My bro, he has three petals / three petals has my bro / and would he not have three petals / he would not be my bro.
Dive into our ship combat mechanics, classes from Mage Hand Press, the countries of Verda Stello, and other changes we’ve made for C3 HERE!
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plants and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: We're heading to the Bullseye Games. Held at historic and precariously placed Small Key Stadium. Seems like some folks have heard about the adventures and hijinks of the Sea Whip, and it's not just the Bullseye selection games committee either. Wink. On the way, the crew runs into a shipwreck with one Greenfolk clinging to some waterlogged debris. They fish this survivor out of the water and bring them on board, and it's Troy's old best friend from the Crags, Threelips! Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for Troy's bros. Let's get the party started.
Eric: About half a day’s sail from Small Key Island, you have pulled up Troy's childhood friend, Threelips!
Amanda (as Troy): Threelips, is that you?
Eric (as Threelips): [vomits] Yeah? What?
Amanda (as Troy): Brother!
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy you know this—you know this Greenfolk?
Amanda: Troy hugs him to his chest.
Julia (as Cammie): You're vomiting a lot on our ship.
Amanda (as Troy): I'll—I'll clean it. This is my— this is my brother-in-arms. Havana, this is what your brother should have been like!
Amanda: Weeps.
Eric (as Threelips): Am I—am I dying? Am I in my last moments?
Brandon (as Umbi): You need medical attention.
Eric (as Threelips): In my last moments—in my last moments, am I seeing Troy my bo—my boy?
Amanda (as Troy): Brother, you've never been more alive.
Amanda: Troy weeps, pours water in his mouth—
Eric (as Threelips): [coughs]
Amanda: Grabs Tropicana.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, get some tea!
Julia (as Cammie): Already on it.
Julia: Pouring a cup.
Brandon (as Umbi): Havana, get some doctoring.
Eric: If you need a refresher, Threelips, you might remember for Episode Four, where we saw Troy's backstory. Threelips is a tulip, boys are so good at giving nicknames. Red fl-- classic Holland tulip, bright red petals, mostly humanoid. The flower is the head as our most Flora Greenfolk. And then just like young man body, he is also— he's a real doofus. One of his petals hangs over his face, like emo— like emo hair.
Brandon: So is he like ripped or is he noodley?
Eric: He's noodley, certainly noodley.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: I had a feeling he would be noodle.
Eric: Yeah. You can also see even though he's— he's soaked from the Great Salt Sea, he's wearing like medieval fantasy clothing.
Julia: Weird.
Brandon: Like kind of flowy?
Eric: No, like of soldiers, right? Like he's not wearing armor—
Brandon: Oh!
Eric: —but he's wearing like, tunic and breeches. You know, which is not like if we were in Game of Thrones, everyone's wearing that, but people don't wear that all over Verda Stello. Troy, you might recognize this as just like your off-day clothes. Your airport clothes if you were from the Crags.
Amanda: Yep.
Eric: And he doesn't have any like official armor on, or like Crags-based or House of Breakstone based.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Like ornament—ornamental—
Amanda: Patches.
Eric: —yeah, ornamentality. He's just kind of like wearing his fantasy outfit.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Gotcha.
Amanda: Anyone else ever think about the fact that we couldn't come up with something better than a port but for things in the air, for airports?
[Brandon and Julia laugh]
Julia: No, I think it is aptly named.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda:: It's like it's not like plane home or—
Brandon: I mean, Amanda, we can start calling them plane houses.
Amanda: Airship dock. No, no.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Airport.
Eric: Fly dock is pretty good.
Amanda: Right?
Julia: Fly harbor.
Eric and Amanda: Ohhhh.
Eric: Aero— aero harbor is good.
Amanda: That's good. What were we doing? Anyway.
Amanda (as Troy): Threelips, what brought you here? I've—this is incredible. Guys, this is my— this is my main man, my brother in arms. We started our training together.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wha—what up?
Eric (as Threelips): He—he—hi. [coughs]
Julia (as Cammie): Hey, do you want some tea? I have some energizing cinnamon tea.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you need a Band-Aid?
Eric (as Threelips): I’m--
Amanda (as Troy): We have a doctor. He's a man, but he can still treat you.
Eric (as Threelips): A man—[coughs] I know I must be dying. A man doctor?
Amanda (as Troy): That's what I said, but, you know, I was wrong.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, hold on one second.
Julia: And then Cammie reaches over and just peels Nonny off of Threelips.
Julia (as Cammie): Sorry about that.
Julia: Just puts her back on the shoulder.
Eric: Brandon find the stickiest, poppiest pop sound you can, please.
Brandon: Yep. Not only will that be horrible for people listening, but also I have a like Heebie Jeebies thing for suction sounds, so yeah—
Julia: Yummy.
Brandon: —It's just like the ultimate conflagration of my nightmare.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Julia: Nice. So sound design it, please.
Brandon: Uh-huh.
Eric: I can go find something suction and re--record it for you.
Brandon: Great. Thank you, yeah. I would love that, and I would love to listen to it over and over again as I make this. Yeah.
Julia: Just to give you some options, we'll do like five minutes' worth of it, is that good?
Brandon: Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: We—we won't give you any notes on the takes we think are best, we think you should select those.
Brandon: I should listen to them all over and over again.
Amanda: Yeah, you should listen to them over and over again.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, and then show it to us and then we like, where's the one we liked? And then you gotta re-listen to the one.
Brandon: Re-listen to it.
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Yeah, uh-huh.
Julia: I think it was like you know three-quarters of the way through, but like don't quote me on that.
Amanda: Yeah, 'cause of halfway.
Eric: It's definitely in the back half, but it might be in the first half.
Brandon: Oh no, I think this episode got corrupted guys.
Julia: Oh, no.
Eric: Oh, it certainly got corrupted by the suction noises, I’ll tell you that much.
Eric (as Threelips): I—it was—we were going and… Troy, Troy what are you doing here? What am I doing here? [vomits]
Brandon (as Umbi): What are you doing here?
Julia (as Cammie): Did you just throw up all the tea that I gave you?
Eric (as Threelips): No, I haven't started drinking yet.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Maybe you should.
Eric (as Threelips): Do I have to boot— I have to boot and rally, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): You got to boot and rally, bruv.
Eric (as Threelips): Hold my—
Amanda (as Troy): Out on the high seas every day.
Julia (as Cammie): You've been doing plenty of booting, I think it's time to rally now.
Eric (as Threelips): Hold my hand, Troy.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy holds his hands, gets him up, and like pitches him so he's like leaning over the railing so he can— he can up chuck to his heart's content.
Eric: To Cammie, what— what kind of vessel is the tea in?
Julia: It's in a teacup.
Eric: Okay, it's in a teacup.
Julia: You know, just a very classic tea cup. I think when on board, Cammie might have much more sturdy cups for travel. So either they're like a very thick ceramic or they're like little tin, like delicate tin cups.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Sure. No, I like the tin cup, the tin cup’s good. Especially because Threelips like takes out a really small dagger and then like shotguns the tea.
Julia (as Cammie): Please don't
Eric (as Troy): No, no, no, we don't— we don't do that.
Eric (as Threelips): AAAAHHH!
Amanda (as Troy): We don't do that here, we don't do that here. Is—is Rob with you?
Eric (as Threelips): [retch] Why—why would Rob be on an official mission to—to the games?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, you're here for House Breakstone? I—you look a little casual, bud. I thought I—I wasn't sure if something happened.
Brandon (as Umbi): What happened to your boat?
Eric (as Threelips): What happened—I don't know what did happened to my boat. It was there, and now it's gone.
Amanda (as Troy): So you are coming from the Crags to the games on Small Key Island?
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah. Do you have a place for me to lay down? I'm so—I'm so sealogged.
Julia (as Cammie): The deck’s right there, buddy.
Eric (as Threelips): I'm so sealogged from all the things that happen.
Amanda (as Troy): But you know the drill. Any bootin’ before you lay?
Eric (as Threelips): And then afterwards we get to play?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): Okay.
Brandon: Real—real quick. Brandon breaking into the podcast. What the fuck is bootin’?
Julia (as Cammie): Throwing up.
Amanda: It’s up chucking. Got a boot and rally.
Brandon: Oh, okay.
Julia: Gotta boot and rally, come on.
Brandon: Never heard that before in my life.
Julia: Oh, okay.
Brandon: Love it.
Amanda: Alright. I'll—I'll give his back a little pat over the railing.
Eric (as Threelips): Okay. I'm gonna lay down, hold on.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright, come he—come here, come here.
Eric (as Threelips); Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Why don't you string up a hammock for him, Troy?
Amanda: I'm just going to carry him right into Troy's quarters.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Can I like, place a—a very nice bottle of little potion of healing on his nightstand?
Amanda: Cute.
Brandon: And walk away.
Amanda: Yeah no, you can—you can slip it in Troy's pocket and he'll—he'll carry it into the hold.
Eric (as Threelips): Oh, I like it because it's like dropping a shot into a drink.
Amanda (as Troy): That's right bud.
Julia (as Cammie): Is this what Troy used to be like?
Amanda: Belowdecks, Troy is gonna lay Threelips down on his bed, put a little vessel pot next to-- maybe a pencil cup and next to the bed just in case. Leave his flask of water, a little potion of healing, and the cup of tea and give him a little pat on the shoulder and be like—
Amanda (as Troy): Listen bud, I'm so glad to see you but I— I got a crew here, so tell me when you're ready and we'll—we'll sit down figure it out, okay?
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah. Troy, I'm not— I'm not dead?
Amanda (as Troy): You're not dead, bud.
Eric (as Threelips): I think I should be.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh man, never say that. Who—who else was with you right—we're—we're gonna— we're gonna search the wreck, we're gonna see if anything else is there. If anyone needs help, we'll give it to them. But the important thing is you're here, you're okay.
Eric (as Threelips): Alright.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright?
Eric (as Threelips): I’ll see you in the– [mumbles] And pick up the snacks.
Amanda (as Troy): Always.
Eric (as Threelips): [mumbles and snores softly]
Eric: And Threelips falls asleep.
Brandon: And then we hard cut back up to the deck where Umbi says—
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, time to pillage!
Julia (as Cammie): Time to pillage, yay!
Eric: True. Yeah. Havana relieves you and is being real weird about it.
Amanda (as Troy): Havana, this is what brothers should be like okay? So you'll do a chance to do the brothering that your brothers what in the medical school should have done to you. Instead of casting you out like frickin—frickin not even trash, cause we would reuse that. Arghh!
Amanda: Troy punches a wall.
Brandon: But now Havana is happy that he was cast out, because he’s part of the religious journey, so yeah.
Amanda: It's true.
Eric (as Havana): You know the Path goes in weird ways. It goes this way and that way and if you just want to read—
Julia (as Cammie): I hate this.
Eric (as Havana): —if you want to read part of my good book, No, Troy why you won’t– Troy why—
Amanda (as Troy): Why don't you read that as you sit with Threelips?
Eric (as Havana): Oh, yeah, I'll bring—
Amanda (as Troy): Would that be good?
Eric (as Havana):—you want Threelips to have come on the Path.
Amanda (as Troy): No, no, no, not allowed.
Eric (as Havana): Most susceptible, obviously Path doctors know. No, you're most susceptible when you're closest to death. I got it. Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): I think you should read it inside in your own head.
Eric: Julia, your face. Julia just went, hugh! With her face.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: I hate it. I hate it.
Amanda (as Troy): What if you read it inside in your own brain and left Threelips like sleep in silence?
Eric (as Havana): Troy, I'm a doctor and also religious—and also a religious man. I think I understand. Chapter Seven, Mow the Lawn!
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, okay.
Amanda: And Troy’s gonna–
Eric (as Havana): Hibiscus 4:12.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. [sighs]
Amanda: Troy is going to take a minute, compose himself, brush away his tears.
Eric (as Havana): The Garden of Heavida.
Amanda (as Troy): I mean it, Havana.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, get out of there!
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Amanda: And Troy's gonna come back above decks.
Eric: Hell yeah. Y'all want to go pillage some stuff?
Brandon: Yeah. Umbi's gonna pull out a transportation bomb from his coat pocket. Uh do—
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah?
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah?
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe we should send Nonny in first to make sure there's nothing that's going to destroy your poor body?
Brandon (as Umbi); Yeah. I mean I don't really need this thing, I got plenty more. Ha!
Julia (as Cammie): What?
Amanda (as Troy): What?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know, I'm just making jokes. Yeah, so Nonny is in there.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh no.
Julia: Wait. Now I'm just picturing fucking like somewhere in a cave in the Hold–
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Julia: Are just a bunch of tubes–
Amanda: Cold storage.
Julia: Yep, yep. Oh no, oh no.
Brandon: It's the bag of Frozen Pawpaw fruits from Whole Foods.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: Oh, no.
Eric: Oh, I thought you're talking about the bombs. They're frozen Pawpaws, great.
Julia: No, no, like clone bodies.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: But for Umbi.
Eric: Oh, yeah, floating.
Amanda: Like on a espalier, like albino tree.
Eric: Yeah, floating in syrup.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: That would be wild, if we found out that's why Umbi has survived as long as he has, is because he keeps like regenerating clone bodies, wild.
Amanda: My least favorite Umbi was Matt Smith actually, it's really unpopular.
Eric: Wow!
Julia: Wow! Not Peter Capaldi? Interesting.
Amanda: No. He's my favorite actually. I'm really cool.
Eric: Coconut Eccleston. Alright, here we go.
Julia: So Cammie's just gonna nerf toss Nonny into the water towards the wreck.
Eric: Sure. I wish I could whistle for no other reason than--
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: I know.
Eric: To do this every time.
Amanda: As you do, Troy just gonna like put his head on the railing like leaning over a little bit and be like—
Amanda (as Troy): Sorry guys, I just— I—I did not expect to see anyone from the Crags today or here much less like-- That guy was like my crew you know and I—
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy):—I hope he has some answers for us.
Brandon (as Umbi): Why are you apologizing? We got a free ship out of it.
Julia (as Cammie): Free ship, free stuff.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, got some good stuff in the Crags. Were—we're good at that.
Julia (as Cammie): And your friend’s not dead.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah!
Julia (as Cammie): A real win-win today if I say so.
Amanda (as Troy): Do you—do you guys—how—how are you supposed to talk to your bruv when he says that he— he's surprised that—that he did not perish in the shipwreck, what with all of his crewmates?
Brandon (as Umbi): Did he say that to you?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Hopefully, he was just like tired from all the booton but we'll—we'll see.
Julia (as Cammie): And the almost dying.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I know.
Brandon (as Umbi): That might be like a survivor uh—
Julia (as Cammie): Survivor’s guilt.
Brandon (as Umbi): Guilt. Yeah, thank you, Julia. I mean, thank you, Cammie.
Amanda (as Troy): What is—what's guilt?
Brandon (as Umbi): What's guilt?
Julia (as Cammie): When you feel bad about something?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Like, oh, you know, I stole a loaf of bread from someone who really needed it. I feel kind of bad about that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Remember, when all the Greenfolk around you were trying to like, you know, smooch you and you're like, I can't speak to all of you and you feel bad about not being able to smooch all of them?
Amanda (as Troy): Nah, I don’t feel bad, I'm just like, it's not—it's not the right time for the Riptide you know.
Brandon: It's not the right hour for the Riptide.
Eric: Yeah. The Riptides out and it's coming in later.
Amanda: Thank you, that's what I should've said.
Eric: No, it's all part of the same—it's all the same vibes.
Brandon: The Riptide’s coming later, Jesus Christ.
Eric: Yeah, the riptide’s coming back in.
Julia: Jesus Christ.
Amanda (as Troy): Tides out right now, bruh.
Julia (as Cammie): Alright. Well, now that that's done with.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: Nothing's funnier than like that happening while—while like Cammie can't see.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: Oh, no. I think that's exactly what Cammie was about to do. Cammie's gonna sit down on the deck, criss cross applesauce and go—
Julia (as Cammie): Alright, don't let anything happen to my body. And then warg to Nonny.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Brandon: And then you see Umbi do a basketball block-out stance around Cammie's body.
Julia: Nice.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, your form is looking great, bruh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thanks, I've been practicing.
Amanda (as Troy): I can tell.
Brandon: I liked the idea that we have multiple times ended conversations with Troy with, well now that's over.
[Everyone laughs]
Amanda: Troy is like, this is normal. Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It's like Troy, you did the button, time to do the next thing. Sure. Yeah. What—how do we do checks with our good friend Nonny?
Julia: Yes, she has stats.
Eric: Should I use her-- I should use her stats or your stats?
Julia: You're familiar adds your proficiency bonus to its armor class saving throws and damage rolls.
Eric: Okay. So then if you're looking through the eyes, let's do your stuff. I think we're going for investigation here, we're looking specific-- Tell me what specifically you're looking for Ghoulia?
Julia: I'm looking for two things. I am looking for loot.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: And I am looking for what may have caused the shipwreck.
Eric: Cool.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia: And I'm rolling perception or investigation?
Eric: Investigation, if you two want to look from the ship side, you can. Either perception or something specific, like nature or whatever.
Amanda: I’d love to do history just if I recognize this vessel from the Crags or—
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Any amount of like insignia, sails, etcetera.
Eric: That's a great idea. Brandon, you want to do anything?
[dice roll]
Brandon: I'm thinking. Um.
Amanda: Brandon, I'm going to just point my mic down so you can hear the sound of a D20 the size of a baby's head.
Brandon: Yeah!
Julia: Nice.
[chunky dice roll]
Brandon: That was tasty.
Julia: Chunky.
Amanda: 17 for history.
Eric: Oh good. Okay.
Brandon: Are you—Amanda are you looking more—what are you looking for Amanda?
Amanda: Crags dependent context as to like, who this is from? If it's officially sanctioned, if it's from the royal family or somebody else, but nothing about why it crashed or where it was going.
Brandon: Okay, yeah. So then can I do maybe history or whatever you think for the ship itself? Or like any kind of, I don't know, maybe like Arcana to see if there's any sort of like stink on this boat you know?
Julia: As we know, magic smells.
Eric: Magic does smell, that's true. Yeah, if you want to do Arcana, that's cool.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: I rolled a 19 on my investigation.
Eric: Wonderful.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: I rolled a 4 plus 6 for 10?
Eric: You have plus 6 for Arcana?
Amanda: + 6.
Julia: Yeah, bruh.
Eric: Man. I'll start with Umbi. Umbi, this boat is debris, it's debriss as the kids call it. It's straight debriss, you might assume that even in places that have low magic meant like the Crags, there might be some sort of like navigation stuff that happens. I think with a 10, you might see that there's some sort of like, there's like a ping that comes off of it in terms of like its navigation using the stars and orienting itself. So I think that there's more than one ship. Like there's definitely some sort of like, ping that tells, like radar almost where like, you can tell each other like, hey, I'm here, hey, I'm here, hey, I'm here as a magic spell, which would be on the ship. So you would assume that that ship would not exist by itself, telling people magically I am here unless you were doing it to something else.
Julia: Sure, that makes sense.
Brandon: Cool. And but this shipwreck is just one ship in and of itself, but there's probably other ships around in the area is what you're saying, potentially?
Eric: I'm gonna—let me be a little bit more specific.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: This ship is one ship. It is so kaput. It is two by fours at this point. However, that there is some sort of like magical radar happening that he has done to another vessel, probably a friendly of some sort. However, it's also pretty close to the shore. So it also might be to like, home base.
Amanda: So it has some kind of like short-range communication system? So either it was communicating with something on shore or another boat that isn't here right now?
Eric: Right. Because you're only— you're pretty close to Little Key Islands. So if there was some sort of like, I don't know, welcoming committee or like a Harbor Master there. It was—like someone knows the ship exists and—and did a GPS ping.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Doesn't mean we can't rob it.
Eric and Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, it sends out a ping of its own volition before it crashed.
Eric: Correct, correct, correct.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda: When you steal a cell phone and then later check it for GPS and then say fuck, the GPS was still tracking, and throw it out the window.
Brandon: Hey, Amanda.
Amanda: In heist movies, in heist movies.
Julia: You know, when Amanda does crimes.
Brandon: Good catch, good catch.
Eric: In my fictional stories. Troy, what’d you get?
Amanda: 17 History Check.
Eric: 17 History Check. Um, this ship, also blown to pieces for sure. Three things you notice, one is again, it's flying the Breakstone flag.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: As we said before, each of the houses kind of has its own variation of the Crags flag depending on coloring or adding or subtracting certain stuff. The Breakstone flag has gold instead of white, and also the sprout comes out of a boulder. The second is that you can see that one of the planks of wood has a name on it, and it's like Rolling Stone IV which is one of the official like royal vessels. This is like one of their traveling ships. It's not one of the big ones, it's not like the royal yacht or a battleship or anything, it's not an Armada, but it is one of the ones that goes out and does stuff. Four? Pretty good. Not one, two, three but four.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: So that sounds like—
Amanda: Sounds like, mmm one of the okay ones.
Eric: The third thing, Threelips talking about snacks. There are some jars, some sealed jars bobbing in the water out in the wreckage. Troy is there like a really stanky snack they eat in the Crags?
Amanda: Gotta be rock grubs.
Eric: Rock grubs, fermented rock grubs?
Julia: How are those prepared?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Well, you scrape them off a rock, you put them in a jar, you wait two to four months till most of the wiggling has stopped, but not all of it, that's the trick, then you eat them up.
Eric: What do they taste like? Umami, right?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Umami, it's very Umami.
Julia: Got a real terroir flavor to it.
Amanda: Mineral, salt.
Julia: The taste of place.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah, exactly.
Eric: I think it does taste someplace because I think that everyone in the Crag has rock grubs but depending on like the terrible circumstance you live in, it tastes different.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Like you live near a volcano? Spicy.
Amanda: Some of them dusty.
Eric: Lots of dusty ones.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: They smell like raspberries though, they just don't taste like it.
Amanda: Yes, that's good.
Eric: A real— a real fruity smell, but it tastes like the earth. For sure.
Amanda: I like that.
Eric: Rock grubs.
Julia: Like space.
Eric: Yeah, just like space, or raw meat. Yeah, rock grubs, jars of rock grubs bobbin out in the— in the water.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey uh—hey, Harold, can you—can you reach any of those? Those are—those are good, good snacks, good guys.
Eric (as Harold): The—the jars of bugs?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, yeah rock grubs. You guys don't have rock grubs?
Eric (as Harold): What?!
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. It's not my favorite, but you know it's pretty good.
Eric (as Harold): My sweet summer—my sweet summer butter. What are you talking about?
Amanda (as Troy): I'm just saying we're— as we pillage this shipwreck for anything we could use, some good provisions right there.
Eric (as Harold): Wha— provision—provision-- providing what? Provisioning what? It being nasty?
Amanda (as Troy): Nutrients?
Eric (as Harold): Named three. Name three nutrients.
Amanda (as Troy): Rock, grub, taste.
Eric (as Harold): Fine. Do you want—you want it?
Amanda (as Troy): Not to be rude Harold, but do you even eat? Sorry. I'm hurt, I'm hurt. I didn't expect to see someone from my past today, Harold. That's on me, that's on me. I'm gonna take a lap.
Amanda: Troy walks around the steering wheel three or four times.
Eric: Harold turns and rolls eyes question mark at Sil, and then reaches a big algae hand down and tries to grab at the— at the jars.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you, buddy.
Eric: Cool. And then 17 for you Cam-star
Amanda: 19.
Eric: 19 for Cam-star. Okay, what are we looking for? What are we looking for?
Julia: I don't know how I feel about you calling my character Cam-star.
Eric: Cam-star, what's up? Yeah, so tell me specifically what do you— what do you want? What are you looking for?
Julia: Right. So I was looking for one, things to pillage and two, what might have destroyed this ship.
Eric: Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Okay, I think that y'all got here a little too late for Amber, and doublooms. They would have been sunken into the great deep at this moment. So this wa—this wasn't fresh wreck, let's say.
Julia: Okay. Nonny is an octopus, she can go deeper and look to see if there's anything like real good down there.
Eric: Oh, I thought you were investigating the wreck?
Julia: Yeah, I'm looking at the wreck, and if there's any like things that are noticeable, but if I think from the indication that the good shit might have sunk further, like, I'll go down and try to find the good shit. Like we've done this before, we're pirates.
Eric: Oh, sure. Yeah, no, I'm just— I'm just giving you a layout of what curr—of what's currently out here in the specific thing.
Amanda: Yeah, I think we're in no rush to make it to the island. So let's— let's get it for all it's worth.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: This is like when we're playing Dredge and you're like, man, I really need some wood to upgrade my ship. I'm gonna spend like all day just trying to find wood that's deep underneath the water.
Eric: Right. You're gonna— you're gonna Dredge this—you're spending a lot of time dredging this specific area. Yeah, you would have to go down deeper I think. So this is not like a super duper fresh crash or wreck, this is like you'd have to sink, go to the— where this stuff kind of sunk to go get it.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, I'll—I'll hop over there and just you know go through the—the stuff if Nonny wants to go, go down deep.
Brandon (as Umbi): Same.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, Nonny can go deep, that's her thing.
Eric: With a 19, let me tell you some other stuff were a 19 before you go do stuff.
Julia: Sure.
Eric: Yeah, again, this is blown apart.
Julia: Do I see evidence of maybe scorching or evidence of an explosion?
Eric: Not an explosion, no. No fire, no gunpowder no—this is like when—when I used to get trained in like lifeguard stuff. This is like no fire, no wire, no gas, no glass to make sure that-- like to figure out what happened to a person if they— if they came up unconscious.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: But it doesn't— it seems like the whole thing is separate, it wasn't like one single point of impact.
Eric: Maybe a single point of impact, but it was destroyed, it was crunched.
Brandon: Do you— would you say there's any alchemical substances around Eric?
Eric: No, that's what I'm saying, no.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: Can I—this is gonna sound like a crazy thing I'm about to say. Can I tell if something went, and I don't know how to describe this in words but went, “Hunggh!”
Eric: Sure. Give me a nature check.
Amanda: Karate chopped it.
Brandon: No. For the listeners at home, Julia raised her fist up in the air—
Julia: Big chop.
Brandon: And did a big chop.
Eric: A big chop.
[dice roll]
Amanda: Like a paper cutter. You know, a normal tool that elementary schools have and that kids used all the time in the 90s.
Julia: Ohhh.
Brandon: Did the kids use them at your school?
Amanda and Julia: Oh yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Oh, we were not allowed to use them.
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Eric: Oh, guns are fine, but not the big blade, alright.
Amanda: Brandon goes, I do not endorse Texas.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: I didn't realize my nature was so high, it's a plus 4 which makes this a 17.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: A 17. Yeah, I go with big chop. Let's say big chop. Big chop coming down from the top destroying stuff.
Amanda: Big chop from the deep.
Eric: Big chop.
Amanda: Big chop from the top, we don't know.
Eric: Big—big chop.
Julia: This is in the middle of the water yeah?
Eric: This is— a yes. Again you are a half a—ha— a half a full day's sail away from—so not—oh not like I can't see anything in any direction, but it's certainly not close to any sort of land.
Brandon: Can I roll maybe a history or something and did—do I know anything about any sea monsters Eric, in the Great Salt Sea?
Eric: I think I would say nature there.
Brandon: Nature?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Can you do your— your feat?
Amanda: Yeah, I think I know you.
Julia: Yeah, I think I know you but for a sea monster?
Brandon: I think I have to see the person right, for that to work?
Eric: You do. Correct, correct.
Brandon: Yeah. I was thinking about doing for Threelips just to fuck with Amanda.
Julia: I fucked your mom.
Amanda: Aaaah.
Brandon: 19 plus three for 22.
Eric: Hey, you know it does big chop, Brandon?
Brandon: Big—big octopus?
Amanda: Big crab.
Eric: Big crab.
Amanda: Big crab.
Julia: Big crab?
Eric: Big octopus could have done big chop. Big crab.
Amanda: Big squid.
Eric: This is looking more and more like, very large thing came down and destroyed ship.
Brandon: Also, is there—do we have any like nautical legends of—of like the Kraken you know, kind of thing?
Eric: I wouldn't say straight Kraken. I think that it's a little bit more chill, especially because you guys have like a local monster at the Hold. You know, like sea monsters, it was kind of accepted like, oh, well, if we're going to reveal the Great Salt Sea, there's probably things in there we've never seen before. So it's a little bit unlike our traditions of like sea monsters now. It's more like, imagine it—the only way I can describe it is like if we— if all of a sudden they're like, hey, there is a secret 51st State of the United States and you went there, you'd be like, I bet there's some wild shit there.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: So like yeah, it's accepted and I mean, you've also seen stuff like it and it's part of the deal of being out in the Great Salt Sea, is protecting yourself from things that are much, much, much, larger than you.
Brandon: So we would be the ones marking Here Be Monsters on the map as opposed to viewing they're already marked Here Be Monsters on the map?
Eric: Correct. I would also say that like, you know, nothing's like—you know, maybe Havana looks over and being like, yeah, that's a metaphor for living your life better, but I wouldn't say anyone else feel not necessarily a lot of other people feel that way. Like, this is not like the metaphor of the Leviathan. It's like the Leviathan is there. I saw one, it was like go— when I went whale watching, you know what I mean?
Amanda: It wouldn't surprise us to learn something like that really existed or to see it but we don't know any specifics, basically.
Eric: Like oh yeah, I'm sure that there was a big sea monster that could do a big chop.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: I think I'm gonna yell to Harold and just be like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Harold, potential monster alert. Just heads up, probably not close, shipwreck seems to be old but just be ready to haul tail if we need to.
Eric (as Harold): Haul and sail, got it.
Eric: And Sil and Harold are both holding ropes, just like hol— just holding them in the ready.
Amanda: Yeah, you guys want to head over there, see what's what?
Brandon: Yes, I do. Julia, are you coming too?
Julia: Cammie is still blind and deaf, so cannot tell.
Brandon: So yeah, just for flavies, Umbi's gonna take out two—in my head, they're like green glowing transportation bombs. Hand one to Troy, give a little kiss, and then chuck it in the air.
Eric: To teleport over there?
Brandon: Mmmm-mmm.
Eric: Yeah, sure. Yeah.
Julia: Is there something for you to teleport on to? Because it seems like this is like just fully wreck.
Eric: There— there's like doors and stuff to stand on, that's fine.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: This is like you can stand in this area. The game designers allowed you to come over to this area, you know?
Julia: Gotcha, gotcha, just making sure.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're fine.
Amanda: Good thinking, Julia.
Brandon: I also have 10 feet of slow fall. So maybe he chucks it, like five foot in the air and he's just like showing off a little bit, you know?
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Sure, yeah.
Julia: Brag.
Eric: In my head, it's a—it's a Mary Poppins umbrella.
Brandon: Yep, but it's my hat.
Eric: It's your hat.
Brandon: I don't know, I haven't decided yet.
Amanda: Oh, yeah you got a little flower as a hat.
Eric: A little flower, spiraling down?
Brandon: Cute. Maybe. Yeah, I don't know.
Julia: That’s adorable.
Eric: Yeah, you guys can— you guys can pick and poke at it.
Amanda: Troy's gonna throw the bomb, teleport into the—the midst of the wreck, brushing tears away as he sees you know, all the Craggish wood and like smells the smell that those ships are made of and he's gonna just like poke around and try to find anything related to who this crew was, what their mission was. If there's any kind of like, quarters or Captain's log or chest bobbing in among the wreck.
Eric: Sure, yeah, give me another investigation.
Amanda: Why aren't I proficient in investigating? [dice roll] Shit, it's just a 7.
Eric: No, you don't—you don't find anything particular. I think that anything that's there would have been deeper down or has kind of went away with the tide.
Brandon: Can I also roll an investigation?
Eric: Yeah. What are you looking for?
Brandon: Treashies?
Eric: Yeah, for sure. I mean, you guys can dive down if you want.
Brandon: I think I'm gonna look for things that might be in barrels like that are floating.
Eric: Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure.
Julia: Besides the grubs.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: That's good.
Brandon: Yeah, I mean, I assume that like, like there's got to be some buoyant materials like gunpowder or maybe not gunpowder, but like, you know, oil, stuff like that.
Eric: Yeah. No, I got you in barrels and stuff. I—If only I had a fact about how barrels are buoyant or something. I don't know.
Julia: Are barrels buoyant?
Amanda: Yep. And they're actually a lot more efficient than square containers because when you put them in together, you can store them either on their side or upright. That's not true of square containers in curved boats, you know?
Brandon: Ohhh.
Julia: Woah!
Eric: Damn.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I love my curvy boat.
Julia: What's a boat if not curvy, you know?
Eric: Damn. What's a wife if you got a boat?
Amanda: Damn.
Julia: Damn. That's a shirt that you could wear at the Book Depository Island.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: Well, Eric, I got a 2 plus 3 for a 5.
Amanda: Ohh, piss.
Eric: Hell yeah, dude. There's a barrel floating right in front of your Umbi. You open it up. God, it smells so weird in there, it's more rock grubs.
Brandon (as Umbi): Aaaah, what the fuck is this?
Eric: It's full of rock grubs.
Amanda (as Troy): It's a rock grubs, no, no, no.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, what is this?
Amanda (as Troy): Dip your hand into the jars, Umbi!
Brandon (as Umbi): No, this goes straight to hell.
Brandon: Umbi yeets it.
Eric: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I think as y'all dive down. I think you can even spend the rest of the day like investigating and stuff using Nonny is like your kind of little beacon. It's like a reverse periscope.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: If you put the periscope in the water. Yeah, I think if you dive down, you can spend all day. There's like a—there's definitely like a chest down there full doublooms. There's some other stuff that might have sunk to the bottom. It didn't sink all the way down to the Great bottom of the Great Salt Sea where it's all dark and stuff, because you know you're kind of close to the archipelago, you have the keys, the Small Keys that the stadium's on. So like it's not so deep, but y'all could spend all day doing that.
Julia: I will also say Nonny has dark vision. So even if it is deep dark down there.
Eric: Oh, I'm just not saying it's not like a day if not—you don't have to swim down—
Julia: Sure.
Eric: —for a day.
Julia: Right, okay.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Also Nonny has a little knife to shiv any fish that gets any ideas.
Julia: She doesn't need to, she's fine.
Amanda: Her fins are razor sharp Brandon. Her tentacles are razor sharp.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Do you want Julia or us to roll for like how much treasure we get or?
Eric: Yeah, give me a—one of you roll one D20 right now.
Amanda: Not Brandon and me.
Julia: I got it.
Amanda: Not Brandon or me.
Julia: 19!
Eric: 19!
Brandon: Ooohhh.
Julia: 19!
Eric: Whoa, that's the second-highest one.
Julia: It is.
Eric: Incredible. I think as you fish around and you spend all day doing this, Nonny is like poking around down there and being like, no, those are wet socks. No, it's more rock grubs, no. I think eventually you pop one open, and there's just like a smaller chest, inside of a smaller chest inside of a smaller chest, and inside is a little Amber.
Julia (as Cammie): [gasps]
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes!
Amanda (as Troy): Yay!
Julia: You hear it like it's just silence for a really long time and then Cammie who is still blind and deaf and she goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Aaaah!
Brandon: And Umbi who was lathering on his salves and creams, squirts the bottle unexpectedly because he got scared.
Eric: So how do you uh— how do you get the amber up from the water? Does Nonny do it?
Julia: Yeah, Nonny’s gonna pull it up.
Eric: Cool.
Julia: Things are buoyant in the ocean.
Eric: Cool.
[rolls dice]
Amanda: I can also shoot my friendship crossbow.
Julia: I don't— I don't like what's happening here, Eric.
Eric: Cool. Hey, what's Nonny’s AC?
Julia: It's a great question. Well, you also tell me what's about to happen?
Eric: Yeah, eventually.
Julia: Well, Eric, I have spells and shit, that's why I want to know.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Her armor class is 12, but hold on, one second. I get a thing.
Brandon: One second, one second.
Julia: No, no, hold on. I do genuinely get a thing.
Brandon: One second.
Julia: I'm not just trying to stall for time.
Brandon: Hold on. Wait.
Julia: I—bababababa.
Eric: I'm putting on the gloves.
Julia: My familiar adds my proficiency bonus to its armor class. So that means Nonny's AC is 15.
Eric: 15, okay.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Give me a perception check.
Julia: [dice roll] Okay, that's a 14 plus-- what's my perception, 3 so 17.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: That's pretty high.
Amanda: It's pretty high.
Eric: I think Nonny is floating up slowly kinda like— I love the idea of there's like three suckers on a piece of Amber and there's like trying to push up.
Julia: Three tentacles and then the rest of them are swimming.
Eric: Yeah, the rest of them are swimming.
Brandon: Beautiful, just beautiful, really.
Amanda: Elegant.
Julia: She's majestic.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: I love her.
Julia: You wouldn't do anything to such a majestic creature, Eric.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: No, that'd be a crime against nature.
Eric: And Nonny gets like pushed, there's a big flow of water going over to the right and Nonny looks, and you see that there's a barrel open with rock grubs coming out of it. And you see that a big claw covered in seaweed coming out of the darkness and grabs the barrel and then Nonny turns, and then another claw comes out of nowhere and grabs Nonny on the head.
Julia: Reaction.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Intrusive Thought. As a reaction you—when a creature you can see within range uses its action to attack or takes the dash, dodge, or disengage actions, they must make a wisdom saving throw. On a failed save the creature takes an action of your choice.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Oooohh.
Brandon: The intrusive thought is my claws aren't big enough are they?
Amanda: Owie, hot.
Eric: You know what I'm rolling?
Julia: Oh, wisdom save.
Eric: Alright. I got plus 2 to that. What am I looking for?
Julia: I don’t know, roll and I'll tell you.
Eric: Alright, fuck me. [dice roll] Alright, that's a 16.
Julia: Fuck, it needed 14. Shit!
Eric: I think steam comes off of Nonny towards the big claw, and then pop! Static. You can't see anything anymore.
Julia: Mad at you right now. I need a second to roleplay correctly.
Amanda: Oh, Nonny. She'll be okay.
Julia: I know. I know I can just re-summon her but it hurts anyway. Oh, yeah Cammie's just gonna come gasping out of their trance for lack of a better phrase. And it's just like—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh very not good, very not good.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie, what's up? What happened?
Julia (as Cammie): We need to leave.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well--
Julia (as Cammie): We need to leave right now.
Brandon (as Umbi): Where's Nonny?
Amanda (as Troy): Where's Nonny?
Julia (as Cammie): Harold, we're leaving right now.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, let's go!
Amanda (as Troy): Where's Nonny?!
Eric (as Harold): Sails out.
Eric (as Sil): Sails out.
Brandon (as Umbi): Sail!
Amanda (as Troy): Where's Nonny?! We can't trade one crew member for another.
Julia (as Cammie): I will get Nonny back in a little bit. I need to rest and then I can get Nonny back.
Amanda: I think Troy is going to haul over to the side of the ship where Cammie was and cock his bow and yell friendship, and fire a bow into the depths where Nonny's little stream of burbles was coming back up at.
Eric: [laughs] Okay, give me an attack roll my man.
Julia: How far does that go?
Amanda: Uh, 300 feet.
Julia: Oh, shit.
Brandon: Wow, 300 feet!
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Give me an attack roll.
Amanda: [dice roll] That's a 15.
Eric: Okay. You— that misses. Do you want to do something else?
Amanda: Yeah, I get two attacks now.
Eric: Alright do it.
[dice roll]
Julia: Hell yeah dawg.
Amanda: Alright, that's a 22.
Eric: 22? Okay!
Julia: Go fuck yourself, Eric. Go fuck yourself, it's a 22. Friendship.
Eric: Okay. The sails are out picking up the wind that's coming off the island, so there's quite a lot of— there's quite a lot of headwind as you're shooting towards the stadium. Troy, your arrow as you say friendship, the rope and the arrow streams away from you and fires into the depths, it hit something hard. And as you're going faster and faster like you see as your—as the—the boat is speeding away like the slack of rope, I know that it's a magical rope but like you know if you were looking at it anchoring something.
Amanda: I think I could hear it start to run out.
Eric: Yeah. It's like [fast unfurling noise]
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, Troy, Troy, Troy cut the rope, Troy, cut the rope.
Brandon (as Umbi): Enemies, enemies, say, enemies, whatever. I don't know how to fix it.
Eric: The rope is undoing—
Amanda: No, no, no, I know.
Eric: —It’s unfurling, unfurling, unfurling, unfurling.
Amanda: I know. I'm using a risk die to use limb shot where when I hit a creature with a range weapon attack it can expend a risk die to drop an item of my choice that it's holding. So I want this guy to drop Nonny if that's what I hit.
Eric: Okay, let's see it.
Julia: Damn.
Amanda: Okay, so the target has made Constitution Saving Throw.
Eric: Okay, Constitution Saving Throw.
Julia: I feel like a big crab maybe or whatever this is. You did say claw, right?
Eric: What am I looking for?
Amanda: 13.
Eric: 13, that's a 5 plus 9 that's a 14, sorry my man.
Julia: Jesus Christ.
Amanda: Fuck.
Julia: Yeah, we should not be fighting this thing.
[fast unfurling noise]
Amanda (as Troy): Shit!
Amanda: And Troy we'll take another arrow and cut the rope off.
Eric: You are speeding towards Small Key—
Brandon (as Umbi): [sings] Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.
Julia (as Cammie): I just want to assure everyone that Nonny’s gonna be fine.
Eric: Also, I don't know if there are Christian hymns in Verda Stello.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm just gonna say, enough with this Path shit. But I love that Nonny, and it's not fair.
Eric: Amazing Grace was a poinsettia. Alright, here we go.
Amanda: Ohh, yeah.
Eric: You're speeding towards Small Key Island, the sun is setting, you're still half a day away but you can make it by sunrise if you sail through the night.
[theme]
Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. I am coming out of a week of summer sickness, which I definitely don't recommend. But I do recommend pretending that you're a pirate on the Great Salt Sea if like me you had to gargle a lot of saltwater to make your sore throat feel better. I am all for doing whatever pretending and imagination we have to do to make our daily tasks a little bit more fun. So welcome to the mid-roll. I think I would definitely be, I don't know maybe like, like a sturdy grub, that's what I'm feeling like right now. Welcome to our newest patrons, Jupiter, Maria, and David, all three of you are very smart and attractive because you took advantage of the option to make an annual pledge. That means you pay upfront just one time for an entire year of Patreon support. You are all absolute rock stars who make this show possible. It is because of your financial support on Patreon that we're able to make the show every day and week and make sure that there are never any bad Tuesdays coming into your future. So be like Jupiter Maria and David and the hundreds of other smart and attractive people who are our patrons and join us at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. And remember if your income is inconsistent, if you came into a little bit of money if you want to just pay upfront one time and give yourself the gift of Join the Party Patreon benefits all year long, you can do that right up front for a discount patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, it is pride all year round pretty much, because a lot of us are queer and a lot of our shows are as well. And we love that we get to shout out Queer Movie Podcast here at the end of June. This is of course a queer movie watch party hosted by Rowan Ellis and Jazza John. You can join them as they research and rate their way through the Queer Film canon one genre at a time. From romcoms to slashers, contemporary art house cinema to black and white classics. QMP is a celebration of all things gay on the silver screen. New episodes every other Thursday. So go ahead and look up Queer Movie Podcast in your podcast app now. We are sponsored this week by Potion Slingers. The fantastic deck-building strategy card game that hopefully you have gotten very excited about over the course of these last few ads. This is, of course, a deck-building game with a twist. And the twist is. that the decks are built while you play, and cards stick around until you use them. So you can stack and combine them to your heart's content. They have all different kinds of play styles for the different characters that they offer, and a flip ability that upgrades them when certain conditions are met. 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Julia: Cammie's going to very gently be like—
Julia (as Cammie): I am going to take a nap in my cabin for—
Julia: Let me look up how long Find Familiar takes. Tatatata, it takes how long? An hour.
Julia (as Cammie): —for about an hour.
Brandon (as Umbi): I got you.
Julia (as Cammie): And then I will be back.
Brandon: Yeah, I don't think we'll need to man the cannon so Umbi will or will sub in on the navigation for an hour.
Eric (as Umbi): What star is that?! Was it there the whole time?
Brandon: Well see, the reason he's not a navigator in general is because he's been around so long that the stars have changed.
Eric: Right, [laughs] you're right.
Brandon: And so it's like difficult, you know?
Amanda: That’s not where that goes.
Eric (as Umbi): That's what I've been u— I've been using that one for years.
Eric: That's like when there's a new exit on a highway?
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: And like your parents where— do you remember like in the early 2000s when your parents refused to use GPS because they're like, I know how to go places.
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: Mmmm.
Eric: Alright. As you sail through the night, as you get closer and closer to Small Key Island, it's almost like you're coming is—from what I understand of what people say about like going to Vegas, it's just like, out of nowhere something lights up over the horizon and you see—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —this massive stadium with big lights reflecting off of sea glass as a small and then bigger, and bigger and bigger bright beacon on the sea.
Brandon (as Umbi): Beautiful.
Amanda (as Troy): Pretty stupid to call it Small, but it's really pretty big up close.
Amanda: Troy is weeping.
Brandon (as Umbi): What's wrong, bud?
Amanda (as Troy): [cries] I'm so sad about Nonny.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, right.
Amanda (as Troy): I want her back, she's my crew.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think she'll come back.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. You're so old, you must know.
Brandon (as Umbi): I’ve seen a lot of death in my day, it's fine.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, you guys we're pretty cavalier towards it, kind of freaks me and Havana out to be honest.
Eric: Sil leans over and says—
Eric (as Sil): Name three people you've seen die. Just for my records.
Brandon (as Umbi): People? Oh, I think your dad?
Eric (as Sil): No, no.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no, your dad is—
Eric (as Sil): I have no dad.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is your dad Harold?
Eric (as Sil): No, not as I understand it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, well uh—
Eric (as Sil): Fine, that's one.
Brandon (as Umbi): I saw JFK, which was—
Julia: What?
Brandon (as Umbi): —which was—
Amanda (as Troy): Jacaranda F. Cactus.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yep, thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): The Senate's first Catholic Senator.
Julia: Jesus Christ. That's what he said.
Brandon (as Umbi): I saw my neighbor who was a stinkbug.
Eric (as Sil): Nice. Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): That was sad, he was a good guy.
Eric (as Sil): What did he died of?
Brandon (as Umbi): Stink.
Eric (as Sil): Ohhh.
Julia (as Cammie): Makes sense.
Eric (as Sil): This sure did—this didn't really expand my understanding of life, but I appreciate it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, you know, when you get to my age, it's like life and death are all kind of the same thing, you know?
Eric (as Sil): It all comes from the same juice.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yup.
Eric (as Sil): We live and we die and we bloom and we wither.
Amanda (as Troy): No one tell Havana that, okay?
Eric (as Sil): Seems interesting though.
Brandon (as Umbi): Sil, you're a weird one, you know?
Eric (as Sil): Well, I was only born two days ago.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool.
Eric (as Sil): Yeah. What else do you guys talk about at night?
Amanda (as Troy): Hopes, dreams, brothers, love.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, mostly talking about what I want, what I read recently.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I—I got a lot more barrel facts that I'm trying to just like ease them in.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, smart.
Eric (as Sil): Yeah. You don't want to use all of them too quickly.
Amanda (as Troy): No, it's actually what barrels is good for, as long-term storage so.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Sil): Yeah. Being alive is wild.
Amanda (as Troy): That's what I'm always saying Sil, it's really nice to have you here.
Eric (as Sil): Absolutely.
Amanda (as Troy): Harold, I hope it's okay that we have— we have Sil here also. I was gonna say another Harold, but nobody else says another Harold. It's just like, it's like— it's like two people we can chat with.
Eric (as Harold): Yeah, that's totally fine, but Sil should definitely be helping me drive, because you're not paying attention and no one else is paying attention, it's just me.
Amanda (as Troy): No sorry, I'm too sad.
Brandon: Eric, real fast, can we go into Umbi's inner Umbi and just Umbi wants to ask—
Brandon (as Umbi): Is Cammie up yet? These youths aren’t great to talk to.
Eric (as Inner Umbi): I don't know. Probably.
Julia (as Inner Umbi): Has it been an hour yet?
Eric (as Inner Umbi): This store— that store—that store used to be all the way over there before.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, fuck.
Eric: Yeah. Cammie, what does it look like you reform what's— what is it—what are you doing?
Julia: I think it is like a very ornate tea ceremony nowadays.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Oh, cool.
Julia: I think the first time, and we've talked about this, but the first time that Cammie manifested Find Familiar it was very like sudden and not intricate. But now the process has become more of an actual ritual than a fear-inspired moment of magic. So Cammie kind of takes her time with it. It is a tea that she's brewing from herself, which she doesn't do very often, but does occasionally do. And yeah, I think it's like a very ornate tea ceremony in order to summon Nonny back into existence.
Eric: I like that.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: Yeah, what's the end portion? Like how does— how does Nonny come back together?
Julia: I think it's pouring the cup of tea into the— like there's probably a special tea cup that she uses very specifically for the ceremony, and then pouring the tea in and then taking a little spoon and giving it a little mix. And from that steam that rises out of the cup, Nonny is formed.
Brandon: Yeahhhh!
Eric: Cool, I like that.
Amanda: Is the cup the lid of the teapot?
Julia: No, but I love that, that's really cute.
Eric: Well, that's very—that's very cool.
Julia: I was looking at different familiars and it's like, oh, I could do a seahorse. Oh, that has no stats.
Eric: I think as you swirl the tea around, there must be like a final steeping, I think, as Nonny comes together, and as the scene comes up.
[dice roll]
Brandon: Are you rolling for Nonny's PTSD?
Eric: Yeah, I'm rolling for Nonny's PTSD.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Or maybe my player's PTSD. As the steam comes up, you hear a familiar voice on the steam.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): I feel like you would have done something stronger. I don't— I don't mess around with any of this tea stuff. Maybe I make my own rock gut. More powerful, I think.
Brandon: Fuck.
Julia (as Cammie): But doesn't give as much love.
Eric (as Baba Rutabaga): Who nee— who needs love when you have something powerful to drink?
Julia (as Cammie): I suppose so. I wouldn't know.
Eric: And then you hear [Nonny sound]
Julia (as Cammie): Hello, my baby.
Eric: Nonny jumps up and suckers your face.
Julia (as Cammie): I am so sorry.
[Nonny sound]
Julia (as Cammie): Are you okay?
[Nonny answers, humming the Jaws theme]
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, Jaws.
[Everyone laughs]
Amanda: Eric, you can't whistle, but you can do that.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: So I think that's good enough.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Kind of impressive.
Eric: It’s like [Nonny sound] No, claws.
Julia (as Cammie): Ah, claws, right, claws.
Eric: Claws.
Julia (as Cammie): Did you get a good look at it?
[Nonny answers]
Julia: Is that a yes or no?
Eric: That's a, I was too busy doing something else.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, that's fair. Alright.
Julia: I'm just—I'm looking at this I'm like, Oh, we could communicate telepathically this whole time? Alright, girl.
Eric: Yeah, but we sure, but we don't. We sure don't.
Julia: No we don't.
Eric: We sure don’t.
Julia: It's more fun that way.
Eric: Hell yeah. Alright. You are roll— you are pulling up like at the end of a car ride. We just gotta get out and stretch your legs, you're pulling up to the harbor of Small Key Stadium!
Brandon and Julia: Weeee!
Amanda: Yay!
Julia: Cammie comes out of the cabin and goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Look who I have!
Brandon (as Umbi): Nonny, yay!
Amanda: Troy falls to his knees.
Julia: I like the little shrug she does.
[Nonny bubbles I’m Coming Out by Diana Ross]
Amanda (as Troy): Nonny! [cries]
Julia (as Cammie): See Troy, she's fine.
Brandon (as Umbi): See, death is just life but different, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): That's true.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. Nonny, I'm so sorry. I feel like I really imperiled you.
Eric (as Threelips): Tro—uh, Troy you don't have to cry over me.
Eric: And you see Threelips is-- is leaning against the inside of the hold coming out onto the top.
Amanda (as Troy): It's normal for bros to cry about bros, we talked about this [cries]
Eric (as Threelips): I'm fine, I was just— I swallowed a bunch of seawater.
Amanda: Troy hugs him too.
Brandon (as Umbi): You doing alright, Threelips?
Eric (as Threelips): Troy you're getting all up in my hair flip. Yeah, no, I'm alright, I slept for a while. I don't know what— you're gonna have to double check what happened and what I dreamed—of what I thought I was di— I thought I was dead.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): It's alright, though.
Julia (as Cammie): Did you see a big seaweed crab?
Eric (as Threelips): …That's what that was.
Julia (as Cammie): I think so.
Eric (as Threelips); I thought it was the Reaper coming— coming with its big sky—scythe to harvest me.
Julia (as Cammie): And it was made out of seaweed?
Brandon: [laughs] Yeah.
Amanda (as Umbi): Did it— did Havana read a big book to you, because we didn't grow up with that shit.
Eric (as Threelips): Man, I don't—I can't— I have weird dreams it was—and I saw an Angel with 500 see— 500 flowers and 500 wings.
Julia (as Cammie): Cool!
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Wow.
Brandon (as Umbi): Did your ship have any good shit on it, because we couldn't find any.
Julia (as Cammie): I found a little bit of Amber but then the giant crab came back, so it didn't work out too well.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): I feel like I should be mad that you try to take my stuff, but it did all fall--
Julia (as Cammie): But no one else was using it.
Eric (as Threelips): No, you're right. I'm—I'm still getting used to sea— I'm still getting used to Great Salt Sea social mores and stuff.
Brandon (as Umbi): We were recovering it.
Julia (as Cammie): There was no morays, we didn't see any seaweed morays.
Eric: Harold goes—
Eric (as Harold): Boo! Boo this man!
Julia (as Cammie): Got 'em!
Brandon: And then Sil goes, woah, yeah!
Eric: Now Sil also says—
Eric (as Sil): Harold told me I should boo. Boo!
Julia (as Cammie): Sil, no. It was a good joke.
Eric (as Sil): But it was— It wasn't-- It was wordplay.
Eric (as Harold): Now we boo! Puns are the lowest form of humor!
Amanda (as Troy): I—I have to know who else was with you. Who did you sail with? Where's Rob? Was he on this assignment? Who else was there?
Eric (as Threelips): No Rob was on the assignment um. I can't—
Amanda (as Troy): We don't send ships out alone.
Eric (as Threelips): No, no we don't I—you know, it was official—official Crags Royal business and I can't—I—uh.
Julia (as Cammie): I know it's not super important because it happens all the time in the Crags, but your like King wasn't on that ship, right?
Eric (as Threelips): No, no it was me. I've no, it was just me.
Julia (as Cammie): Just you?
Eric (as Threelips): Well, me and some—some guys and then—and there were some others—there's another ship. I guess I should go find the other ship. No, no, the king wasn't on it. I was— it's number four. It was number four and five. Rolling Stone number four and five. So no, it wasn't a royal-- It wasn't like the royal yacht or anything.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, you could feel free to like tell us what you were doing, it's fine.
Eric (as Threelips): I can't, there's like— I-- It’s official Crags business.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well you see—I mean we're being nice because you're friends with uh—with Troy here, but like we are a pirate so like you are kind of on our boat, like you should just like share your shit.
Eric (as Threelips): No—
Julia (as Cammie): If it makes you feel any better, you can tell them that we threatened you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. No, this is— this is my new crew now. And me, Troy Riptide, a normal guy from the Crags is best friends with these crew mates. They are my crew and anything about what's happening in the Crags like isn't super relevant to me anymore because I am just normal here on a ship with my bros.
Julia (as Cammie): Hey, Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah?
Julia (as Cammie): Why did Troy say he was normal like five times?
Brandon (as Umbi): Seven times, I don't know.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. It's weird.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is Troy talking about like how ab-- like, trying to be humble about how— how abnormal is his like abs are, you know?
Julia (as Cammie): Do you think Troy is royalty? Oh my gosh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh shit.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy might be a secret royalty.
Amanda (as Troy): Like if you have anything to say in front of my crew, you can say it in front of my crew, not like they're my crew, but like we're all crew.
Eric (as Threelips): Well, if you're all normal people than I-- no, I can't tell you official Crag— I can't tell you official royal business.
Julia (as Cammie): I work for the king.
Eric (as Threelips): No, you don't.
Julia (as Cammie): You don't know.
Eric (as Threelips): Yes, I do.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm technically a senator, I think on paper still.
Eric (as Threelips): What? We don't have—what's a senator?
Amanda (as Troy): Don't worry about it, it's Overstalk shit. But we—
Eric (as Threelips): Is that like a lord?
Amanda (as Troy): Yes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes.
Eric (as Threelips): Is that a—is that a Duke?
Amanda (as Troy): But because we're all normal—
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes.
Amanda (as Troy):—we can't do anything bad to like the royal family, because we're just normal.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm so confused.
Brandon (as Umbi): Me too.
Eric (as Threelips): What do you— Is that a— I can't tell you. What I what—we're here for, we're here. I'm competing in the Bullseye Games.
Amanda (as Troy): Woah, me too!
Eric (as Threelips): You are?
Amanda (as Troy): I got invited.
Eric (as Threelips): I guess we— yeah, we did too.
Amanda (as Troy): Who's competing for— you're competing for the Crags?
Eric (as Threelips): Me. Yeah, I picked up a pi— I picked up shooting after you left so—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, man.
Eric (as Threelips): Cause I wasn't as good as you, but I was kind of the best out of the bunch. No pun intended for Lord Commander Cavendish.
Julia (as Cammie): So how did you get invited to this if you weren't very good?
Eric (as Threelips): Well, you know—
Julia (as Cammie): I say nicely.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Threelips): Fa—fair, honestly. Um, I mean, I'm pretty good, I've gotten better. I'm not as good as Troy, but I kind of picked up--
Julia (as Cammie): Well, no one is.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I'm—I'm kind of the best shot on—on the Great Salt Sea, so—
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Or everywhere.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks.
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah, I picked up like one of the old rifles they had, and I got pretty good at it. So but you know, each of the governments get an invite. Sometimes they take them, sometimes they don't. So they decided to send me out here to see what I could do. So I'm doing it and I'm like, oh, my God, maybe I’ll see Troy, and then I did so. That's why I'm here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Was that the official business, was your shooting?
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah, the official business is—I have, hold on. Not in this pocket, in this pocket, this pocket.
Eric: He looks inside and there's like—there's like a vest and there's a pocket there and this pocket.
Eric (as Threelips): Oh, yeah, hold on.
Eric: And he reaches into like, one pocket that's like oil skin, so it's—it's waterproof, and it's like, no, that's where my ID is, this is my house keys. Oh, and then he takes out the same invitation that Troy has, it's invited to like a representative from the current Craggish royalty.
Julia: Oh, like, so he didn't specifically get an invite, it was just like, hey, send one of your dudes?
Eric: Yeah. Threelips says that like each of the official governments still get it like an invite. Like, you can send someone to the Bullseye Games and they decided to make him champion or whatever. And sometimes they do and sometimes they don't, especially because of all the weird religious socio-economic, governmental conflicts and oohs and ahhs that I was talking about last episode.
Julia: Sick, bro.
Brandon: Can I roll an insight check to see if he's lying by omission?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Yeah, like why send three ships or at least two ships to have one guy come to this.
Brandon: Mmmm.
Amanda: It's far.
Brandon: 12 plus three is 15, not bad.
Eric: 15. Um, ask a question.
Brandon: I believe that what he said was the truth about his shooting and his riflery, but I think he's probably leaving stuff out about his actual mission or like his additional mission.
Amanda: Like is there a secondary mission or a primary mission?
Brandon: Yeah. So I want to know if—I want to know whether or not he's like leaving details out.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is that—was that the whole mission? Was that the whole thing, it was just the shooting? Because I don't know why you would call that a mission you know, it's just like a—
Amanda (as Troy): Activity.
Brandon(as Umbi): —thing, fun event, a vacation.
Eric (as Threelips): I guess, I guess King Hyperion is trying to establish the Crags in as many international competitions as possible but—I mean I guess my— my ship got destroyed. I think they're trying to come up with an excuse to throw me out of—throw me out of the ki— of the Royal Guard.
Amanda (as Troy): What?!
Eric (as Threelips): I'm not very good at this.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Amanda (as Troy): No!
Eric (as Threelips): Troy, I mean listen, I used to do this with Troy, and Troy backed me up like so much. He made me look so much better by comparison.
Amanda (as Troy): We talked about defending yourself.
Eric (as Threelips): I haven’t been able to do it. And I think that like if I win it's good, but if I lose they'll find it a way to, to fire me and you know Troy, I mean Troy will tell you, fire me, means you put them in a cannon and shoot them off the edge of the world. So—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): I guess I'm gonna get fired so hard. S— I mean, there's another ship it was ever with. I can't, I have to find five, there were like guys who were supposed to be watching me and stuff. But all the people that were on my ship got scuttled I guess—
Julia (as Cammie): Murdered by a big crap. Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): I— scuttled. Yeah, for sure. So, um, yeah, I mean, but it's cool that Troy's here, that’s-- I didn't think I would run into you. Um—
Brandon (as Umbi): Name of the big crab is scuttle. So when you get killed by the crab, it’s scuttled.
Eric (as Threelips): I was trying to be— I was trying to be polite you know. A bunch of people died.
Julia: Cammie's just like—
Julia (as Cammie): Huh.
Julia: And is watching Troy's desire to win probably leaving his body.
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, if you win, and you head back, is that— is that good?
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, do you want like, is that what you want? You want to stay with us instead?
Julia (as Cammie): And you could be a pirate.
Eric (as Threelips): Maybe—
Amanda (as Troy): It's great.
Eric (as Threelips): I didn't want to go back. I think they also want the prize, right?
Julia (as Cammie): What's the prize again?
Eric (as Threelips): Oh, you didn't know?
Amanda (as Troy): No, I just wanted to compete for like glory and stuff.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy loves glory.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I love gold.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I like Amber.
Amanda (as Troy): Also good.
Eric (as Threelips): Wooaah!
Julia: Did Threelips do that?
Eric: Yeah, Threelips did do that, he was like—
Eric (as Threelips): Oh yeah, you can see.
Eric: Is like and then you turn and there's a big billboard, like on the nearest pub that's next to the next to the dock. It'd be like Bullseye Game! This year’s Bullseye Game with a special prize, this ancient artifact. And you see that there's a silhouette of what looks like a rounded key.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, no, we need that.
Amanda (as Troy): Yep. No, we need that for certain.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, that's ours. That can be ours.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): We'll kidnap you if we have to, if that's what you got to tell the bosses so.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah—
Eric (as Threelips): What is—
Julia (as Cammie): We'll “kidnap you”.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): What is it? It's a—it's a—do you know what the magical item is?
Julia (as Cammie): I just want it, it looks nice.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, we—we have this whole thing where if we se— if we hear tell that magical item, we just have to go and get it, that's what kind of brought us together as a crew.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm sure we could sell it for a lot of money, you know?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Trade it.
Eric (as Threelips): Oh, what does it do? Oh, what is it?
Julia (as Cammie): I don't know, but it looks great.
Amanda (as Troy): That's the thing, is like, it's kind of less about what it does for us and more what like other people think they could get out of it. And so—
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): — it's almost like when like Umbi is so old and Cammie is also like less old but some, and so both of them have taught me that like, when you say to other people, like oh, well, I don't know, maybe it will be good for you. And like, oh, maybe it’s very old, and maybe it's like very valuable. Or like, oh, yeah, this tea–
Brandon (as Umbi): That's a good Cammie impression.
Amanda (as Troy): –this—this could be like really helpful, but maybe it could kill you. Then people like they–
Brandon (as Umbi): Little high for my voice but—
Amanda (as Troy): They assume the most, and so then they give you more money or respect or fear or whatever.
Eric: This is like your friend trying to explain crypto to you, and Threelips is just nodding.
Julia (as Cammie): Now Threelips, have you ever been to an antique fair?
Eric (as Threelips): No, I haven't.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, well it’s a pla–
Eric (as Threelips): I'm working.
Julia (as Cammie): It's a place where people sell basically junk, but then they say, oh, you know, I'll list at $20 but do you want it for $15? When they only paid $2 for it. I'm sorry doublooms.
Eric (as Threelips): Oh, in the Cra— in the Crags they call that a jumping flea market.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Julia: Yeah, that's great, that's fucking great.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's called a scam in a—in Overstalk.
Julia (as Cammie): And that's our favorite thing.
Eric: That's just a market. It's just a really— it's just like a giant outdoor—in my head, there's outdoor markets everywhere in Overstalk. It's like multi-layered, I don't know if you've been to like, or you've seen stuff in Tokyo, or like in Pokemon, which is based off of Tokyo with like gol—in Goldenrod, the massive— the massive department store. It's just like 10 floors of different sorted open markets.
Brandon: I like it though that you could access each level like via a vine or something.
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Like sort of offset that—
Eric: Oh, it's all open. Like it's like a— like a, like a skyscraper with no walls so you can access it straight up from any-- any floor.
Brandon: That's cool.
Eric: Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Amanda: I'm picturing Jason Bourne like tearing up those awnings. Mmmm, delicious.
Eric (as Threelips): Okay, but like if I win I gotta take the key back with me.
Amanda (as Troy): No, no, that's the thing.
Julia (as Cammie): Don't worry, you probably won't.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): But then I'm gonna die.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, then we'll kidnap you, take you away with us.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah! You'll be a pirate.
Amanda (as Troy): Don’t you wanna be a pirate?
Brandon (as Umbi): Think of it this way. You don't do it you die, you do win, we “kill” you and take it anyway, so.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Threelips): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, man, we real good out on the open sea? You thought uh—you thought rock grubs was good, man.
Eric (as Threelips): Yeah, we're good.
Amanda (as Troy): It's not even close.
Julia (as Cammie): Just wait until you eat at the Out Back Stake House.
Amanda (as Troy): So good, man. The food is so small, but they taste like so much. It's like more flavor per bite than I think I've ever heard before.
Brandon (as Umbi): After smelling those rock grubs, I don't trust Troy's tastes like at all. I think your mouth is broken, Troy.
Julia (as Cammie): I think it tastes good, not the rock crabs to be clear. The Out Back Stake House.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Is that why people on the Hold keep asking to check out my mouth?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yep.
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yup.
Eric (as Threelips): Alright why—I mean, let's— let's talk about it later. I got to think like, I got to think about it and—
Amanda (as Troy): You gotta think about it?
Eric (as Threelips): They're also—they're look— they're gonna be watching me the whole time. So I just— I don't—
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean fucking fine. Whatever man, we'll go get it ourselves. Bye.
Julia (as Cammie): We’ll make you look good, but then you will lose, ultimately.
Eric (as Threelips): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, we're gonna have a fair competition, and when the competition's done, which is fair, then we will unfairly take you away onto our ship away from the people who mean you harm, what's wrong with that? You were so jealous when I left for the open sea, man.
Eric (as Threelips): No, you're right I—I—but I know but I can't leave. I don't know. I gotta–
Amanda (as Troy): I can’t believe I have to convince you to go on an adventure like this with me.
Julia (as Cammie): Not everyone's meant for this life, Troy.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, some people we just throw overboard, you know?
Eric (as Threelips): Okay, I'm gonna—
Julia (as Cammie): People don't like being dirty all the time.
Amanda (as Troy): Right.
Brandon (as Umbi): Metaphorically.
Eric (as Threelips): Okay, I’m gonna go. I'll tr—I'll see y'all later.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen. Sorry, It's been a long night, you make sure you stay safe. If you want to stay in the cabin, you can. I can bunk down with Harold and Sil, it's fine.
Eric (as Threelips): No, I gotta find the fifth ship. They're looking for— I'm looking for the Rolling Stone Five, they're looking for me. I'll—I'll see you later, guys. Thank you.
Brandon (as Umbi): If you—if you're leaving you didn't see us okay?
Eric (as Threelips): No, of course not.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I don't tell–No, no, tell—
Brandon (as Umbi): No, no, look me in the fucking eyes.
Julia: Shit.
Brandon (as Umbi): You didn't see us, right?
Eric (as Threelips): You smell like ointments I've never smelled.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's right. And if you tell anyone, I'll slather them all over you.
Eric (as Threelips): No, I didn't— No, I would never tell someone I saw Troy. No, I would never do that.
Amanda (as Troy): Bro.
Eric (as Threelips): Why would I tell— I would never—I would never tell anyone I saw my— my brother. Who I—I wouldn't— I wouldn't do that, I swear. I swear on like my mom, Mrs. Threelips.
Amanda (as Troy): We know that's not her name.
Eric (as Threelips): Marcia.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.
Eric (as Threelips): I'll swear on Marcia. I—come on, I'll see you guys later.
Amanda: As Threelips leaves can Troy just make eye contact with him one last time and do an intimidation check?
Julia: Oh shit.
Eric: Yeah, dude, I'll roll against that.
Brandon: Bros don't let bros be screwed over by their king.
Julia: Oh, Amanda is using the chunky dice too.
Eric: Alright what I'm doing?
Amanda: Eric, what's that symbol?
Eric: I don't know, what is it?
Amanda: Nat 20.
Eric: That's a Nat20?
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Oh, hot damn.
Julia: What is the Nat 20 look like on that dice?
Amanda: I think it's like two squids, it's like two swans kissing or one squid.
Julia: Two squids kissing.
Amanda: It's either two swans kissing or one squid.
Brandon: Mmmm.
Eric: True, it's either one. I also rolled a Nat 20.
Julia: What?
Amanda: Okay, so my modifier’s plus 5.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: That's how we do it, or is it tied to the runner?
Eric: Here’s what we’re gonna do instead.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: Amanda, send me a message.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: If we both wrote Nat 20s, I think we can have a short conversation with each other.
Amanda: Oooh, I like it.
Eric: Over, that's a secret.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia: Oh, no secrets.
Brandon (as Umbi): So Cammie, I just finished this—this really good book about a— it's like a rom-com.
Julia (as Cammie): You found a book?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I took it from the library.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): From the Book Depository Island, gotcha.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, that's what— yeah, sorry, yeah, yeah. It was about um—oh, what's a flower?
Julia (as Cammie): What is a flower?
Brandon (as Umbi): That's what it was called, it's called What is a Flower?
Julia (as Cammie): Oohh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. And it was about a cereal grain, like a—it was like a wheat berry who fell in love with like, I guess it was like a daisy. I don't—I don't really--
Julia (as Cammie): It was a romance novel?
Eric: Yeah, you get one more message.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, it was a rom-com, yeah, yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't think that was your cup of tea.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, that's pretty much all I read.
Julia (as Cammie): Wow!
Eric: Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric: Taking a screenshot of this so we have it. Cool. It's called the Mango-lorian. I'm sorry, I was thinking about that.
Julia: That's very good.
Brandon: That's pretty good, that's really good.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, I didn't see that coming.
Julia (as Cammie): Like his whole vibe or finding him out in the open scene or both?
Amanda (as Troy): Finding him out on the open sea and him not wanting to go with me. Like who wouldn’t—
Brandon (as Umbi): And that was weird, Troy. I thought that you're bro.
Amanda (as Troy): Who wouldn't want this life?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know!
Amanda (as Troy): I don't—
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, I don't think a lot of people want to just be like, dirty all the time, and also like, have to steal food.
Brandon (as Umbi): Who’s dirty here?
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi.
Brandon: And then you smell Umbi.
Eric: There's like a Spongebob-style insert.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Here's the thing, guys, that key is not going home with anybody else. It's sailing with us right out of here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Fuck yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Damn right.
Eric: Hell yeah. I think you hear some boing, boing, boing, and you look up and there's a grasshopper that's covered in ferns.
Brandon: Awww.
Eric: Holding a clipboard and be like—
Eric (as Marcus): Are you—are you here for—is this long term visitor— is this long term visitor parking? Are you— are you participating?
Amanda (as Troy): I'm Troy Riptide.
Julia (as Cammie): We're competitors.
Amanda (as Troy): And I'm here to conquer these games.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's your next champion.
Eric (as Marcus): Okay.
Julia: Cammie like uses a little magic to create like sparklers behind Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.
Eric (as Marcus): Good. Okay, Troy. you're here. You can pull in—you can pull in below the stadium, and then you— and you can get to that set up in the lockers.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, like now?
Julia (as Cammie): What— what do us, his like support team, do?
Brandon (as Umbi): Trainers, coaches.
Julia (as Cammie): Trainers, support.
Eric (as Marcus): Ohh.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm his waterboy.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm not.
Eric: [imitates Cammie] I'm Cammie.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm Cammie.
Amanda: Cammie's my nutritionist and Umbi's my meditation coach.
Eric: Yeah.
Eric (as Marcus): Are you— are you two involved in the showmanship portion?
Julia (as Cammie): Yes!
Brandon (as Umbi): What? Ye—yes—
Julia (as Cammie): Definitely.
Eric (as Marcus): Okay, it sounds like you don't know what your—I'm talking about.
Amanda (as Troy): That's our grandpa, that's our grandpa.
Eric (as Marcus): So here—here, listen. Here's the official rules and everything. Have a good time with the Bullseye Games. The opening ceremonies are going to start in a few hours. Just pull in—just pull in where—pull in under the stadium.
Brandon (as Umbi): Exciting, thanks.
Amanda (as Troy): Thanks.
Eric (as Marcus): Absolutely. [hopping sound]
Amanda (as Troy): What was your name—
Eric (as Marcus): [hopping sound]
Brandon (as Umbi): Bye!
Eric (as Marcus): I'm Marcus [hopping sound]
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you, Marcus! Have a wonderful day.
Eric: Hell yeah. So Troy, you now have the official rules here. Here's what actually happens in the Bullseye Games. There are three rounds. The first is the distance portion, which is about trying to hit a target from farther and farther and farther away.
Amanda (as Troy): I got this.
Eric: The second is paired showmanship. For those of our sports head out there, this is kind of like the NBA slam dunk contest, where you prepare a trick shot—
Julia: We got this.
Eric: —you will do two of them and they kind of get scored like gymnastics on a scale of zero to ten by a number of judges. And then third and finally is precision, similarly, you get closer and closer to smaller and smaller things you need to hit. Then that number total together is that-- determines the winner of the Bullseye Games, who's going to go home with the magical artifact. There's also some prizes for second and third as well.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, what are those?
Julia (as Cammie): Doesn't matter, we're not gonna need them.
Amanda (as Troy): Doesn't matter, we're not going to need them.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's a good point.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean we could steal all of them at the end.
Amanda (as Troy): That's true.
Eric (as Marcus): That's true. You will be able to go on—on a ride to space camp!
Julia (as Cammie): Wow!
Brandon (as Umbi): Yay!
Amanda (as Troy): Three VIP wristbands to Book Depository Island? Stupid!
Brandon (as Umbi): Throw these right in the trash.
Eric: I don't want to go to Nickelodeon Studios at Book Depository Island in Orlando, Florida. Yeah, get moon boots if you finish third, and two you get a bunch of doublooms.
Amanda: Hey, Julia, Brandon, I bet fourth place is a sticky hand.
Brandon: Oh, I bet you're right, yeah.
Eric: You— everyone gets a bag. All the competitors get a bag, it's a sticky hand.
Julia: Consolation prize, yeah.
Eric: For sure. There's—your one of seven contestants. You already know one of them is Threelips. And there's some stuff about like, you know, upholding. There's like the whole— actually, the majority of the—of the rules given to you is actually like a-- It's a sportsmanship pledge.
Amanda: Ohhh.
Julia: Wow!
Eric: Ten— like ten pages on what it means to be like a good competitor and sportsman.
Julia: Can I like super quickly check the rules to see like what the cheating things are that I can't do?
Eric: Sure.
Amanda (as Troy): I can’t read this, it’s too hard.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon: Does it say dogs can't participate?
Eric: No, there's no rules that say dogs can't participate in the Bull's Eye Game.
Julia: How about octopuses?
Brandon: There we go.
Eric: Octopuses can.
Amanda: Ohhhh.
Eric: Yeah. No, I—there isn't stuff about like cheating, necessarily. The only cheating is like, the entire thing is more of like a more of a speech on the spirit of the games—
Amanda: Like honor—
Eric: And honor and like be-- and participating in good faith in co—in the spirit of competition.
Amanda (as Troy): Blah, blah, blah. So like we're in it to win it.
Eric: In this—for any paired showmanship portions that are prepared, you can kind of do whatever you want. But everything has to happen on the like athletic ability of each competitors own merit for the distance and precision portions.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda: Tight.
Julia: Hmm. Interesting.
Brandon: I mean, I think what, we should— should we just start heading towards the—
Julia: Are they putting us up in a nice hotel?
Amanda: Yeah, we can like sail our—so we're sailing the whole ship under the stadium, there's like an underground portion?
Eric: Yes. As you— as you pull out of the main docks and go and sail under the stadium, you can see that the stadium is like the stadium actually straddles like an inlet. There are two pieces of like land in between and the middle is sailable water. You can also see that like, you know, boxes of like pro sports stadiums, sometimes the boxes are like in weird places where people sit. There are boxes that are under the stadium, because like the main area as you sail under, you see like the main competition space is kind of like raised up so you can like with reflections of the sea glass, you can fully from a bunch of different angles, you can see everything that's happening in the main space.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: It's kind of like Brandon, it's an inverted version of the Seattle stadium, where the Seattle stadium overhangs, but you can imagine this is like an underhang almost where it's hanging out, you can see it.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: I want to go there.
Julia: That's pretty dope.
Eric: And as you see, like everything it's—it's built out of like, sea debris and everything.
Julia: That's awesome.
Eric: You're like, Oh, these are made out of some ships that-- that wreck here on the island huh?
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Interesting. There's a skeleton waving to me.
Julia (as Cammie): I wonder if there's more ghosts here.
Eric: [spooky voice] No, go away. Cammie. So yeah, and there's a little dock down here that kind of like leads up with some stairs that kind of winds its way up into the stadium.
Julia: Coolio.
Amanda: Yeah, well, we'll dock and do we check in with somebody?
Eric: Yeah, there's another grasshopper with a clipboard standing at the dock over here.
Julia (as Cammie): Hello, sir.
Eric (as Grasshopper): Alright. Who are— who—who is this? Who—what's—what team is this?
Julia (as Cammie): Troy and the Riptides.
Eric (as Grasshopper): Troy Riptide, okay. And you two are competing, and you two are part of—part of the team? Your-- who’s in the showmanship portion?
Julia (as Cammie): Yes!
Amanda (as Troy): This must be my name guys. We can have a name for all of us.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, it's Troy Riptide.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Eric: Alright. Yeah well, you're signed in, if you can park your—park your boat here. You have rooming up in the—up in the competition village and we'll get you all set up.
Brandon (as Umbi): Awesome.
Julia (as Cammie): Wonderful. Thank you.
Eric (as Grasshopper): Follow me. [bouncing sound]
Julia (as Cammie): I wonder if everyone fucks here like they do with the Olivepiads
Eric (as Grasshopper): Absolutely. [bouncing sound]
Eric: Throws 200 condoms at you.
Amanda: All shapes and sizes.
Eric: It's like seeing like four decks of cards being used at 52 card pick up, and they're all like attached to each other.
Julia: That's really funny.
Eric: Just throwing condoms at Cammie.
Amanda: Troy goes—
Amanda (as Troy): I don't know what those are.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw!
Julia (as Cammie): Wait, Troy. Troy, Troy, hold on. Troy?
Amanda (as Troy): Uh?
Julia (as Cammie): You need to wrap it up.
Amanda (as Troy): Wrap what up?
Brandon (as Umbi): Proboscis?
Julia (as Cammie): Hmmm. How to answer this question.
Eric: Can you imagine the sex education at the Crags?
Julia: It's nonexistent.
Amanda (as Troy): Fuck or die!
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Procreate, grow your house! Aaaaaaa!
Amanda (as Troy): Oh yeah. No, I don't need any of that stuff, I'm—I'm here to win.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Grasshopper): Alright. I have your team keep that. [bouncing sound]
Eric: Up the stairs. I like the idea that like you have to walk up like 30 flights of stairs to get to the top of the stadium and like walk around. But absolutely, yeah, the— the grasshopper leads you over to the Competition Village. Which is just kind of just like some houses that are set up as you—you pass by—this kind of like it's a touristy area. People come through for the Bullseye Games. It's like they do all of their business in like two weeks, and then the rest of the year they're just chillin’. So people are starting, it's starting to get a little bit crowded around. You see like, nice villager Greenfolk giving pirate Greenfolk keys and they walk into their house. You see like a door opens and says like the bed and breakfast is open and then a bunch of pirates like run in. As you're being led through towards the competition village, and yeah, it's just kind of like some freestanding houses, some real sweet, like one— one story ranch style houses that are arranged in a circle that all look the same, and one is for Troy and the Riptides.
Julia (as Cammie): Sir, may I ask you a question before you leave us to our own devices.
Eric: The grasshopper kind of jumps and does a 360 spin and turns around and says—
Eric (as Grasshopper): Absolutely.
Amanda (as Troy): Woah.
Julia (as Cammie): Do you know about any sea monsters in the area?
Eric (as Grasshopper): Particular ones or regular?
Julia (as Cammie): A big crab.
Eric (as Grasshopper): Yep.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay. Is that a common danger in these waters?
Eric (as Grasshopper) Not this particular waters. I don't know. I mean, that's one of the many ones, it doesn't have a name or anything, and I don't know which one specifically. But you know, we have precautions here obviously with the stadium that overhangs the water. There are precautions, we don't have any—there we have— we have a barrier that's been erected around Little Key Island for years-- around Little Key Island as soon as the game started here.
Julia (as Cammie): Like a magical pro—aure protection kind of situation?
Eric (as Grasshopper): Yeah, yes, exactly. It was laid down 40-plus years ago.
Julia (as Cammie): Great. Is there like a tour we can do? I would love to see that at some point. I love magic. Pew!
Eric: This is—this is like going to the Hoover Dam when you could have Las Vegas, huh.
Amanda: Eric, it was a great choice! I had to get up at five in the morning, it was worth it.
Julia: Amanda said it was worth it, I want to see this magic.
Eric (as Grasshopper): Yeah, we have pe— we have pedestrian tours, we can definitely hook you up with that over the next day or two. For sure.
Julia (as Cammie): I would love that. Thank you.
Eric (as Grasshopper): Absolutely. Well, if you have any questions, some of the—the Bullseye staff are around, just give us a— give us a holler and you can meet— you can meet or not meet the competition but you'll see everybody as you walk out—as you walk out for the—as you walk out for opening ceremonies.
Julia (as Cammie): Wonderful. And we have a schedule that lets us know when all of that is?
Eric (as Grasshopper): Oh yeah that's in the clo—oh yeah, that's on the— in the rules. Do you— can you— did you sign Troy? Troy of Troy, and the Riptides of the Sea Whip, did you sign the competition waiver?
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Julia: Can I do a quick arcana check on the waiver?
Eric: Sure.
[dice roll]
Julia: It's a Nat 20. Legit a Na t20.
Eric: Yeah, what you want to know, Julia?
Julia: I want to know if this is some sort of magically binding thing.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: That if Troy somehow does not live up to the sportsmanship aspects that are laid out there, if he is going to be either divinely punished or magically punished or just punished in general?
Eric: Hey Julia, can I tell you something?
Julia: Yeah, absolutely.
Eric: The answer's yes.
Julia: Yeahhh! Can I—do I know the details of that punishment?
Eric: Oh, yeah. Getting turned inside out and your—your, your organs get feasted on by sea creatures and all that stuff. But it shouldn't really be a problem if you just don't cheat. And with the Nat 20, I'm telling you, it's really that simple. It's like—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: —don't be a cheater or your body will be turned inside out. It is—that's what it boils down to.
Julia (as Cammie): Sir, may we have just one moment and then Troy will sign that and everything will be fine, probably?
Eric (as Grasshopper): For sure. I just, I'm gonna need that before I can let y'all— I can let you all relax.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I'm just— I'm a slow reader, she's being polite.
Julia (as Cammie): Give me 30 seconds.
Julia: And then Cammie closes the door.
Eric: That’s fair, outside you hear [bouncing sound]
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, Troy so here's the thing. That is a legally binding document. And when I say legally—
Amanda (as Troy): Sure.
Julia (as Cammie): —I also mean magically.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): And if you do cheat, your insides will be turned out and you'll get eaten by sea creatures and whatnot.
Amanda (as Troy): That sounds bad, but I don’t think I gotta cheat, I'm just the best shot on the Great Salt Sea.
Julia (as Cammie): That's true.
Brandon (as Umbi); That's true.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, we will all make sure that we don't cheat, Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Julia(as Cammie): Don't cheat, Umb—
Brandon (as Umbi): I was asleep, sorry what?
Julia (as Cammie): Don't cheat on Troy's behalf or else he will get eviscerated.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Is it cheating if you kill the other competitors?
Julia: Checks the rules.
Eric: No, but only if it's in the spirit. But don’t-- you can't do it just to eliminate the competition. You have to have other—you have other—you have to have other motives, other true motives involved.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, you might try, Troy, this is a legal trick I used to use.
Amanda (as Troy): Mmmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Just like spell your name slightly wrong, you know?
Amanda (as Troy): Do you think that will work?
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, we will. We also will cheat if we have to but—
Julia: Cammie looks at the document again.
Julia (as Cammie): [quietly] Would that work?
Amanda (as Troy): How would my life be different if I was named Trey?
Eric: I was just thinking about Troy writing his name is Trey. Kinda funny.
Amanda (as Troy); I mean, I'm always just like, want to do it for real and then win for real and get the prize. But like, listen, worst case scenario, if I don't win, I don't care about that, we'll just steal the prize. Like is that against the rules?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Is it against the rules after the competition stops?
Amanda (as Troy): I don't think so.
Julia (as Cammie): To steal the prize?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't think so.
Eric: There's like two pages, about like the prize giving ceremony, that like the prize needs to end up in the winner's hands. And then there's no—
Amanda: But at the end of the ceremony though.
Julia (as Cammie): But after it's in their hands, free game.
Brandon (as Umbi): You can kill their hands, we could chop them off.
Eric: Yeah, correct.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, we're good? Okay, great.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. That's fine.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm the less cheating I have to do on your behalf, it means the more bars and Greenfolk I can go pick up in the meantime. So it's great.
Julia (as Cammie): And you know, here's the thing, like, I know you probably look at me as a woman and you think I went to law school. I didn't, but I do know my way I guess around a magical document. So, Troy, I'm just going to make sure everything we do here is par for the course, is good, is aboveboard.
Eric: With a Nat 20, Cammie, there's a copy. It's actually the reason why it's so long as there's two of them.
Julia: Great.
Eric: So you can refer—
Amanda: Oh good, so good.
Eric: —you can refer to the set of rules and can have them on you at all times.
Julia: Excellent.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, I think you're just naturally better at this stuff, and at like reading and knowing things about like the law, so—
Eric (as Troy): Yeah, there's like, as a woman, there are parts of your brain that are bigger.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. You tell me what to do, I'll sign and I'm happy with it.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Sounds good. Alright. I think you can sign it, and we will just do our best. I know you would never cheat, Troy. But we'll do our best to try to not, in the spirit of things, cheat.
Amanda (as Troy): You got it.
Amanda: So Troy is going to open the door, grab one copy of the rules, and Troy is going to sign the contract in the most delicate, beautiful looping signature you've ever seen.
Brandon (as Umbi): I thought you were Illiterate.
Julia (as Cammie): We also thought you were illiterate, so that's fascinating.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's impressive.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, well. Thanks.
Eric: As you finish the final delicate looping-y, you hear, [cheering noises]! Coming from the signature then that stop. Cro— you hear the sound of a crowd cheering.
Amanda (as Troy): It doesn't usually do that.
Julia (as Cammie): No, normally signing your name does not do that.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, good.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, not ever.
Amanda (as Troy): Wow. Well, here's to winning.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, I'm gonna go drink.
Eric: Cut to—
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] [trumpet sound] We're here on the sidelines of the Bullseye Games. I'm Alfonso Soriano, covering these— these years of Bullseye Games. I can't remember what year it is, it's probably the 23rd, it doesn't happen at any regular cadence. But here's our— here's our rundown of the competitors of the Bullseye Games. We are also sponsored by Fanfight. Fanfight, putting money on wagers only makes it better.
Amanda: Good.
Julia: Incredible.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] There's a lot of new competitors here that we haven't seen before. And I think it's gonna be pretty interesting for us to un—for us to see. Let's start with our new competitors fresh from the grip from the Salt Sea, this is Troy Riptide.
Amanda (as Troy): Woooo, woooo!
Julia (as Cammie): Wooo, Troy Riptide!
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, that's me. That’s me!
Brandon (as Umbi): Take off your shirt!
Amanda (as Troy): I'm Troy! No.
Eric: I also like— for those of you who watch college football, they sometimes do like pre-shows out in like the tailgating outside. So it's like all the fans of—of the home team are there screaming while they do this, and holding up signs. So like the–
Amanda: Like in American Idol, where they pan back to their hometown bar. We know, we know.
Eric: Yeah, exa—yeah, it's like that. So I like the idea that they're trying to do like a— like a sports hit. And everyone’s jus– and everyone’s just out there.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [on the PA System] There's been recent tell of Troy's exploits as part of the— part of the Sea Whip, a new rising pirate. They seem to have been involved with the explosion of the Book Depository of Book Depository Island. Interesting stuff happening from the rookie, we'll see how it goes out.
Julia (as Cammie): He can't prove that.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [on the PA System] Another newcomer is Threelips Bloomfields. Coming all the way from the Crags. Their offi— you know there are official invitations given each of the countries, but only some of them take them up on the various things. It's interesting to see that the Royal House of Breakstone is sending representatives this year. We'll see what Threelips can do with a—with an old army-grade rifle. You never know—you never know how they make them out in the Crags, it's usually weird and spooky.
Brandon: Eric, who's the bad boy of the competition?
Eric: Oh, Brandon, it's a really good thing that you asked that.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [on the PA System] The bad boy of the competition is —
Julia: Does it really say that?
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [on the PA System] —the bad boy the competition is Archimedes Sevens.
Brandon: Wooo!
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): You wouldn't think that Archimedes would be a front-runner, considering how self-serious and humorless he is. But that's what happens when you're vying to become a future Builder. That's right we have someone not officially sanctioned by the Builder of Hot House, but you know what happens with the current Builder’s getting it up there and age, and caterpillars can only lear— can only live for so long. So there is going to be— there's probably—
Julia (as Cammie): Before they become butter—butterflies.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): There's 3 to 1-- it’s plus 150 that there's going to be a new Builder competition over the-- in the next year or two.
Brandon: Wooo!
Julia: That actually raises a great point, like if you're a Builder when you're a caterpillar and then you transform into a butterfly, are you still the Builder?
Eric: It was always the caterpillar. The current Builder’s been a caterpillar the entire time. Like one of those big fuzzy ones.
Amanda: Like a boys choir, Julia, once they hit puberty, they out.
Julia: Like permanent caterpillar?
Eric: Per— yeah, there's permanent Caterpillar, permanent chrysalis, and permanent butterfly/moth.
Julia: Oh, there's no transformation.
Eric: No, no, no.
Julia: Ooohh.
Eric: Som—sometimes.
Amanda: That would just disrupt your working productivity.
Eric: Yeah, sometimes there are, but I don't think it's— I don't think it's regular necessarily.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Because also I like the idea of like a Kakuna walking around.
Julia: And what kind of Greenfolk is Archimedes Sevens?
Eric: Oh, you know what Archime— Archimedes Sevens and shout out to my NPC list. He—Archimedes Sevens is a deadhead moth. You know the moth from the Silence of the Lambs poster?
Julia: Of course, I do.
Eric: Yeah, the poster that has like a dead skull on the back.
Amanda: Julia rips off her shirt, shows her full back tattoo of the Silence of the Lambs poster.
Julia: Excuse me, it's just a full back tattoo of Sir Anthony Hopkins’ face.
Amanda: Right, right.
Eric: Yeah.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): We got some—we got some footage of Archimedes Sevens pulling up to—pulling up to the stadium.
Eric: And someone like magically divines like some tape. Sailing up is the same weird sailboat from when you went to the Book Depository.
Julia: The really fast one?
Eric: The really fast one with like the— it was like with the pontoon and the slotted sails.
Julia: Uh-oh.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): On the other hand, if you're looking for a good boy, well we-- If you're looking for a good boy, look no further than Continuous Thankful it's kind of a bummer when religious people show up to the Bullseye Games, but they al-- but they always do. This—this glow worm is going to light up the competition, to show everyone that us heathens should not win this competition.
Julia (as Cammie): He's guided by the light of his own body.
Eric: Continuous Thankful is a glow worm, but you know as all bug people have like plant features, lots of glows from bioluminescent mushrooms that are spot all around him.
Julia: Spooky.
Brandon: And then the twins I assume.
Eric: I don't have that one, unfortunately.
Brandon: Damn it!
Eric: I don't have a twin, unfortunately.
Julia: Damn it!
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): I don't—we don't know much about Radbert—about Radbert Sutherland of the Radbert pirate crew, kind of a late entry. I tried to fill— trying to fill everything out. So don't bet on him!
Brandon: Is that insider betting?
Julia (as Cammie): You work for Fanfight.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): Fanfight, Fanfight I have just given my recommendations here as talent for the show.
Amanda (as Alfonso Soriano): You have a gambling problem. Don't gamble.
Julia: What kind of Greenfolk is Rathbert or Ratbert.
Eric: Ah, Radbert. R A D B E R T.
Julia: Ra—oh, he's Rad, okay, gotcha.
Eric: Radbert. And you see that there's like a fully armored figure who's just like fully long sleeves, long pants boots with pants tucked into his boots, and a big helmet all around their head. But you can see that there are dandelion puffs sticking out of the helmet.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: Interesting.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): Aren't you-- if you're gonna put your money on a short thing probably you can choose one of the two front runners.
Julia: And their twin.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): They're not twins. First, we have if—if you're gonna go someone, if you're just based on heart, you should probably bet on Framboise Bousier.
Julia: Oh, he's from the separatist group in the Crags. Tell me I'm wrong, Eric. Tell me I'm wrong.
Amanda (as Troy): Quelle surprise! We all know a little French.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): She is a part of the radical separatist group out in the Crags. La—
Julia: Love it.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano):—La Multitude de Mons.
Julia: Wowww.
Brandon: Yes.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): Now, the separatist group has been trying to create their own country that’s separate from the Crags. So there's a lot of feeling on the line. She calls everything she does the beautiful risk and will do anything in order to win.
Julia: Same.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): And whatever that magical artifact does, it surely should probably help her.
Eric: She is a dung beetle.
Amanda: Oh nice.
Eric: With cracks in her shell and there's grass growing out of it like grass coming out of th-- coming out of pavement.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia (as Cammie): Your name doesn't match your appearance.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's rude.
Julia (as Cammie): I said what I said.
Eric (as Framboise): Do not talk to me like that. I'm here to fight for my country and for freedom. You not— do not talk to me about my name. What is in a name? It is about the risks that we do here in life. I will do anything.
Brandon (as Umbi): Are you a twin?
Eric (as Framboise): No.
Julia (as Cammie): Fair enough.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): But if you got to put money down, you got to put money down on the famous pirate sharpshooter, Kid Cervantes.
Julia (as Cammie): The famous pirate sharpshooter is Troy Riptide, this commentary is rigged.
Amanda (as Troy): I never heard him. What—what—what kind of man is named Kid?
Brandon: That's such a good name.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [on the PA System] Kid doesn't say much, but his legend precedes him. Oh, there's Kid now.
Eric: In the distance, you see what looks like a humanoid figure with their arms up, standing on a raft with a big fan behind them. It's kind of like a like a homemade fan boat—
Julia: Like, in the bayou?
Eric: Yeah, like a homemade fan boat, it's like wooden raft with like a steering column and a giant fan.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Eric: Like a 10-foot fan–
Amanda: Wow.
Eric:— just attached to the back of the raft. And as the deafening sound of the fan boat gets louder and louder, you see that Kid Cervantes is a Saguaro cactus.
Brandon: Ohhh.
Eric: Saguaro cactus is one of the ones that look like a guy who put their hands up.
Julia: [laughs] So cool.
Eric: On Kids Cervantes’ head and on his hands are flowers, are like the flowering parts of a Saguaro Cactus, but you can also see the water gun that's in his hand. One hand on the steering column, one hand on the water gun.
Julia: Amazing.
Amanda (as Troy): Think you must be friends, or are we more like enemies? What's the vibe?
Julia (as Cammie): I made friends with an undead pirate queen, so I'm trying to be friends with him.
Amanda (as Troy): Tight.
Eric: I also included a photo of this with his gun, Cushion, and it's a super soaker that has like Southwestern sunset color scheme.
Brandon: Oh my god.
Amanda: Incredible.
Julia: Awww!
Amanda: Canva is your passion.
Julia: It's called Cushion?
Eric: Cush-- yeah.
Brandon: Incredible.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [on the PA System] That's all for the pre-show here at the Bullseye Games. I'm Alfonso Soriano and put all your money into Fanfight. It's gonna be a good one.
Julia (as Cammie): No!
Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): Do it, I get a cut.
[theme]