You got two choices: you accept winter with open arms or fight it with closed fists. And I’ll tell ya, the cold doesn’t have an HP bar. Val goes to the dentist. Aggie redecorates. Milo bowls after-hours.
Housekeeping
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Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Milo Lane), Co-Producer, Editor, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Val Vesuvio), Co-Producer, Editor: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Aggie O’Hare), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is a collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast, powered by the rules of Dungeons and Dragons. That means a group of friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that takes us beyond the tabletop to parts unknown. In the first campaign, we explored fantasy adventure, intrigue, magic, and drama. In the newest story, we tackle science, superpowers, a better future, and the responsibility to help others.
Every month, we sit down for the Afterparty, where we break down our game and answer your questions about how to play D&D and other roleplaying games at home. We also have segments at the beginning of each campaign to teach people how to play the game themselves. It’s a party, and you’re invited! Find out more at jointhepartypod.com.
Transcript
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party...
Eric: Meet our masked crusaders, fighting for justice and goodness in Lake Town City. Vulcani, hotter than a volcano and just as likely to destroy your coastal village. The Preserver, the most fearsome fighter for the forest since Smokey the Bear, and Kilonova, is that a black hole or are you just happy to see me? Oh it’s a ghost?? Neat! The party scraps against some villains throughout the fall, getting some W and letting a 35 year old asian studies professor get away with government secrets. As the three sit down to a Friendsgiving, Aggie’s family group text blows up. Tegan’s written a profile about the weirdness going on in Lake Town City, with quotes from Emily Slaughter, now the leader of superhero team the Upcountry Keepers, and Aggie and some of her siblings. I’m sure that won’t have any lasting effects on these relationships.
Brrr, it’s cold in here. We must be getting into winter in Upstate New York in the atmosphere. Let’s get the party started.
[Theme music]
[Light wind blowing with crows chirping]
Eric: So it is a cold and brisk day on the campus of SUNY LTC, it is December so we're firmly into finals week in the first semester of the year. So there are not as many students around as you would think except for of course the students who stole trays from the cafeteria to slide down the big hill which is affectionately called, of course, “Big Fucking Hill”
[Everyone laughing]
Julia: Tradition!
Amanda: Yo I’ll meet you on the BFH!
Eric: Of course because it is the end of the semester as well, students do need to look at their tuition although it is relatively low in SUNY LTC, shout out to the SUNY school system, some students of course need to take the dreaded walk to the bursar's office to figure out if they could get more financial aid in the semester to come. In the bursar's office what's interesting is that a lot of these buildings were reappropriated from farmhouse outbuildings, the philosophy building used to be a grain silo, the cafeteria was literally where the cows were—
Amanda: Whaaat.
Eric: Which also makes it funnier when you take trays from where cows used to live. So this, uh the bursar's office, used to be where all the equipment was kept, and you could even see like the the shadow outlines of troughs, and shovels, and even a very big tractor trailer that used to be there on the back wall which is now where just a bunch of people sit there and tell you how much you need to pay for college.
(Light buildup of suspenseful techno playing)
Julia: You would think that they have enough money to repaint but.
Eric: No they keep it for the authenticity Julia.
Julia: Oh okay.
Amanda: It's like an artistic rendering, I love it.
Julia: Ahhh an aesthetic choice, okay.
Eric: So as students wait online to talk to the bursar and as people sort things from one way to another, where do they even keep the money in a college? Maybe it is at the bursar, maybe it's in uh an oversized vault that used to keep you know the deed to the farm. Well that is the rumor that some of the villainy in Lake Town City has heard as uh the door explodes open, and a woman wearing an incredibly tailored purple suit, wearing a domino mask, and holding an oversized glass of wine—
Amanda: Oh no I'm in love.
[Eric laughing]
Julia: So very very hot, very hot.
Eric: Walks in, and she says
Eric (as purple suit villain): [With a posh accent] You know what this calls for? A bright red, and also for you to give me all of your money, I am the Sommelier, and I can do stuff to you that you wouldn't like.
Amanda: Umm.
Eric: As she uh pulls a spear out of her arm—
Brandon: Like— like literally out of her arm?
Eric: Like literally like the spear starts to grow out of her arm, which first sees her fleshy skin color as it turns into literally a giant metal spear, as she points it at the secretary in front of the bursar's office, and the secretary pushes a silent alarm under their desk uh which goes right to the mayor's office, who sends the heroes Preserver, Vulcani, and Kilonova, to stop the villain.
Amanda (as Aggie): Why is there a silent alarm? What's happened. and why isn't there better security?
Eric: So you three uh come onto the scene as the Sommelier is holding now two spears one in each hand, she has drunk her glass of wine and put it delicately down on the floor, as she is holding up people in the bursar's office to give her the code to the vault.
Eric (as Sommelier): It’s only three numbers, you should know three numbers.
Eric (as hostage): I—I—I if you didn't— if I didn't have a spear in my face I'd be able to—
Eric (as Sommelier): I can— the terroir of this room is terrible!
[Brandon laughing]
(Upbeat heist music starts)
Julia (as Val): That's not what terroir is!
Amanda (as Aggie): Wait am I not supposed to choose wine from just the pictures on the label?
Julia (as Val): Aggie—Aggie… We'll have a conversation about that later oh god.
Amanda: I say it loud in an attempt to distract/humiliate her, so what should I roll?
Eric: Wonderful alright let's do— I like that yeah, [laughing] do a uh persuasion roll and I'll give you advantage because that was a very hurtful thing to say, and now I'm going to roll on behalf of the Sommelier.
Amanda: A 21 please!
Eric: Ohh, I also rolled a 21, so it's a tie!
[Julia gasps]
Julia: Roll-off!
Eric: Let's roll again!
Amanda: Ah, only an 8.
Eric: Oh no! Oh no I rolled a 9.
Julia: Ah dang it!
Amanda: Aw beans!
Eric: So the Sommelier turns around slowly and says
Eric (as Sommelier): In my younger years when I would go around Italy, tasting all the many wines and weapons they had, especially in the southern region, that would get to me but not now. I'm an expert.
Eric: She pulls uh like shuriken out of her chest and throws it at you,and you're able to dodge out of the way, but uh she is still moving slowly towards the vault.
Amanda: Can I use my just like missile's reaction to try to throw it back there?
Eric: Oh hell yeah!
Amanda: So roll a d10.
Eric: Oh yeah you uh oh if you want to grab it out of the air you can.
Amanda: Yeah I'll use a ki point grab it out of the air and throw it back at her .
Eric: Okay yeah do a ranged attack roll.
Amanda: 8 +4 is 13.
Eric: You grab it out of the air, and you throw it back and she definitely dodges to the right and it lands in one of those like bad motivational education posters.
Amanda: Ahh.
Eric: That is like it's a cat hanging, but also it's like wearing a diploma, that it's like “college is good!”
Julia: You mean like a graduation cap or it's wearing a diploma?
Eric: [Laughing] It's basically like someone just photoshopped college accoutrement onto this very well-known poster.
Amanda: There's like a big tassel, that they’re trying to paw at it that's adorable.
Julia: Like “hang in there college is worth it!”
Eric: Yes exactly that's what that's that is 100% what it looks like! Everyone get in the comments, uh make the poster send it back to us, thanks.
Amanda: Thanks chat.
Eric: So um the Sommelier is now taking steps towards the vault and she pulls a welding torch—
Amanda: WHAT!?
Eric: Out of her leg, and then starts—
Amanda: Oh my god??
Eric: Just like trying— to just try to melt the vault.
Julia (as Val): What? You don't know how to make acid?
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah.
Eric (as Sommelier): I didn't get to the top of my field— in a male dominated food field! For you to not tell me what the vault combination is!
Eric: And she just starts melting the— melting the wall.
Julia: I'd like to just charge her and slide to kind of knock her legs out from under her.
Brandon: And as Val does that I'm gonna cast hold person to make it easier for them.
Julia: Oh hell yeah!
Amanda: And I'll cast sanctuary on them.
Eric: Oh hell yeah okay first I'm gonna do uh the hold person save.
Brandon: You must hit 15.
Julia: Is it a wisdom save, or an intelligence save?
Brandon: Wisdom, yeah.
Eric: I rolled a 20.
Brandon: Well… okay.
Eric: So for a moment, her hands are clasped to her body and she says
Eric (as Sommelier): I didn't study for the sommelier exam for five years, for you to hold me in place!
Eric: As she burst her hands out. Val do an attack, and I'm going to do since this is kind of like we're just doing saves to get contests against each other, I'm gonna do a dexterity save for her.
Julia: Cool it's a 21.
Amanda: Ayy!
Eric: A yup, I failed that so what does it look like when you slide to take her out?
Julia: Val just kind of comes charging in like they usually do vibrating and just zooming like goddamn Sonic the Hedgehog, and then they like drop down like a baseball slide and just take her legs out from underneath her.
Eric: Oh yeah she uh, she hits the ground hard because I don't know if you know anything about sommeliers they don't have a high constitution!
Julia: Ooo.
Amanda: listen they definitely do against alcohol.
Julia: I would love once I have her down to grapple her to grab her arms and like kind of hold them behind her back so that she can't pull more things out of her body, I guess?
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: Yeah let me do the same for sanctuary and then we'll do all so what does it save on that.
Amanda: Okay so it's a wisdom saving throw DC is 13.
Eric: Okay uh so what does it look like when you do some of your mystical powers?
Amanda: I sort of do a scrubbing the window kind of circular motion, and orange sparks fly out of my hand to envelop Val like a skin and then sort of sink into their skin.
Eric: Wonderful yeah uh the Sommelier reaches for one of the spears that she's created and I'm going to see if she does that.
Amanda: DC 13.
[Dice rolls]
Eric: Oh I rolled a 3 so yeah, she tries to do it at Val but instead she's gonna throw it at Milo instead.
Amanda: Great! Sorry.
Julia: Sorry bud.
Eric: I rolled a 15 does that hit your AC?
Brandon: It's 15 so does that?
Eric: That hits, yes. So yeah Milo you get uh hit in the shoulder by my very large spear.
Brandon: Great, Milo loves it. He's very happy.
Eric: Alright Val try to grapple her.
Julia: Cool
[Dice rolling]
Julia: 17.
Eric: Okay, unfortunately I rolled an 18. As the Sommelier slips out of your grapple hold, she says
Eric (as Sommelier): This isn't the last you've seen of me!
Julia: Wait hold on, hold on. I'm raging which means I get advantage on strength checks, so I'm gonna do that again!
[Dice rolls]
Eric:Do it! I rolled an 18.
Julia: Well I rolled a 17 +6.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Ayyy!
Julia: I think I got that one.
Eric: Yeah so how do you hold her down?
Julia: Just arms behind her back and Val is just going to like stand her up, and kind of like bear hug her from behind so that the arms are still pinned.
Amanda (as Aggie): Your suit, it fits so well.
Julia (as Val): It's just so it's just so purple, but like in a in a plummy kind of way like a good chianti
Eric (as Sommelier): Finally I'm being put held to justice by someone who understands wine!
Eric: I think at this point you see just like weapons are just like coming out of her skin as fast as she can make them there's like a hammer falls, and another sword, and a longer sword and a shorter sword as she's like struggling against you they're like clattering against the floor.
Julia (as Val): What the fuck?
Eric: She says
Eric (as Sommelier): Oh this is what I was looking for.
Eric: Out of her her right knee pops out a very cartoonish looking bomb.
Julia (as Val): Oh! Good, good, good. So you're gonna kill us all because you think that I'm gonna let you go.News flash: I am very tough.
Eric (as Sommelier): Well what I understand about heroes they really smell of mahogany, and
Julia (as Val): I do smell of mahogany yes.
Eric (as Sommelier): That really threw me off, I wasn't anticipating and also saving the people who need to be saved, either you take me in, or you take the bomb.
Julia (as Val): Well luckily there is more than one of me, guys can we help the people, and I'll keep this idiot here?
Amanda: I think the safest thing to do is for me to grab the bomb and run it out the back of the building back into the like woods and fields on the outside of the campus.
Eric: Okay—
Julia (as Val): Gonna punt it like a football?
Amanda: Yeah I know, I'll make sure I carry it outside but then I'll throw it as far as I can.
Eric: Wonderful so you scoop it up, and you run it out you just like are running as fast as you can. I want you to make a dexterity check to see how well you throw this bomb away.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: An 8.
Eric: Okay 8, I'm going to give you a choice here—
Julia: Do you want a luck roll?
Amanda: Yeah no I’ll use a luck point, fuck that.
[Brandon laughing]
Amanda: 18!
Eric: Okay wonderful! I can give you two choices: one you can throw it into the woods where there hopefully isn't that many people, you can also throw it onto the football field where there's no one there, but you would be destroying at least part of the football field.
Amanda: Yeah I'm gonna go with the one with the open sight line, so into the football field it goes!
Eric: Okay wonderful, yeah what does it look like when you throw a bomb?
Amanda: I played a lot of flag football around Thanksgiving with my brothers and sisters so I think I am going to run it toward the arena, and just punt it and just do a field goal style kick so that it sails over the edge of the arena which isn't that tall it's like one story, and then just right into the uh the zero line.
Eric: Amazing.
Julia: Incredible.
Eric: Yeah you've just punted right into the touchdown where the— I guess they're also the mountain lobsters, is everyone just the mountain lobsters?
Brandon: Of course!
Eric: The SUNY LTC mountain lobsters with the pink and black and white paint on the field, it just goes [blows raspberry] and there's now like a divot where the mountain lobster used to be.
Amanda: And I sort of say to myself like
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay something else for the mayor to deal with…
Eric: Oh yeah you see a bunch of football players run out and say like
Eric (as Football Player): NO OUR FIELD! WE’RE NEVER GONNA BEAT MORROW UNIVERSITY WITH A FIELD LIKE THIS!
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): I will take care of it! It was a matter of necessity, thank you for your understanding! Uhh, go study.
Eric (as Football Player): NO! But this is the way—this is the way that we unwind after studying so hard!
Amanda (as Aggie): You can use the other half!
Eric: You need both halves for football!
Julia: [Laughing] Half court football!
[Brandon laughing]
Amanda (as Aggie): Half court football isn't that a thing?
Eric (as Football Player): No!
Amanda (as Aggie): You can invent it!
Eric (as Football Player): Oh okay!
Amanda (as Aggie): Shoot for the stars!
Eric: So you have these like incredibly high-tech pagers that Dr. Morrow gave you that goes Eric (as Pager): [With metallic reverb] do do do do!
Eric: And a holographic image of Dr. Morrow pops up for all three of you on your pagers.
Julia (as Val): Sup doc?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): [Over the pager] So how did the— how did the uh SUNY LTC job go? Is it going okay?
Julia (as Val): I have a woman in a suit, there was a bomb.
Brandon: I just turn my phone so she can see the spike in my arm.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh that is decidedly not groovy, okay.
Amanda (as Aggie): And uh I think the football team over here is gonna need a bit of a grant from the rebuilding fund, otherwise good to go!
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I will have to establish a rebuilding fund now, I guess that's definitely something I should have started. Uh yeah I guess you know, I'm so glad that you've taken down this Sommelier, uh we'll see where her connections lead to maybe somewhere in the wine world a high rich food world? I don't know I'm not sure who this person really is.
Julia (as Val): I also totally don't get her name. Is she just a sommelier who can make stuff out of her skin? Or is the skin thing tied to the naming what's going on here?
Brandon (as Milo): Is there anything we could do about the spike in my arm?!
Amanda: Yeah I'm gonna rush over to Milo um and use my healing hands to heal the skin around the spear so that it pops back out once the skin is totally done.
Julia (as Val): Gross!
Brandon (as Milo): Oh that was kind of satisfying actually.
Eric: It makes like a satisfying like pop as the spear is clatters to the ground, and the Sommelier is like fighting in Val's arms, and she says
Eric (as Sommelier): I choose the weapon that's supposed to be in the best situation, at any time!
Julia (as Val): What does that have to do with wine?
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh the sommeliere of weapons! Okay okay.
Eric (as Sommelier): The person who looks at wine by the label actually gets it!
Amanda (as Aggie): Milo I don't know much about youtube but I feel like this could be a very good channel for you.
Julia (as Val): Oh like those pimple popping things!
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah!
Brandon (as Milo): I don’t want to stab myself for every video I make, but I appreciate the idea.
Julia (as Val): But think of the monetization!
Amanda (as Aggie): I've never tried to heal like a cold cut, but maybe we could use that instead!
[Brandon laughing]
Eric: Milo can you make a spirit surge for me?
Brandon: Yeah.
[Dice rolls]
Brandon: I got 4.
Eric: Okay wonderful so yeah you uh if you rolled a 4 that your spirit surge is now up to 3.
Brandon: Yay!
Eric: Okay wonderful so Dr. Morrow says
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Okay well you know we've been doing a lot of good work here um I think that there is an opportunity for us to train a little bit more, and maybe give you guys some more education. I've been taking around stuff you should come by the house in a few days maybe I'll have something for you but until then just you know throw the Sommelier in jail or wherever we're putting them. I’ll talk to you when we have the next thing.
Amanda (as Aggie): Do you know know where we’ve been putting them?
Julia (as Val): Yeah, this is concerning.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Yeah I do know where they’re going, I just don’t have a good name for it. Cause it’s not really like jail, it’s also like— jail seems not good enough for people who can pull weapons out of their body.
Julia (as Val): So super jail.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Thank you, super jail! Thank you Val. Let’s come by for training in a few days, how does that sound?
Julia (as Val): Alright.
Brandon (as Milo): Sounds great!
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Alright okay. Morrow out! Boop boop boo doop!
Eric: And it goes away.
Jullia: Val just yells at the person
Julia (As Val): Keep your money in the banks! Don't just keep it in cash, in a very small thing!
Eric (as Bursar Clerk): You know we're gonna bring this to a committee, and uh we'll get back to you on it but uh I think for now we're gonna keep the course that we're on, and keep this money in a vault.
Julia (as Val): It means they're not gonna do anything. Fuckin’ committees.
Eric (as Bursar Clerk): There's a subcommittee, and there's a committee to oversee the subcommittees, and we're all going to talk about it.
Julia (as Val): [Groans] We need to leave before I destroy this office.
Amanda: Yeah we walk out.
[Everyone laughing]
(Upbeat music ends)
(Chill lo-fi music starts)
Eric: @TeganandMurphy: Over the Fall I spent a lot of time in Lake Town City, I felt the crisp air, the excitement of the future, and a whole lot of weirdness. My latest story on the super powered element blowing up in LTC link.
@h2ohare: Mama I made it! I'm in the papers 100 emoji crying laughing emoji.
Reply from @QuinnOHare: gif of Mariah Carey saying “I don't know her”
@SevenandAHalfNews: Dr. Mayor Morrow asked about the Average Bear article: Emily Slaughter is a wonderful young woman who always has followed her own internal compass, that compass will point her towards the course she has chartered, but I was in the middle of describing hoverboard technology!
@UpcountryKeepers: Thanks @TeganandMurphy! We're going to eat justice all over the city!
@PieceOfCapeFashion: Anyone seen the leather jacket super roaming around at night? Love the spikes, love the beat up leather jacket.
@AO2008 That's Vulcani! I saw them punch out some creeps outside the main drag in Little Italy the look is on point!
@HellsOnWheels: I followed America's Test Kitchen recipe for my Thanksgiving turkey and it tasted weird… Like pavement, I got it from the grocery store downtown if that matters? Any help?
@SonOfATeacherMan: Anyone see that masked lady in the forest ranger that save those kids?! She ran through the forest so fast, and kicked the falling tree out of the way, I dropped my phone so no photos help!
@ABCDEFInTheChat: Uhhhh so whatever happened to that panther who was running around the city a few months ago?????
(Music fades out)
(Ethereal humming)
Eric: Alright we're gonna start with Milo!
Brandon: It me!
Eric: We're uh moving forward a few days it is now the middle of December is let's say it's like December 15th, like if you haven't started your holiday shopping you've probably missed all of your friends who are not Christian by now and then you're like still very behind on your Christmas shopping.
Brandon: Milo goes:
Brandon (as Milo): Shit.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: He just goes on Amazon and just starts putting things into a cart.
Brandon: Yep!
Julia: Overnight shipping, overnight shipping.
Eric: So you're gonna do your gift exchange with your friends at a late night at Astros so we've talked about Milo's group of friends before and they they all work at mumufuca, there's Lucas—
Amanda: Wait, wait, wait, wait that's not the name of the museum!
Eric: Mumafucker.
Brandon: [Laughing] Motherfucker!
Eric: At the museum so we have Lucas who works in archives, you also have Apple who is your very tall very wide friend uh his real name is Jim but he's also from New York so he was Jim then it was Big Jim, then he was Big Apple and now he's just Apple.
[Brandon laughing]
Julia: What a good name!
Eric: He calls himself the chief “moving stuff” officer but really he works in like shipping and receiving and moves like very large crates for you, and also then there's your your friend Zach Rose for he's very much a first name last name, he is a preparator. Which is a real thing that I found out from the like natural history museum had this job up as something that they need the preparator is the some person who makes the actual models and stuff. Zach Rose is kind of a quiet guy uh and paints his nails black or you know whatever shade of purple really gets into the black color.
Amanda: The lower left corner of the color swatch.
Eric: Yes exactly, and Zack Rose is also by far the best at bowling out of the four of you.
Brandon: Excuse me!! That's fine.
Eric: This is like 10:00 P.M. I think you know McHenry because this is like your Astros so McHenry has shut the whole place down and is letting you do this like late at night and he put on like the space uv lights for you.
Brandon: He's a good guy.
Eric: And McHenry also uh he's like
Eric (as McHenry): Alright guys well I'm gonna head out for the night, so you know just lock up and do the things, Apple don't go to the dining area, I put away all the leftover hot dogs.
Eric: And Apple’s like
Eric (as Apple): What?! What? Why would you even say that about me?! That is so wild!
Eric: And they’re like
Eric (as McHenry): Well you ate all the leftover hot dogs that I left out, so don't do that because also you were sick for two days!
Eric: And Apple's like
Eric (as Apple): That is an extremely good point, thank you!
Brandon (as Milo): Apple was helping, you're not supposed to have the hot dogs overnight, he was cleaning up the health inspect— for the health inspector you know?
Eric (as Mchenry): I'll remember that for next time, thank you. I will, I'll remember that!
Eric: And as you're finishing up kind of the last frame that you have on this game Zack Rose has bowled a 234.
Amanda: Oh my god.
Brandon (as Milo): Damn Zack!
Eric: Zack shrugs his shoulders and sits down with his ball, which he had like custom made on Etsy and looks like a neutron star exploding.
Amanda: Woah.
Brandon: Nice.
Julia: That's very cool.
Eric: I think Lucas takes the moment to stand up on the benches, and he has a beer and he takes a pen out of his pocket and clinks and goes click click click, and he says
Eric (as Lucas): Guys, I think it's finally about that time I have something very important that I have to tell you um—
Brandon (as Milo): Speeeeeech! Speeeech!
Eric (as Lucas): Yeah guys I'm gonna make it— yeah I'm gonna make a speech. You know uh we've been working together for for a decent amount of time now, and I really appreciated us coming together, and being able to hang out so much, and the fact that we all love bowling and like Douglas Adams and very specific seasons of Star Trek. It really means a lot to me—
Brandon (as Milo): Season four sucked!
Eric (as Lucas): So I just wanted to say— that yes 100% Milo you don't even have to say it. Like it's unspoken at this point.
[Brandon laughing]
Eric (as Lucas): So I just wanted to say um… Although we agreed that this was when we were going to give presents uh Milo definitely didn't buy us anything, and I just wanted all of us to take a—
Brandon (as Milo): Hey!!
[Eric laughing]
Eric (as Lucas): No let's do presents— I'm kidding. We brought some presents so I really I just want to share with you, we'll do the rest now I just had it with me let me.
Brandon (as Milo): Let me just go to the claw machine for a second.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric (as Lucas): Milo you knew that you— I know you did this last time it did— it shows up at uh at our house on Christmas Eve, and that's just magic, and you're like Santa.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah exactly!
Eric (as Lucas): Like paying extra for rush shipping because you forgot to get us presents Santa.
Brandon (as Milo): Just like santa does!
Eric (as Apple): Got him!!
Eric (as Lucas): Thank you Apple, I really hey Apple I really need that affirmation, I appreciate it.
Eric (as Apple): Got him!
Eric: So yeah uh we're going to give out presents so uh Zach takes like some very small packages out of his pocket, like they're very neatly wrapped in butcher paper, and he gives one to all of you, and you can open up the packages. And they're all marbles, but they're all like glass blown, so Zach kind of like shrugs at him and is like
Eric (as Zach): [With a low voice] Yeah, I made 'em myself.
[Amanda aww’s]
Eric: And uh Milo's yours looks like a galaxy, and Apple’s looks like an Apple, and Lucas's looks like a fireball.
Brandon (as Milo): This— this is amazing how do you how do you even make these?
Eric (as Zach): Oh you know you just kind of learn some stuff on YouTube.
Brandon (as Milo): That sounds really difficult!
Eric (as Apple): Well hey, don't worry because I actually know everything, I can send you all the YouTube videos! I put a keystroke logger on Zach's laptop to figure out that he was doing it so I know all the secrets! Don't worry I only looked at the stuff related to marbles, I had a program deleting all of it!
Brandon (as Milo): That seems invasive…
Eric (as Lucas): Apple why do you work in shipping and receiving, if you know how to do all of this?
Eric (as Apple): Because I like moving stuff with my hands!
Eric: Apple goes into his backpack and gives you all books, Zach Rose’s looks just like a really really like just classy looking uh coffee table book, and to Lucas it's like the guy from Catch Me If You Can's his like autobiography, and a Milo you get the full Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy like bound set that's like black that has like gold inlay on it.
Brandon: Ooooh, that's a good one!
Eric (as Apple): I got you all the things that I thought you would like the most, also from the keyloggers I installed on all of your computers!
Brandon (as Milo): Stop— stop doing that.
Eric (as Apple): [Getting progressively more aggressive] It's only for me getting you presents! What—what's the problem?! I'm just doing it to get you presents! What's the problem?
[Julia and Eric laughing]
Eric (as Apple): What do you not want good presents? I won't put keyloggers on your computer if you don't want good presents!
[Amanda laughs]
Brandon (as Milo): I'm going to send you a few links to read, it’s fine.
Eric (as Apple): Alright fine! I have plenty of time to read! That's fine when I'm up at three in the morning, combing through everyone's search data I'll read this instead!
Eric: Milo do you have presents for everybody?
Brandon: Yeah I do! So I hand everyone out book size things wrapped in paper that is just like like holographic snowflake paper you know? Like very wintry, and I gave them all to Lucas Apple, and Zach and they are each original copies of the scripts from series they love.
Eric: Ooooh. That's very good.
Julia: It's very cute.
Eric: Yeah I think that there's like one from Battlestar, one from like Red Dwarf, and one— what is the one where Scott Bakula jumps into people's bodies? Quantum Leap!
[Everyone repeating “quantum leap”]
Eric: I think you give it to Apple, and he's like
Eric (as Apple): Oh shit Scott Bakula jumping into people's bodies the tv show! I love it!
Brandon (as Milo): I knew you'd like that one Apple, you love Scott Bakula!
Eric (as Apple): I do! I don't even like the show that much, but Scott Bakula he does it for me it's great.
Eric: So then Lucas then hops back up on the bench and says like
Eric (as Lucas): Well you've all given out very good presents— and Apple please stop looking at my search history but uh it's gonna be really embarrassing when my present is so much better than everyone else's present.
Eric: And he runs over to the front door of Astros and there's like a very large something underneath like a sheet and he has like a hand cart and he like walks it over and like it goes like down the stairs he's like
Eric (as Lucas): Alright you guys ready?
Brandon (as Milo): Is this illegal? Lucas is this illegal? Before you before you do it.
Eric (as Lucas): I am not at liberty to say.
[Eric and Brandon laughing]
Eric: And he pulls the sheet off and it is a six foot tall stormtrooper statue.
Brandon (as Milo): Ho. Ly. Shit. Can I get in it? Is it hollow?
Eric (as Lucas): [Laughing] No it's not Milo I can't believe it's your first thing that you say alright yeah if you want to try to get it if you want!
Eric: It's like full size, full armor and it's like it is so clean, and so like on point it is really just like a sight to see, and Lucas says
Eric (as Lucas): Um yeah I actually I found a really great deal on this on this website and I was actually buying— I wanted all of us to share it we I talked to McHenry and he said we could keep it at Astros if we like donate and it's like our stormtrooper and like we can go over and mess with it. But like no one else is allowed to mess with it, we can like name it like call it like Stormy or something Troopy—
Eric (as Apple): how about Apple.
Eric (as Lucas): No why would we name— I don't think so why would we do that.
Brandon (as Milo): Ooo Koopa Trooper?
Eric (as Lucas): Oh Koopa Trooper is good!
Eric: Zach says
Eric (as Zach): What if we— what if we called it Luke Skywalker? That would be pretty funny.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah that's great— that's a great idea!
Eric (as Lucas): Actually that would be actually that would be kind of funny if the stormtrooper was named Luke Skywalker that's pretty good.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah it's not confusing and is not something I'm gonna have to explain to every time I say what the name is at all!
Eric (as Lucas): That's McHenry's problem, like that's not our problem. It's just like a fun thing that we can name it so—
Brandon (as Milo): Oh I do like to pull a prank on McHenry, that's a good idea.
Eric (as Lucas): Yeah it would be pretty cool!
Brandon: I think Milo's going to take a closer look at the stormtrooper, try to look at the detailing can I make like an investigation check?
Eric: Yeah make a investigation check!
[Dice rolls]
Brandon: That's a 5.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: So that's not great.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: With a 5, I think that you're looking mostly for the authenticity of this thing is like yeah okay it's pretty obvious this isn't like totally authentic, like the edges are not the same, and it's not made out of the same thing, and some of the like the angles are off, but like it's a pretty good reproduction.
Brandon: Okay!
Eric: I also want you to make a perception check.
[Dice rolls]
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: Eric guess what I got.
Eric: What did you get?
Amanda: Natural 1?
Brandon: A 1.
Eric: Oh wonderful! You get a feeling like somebody is looking at you for a second, like you're looking at the stormtrooper and you feel like someone is watching you, and then you look around and you see that that Sour Anthony is just walking by the bowling alley, like you just see him out the windows and he's just kind of like walking around in his like Flyboy jumpsuit.
[Julia groans]
Brandon: Milo goes
Brandon (as Milo): Oh shit!
Brandon: And then dives on the ground.
Eric: Nice!
Amanda: So sneaky.
Eric: So yeah at this point you guys have given out your presents, Apple and Zach go over to like the arcade that's in the back and they’re just like furiously using the claw machine.
Brandon: How many uh bowling ball drinks have we had each at this point?
Eric: I think that you've all shared two.
Brandon: Yeah Milo definitely didn't get his own off to the side either it's fine.
Eric: No I it's probably Apple drank most of one, but the rest of you like shared like 1.2 together. Apple and Zach Rose are over like furiously doing the claw machine, and every so often you hear
Eric (as Apple): SHIT! GAAAAH.
Eric: And like Zach Rose puts his hand on Apple's shoulder
Brandon (as Milo): You think at some point they realize that it's really difficult to win from that thing, but then they could just buy it from the store down the street but.
Eric (as Lucas): Man, love of the game man, love of the game.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Lucas): Hey do you think the stormtrooper was like a little much?
Brandon (as Milo): No I don't think so, I think it was a great idea! I mean I hope it wasn't like too expensive, like I didn't I don't want you to you know spend a billion dollars on us.
Eric (as Lucas): No, no it wasn't like too much I actually I found this like crazy website, it was just like selling like old movie memorabilia. Like I don't I'm sure it's not like the real stuff but at least it looks cool enough.
Brandon (as Milo): It looks super accurate what was the website? I want to check it out!
Eric (as Lucas): Oh yeah it was like— oh my god it was it was like a bunch of like really— it's like someone looked at the SEO for like movie props and just kind of smashed it all together. It's like it was like movie cinema nerd props and things.com. I don't know I just kind of googled it looking for like nerdy—
Brandon (as Milo): You definitely got a keystroke logger from that website, you should you should drive your software.
Eric (as Lucas): Um oh wait! Actually I have it so
Eric: He looks on his phone and there is an Average Bear list about like “10 Nerdy Things You Should Get Your Nerdy Friend for Nerdy Christmas” and like a number seven it was this website.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh cool! Seems legit if AB says it, I mean you know it's real.
Eric (as Lucas): So yeah I don't know, well I'm glad you like it! I don't know— I didn't— sorry I didn't— I didn't mean to say that like everyone— you didn't get a present. You just usually don't so I thought that if I made fun of it openly you would make it easier for you just in case you didn't—
Brandon (as Milo): If you hadn't made fun of it I would have.
Eric (as Lucas): That's fair, good point, well I'm glad you did that! Yeah it was cool.
Brandon (as Milo): Maybe next year I'll get like a Darth Vader for everyone or something.
Eric (as Lucas): Oh that'd be cool yeah definitely take my idea, and try to do it better but you won't do it it's good.
Brandon (as Milo): Well it's a set I'm not doing it better!
Eric: [Laughing] Nice.
Eric (as Lucas): Alright well happy non-denominational winter hot present giving holiday my man.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah happy non-denominational winter holiday to you too.
[Transition note]
Eric: Hey, it's Eric a really strange thing about the quarantine I guess if there is any sort of silver lining to everything melting down in this year, is that my relationship to restaurants and mom and pop stores or locally owned businesses have kind of changed. Like I understand there are real people running real businesses they need to keep that stuff going, and I don't have to go to like Olive Garden, or Walmart, or Target because they're fine because they're massive. But I want to contribute to those people who are doing that stuff so you know if you can, go to your local Chinese food place, or clothing store, or you know wine and cheese and beer store, and just like throw them a few dollars because you know they deserve it, and you deserve something nice. It's not like you're going out of your way to spend money on food,it's like you might as well eat out because you deserve it, but let's throw it to somebody who needs it! So let's get the party started. Shanghai Dragon has really good general tso’s chicken.
Thank you everyone who joined our Patreon: Debbie, Mary, Alec, Silverleaf, Gustavo and Anca. We say it every week on the Multitude shows, but thank you for Join the Party specifically, thank you to the 400 strong who rep us on Patreon! This is a really strange time for everyone and we would not be able to do what we do without your support. Those of you who are able to chip in, and aren’t a part of the Patreon, we want you to be a part of our Patreon family, join the community! And as a thank-you we produce a ton of bonus content like bloopers, NPC backstories, and a thriving Discord, not to mention a full campaign’s worth of bonus material from Campaign 1. Today is a great day to join us for as little as $5 a month at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. We made new tiers a little while ago, and if you have not changed your tiers from the old ones to the new ones please do that, it actually matters. We need you to do it, go to patreon.com/jointhepartypod and check all that stuff out!
Ohh yeah it’s my favorite time of year, it’s not fall, it’s not heirloom tomato season, or free comic book day -- it is Multitude Survey Season! [Eric makes air horn noises] Brandon put in some airhorn noises. [Eric makes air horn noises again] Are they there? I know they’re there, thank you. Once a year we ask you, our audience, a bunch of questions we’ve been wondering about. How are you enjoying our shows? Do you like our digital live shows? How can you improve our Patron and Multicrew? Your responses truly guide our decision-making, so now is your chance to change the future and tell us what you’re thinking. Seriously, we wouldn’t have done as many live shows before when we could actually travel if you didn’t tell us where to go, and how much you wanted us to do live shows. Please, please, please, please tell us! The survey takes about 10 minutes and can be done on mobile or desktop. Just go to multitude.productions/survey to get started. That’s multitude.productions/survey
We are sponsored this week by BetterHelp, a secure online counseling service. They connect you with licensed counselors through their secure app, letting you message with your therapist and schedule live phone or video sessions. You can also message your counselor in between sessions if you’re worrying about something [laughs] because who’s not worrying about something! Or think of a topic you want to cover in your next call. Because BetterHelp wants to help you find the best therapeutic match possible, it’s easy and free to switch counselors if need be. Since it’s over the phone, you don’t have to feel bad, you’re not looking at like Dr. Rosenthall’s face being like “Doctor, you don’t understand anything about me! I don’t wanna talk to you about my problems anymore.” and then he’s like [grumble noises] “Hurm hurm I’m sorry you feel that way! This is really awkward, you have thirty minutes left in your session.” You can just do it because it’s over the phone and it’s fine! And BetterHelp is also more affordable than traditional counseling, with financial aid also available. You can get 10% off your first month of counseling by signing up at betterhelp.com/jointheparty. That’s better like used to be bad, now it’s better, help like “oh look I’m helping you out!” like h-e-l-p . com / jointheparty, the show you’re listening to, for 10% off your first month. Better h-e-l-p . com / jointheparty.
Finally, we are also sponsored by HelloFresh. They have vegetarian and family-friendly options, are super flexible so you can add extra lunch meals or even skip a week, and feature 22+ recipes each week that are all ready in 30 minutes or less. Save time and stress, and eat more sustainably by only using only what you need for each recipe and avoiding food waste. I recently made some really really good pork tacos that were delicious, and having just the right amount of everything made it easy to make and clean up. So go to HelloFresh.com/jointheparty80 and use code jointheparty80 to get a total of $80 off your first month, including free shipping on your first box! Additional restrictions apply, please visit HelloFresh.com for more details. That is HelloFresh.com/jointheparty80 and use code jointheparty80 to get a total of $80 off your first month, including free shipping on your first box.
And now, back to the show!
[Transition note]
[Up beat club remix of Van Halen’s Jump starts]
Eric: Val I don't know if you heard but one of your favorite bands Grift Store—
[Julia gasps]
Eric: They got a record deal so they're celebrating their newfound success and they're throwing a non-denominational December snowball extravaganza at the Sweet Tooth to promote a bunch of LTC bands then to try to get them on there on the new buzz!
Julia: Oh fuck yeah!
Eric: You know it's gonna have everybody The Brew Ha-Has are to be there which is Brewski's band.
Julia: Yeah Brewski’s son’s band!
Eric: And Johnny Crash is actually doing a solo set—
Julia: Oh shit.
Eric: He's not gonna be with the rest of the team yeah I thought that was pretty cool.
Julia: That's fucking legit I'm gonna mosh so hard!
Eric: Hell yeah! So Julia you and I talked about this, and I think the venue that you go to the most— in my head Val is the kind of person that is very active, but doesn't leave a one mile radius of their apartment.
Julia: Except for my mother's house.
Eric: Yes, yeah that's it. So yeah the Sweet Tooth is kind of like in a more rundown part of Little Italy it's actually a dentist's office in the morning, and then in the evening it is like a hardcore metal venue. In my head it's like the dentist equipment stuff is on like the first floor, and then like you have to go down into the venue, and you can still see the dentist equipment like up because it's on like a catwalk like material, because it's just easier to clean honestly.
Julia: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: And the Sweet Tooth just like constantly smells like bleach.
Julia: Always, all the time it's really good though because it means they clean up the blood, and the sweat and stuff from the mosh pit.
Eric: Yeah!
Amanda: Maybe they take like decommissioned equipment and just sort of like hang it on the walls as if it is a hardware store.
Eric: Oh I like yeah like there's just like that just drills—
Amanda: It's like 12 feet up like it has to be out of reach.
Eric: And now it's like hanging down? Honestly people like going to this dentist because it doesn't look like a dentist's office.
Amanda: Cool!
Julia: Yeah it's less intimidating!
Amanda: Or if you chip a tooth in the mosh pit, you know exactly who to call!
Julia: Yeah they give half off if you damage your teeth in the mosh pits.
Amanda: I think that's a great business model!
Eric: For sure! Alright yeah so you're at the Sweet Tooth for the let me read it again the non-denominational December Snowball Extravaganza, headlined by Grift Store. What does it look like when Val comes into a concert? Like do they know everybody, do they have like a special outfit, like what does it look like?
Julia: The outfit is the same as always, Eric the outfit never changes.
[Amanda and Eric laughing]
Julia: But no they do know a lot of the people who are there just because like most of these bands don't have a huge following, they have like decent followings in Lake Town City but they're not like huge huge which is why Val likes them so much. And I feel like the community around those bands is fairly small, and a very much everyone knows everyone kind of thing.
Eric: Yeah so you're walking in you're just like high-fiving people you're like slapping people on the back.
Julia: Hell yeah!
Eric: So yeah Johnny Crash, really you know what it's an incredibly loud solo set.
Julia (as Val): No one thought that he could be that loud acoustically, but like here we are!
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: And the Brew Ha-Ha’s are going to come on next. I feel like there's a bar at the back.
Julia: Oh yeah, 100%
Eric: Yeah you can you go up to the bar, and you get a tap on your shoulder and you hear a voice say
Eric (as voice): Hey um I don't know what they have against tall girls, but I'm just like not really getting anything can you just like hop on the bar and like grab me a beer from back there?
Julia: I mean, I turned around.
Eric: In front of you is a six foot two woman with long blue black hair that's just like piled on top of her head, she's wearing a black jean jacket that has like bright pink leaves stenciled all over it—
[Brandon ooo’s]
Eric: It's like there's a bright pink forest and she's wearing like equally bright pink Jordans, and the colors are incredibly close to each other like I don't know if she you know there's that there's like tool that you get in like photoshop that like matches colors for you and you can put it somewhere else. But it's like she did that but in real life and it was crazy.
Julia: How dare you sir.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: What's the problem? Julia what's the problem?
Julia: I didn't think Val could get flustered, weirdly enough.
[Eric laughing]
Amanda: Welcome to my roleplaying experience!
Julia: Okay.
Eric (as Tall Woman): Yeah like I don't even really I'm not even gonna wait for these guys, they just they're not even looking at me can you just like hop behind the bar, and like grab us some beers?
Julia (as Val): I mean
Julia: And then I just kind of like hit the bar—
Brandon: Oh man.
Julia: And immediately the bartender's attention comes to me.
Amanda: Oh yeah!
Brandon: A real Fonz move.
Eric: Wonderful uh yeah the bartender looks over he's like,
Eric (as Bartender): What the! Oh Val we said you can't damage the bar to get my attention.
Julia (as Val): I didn't damage it, I just you know I scuffed the veneer a little bit.
Eric: Can you roll a 1d4 for me?
Julia: Yes!
[Dice rolls]
Julia: A 1!
Eric: Okay you don't damage the bar.
Julia: Oh sweet.
Eric: The bartender’s like
Eric (as Bartender): Alright so uh what are you having?
Julia: And I just turned to the woman and like
Julia (as Val): Go ahead.
Eric (as Tall Woman): Hey uh can I get two beer shot combos, a whiskey and like the tall boys of the genesee cream.
Julia (as Val): On my tab.
Eric (as Tall Woman): Oh man thanks! I appreciate it I couldn't get anybody to get my attention. I do have other—
Julia (as Val): Which is surprising because you are so bright and so tall.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Tall Woman): Yeah I don't—I don't know if it's like—it's like the opposite of a moth coming to a flame.
[Amanda laughs]
Julia (as Val): You're so intimidating that people just don't want to talk to you because they feel like they'll embarrass themselves?
Eric (as Tall Woman): That's true it's also the uh you know the weapons I keep on me at all times, that's definitely the intimidating part.
Julia (as Val): Oh sorry let me see those.
Eric (as Tall Woman): I'm—I'm sorry you're the first person I've ever met who believed me when I said that, I don't I'm not carrying anything on me.
Julia (as Val): Okay!
Eric (as Tall Woman): No but— uh no but thanks I appreciate it, um hi I'm Hatomi.
Julia (as Val): I'm Val.
Eric (as Hatomi): Val, cool cool um…
Julia (as Val): They/them.
Eric (as Hatomi): Oh smart! Yes she/her also I know— in case you were thinking or not thinking it again six foot three, size 11 shoe women's, but then that for I guess it depends what kind of shoes you're getting it's like nine and a half for Nike but it's a full two steps down for Adidas but really honestly, if you put if you take a Yeezy and you stuff your shoe in it it just really— the best part about Yeezys is that they expand. It's like they just stretch out that's the thing that Kanye should really be pushing that instead. Like stretchy shoe technology.
Julia (as Val): That's what I hear about Yeezys.
Eric (as Hatomi): They're so comfortable!
Julia (as Val): Not a lot of people wear Yeezys at Sweet Tooth so like that is interesting.
Eric (as Hatomi): Oh I mean listen I wouldn't wear them here, I will get my foot destroyed by all those guys. I mean you you seem like someone who gets moshed in and would step on my shoe, and destroy my foot in three different places.
Julia (as Val): Not on purpose.
Eric (as Hatomi): Oh okay, okay well as long as it's not on purpose, I guess it's fine and you apologize.
Julia (as Val): You know you take a you take a calculated risk when you enter the mosh pit, and like everyone's just letting out pent up aggression, and want to feel the feelings you know? But no one's out there to like purposefully hurt anyone, and if someone does go down the group knows to like step out of the way, and let them get back up, you know?
Eric (as Hatomi): Sure yeah, yeah for sure for sure. I just think me with my brittle bone bones, my brittle bird bones, I would get— not because of just like just general entropy, you know but I mean if you're not doing it intentionally and you apologize and you buy me drinks I guess it's okay so.
Julia (as Val): I mean I—I would do that without accidentally breaking your little bird bones.
Eric (as Hatori): oh it sounds so much cuter when you say it back to me that's nice.
Julia (as Val): Thank you.
Amanda: I just did touch down arms just so everybody's aware.
[Eric laughing]
Brandon: Is this woman a bird Eric?
Eric: No she just has brittle bird bones, Brandon.
Julia: (singing) Bird wife, bird wife!
Amanda: Listen, at a certain point you're so tall that you know you become a bird—
Brandon: You can fly!
Eric: You and Hatomi keep talking and I think at one point she's like
Eric (as Hatomi): You know I don't want to keep— listen the Brew Ha-Ha’s are going to come back on, and I don't want to keep you from the mosh but like I'll be I'm just like around, you'll see me I'm the the tall woman with the with the hair, that's like goes like this.
Julia (as Val): You are very easy to find in a crowd unlike me, but just in case I you know can't find you later, maybe we could exchange phone numbers?
Eric (as Hatomi): Well it's so formal! I love exchange phone numbers, it's like I'm going to send you a message—
Julia (as Val): My mother taught me how to be a polite person.
Eric (as Hatomi): I'm going to send you a missive to the estate, so that I'll get three days later if my butler will come and give me your letter it's like “oh Mastress Val would like to see me in the garden in four days time!”
Julia (as Val): Well listen I'm no Mr. Darcy but I do know how to treat a woman right.
[Everyone laughing]
[Amanda squees]
Amanda: I’M FLUSHED!
Eric: God that feels like a quote from a bronx tale, jesus christ sure. She grabs your phone and puts her name in your phone and it's “Tall Girl Great Shoes Hitomi”
Julia: Val puts their number in her phone, which is it says “Mastress Darcy Val Vesuvio.”
Eric: Great! Alright um so yeah the mosh pit keeps going, and I think that at various times you're like turning around and like you see Hatomi just like waving to you from the bar. The Brew Ha-Ha’s are fine. They're fine.
Julia: They're all a little too drunk, you know what I mean?
Eric: Yeah like they drank a little bit too much before.
Julia: Like he's just not hitting those notes the way he thinks he's hitting those notes.
Brandon: Is Mr. Brewpot there in the audience watching his son?
Julia: God I hope not.
Eric: Uh make a perception check Val.
Julia: What? Yeah!
[Dice rolls]
Julia: 7.
Eric: 7, yeah you see Mr. Brewpot in the back, and he like has his arms folded but he's like—
Julia: I’ve never met this man though, so I don't know who he is.
Eric: You look at Brewski and you turn back, and there's a man with less hair, and a mustache that looks a lot like Brewski, and he has his arms folded and he's just like tapping his foot to the beat.
Amanda: Awww.
Julia: Someone leans over to Val and is like
Julia (as Person in Crowd): There's a cop who looks like Brewski.
[Everyone laughing]
Eric: And yeah standing next to Mr. Brewpot, who is just the cop— the cop looks like Bruski is um‚ you actually you kind of‚— it's weird you take it like a double take. It's like you see someone who you can't place like you remember their face. They like slicked back hair, and they're weathering a leather jacket even though it is incredibly hot in here, also he's wearing like really shiny dress shoes, and a gold chain with like a very small cross on it that is outside of the shirt.
Amanda: Oh no.
Julia: Is this one of my relatives?
Eric: Yeah you know, also looks a lot like you which is weird.
Julia: I guess I'll exit the mosh politely, not knocking anyone out as I go through and Val's gonna go to the bar, but kind of scope this person out as they do.
Eric: Yeah this person looks a lot like you.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: This guy this kid's also like 23, and has like diamond stud earrings as well.
Julia: Yeah that feels right yeah.
Eric: He like tries to definitely pull earplugs out of his ears, and walks over to you he says like,
Eric (as Random Guy): well uh some band out there
Julia (as Val): Yeah it's not their best performance for sure.
Eric (as Random Guy): They can do— I'm surprised that they could do better.
Julia (as Val): They absolutely can this is this is an off night for them, don't tell the the cop over there that looks like the lead singer though.
Eric (as Random Guy): That guy's a cop?
Julia (as Val): I think he's a cop he's in a suit in a club like this.
Eric (as Random Guy): Alright well I'll deal with—
Julia (as Val): Why are you concerned about cops huh?
Eric (as Random Guy): No yeah, you know uh in the way that everybody is just the way twenty-first century everyone should be saying—
Julia (as Val): Sure but you in particular seem a little concerned.
Eric (as Random Guy): Yeah the consolidation of power into one particular uh structure in a uniform, it really gives people power that they don't they don't really deserve, so I'm just concerned about.
Julia (as Val): Oh yeah, hierarchy of power, it that's not something we would know anything about.
Eric (as Random Guy): Oh well listen Val it's been a while I'm surprised you don’t recognize me.
Julia: [In Val’s voice] Do I recognize him? Can I roll like a history check or something?
Eric: Yeah go ahead!
Julia: Cool let's stay character like say that
[Dice rolls]
Julia: I got a 14.
Eric: This is probably one of your second cousins. You don't know which one, but it's this is on your dad's side and you've probably seen them at like really big family gatherings. You can't place the face, but uh if it's at one of your cousins and on your dad's side.
Julia: So Val goes
Julia (as Val): You know it's been a minute since I've been to a Christmas at Grandma Mary Elena's house so I'm sorry if I don't know which of the 300 cousins you are of mine.
Eric (as Val’s Cousin): That's fair, you know we all have all the guys have the same three names anyway.
Julia (as Val): Are you an Anthony, are you a Michael or are you a Veto or Vincent it could be either one. I know one side favors Vincent and the other side fears Veto.
Eric (as Val’s Coursin): I'm the only—I'm the Salvatore, you know, I'm Salimony.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as Salimony): Actually you know I have a different nickname now, uh the people there are a bunch of Salvatores around but I'm Salimony because I collect payments like alimony. Sal, you get it?
Julia (as Val): Yeah I got it, I got it. I think I met a guy named that once, but before you probably were— okay it doesn't matter.
Eric (as Salimony): No it's fine, I'm sure they're not the first Salimony you've met around.
Julia (as Val): I do live in Little Italy. There are so many people with so many names.
Eric (as Salamonu): Of course Little Italy, big world am I right?
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Julia: Val just drinks their beer.
Eric (as Salimony): Speaking of the stuff being such a small world we're a part of, uh I heard that uh you've been uh you uh did a job recently, and I wanted uh wanted to hear how it went. Did you you enjoy it?
Julia (as Val): Define recently.
Eric (as Salimony): Oh you know last season— I guess you know we're not a really quarterly, we don't divide our business year by quarters or halves or anything so recent is recent. Yeah you read did a job for Dom Five, how'd that go?
Julia (as Val): I bought a chair.
Eric (as Salimony): And?
Julia (as Val): That's what I did, Sal.
Eric (as Salimony): Alright, okay well if you're interested in anything else at all, you know—
Julia (as Val): I'm not. I'm gonna— I'm gonna stop you right there. I'm not I don't know how many times I've had this conversation with dad. But I don't wanna do that work.
Eric: Woah hey! Hold on I'm not here for any mark—no Macaroni business do I look like a New York City slicker. Excuse me I'm mountain lobster through and through.
Julia (as Val): Okay then you would know better than anyone not to mess with another family's family.
Eric (as Salimony): I listen—
Julia (as Val): Understand?
Eric (as Salimony): That's true, but uh much in the way that uh you know tributaries coming to a great river such as the Hudson. Sometimes different families overlapped to become different rivers, so uh.
Julia (as Val): I don't think you studied geography very well in school
[Brandon laughing]
Julia (as Val): I don't think that's right.
Eric (as Salimony): I'm just saying maybe you could uh give your aunt Min a call when you're—when you're— in it's been a little while.
Julia (as Val): Okay bafangool, I'm gonna go drink my beer now.
Eric (as Salimony): Alright good, I don't have to sweat in this thing anymore.
Eric: Alright he gives an eye to Mr. Brewpot he's like gives like a will have a wide berth and Mr. Brewpot's just like “what?” what uh as he uh goes up the stairs and—
Julia: He's trying to support his son!
Amanda: We love a supportive parent.
Eric (as Mr. Brewpot): You go, go Brewski!! Alright! Yeah!!
[Eric claps]
[Amanda aww’s]
Julia: He’s the only one clapping, everyone else is like “what the fuck?”
Eric: Salimony goes up the stairs and walks out, do you want to make a history check on your aunt Min?
Julia: Sure.
[Dice rolling]
Julia: It's a 16 -15 so 15.
Eric: Wonderful okay that was in the present man so uh your dad italian catholic family lots of kids right they have all been you know in various ways distributed throughout the organized crime business the mafia as it were um your dad has obviously risen to the top, but that is just in New York City. And you know sometimes when it doesn't work out in one city, people might kind of hop to another city to see if they can try their luck, they might defect to a different family whatever your Aunt Min wasn't really involved in the organized crime for a while. She was always kind of just like in your dad's words “the weird sister” and to you the weird aunt. She would stay out of it, she wore a lot of flowy dresses, she would travel all over the world looking for mysticism, she was really fascinated by all those things. But recently you've heard that she kind of just like fell off the map a few years ago and you have heard rumors that your Aunt Min was in Lake Town City, and has been living there. But you kind of just like didn't care and brush them off when you heard, and some of the cousins suspected that Aunt Min—Minerva was out doing a few things doing some strange things that maybe, Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior and baby jesus himself maybe wouldn't look uh look some kind.
Julia: [Laughs] The two different jesuses, yes.
Eric: Yeah both of the the two different Jesuses, yeah.
Amanda: Together they are the third Jesus the Holy Spirit.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: And they come together and they're Jesus Voltron. So uh yeah! That's what you know about your Aunt Min.
Julia: Okay, good to know.
Eric: I think the rest of the night goes well, it's awesome to see Grift Store do like this last indie show maybe before they go big. It could be really cool uh and they like throw sweaters out into the audience for everybody.
Julia: Oh yeah!
Eric: It's like they spent their advance on sweaters
[Amanda aww’s]
Julia: From thrift stores, get it?
Eric: Yeah and Hatomi grabs one and gives it to you because she's taller than everyone, so she grabs you one. It's a lovely night at the Sweet Tooth.
[Music fades out]
Eric: Aggie so I don't know how your family does Christmas together, I also assume because you're Irish also Christmas probably. But like how do you celebrate non-denominational December gift giving holiday?
Amanda: Yeah uh different siblings partners don't celebrate Christmas so we have kind of given up on the big family Christmas ever since people moved abroad, and started doing career stuff, our parents have also decided that Christmas has great deals in getaway locations. So they are in uh the Isle of Man this Christmas.
[Eric laughs]
Amanda: And they're just very into the history—
Eric: It's better than last year when they went to the Rock of Gibraltar and brought you all back just rocks, because “that's the only thing they had at the tourism shop!”
[Brandon laughing]
Amanda: Yeah exactly! So my next younger brother Danny does have a loft in like the artist town part of LTC, so we'll occasionally get together with him and his kids but I don't make assumptions, and we just kind of you know keep in touch in the group chat, and if someone is in town occasionally go down to the city. They'll come up to LTC whatever it might be.
Eric: Wonderful I think that's great for December. Quinn has decided to come back to LTC.
Amanda: Oooh!
Eric: Because you know she's done doing Shakespeare and stuff, and her movie just wrapped so she doesn't really have a lot to do right now. and you know Taylor Swift went back to her friends, and she's like “oh my god Christmas is so great with family” like it made her kind of jealous. So she wanted to come back, and like she's not staying with you or anything, she like has a place but if you wanted to hang out, that would be really great!
Amanda: Yeah I think we'll uh we'll just hang out in my cottage and I'll make some cookies, and Quinn will regale me with the tales of what she thinks is a very normal life, but I'm like “Quinn this is not how most people live”
Eric: Right Quinn is telling you like stories about just everybody, and what it was like meeting RuPaul and all that stuff.
Eric (as Quinn): Very tall! Like so tall!
Amanda (as Aggie): I want all of his suits.
Eric (as Quinn): Aame but also like half his size, because again RuPaul, very tall.
Eric: She's telling you about this place that she's staying, and you slowly realize that she bought an apartment in LTC, and there's just like nothing in there, she's like
Eric (as Quinn): Well I have like a couch, and I got my internet set up but like I don't know what else do I need really?
Amanda (as Aggie): I mean hey you can always stay in my guest room, I know it's an office/guest room with a futon, but you know that's always available to you, and and b) I should have checked out the plumbing in your place before you bought it, you never know you have to test the water pressure before you buy a place man!
Eric (as Quinn): Oh yeah. But like well they said I could put it like the dishwasher is really bad, and they said I could put in a new one so that could be cool. Do you want to help me buy a dishwasher?
Amanda (as Aggie): Yes I-I would
[Everyone laughing]
Amanda (as Aggie): That actually does sound like a lot of fun.
Eric (as Quinn): Alright great! Yeah that sounds great! I get a dishwasher, and you get to fulfill your emotional things! Alright! Cool! Great!
Amanda (as Aggie): I just like spending time with you Quinn.
Eric (as Quinn): Well I—it all works out for everybody really so!
Eric: You're going to go to House Warehouse which is—
Brandon: Very good.
Amanda: Independently owned.
Eric: Yeah it is like Home Depot if it was independently owned, and beautiful and nice in there. It's like if an Anthropology and a Home Depot smashed into each other, and then like all the shitty things about both were gone.
Brandon: That’s my dream!
Amanda: That's like Home Depot Expo was made for millennials.
Julia: Ooh!
Eric: I like that. So yeah you are in a house warehouse walking around in the like kitchen appliances aisle. Amanda and Aggie go wild.
Amanda: [Laughs] Yeah I think I'm just checking out the ones with really good warranties from manufacturers that I trust, that are you know energy efficient, and less prone to leaking especially if she's not going to use it very often, it's important that you get something really robust plumbing because you know if it sits for too long it could get gross.
Eric: Mhm, absolutely and then Quinn is just like sitting on a sink, and is kind of like playing playing with the with the faucets and she's like
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Quinn): Um this is I mean— is that a good one?
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah I mean they have a couple different models, but I like this brand a lot do you have a budget that you're looking for?
[Eric laughs]
Eric (as Quinn): Oh okay we can pretend we're like on House Hunters or something, okay um [in an announcer voice] yes uh me and Stasia uh we only have about two thousand dollars left to renovate our kitchen! And we have to do it before the little guys come!
Amanda (as Aggie): No little guys right Quinn?
Eric (as Quinn): Me personally?
Amanda (as Aggie): Not until you're fully prepared for it!
Eric (as Quinn): Uh I don't think me and Stasia are ready to have little guys yet!
Amanda (as Aggie): [Laughs] Okay well if if money is no object, I like this one. It's not the top of the range, it's just one below but I think this will be the best bet for you.
Eric (as Quinn): Cool, cool, cool, that sounds great I'll buy it? What do you do—do you what do you do?
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh my god.
Amanda: And then we walk back over to the the home delivery desk to get it sent to the apartment.
Eric: Great um so while you're walking over there I think Quinn has been like a little quiet like she's running out of like small talk to talk to you about, and at one point she just goes
Eric (as Quinn): Ugh should I have not talked to that reporter? Because Ryan did, and he definitely fucked up. Should I not have done that?
Amanda (as Aggie): Did— did Tegan ask you questions?
Eric (as Quinn): Yeah they were asking me questions, I mean they're a reporter, they ask questions.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah but generally I mean people ask you questions all the time outside the stage door, or the movie trailers, or whatever they are, and you just say no comment because listen like—
Amanda: And I kind of look around and we're in a more quiet part of the store waiting for someone to come in from the back.
Amanda (as Aggie): No one like you know how it is nobody talks about the fact that all of us are kind of different, and when a reporter is around intimidating you with their good looks, and asking questions—
[Julia chuckles]
Eric (as Quinn): Like we're gonna put— we're gonna put a pin in that, come back to that okay.
Amanda (as Aggie): I mean have you seen them?
Eric (as Quinn): Yeah.
Amanda (as Aggie): I mean come on, right?
Eric (as Quinn): Who wears the same jacket every day?
Amanda (as Aggie): An icon, Quinn.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Quinn): Okay.
Amanda (as Aggie): Anyway, I don't think you fucked up. But I do think that if anyone asks you questions, it's not worth it to talk about it.
Eric (as Quinn): I mean I— okay I guess, I mean I didn't— I told—I did not answer any questions, I said like “talk to Aggie” which is my questions about when people ask me like personal things. Like I don't do that at the stage door they don't know who “Aggie” is.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah and I listen— I you guys are you are all so good and so brave, and doing your thing in the grandest way possible in front of the most people possible, and you know that's not me. So that was kind of my worst nightmare, and nd nothing has come of it and I know you didn't try to do that, but the idea of people knowing my face and my name and where I live, and where I don't post photos on Instagram that's— that's not what I want.
Eric (as Quinn): Okay that's okay, I mean you're still a hero, Aggie.
Amanda (as Aggie): I mean I—I try to do my best thanks.
Eric (as Quinn): Okay I mean it's something that I've been knowing, because like with mindfulness is that you need to receive the compliment, and I noticed that you didn't, so.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay can we you try again?
Eric (as Quinn): No yeah it has to be organically.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay.
Eric (as Quinn): If you do it you're just doing it because I pointed it out.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay but I want to— I want to make sure I do and then I do it next time.
Eric (as Quinn): Oh yeah I'm sure you will I just like I can't be— I can't just like say it.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay um those are those are really cute slippers that you wore outside the house.
Eric (as Quinn): Oh my god thanks, I spent a lot of time picking them out, I'm so glad you noticed!
Amanda (as Aggie): And and this is where you compliment me now.
Eric (as Quinn): No, because you're trying to set me up. I'm not gonna do that.
Amanda (as Aggie): Damn, ugh okay you're not just as— you're not the only smart one, I'm also the smart one. That's what they say like Aggie and Quinn both smart ones.
Amanda (as Aggie): I mean oldest youngest there's just something special there you know.
[Eric bursts out laughing]
Eric: This entire time I'm trying to restrain my laughter I'm having so much fun with this. So yeah you go over and you're gonna pay for the uh— Quinn gives you her credit card just to pay for it because she wants to look at like refrigerators.
Amanda: It's so heavy.
Julia: I was gonna ask.
Eric: It has a heft to it, and yeah you pay for it and she's just like out of your sight line this is a big store, you don't see her.
Amanda (as Aggie): [Mimicking bird noises] Coo coo!
Amanda: That's what we do if one of them is lost, is you make a bird call, and then they make a bird call back.
Eric: And you hear on like the far side of the store
Eric (as Quinn): Coo coo!
Amanda: Ao I start heading over there.
Eric: Alright uh make a perception check.
Julia: We're all perceiving things today. I don't like it.
Brandon: Such perception.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: 15.
Eric: Okay uh with a 15 you momentarily feel like eyes on your back, like you see like someone's watching you, for a moment. And then you turn around and there's nobody there, and as like you kind of shake that off like “that was a weird thing that happened” you see that there's like someone like like a man is like fast walking to the back of the store towards where you heard Quinn's coo coo.
Amanda: I duck into the nearest aisle and then I'm gonna step of the wind to catch up with him on like the very side of the aisle so that nobody kind of sees me do it.
Eric: Oooh, okay I like that yeah so you really like definitely you like step, and then you just like switch your speed walking like incredibly fast to catch up with this guy.
Amanda: Yeah it's like my legs can sort of almost pass through objects that I would have had to go around, like it's it's so fast like you blink and then I'm on the other side.
Eric: I love that. Yeah he seems to be walking incredibly fast towards the back of the store, and you also see that two more people are also walking very fast towards the back of the store where Quinn was.
Amanda: Do I know anything about them or their intentions? Or?
Eric: Yeah make an insight check yeah.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: 16 +5 for 21.
Brandon: Woah.
Eric: Yeah you look down, and you see that this guy has his phone out, and you see that there is a photo of Quinn on his phone and then you see one of the other people walking over, and you see that they're carrying a pen and a pad of paper, and there's another person who's holding a fruit basket? And they're all walking very fast.
Amanda: I step of the wind again to show up right next to Quinn.
Eric: Um so you're in the back next to the refrigerators, and you can see that like a crowd of people have kind of gathered and they're like
Eric (as someone in the crowd): Oh I thought I thought Quinn O'Hare was here! I really want— I wanted to give her this fruit basket!
Eric (as other crowd member): I wanted to sign something!
Eric: There's like six people who have gathered to look for Quinn, and they all kind of just like sulk off into the rest of House Warehouse.
Amanda: I go
Amanda (as Aggie): Hoo!
Eric: Up on the wall to your left you hear cuckoo as you see Quinn is stuck to the wall by her hands and feet, just like held there.
Eric (as Quinn): Oh my god, thank god why do they want to bring me fruit baskets?
Amanda: My eyes widen, I walk over to a cherry picker and drive it over wearing the hard hat that was left on the seat to look like I'm about to retrieve a palette.
Eric: So she is just stuck by her hands and legs, like there's like anything she's there.
Amanda: Yeah Quinn sticks to stuff like, it's yeah it's just what happens.
Eric: And she's like
Eric (as Quinn): Aggie I got myself— I can get down by myself, I don't need a cherry picker. I'm not six!
Amanda (as Aggie): People are going to see you climb down the wall.
Eric (as Quinn): Yeah you don't think a cherry picker is worse?!
Amanda (as Aggie): Your eyes just glaze over, people don't see infrastructure, they don't see service workers!
Eric (as Quinn): Okay fine alright.
Eric: And see if she unsticks one hand like briefly flips you off, and then just climbs in the cherry picker with you.
Amanda: Yeah and then we drive into the loading dock where we can exit the store without anyone seeing us.
Eric: Wonderful, and then the rest of the day is kind of normal the dishwasher comes a few days later, and Quinn poses with a dishwasher takes a photo, and sends it to you and I think all three of you get another
[Pager sounds]
Eric: And Dr. Morrow's face comes up and says
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): [Exhales loudly] Okay are you ready to train?
[Theme music starts]