Lake Town City is a helluva town, where the leaves are bright and we never frown! Meet the characters, pet the cats, and go to work. Aggie gives a presentation. Milo always remembers a towel. Val gets handcuffed.
Take Eric’s quiz for yourself here!
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Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Milo Lane), Co-Producer, Editor, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Val Vesuvio), Co-Producer, Editor: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Aggie O’Hare), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is a collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast, powered by the rules of Dungeons and Dragons. That means a group of friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that takes us beyond the tabletop to parts unknown. In the first campaign, we explored fantasy adventure, intrigue, magic, and drama. In the newest story, we tackle science, superpowers, a better future, and the responsibility to help others.
Every month, we sit down for the Afterparty, where we break down our game and answer your questions about how to play D&D and other roleplaying games at home. We also have segments at the beginning of each campaign to teach people how to play the game themselves. It’s a party, and you’re invited! Find out more at jointhepartypod.com.
Transcript
[tranquil electronic music]
[birds chirping]
Eric: It is fall in upstate New York, and there is a real sense of beginning. In other parts of the country, fall might feel like the slow decline into winter, but here, in the Adirondack mountains of New York State, it’s almost like a second birth. But this one, you know it’s coming. You are lighting the wick on that firework and waiting for it to blow, and that explosion is the wonderous colors of the leaves.
Before, so many people would pack up their cars full of camping supplies and snacks, and their whole family, and come up and peep at those leaves, but now, people are motoring upstate to see the City of the Future, Capital and Twin Jewel of New York State, Lake Town City.
Being so close to the forest at its south, the city is routinely covered in a blanket of vivid red, orange, and yellow leaves. No one can resist crunching a leaf underfoot.
The business-people smashing a big maple leaf with their wingtips in the Industrial District, the blue collar workers crunching their way into factory jobs in their steel-toed boots, or the families who are snap-snap-snapping on them as they run in their separate directions from suburban Weston out into the city.
You can see the students jump into piles in Collegetown, at SUNY Lake Town City, or the prestigious Morrow University, and the commuters blinking at the brilliant colors above as they stumble out of the high-speed train station that connects us to New York City. The tough guys skulking around Little Italy take a second from mean muggin' to watch the wonder of nature, and the hipsters on their fixed speed bicycles in Thorn Hill also take a second from mean muggin to watch the wonder of nature.
Some errant maple leaves flutter onto the water of the Historic Lake Town District, which used to be a signal of the end of the busy summer season only a few decades ago, but now, there’s no off season. And that is the first thought that surfaces into the mind of Dr. Cassandra Morrow, mayor of Lake Town City, local scientist, and its most famous resident. Well, you know, behind former Vice President, Al Gore [laughs].
She looks out the window of her town car whizzing through route 45, driven only by some disembodied mechanical hands and feet, and she says out loud,
Eric [as Dr. Morrow]: Hmm. There’s no off season anymore.
Eric: She sighs and adds on,
Eric [as Dr. Morrow]: Ugh thank God!
Eric: It’s morning on the first day of peak fall foliage in Lake Town City. Good morning, everybody.
[theme music]
Amanda: Good morning.
Julia: Good morning.
Brandon: Good morning!
Eric: Hello! I am your Dungeon Master, Eric Silver, and welcome to campaign 2 of Join the Party, Lake Town City. What a wonderful place it is!
Brandon: It sounds so nice. I want to crunch some leaves.
Julia: I want to close eyes and go there.
Amanda: Woo!
[all laugh]
Amanda: [singing] Lake Town Cit-ay!
Eric: [singing] Lake Town City! [speaking] Julia, this happens a lot. You’re just going to get used to it.
Julia: Alright!
Brandon: How’s the quality of the maple syrup in Lake Town City?
Amanda: Aw!
Eric: It’s good! Lake Town City is right on the border in between New York and Vermont which is separated by Lake Champlain. So literally if you look on Google Maps, it’s where Essex, New York is, which is kind of just a tiny town that means nothing, but if you want to look that up. So actually it’s very good, because they get it from Vermont, which is right there.
And also, you can also tell that Lake Town City is very close to Montreal, so it is really up there and it’s a real amalgam of cultures coming together, both of Upstate New York, of that kind of like upper ear of the United States. Like, it’s a very different type of New England up there. And then you have the Canadian influence from up there. And of course, it’s the City of the goddamn Future, coming together.
Brandon: That’s a very aggressive slogan for this town.
Eric: Well we do have this city’s slogan, it’s “Yesterday’s promise today.”
Julia: I also like that - the idea of Mayor Morrow just throwing in, just a big ol’ f bomb every once in a while.
Amanda: She’s too old to censor herself.
Brandon: That’s true.
Eric: For those of you that want to know, Dr. Cassandra Morrow - Cassandra is spelled like the Greek prophet and m-o-r-r-o-w like tomorrow.
Julia: Does she go by Mayor Morrow or Doctor Morrow?
Eric: She goes by Dr. Morrow, one hundred percent.
Amanda: Or Dr. Mayor Morrow I think.
Julia: [at the same time as Amanda] Dr. Mayor Morrow.
Brandon: Dr. Mayor Morrow?
Eric: She forces officials to call her Dr. Mayor Morrow, but she’s Dr. Morrow to most people.
Amanda: Okay. Everyone had to add like a second honorific slot when you sign up for online forms, because she will call customer service if it does not happen.
[laughter]
Eric: Listen, when she’s bored, she goes on the internet and she tries to get certified for being a priest, so she’s Justice of the Peace, Dr. Mayor Morrow [laughs]
Amanda: Reverend, attorney at law.
Eric: Reverend, esquire, Dr. Mayor Morrow.
Julia: If she’s the Big Bad, I’m gonna be really upset.
Eric: She’s the leader of the city! So I have no answer to that… [laughing]
[Amanda laughs]
Julia: My point stands.
Eric: Yes.
Brandon: Julia calling her shot in Episode One.
Julia: Oh no.
Eric: It’s true. Writing this down for later.
Amanda: I think the real villain is going to be capitalism.
Julia: It always is.
Eric: It’s always capitalism. Alright, uh, let’s introduce your characters. I’m going to roll a d4 and see who’s gonna go first.
[dice rolls]
[upbeat electric guitar melody plays]
Eric: As we zoom into the Historic Lake Town district, nestled in the top right corner of the city map, one of the many bungalows surrounding the original lake of Lake Town - which is actually an inlet which connects to Lake Champlain, I don't know if you knew that- we zoom in on Aggie, who is sleeping in her double bed with four blankets stacked on top of each other. And your alarm goes off at 8 in the morning.
[imitating alarm] beh-beh-beh-beh!
Amanda, would you like to introduce your character?
Amanda: Hello. My character is Aggie O’Hare. And she is the groundskeeper of the Historic Lake Town City Museum. It’s kind of like a living museum type of situation, where she has her like groundskeeper bungalow on the lake, but there is also a little museum in what used to be the boathouse, there are walking trails, there’s stuff for kids to look at.
It’s definitely a censored and sanitized version of the past of the city, but it’s Aggie’s home. And every morning she wakes up and does a little round along the grounds to make sure everything is okay, no kids breaking glass and making out and- things kids are doing in the dark in Lake Town City.
Eric: Do you do this before you wake up? Do you pull out a robe and a jacket over it and get in like a Jeep Wrangler and just like drive around?
Amanda: Uh, no I think I do a little visual sweep when I wake up. My bed is in a corner surrounded by windows, which is why it’s so cold you need all those quilts on top of you - to survey the grounds, get ready, do a little walkabout, and then come back for coffee, read the local paper, and you know, listen to the radio.
Eric: That’s true. Is anything strange happening in the Historic Lake Town District?
Amanda: Today everything is calm. It’s a beautiful morning, the trees are turning all around the lake, and when I go to the local newsstand-slash-deli-slash-bagel-shop-slash-bookstore to get my morning paper, I just do a normal little nod to the proprietress.
Eric: What’s the name of that place?
Amanda: It is named… Mountain News!
Eric: [chuckles] That’s true. From the top of the mountain to your ears!
Brandon: They’re great journalists, not very creative namers.
Eric: Well [laughs] Brandon, do you think there are reporters in there who are making the news?
Brandon: Uh-huh.
Eric: Actually that’s very-
Amanda: Oh no, no, no you’re right. Over the shop is the actual place where the paper is made.
Eric: I love that. So you walk in and Mickie is pouring coffee and slinging bagels, but she’s also like printing them out because she also writes the news- it’s just a newsletter.
[music stops]
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: It’s like a local newsletter. I really like that. And she’s like,
Eric [as Mickie]: Hey, uh Aggie? I don't know if you saw, but there were kids making out. And I definitely wrote down a whole piece - it’s in the Aggie Blotter.
Amanda [as Aggie]: You can’t just write things down that you see and like make it as if I was saying them, because it’s important to have some level of trust with the youth.
Eric [as Mickie]: No, no, no it’s like - it’s not like a police blotter where the police tell me. It’s like I’m telling the police. So it’s like I’m telling Aggie what happened so she can run that shit down. And everyone else thinks it’s funny so…
Amanda [as Aggie]: I… Is it… could you like email me maybe? Or send a text? Does it have to be… I see you every morning. You could just tell me and not, like, put it in the paper.
Eric [as Mickie]: Listen, print media’s not dead. You want the regular?
[all laugh]
Amanda [as Aggie]: Yes, please.
Eric: Alright, what’s your regular?
Amanda: It’s a medium coffee, light and sweet, a buttered roll, nothing else on it.
Eric: Fair.
Amanda: And a copy of the paper.
Eric: Alright, there you go. It’s all in a brown bag together, and Mickie gives it to you. And you can just cut to the front of the line because it’s already right there, and you have a tab going, and you can go about your merry way.
Amanda: Yeah, I take care of handyman tasks around the Mountain News shop in exchange for my morning goods.
Eric: That’s fair. I think at this point, the beeper you have in your back pocket goes off.
Amanda: Sure do.
Eric: And the thing about this beeper, it’s not just a 1980s beeper, it’s like a holographic beeper. It has all the basic stuff that you might have on like an iPhone 6, but it just kind of projects it in a hard light in front of you. So you have on your calendar that you need to make a presentation to the middle schoolers at North Country Secondary, and you have the charity auction tonight.
Amanda: Alright, better sit down at my table, collect myself for the day to come, feed my cat - their name is Sushi…
[all snicker]
Julia: Of course it is.
Amanda: … water all the plants, make sure the house is looking tidy. You never know who’s going to stop by to ask for something or pop in to say hello, so I gotta keep everything ship shape.
Eric: That’s fair. What to head in to work?
Amanda: Yeah, absolutely. So I can walk to the main museum building, which is where I normally spend my time. And that’s where we tend to receive visitors as well, if kids come in from the school, or tourist groups.
Eric: Great, so what does Aggie look like and what’s her usual fashion? What does she usually wear?
Amanda: Yeah, she is definitely Carhartt most of the way, or stuff from the Army-Navy store. So she does a lot of work with her hands, you know, outside a lot of the time, so it’s jeans and boots all year round, and the cut of the denim slash flannel shirt just varies based on the season. But today, a bit of a chill in the air, so she’s got just a work shirt, a heavy work shirt over her normal denim button-down.
Eric: Was it startling to Aggie when Carhartt started being popular?
Amanda: I don’t think she knows it’s popular.
[all laugh]
Eric: It’s like you're just seeing kids also wearing Carhartt and you’re like, “Aw nice I guess everyone’s really getting into woodworking now.” [laughs]
Amanda: Yeah, or you just assume their parents have passed along extremely new looking work clothes.
Eric: And it fits them so well, it’s wild.
Amanda: Yeah. I don't think she’s ever been to Thorn Hill. Aggie stays pretty close to home, so I don't know how much she’s exposed to these hipsters. I don’t even think she knows what hipsters are.
Eric: No. Definitely not. Alright, so Aggie, you’re walking over to the Historic Lake Town City Museum.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: To give some context here, so Historic Lake Town is truly historic. This was the neighborhood that was the original Lake Town that Lake Town City expanded from, and the government, both the United States Government, the New York State Government, and the government of Lake Town City really preserves this as a historic district, in some ways like historic Williamsburg, and in other ways, more like you know you walk around your city and it’s like, “Hey, did you know this place was like this in 1800?”
But there are government protections so there are only the original bungalows from ‘85 that surround the initial lake.
Amanda: And a good number of them are still owned by the people who I grew up with, because I grew up with a different bungalow on the other side of the lake.
Eric: Yeah, that’s true. You grew up in the bungalow that your parents used to have, but now they're out - I guess you’ve told me that they're out and about just retired and travelling?
Amanda: Oh yeah, I have six siblings and two parents, and they're all in different parts of North America and the world, just like living their lives and stuff.
Eric: Now, I did ask you to prepare what all of your siblings’ names were.
Amanda: Yes. Aggie, Danny, Cassie, Regan, Ryan, Kelly, Quinn.
Eric: Oh, in that order?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Aggie’s the oldest of seven?
Amanda: You gotta start with yourself, otherwise you can’t go through the full- the full Aggie-Danny-Cassie-Regan-Ryan-Kelly-Quinn.
Eric: Alright. So you’re going to walk in. There are two classes from North Country- from NCSS - in the auditorium ready. They're like rowdy and just pushing to do things that thirteen-to-fourteen-year-olds do when they're bored.
Amanda: That’s terrifying.
Brandon: Snapchat?
Julia: TikTok.
[Eric chuckles]
Eric: Alright, Brandon. Yeah, they’re snapchatting each other super hard. They’re like [high pitched teenager voice] “Hey, what’s up? At the Lake Town City Museum. Hanging out. Gonna see what happens. Old stuff. We out.”
Julia: “Like and subscribe.”
Eric: Yeah, and then they do the Fortnite dance. So, are you ready?
Amanda: Yes, I am ready. Nervous, but I’m ready.
Eric: Alright. How often have you done presentations like this?
Amanda: I do like two a week.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: They always start with the pre-produced video that someone’s nephew made on a summer internship.
Eric: Oh, for sure.
Brandon: [laughing] It’s cut in iMovie, all the transitions are awful.
Amanda: Oh, yes.
Eric: They’re all star swipes.
Amanda: The like shutter opening one?
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: But listen, he got that Communication credit at Lake Town City SUNY.
Amanda: He sure did.
Eric: SUNY- you can take summer classes at SUNY LTC!
Brandon: Cs get degrees!
[all laugh]
Julia: That’s true. Brandon’s not wrong.
Eric: First roll of the game! Amanda, roll a Performance check and I’ll give you Advantage because you’ve done this so often.
Julia: I just realized Amanda and I have like opposite dice.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: Uh, I got a 6.
Eric: You’ve got Advantage.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: I got a natural 1 that time, so…
[all laugh]
Brandon: Starting off strong!
Julia: Don’t block it with your hand! I feel like you’re messing up your rhythm by blocking it with your hand.
Amanda: Okay, I don't want it to fall off the table, but I will try to do a shorter- a shorter distance roll.
Julia: Do you wanna use my tray?
Amanda: Oh, I will, thank you.
Eric: Do you- what’s your modifier on Performance?
Amanda: Oh, it’s negative 1, bud, so I have a 7-1 for a 6.
Eric: Ha-ha! Okay…
Amanda: Aggie is straightforward. Not a lot of deception here.
Eric: That’s true. This is funny. It’s not that you’re bad at your job, it’s just that you have no idea how to make this into a presentation. You’re just like, “Alright, here are my points. I’m just gonna rattle them off,” and these kids are definitely not amused.
Amanda: I think what I think kids are interested in is not what kids are interested in.
Eric: [laughing] what are you saying?
Amanda: Uh, so Aggie, a little palms sweaty, smooths down her curly auburn hair back into a very functional bun, and walks up to the podium, gives everybody a little wave. The kids are not quieting down.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Hi, uh, good morning. Welcome to Historic Lake Town City!
[Eric muttering, imitating kids chattering]
Amanda [as Aggie]: I’m sure you’re all very happy to be out of school today, right?
Eric [as schoolkid]: Yeah, fuck school!
Brandon [as teacher]: Steven, language!
Eric [as schoolkid]: Oh, sorry, Miss.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Thank you. Uh, but today, it’s going to be really exciting. You get to walk around, be a part of living history, see how Lake Town City used to be, and -
Eric: [singing] Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bop-ba-bah!
Amanda [as Aggie]: Oh, okay, I guess we’ll watch the video.
[Eric laughs]
Eric: This is just- has the same early 2000s iMovie music.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: And you see that on the screen, the camera pans towards a man wearing a lab coat and very hipster coke-bottle glasses, and he’s staring at a fountain. And you see that someone is obviously walking up with the camera, and then he turns around and he says,
[old timey video music playing]
David Rheinstrom [as video host]: Oh, hi. I didn’t see you there! Welcome to the Historic Lake Town Museum, where you’re getting hands-on learning about where we all come from. I’m Sage Lanceleaf, chief curator of the Morrow Museum of the Future and Future Creations, or [pronouncing each letter] M-M-F-F-C.
[all laugh]
What does that mean? Well, I look to the past to see what might happen to Lake Town City in the future. Well, you’re sitting right there. Let me tell you how it all happened.
Chapter 1: How it all happened. Back in 1985, Dr. Cassandra Morrow was working on a very powerful clean energy source at her summer home in Lake Town. She built her own piece of atomic equipment in the basement of a bungalow!
Amanda: Aggie laughs and shakes her head.
David Rheinstrom [as video host]: As she moves all the atoms together, there’s a giant explosion of heat and energy, and from that she makes a new element, diaphorum. That’s from the greek word diaphora, meaning difference. She was ready to make a difference.
Chapter 2: What had happened next. What had happened next was that the town started to grow. Everyone wanted their hands on diaphorum, but the good doctor knew she had to hold them in check. She made everyone promise from CEOs to criminals to the President himself, that they couldn't get their hands on this new element without promising jobs, roads, houses, and more to her little Lake Town. And America is now 50% dependent on the clean energy of diaphorum.
Soon, our little town wasn’t so little. It became a city. A Lake Town City. A mix of everyone who wants to come and make a difference. We open our arms to the transplants, especially the New Yorkers who made the tough decision to move to Lake Town City after the tragedies of 9/11.
[music stops]
Amanda: Aggie bows her head.
Eric: And now there’s just a moment of silence.
David Rheinstrom [as video host]: Chapter Three: What Happened Wasn’t All Good. [music resumes] You can say that right. Think about Jim Taylorson, the tech guy at a big factory whose company will remain nameless, but you know. Jim tried to change the Industrial Area with his newfangled people movers.
Dr. Morrow said, “Those people movers are really dangerous.”
And Jim said [mocking voice], “They’re fine!”
And then they all exploded at the same time.
[music stops]
Brandon: Wait, the people?! Or the people movers?
Eric: The people movers.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Well, actually no, it’s very ambiguous.
[all laugh]
[music resumes]
David Rheinstrom [as video host]: That’s where we all get the term, “Jimmed it up” from, that Jim himself. But we can all learn from Jim’s mistakes. Ask for help!
Chapter Four: What is Happening Now? We’re all happening now! Dr. Morrow is still a big part of the city, acting as mayor for 30 years. She helped bring in our world-class public transportation, the sky tram system that takes you throughout the city by a speedy gondola, and a new high-speed rail that connects LTC with NYC. While you’re here, make sure to take in the sights, take in the theatre productions in the Arts District, or a hockey game at Thorn Hill Arena. Goooo Mountain Lobsters! Or grab a slice of our world-famous crayfish pie at Dominic’s.
Eric: [music stops as Eric speaks] I originally wrote, “Pesto Joseph’s” and I forgot I did.
[everyone cracking up]
Julia: That’s gotta be a respectable place.
Eric: I know, I just forgot.
Brandon: Pesto’s Joseph’s is very funny though.
David Rheinstrom [as video host]: And don’t forget to check out the amazing Historic Lake Town District, where it truly all began. But hey, wait! That’s where you are right now. Why don’t you take it away, Aggie, and tell ‘me more about it. [music fades]
Eric: And then there’s just a slow pan out away from Lance.
[all giggle]
Brandon: Does it just linger when it’s done zooming out for a good two-three seconds.
Eric: Oh yeah, like the video goes on way too much longer-
Brandon: You see the boom come down into the frame a little bit.
Eric: Yeah. And then it cuts out.
Amanda: Yeah, the lights come back up, and definitely see the kids texting-
[all laughing]
Amanda: But-
Amanda [as Aggie]: Yeah, I hope that you enjoy your visit here to Lake Town City. Couple rules to keep in mind - I know it’s not super cool, but it’s important to us. Yeah, well, just like the Adirondack State Park that we are within, there’s a carry-in-carry-out rule.
[Eric chuckling]
Anyone know what that means?
Julia [as a schoolkid]: Don’t leave your juuls in the thing?
Amanda [as Aggie]: … I don’t know why you’re carrying around jewels.
[all laughing]
That seems like a thing that you should leave in your safe at home, but-
Eric [as schoolkid]: Carry out these nuts! Ah! Got ‘em!
Brandon [as schoolkid]: Got ‘em!
Amanda: I look desperately around for a teacher and there is no one here.
Eric: They’re all just- they’re all also texting.
Amanda [as Aggie]: No, it means that if you have any trash, you gotta leave it in here in the building and throw it out. You don’t wanna take anything out of the Historic District that wasn’t yours to begin with. It’s important that we have this example of what Lake Town used to be before it became Lake Town City, because history is important.
Julia [as schoolkid]: Sucks.
Brandon [as a schoolkid]: Someone make sure we get Steven on the way out! Got ‘em!
Eric [as schoolkid]: Woooooow, Jeremy, I’m gonna beat you up later.
Julia [as schoolkid]: Steven’s trash!
Eric [as schoolkid]: Steven’s trash.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Anyway, since we’re a little off-season now from the summer heights, we only have a couple of outdoor activities. You can go down to the lake and see all kinds of historic watercraft that we have there, lovingly restored. It’s very exciting, actually, you can’t really see any scooters like that anymore and I don’t know- it’s cool. I think it’s neat.
And then you can be here in the museum and look at the wonderful interactive displays that we have in the lobby. I don't really get that newfangled tech, but I think you guys will. And otherwise, you can walk down Main Street. And we’ve worked hard to keep the architecture and the layout of Main Street just like how it used to be. So, enjoy your day. We’re meeting back here at 12:30 for lunch, and remember… Lake Town City. Yesterday’s promise today!
Eric: One of the teachers looks up and says,
Eric [as teacher]: Uh, does anyone have any questions for Amy?
Amanda [as Aggie]: It’s Aggie. Don’t worry about it.
Brandon [as schoolkid]: [with squeaky voice] Hello, um excuse me. I was just wondering, how much money do you make?
Amanda [as Aggie]: I am a civil servant, so I make a living wage.
[everyone laughs]
Brandon [as schoolkid]: Cool, so like not very much?
Eric [as schoolkid]: It sounds like not much!
Amanda [as Aggie]: There are many great careers available to residents of Lake Town City, from Morrow Corp all the way to our world class hockey arena, newly opened, to the high-speed train engineers and conductors! There’s lots of possibilities for you.
Brandon [as schoolkid]: Okay thank you. Writing down, “Don’t go into civil service.” Thanks!
Julia [as a schoolkid]: They got sweet bennies, though.
Eric [as schoolkid]: Who’s Benny?
Amanda [as Aggie]: Anyone else? Yes?
Julia [as schoolkid]: I’ll ask her. I’ll ask her. It’s fine.
Eric [as schoolkid]: Yeah, you got it, you got it.
Julia [as schoolkid]: So like, should we be worried about Monty?
Amanda [as Aggie]: Oh, Monty. That’s more of a story that the community tells to keep us all together. No worries.
Eric [as a schoolkid]: But you know, isn't it more, if we’re going down to the lake, isn't it a public danger if there’s like a very large and dangerous and bloodthirsty mountain lobster in that lake?
Brandon [as a schoolkid]: I surfed on his back once!
Eric [as schoolkid]: No you didn’t! Shut up, Steven!
Julia [as schoolkid]: Shut up, Steve!
Amanda [as Aggie]: The biggest mountain lobster you’ll see today is that neon sign outside the original Astro’s. That’s the original Astro’s! You know that Astro’s national chain now! That’s the original right there.
Julia [as schoolkid]: Yo, let’s get a selfie outside of Astro’s.
Brandon [as schoolkid]: Yeah, let’s climb up on top of -
Eric [as teacher]: Alright, everyone, say thank you to Amy. We’re going to go down the Lake.
Brandon [as schoolkid]: [shouting] What’s for lunch?
Julia [as schoolkid]: Thanks, Amy.
Eric [as teacher]: I don’t know. Something on Main Street. Alright, let’s go.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Remember, Carry in, carry out!
Brandon [as schoolkid]: Come on Steven.
Eric [as schoolkid]: Carry out these nuts. Got ‘em!
Julia [as schoolkid]: Come on, Steven.
Eric [as schoolkid]: That's what I said earlier, I don’t know if you noticed.
Eric: So all the middle-schoolers are finally leaving you [laughing] Amanda, you look so beat down.
Amanda: Aggie is fully sweating.
Brandon: Middle schoolers suck.
Amanda: She does, by the way, understand some things about the world. Her youngest sibling is like only 22, so she has known some teenagers and is connected to the internet on her devices.
[all talking]
Julia: And has perhaps been one.
Amanda: Yeah, and was a teen, ten years ago.
Eric: Nice. Amanda, I want you to make a Perception check.
[sound of auditorium din]
Amanda: 14 + 4.
Eric: Alright, with an 18, while you have your flop sweat up in front of people, you are looking out in the crowd to see if anyone has a sympathetic face, and in the back, next to where all the teachers are texting and looking down, there is someone who looks very out of place.
Amanda: I forgot that things can happen to me in D&D.
[all chuckle]
And I just deal with them.
Eric: Someone is holding a notebook and taking notes very furiously. And they are dressed very, very stylishly, especially their bright turquoise leather jacket that stands out in the back. And as you’re wrapping up the presentation, they take some quick steps to you, and step forward to ask you a question.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Oh, hi, how can I help you?
Eric [as turquoise jacket person]: Oh hey. It’s really nice to meet you. Hi, I’m Tegan Murphy. I’m actually - I know I don’t look like all the middle schoolers around here. I’m actually a reporter. Can I talk to you for a second?
Eric: Tegan Murphy is they/them. Tegan T-E-G-A-N and then Murphy, M-U-R-P-H-Y. And they take out their card and they give you the card and it says, “Tegan Murphy, Average Bear Reports.”
Amanda [as Aggie]: All interview requests do have to be routed through the press office for the Lake Town Historic District.
Eric [as Tegan]: Okay, well I didn't really want to know about the Historic District. I wanted to talk to you. Your job is really interesting, and I wanted to ask you some questions. Do you have time?
Amanda [as Aggie]: Oh, you know, I’m just doing a patrol while these rowdy kids are out and about, so - I mean, yeah - any questions about the museum, though, or like the history of Lake Town I would have to send to my bosses, so…
Eric: As you’re answering this question, your beeper buzzes, and you look at it, and it says, “Mrs. Roper needs help.”
Amanda [as Aggie]: Um, could I- could I come back at lunch or give you a call later? I just - I am technically the super for basically all of these bungalows, so sometimes I get called. And usually I have to turn someone’s router on and off again, but sometimes it’s time sensitive.
Eric: Yeah, while you put the beeper back in your pocket, the hologram is poking out, and it’s just like,
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: [distorted] Aggie! Aggie, something happened again. I need your help!
Eric [as Tegan]: Yeah, you can call me whenever. My phone number’s on the card. I just want to know about your job, and you’ve been living here for so long, and what it means to be the custodian of Historic Lake Town. I just think it’s cool. So yeah, send me a text. Give me a call. I am actually from New York City, but I took the train up here, so I’m kind of just staying in one of the hotels over there, or in the Train Station District. So just let me know. I’m around.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Thanks.
Eric [as Tegan]: You’ll notice me. I’m the one with the turquoise jacket.
Amanda [as Aggie]: It’s a very pretty jacket.
Eric [as Tegan]: Thank you. I think it is too. That’s why I wear it all the time, so people can identify me.
Amanda [as Aggie]: You know, I wear a jacket all the time, too. People, I don't know, it’s nice. People know who you are from down the street, and they can call out to you and stop saying mean things if that’s what they’re doing. It’s pretty good.
Eric [as Tegan]: If they make a turquoise Carhartt jacket, you should get one, 100%.
Amanda [as Aggie]: That’s a great idea.
Eric [as Tegan]: Look it up. It’s fashion now, so you’re actually very fashion forward.
Amanda [as Aggie]: What is fashion?
[all laugh]
Eric: From your beeper, it’s like,
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: Aggie, it’s happening! I need you!
Amanda [as Aggie]: Okay, I will definitely give you a call. Thanks for getting in touch.
Eric [as Tegan]: Alright, cool. No problem.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Enjoy Lake Town.
Eric [as Tegan]: I will. Go… Mountain Lions? Is that it?
Amanda [as Aggie]: Lobsters. Very close though. They’re kind of like the lion of the sea, so-
Eric [as Tegan]: Got it. That’s deep. That’s good. That’s pretty good.
Amanda: And I’ll head over in my pickup around the other side of the lake where Mrs. Roper lives.
Eric: Alright, so you go over to the bungalow where you know Mr. and Mrs. Roper are there- they actually - your parents have told you that Mr. and Mrs. Roper have lived here forever, and they know everything there is to know about Lake Town.
Amanda: They’re also really nice. Whenever we would throw baseballs or like kick a soccer ball onto their yard - only broke a window once, but they never yelled at us about it.
Eric: Yeah, and she - there’s always something going wrong at the Ropers. So you head over there, and both Mr. and Mrs. Roper is standing over the toilet, just yelling at it.
Amanda: Oh no.
Eric: Just being like,
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: Stop! Please stop running! Stop! Please! Aggie! Please help us!
Eric: And Mr. and Mrs. Roper, they're both like in their 80s but they look amazing. They both look like they’re 50.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: Oh, Aggie, thank you so much for coming. The toilet is doing the thing again.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Uh, don’t worry about it. Just take a step out. Make some coffee, make some tea. I’ll have this done in a jiff.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: Okay.
Eric: Mr. Roper immediately goes over to his oversized chair and sits down and watches his- a replay of a Mountain Lobsters game, while Mrs. Roper stands and watches you as you mess around with the toilet.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Mrs. Roper, we have discussed this. It’s very helpful if you could step back a little bit, just so that you don’t get your nice house shoes there- don’t want any water compromising that. Maybe just take the bathmat and I’ll… just give me a sec.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: But I don’t have anyone to talk to. Monty doesn’t really want to talk to me, and I just have so much to say! So I want to know how you’re doing, how are you? What’s going on? How are the parents? How are your siblings? Tell me everything. I’m bored.
Amanda [as Aggie]: S-Sure.
Julia: Is Mr. Roper also named Monty?
Eric: Yes. He’s also named Monty.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: Oh! Alright, so Aggie’s going to kneel down, take out her wrench, and it’s just - I just have to tighten the water pipe.
Eric: Oh yeah, I’m not gonna make you roll for this, it’s totally easy.
Amanda: Yeah, but I like look into the tank, make sure the stopper is working well, do a thorough job, then I’m like,
Amanda [as Aggie]: Yeah, so my parents, um, I don't know if they're in Thailand or Malaysia right now. They’re just on their world tour. I don’t remember, actually, the last time they were in the states, but they're just, you know, in retirement and living large. It’s great!
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: That’s interesting. That’s nice. And your siblings are good? You’re all good?
Amanda [as Aggie]: They’re good, yeah. You know, Danny just got a Guggenheim fellowship. That’s that art museum down in the city.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: No I don’t! Where do they have fellows?
Amanda [as Aggie]: Well they like to give different artists money each year to make their art, and they have a huge exhibit about it, and I haven’t heard of anyone else that was in the fellowship, but they called him the “Modern Edward Hopper.”
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: Oh!
Amanda [as Aggie]: Yeah.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: Oh wow.
Amanda [as Aggie]: So that’s good. Cassie, she is in Montreal now, actually, so not too far away. But she… Do you know what Instagram is?
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: No.
Amanda [as Aggie]: It’s like inter- like do you know what Facebook is?
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: No.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda [as Aggie]: Well, alright, it’s like a lot of people online really love her tattoos and she is super famous, and she is in Berlin now for a lot of the year. I think she and my parents met up for Thanksgiving in Paris this past year.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: Oh that’s so nice. I wish I would go to Paris. Paris sounds good.
Amanda [as Aggie]: I would like to as well! I think Regan’s actually performing there soon. She opened up for this band, “The Highway Women.” They’re awesome. They’re three country musicians, and they sing all kinds of songs and covers and also their own, but yeah, she’s opening for them and -
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: You know, I can’t - I do want to get this off my chest. I do want to hear about the rest of the children but -
Amanda [as Aggie]: Oh.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: I have to get this off my chest. Did you know, you know Ma’s? Ma’s Ice Cream Shop?
Amanda [as Aggie]: Yeah.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: It might close down.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Why?
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: It’s - look, I don’t know. I thought it was all protected by the government and all those things, but it’s just - it’s - I don’t know…
Amanda [as Aggie]: They have a whole franchise over by the hockey stadium.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: I don’t know, it’s just not doing well. I don’t know what it is. Ma said that it’s just not coming in the way that she thought - running the books, but you know what I think? I think someone’s - someone must be stealing something over there.
Amanda [as Aggie]: That would be… that would be pretty upsetting.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: It has to be - why - who could fail Lake Town? Who can? The whole - everybody’s supporting us! We’re all everybody’s favorite? Why would anybody want it to fall apart?
Amanda [as Aggie]: I’ll go check in on them. How about that?
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: Ah, I don’t think you… If you want. Don’t say it was from me.
Amanda [as Aggie]: No, no. Of course not.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: It’s not from me. I just tell people the things that they need to hear to let them go around. Is the toilet fixed yet?
Amanda [as Aggie]: Yes, but you know, you could give me a call if you need me. You don’t have to loosen the knob on the toilet here -
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: I didn’t loosen anything!
Amanda [as Aggie]: Just - just in case.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: Everyone knows Priscilla Roper just has a mouth to flap around and she doesn't do any sort of things like that.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Oh, okay.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: I just need someone to talk to.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Okay, listen I can-
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: These two things are unrelated. The toilet was broken and also I’m happy you’re over because I have hot gos to talk about.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Of course, I’m always happy to see you- both of you. And how about I stop by in a couple days? I can come by after supper and just see how you guys are doing.
Eric [as Mrs. Roper]: Oh, that would be very nice thank you.
Amanda [as Aggie]: Sure, I will. I will.
Eric: So we leave Aggie. You’re fixing the toilet - [laughing]
Amanda: There’s nothing wrong with it.
[all laughing]
Eric: Just doing the regular thing.
Amanda: It’s just running. It’s just an old toilet.
Eric: Alright, so we leave Aggie with the toilet, and we’re going to go over to a different part of the city. Julia, do you want odd or even?
Julia: I’ll take an odd.
Eric: Okay.
[dice rolling]
[groovy bass riff introduces an electric rock music theme]
Eric: So we go over from Historic Lake Town District, we stay in the northern part of the city as we scan over to Companyton which was a neighborhood that was thrown together when all the industry started flooding into Lake Town City in the early 90s. People needed places to live, so the not-so-well the industries just kind of threw places together for people to live, like tenement apartments, just like shitty one-family houses thrown together. And on the top of a third-floor walkup, as we hear an 80s Devo beat, we zoom into the apartment of Milo. And the alarm goes off at 8:35.
[imitating alarm] wah-wah-wah!
And Brandon, please introduce your character.
Brandon [as Milo]: Aw, shit, I have to be at work in ten minutes. I can’t believe I keep doing this!
Brandon: Um, my name is Milo Lane. Yes, I bowl. Yes, it is also a coincidence.
Eric: M-I-L-O, L-A-N-E?
Brandon: Yes.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: He/him. Milo is your average guy who has a ghost cat.
[all laugh]
Amanda: Say what now? Is your ghost cat’s name Sushi as well?
Brandon: Uh, Tuna.
[all cheer and laugh]
Which is why I laughed so hard a little bit ago.
Julia: Do I need to get a fish-related pet now?
Eric: No, don’t do it.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: What kind of cat is Tuna again?
Brandon: Tuna is a red bicolor Devon Rex, which is a cat that’s real smart, real mischievous, and likes to be at the highest point of every room.
Amanda: Like a little goat! Little goat cat!
Eric: If I remember, it was like orange and white striped in that way?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: And -
Brandon: They’re real dicks.
Eric: Yeah. Tuna’s sitting on your chest and looking at you, and Tuna says
[music stops]
Eric [as Tuna]: Yeah, I turned off your first three alarms, because I would be - I thought it would be funny. It was a funny thing to do.
Brandon [as Milo]: Tuna, we’ve been over this. I need you to not screw up my career.
Eric [as Tuna]: Yeah, but like, if you’re fired then we can hang out more.
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay, I’m gonna take a shower.
Eric: And Milo gets up. Tuna hops off of you, and as you go over to take a shower, and you close the door, Tuna just kind of jumps through the door, like phases through it, because Tuna is in fact, a ghost.
Amanda: Oh. Just a full ghost!
Eric: Just a full ghost.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: So Tuna still acts like a cat, but they can move through walls and doors and stuff.
Julia: Does Tuna appear ghostly? Or does Tuna appear like a regular cat who can phase through things?
Eric: That’s a good question. What do you think, Brandon?
Brandon: Yeah, they’re sort of… more like the cat in Alice in Wonderland. So they sort of appear solid, but you can tell that there’s something off. And like when they phase through things, they sort of become sort of transparent.
Eric: Yes, definitely when they phase through things. That’s good to know.
Amanda: I started thinking something was off when Eric said, “The cat says…”
[Eric and Amanda laugh]
[sound of shower]
Eric: So while you're taking a shower, Tuna phases through the shower curtain and says
Eric [as Tuna]: So, how’s it going today, boss? How’s, uh, what are you up to?
Brandon [as Milo]: Tuna, I’m taking - we’ve been over this as well. The bathroom time is me time.
Eric [as Tuna]: We did, we did go over it, but I was not paying attention.
Brandon [as Milo]: Right, okay, well this is me time and today I’m going to work, and I think I have [sighs] I think I have four or five tours today, which is a lot to do in one day.
Eric [as Tuna]: That’s true. And you have those interns, which I know is your favorite thing.
Brandon [as Milo]: Oh my god, the interns, yes. They’re all so bad at their jobs!
Eric [as Tuna]: Truly. Well, also, I moved your clock back by - I moved your clock forward by fifteen minutes-
Brandon [as Milo]: Oh, great!
Eric [as Tuna]: So it’s actually nine now.
Brandon [as Milo]: Oh, cool.
Eric [as Tuna]: Bye!
Eric: Tuna just phases through the tub, and just goes away.
Brandon: Yeah, so Milo takes a shower, gets ready, and rushes over to his job at the museum.
Eric: Right, so you have to take SkyTram to get there.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: SkyTram is literally like a ski gondola.
Amanda: SkyTram!
Eric: But it’s faster, and it moves even quicker than I guess whatever subway or train you might have in your city. It picks people up very quickly, and you have to run over to the station that takes you to wherever else in the city. Why don’t you make a Dexterity roll for me?
[dice rolls]
Brandon: 4.
[Eric laughs]
Julia: I blessed those dice for you. What happened?
Brandon: As Milo’s walking up to the museum, he pulls on his polo over his - well he realizes he put on his Star Trek shirt from middle school.
Amanda: Oh!
Brandon: It’s like half a size too small, so it’s just gonna be a - it’s gonna be an uncomfortable day for him.
Eric: It’s like, “Oh that’s why people were looking at me on the SkyTram!”
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: “Because I was wearing a children’s shirt.”
Brandon: Yeah, a children’s shirt. 100%.
Eric: [laughing] You pull out your emergency polo, which is really just a really disgusting green/
Brandon: Mhm.
Eric: As you come in. And where does Milo work?
Brandon: Milo works at the [pronouncing like a word] MMFFC.
[all laugh]
Eric: The Morrow Museum of Future and Future Creations.
Brandon: Yes. Milo’s a museum educator at the MMFFC, and he’s really good at his job. He’s extremely social, he knows how to get people excited about the museum exhibits there, which, let’s be real, some of them are very boring.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: He’s the only museum educator that works there, but he works alongside a cadre of various museum workers, researchers and exhibit specialists and that kind of stuff.
Eric: Mhm. And the Future Museum, which some people just call it the Future Museum, it was built in the ‘90s to celebrate Dr. Morrow’s creations, so it’s very ‘90s cyberpunk, so it’s envisioning what the future would look like in 25, 30 years, but of course that’s now, so it just looks totally out of place. So it’s very modular. There are a lot of lights just in random places, but of course it’s like the Science Museum in New York City. But then also just a bunch of, all of Dr. Morrow’s work throughout the years was put here, like the first SkyTram gondola is featured in the Future Museum, for example.
Amanda: Cool.
Brandon: Mhm. He goes to the break room, grabs a cup of coffee as quick as he can, then swings by his manager’s office to say,
Brandon [as Milo]: Yeah, I’m sorry I’m late again. I’m gonna go grab my tour. Sorryyyy! I’ll stay late today, byeeeee!
Eric [as manager]: Hey- hold on. Hold on.
Eric: Your manager is Mr. Brewpot.
[all snickering]
Mr. Brewpot, you can only refer to him as Mr. Brewpot. He’s like the ops manager for the museum.
Amanda: But there are so many possible nicknames! Including and not limited to Brewsky.
Eric: Again, he’s a very serious man. Do not call him by any nickname. He is Mr. Brewpot.
Brandon: When he’s not around, we call him Brewsky.
Amanda: Good.
Eric: Mr. Brewpot has a very thick mustache, and a very clean tie. Those are the things you need to know about Mr. Brewpot. He’s like,
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Hey, Milo! Milo, come back.
Brandon [as Milo]: Yeah, I’m here.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Alright, Milo I need- because you were late again, I do need someone to do this for me, and you are going to be the one who’s doing it for me. Thank you for volunteering.
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay, alright.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: You know, there’s the - charity auction is tonight.
Brandon [as Milo]: Yep.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: And I need someone to go down and bid on a new thing for the museum. There are a bunch of Dr. Morrow’s original notes-
Brandon [as Milo]: Oh, cool.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: For diaphorum, and you know, I don't wanna work late. I gotta go back to the other Brew Pots back home, so you’re gonna do it for me.
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay, yeah, that’s fair.
Eric: Okay, so he opens up his desk, and in a manila envelope, there’s $500 in there.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Hey, I don’t know how much this is even worth, but a lot of - this all goes to charity, to the Historic Lake District. Just try to get it under 500. It’s going to be inflated, just do it.
Brandon [as Milo]: Cool, I’ll try to get a larger amount of money to benefit the people there.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Yeah, you can - feel free to use… [sighs] Don’t think about it. Just bid 500 and then everybody will be super - “Oh wow, the Morrow people are donating,”
Brandon [as Milo]: Yeah.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Just bid the 500, okay?
Brandon [as Milo]: Yeah, I mean I do this online all the time. I got it. You know.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Okay, I don’t know what that is, so…
Brandon [as Milo]: eBay. You’ve never been… cool tie today, by the way.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Oh thank you, it’s my good one. Because I was gonna go to this, but I’m not, because you’re going to.
Brandon [as Milo]: Ah. Do I need to wear a tie, sir?
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Yes.
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: I told you to bring a tie for today.
Brandon [as Milo]: I am going to need to buy a tie.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: That’s fine. I’ll give you one.
Eric: He roots around in his desk and he takes out just an orange and white striped tie.
Brandon: Great.
Eric: And Tuna pokes out of your backpack and says,
Eric [as Tuna]: Looks just like me!
Brandon: And I shove the tie into my backpack.
Eric [as Tuna]: Hey! Ah! Hey! Hey!
Brandon [as Milo]: Alright, thank you. I appreciate that. I will get it back to you dry-cleaned and smudge free.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Thank you. Remember: 500… say it back to me, what do you do?
Brandon [as Milo]: Go bid 500 bucks at the charity auction. Get the original notes from Dr. Morrow.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Great. Thank you.
Brandon [as Milo]: Thank you for understanding my tardiness. I’ve got a tour that starts in five minutes. I’m gonna go knock their socks off.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Sounds great. Do it.
Brandon [as Milo]: Thank you.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Don’t mess up!
Amanda: What a boss.
Julia: I need to know everything about the Brewpot family.
Amanda: Oh yeah, 100%.
Julia: What are their children’s names? How many children do they have?
Eric: It’s true. You are- you’re showing around three interns, and you’re gonna give them a tour pretty much of what’s going on here. I want you to give me a - because you were late and you weren’t able to put yourself together, just give me a History roll.
[dice rolling]
Brandon: Uh, that is a 6 + 3 for a 9.
Eric: Alright, so you have to show the interns around. What are you gonna show them first?
Brandon [as Milo]: Hello, interns! Welcome to the MMFFC. Can everyone say that back to me real fast?
All [as interns]: MMFFC
Brandon [as Milo]: No, I’m sorry. Right back there. MMFFC.
Amanda [as intern]: MMMMMM-F-C
Brandon [as Milo]: Closer. Alright great, welcome. Thank you for joining our intern program this semester. You’re gonna have a ton of fun, you’re gonna learn some stuff, you’re gonna help some people, and you’re gonna make some -
[Amanda yawning]
Excuse me! And you’re gonna make some money! Um, so we’re gonna start off - well, first of all, just to orient you guys, we do have a lot of weird names for things. It is very lame. I’m sorry. Let’s not take any questions on it. Yes, I’m a museum educator. Yes, they do call me a museum edu-tainer. It’s fine.
[all groan]
I’ve fought the battle. It’s not a battle worth fighting anymore.
Eric [as intern]: Oooh! I have a question! I have a question!
Brandon [as Milo]: Um, sure, yeah what’s up?
Eric [as intern]: Hello. What is your favorite exhibit in the museum?
Amanda [as intern]: Suck up.
Julia [as intern]: Jenny, just be quiet please.
Eric [as intern]: It’s really important for me to learn!
Brandon [as Milo]: You’re all adult college students. Please don’t - just be cool, okay.
Eric [as intern]: Okay, but like, which one’s your favorite?
Julia [as intern]: Jenny, be cool.
Brandon [as Milo]: I really like the, um -
Brandon: Let me look at the map real fast.
Julia [as intern]: Jenny, we were up so late smoking doobs…
Amanda [as intern]: Just be cool, please.
Eric [as intern]: Don’t tell him we were smoking doobs!
Julia [as intern]: Why are you so enthusiastic?
Eric [as intern]: I was not smoking doobs.
Amanda [as intern]: Be cool, Jenny, for once.
Julia [as intern]: Just- Jenny please.
Brandon [as Milo]: My favorite thing is the original equipment that Dr. Morrow used to create the diaphorum. We have some experimental gear that didn't work, which is super interesting to see how and why it didn’t work and then why it did work. That’s really interesting. And don’t tell the public, but some of it is still operational.
Eric [as intern]: Oh! That is very important for me to know!
Eric: And writes it down in their notes.
Brandon [as Milo]: Yeah! Don’t touch it!
Eric [as intern]: Oh, I will not.
Amanda [as intern]: Sounds unsafe.
Julia [as intern]: Yeah, super unsafe.
Brandon [as Milo]: It’s behind plexiglass. It’s fine. Don’t - look I’m letting you in. You help me, I help you. You help me, I help you.
Eric [as intern]: So we should not go into the plexiglass?
Julia [as intern]: No.
Brandon [as Milo]: No, don’t do anything that I don’t tell you to do, please. Unless it’s like, “Clean the floor.”
Eric [as intern]: Yeah.
Julia [as intern]: We have to clean the floor?
Brandon [as Milo]: No, I’m just saying if you’re bored and you want to do something, that’s the most you can do, please.
Amanda [as intern]: Okay.
Eric: Okay, you’re giving them a tour around. You’re showing them all the exhibits, and the break room, and your little office, and where Mr. Brewpot’s office is, and he comes out and he’s like
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Children, happy to have you on board.
Eric: And then just goes back into the office.
Amanda [as intern]: Sir, sir, sir!
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Yeah?
Amanda [as intern]: Are you- are you Brewski’s dad?
Brandon [as Milo]: [under his breath] Brewpot! Brewpot! Brewpot! Brewpot!
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: I’m sorry, who?
Amanda [as intern]: John Brewpot…
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: Oh, you know John! How’s John doing? You’re one of-
Amanda [as intern]: John’s a fucking legend, man.
Julia [as intern]: Yeah, John’s so cool.
Eric [as Mr. Brewpot]: I am going to walk away and not engage with this conversation anymore. Goodbye.
Brandon [as Milo]: Please do. It’s the first day, I’m sorry, Mr. Brewpot.
Eric: He just slams the door.
Brandon [as Milo]: Oh… well, okay. Great job, guys! Getting off on a good start with the boss. Let’s go this way.
Julia [as intern]: Sick.
Eric [as intern]: Um, excuse me, Mr. Milo.
Brandon [as Milo]: Just call me Milo, you don’t have to call me Mr.…
Eric [as intern]: Okay, um, Milo. You showed us everything, but like, what’s that?
Eric: And Jenny is - her name is Jenny apparently - she’s pointing to this exhibit you’ve never seen before. It looks like - have any of you seen “The Fly” before?
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Mhm.
Eric: You know the containment chamber - the literal thing that the fly is? It literally looks like that. It’s like a honeycomb with like little rubber things on the outside, but the door is sealed shut with like frosted and darkened glass. And you’ve never seen it before.
Brandon [as Milo]: Uh… Did you guys see this come in this morning? I’m usually briefed on the new stuff.
Eric [as intern]: I don’t know, I - today is my first day and everything I know you have told me.
[Julia and Amanda chuckling]
Brandon [as Milo]: Right, I was late, and I didn’t know how early you guys got here. I assume - I was late, so I assume you guys were here 30 minutes early, benefit of the doubt, my tardiness becomes your benefit, so I guess you didn’t see any of it?
Eric: Milo, you hear a voice from inside there that says
Eric [as voice]: [imitating a ghost] Ooooo! Let me out! Oooo!
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay, is this one of y’all? Is this like a fun first day prank? Ha-ha? We’re science educators here. Yes, we want to have fun, but fun needs to stay off the exhibits.
Julia [as intern]: Is that a joke?
Eric [as intern]: I don’t know, what are you talking about?
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay, um…
Brandon: DM, is there any like placard or anything up yet?
Eric: Um, no, not yet. You’re in the back area where the offices are.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: And this is kind of just like in the staging area of where it is, and it does seem like this is very new. Like they dropped this off at 9Amanda: and you ran in at 9:15.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: So you didn’t see people drop it in.
Brandon: Alright, okay. Milo takes out some gloves that he uses when he handles anything sensitive, and knocks on the door and says,
Brandon [as Milo]: Hello, you’re so funny.
Brandon: And starts to open the door of the chamber
Eric: It looks like it’s sealed. This was probably made by Dr. Morrow, and the door looks like it’s supposed to slide open, but it doesn't because it's stuck shut. And the voice inside says,
Eric [as voice]: Oh, who is that? Who is that outside?
Brandon [as Milo]: It’s Milo, who are you? This is so funny…
Eric [as voice]: I… I, oh god, I haven't been able to hear somebody in so long. Thank you, thank you. Who- Milo? Who is Milo?
Brandon [as Milo]: I’m one of the museum educators here. Who are you? Are you one of the interns?
Eric [as voice]:What museum? What are you talking about?
Brandon [as Milo]: The MMFFC!
Eric [as voice]: What?
Brandon [as Milo]: That’s where we are. This isn’t very funny. Like, is this supposed to be a joke?
Amanda [as intern]: Who is he talking to?
Julia [as intern]: I don’t know what’s happening.
Eric [as intern]: I don’t know. I don’t know who he’s talking to.
Julia [as intern]: This is weird.
Eric: At this point, Tuna wriggles out from your pocket. You just see Tuna’s face in his pocket, like
Eric [as Tuna]: Milo, you stupid idiot. Who do you think is in there?
Brandon [as Milo]: I- I don’t know, an intern-
Eric [as Tuna]: No! What? No there’s another- another one like… another ghost in there!
Brandon [as Milo]: Aw, fuck.
Eric [as Tuna]: There’s a ghost in- yeah, hell yeah, dude.
Eric: And Tuna climbs out of your pocket and gets on your shoulder, and tries to phase through it and bounces off.
Brandon [as Milo]: That’s never happened-
Eric: And lands on their feet because they’re a cat.
Brandon [as Milo]: One, Tuna, serves you right. Two, that’s never happened before. What is going on? Do you know?
Eric [as voice]: Hey, I don’t know how to open this up, but there is an emergency keyhole somewhere on the outside. If you can get into - Dr. Morrow always had a key to open this. It literally looked like an old key to open this because she’s an old weirdo. Let me - I can tell you what this machine is if you just let me out.
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay? I’m happy to, I just gotta find this key and the keyhole, apparently.
Eric [as voice]: Yeah it was in her - Listen, I used to work for Dr. Morrow.
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay.
Eric [as voice]: But I can’t tell you all that much while I’m in here. If you get the keyhole- the emergency keyhole opening, you should be able to figure it out.
Brandon [as Milo]: Can I-
Eric [as voice]: It should be in her old effects or something, I don’t know.
Brandon [as Milo]: Alright. Alright, thank you.
Brandon: DM, can I roll a History check to see if I know if the key is in the museum?
Eric: Yes.
[dice rolling]
Brandon: 15 + 3 for 18.
Amanda: Hey!
Eric: Alright, with 18, you know- you’ve looked at all of the - there’s an entire exhibit for Dr. Morrow’s effects, you know like you go to an exhibit, and everything's under glass, and you’re like, “Oh look at this! Look at this! Look at this!”
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: It’s - you don’t have this, but you do know the benefit auction is always to auction off pieces of Lake Town history, so you bet that if you checked the catalogue of all the things that are being auctioned off, you would probably be able to grab this key - this key, an emergency science key, that people might not know -
Amanda: [chuckling] you know.
Eric: It literally looks like an old-fashioned energy key. That looks kind of like an old iron- like my mom used to go to all of these picker things and there were always like just giant fucking iron wrought keys. Like it probably just looks like an ornamental version of one of those, and that would go really well at an auction.
Julia: Dr. Morrow loved a thrift store.
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay, um, I don’t remember any keys. Um, in the collection right now, but there’s probably - it’s probably… if this is new, it’s probably at the auction tonight, I assume. So can you hang out for a day?
Eric [as intern]: I…
Amanda: All the interns shake their heads like, “no…”
Eric [as intern]: I don’t wanna hang out. What?
Eric: The voice inside says,
Eric [as voice]: I don’t have anywhere to be. I’ll be here, apparently. You’re the only person I can talk to-
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay.
Eric [as voice]: Which is weird. Ooo because I’m deaaaaaad, get it?
Brandon [as Milo]: Yeah, no. I know what’s going on, I just - I can’t help you until I can get the key. I’m sorry. This - look… it doesn't happen very often, It has happened in the past. We always figure it out. It’s chill. In the meantime, don’t spook anyone?
Eric [as voice]: Okay, I- I’ll stay here. Okay that’s fine.
Brandon [as Milo]: Thank you.
Eric: All the interns are very confused at you at the moment.
Julia [as intern]: You just talking to that pod, man-
Eric [as intern]: You guys talking about the…
Amanda [as intern]: No.
Eric [as intern]: Do I need to write all of this down?
Brandon [as Milo]: You guys are taking notes?!
Amanda [as intern]: I think he’s practicing empathetic curation.
Eric and Julia [as interns]: Ooooh!
Amanda [as intern]: And talking to - you remember guys from sociology? You talk to the item and think about its history and context, and you know, it’s just… I’m taking notes in my head!
Julia [as intern]: Professor Green talked about that. I remember that.
Amanda [as intern]: Mhm. Mhm.
Brandon [as Milo]: No, that was just a bit, y’all. Was it not very funny?
[Eric laughing]
Julia [as intern]: No. It kind of sucked, man.
Eric [as intern]: No it was pretty bad.
Brandon [as Milo]: Oh, okay.
Amanda [as intern]: Can’t really get a read on you yet.
Eric [as intern]: I don’t understand old people humor, so-
Brandon [as Milo]: I didn’t tell you guys this yet, but whoever laughs at my bits, I’ll let you into the fun research part of the museum, so.
[all fake laughing]
Brandon [as Milo]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to the breakroom and have coffee or whatever for a little bit. Thank you!
Amanda [as intern]: Woo!
Brandon [as Milo]: Meet me back here for the first tour at ten…
Brandon: Milo looks at his watch,
Brandon [as Milo]: I think the first tour is at 10:15?
Eric: Mhm.
Amanda [as intern]: Alright.
Julia [as intern]: Alright. We need coffee, man.
Eric [as intern]: Bye!
Brandon [as Milo]: And someone bring me some coffee!
Julia [as intern]: Okay.
[transition note]
Eric: Hey, is Eric. Maybe you have a game that you go back to when you're feeling lost or tired, or just need something comforting to help you with. Maybe it's something that was really difficult when you were a kid, and now you just want to dominate it with your adult knowledge, or it's something that you remember being so good at when you were 10 that you want to see if you're actually still just as good. I pulled out my game cube just to see if I could still play FIFA 2002 as well as I remember. I think this is the chance to go do that. This is the midroll. Your memory card still works.
First of all, thank you to everyone who has joined our Patreon in the last few weeks: James, Elyse, BaardDaad, Michelle, Ryan, Nick, Keagan, Lizzie, Rachel, Charley, Finch, Heather, Kristyn, Kyle, Kate, Steph Curry for Three, Maria, Cate, Adylure, AlmostCotton Aiden L, Megan, Cas, Ellie, minipancake, lyle, Kate M, Chelsea, Kayla, Kaileigh, Jennifer, Ryder and HokutoNoCan.
Now more than ever, we are grateful for every single one of you who supports our work. You literally make it possible for this to be our jobs, and we could not do it without you. We are so stoked about the new campaign and we have a ton of bloopers and bonus content to share, so go ahead and join us at patreon.com/jointhepartypod, for all of that bonus content, physical gifts in the mail, and of course access to our hip-hoppin patron only Discord, join today at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. And you got in right under the wire, because we’re reading all the patron names at the end of this episode. There are a lot of you. It’s going to be great.
I can’t believe that Campaign 2 is finally out here in the world. We’ve been working on it for months, and we are so so ready to hear what you think. But we need your help! Now is the perfect time for new people to listen to Join the Party. Join the Party, get it? It’s a joke? So please, share the link far and wide to jointhepartypod.com. We updated our website and our start page, jointhepartypod.com/start, to make it super easy for people to start the new campaign or catch up on Campaign 1. We’re here to tell the best story we can and provide a brief escape into some other world, so if you know someone who could use that right now, send them to jointhepartypod.com/start. And then tag us on social to brag, and we’ll thank you with a sweet gif!
We are sponsored this week by GC2B. This is the original chest binder designed by trans people for the community. GC2B is a gender and identity-affirming apparel company started in 2014 by Marli Washington, a trans man of color, whose goal was to create something safe, accessible, and comfortable for people of all shapes, sizes, and colors. Their binders are available in several styles and lengths, 5 Nude shades as well as 7 other colors, so there really is something for everyone. And they even have two shipping warehouses to try to serve the entire globe, one in the US and one in the UK, which you can access at gc2b.io. From their sizing support to donating binders to people in need every year, this is truly a company that deserves your support. For 10% off your order on gc2b.co use code "jointheparty" at checkout.
We’re also sponsored this week Twenty Sided Store in Brooklyn, New York. And I am beyond excited to tell you about my new favorite RPG, InSpectres. Imagine that you are working at a startup and that startup was about ghosthunting. It is very much that melding of the weirdness of so many RPG games with like the reality of having a regular character. This is only from the early 2000s, so you can update it, but it’s equally inspired by Ghostbusters and the real world. You can literally do a confessional like on reality TV, and it is hilarious and it actively affects the game. So if you need InSpectres or any RPG of any kind, go to Twenty Sided Store in Brooklyn, New York. use code jointheparty for 20% off your online order.
Finally, a reminder about our new schedule. Episodes come out every other week, like always, so we’ll see you in two weeks with Episode 2. Then, the week after that, our first Afterparty comes out, which is for episode 1 and episode 2! So get your questions in between now and then on Twitter, Discord, or by email: jointhepartypod@gmail.com
Okay, let’s get back to the show.
[transition note]
[upbeat 80s-style rock music plays]
Eric: Alright, let’s go to our final player. We go from downtown Lake Town City, and we go over to Little Italy. We blow through some of the fall leaves on the street, as tough guys just kick through the leaves on the street, and we go over to Dominic's, the famous pizza place of Lake Town City. And above Dominic’s, in a studio apartment, but an inexplicably beautiful four-poster bed- [Amanda laughs] - is Val, as their alarm clock goes off at 10:30.
[imitating alarm clock] eh! Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!
Julia: A hand just slams down and crushes it.
[all laughing]
Brandon: Seems like an irresponsible waste of money.
Amanda: Is there a pile of crushed ones next to the -
Julia: Oh yeah there is.
Amanda: Okay!
Julia: They’re in the trash at least. They’re not just scattered around the apartment.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Alright, Julia, introduce your character.
Julia: So you’re meeting Val Vesuvio.
Amanda: Oh!
Julia: Who-
Eric: Oh god, we’re gonna need to spell that.
Brandon: Yeah, how do you spell that?
Julia: So that is V-A-L, V-E-S-U-V-I-O.
Eric: [in New York accent] Vesuvio!
Julia: Vesuvio!
Eric: ‘ey! Whaddaya gonna do it! Ey!
Amanda: Like the mountain. It blew up once.
Eric: A fuckin’ volcano! It’s the best volcano, yo! Tell yo friends!
Amanda: It’s in Sicily!
Julia: You can see my great, great, great, great grandpa. He’s still in the … lava?
[all laugh]
Julia: So Val is just in boxer shorts, a beat-up band t-shirt from some concert they went to in College Hill a couple years ago - it’s all torn up, but not in a cool way.
Eric: No, it’s just very old and very comfy.
Julia: It’s very old, it’s a little stinky, the sleeves are cut off, but not in an even way whatsoever.
Amanda: Great.
Brandon: They just fell off over time because it became decrepit.
Amanda: Does it have the half inch of a sleeve remaining to make it a cut-off?
Julia: Yeah, absolutely.
Amanda: Like just tear the head - just do the stitches, it’s fine!
Julia: Nah. Not gonna happen.
Eric: No, it’s fine. It looks cool.
Julia: Val looks at the broken alarm clock which is now frozen on 10:30-
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: And checks their phone to see what day it is.
Eric: Again, the holo screen pops out, and it is the fall equinox.
Julia: And what day of the week?
Eric: Uh, it’s… let’s see, the auction would probably happen on a Thursday.
Julia: Alright. Thursday means that they’re working at Dominic’s.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: So they’re gonna hop in the shower, just do something with their hair - it's shaved on both sides and then just kind of flops to one side, just a little bit of gel thrown in there, but not a lot. And they have to be at work in… five minutes?
Eric: Oh yeah, 100%.
Brandon: What workplace starts at 10:35?
Eric: A pizza place! [laughing]
Julia: Opens at 11, you gotta get the kitchens ready and stuff like that.
Brandon: Oh that’s true, that’s true.
Julia: That’s when Val starts. It’s not when everyone else shows up.
Eric: Yeah, so what's Val- we kind of have an idea of everyone's fashion. What does Val wear even to work?
Julia: To work it’s just like ripped up jeans, a different shirt that they kind of picked up off the floor and like sniffed to make sure it was work-appropriate.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Yeah, uh huh.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: It’s for a different band that they saw at College Hill,
Amanda: It smells like marinara still, but that’s okay.
Julia: It smells a little bit like crawfish, but like, what can you do? That one’s for a band called Johnny Crash and the Hell Holes.
Amanda: Yay!
Eric: [laughing] Alright, I gotta write that one down.
Brandon: That’s a very good band name.
Eric: That’s very good.
Julia: Throw on a pair of Doc Martens, the most comfortable shoes that they own, and then of course, a spiked leather jacket.
Eric: Of course.
Julia: Of course.
Eric: You never go anywhere without your spiked leather jacket.
Julia: You can’t go anywhere without the spiked leather jacket.
Eric: That’s true, you gotta fuck somebody up. Just in case.
Julia: Yup, and so they throw all that on and they run downstairs to work.
[music stops]
[sounds of a bustling kitchen]
Eric: Alright, yeah, so you’re working at Dominic’s today. As soon as you go in, you’re just hit by the wafting smell of woodfire, and someone just made tomato sauce, and also because this is the home of the crayfish pie, you’re hit with seafood as well.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: As you walk in, everyone at the back is like
Eric [as pizza worker]: Ah, hey, it’s Val! Thanks for showing up! Hey! We’ve all been here since 5 in the morning makin’ dough!
Julia: If you’re gonna be fuckin’ chumps, you’re gonna be fuckin’ chumps. What do you want me to do?
Eric [as pizza worker]: Oh yeah, we’re the fuckin’ chumps. Ey, you think you’re better than me?
Julia: Yeah!
[Amanda and Eric laughing]
Eric [as pizza worker]: Oh yeah, good point. [muttering]
Eric: So what do you do when you’re at Dominic’s?
Julia: Val’s usually in charge of tossing the pizzas first and foremost. I think sometimes they work at the counter, but like it has to be slow and the other counter person isn’t there that day, because otherwise trouble starts.
Amanda: Last resort.
Julia: You do not want Val in a customer-facing job.
Amanda: Fair, fair. It’s good to know yourself and your strengths. I respect that.
Julia: Yeah, they can pound a dough like nobody’s business though, so-
[all laugh]
Amanda: I love that you don’t have to prepare the dough, but you can throw it.
Julia: Mhm. I can throw it, I can pound it. Someone else has to add the yeast, but I’m not gonna do it.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Uh, well here’s the thing. Dominic, who is also Dom Five. They call him Dom Five because he is fifth in the order of Dominics.
Julia: Yeah, Dominic the fifth.
Eric: So Dom Five is the manger, and-
Julia: Sure, proprietor.
Eric: It’s owned by the Dominic family, but he’s the proprietor of this one. So he steps out and he’s like
Eric [as Dom Five]: Ahhhh fuck okay, you’re just gonna roll in whenver you want? That’s just your thing? That’s your personality?
Julia [as Val]: [talking over Dom] Is that a problem? I’m here
Eric [as Dom Five]: That’s your fuckin’ personality?
Julia [as Val]: I’m fuckin’ here aren’t I? The door isn’t open yet.
Eric [as Dom Five]: Oh thank you. Oh, since there are no customers anymore that’s apparently when you get to just walk in, because when the money’s not flowing through, Val Vesuvio doesn’t care about what’s happening here!
Julia [as Val]: Yeah.
Eric [as Dom Five]: You’re the only person in Italian history who wears a leather jacket to make pizza.
Julia [as Val]: That is blatantly untrue.
Eric [as Dom Five]: I know all of them! They do not wear - they don’t wear them!
Julia [as Val]: You know every Italian who ever existed?
Eric [as Dom Five]: Every single one! Every single Italian who’s ever been in New York State, I know them.
Julia [as Val]: Okay, okay.
Eric [as Dom Five]: Ask me about them! I know them. Ask me about them.
Julia [as Val]: I think you should watch your tone with me.
Eric [as Dom Five]: [flustered] You watch- no you watch your tone with me! Val?
Julia [as Val]: Eh?
Eric [as Dom Five]: Val?
Julia [as Val]: Eh?
Eric [as Dom Five]: I love you. Go fuck yourself.
Eric: Oh, my God. Alright. So you're working the counter today, and the pizza place is now open. And a line comes immediately because Dominic's is - It's like the Italian place. This is like the first pizzeria in the city. And they have the famous crayfish pie, which is like if you had New Haven pizza, there's like a clam pie. It's kind of like that. But instead, they use crayfish, which are also mountain lobsters.
Amanda: Has triple D visited Dominic's?
Eric: A hundred percent.
Amanda: Okay
Eric: Five thousand percent. There is - there is a [laughing] there are photos on the wall. There's one of Dom 5 and Dom 4 with Guy Fieri. And there's also one of like Sylvester Stallone and Dom 5 there. And there's just one of Al Pacino. No one else is in it.
Brandon: It's like a headshot.
[all laughing]
Amanda: Is it signed?
Eric: It's - oh a hundred percent, it’s signed.
Julia: Excellent.
Eric: It’s like, “To Doms two through five: love the place. Al Pacino.”
Amanda: Great.
Eric: Yeah. And the line starts going quickly.
Julia: You know, when you go to order a cheesesteak in Philly and there's very specific rules about how you order things?
Eric: Mhm.
Julia: It's like that where Val's like,
Julia [as Val]: Welcome to Dominic’s, what do you want? Hurry it up! You haven't even ordered yet! Hurry it up! Go to the back of the line.
Eric: Oh no! There are some tourists who are wearing LTC shirts. And it’s like
Eric [as tourist]: What's good here?
[Brandon laughing]
Julia [as Val]: Back of the line!
Eric [as tourist]: Oh no.
Julia [as Val]: Ask someone else – back of the line.
Amanda [as tourist]: Do you put pineapple on pizza, please?
Julia [as Val]: What are ya, fuckin’ new here?
[Eric laughing]
Amanda: Yeah, I just came in on the train. I took the SkyTram over here, it’s really amazing and moving. It's like the infrastructure in this- is amazing.
Julia [as Val]: Ask someone else. Ask Zagat’s. Back of the line.
Brandon [as customer]: Hey, can I get a slice?
Julia [as Val]: Yeah. Go sit down.
Brandon [as customer]: Oh shit. Uh, this is all I got.
Eric: This guy only has a dollar.
Brandon [as customer]: I already touched a slice though.
Julia [as Val]: Yeah, it’s a dollar slice. Go.
Brandon [as customer]: Alright, alright.
Eric: There’s a dollar slice and then there are other ones?!
Julia [as Val]: Of course it’s a fuckin’ dollar slice! It’s a regular slice, though!
Eric: Oh well Val’s yelling at the DM! Alright. I guess it’s a dollar slice!
Amanda: That Season 2 energy!
Eric: Yeah. One of the characters yell at the DM. It’s fine.
As you’ve been doing this for a few hours, the line really hasn't abet at all. But like everyone is working overtime.
Julia: That’s because I keep sending people back.
Eric: [laughing] Because you keep – you don’t actually end it! It’s just the same people.
Amanda: Val does not know how to operate the credit card machine.
Julia [as Val]: Learn how to order!
Julia: Val has one of those old ones where you have to like put the credit card down.
Amanda: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Eric: I want to make a Constitution saving throw for how much this takes out of you.
Amanda: Oh! Bold decision.
[dice rolling]
Julia: So it's a 6. But I add 4 to it. So it's a 10.
Eric: Okay, with a 10. Yeah, it’s taxing. You definitely were not excited to do this, and you did not wake up – you didn’t even get coffee before you got put on counter duty. So -
Julia: Ridiculous. No one brought me an espresso.
Eric: Right. And then Dom 5 sticks his head out and says,
Eric [as Dom Five]: Hey, Val, come back here.
Julia [as Val]: Alright.
Julia: Val just takes off whatever apron they threw on themselves.
Eric: Just throws it to someone else like, “Hey I was- this is a bad workplace.”
Amanda: The person in front of the line just waits.
Julia [as Val]: You wait your turn!
Eric [as customer]: Oh, ok. I guess I’ll wait my turn.
Eric: So you go to the back, and Dom 5's office is just like stuffed with Mountain Lobster memorabilia. He's a huge hockey fan. There are posters and jerseys and all these knickknacks all over his desk. There are like hockey pucks everywhere that he keeps like a stack of 10 nearby to throw at people when they say something stupid
Amanda: Yeah. Yeah.
Julia: Dom 5 is 100% like back when his family was from the New York area,
Eric: Yeah-
Julia: They were Islanders fans.
Eric: A hundred percent. Five thousand percent.
Amanda: Really? I was picking up strong Rangers energy.
Julia [as Val]: Don’t come at me and my father figure like that!
Eric: Val, scale it back! Scale it back! Alright, so yeah Dom says
Eric [as Dom Five]: Hey, I know you only work here part time, but I - I need you to do me a favor for me.
Julia [as Val]: [quietly] Okay…
Eric [as Dom Five]: You know, the … the charity, the Lake Town- Historic Lake Town Charity auction is happening today? I need you to bid on something for me.
Julia [as Val]: Alright.
Eric [as Dom Five]: So Dom Two, his- his favorite chair is up for – is up for auction.
Julia [as Val]: His favorite chair?
Eric [as Dom Five]: His favorite chair. There is a chair that my great great grandfather Dom Two- he sat every day, every day for 50 years. He would eat there. He would watch TV there. He'd sleep there. He'd never moved. But at some point, you know, pizza, pizza places, places fuck with each other. You know, it’s a thing they do.
Julia [as Val]: Like colleges and mascots?
Eric [as Dom Five]: Yeah, similarly. It was hurtful. They did it. And it really hurt my family. It was stolen a while back, and it got lost and on auction. And, you know, my ma, she'd really like it back. And I can't go back because, you know, business and I gotta deal with these [louder] fuckin’ jamokes who I work with!
But I trust you. Can you and you go and get it? It would be really important to me. And I know that you're not usually - you can't really be doing favors for me. You know, so don't tell your dad or anything
Julia [as Val]: I’m not going to say anything.
Eric [as Dom Five]: Okay, don’t say anything.
Julia [as Val]: I mean, unless you're asking me to do something untoward, you know-
Eric [as Dom Five]: It’s fine, there’s nothing untoward.
Julia [as Val]: It's just like it's a favor between friends.
Eric [as Dom Five]: Yeah, I need you to do it.
Julia [as Val]: So you gonna give me the money, though, right? I’m not fronting you money for a chair.
Eric [as Dom Five]: Yeah I got it, no one’s fronting money! You don't have enough money for this chair, first of all. This blessed, blessed chair of my family. Thank you. So, give me your hand.
Julia [as Val]: Give me your hand?
Eric [as Dom Five]: Yeah.
Julia [as Val]: Give me your hand?
Eric [as Dom Five]: Yeah.
Julia: Val’s like,
Julia [as Val]: Alright.
Eric: So, I want you to make a dexterity saving throw.
[dice rolling]
Julia: It's a 6.
Eric: Okay, you put your hand out and immediately you have handcuffs are clipped to one of your hands.
Julia: What?
Eric: And the other side of the handcuffs is clipped to a suitcase.
Julia [as Val]: Could we have picked something a little less inconspicuous, maybe?
Eric [as Dom Five]: It's not – It’s important! Look, the money is in here.
Julia [as Val]: You think I could not just carry some money across the city? You think someone is going to fuck with me?
Eric [as Dom Five]: Listen to the way that they need to know that what you're doing is important. And then you can - as you show people the suitcase, and you shake it around, like oh that person with the suitcase, pretty cool, right? Pretty nice.
Julia [as Val]: It makes me look like I'm trying to sell secrets to the Russians.
Eric [as Dom Five]: I've – it’s rather dramatic. I'm sorry.
Eric: I want you to make a Perception check. And I'm going to say, because of the con save, I'm gonna make it a little harder in my head than it would before.
Julia: Okay, hold on I’m just writing down “handcuffed briefcase to me”
Eric: Yeah. You were-
Amanda: As if that’s stopped the mob from cutting off someone’s hand.
Julia: Yeah, because I really want my hand cut off. Thank you Dom.
Eric: I will say, Dom 5 is a regular person, so I rolled a 7
Julia: Okay, what was I rolling?
Eric: Uh, just roll a Perception check and I’m gonna make it a little more difficult than…
[dice rolling]
Julia: That’s a 19.
Amanda: Ay!
Brandon: Ay!
Eric: Nice. With a 19, I don't want to speak on behalf of yourself, but you know how heavy money is. Even if he was doing the flair for the dramatic, if he put it in tens, this is way too heavy to have a thousand dollars in it. This suitcase would - just say it's - it's not a briefcase, or it's like one of those briefcases that are like puffy. It has heft to it.
Amanda: Like I had an overnight bag.
Eric: Thank you. It's more like an overnight bag.
Amanda: Or a doctor’s bag.
Julia: It’s like a duffel bag
Eric: Thank you, It's like a doctor's bag.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: It has that leather well in it. Like there is something else in here which is very heavy.
Julia: Is it locked?
Eric: Yeah, it's locked.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: But there is a code to it. It's like one of those three – those three number codes.
Julia: Dom, if you don't want me to spend the full thousand dollars, how am I opening this up? What if I spend like two? And then like, how am I - I'm not going to give him the whole bag.
Eric [as Dom Five]: Well, I listen, I got a guy. It's at the bank. It's at First National – First National LTC down there, and I got a guy there, and he has the other key to the handcuffs.
Amanda: Oh no.
Julia: No.
Eric [as Dom Five]: He’ll pop it off you and I'll take the bag.
Julia [as Val]: Yeah, I kind of hate this. Not gonna lie.
Eric [as Dom Five]: That's why I'm sending you out there, because you're like a child to me.
Julia [as Val]: I am not a child!
Eric [as Dom Five]: But you are like my child.
Julia [as Val]: Okay.
Eric [as Dom Five]: And that's why I trust you for you to do it.
Julia [as Val]: We’re not blood.
Eric [as Dom Five]: We’re not blood, but we’re blood. We are blood. We’re sauce.
Brandon: Blood is thicker than marinara.
Julia: So now that I have this bag, you know, attached to me.
Eric: Right. You can go and you can come-
Julia: Cool, I was gonna make sure I didn't have to finish my shift –
Eric: That was me – don’t yell at the DM! I was saying you can leave. You don’t have to finish- believe me.
Amanda: So, Julia, how do you feel about Val losing their hand in Episode 1 of the podcast?
[Brandon laughing]
Julia: I can't do as many punches if I lose a hand!
Eric: I will say that for action's sake, there's no penalties on this. You'll be fine for game mechanics.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: So Dom sends you home now.
Julia: Val just pieces, she’s like
Julia [as Val]: You’re paying me for the whole shift! Bye!
Amanda: Excellent.
Eric: So Val can go home. And for everybody here, the auction is at First National, which is downtown. It's actually very close to where the Futurism Museum, the main museum is also downtown.
Brandon: MMFFC.
Eric: MMFFC is also downtown. It's all at 8. So you guys can just like do whatever you want until then. So do - do any of you want to do anything else?
Julia: I'd like to go visit my mom.
Eric: Sure, go ahead.
Julia: Yeah, I think my mom's probably still living in Lake Town proper – Historic Lake Town.
Eric: Yeah, definitely.
Julia: And has like an art studio there, and is very hippy-dippy-ish.
Eric: Oh definitely.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Like over a shop on Main Street?
Julia: Yeah. Something like that. Like a studio. I am also going to make sure to text her to make sure she is alone, because that has been a problem in the past.
Amanda: Oh!
[Eric laughs]
Julia [as Val]: Hey, I'm coming over. Do you want anything? Also, do I need to bring extra for anyone else?
Eric [as Val’s mom]: No. Give me … an hour.
Julia [as Val]: Goddamnit. Just tell me what you want. I'll have ready.
Eric [as Val’s mom]: Just bring pasta. Whatever. I trust you.
Julia [as Val]: Alright.
Eric: Rosa Vesuvio also lives in one of the other bungalows in Historic Lake Town, because she also was part of the Lake Town Historic District. She was living there for a while during similar times. Actually, Aggie, you might probably know her.
Amanda: Yeah. I know everybody around town.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: She makes ceramics. You probably have like a couple of mugs or something from her.
Amanda: Yeah, sure.
Eric: You go home and you knock on the door and Rosa is wrapped in a silk kimono. You know, just cause. It's not, it's not new. It's not different.
Julia: Sure mom.
Eric: She just is. So Rosa, is - Everyone here, all of the characters are like 28, 29, 30. And I think Rosa is like 50. But she looks like your sister. Like she looks like she's 30.
Amanda: What a fun thing for one's parents.
Julia: Super hot. Thanks mom.
Eric: She’s like
Eric [as Rosa]: Val! Come on in! Val! Come on in!
Julia: Give her a big kiss on the cheek, bring take out bags like,
Julia [as Val]: They had the butternut squash ravioli that you like.
Eric [as Rosa]: Thank you. Thank you.
Julia [as Val]: I know. It’s got that sage butter sauce.
Eric [as Rosa]: Thank you. Come in! Come in!
Eric: And you go into the art studio. She has sculpture- she was a sculptor. She used to live in New York City, but now she lives in Lake Town, in one of the old - one of the bungalows. And she does like sculptures everywhere. And they're all very provocative.
Amanda: Oh no.
Julia: They’re very horny.
Eric: They’re all so horny.
Julia: I pick up a mug that definitely has a nipple on it and just like take a sip.
Amanda: Is that like her stamp on the bottom of all of her ceramics? It’s like, “Is that a nipple?”
Eric: All over her ceramics don't really stay, because they all have a nipple on the bottom.
Amanda: Great.
Julia: It’s very weirdly balanced.
Eric: Yeah. So she doesn't make mugs anymore.
Brandon: This sucks.
Eric: Rosa – [laughs]
Julia: You talking shit about my mom?
Eric: Yeah, don’t talk shit about her mom! She says,
Eric [as Rosa]: I love your suitcase. Is that a new style?
Julia [as Val]: Yes.
Eric [as Rosa]: That's nice. You know, when I see my child walk in with a suitcase strapped to their wrist, I might think about what that job might be, but I'm not going to think about them because Val, my Val, doesn't do anything like that.
Julia [as Val]: Nah, mom, not at all.
Eric [as Rosa]: That would require suitcases strapped to her- anything with, you know, any people or families their own whereof in any sort of city-
Julia [as Val]: Nah mom.
Eric [as Rosa]: You know, New York City or Lake Town City, thereof. I'm glad they're not doing it, so I don't have to worry about it!
Julia [as Val]: Mhm!
Eric: She goes back over to just like a super horny sculpture.
Amanda: That doesn’t really narrow it down.
Eric: This is - like it's just like legs. And then you look at it like, oh, look at all these legs. And there are just like nipples at the bottom.
Brandon: I hate this. I want to play in this space.
Eric: Don't talk to Rosa.
Julia: I was just like,
Julia [as Val]: That's a nice one. It's a nice one. Is it marble? Or…
Eric [as Rosa]: Thank you. It’s multimedia. I won't tell you what they are.
Julia [as Val]: I'll be able to tell once it's a finished project, you know?
Eric [as Rosa]: Yeah. Alright. So uh…What's the suitcase for?
Julia [as Val]: I'm going to go to an auction tonight in a bid on a chair.
Eric [as Rosa]: Huh! Alright.
Julia [as Val]: Nothing- nothing wrong or illegal about that, ma. It's just a chair and some money.
Eric [as Rosa]: Okay, that’s how it always starts!
Julia [as Val]: No! No!
Eric [as Rosa]: You know, when I was with your father-
Julia [as Val]: We’ve had this conversation before!
Eric [as Rosa]: When I was with your father, he would always - he would always say just going out to meet a guy about a chair. And I'm like, oh, must be a chair. And then it wasn’t a chair. It was guns!
[all laughing]
Julia [as Val]: This one is chair. I promise, it's just a chair. You can go ask Dom. He gave me half the day off. He also competed this butternut squash ravioli. He doesn't know about that, though.
[Brandon laughing]
Eric [as Rosa]: Oh, It's not a comp if they don't know.
Julia [as Val]: No, it totally is a comp.
Eric [as Rosa]: Oh, that’s not how it works.
Julia [as Val]: That is how it works.
Amanda: It’s a self-serve comp.
Julia [as Val]: It’s a self-serve comp.
Eric [as Rosa]: Alright. Okay.
Julia [as Val]: One of the boys put it in the thing, and it was supposed to be to-go for someone else, but now it's not to-go for someone else, it’s to-go for me.
Eric [as Rosa]: Well, you know, if it was if there was something you would tell me, right?
Julia [as Val]: I would tell you, mom. You know, I tell you everything.
Eric [as Rosa]: Okay.
Julia [as Val]: Just like I know all about your endeavors.
Eric [as Rosa]: Yeah.
Brandon: I want to die.
Eric [as Rosa]: Let's come up with a different word for those.
Julia [as Val]: You don’t like “endeavors”? It's one of the words I learned at SUNY Lake Town City.
Eric [as Rosa]: Oh, big - oh, college person. Educate - all the educated to come in here and use five-dollar words about my - my dalliances.
Julia [as Val]: Listen, my communications degree has to work for something.
Eric [as Rosa]: Okay, okay fine. So, you know, it's plaster on the outside, but inside there's fruit.
Julia [as Val]: Oh, is that gonna last a while?
Eric [as Rosa]: That's the art.
Julia [as Val]: Or are you gonna like… Is it like a, like a, like a sarcophagus for the fruit?
Eric [as Rosa]: Exactly.
Julia [as Val]: Oh my God. I love it.
Eric [as Rosa]: But it’s legs.
Julia [as Val]: I love it ma.
Eric: Aggie and Milo, do you want to do anything with your afternoon?
Brandon: I convince Mr. Brewpot to let me take the interns to a team building exercise.
Amanda: Oh!
[Eric laughing]
Brandon: So we’re gonna take a few hours, just an hour or two off early, because the last tour we have in the day ended up canceling. There's only two people – and two or less we usually cancel.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: And so we're gonna go over to Astro Lane and do some bowling, because Milo, he’s-
Eric: Always loves to cut out and do some bowling.
Brandon: He’s a bowler. He's on a bowling team and he goes there all the time, so he gets a pretty hefty discount.
Amanda: Gotta get those reps in.
Brandon: Yeah. He gets special treatment from all the managers there.
Brandon [as Milo]: Alright, Which - which one are you over twenty-one? Don't lie to me.
Eric [as intern]: Me.
Brandon [as Milo]: Jenny.
Julia [as intern]: My Vermont I.D. says I'm over 21…
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay, no alcohol for you!
Eric [as intern]: My New Mexico I.D. says I'm twenty-five.
Brandon [as Milo]: Also no alcohol for you!
Amanda [as intern]: In New Hampshire, I am 30.
Brandon [as Milo]: I… sure. Do you have an I.D.?
Amanda [as intern]: They don't require them in New Hampshire. Live free or die.
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay.
Amanda [as intern]: Don't oppress me.
Brandon [as Milo]: Gotcha. So no alcohol for anyone. Alright, let's go bowl!
Eric: Yeah, you go up to the counter. This guy, McHenry who's your friend, is working the shoes today. Like,
Eric [as McHenry]: Hey, fun fact. Did you know that the Blues Brothers movie from 1980 set the record for most cars destroyed in a movie production for what - at 103 cars, and that record was set for 18 years until the sequel Blues Brothers 2000 wrecked 104 cars. Did you know?
Brandon [as Milo]: I did not know. Did you know, though, Jake Gyllenhaal auditioned to play Frodo in Lord of the Rings?
Eric [as McHenry]: I did know that.
Brandon [as Milo]: What, how do you know that?
Eric [as McHenry]: I know everything. Now you know what we can learn from this?
Brandon [as Milo]: What?
Eric [as McHenry]: When you do something that is more than anybody else, the only person who can up it is yourself. So depend on yourself. There you go.
Brandon [as Milo]: I love it. What a good motto. Do you have the, um, my shoes?
Eric [as McHenry]: I do.
Brandon [as Milo]: Great.
Eric [as McHenry]: They're right here. They've been here the whole time.
Brandon [as Milo]: You didn't let anyone use them, right?
Eric [as McHenry]: No, they're your shoes. That's why you said these are your shoes. And I have your ball and-
Brandon [as Milo]: You he didn't let anyone use them, did you?
Eric [as McHenry]: No, I didn’t let anyone use the shoes.
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay.
Eric: So what – what’s the designs in your bowling ball?
Brandon: So one of the lanes at Astro Lane is themed after LAGO*, which is the gigantic interferometer which detects gravitational waves.
Amanda: I thought you said Lego, and I was so excited about a Lego paved bowling lane, which now I want to make.
Brandon: That could be one of the lanes, yeah.
Eric: I like how the lanes are all themed differently.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: That's cool.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: I think it's cool.
Brandon: And so that's his favorite line at this particular Astro Lane. So at this particular Astro Lane, his ball and he uses it just - it's solid black, and it's the black hole. It's a black hole.
[all laughing]
So when he hits the pins, they're also all solid black. So it's like two black holes colliding. And that's –
Eric: That's cool!
Brandon: And that's how they detect gravitational waves.
Julia: Milo’s such a big nerd.
Amanda: Aw, Milo.
Eric: It’s great. Alright, yeah, I like how you've just done this, and the interns are ostensibly there, but you're just like bowling. You might as well just be bowling – are you just bowling in a different lane while the interns are bowling in a different lane?
Brandon: Yeah. I don't need to team build. They need to team build.
Amanda: I don’t need to build a team.
Brandon: Yeah, I have like a match I need to get-
Eric: You’re definitely part of a bowling tournament.
Brandon: Yeah, with folks at the MMFFC as well.
Eric: Oh for sure. Yeah, all the fuckin’- it's like the science nerd bowling league.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, definitely.
Brandon: We're pretty good, though. Don't –
Eric: I wouldn't doubt that, 100%. So yeah, you’re just bowling-
Amanda: It’s all physics! It’s all physics!
Eric: You’re just bowling at this point, like you're about to a bowl and other a frame and then Tuna just like pokes their head out of the bowling ball like,
Eric [as Tuna]: Hey, what are you doing?
Brandon [as Milo]: Tuna, I know you can't get hurt by this bowling ball, but I can.
Eric [as Tuna]: That's fair. Then don't throw it because your best friend Tuna is on top- is on top of the ball.
Eric: And now he’s just like a cat just laying on top of a ball.
Brandon [as Milo]: Tuna, do you remember when you couldn't do the thing that you wanted to do and you bounced off the container in the museum? That was really funny.
Eric [as Tuna]: Why would you mention that?
Brandon [as Milo]: It was pretty funny.
Eric [as Tuna]: That was so horrible.
Brandon [as Milo]: I've never seen you fail except for like in life when you fail every day.
Eric [as Tuna]: Listen- [sighs] Why would you bring up - why would you bring up the time that I got run over by the truck? Why would you do that? Your dad was so pissed.
Brandon [as Milo]: Sure. Yeah. He liked you.
Eric [as Tuna]: Yeah. He cried for three days.
Brandon [as Milo]: Right. I saw it.
Eric [as Tuna]: You saw it.
Brandon [as Milo]: I did.
Eric [as Tuna]: So why would you bring that up?
Brandon [as Milo]: I… Well, now that you're back…
Eric [as Tuna]: When I go to sleep at night, I still see tire tracks.
Brandon [as Milo]: A little funny.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric [as Tuna]: It's hurtful.
Brandon [as Milo]: It's a little funny. Do you want a nacho?
Eric [as Tuna]: I would love it. Hey. Yes, I would love a nacho.
Brandon [as Milo]: Great.
Brandon: And I feed Tuna a nacho.
Amanda: Can Tuna eat?
Eric: Tuna cannot eat. He tried to eat it, but I think it was a little distracting. Their cat brain took over like, “Oh? Treat?”
Eric [as Tuna]: Hey, Milo, you're smart, you’re a smart kid. You're, you know, math and things.
Brandon [as Milo]: Twenty-nine, not a kid.
Eric [as Tuna]: But I'm just a cat, so I don't know math. What does one plus … what's 1 + 0?
Brandon [as Milo]: 1.
Eric [as Tuna]: 1. So before today, the only - only spirit that you'd been able to talk to is me.
Brandon [as Milo]: Oh, shit.
Eric [as Tuna]: Wha- Well, what is the whole point of this having secret, speaking to ghost powers, if you're not stoked about more people talking to you?
Brandon [as Milo]: Yeah, you're right. Uh… Tonight, when we go back after we get that key… Look, I know… I know maybe we don’t trust each other 100 percent.
Eric [as Tuna]: What are you talking about?
Eric: The cat has now flopped on your face.
Brandon [as Milo]: But we're kind of stuck together. So maybe if maybe if I got your back, you got my back?
Eric [as Tuna]: Yeah. I mean, whatever a ghost cat can do. You know, this wild world like this.
Brandon [as Milo]: Okay, great. Alright. Thanks.
Eric [as Tuna]: So do you have any money?
Brandon [as Milo]: Are you looking for money?
Eric [as Tuna]: No, I meant to buy things at the auction.
Brandon [as Milo]: Yeah, I got the money from Mr. Brewpot.
Eric [as Tuna]: Yeah, but aren’t the notes gonna be $500?
Brandon [as Milo]: Fuck.
Eric: Cut away from Milo.
[Amanda laughing]
Aggie, do you want to do anything before the auction?
Amanda: Yeah, I think after my day of picking up excessive litter that the kids left all around the lake and up and down Main Street, I stopped in to Mountain News to get a couple like crossword books, and maybe a couple bagels, and brought it over to the Ropers just to say hello, and listen to a little bit, tell her about my other siblings and just, you know, spend a little time. And then headed back to my bungalow where I sat at the kitchen table and looked at Tegan’s business card for 25 minutes before deciding what to do.
Eric: Mhm.
[dice rolls]
Eric: Alright, you get an email on your beeper.
Amanda: The words, “email on your beeper” is just such a satisfying combination of words.
Eric: It looks like someone is putting a piece of mail in a mailbox, and you put the mail up and this is like your Lake Town City government email and it's from Tegan.Murphy@averagebear.com.
Eric [as Tegan]: Hey. Just wanted to say hi. I’m Tegan, the one with the turquoise jacket. If you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine, but there’s this cool quiz you can take to see if you want to get to know… just for fun, so you know that we’re a real thing.
Eric: And Amanda, I'm going to send you a quiz.
Amanda: Oh, my.
Julia: Can you send it to all of us so we can all see it?
Eric: Yeah. It is called “Go to the deli and we'll give you a superpower.”
Julia: Love it!
Amanda: Wait, it's by you.
Eric: Yeah, I made it!
Amanda: Oh, shit.
Julia: That is so cool.
[Brandon laughing]
Eric: You guys can take it. Everyone can take it. We're gonna post up the link to this in the episode description. First question, why are you going to the deli?
Amanda: I need milk!
Eric: Choose something to order.
Amanda: I think bagel.
Eric: Nice. Choose a drink.
Amanda: Gotta do the Arizona iced tea.
Eric: Nice. Choose a snack.
Amanda: Popcorn.
Eric: Nice. And then what did you get?
Amanda: I got the power super strength. “You know, the funny thing is, I bet you forgot to cancel your planet fitness membership. Why would you need it now?”
Julia: That's very funny.
Amanda: Aggie sits back, looks at the results and kind of does a little like half smile. Brandon, what did you get?
Brandon: I got the power of flight.
Amanda: Ooh.
Brandon: I have the ability to fly over any and everything without touching the surface or ground.
Amanda: Cool.
Brandon: And apparently, there’s a photo of a plane, so I turn into a jet.
Eric: There you go.
Julia: Love it.
Amanda: Julia, what’d you get?
Julia: I also got super strength.
Amanda: Ooh. Aggie smiles and writes back,
Amanda [as Aggie]: Of course, I remember your jacket. Really nice to meet you. If you want to get a taste of the true Lake Town City, you don't have anything to do in this small town on a Thursday night, come by the action!
Amanda: I’ll include a link to the like auction event site with like the venue and the time and everything, and then “ - Aggie.” And then at the bottom in parentheses I say strength.
Eric: Nice. Tegan emails you back after a few minutes and says,
Eric [as Tegan]: I have no friends here, so that’s better than drinking at an Astros. I will see you there. I’ll be the one in the turquoise jacket.
Eric: And below that, they write,
Eric [as Tegan]: Invisibility.
Amanda: I reply,
Amanda [as Aggie]: Oh, we will definitely end up at Astros.
Eric: Alright.
Julia: Oh, flirty!
Eric: I didn't know you were flirting with Tegan! Oh!
Amanda: What do you want? Putting someone in a teal leather jacket in front of me in Episode 1?
Julia: Amanda is getting the claim early.
Eric: I don’t know-
Amanda: Aggie also has some game despite the appearances, but Aggie definitely does change into a darker denim shirt for this auction, brushes her hair a little bit, makes sure sushi is as comfortable and then lint rolls her work pants, makes sure it's all spiffy.
Brandon: Best part about ghost cat? No, lint rolling.
Amanda: I’m so fucking jealous. You don’t have to rub it in.
Eric: Sushi walks over to you and goes “Meow.”
Amanda: And I pet Sushi on his little head.
Eric: And that's all Sushi can do, because Sushi is a regular cat.
[all laughing]
Julia: Waiting for sushi to talk.
Eric: And Sushi goes, “Oh it's nice to meet you.” Um-
Julia: God, I hope someone awakens Sushi at some point.
Amanda: I hope so too.
Eric: Science experiment on Sushi.
Amanda: Aggie makes meatless burgers for dinner because she cares about climate change, and then drives over to the auction venue… it's this at the town hall?
Eric: No, this is in - at First National LTC.
Amanda: Oh, right.
Eric: It's such a big bank that there's actually an auction hall in it, so they hold auctions there.
Amanda: Damn. Cool, so she'll head down a little early. And since this is to benefit Lake Town City, like there are like trustees of the charity and stuff - that's not Aggie's job- but she does want to be on hand, just in case, you know, she needs anything.
Eric: Yeah. You are supposed to be like the representative of - because this is a benefit for maintaining a Historic Lake Town City. It’s also just like, you know, it's the thing that the city is proud of. They like that there is a historic district, and it's a historic benefit. Like it's supposed to be about like owning and selling artifacts from the past. So that's why all the stuff that we've talked about is there.
Amanda: Yeah. And I bring some pamphlets about the Museum, the Living History Museum, and leave them out on this sort of front stage.
Julia: Is there a dress code at this event?
Eric: You assume it is a formal event, but there is no dress code because it is an auction.
Julia: I feel like my mother would have insisted that I put on like a collared shirt and a tie.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Over the band T-shirt.
Eric: 100%, 100%.
Julia: The leather jacket is still on. The jeans are still ripped.
Eric: It's definitely like a white shirt, so you can still see the band shirt underneath.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Does Milo run home?
Brandon: Yeah. Milo, immediately after he figures out that he needs some money, carefully puts his shoes and ball back in their homes.
Eric: McKennery gives you a salute.
Brandon: Yep. Grab some last nachos on the way out, run home real fast, and he is searching around the apartment for something that he can sell in this auction so we can get some funds fast.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: And I mean, obviously we know it's - it's a historic artifact auction, but the only thing he could find is his towel that Douglas Adams signed
[all laughing]
- when Douglas Adams came into town. And so he grabs the towel and runs off to the auction, and tries to get into the back and try to get this entered into the auction
Eric: So everyone comes – Aggie, you're kind of like the delegation, and you're watching everything get set up, you’re shaking hands.
Val, you walk in with a [laughing] suitcase strapped to you. And let's go with Milo as you go up - I guess there's like a director or someone who's running the auction, and like the auctioneer and they're talking.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: So you can go up to them.
Brandon: Milo hurries up to them, kind of faking being a little bit out of breath.
Brandon [as Milo]: Oh, my God, y'all. I'm so sorry. I forgot - I forgot to bring this. I forgot to enter this. This is last minute. Is there any chance I can get us into the auction last minute? This is a - this is a real towel. Get it? It’s a towel? Signed by Douglas Adams. It’s when he came to town and he took the people…People-walkers. That was what he took - he signed on the way out.
It was the mover of the future, so Douglas Adams came to test the people movers, and then on the way out he signed a towel for the city. And this is the towel.
Julia: This is how Douglas Adams died.
Amanda: Yes. That’s a super tenuous connection, and I respect the hell out of it.
Eric: Yeah, I do like that. Why don't you roll Deception? with advantage? Because that was very good.
Brandon: I have negative one deception.
Julia: Of course you do. You’re just a very honest person.
[dice rolling]
Brandon: First one, 17. Second one 15, so 17 – 1 is 16.
Eric: Okay, I think with a 16…
Brandon [as Milo]: I'm happy to pay any late fees. I know this is last minute and I would really, really appreciate it. I- I know y’all would be doing me a favor, but I just want this to go to the person who wants it most. And right now, it’s just sitting in my - my closet and I don't feel like I'm getting the most out of it.
Eric: They cura- the director and the auctioneer look at over, and say,
Eric [as director]: You know, this is a - it's a benefit charity. Half of it, 50 percent will go to Historic Lake Town. We will give you the remaining 50% after the late fees are deducted from it.
Brandon [as Milo]: I'm happy to give 60! Just as a thank you.
Eric [as director]: Oh, six- six-? Alright. Great. Sixty. Sixty minus late fees, and you can take the rest. That's absolutely- thank you, sir.
Brandon [as Milo]: No, thank you. I really appreciate it.
Eric [as director]: This towel… This is weird.
Brandon [as Milo]: I mean, Douglas Adams, you know right?
Eric [as director]: But so is history.
Eric: Then they walk out where they entered. Alright, you have the towel You have the towel entered in.
Brandon: Sweet.
Eric: Absolutely. Cool.
Brandon: Nailed it.
Eric: Alright, so now they take the towel from you and they put it, like in the – where all the stuff is. This is also, like people get to look everything over before they bid on it, so there's a whole display – this is a very large room. It's like if a bank had an event space, what it would look like. So it's very ornate. There's a lot of hard, dark wood everywhere. This is for auctions, so like they have permanent shelving to put stuff, and they have like a very, very nice stage and podium, because they have auctions. And I want all of you to make Perception checks.
Brandon: And not that anyone asked, but yes, I am wearing the tie underneath my pullover.
Eric: Thank you.
Amanda: I got an 8 because Aggie is extremely distracted looking out for Tegan’s jacket.
Brandon: I got 11 + 5 for 16.
Eric: Nice.
Julia: I got a flat 16.
Eric: Okay, both of you with 16, you see the items you're looking for. There is this very ornate wrought iron key, like it’s oversized. It's the size of your forearm. And on the placard under it says, “Dr. Morrow, emergency science key.”
[all laughing]
Amanda: Is that engraved on it?
Eric: “Emergency” is etched into it. It has like four loops on the - on the end. And it's like very large and you have to turn it really large, and it fits the large keyhole, which is on the apparatus back at the museum.
Brandon: And I say,
Brandon [as Milo]: Man, I sure hope there are some tuna or … hors d’oeuvres here at this here auction. I love tuna!
Eric: Tuna appears on your shoulder and says,
Eric [as Tuna]: What? I was taking a catnap. Get it? Because I'm a cat.
Brandon [as Milo]: God, I hate you. That's the key. Make sure we get it. Okay? Honestly…
Eric [as Tuna]: What do you want? What do you want me to do?
Brandon [as Milo]: Well, I'll bid- I’ll bid it, but, you know, someone like tries to raise a paddle, like maybe you swat their paddle out.
Eric [as Tuna]: I’ll do - I don't know if I can do that, but I'll do my best.
Brandon [as Milo]: I know you can.
Eric [as Tuna]: Because I like causing mischief.
Eric: And then he disappears. Val, you see the chair. It is this very, very overstuffed armchair. It's leather, but it's like stained. It's definitely old. And you can only imagine it has - this is Dominic Toretto, the second’s armchair.
Amanda: Toretto?
Julia: You are not gonna name him that.
Eric: I will. I just did. I just did. And it says Dom Two's chair. The placard goes on, it says, this is the armchair of Dom Two, the second proprietor of Dominic's historic pizza place.
With a six, there's just a lot of Historic Lake Town memorabilia and nothing really catches your eye.
Amanda: Yeah, I think I'll probably get lost in the memories a little bit as I identify things that I saw growing up from people's houses or town, and it's just nice. But I kind of alternate between looking at the exhibits and looking up and sort of looking for that jacket.
Eric: Mhm. While everyone is kind of like getting seated, you see that Tegan slips in in the back and they're still wearing their turquoise jacket. And they wave to you.
Amanda: And I give them a little nod.
Eric: But everyone is getting shushed. Where do you two sit?
Brandon: Um, Milo's going to sit like, in the third row off-center.
Eric: Eager but inconspicuous.
Brandon: Yes.
Eric: Val, where do you sit?
Julia: Towards the back and like not, you know how like they probably have the center aisle? Probably on the other side, on the side aisle. Easy escape access.
Amanda: Easy escape.
Amanda: And Aggie’s going to stand down at the bottom by the side of the stage, arms crossed or in pockets and just kind of chillin’ against the wall in case anything last minute comes up.
Eric: Yeah, at one point they’re like,
Eric [as auctioneer]: And we have Aggie O’Hare, custodian of Historic Lake Town, who is so happy that everyone is here to bid on these items and support the maintenance of the city for Historic Lake Town. Everyone gives it up for Aggie.
Eric: And there’s light applause.
Amanda: I sort of bow my head a little bit and give an embarrassed wave.
Eric: Alright, so the auctioneer steps up to the microphone. He says,
Eric [as auctioneer]: The first item up for bid is Dominic Toretto the Second's historic armchair.
Julia: Through the back, you just hear Val go,
Julia [as Val]: Boo!
[all laughing]
Brandon [as Milo]: I didn’t know this was a booing place, alright.
Julia [as Val]: Dommy Two!
Eric: Dom Two! That’s his chair!
Eric [as auctioneer]: Alright, we're to start the bidding at $500.
Julia [as Val]: For a chair?!
Eric [as auctioneer]: This is a piece of Lake Town City history. It’s gonna start at $500. Can I get 500? Have 500. Can I get 550?
Eric: And someone raises, and it goes all the way up to 750.
Julia: Okay. At like 700, Val likes finding the person in the crowd that’s bidding against them, and like just dead eyes. And like just dead eyes.
Eric: Alright, make an Intimidation check.
Julia: I’m good at that.
Amanda: Fabulous.
Julia: It's a 19 plus 3, so a 22.
All: Ooh!
Brandon: Everyone leaves the room.
Eric: So the person who you're bidding - they're - a bunch of people are bidding, and they go back, and I think it's 750. You just [giggles] - you - you're just dead-eyeing this man in a top hat.
Julia: Oh!
Eric: He’s just like,
Eric [as attendee]: Oh, okay, never mind.
Eric: Oh, yeah. With 22 it stops at 750. They're wholly intimidated. So the auctioneers look around, say,
Eric [as auctioneer]: Alright, I got 750 for this chair. I have 750 pieces of Lake Town history. It's pizza - it's pizza royalty. Can I get one? Anyone? 750. 750…Anyone? Anyone. 750.
Eric: I want everyone to make Perception checks, and Val, I want you to do it with disadvantage because you are just keyed into this auction.
Amanda: Non-Natural 20.
Julia: I rolled a 4 twice.
Eric: Ay!
Brandon: I only got 3 + 5 for 8.
Eric: Okay, um.
Brandon: I'm on my phone.
Eric: You're like, I'm just going to wait for the key to come. Aggie, you're kind of bored by all of this. And you look out the window, and you see that a van pulls up in front of First National, and four guys hop out of the back, and they're all wearing the Mountain Lobster masks that you get from the welcome center when you enter Lake Town City. And they're just trucking it into the building, just running as fast as they can.
Amanda: Aggie’s standing by the emergency exit, which leads - it's like a nondescript door down the block from the main entrance of the bank. It's like lateral, you know, like long against the street. So without thinking, she pushes the door open, slips out, puts her hand on her hip. Doesn’t have a gun there, but just wants to seem as if it does. And in her hand is the walking stick that she carries around. And she runs toward the hooligans, yelling,
Amanda [as Aggie]: Stop right there if you know what's good for you.
Julia: Definitely hooligans.
Eric: Okay, I want you to make an Intimidation check.
Brandon: Mountain hooligans.
[dice rolling]
I got a 19 - 1 for 18.
Eric: Nice, okay.
Julia: You have negative intimidation…
Eric: So one of the - one of the guys who are running, the one in the back turns around and says,
Eric [as hooligan]: What?
Eric: And as the other three run into the bank, and take a hard right, which is the way towards the auction. So one of them is - one of them is stopped and is talking to you.
Eric [as hooligan]: What do you-n What would be good for me?
Amanda [as Aggie]: Not doing whatever you are planning to do right now.
Eric [as hooligan]: Uhhhh… hmm…
Eric: The thug in the mask takes a step towards you, and sees he's also holding what seems to be a walking stick, and he presses a button on it and it just gets electrified. And he says,
Eric [as hooligan]: Excuse me, lady, I think you need to back off if you know what's good for you.
Amanda [as Aggie]: [scoffs] You clearly don’t know who I am.
Eric [as hooligan]: Oh and who are you? The denim shirt protector of the bank? Are you a security lady?
Amanda [as Aggie]: You could say that, but right now, mostly I'm here to fuck up your day.
[Eric laughs]
Amanda: Aggie strikes out with her staff to disarm him.
Eric: Make an Attack roll.
[dice rolling]
Amanda: 13.
Eric: Alright, 13 does not do it.
Amanda: My feat is lucky, which means that I can spend a lucky point to reroll a roll. So I’m going to go ahead and do that now.
Eric: Alright, do it. All right.
Julia: [chanting] Luck point! Luck point!
[dice rolling]
Eric: Hot damn.
Amanda: 18 + 5 for 23.
Julia: Yes!
Eric: Yeah, you swing at this guy, and you crack him right in the mountain lobster face. If you want, you can- instead of doing damage, you can knock it out of his hand.
Amanda: Yes, I would like to knock it out of his hand. And if it knocks his mask on its way down, then great.
Eric: So, yeah, you knock the electrified stick out of his hand and he's like,
Eric [as hooligan]: Oh, no.
Eric: And he runs away into the bank. And I give you I'm gonna give you an opportunity to attack.
[dice rolling]
Amanda: Just a 9.
Eric: Okay, so again, you try to swing on him again, but he's already inside.
Milo and Val, inside of the auction space. The auctioneer is now counting. He’s like,
Eric [as auctioneer]: Alright. Well, one last call I got one- one on 750 for there-
Julia [as Val]: Just give me the fucking chair, come on.
Eric [as auctioneer]: Two for 750, Three for 750 for the chair, alright and it’s sold! To the person in the leather jacket.
Eric: And I want both of you to make the Constitution. saving throws.
Amanda: Oh.
[dice rolling]
Amanda: So I had 8 + 4 for a 12.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: I had 12 total as well.
Eric: Okay
Amanda: Twinsies!
Eric: So you'd both you with a 12, you hear like clink, clink, clink of metal on marble, and then boom!
[suspenseful action music plays]
As a flash bang grenade goes off and blinds all of the people inside. But you two are not blinded. You are able to resist that.
And the four jamokes that Aggie met outside, they kick their way into the auction hall and say,
Eric [as hooligan]: All right, this is a stick up. We're taking all this stuff back because it's ours! And I want all of us to roll Initiative.
[music fades]
[theme plays]
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