartness. De Leon is specifically smart—

Danielle (as Sleeves): Yeah! I'm a physical smart. 

Eric (as Ellis): De Leon is specifically smart in this one situation that they're correct. And I don't know you, Sir Dune, well enough to understand what you're smart at.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Do we want to go get this giant a magic ring now? Do we want to go, like, do pirate things and, like, wonder?

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Are we proposing?

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah, let's get that chess.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Alright. Let's do it.

Jenna (as De Leon): Which of you knows how to swim? I forget.

Julia (as Sir Dune): I also can grapple. Like, we just saw— I— I can grapple over to where the boat is at, I think.

Jenna (as De Leon): I see grapple hook, not grapple, grapple.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Grapple hook.

Eric:  Yeah. All of you can— all of you can swim. So the other thing about Greenfolk is that Greenfolk can swim in saltwater, unless cursed otherwise. It's not great, they don't love it. But it is particularly calm and next to the All-Salmon, because of the— they're— like the tide is kind of chilled out because it's such a large being in the sea. Julia, you talk about sea tides for 15 minutes, we'll insert that here. We'll do it in post, but yeah.

Julia:  I'll do a pickup.

Eric: Yeah, you just do a pickup of that. But, yeah, you can actually swim so it's not as bad as being in the full Great Salt Sea—

Julia:  Okay.

Eric:  —because it's almost like it's in the shallows. 

Jenna:  Is this an Athletics Check? 

Eric:  Yeah, no, I'm just gonna— you can just do it. You can just do it. It's fine. 

Jenna:  We can just do it? 

Eric:  Yeah.

Jenna:  Okay, great. 

Eric:  Unless you want to go a different way, unless you want to— if you wanted to swim, you can swim, but if you want to do something else, let me know. 

Danielle:  Sleeves is gonna swim as De Leon has done, but Sleeves is gonna put her hair up first because Sleeves is still a black flower. 

Julia:  Yup, yup. That's fair.

Danielle:  Doesn't want to get her hair wet.

Jenna:  That's fair.

Danielle: My characters will always be black and fat, baby.

Eric:  That's fine. All of my— all of my NPCs are Jewish, I'm— I'm with you. Every single one. Even in the fantasy world, they're Jewish. They still are. Yeah, you can— y'all can swim over, so yeah, this— the— Ellis is directing over to one particular shipwreck. It's kind of just— like the back of the ship is kind of like coming out of the water. It's half submerged. There's a big door that is kind of half coming out of the water, and as you swim over— over to it, you see that there's a big, big, big, big padlock on it.

Jenna:  How big?

Eric:  Very large.

Jenna:  Is it big enough that I can stick my hand in the pad— oh, it's a padlock, not a—not a lock, lock.

Eric:  Oh, sorry. It's not giant size, because we are dealing with the giant—

Jenna:  Okay. That was my question. Okay.

Eric:—it is ostentatiously large to say, "Do not come in here. There's stuff in here. Go away." 

Jenna:  And yet I'm reading it differently. What I'm reading is, "Look at this giant padlock. Isn't it protecting something giant and cool?"

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Yeah.

Jenna:  Don't you want in here? 

Julia:  That's what they always say. You know, like the bigger the lock, the bigger the treasure.

Jenna:  Yeah.

Danielle:  And I just want to fist it. I want to put my fist right in it and just like turn it.

Julia: Yeah.

Jenna:  Yeah. So is it or is it not big enough that we can put digits or hands in the lock section?

Eric:  Give me one section— give me one second. Yeah, it is so big, they made it so ostentatious that you can, in fact, stick a hand inside of the padlock. You're right. 

Jenna: Okay.

Julia:  I love that.

Danielle: Fist that lock, fist that lock, fist that lock.

Jenna:  I mean, it does seem like De Leon would have the most experience with the lock picking. 

Julia:  Yeah, my— my cheating and stealing is mainly focused on cards, so—

Danielle:  Yeah. My cheating and stealing is mainly focused on, like, performance, so—

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  Okay. I did not take any sleight of hand, but I can just give it a roll. 

Eric:  Yeah, stick your hand in.

Julia:  Of course.

Danielle:  Oh, I will lend Bardic Inspiration.

Julia:  Fuck yeah.

Eric:  Hell yeah. What does that look like?

Julia:  It's just us yelling, "Fist that lock."

Danielle:  Fist that lock, fist that lock! But it is— like Sleeves goes up to De Leon and is like—

Danielle (as Sleeves): You've— you've seen this before in your day. Like you've done a bunch of these. And you're— you're so overtired, we don't want to do this anymore. You just want to get through this, and, like, get on with it, and get on with the rest of our, like, ship, like, day, so I think—

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah. Tired and retired, that is me.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Tired and retired. So let's go ahead and retire this lock.

Jenna:  Okay.

Eric:  Lovely.

Jenna: That was so convincing. I did only roll a 10. Is it 1D6—

Julia:  8.

Jenna: —or 1D8? We get— okay. That's right. Well, I got a 7 on the—

Eric:  Whoa.

Jenna:  —Bardic Inspiration. That was actually pretty clutch.

Julia:  Pretty good. Pretty good.

Jenna:  And then with my dexterity, that is a 19.

Eric:  Hell yes. Yeah, you are able— you fiddle around with the little pins and whatever is inside of it. I don't know, insert like a 10-minute YouTube video on how to pick locks. I don't know.

Julia:  I'll do the pickup. 

Jenna:  You just— you see them go up to, like, their armpit into this, trying to, like—

Julia:  They're in their deep.

Jenna:  —fuss with it. 

Danielle:  Yes! 

Julia:  They're in real deep.

Eric:  I love it. It's like you can see the inside of the lock and you see like you mo— pushing a pin up, it went down, and turn it around.

Jenna:  Yeah. Yeah, it's one of those POVs where it's dark and it looks out at my face as I'm peering into it. 

Eric:  Yeah. 

Danielle:  Yeah. So, like zooms into, like, the lock and you watch all the different pieces move. 

Eric:  Yeah. And you push the pins out of the way and [clicks] the lock falls off.

Danielle:  Yeah.

Eric:  Hell yeah, dude.

Julia:  Aye, we did it.

Eric:  I didn't even— I didn't even think of that. Didn't even think you could shove your whole hand in there. That's actually very impressive. 

Julia:  Why not?

Eric:  That's my fault for describing it like that. 

Danielle:  Look, De Leon has been around and knows how to do a million things.

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  Classic, classic failure, the giant lock.

Eric:  Incredible. Inside, you see that— this is like their treasure room of this ship. There's a lot of like really, really wet, very, very wet scrolls, and books ,and stuff. There's like decaying doublooms inside. The saltwater starting to wear away all of these gold coins. And there is a treasure chest. It's kind of just like sitting on— sitting over there. 

Jenna:  Hmm, suspiciously. I'm going to cast a first-level spell called Clue. 

Danielle:  Ooh.

Eric: Ooh.

Julia:  Clue.

Jenna:  Yes. So this is a— an investigator spell. It has a duration of 10 minutes. All footprints and fingerprints within a 45-foot radius of a point you touch become highlighted and glow faintly for the duration. So I want— basically, I'm casting this to see where people have touched, and walked—

Eric:  Oh.

Jenna:  —and to see—

Danielle:  Yo.

Jenna:  —to see if there's any evidence of where people have done, or moved things, or touched, as if a trap— fiddling with a trap, that sort of thing.

Julia:  Smart, smart. Good move.

Jenna:  Braaa!

Eric: Jenna, what is— what does De Leon's magic look like in this way? And like what does the clue look like? Because it's like— is this like Edith Finch where it's like all black and white? Or is this like Robert Downey Jr.'s Sherlock Holmes where it's like everything's in, like, slow motion as you're doing it? Yeah. What does this look like? 

Danielle:  Or like CSI? 

Eric:  Yeah. Is it like CSI?

Danielle:  Yeah.

Eric:  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Julia:  Or like when you scan the environment in Batman.

Jenna:  Julia, I was thinking of Batman.

Julia:  Yeah!

Jenna:  But— so the components for the spell, hilariously, are a pipe and a magnifying glass.

Eric:  Of course.

Julia:  Oh, my God. Valda's.

Jenna:  And so I think they strike, like, a match on their armor, and light a really weirdly, long pipe like Lord of the Rings style, and they pull out a magnifying glass, and they— they kind of peek around. And I think as the smoke from the pipe kind of diffuses in the area, it kind of lingers on areas where there are fingerprints or footprints. 

Eric:  Oh, hell yeah, dude.

Julia:  I love that.

Eric:  That's awesome. 

Danielle: T hat's genius.

Julia:  It's so cool when they do that, huh? Like— they just like all of a sudden they're smoking and then you see some fingies. That's crazy.

Eric:  See some— see some fingies. Yeah, I think that you see, like, a lot— there are a lot of like footprints and handprints that are all over the treasure chest, especially over in the back left corner. And as you take out your magnifying glass and you look at it, you see that there's a little hole that's been bored into the side of the— of the treasure chest. And you almost like feel a humming, like an electric energy humming that's coming from just like being quiet and— and being next to the treasure chest. 

Jenna:  Yeah. De Leon would be like—

Jenna (as De Leon): Do you hear that?

Julia (as Sir Dune): No. What's up?

Jenna (as De Leon): It's a trap.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Ah, cool. Dope. I love a trap.

Danielle:  I do think Sleeves hears it and like is trying to harmonize with it very badly. It'd be like [singing]

Jenna (as De Leon): Yup, it’s a trap. Like— just like how you'd expect. We could try to disarm it. It's not really like my forte, or we could try to set it off. 

Julia (as Sir Dune): You think I should just, like, stab it?

Jenna (as De Leon): I don't think you should stab it.

Julia (as Sir Dune): With some magic?

Jenna (as De Leon): I think you should use magic.

Julia (as Sir Dune): To— to stab it? Yeah, that's sounds good, I like that. I'm into that.

Danielle:  Stab it, stab it, stab it.

Julia: Stab it, stab it.

Jenna: Stab it. Before we engage with this trap, I want to ask a question, so we're in a shipwreck—

Eric:  Yeah.

Jenna:  —are we in water? 

Eric: Yes, you are. 

Jenna: Okay, so it's gonna electrocute us if you activate it while we're in the water.

Julia: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-hmm.

Jenna: So—

Julia: Interesting. Interesting. Bold move. 

Eric:  Yeah, it's, again, on a diagonal, though it's up, going from left down to right up, the slide of the ship. It's— the chest is kind of perched up at the top of it, and all of you are standing in the water. Yes. 

Julia:  Alright. So is there a place in the room that we can stand where we will not be in the water?

Eric:  You can try to get up there, yeah. You can— it's— if you go up—

Julia:  Great.

Eric:  —and you try to get up— out of the water, you can.

Danielle:  I can get there. Yeah.

Jenna:  If we would also like to be closer, I have— I have another spell called conjure cover, that just makes five-foot by three-foot high segments of a wall that we could hypothetically stand on.

Eric:  Hmm.

Julia:  Ooh. I love that. That's also very fun. 

Danielle:  I kind of want to use my kinetic intelligence to suspend myself above the water by— I mean if you've seen a lot of, like, martial arts movies, kung fu movies.

Eric: That's what I was thinking, yeah.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Danielle:  The— yeah, yeah, yeah. Where people were in a small room when they're using like their hands and their feet, and like scooching up a wall. 

Eric: Yeah. 

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Danielle:  And so then using that and then using my dexterity to bend down while still having my arms and my legs keeping myself up in order to open the chest.

Eric:  For sure.

Julia:  Yeah.

Eric:  That cover thing that De Leon said also is— sounds tight. 

Julia:  Yeah.

Eric:  Are we gonna do that stuff? Because I— I love this.

Danielle:  Let's do a combination of both. 

Eric:  Yeah.

Julia:  Yeah.

Eric:  Hell yeah. So yeah, what do you— what do you want your cover to look like? Is it like rooftops? Because that's where you brood. 

Jenna:  I think it looks like— it almost looks like it is pushing up like the wood of the boat—

Eric:  Tight.

Jenna:  —so that there's just like these like weird humps of wood and it's—

Julia:  Nice

Jenna:  So the textures in a video game were being stretched to make room for these things.

Eric:  I love that.

Julia:  Bangarang.

Danielle:  Oh, and that would be the— the part that like as it gets smaller that I would go through— or that Sleeves—

Eric:  Yeah.

Danielle:  —would go through and, like, be able to again do that, like, four-point hand here, hand here.

Julia:  Love it.

Danielle:  And then like here, then there whereas— it was this huge cavern, now it's like a smaller space in order to open up the chest so that no one gets super electrocuted. 

Jenna:  Yay!

Eric:  Hell yes.

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Eric:  Yeah, give me a Dexterity Check, Sleeves. As the rooftops come up, y'all can scramble on top of the rooftops while— while Sleeves does this wild martial arts thing. 

Julia:  Yeah. I— I'll use my phantom grapnel and just pull myself up that way. 

Eric:  Yeah. Yeah. No problem, dawg.

Danielle:  Yes. Well, that was a 3, but with my dexterity, it's a 9 at something.

Eric:  It's a 9.

Julia:  Hmm, hmm.

Danielle:  I don’t know.  

Julia:  I can always just grapnel you from where you're gonna fall. It's fine.

Danielle:  Yeah!

Jenna:  Yeah. I rolled a 20 to scramble up. I took a feat that would give me bonuses when I rolled a lot of low-level stuff and I've just been—

Julia:  Nice.

Jenna:  —rolling so well. It's been useless. 

Julia:  I love that, though.

Eric: Yeah. As you— y'all scramble up and Sleeves does this incredible Tony Jaa— Tony Jaa back bend to try to open it up.

Danielle:  Wait, hold on! Hold on, hold on. Can I use, as a spell, my feather fall in case this doesn't work?

Eric:  You can fall really slowly directly into the chest, which opens up and electrocutes you for 15 points of lightning damage.

Julia:  No, no, no. I'm gonna— may I grapnel her before she fall— while she's falling really slowly?

Eric:  This is all— no, these are consequences, Julia. These are consequences.

Julia:  Alright, alright.

Danielle:  Okay, okay. I've got 33.

Julia:  I'll allow it.

Eric: I love that you fell really slowly, but you did land, like, right in the chest. And the— the electricity— yeah, there's like an— there's just like an electric battery inside that does electric you, too. But it's just only Sleeves gets electrocuted, not the other two because y'all got out of the water. And then that goes clang, clang, clang. And a giant ring big enough to fit around a giant, pudgy finger.

Jenna:  Hmm.

Julia:  Is the lightning still in effect? 

Eric:  No. No. Sleeves falling into it has knocked it fully away.

Julia:  That's fair. That's very fair.

Danielle:  I'm just like twitching. 

Jenna:  I would like to cast detect magic on this ring to see if it's a magic ring.

Eric:  Sure thing. 

Julia:  Meanwhile, Sir Dune is like—

Julia (as Sir Dune): You okay, buddy? You want to get back up? You doing alright?

Danielle: And I just do the thing that wrestlers do when they're injured in the ring to let everyone know they're okay where I just, "Stop, stop, stop." And be like—

Danielle (as Sleeves):  I'm okay.

Julia:  Sorry, Danielle, Dune squeezes Sleeves' hand and goes—

Julia (as Sir Dune): You okay? 

Danielle (as Sleeves): Oh, my God, yeah! Thank you! Yes!

Eric:  Good, wrestlers. Good, good, good.

Danielle:  Thank you, Julia.

Julia: I got you, I got you.

Eric:  Incredible. 

Julia:  You're alright.

Eric:  Detect magic, this ring has some low-level magic on it. It would enhance someone's innate magical abilities. So I think that, mechanically, it would give you plus 1 or plus 2 to like— the spells you do where you're pretty good with the thing. So it's low-level, but it is certainly— it is— does something, it enhances your magical vibes.

Julia:  Alright. Alright.

Jenna:  Is it like headband size? Is it like belt size?

Julia:  Yeah. How big are we talking here? 

Eric:  You know, you could probably put this on as a headband or as a belt if you're a regular-sized Greenfolk, for sure.

Julia:  Yeah.

Jenna:  Okay.

Eric:  It is— it seems lar— large enough for a big— for a big, giant baby finger, but it's also probably big enough for the other stuff. 

Jenna:  Alright, cool.

Julia (as Sir Dune): De Leon, that would look pretty dope on you, I'm not gonna lie. I think it would look pretty nice.

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah. I'm just gonna— I'll just carry it until we give it over to the All-Salmon.

Julia (as Sir Dune): You are the most fashionable old person that I know. I just want to say that. 

Jenna (as De Leon): Thank you. Thank you.

Julia (as Sir Dune): Yeah.

Danielle (as Sleeves): Also, I mean, we didn't like give you a retirement watch, so maybe wearing the ring would be, like, your version of a retirement watch. 

Julia (as Sir Dune): That's also not our job, because—

Jenna (as De Leon): Yeah, I didn't mean to—

Julia (as Sir Dune): —we didn't, like, employ you. 

Jenna: Yeah.

Eric:  Yeah. Here's another— here's another thing about the ring, is that it's kind of sticky. It's a little sticky. It's like there's honey or some sort of, like, sap in— on the inside of it. 

Jenna:  Huh.

Julia:  Can I lick it?

Jenna:  Good.

Eric:  Yeah.

Jenna:  Good.

Danielle:  I'm glad one of us did first. 

Jenna:  Thank God.

Eric: Yeah, you lick it.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. What does it taste like?

Eric: Tastes like sap.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. It tastes like sap.

Eric: Sap.

Julia:  Not like berry juice, like sap?

Eric:  A sap, yes.

Jenna:  Interesting. 

Julia:  Interesting.

Eric: Correct. 

Julia:  Like tree sap? 

Jenna:  Yeah.

Julia:  Like the kind of tree that Ellis is in?

Eric:  I don't know.

Julia:  Do you want me to roll something to find out?

Eric:  Let me see if you can convince me, otherwise, to tell you more.

Jenna:  Coquettish.

Julia: I've tasted a lot of sap in my days, Eric, and I feel like I could probably, as a very smart person, identify whether or not—

Eric:  Yeah, nature arcan— yeah, probably nature, straight up.

Julia:  Nature.

Jenna:  Licked a lot of belts in my day. 

Danielle:  I just go around licking belts. I don't know.

Julia:  I get a plus 3 to nature, here we go. How's a Dirty 20, Eric? 17 plus 3. 

Eric:  That is tree sap. That's certainly tree sap.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Is it the same type of tree sap as the tree that—

Jenna:  We're gonna have to look that tree.

Eric:  I mean, I think you'd have to examine the tree, but—

Julia:  Alright, fine.

Eric:  — it is tree– it is certainly tree sap. 

Julia:  Okay.

Eric:  Yeah. 

Julia:   Interesting. Interesting.

Eric:  Hell yeah. Alright.

Julia:  Suspicious.

Eric:  Wipe back and you're now back on the stomach with Ellis holding you.

Julia: Wipe back and Sir Dune already has her tongue on the tree, like—

Julia (as Sir Dune): Let me just— let me just get a lick. Let me just get a quick lick on this bad boy.

Eric (as Ellis): You're lick— you're licking it. Why are you—

Julia (as Sir Dune): It's a Crags thing. Don't worry about it. Lick, lick, lick.

Eric (as Ellis): Okay.

Jenna:  Lick, lick, lick.

Eric (as Ellis): Okay.

Eric: Yeah, make a Nature Check. Make another one.

Julia: Great. 22.

Eric: 22. This tree does not taste like anything. 

Julia:  Oh. Arcana Check, is this tree fucking real? 

Eric: Okay. Yeah, do it.

Julia:  Huh. [dice roll] 14.

Eric: 14.

Julia:  A 8 plus 6.

Eric:  I— is this tree real?

Julia:  Is it an illusion? 

Danielle:  Why are you taking so long to answer? 

Jenna:  Yeah, suspicious.

Julia:  Hmm.

Eric:  For a moment, it doesn't taste like anything, and then the flavor kind of rushes to your tongue, tastes different. This is like the sap more maple-y, this tree, kinda more piney, more of a piney situation.

Julia:  Hmm. Suspicious.

Jenna:  I'm gonna cast the spell that I think is gonna make you so angry, Eric.

Eric:  Yeah, dude. Whatever.

Julia:  Do it, make him mad.

Jenna:  It's called identify. 

Eric:  Okay.

Jenna:  I'm gonna touch the tree. You choose one object that you must touch throughout the casting of the spell. If it is a magic item or some other magic imbued object, you learn its properties and how to use them whether it requires attunement to use and how many charges it has, if any. You learn whether any spells are affecting the item and what they are. If the item was created by a spell, you learn which spell created it. If you instead touch a creature throughout the casting, you learn what spells, if any, are currently affecting it. 

Eric: Sure.

Danielle:  Baby. Braaa!

Julia:  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Eric: As De Leon is coming towards the tree, Ellis says—

Eric (as Ellis): Alright. We need to be more careful because now it's coming! 

Eric:  And now, the— and another giant hand is coming down to kind of swipe at ever— at the three of you who are surrounding the tree. 

Jenna:  Hmm.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Danielle: Mm hmm. 

Eric:  What's everyone's AC?

Julia: 12.

Danielle: 15.

Jenna: 13.

Eric:  I need a concentration check from De Leon. 

Jenna:  Ooh. Eric, I can't help but to remind you that I have transient bulwark, which gets a minus 10 penalty to hit me.

Eric:  Absolutely.

Julia:  I think she's good. I think she might be good. 

Danielle:  I— I think Jenna might be good at this.

Eric:  Cool. I— I need both Sleeves and— and Sir Dune to take 11 points of damage, please.

Julia: It's fine. I'm okay with that.

Danielle:  Oh, no, Sleeves.

Eric:  But De Leon does not, as the bulwark blocks—what does your Bulwark look like? Yeah, what does it look like?

Jenna:  Yeah, that's a great question. What is a bulwark?

Eric:  Or like what are you— what are you using to block and attack? 

Jenna:  De Leon's bulwark looks like a golden crest of flowers, much like their hair looked like before—

Eric:  Hell yeah.

Julia:  Aw.

Jenna:  —they had gotten old. And so it's this beautiful, like, open spread of yellow flowers and it do— it's not visible until the moment they are going to be hit, and then you can suddenly see this flare up of golden—

Julia:  It's what they looked like in their prime. 

Jenna:  Yeah.

Eric:  I love that.

Julia:  That's amazing.

Eric:  I love that. The giant hand comes down smashes Sir Dune and Sleeves, but the magical pappus blocks the giant's hand and you're able to cast identify. This is a fake tree, this is an illusion. 

Jenna: Oh.

Eric:  It's not real. It's not real.

Julia:  Damn. Damn. Time to cut down that tree then, I think. 

Jenna:  Yeah.

Eric:  Ellis says—

Eric (as Ellis): I think that everyone— if we— if we ne— we need to, like, again, keep it calm, keep it chill. I think that you've done, too. If you go over and get those cra— go to those apple crab traps, and we'll be able to really give the All-Father what they want, and be able to just kind of take care of this. 

Jenna:  De Leon is going to withdraw a knife. 

Julia:  Good idea. Solid choice.

Jenna:  And hold it up to Ellis' throat and say—

Jenna (as De Leon): Ellis, this tree isn't real, are you? 

Eric (as Ellis): Of cou— what do you mean? Of course, it's re— of course, it's real. What do you mean the tree is not real? Why would I be here if the tree wasn't real? 

Jenna (as De Leon): No, that's a really good question. 

Julia (as Sir Dune): I don't know. You have like a weird thing going on, I guess. I don't know what your kegs are, you know? 

Eric (as Ellis): Well, I guess to answer your original question, no.

Eric:  And the tree disappears, you look down and the salmon color that's been all over the berry giant, it is now dark purple, because this is a giant— this is a giant blackberry instead. And then surrounding all three of you are now 10 moon flowers, 10 Ellises who then go bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, surrounding each of you. It was like all 10 of them speak at the same time. 

Eric (as Ellises): Well, you figured out that the tree wasn't real. Well, then, which one of us are?

Julia (as Sir Dune): Great. Love it.

Jenna (as De Leon): I did not meant to catapult us into combat, but here we are.

Julia (as Sir Dune): No, I love it.

Jenna (as De Leon): Okay.

Eric:  Each of them are wa— are like slowly walking backwards, making a bigger and bigger circle.

Danielle:  Hmm

Eric:  What do you do? 

Danielle:  Well, I respect the retired person amongst us.

Julia:  That's me.

Danielle:  So I'm going to give Julia some dice, and then I am going to go full grappler. The first thing I'm going to do is I am going to go to— there's 6 of them in a row, gonna go drop kick the first one, use that drop kick, go down, roll and propel myself into an enziguri into the second one. After I'm done with the enziguri into the second one, grab the third one by the arm, throw them in a way that would be an Irish whip if there was a ring, but there isn't, so instead I take them and I throw them into the sixth one who would have been in the way—

Eric:  Sure.

Danielle: —of the first one and use them as a weapon to propel in an Irish whip style to the sixth, the fifth, and the third. Woo-hoo!

Eric:  That sounds good. Yeah, give me an attack roll.

Julia:  I think that sounds tight.

Eric:  Let me just— give me an attack roll. 

Danielle:  Come on 16—

Jenna:  Ooh.

Danielle:  —plus 6—

Julia:  Nice.

Danielle:  —so that is 22. 

Eric:  Yeah. Why don't you roll—why don't you roll 3D10 and tell me which ones you roll.

Danielle:  Tight. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Oh, so I rolled a 3.

Eric:  Uh-huh.

Danielle:  I rolled a 7.

Eric:  Uh-huh.

Danielle:  And I rolled an 8.

Eric:  Incredible. Yeah. Sleeves, you throw— you do all that stuff, you throw all those bodies around, and three of the Ellises pop in just like a— in a burst of magic. 

Julia:  Beautiful.

Eric:  Incredible. 

Julia:  I love that so much.

Eric:  Lovely. Yeah. Now, there's only— now there's only 7 Ellises that are slowly— trying to slowly back away from all of you.

Julia:  Is there several that are like within, I'd say, like 20 feet of each other?

Eric:  Yeah. I'd say they're getting farther away, so two of them, for sure. 

Julia: Well, I'd like to move so that I could get as many in like a 20-foot diameter as possible. 

Eric:  Yeah, give me a— gi— what's your— what's your spell casting modifier?

Julia:  My spell-casting modifier is intelligence.

Eric:  Yeah, give me your— give me an Intelligence roll.

Julia:  Great. [dice roll] 16 plus 6 for 22.

Eric:  Yeah, you can get three of them. Yeah, let's get three.

Julia:  Excellent. So I'm going to use Lightning Surge which—

Eric:  Tight.

Julia:  —technically—

Jenna:  Ooh.

Julia:  —usually is the range of self with a five-foot radius. However, because of one of my warmage tricks, which is the extended range, that range actually doubles.

Eric:  Hmm.

Julia:  And so I am going to emit a dazzling array of short lightning bolts in all directions. All other creatures within 5 feet of you must make a Dexterity Saving Throw or take 1D6 damage, which is actually 2D6 because I'm fifth level. And it also moves—

Eric:  Nice.

Julia:  —up to 3 D6 because of my warmage edge. And I'm gonna add—

Eric:  That sounds—

Julia:  —my intelligence modifier to one of the roles. 

Eric:  Hell yeah, dude. That sounds good.

Jenna:  Incredible. Wow. Okay.

Eric: I lo— I love that. What do I have to do, anything?

Jenna:  Die. Perish, Eric.

Julia:  You need Dexterity saves on the 3.

Eric:  2 of them fail. 1 of them is safe. 

Julia:  Excellent.

Eric:  Yeah, don't do damage, just roll 2D10 and tell me what you do. 

Julia:  Okay, great. Boop. [dice roll] 10. [dice roll] 6.

Eric:  Hell yeah, the two that— that failed, they both popped. Now, there's 5 Ellises trying to get as far away now like more slo— more fast walking away from you and be like—

Eric (as Ellises): Uh, this seems to be going a way I wasn't anticipating.

Eric:  Almost turning in— gotta— like getting ready to run.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Jenna:  Okay.

Eric: De Leon, what do you want to do?

Jenna:  Yes. De Leon wants to use their brains. 

Julia:  Hell yeah. As they should.

Danielle:  Hell yeah.

Jenna:  Can I roll like Investigation, or Perception, or Arcana to try to see if I can visually identify which of these is real? 

Eric:  Yeah. Give me an Investigation Check. The Illusionist Wizard is also going to try to work as hard as possible to make that hard for you. 

Julia:  That's fair. That's fair.

Jenna:  Okay. That's fair. You're falling into my trap, though, because my ex— one of my expertise is— is in Investigation. 

Eric:  Oh, well, that's what happens when people start licking your trees.

Julia:  Uh-hmm. Word. Word.

Jenna:  So I rolled a 15—

Eric:  Okay.

Jenna:  —and I get 3 for my proficiency bonus, and then I get double the Ability Check because it's my expertise, so that is—

Julia:  Investigators are good.

Jenna:  My intelligence is— has a plus 2 bonus, so that's plus 4, plus the 3 to 15, so it's—

Eric: 22.

Jenna:  —22, yeah. 

Eric:  Yeah.

Julia:  Pretty good, pretty good.

Eric:  Okay. 22. Wonderful. Yeah. Why don't you roll D10 3 times for me? 

Jenna:  Okay.

Julia:  This is great. I'm loving this.

Jenna:  Oh, yes. This is—

Danielle:  God, it's so good. 

Jenna:  Okay. I rolled an 8, a 6, and a 9. 

Eric:  Okay. You've eliminated three of them using your Batman vision. You're like, "That's fake, that's fake, that's fake." There are two left.

Julia:  For flavor, can Sir Dune have used another cantrip that I have called finger guns to shoot the ones that De Leon points out?

Eric:  Sure. Pew, pew, pew. Yeah, the other three, the other three are down.

Jenna:  Oh, thank you. I love that.

Julia:  Uh-hmm.

Eric:  So there's two that are still speaking at the same time, is like—

Eric (as Ellises): There's no way to tell us apart. I've been tricking people for years! You— this isn't the real salmon. No one knows what the real salmon is. This is a giant I found one time, and I'll be rich if I could just get away from this, and I will! 

Eric:  And I'm going to use phantom steed as Ellis kind of throws their leg over the air, both of the Ellises throw their legs over the air. Two ponies appear, covered, covered in violets as both of them—

Julia:  Beautiful.

Eric:  —be like—

Eric (as Ponies): Alright.

Eric:  Oh. I'm sorry, I'm getting so into the pony, I dropped the die. As they throw their leg over the horse and now  facing backwards and go—

Eric (as Ellis):  Yah, we're getting out of here. 

Eric:  As both of them— they go in opposite directions, one goes to the right, one goes to the left as they start to run down the giant and start to step on the water, which— these ponies, these phantom seeds, they can run on the sea. 

Julia:  That's very cool. That's very cool.

Eric:  I'm going to roll now to decide which one is the real Ellis.

Julia:  Uh-huh.

Eric:  Okay. [dice roll]

Julia:  Well, I mean, like, I don't know if anyone else has distance stuff, I'm gonna shoot one. Does anyone else want to shoot the other?

Danielle:  Well, I— I was gonna do a hurricanrana on one of the horses.

Julia:  Fuck yeah.

Danielle:  So hurricanrana is a move you would more than likely know it. It looks like at least Eric and Julia know what I'm talking about.

Eric: Oh, my God.

Danielle:  Where it's very much a move that you would see that, like, Black Widow does a lot, where you climb up on someone and throw your legs kind of around their torso.

Jenna:  Yes.

Eric:  Yeah.

Danielle:  —like it's a horse. You— you climb up on them and then you throw your legs around the horse. And then Sleeves would be like—

Danielle (as Sleeves): Hey, like how's it going? Is everything okay? Like, why are you fighting

Julia:  Why are you being so weird?

Danielle (as Sleeves): Stop being weird!

Eric:  In my head, Sleeves climbed up one of the trees that are on the giant's belly and has jumped off of that as the top rope to really get your distance.

Danielle:  Yes, yes.

Eric:  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Danielle:  Spring boarded off the top rope, then a Tope Suicida, and then landed, doing a hurricanrana on one of the horses. And is now asking one of the horses like—

Danielle (as Sleeves): Dude, like are you okay? Like, do we need to talk?a

Jenna:  Wait, is Sleeves asking the horse or the Ellis? 

Danielle:  Both. 

Eric:  Both. Okay. Danielle, which Ellis are you going for, the one on the left or the one on the right?

Danielle:  Ahhh! Bahh! I'm going for the one on the left. 

Eric:  Okay. You're going for the one on the left, and— and Sir Dune, you're going for the one on the right, what are you doing? 

Julia:  I'm gonna shoot the one on the right.

Eric:  With— how? How? Tell me about it.

Julia:  Finger guns, baby. 

Eric:  What does that look like? I know we did it for fun before. What does this look like?

Julia:  Alright. This is a real spell. Thank you, Valda's. You extend your forefinger and thumb, a dangerous gesture mimicking a gun. For the duration, you can use your action to make a range spell attack against one creature you can see within 60 feet. By the way, that doubles because of my extended, dealing 1D8 force damage on a hit. However, that gets moved up to 2D8 force damage because I'm fifth level, 3D8 because of my warmage. And you know what? If I think this is the correct Ellis, I might even do my Arcane Surge, which means I double the amount of damage dice despite not critting.

Eric:  Okay.

Danielle:  This is a cool class. Warmage is a cool class.

Julia:  It's fucking cool. 

Eric:  Alright. Both of you, Sleeves go into the one on the left and Sir Dune going for one on the right. Please give me Dexterity Attack rolls—

Julia:  You got it.

Eric: —to see how you're doing against the—

Danielle:  Ooh, okay.

Eric:  —AC of the real Ellis on a horseback. 

Julia:  Now because I'm casting a spell, I do get to add my proficiency—

Eric: Of course,

Julia:  —and intelligence instead.

Eric:  Of course, you do.

Julia:  Okay. Cool.

Danielle: [dice roll] This is also a grapple roll, so I've got 16 plus my dex. 

Eric:  I think it was 6— it was 16 plus 6. 

Danielle:  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was 6 and then— yeah, yeah. 22.

Eric:  22. Yeah. Okay. So 22 for you and—

Julia:  14 plus 6 plus 3, which is a 23 for me.

Eric:  Okay. Sleeves, you jumped from the tree with your hurricanrana and you grapple your—your legs around the horse, and then you hear [poof] because you fall into the water. Leveling your finger gun, Sir Dune, as you fire on the— on— the real Ellis, the only Ellis that could possibly exist. I'm going to use a reaction which— as you're about to fire, you see that Ellis move one to ri— two inches to the right, and I'm going to pose disadvantage on this attack. 

Julia:  Okay, that's fine. I'll roll again. 

Eric:  So roll again, please.

Julia:  [dice roll] So that was a Nat 1, however—

Eric: Okay.

Julia: —I have a warmage trick called Gamble—

Eric: Okay.

Julia: —which means, one, I always have the cantrip cheat active, and I also can reroll one attack, one Ability Check, or one Saving Throw per arrest. 

Eric:  Okay.

Jenna:  Incredible.

Eric:  You— yeah, let's roll this one more time. Alright. This is for all the marbles, baby.

Julia:  So with disadvantage, we're going to take that 14 from earlier because I rolled a 16.

Eric:  16. Ellis moves two inches to the left, riding on— on— on this spectral violet pony as you fire— what kind of magic are you firing?

Julia: It's like gold— I— I almost picture it like fucking Doctor Strange gold sparky kind of magic.

Eric:  Yeah, sure.

Julia:  Yeah.

Eric:  Yeah. Ellis is on a gallop on this horse, riding as fast as they can, out into the sea trying to do outrace your golden magic coming from your finger guns, and then you hear [whap] as the— they fall over the horse, the horse disappears, and Ellis drops into the Great Salt Sea.

Julia:  Nice. Well, did I kill them? 

Eric:  Yeah. Yeah, dude. Yes, you did.

Julia:  Dope. Alright.

Eric:  And just sinks into the water.

Julia:  You know what the thing was? Like I kind of thought that they weren't stuck, because I'm like, who was taking care of those tomatoes, you know? 

Jenna:  Yeah. And how are they being fed and like— like 

Julia:  Yeah, it was a whole thing, like— yeah.

Danielle:  Yeah.

Jenna:  Yeah, it felt—

Julia:  Yeah.

Jenna:  —seemed really cocky about having convinced us, but like no.

Julia:  No, we still need to find our boats.

Danielle:  Ooh. Yeah, but we don't have a way—

Julia:  I don't want to be stuck on this—

Danielle: —off here.  

Julia: Yeah. I mean, we— there's a bunch of like other boats around here, we can make a new boat.

Danielle:  Four boats.

Julia:  Four boats.

Jenna:  Twice as strong as two boats.

Julia:  Three rocks, one hard place. 

Eric:  As this conversation continues, it just fades. You just— the episode fades out and you— all of you discussing how many boats you need to assemble to make one full boat. And that's it, folks, you did it!

Jenna:  We did it

Julia:  We did it.

[theme]