The crew don’t need their astrolabes for the next leg of the journey, as they’re following the path of destruction strewn by Kidd Cervantes. But where is the Underwater Prison? Is that where Kidd’s going? And won’t everyone be looking for him?
Rollin! Rollin! Rollin the whole world round / Our brothers submerged, under lock and key! / And we'll pull the iron down!
Sponsors
- Queer Kid Stuff, whose newest Kickstarter campaign concludes June 28!
Find Us Online
- website: https://jointhepartypod.com
- patreon: https://patreon.com/jointhepartypod
- instagram: https://instagram.com/jointhepartypod
- twitter: https://twitter.com/jointhepartypod
- tumblr: https://jointhepartypod.tumblr.com
- facebook: https://facebook.com/jointhepartypod
- merch & music: http://jointhepartypod.com/merch
Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. “The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire.” This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Eric: I know we've made a theme song that has lyrics now, but I was trying to think of, like— to start this arc by doing like the Join the Party Theme Song and try to put lyrics into it. Like, we're on a boat, we're sailing out. It's Cammie, Troy, and Umbi. They have two keys, there's one more there, and one's alive and having fun. Womp womp, bamp bamp bamp bamp.
Brandon: Eric, you waited 45 fucking episodes to give me these hot lyrics? Why did we make a theme song? Throw the shit away. Put that in there.
Julia: Rerecord it, and rerecord it all.
Amanda: 8 person sea shanty? Throw it away. Throw it away.
Eric: Yeah. Lauren, you gotta sing this, Lauren, Roux, Tyler—
Amanda: Come on in, come on in, come on in.
Eric: —come here, come here, we're singing this.
Brandon: No, it's just good to be Eric.
Eric: Huh!
Amanda: Huh!.
Eric: Make sure to put me going, "Huh!" in there as well.
Brandon: Huh! Eric, that's secretly— it's like the Wilhelm scream of the JTP episode, that's in every episode.
Eric: Me going, "Huh."?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Is that true?
Brandon: Who can say?
Julia: Who can say?
Eric: Oh, it's not true. I wish it was true.
Amanda: It's in the theme song, so—
Eric: That's fair. Yeah, that's a good point. Before we can go on and start some— some new stuff that I wanted to get into, you all owe me some level-ups that I want to hear the wild shit that you're going to do to me in the future.
Julia: Ooh.
Brandon: Ooh.
Amanda: Okay. Anytime you want to level us up, we'll level up. We're fine with that.
Eric: Okay. So we haven't talked about it, but y'all level up a few episodes ago during the Skill Tree, but now we finally have time to, like, settle in, see how you're going to mess with me in the future, like just curl up under a blanket, cozy.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: And plot.
Eric: Yeah. Julia, why don't you start? Because you're the most likely person to make me wake up as if I'm having a nightmare.
Julia: That's true. So Cammie got two kind of important things besides, you know, the usual kind of level-up stuff. My HP is at 80 now. Cammie is super beefy.
Eric: Ooh.
Julia: And I now have an additional fifth level spell and now a six level spell, which I don't think I've ever played a spell caster who's gotten this high in spell casting ability—
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: —before, so I'm very excited about that.
Eric: That's pretty good.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Julia: But in terms of witch stuff, I got a specifically tea magic witch thing which is called herbal remedy, which at 10th level, you can cast the spell greater restoration without expending a spell slot or material components. Once you use this ability, you must finish a short or long rest before using it again.
Eric: Oh, that's nice.
Amanda: Hey, that's helpful.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: In my mind, greater restoration was always kind of like a— not as good healing spell because it doesn't really— it doesn't cure HP and stuff. And we typically don't deal with exhaustion in our campaigns—
Eric: Sure.
Julia: —but it does other things that I didn't know about, which is it can remove a level of exhaustion, but it can also remove the charmed or petrified effect from someone. It can remove a reduction of ability scores or a reduction of maximum hit points.
Amanda: Ooh.
Julia: And most importantly, I think, to Cammie, it can also remove a curse.
Amanda: Hey.
Eric: You're just always walking around removing curses off.
Julia: It's very important to Cammie.
Amanda: Julia, would you consider making your biker named Julia The Curse Breaker Schifini?
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: Ooh.
Amanda: Because I know we have lots of really good options, mostly revolving around Italian dishes. But I do have to just—
Eric: Ah!
Amanda: —put forth this one for consideration.
Julia: No, no, that's a very good point. That's a very good point. I will take it under advisement.
Amanda: You're welcome.
Brandon: I'm gonna start— like, to balance it out, I think I should start giving myself like German food nicknames like Brandon The Schnitzel Grugle.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That's— Brandon, that's sound—
Julia: That's him, he's the schnitzel.
Eric: That sounds like a wrestler from 1950.
Amanda: "Yeah. Hey, Spaetzle on the beat, Spaetzle on the beat. Spaetzle beat on this one."
Eric: DJ Mustard and Spaetzle working together?
Amanda: I mean, it sounds delicious.
Eric: Oh, let's go.
Julia: And then my only other thing that I got is kind of a big deal, but I don't want to reveal too much, because I want to get into shenanigans with it.
Amanda: Classic.
Julia: But Cammie has gotten to the level now where she can cast grand hexes.
Eric: Oh, Jesus.
Brandon: Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah.
Julia: Which is basically you have perfected deeply malevolent forms of magic. You can learn one grand hex and then you can learn other— add additional spell levels.
Amanda: Incredible.
Julia: I am not going to tell you what grand hex I took.
Eric: Of course not.
Brandon: We got a little peek of that in the live show one shots, so I'm excited.
Julia: That is true. I did not pick the same one that I picked for the live shows. I will tell you that right now.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: Oh, my God, look at these, there's some wild ones.
Julia: Yeah. Here's some examples, you have a cauldron that allows you to, like, brew a bunch of different potions. I didn't want to step on Brandon's territory, so that's not one of the ones I picked. You can create a coven, which allows you to, like, indoctrinate members like NPCs into your coven, and they can, like, cast spells at a certain level.
Brandon: That's cool as fuck.
Eric: Cool.
Julia: Poison apple is basically— like I can create a Snow White and seven dwarfs poisoned apple that can basically either harm or help people.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Julia: Yeah, there's— there's a lot of really interesting ones in here—
Eric: I can—
Julia: —for sure.
Eric: There's two or three I think you're gonna do, and all of them are going to wreck my shit. So let's— let— we'll come back to that. We'll come back to that.
Julia: I wanna hear which ones. Which ones do you think I'm gonna wreck your shit with?
Eric: Hmm, no, I'm not gonna say anything, so—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: —I don't know what you're talking about.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: I'm looking at the poison apple one. I think it's funny that the apple can either be ruby red, golden, or the appearance of crystal.
Julia: Uh-huh.
Brandon: Not actual crystal, though.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: No, the appearance.
Julia: No, the appearance of crystal.
Eric: The three genders.
Julia: Eric, I'll tell you right now, I didn't do witch's hut because I liked the idea of maybe turning the ship into the witch's hut, but then you said it was not small enough, and I was like, "Okay, fair enough."
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Julia: I have other things that I want to do instead.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amanda, why don't you go next? Because, like, if I wake up in the middle of the night, at least I can turn over and be like, "I was thinking about Julia playing Join the Party."
Amanda: And I'll say, "Classic." And then keep sleeping.
Eric: Yeah. And then you— and then I'll have to go to the bathroom while you go back to sleep.
Amanda: Absolutely. So my hit points are a little beefier, Troy's up to 81 hit points.
Julia: Woo.
Amanda: And excitingly my risk die have advanced from D8 to D 10s.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: Oh.
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Amanda: So however I roll a risk die to add or subtract from a given roll, it is even higher, which I'm very excited about. Two things mainly, first is a gunslinger feat called Man Killer, meaning I can add my dexterity ability modifier to any range firearm damage rolls.
Brandon: Oh, yeah.
Amanda: So in my case, it’s an extra plus 2, not huge but I'll take it. And then I also get a new thing I can use those risk die on, called Death Deflection. When a creature I can see makes a ranged weapon attack against me, I can attempt to deflect the projectile by shooting it out of the air. As a reaction—
Brandon: Ooh.
Amanda: —as a reaction—
Eric: That's the most Troy thing I've ever heard, be like, "Hold on." Pew.
Amanda: Just as a reaction, just like over his shoulders off to the side, barely looking, make a ranged attack with my firearm. If the result of my roll is greater than the result of the attacker, the attacker has disadvantage.
Julia: Wait, that's like that cool monk shit.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Yes, exactly.
Julia: I love that.
Amanda: And best of all, in my mind, I can choose to use this after the creature makes the roll but before the GM determines if it hits.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Ooh. Yeah, that's a real, like, using shield as a reaction.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Like, spellcasters are able to do. That's really cool.
Eric: That's so funny.
Amanda: Pretty stoked.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Eric: Cool. Sweet.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Alright, Brandon, you can go last because you're the farthest away from me. So it's gonna— like the time change, I'll have more time to think about how you're gonna mess with me.
Brandon: But have you considered, Eric? You're three hours ahead of me, so by the time you're asleep, I'm still awake and I can give you psychic nightmares easier.
Eric: No.
Julia: No. Not psychic nightmares.
Eric: I knew that Drowzee and Hypno are based off of you.
Brandon: Okay. Well, starting with my HP as well, anyone want to guess what my hit point maximum is now or—
Eric: I don't know. Is it like 7?
Amanda: Is it— is it like 70 plus or minus 1?
Brandon: Amanda, spot on. It's 69. What up?
Eric: Nice.
Julia: Nice.
Amanda: I figured, I figured.
Eric: The three of you would have so little HP for a level-up.
Brandon: I know.
Eric: That's crazy.
Julia: I think that's pretty beefy for level 11.
Amanda: For spellcaster.
Eric: Oh, for a spellcaster. I mean, generally.
Julia: Yeah. Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, generally speaking. I've got two main things for my guy, my level up boy here. One of them is a field of study feature, and the other one is just a thing called evasion. So evasion is when I am subjected to an effect that allows me to make a deck saving throw to take only half damage, so anytime someone attacks me.
Amanda: Oh, Brandon, you're Captain Troy has that, too.
Julia: Aw.
Brandon: Yea— oh, nice. I get to instead take no damage if I succeed, and only half if I fail. So maybe Umbi, yeah, was training ala Karate Kid and learning from Troy how to evade things.
Eric: I like this a lot, because explosions are AOE. So it's like now I'm better at not getting blown up by stuff, and then also applies to like— I don't know, if like a big dragon, blew fire everywhere.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: It's like— I like the Troy thing better, but I like— I also like the idea of like Mad Bomber just like throwing bombs, and then trying to jump out of the way real quickly, and that's how we trains.
Amanda: Yeah. It's like reverse hopscotch or something.
Brandon: Yeah. And then I also got a field of study feature, which for me is called blast shield. I gain resistance to my choice of acid, cold fire, lightning or thunder damage, and I change that selection whenever I finish a long rest.
Amanda: Ooh.
Eric: Oh.
Brandon: Which is fine.
Julia: Requires a little bit of preparation on your behalf, but—
Brandon: Yeah, I don't know. It's kind of— the resistance is great, but, like, I don't know when we ever do that kind of specific thing of attacks, but—
Eric: Oh. Then I'm gonna have to put all the electric eels that I made up in the way.
Julia: Hey, you'll never know.
Amanda: Yes. No, that— that has happened to us before, and, like, there is a sort of, you know, acidic effect from the Dissolving Belt, so we might run into biomes where that—
Brandon: Yeah, that's true, that's true.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: —can be useful.
Eric: You just got to write down which one you choose.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: And finally, the last thing I got was another type of bomb.
Julia: Oh, no.
Brandon: Which I think is the best one— or the best addition.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: I went ahead and grabbed the holy bomb, which I add a few drops of holy water to my bomb explosive contents, and it deals radiant damage instead of fire damage, the damage dice are D8s, unless the target is a celestial fiend or undead. If it's a celestial, it hits a D6, so it's weaker. If it's a fiend or an undead, which zombies aren't undead, it's D12s.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Oh.
Julia: Ooh.
Amanda: Fun.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Interesting.
Brandon: So a little bit beefier.
Eric: Tell me what a holy bomb looks like here.
Brandon: Oh, well, Eric, it's clearly just a little drops— just a few drops of herbicide in there.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Some weed killer, you know?
Eric: Oh, of course.
Amanda: I was wondering, do you think there's some kind of ceremony in the religion of the Planter where we sort of, like, honor the origin of all water as from the Cascade?
Eric: That's a pretty good one.
Brandon: Oh, yeah.
Eric: Well, probably.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah, that's kind of sexy. Yeah, I like that.
Eric: Yeah, water— water stuff. Yeah, I think it's good. I do like the idea that like sometime in Overstalk, you know, it's like, you just end up going through tons of boxes and archives and stuff. And you're like, "Oh, look at this." You find a vial of just, like, this nasty herbicide, and you're like, "Oh, this came from something from a long time ago, so it was bad, gonna put it in a bomb. I found it."
Julia: That feels very Umbi to me, yeah. Yeah.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Eric: You found some herbicide at a thrift store and decided to integrate it into your bombs.
Amanda: Wow. I didn't realize this 'till now, but that thing that other people's parents would let them do at Burger King where you fill your soda drink with, like, lots of different kinds of soda from the soda fountain.
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Amanda: It's very Umbi coded.
Julia: Hmm. Very Umbi coded. Umbi is a five-year-old in a McDonald's.
Brandon: A 100%.
Eric: Yeah. What are— what are the three of you doing at Mc— at a 1993 McDonald's?
Julia: Cammie is fully submerged in the ball pit, swimming through it.
Eric: You just see a little nose.
Brandon: Umbi is complaining to the registered person that there was one streak of iceberg lettuce on his hamburger, so he needs a new one.
Eric: Real— that's the first thing you've bought in 5 hours.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Troy's running around, wearing another child's birthday crown, yelling, "I'm the Little Prince, I'm the Little Prince."
Julia: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 100%.
Eric: And I'm eating the pizza that's at McDonald's.
Julia: McDonald's pizza, yes?
Eric: McDonald's pizza. It definitely happened, it definitely existed.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Okay, we're gonna take a break because I forgot my coffee, so I'm gonna go get it.
Brandon: Go.
Julia: Okay. Now, guys, when Eric gets back, we're gonna throw him a party in character. Whose it for, Havana Tropicana?
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: Is that fun?
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: That is fun.
Julia: Is it good?
Amanda: I'm all for it.
Eric: It’s— recording Join the Party has such Friday energy to me. Like, this is gonna— I'm going to be so weird after this recording.
Julia: Yeah. It's Tuesday at the restaurant.
Amanda: Tuesday at the restaurant, sure.
Eric: Oh, it's truly Tuesday at the restaurant. Like, we have to do mandatory training.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That's— that's how it feels. Cool, cool, cool. Alright. Hey, like, do you want to get back to the action?
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah, but Eric real quick—
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: —like we're all on the ship.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: And Havana Tropicana has waken up from the nap that he was taking, and he opens the door, and we're throwing him a surprise party, Havana!
Amanda: Yay! We drew a lot of doctors, both women and men, and hung little banners on the top of the deck. Harold and Sil have spelled out, "Congrats, Havana, on being a better doctor," and all of the— all of those words are very small because they're— there's only so big and we— we got a whole buffet of breakfast foods, including lots of liquids because Havana is one of those who does not eat breakfast.
Julia: Cammie gives him a mug that says—
Julia (as Cammie): World's Best Doctor.
Brandon: And Umbi accidentally slept through his alarm and didn't wake up in time for the party, so he stumbles in and he definitely— definitely got Havana a gift ahead of time. And he didn't just like wrap up, you know, a pair of used socks—
Eric: A bomb.
Brandon: —with a ribbon.
Julia: Can we gift Havana a bomb so he could use that in the future?
Amanda: Yes, please.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: When you said surprise, Havana burst into tears.
Julia (as Cammie): Happy tears?
Eric: Overwhelmed surprised tears.
Julia (as Cammie): Great.
Amanda (as Troy): We're so proud of you, man.
Eric (as Havana): I didn’t know anyone would care that I became a doctor.
Julia (as Cammie): Of course.
Amanda (as Troy): We care.
Eric (as Havana): It's such a long time so many things have happened to me and you, and us.
Julia (as Cammie): It's a real accomplishment and you deserve this.
Brandon (as Umbi): These are doctor socks.
Eric: There's like a montage of photos, and all of them have Havana crying.
Julia: And he's crying in every single one, yes.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: [sings] As we go on, we remember.
Eric: Havana's doing that thing where he like can't catch his breath, where he's going [gasping] and he has— he tried to drink from, like, three glasses at the same time.
Amanda: Troy rubs his back.
Julia (as Cammie): You got the hiccups. It's okay.
Eric (as Havana): For the time when I was thrown out on a— on a mattress, and then you found me, and then I— then you changed my name, and we went to the— to the Bullseye Games, and everything was bad there. And then we were in the labyrinth and then the— I was falling doing that, and I thought I knew what I was doing, and— but I did it. And then I got picked up by that bird, that was also a monster.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): And then the— and then the— the forest burned down. And then— and then we— and then you took me back and then I started being a doctor again. And then I've been working really hard at my pay— play by post doc—a doctorate and now I'm really— now I know how to revivify.
Julia (as Cammie): We're so proud of you.
Amanda (as Troy): We're so proud of you, man.
Julia (as Cammie): You did it.
Eric (as Havana): I called it— it's not really revivify. I just, like, slam on your chest and hopefully you come back.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Sometimes that works.
Amanda (as Troy): Especially impressive given that you got to get all your mail by sun gull.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Amazing.
Eric (as Havana): Yeah. They lost— I lost my midterm a bunch of times, I got 8.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Brandon: I— sometimes I forget that defibrillators in real life, when you attach the paddles, they talk you through how to do everything.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: And that's like fucking actual magic to me and so I like to think that in this campaign, he just has, like, two stones that he puts on your chest and then they talk to you, like sending stones, and tell you what to do.
Eric: No, Brandon, I think it's just the first thing. I think it's just the defibrillator, how it works.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It's like he calls it revivify because he wants it to sound cooler, but he's just using a defibrillator.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: That's great.
Julia: Good for him.
Eric: If someone comes up to you and asks, "What's the technology quotient of magic of this campaign?" That's what it is.
Amanda: News by puppets, mail by bird, pre-iPhone, post 9/11.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: That's us.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Stop reading my sweatshirt, Amanda.
Eric: I got a T-shirt that says that.
Brandon: It has each of the first letter like bolded, like it's supposed to spell something.
Eric: Like, it spells— spell out an acrostic
Brandon: Spells like [incoherent word]
Amanda: It's just PIPNE, baby. It's just PIPNE.
Eric: Incredible. Alright. So while you're throwing this breakfast graduation party, you are headed on your way out to follow Kidd Cervantes to the Underwater Prison.
Brandon: Woo.
Eric: Kind of a recap because you hit the start button, and you got to scroll over to look at your inventory because, again, this is a JRPG. You have two of the keys, the key for a maze and the key that still hurts, which you— remember you can't touch because it's all made out of thorns. Watch out.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Julia: Yep, yep.
Eric: Watch out. Oops.
Julia: Oops. Uh-oh.
Brandon: Do we just have to, like, juggle it between our hands like a hot rock?
Eric: I mean if you want to.
Julia: No, just— just big glove.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Big glove, big glove when handling key.
Brandon: Yeah, but have you all considered juggling between hands like hot rock?
Amanda: Also good. I think— you know what, Julia? It's one of those things where like as— you know how like grandmas can like pluck teabags out of hot water and not scald themselves?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: It's like that. Umbi is that old.
Eric: Umbi's like—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: —balancing a giant thorn in the middle of his palm—
Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: —as it, like, slowly starts to pierce through.
Julia: Yeah. I mean, Umbi is fruit leather when you think about it, so—
Brandon: That's true.
Eric: That's true. That's true. The key in the sky is currently with Kidd Cervantes who said that you can follow after him and help him get his brothers and sisters out of the Underwater Prison, if you still wanted to. He would give you the cloud key after he won it during the Bullseye Games. And the key with a gaze is currently having some sort of Dunk and Egg situation with— with Archie, Archimedes Sevens, at the moment.
Julia: Eric, I have a quick question for you.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: I remember when we got the key for the maze, that you said that it had the ability like— one in four chance of opening any door?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Does the key that still hurts have the same ability or another ability that we don't know about?
Eric: Well, why don't you make you an arcana check—
Julia: I would love to.
Eric: —Cammie— Cammie Casis.
Julia: I would love to.
Amanda: You're so smart, Julia.
Julia: Thank you for asking. [dice roll] 13 plus 5 for a 18.
Eric: Great. Yeah, tell me what you're doing here. How are you— how are you examining this thing?
Julia: Cammie has big oven mitts on.
Eric: Smart.
Julia: And is kind of just like turning it in front of her, being like—
Julia (as Cammie): Ooh. Ooh.
Eric: Can I tell you, Julia? I'm just gonna give you—I'm gonna bump this up by a level of success, because wearing the oven mitts was probably the smartest thing you could have done.
Julia: Thank you. Oh, you mean it was smarter than, "Ooh, ah, ooh, ah?"
Eric: Ooh, ah. Ooch, ooch, ooch. Ooch, ooch, ooch. Because here's the thing is that, yes, it's not as good at it, 1 in 10. The thing that you can do with this— and I think it's important because you're watching what Umbi was doing by messing around, going, "Ooch, ach, ooch, aach." And the thorns are— were almost like moving towards Umbi's hand, as he's messing around with this thing.
Brandon: Didn't like that.
Eric: But, of course, his flesh is more leather than flesh at this point.
Brandon: Yeah, it's burned to a crisp.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So it took a little bit longer to do.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So the thorns surround the entire handle of the key and they're pointing in all directions. Some of them are longer, some of them— some of them are quite long, like a foot long.
Julia: Whoa.
Eric: And some of them are quite short. It's like— it's like a cacophony of stems of rose bushes, I guess, is what I would say.
Julia: Gotcha.
Amanda: An asymmetrical sea urchin.
Eric: Yeah, dude.
Julia: Ooh. Interesting.
Eric: Hell yeah, dude. So if you allowed yourself to, the thorns of the key that still hurts could, in fact, attach to you and it would provide you a bonus to the things that you would like to do, the main ways that you employ power and strength and combat upon others. Now, you would have to have the key bond to you in the way that it does, as it would still hurt as it is.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But I would say that it would certainly provide a bonus anyone who decided and wanted that to be.
Julia: Okay, interesting.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: I don't think any of us should do that because I'm not sure mechanically how bad that's gonna hurt and how quickly we'll go to zero.
Amanda: Really? Because Troy really wants to.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, Troy, Troy.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy. Troy, don't
Amanda (as Troy): But— but between my— my wings, it is so itchy.
Julia (as Cammie): This will make it more itchy, I think. I think more itchy.
Amanda (as Troy): But I could scratch against it.
Julia (as Cammie): You know when you scratch an itch so hard that you end up hurting yourself?
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Julia (as Cammie): No?
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.
Brandon: Havana, like, puts Troy's medical record off to the side.
Amanda (as Troy): I— I don't want it.
Eric: Havana's already pulling out calamine lotion.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, good. Good call, good call.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, I'm just saying if anyone comes after one of you again, I have not been able to do anything about it, so you know, maybe I should be helpful for once. God.
Julia (as Cammie): I think you've done a lot of helpful things, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Shut up.
Amanda: Troy's weeping.
Julia (as Cammie): I— I won't— I won't— I won't when it compliments.
Eric (as Havana): No. If you're gonna start crying, I'm gonna start crying.
Eric: And Amanda starts crying.
Brandon (as Umbi): Alright, everybody stop fucking crying.
Eric: And Amanda starts crying. And then Sil and Harold start crying like—
Eric (as Harold and Sil): It's so cute the way that they care about each together.
Brandon (as Umbi): Alright, I believe it.
Julia (as Cammie): I think we've all gotten through a lot recently, and that's why we're all a little bit emotional and on edge.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): But I don't think that—
Brandon (as Umbi): Who's on the edge, Cammie?
Eric: "Not me, the guy holding the bomb." I'm sorry. I love Umbi so much. I wish he was my NPC.
Julia (as Cammie): But I don't think that maybe potentially permanently attaching keys to ourselves is the way to go about dealing with those emotions and feelings.
Amanda (as Troy): You're right, Cammie. God, you're so smart. Because like when we have to give them to the salmon, I don't want to be given to the salmon. I want to talk to the salmon and then leave.
Julia (as Cammie): A great point. Yes.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes, correct.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: The key that still hurt sounds like one of those, like, medieval torture coffin things with the spikes on it. What are those called?
Eric: Oh, real. Iron Maiden.
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Yeah. No, that's cool.
Brandon: Do you think there's like a colony of, like, roses somewhere? Or like rose— rose folk somewhere that— that's how they, like, defeat their enemies with, like, thorns?
Eric: Oh, sure. I mean, I'm sure there's a house in the Crags that does this. 100%.
Julia: Yeah. I was gonna say that also could be like a cool, like— from the past separatist movement.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Like, not the one that is in LeMans now, but rather like a separate, like, to the north snow roses house or something like that.
Eric: Oh, yeah. No, I'm sure there's like— in like a region of the Crags, there's like one house that does this, that's like particularly nasty.
Julia: Ooh, like the swamp roses.
Eric: I mean, it's literally like the— the— what is that— that— one of those British houses where literally the— the rose peoples.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. War of the Roses.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Eric, that's really fucked up. I can't believe you would bring that up and talk about it so much.
Amanda: War of the Roses?
Julia: Too soon, too soon.
Eric: Yeah. It's where one of the houses has the— has the sigil of the flayed man. That's so weird. Why would that be in the Crags? It's so odd. Hell yeah. Okay.
Amanda: While we're checking out our keys, I would love for someone, who doesn't have zero intelligence and wisdom, to check again on the mold plants. So we— we came away with one physical mold that we reverse engineered the plants from, right?
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: I think we should try to make a key, so that we have some diversion, duplicate copies if it comes to it, and also just to see how close this mold is to working because we— we don't know if it's functional or not.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Yeah. I imagine we have time following Kidd Cervantes to the Underwater Prison, wherever that may be. So maybe that's a— a project for the intelligence and wisdom people on the crew.
Amanda: Yeah. As—
Brandon: So Umbi.
Amanda: —as we go where we go, I think that would be interesting to— to try to cook up a couple passable key copies.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Well, here's the thing about the mold, is that now that you're kind of— I don't think you've ever, like, inspected it, or poked around it all that much. Because it's like you had it and you're like, "This thing is wild."
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And then you're like, "I'm gonna keep it and not look at it." Like, when you get mail from the electric company.
Brandon: Right, exactly.
Julia: True.
Eric: So I— I mean, if you guys all want to do—, look at it and see what's up, like what do you have to do with it, you can make some checks—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: —kinda look into it.
Brandon: What would that be?
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: Is now a good time?
Eric: Yeah, you could do that while you're sailing. For sure.
Amanda: Let's do it.
Eric: I would say it's probably something like wisdom or intelligence.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Because neither of— the three of you are not crafters, so you're just like looking at this stuff, looking at it, however you're gonna look at it.
Julia: I rolled a 16 plus three for a 19.
Brandon: Well, it doesn't matter, Julia, because Umbi walks over there and says—
Brandon (as Umbi): Step back!
Brandon: Because I rolled a Natural 20 plus 4.
Julia: Oh. I was gonna say, "And then it explodes because Umbi rolled a 1."
Brandon: It's like he— he— suddenly for a second, it's like he had a cape on and then he like— like, switched it, and you're like, "Where did you get a cape?" And then you look back and it's like he never had a cape.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Amazing. Trick— trick of the light, trick of the light.
Julia: He imagined it, it was a trick of the light.
Brandon: And for a second, you look at Bartlett, and it's like— he looks like a normal parrot and like not a fucked up patchwork parrot.
Amanda (as Troy): Bartlett, you're not rotting at all.
Julia: And then we look at him again, he's dry as a bone.
Amanda: Oh, yeah, he is. He is.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Aw, there he is.
Eric: [grizzled caw and then cracking noise]
Brandon: Wing falls off and then—
Eric: Yeah, wing— the wing falls off.
Brandon: —Umbi shoves it back in.
Julia: And then Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Aw.
Julia: Like, just kind of pushes it back together.
Eric: Yeah. Okay. Here's what you need to make a key. You need stuff to put in the mold.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Then you need it to be cooked to the right temperature.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And then you got to finish it off by cooling it. And because it's a key, you got to make sure it's exactly the right shape. So even— you know when you get a new key from the— the hardware store, when you lose something?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And if you give them an old key, and that's the copy they're trying to make off of it, it's usu— it doesn't work as well.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Yes, the copy has been worn down and—
Eric: You should—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Right. Because it's like— it's making a copy of your key regardless of how the key fits in the lock, right?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: I'm gonna say this, because this is what you get with a Nat 20. Does this mold fit into any of the locks, whatever that is? That does the thing that leads to the salmon? That's a really good question that I don't think you have the answer to. And it's almost like you walk— you walk up to this and it's like, "I don't know how to drive stick. Like, what did you mean?" So it's like, does the— what is this mold for? In everything you have right now, especially in the plans, there was no information about what key this is supposed to do. It's almost like this mold was general.
Julia: Interesting.
Eric: It was a general test of a mold to make keys that are theoretically the size that could fit into a lock if they knew what the locks were.
Julia: It's so funny, because I'm feeling so defensive, because of the ON episode.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: I'm like, "No, the mold's really good, Eric, actually."
Eric: That's a very good point.
Julia: They worked really hard on that.
Eric: Here's the other thing with a Nat 20, is that— that's— Julia, you're absolutely correct. Remember, when you guys grabbed this, this was a whole— hell of a long time ago.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And this was being moved from one place to another, pretending it was an Overstalk merchant ship. But really, it was a Hothouse moving from one place to another thing.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Does this mold even work is a very good question that you need to ask yourself.
Julia: Interesting.
Brandon: Am I the only person that just realized that Eric has been doing keys and the salmons to be able to make a locks joke or—
Eric: Damn.
Brandon: —is that the whole thing that you were trying to do, Eric?
Julia: Damn.
Eric: I don't know, man. Whatever.
Julia: I thought you were reaching for the glove because I couldn't see your other side when you were grabbing your water just then. I was like, "You motherfucker, get out of here."
Eric: Part of the thing about being a GM is that you take credit for things people say you're doing, so I was like, "I don't know, man. Maybe, maybe."
Julia: Who can say? Who can say?
[theme]
Amanda: Hello, everybody, it's Amanda. I would love to welcome our newest patron to the show, Lord Manu Mel. Incredible name, incredible spelling, incredible decision to take a few bucks of your hard-earned human capital and spend it with us here on Join the Party. We could not make the show if we did not have your support on Patreon full stop. And we love making the show, and we love talking to you, and we love the community we have built here. So if you have some dollars to spare and you're able to support us with your money, we would love for you to do so. And in exchange, you get things like ad-free episodes and an additional biweekly podcast we make called Party Planning. Plus, of course, access to the Discord, the very, very best place on the internet. You can do all of that and more at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, I have been absolutely loving Pale Blue Pod, the astronomy podcast for people who are overwhelmed by the universe but want to be its friend. There have been so many cosmological phenomena happening this year. There have been eclipses, and meteors, and sun flares. And I personally went to the Arctic Circle and saw the midnight sun, which is absolutely incredible. And I feel like I have so much more understanding and appreciation of why all that stuff happens and how incredible it is that life exists at all, frankly, because at Pale Blue Pod, where astrophysicist Dr. Moiya McTier and her friend, the writer and comedian Corinne Caputo, demystify space one topic at a time. If you're somebody who's like, wow, the idea of space is simultaneously both kind of amazing and completely overwhelming, the show is made exactly for you. You should totally go and listen to any episode of your choice. There are dozens and dozens for you to check out from learning about specific, like telescopes and observatories, to interviewing other space professionals, to teaching you about like what the heck an exoplanet or a black hole actually is. They have new episodes every Monday, edited by our editrix, Mischa Stanton, you are going to love Pale Blue Pod. So go to palebluepod.space to learn more, it's a very cute website, Corinne made it. Or go and listen to Pale Blue Pod in your podcast app now. We are sponsored this week by Queer Kid Stuff by Lindz Amer, my longtime friend who is rebooting their award-winning LGBTQ+ preschool web series to combat hate and spread queer joy. And if you listen to the show, there's a pretty good chance that you know that it's in some ways a uniquely terrifying and difficult time for LGBTQ folks. There are LGBTQ+ hate crimes and actions and speech on the rise, so it's really crucial that we have joy forward all ages entertainment to affirm and celebrate LGBTQ+ young people, their families, and allies. Lindz is somebody who has taught me a hell of a lot about being queer, about queer education, about how to talk to and about queerness with kids. And I think it's super important that you help Lindz bring back this really essential thing, which is age-appropriate, gender and sexuality affirming education for kids. I wish this kind of thing existed when I was little, would have saved me a lot of guilty nights and kind of frantic Googling. And you may know Lindz from their viral TED Talk, their LGBTQ + affirming parenting book. They literally wrote the book on how to parent and talk to queer kids, and their podcast, picture book, all kinds of things. They are a prolific educator, entertainer. And the way I got to know their work was via Queer Kid Stuff, their incredible web series that they started over 10 years ago. So they are trying to raise $75,000 to bring back Queer Kid Stuff bigger and better than ever. They want to reboot the web series, because right now, today in 2024, it's essential that we have affirming joy forward queer education for kids, and allies, and their families. So go on over to queerkidstuff.com, check out the work Lindz does. There's so much there for you to enjoy, and send to parents and kids in your lives. And if you want to check out their Kickstarter, there is a link in the description. Please go ahead and click it, check it out. If you can't back them with money, then help spread the word. Very grateful to Lindz for trusting us to help promote this campaign and just for the work they do in the world. So thank you, Lindz. And now, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm not sure that this is actually— maybe this is like a— like a— a versioning thing, like it's an iteration on a final product. This might not be like 100% correct yet.
Eric: Yeah. And the blueprint say so. This is, like, just mold. This is just mold. It's not like specific key molds. Especially now that you know the names of all the keys, and you've seen all four of them now.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: You're like, "What is this for? I don't know." But to Troy's point, you can make something with it. You'd also just like you got to do some welding.
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe Gloria would have some tips about— how to use this thing.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I was gonna say— yeah. But Gloria seems like someone who could do something with this and not us.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can throw some like, you know, iron ore in there and something, but then if I heat it up, I'm pretty sure it explodes, so I don't know.
Amanda (as Troy): Fair.
Julia (as Cammie): We could, like, melt some cannonballs?
Brandon (as Umbi): No!
Julia (as Cammie): No? Okay. If you say so. I don't even think we can get it hot enough on the ship to melt a cannonball.
Brandon (as Umbi): I feel like the ship would be— light on fire before it heated up enough.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): No, it's a good idea if Gloria would do it. She, you know, hammers metal all day.
Julia (as Cammie ): With her— with her shrimpy little arms.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Gloria): I was told that if anyone starts to talk about lightning the ship on fire, you told me that I was supposed to say, "No!" So I'm doing that.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you for reminding us.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you.
Eric (as Gloria): No!
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you. That's our secu— that's our fire alarm.
Julia (as Cammie): Sometimes it goes off in the middle of the night because he just yells, "No!"
Eric (as Gloria): No, stop it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Sometimes when we— a lot of times when we cook, he just starts saying no. And I'm confused whether or not he doesn't want the meal, or if he thinks that there's a fire.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Eric (as Gloria): No, it's getting too close to lighting the ship on fire. Stop it. Stop using the wok like that. It's not supposed to work like that.
Julia (as Cammie): There's— there's too many grease laden steam particles in the air. Oh, no.
Eric (as Gloria): No, it's ba— it's getting into the woods, that's bad.
Eric: Wonderful. Alright. I think that you have a— you have a decision to make as Kidd Cervantes said. You're— I think you're kind of like puttering forward in the general direction of where Kidd Cervantes went. I think that as you're figuring this out, and you threw a party for Havana, and you're figuring out what's going on with the mold and what's going on with the key. You're kind of, like, generally going towards that general direction would be fair?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Okay. So you ca— you still have the decision of going and doing something else, or trying to follow in Kidd Cervantes' wake here.
Julia: I think we should follow in the wake, right? Like, that seems—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —like the most direct path to following where they might be.
Brandon: Yeah. I don't— I don't know what else— do we have any other options, really? I mean, like—
Amanda: I have no problem with Kidd knowing we're following him or others. You know, fair enough.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Theoretically, we could go back to the hold or something like that before going out, but I think just going is good. I feel confident.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same.
Julia: And also, I don't want to— to run into Lucky Edie again.
Eric: No, that's fair. Wonderful. Alright. Yeah, you will— you— full steam ahead?
Julia (as Cammie): Full steam ahead, baby.
Eric: Full steam ahead. I think one of you can, like, get up in the crow's nest and look out on your spyglass, and you'll see that there's like submer— submerged ships just like sliding into the water. You're like, "Oh, probably that way."
Julia (as Cammie): That looks like a path of destruction.
Eric: For sure.
Amanda: Very helpful.
Eric: Who wants to hop up in the crow's nest and look out for the path of destruction?
Julia: That would be me.
Eric: Alright. Perception check, my friend.
Julia: Perception.
Amanda: Why would I choose survival? Why would I choose survival on proficiency? Why would I do that?
Eric: Survival is for tying knots and trying not to drown, so pretty good. Theoretically pretty good.
Amanda: Thank you.
Julia: It's only a 10 plus 3 for a 13.
Eric: Alright, 13. Let's go towards where that— where that ship— where those ships have slid into the water, huh?
Julia (as Cammie): Seems good.
Brandon: What if I— if I toss a— a spyglass up— like if I clean— or Cammie's spyglass or something, can I use the help action?
Eric: No, I think it's like you guys are all doing ship stuff.
Brandon: Oh, man.
Julia: Can Nonny also give me the help action? I have a little spyglass for her as established in like the second episode. So cute.
Eric: Fine. Alright. Roll with advantage. Fine.
Julia: Alright, it's a 14 plus 3 for a 17.
Eric: Alright, that's fine. Yeah, I think that you're metaphorically seeing the flag at the top of the ship that has the insignia of the Diamond Knot, slide into the water, and both fire and water destroying the ship at the same time. Dang, you really beefed it, didn't you?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Wow.
Eric: Incredible. Alright. Well, you're charging that way. I have a little thing that we're going to do. I have some possible things that might happen as you're following Kidd Cervantes' disruptive wake.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: So who wants to roll D6?
Amanda: Yeah! That satirizes me.
Eric: Amanda does.
Amanda: 3.
Eric: 3. Everyone is doing their ship thing. I think this is like when we do our ship combat thing, how like everyone's at their various stations.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: What are you doing, Troy?
Amanda: Oh, Troy's standing at the wheel, bouncing his pumpy in a upgraded carrier. And just kind of like looking out, thinking about how he can foreground any tax problems. It feels really good to have a standalone mission that isn't just sailing into the unknown, but you know, repaying a favor and looking out for Kid. Plus, busting people out of jail is fun.
Julia: That is true.
Amanda: So he's feeling good.
Eric: Yeah. Troy, as you're trying to find your next— as you— you and Cammie are aligning yourself trying to find your next kind of target. You're playing connect the dots with— with the— with the ship—
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: —destruction ahead of you.
Amanda: It probably takes a little more concentration than usual on account of all the debris.
Eric: Yeah. There is a— you— you spy a weird lump of goop that is coming up on the port side of the ship.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, Harold, can you get some eyes on that, portside?
Eric (as Harold): Yeah. That's a weird lump of goop.
Amanda (as Troy): Nothing more— not to be offensive, but I— I thought you might know a little more about goops than me.
Eric (as Harold): What, because I'm goop?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Harold): What, do you think that's my cousin, who's in the— who just happens to be in the water?
Amanda (as Troy): Nah, but I thought you might be able to look at the goop and be like, "Nice."
Eric (as Harold): I tol— that's what I said. Nice, it's goop.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. Alright.
Eric (as Harold): No, it's goop. Nice goop. Cool.
Amanda: Can I— can I, I don't know, roll maybe history check if I've encountered anything similar?
Eric: Oh, you can roll nature, if you want to see what it is.
Brandon: Roll a goop check.
Amanda: Oh, a goop check. In that case, no. Just a 3.
Eric: A 3? That's some goop— that's some water goop.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: That's some goop in the water.
Amanda: Troy looks at Cammie and goes—
Amanda (as Troy): Nice, some goop.
Julia (as Cammie): Can I look at the goop?
Eric: Yeah, you can look at the goop.
Julia: Can I make like a nature check on this, yeah?
Eric: Yeah, you can make a nature check. Yeah.
Julia: Nat 20.
Eric: Nat 20.
Amanda: Thank God.
Eric: Incredible.
Julia: What's this goop?
Amanda: Again—
Julia: Plus 5 for nature.
Amanda: —if any of us want to revisit Troy impaling himself on the key with gaze, we can do that.
Julia (as Cammie): No, we don't need to do that, buddy. It's okay.
Eric: Troy looks over it in— in like a velvet sack where you're keeping the key for a gaze and you're like—
Amanda: Oh.
Eric: What if I did?
Amanda: Could be better. Could be better.
Eric: I can do that, I can do that.
Julia: No. No.
Eric: Could be me. Yeah, you look over— that is so— oh, God, I didn't even think of what I was gonna—
Brandon: If you say that's some goop, I will throw you out of a window.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: True. Cammie, just even from a sidelong glance, you're like, "Hold on, that's some am— that's a goop of ambergris floating in there. You turn that stuff into Amber. You turn— you process that, take a little time, you can just pick that up, that's an ambergris.
Amanda (as Troy): Harold, that's the most important kind of goop.
Julia (as Cammie): Scoop— scoop it.
Eric: That's— I said it was goop.
Amanda (as Troy): You didn’t say it was an amber goop.
Julia (as Cammie): Scoop the goop.
Eric: I don't— I can't see what— it's gray. It's not Amber.
Amanda (as Troy): Like, scoop it. Mission recovery.
Julia: Scoop the goop.
Brandon: Scoop the goop.
Eric: Okay. So for all of these events that are happening, you have a choice here. So for this one is pretty ea— you can either decide to ignore the goop that's floating in the water, or you can kind of sco— or you can scoop it.
Julia: I want to scoop the goop.
Amanda: I want to scoop that goop.
Eric: You want to scoop the goop?
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Scoop that goop.
Eric: Scoop that goop.
Brandon: Scoop that goop.
Eric: Alright. So you want to pull over and scoop the goop?
Julia: Yes, please.
Eric: Alright. Tell me how you scoop the scoop.
Amanda: Alright, shoppers, for an extra 10 seconds in your Supermarket Sweep, we are going to grab our special net that we have in case Havana topples overboard and scoop up the goop.
Brandon: Scoop the goop.
Eric: Now if only there was something with, like, knots or nets. Actually, can I— Troy, can I get a survival check, please?
Amanda (as Troy): Yes! Don't let me down.
Julia: Can I also make a suggestion?
Amanda: It's ele— it's an 11, 7 plus 4. What's up?
Julia: Great job, buddy. Great job.
Eric: Just thro— just throw— throw the net in there, yeah and try to get all the goop.
Julia: Amanda, you thought you were like, "Oh, it's a pirate campaign, we're going to be out at sea a lot."
Amanda: Yes!
Julia: "I'll probably have to make a lot of survival checks.” I understand. I get it.
Eric: Fair.
Amanda: Thank you.
Julia: May I suggest we use Troy's other proficiency and use a barrel to scoop it? Because I'm worried with just a net, it's goop—
Amanda: Oh, Julia.
Julia: —so it might go through the hole.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: I think you're totally right that it's a half barrel on a pole.
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: So we can reach down and scoop it up. Yeah.
Eric: It— it is the world's largest pool skimmer.
Amanda: Yep.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Yeah. No, that makes sense.
Julia: That's what we're looking at.
Eric: That makes sense. I like it.
Amanda: Love it.
Eric: Yeah. All of you, you've gathered pretty much everyone on—everyone on board to help you scoop this goop.
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: So I know— I know you don't typically add a double proficiency bonus but if I did, that'd be a 15 because I’m proficient in barrels.
Eric: Oh, for barrels as well, got it.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: No, I got you. I got you.
Julia: I— I think Troy at this point has expertise in barrels, that's my hot take.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: You are just—this is like Deadliest Catch style—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —pull— pulling up the goop no matter what, because your entire livelihood is based on the scoop. Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: I was just gonna say, I— I think Umbi was actually just down in the cannon thing and he's like— got his feet up on the cannon just singing like 99 Bottles and then he sees half a barrel on the stick go by his window and he says, "What the fuck?"
Eric: Out of the porthole.
Julia: You guys hear everyone on— on deck going—
Julia (as Cammie): Scoop the goop, scoop the goop.
Eric: Heave on scoop, scoop. Heave on goop, goop.
Julia: Goop.
Brandon: Eric, would you like a little gross sea fact?
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: So there is something called marine mucilage, also referred to as sea snot or sea saliva.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, dude.
Amanda: Hell yeah, dude. Yeah.
Eric: Is that weirder than this is the stuff that hangs out in amber whale’s brain?
Brandon: I don't know.
Eric: Egg— and then we turn it into other stuff. Maybe.
Brandon: I don't know. They're both bad.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: They're both bad. Is either of those better than calling granola muesli?
Brandon: No.
Amanda: No.
Julia: No, that's pretty bad.
Eric: Listen, if ambergris was marketed by two middle-aged women laughing on a box, then I'll— then maybe. But muesli has that going for it.
Amanda: It would--
Eric: They have the Kashi best friends.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: You can scoop that goop.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: How much— how much ambergris do we got here?
Eric: When you process it—
Amanda: Give me— just give me, Eric, in terms of like half-barrels.
Eric: When you— when you process it, you can turn this into 3 amber.
Brandon: Yo!
Amanda: Hey!
Julia: Woo.
Eric: Hell yes.
Amanda: Troy's like—
Amanda (as Troy): Looting all those bodies gave us 3 amber. It's amazing. So much less work.
Julia (as Cammie): Wow. Yeah, that took a lot of time.
Brandon: From below deck you hear Umbi go—
Brandon (as Umbi): Dibs!
Julia (as Cammie): He's gonna use it to dig and roll again.
Amanda (as Troy): I don't— I don't hear anything. I don't hear anything, do you? Yeah.
Eric (as Havana): No, I didn't hear anything.
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Brandon: I didn't hear anything, either.
Eric (as Havana): As a doctor, I don't— I didn't hear anything with my ears.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: I like that he's got the doctor voice back now that he's not emotional.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Give me another perception check. Let's find a new heading for Cammie.
Julia: Alright. [dice roll] 7 plus 3 for a 10.
Eric: For a 10. Alright.
Julia: Can Nonny give me a help action?
Eric: Nonny can do— Nonny can help you.
Julia: [dice roll] We're gonna go with 7 plus 3 for a 10.
Eric: Whoa, 7 plus 3 for a 10. Yeah, you're finding a new heading. There's some smoke in the distance, probably that way.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds good.
Eric: Probably that way. Alright, because Cammie is finding a heading, let's do Brandon. Why don't you give me a D6?
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Roll to see what happens next.
Brandon: 2.
Eric: Hell yes. Alright. Umbi, you're readying— you're readying the cannons, massaging them, making sure they're happy, telling them sweet nothings?
Amanda: Is that how you keep cannons happy?
Brandon: You made it a lot less sexual than I expected it to be, Eric, if you can up the—
Julia: Yeah, cannons love sweet nothings.
Eric: And you might need to get ready because you see some boats to your nor— north starboard side.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oop! Oh, no.
Eric: It seems like some tugboats are pulling up some wreckage that have dashed against the rocks of a— of a pretty rocky inhospitable Island.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: From what you can see, it's like— just like big craggy rocks as the wa— as the— the waves are sloshing against it. So they're even— they're finding it hard to pull up on any sort of, like, mooring, or any sort of dock, or any sort of shore because it's just all rocky over there. But there are three tugboats that are pulling it up.
Brandon: Hmm. Well, as Teddy Roosevelt— it already works, doesn't it?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: As Teddy Roosevelt once said, "Umbi likes to speak softly and carry a big cannon." So he's gonna load the cannon, sort of stick it out of the cannon porthole thingy, and then also pop his head out, so you can see both his head and the cannon, and be like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Ahoy, maties. Do you need a hand?
Eric: That's funny. That's something I didn't think you would do.
Brandon: You didn't think I would speak softly and carry a big cannon?
Amanda: I actually do have a single helpful thing from Troy's background, which is that I can find a safe place to dock any boat assuming one exists. So I can dock here even though they're finding it hard if we need to.
Brandon: Yo.
Julia: Good to know, good to know.
Brandon: That's great.
Eric: That's tight as hell.
Brandon: This— this episode, you're just using all your one up skills.
Amanda: Yeah, baby.
Julia: I love it.
Eric: Yeah, you can do that if you want to. These three tug boats are like pulling just— something. You can't really get a good sense of it, because it's getting so caught up in trying to find a spot on these rocks. They're bobbing up and down the water, the waves are splashing over them, and they're— you don't get a response from any— any of these three tugboats.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: Troy pops his head down below and says—
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, Umbi, you want me to pull over there real quick?
Brandon: Comically, right?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Yeah. Okay, great.
Amanda: Oh, yeah. No, no. I go over the railing, hang on with my feet. Harold and Sil are holding one of my ankles per and then I put my head back in that same porthole.
Brandon: Perfect.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I think there might be some good a— some good finds there.
Amanda (as Troy): Hope my childhood best friend who have complicated feelings about is not in this one. Haha.
Brandon (as Umbi): Haha.
Amanda: And then Troy goes back. And just real quick, like— like, I don't know, Eric Silver parking my dad's pickup truck in the streets of New York City, I don't know. Just like deftly kind of spins the wheel, and using my steady feature due to my background of mariner, I automatically find a safe route to land a boat on shore, provided such a route exists.
Eric: Yeah. They were coming at these rocks from like one way, but if you went another way, there was a little bit of a cove that is outside of the surf that you can pull your ship into.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy does the equivalent of a— of a quick, little parallel park and loops the mooring lines and says—
Amanda (as Troy): Go ahead, Umbi, hop on.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, have you been able to do this this whole time? Shit. That was grea— that was impressive.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): That's why he drives the boat.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, right. Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Weirdly, it has never come up.
Brandon: Is there any like surface, like a beach?
Eric: Yeah, yeah. It's like— you're up on this beach, but it's more like— like craggy moors that a Jane Austen or a Bronte would stand to the side of.
Brandon: I have a better, actually, idea anyway. How far away is one of the closest tugboats to me? Would you say it's less than 30 feet?
Eric: No, I'd say it's far than that.
Brandon: Fuck. Alright. Well, then, I'm gonna throw a little tele bomb onto the molars and just hop over there.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah, you can hop up there. Yeah. So now you're like looking down on this because, again, they're just like slamming up against the rocks here, trying to— because— again, these tugboats, they're— they're totally out of whack in terms of the weight, because they're— they're dragging the stuff behind them. They can't move anywhere. Now, they just keep lapping and smashing up against—
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: —up against the rocks here. And as you look down, you see that these are— all of the tugboats have on the sides of them, the square grasped hands of the Diamond Knot.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, shit.
Eric: And the three of them are carrying stuff behind them.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, shit.
Amanda: Yayayay.
Brandon: I'm gonna tele bomb back to our ship and say—
Brandon (as Umbi): Battle stations, let's take out those ships!
Julia: Alright.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Wait, could you see what they were towing?
Brandon (as Umbi): No, but I saw the Diamond Knot flag.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Our grandest of enemy.
Julia: I think Cammie is going to get into battle position, but I think she's also going to send Nonny into the water to see if she can scope out what's being towed behind the tow boats.
Brandon: Oh, yeah, I could send Bartlett, too. A little two— two-animal search crew.
Eric: Yeah, sure. Give me some investigation checks.
Julia: Okay. [dice roll] Another Nat 20. Fuck.
Eric: Jesus Christ.
Amanda: Oh, my God.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: That is 14.
Eric: Cool. Yeah, what are you —what are you looking for with this investigation check?
Brandon: I think just to see what the cargo is, right?
Julia: What they're towing and basically, like, what they're risking their lives for.
Eric: Sure. The— each of these tugboats are pulling the wreckage of a ship behind them. These ships all look exactly the same. They could even be of the same make and model. They're made— might have even launched all at the same time. It certainly helps because it says— it's just gonna say on the side of the ships, Key Recovery Unit.
Julia: Ooh.
Brandon: The KRU.
Eric: Yeah, the KR— yeah. It's the Diamond Knot Crew, of course.
Julia: The crew, yeah.
Eric: These are three ships from the Key Recovery Unit. And, of course, there are massive holes through all of them, so they've been all shot down by Kidd Cervantes.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Now, is this a situation where people say something really nice sounding but what they mean is something mean, you think?
Julia (as Cammie): Like, in naming them Key Recovery—
Amanda (as Troy): Like Recovery—
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Like that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Amanda (as Troy): That sounds nice, but I don't think it's nice.
Brandon (as Umbi): The key pillaging unit, you mean?
Amanda (as Troy): Right?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Stealing it.
Amanda (as Troy): Right?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon: Another thing that, Eric, I think intentionally meant to do is with the Key Recovery Unit of the Diamond Knot, it does spell the DK Crew, which sounds correct for Eric.
Julia: Right, right.
Eric: No, that's pretty— that's pretty good.
Julia: You're like, "Oh, and there's the Captain Donkey and the rest of the crew, Diddy and whatnot."
Eric: And Bartlett, you might see that there's some ships coming up behind y'all, heading towards you. Maybe there's one big ship and maybe like four other kinds of smaller ships that are all attached to each other by little lines. You notice that the ship— the big— the flag on top and the big mast and the smaller mast all have a bonsai tree. And in the bonsai tree is a skull and crossbones, which everyone knows, as she flies it wherever she can, that is the symbol of Lucky Edie's Money Tree ship and the little Money Tree cuttings that she has bobbing alongside it. And it is coming up fast behind you.
Brandon: Well, at this point, me and Bartlett have created a code, because Barlett has mimicry. So, like, he turns around quickly and makes the sound that they've agreed means Lucky Edie/Money Tree ahead, ahoy.
Eric: A complicated series of Morse code. It's always Morse code. And it sounds— it sounds beautiful coming from the mouth of a parrot, for sure.
Brandon: Maybe— maybe a regular parrot, not Bartlett.
Eric: [Bartlett cawing]
Amanda: Guys, what if he's— he's rough looking on the outside? But that voice is melodious. That voice is sweet as honey.
Julia: Hmm. That's true.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: He— he just— he's mimicking his owner, so it—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —sounds a little bit rough.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: I would like to have Nonny.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Because I can cast spells through Nonny. I would like Nonny to use Eye of Anubis, which is basically like a little laser beam to cut the tethers between the main money ship and the cuttings or the clippings.
Eric: Yeah, sure. Tell me about this.
Julia: So a beam of tenebrous, that's a great use of the word tenebrous. A beam of tenebrous moonlight streaks from your left eye towards a creature within range.
Eric: Great.
Julia: Like, a range spell attack against the creature on a hit, it takes 1 D8 necrotic damage, and can't take the disengage action until the end of your next turn.
Eric: Why don't you give me— why don't you give me an attack roll 'cau— and with disadvantage? Because this thing is still pretty far away.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: So you would— this would be like a long range attack, like what Troy would do if Troy was firing on an enemy who was outside of his range?
Julia: Sure.
Eric: So what do you do for this?
Julia: I roll a range spell attack.
Eric: Yeah, just do that with a disadvantage.
Julia: I would also like to know— I'm just going to add, I get additional beams and I deal more damage as I get higher because this is a cantrip.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: So it's— the first beam is 2 D8, and then I also get a second beam, because I am at 11th level.
Eric: Cool. Sweet.
Amanda: Very cool.
Eric: Sick.
Julia: [dice roll] I rolled a 22 for the first one.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Okay.
Brandon: Pretty good. Pretty good.
Eric: Pretty good.
Julia: And a 14 for the second one.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Yeah, sure. From long range, Nonny— Nonny shoots a beam of moonlight out of the water from, like, a long distance away. And just— it slices through one of the tethers that's holding one of these smaller— these smaller ships to the Money Tree. Just slices and it starts to, like, drift over to the left.
Julia: Bye-bye.
Eric: Incredible. Alright. So what do you all want to do?
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe it's time to go, I don't know. What do y'all think? Can we fight? I don't know.
Amanda (as Troy): I can get us out of here. I feel like we should follow through on our mission of helping Kidd and then we can murder this person.
Julia (as Cammie): Big agree.
Amanda (as Troy): Now, Umbi, what if we took one of our empty barrels, you put a lot of bombs in it, and then we let it float in the path of like where that ship is going to go. Would that be helpful?
Brandon (as Umbi): Helpful for my ego and for the coolness of our lives? Hell yeah. Let's put a bunch of them in there, and then they'll think that they're, like, extra cargo to be taken from these wrecked ships, and they'll pick them up onto their decks—
Eric: Yeah, that's— yeah. That's good, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): —and they will explode in their faces.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. Can we, like, unscrew the end of the broomstick from the half barrel and use that? Because it probably still has some goop from the amber in it.
Eric: That's a really good idea. It sounds like one ship is trying to do something to another ship, and maybe that other ship might be— trying to do something to that first ship. So let's take out some ship combat, Rock, Paper, Scissors cards and figure out how this is gonna shake out, okay?
Amanda: Oh, you mean these cards?
Eric: I do mean those cards. So here's what we're gonna do, because Lucky Edie wants to do something as well, right? So depending on who wins Rock, Paper, Scissors, if the Money Tree wins, it's going to do something. If the Sea Whip wins, then you're going to drop this bomb filled cargo and Lucky Edie will fall for it. And if we tie, then we have a mixed success and both things will happen.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: Okay?
Amanda: Alright.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Who would like to Rock, Paper, Scissors with me?
Julia: I'll let Amanda do it.
Amanda: You sure?
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia: You know him, Amanda, use the psychology.
Eric: I'm like, "What would— what would Lucky Edie Rock, Paper, Scissors?"
Julia: That's a great question. I think it would be knife.
Amanda: Do I think it, do I overthink it, or do I double think it?
Brandon: Try quad thinking it.
Julia: I think you should think it so far that you circle back to your first thought, best though.
Amanda: Great. Okay. I'm ready.
Eric: Okay. 1, 2, 3. Paper.
Amanda: Fuck.
Brandon: Ahhh.
Julia: Fuck!
Amanda: I was gonna choose fucking scissors.
Brandon: Shit. Shit.
Julia: Beans.
Amanda (as Troy): I let you down. I let you down.
Julia (as Cammie): No, it's okay.
Amanda (as Troy): I let you down, teammates.
Julia (as Cammie): It happens. It's okay.
Amanda (as Troy): I landed this boat too good, and now we sat here and they're gonna come up on us. Fuck.
Julia: We all— hey, we all roll bad, we all pick the wrong card, things happen. Look at Brandon how he gave that Nat 1 so that we lost the Bullseye Game thing.
Amanda: That's very kind of you.
Julia: We all make mistakes, you know? I let a woman die, you know?
Eric: Here's what happens. Troy, you make an emergency, push off of this craggy shore, because it take— you are— you've pulled over into this cove. You gotta, like, get back into the surf, and you're fighting against it, also not to go up against the tugboats.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: You're trying to get off and try to get as much speed as possible. Umbi, usually when you guys are about to pull some prank, it's usually Troy and Umbi doing it together, but Umbi's doing it by himself, because Troy has to steer. So Umbi is putting all of these explosives into a barrel. It's taking longer than you need to. Umbi is— Umbi is trying to put as much stuff in the barrel. Only Troy knows how to put stuff in barrels.
Amanda: Only Troy. No one else.
Eric: It's taking longer.
Brandon: He's like—
Brandon (as Umbi): How do I open it? How do I open it?
Amanda (as Troy): Crowbar!
Eric: And the Money Tree is coming closer and closer, and is within a 1,000 feet, is gaining the speed on you. As you've taken the time to pull the ambergris up, as you're taking the time to figure out the tugboat, to pull over with the tugboats, as you're making this emergency stop out, and that's when you hear [poof] as a grappling hook shoots out of the front of the Money Tree and slams into the back of the Sea Whip.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cut it! Cut it!
Julia: Nah nah nah nah nah.
Eric: I need Cammie to roll a D6.
Julia: Oh, boy. Okay.
Eric: As you two— so the Money Tree and the Sea Whip are attached by this grappling hook. And this is what you're coming up to in the final leg before you get to where Kidd Cervantes is.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Be a 3. A 2.
Eric: Alright.
Amanda: Fuck!
Eric: We—we've already gotten a 2 and a 3. So Cammie, you can choose either a 1 or a 4.
Julia: I want the 1.
Eric: You want the 1?
Brandon: Good choice, good choice.
Amanda: Good choice, good choice. I'm with you.
Eric: As you're pulling away from this, you see that a bunch of ships flying the Diamond Knot flag and Key Retrieval Unit have parked up on a sandbar. And are letting one ship at a time go through as you see that people are jumping out. This is kind of like all happening— this is happening in speed. We're in like action movie speed as both ships are moving forward. The ships are parked up on the sandbar. They've kind of made a highway traffic stop on this sandbar, as these like two islands are kind of coming together, there's a narrow channel. You see that a bunch of Greenfolk are, like, hopping out, checking out these ships. You can either go through, or you can try to take a long way around to avoid this key traffic stop.
Brandon: I cannot believe we did this to ourselves.
Eric: And as—
Amanda: I was just thinking to myself like, "My motherfucking idea to do this as Cresco.”
Eric: And as, of course, the Money Tree is still attached to you. Tell me first, what do you do in return the key checkpoint and then we'll figure out what to do with the grappling hook.
Brandon: Here's one idea, I do have a potion of water breathing, right?
Amanda: Hmm.
Brandon: So we could—
Amanda: Hmm.
Brandon: —hold the keys or attach them to someone and throw that person behind the boat.
Amanda: That's a great idea.
Brandon: Or holding on to the side of the boat underwater and go that way.
Julia: Potentially. I want to— I want to get Lucky Edie off us and then go around. That's kind of like where my head's at right now.
Amanda: I know. I can't really decide if it's better to evade or to fake our way through.
Brandon: I think it's probably— if we can do it confidently, we should just get through it. I think it'd be faster.
Julia: I do have a 6 level spell that might be useful for us, for getting through there, but we need to get Lucky Edie off of us.
Amanda: Let's— let's go through.
Julia: Yeah. Okay, so we'll go through.
Eric: Alright, you can go through.
Brandon: Yes, but we're allowed to, like, make actions?
Eric: Yeah, do it. Yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Hide the keys and stuff, right? Is there anything that would— that you have, Julia, that would help hide the keys?
Julia: We wouldn't need to hide the keys, assuming my thing goes the way I want it to.
Brandon: Okay, let's do that, then.
Amanda: Let's do that.
Brandon: I like that better.
Eric: Okay, do it. You're pulling up to the sandbar and you're slowing down.
Amanda: Well, does going this route make the Money Tree retract their grappling hook? Because like that's a—you wouldn't like do your car chase through the highway traffic stop, right?
Eric: Well, the— the— the Money Tree kind of gets closer and closer to you, and then starts to slow up as well. A— as— as you're coming within like 100 feet, you see that Luckey Edie is standing on— on the— the front of the ship.
Julia: Great.
Eric: Be like—
Eric (as Edie): Oh, hi, you left and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
Amanda (as Troy): You want to come a little closer. I'll say goodbye for you.
Eric (as Edie): Well, it— you know, it sound— you're here at this key— you're here at the stop and as a— you know, I think it's something I realized that it's going to be a little bit of a surprise to you.
Amanda (as Troy): Turncoat, we know.
Julia (as Cammie): As a representative of the Diamond Knot, yeah.
Eric (as Edie): As a representative—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Edie): —of the Diamond Knot, I'm required to do a full investigation of your ship to see what keys that you have on— what keys you have here, because the Diamond Knot in the governments of all four of the countries of Verda Stello, including the Crags, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Sure.
Eric (as Edie): Including Overstalk, former Representative Umbi. And including wherever you're from, Cammie.
Julia (as Cammie): Cool.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, Cammie, do we know this Greenfolk?
Eric (as Edie): I'm just gonna— you have to bring— you have to let me come on board and check out—and check out your ship— and check out your ship.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, you— you specifically, Lucky Edie?
Eric (as Edie): Yes. I'm— I'm known as a— as a representative of the Diamond Knot, I'm required to make check— I'm required to make checks and searches of other pirate ships to see if they're harboring keys. And I know that you have at least one, because you wouldn't have been at the meeting in the first place. And I know you have another one, because you took the one that was supposed to be left for me.
Julia (as Cammie): No, we didn't.
Brandon (as Umbi): Who are you?
Amanda (as Troy): I guess I'd rather be searched by the turncoat I know than the turncoat I don't.
Eric: While this is happening, Umbi just keep saying, "What— what's happening?"
Brandon: No, he understands what's happening. He's just trying to fuck with Lucky Edie.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Oh, no, I know. I know.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: It's the real edge when you have a bad grandpa. Where is the edge of whether he's doing it on purpose or not? You really don't know.
Brandon: Yeah, exactly.
Julia: Yes. My heart is beating so fast because I'm nervous that this is not gonna go the way I hope it does.
Eric: The Key Recovery Unit, the ships are part of the Key Recovery Unit, kind of motion you over to a side— the side of one of the sandbars, makes the Sea Whip pull up. There's enough slack now that the grappling hook is kind of just hanging there as the Money Ship comes up to the side of the Sea Whip. And God, the first time in this pirate campaign, we finally have some planks, and Lucky Edie boards the Sea Whip and walks over swinging her knife hand around.
Eric (as Edie): I don't need permission to come aboard. This is official Diamond Knot business. Please, if you— it would just be easier if you showed me the keys that you had, because I know you have at least one, if not two, probably two, just show them to me.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can we see your identification, please?
Eric (as Edie): Yes.
Eric: And she pulls out, like, a 100 pages of sheet, like a sheaf of papers and, like, just hits you with it.
Bran4don (as Umbi): Oh, what the—
Eric: It's like—
Eric (as Edie): These. It's like these. all these, these, these.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): Edie, please don't threaten my crewmates.
Julia: And then I'm going to use hex. I'm going to use peace bound on her.
Eric: So do I know I'm being hexed?
Julia: Um, that's a good question. It ma— it requires a motion. I don't mind if she knows that this is the case, because it's not like a— a violent spell or anything like that.
Eric: Sure.
Eric (as Edie): Cammie, you can do whatever you want to me. Of course, you know I have backup and I don't think you can— I don't think you can slap everyone's swords and guns to their— to their legs, but happy to oblige. It wouldn't be— it won't be a problem, but I'm going to be doing this stop under my jurisdiction because I know how three of you and your— and your doctor and—and the— the two different types of molds you have. I know what you do, I know what you do.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm racking my brain, I don't know when we've met before, though.
Eric (as Edie): Alright, sit— alright.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, this— this is the person what I was afraid might steal my pillows, blankets, and socks. So I'm just going to say I know how many pairs of socks I have, Edie. And so if you go through my cabin, if you take any, I'm gonna know.
Eric (as Edie): The first thing I'm going to is Troy's— is Troy's room. Lead me to it.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): This is my elaborate hammock for my pumpy son whose name you've never known before, but—
Eric: Lucky Edie is like kind of looking through the ship, poking through your stuff. First goes through Troy's room, kind of like throws everything over, like pulls all of your cabinets out, turns them over, pulls your hammock, pulls the pumpy's hammock down, roots through it and be like—
Eric (as Edie): Okay, not here.
Brandon: I love the idea that you, like, look under a hammock as if it's like—
Eric: Yeah, like turn it all the way— turn it all the way out. Yeah. Looks through all of your— all of your rooms and then says—
Eric (as Edie): So, none of you sleep in the captain's quarters?
Amanda (as Troy): No, it's where the ghost sleeps.
Julia (as Cammie): No, it's haunted.
Brandon (as Umbi): We're— we're egalitarian crew, there is no captain. I don't know if that's different on your—
Amanda (as Troy): It's the ghost.
Brandon (as Umbi):—ship.
Julia (as Cammie): The ghost is the captain, yeah.
Eric (as Edie): No, I sleep in the ca— I sleep in our captain's quarters.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, so, you're an asshole? Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): So you're a ghost?
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): I—
Eric (as Edie): God.
Julia (as Cammie): All captains are ghost. That's what you told Troy.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're an asshole ghost?
Eric (as Edie): You know, you know, all I did, all I did for the entire time that I've known you is tried to be friends.
Brandon (as Umbi): We just met.
Brandon: She puts her hand— she puts— she puts a hand, just pushing Umbi's face away. Be like—
Eric (as Edie): All I've done is trying to hang out on the beach. Whenever you guys were around, whenever we were at the hold at the same time, I tell you about my stuff, and you guys never tell me about your stuff. And I just like, "Where's the camaraderie? Where is it?" But this is what happens. Alright, I guess you're just jealous of all the cool stuff I get to do, while you're just off doing, I don't know, ruining tournaments and having— having the one true Planter messing— just messing around with there, and— and— and you have these— you— I— what— come on. I— all I was doing is being nice, and all you were doing was feeling more superior to me, and I think that's kind of rude, and it shows the kind of Greenfolk this whole crew of this whole weird, and terrible, and falling apart— why does this ship look so bad?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, we're— we're rude now?
Eric (as Edie): Clean up your ship. It looks like garbage. It's always looked like garbage. Why does your ship always look like garbage? You added like three new— new crew members.
Amanda (as Troy): Grosser outside, better inside, baby.
Eric (as Edie): Let me enter the ca— just let me know the captain's quarters and I will— and I will— I will leave.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie, we can't—
Julia: Cammie opens the door.
Brandon (as Umbi): We can't do— what? Cammie?
Julia: And as she walks in, Cammie casts modify memory on her.
Brandon: Yo!
Amanda: Fuck yeah, dude.
Julia: And because she's currently peace bound, she has to roll with a disadvantage because of my insidious spell.
Brandon: Holy shit.
Eric: Alright, tell me about modifying memory.
Julia: You attempt to reshape another creature's memories. One creature you see within range must make a wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, the target becomes charmed for you— by you for the duration. They are incapacitated, unaware of their surroundings, though, they can still hear you. While this charm lasts, you can affect the target's memory of an event that it experienced within the last 24 hours and that lasted no more than 10 minutes. You can permanently eliminate all memory of the event, allow the target to recall the event with perfect clarity and exacting detail. Changes memory and the details of the event or create a memory of some other event.
Eric: Alright, tell me what you want her to believe.
Julia: I want her to— would we prefer that— because this is like one memory—
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: —of an event within 24 hours. Do we want her to have checked here, not seen anything, and then like leave? Or would we prefer to have her remember that like we lost our maze key and Orello sold the other key to, I don't know, the— the resistance?
Brandon: What if she has a memory that we got kicked out of the conference because we didn't have any keys? Our keys were fake. Like, yeah, Salix checked our keys and then determined they were fake, and kicked us out.
Julia: Ooh.
Eric: Yeah. And Orello sold the key to somebody else.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: I'm not sold on this, but I do want to consider. Would it reduce her desire to search us next time if she thinks she searched the ship and found nothing? Or is knowing we have keys but we hid them successfully, going like great on her? Like, we just open the door and she sees the captain's quarters, including like a weird, you know, sheet-covered object, and instead she sees nothing—
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: —would be my suggestion.
Julia: Yes.
Brandon: But then she still thinks and knows that we have keys.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: So is it better to her— for her to believe that we got kicked out of the conference for having fake keys?
Julia: Yeah, that's what— that was my thought process originally, was going to be like, oh, she saw like the zombies take our keys or something like that, you know?
Brandon: I think it's better if she thinks that they're fake, because then if she sees them in the captain's quarter, she says, "I know those have been— those have been fake." You know?
Julia: Right. And she also heard all of the rumors too about— like, I'm sure she heard through the grapevine of the stuff about our, like, blueprints for keys kind of thing, so—
Amanda: Hmm. Cool.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: I love this. I think that's really cool because it also contributes to the fact that you guys are flimflam, which she already thinks.
Julia: Yes.
Eric: And then the thing that Salix said and then Orello sold it to somebody else, sold the key of thorn.
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: I'm down for that.
Julia: Alright, let's go with that, then.
Eric: Here's what I'm going to say, because I think this is what's going to happen from the situation that I've lined up. If Lucky Edie knows you've tried to modify her memory, and then this happened, she is going to send every single person onto this ship to grab all of you.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And I'm going to do that. You guys can fight your way and— try to fight your way out, but it won't— but you— you will be overwhelmed by the sheer number of people who will throw— who will grab all of you. Okay?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: I just want to lay— I want to lay down the stakes of what I'm going to do, and what I think that, like, mechanically numbers-wise, you— this is what's going to go down.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: What does she have to beat DC-wise, Julia?
Eric: Yes.
Julia: A 15 with disadvantage for a wisdom save.
Brandon: I think it's worth it.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Okay. Are we— do we agree? Do we agree?
Amanda: The situation we're in. Yeah.
Brandon: Statistically, numbers are on our side.
Amanda: Numbers are on our side, and this is the situation we're in. No one's gonna murder Troy. It's fine.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Yeah, we'll do a jailbreak. It'll be fun.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Maybe we'll end up in the Underwater Prison. That'd be great.
Brandon: Maybe that's been our plan the whole time, Eric.
Amanda: Maybe it has. You don't know.
Eric: That's fine.
Amanda: You don't know.
Julia: Let's do it.
Amanda: Hey, Eric, could you just go ahead and not roll a 15 for me twice?
Eric: Alright, I'm gonna roll— what is this, wisdom?
Julia: It is a wisdom saving throw, yeah.
Eric: Okay. Lucky Edie is an important NPC. She knows how to do a lot of stuff. Cammie, what's your wisdom?
Julia: My wisdom is plus 3. I have a 16 to wisdom.
Eric: Plus 3. Okay. If you have a plus 3, I would say Lucky Edie is a plus 2. She's not as good as Cammie, certainly. I think— I think it's fair.
Julia: My heart is beating so fast. Okay.
Eric: 2. Alright.
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: So you have to roll below 13.
Eric: Well, no, I have to succeed— yeah, I got to succeed twice, basically, because if I roll below, that's what it's gonna be.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Alright, here we go.
Amanda: Oh, shit.
Brandon: Amanda, double check him.
Eric: Yeah. No, I know. I wanted to pick a good die. Here, I'll roll—I'll roll the good one. I'll roll the gold one. [dice roll]
Amanda: Okay. First roll is a 6. First roll is a 6.
Brandon: Woo!
Eric: That's a 6.
Julia: That means it— it's done. It's done.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: He— it's automatically— because it's advantage.
Amanda: Oh! Okay, good.
Eric: I had to roll— I had to roll a 13 or above twice.
Julia: It's advantage.
Eric: I already rolled a 6.
Julia: It works.
Amanda: Okay, that's a 6.
Brandon: Yes.
Amanda: Phew!
Julia: Jesus.
Brandon: Wait, roll the second die, I just want to see.
Julia: I just want to see.
Eric: Yeah. [dice roll] Second one was a 19.
Julia: Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. I did the disadvantage. Oh, thank God. Ahhh!
Brandon: More like Unlucky Edie, am I right?
Julia: That was the most stressful spell I think I've ever cast.
Eric: Well, you open the door to the captain's quarters, and I just think everything's sitting there, like the two keys, the mold.
Julia: Right.
Brandon: There's a sheet over them, we've established.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Right, sorry.
Amanda: But it's very clearly—
Eric: There's a sheet— there's a sheet over it all.
Amanda: It's very clearly key-shaped, yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, exactly.
Julia: There's a sheet, but please remember, charmed target is incapacitated and unaware of its surroundings.
Eric: And what she does is— the door opens and she turns around and says—
Eric (as Edie): Oh, what am I even doing here? Lustrious Recompense threw your asses out, because you did— you had fake keys.
Amanda (as Troy): Tried to tell you, but you grappled us anyway.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're wasting your time.
Julia (as Cammie): So embarrassed.
Brandon (as Umbi): We tried to tell you.
Eric (as Edie): And you try— and you tried to— you tried to chase the Cragish sec— separatist group that has the thorn— and that has the thorn key, and it's just embarrassing, really.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know.
Eric (as Edie): That you would put yourself out— that you would have to put yourself out there right now. It's desperate. It's just desperate, really.
Brandon (as Umbi): We're really thirsty.
Julia (as Cammie): I can't believe you saw that.
Eric (as Edie): And I could have helped you, but you turned me away after I gave you the green crown of friendship.
Amanda (as Troy): All this, the hold doesn't even have a tailor anymore. It's— It's a brutal day for us.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know.
Eric (as Edie): It's really desperate. Alright.
Julia: Cammie looks her— her best to look ashamed.
Eric (as Edie): Alright. I'd say on behalf— on Diamond Knot business, I think as a representative of the Diamond Knot, of course, I would tell you that you must steer clear of the Compost Facility that is coming— that is coming up. You'll see it from the lights, that's all there. Just go on your way.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Edie): And I really hope that I don't see any of your faces again, will be best for me, and certainly best for you.
Amanda (as Troy): Just tell them we don't have any keys. God. You've searched many times. It's tedious.
Eric (as Edie): I am. I am. Troy, I am. Troy, your brother is wai—your brother misses you. I know I shouldn't say this, this is privileged information, but your brother misses you, and maybe you should just go home.
Amanda (as Troy): If he wants to talk to me, he knows where to find me.
Eric (as Edie): No, he doesn't! What do you mean? You're a pirate!
Amanda (as Troy): Troy Riptide, open seas. You know me.
Eric (as Edie): Oh, I just— I'm tired of talking— I'm tired of talking to you. You get me all— you get me all annoy— I'm like up here. You get me all up here.
Julia (as Cammie): It's because she has a crush on you, Troy.
Eric (as Edie): Thank God.
Amanda (as Troy): You take some deep breaths, in and out. Okay, ready, with me?
Eric: She goes back up— she goes back up on— on deck—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh. Wait, Edie, Edie, before you leave, I'm sorry. I just wanted to— as a token of our apology for wasting your time, here— do I— here— Havana, can I—
Brandon: Umbi reaches his hand into Havana's coat pocket and pulls out a concoction that looks, smells, and tastes like a potion of healing. He says—
Brandon (as Umbi): Here, this is like a token. Like, I'm sorry for wasting your time.
Amanda (as Troy): No. Umbi, we talked about this. Edie doesn't get presents.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, it's fi— it's fine.
Julia (as Cammie): We need those things.
Eric: Alright, give me a deception check, you, id—
Amanda: Can I—
Eric: —you idiot.
Amanda: Yeah, can I— can I give them an assist?
Eric: Yeah. Alright, adva— you have advantage.
Brandon: [dice roll] Well, that's a 19.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric (as Edie): Umbi, obviously, your time in the government, even when—even your terrible rotting, senile brain, sometime maybe you remember what it's like to have class and decorum. Thank you.
Eric: She takes the potion from you.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's— it's Hava— some of Havana's first tries. Like, I'm not gonna lie. It's probably not gonna do as much as, like, the better ones, but like it'll still be good, you know?
Eric (as Edie): Please don't lick— look a seaweed horse in the mouth. Please, I already took it. Disembarking.
Eric: As she walks—
Brandon (as Umbi): Bye.
Eric: —she walks back across the plank, back to the Money Tree.
Amanda: I think we see Cammie, Umbi, Troy, Havana all standing shoulder to shoulder on the— the deck of the ship, watching the Money Tree, you know, retreat and turn around, sail off. And we're just like doing that thing where people you hate leave your house, where you're just waving and smiling, and, like, through your clenched teeth, whispering to each other like—
Amanda (as Troy): That absolute jerk.
Julia (as Cammie): I need to nap for 10 years after that.
Brandon (as Umbi): That was a potion of poison.
Julia (as Cammie): Nice.
Amanda (as Troy): I love you, Umbi. Goodbye.
Eric: And the— the spo— I feel like there were like spotlight towers and— you know, on these— these two banks that are coming to each other. You know, the lights lead you through, and the blockade moves. The Sea Whip moves through the traffic stop, and sales onward. It's dark now. It's been a long— a long— long, long, few hours. And you see that there's a little town over to your left. It's a small coastal town in front of you on the left. You see that there are ships moving back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth quickly, because beside it, kind of on the other side of this little bay, is a massive dock with watchtowers, and lights, and all of these ships docked, and it's leading into this mountain, where there's a whole carved in the mountain and a big gate, and a sign next to it with lights underneath it so you can see it at all times. And it says, "Property of the Diamond Knot on behalf of the four countries of Verda Stello. This is the Compost Facility."
[theme]