You know what they say: “Work into the night, researcher’s delight. Work into the morning, continual yawning.”
Dive into the classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, the Skill Tree, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plants and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: Cammie and Umbi dives into the big pile of books, in the big room of the Book Depository to save the drowning Troy. Everyone avoids word shark attacks and navigates uncertain pages alone as the players kept getting sent out of the room. [laughs] In the literary depths, Troy finds an amulet that looks the same and has the same magical properties, as the one worn by fairytale figure, Goldenrod the Respectful Raider. Hmm. Hmm. Journal on hand and not drowning anymore, the crew walks over to the Crimson Exchange, the most popular bar on Book Depository Island, picking up Havana along the way. We got to get one of those Researchers' Delights. Another round, and let's get the party started.
Eric: So I have to start this episode with an incredibly important question for everyone.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: You're here at the Crimson Exchange. There's a bunch of good drinks on the menu, including the house special. There's a lot of people in here. So like, you want a bar seat or are you trying to sit?
Brandon: Is there a high top?
Eric: Yeah, I mean, you can look for it.
Julia: But Brandon, it's a themed bar. We have to sit at the bar.
Brandon: That's true, we do need to sit at the bar.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: So there's four of us. Is there enough bar stools for four?
Julia: Towards the end, maybe?
Eric: This is definitely an imaginary game that's played by rolling dice. So just like let me know.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: Okay, hold on. I'm gonna roll—what it—is this it? D—D20?
Amanda: Is this a Survival check? If so, Troy's on it.
Eric: Yeah, this is a—this is a survival check. 100 percent. You will try—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: I'm gonna roll for Havana, he has a negative two.
Brandon: I got an 18.
Amanda: Troy got a 3.
Julia: Aw, Troy. Cammie rolled a 12.
Eric: 12. Havana got a 19, but that's minus 2 for a 17. So Umbi—
Julia: Okay!
Amanda: Still proud, still proud.
Eric: —so Umbi gets to pick where everyone is trying to sit.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes!
Brandon: So Umbi yeah, ambles up to the bar, blows past the host—hostess, hostee? Is there a neutral term for that?
Amanda: Hostex
Eric: Hostex.
Brandon: And taps a young’un on the shoulder and says–
Brandon (as Umbi): Excuse me, age before beauty.
Eric (as Orlando): That's fine. I shouldn't be in an alcohol establishment anyway.
Julia (as Cammie): That's true. How old are you?
Eric (as Orlando): This many?
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
[Everyone laughs]
Brandon (as Umbi): I was— I was just joking with you. I was just gonna ask if you can move down a little bit.
Eric (as Orlando): No, it's fine. My parents are Book Depository adults.
Julia (as Cammie): Wow.
Eric (as Orlando): Look, you can see they have t-shirts that says, my husband loves Book Depository. And this other one says, my wife sucks.
Julia (as Cammie): I kind of want the first one.
Brandon (as Umbi): The—the common thing you see all over this place.
Eric (as Orlando): Good.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Do you uh— do you know where your parents are? Little—little bud?
Eric (as Orlando): Yeah I think they're setting up for— they were—we're really involved in bar trivia. And they really wanted to win.
Julia (as Cammie): There's bar trivia?
Brandon (as Umbi): Hold on. Shut the fuck up, kid. What?
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi.
Julia: Cammie leans in so close.
Julia (as Cammie): There's bar trivia?
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, if you say curses in front of little sprouts, they will grow.
Eric (as Orlando): Yeah that's right, you motherfucker.
Amanda (as Troy): Woah, what?
Eric (as Orlando): You old bitch, get out of the way.
Amanda (as Troy): What?!
Eric (as Orlando): No, I'm saving these seats
Julia (as Cammie): Embrace your independence little child. Yes. Excellent. Now go along.
Brandon (as Umbi): We're gonna raise— we're gonna make you a pirate if it kills us.
Eric: This little Buttercup pulls out a dagger to threaten you [laughs]
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah!
Eric (as Orlando): I told you to move the fuck back.
Amanda (as Troy): Who's—who's kid is this?
Julia: To us?
Amanda (as Troy): This kid's got a knife.
Eric (as Orlando): I got two knives.
Amanda (as Troy): This kid’s got two knives.
Brandon: Everyone in the bar starts clapping, there’s applause.
Julia: Cammie joins in, she's like—
Julia (as Cammie): Bravo. Independence. We love it.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm not usually the one saying that things are wrong, but this seems not good.
Julia (as Cammie): Did they not give you a knife when you were five? You lived in the Crags. I assumed—
Amanda (as Troy): You’re right.
Julia (as Cammie): — everyone got knives at birth.
Amanda (as Troy): You're right. You're right. I just—I see this kid. And I pray for the innocence that I've never had.
Brandon (as Umbi): You read one book, and suddenly you're a narc.
Eric: I just want to point out, Umbi literally was a government official.
Brandon (as Umbi): Shut up!
Julia: Fucking narc.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, hey, Eric Silver. Come here, let me talk to you.
Eric: Umbi, I'm running a game, I can't talk to you right now.
Eric (as Orlando): Who the fuck are you talking to?
Eric: You notice that both of them are Bookie-branded knives.
Julia (as Cammie): Wow.
Eric: There’s like a cartoon picture of bookie of the shaft.
Brandon: Incredible
Julia (as Cammie): Havana, did they have those when you went to the gift shop?
Eric (as Havana): I didn't want to talk about it, but I got— I actually got more shirts, but they got taken by children.
Julia (as Cammie): Ohh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey uh, hey kid?
Eric (as Havana): Your pity feels worse than if you had made fun of me.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Orlando): Yeah, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey um, hey kid you want to play a game of One Card, Manny? And if you win, you get to keep these seats and I won't make fun of your knives. And if you lose, share a knife with me?
Julia: This changed very quickly. This child was ready to move for us. And then we said bar trivia, then started threatening us with knives. What happened?
Eric (as Orlando): That's what happens when you swear for the kids.
Julia (as Cammie): Ohhh.
Brandon (as Umbi): I want to see what happens with One Card Manny. But after that, I was gonna see if the kid wanted to be on our trivia team too.
Amanda: Oh, that'd be good.
Eric (as Orlando): No, I’ll be on your trivia to you.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, no, pla—play the game. Play the fucking game, kid.
Amanda (as Troy): I just don't wanna play—
Eric (as Orlando): Shu—shut the fuck up, you old bitch.
Eric: Hey, what's your— what's your AC buddy? Oh, I rolled a Nat 1, it's fine.
Julia: He stabs him and it's a retractable knife.
Eric (as Flower Couple): Orlando, why are you talking to strangers?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, hello.
Eric: Two uh, as a—a flower couple wearing said shirts, push their way through. And say—
Eric (as Flower Couple): I'm so sorry. He shouldn't be talking to strangers.
Brandon (as Umbi): Don't—don't apologize to your—
Eric (as Flower Couple): I—it's a— I think it's the knives. They shouldn't be selling knives here. Especially of such low quality.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I agree. I mean, don't apologize for your kid. Like your kid's gonna be a great pirate one day.
Julia (as Cammie): He's gonna be wonderful.
Amanda: Troy got tears in his eyes. He goes—
Amanda (as Troy): You have a very spirited kid there, miss.
Eric (as Orlando): Let me go! Let me go!
Julia (as Cammie): It was nice meeting you, Orlando. Goodbye.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're awesome, keep doing you.
Eric (as Orlando): Shut the fuck up, you wrinkly ass.
Julia (as Cammie): Wow, the future is wonderful.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm so excited. They're so politically active.
Eric: Orlando throws one of the knives at Umbi's head, and it goes wide and sticks in the wall.
Amanda: Oh, Troy grabs the knife.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh so that one wasn't retractable. Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Good. Good.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, god. I’m glad he stabbed me with the other one.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric: I want to say I did roll both of those attacks. I just missed both times.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Excellent.
Eric: 1 on the dice, 6 on the dice.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Here you go.
Amanda: Troy's gonna grab the real knife out of the wall and pocket it.
Julia (as Cammie): Good, a souvenir!
Eric: Oh yeah, you have a boo—you have a Bookie, a Knives for Kids Bookie knife.
Amanda: Yay!
Brandon: 1-8-7-7 KNIVES for kids.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey guys, I was thinking, you know when sometimes you're reading a book, but then you have to go do something? Has that ever happened to you?
Julia (as Cammie): Yes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yea—yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): So I've been like just looking at like the page and trying to just like remember the first few words to be like, how do I get back to this page later when I've done like doing whatever I have to do, like one day--
Julia (as Cammie): A real problem.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, like Harold like needed something he said, but then he's really had—
Brandon (as Umbi): Right.
Amanda (as Troy): —to talk. And so I was wo—maybe like— maybe I should just put a knife in the page where I was.
Julia (as Cammie): That's ingenious.
Brandon (as Umbi): You need to mark your place.
Amanda (as Troy): Right?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): And like not cut it, we just like put the knife there.
Brandon (as Umbi): Right.
Julia (as Cammie): That is— Troy, an ingenious invention that you've created.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks, dude.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's so, so smart.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks. If there is a—
Brandon (as Umbi): What is the fact about a barrel that you learned recently?
Amanda (as Troy): Well, I actually, you know how I was saying that like, barrels is made by people whose name is Cooper?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah, that's from like some old word and it used to mean barrel. I just thought it was like a name they chose, but it—it means barrel.
Julia (as Cammie): Woah!
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's awesome.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): That's amazing.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're gonna be great. If the trivia is specifically about barresl.
Amanda (as Troy): I was thinking that.
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe there’s a whole category of barrels.
Amanda (as Troy): Do you think maybe I can read enough books, that like one day no matter what the trivia is, I have read a book about it?
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, that is—
Brandon (as Umbi): Absolutely.
Julia (as Cammie): —incredible lifetime journey that you've taken the first step on.
Amanda (as Troy): Man, it feels good to have goals, you know?
Amanda: Wipes away tears.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): But also like if you’re a young person who might be hearing our conversation out loud. That you don’t need to stress about reading books. It's not– it's not a personality to read books. Yeah?
Julia (as Cammie): No!
Amanda (as Troy): No, but like, maybe it's mine? And I thought I was more just like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): A arrow guy. But maybe I'm an arrow and a book guy.
Brandon (as Umbi): And a book guy. Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I think that's pretty cool.
Brandon (as Umbi): It feels right.
Julia (as Cammie): Imagine—Imagine a book about arrows, not just barrels, but also arrows.
Amanda: Troy chokes on the air.
Julia: Alright, Eric's rolling dice, we need to focus up.
Eric: No, it's fine. Keep—keep doing this. As you're doing this, a Roly Poly bug rolls up and orders—
Julia: No, I sit.
Eric: —And orders a—
Eric (as Roly Poly Bug): Hey, can I get a Researchers de— Researcher's Delight?
Eric: And then the song goes again. [sings] Zoom golly, golly, golly, zoom, golly, golly, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. We're drinking as we learn. We learn how to get drunk. As this is happening, the bartenders are whipping it up. The five layers, 1,2,3,4,5 in the see-through Tiki glass. And the Roly Poly guy says—
Eric (as Roly Poly Bug): Huh, still good. Still good. That's alright. I'll be back in— I'll be back in five.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, okay. bye.
Julia (as Cammie): Wa—what? Still good?
Eric: Oh, he was talking to—Roly Poly was talking to the bartenders. Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know. I was gonna talk to him, but nevermind, bye.
Eric: You can if you—you can if you want to.
Brandon (as Umbi): He rolled away.
Eric: No, he didn't ro—no, he didn't roll away. I don't do that. That someone—
Brandon: He rolled away, Eric. I don't know what to tell you.
Eric: Then that you said, you said that. I didn't say that.
Julia: Cammie's going to slide into the seat that Orlando was sitting in.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Yeah, I'm gonna take a seat too.
Eric: Brandon, if you want to talk to the Roly Poly, you can. I wanted to be very clear.
Brandon: I know. I know.
Julia: Umbi, sprint to cross the bar, following the Roly Poly.
Eric: No, you're at the bar. You have taken Orlan— the spot that Orlando was holding. If you want to talk to the Roly Poly, you can do that.
Brandon: Umbi's gonna slide into a seat next to Cammie and tap the seat for Havana to hop on. Because I assume he's kind of short, right?
Julia: Yeah, he’s a small boy. A small king.
Amanda: But a slice.
Julia: But a slice.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah, they had a name for that at the med school. They— I was a Short Jester.
Julia (as Cammie): Ohh.
Eric (as Havana): Where I could just like kind of say whatever, and then people were like, okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Havana): It didn't—it could have been mean. And it could have been insightful. They were just like, love that. Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): Woof—
Amanda (as Troy): It sounds like they were not nice friends.
Eric (as Havana): Oh, you know, we're brothers though.
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't think they were friends.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, but brothers can be mean.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. See, I was an only child, but I saw a lot of mean siblings in Open Fields.
Eric (as Havana): Oh, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): You want to talk about that, Cammie?
Julia (as Cammie): No!
Eric (as Havana): Yeah. Do you have any experience-- oh, okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, how do we sign up for the trivia? I read one book, I'm really excited.
Eric: Alright. Over the—over the—over the PA system.
Eric (as Craaaig): [on the PA system] Alright, folks. The Crimson Exchange Trivia is about to begin. Sign up with me, Craaaig. That's three A’s in Craaaig.
Julia (as Cammie): Craaaig.
Brandon (as Umbi): Craaaig.
Amanda (as Troy): It's like Crags.
Eric (as Craaaig): Craaaig.
Julia: Can we spot where Craaaig is?
Eric: Yeah, there's like a small raise—it's barely a stage, like a raised platform with a pumpkin holding a microphone.
Julia: Ohh.
Eric: The pumpkin has a goatee. Just you know.
Julia: Wonderful.
Brandon: Yes, I love him.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, do you want to go sign us up? And then I will order our drinks?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Alright. You tell that pumpkin that we're gonna kick some ass.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I will.
Amanda: Troy's gonna walk over to Craaaig.
Eric (as Craaaig): Oh, hey, you're here for bar trivia?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I'm really excited. My first time.
Eric (as Craaaig): Your first time doing bar trivia and you're doing it at a— at a bar in—on a theme park Island? Held down by a voracious pira— Pirate Queen?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I mean, we're better to learn, you know.
Eric (as Craaaig): I can think of 10, but you sound wild. Okay. Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): My friends are really smart. Don't worry about me.
Eric (as Craaaig): I-- absolutely not. What uh—what it—what um— yeah, what's your team name?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, like—like our names of us?
Eric (as Craaaig): Yeah, what's your—
Amanda (as Troy): Like I'm Troy Riptide, like that?
Eric (as Craaaig): Is that the name of your te—is that is—that's the name you want to go with?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, like, like, a name for the crew?
Eric (as Craaaig): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): The Riptides.
Julia (as Cammie): What if we were Troy and the Riptides?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, do that.
Amanda (as Troy): We're Havana's New Buddies. We're Havana's New Brothers. Do that one.
Brandon (as Umbi): God damn it.
Eric (as Craaaig): Okay. Alright. Havana's New Brothers?
Amanda (as Troy): Yep.
Eric (as Craaaig): Okay. Alright. I’ll write that down.
Amanda: It's okay guys.
Julia: Honestly, not a bad trivia name.
Eric (as Craaaig): Havana's New Brothers, alright. I got it. Yeah, we're gonna start in a little while, so no problem.
Amanda (as Troy): Tight.
Eric (as Craaaig): If you win, everyone on your team gets three drinks for free.
Julia (as Cammie): Wow.
Amanda (as Troy): That sounds like too many. Can we get a book instead?
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, what the fuck?
Eric (as Craaaig): If that's what— I can look around for a book. Yeah. If that's what you want—
Amanda (as Troy): Tight.
Eric (as Craaaig): It's bar trivia. Whatever your heart desires.
Amanda (as Troy): Man.
Eric (as Craaaig): Doesn't we—we just ha—we actually have a treasure chest full of stuff if you want it?
Brandon: Ohh.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah let's do that.
Julia: Pretty cool.
Brandon: Is there like one of those like glasses with a mustache I can put on?
Eric: Yeah, there's a sticky hand in there.
Brandon: Ohhh.
Amanda: A plastic ant.
Eric: Yeah. If all of a sudden—hey, if in the future it— kids, if you're reading like a module, and one of the prizes is a sticky hand, just know I wrote it.
Julia: No one else in the world.
Eric: No one— no one else put a sticky hand in, regardless of genre.
Amanda: Troy walks back over to the bar, slides up to the seat, and says—
Amanda (as Troy): Don't worry, guys, I negotiated this out of 12 free drinks in exchange for one book.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh.
Julia (as Cammie): Huh. Hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): You did that for everyone. I thought you would just do your drinks for a book.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, that would have been better.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, not to send you back because you did just settle down. We should ask if we get any, like bonuses for the trivia because we're VIPs.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, that’s a good point.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, that’s so smart. You should do this next time.
Julia (as Cammie): Ohh, okay.
Amanda (as Troy): I got excited. But like sometimes me being excited isn't the right reason to do it. So like, you know, it works.
Julia (as Cammie): I think—
Brandon (as Umbi): It's a great reason to do it, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): I wanted to encourage your enthusiasm.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, thanks. Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Alright, I'm gonna get us drinks now.
Eric: Yeah. Remember, each of you do have a drink ticket.
Julia: Okay. I'm going to order us four researchers--
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): I want to talk to the bartender too.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, why don't you order the drinks then?
Brandon (as Umbi): We do— you—you could get them order in, while I ask him about stuff.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, good sir, Avast Ye!
Amanda: Everyone cocks their guns in the bar. Where's the pirate? Where's the pirate?
Brandon: Eric on the bar in front of us—
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: —is there a little flag, ala Brazilian steakhouse that’s a little Pirate Jolly Roger, you can put up when you need a new drink?
Eric: That feels really rude to do in a bar.
Julia: It does.
Eric: That's a great idea, Brandon. Umbi, no, that's not what—that doesn't exist for now.
Brandon: Okay, cool.
Eric: You just gotta g—you have to throw yourself in front of the bartender, like in every other bar.
Julia: Cammie makes piercing eye contact with the bartender.
Amanda: I bet Cammie's great at getting service at bars.
Eric: The bartender walks over who is a bamboo tree Greenfolk with the absolute skinniest jeans you've ever seen in your entire life.
Brandon: I love that
Julia: They were probably so cost-effective.
Eric: Yeah, it's actually the biggest size from American Apparel, so.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wow.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hello!
Eric (as Chaz): Hey, yeah, what can I get you?
Brandon (as Umbi): Um, well, I was gonna—five—four Researchers Delights?
Julia (as Cammie): Four.
Brandon (as Umbi): Four. Wha— but I was so curious, where did they come from? What's the story?
Eric (as Chaz): What do you— I mean, well you know, we assemble—we come from the bottles, the alcohol bottles. We put them—we layer them.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I know—I know that. But I mean like, who's the researcher? Why were they delighted?
Julia (as Cammie): What's the story behind the cocktail?
Eric (as Chaz): Ohh okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Chaz): Well—
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you have like one of those menus where it tells a story?
Amanda (as Troy): Or book?
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, oh, you—yes. You know, we got so many stupid questions here at the bar.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I get it.
Eric (as Chaz): I didn't realize you were asking a real good question. Sorry about that.
Brandon (as Umbi): No it's fine. It's not gonna affect your tip, it's fine. You're still gonna get one doubloom.
Eric (as Chaz): Alright. Well, thank you. Oh, old people tips, wonderful. Love this.
Julia (as Cammie): Just— just to clarify, it's one doubloom from him and then a fair wage—
Amanda (as Troy): More from us.
Julia (as Cammie): From the rest of us.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric: Umbi puts three doublooms on the table and says, every time you fuck with me, I take one doubloom away.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Brandon: No, no, no. He would never put that much money on the table.
Amanda (as Umbi): It’s our Grandpa, it's fine.
Eric: Yeah. The bamboo Greenfolk turns around and looks up. There's actually a big clock, kind of like right above the bar. Kind of like— I guess if you imagine the rose bear heads, like cascading away from that, but right in the middle is a big clock. He's like—
Eric (as Chaz): Okay, yeah. Give me— I guess we have two minutes. Yeah, you can’t order Researcher’s Delight until then.
Brandon (as Umbi): Two minutes?
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, yeah. To make sure we have enough time to make the Researcher’s Delight, you can only order one every five minutes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh.
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Chaz): And especially because people are always coming in here trying to get the special one, so.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well is it—wait. Hold on. What?
Julia (as Cammie): There's a special one?
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, oh, you've never been here before.
Julia: All of our pirate eyes widen.
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, I wasn't sure— you were VIPs. So I figured you're one of the Book Depository adults.
Julia (as Cammie): We are. But it's our first time here at the Book Depository, and we would love to hear more about this special drink.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you also have any of those shirts?
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, in here, yeah, we cri— we have a Crimson Exchange shirt. It's a—it uh—
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you—well I was gonna say, do you have any one of those shirts that say my wife is an idiot?
Eric (as Chaz): No, you have to get those on the main floor. Ri— you have to get that on the main drag. It's right in the front, you can't miss it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, okay.
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah. We have— we have— well, we have specific ones here, for sure. But yeah, I don't know. So one in every 22 of the drink-- of the Researchers Delight, it turns out one of the— there's—you see that there's one rose bear up there?
Eric: And you look up and there's one really tiny one. That’s kind of like a—a light pink.
Amanda (as Troy): Ohh.
Julia (as Cammie): So cute.
Eric (as Chaz): If that one ends up singing, it has this incredible high voice. If that one sings, we had to go all the way up on a ladder and pour an extra layer into the Researchers Delight.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh.
Eric (as Chaz): You got a sixth, you got a sixth layer that kind of floats— floats on top of. And we do it all the way up top so that it goes to the bottom of you know, we assemble the whole thing, and then it goes all the way to the bottom of the glass and then all bounces back up.
Amanda (as Troy): Woah.
Julia (as Cammie): Wow.
Amanda (as Troy): And it's just like kind of random as you order?
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah, yeah, random. I— I shouldn't tell you, but it's like one in every 22.
Amanda: That's like pretty good.
Brandon (as Umbi): If I give you one doubloom, would that change the odds?
Eric (as Chaz): Hey, I don't control— I don't control it. You could if you wanted to. But I have to say, it is in my contract that I have to say no one— none of the bartenders control the— control the tiny rose bear.
Brandon (as Umbi): So do we just like roll a D22?
Eric (as Chaz): What? I don't know what that is.
Amanda (as Cammie): What's that?
Eric (as Chaz): Your grandfather senile.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, we know.
Julia (as Cammie): It happens sometimes.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, this is like one of his—his last wish.
Brandon (as Umbi): Where’d that fucking kid go?!
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, no, the— the— why—why do you have to wait? If it's like the most popular thing, don't you want to sell like a lot of them? I mean, I guess maybe the song gets annoying. Is that the deal?
Eric (as Chaz): Yes, exactly. It's the song and it's— it keeps— keeps demand high. I mean, people really, really want to order.
Amanda (as Troy): Gotcha.
Julia (as Cammie): Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): We would like to order one.
Eric (as Chaz): Well, we still have like— you still have—
Eric: Bamboo guy looks up.
Eric (as Chaz): You still have like 55 seconds. You need to brace yourself though. Even though you're sitting here, it's still gonna— it's—there's like a 10-second grace period.
Julia (as Cammie): Great. We're getting ready.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. In the meantime, do you guys have any books here? I've been like, I know try, there's a lot of them everywhere, but like, I wonder if you have any like special books? Like from just here?
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah, I mean, I can look. We don't have any in the bar, I can see.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm just interested in like learning, is just like kind of my thing.
Eric (as Chaz): I have this one, but it's all—we spilled some we— we spilled some beer on it.
Brandon: We use it as a bar rag.
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah, we use it as a bar rag.
Amanda: What's written on the front?
Eric: It's— 101 easy cocktails for bartenders.
Julia (as Cammie): Cool.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, um, yeah, I think I'm okay. We got—we got someone on the ship who—who does that for us.
Brandon (as Umbi): We do?
Julia (as Cammiei): Who?
Amanda: Troy looks at Cammie.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie.
Brandon: Oh, it's Cammie. Oh, hooray!
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, no—
Julia (as Cammie): Did—is tea a cocktail? Can we order our drink now?
Eric (as Chaz): No, you still have 15 seconds.
Julia (as Cammie); It felt like it was 55.
Amanda (as Troy): So as soon as we're ready, we're gonna get four, right?
Julia (as Cammie): Or do we have to do one every five minutes?
Eric (as Chaz): No, you can order it together as a— you can definitely order together as a party.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Then let's do it.
Brandon: Can I try to attempt to do like a distraction?
Julia: Why?
Brandon: Like I would love to like start telling an old man yarn, and try to get people to—who are going to rush the bar in order to order Researchers Delight away, so we can order them.
Eric: I thought you were gonna use a bomb, but sure. Let's see how old man yarn goes.
Amanda: I love it.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Yeah, sure. You ro—
Brandon: Wha—what would that be?
Eric: Oh, god.
Julia: Eric, I want to prepare an action to order four drinks.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, no, Julia's ready.
Eric: You can-- you can for sure do that. Performance I think.
Julia: That makes sense.
Brandon: Got + 2. Well, it's a 3 + 2 for a 5.
Julia: My god, Brandon.
Brandon: I— I go— I stand up--
Julia: Throw them in the garbage.
Brandon: To tell the yarn and slip on a puddle of Researcher's Delight, and hit my head.
Eric: Cool. I need everyone to make Strength Saving Throws, please.
Julia: No, I'm not good at those. [rolls dice] Oh, but I rolled a fucking Nat 20, so fuck y’all.
Amanda: Oh, damn. Only a 9 for Troy, I'm afraid.
Brandon: You got a 15 - 1 for 14.
Eric: Ooh, interesting. Alright, you look up and the second-hand goes all the way around and hits 12. And then every-- You see like half of the bars stands up and starts running towards the bar. Umbi, you get trampled for 3 points of damage.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no.
Eric: Troy, you get pushed totally out of the way.
Amanda (as Troy): Aaaah.
Eric: Cammie, how do you– how do you brace yourself against the bar to stay in the front?
Julia: I think Cammie just like scooches their butt up onto the bar for a moment so that they don't get crushed. And then like leans backwards onto the bar and looks at the bamboo bartender and is like–
Julia (as Cammie): Four Researcher’s Delights, please.
Eric (as Chaz): Alright, four Researcher's Delight. Zoom golly, golly, golly zoom, golly, golly. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom zoom, zoom. Alright.
Amanda: So good.
Brandon: This episode of Join the Party sponsored by Zoom. Zoom, the only way for you to battle with latency and avoid eye contact or digital communication.
Eric: Alright. As the bartenders start to assemble the Researcher’s Delight, everyone has their eyes up. You can–you now see that a lot of people have their eyes on the tiny pink rose bear, something you hadn't noticed before. Including some people who work for Tessie the Storm. You really–- you look around and there are some folks who are creating their neck who have like Tessie, the five eyepatch bandana on. One has like a bandana around their neck. Maybe one has like a ripped t-shirt of that on. Someone has like a tattoo of it. There's like you can look in there's like three of Tessie's non-gendered dudes, hanging out. Goons hanging out in here. Yeah.
Brandon: Do they look like intimidating, like are they look like, like, are they here to drink? Or are they here to intimidate?
Julia: Like bouncers?
Eric: Yeah, they're like bouncers, they're standing there intimidatingly.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: They're definitely there to take care of stuff. They did not help you when Umbi– When you where– when you were stomped. And now there's a big footprint right in the middle of Umbi's face.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, no.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's okay. I got creams on the boat.
Julia (as Cammie): Aww. I'll make you a nice soothing tea when we get back.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you.
Eric: Unfortunately, that tiny rose bear did not sing it's a little song.
Brandon (as Umbi): God damn it!
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Shit.
Eric: But the Researcher's Delight is laid out, and the bamboo bartender says–
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, yeah, well, they call the researcher’s delight, obviously, it's like looking–like you're looking through the books in the big– in the big room. And you can use our-- these little straws to drink in your own– drink in your own level. You can do whatever flavor you'd like and whatever order you want.
Julia (as Cammie): Ooohh.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's so cool.
Eric (as Chaz): And that's the delight, is research itself.
Julia (as Cammie): Wow.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I get it.
Julia (as Cammie): I love that.
Amanda (as Troy): You know, just a few days ago, I wouldn't have understood that. Now I do.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, this is the best kind of reading, it's drinking.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Woah. It's like– it's like reading with your tongue.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): It's pretty impressive.
Brandon (as Umbi): What? Did Eric not like that one?
Eric: No, that was kind of like-- No, I like that a lot, that was very funny. Yeah. And then everyone– everyone settles down. A lot of people– [grumbles] some kid tried to stab you with you a knife. [grumbles] And yeah, and folks kinda just return to their seats.
Brandon: Should we montage and chug these drinks, and wait for the next round and try to get another one?
Julia: Yeah. I think basically, unless trivia is gonna start in between now and then.
Brandon: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Eric: Yeah, whatever you–what–what do you all want to do?
Brandon: I want to try to get this bear to sing, right?
Julia: Umbi's gonna get super drunk.
Amanda: I think we should play trivia and–and Troy is going to just keep an eye around and see if there's anything interesting, anything like his necklace on the walls. You said there's a lot of kinda like decor and knickknacks on the walls, right?
Eric: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, why don't you do a– why don't you do a perception check for me?
Brandon: Love it.
Amanda: [dice roll] A 6. Damn. Brutal.
Julia: Damn.
Eric: A 6.
Brandon: Troy is drunk.
Amanda: Troy, has had one layer. He's already drunk.
Eric: A 6. Yeah, I think maybe you go up to some, you're looking at one and maybe one really closely. Like there's like an ol– musket that some famous pirate was-- used to have. But you're looking at and you spend so much time looking at it. And you realize it's a fake. It's a— it's a toy.
Julia (as Cammie): Disappointing.
Amanda (as Troy): Damn.
Amanda: I pushed the barrel and retracts like the knife. Shit.
Eric: Yeah, for sure.
Amanda: That's alright. Troy is gonna settle down and wait for the trivia.
Eric: Yeah, anything else?
Brandon: Can I roll a Dex check, maybe to see if I can very quickly move between layers? So my drink in the straw as I'm drinking, is the same as the glass itself?
Eric: Oh, absitively, that sounds great.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Ju—just for you— just for your own fun?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Cammie, what about you?
Julia: Nonny's gonna drink at least part of—
Amanda: Yeaah.
Julia: —Cammie’s drink.
Eric: Yeah. Nonny really loves the orange color.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, you drink up girl. That's all good.
Eric: Nonny slaps you with six phalanges.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Enjoy my sweetheart.
Julia: And then I think we're gonna chat up the bartender a little bit.
Eric: Sure. Yeah. What do you— what do you got, Brandon?
Brandon: 17.
Eric: Yeah, it—it's definitely—it tastes interesting.
Brandon: It's like a— like a kaleidoscope of flavor going into my mouth.
Eric: It—some might say it's a little too bold. Like maybe uh— Hmm, maybe they should have stayed separated.
Brandon: Maybe for a youth, it's too bold. But you know, when you get older, your taste buds—your sensitivity of your taste buds goes down, so that's why it's perfect for Umbi.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: You need—you need some kind of stimulation, however you can get it.
Brandon: Yeah.
Brandon (as Troy): Cammie, it's you.
Julia (as Cammie): Great. So… I'm sorry. What is your name?
Brandon (as Umbi): Bambro? Bambino?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm just making up big names for you.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, a Broboo doesn't work quite as well.
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah. Oh, it's Chaz. Nice uh—yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Chaz!
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, of course, of course.
Julia (as Cammie): Lovely to meet you, Chaz. I'm Cammie.
Eric (as Chaz): Hi Ca—Cammie, what's up?
Julia (as Cammie): This is my first time here at the Book Depository. What is your favorite part about working here?
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, my favorite thing about working here. It's probably you know, the friendships I make from working here for an extended period of time. You know, I've be—I've been working here for like two, three, years now.
Julia (as Cammie): Wow.
Eric (as Chaz): It's cool. I—it's cool. I've gotten a lot of— made a lot of good friends. Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. How did—how did you end up working here?
Eric (as Chaz): You know, you become wayward. You're wayward youth, end up on the Great Salt Sea. You fall in, you fall out of crews, whatever. And then you end up here and you know, Book Depository was expanding. Tessie brought in a bunch of jobs, and we were like, oh, yeah, sure. Scare—scary lady, very scary lady.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. When did she done—
Eric (as Chaz): But like in a good way. Like a good way though?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Chaz): Like you want your pirate queen to be a scary lady.
Brandon (as Cammie): Of course.
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): When did you— when did she like take over here?
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, man. Um, well I think it was a little while before I joined up. So yeah, about must have been like, three— three-ish years ago, yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Wow.
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah, it was just the buil— It was actually just the building here for a while, which is wild.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Chaz): And then yeah. Oh, and then like Lake Encounter sprung up, which is Lake Encounter sprung up, which is cool. That was just—
Julia (as Cammie): Which is not Tessie's thing, right? Like they're just associated, but she doesn't control it?
Eric (as Chaz): Um, I don't know. Yeah, I don't really know how it all—how it all works there.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): That's alright. I-- you know, I used to work in taverns myself and so like you know, you don't always know what's going on with upper management and stuff like that. You just— you know, you're just here to do the day-to-day kind of thing.
Eric: Make an insight check for me.
Julia: [dice roll] A 14.
Eric: 14. Chaz the bamboo bartender kind of looks over, and looks over at the guard and says—
Eric (as Chaz): You know, I didn't— Tessie's not really like religious, but she definitely-- I mean, they kind of got-- the Lake Encounter stuff was able to fill up pretty fast. I don't know I—it all—it was a few years ago, but like, I didn't— I don't get it. I just don't get it.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, interesting. Maybe—
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah. Because like— because like I don't know anything about that kind of like, ascribe to like– yeah, I don't ascribe myself to that—that type of like idea of like the Salmon and the Planter, and the Great Salt Sea. Because like I was— I was born Jewish, so.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay. Most people are.
Brandon (as Umbi): So to you the Planter was just a guy.
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah. Yeah. Well, we believe in the Planter, we don't believe in like any of the disciples of the Planter and then the prophets.
Julia (as Cammie): Sure.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, the watering can was just a guy.
Eric (as Chaz): So yeah, I don't know I— it's kind of— it's kind of funny. I don't know why they like the whole— you know, you can validate your parking if you go there, you can just pass by.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Chaz): You can just pass by the toll if you go to Lake Encounter first which is wild, but I don't know. I don't get it.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, they keep mentioning that. They really want to push people through Lake Encounter, huh?
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, yeah. Those guys at the tolls that gu—those—those folks who work the tolls are assholes. I don't— I never I mean, I have like an employee pass so I don't have to talk to them, which is great.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah. Cool. I—Oh, I didn't know you—you're a VIP?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah!
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, you got to show—you got to show that to me here.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, yes here.
Julia: I show the little bracelet I think that we were supposed to have on.
Eric (as Chaz): Oh, sure. Okay, cool. Cool. Yeah, that's good to know. Um, well, yeah, listen, I--
Julia (as Cammie): They keep talking about the sweet benny's that we get. And while it's been nice so far, like the front of the line and everything like that, they were really like, not specific about what the benny's actually were.
Brandon: So far they've just included us being eaten by book sharks.
Amanda: And tracked, yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Did not protect us from the word sharks. Just want to clarify, that is definitely not one of the benny's.
Eric (as Chaz): Nah I guess you should have gotten like a harpoon or something. Um, yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I would love to get a harpoon.
Eric (as Chaz): Sure. Alright. Well, listen—
Brandon: Shit, we shouldn't have done that.
Eric (as Chaz): I'm sorry. Okay. Well, I'll— the next one's on me, that's fine.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, thank you, Chaz.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks.
Julia (as Cammie): That's really nice.
Eric (as Chaz): Yeah, sure. Okay, well, how about brace yourself?
Julia (as Cammie): Brace myself?
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, it's time again. Okay.
Eric: Everyone make a strength—everyone make a strength saving throw.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. And normally, you know, I start with like a nice vignette, something that it's making me happy today. And my tomato seedlings, by the way are doing great, thank you for asking. But this mid-roll is brought to you by the incredible crocheted Nonny in a teapot, on the beach photoshoot that Westie Imposter put in the Patron-only Discord about you know, 20 minutes ago as a when I'm recording this. Oh my god, I have never seen something so beautiful. And good lord, the Patron Discord is the best place on the internet. So hey, not only welcome to the mid-roll but also you gotta be a patron of Join the Party. This is the very best place on the internet and it's only for patrons. For just $5 a month, you—A. get to know that you're making the show possible because we put dozens of hours a week into this podcast and we can only do it because the support you give us on Patreon. B. You get to be in the patron-only Discord. And C. you get an additional bi-weekly podcast from us called party planning. This is an audio and video podcast where we answer your questions, play games and peel back the curtain on the making of Join the Party. Seriously it's worth the price of admission even to listen to the hour Eric and Brandon did on the making of the sea shanty, the blank I still call it even though you know what it is. God, it's so good. So seriously, you have got to get into the Discord. Westie Imposter, you're incredible. And join the Patreon people at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, if you run out of Join the Party to listen to, if you run out of the almost 40 episodes of party planning we put out over the last year and change, and you wish you had more Multitude shows to catch up on? I have great news for you. Which is that we make a weekly debate show featuring all of the Multitude hosts called Head Heart Gut. Every month, we take an iconic set of three items from pop culture or the world we live in, and pit them against each other. Using a definitive survey of greatness. Then we get a formal debate in the fourth episode of each month with a judge. We have done everything from best fruit to best movie sequel, to best thing to do at a theme park and so much more. My very favorite months are the really esoteric ones, where we decide things like best color, it's incredibly fun. We have a couple of those coming in the back half of this year that you are going to really enjoy. And hey, we've been going for almost four years, I think. So there's so much to catch up on. Join the Multi-Crew, that is how you get to access Head Heart Gut, just 5 bucks a month and more. If you want even more ways to support Multitude, get a sense of what we're doing behind the scenes and be the first to know about everything going on here. So search Head Heart Gut and your podcast player for a sample RSS feed with two full months' worth of Head Heart Gut, or go to multicrew.club to join today. We are sponsored this week by a great podcast called Unthinkable by friend of Multitude Jay Acunzo. The content creators we love seem to do something that others don't. And they do it consistently and confidently. And when you see something that is so incredible, that you're like damn, I don't even know I liked this, but now I love it. And then you know, you get to like fall into a new rabbit hole. That's a thing that I love. And I love when I see something that someone a creator I love makes. And I know that it's only something they specifically could do. And if you're interested in like how that happens and why, and how exactly it's so effective. You got to check out Unthinkable. This is a show about trusting yourself more than just trusting random best practices. 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That's Nerdy Keppie, ithaspockets.gay or click the link in the description and use code Join the Party for 20% off your first purchase. The show is also sponsored by BetterHelp. And guys, sometimes I look at the BetterHelp ad copy and I think to myself, oh man, I'm really attached in this photo and I don't like it. And so here I am, for May, were the kind of like thought starter here is about how easy it is to get caught up in what everyone else needs from you, and never think about what I need from myself. And here's the thing, I can't show up for my obligations for my loved ones, for the people around me, for the stuff I want to do and accomplish in my life If I'm not like, you know, putting my oxygen mask, on feeding myself, refilling my bucket, whatever metaphor you want to use. And one of the ways that I make sure I am showing up for myself and checking in on my own needs, is therapy. 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And now let's get back to the show.
[theme]
[dice roll]
Julia: Not good. Not good that time.
Brandon (as Umbi): 99 layers of cocktail on the wall. 99 layers of cocktail.
Amanda: 11.
Julia: [sings] It's gonna be a 2 - 1, for 1.
Amanda: Oh no.
Julia: It was so close to another 20. So close.
Brandon: 18 minus 1 for 17.
Eric: Cammie, you take three points of bludgeoning damage—
Julia: That's fair.
Eric: —as you are squashed against the bar. But Umbi yeah, you're riding this tide of the crowd pushing behind you.
Julia: Thank God Havana's here and I got my temporary HP cause—
Amanda: That's true.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah. I was gonna say what does—what does Havana get? Did he save?
Eric: Oh, Havana rolled a 3. He—
Julia: Havana.
Eric (as Havana): Don't worry about me, I'm in the bathroom. Doctor heal thyself-- I'm not at the part where Doctor heal thyself.
Amanda: Actually, can Troy go to the bathroom too?
Eric: Yeah, if you want to get out of there. For sure.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy's gonna be like—
Amanda (as Troy): Ho—hold my spot. I'll—I'll be right back.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I got you.
Eric: Hell yeah. Alright. Umbi you're—you're at the front. What do you— what do you want? What do you want, my wrinkly friend?
Brandon: Umbi says—
Brandon (as Umbi): Trample me once, shame on me, trample me twice. Don't do that.
Brandon: And then gets into like a basketball box you out stance, you know?
Eric: Sure. Oh, yeah.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: Did low center of gravity on those knees.
Brandon: Low center gravity. And then says, I— do we do four or five?
Eric: You have—you have four.
Julia (as Cammie): Four, there's four of us.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, you know, one for either the kid or—or Elijah, I don't know. Four Researcher’s Delights, please.
Eric (as Chaz): Alright. Four more. Zoom golly golly golly, zoom golly, golly. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Zoom golly—we’re drinking to get drunk.
Brandon (as Umbi): This is like gambling and I love it.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, right.
Julia: And just real quick, what kind of Greenfolk was Elijah?
Eric: That's a good question. I— it's up to interpretation. Definitely some sort of bug, but we don't know what. Alright. Chaz and the other bartenders pour out four more Researcher's Delight. Everyone is now looking up at the tiny— tiny rose bear.
Amanda: C’mon baby.
Julia (as Cammie): Come on.
Brandon (as Umbi): Come on, come on, come on.
Eric: And it stays silent.
Brandon (as Umbi): Shit!
Julia (as Cammie): This is rigged!
Eric: One in 22. What can I tell you?
Amanda: That we're rolling four times, right?
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I'm rolling a one—a one. A digital one D 22.
Julia: Damn it.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Troy, you going to the bathroom?
Amanda: Yeah, I want to escape the fracas and where are the bodyguards standing in relation to the rest of the bar? Like are they watching the crowd first sort of rushing the bar during the Researcher’s Delight?
Eric: Sure, give–
Amanda: Who am I watching?
Eric: Give me another perception check.
Amanda: Yeah, that's 4.
Eric: With a 4. Umm.
Amanda: What can I tell you? They got cool bandanas, I don't know.
Eric: Yeah, they got cool—they got cool —
Amanda: Sure, sure.
Eric: —shirts. You keep thinking like a ha—, is it like a staff shirt, do you have to—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —work for Tessie the Storm to get one of those. But yeah, they're standing there. You see that a lot of their eyes are on the rose bear, the little rose bear.
Amanda: Nice. And as Troy goes to the bathroom, he's gonna attempt to get behind the scenes at the bar. He wants really badly to get into some kind of staff area.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: And so if there's any kind of like, basement or attic or storage room, he wants to just slip into it really quickly and acrobatically on his way.
Brandon: He does a somersault into it.
Eric: Yeah, make a stealth check for me.
Amanda: That's a nine.
Eric: Yeah, what does it look like for you to be— for Troy to be stealthy?
Amanda: Well, in the Crags, right? There's no such thing as like a flat wall.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Everything is made out of stone, carved if you're lucky. But mostly using natural rock formations. And so most of the time, if you press yourself into a crevasse, you won't be seen. And if you're trying to sneak places and doing drills with my bruvs, kind of smooshing yourself against the wall is a really good way to not get detected. So he is going to—and I don't know exactly the layout of the place, but if it's like, you know, walk straight ahead to the bathroom, but there's like a little you know nook to the left or right, he's just going to flatten his whole body into the nook.
Eric: Yeah, you can press yourself, yeah, I think there's a door to a back room that's unlocked that you can push yourself in and you slide in and no one's in there. As you're looking around. I think that there's a lot of like, big barrels of different types of liquors everywhere, with like little nozzles on it to put into smaller bottles. There's like the largest jar of olives you've ever seen in your entire life. Yeah, just lots of bar stuff back here that you can see as soon as you slip in.
Amanda: Cool. Troy's gonna look around and say—
Amanda (as Troy): Everything's in order here.
Amanda: And then get to the bathroom, to make sure everything’s okay
Eric: Wait make a--
Julia: Investigate first.
Amanda: Alright, alright.
Eric: No, make an Investigation Roll.
Julia: There might be something you're not seeing.
Brandon: At the bare minimum, Troy's gonna look at a barrel real intensely.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Oh, yeah. Well, because there's barrels, Troy rolled an 18 + 0.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: And so he's gonna go over and like knock with his fists on the side of the barrel, and put his ear up to it. Listen real close.
Eric: Hmm, interesting, interesting.
Amanda: Whatever the crustiest, oldest barrel is there.
Eric: The crustiest oldest barrel.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Sure, what— yeah. You put your head in—for—you found—
Amanda: What—what's the drink no one likes? Is this like yellow chartreuse?
Julia: Yellow chartreuse is wonderful
Brandon: I love yellow chartreuse, thank you very much.
Amanda: Hey!
Eric: Hey—
Amanda: I've activated Brandon and Julia.
Eric: It was a trap, it was a trap!
Amanda: I've activated it, I've activated your trap cards!
Julia: Only two monks in the world know how to make it, Amanda. It’s good shit!
Amanda: I remember from Boston when you talked about it a lot.
Eric: Yeah, this is—you look in the barrel and you blow the dust off. And it's called Two Old Grasshopper’s Distillery, who spent 2 months–
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: On top of a mountain making this yellow chartreuse.
Amanda: No, it's awesome.
Julia: Guys, if Cammie dies, I'm going to play one of these grasshopper monks. Just get ready.
Amanda: And then yeah, there's no like, cash in these barrels is there? Like I want to like give them all a quick little knock. Are they all filled with liquid?
Eric: Oh, that's a good question.
Julia: What if one of them's filled with liquid amber?
Brandon: Ooh. Right.
Eric: Yeah, I mean, if you walk around, you'd knock on some— some of them slosh. One of them feels like there's something— there's definitely something in there. Do you— you knock one, it's sloshes. You know two, it's sloshes, three sloshes, four— number four though. It feels like there's something— there's something inside of the barrel, something heavy and solid in the middle. Also with the de— 18, you realize there's a little like muted pinpricks of light coming from the far side of the closet.
Julia: Secret door, secret room.
Eric: Yeah, like there's some light—there's some light coming from somewhere else.
Julia: Like a speakeasy room.
Amanda: Yeah. No, Troy's gonna take note of which barrel sounded a little bit off. And then try to push or pull on the wall with the light in the seam.
Eric: Yeah. Cammie and Umbi, please make a strength-saving throw.
Julia: No.
Brandon: God, it would be so cool to start a bar that has a speakeasy inside the bar.
Julia: Yeah. [dice roll] 11.
Brandon: [dice roll].
Amanda: Aye.
Julia: Nat 20, baby.
Eric: That's Nat 20, baby.
Brandon: Natural 20.
Julia: That's sexy.
Eric (as Chaz): Alright. Hell yeah, you get another one. Because like I can't float you another one. You need to— you actually pay with doublooms.
Julia (as Cammie): That's alright.
Brandon: Umbi has built sort of a fortress out of the chairs and the stools around the bar.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: He's like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Fuck you guys, this is my spot.
Julia: Yeah. Umbi is recreating Les Mis having no idea what that is.
Eric: Havana– you look down and you realize all of the— all the glasses are empty and Havana has just like rainbow colors all over his face and goes—
Eric (as Havana): [drunk voice] [sings] Can you hear the people sing? Singing the song of angry bugs.
Julia: No.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is this what they teach you in med school?
Eric (as Havana): Yeah.
Julia: Eric, yes and he's singing all of Gavroche's parts because he's little.
Eric: Oh, he's little. Yes a 100%. Short jester, that's Gavroche.
Julia: Yeah, exactly.
Eric: Yeah, listen, I'll give you another— I'll give you another spin because you rolled a Nat 20, my man.
Brandon (as Umbi): Four more score and seven drinks, Researchers Delights ago, please.
Eric (as Chaz): Alright, doublooms, please.
Julia (as Cammie): My octopus is drunk. [Nonny bubbles] You can have more. [Nonny purrs] You're welcome.
Brandon (as Umbi): I fucking love drinking with Nonny.
Eric (as Chaz): Alright, give me doublooms, doublooms come on.
Brandon: He slides one doubloom over.
Eric (as Chaz): For each drink please sir, I was respecting my elders.
Brandon (as Umbi): I was just wondering.
Julia: Cammie like opens up a small purse and like gently picks out one.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: 1, 2, 3.
Amanda: One by one.
Eric: Yeah. Cammie, what was your uh—
Julia: 11.
Eric: 11, okay that's fine. Havana falls off the top of— the top of a wall and it cuts–
Eric (as Havana): Oh, my head.
Brandon (as Umbi): Havana, just sit. For the love of the Planter. Just sit.
Eric: Well people are beating on the wall, so it's hard to stand on top of it. Here we go.
Julia: Come on baby.
Brandon: No whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy.
Julia: Oop! Oop! Amanda looks excited and Eric hit the desk.
Eric: Zoom golly golly golly zoom golly golly, zoom golly golly golly, zoom golly golly.
Brandon (as Umbi): Zoom golly golly golly zoom golly golly, yay balls of zoom.
Eric: What the fuck is that?
Brandon: Umbi's drunk, dude.
Julia: Umbi's drunk and singing along.
Brandon: I've had three cocktails in about 15 minutes.
Eric: You didn't have to drink—you didn't have to drink any of them. Alright, I'm making Con checks for you my man. Then the bass rose bear goes [sings] zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. We're drinking as we learn, we learn how to get drunk. And then the little rose bear goes—
Eric (as Little Rose Bear): Awwwwooooooooooo, ooooohhhhhhhhh.
Eric: And everyone at the bar started clapping and screaming. They're like, yeah that was the tiny bear!
Eric (as Tiny Bear): Awoooooo, oooooh.
[Julia screams excitedly]
Brandon: You've never seen Umbi's eyes so wide and so focused on a single thing.
Eric: Listen, everyone is exactly like that. Everyone is looking up there, cheering and making direct eye contact with this tiny little rose bear up near the clock. You see that Chaz gets up on a ladder and grabs a bottle of pink liquid that's all the way up, you can only access with a ladder. And pours it into an already made Researchers Delight. And you see the pink stream down like 10, 12,15 feet, hit the bottom of the glass. And then you see it dive through all the levels and then bounce back up.
Brandon (as Umbi): It was gorgeous.
Eric: As a beautiful pink floater on top.
[Brandon claps]
Julia: Cammie also claps.
Amanda: Troy hears this and uses it as an excuse to push the wall.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Smart.
Eric: Troy, as you stand over there, you realize that you push on it, and it's not—It doesn't go anywhere. This is a solid wall with like little— some light coming from something that’s about like chest height to you. Then a lot of light comes through kind of like a small shaft of light.
Julia: Maybe it's—maybe it slides instead of uh—
Brandon: Maybe it's just a hole to look in?
Julia: Yeah, or you could look through one of the holes.
Eric: And then you'll see a hand reach in through the shaft of light, put something down. And then the light goes away back to just like the pinpricks of dim light.
Amanda: So the item’s on my side–
Eric: The item is now on your side.
Amanda: Yeah, I want to look down.
Eric: Okay, you look down and you see a pair of really strange spectacles. They are sitting inside what you now realize is the mouth of the big red rose bear, the one that sings the bass line to the zoom golly, golly song the entire time. It also doesn't help that the spectacles are kind of like jostled and unfurled with one of the legs caught on one of the bears' incisors. If you all remember from everyone's favorite movie National Treasure, it looks like the—
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Eric: —Ben Franklin spectacles, right? The ones with all the different like lenses on it that you adjust. There's like a red so you can see in 3D.
Amanda: Uh-huh, yes.
Eric: And you can see really close up. And then it seems like there's— these like square lenses that are all the way on the front. You le— as you try to like peer through them, you can't see through them. This is different because there is like a magnifying glass one, where it's like everything looks blurry, but as you look through these square ones, you can't see anything.
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): I bet this was pretty cool. I better— better take this home with me.
Amanda: And Troy's gonna slip it into his pocket. And then he's going to crouch down and whisper into the slot where the light came from.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you, mysterious friend. I will try to apply this to knowledge. Okay?
Brandon: Do you think any of the lenses would help you see through a barrel or something? X-ray specs?
Amanda: Yeah, I mean, I think he'll put the glasses on and fiddle with them a little bit and see if any of the barrels look different, including first and foremost the one that seems not to feel that liquid.
Eric: Sure. [dice roll] [laughs]
Amanda: Do you want me roll anything?
Eric: No, you're fine. Yeah, you're looking around—that you're looking around the barrels. You're-- all the different ones. Yeah, there's a— there's a see through one, one makes everything red, one makes everything blue, one you actually see sharper because I think Troy needs glasses.
Amanda: Ohh. Neat!
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, the words, they’re so sharp.
Brandon: And yet Troy is still a sharpshooter. That's incredible.
Julia: Incredible. We love that for him.
Amanda: Great at distance, not good--
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Not good near.
Brandon: That's true. Yeah.
Eric: And then you looking around and you don't see anything in the barrels. And then you flip on those square ones that are on the front, and you're looking around, you can't see anything. Until you look around and you see 101 Cocktails That Are Easy to Make. Which like they use as bar rags back here.
Amanda: Ohhh.
Eric: Do you need bar rags?
Amanda: Yeah, Troy's gonna pick up the book. Everything is obscured except for just the book.
Amanda (as Troy): Woah. Are these what reading glasses are?
Eric: Troy you—Troy you feel—
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Troy): Is like nothing's distracting me except the reading.
Eric: Troy, you feel like the bottom of your stomach falls out as you feel like you're falling through space. And then immediately the ground comes back right below you as you hit your knees.
Amanda (as Troy): Ah! Ow.
Eric: And as you look up you are in, what I can only describe is like the stage of a cooking show.
Julia: Oh my god.
Eric: Like real Rachael Ray, real Emeril vibes, you're on the set. You'd be like—
Eric (as Jim Diggers): Hey, y'all, this is Jim Diggers and I'm going to teach you 101 ways to make easy cocktails. And we have our guest Troy Riptide here. Troy, what cocktail are you ready to learn about?
Julia: Holy shit.
Brandon: What is happening?
Amanda (as Troy): Uhhh.
Julia: The glasses took him into the book.
Amanda (as Troy): The uh—the—
Brandon: Is this like Reading Rainbow shit, Wishbone shit?
Amanda (as Troy): The Bring Me Back to My Friends cocktail. Yay.
Eric: The studio audience all laughs. You just look out and it’s just lights and darkness. And Jim says—
Eric (as Jim): I don't know that one. How about we start with a Manhattan?
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Oh Jesus.
Amanda (as Troy): Um, sure.
Julia: Oh, my god.
Amanda (as Troy): Is this—is this like a special like a special kind of book?
Eric (as Jim): This is 100— this is 101 ways for you to learn cocktails. It's a regular type of book, for beginners who want to learn mixology.
Amanda: Troy touches himself in the face. Is he wearing the glasses?
Eric: Ah yes, you’re wearing the glasses.
Amanda: Can I take them off?
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Take them off.
Eric: Your stomach falls again and the ground comes up quickly. And you have glasses off your face and you are back in the storeroom.
Amanda: Troy's gonna tuck them inside his coat into a pocket. He's gonna pat that a little bit and then grab the book as well.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Eric, this is the coolest shit you've ever done.
Brandon: Wishbone glasses, Wishbone glasses.
Julia: Incredibly good. Back at the bar Cammie’s gonna hold up the special cocktail and be like—
Julia (as Cammie): Who wants it, one Amber?
Eric: Ohh, shit.
Amanda: Julia.
Eric: Oh, shit. Charisma– give me—give me a fucking persuasion check my— my good lady Julia Schifini. Do that with advantage, because that is some goddamn inspiration.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Julia Rose.
Eric: Julia goddamn Rose.
Julia: How does a Dirty 20 sound?
Eric: A Dirty 20 sound—
Brandon: Sounds good to me.
Eric: —a Dirty 20 sounds good. 10 different people, all of them wearing I hate my wife, that's why I'm here, shirts.
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: Pushing people, they're trying to climb the barricade.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, stay off my wall, stay off my wall.
Julia: It's like a zombie movie and Cammie is smiling being like—
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-huh.
Amanda: Julia, ask for two.
Eric: Havana says —
Eric (as Havana): Remember me!
[Everyone laughs]
Brandon: He's waving a French flag.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Wow, it seems like there's some competition. Does anyone want to give me two?
Eric: You can tell like the majority of these people are dads because they have like white socks all up to their calves.
Julia (as Cammie): Now keep in mind this is one in 100 chance of getting the—the cocktails, so.
Eric: One of the people says that's not how math works. And other—but the majority of other people are like oh my god a 100— 100 oh my God, I need it, I need it. I need it.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric: And they're all looking around. They're like—
Eric (as Someone on the bar): Oh God, my wife would be so mad if I use two-- all of our Amber. We're saving it for a college fund.
Eric: Some of them back off.
Julia (as Cammie): You all look like young dads. I'm sure you have time to recoup this loss.
Amanda: It's not timing the market, it's time in the market, am I right?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Your wife spent all your money, wasted on this theme park. Why not, why can't you?
Julia (as Cammie): Don't you deserve something nice?
Amanda: Brandon, that's another of the T-shirts. Julia, what a good idea.
Julia (as Cammie): Do I hear two Amber?
Eric: And then a lot of— a lot of the dads are looking—are looking down and then you hear—
Eric (as Dad): I'll take it I have two— I have two Amber right here.
Eric: You see there's a cube of water and— but the whole top is just— it's a Cranberry Bog.
Julia: Wow!
Eric: As cranberries are floating on top.
Brandon: That is the coolest shit I've ever imagined.
Amanda: Woah!
Eric: Yeah, as the Cranberry Bog dad walks out with just the highest shorts. It's like mostly short, water-- water, and then cranberry.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: Much like Bookie, just eyes and mouth installed right in there. Like it's in the water, so it's like shorts, face, cranberry.
Julia (as Cammie): That's two Amber, do I hear three? No one else?
Eric: Looks like—yeah, the Cranberry Bog dad looks around.
Brandon: Slosh, slosh.
Eric: Slosh, slosh.
Eric (as Dad): No, I think two will suffice.
Julia (as Cammie): Two it is.
Eric (as Dad): Two.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you, sir. May I have my amber, please?
Eric (as Dad): Absolutely. Here you go. Don't spend it all in one place.
Julia (as Cammie): Wonderful. Thank you, sir. And you have a wonderful vacation. Alright?
Eric (as Dad): Absolutely. I—I’ll go take my kids on the one with the loop de loops and they'll cry, and they'll have to stop the ride halfway through.
Julia (as Cammie): Excellent. That sounds like a great use of your time.
Eric (as Dad): Hopefully before the loop starts.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie, Cammie?
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm?
Brandon (as Umbi): Should we rob that guy later? Do you think he has more Amber?
Julia (as Cammie): No, I think this was a fair way of getting Amber.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, cool.
Eric: Hell yeah. Troy, you want to res—you want to slip by?
Amanda: Yeah, Troy's gonna completely forget about that barrel, and just like stumble back into the room. Like ashen-faced. He is just like, looks transported.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, I got Amber.
Eric: Whoa.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie, no. Look— look at—look at the cues. Troy does not look well, you okay?
Julia (as Cammie): Ohh, I—I was riding my high.
Amanda: Troy going to grab a drink and just methodically drink it down in one long sip. He's not even going to use the straw by the way. He's going to use his own proboscis.
Julia: Oh, wow.
Amanda: He does not do in polite company. So you guys know it's serious.
Eric: I like to think that this was—
Julia: Oh, no.
Eric: —a crazy straw and your proboscis mirrors the crazy straw.
Amanda: It does. Yeah, yeah, I know. It twirls around and then goes to the bottom of the glass and just like layer by layer methodically, it's all gone.
Eric: It's like a real Looney Tunes situation. It spells Troy.
Amanda: Yes, yes.
Eric: Troy's having a moment in your proboscis, yeah.
Amanda: And then he's just gonna put one arm around Havana, and put his head on the bar.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, did you drink too many of these?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, something like that, I'll be fine. Just wake me up when it's time for barrel facts.
Julia (as Cammie): Um.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is it time for a trivia?
Julia (as Cammie): Did trivia start yet?
Eric: Yeah, trivia is like—
Eric (as Craaaig): [on the PA system] Alrighty, we are starting the world-famous Crimson Exchange Trivia. I'm Craaaig and--
Julia: [blowing horns sounds]
Eric (as Craaaig): [on the PA System] And from the top end of Verda Stello to the bottom end of Verda Stello, don’t fall off! This is the best trivia you’re gonna play. First round, 80's music.
Julia: And Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Huh, I don't know 80s music.
Brandon (as Umbi): Which 80s?
Amanda: Nice.
Julia (as Cammie): That's a good question.
Brandon (as Umbi): I was there for both.
Eric (as Craaaig): [on the PA System] All of them.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Great.
Eric: Yeah sure. Let's we'll—we're gonna make one Intelligence Roll and one Wisdom Roll for the—for—
Julia: Wisdom!
Eric: —for wisdom, you're gonna have wisdom for things you learned and in a— in a very like Slumdog Millionaire sort of way. You'll get Intelligence for things you just picked up.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Troy, you get you— I'm gonna tell you, you're gonna get disadvantage on this.
Amanda: Sure.
Julia: It's a check, not a save right?
Eric: No, these are checks.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Do we all do both checks?
Eric: Correct.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: [dice roll] Why do you get a Nat 20, but then a 10,
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Julia: I rolled two 15s, one was a 13 plus 2, and one was a 14 plus 1.
Eric: Okay, I'm just gonna take the average of everybody.
Amanda: 10 and a 4.
Eric: 10 and a 4.
Amanda: Sweet Riptide.
Brandon: Then I got a 9 for intelligence and a 4 for wisdom.
Julia: Oh my god, Brandon.
Brandon: I'm drunk.
Eric: Unfortunately, it was all— it was all pop culture. Umbi didn't know any of it.
Amanda: Yeah, fair.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: And my average was a 15 because I rolled two 15s.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: How about Havana?
Eric: Oh Havana rolled an 18 on both.
Julia: Fuck yeah.
Eric: But he had a plus 2 to wisdom, but a minus 2 to intelligence because he doesn't have any experience.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Sure.
Eric: So it all came out to 18.
Julia: I just checked medicine, I was like that's— that's wisdom right and not intelligence because otherwise I have some concerns.
Eric: Yeah, don't worry, don't worry. Yeah, he's already have experience so I— so he got an 18 on both. Alright, that averages out to an 18.
Brandon: Pretty good.
Julia: Pretty good, pretty good.
Eric: I'm gonna divide—make an average of that.
Brandon (as Umbi): [sings] Havana is my medical student. He's so go at—
Julia (as Cammie): [sings] Havana oh na na.
Brandon (as Umbi): —medicine.
Eric: [sings] Havana is drunk.
Brandon (as Umbi): I love you Havana.
Amanda: [sings] My head’s in half and I only can go to Havana, oh na na.
Eric: Yes, thank you. Unfortunately, that averages out to an 11.4.
Amanda: Shit.
Eric: You guys come in sixth.
Amanda: Aaaah.
Julia: No. Just for this round though. There's three rounds, right?
Eric: No, the whole thing, that was the whole thing.
Julia (as Cammie): Noooo.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoopsie doopsie.
Eric: Yeah. It was— you guys had a round where it was like shapes that you had to turn into words, and no one did well on that.
Julia: Ohh, yeah.
Eric: Yeah, that one really sunk you.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. So you guys come in—
Amanda: Bummer.
Eric: — six, but you got to sticky— everyone gets a sticky hand.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yay!
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, alright.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: Hell yeah. Yeah.
Brandon: Can I trade my sticky hand for the glasses with the mustache?
Eric: Sure.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yay!
Eric: Incredible. Alright. Well, yeah, I think you've been here for a few hours. The bar is starting to settle down.
Amanda (as Troy): They said our bracelets would —would chime when it was time for the meet, right?
Julia (as Cammie): It hasn't started yet?
Brandon (as Umbi): I think so. Or like someone if— and if they couldn't chime it, someone will come find us, I think or something.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. And we know they're like tracking our location, right?
Julia (as Cammie): [whispers] Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): [whispers] Yeah.
Eric: Cammie, your bracelet starts to vibrate.
Julia (as Cammie): Woah!
Brandon (as Umbi): Our table is ready.
Eric: And then Umbi’s starts to vibrate. And then five seconds after that Troy’s starts to vibrate.
Amanda: Troy whips it off—
Amanda (as Troy): Not again.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, what's wrong?
Brandon (as Umbi): You okay?
Amanda (as Umbi): I will tell you later.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Did that book scare you?
Eric: And you hear like a—
Amanda (as Troy): Yes. Yes, it did.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay. Well, sometimes books are scary, because they're written that way.
Julia: Cammie like holds up their arm, and is like—
Julia (as Cammie): Is this haptic? Like is it gonna vibrate more if I move a certain way?
Eric: The Tik Tok lady's voice says—
Eric (as Tik Tok Lady): Your one on one with Tessie the Storm is about to begin. Please make your way to the Book Depository.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Let's all go.
Amanda (as Troy): Let's go.
Amanda: Troy's gonna leave three doublooms on the bar.
Julia: Yes—oh, we leave him a generous tip.
Brandon: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Excuse me, Umbi leaves one doubloom
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Cammie leaves a very generous tip—
Amanda: We net out to a generous tip.
Eric: Chaz gives you a big wave. And says—
Eric (as Chaz): Come on back, I work here most nights.
Julia (as Cammie): It's a pleasure to meet you, Chaz. You'll see us again.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thanks. Nonny sai— thanks for getting Nonny drunk.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, thank you for getting my octopus drunk. She's doing a great job.
Eric: Now what kind of drunk is Nonny?
Julia: Like— has just like passed out and is all just like schlorpy tentacles.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: It just wig—just wiggly. I feel like she's holding on to you. Does a full hug by two tentacles the entire time.
Julia (as Cammie): Yes my sweet baby I know, I know. [Sad drunk Nonny bubbles] I'll make you some tea in a little bit.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yay!
Eric: Havana is also still ba—is banged up.
Julia: Does he need healing or is he good?
Eric: He puts a bandaid on his head.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy); Havana, how you look on the outside is how I feel on the inside.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, do we need to stop?
Eric (as Havana): Like you got stepped on by the crowd?
Amanda (as Troy): Yep. Yep. No, it's—everything's fine. Everything's fine. Talk to you later.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Promise.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): I went— I went inside a book and not—not like in my mind.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Amanda (as Troy): For real. I—I'll show you later.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Eric (as Havana): Your insides genitals got stepped on by a boot?
Amanda (as Troy): Nope, no, nope, nope, nope, nope. Nope.
Brandon (as Umbi): Aren't you a doctor?
Eric (as Havana): Your fe— it's a metaphor.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, Umbi—
Eric (as Havana): You have to treat both the mind and the body.
Brandon (as Umbi): Like genitals?
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi.
Eric (as Havana): It's a metaphor.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, I don't think us men can learn as quickly as women.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true.
Amanda (as Troy): It takes a little longer.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true.
Eric: As you head and on the way out, you're kind of— you're making your way from the main drag of the Book Depository Theme Park, back to the building, which is kind of near the docks. I think like there are streetlamp— 1950s ass street lamps on the main—
Julia: Sure.
Brandon: Beautiful.
Eric: —drag. And as you're walking back to the Book Depository, you know, there's— it starts to get a little bit less lit. It's kind of just like a road going through the island.
Eric (as Piney): Oh, hey. Hey, what's going on folks?
Brandon (as Umbi): Hello.
Julia (as Cammie): Hello.
Eric: You look up and you see Piney.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh.
Julia (as Cammie): Piney!
Eric: The person from the desk inside of the Book Depository is standing like 20 feet in front of you, and it's walking up to you.
Eric (as Piney): Hey, folks, I saw that your— your— your bracelets started to—started to vibrate.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, we apparently have our meeting with Tessie the Storm now.
Amanda (as Troy): Good thing we survived those sharks, am I right?
Eric (as Piney): Listen, I—I didn't have a doubt of it. Not a— absolutely not.
Amanda (as Troy): I—I did, a bunch.
Brandon: Insight Check.
Eric: On what?
Brandon: On Piney. I wanna know if he thought we were gonna die or not.
Eric: Oh, sorry. Yes, go ahead.
Julia: [dice roll] 7.
Brandon: 17. Was Piney lying? Were they lying? Did they think that we were going to die?
Eric: Cammie, you believe that Piney really believed in all— in all of you. Umbi, Piney thinks everyone's gonna die. They work in the Book Room, they're surprised people come out.
Julia: Cammie walks over and puts a hand on their shoulder and it's like—
Julia (as Cammie): Your belief in us, Piney, is what got us through.
Brandon: And then the camera pans to Umbi slowly and you see his eyes just cocked to one side.
Eric: Yeah, for sure.
Eric (as Piney): Hey, listen, before you go in to the Book Depository. I had heard from some of the folks over at the Crimson Exchange that you had something that you shouldn't have taken out of the bar. So there isn't a problem. I know you’re VIPs, so I'm coming to you first. If you have something, I need you to tell me and give it to me right now.
Julia (as Cammie): No, I sold the really special cocktail—
Eric (as Piney): That's fine.
Julia (as Cammie):—at the bar, so I don't have it anymore.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh go—I am—I'm so embarrassed. Chaz offered me his copy, but I saw another one by the bathroom. Here. I'm so sorry.
Amanda: And Troy pulls out the copy of the cocktail book.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, you took a bar rag?
Amanda (as Troy): I did. I did. I was interested in learning more after seeing that drink. I was like, how do I make drinks where it’s different colors in one, and not just one color in all of it? And I'm like, I wanted to know.
Julia (as Cammie): Layering!
Eric: Interesting. Okay. I want every— everyone can make a—make an intell—a flat wisdom check for me.
Amanda: Now, Eric, I do have poker face, which is advantage on ability checks and saving throws meant to prevent others from sensing my motives, perceiving my emotions or reading my thoughts.
Brandon: Oh, that's cool.
Amanda: So would you say it applies here?
Eric: Okay, that's interesting. Yeah. Why don't you make a persuasion check with advantage first?
Amanda: I rolled on 11 both times.
Eric: Oh, weird.
Amanda: Persuasion weird plus 2, so a 13.
Eric: 13. Piney-- Piney says,
Eric (as Piney): Oh yes Troy, okay. Troy give him— give me the book.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, no, here you go. I'm real sorry. Do you want like any doublooms or whatever for like the restocking fee, like putting it back?
Eric (as Piney): No, no, no. I think—I think it's fine. Yeah.
Eric: Now everyone, please make your wisdom check.
Julia: I rolled a 21.
Eric: 21.
Brandon: I rolled a 16.
Amanda: 13.
Eric: 13. Cammie, you notice that the goons from the bar are walking up the path behind you. Piney flips through the book, runs their hand through every pages like, you know, that's not what I'm looking for. Troy, I appreciate your honesty. That is not what it is.
Brandon (as Umbi); Okay, okay. The Tiki mugs weren't available for sales so I just took it. I'm sorry.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi!
Eric (as Piney): Umbi, let me— let me—
Brandon (as Umbi): You got to sell these things.
Eric (as Piney): Alright, let me have them Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): Fine.
Brandon: And he takes out six glasses.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Jesus.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): By the Planter, Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whatever. I've sinned enough. Here you go.
Julia: I am going to prepare a hex just in case.
Amanda: Yeah. And then Troy's gonna take one step forward and kind of lean in to Piney and be like—
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, you uh—you sent us into a situation you didn't prepare us for, and we almost lost our lives. And Umbi lost a lot of dignity, which at this point is very important to him.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Julia (as Cammie): His pants fell off.
Amanda (as Troy): If we were to see that a piece of Amber finds its way into your pocket, can we just let this go? Because if you didn't, we would have to exit this the hard way. And I don't think you want that on your shift.
Amanda: I'd love to roll intimidation, please.
Eric: Yeah. Cammie, do you want your hex hidden or not?
Julia: I only want to do it if it seems like the goons are beginning to draw their weapons. And I do want to do it not obviously.
Eric: Sure. Make a sleight of hand for me then.
Julia: I'm not very good at that.
Eric: As you're like you're— you're very quietly pouring your tea.
Julia: [dice roll] rolled a 10. That’s not very good.
Eric: Okay. Alright.
Amanda: Don't worry Julia, because I did get a Nat 20 plus 4.
Julia: Oh shit.
Eric: On intimidation?
Amanda: On intimidation.
Brandon: Even Umbi's a little scared.
Eric: Piney looks down at all the mugs they’re holding and the book—
Julia: Oh my god.
Eric: —says—
Eric (as Piney): Alright. One Amber and I'll forget this-- I'll forget this ever happened.
Amanda: Troy makes eye contact with Cammie and Umbi and it's like,
Amanda (as Troy): Let's—let's do these guys, it's worth it.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I think so. Can't take it with you to the grave is what I always say.
Julia (as Cammie): We trust you Troy because I had no idea what they're looking for.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I got the-- back on the boat, back on the boat.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda: Troy takes out of his, you know those little tiny pockets in jeans, Troy has that in the—
Julia: Where you put coins—
Amanda: —his pants for coins, yeah. He's gonna take the Amber that we saved from Esca Island and slip it into Piney's pocket.
Eric: Does Pi—hold on— Piney does not have pockets. Just, it goes you put your hand into the pine, and you drop it and then it's gone and your hand’s a little sticky.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks. I'm glad we can work together on this.
Eric (as Piney): For sure, for sure.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can I keep one?
Amanda: Eric, was that Fir sure?
Eric: Fir sure.
Eric (as Piney): Fine, because I think you're all very funny and interesting. And I'm sure Tessie will as well, here.
Eric: And gives— gives one of—one of the tiki mugs back to Umbi.
Eric (as Piney): Drink—drink it in a— drink in good health old man.
Julia: Umbi is 100% starting a new collection here. New campaign collection.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Tiki Mugs.
Brandon (as Umbi): This is going on our mantle on the boat.
Julia (as Cammie): Yay!
Amanda: Before we walk away, does Piney like signal to or call off the goons?
Eric: No.
Amanda (as Troy): Maybe they're just escorting us to—to Tessie.
Julia: Yeah, again, if I see them reach for their weapons, I have something prepared.
Amanda: As we walk away under his breath, Troy's gonna be like—
Amanda (as Troy): Yes. So a mysterious hand in the wall gave me a piece of-- like a pair of glasses that let me go inside of a book. And then it was like a lot of bright lights, and like something somehow was like filming me to like make a small version of me that could be played later on like some device for other people, I don't really know. And then I took the glasses off. I got out of the book, and so that's what they're talking about I think. I'm really sorry.
Eric: They have video—they have TV, you're fine.
Julia: We have TV here?
Eric: You have TV.
Amanda: Damn.
Julia: Oh, wow. I thought we were more rustic and old.
Eric: You are, but like for funsies. It's not like mass communication, they don't have the internet. But I think that like, there's at least television in sort of like a 1940s-style BBC.
Amanda: Cool.
Julia: For some reason, that's hilarious to me, because like the way we get our news is via puppet show at the Hold.
Eric: Yeah, sure. A 100%. Yeah, like you don't have enough money for TV.
Julia: Jeez, that's so funny.
Amanda: That's really good.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): So yeah, that's what they're looking for is glasses that could take you inside the book, and then the book becomes a TV show. And then um—and then you're in the TV show, but then we take off the glasses, you're outside the book.
Julia (as Cammie): You went inside a book?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. And I— I know I'm kind of all about books right now, but I think it'd be cool for anyone so I—that's why I think it's worth the amber.
Julia (as Cammie): It's the coolest thing I've ever heard.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, no, you gotta try it.
Brandon (as Umbi): How drunk am I? Is this--?
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, this is real.
Brandon (as Umbi): Holy shit.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Orlando): I'm going to sleep, old man! Stop swearing in front of me, it's impressionable.
Brandon (as Umbi): Where did you come from?
Amanda (as Troy): Orlando, it's past your bedtime.
Eric (as Orlando's Parents): We're leaving. So nice to meet you. Byee.
Julia (as Cammie): Bye Orlando, have a great vacation.
Eric: As you're walking away talking about that, Piney stands there for a second and just kind of like stands over to the side and lets you pass through. The goons are still kind of like standing there behind you. But they're not following anymore.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Alright, as you head in, The Book Depository is pretty quiet now, now that it's nighttime. You walk in through the VIP entrance as the goon standing on the front lets you in. And in the front, Qi Razzmatazz is wearing the same outfit but it's the night version, so it—it's the dark silks. And she's wearing a big hat.
Julia (as Cammie): Woah.
Brandon: Yes.
Julia (as Cammie): We match!
Eric (as Razz): Oh I've been waiting for you for so— I've been waiting for you for so long. We gotta get inside.
Brandon (as Umbi): Qi, so good to see you, it's been so many years.
Eric (as Razz): I saw you this morning you're really get— you're really getting soft in the pit. [Everyone laughs] If there's one rule that I know it's you don't leave a pirate queen waiting. And the second rule I know is you never leave me waiting because I'm worse than a pirate queen. Let's go.
Amanda: I love Qi.
Julia: Alright.
Eric (as Razz): That's—that's Razz to you. And don't you forget it.
Eric: Whips one of her—whips her silks around.
Julia (as Cammie): Yes, ma'am.
Eric: As she leads you over to your one on one with Tessie the Storm.
Amanda: Yay. Can't wait.
[theme]