The crew sneaks onto Mango Crossing, avoiding the guards and the tortangos. But what else is lurking for them in the cracks and crevices of this nature reserve?
Leave ‘em, Archie, leave ‘ leave her! / Oh, leave ‘em, Arche, leave ‘em! / For the journey is long and the Key is old / And it's time for us to leave ‘em.
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Amanda: Join the Party fans, I have very good news, which is that the beautiful plant pirate dice that we designed with Dispel are available for you to order, and they ship right now. We thought they were going to be preorders, but Team Dispel absolutely killed it. And the dice are now in stock and ready to ship to you. Go to jointhepartypod.com/dice to buy your dice today.
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. "The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire." This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: Well, the dice told us that Di got away. I don't think that the characters are bad at being pirates. I think the dice just had other plans for DiAnnalyse, and we'll see how that goes. As night falls, the crew of the Sea Whip land on Mango Crossing carefully and quietly. And they carefully and quietly entombed a guard rotation so they can walk onto the island easily and not horrifyingly. Land ho. Oh, I mean, land ho. Let's get the party started.
Eric: I appreciate here, in Episode 58, we're still solving problems by Looney Tunes logic.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And I applaud all of you.
Brandon: Eric, I aim, in my general life, to solve as many problems as possible through Looney Tunes logic.
Eric: It's pretty insulting that you keep trying to move recordings up by saying it's duck season, and then—
Brandon: Rabbit season.
Eric: —I say it's rabbit season, and then you say it's duck season.
Brandon: Rabbit season.
Eric: It's complicated. Alright. So we dressed Bartlett up like a lady, and here we are. A window pops up with your goals and trap the guards is crossed off dramatically.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: We did it.
Brandon: We did it.
Eric: Incredible. Of course, you didn't solve anything just yet.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: But it was funny that you did that.
Brandon: We did it.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: There was— it was like a secret. It's like— it wasn't on the list, and then it appeared at the bottom and get crossed off.
Amanda: Hmm.
Julia: I love hidden trophies in video games.
Amanda: Have we trapped the shopkeeper in the telephone box yet? It's an Untitled Goose Game reference.
Julia: If we were goose, if we were goose.
Eric: If we were goose, if we were goose. There is like a haunted asparagoose running around with a knife somewhere.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Do you remember when the asparagoose in the video game trapped three men in a tomb of concrete underground?
Eric: You know there's a pirate that's just a goose, right?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: There's an asparagoose with an eye patch and a peg leg.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: But imagine how cute it would be with, like, the ombre of asparagus on the neck.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Beautiful.
Julia: A little ruffled neck feather.
Amanda: And like geese, he'd be an absolute motherfucker.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: There has to be something like a running legend of this thing where everyone's trying to catch the goose and eat it. And then everyone will know you caught it because your pee will smell weird.
Amanda: Hmm. You mark your whole territories so no one comes near.
Eric: Yeah, like that's the only way.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: It's a real Jason and the Argonauts sort of vibe. Like the— it's not a golden fleece. Your pee smells weird.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Now, Eric, I don't know what our next campaign is going to be, but can I play a goose?
Eric: Julia, unfortunately, Silly Goose has already been filled by your two other players.
Julia: Hmm. Chaos goose. I just want to be a chaos goose.
Brandon: I've been a chaos goose since fucking day one.
Eric: I can offer you game-breaking dice goblin. Would you like that?
Julia: Ooh. I do like that.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: Is that good? Is that good for you?
Julia: I love that.
Eric: You can still be a goose, but that's kind of against your archetype.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: I want to play against type sometimes. That's all.
Eric: Dang.
Brandon: I think in the next campaign, yeah, us three should get together and really nail down and focus and somehow, like, shift personalities one to the left.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: You know, I have been thinking about being like a magic user who really intimately understands the rule book, so I can go left.
Julia: And I've been considering rolling badly, so—
Amanda: That's good. Brandon, if you could just channel your ID, I think then we have a perfect triumvirate.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Make sure your character has a lot of siblings.
Eric: Okay. The guards are trapped. You have a clear shot to scramble up the rocky outcropping.
Julia: Scramble.
Eric: As you get high enough, it overlooks this main base camp, bunch of tents, makeshift meeting, like meeting spaces. A lot of the guards are practicing throwing nets with some of our firing net guns. All fantasy stories, like even Game of Thrones, they all have these, like, war camps that look like Roman war camps.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: But I just like the idea of all that's happening, but they're doing it with nets.
Amanda: They're like, "We got a memo. We got to tighten up our net game."
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: "Everyone, we have a very large net order that's coming from Hot House, and we're gonna use their high quality nets. Now, we have a net quota we have to meet."
Julia: Oh, for some reason, I feel weirdly proud.
Eric: Is there anything you want to do as you're sneaking by?
Brandon: Not be seen and go quickly past them.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Okay. You got— you— none of y'all have to look. That's fine. Alright. If you want to move quickly, give me a stealth check for you to move quickly past. Classic, classic Durblins and Durblins stuff happening here.
Brandon: All of us or just one?
Eric: Everybody, all y'all.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: I'm gonna look— I also want to average your stuff, as we do when we do group checks. Looking for an average here of a number that I have in my brain.
Julia: Not even on the die?
Amanda: Troy's a 9.
Eric: It's a 9.
Julia: Alright, I have plus zero to dexterity and stealth, but I did roll a 17 on the die. So—
Eric: 17, 9.
Julia: Come on, Umbi, stealth.
Brandon: Natural fucking 20, baby.
Julia: Nat 20.
Eric: That's a Natural 20, folks.
Amanda: Oh, thank God.
Julia: Brandon, you've been rolling a lot more Nat 20s lately, and I just want to say I appreciate it.
Brandon: Hey, you know, I don't think that's true, but I like— I appreciate the compliment.
Julia: I think that's two sessions in a row that you rolled Nat 20s.
Eric: What do you have for— what do you have plus dex, buddy?
Brandon: For dex? Plus—
Julia: 2?
Brandon: —3.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: 3?
Eric: Well, I just added the 20 straight up, and that beats a 15, so that's good, folks.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Alright. You're sneaking by. You're making your way. You're keeping your footing, even when Troy's about to sneeze, you can keep him from that.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, that was weird.
Julia (as Cammie): You can't look at the sun when it's nighttime.
Amanda (as Troy): Where does the sun go when it's night?
Brandon (as Umbi): We can't talk about that now. We have to go.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric: The rocky outcropping leads up a few tiers of the cake and leads directly up into a cave.
Julia (as Cammie): Knock, knock. Key, Archie? What’s up?
Brandon (as Umbi): Archie, my boy, you in here?
Amanda: Can I do a survival check? Is this a place I would hide if I was trying to camp up here?
Julia: Ooh, that's a good question.
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: Cool. 16 plus 6.
Julia: Ooh. Great job.
Eric: People would not hide in there because it is dank and has a C word facing opening, and is large enough for a mother tortango to lay her clutch of eggs calmly, safely, and nicely.
Brandon: So it's a huge cave, then?
Eric: It is really, really big.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Yes. The opening is very large, and with Troy's good vibes, Troy, you know— this is just a rule of the road. Big cave mouth, big cave.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): I know caves, and I know that we should not stop in this one.
Julia (as Cammie): No, this one seems like something in there would want to kill us if it found us in there.
Amanda (as Troy): Nope, nope. Let's keep going. Let's keep going.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Can I just roll like a nature check to see if I know anything like natural history about these types of caves, or the tortangos or anything?
Eric: Sure. Yeah, give me a nature check.
Julia: Can I also do a nature check?
Amanda: It would be good to know about the general geography of cave systems like this if you do know it.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Julia, I'll let you roll but—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —roll something else. What's another question you can ask about this?
Julia: Oh, but my nature is so good.
Brandon: Well, I was gonna say, do you want to switch, Julia?
Julia: Yeah. What did you want to do?
Eric: You can ask— because if you want to know about, like, the history or thinking if you remember anything about this, that's fine. Nature would be, like, taking it all in.
Julia: Yeah. I think I wanted to, like, roll nature to better understand the tortango lifestyle. That's not what I mean, but you know what I mean.
Eric: Julia, being a tortango is not a choice. You're born that way.
Julia: I know.
Eric: You're born the size of Moo Deng, and then you grow into the size of a Kaiju. That's just— you're born that way.
Amanda: Love is love and torch is tango.
Julia: I think I meant life cycle, but—
Eric: Sure. Alright. Nature check on tortangos, what do you— what are you looking for, Brandon?
Brandon: I would love to do sort of, like, my natural philosopher thing, and see if I know anything about like— if there's any uses of tortango skin or tortango dung, or if there's any, like, sand around. That's—
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Very good. I love that. I love that.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: What is your natural explorer skill?
Brandon: I don't know. I assume it would be my— same as my like, quote-unquote, "magic," so—
Eric: Alright. Well, let's do history and I'll give you that, because I like that a lot.
Brandon: [dice roll] Well, I rolled a 2.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: Plus 5 for history, plus 3, because my bonus is now a 5. My proficiency bonus is now a five, so round it up is 8. So plus 8 is a 10.
Eric: Alright, 10.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Yeah. You actually saw this. Remember there was mango jerky in the convenience store?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Julia: They eat them?
Eric: Tortangos can be dried and are quite delectable in jerky form, especially because high in protein and sweet, pretty good. It's obviously dangerous, and most— like most things that are incredibly dangerous, getting parts of things with dangerous outcomes automatically make them expensive.
Brandon: Hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: I can't give you more of an example other than one you've already seen with a 10, but that's a good example.
Julia: Are they eating the babies?
Eric: Do you really want me to answer that question, Julia?
Julia: I know the answer.
Brandon: I mean, do we eat veal, Julia?
Julia: Yeah, and I don't do that because it's too sad.
Eric: Oh, Amanda, we have a sponsor for veal jerky in this episode.
Amanda: Yep. Yep. So vealinabox.com really would prefer that we not cast any aspersions on the practice of eating veal—
Brandon: Right, right, right.
Amanda: —in this episode.
Brandon: Gonna quickly Google vealina box.com.
Amanda: Sort of the thing.
Eric: babyanimals.com. Uh-hmm. They're young.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: babyanimals.com. That's probably one.
Amanda: That's probably a thing.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Someone's squatting on the domain, but there's nothing on it.
Julia: AH, fair enough.
Eric: Someone should put the Quiznos commercial of Spongmonkeys there.
Brandon: Someone should.
Amanda: Damn, guys, born too early to grow up with an iPhone, born too late to be a domain squatter.
Julia: Damn.
Brandon: Pitney.
Amanda: Pitney.
Eric: Alright, Julia, what'd you roll?
Julia: I rolled a 16 plus 7 for a 23.
Eric: Hot damn.
Julia: Hot damn.
Eric: What do you want to know? Ask me some questions about the life cycle of the tortango.
Julia: Mostly, I want to know, are there currently like tortango eggs in this big cave when the mama would come in and out of that cave?
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Julia: And how do we avoid running into her?
Brandon: Oh, yeah. And I would also want to ask about—
Julia: Is that me?
Brandon: This is my Julia impression.
Julia: Oh.
Brandon: And I also want to ask about if they do anything in the cave systems, if there's like any tunnels.
Julia: And I assume that they're doing something in the cave systems.
Eric: Hold on. There's two Julias. I'm holding up a gun. Roll a die right now. Roll a die.
Julia: [dice roll] I'm gonna get shot. I rolled a 2.
Brandon: I got a 6. Yay!
Amanda: Too bad.
Eric: Poof! I shot the imposter, because no one would cheer for a 6.
Amanda: Yay!
Eric: Julia would never cheer for a 6. Okay. Alright, great question. So you can assume that since the tortango babies— I— are they— I'm calling them pups.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Tortango pups are out and about.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And you only saw a few of them on the beach. There's probably clutches of eggs that are still all egged up at the moment. The thing about tortangos, I described this before, as compared to turtles, is that turtles are doing the Amazing Race to not die, right?
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: It's like you have giant clutches of eggs so that they can get down there. Tortangos don't have that problem because they're big, and their mom usually hangs out around there. However, because of the influx of pirates into their natural habitat and maybe some other natural reasons, tortango mothers are much more aggressive in protecting their young. Only a small handful or tortango pups make it to full adulthood, maybe just because of the rule of—
Amanda: The jungle.
Julia: Nature.
Eric: The rules of jungle and nature, because you can't have that many mega monsters walking around, especially because of the other sea monsters that are around there, so is actually kind of the opposite. There's only a certain number of mothers that are around.
Brandon: That makes sense.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): I have to kill all the poachers. I know we also have to find the salmon and save the world, but I do have to kill all the poachers.
Brandon: And you look at— the camera turns to Umbi, he's got a piece of jerk in his mouth.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi.
Julia: Slaps hand.
Brandon: Not really, Eric. Don't punish me.
Eric: No, no, it's fine. Another natural cause might be the fact that they're reptiles in the various ways that we understand them. They can't drink salt water. They need to drink fresh water as well, which is kind of an issue re gestures to campaign setting.
Brandon: Do reptiles need to drink fresh water?
Julia: Yeah, definitely.
Brandon: How do they exist?
Amanda: Rain, caves, streams.
Brandon: My God. Life as a reptile sucks.
Eric: That's why they live in brackish water. That's why reptiles aren't sea creatures.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Wow, man.
Eric: Yeah. So tortangos are having that issue as well.
Julia: Is the implication maybe that there's a fresh water source within the cave systems?
Eric: There's an implication. There is fresh water somewhere on this island, and you can assume, again, gesturing to campaign—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —that it is harder to come by than it was in the past.
Julia: Gotcha.
Brandon: So they don't do any like tunneling into caves or anything?
Eric: No tortangos don't do tunneling.
Brandon: Okay, cool.
Eric: They are too busy being bosses to protect themselves in that sort of way. Because of this, you also know— and maybe because there's kind of, like, massive tracks, massive just like slide and body tracks nearby that the mother comes by and checks on her eggs regularly.
Julia (as Cammie): We gotta go.
Amanda (as Troy): Let's go. Let's go.
Brandon (as Umbi): Let's go.
Eric: And the last thing for imposter, Julia, no, they don't make their own caves, which is why this cave is very good, re Troy survival check, because it's kind of in the perfect place. Really large, faces the ocean, sea breeze, you can see the moon, et cetera.
Julia: Gotcha.
Amanda: Love to see the moon, because the moon guides them to the sea.
Eric: Exactly.
Brandon: I know a really great song about the moon, Eric.
Eric: Is it by the Spongmonkeys?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Oh, nice. Good.
Amanda: Oh, I thought it was When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's tortango.
Brandon: That's tortango.
Eric: Alright, folks. The moon is high in the sky now, after you're sneaking about, giving you the only bright illumination as all of the lights around you are fires and warm orange bulbs dotting around Mango Crossing island.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So, yeah, you're here kind of in this middle tier of the cake, and it's pretty much dominated by this massive cave in front of you.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: If you so choose, you can definitely go around it and continue to climb up.
Julia: Yeah. I don't think we want to go in the cave.
Brandon: Yeah. No, I do not want to go in the cave.
Amanda: Definitely. Troy's gonna take— or try to lead his companions on, like, the most direct route to the top. I do have light footed so difficult terrain costs me no extra movement.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: Ooh.
Amanda: So if somebody's—
Julia: Nice.
Amanda: —gonna do sort of, like, the direct but difficult route, I'm happy for that to be Troy.
Brandon: Yeah, that sounds great.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: For sure. Yeah. I think that if you're gonna— want to go straight up, especially because the rocky outcropping that led you up there ends at the cave. So difficult terrain climbing, same thing, twice as much of your movement. But if Troy's good at it, Troy's good at it.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: There's a couple of moments where Umbi falls off the cliff, but he just quickly throws a teleportation bomb back on the cliff.
Eric: I—
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, save some of those.
Eric: Umbi, can you show me what that sounds like?
Brandon: It goes, "Oop. Ahh. Oooh. Ahh. "
Eric: Is there like a poof before that too, with the bomb going off?
Brandon: Absolutely, yeah.
Eric: I like that. [dice roll] Cool. Neat. Hey, you guys want to do perception checks to— just to kind of look around?
Julia: Sure.
Brandon: I'd love to.
Eric: For no particular reason.
Julia: [dice roll] Goddamn it.
Amanda: God. 6.
Brandon: 13 plus 5 for 18.
Eric: Ooh.
Julia: A 5.
Amanda: Oh, damn.
Brandon: Oh, God.
Amanda: Also 5 plus 1 for a 6.
Brandon: Who are you? Me?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Hey, what's Bartlett doing, buddy, Umbus?
Brandon: I mean, I think in these sort of situations, he's sort of like— yeah, I think he's sort of just, like, scouting missions where, like, he's— his home base is his shoulder, obviously, but then, you know, every couple minutes or two, he'll do a little scout around and then come back.
Eric: Uh-hmm. Love it. [dice roll] You hear the flap of wings on the wind.
Brandon (as Umbi): [gasps]
Eric: And you look up, expecting to see Bartlett, coming back from one of his sentry runs. And you see two birds for a moment.
Brandon (as Umbi): [gasps]
Eric: And then one. And then Bartlett settles back on your shoulder.
Brandon (as Umbi): What was that, Bartlett, Barny Boy?
Eric (as Bartlett): This meat is too overcooked.
Julia: What?
Eric: You know, a regular thing Umbi would say. I don't know.
Julia: Oh.
Brandon: Oh, because—
Julia: Because he just repeats what Umbi says, right. Of course, of course.
Eric: Yeah, he just repeats what Umbi says.
Brandon: Yeah. He got his steak. He gets an extra well done with ketchup.
Eric: Yeah, exactly.
Julia: Send it back!
Eric (as Bartlett): [squawks] Close the door. This bathroom is occupied. [squawks]
Brandon: I think we have, like, a— is it telepathic, Julia? It's a familiar— find familiar spell.
Julia: Yeah. You have a telepathic link to Bartlett.
Brandon: Okay. So I think, like, I could hear what Bartlett would tell me.
Eric: Uh-hmm. Okay.
Julia: He says—
Julia (as Bartlett): [squawks] This meat is overcooked.
Eric: Why don't you give me a perception check for Bartlett?
Brandon: Bartlett has a skill, so he actually gets a plus 3 to perception. So that is a 8 plus 3 for an 11.
Eric: Great.
Julia: Good for you, Bartlett.
Eric: Alright. Well, here— what Bartlett says— it's like— he uses Umbi's voice, I guess, telepathically. Umbi wants to hear his own voice reflected back to him.
Julia: Yeah, that feels right.
Brandon: I don't think it's that fucking egotistical, Eric, but yeah, that's actually— yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: Yeah, that's exactly what Umbi wants.
Eric (as Bartlett): Oh, you know, doing my rounds, regular sort of battle formation. They seem trained by some sort of militaristic or at least someone pretending to be militaristic. [squawks] Education, a few camps throughout the entire island, loosely separated. Fires are uncovered, but not in the way you would if you had long-term militaristic training. [squawks]
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, cool. Any— so nothing— no immediate danger right now? What was that other bird?
Eric (as Bartlett): No danger. What other bird? Are you seeing someone without me? [squawks]
Brandon (as Umbi): I would never, Bart-- Barty boy.
Eric (as Bartlett): And I would never either. With you, I'm not seeing any other old men.
Brandon (as Umbi): There aren't any as old as me. That's the problem.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric (as Bartlett): That's a good point.
Brandon: Okay. So as Umbi saw this other winged creature, but there's nothing that— nothing else I can really do here, right, Eric?
Eric: You saw another bird in the sky. You saw two birds in the sky? That could mean something. It could mean nothing. Who knows? And Bartlett didn't see anything.
Brandon: Now, would there— one of those two birds Bartlett or am I unclear about that?
Eric: It's unclear, but you could probably assume one could have been Bartlett.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: I don't know. How sure are we about anything in this world?
Julia: Fair. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: You know, that's a good fucking point. I'm gonna share that info with my crewmates here, and then trip off of a ledge and teleport back up.
Eric: Sure, sure, sure.
Amanda (as Troy): Alright. Well, I guess be aware from threats from above as well.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Spooky, don't like.
Brandon (as Umbi): Spooky, don't like.
Amanda (as Troy): Sometimes you forget, threats can come from above or below.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Absolutely.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Onward.
Brandon (as Umbi): Onward.
Eric: He's so insightful. I forget, is Havana here? No. Right?
Julia: No, we left him.
Brandon: No.
Eric: Okay, great.
Julia: I left him on the ship.
Eric: I just wanted to know if I had to do Havana— I had to make Havana jokes at the same time.
Julia: You're good.
Brandon: I mean, you could make them if you just want to you.
Julia: We could just pan back to Havana whenever you want.
Brandon: Yeah. Is he maybe coloring?
Eric: Yeah. He has a medical textbook out, and he's coloring inside the lines.
Julia: Aw.
Amanda: Oh, he's making hand turkeys with the pumpy's paws.
Julia: Aw.
Amanda: Can Troy roll another survival check looking ahead to see if there are any, like, clearings in the tree canopy, or places that he might— if he were attacking from the sky, choose to pick on us? Why are you laughing?
Eric: Are there any good spots to be attacked from the sky? Is a funny thing—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —you only hear while playing these games.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Oh, yeah.
Brandon: I mean, I say that every day, but that's just me.
Eric: Yeah, sure. Give me another survival check. Sure.
Amanda: [dice roll] Oh.
Julia: I got another one, too.
Amanda: Natural 20.
Julia: Oh, Amanda.
Eric: Ooh.
Brandon: Amanda, you're back.
Amanda: I did it.
Brandon: You did it.
Julia: You done did it.
Eric: So can you tell me— what do you want to know?
Amanda: I want to assess our path from where we are to the fire at the top of the cake.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: And note if there are any spaces where we need to be particularly vigilant to a threat from above, like clearings in the tree canopy where, for example, I was dive bombing a group. I would do it because I didn't crash through the tree canopy to get to them.
Eric: Ah, that's a very good point. Sure, sure, sure. I think exactly what you're saying is totally true. There's underbrush and there's trees kind of dotted around in the random way that Mother Nature shook her salt and pepper around our world, you know? So there's definitely an optimal path for you to go through if you don't want to be spied on, for sure. With your Nat 20 survival check, I'll also tell you you're getting closer to that little fire on the top, on the multilayered cake that is Mango Crossing. You see that fire compared to the fire you saw far away? One to one.
Amanda: Yeah, Troy will share with Cammie and Umbi the spots to avoid and the path to take, and then say—
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, should you, like, let them know that we're almost there?
Julia (as Cammie): I would, but it's a fairly high level spell, and I don't want to keep using it.
Amanda (as Troy): No, that's fair. That's fair.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Julia: Can I do a nature check?
Eric: On what?
Julia: I want to see if I remember anything about Mango Crossing and potential flying creatures that might try to eat me in the middle of the night.
Eric: Okay. If you're remembering something—
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: —that would be a history check. But if you want to look around and try to get an understanding of the nocturnal flora and fauna that is around you, that would be a nature check.
Julia: Okay. I'll do that, then. [dice roll] Okay, great. 18 plus 7.
Eric: Alright, fucking Zoobooks. I guess this is a fucking Zoobooks. You have all waited— it is 1993.
Amanda: You're at the dentist. Highlights and Zoobooks are your only two choices.
Eric: And you're like, "Oh, no, I already read the giraffe ones. I don't really care about frogs. Oh, Mango Crossing." And you open it up and start to read all about it. So it is not strange for one of the islands in the Great Salt Sea to have this sort of climb, temperate, coastal, various stuff happening, not strange. The difference is— and because Mango Crossing was marked on the map, this is the main tortango birthing spot.
Julia: Right. Like Komodo dragons.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: Exactly, right.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: Are there tortangos in other places? Sure. This is the place, right? That's why it's on the map.
Amanda: Yes. That's why we have to go around. It's like a protected breeding zone.
Eric: Exactly.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That's the whole— it's— this is a— it's not a protected breeding zone. It's a protected breeding zone in the way that you should protect yourself by not going in the breeding zone.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah, that's fair.
Eric: And that's the whole reason of the convenience store, right?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: So it's a little bit weird here. Kind of everything about the ecology of Mango Crossing revolves around the tortangos. There are plenty of creatures that revolve around the tortango life cycle. Predators, however good that is, there's probably like a ferret or a muskrat, or— what's the one that fights cobras?
Julia: Mongoose.
Brandon: Honey badger.
Eric: Mongoose and honey badger, yeah. There's probably— those type of creatures that, like, have adapted to be good at dealing with tortangos. Like mongooses are— don't get affected by snake poison.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: There's probably an incredibly— like a cabbage hedgehog that is really good at taking hits from a tortango, right?
Brandon: Cabbage hedgehog is very funny.
Amanda: Then the outer leaf peels off when it gets gross.
Eric: Exactly. And it just grows back, right? There's also creatures that have symbiotic relationships with the tortango. The tortango mothers, I think, have like birds that perch on them. They leave the little algae that surround them, and probably has the little fish that also do that down below. But there's also creatures that have symbiotic relationships with tortango eggs.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Because tortango egg clutches are so well protected by the mothers that come around three times a day, once during the day, twice at night.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: Probably a safe place for certain creatures to hang out.
Brandon: Or, like, you know, if I were a bird, I would put my eggs in their nest.
Eric: That too.
Julia: Right.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: And also, lots of things revolve around the mother tortango coming around, kind of destroying everything in its path for a little while, and then going back into the water. If that happens three times a day, it's a big deal.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Why is my first thought, "Oh, let's check the bodies of our enemies in the path of the mother tortango."? Perfect.
Julia: And we'll do that later. I also assume, because you made a big point about tortango babies not surviving to adulthood, that there is something besides pirates that is—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —eating the tortango babies.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Like picking them off, like birds and baby turtles.
Amanda: Yeah. Or eating the eggs like the mongooses.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Once they're in the water, though, they're kind of competing with the mega fauna that's in the water. We've already talked about all the sea monsters—
Julia: Right.
Eric: —and big creeb —
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —and all that other stuff that hang out in the water. And big creeb eating medium-sized tortango. That's good lunch.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Okay. So this thing that might be following us might be a symbiotic predatory thing?
Eric: Yeah. From a nature perspective, it wouldn't surprise you that there are other birds in the area flying around at night.
Julia: Right. Okay.
Eric: But also, I don't think birds would be flying around at night here on Mango Crossing.
Julia: There would be bat, though.
Eric: They—
Amanda: Fruit bat, fruit bat, fruit bat, fruit bat.
Julia: Amanda, I love you so much.
Eric: Or bats, because they feel safe in the cave.
Brandon: Fruit bat.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It is the single most protected place in the world, is a tortang— is a place where a tortango mother has laid her clutches of eggs, especially because she comes around three times a day to check on them.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: So if I were a bird, I would not be flying around at night at Mango Crossing.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Um, Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): You should keep Bartlett close to you. Sentry mode, not Scout mode, because I think there's big things that might want to eat him.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Brandon: And then Umbi looks down at his wrinkly-esque skin and realizes, although, scientifically, I don't believe mangoes and pawpaws to be of a similar family. They sure do look similar.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Brandon: And he looks out and he goes—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, fuck.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't know if they necessarily want to eat you, but they might want to eat Bartlett.
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know, Cammie. I look awful a lot like a tortango now that I'm realizing it.
Amanda (as Troy): We gotta get Archie and the key, and we gotta get out of here as soon as possible.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I'm also, I think, baby tortango size, so they might come and swoop me up.
Eric: We have a tortango, we have Moo Deng, and we have Cammie all standing next to each other.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): If we— do you think if we draw a face on our backs that will, like, keep them away from us, you know?
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe if Troy puts his wings out—
Amanda (as Troy): What bigger target said this?
Julia (as Cammie): —we'll seem bigger. But we'll seem bigger so they don't want to attack us.
Amanda (as Troy): Less talking, more walking. Come on, let's stay together.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, okay, okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Less talking, more walking. Let's go,
let's go.
Amanda (as Troy): If one of those things starts to pick up one of us, we got to stay connected.
Amanda: And Troy is gonna take a rope out of his pack and sort of loop it around each of our waists so we're tethered together.
Eric: Gotcha.
Julia: Great. Love it.
Eric: Love it.
Brandon: Smart.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): I'm like a small dog and there's hawks around.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, no more tripping. Okay? I'm putting you in the middle.
Brandon: I was about to say—
Julia: Umbi trips again.
Eric: That's a high survival role. I'll tell you that much.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Alright, I'll give this to you. You guys are tied together. Troy knows the best way to stay hidden while climbing up. You can shimmy your way up. No problems there.
Amanda: Just so you know, it's Troy, then Umbi, then Cammie, because I trust Cammie to look after himself.
Brandon: Wow.
Julia (as Cammie): Thanks.
Eric: Brandon, you should go back and listen to 57 episodes of Campaign Three.
Brandon: Okay, hang on. Yeah, no, I get it.
Eric: Do you know Lucky Edie was a bundle of carrots?
Amanda: Wow.
Brandon: What?
Eric: That's crazy.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: I really think it was one carrot.
Julia: Not a single carrot, a bundle—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —of rainbow carrots.
Eric: I said a bundle of rainbow carrots. It's something I just had to remember, it was cool.
Amanda: And we thought she was beautiful until she started to talk.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Okay. You can head your way up. You're at the second highest tier of the Mango Crossing cake. As you get higher and higher, the layers get shorter and shorter, so I think—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —that pretty easily you can push your way up onto the top one, or you can kind of just look at it. And up here, all the stars in the sky, the warm orange glow, kind of below you—
Brandon (as Umbi): That was beautiful.
Eric: —and illuminated by the fire that has been rigorously maintained. Archimedes Sevens and the Key with a Gaze are sitting underneath the tree. The Key with a gaze drinking out of a flask, and Archimedes Sevens playing an instrument that doesn't make any sense to the human eye.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Or a human ear for that matter. There's holes, finger pedals, and adjustments.
Brandon: And strings.
Eric: And there's brass and wood and strings in different places.
Brandon: And tubes?
Eric: Yeah. And it soun— I cannot describe to you on this podcast what it sounds like, but it's nice. He seems pretty good at it. There's a big bag, like, there seems to be some sort of bagpipe situation involved.
Julia: I feel like we all kind of comedically pop our heads up at the same time and Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Avast ye!
Brandon (as Umbi): Yar!
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, we made it.
Eric: One last thing, after you do your Scooby-Doo entrance, there is a pool of water up at the top here.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, no.
Eric: That's taking up the majority of this top tier. Like the camp and your two friends and their fire are kind of, like, pushed to the edges of this pool.
Amanda: Like a volcano.
Eric: A little bit like a volcano. It's not that ridged, but it's like plateaued at the top. The pool takes up the majority of the space.
Julia: Cammie repeats—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, no!
Amanda (as Troy): So hi, guys. Glad you're good. We gotta go.
Julia (as Cammie): You should not be here specifically.
Amanda (as Troy): Yes. That's gonna want to eat you as it takes its drink.
Julia (as Cammie): Like a bar snack.
Eric: Archimedes taking his mouth off of one of three reeds, says—
Eric (as Archie): What is the password?
Julia (as Cammie): You didn't give us a password. It said, "Be polite to a ghost." Are you a ghost now?
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Boy, oh, I don't trust him.
Eric (as Archie): I don't, either. Once you get the password, I will know that you were, in fact, my friends, and not a trick that has been brought to me to take me and my good friend— the good— and my good friend Gaze.
Eric: That's funny. And he possible said it anyway.
Julia: No, he probably said it anyway.
Eric (as Archie): And my good friend Gaze, they would not take us away. Once you have the password, you will be able to come to us. You will be able to come to us.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know what it is. Is it boobs?
Julia (as Cammie): It's almost always boobs.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is it boobies?
Eric (as Archie): It's not—
Julia: Is it?
Brandon: Is it?
Julia: Is it?
Eric (as Archie): It's not boob— it is not boobies.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, but who else will guess that, except for the real Umbi?
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true. It's a good point.
Eric (as Archie): It is not up for me to decide— that is not up for me to decide. My Greenfolk eyes and the awakened Greenfolk eyes of my compatriots are not enough for us to determine. That is why you have to talk to the ghost.
Brandon (as Umbi): Alright. Should we just—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Where's the ghost?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Excuse me, sir or madam, would love to meet your acquaintance. My name is Troyvides Riptide, that's— that one's my nickname, Breakstone. And I would be most pleased to seek entrance to your plateau.
Brandon (as Umbi): What is happening?
Amanda: See, Troy, kind of stands up with better posture, shoulders back.
Julia (as Cammie): I think he's just trying to be nice to a ghost that might not be here.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): The ghost isn't here, lad.
Brandon (as Umbi): Where's the ghost?
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Where is it?
Amanda (as Troy): Excuse me, sir or madam, would love to make your acquaintance.
Amanda: And Troy turns, like, 45 degrees to the right.
Julia: Troy.
Eric (as Archie): Although you are absolutely displaying qualities that I would remember from people I've seen the past, like my— who you seem with your visages, seem to be by mentor, Umbi, Troyvides Riptide, disgraced Prince of the Sea and their friends.
Julia: Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me again.
Eric (as Archie): I want to say, Janine. I can't— I have employed the mystical and the magical to help remove the flaws of the Greenfolk elements. Please return to the cave where you were supposed to go on the line, and you'll be able to talk to the ghost. Unless I must be— I— unless I would, obviously, have to have known that you are imposters. Because if we were friends, you would do the thing that you would do the task upon which I have, in fact, laid it upon you.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. First off, I was communicating with the Key with a Gaze, not you, so you didn't give us any task.
Eric (as Archie): I told—
Julia (as Cammie): And second of all, it's fucking Cammie.
Brandon (as Umbi): I also just want to say, Archie, look, I'll do your thing here, but as your mentor and best friend, I am insulted and I am hurt. So, you know, once I get the password, we're gonna have--
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): You think— you should tell him. You should tell him.
Julia: Oh, no.
Eric (as Archie): If, Umbi, that is who you are, I have a new best friend.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'll kill him, I'll kill him.
Eric (as Archie): But you're still my mentor.
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'll kill him, Monkey.
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'll kill him dead.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Oh, you better come and try, old man.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): You wrinkly, stinky, affectionately, of course, I mean all of this. You—
Brandon (as Umbi): Rinky stinky.
Julia (as Cammie): Rinky stinky.
Amanda (as Troy): Excuse me. Excuse me, sirs, would you please accompany us to the cave that way, if we do indeed get the right password? You can leave with us post-haste. And if we are, in fact, impostors, wouldn't the cave be a great way to kill us? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Brandon (as Umbi): Huh?
Julia (as Cammie): Because we know it's full of tortango eggs.
Amanda (as Troy): And also, there is something circling these skies that does not want us to leave alive.
Julia (as Cammie): And we were just down there. We climbed all the way.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Ay, that would make sense.
Brandon (as Umbi): And this is not a trap for me to kill you, Mr. Gaze.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, why would you say that?
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Aye. It mean— I mean, it makes sense.
Eric: The Key with a Gaze pulls out a revolver, fires into the air, and then you hear, "Aahh!" And then something falls.
Amanda (as Troy): Clearly, we need your—
Julia (as Cammie): What was that?
Amanda (as Troy): —wise guidance to make it down alive.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, I get it, Archie. That was metal as fuck.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): There are Diamond Knot scouts everywhere. Of course, they're looking for us and they're looking for you.
Julia (as Cammie): Wait, the bat/bird is a Diamond Knot scout?
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Aye.
Amanda (as Troy): What kind of creature is it?
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): This is why there's a password system.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm just saying that we communicated twice, and you never said anything about a password. You just said, "Be polite to a ghost."
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Aye. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry, miss. I didn't know that I had more— I didn't know that I had a 100 words on which upon to relay all my messages.
Julia (as Cammie): You’re allowed to say yar.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Yar.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, wait. Does this help?
Amanda: And from his quiver, Troy draws the raggedy old era with his signet ring. Pulls it out.
Amanda (as Troy): This shows I am who I am, does it not?
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Hey, what is this?
Amanda: He chucks it over.
Amanda (as Troy): It's the signet ring of me, Troyvides, House of Breakstone. No one else could have this.
Eric (as Archie): Okay, for sure.
Eric: [dice roll] Hmm. I don't know why I rolled, that didn't help me at all.
Brandon: That is the fucking motto of my life, Eric.
Eric: Yeah. Alright, I'll give it to you. This is good. In my head, what you've been doing is you kind of, like, pop your head out and you're still on the second to highest tier here—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —in, like, the pool and the whole setup. It's almost like— you know, it's like at the top of your chest, like when you're in a pool, and it's just like below your necks.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So—
Amanda: Elbows on the edge.
Eric: Yeah. It's like your— yeah, your elbows can almost be on the edge there, so you're looking up to it. Troy, as you toss the signet ring up, it bounces off of something, and then you see, like a magical pulse go, "Boom, boom, boom, boom."
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa.
Amanda: Do I catch it?
Eric: Yeah, you can catch it.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Brandon (as Umbi): What the fuck was that?
Amanda (as Troy): Uh, sorry, but here.
Amanda: And he sort of holds it up to the edge.
Eric (as Archie): What about the magical and mystical defenses do you not understand? This is our magical and mystical defenses I have arranged.
Brandon (as Umbi): I didn't teach you magic. What happened? Where'd you get that?
Eric (as Archie): I knew it from my past.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa.
Eric: Archimedes looks pensively away.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. They're not gonna let us in.
Brandon (as Umbi): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Please come down with us. We can't waste more time.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think we're wasting time right now.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric: Make a perception check with advantage.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa, advantage.
Amanda: That is an 12 plus 2 for a 14.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Okay.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Alright, let me get these old teethy bones over there.
Eric: And the Key with a Gaze— God. I forget how the Key with a Gaze ambulates. I was like, "Does he have a peg leg to balance him out?"
Julia: Yes. He has two peg legs if I remember it correctly.
Eric: That's right. He does, right. It's like a tripod situation that he could like— you know when they're moving like the Easter Island heads where, like, they—
Amanda: Uh-huh.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —roll from one side of them to the other. I think it's like that.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: And the Key with a Gaze says—
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Hold it up again. Let me see it.
Amanda: Troy holds it up toward the light.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): I'm going to take this. Push it up against the wall.
Amanda (as Troy): Will you return it?
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): If you're who, who you say you are.
Amanda (as Troy): That's fine.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Yar.
Amanda: And Troy pushes it against the barrier.
Eric: Brrr. Has the Key with a— has— I bet he has a grabber.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Or one of his peg legs is a grabber.
Amanda: Ooh, nice.
Brandon: It's a grabber.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: That's fucking incredible.
Julia: Love that for him.
Eric: And he pull one of his peg legs up, a claw comes out.
Julia: Archie built it for him.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. For sure. Claw reaches through kind of the barrier and—
Brandon: I want to grab it.
[theme]
Amanda: Hello, everyone, it's Amanda. Yet another important update here at the top of the midroll, the dice are here, people. The dice are here. We thought that they would be shipping to you at the beginning of next year. We were wrong. Our partners at Dispel completely crushed it, and suddenly, we have dice ready to ship. So if you preordered a set, they are shipping to you this week. This week, people, as the episode comes out. We're so excited. And if you haven't yet preordered the dice, because waiting for stuff is hard, you no longer have to wait. Go to jointhepartypod.com/dice and you can get a pair right now to send to your home. Oh, my God, I'm so excited. They're so beautiful. You're gonna love it. As a reminder, these are absolutely gorgeous plant pirate dice, crystal blue like the waters of Verda Stello, with flowers and treasure and parrots all up in them. And if you supported us by buying an in-person or virtual ticket to the Rolling Bones Tour, make sure to check your inboxes and you will get a special discount code. If for whatever reason you did not get that email, just email me, amanda@multitude.productions. So get your dice, get them today, get them for the holidays. Hanukkah and Christmas are coming. They're two months away, people. Get your orders in now, jointhe partypod.com/dice. There's so much happening in Multitude, not just surprisingly having dice even earlier than we thought we would, but also Eric and I just launched a new show, Attach Your Resume is a brand-new podcast from Multitude that interviews online creators about how their jobs work and how they got there. You can hear the personal stories behind seismic events in digital media and learn what concrete steps we can take as people, as freelancers, as workers, to build a sustainable media landscape. Hosted by Eric and me, we alternate who does interviews with different creators that we love and admire. And Attach Your Resume is trying to prove that the best credential for deciding the future of media is actually making the stuff. It is fundamentally empowering and interesting. And if you are contemplating a career change, or you're interested in the media and sort of world behind media, if you like listening to us talk about the podcasting industry and want to learn about other industries, all of that is for you. Listen to Attach Your Resume, subscribe to it in your podcast app now. We are sponsored this week by Mint Mobile. Now, I have been off the family phone plan since I was 18, and sometimes I get caught into family group chats where my dad has to liaise with, like, various customer service agents, and all my siblings are like, "Oh, no, my phone service." Blah, blah, blah. It's very annoying. And I think the thing that all of us hate to do the most is to be on the phone with customer support trying to just change something that you should be able to change on a website about your phone plan. The great thing about Mint Mobile is that they have an absolutely incredible website. I can personally, genuinely attest. It's a very good website, and it is a very easy and straightforward way to get phone service. Best of all, right now, they're offering wireless service for $15 a month with the purchase of a three-month plan. To get started, you should go to mintmobile.com/jointheparty, and you'll see that right now, all three- month plans are only 15 bucks a month, including the unlimited plan. Now, all plans they offer come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your own phone and bring your own phone number along with all of your existing contacts. And again, cannot emphasize this enough, the absolute joy of taking care of a minor customer service issue on a website, as opposed to calling a phone number. To get this new customer offer in your new three-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com/jointheparty. That's mintmobile.com/jointheparty. Cut your wireless bills of 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com/jointheparty. Disclaimer time, $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on the first three-month plan only. Speed's slower, above 40 gigabytes on a limited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. And now, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Amanda: No. Brandon.
Eric: Alright.
Brandon: You want to slide a hand or something?
Amanda: I mean, if Umbi has to reach past me, does this provoke an opportunity attack for me? Like, can I—
Julia: Can you slap his hand away?
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah. We can have a contest, can we do that?
Eric: I— okay. I think— yeah. I think the rolls, because this isn't hard to put your hand out, it would be between Troy and Umbi.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It would be difficult for you to do it, but I think that there's a few things standing in your way. One of which is that, like, there's only a little bit of grabber coming through.
Brandon: Right. Right.
Eric: But I think that Troy— I think that we should see if Umbi can do this in front of Troy first.
Brandon: Yeah, okay.
Amanda: Is that cool? Could we do like a, you know, a contest or something?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Let's do a contest. Yeah. I think— Alright, let's do dex checks. Who— let's see, uh, who can— who goes faster.
Brandon: Alright. Let's go, Amanda.
Julia: Wow. We haven't had a PvP in a while.
Amanda: 5.
Brandon: I got a 10 plus 3 for 13.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: Alright.
Julia: The one time Brandon rolls well.
Eric: Umbi is acting out because he's not Archimedes best friend anymore.
Julia: That's literally what's happening, I think.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So, because the grabber is only crossing the plane a little bit—
Brandon: Right.
Eric: —you only have a little bit to hold on to here. I'm gonna come up and say that you need a 17.
Brandon: Okay. For Dex?
Eric: You need 17 for Dex.
Brandon: I don't think I'm gonna get that.
Amanda: I respect you, Brandon. Troy, just, uh, opposes this action.
Brandon: No, no, I would do the same thing. I encourage it.
Julia: You would also slap our hand out of the way.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. I got a 2 plus 3.
Julia: Yep. That's about right.
Eric: Yeah, that's about right.
Julia: That's about right. That's what it would have been.
Brandon: Were we— were any of us really worried, guys? Were we really worried?
Julia: Kinda.
Eric: I was.
Amanda: And now he knows you're trying to do it.
Eric: I was. Alright. So here's what happens, so Troy's holding up the signet ring. The Key with a Gaze comes over with one of his peg legs turned into a grabber, just gets the lit— the smallest bit of the claw through the barrier to try to cinch onto the signet ring. And then Umbi just— what? Just barrels forward, trying to grab it?
Brandon: I don't think I'd barrel. We're really close to each other. I just kind of like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Gah!
Amanda: We're still lashed.
Eric: You go, "Gah!"
Amanda (as Troy): No!
Eric: And then the Key with a Gaze pulls it back, be like—
Amanda (as Troy): I'm so sorry, don't hold it against us.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Aye. Once again, these are qualities I would expect from you ev— I would expect from this crew. However—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): —this— I need— this is also qualities I would expect from frustrated people who've been sieging us for days.
Brandon (as Umbi): If my bones weren't so old, I would have gotten you.
Amanda (as Troy): Please check the ring, sir.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): I'm not doing that again. Go get the password.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Bye.
Julia (as Cammie): I had a feeling it was gonna be like this.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Aye. So did I. Yar.
Brandon (as Umbi): Aye. Yar.
Julia (as Cammie): Alright, back down we go. Woo-hoo.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): If you are who you say you are, you'll have a little bit of an advantage to be able to take care of it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Tight. Let's go.
Eric (as Key with a Gaze): Archie, keep playing that thing. I love the dulcet/haunting tones that this instrument can play.
Brandon: It's also got foot pedals and— you know like a glass harmonica? You know, there's like—
Eric: No.
Julia: No.
Eric: I haven't seen that.
Brandon: Google glass harmonica real quickly. It's an instrument that is unique that Ben Franklin maybe made.
Julia: He did everything.
Eric: God, it looks like a loom.
Amanda: Whoa.
Julia: It does look like a loom. That's wild.
Brandon: It makes really cool, spooky sound.
Amanda: That's crazy.
Brandon: It's got all that shit in there.
Julia: Yeah, it was invented by Ben Franklin. Fucking of course it was.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: This is— has— is real Thur— their old-timey Thurman coated.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: It's kind of exactly what it sounds like, too. Yeah.
Amanda: Was Ben Franklin rich? Is that why he had so much time to fuck around?
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: I mean, yes.
Amanda: That's crazy.
Brandon: He was a founding father. Of course, he was rich.
Julia: Yeah. None of them were like, "Ooh, I'm not doing so well. I guess I'll go into politics."
Brandon: He was a white man in the 18th century.
Amanda: Fair.
Brandon: So we do everything we just did, but we just hit—
Julia: Reverse.
Brandon: We hit reverse on the VCR and we do it—
Julia: We rewind.
Brandon: And reverse rewind. Thank you.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy is pretty pissed, so he's going to lead us at a bit of a punishing pace through the jungle, avoiding those spots, down again to the cave.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, my legs are so short. Can we please slow down?
Amanda (as Troy): Only if you really need it. I'm so close.
Julia (as Cammie): I do.
Brandon (as Umbi): I have to pee. Can we stop?
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm hungry.
Julia (as Cammie): Are we there yet?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, my God. Is this what being a parent is like?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know.
Julia (as Cammie): You're already a father. You have a pumpy.
Brandon (as Umbi): You tell us.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, it's better behaved than you two. God.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, because he can't talk.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, he's great.
Eric: Um, yeah. And you are back where you started, in front of the big cave.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, back where we started.
Julia (as Cammie): Does it seem like the tortango has come through since we were here last?
Eric: It's a good question.
Julia: Can I roll something to determine that, Eric?
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, do some nature. Do some nature biz.
Brandon: Nature biz.
Julia: Rocking and rolling with my nature checks lately, [dice roll] so 18. [dice roll]
Eric: Yeah, there are some recently destroyed trees that weren't destroyed when you were here 20 minutes ago. So maybe while you were gone, a mother came by and did her night— and did one of her night checks, and is now underway.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. I think we should hurry, but I do think it already came by.
Brandon (as Umbi): Tight.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't— or it could still be in there, and that's very concerning as well.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think we could outrun a big, ol' sluggish tortango. I mean, it's literally a tortango. There's the saying— there's a saying of slow as a tortango.
Julia (as Cammie): Maybe in Overstalk. I've never heard that before.
Eric: I think it must be one of those things where it's like, slow as a tortango, but dangerous as a tortango.
Julia: Yeah. Like, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
Eric: Yeah. Or an— or it's like something slow— something that's like slowly coming towards you, but you can't do anything about it, so you— it's just— like the horror of seeing it.
Julia: Like death?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah, like death. Like, slowly creep of death.
Brandon: I mean, haven't you guys heard of the parable of the tortango and the pear?
Eric: Nice.
Julia: Fuck.
Eric: There you go.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm so tired of parables and metaphors and all the rest of this excuse me crap.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda: Troy is going to stride forward toward the mouth of the cave and say—
Amanda (as Troy): "Excuse me, Mr. Ghost. Excuse me."
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you have to, like, spook it out? Like, ooh, Mr. Ghost.
Amanda (as Troy): Troy Riptide.
Julia (as Cammie): I think that would be rude.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, my bad.
Amanda (as Troy): Sorry to say, in a hurry.
Eric: Inside, someone scoffs.
Eric (as Mr. Ghost): Talking to me from the entrance of a cave. What are you, the milk man?
Amanda (as Troy): What is milk man?
Eric (as Mr. Ghost): It's a person who— that's a person who comes by and delivers the milk, but you wouldn't know that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can you get delivery of milk all the way out here?
Julia (as Cammie): Wait, hold on. Let's not do what we usually do. Let's be polite. Ghost, may we please come in so we can have a discussion with you?
Eric (as Mr. Ghost): Yeah, your mom's telling you to be polite. You better come on in.
Brandon (as Umbi): She's not my mom.
Amanda: Troy gives Cammie a thumbs up.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Thank you, for your hospitality.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait, wait. If we come in, this— like are we gonna get attacked by a mother? tortango?
Julia (as Cammie): That's rude to ask.
Brandon (as Umbi): Why is that rude?
Eric (as Mr. Ghost): Can't even figure out if you want to come in the cave or not. Doesn't bode well for you.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, let us put our feud on the back burner. Get it? It's like a stove, and the thing on the back burner is the one that you are not stirring as much.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, can you explain it for me a little bit more?
Amanda (as Troy): I think you are joking. Let us proceed.
Julia: We're gonna quietly step into the cave.
Eric: And it's good that it's quietly, because as soon as you come in the cave and your eyes adjust, there are clutches of tortango eggs everywhere.
Julia (as Cammie): Don't touch anything.
Eric: I think there's like five or six of them. They're the size of— they're definitely bigger than a basketball.
Julia: Oh, yeah.
Eric: They have to be.
Julia: I'm picturing them like waist high.
Brandon: Wow. Waist high?
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Damn. Well, waist high for a Julia maybe.
Julia: Waist high for a Julia, okay?
Amanda: Small boulder, big beach ball.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. Big beach ball. The tortango is like all curled up inside of there too, whether the--
Julia: Aw.
Eric: Embryo is like all curled up.
Julia: Like a T-Rex.
Eric: So each clutch has like six eggs in them, and there's about six or seven of them dotted around this cave. Some of them are already open, re the tortango babies you saw earlier, but most of them are still all egged up. The ground of this cave is dirt. Real, classic cave stuff, drippy stalagmites and stalactites.
Brandon: Whoa.
Julia: Whoa. Both?
Brandon: Both.
Eric: Both. That's what I give you here on this imagination stage.
Brandon: Wow.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: And the dirt of the cave have kind of been pushed up into little piles surrounding the eggs, keeping them firm. And floating in the air is a ghost with floppy hair and a kind of a ripped tunic and ripped cargo pants. This Greenfolk ghost is a dogwood branch.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: With like branch body, arms, legs, and then some dogwood flowers blooming in strategic places around his body.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: But the one thing that these dogwood flowers cannot block is the constant smirk that this ghost has on his face.
Julia: This guy's gonna suck.
Amanda (as Troy): Wonderful to meet you, good sir.
Brandon: Well, Eric, you know what I'm gonna say, right?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: I think I might know this guy.
Eric: You think you might know this guy?
Amanda: Yay!
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Alright. Let's roll that with D 10 and see if you know this dude.
Brandon: I'm so scared to roll it. I don't want— I want it so bad.
Amanda: Did you get it?
Eric: What'd you roll?
Brandon: Eric, I rolled a 10.
Eric: You rolled a 10.
Amanda: Yay!
Julia: Yay!
Brandon: Yes!
Julia: Brandon, I'm so proud of you.
Brandon: I know this ghost.
Julia: That's the only time a 10 is good.
Brandon: I know this ghost.
Eric: Remind me—
Brandon: I know this ghost.
Eric: Remind me— because we haven't done— we haven't been successful on this in a little while. Remind the folks at home what the success is for this look like.
Brandon: Roll a D 10. On a 10, you've met this person or their parents according to your age, years ago, and got on well or not, up to you.
Julia: Or not.
Eric: Okay, great. And even in a ghostly version. And I imagine this is like legs going into ghost tail, sort of ghost, semi translucent, easy to see in the darkness of the cave.
Brandon: A mer-ghost.
Amanda: Let Cammie explain.
Eric: You know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. Come on.
Brandon: I just thought that's funny.
Eric: It's not— he's not a mermaid. He is a ghost.
Julia: Yeah, we know, we know.
Brandon: Yeah, he's a ghost mate.
Eric: You recognize this ghost because early on in your career as a politician, it was your responsibility of keeping tabs, kind of on World News, and one of which, of course, was the builder competition.
Brandon: Right.
Julia: Oh, shit.
Eric: As I've described before, the builder competition in my head is a se— is kind— somewhere between the Olympic decathlon and the Hunger Games.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Where everyone competes in a series of deadly and incredibly taxing challenges, and whoever wins at the end becomes the builder. It happens every once in a while. The builder is a kind of a pharaoh, god king position where it lasts until you die. Unless, of course, you step down, which has only happened once in history before.
Amanda: Thanks, Benedict.
Julia: And he's still around, baby.
Eric: This is important because this— because you remember this kid from the building competition that bore out Heron Agrillus, who was the only Constructor Emeritus ever in the entire history of the Hot House. It's kind of like a real, like, Princess Diana situation, where people don't care about different kings and queens of England throughout time. But when there's a scandal, people really do honed in on things that had happened in their life.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: Maybe you even went to the building competition. I think that's probably happened.
Brandon: Oh, I definitely did, yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Which is why you know them.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: You meet with all the contestants. This is a little macabre, because, like, a bunch of them are gonna tie by the end of the whole thing. And you remember one of the front runners was— you remember this face, this smirking, stupid dogwood face of Romulus H. Twiggs.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Julia: Oh, that's a good fucking name, bro.
Amanda: That's a good name.
Eric: This is Romulus H. Twiggs. You met him when you were a younger man. He was one of the front runners to win the building competition, and then disappeared in between rounds at some point.
Julia: Definitely got murdered.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: This is also worthwhile because this was a long, long time ago. This was like two building competitions before, because it went Heron Agrillus, then it went the current builder, who is super, super, super old right now. And eventually, that dude's gonna die. And there's going to be a building competition really, really soon. Which is why Archimedes Sevens is the way that he is.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Fair.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: Which is why he's, like, going on night's quests all the time before the building competition.
Brandon: And he's also just Archie. You know, that's just—
Eric: He's also like that, but also, because of he feel— he's like a knight of the round table in this way.
Amanda: He's intense. That's okay.
Brandon: Umbi's going to take a few steps forward, get really close to this ghost face, like uncomfortably close to this ghost face, and look at him and—
Julia (as Cammie): Be polite. Be polite.
Brandon: And then he pulls a candle out from somewhere, and just like—
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait a second, I know you.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): No, you don't, old man. I don't know no one about nothing.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're Romulus H. Twiggs, aren't you? We used to hang out. Do you remember me?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Why do you know my name, old man?
Brandon (as Umbi): Because you're— okay. You remember during the— it was like— God, it must have been 4,000 years ago when they did the last builder games.
Julia: No, it wasn't.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. You were not that old.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you remember that? And you competed and then during, like, the— some of the, like, off times, like, we used to hang out in the— that box, what, heats steam— the steam box.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Oh, in the steam— oh, yeah. You were the guy who kept—
Brandon (as Umbi): The sauna, the sauna.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): —asking me questions about my form during the steam room.
Brandon (as Umbi): Not your form, but like your form.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): No, like— yeah. Not like my form, but like, what I— with my form. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, I remember you. Yeah, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. We had a great time. You don't remember? We hung out.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): No, I remember you. You're much o— is this how much time it's been since then?
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, it's been at least 4,000 years, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Contestant Twiggs, my companion is old, but not that old. He is sometimes losing track of time. It is so wonderful to meet you. I, too, prove myself in a medal of strength, but nowhere near, I think, as much as you did.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah. Yeah, I remember you. Senator Triloba. We're always in steam rooms and stuff. What's—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, yeah, yeah.
Julia: Cammie goes under her breath—
Julia (as Cammie): Always in steam rooms?
Amanda: And Troy leans over and goes—
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi has a second name?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I go by Umbi now because I'm a pirate, so—
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): You're—
Amanda (as Troy): Less formal.
Brandon (as Umbi): Less formal.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): You're a pirate now. It's a long— that's a long fall from the sen— that's a long fall from the State House, isn't it, senator? Former Senator. I guess I'll just call you Umbi, because we're, like, the same now. Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): We are. Do you hug?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): And we respect that.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): But Alright. Yeah.
Eric: He, like, holds a handout for a handshake.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Brandon: We do a Roman man handshake.
Eric: Yeah. And his arm just, like, goes through your arm. Be like—
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): Fake it 'till you make it.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Oh, yeah. Not senator anymore. You might want to lift your right leg.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric: You look down. There is a, like— I have a photo here of an orchid.
Julia: I'm scared.
Amanda: I'm scared.
Julia: I don't know why I'm scared. I think it's the fact that you had the photo prepared for us.
Brandon: Yep.
Eric: It almost looks like it's a— like a sheet of orchids.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: It's like a rectangle of orchid flowers.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: What I think it's cool, it's these white orchids with, like, red, magenta dots all over them.
Brandon: Really pretty. Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Beautiful.
Eric: And Umbi, you lift your leg, and this mat of orchids is, like, reared up, ready to, like, pounce on your leg.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh!
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, no.
Eric: And you move your leg and it, like, jumps pa— and it jumps fast.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, geez. Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you, kind sir.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Hey, why's your bo— why is, like, your grandchild calling me sir? I'm not no sir. I'm just Ro— I'm just Twiggs.
Amanda (as Troy): How would you prefer to be addressed?
Julia (as Cammie): He's just being is— polite as possible.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Sir is my dad, if I ever met him.
Amanda: Troy freezes for a second, and then goes—
Julia: Not engaging.
Amanda (as Troy): I just learned how to read.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's Troy. He's a—
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Oh, you know how to read? [scoffs] Alright. [scoffs] Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): You can ignore Troy. He's, like, in a state right now.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-huh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Because we are looking for a password and we do not have it.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Oh, a password? Yeah. Uh-huh.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you have one for us? Is it boobies?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): I wish it was boobies. [scoffs] It's not.
Julia (as Cammie): It could be.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's boobies, isn't it?
Eric: [dice roll] Cammie, what's your AC?
Julia: 14.
Eric: Oh.
Brandon: Can you get— is that with your upgrade, too?
Julia: That's with the upgrade, baby.
Brandon: Ooh.
Amanda: Tough.
Eric: Cammie, take 11 points of piercing damage.
Brandon: Holy shit.
Julia: Ooh, okay.
Eric: As you feel two sharp teeth dig into the meat of your calf.
Julia (as Cammie): Ow.
Eric: And this mat— this orchid mat is attached on you.
Julia: I pull it off me.
Julia (as Cammie): Ow.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa.
Eric: That's a good question. Cool. Yeah, you can use your— yeah. You can pull it off you.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon: I don't like to smile that Eric has.
Julia (as Cammie): I do, and I throw it away.
Eric: Sure, sure, sure. Make a roll for tossing it.
Julia: [dice roll] What skill am I using for that?
Eric: Add some Dex.
Julia: Oh. So I add a 0 to this nice, chunky 4 that I've got.
Eric: Hmm. Interesting, interesting. You throw this orchid mad away and you hit a tortango egg.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, God.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Stupid. I shouldn't—I didn't think I had to tell you, but don't do that.
Amanda (as Troy): Could you help us?
Julia (as Cammie): I wasn't trying to. I just got bit by a thing.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Oh, yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): And wanted it off of me.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): You gotta watch out for the bed blooms. That's like the number one thing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Bed blooms?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): I can't believe I had to tell you that.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. You're right. I didn't know.
Amanda (as Troy): We're very—
Julia (as Cammie): Unaware.
Amanda (as Troy): —uninformed. Could you tell us what else we need to know that might kill us very soon?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): [scoffs]
Julia (as Cammie): We really value your wisdom.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): [scoffs]
Amanda (as Troy): You seem really smart.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): I don't know if I have enough time to tell Senator Umbi is not Senator Umbi and his weird grandchildren about all the things they don't know. [scoffs]
Amanda (as Troy): Maybe begin— if I may suggest it.
Eric: I'm saying to Amanda's mic.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): [scoffs] Got it.
Brandon (as Umbi): I just need you to ignore my friends, look at me in the face, and tell me what the password is so we can leave you be, please.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah. Yeah.
Julia: I'm gonna keep an eye out for anything else that might be attacking us. Cammie is gonna fully turn away from this guy and look for animals.
Brandon (as Umbi): Remember how well we got on and all the secrets you told me that I've kept to my grave?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): I didn't tell you any secrets. I don't have any secrets. I'm just a kid from the streets who got brought in for the building competition, because that's all I knew. I was on the streets, and then they trained me. I was a living weapon, and then it was gone.
Amanda: Eric, I love you, but this NPC fucking sucks.
Eric: Yeah, I know. Make a perception check—
Julia: He's so fucking annoying. Yeah.
Eric: Make a perception check, Cammie.
Julia: [dice roll] 16 plus 3 for a 19.
Eric: Cool. Troy, what's your AC?
Amanda: [dice roll] 13.
Eric: Cammie, a bed bloom is going— is about to bite Troy on the right leg.
Julia: Hold on, hold on. I have a thing for this. I'm sure I have a thing for this. One second.
Amanda: Troy's gonna focus on behind the ghost and the rest of the cave. I bet it's coming at us from there.
Julia: Disorient. I'm gonna disorient it.
Eric: Tell me about it.
Julia: As an action, I choose one creature you can see within 60 feet to make the constitution saving throw. On a failed save, whenever this target makes an attack before the end of your next term, you must roll a D6 and subtract that number from the attack roll.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Thank you.
Eric: I'll make constitution saving throw.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That's a 16.
Julia: That is— oh, meets it, beats it.
Eric: Alright.
Julia: So sorry. Sorry, Troy.
Eric: Troy, you get munched on by the bed bloom.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Eric: Please take seven points of damage, of piercing damage as it sticks on your leg. It says here you have to use an action to remove it, so you can either look around or you can remove it.
Amanda: Troy's gonna wince, but keep his eyes focused over Twiggs' shoulders into the depths of the cave or anything that might be coming at us.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah, they're gonna bite you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Romulus.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Seriously. Look, we just need the password. Can I please have it?
Brandon: Can I please roll a persuasion check on this person?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): What, you're working with Archimedes? That nerd, that idiot, that— why would you do that?
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm not working with him. He is beneath me. He was one of my students for a while.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Beneath you? And now you're— you have to get a password from him?
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I need a password from you so I can go in there and get the key.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah, but— yeah. But, um, uh, if you're talking to me, that means you're working for him. You don't even know why I'm here, do you?
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, I assume—
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Why do you think a kid that you met 4,000 years ago is floating around as a ghost—
Julia: That's just not true.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): —in a cave in the middle of a tortango mating zone?
Brandon (as Umbi): Look, man, I used to be a fucking senator. I'm here now. What are we talking about? You died. It's fine.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): It's not fine. It's actually not fine that I died.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. What do you want me to do about it?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): You can't figure it out. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do about that.
Brandon (as Umbi): My dude, I thought we got on well.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah, we got on well, but I'm an asshole.
Eric: What would you like to persuade him to do, what?
Brandon: I would like to ask my old friend for the password, please.
Eric: Great. You can ask for the password.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: I'm looking for a 25 right now.
Brandon: I do have plus 7.
Eric: Great.
Julia: Okay. It's possible.
Brandon: Eric, got a 25, motherfucker.
Julia: You did not fucking get a 25.
Eric: No, you didn't.
Brandon: I got an 18 plus 7 is 25 amazing.
Julia: Jesus Christ.
Amanda: Amazing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Please, sir, I will gladly help you, but right now, I need a password, and I need to not have me and my friends be bit by these creatures. So, like, if you give me a password, we can come out of the cave, and I can help you in whatever way you need. We are friends. I will help you.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Alright, fi—
Julia (as Cammie): We— your unfinished business maybe. Maybe that's his problem.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah, I do have unfinished business. Thanks for asking. No one ever asked me what unfinished business I have, because I was an orphan, and then I was turned into a living weapon, and then I disappeared.
Julia (as Cammie): Would you like to tell us?
Brandon: Jason unborn? No. Jason dead. Jason dead.
Julia: Jason dead. Oh, my character for the next campaign.
Amanda: Yep.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Fine, I'll tell you the password if you do something for me.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, I'm happy to. We are friends.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): You want to know what happened?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yes.
Amanda: Musical number.
Julia (as Cammie): Desperately. I've never wanted to know anything more.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): The old constructor, Heron Argillus, he— we were competing against each other, but he knew I was gonna beat him, so he took— he took a soul gem, and he stuffed my soul in it. And now it's somewhere around here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, damn.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): I don't know where it is. I can't find it, but I know it's in this cave. That's why I'm stuck in here. You gotta find it—
Brandon (as Umbi): That sucks.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): —and destroy it, and let my soul go. And then I'll give you the password right before I go off and I'm finally able to deal with my business.
Brandon (as Umbi): Romulus, that's awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you, my good friend.
Julia (as Cammie): That's terrible.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Well, then you should ask me about it instead of asking me to give you a password. I'm a per— I'm a Greenfolk, too. I know I'm just an orphan from the streets who got brought in to do the building competition and then I got turned into a living weapon, and my soul got shoved into a soul gem.
Brandon (as Umbi): Romulus—
Brandon: And he takes his ghost head sort of in his hand, and he's like—
Brandon (as Umbi): —you're right. I'm sorry. I should have asked you about you. I'm happy to help you. Is there a way we can avoid being bitten by these things in other traps in this cave?
Amanda: Troy's weeping openly.
Eric: Well, one tear is just lingering on his ghost eyelid. Like—
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah. Yeah It's easy. Just— they're not that fast. You can just stay— just move quickly around them. It's fine.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): They're really good at sneaking up on you, so as long as you can do that. When you're looking for my soul gem, it kind of looks like— it's like, you know, one of those plants with teeth, but it's a gem.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Looks like that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cool. Got it. Got it.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): And it's probably, like, around here somewhere.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is there a mommy tortango in here that we need to avoid or she— did she leave?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): She came around here earlier today, but, um, you know, she's probably gonna come back at some point.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah. Okay. Clock. Yeah, got it.
Julia (as Cammie): So it is like a Venus flytrap, but it is a gem, and it's called a soul gem, correct?
Eric: Troy, because the bed bloom is still attached to you—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —please take eight more damage.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Points of damage from blood loss.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: As your head is feeling a little—
Amanda: Woozy?
Eric: —woozy.
Julia: Okay. Pull that— Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): [grunts]
Julia: And pulls it off.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.
Eric: Umbi and Cammie, give me two Dex checks.
Julia: I have things I can do. [dice roll] Damn it. 17.
Amanda: That's good.
Brandon: 21, 18 plus 3.
Amanda: Let's go, Brandon.
Eric: Alright. Both of you, there is— a new bed bloom is rearing up to grab both of you.
Julia: Cammie says—
Julia (as Cammie): No!
Eric: That's— there's a moment— yeah, there's always a moment where it rears up to, like, attack you, and that is the moment where you can get out of the way. So if you notice it, you can do a Dex competition to get out of the way. Both of them rolled a 16, so both of you were able to step out of the way before it goes to bite you. I like it—
Julia: Amazing.
Eric: —goes like "Mehh!" And just flops over.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia: Alright. Cammie says the thing that she just said, which is—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. So it's a gem that looks like a Venus flytrap.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): And it's called a soul gem, correct?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah, that's exactly what you're looking for. I don't know. I'm not one of those learned types. I just—
Julia (as Cammie): Cool.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Well, I just know them as a plant with teeth.
Julia (as Cammie): Cool. I've now described or named an object that is familiar to me.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): A Venus— a Venus flytrap?
Julia: I'm using locate object.
Brandon: Yay!
Amanda: Yay!
Julia: If it's within a 1,000 feet of me, I can find it. I sense the direction of the object's location as long as it's within a 1,000 feet of me. If the object is in motion, I can know the direction of the motion.
Brandon: What's funny is that we had that Comedy of Errors like a couple episodes ago, where we fucked everything up.
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: And now we are fucking hitting home runs every roll.
Eric: I'm fine with it. The thing— the challenge was deal with an asshole.
Brandon: Yeah. No, I know. No, I know.
Amanda: It was, it was.
Julia: It was a challenge.
Eric: Like, you did— you know what had to happen? Brandon needed to roll a 10 on a D 10 and roll a 25—
Brandon: 25, I know.
Eric: —skill check to get here.
Julia: We did it.
Brandon: It's wild.
Julia: We did it.
Eric: Okay. I have a thought here of locate object.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Have you ever seen a closed circuit TV camera that has, like, actual artificial intelligence behind it that, like, identifies objects?
Julia: Yes.
Brandon: That puts, like, a box around it?
Eric: Yeah. Where it, like—
Julia: Right.
Eric: —puts a little box around it. I like the idea that, like, you shoot this— your steam everywhere in, like, a 1,000-foot radius, and it almost, like, tags every object around you. It almost— like it puts a different hue on every single object.
Brandon: That's fun.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: The reason why I wanted you to do that is you shoot steam everywhere, and you get pings, and you get, like, a 100 pings around you, because there's a 100 bed blooms in here. Just like on all the walls, on the stalagmites, on the stalactites, on the eggs, on different eggs, all over, just around you at all times.
Julia: I thought for a second you were gonna say, "There's a 1,000 soul gems in here." I'm like, "Motherfucker."
Eric: No, that would be rude. That would be a rude thing to do.
Julia: That would be rude. That would be rude.
Eric: There is— and then you get a ping, ping, ping, ping, ding. And there is a gem that is kind of like— it's tessellated to look like a Venus flytrap. It is like— has the pot and a lit— and, like, a little pitcher coming out the top, little mouth, and a stem, and it's like— it grew— it's almost like it grew like that.
Amanda: I want one.
Julia: Okay. Cool.
Brandon: Pretty.
Eric: And it is inside of one of the eggs.
Julia: How? How? How did that happen? Explain it to me.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Amanda: Is there also a tortango embryo, or just the crystal?
Eric: That Cammie does not know.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): I'm extremely conflicted right now.
Eric: There's six eggs, and one of them has the soul gem in it.
Julia: I put my hand to it. Is it warm?
Eric: I'm gonna need an investigation check, my friend.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Good question.
Julia: Okay, okay. [dice roll] 14 plus 2 for a 16.
Brandon: Not bad.
Eric: Troy, Umbi, please give me Dex checks.
Amanda: [dice roll] 13.
Brandon: 14.
Eric: Okay, I rolled a 15, so I'm gonna attack you both. [dice roll] Troy, that's a 15 against your AC. Does that it?
Amanda: Yeah. Yep.
Eric: And then Umbi, [dice roll] I rolled a 2, so you're fine.
Brandon: Yay.
Julia: Good job, Umbi.
Amanda: I'm gonna do skin in my teeth. When an attacker makes an attack roll against me, I can use a risk die to add to my AC.
Eric: Alright. Do it.
Brandon: Ooh, nice.
Amanda: [dice roll] Okay. Plus 3, so now I have a 16 AC.
Brandon: Whoa.
Eric: Alright. What— how do you— what do you do here?
Julia: Troy bites it back.
Amanda: Yeah. You know, I think Troy just lunges at it with his mouth open. He's tired, and so I think he scares it into missing.
Brandon: That's hilarious.
Eric: Yeah, bed blooms don't usually get challenged. Immediately, this thing cowers in front of you when you— by your display of dominance.
Amanda: Thank you, Julia. That was great.
Julia: You're welcome.
Eric: Incredible.
Julia: I was just thinking skin of my teeth. What would you do? Bite it.
Eric: Investigation check, please.
Julia: Yes. I rolled a 14 plus 2 for a 16.
Eric: Alright. [dice roll] This tortango egg is cold.
Brandon: Yes.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Smash that egg, smash that egg, smash that egg, smash that egg, smash that egg.
Julia: But if they're reptiles, they might just be cold-blooded.
Brandon: Would you like a bomb? I can blow it up.
Julia: No. I wouldn't, actually. I don't know if that was in character or out, but the answer for both me and Cammie was no.
Amanda: Teleport inside the egg.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): I don't know when the mother's gonna come around. I wouldn't know because I never knew my mom. I was raised on the streets, and then the den took me in, and turned me into a living weapon, and then I got taken out because I was too good at it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Romulus, do you want to be my kid? Like, do you want parents? I'll be your dad.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): [scoffs] I've been tricked like that before. Absolutely not. My heart is too cold to even have a dad. [snorts]
Julia: I'm just— I'm trying to find anything that would let me do this.
Eric: Imagine he's flipping his hair every time he snorts at you.
Brandon: Absolutely, yeah.
Julia: I'm so conflicted. I don't know what to do.
Brandon: Smash the egg.
Julia: I don't—
Amanda: Smash the egg.
Julia: I don't want to smash egg.
Brandon: Why?
Amanda: There's probably not a tortango baby in it. And if there is, then, you know, some of them are not gonna make it to adulthood anyway.
Eric: Yeah. You already almost hurt one of those tortango eggs just throwing the bed blooms around. What's doing another one?
Julia: That wasn't on purpose. This is a choice.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): I didn't know that mother tortangos cared about whether or not your intentions were good. [scoffs] Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): I care about whether my intentions are good.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you want me to smash it instead?
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, I don't want anyone to smash it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Well—
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah, let the senator smash it, sure.
Amanda (as Troy): What if we hatched it real quick?
Julia (as Cammie): I don't know how to do that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Say more, Troy.
Julia (as Cammie): Say more, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Well—
Eric: Hey, I'm gonna need all of you to make dexterity checks.
Julia: Fuck. [dice roll] 18.
Amanda: 9.
Brandon: 8.
Eric: That's— that is a 20 from me, so I'm attacking all of you. [dice roll] Cammie, does a 16 hit?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Alright. [dice roll] Umbi, does a 22 hit?
Brandon: No.
Eric: Alright. [dice roll] And Troy, does a 16 hit?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Alright. All of you, please take seven points of damage as you— all of you get bit by bed blooms. And remember, you have to use an action to remove it from your body.
Brandon: I'm gonna use an action to remove it from my body.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Me, too. Cammie pulls it off again.
Amanda: And then, as he's pulling it off, Troy goes—
Amanda (as Troy): I know I'm dumb, but I know about how eggs hatch. And if you get it warm enough, then the then the turtle— the tortango thinks that it's time to come out and maybe we can just, like, thrust it in front of the moon. Can we just, like, carry it outside and get it really warm with the blanket or a hug and then say it is moon time?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, I mean, I can do you one better. I got this hot potato.
Brandon: Eric's face.
Eric: Oh.
Amanda: Cammie, if you produce a light, the color of moonlight.
Julia: Yeah, I could produce a flame.
Amanda: And Brandon, use the hot potato.
Brandon: Oh, yeah. I love that.
Amanda: We might trick it to hatch.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: I can produce a flame or I could do dancing lights. Those are two options.
Brandon: I like you making an orange light while I put the hot potato next to it.
Amanda: A moonlight light, because that's what it uses to navigate by.
Julia: Okay. I'll do dancing lights in the form of a weird moon.
Eric: Of the moon. I love it.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Alright. And then you're gonna use the hot potato, yeah?
Brandon: Yeah. I'm gonna say—
Brandon (as Umbi): Hot potato!
Brandon: And then nestle it right up next to the egg.
Eric: So here's my question, are you moving the egg that you think that this thing is in away?
Julia: Oh, yes, it needs to be away from the other ones.
Eric: Are you moving it?
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: I don't know.
Brandon: Sure, yeah.
Amanda: Let's move it with a object, like a cloak. I don't want to touch it with my hands.
Eric: I just need to know— that's the only question I need to know if you're moving it first.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, smart. Yeah.
Julia: Yes, it needs to be away from the other ones.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy's gonna pull the bedroll out of his pack, scoop up the egg, and let's carry it to the back of the cave.
Eric: Great.
Brandon: Well, let's take it—
Amanda: Out of the cave?
Brandon: Not further into the cave, at least.
Amanda: Toward the mouth of the cave?
Julia: That's fine.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: While Troy is holding this egg, I need you all to make dexterity checks to get away from the bed blooms.
Amanda: Hey, I'm moving.
Julia: He's moving.
Eric: That's fine.
Amanda: I'm moving.
Julia: [dice roll] No, 2.
Amanda: 16.
Brandon: 6.
Eric: I rolled a 17, so that's attacks for all of you. Let's do it in the same order. [dice roll] I rolled a 10. Cammie is save.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: I rolled an 18 for Umbi.
Brandon: Yeah, it hits.
Eric: Hits. [dice roll] This is important for Troy. I rolled an 18.
Amanda: That hits.
Eric: That hits.
Amanda: I'll use one more risk die.
Eric: What's your AC?
Amanda: My AC is 13.
Eric: Okay. So I— you're gonna have to get at least a 5 here.
Amanda: Yep. [dice roll] 6.
Eric: Oh, baby.
Brandon: Yeah. Nice.
Julia: Let's go.
Eric: Let's go. Alright. No bite for Troy.
Amanda: He pirouettes.
Eric: Let me roll for Umbi. [dice roll] That is another 7 damage to Umbi as another one is stuck to you. Kind of— just bites you on the other arm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ow! Rude.
Eric: You hear a light sucking.
Brandon: Gross.
Amanda: Ew.
Brandon: I—
Julia: Pull it off.
Brandon: —pull it off.
Eric: Great. Alright. So you're using the action, so you can't help for whatever's happening next. That's gonna take a little bit of time. So Troy, you're moving it, you're putting it down.
Julia: I can help.
Amanda: I'm laying the egg wrapped in a bedroll down near the mouth of the cave, still inside the cave, but nearer to the mouth.
Eric: Got it.
Amanda: And then I unwrap it gently.
Eric: Cool.
Julia: And then I do dancing lights in the shape of a weird moon.
Amanda: Cammie, line it up with the real moon, like, wherever the trajectory is.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: So that it's, like, even stronger.
Julia: I do that.
Eric: Umbi, before you're able to do the hot potato and you're pulling the bed bloom off, Twiggs kind of goes over to you and be like—
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): So what's your relationship to that weird doofus idiot? What do you— what, he's your ment— you're his mentor? What, you're like training builder— you're training builder candidates now?
Brandon (as Umbi): Look, I'll tell you, Romulus, because we are friends from old, old, many, many thousands of years ago, I'll tell you. Honestly, I just kind of took him under my wing as— it was an advantage at the time to, like, become friends with him. He's not as cool as you, though.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah, you really mean that? Because I can tell. That's one of my ghost powers.
Brandon (as Umbi): Really?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah. I can tell if you're lying to me.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's cool. I want that.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): I could already do that because of, like, my time on the streets.
Brandon (as Umbi): No. I mean, like, if we're taking like coolness in terms of, like, you know, ability to be strong and powerful and smart and strategic, yeah, you beat him any day of the week.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Huh.
Brandon (as Umbi): You just got tricked by a fucking asshole.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): [scoffs] Yeah, I did. He did it while I was sleeping.
Brandon (as Umbi): Right. Yeah. I think you would have beaten up Archie easy.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): I think so.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, he uses a sniper, and everyone knows that that's guns for cowards.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): So that far away? Come on, what's even the point? Come on.
Brandon (as Umbi): I know, it's for cowards.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Pshh. Definitely a coward. Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): He doesn't even listen to me when I tell him to do things. I go to the top of the mountain and I say, "Hey, Archie, I'm here." And he's like, "What's the password?" And I say, "Boobies." And he says, "It's not boobies."
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): The password isn't boobies. He was right about that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Alright. That's fine.
Brandon (as Umbi): You want another hug?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): No, just do the thing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Hot potato!
Eric: Alright. You can lay the hot potato down.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: It is warm enough. It is a comforting morph of a fire or a big— the big stomach of a mama tortango, and that thing does not hatch.
Brandon (as Umbi): Smash it. Cammie, smash it.
Julia (as Cammie): You smash it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Brandon: I smash it.
Eric: You smash it. It shatters. There is nothing else inside of this egg other than the Venus flytrap soul gem.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ooh, pretty.
Julia (as Cammie): I still feel like I made the right choice.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, totally.
Amanda: Can Troy smash it?
Brandon (as Umbi): How do you— hey, Romulus.
Julia: Troy also want to smash.
Brandon (as Umbi): Romulus, do we just smash the gem or—
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Yeah, smash it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Smash it.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy's gonna stomp on it.
Eric: You stomp on it. It shatters.
Julia: Can I very quickly press to digitate the remainder of the egg away? Like clean it magically? So that if the big mama tortango comes back, she doesn't—
Brandon: Smart.
Julia: —see a smashed egg and want to kill us.
Brandon: Smart.
Eric: That's probably fair. I think it's funny that Cammie is, like, magically cleaning this up while, like, a soul is ascending.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah. Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Seen that before. Scrub, scrub, scrub, scrub.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): I feel lightness. I'm able to fuck finally go where I'm supposed to go.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hell yeah, Romy.
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Oh, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Password?
Eric (as Romulus H. Twiggs): Call me Twiggs, and it's Soul Edge.
Eric: And the ghost disappears.
Amanda (as Troy): Bon voyage, buddy.
Julia (as Cammie): You know, the fucked up part is he didn't make— obviously, he didn't make the Key with a Gaze or Archie do this task in order to give them the password title. He just made us do it.
Amanda (as Troy): You think he could have been freed a while ago.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true.
Amanda (as Troy): Anyway—
Julia (as Cammie): Anyway—
Eric: Hey, everyone, make dexterity checks.
Julia: Yeah, fuck off. We gotta go.
Amanda: 14.
Brandon: 12.
Julia: 5.
Eric: Yeah, I rolled a 3. Get out of there before you get all bitten by parasites.
Julia: We run.
Amanda: Just like the beginning of the episode, we hightail it past the cave and out of there.
Eric: Incredible.
[theme]