*Space Jam Voice* Come on and shoot, at this contest absolute. Every pirate get up, it’s time to shoot now. We got a real thing going now, welcome to the ‘Eye Games. Do some plunder, have some fun-der at the ‘Eye games, alright alright alright alright.
Check out these photos of that soccer stadium on an island in Norway! Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
Sponsors
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plants and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Eric: If you had like an adventure log, a quest log, there would be like a new marker that pops up like 10 leagues away, that's like Bullseye Games happening in 50 hours.
Julia: Ooohh.
Amanda: Mmmm.
Eric: Orello got it to you late because he's a bad mailman.
Julia (as Cammie): Who gave him that job?
Eric (as Orello): Dress for the job you want!
Julia (as Cammie): Just because you put on the clothes doesn't mean that's your job now.
Eric: And then Orello turns around and there's a flap on the back that like the old-timey pajamas like the butt flap.
Amanda: Uh-oh.
Eric: There’s a butt flap of the mailman’s outfit.
Amanda: Listen, I didn't want to be the first one to say butt flap in the first minute of our podcast but you know, I'm just saying, I was thinking it too.
Eric: Yeah. This is still the night before where we left off the last episode. You have like more than two days to get to the Bullseye games. And inside of the letter that Troy received, there's a cool treasure map with a y— you know, there's one of those dotted lines that goes in a big loop that doesn't really— it's not very helpful, but it does help you where—
Julia: Do we know where— I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt. Do we know where the Games are located?
Eric: That's a great question. Yes, I can tell you.
Brandon: Was there a return address on the envelope?
Julia: Or I mean it's on the map, so do we recognize either what island or what land these games are taking place in?
Eric: You know why don't you all give me uh, what kind of checks, I think these would be history.
Julia: Oh my god. Guys, a fucking Nat 20, I've been there.
Eric: Incredible.
Julia: Jesus.
Amanda: Good, because Troy got a 6.
Brandon: Yeah, I got a 9.
Julia: This dice are [whispers] amazing.
Amanda: Hell yeah, Julia.
Brandon: Julia, I just want to tell you, for the first half a millisecond when you throw a dice, I can't ever tell if it's a great thing or a horrible thing.
Julia: It’s my face bro.
Amanda: I know.
Julia: My face.
Eric: Well, Julia Schifini.
Julia: Hey.
Eric: It just so happens with a Nat 20, you have been there before—
Julia: Oh, wonderful.
Eric: —to Small Key Stadium. This is based on something called Henningsvaer Stadium, which is the most remote stadium in the world. It's basically up on the Arctic Circle, where there is a soccer field that is on like a-- one of those like Arctic Circle islands, like up in Norway. But basically like, there is a soccer field that's on this like rocky island that is attached to like a fishing village, all on this like very rocky archipelago.
Amanda: Yeah, it's like you took a beach jetty and placed like a square of astroturf on it. It's amazing.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: That's wild.
Brandon: It looks fake, it looks like something you'd make on a you know—
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: Like a computer or something.
Eric: Yeah. So Small Key Island looks a lot like that, but instead of a soccer pitch, it is a stadium. There was a stadium just on this island that's like right on the sea.
Brandon: That's awesome.
Amanda: Very cool.
Brandon: I would love to go there.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Right?
Brandon: Is it a more modern stadium or more like Coliseum?
Eric: A modern stadium, I think.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: I didn't want— it's not like an amphitheater. I think that it is built up in that way and kind of like that big horseshoe that you see in like big college football stadiums. You know, there are some college football stadiums that can hold like 100,000 people. This one can even if it doesn't. Unlike our modern stadiums, though, I think it's made out of like sea stone and driftwood and it's kind of like cobbled together. And it's this massive, massive piece of architecture that's right on this tiny island.
Brandon: Fucking cool.
Julia: That sounds amazing. I'm trying to think of why Cammie would ever have been there before.
Eric: Well Cammie, I thin—
Julia: But I love it.
Eric: —I want to know specifically, I think that you've read about it because the Bullseye Games actually has a quite a deep history in the wo—histor—world of Verda Stello.
Julia (as Cammie): I love lore.
Eric: Yeah. Specifically, the Bullseye games is an offshoot of the Olivepiad.
Amanda: Fuck!
Julia: Yes!
Amanda: Fuck!
Julia: Yes, yes!
Amanda: Fuck!
Eric: Which—which is the games we kee—have been talking about, and that Umbi’s competed and swam in like Mark Spitz.
Julia: Mmm.
Eric: Big mustache on Umbi at the time, big mustache.
Julia: Makes sense.
Brandon: Well, he had a huge mustache, but every time he had to compete, he had to shave it.
Amanda: Ohhh.
Brandon: But yeah, so— but it was his signature for sure.
Eric: Is a—
Amanda: That sprung back overnight.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: It's really interesting, because just the shape of Umbi, not very aerodynamic. Oh, hydrodynamic I would say.
Eric: I love the idea that like you kept it for the diving portion, but then you had to shave it for the swimming portion.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: It was kind of like, of legend because, yeah, exactly Amanda, he would have it the day before the events, and then shave it. And then the morning after it would be back.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: And then yeah, Julia, I mean, he was much more svelte back in his Carnegie Melon days, you know?
Eric: Right, I forgot about Carnegie Melon.
Julia: Yeah, as svelte as a fruit can be.
Eric: Yeah. And the whole thing about the Olivepiad is that it's all amateurs even though it's like you have to be a professional athlete in the first place.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: So the who—the whole thing about this, the Olivepiad is that much like here in the human realm, our Olympiad, is an ancient game that's been going on for thousand of years that were revived, kind of in the relative modern era. The thing about the Bullseye Games though, is that this is actually an offshoot of the shooting games, the shooting competitions, were kind of folded in because it has a very specific history. Bullseye is not named after the middle of a target, but actually, Bullseye Spilanthes which is a—
Julia: Oh my gosh.
Eric: —a very specific type of flower that has this dark red center. It's a cheerful yellow flower, is the description I found, with a dark red center and broad green, dark green leaves that actually numb your mouth when you chew them. So people have used them, like in ancient times, used them as like their for toothaches, to relieve the pain that they have in their—their mouth. it's called the toothache plant.
Brandon: Oh, cool.
Julia: Wow!
Eric: So here's the thing, Bullseye Spilanthes wanted to compete in the shooting portion of the Olivepiad, but Bullseye wasn't that good of a shot. So he practiced for five days in a row until his entire body was numb, and then he hit three bullseyes in a row using his bow, and then he immediately died.
Julia: Yeaaah.
Eric: So now the Bullseye Games are named after him.
Amanda: It's great.
Julia: That makes sense.
Brandon: That's awesome.
Julia: Like how we got the word for marathon.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Precisely.
Eric: Exact—yes, exactly. Now, here's the thing, Cammie. Specifically, I want to talk to you about this.
Julia: Yes.
Eric: The thing is, is that the bulk—
Julia (as Cammie): Hi, Eric.
Eric: Hi, hi Cammie. You can—you're also. Oh, you could break it through the third, the—the fourth wall, I love it.
Julia (as Cammie): Only sometimes.
Eric: Only sometimes. So, Cammie, the thing about the Bullseye Games is that they actually removed shooting competitions from the Olivepiad, because there were some like polytheistic spirituality things that were tied to the shooting games, as this like spirit, metaphor, goddess question mark of victory. And as spiritualism rose in Overstalk, and the path overtook Open Fields, in like the transition from the ancient to the relatively the Classical Age, and of course into the Pre Modern Age, as it took over Open Fields. People wouldn't—didn't want to compete. They didn't want to deal with it, because there was this like, the wor— I would not use the word pagan in Verda Stello, but that's the best way for me to describe it.
Julia: Sure.
Eric: Is like, I'm not competing in these pagan games, we're not shooting. So now the whole reason for the Olivepiad, it was neutral. So they kind of like, they tossed out all the shooting games. Now here on the Great Salt Sea, they brought back the Bullseye Games because pirates love to shoot and they love competing against each other.
Julia: Cool, cool. I love it.
Eric: I think that's why you would have looked this stuff up, because of the—the like, you're reading a book that says shooting is against the Way of the Path. You only shoot for justice to redeem wrongs and to bring goodness upon people, the wicked, blah blah, blah, [talking gibberish] The words are too long, you can't remember anything. Julia, do you want to give any context to that? Can you build upon that?
Julia: I think that yeah, probably Cammie, upon being sort of kicked out of Open Fields, probably did a lot of reading about the Path of Cultivation and how it differed from various other traditions around Verda Stello, and how eventually, in most other countries at least, the idea of the Planter and the spiritualism of the Planter became even more like prominent, I guess?
Eric: Mmm. Yeah.
Julia: And so Cammie was fascinated by that because all they had ever grown up with was the Path of Cultivation. And so seeing that Cammie's, like—
Julia (as Cammie): No, shooting is probably fine, you know? Everything else kind of— well, some of the stuff makes sense. But a lot of the other stuff doesn't make sense at all.
Eric: I think you ha—you might have even been to a game before.
Julia: Maybe!
Eric: Because they've run—they've all run quite a bit over the last 50 years. I'm sure they've done it like at least 20 times.
Julia: Then might have been like an early Cammie on the Great Salt Sea—
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: —moment, like after—
Amanda: Like a bucket list trip.
Julia: Not even a bucket list trip. I feel like that was— I don't know if I've talked to you, Eric, about how Cammie became a pirate. But I think in probably the early iterations of Cammie quote-unquote, “joining a crew”, maybe that was one of the stops that they had early on, and Cammie was enthralled by it.
Eric: Oh, yeah. As like a cabin child, I'm sure that you—
Julia: Yeah!
Eric: —just had to go where the ship went. And maybe you went to a game because they're like—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: —oh, it's like going to the World Cup. It's like, oh, the Bullseye Games are this year. We're going, we're all—ah, yar! We're going.
Julia: Mmm. Mmm.
Eric: Yeah, a 100%.
Amanda: It says it's for networking, but it's just to drink beer.
Julia: That's fair.
Brandon: Isn't that all networking events?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: So yeah. Troy, do you share the invitation?
Amanda: Oh, yeah. No, I—Troy thought that this might be a letter from home and wanted a little privacy to read it. But as soon as he opens it up, he—he yells across the bleachers.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, guys, we're going shooting.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah?
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Amanda: Then he bounds over and shares the invite.
Julia (as Cammie): I love the Bullseye Games. Oh, my goodness, it's been years since I went.
Brandon (as Umbi): I've never been, this sounds awesome.
Julia (as Cammie): You've never been? That's surprising.
Brandon (as Umbi): No. Yeah, that's true. It is surprising, but I haven't.
Julia (as Cammie): I've assumed you've done everything, Umbi.
Eric: You're always on the other side of the Great Salt Sea—
Amanda: I know.
Eric: — when it's going like, oh, no—
Amanda: Shit.
Eric: —I'm in South America, I can't get to Berlin, I can't do it.
Amanda: Fuck. Next year.
Eric: Yeah. It's like, oh I—it's not every four years, if it was I wouldn't— I would get it. Harold kind of leans over and says—
Eric (as Harold): How do they know you're good? I didn't know anyone knew us about anything.
Julia (as Cammie): He's Troy Riptide.
Eric (as Harold): No, I know that. I know he's Troy—how do other people know—know he's Troy Riptide?
Amanda (as Troy): I keep introducing myself as the best shot on the Great Salt Sea. So I mean, maybe word travels to these people. I don't know.
Eric (as Harold): It must be a kind of trap.
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe there's a trap, who can say?
Amanda (as Troy): You know what, maybe it is a trap, but maybe it's a trap that we can trap people's Amber when you bet against me and then I win.
Brandon (as Umbi): Fuck yeah. Look, I don't think it's a trap, I think legit. Your legend has just grown. I would never say that you are not the best shot. But, you know, all options on the table, I guess.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I mean, sounds worthwhile to me, but you know, I definitely want to know about this labyrinth thing too.
Brandon (as Umbi): Fuck yeah.
Eric: Yeah. As y'all are discussing the Bullseye Games, you hear from across the bonfire, like—
Eric (as Captain Edie): Oh, it's the crew of the Sea Whip, coming back with new fun stories to tell everybody.
Eric: And you look up and this Greenfolk is a bound pack of rainbow carrots.
Julia: Amazing!
Amanda: I love them.
Eric: Like—
Amanda: A high ponytail?
Eric: I was literally gonna say yes. So it's up and down a bound pack of carrots is like purple ones, the yellow ones, it—various colors of orange ones. The carrot greens are slicked back into a low pony—
Amanda: Oh, I see.
Julia: Love it.
Eric: —with her arms and legs. Also as carrot greens, notably, her left arm is a vine with a knife tied at the end as her left hand. This is Lucky Edie, Captain of the Money Tree.
Julia: Ooohh, what a great name for a ship.
Eric: I was really proud of that one. Thank you.
Julia: That's a really good one, Eric.
Brandon: How do you spell Edie?
Julia: Like Falco?
Eric: Yes. E D I E. It's a short— it's short—
Amanda: Like Edie Falco, yeah.
Eric: —short for Edith. Oh, that's how she spells it?
Amanda and Julia: Yep.
Eric: Between that and Edie, the Lebanese man I couldn't—I needed to establish what it was. I want it short for Edith. Yeah.
Amanda: I can tell you've been paying attention to my gardening Eric because I did just order a pack of the Carnival Rainbow carrots to grow this fall.
Eric: Oh no. Rainbow Carrots are my favorite thing. When we were talking to Jenn de la Vega, who was also our very good friend, incredible chef, and also the caterer of our wedding. Multiple times I'm like— and we were getting drunk while we were describing what our menu was going to be.
Amanda: It was a great idea.
Eric: I was like, Jenn, the theme is Rainbow Carrots.
Amanda: Jenn, Jenn, Shhh, shhhh.
Eric: Jenn, Jenn, Jenn, Jenn, but we got—
Amanda: Get a big grill.
Eric: —-to get Rainbow Carrots in the mix.
Amanda: Big grill, some chicken. Most importantly—
Amanda and Eric: Rainbow Carrots.
Eric: Rainbow Carrots.
Brandon: It's wild that you guys got married by a giant anthropomorphic rabbit. But you know it worked.
Julia: It was a choice, but we liked it.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Brandon, that was a Rabbi.
Brandon: Ohhhhhh.
Amanda: I know it's your first Jewish wedding, but they are different. Oh my god.
Eric: Hey, hey, uh wait. Here's the—you get—Amanda gets the joken.
Amanda: Oohh, thank you.
Eric: That was good. Amanda gets the joken.
Amanda: I’m gonna put it in my pocket.
Eric: There you go.
Eric (as Lucky Edie ): Oh, it’s Sea Whip, what's going on? What's happening? How are— was— it's been a—it's been a minute. Well, you know, I was out doing my thing, you were out doing your thing. What's going on?
Brandon (as Umbi): Hello.
Amanda: Troy, gets down on one knee, grabs her hand, and kisses it. One without the knife.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Troy you're such a charmer, as always.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, Captain, my Captain.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is Troy shirtless in this moment?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Wait.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hell yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Is she our captain now? What's happening?
Amanda (as Troy): Nah, it's just like a thing I say. Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Ohhh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool.
Amanda (as Troy): What’s up, Lady Edie?
Brandon (as Umbi): What's up?
Amanda: Troy stands back up.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): What's going on?
Eric: I—here's what I want to ask all of you. I want all of you to roll Charisma, and I'm going to tell you what the social relationship between Lucky Edie and all of you are. And depending on how you roll, I'm also going to message each of you individually.
Amanda: Great.
Eric: Of what your—what you think the relationship between Lucky— like the social—
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: —the social vibes here.
Julia: I rolled a 19 because I get plus 3 to charisma.
Brandon: Nice.
Amanda: Nat 20 for Troy Riptide.
Julia: Oh, absolutely, yes.
Brandon: Oh fuck yeah. Well, Umbi got a 6.
Amanda: Ohh, bud.
Julia: This does not shock me at all.
Eric: Okay, I sent one for Brandon, Brandon read that.
Brandon: Jesus. Incredible, Eric.
Eric: Thank you. Pssst. This is what I sent to Brandon. Umbi, you think Edie is a young whippersnapper. I don't know. Who cares, whatever. I'm thinking of a new bomb, maybe it’s like really cold. And Julia, there's yours.
Julia: Okay. Alright, alright. Interesting.
Eric: For the listeners, this is what I said to Julia. Cammie, you think Lucky Edie is our frenemy. She's insecure and needs to brag about her ship. It's easier just not to engage, but it's so annoying that sometimes I have to say something. But I can rely on her when I need to. Okay. And that's—Amanda, that's yours.
Amanda: I got it. Thank you.
Eric: Hey, audience, this is what I sent to Amanda. Troy, you think with your Nat 20, Lucky Edie is our frenemy. She's insecure and needs to brag. It's easier to just not engage but she's really sweet on me, so I can deal with it, and I can use it to my advantage. Okay, cool. So yeah, Lucky Edie says—
Eric (as Lucky Edie): So what— why— I haven't seen you in such-- in a moment. Like I haven't seen you in a minute. What's going on? What have you been up to?
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, you know, not much. We're actually just about to leave very soon, very soon. Like almost right now so—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Oh, okay.
Amanda (as Troy): I got—
Julia (as Cammie): Sorry.
Amanda (as Troy): —I got a letter. Gotta like go deal with that.
Brandon (as Umbi): I’m cold, is anyone else cold?
Julia (as Cammie): What?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, Grandpa, did you forget your sweater again?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I did.
Julia (as Cammie); Oh, is it on the boat? Let's go to the boat.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, sorry. I lost my shirt already, or else I'd give that to you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you.
Eric: Oh, Lucky Edie kinda like hits Troy coyly and be like—
Eric (as Lucky Edie): You're never wearing a shirt, it's so funny. Um, what letter? What's the— I listen, I haven't had anyone to talk to other than my crew. And I just— it’s so boring after a while. What—what do you get? What letter?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah, just like invitation. You know stuff, stuff just comes and goes, and like I come and go, and like that's just kind of my way you know what I mean?
Julia (as Cammie): Troy is so popular.
Amanda (as Troy): Ah, no, no, no, no—
Eric (as Lucky Edie): No, I know.
Amanda (as Troy): No, no, no, no.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): I mean Troy, if you need someone to talk to you about this stuff— about this stuff, and you know I'm always here.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, I got no nickname, you're Lucky Edie, so you know?
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Oh, you know it's just from you know.
Eric: And she—she like whips her knife hand up.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): It's the knife-hand.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I—you know, jealous. I—I got— I got four hands. I don't have a knife at any of them.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Yeah, I—It's—I'm—
Brandon (as Umbi): [whisper] Troy!
Amanda (as Troy): [whisper] What's up?
Brandon (as Umbi): Tell— tell her—tell her some facts about barrels.
Amanda (as Troy): Lucky Lady Edie, you would not believe what has happened to me since I saw you last.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Tell me.
Julia (as Cammie): Edie doesn't need to know.
Amanda (as Troy): Why don't, here—Cammie, do you want to go get—wanna go get Umbi warm?
Julia (as Cammie): I would love to. Goodbye.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Go—Grandpa, go get warm.
Eric: Ca—Cammie fades into a bush like in a Homer Simpson GIF.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): I mean, Cammie usually has the best gossip, and I guess she doesn't want to spill the tea but that's fine.
Amanda (as Troy): No no, it's—it's the thing, it's the thing with a—with Umbi he—that's good. He— he's been really cold recently and like thinks that he you know, thinks that he like he's warm enough, but he's actually warm enough, it's a whole thing. I read my first ever book. It was a book about barrels, and I have so many barrel facts to share with you. For example, did you know that it takes two years in the open wood for wood to become thoroughly dry enough to make into a barrel before you even get the barrel?
Eric (as Lucky Edie): To be honest with you, no, I didn't, I did not.
Amanda (as Troy): Did you know that the term scuttlebutt comes from a size of barrel what had water for people on a ship and then when you gathered around it and wanted to chat it was the scuttlebutt, and that's why it's called scuttlebutt. What when you gossip with your crew.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): I also did I— to be honest with you Troy, I did not know that, no.
Amanda (as Troy): There are so many things. Did you know that the name of the barrel is a butt? There is a whole size of barrel called a butt!
Eric (as Lucky Edie): I didn't know, for sure. Um, Tro—listen, Troy, I love the barrels, but like, yeah, what do you— what have you been up to? I mean, listen, I can't talk about any of the stuff I'm doing. I'm under like NDAs, you know, like n-disclosure doubloom abundance. So like I took I—we stole treasure but like I can't talk about it because it's from the high profile people and they were really secretive about it.
Brandon: Eric, one more timeI, what does that stand for?
Eric: N-disclosed doubloom abundance.
Amanda (as Troy): That's good.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): So like I can't talk about it, but like really I mean you—if you are in the like top left area, there's some pretty—uh some pretty interesting people. I have a lot of a— lot of treasure that the little more lucky the— we're pretty lucky and the Money Tree show is heavy with fruit I'll tell you that much.
Amanda (as Troy): The top left of like the Hold?
Eric (as Lucky Edie): No, the top left of the map up there of the Great Salt Sea. We’re just around, we're you know, we’re, eh. You know, we're looking for the Salmon. But you know, whatever comes, you know, I can't talk about it, but um, yeah, well no, what's going on with you?
Brandon: What if you just spin the map, to the left changes?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Pretty uh, pretty same with me just you know, just learn about barrels really. It's been it—it's been it for me.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): But uh, no, next, next time you got a tip to share let us— let us know.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Sure. What's the— what— I— I mean o—okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Cool.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): I just thought, you know, we just sometimes when we—we you know we hang out at the Hold. I just I—I thought you'd have some—you'd—some good stories. I mean, you always like good stories and like the Salt Whip. And I like— I mean, weren't you— I heard through the grapevine that, you know there was this–
Amanda (as Troy): Is that a kind of barrel?
Eric (as Lucky Edie): No. There is a—
Julia: No, that’s the guy who gossips and runs the—the puppet shows.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Oh, yeah Grapevine. Yeah, Grapevine.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Grapevine): I like to know everything.
Julia: That’s why he does the puppets.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): I heard from the Grapevine that was like a big explosion over at the book—the Book Depository theme park?
Amanda (as Troy): Was all the books hurt?
Eric (as Lucky Edie): And y'all— and you were all in that area. So I just didn't know if you knew anything about it.
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, you know, you get a hot exit here, hot exit there. I don't know, I—I left with a book about cocktails though, that was pretty cool. Ever, ever drink a cocktail with more than one ingredient like not grog or like just grog with sap on it, but you have to like order things in a glass that isn't the glass you drink from, and then you make it all up and you put in a new glass. And I'm like, why would you make another glass that you have to wash? But it's—it's all about like flavors or something?
Brandon: That's a good point, I never thought about that.
Julia: You hear from a distance just Cammie going—
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, Troy, I think uh— I think Harold needs something from you.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Anyway, it was great to catch up and yeah, if you ever get a tip let me know. But you know, I'm a barrel guy now, so that's—that's my latest thing.
Amanda: And then Troy flexing his arm, kisses his bicep and goes—
Amanda (as Troy): These look like barrels, don't you think?
Eric (as Lucky Edie): They—they do, for sure. Well, listen, if um, yeah, just let me know if there's anything going on.
Eric: Make a dexterity check for me.
Brandon: As the player who rolled a 6, I'm very confused why we're being so cagey with this ca– a bunch of carrots.
Amanda: 8.
Eric: Like also like very coyly very flirting, Lucky Edie kind of like grabs towards your pocket where the letter is.
Amanda (as Troy): Whoa!
Eric: And be like—
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Oh, I just, I wanted to see what the letter was.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm a one-barrel man. And that barrel is not you Lady Edie. I'm sorry to say.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): You're getting so— you're getting so into barrels Troy, it's so funny, it's so crazy.
Amanda (as Troy): I gotta grow and learn. I got a shipmate what’s becoming a doctor. I gotta bring something to this crew.
Julia: I'm not there, but I'm like—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, you bring so much already, Troy.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Barrelmaster, for sure. Alright, well um yeah, Troy, I guess I'll see you uh—I'll see you later for sure.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, I— if you got something to say, say it. I know I'm— I know I'm all— I'm all jokes and games and—and flexing here and I don't think I know why people take my shirts, but I wasn't born yesterday. I was born like at least 17 years ago. I have forgotten.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Troy, I just think you're hot, it's fine. Don't worry about it.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Eric: She just lightly hits you again with uh—with her radish hand.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): It's fine, jeez.
Amanda (as Troy): You can say it then because I sometimes do get confused. So just tell me instead of like, you know, grabbing or whatever.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): I'll see you around barrelmaster, don't worry about it.
Amanda (as Troy): Maybe I'll read another book by the time I get back to port.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Oh, I hope I hear about it.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Eric (as Lucky Edie): Alright. See y'all.
Brandon: What is happening?
Amanda: Troy as soon as he turns his back from the Sea Whip, you see him like roll his eyes toward the heavens. And then he walks back toward the boat.
Brandon: What is happening?
Amanda: Troy boards the Sea Whip and closes the—the like shutters behind him, like closes the door, and gets you guys inside.
Brandon (as Umbi): [sings] Fifty-six bottles of grogs on the wall—oh, hey Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, uh. She tried to steal the letter from my pocket, I do not like that.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?!
Amanda (as Troy): Before I was like trying to be nice to her because I thought it was like, you know, a little bit sad that she had a crush on me and I—I did not give the crush to her back. But like she—she kind of tried to like, grab it and like see where I was going and—
Brandon (as Umbi): Did you cut off her fucking hand?
Amanda (as Troy): Like with my words, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Nice.
Eric: Harold sighs deeply says—
Eric (as Harold): Troy, it's called flirting.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's not-- stealing is not flirting.
Eric (as Harold): Did—oh, okay, did she hit you a bunch of times with her hand? And was she like, kinda like, twirling her—her greens?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, but she didn't hit me with the knife hand, which is one that would have been the better one to hit with, so I was pretty confused.
Eric (as Harold): Oh my god.
Amanda (as Troy): Like, if you have a knife hand, why don't you hit with the knife hand, you know what I mean?
Eric (as Harold): You're not trying to stab. It's not everything's not all stabbings here.
Amanda (as Troy): Why not?
Julia (as Cammie): Alright. I've made everyone some nice lavender tea. I'm sure we all need it after that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh, thank you, Cammie.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, I think now that that has all happened, maybe we should try to lea—
Brandon (as Umbi): [sips loudly]
Julia (as Cammie): —okay, Umbi? A little rude.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes? Sorry.
Julia (as Cammie): Sweetheart—
Brandon (as Umbi): It's hot.
Julia (as Cammie): I understand. Let it cool.
Amanda (as Troy): That's why we have the saying, Umbi.
Julia: And then you see Amanda go—
Eric: Here we go.
Brandon: Yep.
Julia: Here it comes.
Amanda (as Troy): If the tea's real fresh, take a breath. Gotta wait!
Brandon: That's fucking good.
Eric: Here's another, it was like a linebreak and another linebreak.
Brandon: Got away.
Amanda: Half rest yeah, take a breath.
Julia (as Cammie): So I think we should leave for the Games immediately so that certain people don't get ideas in their heads. I'll talk to Orello as we prepare to leave, maybe he can look into the whole labyrinth situation, where the Divine Labyrinth might be. And yeah, we'll see Troy kick some butt at the Bullseye Games. I think we should leave first thing in the morning.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I—I just want to make sure uh—maybe, Harold bud, can you— can you make sure nobody like sneaks into my room when I'm sleeping and like takes the letter out my pocket?
Eric (as Harold): Oh absolutely. No one’s— no, no viable bachelor or bacheloress is going to come onto the ship and jokingly take something from you.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, would you like to sleep with Nonny tonight?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I would.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, we've told you like four times you have an actual room, not on the boat, like in the Hold as well.
Julia (as Cammie): But he likes it here.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's fine, I just— it's more comfortable and uh—
Amanda (as Troy): That was my thing.
Brandon (as Umbi): —you're looking at me like I'm crazy.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi that's—that's—
Julia (as Cammie): Well that’s a matter of opinion.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, that's where my things sleep. I sleep on the boat.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ohhh.
Amanda (as Troy): My things sleep there.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Got it. Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): So?
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool.
Eric: Also, Nonny snores adorably.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): It's very cute, sounds like bubbles.
Eric: She goes—
Eric (as Nonny): [Nonny snores]
Amanda: So good.
Eric: A big bubble goes in and out like an anime character, for sure.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Doesn't get better than that.
Eric: It doesn't
Amanda: So yeah, Troy's gonna sleep on the boat. He's been making the repairs and you know, has everything ready and he's just gonna cut it up with uh— with Sil and Harold.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can I borrow your glasses tonight? I want to try some shit.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh yeah, for sure.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thanks.
Eric: Umbi, will you set the scene here? I don't know what shit you're trying to set up.
Brandon: Okay.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. We've had a stretch of incredibly lovely weather here in New York City, which feels so nice. And I recently got to sit outside drinking a very cold water while enjoying a very warm breeze. And I know I usually get a little more sophisticated in these openings of these mid-rolls. But listen, man, there's nothing like it. Eric and I just yelled at the Tempe's, the Tempe's, there's so good. So welcome to the mid-roll were just as good as perfect Tempe's are our newest patrons. Steven Wood, Crystal Phoebe, Laura F and Sapphyre with a Y. Thank you so much for joining. It is lovely to have you, I know y'all been enjoying the Discord because you came in and said hi. But I hope you've all also been enjoying the year's worth of bonus content that you have over on Patreon to enjoy. Here's the fact people, every single week that passes, because there's no more bad Tuesdays now you see. It actually becomes a better value to become a member of us over on Patreon. Because every single week, we post bonus stuff, might be party planning, it might be some bloopers, it might be a post with mechanics and stuff that Eric has come up with for the campaign. It might just be exciting stuff in Discord, where we are all wishing the dads a Happy Father's Day and wishing all of the pets a lovely Tuesday as we always—always do. It is incredible that you pledge your support to us, and we try to make it really, really worthwhile. So please, if you've been thinking about it, be like, oh, my god, wait, if I join, I get five plus years of bonus content. Uh, yeah, I'm going to do it today. patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Speaking of great backlogs, this week at Multitude, we would love to remind you that every single week for the last three and a half years, almost four, I think we have been publishing Head Heart Gut, a friendly debate show that we make just for Multi-Crew members, which is the program that we have so that you can help support new work from Multitude. We have a lot of incredible stuff in the hopper. And every single week we make shows talking all about stuff like hey, what is the best fruit? What's the best movie sequel? What is the best thing to do at a theme park and much, much more? I judged the best animal from a Disney movie and it got contentious, it was incredible. There are so many episodes for you to enjoy. And if you want to hear it before you subscribe, you can do that. Search for Head Heart Gut in your podcast app, and we have two months' worth of the show for you to listen to and be like oh my god, yeah, I love it, and then come on over and join. If we've convinced you, if it is time for you to come on board and support the Multi-Crew. You can do that at multicrew.club. We are sponsored this week by Potion Slingers, a fabulous deck-building strategy card game by a very cool person called Anthony that we met at PAX East. Potions Slingers is deck building with a twist. The decks are built while you play, and cards stick around until you use them so you can stack and combine to your heart's content. Ever since I've been watching Eric played Tears of the Kingdom and the idea that you can fuse stuff to your weapons has really just unlocked something in my brain. And I am now looking into some deckbuilding games for myself, but I love this one in particular because Potion Slingers is really welcoming for New World tabletop game players, while also being super accessible for fans of multiplayer deck building. All of the characters in the game have their own play style, as well as a flip ability that upgrades them when certain conditions are met. And listen, y'all it is wild and weird. Every single card is either a pun, an alchemy reference, a really deep cut, or all of the above. And the art is described by Anthony of Potion Slingers as quote, “a magical junkyard aesthetic.” If you hear the phrase, all weirdo and think fuck yeah, dude, this is 100% for you. So go on and check it out, look at the art you won't be disappointed. Go to potionslingers.com to see the cards for yourself and buy a copy. It is fabulous value and you're supporting another indie maker when you do it. That's potionslingers.com. We are also sponsored this week by BetterHelp. It is very easy in life to get caught up in what everyone else needs from you and not to take a moment to think about what you need from you. And I definitely find this really hard. I kind of like jujitsu my brain into wanting to take care of myself by saying to myself, like, hey, I can't really show up for the other people in my life and my obligations and the things that I want to do, and the people that I like supporting if I don't make sure that you know, my cup is full, and all of those helpful metaphors. And therapy is really the place where I can be honest with myself and say, you know what, I love to overload my schedule until I feel like I am coming apart at the seams. And then if someone needs something from me, I get to be like, oh, sorry, I'm too busy. Instead of thinking to myself, why am I filling my schedule over shit that does not matter, instead of saying like, no, let me first show up for myself, then show up for my loved ones and then do everything else? It's hard, it's under capitalism, it's hard to remind yourself to keep doing it and therapy can be a really good way to sort out your priorities with the help of somebody else and figured out how to put that into practice. And if you find therapy kind of overwhelming, you're not really sure what it would be like or you can't safely or accessibly find a therapist near you, BetterHelp can be a really useful tool. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterHELPcom/jointheparty. And finally, we are sponsored by Twenty Sided Store. This is of course our friendly local game store located in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, that earlier this year expanded. They have their original space and they are now doing events there. and they opened up a brand new, sparkly, beautiful retail space just a block away. In between those two stores is the best soup dumpling place in Brooklyn, M Shanghai, which Lauren and Luis owners of Twenty Sided store recommended to us. So listen, if you want to pick up zines, dice, card games, gifts, supplies, dice bags, expansions of Magic the Gathering, whatever it is that you are into, Twenty Sided store has got it. So see them if you're in Brooklyn, which I know a couple listeners just did, shout out to you. Or if you want to order online from them, you can do that. Go to twentysidedstore.com spell out the word twenty. twentysidedstore.com and use the code Pirate for 20% off your order. Or if you're able to visit in person just mentioned Join the Party and they will get that discount for you. Thanks, Twenty-Sided Store, we love you. And now let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Brandon: The camera, fuzzy with Vaseline on the lens.
Eric: [laughs] Good.
Brandon: They used to do that.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Zooms in from an overhead angle into Umbi's workshop where you see Umbi in a smoking jacket and fuzzy slippies. And a fire roaring in the back which is far away from the explosives.
Julia: Mmm, debatable.
Amanda: Grandpa!
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: He goes over, fixes himself a cocktail lovingly.
Eric: I love there's a bar cart next to some bombs.
Julia: That's what the tinctures are for, both for the cocktails and for the bombs.
Eric: Yeah, for sure.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: He makes cocktails, like fun, unique cocktails for the restaurant. Fixes himself of a cocktail, lovingly makes sure his books are all perfectly spine flat. As he goes and you know dust some things and goes by the fire, sits in his perfect chair and opens his breast pocket, and pulls out the note. Eric, can I go into this note?
Eric: Yeah, if you want to.
Brandon: I want to pull out the glasses, and I want to go into this note.
Eric: Sure. Yeah, you can pop the glasses on. I want to see this from the outside where—
Julia: The frosty window?
Eric: Yeah, where—now, I'm taking the camera away from Umbi and it's still—I have to wipe off all the Vaseline off the lens. Why do you get Vaseline on the lens, what were you doing?
Brandon (as Umbi): It's an aesthetic, Eric.
Eric: Lotion yourself at a different time, if you're using the camera, please.
Amanda (as Troy): Was everything really sticky in the past? Is that what that's about?
Eric: I guess so. Uh, can Troy talk to me now? Jesus.
Amanda (as Troy): Waddup?
Amanda: Troy's doing a—a leg presses with a log.
Brandon: The camera pans over to the left, and you see his—Umbi's giant pile of creams and salves.
Eric: Gross. No! And that's the last time I lend you my equipment, Umbi, Jesus. Troy, go back to your house. You shouldn't even be in this scene.
Amanda (as Troy): Bye, bruh.
Eric: And I think we're gonna see it from the outside. This time you pop on the glasses, and from the outside we see you're like-- Umbi's opacity get lowered, your body becomes translucent and we just see the outlines of your image. I think it's also around the smoking jacket too, it's around your clothes.
Brandon: I want to make two things very clear to the young people listening to the audience. Umbi doesn't smoke, it's not cool. And also don't smoke next to explosives.
Eric: True, very true.
Julia: PSAs.
Eric: We zoom out one more we're back to a comic from the Hays Code. And it’s like, “Umbi says don't smoke.”
Brandon: He does.
Eric: Especially around explosives.
Amanda: But yay Communism.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: He is a commie, a 100%.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Damn.
Eric: That I've—
Amanda: What a journey.
Eric: God, I'm gonna have to figure out if there's communism in Verda Stello now. Once again, Umbi you're-- the bottom drops out of your floor. Your stomach drops with you, and once again the world kind of slams back at you after a moment. You're certainly more cramped now, you're down on your hands and knees and your back is all caddywhompus. Because you— you're like trapped in something.
Julia: It's probably the chest.
Eric: You can't—you push up, you push to the sides. It is very—you are feeling very tight around you and there's just kind of like wood everywhere.
Brandon: Yes, weird. I think Julia, you're right.
Julia: Got buried alive, bro.
Brandon: Yeah, for clarity, I went into the prank note, which means I probably went into the box, the chest that it was in.
Amanda: Oh, sure.
Brandon: So it means actually I can pull a fun prank on Mandy Potash by jumping out of this chest and scaring Mandy.
Julia: Potentially.
Brandon: You know?
Eric: Let's see.
Brandon: So I think Umbi reaches into his smoking jacket and pulls out the pair of novelty mustache glasses that he always has on him.
Julia: That he got from the Crimson Exchange, yeah.
Amanda: From the gift shop.
Eric: Yeah, I rolled him over 10. Yeah, you got that from the Crimson Exchange.
Julia: No, canonically I just did the transcript for it. He did get those instead of the sticky hand after we lost trivia.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Oh, that's right. That was—
Amanda: Yeah, from the gift shop, yeah.
Eric: —that was the bar trivia, right, the prize. Yes, you're—you're totally right.
Brandon: Yep. And it's his most prized possession now. He puts those on and then—
Amanda: Over, I just want to say, Brandon, over the reading glasses. You have—
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: The—the plastic one with the nose. Yeah.
Brandon: A 100%. So the mustache is like a foot away from his—his mouth. And then he counts—
Brandon (as Umbi): One, two, three!
Brandon: And he jumps out and goes–
Brandon (as Umbi): Balalalala!
Eric: Okay. Hold on a—hold on a second.
Brandon: It's like that scene in Pee Wee's Big Adventure in the truck. You know that scared everyone as a kid.
Amanda: No, Brandon, I'm gonna have to ask you to make that reference in Spongebob instead.
Brandon: Oh, okay. It's like that scene in Spongebob, where Spongebob hitchhikes and gets into an 18 Wheeler at night in a spooky landscape where he meets a truck driver woman who tells him a spooky story, and then at the end of the story, she does a jump scare in the movie and like turns into sort of like a quasi-monster for a second, and you're like nine and that freaks you the fuck out.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: That sounds right.
Amanda: Sounds right.
Julia: Sure.
Eric: Yeah. You push up on the inside of the chest and pop out go, what's—what did—what did you go like?
Brandon: Balalalalala.
Eric: You pop out and the two gnarly pirates that are about to toss the chest into a hole go, AH! and drop the chest, and the chest go because I rolled it out 1, the chest goes from rolling down.
Julia: Oh, no.
Eric: [sound of rolling down] Goes rolling and you fall into the hole. And you hear—
Eric (as Fun Mandy Potash): Oh, did someone try to prank me? Finally, I was waiting for someone to do it instead.
Eric: And you see pointing over, reaching over the side of the hole is the face of Fun Mandy Potash, who you remember from the last time that you used the glasses. Different thing i— here, is that everything seems pretty clear. Before everything was super confused and super like convoluted and scratchy, everything looks pretty— pretty well defined here.
Julia: Because the note’s in better condition?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Who can say?
Julia: Who can say?
Brandon: I’m gonna look up at Fun Mandy and say—
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, Mandy, do you remember me at all?
Eric (as Fun Mandy Potash): I feel like I would have remembered putting a body in the chest but—and of course then therefore if I putting a body in a chest, which is a great prank, putting—putting a live-- a corpse. Well, I guess you're not a corpse before this. I remember everyone I corspesify with my prank, so no.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's what they called me in college though.
Julia: A corpse?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, 'cause I'm so old.
Julia: Oh, boy.
Eric (as Fun Mandy Potash): You—why are you— do you— I can’t even fathom why you’re old.
Brandon (as Umbi): This is a cool nickname, this is a cool nickname.
Eric (as Fun Mandy Potash): This was a Rodney Dangerfield situation, I guess? You went to school?
Brandon (as Umbi): I went to college many times.
Eric (as Fun Mandy Potash): Oh, I understood.
Julia: Sure, sure, many degrees.
Eric (as Fun Mandy Potash): Where— what's happening? Where did you come from? I need to know. This is much—much like a magician asking someone how they did-- how someone did something. I need to know how the prank happened.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, good. So—
Brandon: Well mentally, Umbi makes a note that either this is before the other note, or the notes can't talk to each other, which is interesting to know.
Julia: Interesting.
Amanda: Noted.
Brandon: Noted.
Julia: It can't influence the past.
Brandon: It can't influence the past. Umbi says—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, you know a great prankster can't reveal his pranks.
Eric (as Fun Mandy Potash): Oh, part of the old school. I think that’s silly, but I respect it. Also, I'm sorry we're doing this 50 feet away from each other, you in this hole. But that's what you—that's the price of– that's a—
Brandon (as Umbi): This is a 50-foot hole, Eric?
Eric (as Fun Mandy Potash): It's the pra—it's the price prank.
Julia: It rolled down a hill, remember, Brandon?
Brandon: This is five stories down?
Eric: Yeah, yeah, you didn't pay attention, but you dug 50 feet down early—earlier in the episode.
Julia: You're really thriving with that shovel in your hand.
Amanda: That old man strength has nothing to joke about.
Eric: Umbi, as you reckon with the fact that you dug 50 feet earlier in the day, a rope hits you in the face.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ow!
Eric: As Mandy says—
Eric (as Mandy): Come on up.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric (as Mandy): I want to talk to you about the craft.
Brandon: And quicker than you've seen any youthful person ever, Umbi just bolts up this rope with old man strength.
Eric: We've already established the old man strength, absolutely.
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't honestly Mandy, I don't know why I'm here. I just wanted to say hi, see what was going on?
Eric (as Mandy): Oh, so we both don't know what's happening. Interesting, it's a farce of some sort.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Like what are you doing? What's up with your life? Like are you about to take sail anywhere? What's going on?
Eric (as Mandy): Honestly, this entire thing is a farce which is why-- how I conduct my business like we're going in between one door and someone else's going out the other door, and then they need to go back through the other door, and then they pop out. You know, that whole thing.
Amanda: There are three flight attendants, they're all dating the same man. It’s a Boeing Boeing situation.
Brandon: How quaffed is Mandy's hair, Eric?
Eric: It's a good question. Um, I know I understand what you're asking me. Everyone looks good. I would say Mandy particularly, their boots have been— because it was black velvet it— they've been brushed— brushed out.
Brandon: Oooh.
Eric: And their swords are gleaming and her hat and the feather on it is cocked jauntily to the side. Maybe she got her hair did, as well. They—she looks good. Even some of the—the pirate cronies around, none of their shirts have holes in them. They're not— they don't look dirty.
Brandon: Wow!
Amanda: Some fresh pirates.
Julia: Pre-voyage.
Brandon: Umbi looks Mandy up and down and then looks at the other pirates around and says like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, so you guys are like those kind of like fashion pirates.
Eric (as Mandy): It's—and you know when ou—when all the world's a stage and this is just what— we're trying to just make the wha— make the audience laugh, we can do it however we want. And this is just our thing. This is my contingent, the prank contingent—
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait.
Eric (as Mandy): —of Crimson Larceny’s Crew. We just like to look good, you know?
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait, are y'all actors?
Eric (as Mandy): No, it's— I guess this is what I get for talking about. This is what I get for trying to talk about book learning with someone I found in a chest.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, no, no, I understa—I get the reference you were referencing William Shake— Asparagus man.
Eric (as Mandy): Shakespearemint. Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Shakespearmint, thank you.
Amanda: Where do you come up with this thing?!
Eric: I'm a dungeon master, it's our job.
Amanda: Damn. That's right. You stay ready, so you don't have to get ready. That's right.
Eric: Yes! Someone knows that I wrote it on a bar table.
Amanda: Yes. And you stamped it, email to yourself so that you have proof of your invention.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I—I understand what your reference is. I was just saying, are y'all like actual, like, plundering pirates? Or are y'all like a— like a—a exploratory theater group that goes around entertaining people with pranks and plays?
Julia: Why do we keep being rude to NPCs? Why does this keep happening?
Brandon: Was that rude?!
Julia: Yeah, kinda.
Brandon: What do you mean?!
Eric (as Mandy): Old man, do you not know who we are? How long have you been in that chest?
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm very old and I've been in that chest, let's say, 400 years. I don't know.
Eric (as Mandy): We are, as members of Crimson Larceny’s Crew, we are the most fearsome do— doing something, swashbuckling, pirate loot-- booty lootin, rootin scootin pirates that's out here on the Great Salt Sea.
Brandon (as Umbi): See, but when you add—when you add stuff like that to it, it sounds like you're a— it sounds like you’re performance at the Book Depository. So I'm a little bit confused what you're telling me. If I'm honest. And I'm being genuine here.
Julia: Can someone kill you in a book? If you die in the book, do you die in real life?
Brandon (as Umbi): Am I being rude?!
Julia: This is like talking to someone. They say hey, I'm an extremely professional person. You're like, cool, are you an actor pretending to be this extremely professional person.
Brandon: But, look like when you add the words like you're like man, yes, I am the most professional lawyer you've ever seen. But then you say, I'm the most rootin tootin lawyer you've ever seen. It's like, are you actually a lawyer? I'm confused.
Eric: Hey, what's your AC?
[Julia laughs]
Brandon: It's a 13.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: I'm not— I'm gen-- Look guys. I'm genuinely not trying to be rude. I'm trying to figure out what this person is saying.
Eric (as Mandy): Okay. I guess if you don't believe what we are— if you haven't heard what we have to say, I guess I'll just show you.
Eric: As Mandy Potash pulls out her two swords and just runs you through with them. And then Umbi you fall backwards into the hole, tumbling 50 feet down, hit the ground and like coming out of a dream you go [choking noise]. And you are back on the ground with a Manhattan all over your face, staining your smoking jacket.
Julia: Well, that answers my question.
Brandon: Please, a Daiquiri. Umbi is a refined pawpaw fruit.
Eric: A Manhattan is made with Vermoss, just so everyone knows.
Brandon: But genuinely, I was not trying to be rude. Just the way that she described herself, and the way that you describe their fashions made it sound like they hadn't really like been out in the rough and tumble pirate life, so I was confused.
Eric: Okay, make a hi—make a history check then. Okay.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: Interesting.
Julia: The way that I read the situation was, it just meant that they hadn't like gone on the journey for the keys yet. Like they hadn't left for that expedition yet, which they were in bad shape because they had been at sea searching for so long. Also, her name is Fun Mandy Potash, of course, she says she's rootin tootin and whatnot.
Brandon: I got a 13 total.
Eric: Okay, 13 total. So here's the thing, I think maybe what you're touching on. Remember your best friend the avocado? The wrinkly avocado—
Julia: The one we left to die.
Eric: Whose—and the wife you stole? See, you ruin their life multiple times.
Brandon: Well, can you steal someone's wife if they're like dead smashed up against the wall and a captain’s quarters.
Eric: No, before this, like 30 years earlier.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: So in the fact that there's legend, I think, and the way that this unofficial history, I guess can be written down or like both with orally and just with various letters and papers. There is a idea, which may or may not be true, that earlier pirate crews at the beginning of the Rising Tide, they came from the main countries, and they could bring stuff with them, and there was more stuff to go around. Both with the things that they brought from the countries, and also because these islands were revealed and had stuff on them.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: There's a recent-- more of a recent idea as well of establishing these islands, much like the Hold, these bases, because it turns out the Cascade being dried up. It seems like it's gonna happen a little bit longer than a few years. And then it became a way of life out there in the Great Salt Sea. Also, yes, Fun Mandy Potash is one of the most— part of the most feared and legendary pirate crew of all time.
Brandon: Okay, so they're legit pirates, and there was just lots more resources back then. So they're able to—
Amanda: Like colonists in the Northeast versus like Wyoming is the vibe I'm getting.
Brandon: Yes, yes.
Amanda: By the time you get to Utah, shit’s bad.
Brandon: Yes.
Eric: Right.
Amanda: You're dusty.
Eric: Yeah, they were still bringing stuff over from Europe, and they still had stuff to bring, as opposed to like, oh, I've been in Jamestown for five years, and everyone's dead but me, I'm sure nothing bad's gonna happen.
Julia: It's probably fine.
Eric: It's probably fine.
Brandon: So I don't know if I learned what we wanted to learn.
Amanda: But you had a good time.
Brandon: Uh, my--
Julia: Do you want one of us to try?
Brandon: My colleagues and fellow players here, I didn't, I did not me— Eric, I just want the record to show. I was not trying to get stabbed. It's fine that I did, but I want the thing to-- record to show, is not trying to be chaotic.
Amanda: You did find out that if you die in a book, you don't die in real life, and that is genuinely good to know.
Brandon: That's a good point.
Julia: That’s genuinely good information.
Amanda: That’s good to know.
Eric: You found out a bunch of interesting parameters about the—
Amanda: Yeah!
Eric: —about learning that—that notes don't talk to each other, and if you die in the book, you don't die in real life.
Brandon: Yes.
Amanda: And we learned that they set sail from the Hold and didn't have any keys and didn't go on this long journey before it.
Brandon: Great.
Eric: Yeah, I think the other thing that I would say is like, as this established, like, going to land even if it was one of these uninhabited islands was certainly a chance to restock and have more stuff. So yes, they were about, I think the assumption that they were about to go out on a journey—on a longer journey, which is why they all looked nice, would also be something I can give you with 13.
Brandon: Cool. Thank you.
Eric: Alright, wonderful. Okay. The next day comes, the sun gulls are squawking. Y'all want to set sail for the Bullseye Games?
Julia: Yeah, I just want to talk to Orello and give him our last Amber to get him to research the Divine—
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Julia: —Labyrinth for us.
Eric: You—you find Orello doing Tai Chi on the beach. Uh—
Julia: Is his butt exposed again, Eric here?
Eric: His butt is very exposed and he's doing the Tai Chi towards the big monster in the reef. Like I'm send—
Eric (as Orello): I'm sending my energy towards just like they can feel my feelings.
Brandon: Now when you say his butt is exposed, do you mean his barrel or his butt?
Julia: I mean his butt.
Eric: Yeah. I mean, he's just wearing like a really small towel, wrapped around his waist so you can see his butt.
Julia: Eric, I have a hex that's called Peacebound which is usually used to lock weapons to their owners. Can I do that but for his butt?
Eric: Sure, that's fine.
Julia: Mhmmm.
Eric: Yeah. So now it's just like there's— there's like a steam blocking the butt.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Just sometimes that's how I feel like I have-- like, the only way that we can interact is if I do that.
Eric (as Orello): That's fine. It's registered as a—although, it's registered as a deadly weapon.
Julia (as Cammie): With whom?
Eric (as Orello): The government.
Julia (as Cammie): Which one?
Eric (as Orello): All of them.
Julia (as Cammie): That just simply is not true. Anyway, I am going to once again, I don't know why we keep paying you for things, but I am going to give you one Amber. This is for information, do you understand what I'm saying?
Eric (as Orello): Of course, I understand what you're saying. Well, I wouldn't be much of a merchant/bon vivant if I didn't— wasn't able to exchange currency for secrets.
Julia (as Cammie): I didn't know that you knew a little bit of the French Cragish.
Eric (as Orello): Oh, yes, I've been to the— I've been to the separatist state, of course.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh yes, yes. Okay. Well, we would like information. Maybe you should write this down, about the Divine Labyrinth.
Brandon (as Cammie): You're not writing, why are you not writing?
Julia (as Cammie): Please, write it down. I see you still doing Tai Chi.
Eric (as Orello): [breathes loudly] I got it all up here, babe.
Julia (as Cammie): That doesn't make me feel any better.
Eric (as Orello): Divine Labyrinth, I got it, wherever I hear it.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, I still don't think this is worth an Amber but, alright.
Eric (as Orello): Maybe if you— if you write it down on a note and give it to me that's fine, but I got it, I got it here. Secrets, for sure.
Julia (as Cammie): [sighs] Okay.
Eric (as Orello): I've heard tell the Divine Labyrinth, and I know a few people I can already go to, for sure.
Julia (as Cammie): Ohh. Like—like whom and what have you heard?
Eric (as Orello): Oh, I need to confirm with my sources. I'll be—
Julia (as Cammie): I’ve paid you already!
Eric (as Orello): Where are you go? I know what I know. I need to confirm, it's a secret, it's hearsay, it's go—it's um—
Julia (as Cammie): Is it a secret, or is it hearsay? Those are two different things.
Eric (as Orello): It's all of them. Give me—uh, where are you go—I'll meet you. You're going to the Bullseye Games? I'll be there.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, I don't know. I don't like that you know where we're going. Don't tell-- Orello, look at me in the eyes.
Eric (as Orello): Okay.
Julia: Cammie leans really, really close in.
Julia (as Cammie): Do not tell anyone that we're going to the Bullseye Games, especially—Orello, eyes, eyes forward.
Eric (as Orello): What? Oh, yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Especially Lucky Edie. Don't say it.
Eric (as Orello): You smell like— you smell like the morning?
Julia (as Cammie): Yes, I do.
Brandon: And then Cammie gives him a little kiss on the nose.
Amanda: An incredible power move.
Eric: Let me roll.
Julia: Do you want me to roll intimidation? I'll do it.
Eric: Yeah, roll intimidation. I want you to know that Orello has a plus 4 to charisma.
Julia: Okay, I have a plus 3.
Eric: I'm just letting you know.
Julia: Bri—bring it the fuck on.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Bring it on, come on.
Julia: Bring it on, come on. [dice roll] Oh, okay. 18, so it's going to be a 21.
Eric: Mmm, okay.
Eric (as Orello): I won't tell anyone.
Julia: Insight check.
Eric (as Orello): Can I give kiss—can I give you a kiss on the nose?
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Eric (as Orello): Okay.
Julia: I'm just gonna make sure that he's actually not going to tell anyone. I’m doing an insight check.
Eric: Do it, that's fine.
Julia: [dice roll] That is a another 21. 15 + 6.
Amanda: Ooohh.
Brandon: Jesus.
Eric (as Orello): Okay, what if I told one person?
Julia (as Cammie): No!
Eric (as Orello): Okay, fine. I won't
Julia (as Cammie): Literally no one.
Eric (as Orello): Okay. Fine.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, we will never use your services again. And I will blackball you across the Hold.
Eric (as Orello): No, that's the worst kind of ball.
Julia (as Cammie): Yes.
Eric: Just you know I rolled a 20.
Julia: Great.
Eric: So I was gonna tell one person.
Amanda: Fuck you, Eric.
Eric: Incredible.
Eric (as Orello): Okay, fine. I won't.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Orello): Fine.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon: Do you have a plus 6 insight?
Julia: Yeah, I have a plus 6 insight.
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Julia: Yeah, bruh. I built— I built Cammie to play, bruh.
Amanda: In the meantime, looks at character sheet. Troy has never done an intimidation check in his life.
Julia: No, he has.
Amanda: No I have, I have.
Eric: Yeah. Wonderful. Yeah. Alright. You—y'all are about to set sail.
Julia: We've got Havana now, we've got Sil now.
Eric: Actually, where's Havana? Havana’s not on the ship.
Julia: Where is Havana?
Julia (as Cammie): Ha—havana. Havana?
Amanda: Troy wakes up, does all of his morning ablutions, morning checks around the ship.
Amanda (as Troy): Havana bruh! Doctor Tropicana, are you ready?
Eric: Havana is not on the ship.
Julia: I'm gonna go to his quote-unquote “office”, I guess.
Amanda: Behind the puppets.
Eric: That’s right.
Julia: Is that where we put him?
Eric: That's where you set it up. Yeah, he's—he's a—
Julia: Incredible. Yeah.
Eric: The—the doctor is in shack, you set up for him.
Julia: With the bubbly seaweed bead curtain?
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, y'all—y'all go back over there?
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: I think Umbi is still in the process of his morning routine, you know? It takes a good amount of time for someone that old and wrinkly to apply all the salves and ointments, you know?
Eric: Yeah. And you got to clean the drink that was spilled all over your smoking jacket. You have to dry clean, which takes a really long time even alchemically. Which I'm convinced also is what dry cleaning is in the first place, it's just alchemy, folks.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: It is.
Eric: It's turning— it's turning spills into not spills.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Amazing.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, you two head over to Havana's bunk and the doctors' shack and you don't find him out there. But you hear—
Eric (as Havana): Oh, hey, I'm over here.
Eric: And you see Havana is wearing like, he's wearing like a long flowing robe. It's like stained— used to be white, now it's firmly not, it's beige and brownish in different places. He has a straw hat on and he's currently like hoeing a plot of land.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh oh.
Brandon: Fuck yes.
Amanda (as Troy): Havana what kind of— what kind of doctoring is this?
Eric (as Havana): Yeah, it's all kind—uh, it's all kinds of Doctoring. You know, to tell you what—when we do here in the soil and on the ground is also what we do to the Greenfolk does green-- the green on the ground and the green of the Greenfolk are related, both when we're talking about where we end up after we die, and also where we end up when we live.
Amanda: Troy makes eye contact with Cammie—
Amanda (as Troy): What happened?
Julia (as Cammie): Uhhhhh….
Eric (as Havana): It's all here.
Eric: And you see, he's holding up an incredibly old moldy, and beat-up religious text from the Path of Cultivation. Cammie, this isn't like really a very, very old primer, religious school textbook, almost. For like young kids getting them into this stuff. This also was like, I don't know about editions, maybe 15 editions ago. It's an old one that someone has been carrying around in their pocket because its smell is musty. You can smell the seawater from here, someone spilled some grog on it at some point, there are pages ripped out.
Julia: Does this predate one that Cammie would have read as a child? Like it's even older than that?
Eric: Think about this, you know, in a public school when you get like a history book that still goes only up to George Herbert Walker Bush.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It's like that.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: I mean the older the edition, the more close the translations, so you know, it's just more accurate really.
Eric: Yeah. It's the King Jasmine translation.
Amanda: I was gonna say it's in the original Apri-maic.
Eric: Oh, that's a good one. Keep the joken, keep it.
Amanda: Thank you. Back in the pocket, we go.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh, Havana, we're about to set sail, and well, nothing you've said so far is scary, I'm a little concerned.
Eric (as Havana): Cammie, I have to say this—this is the most clear that I felt ever since that I woke up—I woke up on the mattress in the middle of the Great Salt Sea. I'm so glad all of you just brought, took—took me in. And I was able to learn and find purpose from you putting me on the Path.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, yeah. Now Havana, I mean, we could talk about this on the ship, we don't have to do it right here. Just re—just remember Havana, everything in there is up to the interpretation of the reader and not literal. Okay?
Eric (as Havana): I haven't gotten to the point where they talk about metaphor yet, but I— I'm sure I'll get there.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. I mean, they don't talk about metaphor in there, but I'm just letting you know that a lot of it is metaphor and not like actual practice.
Eric (as Havana): So there was no rose hydra, that wasn't real? Daniel didn't slay the rose hydra?
Julia (as Cammie): No, no, no. I mean, maybe, I wasn't there.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah, I mean right, maybe?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): But like it is also a metaphor for overcoming adversity and through— through faith and love.
Brandon: King David the Seed.
Eric: Good, good one.
Amanda (as Troy): Like we love each other as crewmates on the Sea Whip.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah. And anyone who-- who tries to push us off of our Path should be dealt with accordingly. Absolutely.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, no, no. Um, anyone who tries to tempt us off the Path, we try to encourage them to see that there are better options for them, but we don't have to murder them.
Amanda (as Troy): See, this is all just-- I gotta say this is very different from the Crags where it's like, hey, man, do what you want, and if you don't die, I guess it's good. Like, that's really just what we—what we think in like our whole thing.
Julia (as Cammie): That is a great point, Troy.
Eric (as Havana): That's it. Okay. Well, you— Troy, you can always borrow my book if you want.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, you don't have to!
Eric: And Havana like, takes his hand and it's glowing, and he puts his hand on the book, and the book glows with light and he tosses it to Troy.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-oh, uh-oh.
Eric (as Havana): Hear the good word, my man!
Amanda: Troy like catches it sort of in his jacket pocket and doesn't touch it directly.
Eric (as Havana): Actually, Troy, no wait. I'll let you borrow it. But I will actually, I need that one.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh you want— you want this—this one specifically back?
Eric (as Havana): Yeah, that one was mine. I wrote my name on it.
Amanda: Can I roll Insight?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I might have made a mistake.
Amanda: It's just a 7 unfortunately.
Eric: Yeah, this is still Havana, he's still a doofus, so he wants his book back.
Julia: I'm gonna do an insight check?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: I guess?
Amanda: I'm looking at Havana’s face, maybe Cammie looks at the actual pamphlet.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: [dice roll] 25.
Eric: Yeah. This is Havana, he's a doofus. He just wants his book back.
Amanda: Oh, alright.
Julia: Okay, okay, everything.
Julia (as Cammie): Hey, Troy, Troy, you could give the book back.
Eric: So—
Amanda (as Troy): Alright man, here you go.
Eric: —so mechanically here now Havana has some magical healing powers. I have a stat block for him here that's based on some Unearthed Arcana of the protection priest that I have from that, you know, the same thing I use all the time, that NPC Compendium based off of classes and subclasses. So I have a stat block for him. He has some magic, he has some healing stuff— he has a decent AC, Havana is ready to party.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, Havana—
Eric: But it's like a really boring party where people just there's snacks, but like people were just talking about, like religious texts the entire time.
Amanda: It’s all like vegetable chips.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: They're all unleavened bread and non-alcoholic wine.
Eric: Yeah, it's unsalted, everything's unsalted.
Amanda (as Troy): As long as your Path has room enough for us, I support you, man.
Eric (as Havana): That— well, we'll see. We'll see when we get re—when we get replanted what we come back as, for sure.
Amanda (as Troy): What?
Julia (as Cammie): I'll explain it later.
Eric (as Havana): Alright. Let's go!
Julia (as Cammie): It’s okay.
Eric (as Havana): I'm ready to take the show on the road, where we going?
Amanda: And then Troy leans in close and whispers—
Amanda (as Troy): Uh, we're gonna go—we're gonna go prove them I'm the best shooter in the West, and the East and the North and the other parts of the Bialy.
Eric (as Havana): Alright, that's great. Let's go.
Julia (as Cammie): Don't tell anyone.
Brandon: When y'all get back to the ship, Umbi walks up in his sort of like pajamas still. He got a hat on by the way.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, why aren't you dressed yet?
Brandon (as Umbi): It's early um...
Amanda (as Troy): I already ran six miles.
Brandon (as Umbi): I got some clothes on the ship, it's fine. Hey, Havana. what the fuck happened to you, bro?
Eric (as Havana): Hey, what's the good word, my man? The good word is the Path and goodness.
Brandon (as Umbi): Alright um—
Eric: Like, bro hug back slap and Havana then goes and sits on the front of the front of the ship.
Amanda: Oh, my god, can you--
Julia: Cammie is fully having PTSD.
Amanda: Yeah, the youth pastor vibes are immaculate.
Julia: Oh, no.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, Cammie, I got some info for you over here on this side of the boat.
Brandon: And Umbi's gonna relay all the information he learned overnight.
Amanda (as Troy): So you were like really mad that she looked fancy?
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I don't— I don't understand what I did wrong, to be honest.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, I look fancy. Are you insulted by my presence?
Brandon (as Umbi): I– No!
Julia (as Cammie): Do you think I’m not a real pirate?
Brandon (as Umbi): I was confused. I'm very old.
Julia (as Cammie): We can't keep using that as an excuse.
Eric: Sil, says—
Eric (as Sil): I've only been alive for a few days. So, is fanciness rude? I just needed to— I just need it—I just need to know. I gotta— I'm building— I'm trying to understand how this whole thing works.
Eric: And Harold says—
Eric (as Harold): Not the way I do it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Look, look around.
Brandon: It's like the Lion King where he shows everything the light touches to Simba, where he's like, look around, and he gestures to the rest of the Hold with everyone's haggard-ass clothes with holes and fucking [Eric coughs as rough pirates]—everyone's wearing one boot.
Brandon (as Umbi); I just made the incorrect assumption that all pirates looked this way because we have a rough lifestyle. But clearly back— back then that was not the case.
Eric (as Haggard Pirate): I'm only wearing one boot because my other one needs to be laid ou—it's because my other one has a crab in it.
Julia (as Cammie): That's fair.
Brandon (as Umbi): I assumed maybe they were really popular entertainers who are trying to be pira— who were doing pirate shows for the masses, you know?
Juli (as Cammie): Interesting. Interesting.
Eric: This has such like Ancient Aliens vibe. It's like—it's like some kind of interdimensional Starchild must have been putting on shows which is what they were putting in the hieroglyphs.
Brandon (as Umbi): I was not trying to insult or make our DM feel like he was making poor decisions.
Eric: I didn't do anything wrong.
Brandon (as Umbi): Absolutely.
Eric: I’m fine. I’m fine.
Amanda (as Troy): Do you think people keep taking my shirts because they don't have enough shirts? Because that is cool, because I can just give some of my shirts away.
Eric: Yeah, Troy give away your—
Julia (as Cammie): I think it's part of the reason.
Eric (as Pirates): Troy, give away all your shirts, do it.
Amanda (as Troy): I need one, but like you guys can have the rest.
Eric (as Pirates): Give me that charity.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think that people at the Hold would like that Troy to be honest.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Alright, that's cool.
Julia (as Cammie): So we—we know Fun Mandy Potash was here, and she was here before they went to try to find the keys.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Huh. I mean, there's only so many places-- Well, that's not true. I—I know. Nevermind.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think we—
Julia (as Cammie): Shut up, Julia.
Brandon (as Umbi): —I think we also learned that the Crimson Larceny’s Crew had some kind of excavator that could dig a 50 fucking foot hole.
Eric: It's called fear, Brandon, it's called fear.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, um, you want to go shoot some bullseyes?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I mean, Troy, this is going to be an amazing experience for you.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks, I—I gotta say I hope I have not been as annoying about barrels as—as a—as Havana has been about this—this book, but I think this is— I think this is one that maybe I can skip.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, see, your barrel knowledge is fun and interesting. I don't know what the fuck is going on with Havana. Maybe it's a phase.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, he is young and—
Brandon (as Umbi): I went through a lot of phases in my day too.
Amanda (as Troy): Men's minds are just so, so malleable to like the–
Brandon (as Umbi): Right.
Amanda (as Troy): –things that just kind of across in front of them at any given time. So like maybe like, we'll put some amounts in front of him. He'll be okay.
Eric: Yeah. Sil says—
Eric (as Sil): I heard men's minds are smaller than women's minds. I'm also only two days old.
Amanda (as Troy): Sil, you're doing great, bud.
Eric (as Sil ): Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): You’re off to a great stop.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: Alright. You want— y'all want to set sail?
Amanda and Julia: Yes.
Julia (as Cammie): Set sail.
Brandon (as Umbi): I went through a punk rock phase once. I used to skateboard.
Eric: Alright, let's set sail to Small Key Stadium everybody. That's north-northwest folks.
Brandon: On this journey, Umbi does— wasn't there, so it doesn't know about player Brandon desperately wants to know what the fuck is up with Lucky.
Julia: Can we say yet Eric, or you want us to wait ‘til after?
Eric: Yeah, if you want, whatever you want. As long as you do it in character.
Amanda: Yeah, as we set sail, Troy is going to make sure he takes a little bit of a circuitous route, is going to go a little bit east, maybe go on the back of the Hold and then set sail, due North Northwest. And when Cammie and Umbi sort of like give him a questioning look, he's like, yeah, I don't—I don't want to mess with a—with, with Edie knowing where we're going, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): I completely understand.
Brandon (as Umbi): [quietly] What the fuck?
Brandon: Um, Umbi sits down in his weapons chair, his old grandpa’s weapons chair.
Eric: I love it. Again, once again it's the same one from the Millennium Falcon, but then it's like an easy, Lazy Boy.
Brandon: Yeah, exactly.
Julia: I picture it like the—the fishing chair on the back of the Orca in Jaws that Quint sits in.
Eric: Oh, hell yes.
Julia: Where it rotates and stuff like that?
Eric: Yes, yes. Very, very similar, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie, can you spin me a yarn about Lucky Edie, I don't—I feel like I don't know the full story.
Julia (as Cammie): Lucky Edie… Listen, I've never said a bad thing about anyone, because I don't think that that's right. But I'm not gonna lie.
Brandon (as Umbi): We've gossipped a lot, Cammie.
Julia (as Cammie): I know, but like in nice ways, not in mean ways. I wasn't doing it in a mean way. Oh, no, was it mean?
Brandon (as Umbi): No, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine.
Julia (as Cammie): Did you think it was mean?
Eric: You feel Havana's gaze on the back of your head.
Julia (as Cammie): Um, Lucky Edie is very nice, but she does seem a little full of herself. And sometimes that can, you know, rub people the wrong way. And as someone who never wants to say a bad thing to anyone about themselves, um, I try to just disengage because it's hard not to say bad things when she's around.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, that's very fair. I like it. Troy, you want to spin me a yarn about Lucky Edie?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. You know how like um—
Brandon (as Umbi): I would love it if you made it like a metaphorical yarn, where it's like grandiose.
Julia (as Cammie): She's a good pirate though. I just want to stress, she is a very good pirate.
Eric: I also love that this is like Troy driving, still driving a boat looking over his shoulder, like a dad in a car.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: We are in the fucking open ocean, just like hauling ass, you know?
Eric: Just ripping it, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): You know before I like when I—when I had only read the one book and I kept talking about it? And part of is because I was proud of reading the book, but also, I was like, how did I make it to 17 question mark years old and only ever read one book before? But now that I've read more than one book, it's less important to me to talk about all my books. It's like that where like she, you know, I think, you know, wants people to think of her as— as really smart and good and stuff, and like, whether or not she is, she like really like, just, you know, like, is there a word for when you like, you don't you—it's like, when you're like, like a rope is slipping out of your hand, but it's about like your opinion of yourself, you know?
Brandon (as Umbi): Like—like self-effacing?
Julia (as Cammie): Insecure.
Brandon (as Umbi): Insecure.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Harold): Like a rope.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Like a rope.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. When a rope is not secure and it's slipping out of the place that it needs to be, it is insecure.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. It's like when you ask Harold to do the mooring line and he says that he knows how to do it, and then later your ship is gone.
Eric (as Harold): I looked it up later and she was just flirting with you. Come on!
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. No, that's—that's the main thing. I think she thinks that I have a crush on her, but I don't really have a crush on anyone.
Brandon (as Umbi): Eric Silver, DM of Join the Party, do you want to spend a yard about Lucky Edie?
Eric: No, I don't.
Julia (as Cammie): Why? What did you think about Lucky Edie, Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, mostly, I was not paying attention. I was, look, if I'm honest, I was contemplating a new alchemical formula in my brain, and then I got cold and that really throws me off my game.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I did notice that you suddenly got cold the minute we started talking about her. I thought it's something else.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I was just cold.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. And she, you know, I know part of it was flirting now, but also she did try to get the letter out of my pocket see where I'm going, and I—
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true.
Amanda (as Troy): —I don't want to deal with her just like following us because she kept saying also, oh, I forgot what with all the— all the touching. But she— she said that she is like rolling in Amber and at the—the top left section of the map was like really rich and we should, you know, like go and figure it out also. And like that is where we're going. So I mean, if we come across any like huge stashes that we can—we can grab, great. But I was like, why do you say that unless you're not making any money and you just want to say that you are so that we will kiss.
Brandon (as Umbi): That makes sense. Is that also why— is that why we're taking this sort of like different route, instead of like a straight path?
Amanda (as Troy): No, I—I just wanted to make sure she didn't see us leaving right to the— right to the top left. Because then she might think that I was doing what she wanted, and then maybe she will think that like she should follow me because I was doing what she wanted me to do, but want her to follow me and that's not what I want.
Brandon (as Umbi): Got it. Yeah. Thank y’all.
Julia (as Cammie): Well listen. If we want to throw her off the trail even more, we have an extra day to sail there. So maybe we can just, you know, do a lazy river kind of path to Small Key Island.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, or get there early, get a good spot.
Julia (as Cammie): Also that.
Brandon: Umbi sort of like, you know, turns in his chair back to like face the bow of the ship and like kind of mumbles to himself and says like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Man, I do not get these young whippersnappers’, you know, comings and goings and feelings and I don't get it.
Eric (as Harold): I don't get the new generation, no.
Brandon (as Umbi): New generation they just have a lot of thoughts you know?
Amanda (as Troy): Toktik.
Brandon (as Umbi): The Tiktok.
Eric: That's why—
Julia: They’re all about those clocks.
Eric: Everyone is where— everyone does a dance set to the ticking of the clock. Yeah.
Julia: Which is really difficult because you never know exactly the pattern it's going to do because it's so janky.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Yeah, the broken clock and stuff on the Hold.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, if it were me, I would have just cut off her hand and then stolen her Amber but you know, whatever the youth want to do, I guess.
Eric: Alright, well, folks, you're sailing up towards Small Key Island. You're taking a circuitous route, you spy on the horizon as you're getting closer and truly it's like just a-- a stadium made out of driftwood and sea glass and se— and—and smooth stone just comes out of the water.
Julia (as Cammie): Beautiful, just how I remembered.
Brandon (as Umbi): Stunning.
Eric: As you see it, you’re still half a days sail away. So you could definitely speed there if you want to make up time, but also I want everyone to make a perception check for me.
Brandon: That Umbi is good at.
Julia: Love to perceive. Don't roll well though on perceiving. 7.
Amanda: 7 again?
Brandon: I got a 17 plus 3 for non-Nat 20.
Eric: There you go.
Amanda: Oh, thank God.
Julia: Good perceiving.
Eric: Cool.
Julia: Cammie is once again looking for stars while it is broad daylight out.
Eric: Cammie's looking for stars, Troy is trying to make extra time making—
Amanda: Troy keeps touching his own arm like a fake punch be like—
Amanda (as Troy): Is that— is that good? Is that— I don't like like, what was she trying to do?
Eric: It’s not cute. It’s not cute.
Amanda (as Troy): I don't— it's just, it's not the same.
Eric: Uh Umbi, Umbi you're looking for things that-- like sea monsters to shoot out there.
Brandon: Fuck yeah.
Eric: When you spy a shipwreck over to the right.
Brandon (as Umbi): Shipwreck ho!
Eric: You got to non-Natural 20, my man?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes.
Eric: You spy it first before everyone else. It's— there seems to be just—it’s one ship, medium to small size fully scuttled and broken in half. Like there's barely any ship left. There's just a lot of like bobbing wood and cloth in the water. But you— what you do see is the sail, the mai— the main sail is still kind of bobbing out of the water. And you see the unmistakable V and sprout of the Cragish flag.
Julia: Oooh, okay.
Eric: And Umbi sees it before everyone else so, Umbi gets to decide what to do.
Julia: It looks like it's a new shipwreck, Eric?
Eric: It is a new shipwreck, correct.
Julia: So that can tell us who's leading in the Crags right now.
Brandon: That's a good point. Yeah, he's gonna hop out of his chair and yell—
Brandon (as Umbi): Shipwreck, hoooo!
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): [gasps] Nonny, your time has come.
Julia: Pulls her out of the teapot and kisses her and then just throws her again towards the shipwreck.
Amanda: Yeah, Troy whips the wheel over and gets the boat pointed toward the wreck and when he catches sight of the flag, his face gets a little bit pale.
Eric: Troy, you also recognize that this is the—this is the flag of the current King Hyperion the Haggard of the House of Breakstone. Every house in the Crags has their own flag that's based on the Cragish flag. So the Breakstone flag, the sprout comes out of a stone, of like a big boulder in the bottom of the V. Also instead of the white of the V in the— in the sprout, it is a bold yellow.
Amanda (as Troy): Ah man, I guess Hyperion’s still in power.
Julia (as Cammie): Was that —Troy was that who was your— is boss the right word?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Just like the—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): —like the family that what's up there. Yeah, no he—he was pretty new, but you know, they don't always last a long time so I'm impressed. Nice.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, do you think he's got some good shit on that ship? Should we take it?
Julia (as Cammie): Nonny's already scoping it out.
Julia: Do we see any signs that like there— I mean I can also use Nonny to see whether or not there are survivors.
Brandon: Yeah, let's do that.
Eric: Um, Nonny-- You see Nonny bobbing out of the water and go [Nonny sounds] it seems like Nonny is perched on someone's face, who is—who was grabbed onto some driftwood from this fully scuttled boat.
Julia (as Cammie): A survivor! That's unexpected.
Brandon (as Umbi): Let's bring him in.
Eric (as Nonny): [Nonny answers]
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, throw him a barrel to grab onto.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh hell yeah.
Eric: As you throw— do you want to throw a barrel in there–
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: –or something that floats better?
Julia: I'm sure we have a life preserver or something like that.
Amanda: Yeah we have a half barrel that we tied to a rope.
Eric: Oh for sure. You throw the barrel not even—
Amanda: Sure, sure.
Eric: —like swings this Greenfolk over, and kind of like—
Amanda: We tow the rope up, yeah.
Eric: You tow them onto the ship. Umbi and Cammie, this is a young fellow Flora folk, big red petals, tulip man, and Troy you recognize the unmistakable mug as your— one of your best friends in the world, it's Threelips!
Julia: Threelips!
Amanda: Woaaaah!
Eric (as Threelips): [vomit sound]
Eric: Who just vomits seawater all over the ship.
Amanda (as Troy): Word, word, word.
Julia (as Cammie): Get it all out sweetie, get it all out.
[theme]
Eric: Umbi, you think, Edie is a young whippersnapper. I don't know, who cares, whatever. I'm thinking of a new bomb, maybe it’s like, really?
Brandon: Now to be clear, is the bomb really—made me really cold or am I maybe really cold?
Eric: If I can I— It's maybe it's ice. It's—I thought of like an ice bomb.
Brandon: Oh, see, I misread what you wrote then, Eric.
Eric: That's so funny. No, I was thinking like an ice bomb.
Brandon: I read this as he just got chilly.
Eric: That— I mean, it's still funny, it's still very funny. Okay.
Amanda: Incredible.