- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.

- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman

- Multitude: multitude.productions

About Us

Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.

Transcript

Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plants and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!

[theme]

Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.

Eric: The crew of the Sea Whip rescues Threelips from the wreckage of his ship. Threelips is very freaked out that his good friend Troy and some pirates he now hangs out with, picks them out of the sea, but he is thankful that he's not dead. Our friends then spend a good amount of time sifting through the ship debris looking for treasure. They find barrels of the Cragish snack, rock grubs, which Troy really likes and everyone else thinks is weird. But they spend a little bit too much time looking as Nonny is snatched by a sea monster, so Cammie has to bring her octopus friend back to life. We arrive at Small Key Stadium and hear about the competitors of the Bullseye Games. Troy, Threelips, future Builder competitor of the Hothouse, Archimedes Sevens. Paladin of the Path, Continuous Thankful. French Separatist Framboise Bousier. Radbert, who seems to just be a collection of dandelion seeds in a suit of armor. And the quiet and mysterious pirate sharpshooter, Kid Cervantes. Round one, fight! Let's get the party started.

Eric: I'd like this episode to start with like, like a handheld camera. It's like in a documentary-- in a sports documentary. Where were—

Brandon: You got— you lost the map? Oh, no, it's Blair Witch.

Julia: I gave you back the map, Heather.

Amanda: See guys, I was picturing like a true crime documentary where there is like, video cam footage from like someone's tourist trap, and then behind bros hugging, you see like a plane swoop down and like grab a cow or something. It's an alien documentary.

Julia: Yes, the true crime of the plane stealing cows.

Brandon: I wish alien stories were true crime stories like that.

Eric: The unsolved murder of the little green men.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Little Green Men does sound like the name of a true crime documentary, doesn’t it?

Amanda: Yes it does, it does.

Eric: Were like there was a— it was a serial killer who blam-- and then like the town blamed it on Aliens.

Amanda: Mmmm. Somewhere somebody has an MLM. I'm—I'm already watching it on Hulu. I don't know what you're talking about.

Brandon: Amanda's just on an ad break right now, that's why she came to record.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric and Julia: Yeah.

Eric: No, this is a sports documentary where we're watching someone walk into the locker room. I love the idea of like you're in one of those like halogen lights, just totally bare hallways that feel like they go to nowhere. I don't know if any of you have like walked around like a—like a big sports stadium before, but it's just like— it feels like it's—you're walking inside the intestines of like a giant monster that like goes nowhere.

Brandon: They're too big.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: They're too big.

Amanda: Cinderblock, yeah.

Eric: Every single one of your steps like echo because it's bouncing off of linoleum.

Amanda: An empty conference room, the back of a mall. Oh, yeah.

Eric: Yeah. Yeah, there's a conference room that only like the marketing team of the Charlotte Bobcats has used once. But I think that you're walking through and then you push for those like heavy doors open, and then you start to hear the chatter and the music of the locker room of this year's Bullseye Games competition.

Brandon: Wooo!

Julia: Woo!

Amanda (as Troy): Woo! Ready to dominate.

Eric: I like the idea that like someone brought a fiddler with them to play music in the locker room.

[Julia imitates Fiddle sound]

Amanda: It’s how I prepare, it’s how I prepare.

Eric: Yeah. I think it's Archimedes Sevens. Archimedes Sevens is the kind of guy who walks around with his own music.

Julia: He's got that vibe.

Eric: Like he's—you look over and there's just like a dead head moth, which again the moth from Silence of the Lambs, gray mottled with like when he turns around, there's a skull looking back at you.

Amanda: Tight. Incredible.

Eric: And he was like, absolutely stone-faced. Maybe he's like ironing his own uniform. He brought a uniform from home and he's ironing it while he has a fiddler behind him playing hype music.

Brandon: I love that. And the—

Julia: I'm into it.

Brandon: Is— I don't know what kind of—what kind of Greenfolk it is. But I imagine there's like hopping around while playing.

Eric: Like an aphid or something?

Brandon: Yeah, yeah, that's good.

Eric: Like a really small bug with a little– yeah.

Brandon: Yeah, I like that.

Eric (as Aphid Fiddler): It's so precarious being a— being a Greenfolk, on the roof.

[Everyone laughs]

Eric: Well, yeah, you walk in and so all the NPCs we introduced in the last episode are here doing various like sports locker room things. You look in immediately and Threelips is like—

Eric (as Threelips): Oh, hey, hi. Oh, hey, what's up?

Eric: Threelips was like the farthest locker all the way on the other side because he got there—he got there late.

Amanda: It’s damp.

Eric: Yeah, it's bad.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, now you want to talk to us.

Eric: And he was just waving at Troy. He was not waving at any of you.

Julia (as Cammie): Kind of rude.

Amanda: Troy gives a little salute, but then turns his like shoulder to him, like—

Amanda (as Troy): I'm— where—where—I'm not going to talk to him till after the game. I can’t believe he doesn’t want to be a pirate like what—what the hell, man?

Julia (as Cammie): Why would anyone not want to be a pirate? It's the best life ever.

Amanda (as Troy): I don't get it, how could you want to be a pirate? I don't get it.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh yeah. You hate freedom and money? I don't know.

Amanda (as Troy): Right? Right?

Julia (as Cammie): Wow.

Amanda (as Troy): And like tea and stories and sailing with your bruvs, come on.

Julia (as Cammie): There's nothing better than sailing with your bruvs.

Amanda (as Troy): That's what I said.

Julia (as Cammie): And also tea. Troy, thank you for including it.

Amanda (as Troy): Yes, drinking tea with your bruvs. Why don't more bruvs drink tea together, I don't get it.

Julia (as Cammie): More bruvs should drink–

Amanda (as Troy): Should I have music? Should I have music? I just—I don't—

Brandon (as Umbi): Do you want—do you want us to sing for you?

Amanda (as Troy): No. It's just like—

Julia (as Cammie): Oh, I have a fiddle! I have a fiddle! [plays fiddle]

Amanda (as Troy): I feel like I'm just always ready. I'm just always ready. But should I be getting ready?

[fiddle playing]

Eric: This is real like— like you go to the beach and two different people have speakers, they're fighting each other now.

Julia: Yeah. Cammie is completely ignoring the other person's fiddling, it's just like in her own world. [fiddle playing]

Brandon: You mean hell, Eric. We've been in hell.

Eric: Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Don't worry, Archie is still ironing his uniform with his—his wings are out. They are out and big. They take up the majority of his space. I think that he only like kinda only moves around the ironing board, covering different—there's total like quarters of the—of the locker room while—while they're there. Everyone else I think is— is also like doing their own hype-up stuff, kinda keeping to themselves. especially— you just see Kids Cervantes standing, just standing there with—

Amanda: Cactus arms up.

Eric: Yeah, cactus arms up.

Julia (as Cammie): He also seems like he's always ready, so he doesn't have to get ready.

Amanda (as Troy): Thank you. Yeah, I just like—oh, what is this? I feel like you— I feel like like Nonny's in my— in my tum. Is this what—is this what nervous is?

Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, did you eat Nonny?

Amanda (as Troy): No, of course not.

Julia (as Cammie): No, but she's right here.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, okay. Good.

Amanda (as Troy): Like it's like I wanted— I want to do a good job, but for the first time I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do a good job like I— like I thought I would.

Julia (as Cammie): Troy?

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah?

Julia (as Cammie): Nonny agrees. Troy.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah?

Julia (as Cammie): You always do a good job. No matter what, we believe in you.

Amanda (as Troy): Uh, thanks.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Even if you don't do a good job, you did a good job, you know?

Amanda (as Troy): Uhhhh.

Julia (as Cammie): And you know what, Troy? Even if you don't do a good job and win the games, you know what we can do a good job at?

Amanda (as Troy): Uh?

Julia (as Cammie): Stealing the prize!

Amanda (as Troy): Uhh.

Brandon (as Umbi): Fuck yeah!

Amanda (as Troy): You're so right Cammie. God, you're so smart.

Julia (as Cammie): Thank you. [Plays fiddle]

Amanda (as Troy): I can win or I can steal, which is also winning. Win or steal is a win. Okay.

Julia (as Cammie): Exactly.

Amanda (as Troy): Ready.

Brandon: We have that as a bumper sticker on the boat.

Eric (as Radbert): Yeah, that's—everyone knows that's really the fourth event.

Julia (as Cammie): Who—who's speaking?

Brandon (as Umbi): I'm sorry. This is a ABC conversation.

Eric (as Radbert): Oh, hello my—I'm—my name is Rad— Hi, I'm Radbert.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, you're one of them. Hi.

Eric (as Radbert): Yeah. I'm Radbert, nice to meet you. I'm just introducing myself to all the competitors. Tryin’ to–

Julia (as Cammie): Hello, you're a fellow pirate.

Eric (as Radbert): I am. I love stealing.

Julia (as Cammie): Cool.

Eric (as Radbert): I also love stealing and all the things you were saying about being a pirate, I agree with.

Julia (as Cammie): Shout-out, man.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh, nice. What a—what brings you here today?

Eric (as Radbert): Oh, yeah. Competing, love of the game. Oh, hold on.

Eric: That's one of—one of the dandelion—

Amanda: Seed pods?

Eric: —pods.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Comes kind of exploding out and Radbert goes and grabs it. Stuff that back like into his helm.

Brandon: Do you think that Greenfolk have allergies, Eric?

Eric: Yeah.

Julia (as Cammie): Achoo!

Brandon: Okay. Umbi sneezes then.

[Nonny sneezes adorably]

Eric (as Radbert): Yeah, everyone knows that's—that's the last. That's really the secret fourth of that, of a—the Bullseye Games, stealing the prize?

Brandon (as Umbi): What?

Amanda (as Troy): What?

Eric (as Radbert): Uh, everyone loves stealing the prize.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh, really?

Julia (as Cammie): Everyone including non-pirates as well or just the pirates?

Eric (as Radbert): It's usually mostly the people competing. But one year someone did come in from the crowd and grab, grab tho—grab the— grab the, the—grab the chest. It was—it was epic.

Amanda (as Troy): Really?

Julia: Was that the year I was here?

Amanda: Oh, nice.

Julia: Roll! Roll! Roll!

Brandon: Was it Cammie?

Eric: That’s an 18. So yes, it was your year.

Julia (as Cammie): He was also naked, it was wild.

Eric (as Radbert): That was a—that was a distraction. You got to have a distraction. They were all naked. They were the Naked Pirates.

Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): Wow.

Brandon (as Umbi): They're legendary.

Amanda (as Troy): I'm all about minimizing my target, you know? It seems like not a good idea.

Brandon (as Umbi): To be naked?

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.

Brandon (as Umbi): How's that minimize your tar— maximize your—wait.

Julia (as Cammie): Well then, the wings are out.

Amanda (as Troy): More stuff to hit.

Eric (as Radbert): No, no—

Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.

Eric (as Radbert): —you can say I'm exactly the same way.

Eric: As Radbert like, goes bang, bang on his own armor.

Amanda: Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): No, that's nice man. I—I like the look.

Eric (as Radbert): Yeah.

Brandon (as Umbi): Well, hold on. We just skipped over the fact. Are we not the only ones that are going to try to steal the thing?

Eric (as Radbert): [mumbles]

Amanda (as Troy): Oh, it's good to know.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no.

Julia (as Cammie): That's fun.

Amanda (as Troy): Is there—is there any way that we could be kind of like mutually incentivized to help make sure that the prize ends up in the hands of one of us at the end of the day?

Eric (as Radbert): What do you— what are you thinking?

Amanda (as Troy): You know, some uh–

Brandon (as Umbi): 60-40?

Amanda (as Troy): We wanna—wanna walk away with the prize and we'll make it worth your while if you can help us out with that.

Eric (as Radbert); Oh, yeah, for sure. Okay, I have a deal. You have to—you have to think about it for a second. Hold on.

Eric: Radbert closes—closes the helm on the—

Julia: Cammie goes—

Julia (as Cammie): [gasps] He's gone.

Brandon: That's a very good voice by the way, Eric.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric (as Radbert): Alright. Yeah, man, that sounds great.

Amanda (as Troy): Tight, man. So if you— if you, you know.

Eric (as Radbert): Also, thanks, Brandon. Appreciate it.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, well—we'll stay in touch. The ceremony is what? Like a couple days from now or—

Eric (as Radbert): Oh, no. Opening ceremonies and first wa-- and first challenge is today.

Amanda (as Troy): When the prize is awarded, I mean.

Eric (as Radbert): Oh, yeah. When the prize is awarded. Yeah. Day-- this is day one, day two, day three. Yeah. Immediately after—

Julia (as Cammie): Plenty of time.

Eric (as Radbert): —immediately after distance. I mean, it kinda is resolved-- it's kind of easily resolved.

Amanda (as Troy): What—what do you mean by that?

Eric (as Radbert); Oh, well, distance, you know?

Amanda (as Troy): No.

Julia (as Cammie): Go on.

Amanda (as Troy): I just learned how to read, so I don't know a lot of things.

Eric (as Radbert): Oh, that’s understand—is that new rookies, you know rookies all the time.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.

Julia: Do I remember what the distance challenge is?

Eric: Absolutely. The distance challenge is a duel. It's a series of duels.

Julia: Ohhh.

Eric: That happens where people stand farther and farther away from each other, and you get knocked out when you get knocked out.

Brandon: Knocked out or knocked out?

Eric: Uh, the latter.

Brandon: Oh, no.

Julia (as Cammie): I remember the distance challenge. It means uh—he's talking about how you get shot at the end of it, if you lose. That's how you lose.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.

Brandon (as Umbi): I didn't—I didn't know that.

Eric (as Radbert): Oh, it's exciting. It's you know, the— it's the love of the game, the thrill. I put myself in the line of–

Julia (as Cammie): I mean, you'll be fine, look at that armor.

Eric (as Radbert): Yeah, body on the line. If you do it the whole time, then you're fine. Again, bang, bang.

Julia (as Cammie): Bang bang.

Amanda: Okay.

Eric (as Radbert): Well, I'm just— I'm just meeting everybody. So you know, have a good time. I don't want to get in your heads or anything. Everyone's kinda— I mean if you want to be a part of the prayer circle over there, I guess but uh—

Julia (as Cammie): Prayer? Prayer circle?

Eric: Yeah. You look over and Continuous Thankful--

Julia: Continuous Thankful. Yeah.

Eric: Continuous Thankful, Paladin of the Path. The glow-worm, glowing with bioluminescent mushrooms, is leading a prayer circle nearly in the middle of the locker room. You also look over and Havana's is in it.

Amanda (as Troy): Shit!

Brandon (as Umbi): Of course, he is.

Julia (as Cammie): Havana. Havana, come here!

Eric (as Havana): I wa— what I was waiting for you!

Julia (as Cammie): Havana, come here! Havana.

Eric (as Havana): I—we're in the middle.

Julia (as Cammie): Havana! Havana!

Brandon (as Umbi): Come here, boy. Come here Havana, Come here, boy.

Amanda (as Troy): Ow, I need you. Did that work?

Julia (as Cammie): Troy is hurt, Havana! Help!

Eric (as Continuous Thankful): Brother, don't worry. You can come—

Julia (as Cammie): No.

Eric (as Continuous Thankful): —you can come back to what—you can come back to our Path circle whenever you'd like. Just follow your— just follow your way, we'll be here the entire competition.

Brandon: Just follow the Path.

Julia (as Cammie): Havana, no.

Eric: And Continuous Thankful slimes Havana, touching him on the side of the face.

Amanda: He’s like, oh, thank you. Yes, yes.

Eric: It's glowing a little bit, as Havana kinds of like skips over to you.

Julia: And Cammie immediately starts wiping it off his cheek like—

Julia (as Cammie): No, no, that—that-- Gross. No, no, not happening.

Eric (as Havana): Cammie, have you met Continuous Thankful?

Julia: Have I?

Eric (as Havana): He has a lot to say— he has a lot to say about—about you know.

[dice roll]

Julia: I rolled a 3. Have I met Continuous Thankful before?

Eric: Oh good—yes I—I thought that was just like a thing people say, no you haven't met Continuous Thankful before.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: But obviously you— I know a lot of people are getting like youth pastor vibes, but there’s a type of person in my life who like goes to Israel and then becomes like super religious immediately. You've seen those vibes radiating off of someone who's gets really really into reading the book and taking it literally. Both Havana and Continuous. Also— also it glows. The—the bioluminescent sludge, it glows and it smells—

Julia: Bad.

Eric: —smells like magic to you.

Julia: Mmm, what kind?

Eric: Let me bring up the list of magics.

Julia: You got it.

Eric: D&D list, types of magics.

Amanda: So cool. I'm loving Cammie's sense of smell as a thing.

Eric: It smells like Evocation magic. What does that smell like? Which is-- it's creating something out of nothing.

Julia: It smells like cooking garlic and onions.

Eric: Wow. Yes, it does. White people love the smell of Evocation magic.

Julia: True.

Brandon: I was just going to say all the white Greenfolk come around and say, mmmm, what's that smell?

Eric: Yeah. [laughs]

Amanda: Delicious, let me get some of that.

Eric (as Havana): Oh my god, what are you stewing? What is that—what are you—what are you uh—what's in that—that cauldron. Smells great.

Julia: Cammie goes—

Julia (as Cammie): No.

Julia: And then just pours tea over Havana's cheek to get rid of it.

Eric: Yeah.

Julia (as Cammie): No.

Amanda (asTroy): Um, Havana. Um, I could really use like some—just like some bro support right now. I—

Eric (as Havana): Yeah, absolutely.

Amanda (as Troy): —been a lot of pressure just about you know, like wanting to do pretty good. I like-- I say I'm the best shooter on the open seas, but like—

Brandon (as Umbi): You are!

Amanda (as Troy): —Thank you. I want to make sure that is true. And like Cammie, I don't know if there's anything sort of like, you know, calming and like helpful that I maybe I can drink and Umbi—

Julia (as Cammie): Lavender and chamomile, here you go. Already ready.

Amanda (as Troy): Thank you. Umbi, do you have any like wisdoms?

Brandon (as Umbi): Do—does Umbis the Third have any wisdoms?

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, my wisdom is usually lie, cheat, and steal.

Amanda (as Troy): It's good.

Brandon (as Umbi): And I'm looking at my spell list and potion list to see if I can a—

Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.

Brandon (as Umbi): —lie, cheat or steal for you.

Julia (as Cammie): We're happy to lie, cheat and steal for you anytime, Troy. Except not cheating, because we did sign a contract.

Amanda (as Troy): Not this time.

Julia (as Cammie): Troy signed a contract.

Brandon (as Umbi): We can cheat it after.

Amanda (as Troy): Right. After.

Brandon (as Umbi): Right. Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, apparently everyone's onto that. I thought it was kind of our idea, but like, whatever.

Brandon (as Umbi): I didn't realize I was gonna have to kill everyone, you know?

Amanda (as Troy): Are you going to do the distance then? Because I—I don't want—I don't super don't want to die here but—

Julia (as Cammie): We won't let you die, Troy. Don't worry.

Brandon (as Umbi): No. I mean, we will do the distance. I don't think everyone dies at the distance. Maybe someone's get shot at the leg and they like get out of the competition, you know?

Eric (as Havana): Yeah, I can bring it— I can always bring you back.

Brandon (as Umbi): What?

Julia (as Cammie): What's that?

Eric (as Havana): Oh, you know, death is just on the— it's just part of the life cycle, you—you, you grow, you sprout, you die, you become mulch, and then you come back as a seed.

Amanda (as Troy): I just like I'm not ready for that part of my Path yet, you know?

Eric (as Havana); Oh, I haven't gotten to that chapter yet. But I think I could, if I— if I— you know, if I take my medical books, and I take my religious books, and I put them together, I think I can figure something out.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh, you sleep on top of both of them, and so both the knowledge is–

Eric (as Havana): Yeah, both in my head. Oh, you know, my studying techniques.

Amanda(as Troy): That's smart, that's smart.

Eric (as Havana): Yeah, no, I think if I—there's something about like grabbing the seed out of the life cycle at the middle, which there I can keep you from going all the way around the wheel.

Amanda (as Troy): Alright. Well, that works for me.

Brandon (as Umbi): Cool.

Julia (as Cammie): Makes sense, kind of.

Amanda: Troy slugs the tea.

Eric: It's hot.

Amanda (as Troy): Tea with my bruvs, love it.

Eric: Incredible. But, yeah, all the NPCs are here. I think you also see what everyone's weapons that they're going to be working with. Kid Cervantes with the water gun named Pin Cushion on the side. Radbert-- [laughs] Radbert pulls out a kind of like a hand pistol. Imagine a cannon on a ship, but it's hand-sized.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: Like the opening is big, but it's— you could hold it in one hand even if it's very heavy.

Julia: Okay, cool.

Amanda: So like a full-sized cannon ball?

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: Like an opposite of Men In Black gun.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Julia: Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: It's really big and it shoots big bullets.

Amanda: Okay.

Brandon: But you can also see I'm loading a bullet, and it's the size of like, it’s– [giggles]

Amanda: A chibi cannon.

Eric: Yeah, right.

Amanda: Eyes big, body small.

Julia: It makes me think of like, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: Yeah, exactly. It's like the bullets are like the size of two bricks stacked on top of each other. Yeah. I think you also see Archimedes Sevens, now that he's done ironing his uniform, is fiddling with like currently a futuristic-looking laser gun.

Julia: Weird.

Eric: That has like a lot of sights on it, like coming off of it each one, much like as we love talking about Ben Franklin's—Ben Franklin's glasses. It's about like adjusting and putting whatever lenses you want on it. There's like 10 lenses coming off of it.

Brandon: Like when you go to the eye doctor and they flip in a new lens or whatever.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: It's like all— it's like surrounding this laser cannon that he holds with two hands.

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: Threelips, as we said, has an old army-grade rifle. Framboise Bousier, who is just like radiating bad vibes over at Three—over at Threelips.

Julia: Oh, no.

Eric: You can see it's coming off of it, like stink lines off of a cartoon garbage. Is also cleaning her big old blunderbuss. Also, it's very funny. I was looking around for a photo of like a cartoon blunderbuss. And there was one on the Super Mario Wiki that I didn't understand and I looked at it. And is the one that King K. Rool from the Donkey Kong series uses. And it's very cartoony and very fun. So that's what I'm imagining.

Julia: I'm into it.

Amanda: Now, what is the blunderbuss acc— apart from a good word?

Eric: Blunderbuss, it's a big two-headed old-timey gun. And it has a really large opening, kind of like— almost like a gramophone, so that it can shoot out a lot of bullets at the same time.

Amanda: Ohhh.

Brandon: It's almost like a— like a pirate-y sawed off shotgun.

Eric: Yeah, an old-timey shotgun.

Amanda: But like a spray?

Eric: A spray, yeah.

Amanda: Okay, cool.

Eric: It's a really, really big opening. It's almost like a flower opening. I also like the idea that it has like, I don't know if you've ever seen Tom Morello's guitar where this—or it's like, Woody Guthrie's guitar like This Kills Fascists.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: It's almost like she has like French phrases drawn on it in like Sharpie, which you can all—all imagine what it says.

Amanda: Nice.

Eric: Yeah, real just like revolutionary phrases.

Julia: This gun kills Cragish Royalty.

Eric: This gun kills royals.

Julia: Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: It's a little bit on the nose, but it sure is true.

Amanda: Something, égalité, liberté.

Eric: Yes, yes.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: You—you do notice, doesn't look like these there are no weapon around Continuous Thankful. Other people are prepping it or cleaning them or getting them ready. There is no weapon around Continuous Thankful.

Brandon: I mean that makes sense. He's a—he's a path—Path-ian, Pathan-- Path follower.

Eric: Paladin, yeah, Paladin of the Path. For sure.

Julia: Paladin of the Path.

Brandon: Paladin of the Path.

Julia: Yeah. No, I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

Brandon: He probably like believes that his God will like give him the weapon at the right time, and then he gets shot in the face or something, you know?

Julia: One can only hope Brandon, one can only hope.

Brandon: Eric, while we're here talking about weapons and stuff in the locker room, can I maybe strap a few bombs on top of some arrows for our good friend Troy here?

Amanda (as Troy): Bruv, I love that bruv.

Eric: Sure.

Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Only one of my bombs can be loaded on a bolt at a time. So you really just have like one bomb arrow right now. But then as you use it, I'll probably be you know, the coach on the side of the boxing ring, able to refill you if you need.

Amanda: Yeah, I have five arrows total. So I think we should do one bomb, one poison. Would that be fun?

Eric: Well, let me explain this because Cammie has seen this before. So I can tell you what exactly you're trying to do here.

Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): That would be great.

Eric: What you're trying to do in the precision, there are a few different challenges you do about being precise. Some of them are about precision, you know, precision is different from accuracy. Accuracy is hitting, and just imagine all of you are back at a summer camp, listening to the archery teacher teach you this. Accuracy is hitting the bullseye, precision is shooting in the same spot every single time. So there's probably going to be one, I mean, they vary it up every single year. But there's probably one where you do need to hit a traditional spot in the same spot every single time. There might be a shot where like someone throws something in the air and you need to hit it, or it's in a weird place or throwing something really small and needing to hit it, etcetera. So that's the context of this precision game.

Brandon: Cool.

Amanda: Love it.

Eric: So there's some sort of bomb you want to put on stuff, you can. I just want to tell you what exactly you're trying to do.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Like maybe you'd be— like someone throws a hat in the air and you have to shoot it out of the— out of the thing or someone throws a coin in the air and you have to hit it.

Julia: Very classic.

Eric: Maybe they release a bird and it's like un—and you got to shoot it or something. Various things.

Brandon: Yeah.

Amanda (as Troy): If I can shoot a sun gull, I'll be really happy.

Julia (as Cammie): That'd be sick.

Eric: Could you hear it-- You hear muffled caws, coming from the other side of the stadium.

Julia: Everyone's eyes widen.

Amanda: So yeah, Umbi I think that a bomb arrow would be super helpful to widen the target or obliterate it if I need to.

Brandon: Yeah, so I do that. You have one and I'll refill you when needed. I don't think we need a poison one right now, but if you do, then we’ll—

Julia: Yeah.

Brandon: We'll do that.

Eric: We haven't done this before. What is it look like you putting a bomb on an arrow? I am Tears of the Kingdom pilled, so it's just like blurp, blurp, you just kind of put it on there.

Brandon: Yeah. I was 100% Imagining a Zelda-style bomb arrow where it's just a bomb on top of an arrow.

Eric: Yeah, yeah, dude.

Julia: Hell yeah, dawg.

Eric: You take out super glue and you're just like really delicately put it on there.

Brandon: Yeah.

Amanda: Like a mom hot gluing pom poms to like a kid's headbands, just like blurp, blurp.

Eric: True. I love that, that's very funny.

Julia: Eric.

Eric: Yeah, that's me.

Julia: There are two contestants that are wearing armor, correct?

Eric: Yeah, that would be Continuous Thankful and Radbert.

Julia: Great. Can I roll a Arcana Check, to see whether or not this is magical armor or just regs armor?

Eric: Sure, sure.

Julia: And I'm also assuming that the armor is made of metal, correct?

Eric: Correct.

Julia: Both of them?

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: Cool.

Eric: I think that both of them have the kind of traditional fantasy armor on, which again, you wouldn't do if you were on a boat, which would be bad. Radbert has like real chunky, I don't— like he's almost circular, Radbert. While you know, Continuous Thankful has real Paladin-esque, Paladin armor on.

Julia: So I rolled a 12 plus 4 for Arcana, so that is a 16.

Eric: Okay, 16.

Julia: Cammie walks up to each of them and just kind of like sniffs the armor a little bit and like–

Julia (as Cammie): Avast ye! [sniffs]

Eric: Rad—Radbert's like—

Eric (as Radbert): Okay. Alright.

Eric: Radbert-- you smell resurrection magic on Radbert.

Julia (as Cammie): God damn it.

Amanda: Oh, boy.

Eric: What—what did we say what it was the smell of resurrection magic? I cannot remember.

Julia: Like decaying old book pages.

Eric: Right. It was bo— it was the smell of books. Yeah, you smell silverfish on Radbert. How close do you come to Continuous Thankful?

Julia: I think I do like a pass by sniff? I don't know.

Eric: Tr—really trying not to hang around.

Julia: Really trying not to be obvious about it.

Eric: Yeah.

Amanda: Can I help? Can I walk beside them and sort of be chatting with Cammie, so it would be like we're talking?

Eric: Sure. Yeah, go ahead.

Amanda: Alright.

Eric: I think you do— you do your own—you do your own Arcana Check. Because Troy's like, I'll help it but I have negative one to Arcana.

Amanda: Well.

Julia: Oh, no buddy, what happened?

Eric: That’s three on a dice, my friend.

Julia: Oh, buddy.

Amanda: I'm sorry.

Julia: You tried so hard.

Brandon: Troy is nervous.

Amanda (as Troy): I tried to help and I did not help and that's not what bros should be doing to bros.

Julia (as Cammie): Troy, I know you tried and that's okay.

Amanda (as Troy): [cries] Your support means so much.

Julia: They just hug.

Eric (as Continuous Thankful): Havana, are these friends of yours?

Eric (as Havana): Yeah.

Eric (as Continuous Thankful): Alright.

Julia (as Cammie): Wonderful.

Eric: I mean, hey, Cammie.

Julia: Hey, Eric.

Eric: How much do you know about—

Brandon: [sings] Hey, Cammie.

Eric: [sings in the style of Hey There Delilah] Hey there Deli—hey there, Camila I– How much do you know about devotees of the Path being quote-unquote, “blessed with actual magics”

Julia: Probably too much, I would say, Eric.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. I—I just—I— I'm trying to figure the-- I want to know from you about like, have you seen this before? Is this like a thing where like a paladin comes to town and rips a book in half with the power of Christ?

Julia: I was gonna compare it to like revival meetings, you know?

Eric: Sure. Yeah.

Julia: Like, people come around and you know, do the quote-unquote, “healings and whatnot”. But I also do like the very 90s version of comes and rips the Bible in half.

Eric: I also love the idea because again, this isn't it— I know that we're using because it's funny these like Christian allegories, but it's like, you know, imagine, like a Confucianist coming here and be like, you'll come back as a richer person. Rip the book in half. It's called karma.

Amanda: What if their version of that is taking a square of unproductive soil, or just like a sidewalk or something.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Amanda: And making it like sprout a full wheatfield in like a you know, three by three foot like square meter.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: I love the idea of walking out into a town or a city space or a fallow farm. And then like setting up your podium or whatever or your— your apple box. You chalk outline a square meter, and be like, by the time I'm done with my lecture, there'll be wheat growing out of this square. And then it's like 10 minutes, and then boom, high as an elephant's eye.

Julia: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: That's so scary.

Julia: Those are familiar times.

Eric: That is scarier to me than the other stuff.

Julia: It's all fine.

Eric: That just speechifying, that's—that actually freaks me out. It must be disorienting because it's like watching a time-lapse video, but it's—

Julia: But it's real life.

Eric: But it's real, it's real.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: That would freak me out.

Amanda: And you talk about the soil, the seed, the sprout, the watering, the cultivation of the path, and then suddenly, it's a full wheat field.

Eric: Right. And then you can't see it like it starts to grow in front of the speaker as they do it. That scares the crap out of me. I lo— I love that.

Julia: Yeah, it's real spooky.

Eric: Yeah. I wonder—also because you live near the woods, where Baba Rutabaga lived. I wonder if like, are— were there Monster Hunters who were for-- there by the Path? Who like came in with like glowing blades and had to like take care of stuff for you?

Julia: I think it was probably more like—so I'm rewatching Inuyasha right now.

Eric: Oh, what's that?

Julia: Oh, it's an anime from like, the early 2000s.

Eric: Oh, sure.

Julia: It's wildly horny for a show that they used to show on Cartoon Network.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: So was Cow and Chicken.

Eric: Weird. That's true, that's true.

Julia: One of the characters is like a traveling monk who like goes about and like does healings and you know, fights possessions and demons—

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: —and whatnot. So I'm kind of picturing it like that, where there's like a Paladin that comes to town is like, alright, you guys got some weird shit in the woods? I'll take care of that for the Path.

Eric: I really like this and I think that's closer for a monk. Because I was thinking of a Witcher as a jumping-off point. But I don't want them to be wayward.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: Like, imagine the guy shows up to town in a suit, in a three-piece suit, or just like shining gleaming armor and being like, I heard you have something nearby and maybe all of you should have been following the Path better. And you wouldn't have like, attracted this bad thing in your life.

Julia: This monster. Yeah.

Eric: I'm gonna take care of it.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: But you better double down.

Amanda: Maybe it's like a—a medicine show and the medicine’s the Path.

Eric: But even— that's what I'm trying to say though, that like it's-- medicine shows and Witchers are like janky. They're like, salesmen come into town. I think that these people are immaculate.

Amanda: Oh, like a professional, yeah.

Eric: They are professional, like high status. They— and they come to-- like a rambling man but who was high status when they come to down, and not a huckster. Truly high status.

Julia: Yeah, I agree with that. That is—

Eric: That would—that also scares the crap out of me.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Like it's like the government like the IRS in-- or the sheriff in a kind of like—

Julia: It's like an FBI agent coming to your town, yeah.

Eric: An FBI agent coming to your town, yeah, that's what it is. For sure. So yeah, you're getting all those vibe from Continuous right now.

Julia: Cammie just stands there kind of with like, big eyes being like—

Julia (as Cammie): Hmmmm.

Eric: And if you let me take this one, I think that the smell, it's antiseptic.

Julia: Yeah. I was gonna say it smells like fertilizer. The chemical fertilizer that you'd like put on your lawns and shit like that, that's really bad for the lawn.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah.

Amanda: There is a—

Julia: Yeah.

Amanda: —continuum of like mulch to gasoline, that can be kind of hard—

Eric: Yeah.

Amanda: —to figure out where you're at on there.

Eric: The nitrates decomposing, the chemical smells. I got you, that's good. Bad vibes, bad vibes, Cammie.

Julia: Cammie just like backs away slowly without taking their eyes off of this guy.

Eric (as Continuous Thankful): Hail, and well met.

Julia: (as Cammie): No avast ye for you sir.

Julia: And she walks away.

Amanda (as Troy): Damn Cammie, damn.

Brandon: I think I do want to do two things here Eric.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: I've been thinking a lot while we were discussing religion. And I think I do want to do two things.

Eric: Sure.

Brandon: I do want to brew one potion.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: I do want to make one oil of taggit.

Eric: Okay, what does that do?

Brandon: It's a contact poison, and I can smear it on an object and it remains potent until it's touched or washed off. A creature that touches it with exposed skin suffers its effects. And if you are subject to the poison, you succeed on that bomb saving throw. For me, it's bomb saving throw, or become poisoned for 24 hours. The poisoned creature is unconscious.

Eric: Oh, okay.

Brandon: So I want to try to knock out one of our competitors in this first round by doing this.

Amanda: Was it only Troy who signed the sportsmanship contract?

Julia: Yes.

Amanda: Okay, good.

Brandon: Now, I don't know if this is cheating, technically.

Julia: Shall I consult the thing?

Brandon: Yes please do, Julia.

Eric: Give me some religion checks.

Brandon: [sings] Come one, Julia, roll that good dice, give me the intel.

Julia: It is bullshit that religion is intelligence. I'll say it again.

Eric: I know.

Julia: It's bullshit. [dice roll] I rolled a 14 plus one for a 15.

Eric: Oh, that's good.

Brandon: That's good. Yeah.

Eric: Here's the thing, much like our American Constitution, a lot of it is up for– a lot of it is up for debate. What does sportsmanship mean? Because these are renegade pirate games, whatever you want to do, if you're using it to gain advantage on a player-to-player basis, that's fine. But if you rig the whole competition, inherently, there should be competition. Like whatever happens in pre and post is up for debate. But the competition needs to happen.

Amanda: I see.

Eric: So for I would say this is like—

Amanda: Like keep it clean in the ring type situation?

Eric: If yeah, if you're rigging, if you have weighted gloves, if you're rigging the match, that's bad. But I think that there's some stuff around that it's okay.

Brandon: Okay.

Julia (as Cammie): It's also not cheating if Troy doesn't know.

Brandon (as Umbi): That's true.

Amanda: You look across the way, Troy is just like flexing in front of someone's vile in it.

Julia (as Cammie): He's so hot, and it's wild. It's truly wild.

Brandon: You're like lifting the aphid with your bicep or something, you know.

Eric: History—

Amanda (as Troy): He’s still playing– he’s still playing, look at that!

Eric: Threelips is like—

Eric (as Threelips): Stop, you're making attention.

Eric: And Archimedes is ignoring you.

Brandon: Wonderful. So yes, I am going to spend two reagent dice out of my five to brew a potion of oil taggit. And then before I apply that to someone's weapon or armor or something, I do want to go ahead and use my I think I know you and see if I can learn anything about one of these people we don't know anything about.

Eric: Okay, I like this. This is good, I think you have to pick someone.

Brandon: I totally agree. So this is my thought, but I want my players opinions. I—we know Threelips, so not Threelips. We've gotten enough information at Continuous and probably enough information on Radbert. We don't know anything about Framboise, we don't know anything about Kid or Archimedes.

Julia: Kid seems like the fucking wild card to me.

Amanda: Yeah.

Julia: He's so quiet, he's just standing there. I need to know more about him.

Brandon: Okay.

Julia: He's also the only other pirate besides Radbert in the competition.

Amanda: Yeah. I think Troy can probably know enough about Framboise and her sort of like Cragish background like, that's a known quantity to Troy, are the Separatists, so I totally agree.

Brandon: Okay, cool. So yeah, I'll roll a D10 to see if I know Kid Cervantes.

Eric: Okay, let's do it.

Eric: Let's go, Brandon.

Amanda: Big money, come on. It's gonna be 2.

Brandon: Amanda, it was a 2.

Julia: Oh, my God. Amanda, you can't call that. You can't call that, you can say 10s only.

Brandon: Oh, no.

Amanda: I was hoping that Brandon's dice would be like contrary and—

Julia: Yeah.

Amanda: — want to prove me wrong.

Julia: Fuck you.

Amanda: They weren't.

Eric: I—here's the thing about Kid Cervantes. You— hey, you know a lot of old pirates, you know Crimson Larceny. You know about the Berry Boys. You know about Mangrove Stephen and the Seven Seas. But you don't—

Brandon: Hold it. We're just gonna skip over the Berry Boys?

Eric: But you don't—those are old pirates.

Julia: Brandon, we all know about the Berry Boys, where have you been?

Eric: Those are pirates from the first 5-10 years, that was from the opening. But you—you can't keep track of all these new pirates, these new—this new age, I don't—I haven't heard of them. I haven't heard of them.

Brandon: That makes sense. Okay, cool. So I think—

Eric: No, is it Berry like Berry like the fruit or is it Bury like you're on the ground? Think about that.

Amanda: Well, their names are Blue, Black, and Straw, so.

Eric: And Boys, Rasp.

Brandon: They're just a K-Pop group, honestly.

Julia: Yeah, it's kinda hot.

Eric: I know, there's 27 of them.

Amanda: Maker of st--

Eric: And they were all in the army.

[Everyone laughs]

Amanda: Sorry, go ahead. I stepped on your good joke.

Brandon: Let's see. My players, my friends, who do we think is the biggest threat here? What's the— the first one is precision.

Eric: The first one is precision.

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: Who do we think is the biggest threat for precision?

Julia: I think Archimedes and his stupid gun with lots of sights.

Brandon: I was thinking that too.

Amanda: Agreed.

Brandon: Great. So then Umbi's going to— you know, you know my—my colleagues, friends, pirate— pirate lads here. Umbi just sometimes—

Amanda: Brothers.

Brandon: —just gets a—gets a—gets a thing in his—

Amanda: Bruv.

Brandon: —head and just like turns to the right and walks away from you, you know?

Eric: You're talking about yourself, what about Umbi?

Brandon: No,no, Umbi, Umbi does that.

Eric: Oh, Umbi does that. Yeah.

Brandon: Yeah, yeah.

Julia: Interesting, interesting.

Brandon: So Umbi's got—got a thing in his head and he's gonna walk over to Archimedes and say like—

Brandon (as Umbi): Avast ye!

Julia (as Cammie): That's my line.

Brandon: And like sort of trying to talk about the conversation, and at the same time, sort of try to try to get some oil of taggit on his gun what— handle? What do you call that thing?

Julia: Yeah, on the handle.

Eric: On the handles, fine. On the—

Brandon: The butt.

Eric: —on the butt, yeah.

Brandon: Yeah.

Amanda: It's a type of barrel.

Eric: You walk up to Archimedes.

[Brandon laughs]

Julia: It's a type of barrel.

Eric: I think you walk with Archimedes, his wings are out. He's very fastidiously cleaning his laser gun. He's using a toothbrush to clean all of it and all the different lenses and he says—

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Constituent.

Eric: And goes back to cleaning.

Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, um. They uh—

Julia: You can just touch his wing Umbi, they're so big.

Brandon: Well, I want him to pass out, like on the field if I can. But yeah, that's a good point. I think it'd be difficult to put it on his gun. So is there something else on his person Eric, that I could—

Amanda: Is he wearing like a belt or watch or coat?

Eric: Yeah. Make an investigation check for me. Let's see what he has around him.

Amanda: If he has like a belt buckle or something that he might touch right before the competition or like a watch or a pin—

Brandon: Or like a lucky— yeah, like a lucky uh—

Amanda: Necklace, yeah.

Brandon: —item thing.

Eric: Sure.

Brandon: It's 14 plus three for 17.

Eric: 17.

Julia: Oh, pretty good.

Eric: 17. Well, you can look over to the uniform, which he has delicately laid out in a very like Wes Anderson—what is it called when you lay out all—

Amanda: A flat lay?

Eric: Yeah, flat lay, where you lay out all the different things you're going to put on and things. And you can see there's the uniform, there's the—the top and the bottom, and his shoe— his socks and his shoes, and maybe like a really fancy looking like futuristic kind of watch as well, and like maybe some rings, maybe a sash? I'm trying to think like–

Amanda: Some like medals.

Eric: —Hothouse. I think also maybe he has like a—

Amanda: What if they had like, Civil Service ribbons?

Eric: Yeah, Civil Service ribbons. I think that—like imagine you got Boy Scout patches but they’re medals for the things you've done for the Hothouse.

Brandon: Well, I love that. I think though, I'm going to go for the ring here, because—

Eric: Sure.

Brandon: I guarantee that will touch his skin.

Amanda: It's good.

Eric: Cool.

Brandon: So Umbi's gonna walk over to the uniform and go—

Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa, it's a beautiful piece of fabric.

Brandon: And then sort of just like start grabbing the ring without asking.

Julia: At the same time, can I give advantage by causing a distraction?

Eric: Sure. What are you gonna do?

Julia: Cammie from across the room goes—

Julia (as Cammie): Troy, Nonny misses you.

Julia: And then goes to football her across the room, but aims for Archimedes's head instead of to Troy.

Amanda: Yeeees!

Eric: Alright, here's the thi—here's the thing my man. I'm gonna need you to do I—make—make an attack roll for me, Cammie.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: Just straight dexterity.

Julia: It's a negative one, let's go.

Eric: Have you—do you have proficiency throwing Nonny? I think you do. So let's do plus 2, plus your roll.

Amanda: We saw you guys do that with a shipwreck, like I know that's the thing y'all have done before.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah, for sure.

Julia: [dice roll] That is a 16 plus 2.

Amanda: Yeah.

Julia: It's that good?

Amanda: Troy's gonna put up his hands like a football target.

Amanda (as Troy): Come on home, girl.

Eric: God, yeah. The whistle—

[Nonny noises]

Julia: Splat [laughs]

Eric: Nonny's struck by this rakishly handsome and serious-looking death moth.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Ahhhh.

Eric: There's this—it's commotion, and Archimedes says—

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): What's happening? What is this?

Julia (as Cammie); Oh, no, I'm sorry, sir. My—my seaweed octopus was just very enthusiastic about seeing her friend.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): No, no, I don't have avail—I don't have availability right now.

Julia (as Cammie): What?

Eric: Sleight of hand for me, Umbis.

Brandon: Yeah. Can— do I get advantage?

Eric: You get advantage. I'm rolling against it.

Amanda: Yay!

Eric: I'm rolling perception against this.

Brandon: Perception, right? Yeah.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: Okay.

Julia: I'm just seeing if I have anything in case Umbis fucks up.

Brandon: Oh, don't worry about it, Julia.

Julia: Okay, nevermind then. Fucking A.

Brandon: Well, one of them I only got a 17. But the other one I got a 19 plus 2 for 21, baby.

Julia: Oh, only a 17 and a 19?

Brandon: Yeah, only.

Julia: Whatevs.

Eric: Interesting, interesting. Archimedes turns slowly. Seems unflapped by the fact that Nonny is gripped to his face. He's kind of—

Amanda: Does she slide down like in a cartoon?

Eric: Yeah, she's sliding down. Umbi, as you're reaching for the ring, you look over and Archimedes is instinctively reaching for his laser gun, and he misses it. Because Nonny is firmly attached to his face, and you're able to get that oil right on that ring.

Brandon (as Umbi): The Nonn-ster, let me help with that.

Brandon: And after I put it on, I go to try to get Nonny off his face.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Get—um, please, please.

Brandon (as Umbi): What?

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Please?

Brandon (as Umbi): What?

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Please remove. Remove this—

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, you need help, okay.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): Please remove this cephalopod from my face.

Brandon (as Umbi): Sorry, she has a mind of her own.

Eric (as Archimedes Sevens): I know. Same.

Amanda: Across the room after Troy saw that Nonny was being busy, he goes—

Amanda (as Troy): Okay.

Amanda: And he would like to walk up to Framboise.

Eric: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: He's going to pull out from his thigh pocket, One Card Manny, and walk up to her and say—

Amanda (as Troy): Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags.

Brandon: Crags, Crags.

Julia: Crags, Crags, Crags.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh sorry is that—do you not vibe with that? I'm from Crags, I'm not like all that Crags anymore.

Julia: As you chant Crags.

Amanda: (as Troy): Yeah. My—my bad.

Eric (as Framboise): I see. You're just trying to rile me up.

Amanda (as Troy): Ohh—

Eric (as Framboise): You know, I am too resolute in my—my vision and my cause to be— to be a— to be a—

Julia: Qu’est-ce que c’est?

Eric (as Framboise): Qu’est-ce que c’est aggravated, aggro by such a Cragish hi— by such a Cragish himbo.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh, is that— is that French, that word?

Brandon: Qu’est-ce que c’est? Yes.

Eric (as Framboise): It is a— yes, it is language of— it is—the language of the Mains. You should know if—you should know are you— you're just feigning. Are you just feigning stupidity? Are you—you are really are that dumb?

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, no, I'm pretty dumb. I just learned how to read, but I'm working on it. And I just wanted to see if you wanted to play on One Card Manny. Is that something that you guys have in the woods over there?

Eric (as Framboise): One card? We have Three Card Manny. Much better, more strategy.

Amanda (as Troy): Woah! Can I play?

Eric (as Framboise): No.

Amanda (as Troy): Ohh.

Eric (as Framboise): Absolutely not. Only—only members of La Multitude de Mains allowed play with Three Cards. You're allowed to be in service of the King, just as a pawn with only one card.

Amanda (as Troy): No, no doubt that's um— that's kind of why I left, you know. Wasn't— wasn't all for being a pawn myself. So, found myself here and just—it's cool to see somebody from— from you know back home. But uh, yeah, know, that's— that's fine. Say hey, if I win today, can we play then?

Eric (as Framboise): Fine. You show me you have been—you show me you have been there. You are more than just pawn of King Hyperion, the extremely dumb and tired.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I heard that one before. That's pretty good.

Eric: I'm gonna roll something.

Brandon: In the Crags, you start with three cards and the monarchy takes two from you.

Julia: It’s the taxes.

Eric (as Framboise): We say that the ki— the royal takes one, and the royal—the royal consort takes another. That’s where the taxes go, that's why you only have one card.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, then they both die. And then it's like where those two cards go?

Eric (as Framboise): Just perpetual shuffling– you're just shuffling one card over and over. You're not changing it at all. You're just flipping it into the wind.

Amanda (as Troy): You know what? I think you and I have a lot more in common than you probably thought.

Eric (as Framboise): No, we don’t.

Amanda (as Troy): Okay. I'm gonna go think that over there.

Eric: Framboise takes a hard look at you, says—

Eric (as Framboise): Get over there stupid boy. Leave me alone.

Julia: All these French people keep calling us stupid. I hate it.

Brandon: This—I mean, Julia, this is exactly what French people are like in real life.

Amanda (as Troy): Um, yeah, good talk.

Eric (as Framboise): We are Québécois.

Eric: Hey Troy, give me a history check really quick.

Amanda: 13.

Eric: Troy, you're trying to remember the schooling you got in the Edge, the mandatory classes that you got when you were—you were a royal guard. And with a 13, but how much did you pay attention during those? Be honest with me.

Amanda: Low to medium, but I do think this is the first time that Troy is hearing these words and the place names. You know, like when you go-- when you like fly back home and see that the name of a street you haven't thought of in many years—

Eric: Sure.

Amanda: —and then makes all the other streets flood back. So I think while he didn't pay close attention, he did absorb some stuff. So I think that rounds him up to a medium.

Eric: That says medium, that's fine. So you're— maybe you're thinking this over and you're like, did this happen? Or was this royalist propaganda? Didn’t the separatist's blow-up a holiday feast, where the Brackish and the House of the Vine were celebrating the Winterfrost and they blew it up and everyone died? Did they? Who was responsible for that? Hm. Hm. Hm.

Amanda: Troy walks back over to Cammie and Umbi. And is like—

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I tried to play One Card Manny, what with the lady from— from France. But I do think she might—she might be—she might have like, killed two or three ruling families? Like not her, but like her people.

Brandon (as Umbi): Ohh, tight.

Amanda (as Troy): I don't really—

Julia (as Cammie): I mean is that like—

Amanda (as Troy): —remember.

Brandon (as Umbi): Cool.

Julia (as Cammie): —like rare in your country? Or—

Amanda (as Troy): But it was like, it was like both at once, and that was pretty uncool--

Julia (as Cammie): Wow!

Brandon (as Umbi): Wow, it's efficient.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.

Julia (as Cammie): I was gonna say, that's efficient.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.

Eric (as Threelips): Usually, it's— it's people vying for the throne. Hi, it's Threelips. Oh, but—

Brandon (as Umbi): Hi, Threelips.

Eric (as Threelips): —but usually people vying for the throne, but it's usually new when someone else does it, when there's another faction involved.

Julia (as Cammie): Ohhh.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. It wasn't like—

Julia (as Cammie): Okay.

Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I want your job, you're out. It was like, oh, neither of you should have jobs. And so—

Eric (as Threelips): And usually like, we don't do it on holidays, that's not our thing.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, that wasn't cool.

Julia (as Cammie): That makes sense.

Amanda (as Troy): That wasn't cool.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. I mean, that's just theatrics, I like it.

Amanda (as Troy): Threelips, you want to play a round of One Card?

Eric (as Threelips): Ohh you have—oh, you have a One Card on it?

Amanda (as Troy): Always, bruh.

Eric (as Threelips): Lord Cavendish took my— Lord Commander Cavendish took my games away from me.

Brandon (as Umbi): Lord Cavendish took all three of your cards?

Eric (as Threelips): I only have one, but I also had like, you know, like a part— like a travel parcheesi set. And crocus, like a crocu— I had my crocus board but he— he smashed it.

Amanda (as Troy): Ohh.

[theme]

Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. I am recording this ahead of time because I'm about to go with Eric to Nashville and hopefully spend a lot of time in very industrial air conditioning. But also I'm hoping, having some good snacks and some good drinks and petting a lot of dogs. So this is brought to you by Kleo's ears. She's a Rottweiler and she's perfect. Welcome new patrons. Since we are recording this ahead of time, if you have joined the Patreon in the last week, we will thank you in the next episode. We can only make the show because of your support on Patreon. It's true, without it every Tuesday would be a bad Tuesday, not to like frighten you, because there'll be no Join the Party. So hi, you gotta join the Patreon now. Go to patreon.com/jointhepartypod and join for as little as 5 bucks a month. Or hey, if you have a little cash right now, and you want to join for an entire year at the $5 level, it's only 50 bucks. You get a big discount for joining us an annual patron and it helps us out. Go ahead do it today, patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, Eric has been doing a fabulous stuff over at Games and Feelings, which is of course his advice podcast about games. If you listen to Join the Party and you want your Fridays to be a little bit brighter, you gotta listen to Games and Feelings. He and permanent guests Jasper Cartwright give advice at the intersection of fun and humanity. That includes TTRPGs, but also video games, party games, escape rooms, game streams, D&D podcast, Scrabble. All the companies and workers that make those games everything related to games and people and having feelings about those games. Go ahead and check it out. Subscribe to Games and Feelings wherever you get your podcasts. We are sponsored this week by Fantasy Tavern, which is a magical night of song, laughter, and camaraderie happening once a month right here in New York. Where three-quarters of Join the Party is based. Where else can you sing sea shanties with a pirate, drink mana potions with the wizard and compete in a quest with a goblin all before finishing your first ale. This is a monthly immersive event held a caveat here in New York City, where adventurers come to drink and be merry meet very cool nerds and join in rowdy sing-alongs. It sounds so much fun, and there are also delicious non-alcoholic options, they're in addition to craft beer, meat, and magical cocktails. Now the Fantasy Tavern appears once a month and the next one's coming up now in 2023, are on July 22 and August 12. So go ahead and come in costume and character or simply as your fabulous self. Tickets do tend to sell out, so wrangle your adventuring party and go to fantasytavern.events to get your tickets now. That's fantasytavern.events to get your tickets now. The show is also sponsored by BetterHelp. And life is often filled with tough choices. I know for me, I can get really kind of paralyzed and caught up between choosing— between two different things. Even though I know that sometimes it doesn't even really matter what the two things are, it's just a matter of kind of choosing one. I can feel so overwhelmed by the choice and the options, and what if I choose wrong and what if this one is good, but that one is bad that I don't even make a choice at all. And something I use to help me in those times is therapy. And I go to my therapist and talk about what I want to do, why it is causing me so much agida. And then we go ahead and talk about what would be best. And I'm really glad I have that space. But it was a huge deal, it made me so nervous to try therapy for the first time. So if you are trying to find a convenient way to start therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's totally online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Let therapy be your map with BetterHelp visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterHELP .com/jointheparty. And finally we are sponsored by Twenty Sided Store. Now as we go to Nashville, I know that we will be checking out some local game stores in a new city. But nothing is quite like coming home to our own friendly local game store, which can also be yours by the power of shipping. That's right twentysidedstore.com spell out the word twentysidedstore.com has a fully stocked online store that can ship to you. Even if you just go on there to browse all the amazing stuff they have in stock, I promise it is worth it. Go ahead and check them out online. Or if you're in Brooklyn, go and visit them at 280 Grand Street in Williamsburg, and don't sleep on the soup dumplings at M Shanghai. So go ahead and use code pirate for 20% off your order at twentysidedstore.com. Or if you visit in person just mentioned Join the Party and then hey, take a selfie and tag us because we'll be very excited for you. Alright again, that's twentysidedstore.com And now let's get back to the show.

[theme]

Eric: Alright. Are y'all—y'all folks ready?

Brandon: I think we've done all we can to prepare.

Amanda: I think so.

Julia: Yeah. I have things to do but I'm going to wait until later in the competition to do them, so.

Eric: For sure.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric (as Grasshopper): [trumpet sound] Alright folks, [jumping sound] we're gonna line up, we're gonna do the wa—this isn't a walkthrough, this is live. You're gonna go out there and our master of ceremony’s are gonna lead it up.

[trumpet sound]

Brandon: The crickets have headsets like mics.

Eric: Yeah, exactly. It—like in the sports documentary.

Julia (as Grasshopper): The contestants are coming through, the contestants are coming through.

Eric: We cut to them— it's like behind the scene documentary, we're talking to various crickets all over the stadium making this going. There's like dry ice coming out of the tunnel.

Amanda: Elizabeth Banks and That Man are commenting from a booth.

Julia: Is that a Pitch Perfect reference?

Amanda: Yeah!

Eric: That's a Pitch Perfect reference.

Julia: And that man.

Eric: John David Higgins, yeah.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: Now, Eric, really importantly, are they— [crowd cheering] Oh.

Eric: Sorry, I was —that was the crowd. What's up?

Brandon: I was just curious, are they—is there—obviously, we're doing the contestant walkthrough, right? But is there any sort of like opening ceremony a la like— like the 2000 Chinese Olympics I think it was. It was like epic.

Eric: It's not a Olympics level, it's not all of Olive-lympics level but I think that like it's sort— maybe it's more like—

Amanda: Well, how about at the beginning of a football game, where both teams run out of the tunnel? Like is it kind of like that, like we're—we're making our grand entrance to the— to the city?

Eric: It's more just the entrance. I don't think that they have like a kajillion dollars to like invest in drone acrobatics.

Julia: Fair.

Eric: But I think it's more just like the walking, the ceremonial walking. It can be like a sports game just leading people out. [crowd cheering]

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: You—all of you walk out of the tunnel.

Brandon: Yeah, you got a flag with your face on it behind you.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah, yeah. There's someone next to you and that's waving a flag on your behalf.

Amanda: A child wears a laurel wreath.

Eric: Yeah. You walk out in the lights-- and it's nighttime, but the lights are hitting you and the light is bouncing off of all the sea glass. And you look up. This stadium is huge. It has tons of people in it and it's filled with cheering, screaming Greenfolk of various pirate, citizen, and in-between persuasions. They are here to watch folks shoot, and it's gonna go down.

Julia (as Cammie): Woo! Troy Riptide!

Eric: Feeling the eyes of ever—of so many-- of thousands and thousands of Greenfolk on you. How are you all feeling? What's up?

Amanda: Troy feels great. He was nervous before, but he remembered that this is Option A, and Option B is smash and grab, which they are great at. And seeing all the people hearing them cheer, being like yes, I can finally prove that I am the best sharpshooter on the Open Seas.

Brandon: Hell yeah.

Amanda: He's so excited.

Brandon: Fuck yeah.

Amanda: He's fucking jazzed.

Eric: In my head, Troy is like that one. I think he was from Tonga, the guy who is all oiled up and became really popular.

Amanda: Yeaaah.

Eric: On the Olympics. It’s Troy to be— Troy has this—popped his shirt off right before he came out of the tunnel.

Amanda: Yes. No, he just walks out, he just takes off his shirt. He's posing, he's making his big arms, he's posing with his crossbow. He's, you know, going up and down. It's great.

Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, I didn't know you brought guns.

Amanda (as Troy): Are you referring to my arms again?

Brandon (as Umbi): I am.

Julia (as Umbi): Woooo, Troy Riptide!

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. If my shirt’s already off, what will they chant?

Amanda: Troy thinks.

Julia: Just your name, baby. Just your name.

Brandon: Umbi's feeling good too. I think Umbi doesn't really get fazed by large crowds.

Eric: Sure.

Brandon: Obviously, because of his politician background.

Eric: Everyone loved him.

Brandon: Yeah. Well, I don't know about that, but politicians don't—

Eric: No, no.

Brandon: —don't care whether or not you like them or not, because they still do their own power plays. But Umbi is just sort of like yeah, given adoration and affection and pump-up jams to Troy as they walk through the crowd.

Eric: Cammie, what about you?

Brandon: Camster?

Julia (as Cammie): No thoughts, just vibes.

Julia: She's like wandering in the line being like—

Julia (as Cammie): Wow. Wow.

Amanda (as Cammie): It looks different from inside.

Julia (as Cammie): It does look different from the field. Wow.

Julia: That's it. No thoughts, just vibes.

Brandon: Does anyone else on the-- any other contestants look like visibly nervous or shaken by this, Eric?

Julia: Besides Threelips. Because we assume it's Threelips, yeah.

Eric: Yeah, I—Threelips looks tough. You look behind you, Threelips is flanked by knights of Breakstone. Like Threelips is walking out with his army rifle, and he's wearing kind of like, dre—a dress uniform, but standing on either side of them are some hard looking dudes wearing the crest of Breakstone and he looks ner—he looks nervous, and the guys standing next to him look hard and unmoved.

Amanda: Troy turns his back to them.

Julia: Damn.

Eric: I think Framboise is eating up the crowd. Loves it, loves it like—

Eric (as Framboise): Oh, hello! It is happening!

Amanda: Oh, honey, you're doing Borat again.

Eric: Oh, that’s Borat. That-- Borat-- Borat is little French, it's fun.

Julia: A little French.

Eric: Yeah, it's for the little French. Eating up the crowd loves the adoration. She's doing some real like heel wrestler moves. Like she's like–

Eric (as Framboise): Oh, what are you saying? [laughs] Putting her hand up to her ear. Oh, I didn't hear you.

Julia: But in French.

Eric: Yes. Radbert, Radbert just like—

Eric (as Radbert): [mumbles]

Eric: And just waving as much as ev-- waving as much as he can. But you know, there are a lot of folks who are still like dudes. Kid Cervantes, just walking. Just— just kind of like small steps forward.

Amanda: Toddling.

Eric: Toddling forward. Continuous Thankful, it’s kind of just washing over him with a-- and he has a warm smile on, but he's kind of just taking it all in. Archimedes Sevens, bringing up the rear, seems to be unmoved, stone faced, wearing his like Hothouse devotion medals jangling, he's just moving forward.

Amanda: Got that ring on his hand?

Eric: He got the ring on his hand, correct.

Brandon: Oh, honestly. You know, I feel bad for poisoning Archimedes because he is my favorite besides Troy now.

Eric: His wings are also fully out as far as possible. And again, I cannot stress how big his wings are.

Julia: Hey, Eric.

Eric: Hey, what?

Julia: I meant to do this before, but—

Eric: Sure.

Julia: I just want to do something now. So, Radbert, my good friend Radbert.

Eric: Yeah, it's your boy.

Julia: The one who thinks I'm flirting with him.

Eric (as Radbert): Hey, no one can resist the Radbert.

Julia: Oh, god. Okay, so he's a pirate. Have we heard of him before?

Eric: Um, History Check.

Julia: That's what I thought you'd say. [dice roll]

Amanda: Julia, always playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Eric: Julia loves playing Dungeons & Dragons.

Julia: I do love playing.

Amanda: Julia, keep playing.

Julia: That's a Dirty 20, bruh.

Eric: Dirty 20.

Brandon: Oh, yeah.

Eric: Yeah, I think maybe you've heard of the Radbert Pirates. I think, working crew, named after Radbert Sutherland, he named it after himself. Like people don't necessarily share their origin stories, but he's the captain, it's named after him. The pirate flag is kind of like— a much like another reference to the drone—to the drone arts from the Olympics. But I think in a way where like, a bunch of constituent parts come together. It's like imagine like dandelion pods organized in the shape of a skull as his—

Brandon: Eric, I was thinking that earlier.

Eric: Yeah. Organized as his flag. And you know, he has a working crew bigger than yours. But you know, they kind of do whatever jobs. I think he's more of a— he's kind of a jobber. He likes being a pirate. He doesn't seem—

Julia: Right.

Eric: —particularly interested in, you know, people who go after the Salmon are almost like fanciful in this way. They're like, you like y'all are fishers, you're looking for the Salmon. But you know, some people just want to be out here being a jo—like doing pirating as a—as a full-time career.

Julia: Okay, can I ask one more follow-up question since I rolled a Dirty 20?

Eric: Oh, sure.

Julia: Have we heard about any jobs they've done recently?

Eric: Yeah. Give me another history roll.

Julia: God damn it. [dice roll] 4.

Eric: No, I'd say no.

Julia: Okay, yeah.

Eric: You know, just working colleague, I'd say. Colleague. Good at their jobs, unflashy. Radbert is kind of a nice guy, even though he seems like a little bit of a weirdo. And he's always wearing that arm—he's known for his armor out on the seas, which is pretty precarious.

Julia: Good. That's not a new, that’s not a new vibe.

Eric: No, no, no, that's his thing. He's-- and it's certainly a precarious thing. I can't believe you're wearing heavy armor out on a boat. If you fall in, on top of how hard it is to swim in salt water, that's what people are known for. But he's—he's just kind of a jobber.

Julia: Okay, okay.

Brandon: This may be premature, but I like him.

Eric (as Radbert): Tha—Hey, Brandon, thanks.

Amanda: I love this voice.

Eric (as Radbert): Alright, okay. Alright. Look at—look at how big my bullets are.

Eric: He holds ‘em-- he holds it up like he's holding a small puppy.

Amanda: Both hands.

Eric: In both— both hands.

Julia: Cute.

Eric (as Radbert): They're pretty big. It's bigger than one hand, I gotta hold it with two hands. And you gotta be careful or it’ll explore in your face.

Amanda: I don't want to talk, but I enjoy this so much.

[Trumpets sound]

Amanda: Is there any sort of like podium, torch, banner? Or is there like a decoration or anything on the field that is sort of like a focal point?

Eric: Yeah, the opening ceremonies is kind of like punctured by all of the contestants shooting a bullseye flower to designate the-- it's going to begin.

Brandon: Cool.

Eric: Like there's a really big one, size of an Olym— of the big Olympic Torch. Kind of just like a big yellow, at least like small pod of yellow and pink petals, you know what I'm talking about? They grow it every year. That's why the Bullseye Games are erratic because the big bullseye needs to be grown in order for it to come on.

Brandon: Oh, that’s fun.

Julia: Oh, that's so cool.

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah. So it's like in a big pot set up on the stage. And you see the like this really like thick stem with a big Bullseye flower at the top.

Julia: I love that, that's awesome.

Brandon: It's like that death flower.

Eric: [trumpet sound] I'm sorry Brandon, I'm sorry.

Amanda: There we go.

Brandon: Oh, I'm just gonna say it's like that stinky death flower that blooms every–

Eric: Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Amanda: Troy would like to throw—

Eric: That was also my nickname in High School. Sorry, go ahead.

Amanda: I am trying to do something to stand out. Is there like a moment we're all supposed to like kind of cock our arrows back and fire into the center?

Eric: Yeah. I think there's like an old grasshopper with like, a wig on. Who's like the practitioner of the Bullseye Games. There's like a moment of silence and a blessing to like the spirit of competition. But again, it's not like a benediction or anything. It's kind of just like—

Amanda: Sure.

Eric: —maybe the beginning of a Greek play. It's like oh, Dionysus. It's kind of like oh, competition.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: Which of course, in the middle, Continuous Thankful sneezes loudly and then the bi— and then the leading grasshoppers like, it's like—

Eric (as Grasshopper): [on PA System] Alright contestants, will fire— fire at the bullseye and we'll begin the Bullseye Games! [trumpet sound]

Julia (as Cammie): Go Troy!

Amanda: Troy would like to fire just after everyone else, and try to split someone's arrow.

Brandon: Oohhh.

Amanda: As it lands on the target.

Eric: Ohh, baby. Alright, let's do an attack roll. I believe that you can wait for everyone where it's like—

Eric (as Grasshopper): [on PA System] Ready, aim, fire.

Eric: And then it's like, boom, boom, pew. You hear [zooming sound] as you see that a glowing energy bolt comes out of Continuous Thankful's hands.

Amanda: Does it manifest into a physical one?

Eric: No, it's glo—a glowing kind of energy lights— light arrow. But it is in the shape of, it is like a big arrow. It’s like two feet long.

Julia: Cammie goes—

Julia (as Cammie): Uhhh.

Amanda: Troy wants to split that one with his.

Eric: Sure, do it.

Amanda: Yeah. [dice roll] I get two attacks right, to this. Can we— can we do that at all?

Eric: I can. You can bounce something off of something else.

Amanda: Okay.

Brandon: Oh, even cooler. Bounce off someone else's arrow and then split someone else's arrow.

Julia: That's cool.

Amanda: Alright, that's my problem. I'm gonna use then my ability of Ricochet. So sorry, is that really weird?

Brandon: Ricochet, that was my nickname in college.

Eric: I went to college with Rick.

Julia: Rico. Rico Chet.

Eric: He didn't—he stole my girlfriend from me.

Amanda: Uh, it's when I missed with an attack, I rolled just a 4 plus, you know?

Eric: You can roll again and it bounces off of something, yeah.

Amanda: Yeah, exactly. So I am going to use my bonus action to reroll, and then I must use it.

[dice roll]

Julia: It’s a Nat 20, babe?

Eric: Jesus Christ?

Brandon: Yeah, It was.

Julia: It’s a Nat 20.

Amanda: Now it does only deal half damage, so that's actually better. I would love for my arrow to stop halfway down, splitting fully the shaft of this energy arrow.

Eric: What did it bounce off of?

Amanda: It arcs with the—the crowd, right? Like the beautiful flock of arrows going toward the centerpiece. And it bounces off the underside of-- what comes out of the laser gun? Is it like metal arrows, or is it like a laser beam?

Eric: No, it's a laser beam?

Amanda: Yeah, maybe like you know how in—in a pool, when you throw a nerf thing like refracts because of like energy and light?

Eric: Sure, yeah.

Amanda: Like maybe like it refracts at a weird angle through the energy beam and changes tack to split the energy arrow down the middle.

Julia: That is pretty dope. That is pretty dope.

Eric: Yeah. And it's even more exciting when you see it replayed over and over and over on the Jumbotron at the stadium.

Julia: Wow.

Amanda: I'd love to roll intimidation, because that is my idea here, is once the arrow lands to look around in the eyes of each of my competitors.

Eric: I'm going to say performance.

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: Just because it's performance it's the same, but I think I want performance to how it affects the crowd and everyone.

Amanda: Alright. It's only a plus 2, instead of a plus 5.

Julia: That's alright, buddy, that's alright.

Amanda: Alright. Well, that's an 8.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: Yeah. And listen, folks are cheering and it's awesome but all of your competitors kind of like look over at you and be like, alright. Alright.

Amanda: They’ve seen what I’m trying to do. Yeah.

Eric: Alright, mmm. And that's when Archimedes hits the ground.

Brandon: Yeaaaaah!

Amanda: Ohhhh.

Eric: Whomp. [falls to the ground sound]

Brandon: Umbi rushes over and says—

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh my God, what happened? My best friend.

Amanda (as Troy): Doctor! Havana!

Brandon (as Umbi): Havana!

Julia: No, don't—wait, guys don't call Havana, he was not aware of this. We don't want him healing him.

Eric (as Havana): I'm a doctor, hold on!

Eric: Some grasshoppers ho—come over with a stretcher and load Archimedes onto it. And Havana is like—

Eric (as Havana): I'll take care of him in the medical tent, it's the right thing to do.

Brandon (as Umbi): Alright, nerd. I mean, Havana.

Amanda (as Troy): Take your time, Havana, you know, take your time. Make sure it's right. Take your time.

Julia: Hey, Eric, Havana is a friendly creature to me, right?

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: Alright. Cool. I'm going to check my tea leaves real quick.

Eric: Sure.

Julia: I'm going to use my Hex, Tasseography, which allows me—

Amanda: Yay!

Julia: —to—when I see a creature that is friendly, I roll a D20 and then I record the number rolled until the end of your next turn, you can replace any attack roll, saving throw, or ability check made by that creature with this roll.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: I rolled a 7.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: So when he does like a medicine check later, he's rolling a 7.

Amanda: Hexing our allies, yeah.

Eric: There's this like steam coming off of Havana, as he hustles over to the medical tent.

Julia (as Cammie): Havana, I've got your back. I believe in you as a doctor.

Eric (as Havana): Thanks, Cammie, appreciate it.

Brandon: You heard the stadium crowd go, a doctor? A doctor?

Amanda: A man? A man? A man?

Eric: A man was a doctor?

Julia: A man was a doctor? Oh my god.

Eric (as Member of the Crowd): That's untraditional!

Julia: I'm surprised that Continuous Thankful isn't like, mmm don't trust this man who is a doctor. That goes against all of our beliefs and gender roles.

Eric (as Continuous Thankful): A doctor. But also a man of faith. I'm into it!

Julia (as Cammie): Fuck.

Eric: Incredible. Alright, folks. Well—

Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] The first event: Precision. Contestants, please step up to the shooting gallery.

Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, you got it!

Julia (as Cammie): You go, Troy!

Brandon (as Umbi): Kick their—kick their asses.

Amanda (as Troy): Crags, Crags, Crags, Crags.

Brandon (as Umbi): Crags, Crags, Troy, Troy, Troy.

Julia (as Cammie): Troy, Troy, Troy.

Amanda (as Troy): Sea Whip, Sea Whip Sea Whip!

Brandon(as Umbi): Sea Whip their asses!

Amanda (as Troy): Hey! Whip has two meanings!

Eric (as Crowd): Whoa!

Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa!

Amanda: Crowds like that, Troy.

Julia: Oh, I just remembered a spell that I could use. Eric, I'll just tell you what the spell is that I'm thinking about doing—

Eric: Sure.

Julia: —and we can either save it for later, or we can do it now. Or you can tell me if it will get Troy in trouble via the contract. So the whole point of these games, right—

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: Is honoring the spirit of competition.

Eric: Sure.

Julia: Which is, as we understand it, kind of a pagan thing?

Eric: Vaguely, yeah, yeah.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: It's kind of a polytheistic thing.

Julia: So like, there might actually be an actual spirit of competition. Correct?

Eric: Depending on if you think that thing is literal or metaphorical. For sure.

Julia: I would like to cast Augury.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: Which is basically like using a component like gem inlaid sticks or cards or in this case, tea leaves.

Eric: Sure.

Julia: You receive an omen from an otherworldly entity about the results of a specific course of action you plan to take within the next 30 minutes.

Eric: Sure.

Julia: The GM chooses the following possible omens, wheel for good results, woe, for bad results. Wheel and woe, for both good and bad results. Nothing for results that aren't especially good or bad.

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: Hell yeah, dude.

Eric: Sure. Aug—yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, you're gonna lie—you can set those tea leaves right up on that—right up on the rulebook if you want.

Julia: Yeah, yeah, I will. And I think Cammie will be like—

Julia (as Cammie): Oh, spirit of competition, I think you're real and I believe in you. Can you tell me if anyone's going to fuck with my good friend Troy?

Eric: Oh, interesting. Are you really arranging the tea leaves, like on the cover of the rulebook?

Julia: I think I'm doing like a tea ceremony on top of it, and then I'm going to drink the tea and then the remaining leaves at the bottom of the cup will indicate the divination.

Eric: Sure, sure. I like that. I like also the rulebook is kind of like accordianing in itself. It's flipping the back and flipping forward, and flipping it back and flipping forward. And as you drink the tea, you look in there, and you see a wheel.

Julia: Okay. That's good results, right?

Eric: Good results.

Julia: Alright, excellent. Just to clarify for me.

Eric: Yeah?

Julia: That means no one's gonna fuck with Troy probably?

Eric: That means no. Your question was, will someone fuck with Troy during the competition? And you got a wheel.

Julia: Okay. So that's good—good results.

Eric: Good results.

Amanda: Okay and not woah.

Julia: Good and not bad.

Brandon: I mean, it could also mean that someone does fuck with Troy and they get good results by doing that.

Eric: That's not what it means.

Julia: Right.

Eric: Not what it means. It's not, not, not, not gonna be that.

Amanda: Wooooah!

Julia: Alright. So Cammie just goes—

Julia (as Cammie): Thank you spirit. I might be checking in with you again tomorrow.

Julia: And then looks at Troy and gives like big thumbs up.

Julia (as Cammie): Troy, you got this.

Amanda (as Troy): Yes. I am the sharpest shooter on the Great Salt Sea!

Julia (as Cammie): Woo!

Eric (as Crowd): Yeah, that's what they all say. Yar!

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, but this one's true. Let me at ‘em, where do I shoot?

Eric (as Crowd): I'm the crowd, get out of here.

Eric: Hell yes. Aright. Well, folks, I do have something planned here. As I said, precision is all about—it's not necessarily about being accurate, but it's about hitting things in the same way. And some might say it’s also about being clear with your language. So Troy, as you line up next to all of the contestants, as each of the contestants has a big target laid out in front of them. I like it—it's not— instead of red and white, I like to think it's like blue and dark blue.

Amanda: Yeah.

Julia: Cool.

Eric: With the center being light blue and it's kind of like cascading ombre of going darker off of it.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Each one of you has a big target in front of you, and you have 10 shots to get them all as close as possible to each other.

Amanda: Okay. Woo.

Eric: Incredible. Now, how we're going to do this, is that all three of you are going to participate in a game of Celebrity.

[Amanda, Julia, and Brandon laugh]

Julia: What?

Eric: You need to be precise, and on-point with your language.

Brandon: Okay.

Eric: For those—

Amanda: I—I had the big die out, I'm looking at my modifiers. I’m gonna need to roll attacks.

Julia: Yeah, I’m like, what are my spells?

Amanda: Oh, man.

Brandon: I was prepared for this. I knew it was gonna happen because—

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: You knew? What?

Brandon: I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Eric: Amanda, first thing you're going to do, I do want you to roll an attack roll.

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: Roll a D20, I want you to add four and this to go into effect what you have to do.

Amanda: Okay.

[dice roll]

Julia: Come on chonk.

Amanda: 14.

Eric: Okay, so it was 14.

Julia: Good job, chonk.

Eric: That's good. No, that means nothing, nothing better, nothing worse, no modifiers to this particular game.

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: For those of you who don't know how to play Celebrity, you might know this by its various kajillion names, but maybe you know it as Catchphrase, maybe you know it as Heads Up, it's all in that milieu of game. So each of you are going to have 60 seconds for each round. And the clue giver is going to have to describe a series of clues without saying the name or giving a direct reference to that name, and you have to give it to two of your other players. So for example, I'm going to give you all a category, so let's say it's fruit. I'd be like, oh, it's the yellow one, and it's— it's in a split. And you would say—

Amanda: Banana.

Brandon: Papaya.

Eric: —and you say banana. And I hope Brandon participates with the game better when he actually does it.

Amanda: Brandon, this is gonna be a no-joke zone.

Julia: I’m like nervous.

Eric: Right.

Brandon: No jokes.

Julia: Very, very nervous.

Amanda: My palms are sweating.

Brandon: No jokes, no jokes.

Eric: One, two, three.

Julia: 60 seconds, that's a long time. So—

Amanda: Yes.

Julia: —like we can— we can do this.

Amanda: Yes.

Eric: I want you all to know, each one of these rounds has seven answers, okay?

Julia: Seven answers.

Eric: You're trying to get as many of them done in 60 seconds. I will keep track of time.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: And I will keep track, you can also pass if you'd like.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: I also looked on the official—

Julia: I'm so stressed.

Eric: Wikipedia page for Celebrity and you can't say it starts with a D or rhymes with, you also can’t do that.

Julia: Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Eric: I just thought that was an in-- I just love that the Wikipedia page was very clear about that.

Julia: It rhymes with Shaq Mac.

Eric: It's sh-Smeal Shmo-Shmeal.

Amanda: If we pass, can we come back to it at the end?

Eric: Absolutely.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: And I will take care of it.

Julia: I'm so nervous.

Amanda: AAAAAAAAAH!

Eric: Amanda, as Troy you get to choose the order in which clue givers are given.

Amanda: Okay. I'm gonna go—anyone feel strongly, players?

Julia: I'll go first.

Eric: Okay, Julia, go first.

Amanda: Let's go, Julia, Amanda, Brandon.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: Julia, you also get selection. There are three categories you can choose from.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: Julia, you can choose from sports teams, dog breeds or sodas.

Julia: You know what I might actually do sports teams. Do they need to know the specific state or it's just the thing that I'm describing?

Eric: Correct. Yes, you will need both the location and the thing.

Julia: That's mean.

Amanda: This is so fun, and I am so tense.

Eric: Julia, I'm gonna set si—

Amanda: AAAAAAAH!

Eric: Oh, yeah, there's— I just looked at my Slack, and the Tonga guy who’s oiled up is looking at me.

Brandon: I know.

Julia: We've all been there.

Amanda: Yeah, I know.

Julia: You're welcome.

Amanda: What a meme.

Eric: Alright. Julia, I've got— I have your names here.

Julia: Do I get a chance to look these over before you start the time or?

Eric: Yeah, a few seconds, just because of Slack.

Julia: Okay. Oh, God. I'm so nervous.

Amanda: Do you want me to like screenshare a timer?

Eric: No, I go— I got it.

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: I'll give you 30 seconds and 10 seconds, how about that?

Julia: Okay.

Amanda: AAAAAA!

Julia: Alright. We got this, guys, we got this guys, it's fine, it’s fine.

Brandon: Guys, I kick ass at Celebrity, it's fine.

Amanda: I'm so ready. I love it. I love it.

Julia: It's fine. Okay.

Eric: Alright. You have them?

Julia: Yes, I have them.

Eric: Okay. 3, 2, 1 go.

Julia: Airplane, state that we live in.

Brandon: New York uh.

Amanda: Jets.

Julia: Great. Michael Jordan, big team, basketball.

Amanda and Brandon: The Chicago Bulls.

Julia: Yes.

Eric: That's two.

Julia: State music hockey team.

Brandon: Nashville—

Amanda: Nashville Predators.

Julia: No, music, music, music.

Amanda: Not Nashville?

Julia: No. Pass. City that Brandon lives in, octopus.

Brandon: Seattle Kraken.

Julia: Yes. Uh.

Eric: That's three.

Julia: Thing that lives in the Pine Barrens—

Eric: 30 seconds.

Julia: — in the state next to New York that sucks.

Amanda: Pennsylvania uh.

Julia: Nope.

Amanda: Connecticut?

Julia: Closer, closer to us.

Amanda: New Jersey Devils?

Julia: Evil. Yes.

Eric: That's four.

Julia: Shape, city in Texas.

Brandon: Austin, Dallas.

Amanda: Houston? Stars? Dallas?

Brandon: Houston? Stars? Dallas Stars.

Amanda: Cowboys?

Julia: Great. It—

Eric: That's 10 seconds.

Julia: Stripey animal, city that builds cars.

Amanda and Brandon. The Detroit—

Amanda: —Lions.

Brandon: Lions.

Julia: Stripy, stripe.

Amanda: Tigers.

Brandon: Tigers.

Eric: Time, time, time, time.

Julia: You have 6 out of 7, good guys.

Eric: That's 6 out of 7.

Julia: Utah Jazz was the one that we didn't get.

Amanda: Oh, that's hard.

Julia: That's okay.

Brandon: Oh, music was the—

Julia: Music, Jazz, Jazz, Jazz.

Eric: Yes.

Amanda: Yes.

Eric: I will say, Julia, you did say it was a hockey team.

Julia: Oh, I forgot that it's not a hockey team. I was thinking it was.

Eric: That's fine. 6 out of 7 is good. 6 of 7 is good.

Julia: Yes.

Amanda: Good job, Julia.

Julia: Okay.

Amanda: Alright.

Julia: You guys did an excellent job, thank you for that.

Eric: Wonderful.

Amanda: Okay. Oh my god, so.

Eric: Oh, I'm sorry. This was— The glove was hiding in my pocket the whole time!

Julia: Well, of course, it was. Of course it was.

Eric: There it is, there it is.

Brandon: I was literally gonna say something a second ago before we started to be like man, Eric looks so light and airy in his summer shirt that like I can’t even imagine him putting on the glove.

Julia: There it is. It kinda matches, unfortunately.

Eric: Oh, oh. I sent you a photo of me and the glove yesterday.

Amanda: I know, I know.

Julia: Damn.

Eric: Y’all should have seen it. Okay. It's Amanda's turn. Amanda, would you like to do dog breeds or sodas?

Amanda: Brandon, what do you feel stronger about?

Brandon: Dog breeds might be tougher, so I can take the tougher one if you want. But yeah, I don't have a strong preference for the two. I think I can guess sodas better, but yeah.

Julia: I think I can get dog breeds better. So like—

Amanda: Alright. Yeah.

Julia: Whichever one you want to do, Amanda.

Amanda: I'll give sodas.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: Alright. Sodas. Amanda, I'm sending these to you, you got it?

Amanda: Okay. Yes.

Eric: Are you ready?

Amanda: Ready.

Eric: Okay. 3,2,1, go.

Amanda: Do the blank and—

Brandon: Dew? Mountain Dew.

Amanda: And it's a special color.

Brandon: Mountain Dew, Code Red.

Julia: Code Red, yeah.

Amanda: Code Read, yeah, great.

Eric: That's one.

Julia: I was gonna say Baja Blast.

Amanda: When you order a Coke and they don't have it.

Brandon and Julia: Pepsi.

Eric: That's two.

Amanda: Great. Something that people with [long censor bleep]

Julia: Ah, Squirt.

Amanda: Thank you. It's a— it's a game you play where you put your head down.

Julia: 7-Up.

Amanda: Yep. It is— it is the soda—

Eric: That's four.

Amanda: —of Lebron James, that's the Thanksgiving edition?

Julia: Oh, it's the Cranberry Mist, Sierra Mist Cranberry.

Brandon: Sierra Mist Cranberry.

Amanda: The other brand name?

Julia and Brandon: Sprite Cranberry.

Amanda: Thank you. And uh—

Eric: It's five.

Amanda: It's the same one as the first one, but Julia puts tequila in it at Taco Bell.

Julia: Oh, Baja Blast.

Brandon: Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Yeah.

Eric: You have 20 seconds, you missed one Amanda.

Julia: Oh, there's one more.

Amanda: It is the— the Mexican orange soda.

Julia: Sunkist?

Amanda: Don't you wanna, wanna?

Eric: Ten seconds.

Julia: Fanta. Fanta, Fanta.

Brandon: Fanta, true orange.

Eric: Bang that seven, ding, ding, ding.

Julia: Oh, Amanda, great job. Great job.

Brandon: That—is Fanta Mexican?

Amanda: I'm sorry I said [censor bleep]. I said it, that's what I thought.

Julia: Amanda, that was the only way I was gonna get it.

Amanda: Yup.

Julia: So great job.

Eric: Boom. You had—you had six seconds left on that one. Good job, that's a 7 out of 7.

Amanda: Is Fanta Mexican?

Julia: No, it's—it's—

Brandon: It's German, I think.

Julia: We created it to sell soda to the Nazis.

Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eric: That’s literally–

Julia: Or not the Nazis. The um—

Amanda: What?!

Eric: No, you're right.

Brandon: That was Nazis.

Eric: That was Nazis.

Julia: Oh, I thought it was like, West Berlin or whatever.

Brandon: No, no.

Amanda: What?!

Brandon: They were a Nazi-started brand. Yeah.

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: Okay, never mind.

Amanda: I apologize to Mexico.

Julia: Amanda, we still got there, it kind of sounds like it might be like a Romance language, we get it.

Amanda: I honestly thought it was a Spanish word, and–

Julia: Great.

Eric: Well, it's from the Fanta ladies.

Julia: That’s right, yeah.

Eric: It’s from the Fanta Ladies, sure.

Julia: [sings] Want a Fanta, don't you wanna? Want a Fanta?

Eric: They're supposed to feel—feel—

Amanda: Alright, the branding misled me, but I'm glad we got it.

Eric: Alright. So that's your— right now you have a 6 out of 7, 7 out of 7. That's good.

Amanda: Alright, let's do it.

Eric: Alright, let me restart the timer.

Julia: Oh boy.

Amanda: Alright. Brandon, I believe in you, you got this.

Julia: Brandon, we got this.

Brandon: Dog breeds.

Julia: Brandon, we got this.

Brandon: Alright. Keep your eyes on dog breeds.

Eric: Brandon, there you go. Those your seven.

Brandon: Okay.

Eric: You got it?

Amanda: Dog breeds.

Brandon: Yep.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: Are they all reasonable, Brandon?

Brandon: Yes.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: [laughs] Unreasonable?

Julia: Yeah, well, you do like fucking like Airedale Terrier or something, we would never get that, you know?

Eric: Oh, shit, I should take Airedale Terrier off that. Okay, here we go. You ready?

Brandon: Yep.

Eric: 3, 2, 1 go.

Brandon: Okay, this is the really big one that I think all dogs should be.

Amanda: Bernese Mountain Dog?

Julia: Uh, Great Dane. No. Uh, Great Dane, yeah.

Brandon: Yeah.

Brandon: Yep.

Eric: One.

Brandon: This is the very cla—very, very classic dog. They are also—

Julia: Golden Retriever

Brandon: Close to things—

Amanda: Lab.

Brandon: The chips you might put on your fingers, one of those called?

Julia: The chips you might put on–oh god. Oh, like the Pringles what are they called? Oh, God, skip it, skip it.

Brandon: Okay, yeah.

Julia: Yeah.

Brandon: Okay, so what is the food that dogs are poisonous to?

Amanda: Chocolate lab?

Julia: Chocolate Lab.

Brandon: Yep, thank you.

Eric: Two.

Brandon: This is the dogs that-- all my mom's dogs are this thing. It's— when you put two things together you'd get a—

Amanda: Labradoodle?

Julia: Mutt.

Eric: 30 seconds.

Julia: Yeah, a mutt.

Brandon: But think more generically? Yes uh—

Julia: Mix breed? Mutt.

Brandon: Like check, checks, blank.

Amanda: Chex Mix.

Julia: Chex Mix, Mix.

Amanda: Okay.

Brandon: Yes. And so the first word is—

Eric: Yeah, you got that, that's fine.

Amanda: Yeah.

Julia and Brandon: Okay, okay, okay.

Brandon: This one is the dog that the internet loves, really short legs.

Julia: A corgi.

Brandon: Yep. Okay, so this is—

Eric: 10 seconds.

Brandon: —this one is the— like a first name of a very classic male man's name, not John but—

Eric: Time.

Brandon: Okay.

Julia: What was that one?

Brandon: Jack Russell Terrier.

Julia: Oh, fuck, that's hard.

Eric: Yeah. I know. I was hoping someone would say it was Wishbone.

Amanda: Yeah.

Julia: Yeah, I was gonna say like, little yappy dog would have gotten me there for sure.

Eric: Alright. That's 4 out of 7.

Julia: Okay, not bad, Brandon. That's— you had the hardest one by far.

Amanda: Is the thing on the finger a Combo?

Brandon: A Bugle.

Julia: Oh, like a beagle.

Eric: Yeah.

Amanda: Okay. That was hard Brandon, you did a good job.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: The fourth one was doodle mix, any of the doodles.

Julia: Oh, okay.

Eric: Mixing things with doodles.

Brandon: Oh, I thought you want me to get exactly doodle mix.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: You—you got it. You—you got it closely.

Brandon: Okay, okay.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: You did, that's why it took some time.

Amanda: Alright.

Eric: That doodle mix was certainly the hardest entry in the entire game.

Julia: You had—you had the hardest category, Brandon.

Amanda: Yeah.

Julia: You did a great job at that.

Eric: Alright. 4 out of 7. And then the other one was Jack Russell Terrier and Dachshund was the last one.

Brandon: Yeah. I don't know what I was gonna do for Dachshund.

Julia: Hotdog Dog.

Eric: Wieners.

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: Oh, yeah, wiener dog.

Eric: A 7 plus a 6, plus a 4 is 17. 17 out of 21 is 81%. I'm going to align this with the percentiles that I have laid out for everyone competing. I'm also laughing so much. You gotta ke— I gotta like take a brea—. I gotta like take a breath.

Julia: Oh boy, like the adrenaline's high.

Amanda: I know. That’s great.

Julia: That's a really fun way of doing this, Eric.

Amanda: I love that.

Julia: That was great.

Eric: Thank you, thank you.

Brandon: I think if all of these NPCs played this game, none of them would have gotten any of the dog breeds, so—we're— I think, we're good, you know?

Julia: Yeah. Well, because none of these dog breeds exist, you know?

Brandon: That's true.

Julia: Except the cacao lab.

Amanda: Oh, that’s good, Julia.

Julia: Isn't that cute?

Amanda: And the Jackfruit Russell terrier—

Julia: Oh, very good.

Amanda: Don’t think about the fact that they eat that in a—in—

Julia: It's fine, don't worry about it.

Eric: Alright, folks, do you want to hear how everyone did?

Everyone: Yeah.

Eric: Hell yeah.

Julia: Tell us.

Eric: Troy, I think that maybe you fire the bomb arrow, which makes a hole in your target, and then you shoot more—just a few more arrows into the hole, which, that counts, it's all in the same spot.

Amanda: Yeah, creative thinking, baby.

Eric: And then you hea—and then you hear, Time! As the judges walk over to everyone's targets. You can see over— over Framboise Bousier, a just decimate—also decimated her target with her massive spread shot.

Brandon: Inherently not very precise, a spread shot.

Eric: No, not ver— not very good.

Amanda: Did all of that like birdshot go through the same holes every time? I don't think so.

Eric: But it's just gone. There is no— there's no target at all.

Amanda: The easel is empty.

Eric: It's true. You also see, there's a big-- a giant hole in Radbert's.

Julia: Sure.

Eric: Continuous Thankful's target is kind of— is just— is actually in a circle, like a—a small circle surrounding the bullseye. Just small little puncture woul—punctures and you look over and Kid Cervantes, like his whole station is wet.

Julia: Sure.

Eric: But you look over and like did he even hit any—anything on his target?

Julia: Good question.

Eric: And as the judges look closer and closer and be like, oh, very good. And they hold up a big magnifying glass and you can see there's a tiny hole. And one of the judges goes and picks something up behind the target and holds up 10 cactus needles.

Julia: Wow.

Brandon: Ohh, tight

Amanda: Wow.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: His water gun is named Pin Cushion.

Julia: Ahh, that makes sense.

Eric: Yes. Yeah. And the judges' scores are going up on the big board, as everyone looks up the jumbotron and we see a ranking at the bottom, Archimedes Sevens did not finish. Above that Threelips, above that is Radbert.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: And then tied for third, Framboise Bousier and Troy Riptide.

Brandon: Third?

Eric: Second, Continuous Thankful and number one is the standing sharpshooter, Kid Cervantes.

Julia: Wow.

Brandon: I don't mind losing to Kid Cervantes, he's tight as hell.

Julia: Yeah.

Brandon: I do mind losing to Continuous Thankful. Fuck that guy.

Julia: Same.

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: Big same. But maybe you earned the respect of Framboise now that you guys tied in the first round, Troy.

Brandon: Doubtful.

Amanda (as Troy): Guys, I—I really didn't want to— I really wanted to win. I didn't really think about an outcome where I wouldn't win and like even though it is better than half and it is not by a lot, and I'm— I hope that I didn't let you down.

Julia (as Cammie): Troy, it's not like the competition’s over.

Brandon (as Umbi): There's so many more rounds.

Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, they're so— there's at least two more rounds.

Amanda (as Troy): [cries] Okay, thanks.

Julia (as Cammie): You're doing great.

Brandon (as Umbi): I also like the— the third one was about dog breeds, it was really hard.

Julia (as Cammie): Dog breeds are hard.

Amanda (as Troy): You're right, you're right, you're right.

Julia (as Cammie): How do you even guess a Cacao Labrador? Huh?

Eric (as Alfonso Soriano): [PA System] Alright, that is the end of day number one here at the Bullseye Games. Come back around two, where we see more of a dramatic flare in the shooting gallery. As each contestant can bring in some partners for the paired showmanship round.

[theme]

KM Transcripts