What do you do with a drowning himbo, what do you do with a drowning himbo, what do you do with a drowning himbo who wants to be a reader?
Dive into the classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, the Skill Tree, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plants and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: We're here at Book Depository Island, the bookiest place on Verda Stello. And you can buy a shirt that says that for 35 doublooms. The crew heads into the main building and meets Piney, a pine tree Greenfolk with a silk blindfold sitting at the front desk. After an informed and spirited conversation of the best way to read books, Piney directs the crew to the Big Room; a massive silo filled with all the books dropped off by other pirates. As Umbi searches for a journal that could give a clue to the Infinite Lake and wish-granting salmon, Troy and Cammie are on their guard for word sharks, the vicious predators swimming through the big book sea. Umbi and Nonny find a diary from the second mate of the most famous pirate in Great Salt Sea history, the one who got closest to actually finding the Infinite Lake. Just as a word shark cannonballed, pun intended right into everyone's spot. Now Troy is missing below the paper waves. Time for a rescue mission. Let's get the party started.
Julia (as Cammie): I found more of your writing, Umbi!
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Julia (as Cammie): Dr. Radish Radish.
Brandon (as Umbi): Who's that?
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, Dr. Radish Ra— where is Troy?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no.
Eric: Troy's not there.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, fuck.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, fuck.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy?
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy?
Eric: Hey, Amanda, can you um, leave the room for a moment?
Amanda: Oh, shit. Really?
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Oh, okay.
Julia: Shit.
Brandon: We just have to talk about you.
Julia: Wow, kicking your wife out of the room, wow.
Eric: I know I'm terrible.
Julia: So mean.
Brandon: Guys, now that Amanda's gone, I really like her sweater. It's cool.
Julia: Yeah, the overalls today, on point.
Eric: Hey, what do you want to get Ju—what do you want to get Ama—Amanda's looking at me and shaking her head and frowning. Same, same. Cammie, Umbi, after the massive splash of the word shark, the big room of the Book Depository feels calm. All the sounds are almost ambient, like music playing at a party a few houses down. There is the rhythmic womp of books falling out of the different return slots. Folks calling out to their friends that they found something valuable, but it feels so far away. Troy's missing, what do you do?
Brandon (as Umbi): Uhh.
Julia (as Cammie): Uhh..
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, we pra—we practiced this, Cammie.
Julia (as Cammie): Did we?
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I was trying to--
Eric: We should've practiced this.
Brandon (as Umbi): We should've practiced this.
Julia (as Cammie): We should've practiced this.
Brandon (as Umbi): Um, okay. Um. Oh, do you have anything that can like seek or—
Julia (as Cammie): Uh... Uh... I can give you extra stuff where you can look more.
Brandon: The only thing that I can do with my abilities at least besides just like look through things is use teleportation bombs. So like look faster maybe Eric, is that a thing that can happen?
Eric: Sure. Yeah, whatever you—whatever you want to do. This is totally open. If you want to start by doing some— some checks to figure out what's happening, and then you can make a plan, but yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, let's do a perception check, maybe?
Julia: Eric, I have a question.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Now in the depths of the books—
Eric: Yeah?
Julia: Would that be swimming?
Eric: That's a good point. If you want to do a straight Perception check just to get your bearings, you can do it.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: You can also do nature to figure out how the book sea works. Any of the various things. Let—let me know what you want to learn about and then we can figure out some sort of check.
Brandon: Now Eric, if I pronounced it like some weird people do the word water into worder?
Eric: Yeah?
Brandon: Can I use shape worder, and shape worder?
Eric: If you want to give an Arcana check and see if it wor—and see if it works, you could do that. [Brandon laughs] It's a—it's a go— Brandon, it's a good point. You're fro—you're apparently from the Delco area, and you could—you could figure it out.
Julia: I rolled an 18 in nature.
Eric: Great. Okay. 18 in nature, so you ho— hold it for a second Brandon, this might help you out. Cammie, how are you doing a na—what are you examining here of the book sea?
Julia: I feel like Cammie's like dipping their toe into the books to see the depth and if it reminds them of water and stuff like that, and being like—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, in nature, water acts this way. Maybe the books act that way too.
Eric: Great question. To give a pop culture reference, you know, when Scrooge McDuck—
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Jumps into the gold coins.
Julia and Brandon: Mhm.
Eric: You know, it's not water, but he swims through it as water. And I think that is how it moves as such, is definitely a higher density, and it doesn't flow as well. But if you dove into it, you jumped into it with force, then it would move as if it was water. But you got to like, you know you two, I think your characters are standing on it now.
Julia: Sure.
Eric: And that's how you see people have been standing on it— walking on top of it. But you could like if you cannonball into it or dove into it, or jumped into it. If you apply force to it, it turns into water it would separate as such.
Brandon: Alright.
Julia: Alright, I think I have a move.
Brandon: Me too.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: But if you still want to do the Arcana check, I wanted to just do that before you rolled Brandon, because that was informative.
Julia: No, it is.
Brandon: Yeah, maybe I was perfect, thank you. Can I— I haven't asked this yet. Can I give bombs to my friends? Bombs, not balms.
Eric: That's a good que— you know what, that's a good question.
Brandon: Like if we were on a boat, and I was like, here's an explosive bomb to throw. Can I do that?
Eric: I think the class demonstrates that because it's a special thing, you're good at it. Like it's your particular weapon that you use.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Because I think because it's a special action, I think that is only there for your class.
Brandon: That makes sense.
Eric: And you could, but it would—Cammie, sure isn't proficient in it.
Brandon: Sure, yeah, yeah.
Julia: That's true.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: What I would like to do is I think Cammie is going to reach into her teapot. Just scoop out Nonny, kiss her on the forehead, and then chuck her into the books where she just saw Troy disappear.
Eric: Sure. Do a strength check for me?
Julia: Great.
Brandon: Hey, Julia, what does it sound like when you scoop out Nonny?
[Julia slurps]
Brandon: Yeah, cool.
Eric: Yeah, let's— let's see how hard and well you throw Nonny into the water. Like a diver jumping off of the— pushing off the side of the pool to get momentum.
Julia: It's a 16 minus one for 15.
Brandon: Pretty good.
Eric: 15 is good.
Julia: Pretty good.
Eric: Yeah. Get—you get some spin on it. It starts the whistle like a Nerf football.
Julia: Yeah, just the perfect shape.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Cause she doesn't have bones. So it just kind of creates that aerodynamic shape there.
Eric: Well, you saw the jacked maize do it earlier. So we have established—
Julia: True.
Eric: —that was the Nonny whistles, like a—
Julia: Nerf football?
Eric: —like a Nerf football. Yeah, you throw Nonny into the water, into the book sea. The books part as Nonny goes [splash] into the depths of the books. And you can see through Nonny's eyes?
Julia: I can when I want to.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Basically, I want to send her into try to find Troy and maybe alert us to where his location is, because she has a swim speed, which is why I asked about whether or not it works in water.
Eric: Bang bang.
Julia: And also she has underwater camouflage, which gives her advantage on stealth checks that are made while underwater.
Brandon: Oh, cool.
Eric: Ooh, interesting, interesting, I like that. Alright, Umbi, do you want to do anything?
Brandon: Yeah, I want to grab a teleportation bomb.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Give it a little bit of a kiss.
Julia: Was Umbi jealous?
Brandon: A little bit. Throw it up as high as I can in the air–
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: –and then have it explode in the air. So I teleport like 10 feet probably up in the air, 10-12 feet.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: And then, gracefully go into a swan dive directly into the pile of books.
Eric: [laughing] Yeah, yeah, you sure do. I think this would be acrobatics for trying to dive gracefully into the book sea.
Brandon: No whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy.
Eric: I can't believe you're jumping into reading like this.
Brandon: Hey, Eric?
Eric: Yeah?
Julia: Ohh...
Eric: Oh, that's a natural 20, baby.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: That's a natural 20.
Eric: Incredible.
Brandon: Umbi used to be a fucking competitive swimmer in his past life.
Julia: Ohh.
Eric: Apparently.
Brandon: He went to the Fruit Olympics.
Eric: This is the second time we've had an Olympics. I think we have to establish some sort of international games that happens at some point.
Julia: Absolutely.
Brandon: When he was 17, he got recruited to Carnegie Melon, on a swim scholarship.
Julia: Jesus Christ.
Eric: There it is. You have a— you have a real diverse mustache as you do that, as you do a jackknife and just-- and dive seamlessly into the book sea.
Brandon: Yup.
Julia: Oh, right before Umbi disappears into the books, I'm just very quickly going to cast action on him to give Umbi an additional action that can be used to attack, dash, disengage, hide or use object.
Brandon: Well, thanks.
Eric: Interesting. So it's like you throw tea on him while he's going by you.
Julia: Yeah, like I blow a little steam towards him, and it just wraps around him as he goes into the books.
Eric: Cool, cool cool cool.
Brandon: God, that's so cool. Like when you— when I hit the books, you expect a splash, right? But I'm sad it's just like a puff of– of steam.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Two books wobble and then it just— and it just a burst of steam.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Alright. Well, I'm gonna mute and turn off the cameras. And get Amanda back in.
Julia: Okay, bye I guess?
Eric: Bye.
Julia: Later, we're just gonna hang out and talk about Star Wars, I guess?
Eric: Yeah, that sounds great.
Julia: Great.
[Google Meet noise]
Amanda: Oh, now they're not here?
Eric: Yeah, now they're not here.
Amanda: Well, this is fun.
Eric: Troy.
Amanda: That's me.
Eric: The first thing that strikes you is that being caught under a sea of books is not as dark as you think it is.
Amanda (as Troy): It's like—it's like the knowledge is pressing down on me, man.
Eric: Its--
Amanda (as Troy): Like, I wonder if I'm gonna take anything away from this, you know? Like, I've been sleeping on my head on top of my barrel book, and I feel like I know more about barrels than anybody has ever known in the entire world. But maybe if I like— if I'm in the sea of books, and I don't drown, then maybe like, I'll come out with more knowledge than I started with.
Eric: Yeah, what is this—this is like studying osmosis, you know what I mean?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, it's like, I mean when I went to basic training, we did only that for three months. Maybe this is basic training, but like for reading?
Eric: I like that this is like bouncing around your head. The first thing when you think about.
Amanda (as Troy): Like oh, shit. Troy Riptide, jumping in with both feet, all six of them. How many feet do butterflies have?
Eric: Enough. You've—you've two, you've two.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: And you have two—
Amanda: Enough to get around, my man.
Eric: Two wings, two hands, two feet, all Troy.
Amanda: Two bows, baby.
Eric: Two bo—two bows. Then what is the first thing, you think of the second thing—
Amanda: Sure, sure.
Eric: —the thing that I say.
Amanda: Okay, yeah. So yeah, you know, kind of patchwork like there's some—there's some light come through.
Eric: Exactly. The light from the surface isn't like being in water or the Great Salt Sea with defuses until it's more water and salt than light.
Amanda: Ohh.
Eric: But it cuts through the small spaces. It's like sitting on the forest floor of a dense rainforest. I was gonna ask you what you're feeling at this moment, but it's like, shit I'm getting smarter just being here.
Amanda (as Troy): Ohh, aw, yeah. Oh, they're sharp. Oh, okay.
Eric: Aw, paper cut. Aw.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, I hope that's a good one.
Eric: So you can sort of breathe down here, but short, shallow breaths. But you’ll run out of oxygen soon, if you're not careful. You are sinking, we're going to use something like, what do you do if you're holding your breath underwater from the DM’s guide.
Amanda: Ohh.
Eric: What's your con?
Amanda: Plus two.
Eric: Cool. Okay, so you can hold your breath for three minutes.
Amanda: Ohh, nice.
Eric: Plus if you— once that runs out, you then are running out of breath and then you might pass out in the—in the book sea. Okay?
Amanda (as Troy): Bugs breathe through our skin, man.
Eric: Yeah, and there's a bunch of books threatening you together.
Amanda (as Troy): Ahh, shit.
Eric: Troy what do you want to do?
Amanda: Alright, I got three minutes. Umm...
Eric: It's not like actual three minutes, it's a little different. I also don't know—have you like measured how long you could—you could breathe underwater?
Amanda: I think logically growing up in the Crags, yes. We have a very good sense—
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: —if we can breathe underwater.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: So like being underwater—
Eric: Like you—you're competing against your—against siblings in breathing underwater.
Amanda: Oh yeah, yeah. And like diving into the tide pool, like there are lots of tide pools and like we actually you know, like swim underneath the cavern, to get into the hi—hidden cache—
Eric: Sure, sure.
Amanda: Like the last rulers who were there and they put in some wine then it all spoiled, whatever.
Eric: Okay, so you do now. Okay, so you know that you have about three minutes to chill while you're down here.
Amanda: Yeah, not to say I can necessarily get out of this because it isn't water. But I—I do think—
Eric: Great.
Amanda: —being submerged in something doesn't panic me.
Eric: This is also to say you feel—you have no sense of where you are. You have no sense of how deep you are unless you try to figure that out. You are—you feel pretty like, out of sorts.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You're just in the middle of nowhere.
Amanda: That was gonna be my question is, do I have a sense of which way’s up?
Eric: Do a Nature check.
Amanda: Okay. [dice roll] Damn, I’m rolling like dogshit.
Eric: Troy rolls like dogshit
Amanda: Troy rolls like dogshit man, but he's hot as he does it. That is a flat 3.
Eric: Oh, it's a 3?
Amanda: Oh yeah.
Eric: No, you have no idea which way is up. Why don't you do a Perception Check for me?
[dice roll]
Amanda: Alright. Getting there. That's a 16 - 1 for 15.
Eric: Alright, 15. You have no idea which way is up, you're like it could be anywhere. You try to alphabetize the books to see if it’ll help you which way to go.
Amanda: No, I think it was my first instinct was— was like turn over and start reading the titles like, oh, what's this one, like, you know.
Eric: Yeah, you follow a beam of light that's coming from somewhere down that glints off of something, a small distance away from you.
Amanda: Alright. So Eric, what we would do if we were underwater if this happens, and I know this because Amanda's mom is a lifeguard.
Eric: Like you and me? Oh, yes.
Amanda: Right. Is you can see which ways bubbles is going.
Eric: Right.
Amanda: Because sometimes you can't see the light, but you can see which way the bubbles go. This is not underwater. So I think what Troy will do is just drop something. I get that you're being like, press down against the books and stuff.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: But if I can, like arch my back to make a little bit of space in front of like, my chest and my face, I would love to just pull from the pocket of my coat, a little handkerchief that I have stashed away there. My background as a mariner, I’m supposed to have a folded flag belonging to a fallen comrade. But I just have Threelips handkerchief in my pocket.
Eric: Oh, Threelips?!
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: It's your boy?!
Amanda: Yeah, and both of my boys you know, we— we learn how to mend handkerchiefs in the Crags. You know, you gotta mend the stuff you have. So Threelips and Rob stitched their initials onto the handkerchief for me. And then very crudely also stitched Crags, Crags, Crags.
Eric: Oh yeah.
Amanda: And so I have that tucked into my pocket. And so I'm going to like hold it up above my hand like I'm about to drop like a you know, a button or a coin, and then drop it and see which way it drops.
Eric: Cool.
Amanda: To help me know which way is up.
Eric: Yeah, that's very smart. The handkerchief goes quote-unquote “below you”. You are upside down so it falls past—
Amanda: Great. Onto my face.
Eric: —past, it falls past you.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: But you turn as you shift yourself around, it is going down towards that thing that you see glinting.
Amanda: Okay, I want to try to grab that shiny thing, cause Troy Riptide comes into a situation, comes out with more stuff than he came in with.
Eric: It is a little far away, you got to swim quote-unquote, “swim your way there.”
Amanda: No, let's do it. Let me— let me swim down through the books try to grab it, but I'm going to keep myself oriented as to which way is up.
Eric: Okay, do an Athletic Check for me, to see how well you do. I know you have a swimming speed, but this is not water. It definitely takes– you got to do—
Amanda: Climbing.
Eric: —You got to do force.
[dice roll]
Amanda: Ohh.
Eric: A Nat 20?!
Amanda: I do have proficiency in athletics as well. So the— the final roll would be a 23.
Eric: I mean that's 23. Yeah, you are zooming down towards the glittering thing. You are making great time.
Amanda: Fuck yeah, dude.
Eric: Unmute please—and please leave.
Amanda: Wha—huh—okay.
[Google Meet noise]
Eric: Umbi, have you all of a sudden put on your old-timey bathing suit like you had in the—at the Hold?
Brandon: Please, Eric, it's a bathing costume.
Eric: That's right. Yeah, that's right. You'—you're going as sexy nurse?
Julia: Famously.
Brandon: Yeah, sexy swimming nurse.
Eric: How would Umbi figure out where to go? Where Troy is?
Brandon: I mean, I don't think he would, I think he's just sort of like searching. There is— he would know, because he's been around so long. Like there's a search pattern that you want to do.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Where you're sort of like start at a point and then do a spiral to start?
Eric: Oh, yeah, that's cool, that's cool.
Brandon: And then eventually you can start doing spokes after that. But you got to start with the spiral.
Eric: Yeah, no, that's ooh— that's good. Where did you— where did Brandon Grugle learn that?
Brandon: There is a masterclass on Delta Airlines, of a survivalist named Jesse something, and—
Eric: They're all named Jesse something—
Brandon: —there you go.
Eric: That's fine, yeah.
Julia: Brandon, what? Absolutely what?
Eric: Yeah, did your phone die when you were on the plane?
Brandon: No, I chose to watch that, guys.
Julia: Was it just like a really long flight and you're like, ah, fuck it I watched everything else?
Brandon: No, I just like— I just wanted to watch it. Did you know that you shouldn't—so SOS you know how pe—you think of like make a big SOS when you get lost or whatever. That's a waste of time and energy. The international symbol for I need help is a V.
Julia: Ohh.
Eric: Ohh.
Brandon: Or an X. I forget which ones which. One means I need attention, one means I need medical attention.
Eric: Oh then I'm—I'm gonna start doing a V everywhere so that people know I need attention.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Luckily— luckily Brandon, even if they don't know that the X is the symbol, they might think there's treasure there and they'll stop.
Brandon: That's true.
Eric: That's true. Alright, because of that fun fact, do a survival check for me with advantage because that was great.
Julia: I love getting advantage because of fun facts. I should do that more often.
Eric: Julia, that's called inspiration. It's baked right into the game.
Julia: Woo!
Eric: Amusing your DM, who would have thought?
Brandon: Okay, well the first one I got a 7. But don't worry, because the second one I got a 9.
Eric: Great. Wonderful.
Julia: Jesus Christ.
Eric: 9 plus what?
Julia: Are those the good dice?
Brandon: No, they’re the bad. Yeah, I got 9, straight up.
Eric: Hell yeah, dude.
Eric: Alright. Yeah. You're doing the spiral pattern that—that certainly—that works out. Umbi you feel like after you spiral a little bit, you feel— you see some movement below you and to the right. Something shifting in the— in the book sea.
Brandon: Can—quick question before I investigate or not investigate that, can I breathe?
Eric: That's a great question. What is your con?
Julia: Uh-oh.
Brandon: Plus one.
Eric: Okay, great. So from the DMs guide, it actually the way that you—you breathe underwater is you do one, plus your con.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: So you have two minutes, and then you have a round, and then you'll pass out and then you'll have a round and you'll die. So we're gonna use those rules. But it's like, you can breathe but it's shallow, and it's hard because the books are pushing down on you, so we're gonna use these rules. You can breathe for two minutes, easy. Do you think you know that? How long you can hold your breathe “underwater”, quote-unquote?
Brandon: I mean, yeah, he was— he went— he was recruited by Carnegie Melon as a swimmer. So, I think he would know.
Eric: That's right. That's right. That's the Nat 20, baby.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. So you know, you got two minutes to play with. Which is a decent amount of time. That's not—it's not nothing.
Brandon: That's a pretty long time to hold your breath.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. We're going to be a little squishy with it. You can do—we will do it with actions as we usually do being like time and stuff. And you do have two actions here from your magical steam. So yeah, there’s some movement happening below you, what do you do?
Brandon: Umm.
Eric: There's a shifting in the books.
Brandon: What do I want to do, what do I want to do?
Julia: Just remember you have two actions.
Brandon: I know. I don't know if I want to investigate this or not.
Julia: I mean, you rolled pretty low in survival, I think it's a safe bet. If you want to send Nonny to investigate, Nonny can swim there and look.
Brandon: What if Nonny gets eaten, I don't wanna get Nonny eaten.
Julia: Then I can resummon Nonny, it's okay. And they also have good stealth. So if they have to hide, they can hide.
Eric: Julia, do you feel confident enough that you got inside this fucking mind? You know what I'm doing?
Julia: Yeah, bitch, I do.
Eric: Alright. Let's see what happens.
Brandon: I think—I think I'm just gonna ready in action with a burst bomb.
Eric: Okay, I'll let you ready that because you have two. So what do you want to do though?
Brandon: If I see a word shark emerge, I'm gonna throw the burst bomb at its nose.
Eric: Cause it ha—it hates that.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Hell yeah. Okay, so you just sit— you're just gonna stay?
Brandon: Yeah, just stay floating.
Eric: Cool.
[dice roll]
Brandon: This—this word shark has bad sinuses. It doesn't like to be tapped on the nose.
Eric: Cool. Umbi, you hear—
Eric (as Word Shark): Hachoo!
Eric: As the wha— which is the telltale sign of a word shark with a cold.
Julia: [laughs] Okay.
Eric: I'm just kidding. I rolled a four on stealth. A word shark burst through the books below you, but you're ready to throw a bomb, yeah?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Hell yeah. Make an attack roll.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: May I also make an attack?
Eric: Nonny, yeah, Nonny can attack too.
Julia: So I'm going to cast a spell through Nonny.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: I'm going to cast hollowing curse. Can you please make a dexterity saving throw for this word shark?
Eric: Yeah, tell me about hollowing curse.
Brandon: No candy for this shark.
Julia: Choose a creature within range to make a Dexterity Saving Throw. On a failed save the target takes two D6 necrotic damage and is cursed for up to a minute. On a success, it takes half damage and is not cursed. While cursed, use an action to do one D6 necrotic damage automatically.
Eric: Hell yeah. I rolled a 4 as my Dexterity Save.
Julia: Fuck yeah, you cursed, bitch.
Eric: And attack roll from—from Umbi.
Brandon: 11 total. 7 + 4, [dice roll] not good.
Julia: And it's going to take seven necrotic damage on the first roll.
Eric: Armor—armor class higher than that my man. That's alright.
Brandon: Yeah, it's all good.
Eric: Yeah. It gets lost in the— in the sea. But it sure does look cool when a curse and a bomb gets thrown at the same time, they both explode.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Well, here's my question, Eric. Does it explode? Does it just become a mine, a floating mine in the sea?
[dice roll]
Julia: Rolls a dice.
Eric: No, I rolled a 2, it exploded.
Julia: Ohh.
Eric: So it's like a tea kettle going off, and a loud high-pitched squeal and then a burst of a bomb and the word shark, it's— it's— it's bad, it's not happy. The word shark goes [word shark whimpers] and swims past you. Cursed forevermore by a witch.
Julia: True. At least for a minute.
Eric: At least for a minute. It doesn’t have a good sense of time, it's forevermore.
Julia: It's like a dog.
Eric: Alright, Umbi. Nonny, Nonny what do you do?
Brandon: I'm going to keep searching.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, make another Survival Check for me.
Brandon: No advantage this time, just regular?
Eric: No advantage on this one. Because you're already in the spiral pattern.
Julia: Can I have Nonny also do a Survival Check?
Eric: Absolutely. Nonny can do a different check if—if Nonny wants to. If Nonny wants to be a little bit more specific.
Julia: Well, Nonny's intelligence is minus four. But her wisdom is plus zero.
Eric: Yeah, go ahead. Do whatever you want.
[dice roll]
Julia: Nope. Na—Nat 1.
Eric: Nonny's reading. Nonny found some octo— some like, an anatomical book on Its Cephalopods and is looking at some nasty stuff.
Brandon: Is it dirty? Like is Nonny in— is it dirty for Nonny?
Julia: You ever seen some octopus porn, Brandon? That is good. Damn, Nonny. Alright. We didn't know you were dirty perv.
Eric: What do you roll, Umbi?
Brandon: Well, Eric, I rolled a 7.
Eric: You rolled a 7?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Hey, you're still spiraling and you're looking out. You're looking out for it. You're spiraling. It's been about a minute.
Julia: Oh shit. We gotta get going.
Brandon: I'll—I'll say I'm spiraling.
Eric: Hey, get out of here, I want to talk to my wife.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: Fuck. Alright.
[Google Meet noise]
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: What up fam?
Amanda: What up?
Eric: What up, what up? Alright, Troy, le—you—you're swimming down.
Amanda: Yeah, I'm gonna swim down, grab that thing with my Natural 20. If you would remember.
Eric: I do remember. You are shmoving through the books. You're like, no, I don't want to read this. I don't want to read this. Get out of here, get out of here.
Amanda: No, no. Eric, when they hit me, then I get the knowledge. I don't have to read it.
Eric: You have don't have to read it?
Amanda: No.
Eric: No?
Amanda: No.
Eric: Oh, that's great, you're doing it through osmosis.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Booksmosis?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, that's fair. Alright, as you swim down with your himbo strength.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: True.
Amanda: True.
Eric: You get down closer and you— as you move books away, I think you're gonna make like a little cavern down there.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Just to like get a better look at what you're— at what you're seeing. I think you've used about a minute of breath now.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: After just from your orientation and everything.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: But you—I think you can like push out and make a little cavern for yourself.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: And you see down there is the skeleton of a Flora Greenfolk.
Amanda: Oh man.
Eric: You also realize that the books have pressed this flower.
Amanda: Oh no.
Eric: So it looks like a flower pressed in a book.
Amanda: Ohh, brutal.
Eric: Yeah. I think the petals are still there dried, but the skele-- of the— the root. It was also looks pretty—
Amanda: Stems and leaves, yeah.
Eric: The stems and the leaves still remain in a calcified dried state.
Amanda: Wow, that's really impactful.
Eric: Dang.
Amanda: Dang, dude.
Eric: Did Troy say that or Amanda said that?
Amanda (as Troy): Dang dude.
Amanda: That's what Troy said.
Eric: Yeah, that’s what–
Amanda: Amanda said, wow, that’s a really impactful image.
Eric: Wow, wow, wow. And used to—you do see the thing that's glittering is actually an amulet around this skeleton's neck.
Amanda: Troy grabs it, no questions asked.
Eric: I think you can grab it and pull it, and hold it in your hand. But it seems to be stuck a little bit on this Flora’s skeleton. Then you can't just like easily lift it off of its neck. These amulets' bow and arrow pendant is strong with a length of well-worn bow-string.
Amanda: Ohh.
Eric: It's not– it's not actually a chain.
Amanda: Can I unknot, one of the ends of the fixture real quick?
Eric: Yeah, I think knots are survival.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Again, so let's do another Survival Check.
Amanda: Sure.
Eric: Also while you're doing this, right after this, can you give me a History Check?
Amanda: Alright, so survival. Ooh, Amanda has proficiency, eyyy!
Eric: Oohh, let's go.
Amanda: Alright, that is an 18, with proficiency that is a 19.
Eric: You unknot it, you are able to slip it out. There are a bunch of books. Some really, really heavy encyclopedias on taxes that was pinning it down.
Amanda: Troy just like—
Amanda (as Troy): Get out of here.
Amanda: Kicks the book and doesn't even know about that.
Eric: Yeah, so you're actually able to slip the rope back on and you can retie it immediately because of your good roll.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Give me a History Check.
[dice roll]
Amanda: Alright, it's 14 + 0.
Eric: Sure. 14 you're actually really familiar with this. Because the bowstring amulet, which is what I'm going to call it, reminds you of something that you saw—you knew in an old children's book.
Amanda: Really?
Eric: Yeah, which is wild. This is the— the amulet of Goldenrod The Respectful Raider. Who is a really nice pirate—
Amanda: What?
Eric: Who helps people.
Amanda: Oh my god.
Eric: Yeah. And you might read right now, like Goldenrod it's like one of those children's books that rhyme. Goldenrod The Respectful Raider. He never frowns, he never wavers. He had a—he had a wife, never betrayed her. If he ever lied it would be his nader. He has his values, on the narrow and straighter. A friendly guy, a good communicator. Goldenrod the sweet crusader. He saved a ship by himself with magic rope, and that's it, no greater.
Amanda: Wow, I love this.
Eric: Yeah. So—
Amanda: I think Troy only ever heard this said out loud to him and it never occurred to him it could have been a buck.
Eric: Yeah, it's— I guess it's a children's story for sure.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: And yeah, this—this is the thing. This amulet, like a Goldenrod also had a bow which is why you liked the story so much.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: And by activating his am— his magic amulet, he could fire an arrow and there will be a rope attached to it.
Amanda: That's incredible.
Eric: And he used it like to save his friends, his crew, and to save other people who were lost in various waters from sea monsters and bad people.
Amanda: Down under the swirling sea of books next to the skeleton, Troy just like stands on top of one of the petrified leaves, like raises the amulet up toward where he knows the sky to be and goes—
Amanda (as Troy): Goldenrod, I will be worthy of you.
Amanda: And slips it on his neck.
Eric: Hell yeah, dude. Now uhh, can you make an Arcana check for me?
Amanda: Yeah. [dice roll] Yeah right, that's a four.
Eric: That's a 4. Hey, this is a really good recreation from a children's story. I don't know who made this. This is— this is high quality though.
Amanda: Amazing. It doesn't matter to Troy.
Eric: Well, it's nice, it's nice stuff.
Amanda: Nah, it’s nice bruh.
Eric: Hell yeah. Cool. Alright, yeah, you're down there, what do you want to do?
Amanda: From there, I'm gonna kick, climb, swim my way up back to the surface.
Eric: Cool. Cool. Cool. Alright, give me another athletic check.
Amanda: I get better results on these two hands I find. [dice roll] Oh, nice. 18 plus 1, plus 2 for a 21.
Eric: Hell yeah. How do you start to swim upwards?
Amanda: I think as with any good swim, you have to start with a powerful kick. And so Troy doesn't notice but he does like decapitate the skeleton of the—of the Flora folk by like kicking off from the ground and starts—
Eric: Just the head of the flower cracks off as you push off.
Amanda: Yeah. Starts breast-stroking his way up toward where he remembers this guy to be.
Eric: Incredible. Alright, I'm gonna— I'm gonna swap back.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: See you later.
Amanda: Peace.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda, and I would love today to thank and say a very happy birthday to the best GM in podcasting, Eric Silver. From all of us here at Join the Party and at Multitude. And I know I speak on behalf of every Join the Party listener when I say you deserve the absolute best birthday of all time. No matter if that involves some Greenfolk wishing you Happy Birthday, maybe a time loop, maybe not. You did wake up today on May 2, that's great. Or, you know, a prince of some nice city-states, saying that he remembers you always. Happy Birthday. Thank you so much to our newest patron that Michelle, you have joined the hundreds of other people who make room in their budget for us every single month. We so appreciate you. And even though you represent about 5% of our total audience, you are the 5% that makes the rest of the 95% possible, because you make it literally, actually possible for us to put so many hours into the show that we care about so much. And in exchange, you get access to all kinds of great stuff, our bi-weekly party planning podcast, and our thriving patron-only Discord, ad-free episodes, video versions of party planning, see our voices come out of our faces. It's pretty trippy. Bloopers and more and more. Join us today if you can at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. And you know what regardless, tweet at Eric @El_Silvero. E L underscore S I L VE R O Happy Birthday. This week at Multitude, Pale Blue Pod is rockin' and rollin'. The Hubble telescope just celebrated its birthday and Pale Blue Pod had an episode all about it. This is of course the astronomy podcast hosted by astrophysicist Dr. Moiya McTier, and comedian Corinne Caputo. All about demystifying space, one topic at a time. If you're a little bit overwhelmed and maybe scared by space but want to be a friend of the universe., this is the podcast for you. Seriously, I look forward to it every Monday and you will too. Look up Pale Blue Pod in your podcast app now or go to palebluepod.space. We are sponsored this week by Twenty Side Store. This is our friendly local game store in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, that can also be your friendly local game store because they can ship to wherever you are local to. We have gone to the store a couple of times now and they have some amazing stuff in stock, as well as for sale online. They have card packs for Fiasco, amazing dice, DM journals, any kind of game you might need. Puzzles, board games, gifts, everything, Zines. Oh my god, the Zines are so good. So go ahead to twentysidedstore.com. Spell out the word 20, twentysidedstore.com, and check them out online. Seriously, they are so friendly and great, and their website is amazing. They have a great cat, you got to check them out. Or if you're in Brooklyn, go and see their new space at 280 Grand Street in Williamsburg. No matter which way you choose to shop, you can use the code PIRATE for 20% off your order. That's twentysidedstore.com, or visit them in person in Brooklyn. The show is also sponsored by BetterHelp. And I know very well that it is really easy to get caught up in what everybody needs from you. And never take a minute to think about what you need from yourself. And that is something that I really rely on therapy for. And when my therapist says things like did you do something this week that's just for you? And I go umm, umm, like the answer is, well, I probably should. And so as a promise to myself and to you guys over my lunch break just before I recorded this, I went ahead and bought some bath salts so that I can have like a nice relaxing bath and take that minute to think about myself and be proud of my accomplishments. So that no matter what else I have to do during the week, in the month, and the year, all the things that I want to get better at. All the ways I want to show up more for people in my life. I can make sure that I spend time with me also, which is a real hassle to remember to do and can be hard to feel like I need to justify that to myself. But my therapist is the one who helps make sure I do it. And when I could not find a therapist that I could afford here in Brooklyn, who was taking new patients, I used BetterHelp. it was so convenient to be able to just download the app, sign up and start talking to somebody very quickly. That's not how things work Normally, in traditional therapy. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelpcom/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterHELP.com/jointheparty. And now let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Eric: You've used about a half of your breath. Umbi, what would you like to do?
Brandon: I mean, I'm just gonna keep searching, I guess? I don't really have anything better to do. I can't— I don't have any other—
Eric: No, no. Are you so—so are you working like horizontally?
Brandon: Yes.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Ah, maybe we need to be doing vertically too.
Eric: That's what I assume from your spiraling, I've— that—
Brandon: Maybe I'll do— that's a good point, Eric. Maybe I'll start. I'll stay in the spiral pattern horizontally, but I'll also add depth.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: To it. So it's kind of like a sine wave.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: In verticality.
Eric: And I—Cammie, you want Nonny to stay with Umbi?
Julia: Yes. Nonny's gonna stay with Umbi. I think if Nonny can give some help actions via survival checks as well, that would be extremely useful.
Eric: Yeah, Nonny can do that.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Up on the surface, what is Cammie doing? So you're looking through your magical periscope, but what else?
Julia: I think Cammie is going back and forth because Cammie is blinded when looking through Nonny's eyes. So I think Cammie, just to be safe, because there have been multiple word shark attacks at this point, is trying to keep an eye out. Actually, hold on. I think there's a spell I can do. Let me just check something real quick.
Brandon: Is Nonny, Nonny, Nonny, Nonny, Nonny, anything?
Eric: Nonny, Nonny, Nonny, Nonnyyyy.
Julia: Great. So I think while using her eyes to see through Nonny's eyes, I think what I'm going to do is have Cammie cast sanctuary on herself.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Smart.
Julia: So basically until the spell ends, any creature who targets the warded creature with an attack or harmful spell must first make a Wisdom Saving Throw. On a failed save, the creature must choose a new target or lose the attack or spell.
Eric: Hell yeah. What does it look like doing—making this?
Julia: It's just like shimmery golden hour light all around Cammie, where she's just like sparkling in dust motes.
Eric: Are you like pouring it out in a circle around you, like a salt—
Julia: Oh, yeah a 100%.
Eric: Circle but it's a tea circle.
Brandon: That's fun.
Julia: A 100%.
Eric: That's tight as hell, I love that. Yeah.
Julia: A little sprinkling a tea that also poured out in the liquid form.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado); Ha! Back in my day, we protected ourselves with weapons only.
Brandon: I’m sorry, who is that Eric? Is that an NPC that we’re meeting?
Eric: Actually, it's an NPC you remember, as you look up and you see the old— Cammie, you see the old wrinkly avocado from the quintessential pirate ship.
Julia: Ah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: The avocado standing there with his grandchildren. His grandchildren all of their heads in their hands. As they like— he's like 100 feet away standing like a mound of brochures.
Julia (as Cammie): Hello sir, I respect your wisdom.
Brandon: I thought you were just making fun of Umbi.
Julia: It does kinda sound like you’re making fun of Umbi.
Eric: No, there's ano—there's another. I also get to do old man voice sometimes
Julia: That's fun.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): That's—that's not how we used to do it back in the old times. We didn't have magicians or— or warlockesses.
Brandon: We almost certainly did.
Julia (as Cammie): That's wonderful. Would you—
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Would you tell me more about what you used to experience in the old times?
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Absolutely.
Julia: And then Cammie goes into Nonny. Immediately deafened and blind.
[Muffled Avocado talking]
Eric: I rolled an 8 and he slips down the—the hill of--. The last thing you see is an old avocado man going-- [muffled Avocado talking] As his grandchildren step out to grab him.
Julia: Extremely funny.
Eric: And then for the rest of this time, Cammie you just hear like the old—the low rumblings of [muffled]
Julia: Like it's underwater? Yeah.
Eric: Alright, give me another survival check, and also for Nonny.
Julia: Alright, Nonny let's go—No—ohh. Nonny rolled a Nat 20.
Brandon: Ohhh.
Eric: Yay!
Julia: Nonny!
Brandon and Julia: Nonny, Nonny!
Brandon: 13.
Eric: 13, cool, yeah. You keep doing your parabolas. Cammie, you feel that Nonny, cocks her little seaweed octopus head and then dives. And Umbi—Umbi ca— Nonny's gone. Nonny slips in between like a book that's closed, and Nonny still slips in between the pages and shoots away.
Brandon: I'm gonna try to follow if I can, but yeah.
Eric: If you want to, yeah.
Julia: Just to make your life a little easier Brandon, I think what Nonny is going to do is release a little bit of her ink cloud.
Brandon: Oh, cute.
Julia: So that you can follow the ink trail.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. I think you could follow, it's just about if you're able to—if old man Umbi's able to catch up with a—
Julia: That's fair.
Eric: — With a sea octopus
Brandon: Does the ink spell Umbi this way?
Julia: Yes it does, it becomes a neon arrow.
Eric: You be—you bet it does. It sure– it stains a lot of books. It's really upsetting for a librarian out there.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Umbi, make an athletics check to see if you can catch up.
Brandon: Oh boy.
Eric: You have old man strength. I know you have proficiency in this.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: It's still not great though. That's only plus one.
Eric: That's old man strength for you.
Brandon: That's an 8.
Eric: 8.
Julia: Brandon, new dice.
Brandon: Yeah, I'll switch to my other D20.
Eric: Nonny goes– [Nonny bubbles] and leads the way. But it's just too fast for something that can turn itself into so— so small and fits in between these cracks.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Brandon, I'm going to need you to step away.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: Oh shit.
[Google Meet noise]
Amanda: Oh, I get to talk to Ghoulia?
Julia: Ohh. Hi, Amanda.
Amanda: Oh, no. Does this mean Julia's under the sea or I'm out of it.
Julia: I missed you.
Amanda: I missed you too.
Eric: Troy as you are— as you are hard swimming upwards, you collide with an incredibly fast-moving seaweed octopus.
[Excited Nonny noises]
Amanda (as Troy): Nonny, I missed you. I'm—I'm going out, are you coming with me?
Eric: And Nonny—Nonny is pulling you back the way that she came.
Amanda: That she came, not that I went.
Eric: No, that she came.
Amanda: Alright, yeah.
Eric: Which is on a sharp 45-degree angle.
Amanda: Alright.
Amanda (as Troy): Take me away, girl.
Julia: I am going to end the concentration on myself. Actually, it's not a concentration spell. Holy shit, Sanctuary is not a concentration spell. I’m gonna cast sanctuary again. This time through Nonny on Troy.
Eric: Nice.
Amanda: Thanks.
Eric: What does that look like?
Julia: I think Nonny glows with the golden hour light of Cammie's tea spellcasting and—
Amanda (as Troy): So many things are glowing today.
Julia: And it spreads through the tentacles and then latches on to Troy.
Eric: Hell yeah, it looks like a tea bag and water, like dispurses around.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: I fucking love that. Yeah, through Nonny, Cammie you realize that Troy knows exactly which way is up. And Troy is going to pull Nonny on a more direct route.
Julia: Sweet.
Amanda (as Troy): Nonny, are you this way, because up is that way.
[Nonny noises]
Eric: And Nonny ge—Nonny gestures behind her to some ink-- To a stream of ink that's been carved through like a little hole of the books.
Amanda (as Troy): Lead the way girl.
Amanda: And I'm gonna swim after.
Eric: I need you both to make self-checks for me.
Julia: Nonny gets advantage on that.
Eric: Yeah.
[dice roll]
Julia: Okay.
[dice roll]
Amanda: Ooh, that's a 14.
Julia: And that is a 19 for Nonny.
Eric: Oh, 14, 19.
Julia: Oh, sorry. No, hold on. I rolled a 17 and Nonny gets + 4 to Stealth.
Eric: Let's go.
Amanda: Dang.
Eric: Water—water stealth baby.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Troy you feel some movement above you, and then Nonny camouflage's herself to look like a book.
Julia: It's fucking adorable.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Do you know things?
Eric: You see some rumbling, some movement above you, and then it goes away.
Amanda (as Troy): Nonny, you're the bomb.
Eric: You want to keep going?
Amanda: Yeah, I'll swim after her, no question.
Eric: You're swimming, now we're going back the way we came.
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Alright, great.
Amanda: I'm following Nonny. I'm assuming we're like angling to a different like place in the room but also still up, like a 45 degree angle. Okay.
Eric: Correct. Correct.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Correct.
Julia: Yeah. I also think that Nonny is going to try to find Umbi on the way back up because Umbi's time is running out and I don't like that.
Eric: Sure. Sounds good.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: Alright. You two, both of you get out of here.
Julia: Oh, right. Goodbye.
Amanda: Damn.
[Google Meet noise]
Eric: Hey, bud.
Brandon: Oh, no, I'm not— it's just me now?
Eric: It’s just you now.
Brandon: Did you kill all my friends?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Eric: Umbi make a—make a Wisdom Saving Throw for me.
Brandon: A wisdom saving throw?
Eric: Hey Bra— which would you think is for fear?
Brandon: Definitely intelligence.
Eric: He says looking at his character sheet. A wisdom-saving throw, please.
Brandon: I got plus 0 to that. Oh, but what's that, Eric? That a Natural fucking 20.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): Hey, Umbi, this is your inner Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, how you doing?
Eric (as Inner Umbi): Do you think all of our friends are dead?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know. Maybe?
Eric (as Inner Umbi): I don't know. I mean, I wanted to ask you, but I do— I feel like I have to comfort you now.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, probably not.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): Yeah, I don't think so.
Brandon (as Umbi): Are we hungry?
Eric (as Inner Umbi): Yeah. Can we go to—can we go to that bar? Maybe they have like, I don't know, like a really big sandwich.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh, I would— I would love a big old soy burger I guess? Wha— I don't know what we have as cheeseburgers here.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): Yeah, I mean, if you want to— if you wanted to be made out of soybean. Is that because you wa—it's that because you watch those Edamame people get eaten earlier?
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe. I don’t know, you're me, tell me.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): I'm your inner self. I'm like your memories. You're the one driving the car.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, okay.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): I'm like in the back telling you to turn the air down. No, no, they're good kids, they're probably fun.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, they're good kids. They're smart.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): Yeah. Also, I think I—you— I think you should surface.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh, oh shit.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): You’re running out of air.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, that's a good point.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): You have like—
Eric: Your inner self looks at a watch.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): I don't know.
Eric: Or like—or a sundial that's—that’s attached to his wrist.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): I don't know, there's like— you have like 30 seconds left, my guy.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I got—yeah I better surface.
Brandon: And I'm on the surface.
Eric: Well, that's what your inner self is saying, do you want to— you want to surface or you want to wait?
Brandon: No, I'm gonna surface.
Eric: You want to surface, you think it's fine?
Brandon: I can always dive back down. Yeah.
Eric: Okay, you can surface. Yeah. Do you know which way—here's a good question. Do you know which way is up?
Brandon: Yeah, I think so. I think just the sort of the same way that like, we inherently know which way is up when we’re in the water.
Eric: I guess you did, and you dove down so that you do—it's not like you fell out of a boat.
Brandon: Right, yeah.
Eric: Good point. good point. Oh, yeah. You can just—just give me an athletic check to swim through.
Brandon: Oh, come on baby. 17.
Eric: 17. You push off hard and you are— you're not— you're certainly not as deep as you thought it was. You break through the wake up at the top. You were kind of like— it's almost like— like a Gopher or Diglett poking out.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hup!
Eric: You surface. You—as you're about 20 feet away from Cammie from where you dove in. There is an old wrinkly avocado man and a bunch of his grandchildren looking really embarrassed, lecturing Cammie, but Cammie is— has a slack-jawed dead-eyed expression, and she is surrounded by golden light. Kind of like in a big circle, and the avocado's man is like standing right on the outside of the circle.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, wait
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): And another thi—and another thing. In my day– well, yeah, okay, maybe sometimes we had a sword that could talk, but never a full magician.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, shut up. I think I know you.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Hey, what?
Brandon (as Umbi): I think I—I think I know you.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Hey, you look familiar to me too.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think I'm gonna roll a D10 and see if I know you.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): I'm gonna do that too.
Brandon: I rolled a 6 so I don't know them.
Eric: You don't know them. I guess I can't do a contest for this. Like this is only a move for you.
Brandon: I mean, I think— I think all old men have this ability. So if you want to try it, I think you're allowed to.
Eric: I rolled a 10, so here's—here what happens.
Brandon: So you do know me.
Eric: So here's what happens.
Brandon: Maybe you knew my parents.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Hey, wait a second. Are you Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, do you know me? I don't know you.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): I do. You broke up my marriage!
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh no. [laughs] What did I do?
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): You knew I was sweet on Carlene, and you're still moved in. And she thought about you all the time. [Brandon laughs] It was two fine years, one bad year, and six incredibly bad years!
Brandon: Umbi's gonna throw a teleportation bomb in the air immediately and try to dive back down underneath the water.
Eric: Alright do an Athletics Check.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Hey, kids, this is why you don't know your— this is why you don't know your grandmother.
Brandon: 11.
Eric: [laughing] Yeah, you fucking dive back down. Alright, get ou—hey, get out of here.
Brandon: Alright, byee.
Eric: Bye.
[Google Meet noise]
Eric: Cammie, where are you at? You're tuning out the old man still?
Julia: Well, actually, I think I'm gonna go back into my body now, I think—
Amanda: What?
Julia: Nonny has this covered. I'll double-check to make sure every couple of— every 10 seconds or so just to get a peep.
Eric: Alright, Nonny and Troy, using your combined underwater animal and himbo strength.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You are—you motor and shmove your way, just cutting through the paper cuts that could probably slash you. You're just cutting through these books.
Amanda: Eric, books will never hurt me.
Eric: No, books—you're right, books would never do that to you.
Amanda: Books love me.
Julia: Troy's best friend is books.
Eric: Yeah, that's true. And you return to where Nonny came from, and Umbi is not there.
Julia (as Cammie): Goddamnit Umbi.
Eric: You're still under the sea. You have one minute left on your— on your breath.
Julia: I'm gonna suggest that Nonny points upwards for Troy, and Nonny is going to dive deeper to try to find Umbi again. Because again, I'm concerned that Umbi's time is running out and he might have passed out. So I want to make sure everyone gets their breathing time.
Eric: Yeah. So Cammie can communicate with Nonny, but Nonny can't—
Julia: Right, right.
Eric: —speak common. So, Cammie, you're gonna—you want Nonny to indicate to Troy just to go up?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. So Nonny—Nonny points a few octopus limbs up to say let's— let's go.
[Nonny burbles]
Amanda (as Troy): You're not coming with?
[Nonny burbles no]
Eric: Nonny—Nonny's swims around or like Looney Tunes pulls out an oxygen meter from nowhere.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, you can take care of yourself, that's for sure.
[Nonny burbles yes]
Julia: Nonny flexes like muscles.
Amanda (as Troy): See you in a minute then, girl.
Eric: Welcome to the Gunshow. So, you wanna surface?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Okay. So and then Cammie, you want to return to your body, right?
Julia: Yes, please.
Eric: Okay. Troy, as you surface—you pop up like you're a Gopher or a Diglett.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: And you're about—and Troy, you're about like, you're a little ways from Cammie. And as you look up, you will immediately see Umbi diving back into the sea, into the book sea.
Amanda (as Troy): Grandpa, no!
Eric: And a—
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, no!
Eric: —And Cammie and a soft avocado man yelling—
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): You broke up my marriage.
Julia (as Cammie): What? Me?
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): No, not you. Wait, you weren't paying attention the whole time?
Julia (as Cammie): No, I was.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Tell me one thing I said.
Julia (as Cammie): That Umbi broke up your marriage. And the way that— and the way that you used to do it back in the day to protect yourself was with weapons. You didn't have magicians or Warlockesses
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Okay, you were paying attention. See? This is what it would look like if you're paying attention.
Eric: And a bunch of just small avocado pits are just like—
Eric (as Small Avocado): Yeah, Grandpa, I got it. Yeah.
Amanda: [laughs] What have I missed?
Eric (as Small Avocado): Yeah, sorry. Yes.
Julia (as Cammie): Respect your elders.
Amanda: So I'm catching Umbi as he's going back under. Can I shoot him in the foot, but like nicely?
Eric: Sure, make an Attack Roll.
Julia: Like a nice shot in the foot. Like with a blunted bolt maybe or something like that.
Amanda: I only rolled a 5, so I'm gonna reroll.
Eric: What you want to do the– the ricochet?
Amanda: Yeah, yeah. Okay. So that's an 11 + 4 for a15.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: That definitely —Umbi's AC can’t be that high.
Amanda: It’s not 15, no. Mine’s only 13.
Eric: Yeah it’s not 14.
Amanda: You can see what his-- you should just say— you should slack Brandon and say what's your AC?
Eric: Yeah, I'm gonna Slack Brandon right now, what's your AC? I’m just asking in Slack, “What's your AC?”
Amanda: Incredible. Incredible. Well, the good news is with Ricochet if I hit, I do do half damage.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: Yeah, he's like, Brandon's AC is 13.
Amanda: Incredible.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: I'm sorry, Umbi's AC is 13.
Amanda: Okay, great.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Um, so—
Eric: I like the idea that this is like— it's like bouncing off of the hole Umbi made in the sea.
Amanda: Yes, I'm going to do a limb shot here. So my damage is going to be halved. Alright, I rolled a 3, so it's half to a 1. So it’s 1 point of damage.
Julia: Alright. He’ll be alright.
Eric: Okay, one point of damage to Umbi.
Amanda: But I'm going to use a risk die here to do a limb shot. Which is when I hit a creature with a ranged weapon attack I can extend the risk die as a bonus action and aim for one of its limbs, attempting to force it to drop an item of my choice that it's holding. And it must make a con saving throw. On a failed save, it drops it and the object lands at its feet.
Eric: What do you want Umbi to drop?
Amanda: I want to drop a shoe. I mean, what I'm trying to do was like pin— pin his foot to the surface.
Julia: He's dropping his pants.
Amanda: Maybe he drops his pants.
Eric: Yeah, he drops his pants. Okay, yeah.
Amanda: Okay, great.
Eric: He'll drop his pants, that sounds great. I'll make him do a Con roll--
Amanda: Can you bring Brandon in?
Eric: And see if you— if you pin his pants. Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Okay, cool.
Amanda: Can you bring Brandon in?
Eric: Yes, we're gonna–
[Google Meet noise]
Julia: Alright. Brandon.
Amanda: Hey, Brandon, could you make a Con saving throw for me?
Brandon: I could, but do I have to?
Eric: Yes you do.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: I don't like that everyone's back together now, this is very stressful.
Julia: I would argue that it's probably a good thing.
Brandon: [singing] Con saving throw, right now. That is a 5, total.
Julia: Of course it is.
Eric: Umbi, you're diving away from your problems. And you hear out ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, and your pants are slashed off of your body, and pinned against a book in the book sea.
Brandon (as Umbi): Aaaah, my pants! My books!
Eric: You also need—please take one point of damage.
Brandon (as Umbi): Waaaah.
Amanda: Just 1, Brandon, just 1.
Brandon (as Umbi): My HP!
Amanda: I think you get a little cut on your calf.
Eric: Or on the butt.
Amanda: Well, I'll try to preserve the old man's dignity a little bit.
Eric: One point of bu—of butt damage. Yeah I—
Julia: Only on the butt.
Brandon: Everybody knows the old men don't have much of a butt, so really it's just like the thigh—
Julia: That’s true.
Brandon: —is the same as the butt. So which goes, you know.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: In my head, you're wearing like 1950s heart boxers.
Brandon: Yeah, absolutely, yeah.
Julia: Correct.
Brandon: Yeah, that are four sizes too large.
Eric: Okay, I just wanted to— I wanted you to yes, and that.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Just toss that out there.
Brandon: Their four sizes too large and they have holes already in them, so it works.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: They're billowing like a slip. Like it's—it's a lot.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Troy yells from across the book sea.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm sorry Grandpa, I had to stop you. I'm cool, you don't have to go back under for me.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Amanda (as Troy): I'm over here.
Amanda: And then Troy waves.
Julia (as Cammie): We found Troy.
Brandon (as Umbi): What? Let me come up, and I'll hear you better.
Eric: The book sea closes behind—closes behind the arrow. There is still a yelling old squishy avocado, who is like—
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Did you know your grandpa is—is a life ruiner, he's a homewrecker. And he has been his entire life. I know he's— I know he smells now, but he's still bad. He's been bad the whole time, he's rotten.
Julia (as Cammie): Grandpa, no. Grandpa, how could you?
Brandon: You hear from very quietly underwater.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm a fucking pirate.
Julia: Shit.
Amanda (as Troy): So can we like get out of here or—
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): You're no pirate of mine. Hachoo!
Julia (as Cammie): God bless you.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Marone! I'm from the old school, a gentleman— a gentleman pirate is not supposed to steal each other's woman.
Julia (as Cammie): And I'm sure Grandpa is very sorry for that. And—
Brandon (as Umbi): Not really!
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): There's absolutely no way that's the case!
Julia (as Cammie): I'm sure that regret looks different on everyone, sir. Would you like a calming cup of tea?
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): No, I'm gonna get a drink.
Julia (as Cammie): Are you sure?
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): And I'm gonna get out of here. I don't want to see any of your faces ever again.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, we were also planning on going to get a drink, so maybe if you don't want to yell at Umbi anymore.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Then you better stay at the other side of the bar!
Julia (as Cammie): Yes sir, we shall. I respect your wisdom.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): Alright. Kids, we're going.
Julia (as Cammie): You're gonna bring children to a bar? Okay, bye.
Eric (as Wrinkly Avocado): We're pirates, come on!
Brandon: His quote-unquote “kids” are like 60 years old.
Eric: Oh yeah, they're in their 40s and 50s. There's one scrappy Gen Z— like great-grandchild.
Amanda: Weird hair.
Eric: Yeah, wild hair. I didn't—and it's like you put like construction paper on an avocado pit, it looks weird. It looks weird.
Amanda: Cute.
Eric: And Nonny also resurfaces.
[Excited Nonny noise]
Julia (as Cammie): Come back in the pot, you go. Good job, baby. Mwah.
Eric: Yeah. She ju— Nonny jumps right out of the book sea into the pot.
Julia (as Cammie): You deserve a nice long rest, baby.
[Happy Nonny noise]
Amanda (as Troy): Seems like I miss some stuff, but I got cool necklace.
Julia (as Cammie): What?
Amanda: And Troy lifts up an amulet in the shape of a bow and arrow that's hanging from a string of bowstring, that's looped around his neck.
Brandon: That's cool.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, that's amazing. That fits your aesthetic perfectly.
Eric: Both of you do History Checks for me.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Cha! Oooh, I rolled an 18.
Eric: 18
Brandon: Eric, this is my third Natural 20 of the episode.
Julia: Holy shit!
Amanda: What?
Julia: Use those dice more.
Amanda: Woah.
Julia: Use those dice more!
Eric: Well, wonderful. I want to say the thing and more to you two because you both rolled better than Troy.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: You recognize this amulet because it's from a children's book. This is the amulet worn by Goldenrod The Respectful Raider. Who is a —it's a childr—a series of children's stories that were written down into books. There were about a ni— a very nice pirate that helps people.
Julia (as Cammie): I got this one from the Hold library. I love that book.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh, that's the amulet from Reginald Gold Raider, the pirate, who is nice.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I can't remember the name, what was it called?
Julia (as Cammie): Dr. Radish Radish presents:
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Well, I—it's funny you say that Julia. And I'm gonna say this—
Julia: Oh shit.
Eric: —I'm gonna say this because of Brandon's Nat 20. This is actually a folk story. This is a very, very, very—
Julia: Oh, okay.
Eric: —old Robin Hood-esque children's story about a ni— a guy who's kind of a rascal but does nice things for other people because he knows it's the right thing to do. It's a rhyming story. Goldenrod, the respectful raider. He never frowns, he never wavers. He has a wife he never lov—he never betrayed her. If he ever lied, it was his nader, you know, stuff like that.
Julia: Oh my God.
Eric: But here's the thing is that he will— he was a friendly guy and a good communicator. But also he saved his ship all by himself with magic rope, that's it, no greater. The thing— the reason why he use the magic rope, he turned— he would say the secret word to his amulet, which was friendship and—
Amanda: Ooooh.
Eric: —and he could fi— he fired an arrow. He had a— he had a bow and arrow. And when he said it, the arrow would have a rope attached to it so we can fire it whenever you want it. It's like the rope came out of nowhere.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda: Out of the arrows butt, you can say.
Eric: It was out of the arrows butt, yes. It was a—
Brandon: It's butt rope.
Eric: — rope. The—it's butt rope, sure.
Amanda: Okay.
Brandon: Hey, you said it Amanda.
Eric: And that is the amulet— his magic amulet, that seems to be what Troy is wearing. Now, This is a folk story. So I will say unless you want to investigate it further.
Julia: I would love to do an Arcana check to see what this might do.
Eric: Bang, bang.
Brandon: I would also like to do that. I have a plus four.
Julia: I rolled a 12 plus 3 for a 15.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: May I also roll or should I not, Eric?
Eric: If you want to, sure.
Amanda: Yeah we can all like reassemble on the shores of the Book Depository--
Julia (as Cammie): Your Arcana is different from my Arcana. So maybe you have a different expertise than mine, Umbi.
Brandon: Well Cammie, I got a 7.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, well. You know what, sometimes you roll Nat 20s and sometimes you roll 7s.
Brandon (as Umbi): [sings] You're hot, then you're cold. You're yes then you're no.
Eric: You're re— you're reaching out, and you try to grab, like let me see it. 15. Troy, I'll say has not activated yet.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, do you know how cool that necklace is?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, that's why I'm wearing it. It fits my whole vibe.
Amanda: And he gestures down at his like coat and gold buttons.
Julia (as Cammie): Alright, Troy, I have a suggestion. Now, next time you fire an arrow, you should very loudly yell friendship.
Amanda: Troy turns around, fires an arrow into the wall and yells friendship.
Brandon: Umbi turns to Cammie and says—
Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie, it's just a prank?
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, cool.
Amanda: And yeah, Troy will fire an arrow into the wall.
Eric: Yeah, make an attack roll for me.
Amanda: Speaker Alright. 16 plus 4, dirty 20.
Eric: Sure. Where are you firing at?
Amanda: I'm gonna fire at—you mentioned that there were like narrow slits, like where books can come in?
Eric: Oh, yeah, there's like—
Amanda: To the silo.
Eric: —there's a deposit. There's like deposit slots all the way up on the silo? Yeah.
Amanda: So he's just gonna shoot just above one of those slots.
Eric: Sure. That shit is 300 feet away, and you fire an arrow booth. All of a sudden rope comes streaming out of your amulet attached to the back of the arrow, ping. You got a zipline baby.
Brandon: Sorry, what kind of rope, Eric?
Julia (as Cammie): Wow.
Eric: What?
Brandon: What kind of rope was it that came out?
Amanda: I mean—
Eric: Butt rope.
Amanda: —I mean amu—amulet.
Brandon: Okay, cool.
Amanda: Amulet, Amulet rope?
Eric: No, Brandon wanted me to say butt rope.
Julia (as Cammie): Butt rope.
Eric: Bang, you got a zipline, that sheet is strong. You take the tension for it is perfect, and that is 300 feet away.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, how did you know that?
Julia (as Cammie): Wow. Totally, that's amazing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Freakin cool.
Amanda (as Troy): Does that just— Nonny want to climb this, see what's up there?
[Nonny]
Julia (as Cammie): Go girl, go.
Eric: Nonny like spins around it.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: And Nonny waves you 300 feet away. Nonny peeks out of the deposit slot. And Cammie through your eyes, it's like right in the heart of the district. I don't know if there's like a magic-- if this slot is magical and brings it somewhere else. But it's like where it goes in, is not where it comes out. But there's seems to be— there's like a—what I can only describe as a library shoot in the middle of the Book Depository fun land area.
Julia: Very cool.
Brandon: I wonder if that's where you just return your books when you're done reading them as you walk through the park or something?
Eric: Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, the thing about the Book Depository is that like, you know, pirates don't give a shit about books. So they want to offload heavy things they don't like on their ship. They'll bring it here, which is why it's become bustling. Why Tessie the Storm, then took it over and optimized it. It was all in the brochure that Razz left with you about how this is a good business opportunity and investment. It's SASS, you know.
Brandon: Some pirates don't like books. Some pirates do, one Troy Riptide.
Amanda: That's right. First of my name, bub.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: That's awesome.
[dice roll]
Eric: Sorry, I rolled.
Julia: Yeah.
Everyone: Why?
Amanda: Oh no, we're waiting.
Eric: No, that's it. What's up?
Julia (as Cammie): Alright, let's leave.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do we take care of these word sharks?
Julia (as Cammie): I don't think we took care of them. And I would feel bad about, you know, removing a native species from its homeland. So let's leave now, Nonny come on.
Brandon (as Umbi): Bye.
Eric: Cammie, behind you. You see that something is rising to the surface. It is an upside-down word shark with like necrotic vibes that's going up.
Julia: It was taking 1 D6 damage for like a full minute.
Amanda: Oh boy.
Eric: Like a goldfish rising to the top of a bowl.
Amanda: Oh no.
Julia: Cammie just looks at and goes,
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Amazing. Yeah. Troy will uh—will use the rope to retract the arrow and— and add it back to his quiver.
Eric: Yeah. So, Amanda, I'm going to send you this item. The bowstring amulet-- actually want to give a special shout-out to the Griffin Saddleback who has a really wonderful 5E third party creator and was part of the people who fought against the OGL with—with me and Magehand Mike and all those folks.
Julia: Yay!
Amanda: Cool dude.
Eric: Yeah, lots of fun stuff given them money, but also he posts a lot on Reddit and there's some really cool shit there.
Amanda: That's awesome. And then yeah, as Troy stashes his arrow, he goes,
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, it was on a skeleton. Don't worry about it, let's go.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay. I hope that wasn't the skeleton of Goldenrod himself, but I'm not gonna dwell on it. Let's go.
Eric: That would be fucking weird because he's a character. He's like, Ro—let's just say, I found Robin Hood's ghost.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Cool.
Amanda (as Troy): Where to next? Get a drink? Who was that guy? Umbi, do you have a wife? I don't really want to know. Should we get a–
Julia (Cammie): No, Umbi, I am genuinely curious. I would love to know about why that man thinks you ruined his marriage.
Brandon (as Umbi): What guy?
Julia (as Cammie): The avocado man.
Brandon (as Umbi): There's an avocado?
Julia (as Cammie): He was just here, Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I didn't know that guy.
Julia (as Cammie): Why does he think you ruined his marriage?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, why did he know your name?
Julia: Hold on!
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, is this just what happens when you get old? You forget all the things you did?
Julia (as Cammie): I couldn't possibly know.
Amanda (as Troy): This is why I have to write down the story of Troy Riptide the Adventurer, so I can read the own book of my life. Remember every part of it.
Brandon (as Umbi): I would love to read that.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, what you're describing is called journaling. And I really think this could be a new great hobby for you.
Amanda (as Troy): Woah. Sick. Do you think they make books with no words in them yet?
Julia (as Cammie): Yes.
Amanda (as Troy): Woah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. That's how all books start, without words in them. And then people add them. I know, mind-blowing, right?
Amanda (as Troy): Damn.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana Tropicana): Oh, hey, guys. Do you— I got you all shirts.
Julia: Oh, this is Havana Tropicana?
Eric: This is Havana Tropicana, yeah.
Julia (as Cammie); Havana, I thought we'd left you on the boat.
Eric (as Havana): You did. You should tell me when you're going places.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Havana): Because I want to be a part of it.
Julia (as Cammie): I think we mentioned it. I don't think we didn't mention it.
Eric (as Havana): No, I was playing pinochle with Harold, then I got bored.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, Dr. Tropicana.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah?
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy shot me in the butt. Can you help?
Amanda (as Troy): Just a little bit, just a little because I'm a really good shot.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Oh, I didn't take my butt medicine class, but I can look at it for you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Damn it. Okay.
Eric (as Havana): Well. Sorry about your butt.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thanks.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, if you're really concerned about your butt, I can add a nice poultice to it or something like that.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, it's fine. I'll just walk it off.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric: Havana Tropicana puts a pink bandaid on your butt.
Julia: Ohh, cute.
Eric: It's like—
Eric (as Havana Tropicana): Okay, that stops the bleeding. It seems that would be a really superficial cut. I think you're okay. Even at your age, it's alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thanks.
Amanda (as Troy): Havana, you sound like a whole doctor man, you've done a great job.
Eric (as Havana Tropicana): What? I mean, yeah. I got you—I got all shirts. I guess Umbi, you can tie this around your waist.
Brandon (as Umbi): What does it say on the shirt?
Eric (as Havana Tropicana): It says, I gave a bunch of pirates books, and all I got was a stupid t-shirt. And then in parentheses underneath that it says, and some money for my trouble.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool, I like it.
Amanda (as Troy): Love it bud. Thanks.
Eric (as Havana): They already had a fo—they already had giant size. Is that okay?
Julia (as Cammie): Ohh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie); I'm sure I could sew-- Actually, this is great. This is what I can bring back to Aubergine so that he can make me my cloak.
Eric: Just such as a t-shirt layered over so much.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Hey, I didn't know there were like giant-sized people around.
Amanda (as Troy): What do you mean?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Like I assume that all Greenfolk were like, you know I learned at Doctor school that like, you know the average Greenfolk size are like four and a half to seven feet tall. Depending on—and then even a little bit longer depending on how your— your leaves are arranged.
Amanda (as Troy): Sure, sure.
Brandon (as Umbi): Have you been to one of those state fairs where they do like the biggest carrot contests? Those are the Giants.
Eric (as Havana): Huh.
Julia (as Cammie): Now, Havana, you do have to remember though you went to an all-male doctor school, so it might not have been as accredited as you think it was.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. And they probably don't really know all the things there is to know, because they–they don't think that you could learn all of them. But like I think that's not true.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean medicine in my opin—my opinion is systematically biased against men. So there's not a lot of research done on men, so like we don't know like the full height really of men.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): I'm going to k—l I'm going to bust through that plate glass ceiling. I'm gonna do it.
Amanda (as Troy): Yes, you are, bud, we believe in you. First pirate doctor.
Eric (as Havana): First male pirate—
Julia (as Cammie): First male pirate doctor.
Amanda (as Troy): No, no, first pirate doctor.
Eric (as Havana): I think there are other pirate doctors
Amanda (as Troy): Doesn't matter what your gender is.
Eric (as Havana): I think there are others.
Julia (as Cammie): We haven't seen any.
Amanda (as Troy): No, you're one and only, bud.
Amanda (as Cammie): And Umbi's been here for forever.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know.
Amanda (as Troy): Wait, what did you mean about the giants?
Eric (as Havana): Oh, I just didn't know that they came in that— they've that number of size. But I guess things—whatever ha—I guess whatever things happen on the Great Salt Sea you know.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): But like what are you— did you see an example?
Eric (as Havana): Yeah, I mean, look at these shirts.
Eric: And he lays them out and it’s the size of a blanket.
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe they just miss printed these shirts?
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Some people just like really big shirts too, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Like a sleep shirt.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah, I guess like— I guess in a pinch this could be like a sleeping bag.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Or a duvet.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, now you're thinking like a pirate.
Amanda (as Troy): Bud, anything's a sleeping bag if you roll it up tight enough.
Julia (as Cammie): That is true.
Amanda (as Troy): Come on.
Julia (as Cammie): You just have to swaddle yourself like a baby, like a seedling.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, take my cocoon when I was all goo. Wish there was a book in there with me.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, you don’t talk about when you were just goo that often, how was that experience?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, it was pretty harrowing, can I get a drink?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric: And you as this conversation has winded you all out of the Book Depository. You were in the main shopping district. You picked up Havana Tropicana, and now you are at-- outside of Crimson’s Exchange.
Amanda: Yay!
Julia: Eric, what's the vibe of this bar?
Eric: Hell yeah. Well, you're walking into the best and most interesting bar on the entire Book Depository Island. You're in Crimson’s Exchange.
Amanda: Yay!
Eric: Crimson’s Exchange is like mashing up a tiki bar, and like a leather library bar. Like, which is helpful because there's a lot of like dark wood everywhere. But it's like mask, bunch of books, spear, more books.
Julia: I love it.
Eric: Just like, net that's thrown over stuff. But there's— it's on top of like an entire encyclopedia. There's lots of different types of fires happening. There's like small little warm fires and big like tiki torch fires happening. It's an eclectic mix—
Julia: It’s my dream.
Eric: —of lots of stuff, but it is bumping inside and the bartenders are moving quickly, making people different types of drinks, but you do not see the distinct layer complexion of the Researcher's Delight.
Julia (as Cammie): Ah! Maybe they don't know about it. Maybe it's part of the secret menu.
Brandon (as Umbi): I love a secret menu.
Julia (as Cammie): I also love a secret menu.
Julia: Now Eric are they— are there like specialty cocktail glasses and stuff like that? Like are they in fun shapes?
Eric: Oh, Julia, you know it. Hey, Julia, what's a specialty cocktail glass that you see?
Julia: Oh, man. Well, I mean, one of them is a seaweed octopus wrapped around the skull of a bug person.
Eric: Oh, hell yeah, dude.
Julia: Very cool.
Eric: I like that. There's probably another— there's another one that just looks like— it looks like a pinned butterfly. It's like pinned in a shadow box. So it's a very wide glass.
Julia: Is that one like a scorpion bowl, like you share it with multiple people kind of thing?
Eric: Oh yeah, multiple straws in that one.
Amanda (as Troy): I don't like that one, guys.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, that one seems weird.
Eric (as Bartender): Ayo, mixing the macabre with the way you drink is how we do it here at Crimson’s Exchange.
Brandon: Is there also one that's like a mangrove tree, where it's all just like roots, like gnarly roots that just has like, just the very tip top of the thing where you drink from, but like it's clear so you can see.
Eric: Actually that is a carafe that you turn on that leads out into six different shot glasses.
Brandon: Oohh.
Julia: That's cool.
Eric: Coming out of the mangrove roots.
Amanda: Damn.
Brandon: Love that. Love that.
Eric: So they assemble that, if the six of you do it, they'll like pour all this stuff, put it in the mangrove carafe, and then it comes out the roots.
Brandon: Like an absinthe dripper kind of thing.
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Yes, yeah.
Julia: Can I yes and, and it's a treasure chest at the top that they pour all the alcohol into, and then it goes down the roots.
Eric: Absifuckingtively
Julia: Incredible. This is the best bar I've ever heard of.
Eric: And while the four of you are getting oriented, Havana Tropicana goes,
Eric (as Havana): Oh, hey, watch out.
Eric: And it’s like—
Eric (as Carpenter Ants): Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me,
Eric: As five carpenter ants push past Havana Tropicana. One goes over him and– and they'll be like clearing out the bar like—
Eric (as Carpenter Ant): Hey, yeah, can I get um— can I get a Researcher’s Delight?
Eric: And all the bartenders is like —
Eric (as Bartender): Alright here we go.
Eric: And you look and as they start pulling out bottles, and you hear hmmmm. And you look up and on the wall behind the bar, covering the whole thing are mounted rose bear heads.
Julia: Oohhh.
Amanda: Woah.
Eric: It's a bear with like petals arranged in the rose pattern. And all of them are different colors going from red all the way to purple in different sizes as it goes through the rainbow spectrum.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: And as all the bottles are being flown in all directions as they're starting to stack up the Researchers Delight., it goes zoom golly golly golly, zoom golly, golly. And there's a bass bear that goes zoom, zoom, zoom. Zoom, zoom golly, golly, golly, zoom, golly, golly. We're drinking as we learn. We learn how to get drunk. Zoom golly, golly, zoom golly. And as it's—and as it's finished, everyone stands up and claps. The Research Delight is a set— is presented in just kind of a more standard-looking Tiki glass, totally clear so you can see the distinct five layers arranged in rainbow order of different densities and a metal straw that is plopped in. As all the ants start to kind of get on top of each other to get their fav-- just moving all over the place right to get to the straw, to get their favorite layer of the Researchers Delight.
Julia: Eric I hate this because it doesn't exist in real life. And now I can’t go here and have this experience.
Eric: Well Julia in the next episode, maybe you can roleplay ordering this.
Julia and Amanda: Yay!
Eric and Amanda: Zoom golly, golly, zoom, golly, golly. Zoom, golly, golly, zoom, golly, golly. Zoom, golly, golly, zoom, golly, golly.
[theme]
Transcriptionist: KA
Editor: KM