When bro-y YouTubers burst on the scene, the city council are pushing an anti-weirdness agenda, and Tuna almost went to Christian hell, it’s time to regroup. Aggie asks a Genius, Val gets in the car, Milo learns some dad jokes.
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Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Milo Lane), Co-Producer, Editor, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Aggie O’Hare), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Co-Host (Val Vesuvio), Co-Producer, Editor: Julia Schifini
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is a collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast, powered by the rules of Dungeons and Dragons. That means a group of friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that takes us beyond the tabletop to parts unknown. In the first campaign, we explored fantasy adventure, intrigue, magic, and drama. In the newest story, we tackle science, superpowers, a better future, and the responsibility to help others.
Every month, we sit down for the Afterparty, where we break down our game and answer your questions about how to play D&D and other roleplaying games at home. We also have segments at the beginning of each campaign to teach people how to play the game themselves. It’s a party, and you’re invited! Find out more at jointhepartypod.com.
Transcript
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party...
Eric: Val, Aggie, and Milo scoped out JUICE!!!!! That's five exclamation points, trying to run down the weirdness of the mushrooms that could be in their drinks. Their stake out was shaken by appearances from the Knight of Mirrors and a notorious YouTubers and weird thing, the Bunker's Bone's Body, his bodyguard/lawyer Jacked O'Lantern and their cameraman. As the three super folk tried to stay in cover. Bone's Body blasted Tuna with a strange purple dust from a potato gun and took the ghost cat captive. Later on, the crew, Lucas and Hitomi gathered in the park for a first good day of spring picnic, and it seems like pretty much everyone else that LTC did as well. This would be the perfect time for Councilman Burdock. Remember him? He was the dad of the quarterback at SUNY LTC whose field got blown up. And he's also one of the council people. He's the one from Weston and Aggie knows him from work. Councilman Burdock staged a presentation, welcoming the YouTube Dez to Lake Town City, trying to tamp down the, quote, "weird rash of powers and weirdness," unquote, happening in the city. When Bones revealed Tuna in a cage, it sprung the powerful into action, saving the ghost cat and scattering everyone from the park interruption. Oh, also, Dr. Morrow's locket had an old photo of her and Milo's dad in it. So, you know, so much happened. Let's get the party started.
[Theme music]
Eric: A few days later, Dr. Morrow has called an emergency meeting of the Good Powered Friends -
Julia: Noooo.
Eric: Which is how she refers to all of you. It's a question mark at the end to come and talk about what's what's been going on. Dr. Morrow says this is too important for a conference room and you are once again meeting in her kitchen.
[Amanda and Brandon laughing]
Julia: Of course, all the best meetings are in kitchens.
Amanda: I arrive hungry.
Brandon (as Milo): Good, good. Because I was going to ask, is there any, like, bowls of candy or fruit or, you know, granola maybe that I could just snack a handful of?
Julia (as Val): [Over the phone] Is your blood sugarugar low? You okay? Do you need a canoli? I can bring a canoli.
Julia: This is Val texting.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Val is one of those people that sends multiple texts in a row rather than a full paragraph.
Amanda: Chaotic. I love it.
Eric: All Val's texts are also italicized, which makes no sense.
Julia: No one's figured out how they do it.
Eric: Neither, Val has not figured it out either.
Amanda: Val has an advanced build of iOS that includes italic support!
Brandon: Milo sends back a gif of Morgan Freeman nodding his head up and down and saying, "Yes, yes, yes, yes."
Julia: There's a full pastry box waiting on the kitchen counter. It's mostly sfogliatella, but there's a couple of canolis in there.
Brandon: Now Julia real life Brandon. What the hell is that? That think you said?
Julia: Sfogliatella. Sweet is like a lobster tail, basically. A pastry. Yeah. It's kind of shaped like a croissant. It's flaky and it's filled with usually like a rocot cream but like or just like regular cream.
Brandon: Delicious.
Eric: [New York accent] Fucking ricot cream.
Julia: Ricot!
Amanda: Which fucking cream ain't got ricot.
Eric: Yeah, why don't you fucking - I'll show you come over here and I'll show you fucking ricotta mozzarel. I'll show you the curds and the wheys. Bang, bang.
[Everyone laughing]
Amanda: I think there are two stone lobsters flanking the steps to City Hall. And Aggie, in her mind, has named them Wheys and Means.
Brandon: That's very good!
Julia: Very good. Very good.
Eric: Yeah. You guys, all of you come in in various times. Would you come in on time. But expecting Dr. Morrow to be 15 minutes late, Dr. Morrow is pulling a very elaborate quiche out of the oven. You can also see that there are various foods that are laid out in front of you. Cocktail shrimp for everyone. Bagels of course, but like three different types of salads to put upon the bagel, like there's a Tuna salad. But there's also like a salmon salad, and there's also like a sable salad. Dr. Morrow says
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I went to three different bagel places to make sure that we got the best ones for each one! Because Bagel Plaza only has good Tuna, but Big Boss has the good salmon. I just needed to make sure of everything.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Brandon (as Milo): I appreciate that.
Amanda: Aggie stops dead in her tracks. This is very suspicious.
Julia (as Val): I'm more suspicious about the cocktail shrimp as part of a breakfast spread, but that's just me.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, I'm into it.
Brandon: And Milo has like twelve shrimp stuffed into his face.
Eric: January, who you see is finishing slurping up a shrimp, says,
Eric (as January): Yeah, listen, I tried to keep her from baking her own bagels. I thought it was just worthwhile she was going to go to all these places. She's uh yeah. This is what happened when she's -
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I'M NOT STRESSED. I'M NOT STRESSED. I'm just having like a cooking tiff. It's fine!
Eric (as January): Yeah. She's not stressed, she's just kind of she's just decided to cook for everybody.
Amanda (as Aggie): That's what I heard. Yeah. Mhm.
Eric (as Dez): Oh yeah. She's having a real tough time.
Eric (as Dr Morrow): DEZ, GET OUT OF HERE. I SAID IF YOU SAY MEAN THINGS ABOUT ME IN THE KITCHEN, YOU'RE OUT!
Julia (as Val): We can't, we can't dismiss Dez. That's where I draw the line.
Eric (as Dez): I know. I know. I know. That's why I could get away with saying stuff because sometimes she doesn't hear it because she's-
Eric: clattering of pots and pans.
Eric (as Dez): She doesn't really hear it sometimes.
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh, by the way, I use the neutralizing spray. It was awesome. But done now. So if you want to chat about getting a refill or trying something different, it was - it was awesome. Thank you so much.
Eric (as Dez): Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'll give you a new one. That's no problem. That's fine.
Eric: Dr. Morrow that whips around holding a spatula in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other. She goes
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): [Yelling] Alight, team meeting! So while I was here, you know. Coming up with an engine that runs on reverse energy, I'm still working out the kinks of it -
Julia (as Val): Now, what is it?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I'm working on the kinks. Please don't talk to me about it. I don't have a good name for yet while working that out. Turns out. I've cut out of this. It turns out everyone went to the park and heard some authoritarian propaganda and no one told me about it. That sucks. I hate that. It sucks. Can we all agree, we all agree that authoritarian looking over people sort of like that, it sucks.
Julia (as Val): Oh a hundred percent, yeah, it's bad. It's not punk.
Brandon (as Milo): [With his mouth full] I can definitely agree.
Amanda (as Aggie): And it definitely sucks. And somehow they got a permit. So that made me upset.
Julia (as Val): I mean, like, I don't think the mayor signs every permit that comes across, like the desks of the council. Right. Like he probably had to get approval from the rest of the council. But I don't think like - I don't know how politics works on like a city level. So but I don't think it's like federal government where Dr. Mayor Morrow has to sign everything that passes.
Amanda (as Aggie): You know, Val, I am so glad that you brought that up. Dr. Morrow, I know you have an agenda for the meeting. I would just love to add just one little line item just down there at the bottom. Maybe or maybe you start with it's up to you what exactly your job is and what you do visavi City government, because between the whole aviation thing, the whole you having a power button to repower the entire city just in your private office at a museum, I think I could do a better job for you if I had some more information about stuff that you control.
Brandon (as Milo): Seconded!
Amand (as Aggie): Not in a bad way. Just just you know, it would help me help you and do a better job.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Aggie, are you offering to be my assistant? Because I already have one of those and he's very cute.
Amanda (as Aggie): I could never replace January.
Eric (as January): Yeah, you're goddamn right.
Julia (as Val): But like also, Aggie is also very cute just to establish this is a different kind of cute, but it's not rabbit cute, but it is still cute.
Amanda (as Aggie): Thank you. I try really hard to coordinate my plaids. It's hard sometimes, they can clash sometimes. But I really keep trying.
Julia (as Val): But is good as the hair is looking particularly curly today, I just I just want you to know that I acknowledge and appreciate it.
Amanda (as Aggie): Thank you. Your spikes are looking very spiky.
Julia (as Val): Thank you, I shined them this morning.
Amanda (as Aggie): Milo. I don't understand the reference of your T-shirt, but I bet it is funny.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon (as Milo): Thank you. Thank you. That means a lot.
Eric: Dez is leaning back in his kitchen chair, so it's like nearly touching the wall, but not really. But like almost he's in a precarious situation, also slipping a to go cup and says,
Eric (as Dez): Yeah, let's just say that we've already established we're all cute here. It's fine. We don't have to keep going into this.
Julia (as Val): Dez you are also cute.
Amanda (as Aggie): We didn't mention you Dez because htought it was obvious.
Eric (as Dez): Yes, this is exactly what I was trying to prevent.
Amanda (as Aggie): Alright. Fair enough. Sorry, I don't mean to make it weird. I just it's something I'm worrying about.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Alright. Let's put that at the end of January. Put that at the end of the agenda.
Eric (as January): Already did.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): See, I already have an assist I don't need another one.
Amanda (as Aggie): I don't want to be and couldn't.
[Julia laughing]
Eric (as January): I have great job security because she, like, awakened me so.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Okay, let's not let's not get into that. Oh yes. Okay, I can explain this so. As mayor, I take care of all of these general things, I take care of the important things, but there's also an expectation that I am creating and then doing great, doing things. Sometimes, you know, I'll be in the in the down in the lab for three days coming up with reverse energy. And it's that's an expectation that I had the day to day off to the general council, which is elected by the people. And it's a democratic process. I know that the democratic process doesn't always come out the way that you want everything to be, but. That's what I do, you have more specific questions.
Brandon (as Milo): Have you considered energy 2?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, just as good as 2 Energy 2 Furious.
Amanda: Aggie leans over to Val.
Amanda (as Aggie): That's the car movie, right? About families?
Julia (as Val): Oh, yeah, it's Vin Diesel, and he drinks a lot of Coronas. And I think the Rock shows up at one point. He's pretty cool.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yes.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): And how about Energy 2: The legend of Curly's Gold?
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, I like that.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): That's more of a reference for my generation. And Billy Crystal in it, and now okay - never mind. Alright. I got sidetracked already. What you is there - do you have any any more specific questions about it? I mean, I do the important things and the council oversees the day to day and I have people who work under me. And, yeah, our I should be looking at everything that they are supposed to send it along to me. But also,
Eric: And January takes a piece of paper out of a manila envelope and shows it to all of you,
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): You know, if someone's going to do something that has the authoritarian- that has a whack authoritarian. Ideas, you don't write it on the permission slip.
Eric: And you see it, and it has just like "park assemblage for city guests, youtubers tubers" and some, you know, various sentences that mean we're going to do something at the bandshell with some friends.
Brandon (as Milo): That's a fair point. That's a fair point.
Julia (as Val): Yeah, that's valid.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I don't I don't like you and I obviously don't like you, which is part of the reason I wanted you all to come here. But I want to ease your fears first. And please, someone should be - is no one eating. People should be eating!
Julia (as Val): What's in the quiche?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, it's three different types of of green vegetables. There is an orange vegetable, and a red vegetable and some onions.
Julia (as Val): Okay, why did none of those vegetables have names except for onions?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, no, they do have names. They just do not remember what they are. It was more of a blur of color and I knew they were vegetables.
Julia (as Val): That's concerning. What if I have allergies?
Brandon (as Milo): Are these vegetables that you've made or invented?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I-
Julia (as Val): Oh no, even worse.
Amanda (as Aggie): Is January really into hydroponics?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Only two of them, and they both are fine.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): No, listen, I thank you very much. I guess, you know, you have been you your whole life. You don't know what it is like not to be discoverer of diaphragm and also deeply involved in the city, the city. And you are inextricable. You are you are mutually dependent organisms. Right. Is that I'm not a biologist. But anyway.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Yes, no, agreed, we are nearly one in the same the city and I what we do and what I work for do it to keep the city going. But I can't. But just like a mother with their child, I can't. It has to fly out of the nest eventually while I'm coming up with reverse energy.
Amanda (as Aggie): No, totally. And I'm I'm eager to hear what that is.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Sorry Energy 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold.
Amanda (as Aggie): Mhm. It's just it's harder to understand from the outside. And I think no one needs to as long as things are going well. But we're here to solve problems. And I just want to try to, you know, understand what it is that we are doing, how it is that we are operating, how how we can be helpful, what is and isn't in our domain. And, you know, I'll - listen, if there's something wrong, I'm going to go and help fix it. But I don't know. It just it gave me some questions and I wanted to bring it up.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): There are question marks that are out there that we just haven't figured out yet, and the whole point of doing something like what I do in science or what you do going out there with your powers, this is to turn those question marks into answers, to fill in the blank area in which they used to be there. So we just need to keep figuring it out. There were some weird things, which is why I called all of you together. But I think something we can do is to really get yourself public here. It sounds like the Upcountry, uhhh. North? What is the name of those people with the woman with the sword and the flying?
Players: [Exasperated] Upcountry Keepers.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Yeah, they're not the one. They are not the ones here who are representing our best interests. And I think that we should have an opportunity for you all to be a little bit more public to announce yourselves and just let we need to get your name. We need to get you out there. And I'm sorry to have pushed you there when I thought that we wouldn't have to do this. But I do think that you need to be public to go out there. Well, things are starting to break bad. I don't trust them.
Brandon (as Milo): Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting? A superhero fight?
Amanda (as Aggie): I will fight them.
Julia (as Val): I mean, yes, I do also want to punch Sour Anthony in the face, but I also think, like, it's not really good publicity to punch Sour Anthony in the face in front of a bunch of people with cameras, because then I just look like an asshole.
Brandon (as Milo): Do you have any scores on the Upcountry Keepers? So we can see how many people like them? Like-
Eric: Yeah, January reopens the manila envelope and lays out a bunch a bunch of PR numbers for you.
Eric (as January): Yeah. This is just a bunch of tables that say kind of, they like them kind of enough. They're fine. They're still some yes, there's some strengths and the weaknesses here. But I think there still is an opportunity and I don't want- to we don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do. But I think there is opportunity here to let people know who you are or both from either sides of the costumed person who we want to be
Eric: Dr. Morrow takes off the apron, that she's wearing that says "multiverse's best cook" on it.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: And turns it over to the side and says.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I know that this this wasn't part of the plan, but. We should get you out there if you want to, if you think the best idea to do that is to fight Emily Slaughter, I guess, okay, I guess, but I mean, I do know some brand people that go very well, come very well recommended. We can get someone who is on the low, who has extreme clearance here. And I think we can we can if you want someone to tell you what to do, we can do that. You can go out and figure it out for yourselves.
Amanda (as Aggie): I think the first thing's a name, right?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): We do need a name.
Amanda (as Aggie): Alright, how about how about all of us say our best idea on three?
[Brandon and Julia laugh]
Julia (as Val): No.
Brandon (as Milo): I'm into it!
Amanda (as Aggie): Three, two, one
[Overlapped speaking]
Brandon (as Milo): Milo and the Kitty Cats.
Julia (as Val): I'm sorry, what, what?
Amanda (as Aggie): What? I've been thinking and I think we are The Defender. Ultimately, what makes us different? I'm not sure why they use the word keepers? That seems like a zookeeper to me, which is a noble profession, but I don't really think of the citizens that way. I think we are here to defend Lake Town City from people that want to use it for their own personal gain. And and that's that's what I got.
Brandon (as Milo): I think that. Let me quickly Google, although I think that's a Marvel thing. So I don't know-
Julia (as Val): It's definitely a Marvel thing.
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh... It seems like there are vague copyright problems we could run into with that.
Brandon (as Milo): I like the idea of it, though, like the the tone and the vibe. I think we should associate ourselves with something somehow with like Laketon, Laketon, Lake Town City, you know, so they know like where your hometown heroes kind of thing. What about the the LTC, the Laketon keepers with a C?
Julia (as Val): No, that's too close.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): That's terrible.
Amanda (as Aggie): I mean are we the Hometown Heroes?
Brandon (as Milo): That's pretty good.
Julia (as Val): I like it, but it does feel like a little generic, like Chicago could have the Hometown Heroes, you know?
Amanda (as Aggie): It's true. And there's already the mountain lobster team. So.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Eric: January takes out an iPhone, which looks like an iPad in his hands, it's very adorable. And so he's like
Eric (as January): Yeah, so this is something, you know, we have your search terms for all of you on Twitter and Instagram and secret Twitter. And this is a this is thing that popped up. You know, we have dilly-Dally Designs on Twitter and they named you the LT3. I think it's really good. I think I like that.
[Collective OH!]
Brandon (as Milo): Oh!
Julia (as Val): I also kind of like that. It feels like a sequel to a Fast and Furious movie.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah. That those are. Yes. The same. Yes, I'm I'm into it. I also like family.
Julia (as Val): Family, corona fighting crime.
Eric (as January): It does feel like it's part of a movie series. It's there was Lake Town which was okay and it Lake Town 2: Legend of Curly's Gold. It was a little off base, but L3 is really coming into its own.
Brandon (as Milo): I like it a lot. I think that's really good.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Alright! LT3, all in favor?
[Collective Aye's]
Eric (as Dez): Yeah, I think it's fucking tight.
Eric: Dr. Morrow says
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Well let's figure out what your next move is here. Again, I can bring a brand manager in who has come highly regarded. You can figure something out for yourselves. Is this something that that you all want to look into? Because I can get on this right now because I've already cooked enough for everyone everywhere in all the multiverses.
Julia: In between bites of quiche Val just like
Julia (as Val): I mean, like I usually wear the same outfit every single day because I just I know what works for me. But Vulcani is a whole different person and idea in a lot of ways. So maybe I need someone to tell me what works for them.
Brandon (as Milo): Could could I be more invisible? Can I be more ghost?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Would you like - does that are you could you elaborate on that Milo please.
Brandon (as Milo): I don't know. I just say things and hope other people can come up with solutions to it.
Julia (as Val): So I think Milo is voting for a personal brand person as well.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): So just you just want - do you want to be more mysterious. You don't want to be involved? Or you want to be more of a ghost?
Brandon (as Milo): I want more ghost.
Eric: Tuna who is at your feet but is not on top of you, is now just standing, but like sitting directly to your right.
Brandon: Can I add something there Eric?
Eric: Yeah,
Brandon: I think Tuna has a little harness and a leash now.
Eric: That's fair. I think I like the idea that it's like you're carrying one of those invisible dog leash. But it's real. But now Tuna is like sitting directly to your right on the floor, like who would ordinarily be on your shoulders or on your face. And Tuna says
Eric (as Tuna): If you're going through something, you should just tell them about it.
Julia: Awww!
Eric (as Tuna): That's fine. I can just lick myself, don't listen to me, that's fine.
Eric:And Tuna proceeds to lick themself. So Dr. Morrow takes a plate of ten shrimp, pours it into her mouth, chews and swallows it and slams -
Julia: And what about the tails?!
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): It's fiber! It's good for you! GREAT! I will hire someone. I will look to my contacts. It'll be great. Do not worry, don't worry about it. I can have someone who is recommended by the Office of Technology Assessment. It's going to be someone who has proper clearance, is going to be able to deal with the particular thing that you're working with here. And we'll talk about them as we hire them. I can get some other things going if that's something that you would like to do.
Julia (as Val): Hey, Dr. Morrow, speaking of that, that department, what's your relationship with that department again?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, you know, it's the that was the, you know, Val, as you might know from our illustrious history books and the various slide shows that you might have taken in at Historic Lake Town. That was the Office of Technology. The Office of Technology Assessment was the wing of the government that helped turn Lake Town City into what it is today.
Julia (as Val): Yeah, I know that. I was asking about your specific involvement with that branch of government.
Brandon (as Milo): I don't remember reading anything in any of the biographies about that.
Julia (as Val): You working with them?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, no, it's that should be in there. I mean, they've been integral in our the - the finally a branch of federal government does something for us because now that was part of the negotiation we had for all for Albany staying the capital of New York State and not becoming Lake Town City in 1987. But, yeah, you know, we've I've been working with them for a really long time.
Julia (as Val): So are you like an employee of that branch of government? Or a consult?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): OH, no, no no, no insult or no. They don't - the man doesn't have any strings on me. Are you kidding?
Amanda (as Aggie): Did they roll up to you?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, you know, as much as the CIA decides how those things happen. No...
Amanda (as Aggie): It's part of the CIA?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Yeah. Yeah, they're under the same umbrella.
Brandon (as Milo): You're sweating a lot.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): No, that's I shouldn't have eaten that much shrimp. I know. I now realize my folly.
Julia (as Val): Okay, thank you. I just I wanted some context I guess.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's ummm.
Eric: She makes eye contact with Milo and is like, can I. Is it can I. Is it is this a secret? Can I say it?
Brandon (as Milo): Why are you looking at me, Dr. Morrow? I don't know.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, because, you know, it was it's the...
Brandon (as Milo): What?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): You you know, you also know someone who works there?
Brandon (as Milo): No... Just you.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Ahh okay. Yes, it's just me well, you know, Milo-Milo has been on a lot of those historical slideshows, so I thought Milo would know, but I guess not. It's fine. It's fine. There's nothing to worry about.
Brandon (as Milo): Cool.
Amanda (as Aggie): Uhhh okay?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Excuse me, I ate too much shrimp.
Eric: She walks briskly from the room.
Amanda: Aggie writes that in her phone note under "excuses to leave city council meetings"
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Sorry I ate too much shrimp. That's great.
Julia: I've got to go.
Eric: Alright. Yeah, you you all can stay there or you can go about just like doing your regular day stuff. But that's what Dr. Morrow called you there for. I think it after you're sent home with a lot of salads in containers, you guys can go about your day and Dr. Morrow is going to start hitting those things up before you leave. She says
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Aggie, I think I guess my biggest question for you here is that you both have a private you have a masked and an unmasked personality here. Which would you like to present yourself to do the do this thing as? Like do you do you want - if you were to be contacted by somebody, would you want there to be, should it be Aggie or should it be Preserver, I guess?
Amanda (as Aggie): Preserver. Why, why would you ask?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): No reason I didn't know if you wanted to do, did it work, you already have that article that was out there and in November and I didn't know if you wanted to build upon that. And you're already a contact for in some places.
Amanda: Aggie like squares her stance to, like, face Dr. Morrow head on. They'd been like she like caught in the hallway or something and says.
Amanda (as Aggie): Seeing that article was the worst day of my life, I have so much to lose. I have family I am endangering and it is absolutely crucial that my identity is never linked with the Preserver or no offense with you.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Understood that this is a hundred percent. This is a thousand percent reason that I asked. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Amanda (as Aggie): I have six high profile successful siblings who also were born after me and Lake Town City, so. X follows Y, and we need to protect against Z.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I got you for sure.
Amanda (as Aggie): Thank you and I listen, I'm I'm sorry if I felt like I was interrogating you earlier. It's I-I work for a small department, you know, my I know what my job is. I do it every day. I go home knowing that it's done. And dealing with this is is just new to me. And I care about it a lot. I know you care about it, too. And I just I wanted to make sure that you knew that I knew that we're going after the same thing, coming at it from the same place.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Sure.
Eric: Dr. Morrow smiles and takes a pen out of her pocket and says,
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): You know what I think? You should start taking better notes of those city council meetings.
Eric: And hands it to you.
Amanda (as Aggie): Can do! It'll help me not fall asleep.
Eric: She pats you on the shoulder and leads you out.
Amanda: Eric is the pen special?
Eric: You can try to - you want to look at it?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Do an arcana check for me!
Julia: It's got a bug in it.
Brandon: [Chanting] Magic pen. Magic pen.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: I got a 4 and then used a luck point and then it got a 6 so I'm gonna stop there. I got a six.
Eric: Yeah. It looks like a pen to you. It looks like a nice pen. Writes well!.
Amanda: Beans. Aggie is going to roll the pen in a handkerchief and then put it in her bag just in case it's a bug you know.
Julia: So I think Val kind of grabs Milo before he starts heading to the sky tram, I guess. How does he usually get there?
Brandon: Yeah, sky tram.
Amanda: [Whispers] Sky tram!
Julia: Yeah, yeah. Okay, probably grabs him before he starts heading to his stop and is like.
Julia (as Val): So we should talk about your dad.
Brandon (as Milo): What about him?
Julia (as Val): So how well does your dad know Dr. Morrow?
Brandon (as Milo): I mean, I've had, like, you know, a conversation or two, but like not any I mean, I've read every single biography, watched every-
Julia (as Val): I meant personally, Milo.
Brandon (as Milo): I don't know, not that I'm aware of.
Julia: I think Val took a picture of the picture in the locket and then shows Milo the picture being like,
Julia (as Val): I think they know each other pretty well.
Brandon (as Milo): Ooooooh fuck.
Julia (as Val): So what does your dad do for a living?
Brandon (as Milo): I let me talk to him first, um speaking of.
Brandon: And Milo pulls out a burner phone from his pocket and hands it to Val.
Julia (as Val): Well, I'll add this to my collection. What is this for?
Brandon: And if you open it up, there's a little Post-it note inside that says, "I don't know how much I trust Dr. Morrow. These should be off the grid."
Julia (as Val): Okay, okay. Oh, man, you know, I was starting to be less suspicious of the government, you know, I mean, I should always be suspicious of the government given just like how I grew up. But I was starting for a second to be a little bit less. And then all of this shit happens.
Brandon (as Milo): Yep.
Eric: I'm going to roll really quick to see how off the grid these are.
Brandon: Yeah, I don't know if they're actually off the grid, but they're just burner phones. You know.
Eric: I like that. Milo said they were off the grid. That's very funny. But now I have roll that. I will take note of how off the grid they are.
Brandon: Okay, yeah.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: And then Milo pats Val on the shoulder without the spikes and gives them a quick, like two finger salute and then runs up to Aggie and plants another burner phone in one of Aggie's pockets.
Amanda: I make eye contact with Milo like "you realize I, I saw what just happened there, right?"
[Everyone laughs]
Brandon: Milo winks and walks away.
Amanda: I then make eye contact with Val and I think we have a little bonding moment.
Eric: Incredible.
[Transition note]
Eric: Hey, it's Eric vs two weeks surrounding Christmas and New Year's has always felt a little strange to me, it's this dead zone where people are doing Christmas, which is wonderful. And then the buildup, the kind of the most anticlimactic day of the year or at least has the most expectations on it. New Year's is like these are things that we observe so much in America, but so many people don't necessarily see it as a great time. Whether or not they have a strained relationship with their family, they see New Years as something impending or like resolutions looking over their shoulder or don't celebrate and feel alienated in that way. And like I do so, I do like the idea of lightness and people coming together at this time and in winter. But it's, you know, it's especially different, especially in 2020. And we can't be around everybody that we want to. So I guess be kind yourself in the last two weeks, you made it to the end of 2020. And it's not that 2021 is going to be immediately and amazingly better, but this is a wild time in history. So you made it through history and you get to go to the next part of history, or at least as the calendar says, you made it another year. Congratulations. Welcome to the midroll. Please give yourself a cookie. I want to thank each and every one of our supporters on Patreon and people who join this week, Ritwik, Jody, Maya and AJ. If you sign up for our patron after Christmas Eve, we're going to do in the next episode, which is coming so soon. But we also acknowledge you, like Santa, acknowledges all the good boys and girls by coming down their chimney and eating their cookies. I know that's the thing, it's just it's funny. I don't know. That's not a thing that I say. But for all the patrons out there, thank you. You make it possible for this to be our jobs, which is a true gift if you want to be a part of the patron family. We are always looking for more people to come in. You get our Discord, NPC stories and exclusive three part mini series called Join the Team, where our friends and I play a high school football drama, our tabletop RPG that I co-wrote. And it's so much fun and was hilarious. And everything that has been on Patreon for the last four years, there's so much there. So if you're able please join us for as little as five dollars a month at Patreon . com / join the party pod. And if you haven't checked your Patreon for a while, do so. Over a hundred of you are still on the old tiers and you're not getting those sweet, sweet rewards. So come on over to the right side.
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[Transition note]
Amanda: I think between this discussion and getting the phone, Aggie just has a lot on her mind, particularly being reminded of that article. So when she needs to think things through, she was kind of like drives the loop of the highway through and around Lake Town City, sometimes into like neighboring towns, just like, you know, long highways with mountains on either side and just kind of thinking as she drives. So she she drives and then realizes that she is right near Upper Jay and Adirondacks and stops at her two favorite cheese places, Asgard and Sugar Hill Creamery, and calls her next younger brother, Danny.
Eric: Yeah, I think it rings a few times and immediately you're on speaker phone and it's really windy. And Danny goes,
Eric (as Danny): Yeah?
Amanda (as Aggie): Hey, hey, Danny, it's Aggie. How are you? Where are you?
Eric (as Danny): Oh I'm well I'm painting outside.
Amanda (as Aggie): Ahhh plein air right?
Eric (as Danny): Yeah. You know how it how it is that you're ruining my focus.
Amanda (as Aggie): Woooow.
Eric (as Danny): Well a lot of times you do. What's up?
Amanda (as Aggie): I was just calling to check in with my next younger brother. You know, the person with whom I lived the longest portion of my life compared to the rest of our siblings. But if if that's what you're doing then. Okay, I just want to check on you. How is Monique? How are the kids? That - that's that's all. But I'll hang up if that's what you want me to do.
Eric (as Danny): Uggh. Hold hold on.
Eric: And you hear some steps towards the phone. It's picked up in the fumbling with the phone and you hear like a clang and the wind dies down immediately. And now you have Danny, who's holding his phone in between his ear and his shoulder is
Eric (as Danny): Well, I'm not I guess I'm not going to get anything done today. That's okay...
Amanda (as Aggie): Danny. That's a rude thing to say to your sister.
Eric (as Danny): And you have seen me when I was born. You literally saw me as soon as I was alive. So here I am making the time for you. It is more of a fact than you being invasive. Hello, Agatha-
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Amanda (as Aggie): That's not my name.
Eric (as Danny): Hello, Margaret. It's so nice to hear from you.
Amanda (as Aggie): Hello, Daniel patrick O'Hare. How are you doing? How are your beautiful children.
Eric (as Danny): They're wonderful. They're all excelling and doing a really good job. They both are in the science fair and I assume they'll both win and off to go to the presentation and people will see me and talk to me about things. And it's lovely. And then Monique will say, "stop it," and then I will and I'll be nice.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, I, I just wanted to see how things are going. Ryan came over a few weeks ago and Quinn was here for a while over the holidays, which was nice. They are complete messes and do dangerous things in public all the time.
Eric (as Danny): Oh usual.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, and I listen I know I'm sorry to bring it up, but I know there's an article a few months back. Did your - did you see the group did your publicist show it to you? I know there's like the Google alert.
Eric (as Danny): Yes, I do have someone directly who I've hired directly to take care of all O'Hare related family emergencies. And they showed it to me and I said, take it away. Yeah, no, I saw it. I just didn't. It's fine. It's fine.
Amanda (as Aggie): I just I know how maybe even more than me, you take this the most seriously and keeping your past planned. And I just wanted to let you know that I share that with you, and I know we haven't talked since then. So I just I want to let you know that I'm going to make sure that nothing like that happens again.
Eric (as Danny): Okay, thank you. It's uh - listen Aggie, if you don't give them anything, there's nothing for them to hold onto. It's it's fine. We're just some exceptional children. And now that snowboarding is in the Olympics, they'll do like a piece on NBC about us every once in a while. It's-it's you're thinking too much into it. It's fine.
Amanda (as Aggie): I guess I, I also called for advice because I you know, I'm in the city council and stuff like that and people know me around town and I it's not the same as being a Guggenheim fellow, but I wanted to know how you -
Eric (as Danny): That was two time Guggenheim fellow. The only person to -
Amanda (as Aggie): Fesus fucking Christ Daniel Patrick.
Eric (as Danny): I'm the only person that they renewed it for and it's really cool, I just wanted you to note it.
Amanda (as Aggie): Is the MacArthur thing, did that come through yet or is that next year?
Eric (as Danny): It's all the same. There's just so many awards.
Brandon: GOD. What a fucking asshole.
Amanda (as Aggie): Now you don't care about the credit. Okay, anyway, how do you say,
Eric (as Danny): Oh my life's so cool and painting, wow oh my goodness.
Amanda (as Aggie): Daniel serious.
Eric (as Danny): Okay,
Amanda (as Aggie): How do you -
Eric (as Danny): This is when Monique would tell me to stop it.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah exactly. That's why I love her more than I love you.
Eric (as Danny): That's totally fair, same.
Amanda (as Aggie): How do you make sure that your profession and the other ways in which you are different stay separate when they are not?
Eric (as Danny): That's a tall glass of question yes.
Amanda (as Aggie): Sounds like a painting title that's some pretentious artist might put on their painting.
Eric (as Danny): Thank you. That's why I'm a two time Guggenheim fellow genius twice.
Amanda (as Aggie): [Whispering] Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
Eric (as Danny): Margaret, it's I just think you're thinking too much about this. It just it is. You're one and the same. If you try to hide it, people will see it, you know, and you're looking at a painting of those fucks who go to a museum and they're like, "oh, man, look at the symbolism with feeling" like they're looking for something you're looking for meaning if it is what it is, look past it. Sometimes it just is what it is.
Amanda (as Aggie): That is slightly soothing but ultimately unhelpful, and it's about what I expected. Thank you, Daniel.
Eric (as Danny): Yeah. Listen, if you want to come to New York City any time soon, I'll probably have to do a thing with, you know, the Googs. That's what they call it. We're on a nickname basis.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yup,
Brandon: That's my nickname too.
Eric (as Danny): It's something I'm doing something there in a little while. But I'll probably head down just if you if you're in the area.
Amanda (as Aggie): Maybe. Yeah, I just let me know. Let me know when you make your trip.
Eric (as Danny): Will do.
Amanda (as Aggie): Alright, say hi to my favorite sister in law who outranks most of my brothers and those adorable kids. I'll see you soon.
Eric (as Danny): Low bar. But still, it's true.
Amanda (as Aggie): Fair.
Eric (as Danny): See ya later.
Amanda: Aggie hangs up.
Eric: As you hang up the phone, you get an email from Dr. Morrow who's forwarded something to you.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Welcome from the Internet. It's me! Dr. Mayor Morrow! Already looking for contacts, we still have the one from Average Bear. They're going to they're here to send us a reporter back to Lake Town City to look into this whole Bones Body thing. I think you'd be the person to do it! Check it out.
Eric: And then there's just like an editor being like, yeah, oh, well, blah blah blah. We have someone who's in the area. We should only go check them out. And the forwarded the email.
Amanda: Is Tegan CC'd?
Eric: There is no mention of Tegan Murphy anywhere on this email except for the fact there - they said that there was someone in Lake Town City. If you'd like to try to look into that and roll on it, you can try to figure it out.
Amanda: Yeah. Can I roll on on on ex vibes??
[Everyone laughing]
Eric: Yeah!
Julia: Did you guys even go on a date?!
Amanda: That's exactly the general category. Yeah.
Eric: You can do an insight into if you think Tegan would put themselves into this situation.
Amanda: Really, really juicing this one.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: [Quietly] Dammit. [Regular voice] 11.
Brandon: Amanda your rolling on this season is not great.
Amanda: You're right, this is what luck points are made for! That's better 16!
Eric: Okay, With a 16: you go back to the article and you click on Tegan's bio again, and Tegan is now like writer at large for Lake Town City. So I guess Tegan is taking more stories in Lake Town City.
Brandon: [Laughing] Julia
Amanda: Aggie bends down to put her head -
Eric:Julia is doing a celebratory dance!
Amanda: Aggie bonls her head lightly on the steering wheel and says
Amanda (as Aggie): When it rains, it fucking pours.
[Transition note]
Eric: Let's go to our good friend, Milo! Milo what are you doing, bud?
Brandon: Hello! You can catch Milo in his apartment cleaning and lighting a candle for the first time that he's ever done so he went down to T.J. Max and bought like a six dollar candle that was like -
Julia: I was going to ask if he had a candle or if he had to buy one.
Brandon: Oh he definitely had to go buy one. It was like tobacco and rose.
Julia: That's a good combo.
Brandon: That's why it was on sale.
Eric: Well, it was branded "Mandles" which was the problem. Candles for men, of course.
Brandon: Yes, and he ever since the picnic, he has not let Tuna out of his sight. Tuna it doesn't really disapparate anymore except for, you know, when he needs to get his ectoplasm back in order. I guess.
Eric: You can keep Tuna there as much as possible. But maybe now that you've let Tuna off the leash, Tuna is maybe not skittish around you, but does the things that cats do when they don't know who you are yet and aren't ready to pet you like they pretend to come close to you and pet you, but then they're like, just move out of the way of the last second. So, like, Tuna is doing the thing that like where they cats hover around you but isn't as affectionate like Tuna used to be.
Brandon: Yeah. And Milo is pulling a big hunk of of roast beef out of the oven and sees Tuna skulking away and went to the back bedrooms and says,
Brandon (as Milo): No no! Nope nope, you stay in here!
Brandon: And he throws a small tray with a little bit of beef on the counter for Tuna.
Eric: Nice.
Brandon: Do cats like beef?I don't know.
Eric: Cats just love meat, that's totally fine at that point your doorbell goes off and then your dad just opens the door anyway.
Brandon (as Milo): Dad, we said we've talked about this, there's a door for reason.
Eric (as Hank): I waited the requisite amount of time to come in, and then I did. But I figured if you were cooking, you'd have pants on. So hello! Oh, you look so cold. I brought you a sweater!
Eric: And yeah in his briefcase. He has like one of those heavy briefcases. He pulls a heavy wool sweater out and puts it on you like half of you is like
Brandon (as Milo): Dad, I have an apron on. I have to take that off first.
Eric (as Hank): You still look cold! You still look cold. Okay.
Brandon (as Milo): Welcome to my home. You know - you know, I never don't wear pants. You've never that's never been a thing.
Eric (as Hank): That's one hundred percent true. I shouldn't have expected anything else. Now, boy, make me a drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): Umm... No.
Brandon: And then.
Eric (as Hank): Oh what a terrible host. Oh I'm so neglected. I've raised you as my own for so long and you can't even get me a drink. Awww!
Brandon: And then Milo walks over to the freezer and takes out an already made old fashioned and puts it on the table for him.
Amanda: Awww!
Eric (as Hank): Oh it was wordplay. You already made it!
Brandon (as Milo): Ha ha! Gotcha.
Eric (as Hank): Oh Dad joke.
Amanda: I really have to restrain myself from laughing and awwing all of these because I'm in the same room as Eric, but this is extremely sweet!
Eric: I think at one point Tuna is nawing on the meat and then goes
Eric (as Tuna): DAH DEE!!!!
Eric: And then naws on it more.
[Everyone laughing]
Brandon (as Milo): Thank you for coming to my meeting today. I appreciate it. Here is some food that we can share while we talk.
Eric (as Hank): Sure, I didn't know should I have brought a yellow notepad?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah did you not bring a resume?
Eric (as Hank): Oh, I didn't. Okay. I mean, I do have a yellow notepad with me,
Eric: and he takes out a yellow notepad.
Brandon (as Milo): I am just screwing with you. Hey, but for realises, though, you know, that, like, security system that you set up when you started your job, like, you know, 11 years ago or whatever, I guess when I got this apartment. So, you know, four years ago.
Eric (as Hank): Hmm, yeah, yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): Does that still so still work?
Eric (as Hank): If you haven't had any problems, yeah, I would assume so. Why, if something is something going on?
Brandon (as Milo): No, I just want to make sure that, you know, we're not like can you turn your phone off?
Eric (as Hank): Yeah, yeah!
Eric: He turns his phone off.
Brandon (as Milo): Cool. I have something really secret to tell you.
Eric (as Hank): Oh, I Milo, I will say in my line of work, you will have to declare the top secret clearance. So is it secret like only me and the president and you know?
Brandon (as Milo): Yes, I am declaring I have top secret clearance.
Eric (as Hank): Oh, thank you. I just need to know.
Brandon (as Milo): This beef took me six hours to make.
Eric (as Hank): Oh, my God. You made me turn off this phone for -
Brandon (as Milo): No, keep keep it off.
Eric (as Hank): Okay, what's up?
Brandon (as Milo): I have a bit of a weird question to ask you. I know that I've never really or I know that you ask about my dating life all the time, but I've never really asked about yours. But now I am.
Brandon: And Milo has his hands out.
Eric (as Hank): You're right, it is weird. Okay, I guess this is Gilmore Girls now.
Brandon (as Milo): We have to talk a lot faster if we're going to do that.
Eric (as Hank): That's true, I'm going to have to reference some boy bands from 2005. Yeah, sure, Milo. What do you are you talking about something specific or do you just want me to run everything down?
Brandon (as Milo): You know, like I've never seen you date anyone since in my lifetime, but I know as an adult now that can't be true. Like you've had to have been on dates, right?
Eric (as Hank): Yeah, for sure, I even. And I mean, this is top, top secret clearance, so don't tell anyone, not even the president, but. I have even had sex before.
Brandon (as Milo): Okay, that's disgusting.
Brandon: Milo takes the plate of beef away from him.
Brandon (as Milo): You'll get this back when you stop being gross.
Eric (as Hank): Okay, I will stop being gross. Well, it seems - are you getting. Do you think someone who I've dated is threatening you? Do you what what do you can you give me a little more on this one?
Brandon (as Milo): Okay, how do I start this? Have you watched the news lately?
Eric (as Hank): Yeah, oh, yeah. Great stuff.
Brandon (as Milo): Have you see well, first of all, I've seen those fuckin assholes the Upcountry Keepers? They fucking suck, huh?
Eric (as Hank): Oh yeah, I've been working on my Sour Anthony impression I was going to break it out today. It's a lot more like Kermit the Frog. So I stopped it.
Brandon (as Milo): Bite me off a piece of that please?
Eric (as Hank): So if he was ordering a pizza, he'd be like, [in an awful Sour Anthony voice] "Oh, I'm Sour Anthony!"
Brandon (as Milo): [Laughs] It's real bad dad.
Eric (as Hank): I told you I wasn't ready. Oh, alright, yeah, yeah, yeah. They should - I don't - seems like their heart's in the right place a little weird.
Brandon (as Milo): No, they really do. They have no hearts. It's black pits of despair inside their chests. But have you seen the other team out there?
Eric (as Hank): Oh, there's another team out there?
Brandon (as Milo): You know, I guess you're on Instagram very much, and they're kind of less on the news.
Eric (as Hank): Yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah. There's another team, have you heard of like Preserver or Vulcani or anyone like that?
Eric (as Hank): Oh, yeah. Those two, they were the ones who stopped the bear at the museum. They I didn't know they were working together. I think they're a nice duo! Well I'm glad that they did that, the bear was trashing shit. Sorry the bear was trashing stuff in there and that was rude. I didn't like that.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah.
Eric (as Hank): And that's your job. And I'm so glad that they fixed that stuff. That was, that's good!
Brandon (as Milo): Well, two points there. They're less of a duo, more of a trio, and it's not my only job.
Eric (as Hank): Hmmm, you're doing - are you blogging on the side? About them?
Brandon (as Milo): No.
Brandon: Milo is going to cast shape water on his glass and freeze all the water in it and raise the glass and then with its other hand cast create a bonfire and melts the ice cube.
Eric: Now, Brandon, I have a very important question for you.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Are those spells?
Brandon: Cantrips!
Eric: Okay, that was a very important question for me. I'm just asking. Yeah. I think that, you know, there's like a frantic action packed version of superhero powers like, you know, Cyclops shoots the laser beam out or if Storm brings lightning down. But then there's also, you know, there's always that moment in the in the origin story where someone like does it really subtly, like Storm makes a little tornado in her hand.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: So I feel like this is like the ghost hand in your chest like languishly comes out and like reaches out to it, moves the water around and then evaporates.
Brandon: And then I want it to condense back into an ice cube and then come back into his drink.
Eric: Absolutely. When the ice cube clinks back into the glass, Tuna jumps on the table and goes
Eric (as Tuna): MINE!
Eric: And then gets it off the table and licks it on the ground.
Brandon (as Milo): I also have more good news that your cat's not - well they are dead. But Tuna's here, if you wanted to pet Tuna.
Eric: Hank is holding his drink. And he drops it. And it shatters on the floor. And he says.
Eric (as Hank): Milo.
Brandon (as Milo): Huh?
Eric (as Hank): Do you have another one in your freezer?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, I had the backup one I knew - I knew this might happen.
Eric (as Hank): Great.
Eric: Val, you're heading home to your apartment and do you want to reach out to Aunt Min?
Julia: Yeah. Do I know where she's staying?
Eric: Why don't you make a history check for me?
Julia: Not good at those. HAAAH. 2.
Eric: No, you have no idea.
Julia: Can I text my mom and ask if she knows where Aunt Min is staying?
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Cool. I do that be like,
Julia (as Val): Hey, I want to drop off some leftover lasagna for Aunt Min. Do you know where she's staying?
Eric (as Val's mom): Oh, you're so sweet! I'll look into it! Give me a second.
Julia (as Val): I'll wait!
Eric: Heart emoji, devil emoji,
Julia: Smiley devil?
Eric: Smiley devil emoji yeah.
Julia: Cool!
Eric: Cake emoji, and then Italian pitching to two fingers together emoji.
Julia: Beautiful.
Amanda: I really love the head in here that I'm just inserting into our universe right now that that Val mom has a broken phone and uploaded really like tasteful emoji of genitalia and like food and stuff.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah I like yeah I like that. She flirted with someone at the Apple store who did it for her.
Amanda: Just like normalize them.
Eric: Yeah. I think you're walking home, you're near your apartment as you're texting your mom and make a perception check for me.
Julia: I rolled a 16!
Eric: Alright, with a 16 I'm sure Val has watched a lot of mobster movies before.
Julia: What are you talking about? No.
Eric: I'm sure both val finds them very funny and enjoyable and also must be something about your dad being in the mob that makes you were really attached to it, huh?
Julia: You know, it's just it's funny what people think is real.
Eric: Yeah, exactly. But the thing that is real is that all these fuckin mobsters all drive the same goddamn car.
Julia: It's always the fucking white Cadillac. No one needs a fuckin white Cadillac.
Eric: Exactly. But you get up to the white Cadillac because you have a black one. And then when you're made, then you have a white one. And you think of this because there is driving slowly up to you is a black Cadillac. And a window rolls down and it's Salomony who's wearing two gold chains and both of them have crosses on them.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: And just the smell of cigar smoke and barbicide side, which is the stuff that they put the combs in at barbershops, there's wafts out it out to you from the car.
Julia (as Val): What's wrong with you? Why do you smell like a strip club?
Eric (as Salimony): Some might say that's my general musk. But why don't you-
Julia (as Val): That's not a compliment if they say that to you, especially to your face.
Eric (as Salimony): Why don't you stop talking to me about how I smell and you get in the car.
Julia (as Val): Why would I get in the car?
Eric (as Salimony): Because you gotta you got to fulfill. You got to fulfill a favor that you did for you. So I need you to do a favor for me.
Julia (as Val): And what is the favor?
Eric (as Salimony): Just get in the car.
Julia (as Val): Is that the favor? If I get in the car, are you going to leave me alone?
Eric (as Salimony): There is something attached to getting in the car. Just get in the car.
Julia (as Val): Alright. Whatever. I can punch you in the face if I need to.
Julia: I just get out of the car.
Eric: Alright, so you get in the car. Sal drives around Little Italy to the north east side is closer to the docks.
Julia (as Val): Can you open a window? It smells like a fuckin ashtray in here. It's disgusting.
Eric (as Sal): Listen, this one doesn't have power windows, so you got to do it yourself.
Julia: Just cranking it immediately.
Eric: Yeah,
Julia: Almost break it off. Yeah.
Eric: So you drive around for a while. He has those tinted windows, which is really difficult for you to see both out and in. Like even his windshield is a little tinted. So it's -
Julia: That's why in the window.
Eric: Yeah, it's hard for him to drive. Yeah. So you're driving up to a different part, a little Italy, maybe a little bit closer to the docks. He makes small talk with you.
Eric (as Sal): So - so how's your how's your ma?
Julia (as Val): She's fine. You should go visit if you really care.
Eric (as Sal): So how's your dad.
Julia (as Val): The fuck would I know?
Eric (as Sal): The fuck would I know either? That's why I'm fucking asking you.
Julia (as Val): I don't know. You probably got the Christmas card too.
Eric (as Sal): Yeah, those Huey, Dewey, and Louie look great.
Julia (as Val): It's not their names.
Eric (as Sal): I know it's not. I'm making a joke.
Julia (as Val): It's not funny,
Eric (as Sal): I didn't mean disrespect.
Julia (as Val): Don't call my half siblings names.
Eric (as Sal): I thought that you didn't give a fuck about them. So I thought, alright -
Julia (as Val): No, I just said I didn't know how the fuck they were doing.
Eric (as Sal): Alright, fine. Shit, fuck, shit. Jesus.
Eric: And Sal pulls up and then the car stops in front of an old Italian restaurant. It's all brick on the outside. And there's a sign in very like dusty calligraphy that says "El Pulpo" which are you in which Val with no means the octopus. But this is like an Italian restaurant. It's not a pizzeria like like the one that you work at. It's like a little rundown, a little older and you don't see anybody inside. So Salomony opens the door and says,
Eric (as Sal): Get out.
Julia (as Val): Okay, lovely, ride. Thank you.
Eric (as Sal): Yeah. Thank you. Alright.
Eric: And he reaches into the back and grabs his jacket and puts it on and he turns to you and says.
Eric (as Sal): So what I'm going to need you to do here, here's the favor I'm going to need you to do here is to be the muscle.
[Julia groans]
Julia (as Val): And what are we doing that requires muscle?
Eric (as Sal): And what are what don't we ever do that requires muscle?
Julia (as Val): If you want a favor, you got to be specific about it.
Eric (as Sal): You'll see it when we get it. You'll see it when we get in there. But I know. Let's just say uhhh you have a little bit more muscle than someone might expect. So why don't you flex it?
Julia (as Val): Whatever, let's just fucking do this.
Eric: Salomony throws the door open and it makes the just like the ding ding as you stroll in and El Pulpo is empty. There's nobody inside. The lights are on and there should be guests. They're open for business, but just there's nobody inside. There's older Italian woman with olive skin with her hair tied up in a bandana who's kinda at this like cashier's station which is near the back as it leads into the kitchen. There's like an old timey register brought back from the old country. You can only assume it's on a counter and she looks up. And immediately spits on the ground and says,
Eric (as woman): Salomony you get out of here.
Eric (as Sal): Why well, Miss Gemma, excuse me, I'm just coming in for the best seafood here in Little Italy. What are you talking about?
Eric (as Gemma): You get out of here right now, Salomony, I told you I'd have it in a few days.
Eric (as Sal): Oh, I'm sure. Here's the thing, I got to check it out. How am I supposed to just keep it for how much it was just to rely on your word? I just got to come in. I got a check on it, and, you know, I got a friend here just to help check on it as well.
Julia: Val is just silent.
Eric: Yeah, Miss Gemma, as Salomony called her said,
Eric (as Gemma): Oh, you oh, you brought a friend. Oh, that's really interesting. Well, you know, I still have the boys working here, they can come here. They could say hi, if that's something that you'd like. Boys! Joseph!
Julia (as Val): I don't think you wanna do that.
Eric (as Gemma): Excuse me?
Julia (as Val): I don't think you want to do that.
Eric (as Gemma): I think. I do, Joseph, Joey.
Eric: And these two identical twin boys, six foot, two fifty, two feet across, each of them come out like their hands in their pockets, both of them wearing white t shirts. One of them has the sleeves rolled up and the other one doesn't. Both of them with with ripped jeans and black boots and slicked back hair, come out and stand by their ma in front of the counter.
Eric (as Gemma): So I'm just going to say one more time, Salomony.
Eric: Gemma says.
Eric (as Gemma): I tell you, I'm going to got it when I got it and it's coming.
Julia: Val just looks at Salomony is like
Julia (as Val): Is it protection money or a loan?
Eric (as Sal): It's a loan.
Julia (as Val): Come on.
Eric (as Sal): She's gotta - listen, you think Joey and Joseph were figuring out the numbers back there? No! These two can add up to no more and more arms than they got, they can only have the four together.
Julia (as Val): How much is it?
Eric (as Sal): Would you want to - you want to say it?
Eric: Miss Gemma says.
Eric (as Gemma): It's fifty thousand dollars.
Julia (as Val): Oh, that's a lot of fuckin' money.
Eric (as Gemma): I pay - we are paying it back to keep. To keep it, I have to tell you, to the people who are shaking me down in the muscle!
Eric: At that point, Salomony picks up a chair and says,
Eric (as Sal): Well those fifty thousand dollars are definitely doing well for you. It's well, what is some great hardwood, listen you really ought to make sure that you test it. If you do it, you don't want to make sure it's on a safety hazard.
Eric: Salomony slams-
Julia: Nope. Grab his hand before he does that.
Eric: Make it dexterity check for me.
Julia: Cool. I don't know if it's initiative, but I do get advantage on those, if it is technical.
Eric: Yeah, I'll give it to you.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Joey and Joseph is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.
Amanda: So happy.
Julia: I rolled a 17 a 16 +1.
Eric: Yeah, he's coming fully down on the on the table and you just grab him with one hand.
Julia: Yeah, I think Val is just like.
Julia (as Val): Alright, I think you made your point, if she says she's going to get it to you in a couple of days, maybe she could put some of it up front now and then you come back for the rest later. Is that a equitable arrangement for everyone here or do we need to make this worse? Do we need to escalate the situation?
Eric (as Sal): Is she - is she - it's not going to get escalated unless she has the ten thousand dollars that I'm asking for. That's a part of the loan she has to pay back.
Julia (as Val): How much do you have now?
Eric: She sighs and reaches under the counter and takes ten stacks of bills and lines them up for him to see.
Eric (as Gemma): Yeah, I got that. I said I will pay him back on the - I said I was going to pay it back in a fucking day.
Julia (as Val): Is he early?
Eric (as Gemma): No.
Julia (as Val): Okay, so Salimony, why don't you take the money that is owed to you, and we can leave these nice people alone?
Eric (as Sal): I'll take it. Joey, Joseph. Excuse me.
Eric: Salomony pulls out a tote bag that he had stuffed into his leather jacket.
Julia (as Val): So fucking obvious, come on.
Eric: And drops the 10 stacks into the tote bag and says, oh, yeah, can I get a you got any mountain lobsters today?
Eric: Miss Gemma. Looks him right in the eye and says,
Eric (as Gemma): Fuck you, Sal.
Eric (as Sal): The I figured I'd ask, is your specialty alright? I know you got enough money to get octopus anymore, so that you have mountain tops, alright that's fine.
Julia (as Val): Let's fucking go.
Eric (as Sal): Alright, let's get out of here.
Eric: I want you to make a perception check, Val.
Julia: Not good at those.
[Dice rolls]
Julia: Uh oh, no, did roll a nat 20, though.
[Everyone cheers]
Eric: Oh, my God! Alright!
Julia: It jumped out of the dice tray, go for it.
Eric: So the other thing about mobster movies is that. You know. People love to be as dramatic as they are in mobster movies, right? So Sal takes the tote bag and he's walking towards the door. And you're still looking back at Joey and Joseph and Miss Gemma, and you see Miss Gemma reached down below behind the counter. And for a second, you see it before anything happens, you see what looks like a Tommy gun, I don't know if you see that before. It's one of those sublimates as a machine gun that has like the circular barrel on it, but it looks like it has a fin coming off of it. And it's like silvery and metallic and everything. She's about to take it out. And I'll tell you whether or not 20, she's going to do something to Salomony if you don't stop.
Julia: Oh, he's family, I have to do something. I'll bonus action, go into a rage, take my dash action and do the shove.
Eric: Alright. You're going to do it to Gemma?
Julia: Yeah. I just want to disarm her basically.
Eric: That's alright. Yeah. I would make an attack on me. I'll tell you, she's a regular person. She has an AC of 10.
Julia: Okay, well I rolled a seven but I get +9 I think, to that attack.
Eric: Yeah. So how do you do disarm her?
Julia: I think it's just a matter of like pushing her against the wall and with the other hand, kind of like just batting the Tommy gun away.
Eric: Yeah. You bat it out of her hand and it's skitters across the floor and Joey and Joseph both both go to dive on it as Gemma's pushed up against the wall and she says,
Eric (as Gemma): Boys, stop. I guess Min's getting better muscle now, huh?
Julia (as Val): No, it doesn't have to be like that.
Eric (as Gemma): It's always like that.
Julia (as Val): Yeah, it is always like that when you borrow fifty thousand dollars from gangstas.
Eric (as Gemma): Like I said, it's always like that.
Eric (as Sal): AY! Get in the car.
Julia (as Val): Oh, ma'am, I'll post about your business on Yelp, you'll get more customers.
Julia: Then I leave.
Eric: Yeah, you get back in the car and Sal say
Eric (as Sal): I guess thanks for having my back there, cousin.
Julia (as Val): Tell me where Aunt Min is.
Eric (as Sal): She's at home.
Julia (as Val): Take me there now.
Eric (as Sal): Alright, step on it.
Eric: And he drives off. But now, without saying.
Julia (as Val): You're pretty fucking fast. Jesus Christ.
Julia (as Val): Go fuck yourself.
Eric (as Sal): Oh, fuck you.
[Theme music]