Cammie, Umbi and Troy lived plenty before they became pirates, with a whole lot of things happening to them. Let’s see three more of those happenings.
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer, Editor: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Eric: Hello, Brandon, so what have you prepared for me today?
Brandon: Oh. Well, Eric, today we're gonna do coloring.
Eric: Yay. I read enough books and now I get a coloring day. This is great.
Brandon: And we're gonna do it outside.
Eric: Whoa. It's— Mr. Grugle, it's raining.
Brandon: Oh, shit. That's part of the art, it's watercolors.
Eric: Oh, it's a watercolor, I guess. Brandon, I'm just kidding. Hello. Hi.
Brandon: Hello.
Eric: I have something I want to ask you about.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: About our good friend, Umbus. So, Umbi is very old and has a lot of kids, I think, right?
Brandon: He's very old, unclear if he has any kids or not.
Eric: Right. Right. Just— he just imagines it when he's on the precipice of death.
Brandon: Yeah, don't we all?
Eric: I— honestly, yes, I think so.
Brandon: You know, even if he has a daughter, the one he saw was a metaphorical daughter, you know?
Eric: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Like, it's like the actor playing his daughter.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah. So I just want to know, Umbi's been doing this for a long time, and he's a pirate now, and he was a government representative for a while there. But how did he get his bomb-making powers?
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: Like, where did he learn how to make bombs like this? Where did he learn to alchemize?
Brandon: That's a good question. I think it's kind of started— or at least the spark of inspiration started on his long walk back from the disappointing senate conversation.
Eric: Right. When the Cascade dried up, and everyone's like, "Alright."
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Well, sounds good.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. So I think like— you know, he's always been, as a person from Overstalk, interested in both, like, the ethereal and the literal or like the— the actual Earth.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: So I think, you know, he's done basic science and studies and stuff just for funsies. But I think, like, you know, at some point in his life, he accidentally mixed two things or knocked over a— a bowl of dirt, and it hit another bowl of dirt, and a— a little puff of black smoke came up or something and that—
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: —and it got his intrigued. But I do like the idea that maybe he— maybe that was like the spark of inspiration, but maybe he did have, like, sort of a mentor or like apprentice situation. Like, he was an apprentice situation or something.
Eric: That— that makes a lot of sense. Umbi, in this situation, feels like one of the monks who invented evolution.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Like Gregor Mendel, you know?
Brandon: Uh-huh.
Eric: It's like— it's like I was messing with pea pods for so much, and now I've done something fundamental, and everything's changed.
Brandon: Yeah, Darwin, the face famous monk who invented evolution.
Eric: No, not Darwin. No. No. No, Gregor Mendel, the guy— the Punnett Square guy.
Brandon: Yeah, maybe he did go, like, become a brewer or something— or like, not literally a brewer, but you know, like he hadn't— he had nothing to do—
Eric: Yeah, exactly.
Brandon: —because he didn't want to be a senator. So, yeah, he went off and sort of did something along those lines. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. It— he— he figured this stuff out. What— I'm saying— and— and, like, the combination of being so interested in something is something that's so Overstalk to me.
Brandon: UH-hmm.
Eric: Where it's like you spent all this time reading over arcane, mystic religious texts, and then you all— you kind of get stuck in that, and then you just end up talking to people about, like, theoretical stuff for a long time.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: But there are also people who apply that ferventry, that zealotry to stuff.
Brandon: Yeah, a 100%.
Eric: And then you're like, "Oh, what if I perfected bombs for a very long time? Because I thought that was cool."
Brandon: I think there's also a little bit of a touch of, like, rebelliousness to it, because maybe like— maybe alchemy is not sort of, like, seen as evil or bad, but like, it's definitely on the fringe of what is considered maybe okay by the Planter.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Like, no one's quite sure—
Eric: It's natural.
Brandon: —but it's natural. Yeah, exactly. So that's why it's sort of like complex or—
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: —or no one's quite sure. But I think the—yeah, there's a little bit of a sense of Umbi sticking it to the man a little bit.
Eric: Yeah. I had this idea— I was thinking about this, too, and I had this idea of in the time after Umbi's in the Senate, and he's messing around with bombs, he still feels like he wants to be helpful. And you know, what, what do you do when you want to be helpful and you don't want to run for government anymore because you're disillusioned with this? And now, you make bombs for a living. I think you were just like— you're running around, trying to help all the weird stuff that goes on in Overstalk.
Brandon: I'm going to pitch you a second option.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: What if it's 1960s, '70s style like radical environmentalists movement stuff where it's like— you know that scene in the movie where, like, a guy has spent two-thirds of the film getting into this, and then he walks into the back room where he's not supposed to, and they're like making a pipe bomb?
Eric: Yes, exactly. That's Umbi, a 100%.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: It's— if you're somewhere in between that and a PI, or— or Batman, that's what I've been thinking about. It's like— he's like somewhere— I think that's just Batman between a PI and the guy in the back making a pipe bomb to fight crime.
Brandon: Yeah, I love that.
Eric: That's great.
Brandon: I think that makes sense.
Eric: So I think that there's this moment, maybe about three, four years after people have noticed that the Cascade has been slowing down, somewhere in Overstalk, maybe kind of on the edges, the fringes of where your former constituency was. There is a small town with a windmill, night is falling, and there's a bar open on the edge of town. And inside, the bartender is cleaning a glass and keeps cleaning the same glass, because no one's inside. And she takes a deep breath and sighs, and looks and whistles to herself, cleaning the same glass, and the door swings open and the bell over the door cling clangs, and in walks, a more haggard, worse for wear, but certainly more weathered, in the good way, version of middle-aged Umbi.
Brandon: "Hey, it's Umbi." No, I'm just kidding.
Eric: The audience stands and claps. "It's Umbi, yay."
Brandon: "Yay."
Eric: You Kramer-push in through the door.
Eric (as Melissa): Hey, welcome to the Bluebell. Take— take any of the seats, they're all open.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thanks, Miriam.
Eric (as Melissa): Oh. I shouldn't be surprised. Umbi, come on in. What do you— you want— you want the— what do you want? You want the usual? You want something— you want something more fun? I got no— we got no other customers.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I want— today— today's special. I want something special.
Eric (as Melissa): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Why do I sound like Keanu Reeves?
Eric: I liked it. Oh, I liked this for middle-aged Umbi. This is great. I think it's good. Where— you're like— this is adventure Umbi. No, I like it. Yeah.
Eric (as Melissa): Well, I— it's a special day, certainly, so whatever if— I don't know write it down, I'll make it for you.
Brandon (as Umbi): I want your fruitiest cocktail.
Eric (as Melissa): Well, I guess all this— all this fruit I cut isn't gonna go bad, so—
Eric: Oh, God. Who is she? God. I think she's a—she must be a stalk of barley.
Brandon: Oh, that's good. I like that.
Eric: Yeah, she has, you know, the— her barley part her hair is tied up in a flowering bandana, wearing an apron over rolled up long sleeve button-up. There's still splots of wetness all over her— all over her.
Brandon: Of course.
Eric: Even though there's no one in the bar, you're gonna get splashed. That's just what's gonna happen, especially when—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —you're cleaning the same glass for three hours. Then she just, like, gets a really big bowl and starts throwing all of the cut fruit that she's been working on, and just like stirred slurry, you're flaring it up and pouring bottles of liquor into this bowl.
Brandon: Fuck yeah.
Eric: And eventually is going to light it up and just like— and then into a pint glasses, she eventually just gonna pour all of it in.
Brandon: And then does she, at the end, pour like liquid nitrogen over it to make it a frozen drink?
Eric: No, she— I think she just lights it on fire.
Brandon: Why if she does both, Eric?
Eric: She— and then she does both, she does both. It's good.
Eric (as Melissa): So how's it— Umbi, how's it— how's it going out there?
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, Mildred, if I'm honest, it's a little rough.
Eric (as Melissa): See, you haven't figured— you haven't figured it out yet.
Brandon (as Umbi): No. Have you?
Eric (as Melissa): Well, I mean, I— okay, well, I can tell you the facts, and maybe I'll— you can tell me what I'm missing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I think that works. See if you could ask the questions before I finish this drink.
Eric (as Melissa): So three days ago, Mrs.— Mrs. Truffeta starts dancing in the middle of town. 14 hours after that, the dancing party has grown to 10. 14 hours after that, the party has grown to 50. And everyone else is still— and everyone— everyone still dancing out there. So I guess my question is, did you figure out how— did you figure out why? But my real question is, have you figured out how to make them stop?
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, maybe I'll— I— I tried asking them, didn't work.
Eric (as Melissa): Didn't work, no?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. I tried tying one guy down. Just got loose.
Eric (as Melissa): Jigged his way right out of the rope.
Brandon (as Umbi): I— it happens. I tried outdancing one of them, and I did outdance them.
Eric (as Melissa): It was— it was intere— it was good, I saw it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Didn't work, so I'm left with Plan E - shock and awe.
Eric (as Melissa): I should have known you would get to this one, but ca— you let me know before you set the charges, please.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah, let me know.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'll keep it away from the bar. I promise.
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah, do it, please. You know, at some point during my life, I would have said the Planter is just here keeping things interesting, but I think I've seen this enough— I think I've seen this enough that I know that it's not that. I wish it was that. I wish it was easier. I wi— I wish I could settle into an easy explanation of the way it works is the way it works, it's the— either you overanalyze it too much, and you come to the idea of it's just the way you work— way it works, or just— you just take it the way that it is, but I know it's something a little bit in between, that it's a complicated answer, that it's deeply unsatisfying.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. I mean, to me, it's just those assholes who turned the water off and fucked up the crops but, like, yeah, I get what you're saying.
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah. You look at the well on the outside of town?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, you know, Madeline, I didn't.
Eric (as Melissa): It was your— it was your idea. I hate it always just comes back to that, but— you know? I don't drink it, I drink only soda. I drink my own— I drink my own fermented soda that I make myself. I don't— I don't drink that stuff.
Brandon (as Umbi): Honestly, probably smart these— these days.
Eric (as Melissa): I didn't need more reasons just to drink— just to drink my own brew.
Eric: She pulls out— she pulled out a bottle, something terribly nasty and cloudy. It's like sealed in— in a giant mason jar. She pops it open, and there's a— the loudest hiss you've ever heard, and the whole bar smells like prunes, and she's— she drinks it.
Brandon (as Umbi): You know what? I think I've decided, your name should be Marley.
Eric (as Melissa): Hey, whatever you want to call me, just don't call me late for dinner.
Brandon (as Umbi): You get it? 'Cause, you're barley.
Eric (as Melissa): Or— or services. Why are you— you're the only one who's allowed to make jokes? Come on, I can make jokes, too. My job is talking to people. Just because I'm not out here blowing up their house afterwards, you're— I guess I— I guess I should start doing that. I should start wielding violence. I'll have a—I'll have a scythe with me, that I'll just— it'd be like— and I'll crack a joke and then I'll swing it at 'em.
Brandon (as Umbi): You know, I gotta tell you, it pays a lot. I'm really wealthy.
Eric (as Melissa): I— good point. Good point. I guess some— I'll still bar— I'll bartend and also threaten people with violence, I’ll do both.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, which by the way, I don't have— I get paid for this, I can't.
Eric (as Melissa): I—
Brandon (as Umbi): What's that?
Eric (as Melissa): No, it's— it's— the mayor— mayor already let me know it's factored into your fee. It's alright. So you've been doing this a long time, huh?
Brandon (as Umbi): Since I was knee-high to that grasshopper down the block named Dave.
Eric (as Melissa): Knee-high— knee-high to a Dave. Yeah. Like, what do you mean this being— I meant, like, you know, going around, doing what you're doing. What do you mean? How long have you been doing what?
Brandon (as Umbi): Being a radical. I don't know. I just wanted to say that joke about Dave.
Eric (as Melissa): That was good. That was good. I don't know, you've been doing— I guess you have been a radical a long time. You're alright with those choices?
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, I don't think there are any other choices right now, you know?
Eric (as Melissa): I mean, but before when— I don't know. Even when the Cascade was flowing, not like things were perfect. Everyone pinning— everyone's pinning everything on that, that like things were good, or not like things were sparkling before. And you were radical against— you were doing this in some form—some form of you the entire time.
Brandon (as Umbi): Throwing bombs in the Senate, you know what I mean?
Eric (as Melissa): But— but before that, it wa— and even before that, even before I was born. You were pushing on that, you were— how do— you— you kept— you kept being you. You— you pushed against—you pushed against everything and you did what you thought was right, no matter what anyone said.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. I remember this time in like grade school when I was a kid.
Eric (as Melissa): Hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): And the teacher was like, "You got to color inside the lines." And so I blew up that teacher. I was just kidding. That was a joke.
Eric (as Melissa): This is what get for trying to have a meaningful conversation with you. You just— you said you were— you were a five-year-old blowing up your schoolhouse.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric (as Melissa): Come on, Umbi, come on.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's alright.
Eric (as Melissa): We're the only ones in town who's not actively doing the— doing a jig at the moment.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Melissa): You swing in here when there's an— there's a— there's an issue every four months, five months, something crazy happens, we can't put our finger on.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Melissa): I just want to kno— I just want to know.
Brandon (as Umbi): What do you want to know?
Eric (as Melissa): I got a question for you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Melissa): I got a question for you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Melissa): Do you like your choices? Do you like what led you here?
Brandon (as Umbi): If I'm honest, I haven't thought about it much. I've been thinking about the things I've been reacting to in such like a focus, narrow-minded way that like I haven't had time to reflect on the choices I made to get there or— or the ones I'm doing to react, you know?
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah. I guess it makes you good at your job, less to carry.
Brandon (as Umbi): I wouldn't say there's nothing to carry, but like— I don't know. It's just like when you get to my age [mumbles] years old—
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): —you feel like you know everything, even though if you don't. But like you feel it in your bones when you need to do something.
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe you should stop and think about it, though. May— but I don't, honestly. I don't.
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I should.
Eric (as Melissa): I would— I— I regret asking you to do that now. Makes— I guess— when you're— when you're called in somewhere because you're supposed to know everything, you don't stop and wonder if you do.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, that's the thing, it's the people that think that you know everything. Sometimes you gotta let them live in that nice fantasy world they've created for themselves, you know?
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah. Yeah. That's how it holds it all together.
Brandon (as Umbi): Somehow.
Eric (as Melissa): And what is it? My great grandma used to say something like, "When you want to get things done, the only eyes you want are from the potatoes." She wouldn't fro— she wasn't from here. She was from a— was translated through a bunch of— a bunch of other languages, I don't know. I don't know if it sounds better, but she—
Brandon: I like it. I think it's good.
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah. No, she's— my mom— my mom used to tell me that, that her grandma used to say that, and she is from a lo— a long time ago, ancient wisdom, I guess.
Brandon (as Umbi): Older than me?
Eric (as Melissa): Older than you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa.
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah. I know. So if you wanted to think about it, and I will imagine I'm holding a scythe up to you, what I'm doing— when I'm asking you this question, alright? If you wanted to think about it—
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey, don't.
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah. If you wanted to think about it, is this where you wanting it to end up? You like— you like where you end up? You— you just walk around the constituency, one person says, "Help, my— my child's missing." You go do that. And the other person says, "Help"— everyone— everyone's chanting at the same time, another person says, "Help." Turns out a cult leader has taken over the town, like you just go from place to place. That's what you want to be doing?
Brandon (as Umbi): Honestly, I haven't thought about it until just now. I'm gonna think about it. Hang on, give me a second.
Eric (as Melissa): Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): Give me a second.
Eric (as Melissa): Hold on, your— your— your drink's out.
Eric: She— she lights it again. She pours more— she pours more fruit and alcohol— and— and alcohol and then she lights it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Me— Marley Flambe.
Eric (as Melissa): Hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's good. I like it.
Eric (as Melissa): It's good.
Brandon (as Umbi): Here's the thing about radicals, I think, right? Like—
Eric (as Melissa): Hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): I like people that consider themselves mavericks, right, you know?
Eric (as Melissa): Like you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Here's the dirty truth is like, if things went the way that they were— that they wanted them to go—
Eric (as Melissa): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): —they wouldn't know what to do with themselves, they'd be out of a, quote-unquote, “job.”
Eric (as Melissa): You need something to be radical against.
Brandon (as Umbi): You need conflict, you need disorder.
Eric (as Melissa): Hmm. Hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): So, like, do I wish things were different? Do I wish things were better? Do I wish that people did the right thing? Yeah. But then if I'm honest, where do I fit in, in that world?
Eric (as Melissa): Hmm. It's fair. If there weren't—yeah, if there weren't people needing forget their troubles, I wouldn't have a job, huh?
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, yeah, I think. Hopefully people also just enjoy the taste of your delicious concoctions, but yes.
Eric (as Melissa): They don't. They don't. Come on, they don't.
Eric: The bartender reaches down, pulls a bottle out, takes out two— two shot glasses, pours one for her, one for you, this like viscous, dark, dark, dark purple liquid.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is this your famous fertilizer drink?
Eric (as Melissa): No, it's just a sho— it's just a shot, Umbi, come on.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, okay.
Eric (as Melissa): It's not always— it's not always— I don't pull out all the bells and whistles just for you. No. Like, alright. Well, cheers.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cheers.
Eric (as Melissa): To disorder.
Brandon (as Umbi): To disorder.
Eric (as Melissa): Clink.
Brandon (as Umbi): Clink.
Eric: Takes a shot.
Brandon (as Umbi): Shot.
Eric: Wipe her mouth, be like—
Eric (as Melissa): You want another one?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. I mean, I gotta go, like, create a giant damage-less smoke bomb to maybe shock people out of their senses in a second, so—
Eric (as Melissa): Oh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, let's get fucked up.
Eric (as Melissa): It could be— what if you could set up a bomb near the— you set up something near the bell tower, near like— and then if you do it near the big bell and an old ring, maybe you'll get everyone out of there.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ooh, I like that.
Eric (as Melissa): That's good.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): What if it's like a frequency thing? Yeah.
Eric (as Melissa): Could be that, could be that. Definitely that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Melissa): Yeah. And yeah, well, you got plenty of time. No— no one's coming in here for the— no one's coming to here for the next long while. And Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Melissa): My name is Melissa.
Brandon (as Umbi): Shit!
[theme]
Amanda: Hello, everybody, Amanda here. I am so excited to be bringing you this episode, and for so many of the episodes to come. We just had a big meeting talking about all the episodes we're making over the next couple of months, and God, I'm so excited. Like, you haven't even heard the stuff we played recently. It's so good. So anyway, welcome, welcome here to the midroll, and I hope you're having a wonderful day. Now, we can only make the show with the time and love and energy and time, I'm gonna say it again, because we put so much time into this show, because we want it to be as great as possible. We want you to listen to it and feel like you're in a campaign with us or like you are reminded of the— of the theater of the mind, of the RPGs that you've played in the past, or the video games that have transported you, or maybe the fanfic that has, like, taken you to new places, that feeling is something I treasure and I think is really hard to find sometimes. And so being able to be one of those things that you sink into for an hour each week, and hopefully, feel a part of something bigger means the absolute world to us. And we can do it, like I said, because of your support on Patreon. Without the people who pledge as little as five bucks to us every month, we would not be able to make the show. And so we take special care to thank the people like There's Only Soup, incredible name, who joined at the $5 tier just a couple of hours ago. Thank you so much. And thank you as well to everybody who has made it a priority to support independent media that they love on Patreon. If you have a few bucks to spare, join us please at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week in Multitude, I love whenever a new episode of Big Game Hunger drops, and great news, it drops on Mondays. So as you are particularly feeling that pre Join the Party like, "Oh, I want Join the Party new episode, but it's Monday, it's not Tuesday. Oh, no, what am I gonna do?" Listen to Big Game Hunger, okay? It's incredible. This is where Jenna Stoeber and her friends craft the next big video game every episode. They start with a randomly generated genre concept and vibe, and then they go through a hilarious and generative, and sometimes very touching process of making that game all the way from their randomly generated scratch. It is so much fun, and Jenna is such a professional and the guests she has on are incredibly fun. So look up Big Game Hunger in your podcast app now and listen every Monday. Join the Party is sponsored this week by Cornbread Hemp. So in 2018, the founders of Cornbread Hemp, Eric and Jim, not this Eric, realized there were no CBD companies out there making high-quality, full spectrum CBD products. And they actually set out and became the first ever USDA certified organic CBD company. 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[theme]
Eric: Hi, Julia.
Julia: Hey.
Eric: So what have you prepared for me today?
Julia: Well, we open on a big field of flowing corn and whatnot. Is that good? Is that good for you?
Eric: It's good. No, it's good.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: No, I'm just kidding, Julia. I have something—
Julia: Okay, cool.
Eric: I do have something I wanted to ask you about.
Julia: What's that?
Eric: So I was thinking about how Cammie and Baba Rutabaga, like did they hang out in the interme— like in the intermediary time?
Julia: In my mind, I don't think so, because I think that, one, you know, this is a— a spooky witch that was living in the forest.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: That was very scary.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: You know, like, it was someone that people were avoiding in Open Fields. So I think that, in a way, Cammie is like reaction to leaving Open Fields would not have been like, "Oh, let me go talk to the— the scary witch lady who was mean to me in the forest and then cursed me."
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: I think it was, "Let me get out of Open Fields because it's dangerous for me here."
Eric: Got it. Okay, that makes sense. I had this thought of, like, adolescent Cammie. I could see needing to get her trained up as like someone who is— who has power. You know, a magician.
Julia: Right.
Eric: A magician or just like as a useful pirate.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And I can only imagine that, for a while, Smelly Haze made Cammie do grunt work a lot of the time.
Julia: Yeah, I think Cammie— so we've established in canon that Cammie was working at like a tavern on the edge of Open Fields and the Great Salt Sea.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: As kind of just like a— like a bus girl, like whatever they needed kind of thing, while also like on the side doing like tea leaf readings.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: And the reason that Smelly Haze picked up Cammie was, one, pirates are superstitious, especially Smelly Haze, and thought that Cammie would be like a good luck charm.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: And I think in taking Cammie on to her ship, she basically gave Cammie the role of, like, ship's boy, is what the—
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Julia: —the British would call it, but like ship's girl, ship's witch, you know, as like the lowest, like, level on the caste system of the ship.
Eric: Oh, yeah. For sure. I think at one point— you know, for a while, especially as Cammie came into adolescence, you know, Smelly Haze for being someone who could just pick up people at bars and be like, "You're part— hey, you're part of a crew now." After a while, Smelly Haze took some time and settled down in one of the islands, dotted around the Great Salt Sea. You know, once the Cascade dried up, it was almost like a land rush for everyone to grab the— the islands no one had ever— literally never been there.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Not lying and saying people were there, but actually like, "Oh, no, this is mine now." And I think, yeah, maybe Smelly Hayez's crew, the Smelly Crew, of course, grabbed one of the crappy islands that no one really wanted and be like, "Yeah, we're gonna set up here for a little while."
Julia: Uh-hmm. Was the island particularly smelly?
Eric: Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure, yeah. They— everyone on the crew was nose blind, so—
Julia: Yes.
Eric: —they were just kind of used to it by that point.
Julia: That's why the— they were able to get this primo island because it just stank like, I don't know, probably like phosphorus or something like that.
Eric: Oh, yeah. It smelled like— yeah. Yeah, it's smelled like phosphorus, for sure.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And I think— yeah. And then Cammie— you know, what do you do to a cabin boy who is no longer on the ship? You just make them do all the grunt work around on the island, right?
Julia: Sure.
Eric: So I think there's probably a point where Cammie is like, you know, adolescent, young teen, where Cammie has guard duty outside of the large encampment where Smelly Haze is and the smelly crew are— are set up. You know, in my head, like the island is just big enough for like all of the ramshackle, like town they've set up in there, but like, of course, it's like where they keep their gold or their weapons and all— and their treasure and all that stuff.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And you're like, you have to stand out on guard duty outside of the big, wooden gate that they've set up, you know?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Like, the big drawbri— the big quasi drawbridge gate that they've set out outside.
Julia: Sure. Very like Legend of Arceus main town area.
Eric: Oh, 100%. Yeah.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you got to go find a really big Parasect.
Julia: That one guy he just won't take the weasel that he keeps asking for.
Eric: We're gonna be doing that for the next 20 minutes. You're gonna be throwing Pokeballs at a giant Parasect. Yeah. So I think adolescent, young teen Cammie is set up outside. Tell me— tell me about adolescent Cammie here. What— what she like? What's her vibe?
Julia: I think Cammie is the kind of person who has not changed very much from when she left Open Fields to now.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: And even from like now— now being the scene that we're describing here to the present, where the present campaign is happening.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: And that her mentality has always been kind of the same. Like hard work is important, not harming others is important. The only thing that has changed is Cammie's, like, abilities and the power that she wields.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Which I think is interesting that it is not one of those like, "As I've grown more powerful, I've grown more corrupt." Like, I think that they, like, genuinely have not let that impact them as much.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: And so I think Cammie is happy and grateful almost to be doing a lot of the menial grunt work that is being assigned to her, because, you know, she was raised in Open Fields, and Open Fields is all about like, yeah, everyone in the community has to work hard in order to, like, maintain a, like, balanced life. Like this is par for the course for her, really.
Eric: Surely. Yeah. You don't get something for nothing, so you better do as much something as possible, so you get as much in return, for sure.
Julia: Yeah. And I think that Cammie is the kind of person who is like— they're genuinely happy to do something so long as they are thanked for that task.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: You know?
Eric: Yeah. No, I like that. So, yeah, Cammie's out on guard duty outside the gate. Night's coming quickly. You gotta start— start lighting torches, and you hear something in the brush, a little bit outside of what you can see.
Julia (as Cammie): Hello. Hi. Who's there?
Eric: You hear heavy steps coming towards you.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-oh. Plea— please state your business.
Eric (as Marley): I certainly will.
Eric: Stepping forward is a bundle of violets. This Greenfolk is a bundle of violets, like five heads kind of arranged in a bouquet. And then all of that, like a bouquet shoved into a vase that's a little bit too small, is shoved into some scratched and scarred armor. This violet has a very heavy sore to their side, and kind of like a hand crossbow on the other side. So very similar to something that you would eventually see Troy wielding, but this is just good enough just for one hand. It's just like, "Pew." Real— real finger gun energy of just being able to, like, pick up this crossbow and shoot it. The armor is— as I said, is like tarnished, and nasty, and caked with mud. Lots and lots of dents in it as well. Be like—
Eric (as Marley): I am Marley, the resolute. I have been hired by the people of the surrounding archipelago to clear out Smelly Haze and the Smelly Crew. You're making it too smelly. Are you— are you in charge of what's happening here?
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, no. Definitely not. Definitely not in charge. I'm Cammie, hi.
Eric (as Marley): Cammie, it's very nice to meet you. I need you to let me inside to talk to Smelly Haze and deal with this situation.
Julia (as Cammie): Um, well, I can't do that. I can't just let you in, because I'm on guard duty. But if you give me one moment, I can send my good friend Nonny in, and she can go get Smelly Haze, and she can come out, and you guys can have a conversation.
Julia: And Cammie reaches into her, like, pocket. She's not keeping Nonny in her, like, signature tea kettle yet.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: And she reaches into her pocket and she pulls out a little ginkgo crab and she goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, sweetheart.
Julia: And kisses it on the— the shell and it skitters off.
Eric: (crab noises)
Julia: I also— I was Googling smelly plants.
Eric: That's good.
Julia: So I figured, because Cammie's on this crew, Nonny would take the form of a stinky plant animal.
Eric: Gotta be a stinky plant, that's right.
Julia: So a ginkgo crab is good.
Eric: A ginkgo crab is great. I— then I get to do my crab sounds. You know I love my crab sounds.
Julia: There you go. I know you do.
Eric: (crab noises) Nonny skitters away, and then skitters back with a little note in her claw.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, what— what you got there, girl?
Eric: And it says—
Eric (as Smelly Haze): You deal with it. Thank you, Smelly Haze.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Julia: Cammie writes back.
Julia (as Cammie): Um, seems like a bad idea. This person looks like they might want to kill me. Love you, Cammie.
Julia: Then sends Nonny back.
Julia (as Cammie): Sorry, real quick. It— it shouldn't take more than like five minutes.
Eric (as Marley): I— my patience is —my patience is fraying.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, patience is a virtue that the Planter bestowed on all of us.
Eric: Nonny comes back and says—
Eric (as Smelly Haze): You got it, kid. Love you, Smelly Haze.
Julia (as Cammie): So, um, Smelly Haze has politely declined meeting you this evening, I think she's very sleepy. So maybe you could come back in the morning, or next month, or, you know, in a year from now.
Eric (as Marley): I have been tasked by the peoples to deal with this. And if you stand in my way, then I challenge you to a duel, guards— guards person.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm 15.
Eric (as Marley): I did not know that impinging on justice had an age.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, in this case, it's 15. You want to kill a 15-year-old?
Eric (as Marley): If that is what is mandatory, I would.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, I don't want to kill you.
Eric (as Marley): Well, we'll see if that happens, in the duel.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't want to be put in a position where I have to potentially hurt you.
Eric (as Marley): I will— I need my time to prepare for the duel. I need 12 hours to meditate and sharpen my sword. And at the stroke of 12 hours that I will keep fro— on this hourglass.
Eric: As they— they reach into their armor and pulls out an hourglass. Puts it down on the— on the ground and turns it over.
Eric (as Marley): And the— once the final grain is— is released from this hourglass, then we will duel.
Julia (as Cammie): There's gonna be a different guard here in 12 hours.
Eric (as Marley): No, but you'll— but you're doing it, because I challenge you to the duel.
Julia (as Cammie): But I'm gonna be inside.
Eric (as Marley): Well, don't— then come back outside.
Julia (as Cammie): What if I don't want to?
Eric (as Marley): Well, you're duel— you're— then you— you— do you disregard my duel?
Julia (as Cammie): Is that an option?
Eric (as Marley): No. Not if you have honor and—
Julia (as Cammie): And why would you ask me?
Eric (as Marley): Oh, my God. In 12 hours, guards person, I'm going to duel you.
Julia (as Cammie): I told you my name.
Eric (as Marley): Fine. That's fine. I should have remembered it. Cammie, in 12 hours, we will duel, and I will be here through that time preparing for that duel.
Julia (as Cammie): Um—
Eric (as Marley): Just so you know what is happening. I'm clearly— it is— it is part of my honor to clearly demonstrate to you the rules of the duel, and if you disregard them, that is your problem, but I— I have adhered to them as it is happening.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Marley): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Cool— cool. I guess.
Eric: Marley sits down, and lays their weapons out, and kind of like— they have, like, a pack with them and starts to un— like unpack their stuff, sets up a little ca— and this is truly 50 feet away from the gate. Like sets up a little campfire, takes out a whetstone, undoes the straps of some of their armor, and just loosens it. They don't— they don't take it fully off, but just like it loosens it, tries to get as comfy as possible, and then just starts sharpening their big sword.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. Okay. Do— do you want some tea?
Eric (as Marley): Can you promise that it is not poisoned?
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, I don't use poison. Like, it's— it's tea.
Eric (as Marley): You're gonna put poison in tea.
Julia (as Cammie): You could put poison in tea, but then it would be poisoned tea and I offered you tea.
Eric (as Marley): If you swear it is not—
Eric: You motherfucker.
Eric (as Marley): If you swear it is not poisoned tea and just regular tea, then yes, I would love some.
Julia (as Cammie): It is regular tea. I've been trying some new blends. I haven't perfected them yet, but I would really enjoy your feedback.
Eric (as Marley): Sure, yes. Yeah. Of course. That is what duelists show kindness to each other before the duel.
Julia (as Cammie): Right. Right, that duel that is going to happen. Okay.
Julia: And then Cammie makes a pot of tea, and when it's done, pours a cup, and then places it on the back of little crab Nonny, and then is like—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, we've practiced this. You can do it, don't spill.
Julia: And then it skitters across.
Eric: (crab noises) As slow and careful as a crab can sideways scuttle.
Julia: It's also really funny because Nonny is obviously a girl. We use— we use she/her for Nonny and the ginkgo tree, the females are the stinky ones while the males are not stinky.
Eric: I'm learning so much about ginkgo trees here in this scene.
Julia: I know.
Eric: This is great.
Julia: They're so old. They— they, like, outlived the pollinators that they used to have. They used to be a specific kind of beetle that died out.
Eric: Dang.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Hey, beetle, get your shit together.
Julia: Hey, beetle. Come on.
Eric: Hey, if I could just talk to the dead beetles in the audience tonight, can— hey, guys, get your shit together.
Julia: So ginkgo crab Nonny delivers that and then scuttles back.
Eric (as Marley): Hmm. It's warming, it's— it's floral, but not too floral.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Marley): It's— oh. Oh, I— this knot I have in my shoulder is— it's almost undoing itself. This is— this is good.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you.
Eric (as Marley): This is very good. High praise.
Julia (as Cammie): Thanks. I'll take like— 9 out of 10, 8.5?
Eric (as Marley): 8.5, certainly.
Julia (as Cammie): 8.5? Wow. Okay. Cool, cool, cool.
Eric (as Marley): I am a har— I am a harsh critic.
Julia: And Cammie is taking out a little notepad and is, like, writing— jotting down notes, being like—
Julia (as Cammie): 8.5, pretty good, pretty good.
Eric: Marley takes out their arrows and ray— and lays them all out, take some time to inspect each one. You know, make sure none of the— you know, the feathers on the back, make sure that they still— they're in the proper alignment. Make sure the tap on the— on the front to make sure they're still sharp.
Eric (as Marley): You know, I guess I shouldn't be telling you this— this advice, but it's something that's been passed down through my family for generations for as long as— as we've known them. For as long as we've been able to pass information down from even— from versions of this world that— that don't even exist anymore, but something we always say is, "Check once, check twice, check three times, you're in the clear." It was supposed— at some point, I think it rhymed in whatever language you would start it in.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Marley): But it's— I— I— I do li— it's— that's advice for you just as we're going into this duel. I don't know what you're doing with, but I— I find it important.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm gonna be honest with you, don't have any weapons.
Eric (as Marley): Ah, interesting.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Eric (as Marley): So what do you—what are you dealing with?
Julia (as Cammie): I have no idea. Again, I've never done a duel. I don't really want to do a duel, but you seem like you are convinced it's gonna happen.
Eric (as Marley): Well, you have—
Eric: And looks at the hourglass.
Eric (as Marley): —10 hours and 13 minutes to figure that out, so you have plenty of time.
Julia (as Cammie): Great. Yay.
Eric (as Marley): So I guess— do you— should I give you something in return for the tea? Do I owe you— I— what do I owe you?
Julia (as Cammie): No. It's not a transactional thing. You gave me your feedback, and that was very helpful.
Eric (as Marley): Well, I guess if I don't owe you anything, then maybe can I— I trouble you— I have a question for you.
Julia (as Cammie): Sure.
Eric (as Marley): Why— why do you protect her? Wha— why are you doing— why are you doing this? What are— what are you doing here?
Julia (as Cammie): Um, well, I'm part of the Smelly Crew, and Alicia is the captain and so, you know, you— you protect the— the person that protects you.
Eric (as Marley): But you— you know what Smelly Haze has done. You know what Smelly Haze is known for.
Julia (as Cammie): Being smelly, yeah, I know.
Eric (as Marley): Yeah. And— and the other stuff. And being the most fearsome pi— fearsome and bloodthirsty pirate in this section of the Great Salt Sea.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, I've been on her ship for like a year now. I— I don't know if I saw like real— real blood thirstiness from her.
Eric (as Marley): Do you think maybe you're— like you're— because you're so young, you're— you're sent away to like— to— to count the gold and— and the bones while— and they're— they're—
Julia: Why am I counting bones?
Eric (as Marley): They're keeping the bones, that— they— they keep— they keep the bones of the victims.
Julia (as Cammie): I never counted— I don't think I counted bones. Did I count bones?
Eric (as Marley): Well, maybe you were too busy looking for the bones to count while they were doing all of the pillaging and the killing, and the blood thirst.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't— I don't remember count— ever being asked about bones.
Eric (as Marley): I don't know. I— I— I'm asking you. I don't know.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, I'm— 'I'm telling you. I don't— I don't think I ever counted any bones.
Eric (as Marley): I'm— I'm sorry to see someone who has been so taken in the pillaging and— and pirate— the— the pillaging pirate life. Someone who's grown up with it, and every moment of your life, you don't know anything other than that.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, that's not— you— you're assuming a lot about me. Nix. You're just— you're assuming a lot.
Eric (as Marley): Well, then, tell me. Why do you— if you have experiences other than pirate life, why do you protect the bloodthirsty Smelly Haze?
Julia (as Cammie): Well, I— I wasn't always a pirate. Like I said, been at it for about a year now. Um, and it's— it's nice. Like, you know, like a solid 6 out of 10 pirate life so far. But it's—
Eric (as Marley): You were bulb napped? As a little bulb, you were taken from your— you were taken from your fam? You were taken from the bosom of your mother and— and— and taken and brought upon the pirate ship?
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, I guess I was technically bulb napped. When you say it like that, I was technically bulb napped in the middle of the night. Not from my family. I was working at a tavern, and Smelly Haze was like, "You seem lucky." And said, "Do you want to be a pirate?" And I said, "I don't really know." And then I went to sleep, and then I woke up on the ship. You're laughing, but that's what happened.
Eric (as Marley): It's— it's— it's a surprising stor— and yet you guard her. Then why did you not let me in?
Julia (as Cammie): Because you want to get rid of us. And if you get rid of us, then where am I going next?
Eric (as Marley): There's plenty of places to go.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, but you're—
Julia: Cammie looks at them and is like—
Julia (as Cammie): You're still pretty far away, so you can't, like, see my whole thing.
Eric (as Marley): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): There are not a lot of places for me to go. Let's say that.
Eric (as Marley): And that's why you're— and that's why you're— you want to duel? And that's why— and that's why—
Julia (as Cammie): I— and I don't want to duel. I don't know how many times I had to say it, I don't want to duel.
Eric (as Marley): And that's why you're standing in this duel for Smelly Haze?
Julia (as Cammie): I guess.
Eric (as Marley): It's admirable, but I will defeat you.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Does that mean I have to die?
Eric (as Marley): If you lose, if it goes bad—
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm. Okay.
Eric (as Marley): — for you.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, those are the two options is I kill you or you kill me?
Eric (as Marley): Ultimately. I think it's more— I guess I'd have to— hold on—
Eric: Marley reaches around— Marley's still wearing— wearing their armor, so it's like they're— they're still very heavy.
Julia: Clank, clank, clank, clank.
Eric: Very heavy. So it's like they can't get up. So they like— they, like, reach all the way back into their backpack, and, like, routes around in there, and pulls out a little book, and you know, kind of flips through, and says—
Eric (as Marley): Let's see, the finer points of dueling and doing with honor. I guess—
Julia: Is it Dr. Radish?
Eric (as Marley): The fine— well, I think— I think that the intention is that one of us dies, but it doesn't say definitively it does happen more than— it says that once someone is down, the duel is over, so I guess that's up to interpretation.
Julia (as Cammie): So like if you just decide to lay down or if I just decided to lay down, duel's done?
Eric (as Marley): Well, there's a coup— a coup de gras in such situation.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't know what that means. I— I don't speak Cragish rebellion.
Eric (as Marley): Ye— there's a sho— I would— I would make sure you were down, or you would make sure I was down, if one of us tried to dishonorably avoid the situation.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, that just seems mean.
Eric (as Marley): Well, it's mean for you to defend a bloodthirsty pirate, and I'm here to defend on behalf of the— of the villagers of the surrounding archipelago who wants Smelly Haze gone. I think that's— that's mean.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, I'm defending her because I don't think that she's bloodthirsty, and I haven't seen proof of that, and I also think that people can change.
Eric (as Marley): So you think that she's not bloodthirsty, and that even if she was blood thirsty, she would stop being blood thirsty?
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, I think she could.
Eric (as Marley): Okay, then go— go ask her. Then tell her to stop.
Julia: Cammie sends ginkgo Nonny back into the camp with a note, being like—
Julia (as Cammie): Hey, love you. Are you bloodthirsty?
Eric: The note— the note comes back and says—
Eric (as Smelly Haze): No, I don't think so.
Julia (as Cammie): She says she doesn't think she's bloodthirsty.
Eric (as Marley): Okay, ca— well, then, can I— can— can she send a note saying that even if she was or was not bloodthirsty, she would stop?
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Marley): And she would sign it, and— and put a—and put a smear of her blood upon the paper so I know it's real.
Julia (as Cammie): I'll ask her.
Julia: Cammie sends a note of that regard and is like— it's like one of those like, do you like me, yes or no?
Eric: Yeah, sure.
Julia (as Cammie): Are you bloodthirsty, yes or no? Please sign with blood. Love, Cammie.
Eric: In the back, you hear—
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Ow!
Eric: And then the note comes back kind of written all out with this and be like—
Eric (as Smelly Haze): I, Smelly Haze, am not— not bloodthirsty. And even if I was, I would stop for the people who were worried about me being a bloodthirsty pirate. It is signed upon with my blood that is smeared here.
Eric: And then you see like a— a dark green smudge.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): As signed by me, Smelly Haze.
Eric: Just like a scrawled cursive signature.
Julia: Cammie sends it over.
Julia (as Cammie): There you go.
Eric (as Marley): I— can I be honest with you?
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Marley): I didn't think that would work.
Julia (as Cammie): You never know until you ask.
Eric (as Marley): Huh. Well, I'll bring this back to the villagers of the archipelago immediately.
Julia (as Cammie): Sounds good.
Eric (as Marley): Thank you, Cammie.
Julia (as Cammie): You're welcome.
Eric (as Marley): Well, I guess the duel is off.
Julia: I think Cammie is like— kind of nods, and then turns around for like a minute or two, and then when she turns back, she puts a little, like, satchel bag.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Like— like kind of like what you would assume like you would see, like, doublooms in or something like that, and puts it on top of Nonny, and Nonny scampers across the— the way, and pans it over to Marley.
Eric (as Marley): What— wha— what's this?
Julia (as Cammie): It's a little bag of the tea that you liked.
Eric (as Marley): That's very nice of you.
Julia (as Cammie): Thanks for not murdering me and taking— taking me and Smelly Haze for our words.
Eric (as Marley): I feel like I owe you something in return, that's the— the honorable thing to do.
Eric: As they're strapping their—their armor back on, they reach into their bag, and pull out a copy of that little book, and gives it back to the ginkgo grab.
Julia: Scuttles across.
Eric: The little book says, "The most honorable way to be is the most honorable way to follow in order to make sure that you're following the honorable path of being a good person. By— by the Honorable Judge and Doctor, Radish Radish.
Julia (as Cammie): Wow. A book with a really long title.
Eric (as Marley): It's go— good. It's— it's helped me find my way. I think I should also say I'm— I'm 15, too. I'm also— I'm also 15, so—
Julia (as Cammie): Wow. Greenfolk age really differently, huh?
Eric (as Marley): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Wild.
Eric (as Marley): I just— I've been this tall— I've been this— I've grown this tall since I was— for the last— since I was 8.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't think I'm ever gonna get any taller.
Eric (as Marley): Huh.
Julia (as Cammie): Huh.
Eric (as Marley): Okay. Alright. Well, I— I will return upon my honorable path. I'm bringing this back to the— to the villa— to the villagers of the archipelago, but if this is false, though— I will be forced to push through with the duel and bring justice and— and violence upon your home and house and crew.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Marley): Okay. Does— so you know, so I've clearly communicated to you that what would happen if— if you were wrong?
Julia (as Cammie): That sounds like a plan, but I believe in Alicia.
Eric (as Marley): Okay. Goodbye, Cammie.
Julia (as Cammie): Good evening.
Julia: Cammie does a weird little curtsy bow.
Eric: Yeah. Marley does like a weird half bow salute to you.
Julia (as Cammie): Cool.
Eric: And stomps back out into the brush. What does Smelly Haze do the next day?
Julia: I pictured, like, Cammie coming in, and Smelly Haze is doing yoga stretches, like sun salutations.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Why did you need my blood?
Julia (as Cammie): Someone was asking if you were gonna be bloodthirsty, and if that you were, they were going to try to kick us off of this island and— and all that kind of stuff.
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Oh. I guess that gets around.
Julia (as Cammie): That— what?
Eric (as Smelly Haze): We should leave tomorrow.
Julia (as Cammie): Wa— why?
Eric (as Smelly Haze): We're packing up.
Julia (as Cammie): Why?
Eric (as Smelly Haze): Everybody, we're going.
Julia (as Cammie): Wait, I have several questions. They asked about bones. Have I been counting bones?
[theme]
Eric: Oh, hey, Amanda. Hi.
Amanda: Hi, honey.
Eric: Oh, hello. Um, so what have you prepared for me?
Amanda: Well, I talked to both Brandon and Julia about their specific Garden Plans, and so I have a pretty good sense of what we can expect to eat from each of their homes and recipes that I want to use for them.
Eric: Hmm. No, it's good. It's good. And then Julia promised she give me— my— the tomato she owes us.
Amanda: Oh, good.
Eric: Yeah. I'm just kidding. I have something that I want to ask you about. Is that okay?
Amanda: Okay, please.
Eric: Yeah, we record next to each other anyway, so this is kind of like— we're just like hanging out.
Amanda: Yeah, we are hanging out, and neither of us is under a blanket and cuddling our stuffed Air Bison so it's not quite like home but, you know, it's close.
Eric: It's close. It's close. But I want to ask you something about Troy.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: I want to go back to when Troy was still a prince at the edge—
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: —at the Cragish seat. Once King Hyperion, the sleepy, the haggard.
Amanda: I call him the sleepy, they call him the haggard. Both are true.
Eric: He's called the haggard, yes.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Once he's in power, and has been established in power for a while, like what— you and your brothers, what are your kind of like vibes here as princes, as like, part of the royal family, mucking it up, being dudes?
Amanda: So I think the weird thing about being one of the many spares of a royal family is you train your whole life for the moment, right? You train your whole life for the moment—
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: —where your family finally takes over. And when the Breakstones were not in charge, and not the ruling family, we prepare, and we did all kinds of drills and we, you know, learn— we had to learn in order to be the ruling family. But what that actually looks like is not very much. And so once the coup is over, and Hyperion is in charge, and he's got all his advisers, that's why Troy get shipped off to the guards because there's not a ton for him to do. And so in my mind, they still have weekly family dinners, and so that's where, you know, all of the siblings and the parents get together and, you know, talk things through, but it's— it's almost like a staff meeting.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Because each of us is spread out to different areas of the castle. I imagine one brother is in, like, requisitions, you know, like the— the quartermaster, supplies—
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: —operations for the castle, Troy's in the guard, because he's the dumb one. Someone probably works in research, like the sort of, you know, maister scholar role. And then there's Hyperion.
Eric: Yeah. I— I think it's good. I— we never talked about like how many brothers and sisters Troy has.
Amanda: Oh, like 10.
Eric: But I assume it's 10, and you're all brothers.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: That's what I was assuming. And Troy is like third youngest.
Amanda: Yeah. I think there's probably one girl who's the most ruthless one.
Eric: Oh, sure.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. I know, she's off, like, killing— like the king of the megafauna somewhere.
Amanda: Yeah. Actually, honestly, maybe she's undercover with the separatists.
Eric: She might— I— it's entirely possible.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Or like sort of half-brother from like, the dad's first relationship or something.
Eric: Pretty good.
Amanda: You do with that what you will.
Eric: Yeah. Well, I think the whole thing about this is that, like, Hyperion is also running the family, and in my head, like your dad—your dad and mom have died through the various conflicts—
Amanda: Sure.
Eric: —of the houses. And that's why Hyperion is king.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: So it's like Hyperion has to run the country and your family, and just hates it. And—
Amanda: And he's so sleepy.
Eric: He's so sleepy. But at these weekly meetings is when you get your princely allowance.
Amanda: Oh, okay.
Eric: And now, you have a bunch of quiche that you can just go to the town surrounding the castle. Of course, it's called Edgeville.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: You could go down to Edgeville and just spend all your money on stuff.
Amanda: Hell yeah, man.
Eric: And as you do, when immediately you're given your allowance, you scamper on down to the village.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Yeah, that was the last thing they pass out after dessert, so you gotta stay.
Eric: You gotta— you gotta stay and listen to the emergency warning that Hyperion is specifically telling you.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Tell me about what these shopping trips look like. Like, you're— you're just— you're— you got a bunch of money in your pocket, what do you go and do?
Amanda: I think it's important to Troy to try to endear himself to his classmates in basic training. And so I think he'll spend a lot of money on sort of small things that he can pretend are cheap, but are actually extremely expensive. Like, imagine if you bought gum, but it was like $45 a pack.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Like, that kind of situation. So I imagine a lot of like very expensive snacks. Maybe some like, you know, like a sewing kit or like an extra toothbrush that are just, like, essentially like made of stainless steel, like— like so durable. Which you'll be like, "Oh, yeah, no. I have an extra comb. Take one." And the comb is like made of, you know, ivory, like that— that kind of thing, you know?
Eric: Yeah. Yeah. And you get twice as much because you get stuff for free. Like, you get princely BOGO deals that other people don't get.
Amanda: I'm sure. And later in his life, Troy would be like, "What do you mean a single comb is $10?"
Eric: What do you mean this comb— a single comb is one doubloom? I don't know what you're talking about.
Amanda: Yeah. How's that possible?
Eric: Yeah. So I think that you've been walking around all day, your—your packs are filled with stuff that you've bought that day.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: And, you know, night is starting to fall, but there's still one more shop that you haven't been to before.
Amanda: Let's go.
Eric: Yeah. As soon as you walk in, like seven little sprouts run up to you and all of them say at the same time.
Eric (as Sprout): Hello, you've reached the potion shop. This is where you get potions. Do you need potions?
Amanda (as Troy): Uh, probably. Hey, what's up? I'm Prince Troyvides.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Hey, hey, hey, hey. Everyone come— come back, come back. Come back behind the counter. Come back behind the counter. Of course, Pri— Prince Troyvides is out on his shopping— is out on his shopping trip, and we need to make sure that he is taken care of.
Amanda (as Troy): Just like a regular amount. Like, I know I'm a prince and, like, if you piss me off, then in theory, you know, we could like execute or you— or like close down your shop. Like, I would never do that. I'm— I'm a cool prince. I promise, I promise. I know I'm new, very cool prince, don't worry.
Eric: The sprouts go.
Eric (as Sprout): Yay. He's a cool prince.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, here you go.
Amanda: And he, like, flips a coin to one of the sprouts.
Eric: All the sprouts jump on— jump on it. There's a big, like, dust— dust pile as they fight each other. And, yeah, standing at the front is the proprietor of this potion shop. I think maybe they must be like a— like a patch of clover.
Amanda: Ooh, very cool.
Eric: Like a— like a robe, or a big, like, quote-unquote "wizards robe."
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: Like slouched over a big patch of clover, who's tending the shop and it's just like trying to corral all of their children behind as they're fighting over the— the one coin you flipped them. It'd be like—
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Hey, hey, hey, hey, come— hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, no fighting in front of the prince. No fighting in front of the prince.
Amanda (as Troy): It's cool, man. Listen, I'm— I'm one of, like, 10 or 11. I lose count. As long as none of them got swords hidden away, you're fine.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): No. They don't— no, they don't. They just— they—
Eric (as Sprout): But we go out with each other, we're thief.
Eric: The youngest jump— the youngest jumps on one of the other ones and just bites them.
Amanda: Troy questions them.
Amanda (as Troy): Do you want to be a palace guard? You're not too young.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): No. No. Thank you, Prince Troyvides, but no, I don't—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, oh. Sure.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): We're not ready. They still need to go through their schooling.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah, of course. Sorry, I forget not everybody's raised like I was raised. Anyway, lovely shop you got here. How long have you been around?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Oh, yeah, as— we rebuilt— this shop is relatively new. Since the reign of King— of— of King Hyperion, after the whole— the conflict—
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): —the previous shop was burnt down.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): But this one is new since— so as— we coincided with King Hyperion's rule coming into the Cragish Throne.
Amanda (as Troy): Nice. It's gonna be— it's gonna be a long reign. It's gonna be a good one.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): That— that's what we're hoping. Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): Of course. Yeah. And what do you sell here?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Well, potions, mostly. Either made to order or once we've made that people can pick up from the shelves.
Amanda (as Troy): Nice. Hey, I got a question for you. Can I ask you something?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Yeah. Yeah, of course, happy to help. Any information that the prince might— might need to retrieve for his brain locker.
Amanda (as Troy): Yes. I've— hey, that's a really good— that's a really good phrase to say, brain locker.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Brain— I just came up with it. I'm nervous.
Amanda (as Troy): That's really good. No, don't be nervous. Don't be nervous.
Amanda: Troy, like, pats bruisingly the clover person.
Eric: Can you— just for this— in front of the microphone, can you smack me pretty hard? I'm wearing a sweatshirt, I think the foley would be pretty good.
Amanda: Okay, I'm gonna do like the chest, okay?
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Good?
Eric: It's good. Good stuff. Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): So I got a brother in arms that likes to cry a lot. Well, actually, I don't think he likes to cry, but he does cry a lot. And so I wonder, do you have any— do you have any potions that would help him, like, get over the fear of, like, potentially harming another Greenfolk and just sort of, like, do what has to be done for king and country? You know what I mean?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Oh, well, we do have different potions, but the thing you need to understand about protion— potions, my liege, is they address only one specific thing. So if you want a friend of yours to stop crying—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): —there's a—
Amanda (as Troy): It's a lot. It's very wet, it's very loud. It gets— it gets all over.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): There's a— there's a potion to dry his tear ducts. There's a potion of happiness. There's a potion of introspection, oh, maybe unwind the knot that's in his emotion. So—
Amanda (as Troy): No. I think he has to think a lot less.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Okay, so not that one.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): We have one, a mindlessness potion.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): We can do that, too.
Amanda (as Troy): That sounds good.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): You wa— we can put— I can— I can put that up.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, no, I'm still thinking, still thinking.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Okay. So it depends what kind of symptom you'd like to address, because potions only address one specific thing.
Amanda (as Troy): Can you, like, add courage, make him fundamentally a different Greenfolk?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): We—
Eric: I love Troy so much.
Amanda (as Troy): Because my— my thing is, if you like— if you like close over the— the place where the tears come out—
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Yes.
Amanda (as Troy): —then I think they come out in another place.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Sure.
Amanda (as Troy): And I think that will be worse.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Yes.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): It's more of a general drying magical situation.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, okay. Okay.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): If you work— but we—
Amanda (as Troy): Well, I'll think about it.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): I do have something of courage that I can whip up, needed, make someone feel more brave, definitely.
Amanda (as Troy): Let me— let me think about it. Maybe I'll— maybe I'll see what he needs and— and I'll come back. But hey, I'm— I'm really glad to know that you guys are here. Maybe I'll be back next time.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Oh, we would definitely like that. But please take your time, if there's something you want, just don't— don't leave—
Eric: When— and you see like all the— all the sprouts are, like, standing in front of the door, just like trying to be as casual as possible as little children can be, just like leaning up against the door and be like—
Eric (as Shopkeeper): No, but don't— don't leave, survey our wares, see if there's a— a premade potion you might need or— I'm more than happy— I don't have anything else going on. I'm more than happy to make a custom potion for— for you. There is, of course, a bargain bin but, of course, you wouldn't need that.
Amanda (as Troy): It's fun to do bargains, even when you got a lot of money.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Alright, well, there is a— there is a bargain bin.
Eric: There is a barrel that's filled— you don't know that yet. You don't know that yet.
Amanda: Aaah! That's the name of the movie in the trailer.
Eric: There is a barrel that's filled with potions.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: And then have just like different liquids sloshing around in them, but none of them have labels.
Amanda: Troy is gonna plunge his hand in there and pick one.
Eric: Okay. You want to roll?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You want to roll? Let's roll something. Give me a— give me a D10 roll.
Amanda: Okay. That's a four.
Eric: Okay. In my head, there was a Kiki to Bouba scale of the po—of the potion. It was just a little bit towards Kiki.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Tell me about this bottle that's like it is both rounded and spiky at the same time, but it's a little bit more spiky. Tell me about this bottle.
Amanda: Yes. I think that this is like gourd-shaped.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: So there is like a— a nice kind of like bulbous portion, and then there's a little neck curving out that you can hold it from. But the bottom, there is like six or seven spikes, like one too many for it to be feet.
Eric: Oh, sure.
Amanda: You know? But spikey enough that you're like, "How do I put this down, on the side, like hang it?"
Eric: Yeah. It's like, "Which— how does it go?"
Amanda: "How— where— which way?" Yeah.
Eric: It has loops in it, but nothing that's like— nothing that would put room— good enough rope through to and then you'd be able to like—
Amanda: No.
Eric: —hang it and tie it around your waist or something.
Amanda: Extremely unusable.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, you pull that one out, and I think inside has almost like a layer— there's a layer of liquid that's going, it almost looks like a sunset.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: Goes from like brighter to darker.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, this is beautiful. It reminds me of the victory after we defeated the previous reign.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Would— take it, Prince Troy, then you can have it.
Amanda (as Troy): There you go. No, plea— please allow me, allow me.
Amanda: And then he pushes, like, six or seven times too many gold onto the counter.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): No, no, Prince Troyvides, no, thank— no, I don't— I really don't. I would—
Amanda (as Troy): Please, I insist. You have lots of mouths to feed, lots of little ruffians raise down there.
Amanda: Troy gives one of them a little like a— a little scratch on the head.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): No, I really— I really don't want this. Please, I— I don't expect this from you. Don't— please don't— I just— just pay for the amount that you— that you want and—
Amanda (as Troy): You risk offending me, if you don't accept the money that I deem this to be worth.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Well, I understand in your infinite— I understand in your wisdom what you determine values to be, but I don't want to feel that you need to go to places and overspend, it would make me look worse in my other— amongst the other shopkeepers and everything, so it— it's fine. I insist Prince Troyvides. Please, don't— you only pay for what you— for what you need.
Eric (as Sprout): Hey, no, you should take the money. We can really use it. Yeah, no, take all the money. Take it!
Amanda: Troy stands back for a minute, kind of surveys the shopkeeper. Can I roll a perception here?
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I'm gonna say that teenage Troy has garbage perception, so you're gonna have a negative one.
Amanda: That's ultimately quite fair. 11 minus 1.
Eric: So that's a 10.
Amanda: It's for a 10.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Do I sense that there's something else going on, or is this person guard variety nervous in front of a prince?
Eric: Luckily, your insight is also garbage.
Amanda: Incredible.
Eric: But still you have a negative— you would have negative 1.
Amanda: I got to imagine it's also negative 1.
Eric: It's also negative 1, yeah. So that would be a 10. So a 10 is like— like a base success. Like, you have a— a rough understanding of what's going on here, is that this Greenfolk, this clover shopkeeper is uncomfortable with getting charity.
Amanda: Got it.
Eric: Even from— even from you.
Eric (as Sprout): For lunch, I ate a shoe. Take the money.
Amanda (as Troy): You know, you're right, you're right, folks. Your— you gotta listen to your elders and you're absolutely right, this bargain barrel, what, one— one—
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Just one, just one.
Amanda (as Troy): One point? Alright, there you go.
Amanda: Troy slides one across the counter.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Holds awkwardly like— with, like, a crook of his finger, the— the potion, and then says—
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, you, why don't you open the door for me? And you— would you wrap this up— hey, would you take this outside?
Amanda: And he distributes one more coin to each of the seedling children.
Amanda (as Troy): And shine my shoe. And, oh, hey, pick up my— my case, pick up my pack.
Amanda: And kind of, like, gives each of them a little task to do.
Eric (as Sprout): Absolutely, prince, we're at it.
Eric: They're all running around doing— doing stuff—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —as you slip each one of them a coin.
Amanda: I think you see Troy, like, exiting the shop followed by, like, 10 little sproutlings, one carrying like a shoe, one a bag, one a pack, one like dusting the road in front of him, one closing the door, one opening it.
Eric: And now, that you're outside, the shopkeeper, like, rushes— rushes outside and be like—
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Oh, my liege, please, please, please come back. Please, please. I did not mean to offend.
Amanda (as Troy): You did not. My— my business has simply concluded. Or was there something else you wanted to tell me or show me?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Yes, please, come— come— come back inside, please. I— I do have one request for the House— for the House of Breakstone.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. Now, keep an eye on my things. Kids, got it?
Eric: I think three of the sprouts are playing with your crossbow.
Amanda: Great.
Amanda (as Troy): Careful. Those are sharp.
Eric: Ping! The arrow goes— goes into the air.
Amanda: A lamp breaks. Troy's like, "Alright, I'll— I'll tell someone."
Eric: Yeah. The shopkeeper ushers you back into the shop.
Amanda (as Troy): Of course, and I— might— may I— may I ask her name, gentle Greenfolk?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Green John, the— the potion shopkeeper, my liege.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I get it, you're green, of course.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): I— my whole family is green. You're— we're gonna go back generations where— from— from ancient times, we've always been green— we've always been green and— and the men have always been John.
Amanda (as Troy): Makes a lot of sense. Listen, if you have a problem, the House of Breakstone wants to be here for you.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): I don't— I don't have a problem. I just— it was very kind of you to come to the shop and see— my children seeing you here, and your— your kindness, it goes— it goes noticed.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you. My— my small role in the House of Breakstone is to keep my family and the townsfolk safe. Seeing me should make you feel safer and I'm— makes me— makes me glad.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): I do. I do. If— if I may, I have a question for you.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm not too good at questions, but I will try.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Do you have any advice for someone like me? How can the— how can someone— a shopkeeper in Edgeville, how can I live my life to be in the way that you and your brothers live yours?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, to, like, rule briefly, but strongly, and then probably dying in— in my bed in a violent coup?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): No. I meant— I meant, how do you— wha— what?
Amanda (as Troy): I— general advice kind of thing.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Yeah, general— more general advice.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's— sure.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Just because you're doing— you're doing so well and the House of Breakstone is doing so well.
Amanda (as Troy): Um, geez. I— I don't— I don't think anyone's ever really asked me that before.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): I'm happy to be the first.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, um, I'd probably say choose your brothers wisely and go as hard for them as you can.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): That's good advice, my liege.
Amanda (as Troy): I don't know. And give—give people cool stuff. People love to get cool stuff.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): They do. And if I find myself in a position to do so, I would. Thank you, Prince Troyvides. I— I appreciate the— the— I appreciate the advice.
Amanda (as Troy): Wait, do you know what I think?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): No.
Amanda (as Troy): I think that if you said that you made a potion, what is for being the best kings guard of all the land.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Right?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Yes.
Amanda (as Troy): But really, it was just like some tasty juice and— and— and people drank it. They would think that it was real and the power of that thought would make them a better soldier.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Okay. I could— I could do that. Just— do you promise that you do— you— you won't tell anyone it's just juice?
Amanda (as Troy): I think every Friday, have one of those kids deliver to the bunkhouse of the guards up at the castle, alright?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Okay. Uh-huh.
Amanda (as Troy): Care of me.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Uh-huh.
Amanda (as Troy): 10 doses of that potion, and then give me whatever juice you got that week. I'll send you your payment, and I think my— my new Brothers in Arms, they'll— they'll feel more united and stronger than ever.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): It's an interesting idea, Troy, but— that— that's a very good idea, my prince, but you won't tell anyone it's just juice. That would ruin my business.
Amanda (as Troy): No, I know. Just for— I mean, may— listen, maybe it's— maybe it's a potion for some— maybe they— they— they— a little faster, a little more alert. I don't know if you have any kind of potion, maybe some kind of like juice of a bean that will make you feel more awake and also have to poop, but, um—
Eric: Go on, go on.
Amanda (as Troy): Maybe just like a tea that makes you feel really awake, but I think— I think that the effects of a potion is in the potion, but also in the mind.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): A mind potion?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): A po— okay. But the— but all potions are mind potions.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): It's in the labeling.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Oh, okay. I can— I can re-label— I'll re label.
Amanda (as Troy): Like, do you ever go to a really fancy party and then they serve you some food, and you're like, "The food is not that good," but it is fancy, so you have to pretend you like it?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): I do not have that experience, my prince.
Amanda (as Troy): It's just like that. It's just like that.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): It— it must be just like that.
Amanda (as Troy): Listen, you can say no and I— it— it's okay, but I— I love to—
Eric (as Shopkeeper): No. No. I want to. No, I want to. I want— this is— this is— if you— this is what you need, I'm more than happy to accommodate you.
Eric: As the clover shopkeeper rummages around, pulls out a very nice slender bottle that's filled with a very bright pink liquid.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, that's perfect.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): It was my— it was my lunch.
Eric: And writes a label that says, "Potion of courage."
Amanda (as Troy): You know, let's do Potion of Brotherhood.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Okay.
Eric: Crosses it out.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Potion of Brotherhood.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric: Sticks it on the— on the bottle and hands it to you.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, this is perfect. I'm gonna pretend like I only got one and then they like it so much, I bring it every week.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Splendid. Incredible.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, so how— listen, I want this to be fair. Should I pay for the next two deliveries upfront or the next three?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Whatever you think is best.
Amanda (as Troy): Two, it is.
Amanda: And then Troy slides over a decent amount of money. I think the amount that the shopkeeper would be stoked to make in a whole day, but not a whole week.
Amanda (as Troy): This is goods for services, huh?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): This is goods for services. Thank you, my prince. Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): And listen, if— if the quality slips, so I'll visit, we'll talk. Sorry, that wasn't a threat. That was more saying like I'm— I'm paying you for— for the goods and your service and so— anyway, um thanks. Love you. No. Troy, you can't say that. Thank you.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): Oh, one more thing.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah?
Eric (as Shopkeeper): The potion from the bargain bin you grabbed, that one will kill you. Let me— let me just take that from you.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh. Sure, sure. Okay. Thank you.
Eric (as Shopkeeper): It will just— it'll melt your whole thing.
Amanda (as Troy): Well, I'm glad I didn't drink it, then.
Amanda: And then Troy opens up the door and he's like—
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, kid, bring me the spikey one.
Eric (as Sprout): Oh, this one? Here it is.
Amanda: Chucks it.
[theme]