I’ll sing you a song that all greenfolk know (Until, until the water falls home)
That only began fifty years ago (Until, until the water falls home)
We seek the deep lake and a wish-granting salmon (Until, until the water falls home)
So hoist up the sails and load up the cannons (Until, until the water falls home)
O! Rush on the Tide, sail thru’ the Cascade,
an adventure of ships, a ceaseless parade
I dream of roots buried in the deep loam
but we can’t well sleep til the water falls home.
Housekeeping
- JTP’s upcoming episode schedule:
— February 4: Afterparty Pt. 1 (our reflections)
— February 11: Afterparty Pt. 2 (submit your questions!)
— February 18: One-Shot Derby begins
- LIVE IN PORTLAND, March 23! Get your tickets at jointhepartypod.com/live
- RSVP for our Campaign 3 drinks pop-up at jointhepartypod.com/popup
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Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude Podcasts: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. "The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire." This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Eric: The Kompos facility has many dead ends in it. That works well for a clandestine organization/building, because you can stash closets and offices where you don't want to talk to someone in those places, but it's because you have to build the fortress around the environment. It's like when you get an apartment building that used to be a bank and you're like, "Hahaha. This is— I sleep where the cash is." But you still feel weird, like you're being locked up for the night. This is nothing— you just can't get rid of it.
Julia: The ghost of architecture past.
Eric: Revenge or the buttresses.
Amanda: I would live in a Pizza Hut. I don't even need to be paid. I mean, to be dared. I would just live in it.
Julia: It's like the ghost of scents of mediocre pizza.
Eric: Your entire apartment is landlord gray, except for one stained glass window—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: —of a pizza from Pizza Hut.
Amanda: You're not telling me you wouldn't live there?
Eric: No, I would.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I would.
Brandon: I would.
Amanda: It'd be great.
Brandon: I would.
Eric: And it's like that—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —when you're trying to build a fortress on top of a city that once existed. But of course, you know, it's not all just cityscape. There's also the environment itself. And there's a lookout tower at the top of the Kompos facility that was built on a cliff side that overlooked all of South Kompos city. It was nice in the summers and nice in the winters, and when you wanted to really needed to get extra chlorophyll, you could just sit up there and, you know, smooch. But also it's for food.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Like, what if lookout point was also where the Pizza Hut was?
Julia: Yo.
Amanda: Ideal.
Brandon: That would just make it better.
Amanda: Ideal.
Eric: It would be great.
Julia: It would be.
Eric: But now, there's just a lookout tower. It is empty in there, with chairs flipped over, and all of the net gun holsters empty with just, like, the outline of where a net gun should be. But there is a bulletin board with so, so, so many wanted posters, One for Umbi, the explosive grandpa.
Brandon: Wee!
Eric: One for Cammie, the tea magician, and then someone crossed out witch but then crossed out magician, being someone wrote in Sharpie, "I don't know what a witch is. We just call them magicians." Lapsed Prince Troy Riptide, man doctor Havana Tropicana in quotes, "Real name unknown."
Julia: Oh, that's good, actually, for him.
Eric: Dodecahedrogenarian Smith, Gloria.
Brandon: Damn.
Julia: I was gonna be like, do they know who she is?
Eric: Well, they— I mean, they do now.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Living ship??? And known associate best sharp shooter in Verda Stello, the prickly hand, Kidd Cervantes. And not only for knowing the people on the Sea Whip, but for various other flims and flams, the unbelievable merchant, Orello Streetwood.
Brandon: He has a wanted poster, too?
Julia: Fair.
Brandon: Oh, dang.
Eric: Yeah, for flims and flams.
Amanda: For a great deal.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: He's a flim-flammer.
Brandon: He's a flim-flammer.
Eric: On the desk, there's a radio. It's a hollowed out coconut with an antenna and a speaker in it. And they— but they the coconut milk in it because it helps amplify the sound.
Julia: Ooh.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Electrolytes.
Julia: It's very conductive.
Eric: Yeah. And while we're looking around this room, they've been playing this, like, upbeat, big band music, where that makes everything feel a little frantic. But while we're in the room, when no one's in there, it just feels out of place. And the big band music cuts out in the middle of the song, and there's a pre-recorded message.
Eric (as the Announcer): You shouldn't be listening to this right now. You should be at the emergency. If you're not at the emergency and you're listening to this right now, go to the emergency. This is a pre-recorded message from the Diamond Knot.
Eric: And the big band music comes back. We linger on the room for a moment and pulling back out of the room as the radio goes back to the big band music. The big band music grabbing you by the collar to go do what you're supposed to be doing, then we fade outwards, and it all just dissolves quietly to the calm serenity of the Salmon's pond that all three of you are just bobbing nicely, chilly without a care in the world. In this crystal clear water, you can see as far as you can see, but it's also like a delicate blue, a blue that they try to make for children's blankets.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Or that the sky tries to replicate in the summer, but you just can't get there. It's something that only water, only a substance that is fine with moving and fine with coming back, can hold this color, because it just doesn't matter, ultimately. And you're bobbing in there as you've walked through the edges of the portal, and this Salmon, this fish only is swimming down a little bit and up and down and up. Happy that it has visitors.
Eric (as Salmon): You came. You're here. You came. You came. It's been so long. I've been on my own since the blackberry dragon went out. But now you're here. Hooray.
Eric: Splash.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hello.
Julia (as Cammie): Hi.
Eric (as Salmon): Hello.
Amanda (as Troy): Are you the Salmon?
Eric (as Salmon): Absolutely. That's what they call me.
Julia (as Cammie): Why?
Amanda (as Troy): And do you have a— do you have, like, any parts that are missing?
Eric (as Salmon): Parts that are missing? I guess the only thing I was missing was you all here. Ha-yuck.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, so nice.
Amanda (as Troy): That is so nice. Your friend, the dragon is okay, by the way. Umbi saved him.
Eric: Splash.
Brandon (as Umbi): I let him go.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, you got the collar off?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh. That's the only reason why I would have let the blackberry dragon leave. Leaved. That's why I let him leafed.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Group huddle, group huddle.
Brandon (as Umbi): Group huddle.
Julia (as Cammie): Do we think that the Salmon's gonna try to kidnap us and keep us here, like imprison us?
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, maybe.
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm down to find out.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, Troy, you still got that trap, right?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, no, I used it on my sister.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, shit, I forgot about that.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): What are you all talking about?
Eric: As the Salmon swims down and then up into your huddle.
Julia (as Cammie): We were thinking, "Oh, wow, you're both smaller than I thought, but also bigger than I thought."
Amanda (as Troy): Honestly— can I be honest with you?
Eric (as Salmon): Of course.
Amanda (as Troy): I do not know what to do now that I have fulfilled my life's mission. And I would love to ask you some questions, and, like, learn about you, but I sort of, like, have spent the last several years bracing for danger, somewhat my whole life, also, and I don't know if there's danger coming. Is there danger coming?
Eric (as Salmon): I don't think so. Not in here.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric (as Salmon): Ha-yuck.
Julia (as Cammie): Do you know what's going on out in the world, or are you pretty isolated in here? Just curious.
Amanda: Great question, great question.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, hold on. We could all get comfortable together. Hold on.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, we are just kind of floating in the water here.
Brandon (as Umbi): This is already pretty comfortable.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I'd like a chair.
Amanda (as Troy): Or a bench.
Brandon (as Umbi): I could be nude.
Julia (as Cammie): Please don't. We're good. We see it every morning, Umbi. We're okay.
Amanda (as Troy): We're good. We're good.
Eric: The Salmon dives down and pulls some big, wet leaves, and they bob up. And the Salmon says—
Eric (as Salmon): You can climb up on here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): It's like a hammock.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you.
Amanda (as Troy): It's great.
Eric (as Salmon): It seems like you're not as good at getting your bottoms wet.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. We're kind of not supposed to be in water for too long.
Eric (as Salmon): Hmm. Hmm. I remember that. I remember that.
Brandon (as Umbi): You remember it?
Eric (as Salmon): I remember it. I've heard it before.
Amanda (as Troy): Were you a Greenfolk once?
Eric (as Salmon): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, but like other Greenfolk have told you about what it's like to be us?
Eric (as Salmon): Yes.
Amanda (as Troy): Cool.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric (as Salmon): Ha-yuck.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ha-yuck.
Julia (as Cammie): How often do you see other Greenfolk?
Eric (as Salmon): Sometimes, it's hard for me to keep track of time and things.
Julia (as Cammie): Sure.
Eric (as Salmon): It's not one of the things I'm responsible for.
Julia (as Cammie): Fair.
Amanda (as Troy): Now, I have recently realized that other people's autonomy is sacred and should not be taken from them. So I would love to know, are you being held here against your will? Is there something you need?
Eric (as Salmon): You're all asking me a lot of questions. Why do you climb up on the leaves and get your butts out of the water?
Brandon (as Umbi): I am, I'm climbing right now.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's just—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, we did.
Brandon (as Umbi): It takes a long time for an old man like me, a poor, old man.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, you're not poor or old.
Brandon (as Umbi): Goddamn it. I was hoping to trick you.
Amanda (as Troy): Umbi, are you rich?
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi, do you have a lot of money?
Eric (as Salmon): No, he's very capable. He just lies about it so that he can get one over, but you can't. To answer your other question, I know some things, but not other things. You'll have to be more specific. Also, I don't talk to a lot of people.
Julia (as Cammie): I could tell.
Eric (as Salmon): Is this going well?
Julia (as Cammie): Eh, I'd give it like a 6.5 out of 10 so far.
Eric (as Salmon): I'm working on it, ha-yuck.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Better than average.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm also very rich.
Eric (as Salmon): No, you're not.
Eric: Splash.
Julia (as Cammie): Do you just always know if we're telling the truth?
Eric (as Salmon): No.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. So how do you know there's things about Umbi?
Eric (as Salmon): As much as someone who talks about things, the other things get filtered through, and sometimes they get updates.
Julia (as Cammie): So do you know who we are?
Eric (as Salmon): I do. You're Umbi—
Julia (as Cammie): Oh.
Eric (as Salmon): —and Cammie, and Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, my God, hi.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, no. I'm Umbi. That's Troy.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, you're Cammie, and Troy, and Umbi.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm gonna assume you're calling me by the right name.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, you're Cammie, okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): Umbi and Cammie and Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): This leaf is very comfortable. Thank you.
Eric (as Salmon): No problem. I don't get as much information as I used to, but that's enough to know. Ha-yuck.
Julia (as Cammie): So with that in mind, do you know that the Cascade dried up?
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, that would make sense.
Brandon (as Umbi): Why?
Eric (as Salmon):Oh, well, something stuck in the Cascade hole.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Julia (as Cammie): Where is that?
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, it's down.
Julia (as Cammie): Down? Just down?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, I guess I am missing something. I wish I had a finger only for gesturing to guess, but down.
Eric: And the Salmon kind of, like, dives down points with its tail then comes back up.
Julia: Is the water clear enough that we can see where the hole is?
Eric: It kind of just goes and goes and goes. Right now, you can see so far, but you can't see anything.
Amanda: Hmm.
Julia: Okay. So it feels like infinite?
Eric: Infinitely down.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Or infinitely somewhere.
Eric (as Salmon): It's down in what we understand, you know, and where we exist.
Brandon (as Umbi): Weird that you control the Cascade. Like, was this a third party thing that got stuck or you stick it in there?
Eric (as Salmon): There's only so much you can control. I didn't stick it in there, but I guess it was an inevitability. And I don't control it. I'm more hanging out in it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Amanda (as Troy): Is that bad for you? Has the pool got all backed up and gross?
Eric (as Salmon): It has gotten backed up and gross. Like, where did these leaves come from?
Amanda (as Troy): Knew it. Knew it.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I was gonna ask that same question.
Amanda (as Troy): So would you be cool if we unstopped it? Because I'm gonna be honest with you, I want to help you. Also, it's been pretty bad for almost all Greenfolks since the Cascade dried up. And a lot of people want to keep it that way, but we would love to— it sounds like help you, but also to help, like, other Greenfolk, and make sure that we have, you know, water to live and stuff.
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh-hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): Now, just to be clear, you just, like, woke up one day and these leaves were in the water?
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, answer Troy questions, too.
Eric (as Salmon): There's too many— I haven't talked to too many— there's so— is this also act— interaction going well? Is there— usually ask this many questions? I don't know who I'm supposed to start with or not.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're doing great, buddy.
Eric (as Salmon): Thanks.
Amanda (as Troy): Do you want a hug?
Eric (as Salmon): Okay.
Amanda: Troy hugs the Salmon.
Julia: How big is the Salmon?
Eric: In my head, the Salmon was always 10 feet long.
Julia: Okay. So I'm picturing a large shark.
Eric: Yeah. I always like— when you said, "I'm surprised it's— it is smaller and larger than I thought it would be."
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That's how I felt as well.
Julia: Gotcha. Okay.
Eric: 100%. So it's like when a dolphin, like, puts its top half of its body on a dock.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And it, like, effortlessly drag these leaves that are also big enough for all of you to sit on up to you, you know?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Troy will give the Salmon a bit of a side hug, and is very upset by the presence of gills, but is really trying to hold it in.
Amanda (as Troy): There you go, bud.
Eric (as Salmon): I'm upset by the presence of probosci, but I'm holding it in.
Amanda (as Troy): I keep mine inside because it is real bad. I don't like it either, to be honest with you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait, can you read minds?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I didn't say that part out loud, did I? Sorry, I've never seen gills before, and it's not nice to remark on something when you haven't seen it before. But I was pretty surprised, so—
Eric (as Salmon): What, do you think my gills are gross? It's the first time I'm realizing it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): No more that they're very different. Like you don't have proboscis like that.
Eric (as Salmon): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): What number am I thinking of right now?
Eric (as Salmon): You're not thinking of a number. You're thinking about what you're gonna— the sandwich you're gonna make later.
Brandon (as Umbi): Shit. I think the Salmon can read minds.
Eric (as Salmon): I can't read minds. I just heard stuff about you, and I thought about it. What do we do? If I talk to you, ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, why don't you take the lead?
Julia (as Cammie): No, I think this is all very fascinating.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): No, okay. So here's the thing.
Eric (as Salmon): Uh-huh.
Julia (as Cammie): And I— please don't take this the wrong way, because I mean it with a lot of love and intention.
Eric (as Salmon): Uh-huh.
Julia (as Cammie): I thought you'd know more stuff.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, that's the thing about the Cascade hole getting clogged up.
Julia (as Cammie): So you got your knowledge from the Cascade before it dried up/it got clogged?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah, yeah, pretty much. That's why I know only a little bit about you.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Amanda (as Troy): You can see through it like a telescope.
Eric (as Salmon): You all look smaller, but also larger than I think you are.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, I've— at one point, I was like, what if they could ride on me? That would be nice. But then I think that would be bad, so then I— but then I got worried that you were bigger than me and that would also be bad. I got nervous about what would this would be like. I'd only met so many Greenfolk, and I didn't know if you were different than the seedlings.
Julia (as Cammie): What are the seedlings?
Brandon (as Umbi): The seedlings?
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, you don't know them? They came along a long time ago.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Julia (as Cammie): Tell us more.
Eric (as Salmon): They only came by a long time ago. Oh, they were the peoples before the Greenfolks.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Julia (as Cammie): Oh. Like the story about how there were seeds that the Planter planted, and then they turned into Greenfolk?
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah. The one who came by— the one who came to fix it the first time, said they would warn the next ones.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. And then they wrote stuff on stones.
Amanda (as Troy): They tried.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): And they told us about the keys that unlock the access to you, and that how you could grant a wish?
Eric (as Salmon): No, that's good. Jere— well, I'm glad that Jeremiah Stalks did what he said he would do.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, no, they're very pretty, and they made it so that, like, when the water lowered enough that it was a problem, then this— the wall said problem. And I think more things should be like that, actually.
Eric (as Salmon): No, that's really efficient. Ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): You don't want to scare someone if they don't need to be scared about. Jeremiah Thoughtful.
Amanda (as Troy): That was his name?
Brandon (as Umbi): Was he a bullfrog?
Eric (as Salmon): No, he was a celery.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh.
Eric (as Salmon): Stalk.
Amanda (as Troy): Nice.
Eric (as Salmon): His name was Stalks.
Brandon (as Umbi): Stalks?
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
Eric (as Salmon): You've never— oh, I guess that was a long time ago.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, in our lifetimes, the Cascade has always been flowing until, like, 50 years ago.
Eric (as Salmon): Ah.
Julia (as Cammie): And then it dried up, which I imagine was when the plug got clogged? It's a plug? Huh.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, you'll see it. I could— yeah, the hole got plugged up.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh.
Eric (as Salmon): Ha-yuck.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): Can you take us there or do we need to have cool side mouths like yours?
Eric (as Salmon): Both. I can take you there, but I can fix that for you. I— also I can give you wishes. That's a true thing.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, really?
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, really?
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah, the true— the wishes were true.
Amanda (as Troy): That's pretty nice of you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wait, one each or one total?
Eric (as Salmon): One each.
Julia (as Cammie): I think—
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa.
Julia (as Cammie): Guys, gang?
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Julia (as Cammie): Crew?
Amanda (as Troy): Hmm.
Eric (as Salmon): Huh? Ha-yuck.
Julia (as Cammie): Let's put a pause on the wishes until we can—
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): —for sure get the clog unclogged.
Amanda (as Troy): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Salmon): Uh-huh.
Julia (as Cammie): And then we don't have to waste a wish on that.
Amanda (as Troy): Yes.
Eric (as Salmon): I like it.
Brandon (as Umbi): I was also— I also heard that you were mad at us, is that true?
Eric (as Salmon): Why would I be mad at you?
Brandon (as Umbi): I don't know, man. I just—
Amanda (as Troy): I don't know. You seem really nice.
Eric (as Salmon): Were you the one who got— were you the one who kept the port— who jammed the portal open and shoved the blackberry dragon in it?
Amanda (as Troy): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, I'm the one that released it.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, then no. We're— oh, no. The opposite.
Brandon (as Umbi): They call me Umbi dragon releaser.
Julia: Freer. Freer is a good word.
Brandon (as Umbi): Dragon freer. Thank you, Cammie.
Eric: The Salmon turns to Cammie and Troy—
Eric (as Salmon): Do they call him that? I didn't hear that one.
Julia (as Cammie): It's a new one.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, it's new? Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. It's just catching on.
Eric (as Salmon): Didn't trickle it. All right, all right.
Julia (as Cammie): No, no.
Eric (as Salmon): Okay. Ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): Do you have a wish, sir or madam Salmon?
Brandon (as Umbi): We don't have the power to grant it, though.
Amanda (as Troy): But, like, I mean, in the way that—
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, can Greenfolk do wishes?
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, the way that any of us could spend our lives making someone else's life better or harder if we really wanted to.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, not a magical way of doing it, but just—
Amanda (as Troy): Nah.
Julia (as Cammie): —like a pursuing actions that lead to the result of your wish.
Brandon (as Umbi): So, no, we can't.
Amanda (as Troy): I both tried and failed to do a lot of things, but I would try for you.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, I was— I wanted the blackberry dragon back, because we were buddies, but it's probably for the best that they got released. I don't need the defense anymore.
Julia (as Cammie): What? Why not?
Amanda (as Troy): Who's trying to hurt you?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, it seemed like it was scary out there, and the blackberry dragon kept growing and showed up— you know, it's easier for me to show you. It would make more sense.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you have, like, a PowerPoint presentation?
Amanda (as Troy): Ooh, special glasses where you could go inside a book?
Julia (as Cammie): We have those.
Amanda (as Troy): We have those. Sorry, saying too much again.
Eric (as Salmon): So much is— I— there is— I'm overwhelmed with the amount of information I'm taking in, after not taking it a lot of information.
Julia (as Cammie): We're overwhelmed by the amount of questions that we have for you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): So we're really in the same boat. Get it?
Eric (as Salmon): All right. Well—
Julia (as Cammie): You're kind of like the end of our quest, so you're really sort of the resolution for a lot of the things that we've been building towards.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, I didn't realize that. Okay, well, come with me. I'll show you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Let's go.
Eric (as Salmon): Hold on— wait, hold on. Now, you have said you didn't like this, but it's got— but it's probably the best possible thing. So for— just for the moment, hold on.
Eric: And the Salmon closes its eyes and concentrates. And all of you grow gills on the side of your necks.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh!
Amanda (as Troy): I'm getting used to it. I'm getting used to it. I'm getting used to it.
Eric (as Salmon): Just— you just need to dive in.
Eric: And the Salmon, like, runs past all of you, so the wave just like florps you off of your leaves.
Julia (as Cammie): I've only been an octopus.
Brandon (as Umbi): had a potion of water breathing.
Eric (as Salmon): All right. I know— are you bad swimmers?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Never done it.
Julia (as Cammie): Medium.
Eric (as Salmon): Okay, hold on. Grab on.
Eric: And offers you its tail.
Julia (as Cammie): Sure.
Brandon (as Umbi): Grab it.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, thanks.
Eric (as Salmon): All right, we're going down or up, ha-yuck.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wee!
Eric: And the Salmon dives down into the crystal pool.
Amanda: Wow.
Brandon: And they all drown.
Eric: Yeah. And then the podcast is over.
Julia: It takes so long to drown, as we've established in D&D rules.
Brandon: He just makes us sit here for six seconds repeatedly.
Amanda: Another two hours, yep.
Eric: Yeah. Here's a real fact, when you drown, you hear that big band music that makes you frantic to try to find—
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: At the Bar mitzvah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: —oxygen.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: As you're holding onto the Salmon, the water rushes by you. It is almost like featureless down here. It is both light and not light, a long distance and short. When the nothing's in the way, there's nothing to mark anything by, so it just goes. You were just, like, cutting through the water, with the only marking of time being the Salmon swishing its tail lightly back and forth.
Julia: Cammie quietly going to herself—
Julia (as Cammie): One swish, two swish, three swish, four swish.
Eric: And every so often, like a clump of dirt or a leaf, or just like a weird dead bug, just like floats by you.
Julia (as Cammie): There was just a carcass. There was just a carcass.
Brandon (as Umbi): There was just a corpse in here, a corpse!
Eric: No, it was a bug, bug. It wasn't a Greenfolk bug. As you go out, you see that there's alone beer bottle, just like stuck in the surf.
Julia (as Cammie): Where—
Amanda (as Troy): I feel like there is more litter here than I thought there would be.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, this felt very pristine, and then now, it's feeling less pristine.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): And this is gonna be our drinking water for the rest of time.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm a little concerned.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, hold— there's part of the plug. Hold on, we're almost there.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric: And now, it starts to get darker and darker. And you get closer and closer to just this mass kind of— that kind of breaks up the serene water that flows around you. As you get closer, it's not just one mass. It's a lot of stuff all jammed together. When you see something that's jammed up in here, you really— you are actually swimming through something that's more of a tunnel or a tube.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hmm.
Eric: And you're just not really aware. Are of the edges, but you can see the edges when it gets blocked up by so, so many tree roots. There are these big, big, chunky tree roots that are going in all different directions. A lot of them are plugging up this tube, you know?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Like chunky tree roots that are— that start big and then get smaller and then branch off, and branch off, and branch off. But other roots are, like, cutting through the tunnel, the tube, like out— coming from the left, just through to the right. It is both, like, stuck and also a cross hatched, like, almost briar patch-esque of just lots and lots of sturdy, angry tree roots.
Eric (as Salmon): Here it is, the plug.
Julia (as Cammie): So, um, do you know what these are the roots of?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, it's of a tree.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, but this is a really big tree.
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I think we would notice if there was this giant tree in the world.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, you can't see it from down there. It's the tree at the top of the world.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Julia (as Cammie): But—
Eric (as Salmon): There's a tree at the top of the world where the Cascade comes from, and it overgrew, and—
Brandon (as Umbi): Ah.
Eric (as Salmon): —this is what happens.
Julia (as Cammie): Wouldn't we be able to see the trunk of the tree?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, it's up there.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's up there, Cammie. What's wrong with you?
Julia (as Cammie): I'm trying to figure out the logistics of our world.
Amanda (as Troy): So it's like the Cascade is above the Bialy and the tree is above the Cascade?
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah, like that.
Julia (as Cammie): For some reason, I pictured we had to go down in order to get to where you are here right now. You're saying we're above?
Eric (as Salmon): Down and up are irrelative.
Julia (as Cammie): No, they're not.
Eric (as Salmon): Every— it's the way— it's just the way that the water flows.
Amanda (as Troy): What normally prevents the tree from overgrowing if this has happened before?
Eric (as Salmon): Nothing. It happens.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, just like happens sometimes?
Eric (as Salmon): It happens.
Amanda (as Troy): And it's regular?
Eric (as Salmon): And when they— well, that's what I— thought Jeremiah would do a better job passing the information. There was nothing about the big tree at the top of the world?
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Never heard of it, no.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, that's disappointing, ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): And it— you're saying it was sudden?
Julia: Fuck.
Amanda (as Troy): Because it might— I mean, maybe, again, time is a little bit different here. But for me, trees grow long time.
Julia (as Cammie): Real slow.
Amanda (as Troy): I can't even see it. So slow.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, the Cascade shut off all the— all of a sudden?
Julia (as Cammie): Well, no.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, you're right. No, it slowed.
Julia (as Cammie): It was trickling, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Slowed to fall.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, yeah, the more of the roots— the roots get in the way.
Brandon (as Umbi): Like in the theme song.
Amanda: Umbi, Umbi. Umbi, no. Umbi, down.
Eric: Now, each of you have gotten one lampshade observation, Troy gets one.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: That's it.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): So I just want to, like— I'm just thinking out loud here.
Eric (as Salmon): Uh-huh.
Julia (as Cammie): Because it kind of seems like the— so this water here is feeding the roots of the tree that is above us.
Eric (as Salmon): Uh-huh.
Julia (as Cammie): However, we, below, also need the water in order to really survive. So it really seems like in order for, like, Verda Stello to survive, we have to cut the roots of a tree, which therefore might destroy a different civilization?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, I don't know. It's just the way that the decisions you gotta make. If I don't get up there, I can't tell the water to do what it's supposed to do.
Brandon (as Umbi): So what if we like— let's say we chop this tree down, does the tree fall on the Bialy and then crush us all?
Eric (as Salmon): I don't know. I'm stuck down here with you guys.
Brandon (as Umbi): You don't know? Oh, man.
Amanda (as Troy): What did— what Jeremiah do last time?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, Jeremiah wished for to figure itself out in the— in a good way.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, okay, it worked.
Julia (as Cammie): Specific.
Eric (as Salmon): That wasn't a direct quote. He spent a long time doing his wish, but that was ultimately how it shook out.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): I mean, okay, let's just do that.
Julia (as Cammie):No, I just— I— I'm worried about, as always, repercussions.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, the other— I think the other Greenfolk got— the other Greenfolk who came— got here, had the same problem, which is why they wish for something else.
Brandon (as Umbi): What did they wish for?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, one of them wished to be a part of the tree, and the other one wished to let everyone know that they were there, in a way that didn't hurt the tree. So they did.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Amanda (as Troy): What were their names?
Eric (as Salmon): Oh. Uh, one of them was like— one of them was Crimson and the other one was Fun.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, wow, they really did find you, huh?
Amanda (as Troy): Wow.
Brandon (as Umbi): Wow, that's impressive.
Eric (as Salmon): There were a lot. I was racing more people to be as high key as they were.
Julia (as Cammie): So they got here and then they didn't wish for the Cascade to come back?
Eric (as Salmon): No, they wished for the other stuff.
Julia (as Cammie): So, I'm sorry, just— so they wished for to become part of the tree, and the other one wished that whatever is on top of the tree knew about Verda Stello?
Eric (as Salmon): One of them wished to be a part of the tree.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Salmon): And the other one wished that everyone knew they were there, if they saw the tree.
Julia (as Cammie): What do you mean, knew that they were there?
Amanda: Troy looks at the roots. Does one of them say Fun Mandy Potash was here?
Julia: I just want it to be just the face of Crimson Larceny.
Eric: There is a oil skin bag that is tied to one of the roots.
Julia (as Cammie): Check it, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): May I?
Amanda: And Troy gestures toward it, but looks at the Salmon for permission.
Eric (as Salmon): I don't have thumbs. I couldn't get it.
Amanda (as Troy): All right. Thumbs, I got.
Eric (as Salmon): Ha-yuck.
Amanda: Troy grabs the bag.
Eric: Inside the bag, there is—
Julia: The body of Fun Mandy Potash.
Eric: No. No, no, no. It's small. It's like almost tote size.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And inside there is a scroll that's been, like, almost laminated.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And inside, a note reads, "Ha! You made it. Make a good wish."
Julia: That's it?
Amanda: That's all it says?
Eric: " I'll see you on the other side!"
Julia: Put the glasses on. What's the other side?
Brandon: Flip it over. Flip it over.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy flips it over. Takes out the glasses, anything?
Eric: Troy, you go, "Whoa." [explosions] And now, you are, once again, float— you are in the same exact place, seeing the Salmon, but instead of Cammie and Umbi there, it is the two dreaded pirates, Fun Mandy Potash and her captain, the root and tootinist, baddest, raddest pirate of the Great Salt Sea, Crimson Larceny. If you remember Crimson Larceny, is dressed very Captain Hook-esque, but is a dragon tree.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —which is a— which has like bloody sap and like trees almost like an afro.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: I guess the best way to describe it, if you remember. And Mandy Potash, just a bag of rainbow potatoes stuffed into striped pirate pants. Mandy is swimming upside down with a quill, writing this note on this waterproof— this kind of like waterproof scroll.
Amanda (as Troy): Mandy, give me anything more. Give me anything more. I'm in the future and it's bad here. What do I need to know?
Eric (as Fun Mandy Potash): Wait, hold on. I'm still enjoying my gills. I can't hear you over the breathing of the water.
Amanda (as Troy): Crimson, what do I need to know? How do I prevent this from happening again?
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Right now, I'm in a conversation that's very important, and unless you want to be one of those dead Greenfolk who have their tongue cut out, like people say, I do, you're gonna hold on. I'm talking to my fishy friend. Yar.
Amanda: Troy shuts his mouth and observes.
Eric (as Fun Mandy Potash): I'll see you on the other side. Period, exclamation point, smiley face. Now, I'm gonna use a special lot that I only use for my oil skin bags. Burp.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): And that's— you're not messing with me, fish. That's ironclad. It's proof.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, that's definitely enough clauses. Ha-yuck. That's exactly what you want to be.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Excellent. Yar.
Amanda (as Troy): What was your wish, bud?
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): My wish was that I'll be a part of the tree at the top of the world. It's the only way to affect what's coming next for the rest of time.
Amanda (as Troy): What's coming next?
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Everything's coming next. The rest of the world— the rest of every single person changing, living their life, I want to be a part of it. Why did you want to be a pirate, Troy Riptide?
Amanda (as Troy): To make my own destiny and leave the world better than I found it.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): And after you find your destiny, what do you do?
You're done?
Amanda (as Troy): Get a new one, I guess.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Crimson larceny is never done.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Come on, Mandy, the wishing time is almost done.
Eric: And the Salmon concentrates and Crimson Larceny and Mandy Potash are surrounded by this soft, blue aquatic light, and they dissolve into the blue light, and then slide right between the roots of the tree and disappear.
Amanda: Troy turns to the Salmon.
Amanda (as Troy): So what did he mean?
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, that's wishing protocol. I'm not supposed to reveal other people's wishes. Ha-yuck.
Brandon: It's HIPAA.
Eric (as Salmon): I'm HIPAA compliant.
Amanda: Woopaa.
Eric (as Salmon): I'm wisha compliant.
Amanda: And Troy takes the glasses off.
Eric: When you come back, it's like someone dropped a rock in a pond. You like— you have ripples shooting out in all directions.
Amanda (as Troy): So, yeah, that's what happened and crimson said that he wanted to be part of the tree at the top of the world to affect everything that happens next. Does the tree, like, make the seeds that grow into Greenfolk or something? Like, are we all pirates because Crimson is our pirate parent?
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric (as Salmon): Kind of, a little bit.
Brandon (as Umbi): A little bit?
Eric (as Salmon): A little bit.
Julia (as Cammie): Did Crimson Larceny become a god, like the Waterer or the Planter?
Eric (as Salmon): No. Well—
Amanda (as Troy): The harvester, we met them.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm?
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, that dude?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): Freaks me out, ha-yuck.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, no kidding.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.
Eric (as Salmon): The Planter shouldn't be messing around with stuff like that. I don't— they're new stuff, weird.
Brandon (as Umbi): Not as good as their old stuff. That's what I would say.
Eric (as Salmon): Not as good as the old.
Amanda (as Troy): Agreed.
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Thank you. Thank you.
Julia (as Cammie): We're talking about the Salmon, not you, Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, not me? Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, sorry.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, this will— it's hard to explain. This will all make sense if we get up there.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, how do we get up there?
Eric (as Salmon): We gotta get through. I can't get through.
Julia (as Cammie): So we just have to go through the roots, like Troy just saw?
Eric (as Salmon): However you want to do it, yeah. I just don't know how. Ha-yuck.
Julia (as Cammie): Seems easy. Let's try it.
Eric (as Salmon): Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): I got bombs.
Julia (as Cammie): No, we're not blowing up the tree.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, man.
Julia (as Cammie): It could crush all of us.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, man, not us.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, not us, but everyone we love and care about. And even people we don't like.
Brandon (as Umbi): Seems worth it to me.
Brandon: Do you have any magics?
Julia: I mean, I've always got magics. I don't know if they're gonna be useful to— I think we could just try and go for it, you know?
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we definitely can try. I don't know if we'll make it through or not.
Amanda: How big are all of these roots? Like, are they, on average, bigger than our bodies?
Eric: Yeah. Especially at, like, the farthest point that you can see, it gets smaller as they grow outwards. You know, how tree roots do. But they start pretty—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: They are— they're pretty big.
Amanda: Can try push one? Do they move at all?
Eric: Yeah, you can push on one. They do not. They are very firmly—
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —jammed in there. There are some that— you know, the ones that are cutting across, they have some more flexibility. But I don't know if that's what you're looking for.
Amanda: Hmm.
Brandon: If you turned into a gaseous cloud in water, would you just disperse and then die?
Eric: Probably not.
Amanda (as Troy): Salmon, could I— if I wished on something, but it would affect you and not me, is that still allowed?
Eric (as Salmon): I mean, I'd like it if you check with me first.
Amanda (as Troy): Could I, like, talk about a potential wish without it, like, being a wish, like, on paper?
Eric (as Salmon): Yes, but you— the proper protocol for wondering a wish out loud is you say, "Now, in a totally different situation that's not this."
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric (as Salmon): And then you say what you're going to say.
Amanda (as Troy): But it is about this situation, to be clear?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, no. No, don't say that.
Brandon (as Umbi): No. Don't say that.
Eric (as Salmon): That would— no, no, then I might— I gotta be paying attention, ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): But that's very confusing.
Eric (as Salmon): No, but that's why you say at the beginning in a totally different situation, different than this.
Amanda (as Troy): But I'm talking about this situation, what needs to happen next.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, it's called a hypothetical.
Eric (as Salmon): No, it's not that cold in here. You'll be fine.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's always cold.
Julia: [coughing] I swallowed wrong, I’m sorry.
Julia (as Cammie): Umbi's always cold, famously.
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): So—
Amanda: Troy stares into the Salmon's single eye, on whatever side is closest to him.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): —in a totally different situation than this one.
Eric (as Salmon): Uh-huh.
Amanda: And then Troy closes each eye in sequence a bunch.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): If I wished that you were able to make yourself as big or small as you wished, and therefore, be able to get through whatever grows in this place, would that help you to be able to, like, notice what's happening and get up there, even if the roots keep growing in a different situation where I am not Troy and you are not the Salmon?
Brandon (as Umbi): Like, imagine school bus situation.
Amanda (as Troy): I do not know what a bus is, but just focus on me.
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe it could be all of us, not just the Salmon, you know?
Eric (as Salmon): That's an interesting question. That's definitely not the one that we're dealing with.
Julia: Uh-huh.
Eric: And the Salmon looks around.
Julia: Salmon looks at the camera.
Brandon (as Umbi): In another situation, couldn't we just hypothetically say, like, "I— we wish that— enough, roots, move out of the way so we can move through them, but not enough move so the tree fall."?
Amanda (as Troy): But then what happens when they keep growing? It'll just keep growing and growing and growing, and we were only gonna be here for so long. And have you realized one day we're all gonna die?
Brandon (as Umbi): What? No.
Julia (as Cammie): Can we wish it so that the tree roots grow in a way that the water can still flow to the Cascade?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah, that could definitely be a wish.
Brandon (as Umbi): In another situation?
Eric (as Salmon): In a different situation that's not this one.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Salmon): I could— you could also wish for me to grow as large or as small as I want, because I can't do— I can't do that.
Julia (as Cammie): We have spells for that. That's fine.
Eric (as Salmon): In that situation, which is definitely not this one, you could tell me, ha-yuck, to get as big or as small as I wanted, but I wouldn't be able to figure out if it's the size of me that's keeping me out or if the tree roots have something going on with them.
Amanda (as Troy): I see.
Julia (as Cammie): Probably the tree roots have something going on with them.
Brandon (as Umbi): Are they magical tree roots?
Julia (as Cammie): It's got— they have to be magical, right? They're huge.
Eric (as Salmon): It's of the tree at the top of the world. Whatever you think that means.
Julia (as Cammie): That means magic tree to me, baby.
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, listen, trees don't need all their roosts.
Eric (as Salmon): I'm a wish-granting Salmon. The word magic is very— I'm not really sure to define that word. Ha-yuck.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay. Well, we got three wishes, folks. So we got three tries for this.
Julia (as Cammie): I think first off, we should do the thing that I might have just suggested, which is we should make it so that the tree roots, now and in perpetuity, grow in a way that does not block the Cascade from falling in Verda Stello.
Brandon (as Umbi): But will that— we have to add a clause that says like, "And also the current ones need to move." You know?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is that compound wish? In another situation, would that be a compound wish that would work?
Eric (as Salmon): I think it's all part of the same wish, so that works.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Eric (as Salmon): If you said, "I also wanted to be super buff." That doesn't work.
Brandon (as Umbi): What about 10 feet tall?
Eric (as Salmon): No, that also doesn't work.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): That got cut for time.
Eric (as Salmon): That was cut— because that's not what I wanted to say. Ha-yuck.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ha-yuck.
Julia (as Cammie): How do we feel about that as our first wish? And then we can handle the tree stuff later.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, who— well, each of you individually gets a wish. Whose wish is that?
Julia (as Cammie): Right. I'm cool with that being my wish.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Julia (as Cammie): Is everyone else cool with that being my wish?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): My only thought is, like, would it be better if we made some kind of, like, I don't know, tool for pruning and it got to stay here, like on a boat where you, like, keep the knife in, like, a special bubble in case you get all wrapped up in the ropes? That way, if things go crazy in the future, then there is, like, a tool that we can use to trim the roots. But then I thought about how the Dilly Dagger took away my best friend, and now I do not think we should make such a weapon.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, no.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): So— yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): I think if we establish in perpetuity, this never occurs again.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): That would be good, right?
Brandon (as Umbi): So we're throwing away the idea of a really large bomb?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. For now.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): I think so.
Eric (as Salmon): I heard that that's what you would say, Umbi, ha-yuck. I hope you don't mean it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Shut up, Salmon, you don't know me.
Eric (as Salmon): Shut up, Umbi, yes, I do. Ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, you're part of the crew now. Good job.
Eric: I was just like, the Salmon blows water to Umbi's gills, making him lightheaded.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, I'm extremely nervous about this. Here we go. Salmon, eyes forward. Eyes on me.
Eric (as Salmon): Yes. Ha-yuck.
Julia (as Cammie): I wish—
Eric (as Salmon): You wish—
Julia (as Cammie): —that the roots of this tree would no longer block the Cascade, and no matter how the tree grows in perpetuity, it will not block the Cascade from falling to Verda Stello.
Eric (as Salmon): Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): Did I forget anything? Do I need any addendums?
Eric: The Salmon swirls with blue light and swims over to the tree roots. Sorry, you— I— the Salmon heard your period, Julia, Julia Schifini.
Julia: That's fine. That's fine. That's okay.
Eric: The Salmon swims over to the tree roots, glowing in the soft light, blue light. It swims around the roots of the tree, and each of the roots on their tips are almost like lit like candles, lit with this blue light. And the roots start to retreat. Not growing backwards, but inching backwards, almost like walking themselves back out of being jammed here. Both the roots that are cutting through the tunnel and the roots shoved in the stoppage here. With each almost step back of these roots, the tunnel starts to open up with light, and nearby, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric: Daylight streaming, in a little bit at first, then slowly, slowly, slowly opening up.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think it worked, Cammie.
Amanda (as Troy): You did it, Salmon.
Eric (as Salmon): I didn't do anything. Ha-yuck. I just done did a wish.
Julia (as Cammie): Thank you for honoring my wish, Salmon.
Eric (as Salmon): No problem. Let's keep going. Ha-yuck.
Amanda: Let's grab onto that tail.
[theme]
Amanda: Hello, everybody. It's Amanda. Wow. Thank you so much for accompanying us on this journey. We'll have so much more to say reflecting about this campaign in the Afterparties, but for now, thank you so much. We're gonna keep this midroll brief and let you get back to the episode. So first, thank you and welcome to everyone who has joined as a paying member of our Patreon. Mr. Whiskey, welcome and congrats on your timing. You are going to live in the midroll of the Campaign Three finale for all time. If you too, would like to be— I was gonna say, memorialized, but that's not right. If you want to be named in a midroll and thanked by name, you should come over and join the Patreon, patreon.com/jointhepartypod. That is also where you can get access to our patron-only Discord chat server, which is popping every day with photos and prompts and wonderful messages from the Join the Party community, including messages of support as people got ready emotionally to receive this episode. You also get a whole other biweekly podcast in Party Planning, and even things like ad-free episodes and early access to new eps an entire day before anyone else. Yes, that's right. People listen to this episode yesterday @patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Two live events coming up that you should know about. Come celebrate the end of Campaign Three with us in person, in Brooklyn, New York on February 20th for our Campaign Three drinks pop-up, co-hosted by Friends Who Kiss, the incredible catering business of mixology listener Nick. It's going to be incredible. It's totally free. Just come and buy alcoholic or non-alcoholic drinks if you want to. But you can also just stop by and say hi. Come to jointhepartypod.com/popup, that link is also in the description, to RSVP for free. And if you would like to see Join the Party live and Spirits live, two live shows for the price of one, in Portland on March 23rd, 2025. Get your tickets now at jointhepartypod.com/live. We cannot wait. It is just about two months away and we want to see you there. And hey, it is not too late to grab your plant pirate dice. These are produced by the one and only Dispel Dice, a purveyor that we have all bought dice from on our own with our own money, because we love them so much. And you got to get your Campaign Three plant pirate Verda Stello official dice before they're gone at jointhepartypod.com/dice. This is a Campaign Three exclusive, so once we run out, we will not be making any more. So go to jointhepartypod.com/dice to pick them up today. There's so much happening in Multitude these days, and I think if you were interested in media and the Internet and the future of making a living as a creator, you gotta come listen to Attach Your Resume. This is a brand-new show from Eric and me, interviewing online creators about how their jobs work and how they got there. We interview somebody new each week with personal stories behind the seismic events in digital media. If you've heard about things like the pivot to video, or BuzzFeed or, like the rise and fall of the blog boom. These are all things that we talk about in detail with people who were really there. And every single episode, we try to figure out how and what concrete steps we can take as an industry to build a sustainable media landscape. I'm having so much fun on it. Mischa is editing it. Brandon is producing it, and I'm just— I'm having a ball leveling up my own interview skills. I talked to, I'm gonna say, a like hero of mine. I don't know if I'll call it a hero, but I have a very big interview coming out this week, so go on over to Attach Your Resume. Check it out. Subscribe to Attach Your Resume in your podcast app now, or go to multitude.productions to learn more. All right, folks, it's time. Let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Eric: The Salmon swims upwards towards the end of the tunnel.
Amanda: Oh, guys, Salmon swim up river. I'm such an idiot.
Julia: Yo.
Eric: Yeah, I'm so smart. I did that intentionally. For sure, I definitely thought about it.
Brandon: The tube is a Salmon ladder. Yeah.
Eric: It was built by the Seattle Department of Nature.
Julia: Eat those salmon. Eat those salmon.
Eric: And the Salmon bursts out of the top, flopping up into the air with you three holding on to its big tail.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric: And you see everything. In all directions, you see Verda Stello, the entire great green ringed world is spread out in front of you, because you are at the top of the world.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's beautiful.
Eric: At the top of the Cascade, there is its own basin, because it is receiving water all the way from up high.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: There is— it has its own constant rainfall that's just coming down in one shower, and it's constantly watering the largest tree you've ever seen in your entire life. It reminds me of an oak tree, just with its big leaves, but this tree also is dotted with every single kind of produce you've ever seen in your entire life, with cherries, and tomatoes, and apples, and carrots, and potatoes, and cabbages, and bananas, and cantaloupes, and watermelons, and each one has flowers and each one has fruit. And there is fruit you've never even seen in your life. There's weird ones, too. There are melons in patterns that you've only seen on terrible couches. There are bananas in infinite bunches with different— each with different colors. There are so many different types of berries. Think of a noun and then attach it to the word berry, and it exists. Okay?
Amanda: Everyone, say it on three. Ready?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: 1, 2, 3. Umbrella.
Julia: Radiusberry.
Brandon: Goose.
Eric: Oh, gooseberries exist. Goddamn it.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That's on me.
Amanda: That's okay. You're doing a lot.
Eric: Each one of these has its own little branch that it's hanging on the edge of. The tree, it is not really a basin. It's more of like the ground that this shower is constantly leading to. It's almost like marshland when you see a field that's got flooded. So it's like there's grass and roots and mud and stuff, but mostly it's just you're slogging through water, like an inch or two of water that is just constantly floating here. While you're transfixed by the produce on the tree, behind it, you take a moment to adjust to the idea that there is a giant tree with every single piece of fruit, vegetable and tuber upon it. You realize you are looking out on all of Verda Stello. You are on top of the Cascade, and you see each of your countries laid out in front of you. Looking at it from higher than even a bird's eye view. A bird's eye view looking down at the bird's eye view to see everything.
Julia: Bartlett could never.
Eric: Everything is a little miniature laid out on a game board. Troy, you can see all the way on the edge, you can see the castle that you grew up in.
Amanda (as Troy): Whoa.
Eric: Cammie, you know which one is Open Fields, because each field is just like a little square. It's like you're looking at a patchwork quilt.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): I can see Baba Rutabaga's forest from here.
Brandon: And she looks up at you and gives you the finger.
Julia: Yeah. That's how she do.
Eric: Umbi, you know which one is Overstalk, because this is what they were talking about. This is what the great stalks were trying to reach.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: They were trying to get as close to this as possible. So you see on what little shoots of green, still hundreds of miles away from where you are, or in terms of both distance but also height, just hundreds of miles away from ever glimpsing the bottom of these tree roots. But you understand that this is what the great philosophers were thinking about for so long in Overstalk.
Brandon (as Umbi): I won, baby.
Eric: And Hot House is strange, because there's only one point in the entire slice of this country that is alive, because all of the light and energy is packed in one place. And you can see it all the way from up here in the great coliseum, where the Builder Games are continuing.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Good luck, Archie.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think you have to say it louder.
Amanda (as Troy): Good luck, Archie.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, that probably got to him.
Amanda: Oh, you're joking. Oh.
Eric (as Salmon): I told you, it's easier— it would be easier for you all to see it, ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): It's beautiful. Is this where Greenfolk come from? Is this where our seeds come from?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, almost, hold on.
Eric: The Salmon like skips through the water that's up here on this marshland, and swims around the tree once, twice, three times, and the water starts to pick up around it. And then the Salmon jumps in the air, lands, and the water sprays in all directions. And finally, falling off the side of the basin, this Cascade begins again.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yay! Cammie, you did it.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, it's happening.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm so happy.
Eric: When the Cascade returns, it starts as a dribble, any pipes, even nature's pipes, needs a chance to turn on. So the first Greenfolk who notice, tried to ignore it.
Eric (as Greenfolk): Don't let a sun shower get in the way of this unexpected windfall.
Eric: Crows Orello gesturing at a zombie hand, wriggling around in a glass cloche. On a hidden dock where the crags meet the Great Salt Sea, three underwhelming brothers from the underwhelming House of Deciduous decide if every doubloom they have in their family's coffers was worth it for this.
Eric (as Orello): You need a hand up. I have a helping hand. Haha. Word play.
Eric: By the 10th drop, Orello looks up and the annoyance ripples away to surprise, then joy, then terror of where he's sitting.
Eric (as Orello): You know, I forgot. I have an appointment to see my sea dentist that I have to get to. We'll pick this up again when you can find me.
Eric: The three brothers protest, but as pipes do, they flow and we lose their concerns as they lose sight of Orello's boat in the newly returning wall of water. What do you expect? It's celebration everywhere. If you don't drop everything when the fresh water suddenly returns to your world, when do you do it? Farmers with their ox tongue-milking gloves still on, crowds of students and their teachers either leading the charge or trying to keep up, barbers holding scissors, Greenfolk mid-leaf cut, shaving cream whipping behind them like dandelion fuzz on the wind. They run to the edge of town where the basins were, and just watch the water come in. Of course, the suddenness leads to problems, a weirdo or two banking on the end of the world, lurking in the dried basin, just wash away. The deltas and rivers unexpectedly have to get back to work, so there's some flooding, and the drought stones are submerged again. Also, cars, like, crash into each other a lot because they're distracted. But we deal with it when we're not so happy that the great green ringed world is going to continue to be great and green and a world. Word of the Cascade quickly spreads to the furthest reaches of Verda Stello. A page's shoes click clacks across the stone floor of the Overstalk Senate, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. We don't have to pretend that we're gonna do anything about this one anymore. Great. A herd of massive redwood moose storm through the overgrown forest, spooked by the separatists who fire their guns into the air at celebration and look for rockets and fireworks to set off, .that don't burn down the forest, of course. King Hyperion wakes up in his bed, surrounded by all of his brothers. The younger they are, the more excited that Troy probably had something to do with this. King Hyperion groans.
Eric (as Hyperion): I just fallen asleep. Fuck.
Eric: Throughout Open Fields, each township congregates in the square and congratulates themselves on their particular brand of virtuousness that got them through the 50-year drought. It was probably the way we burned that kid or effigy, or kid as a goat that got us through it. And in the great coliseum, the Builder Games pauses as they get the news and process it. For a few moments, the competitors and the audience listens to the rushing of the Cascade once again. Someone adds aqueduct planning to the docket of trials, and the games resume. Inside the Great Salt Sea, the largest adjustment is to the noise. At first, it's unbearable. A stark reminder to any pirate that they're trapped by their decision to explore the archipelagos and never return to the mainland. It is definite. It is irreversible. This is what we're doing. Also it's really loud. Oceans are flat and sound travels really far. But as Greenfolk usually do, within an hour, they get used to it. It's just a consistent low roar. They'll have to speak up more now, but it's comforting and resolute, I guess, like being a pirate must feel like.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, my god. This what it was like for you last time?
Eric (as Salmon): No, I didn't— Jeremiah's wish took care of itself. This might be better, I think.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.
Eric (as Salmon): You know the water, it— sometimes it needs to be told where to go.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you so much.
Julia (as Cammie): Like that first spell.
Amanda (as Troy): You doing this lets us have lives.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, it all works together. It's just a— it's the way that it goes. The water falls, you know, plant and bug people live it out. They do their things, and we are— and sometimes it gets stuck. That's why I'm not mad at the tree. The tree is just doing what it's doing. Ha-yuck. Like the water, even sometimes the water gets confused. That's what I'm here for.
Brandon (as Umbi): I get that.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. We're really lucky to have you, is all I'm saying.
Brandon (as Umbi): Why did people think that you were mad at us, then?
Eric (as Salmon): People think what they think when they don't know what's going on.
Brandon (as Umbi): Huh.
Julia (as Cammie): You were just stuck.
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah. I'm glad you came. A lot of people don't. Well, my question for you is, if people were mad and were worried, why didn't they come and find me?
Brandon (as Umbi): We've been trying.
Julia (as Cammie): Well, a lot of people don't believe in you. And also, you're kind of hard to get to because you need four keys to get into the area that you are.
Eric (as Salmon): Four keys?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): That's what Jeremiah, like, wrote on the stones that told us about what to do if the Cascade ever dried up.
Eric (as Salmon): I don't know anything about keys.
Julia (as Cammie): There's the Key that still hurts, the Key with a Gaze, the Key with— in the maze and the Sky—
Amanda (as Troy): From the sky, Key with a Gaze. Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): No, you just gotta walk— you just need to walk into my pool.
Julia (as Cammie): What the fuck?
Amanda (as Troy): Well, then some Greenfolk have made it really difficult to access you. They built a prison over the pool and locked it up with four different keys.
Julia (as Cammie): Mandy Potash and Crimson Larceny didn't tell you about the keys?
Eric (as Salmon): No, they were just excited to get wishes.
Julia (as Cammie): Eh, fair.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): They were talking about how they were the best pirates ever and I'm like, "Yeah, for sure, because no one comes and sees me."
Brandon (as Umbi): There's a group called the Diamond Knot that I think maybe—
Amanda (as Troy): Whoa. The roots made a knot.
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa.
Eric (as Salmon): What? Ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): There's this group called the Diamond Knot, and it's all the rulers of the different countries to whom I am related, to be clear, making sure that no one else but them can get access to you. Because when the Cascade dried up, it was great for them, because they could do all kinds of things and decide who is powerful and who is not.
Brandon (as Umbi): They gotta control the— control the water, control the Bialy.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): And that's messed up.
Brandon (as Umbi): It's fucked up.
Amanda (as Troy): Because, like, you want more visitors, right?
Eric (as Salmon): I'd like it if people came, but I don't have to give out wishes whenever I want.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, really? That could get very tiring. That’s cool.
Eric (as Salmon): It does get tiring, so it's fine— but if people find me, it's fine. I didn't know who locked up the blackberry dragon, but the blackberry dragon only came because a blackberry fell down there and it grew and it grew and became the dragon. You see, here, watch.
Eric: And you see that, like, a lemon, a lemon and a lime that's fused together.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Falls off of the tree.
Julia: Is it swirly, like the lemon, the yellow and the green swirls?
Eric: Yeah, yeah, swirled together.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Cool.
eric: It falls off of the tree and then gets caught up in the tide and then falls off the side of the waterfall.
Julia (as Cammie): Is that how babies are born?
Amanda (as Troy): Does that go to your pool?
Eric (as Salmon): It goes anywhere. It's not how babies are born. I'm sorry, the way you grew up, you didn't get sex education?
Julia (as Cammie): Well, no, it's just— you just told us that a blackberry dragon was born from a blackberry that fell off this tree. So I just kind of assumed that maybe everything I knew up until this point was a lie?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, partially, I don't know who's been lying to you. When the produce falls over, the seeds get into the ground, and then something changes.
Eric: We see a vine of grapes that are all so furry and disgusting and molding, fall into the water, tumble over and drop into an urn. And then from inside of the urn, we see a teenage girl looking inside and says—
Eric (as Audrey): Hey, dad, I found something.
Julia: Oh.
Eric: And the dad says—
Eric (as Dad): Audrey, don't touch it. You're gonna need your gloves.
Julia: Oh.
Eric (as Salmon): Maybe it puts an idea into somebody's head.
Eric: You see, there's a Greenfolk walking through the woods and then—and sits under a tree, and then an apple falls on their head.
Julia: Gravity.
Eric (as Salmon): Sometimes it changes the environment.
Eric: And you see, like, a watermelon splashes into the basin, and then all the water starts to dig a river through the ground.
Eric (as Salmon): Or maybe it even becomes a living thing.
Eric: A rutabaga climbs out of the water and grabs a gnarled stick, and starts walking into the woods. And then we see the blackberry trying to roll back into the tunnel and grow over time into the big blackberry dragon.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric (as Salmon): You never know what it's gonna be. You gotta wait for it to grow and find out.
Eric: Yeah, that's right. This was gravity. I invented gravity.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Isaac Fig Newton.
Brandon: Haha.
Amanda (as Troy): So, where's Crimson?
Julia (as Cammie): Well, also, how does the Planter fit into all of that?
Brandon (as Umbi): And the Waterer?
Eric (as Salmon): Well, the Planter grew the tree.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric (as Salmon): That's part of it. When the fruits and the vegetables fall into the— fall down to Verda Stello, it starts to change everything. The Planter knows that you— that people, like, would need things to change. And when the seeds get in the ground and grow, they might inspire someone or change the environment, or maybe sometimes create a new Greenfolk.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): Ha-yuck.
Eric (as Salmon): Ha-yuck.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ha-yuck.
Eric (as Salmon): Just keeping everything spicy. Every— sometimes thing— you all need things to change or then you wouldn't do anything.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's true.
Eric (as Salmon): The Planter knew that. In terms of the Waterer, that's part of the reason why the water gets all confused. Look up there.
Eric: Off to the side, there's one part of the waterfall that doesn't— isn't falling. It actually is going up, kind of just like a little stream that's going up into the sky.
Eric (as Salmon): That's what the Waterer controls. And I gotta keep every— sometimes the water gets confused and doesn't want to go up there. It's one of the streams you can take.
Brandon (as Umbi): Are they up there? They know me. They love me. I should probably go say hi.
Eric (as Salmon): There are— if you follow the stream.
Julia (as Cammie): Hey, what? Hey, Umbi, what?
Brandon (as Umbi): Just like a friendly hi.
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah, if you go down the stream, you'd see them. I don't know if you could come back.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, okay.
Eric (as Salmon): It's all kind of a one-way swim.
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, did Umbi just say that he was in love with the Waterer, or the Waterer is in love with him?
Brandon (as Umbi): Who mentioned love?
Amanda (as Troy): That's what I heard.
Julia (as Cammie): I thought you said love.
Amanda (as Troy): I think he wants to kiss the Waterer.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, you're gonna kiss the Waterer?
Brandon (as Umbi): Maybe, but love ain't got nothing to do with it, you gross child.
Julia (as Cammie): Rude.
Amanda (as Troy): I think this is amazing, and I want to know who's taking care of you, the Salmon.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, everyone. We all take care of each other. Verda Stello works the way it's supposed to work with me and the Waterer and the Planter, but you got to let things grow. Sometimes things have to happen, which is why the tree drops a fruit or a vegetable, and then things change. And sometimes you got to be respon— and sometimes the tree needs to be pruned or fixed. It gets in the way. But now with Cammie's wish, it won't get in the way over here, but maybe it'll get in the way somewhere else.
Julia (as Cammie): So— okay.
Julia: Cammie's, like, having an existential crisis sitting here.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —like on the Salmon's tail, being like—
Julia (as Cammie): Okay. So we solved one issue, but because the world, the universe, the planter, I don't know, likes to, as you said, keep things spicy, we're still gonna have— we're gonna have problems in the future, regardless of what we wish for and what we try to solve.
Eric (as Salmon): But don't you want problems? What kind of a world is it with no problem? Ha-yuck. Then you just sit around, holding on to your stuff.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, it would be nice if there were less problems.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, how are you supposed to know if one of these seeds are going to be a good— are going to be a solution or a problem, or a positive or a negative? You don't. Only once the seed starts to grow, you know what's gonna happen.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie.
Amanda: And Troy, like, falls to his knees in the water in front of Cammie and puts two butterfly hands on either side of the tea bush face, and says—
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, you cannot clip the wings of every single person who could try to take your throne. You just have to try to be a good enough ruler that they do not want to take it.
Julia (as Cammie): But if there's no throne, then there's also no revolt.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric (as Salmon): Sounds boring.
Eric: Splash.
Amanda (as Troy): But this is—
Julia (as Cammie): No god, no kings.
Amanda (as Troy): This is a metaphor. I think we cannot wish away—
Brandon (as Umbi): Whoa, Troy. You just did a metaphor.
Julia (as Cammie): Proud of you. Proud of you, buddy.
Amanda (as Troy): I know, my palms are really sweaty. I'm sorry. We cannot wish away every single problem that could happen. But we can go back there, and if we're lucky enough to make it back, try to help other people learn how to solve it for themselves.
Brandon (as Umbi): Not to disagree with you, Troy, but you could— in another situation, could we wish for all problems to be solved henceforth?
Julia (as Cammie): Could we potentially, like, in a different situation entirely, wish for the Planter to be less spicy about the world?
Eric (as Salmon): In a different situation, I think you might be causing— I just would— I wouldn't advise you do that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Gotcha.
Eric (as Salmon): Ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): So maybe we don't need to do any more wishes, then? If the whole point is that things will change, and then if they're bad, then people decide to do something about them. But if they're good, then we keep them. That's— that's life, right?
Eric (as Salmon): That's what I think. But I'm just the Salmon of the top of the world. Ha-yuck. Oh, look.
Eric: All the way up, up top, there's a fig, and then a baby-sized wasp bursts out of the fig and starts flying towards the Builders Coliseum.
Julia (as Cammie): A baby.
Eric: It's a wasp, bee, Julia, so—
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: A ba-wasp.
Amanda: A waby.
Eric: A waby.
Brandon: A waby.
Amanda: Waby.
Brandon (as Umbi): Seems like things are wrapped up— wrapping up here. I do have one wish I would like to use, if that's okay.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, you have it. Of course, you can use it. Ha-yuck.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can I wish— not to start shit, but can I wish— I wish—
Julia: Oh, shit. Not even gonna run it by us?
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Eric: Why would he start now, Julia?
Brandon (as Umbi): I wish that when I make this wish, I didn't have to die and go to the Waterer.
Julia: So you're choosing to make your wish, "A fuck you, Waterer. I tricked you wish."
Brandon (as Umbi): And also, I would like to be muscular.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, oh. No, I heard the period. Oh, no.
Eric: The Salmon is covered in blue light and is like—
Eric (as Salmon): Oh. Oh, no. Ha-yuck. This is gonna— oh, no.
Julia: I can't believe Eric's gonna have to create a combat where we fight the Waterer now.
Eric: The Salmon goes—
Eric (as Salmon): Oh no, I guess you gotta— you did— oh, jeez. Oh, God, ha-yuck. And then the Salmon is glowing— the Salmon only is glowing in blue light. And the Salmon, like a Salmon swimming upstream, swims up that stream that I described before.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, God, this is not gonna go well. Okay, I'll be back in a few. Ha-yuck.
Julia: It's like you sent someone else to break up with your girlfriend.
Eric: That's a 100% what you did it.
Julia: Uh-huh.
Brandon (as Umbi): I just want the Waterer to love me for me.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, this isn't gonna go well, okay.
Amanda: I'm sensing more of a Titans fighting and ruining the world scenario.
Brandon (as Umbi): Should we leave y'all or—
Julia: No.
Amanda: No.
Eric: Well, the Salmon is gonna be away for a little while, so Troy, if you wanna do a wish, you gotta wait around, but you can still bunk around if you want.
Julia (as Cammie): I want to know what's up in the tree. Like Crimson Larceny is up there. What's he doing?
Eric: Sure you can look around for that.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Cammie, you look around at all the produce, and you see there's a potato with actual eyes on it.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, you look familiar.
Eric: There's an apple that also looks like a chrysalis for a butterfly.
Julia (as Cammie): Cool.
Brandon: Ooh.
Eric: Other stuff. And then you see what kind of looked like lychee fruit. For those who don't know what that is, it's like about the size of a golf ball, and they're really spiky on the outside. On the inside, it's like this white, fleshy fruit that's really delicious.
Julia: Almost looks like Velcro, you know?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Like angry Velcro.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: This is even angrier of Velcro because you see these lychee fruit that's covered in blood.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, Crimson.
Eric: And there's just like 10 of them in a cluster up there. And one falls and floats by.
Julia: Cammie tries to scoop it before it goes.
Eric: Oh, you scoop it?
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Hello, Crimson Larceny.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Yar, lass, you better put me down.
Julia (as Cammie): I will in a second. It's not— you know, you'll get to where you need to go. Apparently, it's all fate. I don't know. What's up? I'm Cammie. We've talked in flashbacks for me. I don't know if those impact your past or not. Do you know who I am?
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Lass, I have no foggy idea what you're talking about.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, cool, never mind.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): But you're getting in between me and a date with the rest of the world.
Julia (as Cammie): Right. Just real quick, I saw that you wished to become part of the tree. I'm also a pirate myself.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Oh, a fellow sea lover, and you made it—
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): —all the way here.
Julia (as Cammie): I did.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): I still got here first, so I'm the best.
Julia (as Cammie): You did. You are the best pirate. No argument from me. I just wanted to know what were you— what did you intend with your wish?
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Well, I get to mix things up for the rest of the time.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, so you also just want to keep things spicy?
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Oh, well, spicier than before.
Julia (as Cammie): Why?
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): The thing that pirates don't even know about themselves is we don't do it for the fortune. We don't do it for the fame. We do it because we like to keep things exciting. And I like to do— and I'm going to do that for as long as Verda Stello exists.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yar.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Yar.
Amanda (as Troy): Yar.
Julia (as Cammie): Yar. Avast ye.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Avast ye. Now, put me down, lass.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Julia: Cammie puts it down.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Thank you. Second best pirate ever.
Julia (as Cammie): Taking it.
Eric (as Crimson Larceny): Well, you would share that with your crew.
Julia (as Cammie): Taking it. Hey, Crimson Larceny told me I'm the second best pirate ever.
Brandon (as Umbi): What the fuck?
Amanda (as Troy): That seems right.
Julia (as Cammie):Thank you, Troy.
Eric: As you do that, the lychee fruit bobs off the side, and then you see it bounce off of a bunch of rocks, and then end up in a treasure chest. And the treasure chest is on a ship, and then falls off into the water, and then it gets pulled up in the net, and says—
Eric (as Treasure Chest): Hey, guys, I found something in here.
Julia (as Cammie):I wonder what that's gonna be.
Eric (as Treasure Chest): Have you ever seen a hand cannon with pincers on it?
Julia: Uh-oh.
Amanda: Have now.
Julia: And Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-oh.
Amanda (as Troy): So do you guys think there's a way to, like— to make more good things drop into the world? Like loving your bruvs or barrels of more sizes? Or, like, I don't know if it's ever been done before, but maybe, like, instead of one king or queen, maybe like people together could decide what they want for them. And I just— I think you could call it Troy, and I think it would just be a lot better than like, a monarchy, for example.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Eric: A Troyocracy?
Amanda (as Troy): That's even better.
Amanda: That's Troy's one.
Eric: Thank you. Thank you. I find this so funny that Troy's, like, trying to invent, like a republic when that's definitely existed before.
Julia: Next door. It exists next door.
Eric: Like, there's definitely another country—
Amanda: It exists right now.
Eric: Yeah, like someone else has a republic. Like, that's pretty much what Overstalk is.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It's a direct democracy.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I think— Troy, I think the best way you could do that is, unfortunately, you'd have to also become part of the tree and, like, battle with Crimson jerk face in there to make more good things and bad things. But I don't want you to do that.
Amanda (as Troy): Nah, I won't be a tree.
Brandon (as Umbi): Great.
Amanda (as Troy): Nah, I don't want to be a tree. No, no, no. I want to be Troy.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay, sure. Sure.
Brandon (as Umbi): Good. Good, good, good.
Eric: On the ground. It's a little less wet land-y over here, because now that the waterfall is working. And you see— as kind of, like, some of the cloudy water dissipates, you see underneath you there is a particular bed of flowers, these little daisies that have all clustered together that spells out something interesting.
Julia: Oh.
Eric: It says, "Fun Mandy Potash was here with all of her friends of the Crimson Blood. We had the best time ever."
Brandon: That's good.
Julia: I love Fun Mandy Potash, actually.
Brandon: She's— hey, I'll say it, she's kind of fun.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Kind of fun. Imagine being a pirate and getting the nickname Fun, like that's how fun you have to be.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Honestly, that would be terrifying.
Eric: You see the Salmon skipping back.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no. Oh, shit.
Eric: On the stream.
Brandon (as Umbi): Consequences, here they come.
Eric (as Salmon):The Waterer says to Umbi and I, quote, ha-yuck, "Umbi knows what happens to him when he crosses me. Get ready to be stinky forever."
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, fuck.
Amanda (as Troy): What does that mean?
Julia (as Cammie): He's already stinky.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hey!
Eric (as Salmon): The waterer says, "Umbi knows what that means."
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, I guess you can't win them all, right?
Eric: We cut forward in time to, eventually, when Umbi dies, in an indeterminate time, in an indeterminate place.
Julia: Who can say?
Brandon (as Umbi): Tell my children, they're not getting anything.
Julia (as Cammie): You have kids?
Amanda (as Troy): You did have kids.
Eric: And you sink down into the Bar Mitzvah of in between death, and immediately, the music stops, and over the microphone you hear—
Eric (as the Announcer): Sorry, folks, we have to stop the party. There seems to be a car parked outside with the license plate, "Umbi." Can someone— whose car with the license plate Umbi, you're parked where the Rabbi is supposed to go.
Julia: Damn, Umbi rude.
Amanda: Can't do anything without him.
Brandon (as Umbi): I thought Rabbis are supposed to be humble.
Brandon: And he goes and moves his car.
Eric: And Umbi, as you push over the double doors that lead outside for you to move your car, we immediate— and then we immediately flash to the jungle, where coming out of an egg is the—
Julia: Just the jungle.
Eric: —ugliest, smelliest, most pustular furriest durian stink bug you've ever seen in your entire life. And it immediately gets eaten by a sun gull. And then the egg next to it, emerges an even smellier and uglier durian stink bug.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, I deserve this.
Julia: That's what I get with my wish.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yep.
Julia: I did it.
Brandon (as Umbi): At least I kept things spicy, am I right?
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Looks at the camera.
Amanda: See the sun gull, like, fall out of the air dead. A second sun gull sweeps in. It, too, dead.
Julia: The stink, too potent.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: We— and we flashback to now.
Eric: And we come back to the present.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm gonna live forever.
Amanda: It's a good show.
Eric (as Salmon): Troy, do you have some— do you have a wish? Ha-yuck. You have to use it now. You got to do it in front of me.
Amanda (as Troy): I wish to use my wish on something that would make you happy, Salmon.
Julia: Ah, the Aladdin approach.
Amanda (as Troy): So whatever that means and whenever you need it, you should use it.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's so kind, and not selfish like mine was.
Eric: The Salmon glows in the soft blue light, and touches Troy on the hand with its little fin. And now, Troy, you are glowing with blue light. Troy, you feel like you could do anything. You feel optimistic. You feel enervated. You feel energized. You feel like all the things that happened to you in the past shaped you into who you are now, and that Greenfolk that you are, are perfect.
Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.
Eric (as Salmon): It's a good feeling, right?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. Is this how people feel when they see me with a shirt on?
Brandon (as Umbi): It is.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Because then I understand it a lot better.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm feeling it right now.
Amanda (as Troy): Whoa. Thank you.
Eric (as Salmon): Troy, that's a very honorable thing that you've done, but also an incredibly spicy one that you don't really understand just yet.
Amanda (as Troy): That makes sense.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah.
Eric (as Salmon): I want you to come back to me in one year, and then I'll have my wish.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric (as Salmon): Fortunately or unfortunately for you, you are going to have to walk around with this wish glow around you the whole time.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, hell yeah, dude.
Amanda (as Troy): Is it sticky?
Eric (as Salmon): No, feels like— you just feel— you feel like you can do anything, and now everyone knows that you can, which is going to get you into a heap of trouble.
Julia (as Cammie): Aw.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no.
Julia (as Cammie): Aw.
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, is there a special word for when you want to change a system of government and take it away, to put in a better and fairer one?
Julia (as Cammie): Revolution!
Amanda (as Troy): That one, yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hell yeah, baby.
Eric (as Salmon): I think people might follow you if they know that you are literally have a wish floating around inside you, ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): That, or I could just keep my shirt off the whole time. That seems to help.
Eric (as Salmon): It works.
Brandon (as Umbi): I could be like the old guy on your left side, being like, here's some old sage advice.
Amanda (as Troy): What do they call the captain of the revolution, though? Because that's gonna be me. It's gonna be me. It's Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): No.
Amanda (as Troy): There's only one captain.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Captain is Troy.
Brandon (as Umbi): Only one captain.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.
Julia (as Cammie): So Umbi will give you advice, and then I'll tell you when Umbi's advice is bad.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, exactly.
Amanda (as Troy): I love it.
Brandon (as Umbi): It works.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, it seems like you all have a plan of what to do after this. Sounds good.
Julia (as Cammie): We're gonna cause no harm, but keep things spicy.
Eric (as Salmon): You don't have to tell me. Just do whatever you want.
Brandon (as Umbi): All right.
Amanda (as Troy): You want us to visit?
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah, just— no, just you, come back if you want.
Brandon (as Umbi): Just— you don't want me?
Eric (as Salmon): No, I don't want you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, man.
Eric (as Salmon): You got me involved with something I did not want to do, ha-yuck.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's fine. I'm immortal now, baby.
Eric (as Salmon): I don't— no, that's not what— I need to make—
Julia (as Cammie): I don't— that's not what you wished for.
Eric (as Salmon): It's my— I had— I—
Brandon (as Umbi): I'm immortal!
Eric (as Salmon): I had to make an oath to make sure everyone understood the wishes that they gave, ha-yuck. And that wasn't part of it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Can't wait to live forever.
Amanda: Can you imagine an army led by Troy Riptide, shirtless, Umbi, parched and old, both of them perched on top of, like, Buddha's hand horses?
Julia: Terrifying.
Eric: Oh, my God.
Amanda: Riding into battle, both of them certain they can't die. Only one of them is right, but only one of them has to be, because both of them with that confidence, man, we're toppling countries, man. That's all you need.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Julia: All right. Multiclassing into cleric to make sure she could keep reviving you, idiots.
Eric: Cammie wearing a red cross, like, frock behind you.
Julia: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Just with a perpetual beam of healing on you.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Havana behind her much happier to be second in command than chief.
Julia: Cammie raises a hand.
Julia (as Cammie): How do we get down from here?
Brandon (as Umbi): Do we just dive?
Eric (as Salmon): Yeah, just dive on this side.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, sick.
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Eric (as Salmon): What's the—
Brandon (as Umbi): Hell yeah, dude.
Eric (as Salmon): What's the worst that can happen?
Julia (as Cammie): We die.
Brandon (as Umbi): Nothing. I'm immortal, baby.
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, we have some friends that I want to make sure are okay, back in the prison that they built, around your door.
Brandon (as Umbi): I want to gloat that we did it.
Eric (as Salmon): You can do that.
Brandon (as Umbi): To the bad guys.
Eric (as Salmon): Outside of the wishes, I can't really do much for you.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Amanda (as Troy): Can we hit your ride back to your pool?
Eric (as Salmon): Sure. Come on back.
Brandon (as Umbi): All right, let's go.
Julia: Swish, swish, swish.
Eric: Swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish. We hold a moment on the pool, and we hear another sploosh and Troy Riptide, shirtless, is holding on to the tail of the Salmon one year later.
Amanda: Okay. Troy has a dramatic scar. It makes him look impossibly more handsome.
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Troy is still glowing that blue as well.
Amanda: His wings are fully out. Nobody can touch him anyway, so it's fine. And he has, like, a sash across his chest with, like, many, many different, like, little handkerchiefs, and baubles, and, like, you know, bells and different, like, souvenirs from people he's helped and friends he loves.
Brandon: Aw.
Julia: Aw.
Amanda: Yeah, you see, like, a thorn from Kidd Cervantes. You see a little miniature arrow from Archie. And there is, of course, a blossom from Cammie, and I think, a stain where Umbi once bled, and then Troy embroidered the stain, so he could always have a bit of Umbi stink with him.
Julia: Sick as fuck.
Eric: All right.
Eric (as Salmon): Troy Riptide, you return, ha-yuck. Or is that what you're still calling yourself?
Amanda (as Troy): There's so much to tell you about what I've been doing and, like, how I've been leading people and, like, there's thing called democracy, and apparently, it's been lasting a very long time, but I'm so excited.
Eric (as Salmon): Oh, I've been watching, I got a pretty good view from up here.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah. Great. So have you thought about what your wish is?
Eric (as Salmon): In a moment, in a moment. So does Umbi still think he's immortal?
Eric: And let's cut to Umbi and see what he's doing.
Brandon: He— like Groundhog Day, you see a bunch of montage of different ways he tries to see if he's immortal.
Julia: Oh, no.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: But in each one, like at the edge of the frame, you see Cammie, you know, unplug the toaster or like—
Cammie: Oh, no.
Brandon: Or, like, you know, remove the poison from the poison vile or whatever.
Amanda: Lay a ladder down.
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah, I think he's been just following Troy around as, like— you know, he's playing Gandalf, but he's not Gandalf. He's just sort of, like, wanting more adventure, because he did what, you know, Overstalk— all Overstalk folks want to do, which is find the ultimate truth of the Salmon and everything.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: So, you know, he definitely went back and told them all about it. The Cascade is back on. He's making sure that that stays back on and that nobody's fighting over the resource, and everyone is keeping, you know, as peaceful as we can be. But, yeah, I think he's just sort of, like, one of that old wandering figures that just, like, whispers sweet nothing in kings’ ears.
Eric: I like how you're just back to being like a weird wandering guy.
Amanda: Before, yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: He's like— you were— Umbi goes between having a purpose and then being a goddamn Ronin. Like, those are the only two choices.
Brandon: Well, the purpose was fulfilled, you know?
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: The Cascade was fixed. He did his whole religion escapade like he got the answers he was looking for. And so now he's just going around trying to help where he can.
Eric: I like it.
Brandon: But he also wants to do it in style.
Eric: Oh, yeah, riding atop your Buddhist— your terrible Buddhist hand horse.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: You're welcome.
Brandon: I got a big old staff. It does nothing. Doesn't even need it to walk.
Amanda: Bartlett is there, but it's the Alolan region now, and he's icy.
Julia: Ooh.
Eric (as Salmon): Does he still think he's a mortal? Ha-yuck.
Amanda (as Troy): I think thinking it is the same as being it.
Eric (as Salmon): Hmm. That's true. That's true. And Cammie, did she follow the both of you in the revolution?
Julia: I think Cammie did, because, you know, crew is crew, you know? But I don't think Cammie was participating as much in the actual active revolution aspect. I think Cammie, wherever they went, is kind of preaching a little bit, almost this idea of Cammie wants to share the philosophical knowledge that she learned from the top of the world, which is, again, that idea of cause no harm, but keep things spicy.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: And, like, you know, probably like opens up, like schools for kids who are traumatized and want to learn magic wherever they go. And, yeah, just is kind of trying to create a world where more Cammies can exist and flourish. You know what I mean?
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: More potential Cammies can exist and flourish.
Eric: I like that.
Eric (as Salmon): And Troy, did you do everything that you wanted?
Amanda (as Troy): Not yet. That's the great thing.
Eric (as Salmon): Well, I'm sorry to hear that, because my wish is going to require something from you.
Amanda (as Troy): Whatever you need.
Eric: So since the Cascade is back on, the problem with having a giant waterfall that protects the Great Salt Sea is that eventually it comes back on and it becomes pretty difficult for people to go in and out. So for the last year, countries have recentered initiatives to get their pirates and their people out of the Great Salt Sea. And there was a massive flurry of, like, smuggling and contraptions to get through the waterfall and get back to regular, almost, quote-unquote, "normal" life before the great pirate era. The Salmon says—
Eric (as Salmon): Troy Riptide, I want to show you something.
Eric: And the Salmon swims over to a corner of the— this kind of tree basin. And the Salmon says—
Eric (as Salmon): Cammie's wish was profound, ha-yuck. She tried to consider it from all angles. She tried to do what was best for Verda Stello, for the tree, and for all Greenfolk. But when you say something open-ended, like I wanted to grow somewhere else, ha-yuck, there are unintended consequences. Can you see down there?
Eric: And you see that the tree, one of the roots of the tree, kind of grew all wonky. It's kind— it crossed through. Now, it's like growing through the basin.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: And is growing down one of the waterfalls.
Eric (as Salmon): Troy, I wish that you need to tell everyone that one of the roots of the tree at the top of the world has grown large enough to open up a new hole in the Cascade. Troy, I wish you to tell everyone, ha-yuck, that you can get back to the Great Salt Sea.
Eric: And then we're done, motherfuckers.
Brandon: Yay.
Amanda: Yay.
Julia: Yay.
Brandon: We did it.
Julia: We done did it.
Amanda: Wow.
[theme]