Face to face with Gutenberg, it’s time to take him down.
This is the last episode of Campaign 2. Thank you for listening.
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Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Milo Lane), Co-Producer, Editor, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Aggie O’Hare), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Co-Host (Val Vesuvio), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is a D&D actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Begin with Campaign 2 (The Join Campaign) for a modern, sci-fi superhero game, or marathon all of Campaign 1 (The Party Campaign) for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Amanda: Last time-- [distortion]
Eric (as Gutenberg): Oh, come in, please come on in. We have to stop meeting like this. Oh, but I guess I don't want you to be waiting that long. So come on, please. Are you all comfortable? Are you ready for my presentation? We're all ready to have our ears open, ready to learn? Alright, wonderful. Well, I need to say, I guess I need to get something off my chest. I have been testing you this entire time. And unfortunately, if I look at the numbers here, you have all been failing. You've been failing. Adorably, of course. With the plucky stumbling into success without actually knowing what you're doing thing that only befits Cassandra's crew of powered misfits, but you are failing nonetheless. I think it's about time that I spell this out for you.
Eric: Gutenberg waves his hands and conjures a projector, which is pointed at a blank wall next to him. The projector is connected by a VGA cable to a very old and chunky laptop, like the size of a briefcase. It is very large. The image that has been projected on the wall is a drab and professional looking PowerPoint using one of the basic templates that definitely came with the program. This first slide says, “20xx to 20xx + 1, LT3 Testing and Destruction Plan." He clicks to the next slide, as he says-
Eric (as Gutenberg): Next slide. [slide clicking] Here's where it starts. Once I knew that Cassandra was defending herself with some, oh, random citizens that seemed to have displayed some aptitude, I definitely got interested. And I wanted to see what you can do. So I created the Gigabear, you immediately failed that as the museum in her name almost came down on your heads. Not a great start but you know, room for growth. You got to learn on the job. I think that's a managerial thing. You'll grow into the position, definitely. Next slide. I watched you bumble through negotiations with the organized crime in Laketown City. Which almost turned one of you and I got that all on film. I was standing right there. I actually sent that video around to the billionaire's group chat, how the Knight of Mirrors needed to bail you out. And thank you so much for showing me how suggestible the mob is. Plus one mushrooms make infinitely more money as an illegal product than a legal one and the Marconi’s are so much more amenable to phone calls in the middle of the night if I just like have an idea, then the people at Juice, who’ve got to work nine to five? Come on, the business, it's a 24-hour business. Come on! Next slide. [slide clicking] I was trying to help out John Paul, who was coming off of that terrible breakup, and I gave him some stock market advice. But you had to get in the way. I hope that he was able to find love again, or at least find himself. I hope he's doing okay. Next slide. Oh, I baited Emily Slaughter into checking out Eight Square Plaza for your [coughs in hand] "gala" [sarcastically]. And I set up a shell corporation so actually, you were the one who was paying me for the rental, which is very funny. I also suggested to a bunch of guys who weren't invited to go check it out. You know, Painkiller Larson is surprisingly a good hang. I don't know why you didn't send him an invite. He could’ve use the help. Next slide. Of course, I had the People's River working around the clock on the biohacking that involved in animal awakening, because animals deserve to be as smart as us, of course. And they were just picking up the work that Cassandra had started in the 90s. And then kept around as their own little butler. Why do you think I grabbed a January at the gala? Just to make you look bad? Well, of course I did it to make you look bad. But you have more than one reason for doing things if you're a mastermind like me. You split your mind into two. They're thinking at the same time like running two computers at the same time. Can you-- if you think about that? Just try to imagine. Oh, and of course the People's River are working for nothing but a ice beam laser rifle blueprint and a dream. You gotta love working with cults, they really have their eye on the ball. Next slide. [slide flipping] Oh, and of course, you've seen Monty, the kind of the capstone to this whole thing. I saw the news reports. Let's see if facts can stand up to the wild image of the people's disgraced disgruntled mayor riding on top of a monstrous image of their hometown. I don't know if the people will come around on you as you think you will. And of course, Supr is charging in to save the day even before their formal announcement during this beta period, narrowly avoiding the contraband of the one up mushrooms that are stashed at the downtown Juice store room, which of course, I had the mob guys put in their back room. [slide clicking]
Eric: There's a final click as the PowerPoint runs out of slides into shows a black screen, Gutenberg steps forward, picks up the projector and spikes it onto the ground, just as Aggie had done to the N64 back on May 1st, but before it reaches the ground, the projector dissolves into pixels.
Eric (as Gutenberg): But here's the thing. No matter what happens here, even if you beat me up, throw me in jail, and there's a drawn out legal battle. I'll get out eventually, I have the lawyers, I have the time on the money, it's fine. Or maybe you become just smears of ink on the palms of my hands. It's already happening. A third of the population of Laketown City is pixelated. Did you know that? You probably knew that. But who cares? They'll still vote for who I tell them to vote for. And I can never really go away, you know? There will always be someone who can take my place. And they really remind me of me. [chuckles] Face it, Multitool, Vulcani, Kilanova you cannot stop me in a way that matters. The press is already printing and I like what it says.
Julia (as Val): So the thing you wanted slash needed was Dr. Morrow out of the job of mayor and then you could fill in all of the town with the little, your little pixel people and then you could elect whoever you wanted, right?
Eric (as Gutenberg): [in a condescending tone] Oh, oh, oh! Vul. Vul, Vul, Vul.
Julia (as Val): Please, don't call me that.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Why don't- I assume that it's your real name as-- that you that's what it is. I don't know your real name. I wish you had exposed it like everyone else. But no-
Julia (as Val): Awful.
Eric (as Gutenberg): -Oh, Vul, that is only one part of the plan. I needed to Cassandra out of the way because she was frickin' annoying.
Amanda (as Aggie): Really?
Brandon (as Milo): This guy's petty, huh, guys?
Eric (as Gutenberg): Honestly, the Infinite Creation Engine is already going. Oh, I see that you've- you've seen my newest creation, the ultimate creation, The Infinite Creation Engine, I can create whatever I'd like. But like I just don't have the wild imagination that Dr. Cassandra Morrow has. So I was able to extract some of her own brain energy. And I kind of put it in this- this bad boy right here. So the plan is going to happen regardless or not. This thing is going to create everything that I want. Supr is going to take care of everyone's problems. Someone that I appoint or want will be mayor, maybe Triplicate could do it.
Eric (as Triplicate): I do have the face for politics.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Absolutely. And you have the connections as well. Anything-- it's already happening. You don't understand. Who cares about the way you get there? It's just what you get.
Brandon (as Milo): I think this is the problem that you're not understanding about good guys and evil guys, is that we don't just want an end goal. We don't have an end, and the means are important. So we're gonna kick your ass with our means.
Brandon: And then Milo points to Val's biceps.
Julia: Val flexes.
[giggles]
Eric (as Gutenberg): You know what? I feel like we don't have a full party here. And they don't sit you down at the restaurant before you have a full party. Why don’t you-- why don’t you come on out-- I just-- the extra spice that I'm adding to this thing or maybe it's the perfect wine for the meal, right?
Eric: Behind you. You hear-
Eric (as Sommelier): I'm just here for the job, alright?
Brandon (as Milo): I'm gonna fucking kill you!
Amanda: Can I grapple the Sommelier? I'm still stretched.
Eric: Sure. Please make an athletics check.
Amanda: 11 + 1 for 12.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Can anyone assist?
Brandon: Yeah. I'm ready to do an action to give you guidance.
Amanda: Oh, that's right.
Brandon: So, can I do that?
Eric: Yeah, add the guidance.
Amanda: Okay. plus one.
Eric: So, 13. I think yeah, you turn on the Sommelier and you do-- and what do you do?
Amanda: Well, I had stretched out to help Val have leverage to open the door. So I'm still long and I'm standing the furthest at the back toward the door. So as soon as I whip around and see her there, I coil around her like a spring.
Eric: Hell, yeah.
Amanda: Circle around her two or three times.
Eric: Hell yes. I think you try to coil around the Sommelier and wrap her up, she pulls spikes out of her skin and it was- kind of shrugs you off while cutting into you and be like-
Eric (as Sommelier): It's just a job. I don't know what you don't understand about this. It's all just a job.
Amanda (as Aggie): A job in my town that affects people I love.
Eric (as Sommelier): Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know this is all about you.
Amanda (as Aggie): It's about the effects your actions have on the world. It's not good enough.
Brandon (as Milo): It's going to be your last goddamn job.
Amanda (as Aggie): I know for a fact you're not hurting for money.
Eric (as Sommelier): You don't know anything about my finances.
Eric (as Triplicate): Oh, I love it when the poor people talk about how much money they don't have! It's my favorite activity!
Eric: I need everyone to roll initiative.
Julia: Yeah, that's what I figured.
Amanda: Yeah...
[dice rolls]
Amanda: 15 for me.
Julia: 13
Eric: 13 for Val.
Brandon: 16 for Milo.
Eric: Hell yes. Alright, let me roll an initiative for my friends. [dice rolls] Alright. [giggles] Let's do it! Alright. 20, the Infinite Creation Machine is going to begin. Gutenberg says-
Eric (as Gutenberg): FIRE IT UP! I'm going to show you what real power can do!
Eric: And then you see that there's like a jolt of energy that surges through the wires as the drones are holding it-- holding it up as like a matte sphere kind of spins around, like energy and power and light are coming out of the matte sphere. The bottom turns up to be facing you and out of the sphere steps a small mech. It's about 10 feet tall-
Brandon: Wait, small mech that's 10 feet tall?
Eric: I guess, it's relatively small for what-
Brandon: Small for mechs, I see.
Eric: Small for mechs, yes. A cannon on one arm stained with pink, whites, and brown the colors of course of Neapolitan ice cream because inside is the sweet old grandma of Ma be like-
Eric (as Ma): I like being recreated, children, because now I don't have the debilitating disease that I need this. I just do it for FUN.
Eric: Ma's ice cream mech is standing in front of you. Ma trains their ice cream cannon at all of you. I need everyone to make a dexterity saving throw please.
Julia: Danger sense? Danger sense allows me to roll with advantage on dexterity saving throws against effects that you can see such as traps and spells.
Eric: Yes, that would count. I have never known what the language of that is.
[dice rolls]
Julia: I got you.
Eric: Oh, There you go.
Amanda: 18.
Brandon: 16.
Julia: Ooh. Dirty 20.
Eric: Nice. Oh, that's all very good. Ma shoots at all of your feet, which gets sticky with Rocky Road ice cream, but none of you will get stuck in the ice cream biz. But I need everyone to take [dice rolls] five points of ice damage.
Julia: Fine.
Brandon (as Milo): Ow!
Eric: I rolled so poorly. I rolled 3 D4 and I rolled 5. [laughter] So I just want to know how that happened to this-- your friend Eric right here. So now it is you're standing kind of in the doorway here, there's 10 feet of ice cream stuck on the ground around you, which is going to be a little bit of difficult terrain, but none of you are affected in any sort of other way. It is now Milo's turn.
Brandon: Cool. Milo is uh... of two minds.
Julia: Oh, Milo.
Brandon: But I think because his friends talked to him and talked him off a ledge earlier today. He is able to-- actually I just want to roll for this. [dice roll] Yeah, I got a 19.
[Amanda laughs]
Julia: Save that for your attacks, bud.
Brandon: He is constitute enough to resist the automatic urge to just pull out an actual knife and stab Sommelier. [Eric laughing]
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: But what I am gonna do, Eric, my boy, my friend, my DM. I'm gonna cast heat metal at 4th level on those wires attached to Senor Gutenberg's head.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Yeah!
Eric: Sounds great.
Brandon: So any metal objects I see in range will glow red hot, any creature and physical contact with that object takes now 4 D8 fire damage when I cast a spell.
Eric: Great.
Brandon: Until the spell ends, I can use it as a bonus action on each of my terms to cause this damage again. Milo's a little bit overconfident probably in this situation. So he's gonna sort of like snap his fingers and the wires start to glow with necrotic glowing energy. And anyone who's ever worked with wiring knows that that heat transfers, baby!
Eric: Yes, it does.
Julia: It does.
Eric: Yeah, I like this. I think where do you want the heat to start?
Brandon: Flavor-wise like just like what the closest closest wire to me is, wires. And just I want it to like travel down the wire to his face and head.
Eric: Alright, yeah, roll the damage.
Brandon: 7 [dice roll] 7 [dice roll] 19 [dice roll] 24 damage.
[whistling]
Eric: Cool. Okay.
Brandon: I assume that's doubled?
Eric: Here's what happens. There are two wires here, right?
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: I think that you can only do one, is my understanding.
Brandon: Sure. Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Because it's like individual objects, right? Remember the drones are carrying the wires right now. So you did 24 damage?
Brandon: Yes.
Eric: Each one has five drones that are carrying the wires to keep it from touching the ground. Immediately, as the heat like travels down the wires, two of the drones just immediately pop [Brandon laughing] in like an aud-- like they're audible balloons and then another one looks looks hot it kind of goes from like being a black Bob-omb to being a red Bob-omb it is just like heating up and it looks it looks uncomfortable.
Brandon: A little circuit breakers, little fuse boxes, I get it.
Eric: Yeah, they were like standing there like in very much enveloped in the wire. I think you can see that like they're not just holding it might as well be attached to their bodies. Heat metal, you can keep the concentration going and we'll decide if you want to do that on your next turn to do the bonus action.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: But Gutenberg is like, [laughing] Gutenberg's like-
Eric (as Gutenberg): Can you please respect the help? I would really appreciate it if you just did that.
Eric: Wonderful. Wonderful idea, Brampton. It is now Triplicate's turn. Triplicate is immediately going to be like-
Eric (as Triplicate): I don't, I don't need to hire help. I'm my own help. I’m my own girl boss.
Eric: And just start pulling copies of themselves out. Amanda, can you make a roll for me really quickly?
Amanda: Yeah. [dice rolls] Oh, 2.
Eric: 2. Okay, nevermind. And yeah, Triplicate pulls three copies of themselves out. There are now four copies of Triplicate wearing this immaculate, dark purple sweat suit. And they stand in front of Gutenberg in his chair, and kind of just like ready themselves in front of him kind of standing as much as a waifish rich person can do as kind of a security team. It is now Aggie's turn.
Amanda: Aggie still has the tuning fork in her hand.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: She kind of forgot about it when she tried to just grapple the Sommelier.
Eric: I think you're definitely up in the Sommelier's business right now. And just like-
Eric (as Sommelier): Aggie, you have to understand, you need to take a job, because that's the only thing you could do. If you-- if you think that I'm doing the wrong thing, fine. But if you want to kill me over it, that's your choice.
Amanda: I'm gonna whisper to her and say-
Amanda (as Aggie): Nobody's killing you. Just let me put you out of commission for this fight, okay?
Eric: And she whispers back.
Eric (as Sommelier): Absolutely, boss.
Julia: Damn.
Amanda: Can I just zip tie her? Is she cooperating?
Julia: Make it look real.
Eric: Yeah. I mean, if that's what you want to do.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: If I think that you have this tentative trust. You know, you'll see what happens when you want to do.
Amanda: All right, so I'll whisper back.
Amanda (as Aggie): Just let me sell it for a sec.
Amanda: And then I'll use the tuning fork to like, jab at the spikes and try to like, knock them off of her. So I'll attack her with a tuning fork.
Eric: Please do.
Amanda: [dice rolls] Fuck, its a natural 1. Ah, boy...
Eric: You are multiple attacks.
Amanda: Okay. Alright. Alright. So one on the first attack, I'm trying again.
Eric: Okay, that’s a fail.
Amanda: [dice rolls] That's a 3 + 8 for an 11.
Eric: That does not hit.
Julia: Get rid of those dice.
Eric: If this is a little bit what you want. You're swinging at the kind of spikes and is clanging off and she's like-
Eric (as Sommelier): [thinly feigned distress] Oh, no. Multitool, you're getting me. [whispers] What are you doing?
Amanda (as Aggie): [whispers] I'm trying, okay? I missed.
Amanda: I don't want to do my last luck point, that's not enough.
Julia: Oh, no.
Amanda: Just as a bonus action. I'm going to attack again. Sure.
Eric: This is just this will be just with your martial arts.
Amanda: Yeah, this is just monk stuff. Not the tuning fork yet.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: 6 + 8 for 14
Eric: That does not hit again. You try to hit, clang off her-- the metal armor she's kind of wrapped around herself.
Eric (as Sommelier): [whispers] Alright, well, what are you?
Amanda (as Aggie): [whispers] Just fall down, just fall down.
[Brandon giggles]
Eric (as Sommelier): [whisper] No! No one's gonna believe that? Can you- Do you want to just shove shove me? Get me out of here. Go push me towards the-- towards the hallway. Or close the door? Or something.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay, fine.
Amanda: Let's push her back out into the hallway.
Eric: Sure. Yeah, make another attack for me.
Amanda: [dice rolls] 14 + 8 = 22.
Eric: Okay.
Eric (as Sommelier): UGGHHHH!
Eric: She stumbles backwards as you like, [Amanda giggling] you stretch your arms all the way back-
Amanda: I'm still long and so I like let my body, I'll like rear back with my long torso and then push her forward into the hallway.
Eric (as Sommelier): UGH! You got me. I'm gonna- do wha... I'm getting in there!
Julia: Academy Award.
Amanda: Winking, giving her an okay face.
Eric: It's so funny. Alright, Val, it is now 13 initiative Val it is your turn.
Julia: What up, bonus action mantle of flame, please.
Eric: Hell, yes.
Julia: And then I want to take my movement. You said there's some like sticky-ish going on in front of me?
Eric: Yes, you area... the ice cream from the ice cream mech has made it sticky around you so it's difficult terrain.
Julia: Sure. How much movement is it going to take for me to go through the ice cream?
Eric: It'll be twice as much so we'll take 20 feet instead of 10.
Julia: Okay, well my movements 40 so I should be okay.
Eric: Yeah, you good, Sonic the Hedgehog.
Julia: Thanks. I Sonic the Hedgehog through it and it like burns up through the path that I went through.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Julia: I would like to use my action to cast bonfire on the Infinite Creation Engine.
Eric: Hell, yes. Since this is a volcano, you can do it wherever you want in vertical space. What would you like to do?
Julia: So the way you described the sphere was at the top and the bottom were open, correct?
Eric: Correct. Yeah, and you can create like a volcano that shoots up in the air.
Brandon: Fuck yeah.
Julia: Yes. So I would like to burst through the bottom as far up to the top as possible.
Eric: Hell yes. I love that.
Julia: And because I have mantle of flame going on right now, whenever I roll fire damage on my turn the roll gains a bonus equal to my charisma modifier.
Eric: Sounds great.
Julia: Great. So let me start rolling these.
Eric: How dare you use items against me?
Julia: You're welcome. [dice rolls] Okay, 6 + 3. That's a 16.
Eric: 16 points of damage.
Julia: 16 points a fire damage-
Brandon: Nice.
Julia: -on the infinite engine.
Eric: Hell yes. Here's the thing. It is a machine. It doesn't like being on fire. Like-
Julia: A lot of things don't, I find.
Eric: Yeah, just the weird thing. I do like this idea. I don't know if you've done it like this before. But like with your fire gauntlets, you literally create a very small volcano that shoots magma up into the air that kind of shoots all the way through the center-- the roiling center. I think that's something you see like flashes red, maybe for a second. All of the green things are just like, "Oh, no, don't do that." That is expressing through color. And then it comes back to brilliant green.
Julia: Nice.
Amanda: Like in early 2000s sweatsuit they go hot pink.
Julia: It says JUICY on it for a second.
Eric: Says JUICY on its butt, which is wild.
Julia: Because it's a sphere and it doesn't have a butt.
Amanda: Or is the whole thing the butt?
Julia: Huh.
Brandon: That's a good question.
Amanda: We thought Milo had a dump truck ass.
Julia: I think the sphere part of it is in fact the butt because it has the holes coming out of it.
Eric: That is very true. It is now the Infinite Creation Engine's turn again and on initiated count 10. As again, it turns the other way. Trying to avoid the- avoid the volcano and maybe points a little bit to the left. It's like no, we're not going to create something right there. And then you hear a growl come out from inside and you see one large white paw and another white paw, and then a snarling mouth filled with icicles.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: And you see, and you see 13 feet long. This is the Gigabear. Its fangs and all of its teeth are terrible icicles.
Julia: I hate this.
Eric: And the first thing it does, it growls at all of you and then immediately throws itself onto the bonfire.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: What?
Brandon: So to get rid of it?
Eric: It puts its mouth just over the volcano, the little volcano there, and like clamps down on it with its icicle teeth, and it's also going to take the full damage that you're doing.
Julia: 23 points of damage.
Eric: Great, it takes 23 points of damage, but then it like I'm not going off of Pokemon rules. I'm going off of Adventure Time rules here where they when fire and ice fights each other, the fire also has the ability to be chilled out to in a moment where it cannot hold itself anymore. So the Gigabear uses its action to try to chop down and cool the volcano. You see it as it-- the volcano kind of like implodes, so the create bonfire is now gone however you see that as it roars again at all three of you, half of its teeth are gone. It still has the big icicle ice fangs but like you see that it's like someone ripped out half of its teeth-
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric: -or melted out half of its teeth.
Julia: Very quickly would you consider that a melee attack?
Eric: Yes it would.
Julia: Great. It's also going to take an additional 3 damage of fire.
Eric: Piss. And what does that in total, Julia?
Julia: 26 Fire Damage.
Eric: Wonderful. It does not like fire damage.
Julia: Nor should it.
Eric: It is now the Sommelier's turn and the Sommelier says-
Eric (as Sommelier): [whispers] I have to make this real. [shouts] You don't know anything about me! You don't know about the debts I have! My brother was in a car accident! I'm still paying off those medical bills!
Julia: Oh, no!
Amanda (as Aggie): I'm so sorry. That's fucked up.
Eric (as Sommelier): It is! And that's why I'm taking this job!
Amanda (as Aggie): Just because it's an immoral system doesn't mean you have to act immorally.
Eric (as Sommelier): That's only what people on Twitter get to say, that's not the real world.
Amanda (as Aggie): I don't know.
Eric (as Sommelier): Well now you know because I'm telling you! You think I wanted to take a job with a secret government? You think I wanted to take a job with a terrible villain? Kill me over it, fine! But I'm just like you in some other ways! Year of the grift, baby!
Julia: 202x, year of the grift.
Eric: 202x year the grift. The Sommelier like rips the sleeves off the jumpsuit they were wearing and you see that there are massive blades on their arm which they put together to look like giant wild scissors and they're going to snip at Aggie. Aggie, I need you to make a constitution saving throw.
[dice rolls]
Brandon While Aggie’s doing that because you attacked one of my friends that’s within five feet of me. You take 9 damage.
Eric: No!
Amanda: Yeah!
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric (as Sommelier): Oh, why would you go ghost me?
Amanda: I got a 19.
Eric: A 19. Okay, that saves you take-
Julia: It'd be very funny if you were like, "Oh, you didn't save and now Aggie's CUT IN HALF.
Eric: I mean that, Julia, what do you think I was gonna do?
Julia: Oh, no.
Eric: Please take 15 points of slicing damage. That's half, baby.
Julia: Shit.
Amanda: I actually get to half that again from my stretching dodge reaction. So take half damage from attackers I can see as reaction.
Julia: Yes!
Eric: Yeah, no, you're right. That's one. That's awesome.
Julia: Fuck. It. Up.
Eric: Oh, 15 then halved, so yeah, just take 7. Fuck.
Amanda: Sorry about it.
Brandon: I like to think the halo of spirits is just the arm coming out of my chest and like slapping you when you attack Aggie.
Eric: Yeah, I love it. Be like-
Eric (as Sommelier): I thought you weren't gonna kill me? I did- Didn't we have a truce? I'm sorry I hurt your friend, but you shouldn't have put her in harm's way. That's not my responsibility. You need to protect your friends. Don't try to kill me just because you feel bad that you couldn't protect your friends. I was using that to get down as fast as possible. I'm not trying to kill someone with a refrigerator. That's your problem, my man. Not me.
Brandon (as Milo): Do you see my hands? They're right here, I'm not doing anything. This is the ghost plane deciding that you are a bad person that needs to be punished.
Eric (as Sommelier): I'm telling you on this material plane, you're a dick.
[laughter]
Eric: Yeah, as like, the Sommelier was fully going to cut you in half with their scissor body. You avoided something nasty. And I think that's when Triplicate's like- when four Triplicate's are like,
Eric (as The Triplicates): Yeah! You're all fighting, I love it.
Brandon (as MIlo): I'm gonna kill that motherfucker.
Eric: It's now back to the machine's turn which shares the initiative with Gutenberg is initiative 20. So Gutenberg says-
Eric (as Gutenberg): It's just too late. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're late. But you know, just like going to a meeting, being early is on time being on time is late, and being late, you're fired. Your union was not going to be able to help you. I don't know what to tell you. I think the machine instead of creating something is going to send the Gigabear at one of you. I think it's going to go at Val because Val, Yeah, you're the closest. Alright, the Gigabear is gonna going to attack you on this turn? What is your AC?
Julia: 14.
Eric: Hell, yes. I wrote a 17 on the dice. So that's gonna do it.
Julia: Sure.
Eric: For specifically for Val, Val, I need you to make a con save for me.
Julia: That's fine. I'm good at those. [dice roll] Bam! 18 + 6.
Eric: Hell yes.
Julia: 24.
Eric: Val, I needed to take 36 points of cold damage.
Brandon: Yeek.
Julia: Uhm-hm.
Eric: And please roll a D10 for me.
Julia: Okay. Just as a heads up, it is going to take another 3 fire damage for biting me.
Eric: Thank you.
Julia: I rolled a 6.
Eric: Hm, a 6. Okay, here's what happens. The Gigabear bears its teeth at you and charges you and then chomps down on your face with its icicle fangs and you feel cold inside. I know that we talked about your fire kind of as your vibration. And maybe you feel like you're slowing down almost like you're getting cold. And when things that are moving fast get cold, it's just is not able to move as fast. So you the next time you do an action, minus 6.
Julia: Phew. Okay.
Eric: As you get that brain freeze, baby.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: But I want to say, good thing you made the con save.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: It is now Ma's turn, Ma's going to back up into the sphere. Ma's going to be like-
Eric (as Ma): Catch you cool kids on the flip side. Bye!
Eric: She climbs back into the Infinite Creation Machine, and then something else steps out. That's right, and what steps out-- So you've had two very large things hop out of it enough that the- the sphere needs to turn on its axis to let it out. But now you see that it kind of just stays up and down. And you see like a little thing slips out underneath. It is square. Then you see it's like you can see also see it's like little guts through an atomic purple case and says-
Eric (as N64): [in a Italian plumber voice] Hello everyone, does anyone want to play a game?
Eric: And this is an N64 With little cartoon legs, little cartoon arms, and face and a mouth. It's talking through-- its talking through its cartridge.
Brandon: Incredible.
Amanda: Wow.
Julia (as Val): What the fuck are you gonna do?
Eric (as N64): Who wants to play a game?
Julia (as Val): No one!
Eric (as N64): I have NFL Blitz.
Julia (as Val): You guys, we keep getting stuck in time loops when you're around, go away.
Eric (as N64): How about I don't. Who wants to play Goldeneye? You know, it can be Odd Job.
Amanda (as Aggie): Can you electrocute that guy?
Eric (as Sentient N64): NO! I'm gonna kill you in the game and also for real.
Eric: So now the-- Ma is gone. But the Sentient N64 is now here to replace it. Milo, it's your turn.
Brandon: Okay, I have some questions for you, Eric.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Would this computer machine thing have some kind of intelligence score?
Eric: No, it is a construct.
Brandon: A construct. I had a really cool idea but I don't know if you'll let me do it.
Eric: What were you thinking?
Brandon: I was gonna cast Awaken on this computer and give it AI essentially.
Eric: Interesting!
Amanda: That would be fun.
Eric: Roll an Arcana for me, my man!
Brandon: So it sorta becomes sentient and can make its own decisions.
Amanda: That sounds great.
Julia: Are we going to teach a computer about civic responsibility?
Amanda: Yes, we are.
Eric: I will say though-
Julia: Fuck yeah.
Eric: -you have concentration on heat metal, so you'd have to drop that.
Brandon: No, I looked it up. I just looked it up because I've been doing it wrong. It only drops concentration if I do another concentration spell.
Eric: Oh.
Julia: Yes.
Brandon: I can do an attack as long as it's not a concentration spell or if I get hit or whatever, you know.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: I've been doing that wrong for a long time.
Eric: I did not know that.
Julia: That’s true.
Brandon: So I rolled a 9 + 5 for 14.
Eric: Ugh.
Brandon: Maybe, hold on, is...
Eric: Here's what I'll tell you. With a 14 Arcana, you think about awakening this thing you try to like you like step through the planes of death to see if it has a soul or something.
Brandon: Yeah, I like that. Yeah.
Eric: Now, here's the thing. constructs don't have souls. What is inside of this thing?
Brandon: It's oh, it's Dr. Morrow's consciousness.
Eric: Yes, it is. Gutenberg said there's some sort of Dr. Morrow inside of here.
Julia: Oh, right.
Eric: It is not her consciousness because you saw her alive but there- he said there's something in there. I'm not gonna let you do it on this turn. But if you want to try to go, get all in there and get that Arcana check real high. We'll see. We'll see. We can talk about it.
Brandon: Okay, cool. Alright.
Julia: I'm going to clear the way for you.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Then I'm also going to use-- go ahead and use my heat metal as my bonus action.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: And do 4 D8 damage again.
Julia: Brandon, that's the coolest fucking shit I've ever heard.
Brandon: For [dice rolls] 16 damage.
Eric: 16 damage.
Brandon: 16 fire damage if that matters for these little guys.
Eric: You did 24 That adds up to a round number. Two more of the drones pop.
Amanda: Yeah!
Eric: And now only one is like struggling to hold one of the wires up. And Gutenberg says-
Eric (as Gutenberg): Can you not? Can you just not? There's- there's so many other things for you to deal with. I know that like it's all good, you can't do really anything and it's all fine. It's all gonna bad- bad happen to you. But like, come on. Come on. Stop. Stop.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, I'm sorry. Are you talking to me? I wasn't listening to you. I was busy popping all of your droids and drones.
Julia (as Val): Like zits!
Eric (as Gutenberg): Fucking millennials!
Amanda (as Aggie): You're not my boss. You don't sign my paycheck. Pensions are dead!
Eric (as Gutenberg): I am your boss! I'm your elder!
Amanda (as Aggie): Not how it works.
Eric: Alright, it's now Triplicate's turn. Triplicate is once again going to pull more copies of themselves out. There are now seven Triplicates that are standing around Gutenberg.
Amanda: Great.
Julia: Fuck ‘em.
Eric: Aggie, it's your turn.
Amanda: I am going to press send on my text and add to the end of it. "It's the stuff next to the boathouse password is boobies." and-
Julia: Flame on bitches.
Amanda: Press Send.
Eric: Cool.
Amanda: But then otherwise, just kind of like stretch my arms out like keep in my form and block the doorway and hold my turn for the next round to help Milo.
Eric: Hell yes. Okay, so you're gonna wait for Milo's turn, you're gonna hold your action until Milo does another Arcana check.
Brandon: Thank you!
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Okay, cool. We will come back to that. We'll talk about how you're able to do that together. It is now Val's turn.
Julia: Great. I mean, I got to deal with this Gigabear because it is like eating my face right now.
Amanda: Yeah, that's true.
Julia: So I am going to go into a rage-
Brandon: Whooo!
Amanda: I love the return of the Gigabear.
Julia: And I'm going to punch this Gigabear.
Amanda: Yeah!
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: [sings] Punch that Gigabear!
Eric: Remember to subtract 6 from this first attack.
Julia: Right. You know what, I'm actually going to attack recklessly then.
Eric: Great.
Julia: And then I'll also get some temporary hit points which would be nice. [dice roll] So I'm subtracting 6. So it's 11.
Eric: Okay, that does not hit.
Julia: Well, it's 11 and then I add my proficiency and my strength.
Eric: Oh, great. Yes, that does hit. I want you to make a wisdom saving throw.
Julia: [singing] Wisdom saving throw-
Amanda: Interesting.
Julia: [singing] -not my specialty. Cha girl got a nat 20 though on that.
Brandon: FUCK YEAH!
Amanda: Oooh!
Eric: You did, incredible. The N64 goes-
Eric (as N64): No, no, no, you're gonna have to do it over and then the punch that you did at the Gigabear goes backwards. And I want you to roll your attack again but you have advantage because you got the nat 20.
Julia: Fuck yeah, bro. And I'm not subtracting the six anymore or I am?
Eric: You are still subtracting the six because it's quote-unquote the same attack.
Julia: Great. 21?
Eric: Yeah, that hits.
Julia: That's cool. Great.
Amanda: That's very cool.
Julia: Did I still use my reckless attack then?
Eric: Yes, you did.
Julia: Great. All right, and then second attack. 18 + 9.
Eric: Make another wisdom saving throw.
Julia: Okay. [dice roll] That’s a 3.
Eric (as N64): No, no, no, you're gonna have to play again.
Eric: Now you have disadvantage on this attack.
Julia: Great.
Brandon: I love this little guy.
Amanda: It's like a cousin of Clippy.
Julia: Oh, god. I rolled another nat 20 but a 9. So this is 18. Does that hit?
Eric: But that still hits. Yes.
Julia: Okay, great.
Amanda: Phew.
Julia (as Val): Fucking suck it, little guy!
Eric (as N64): Oh, damn you playing as Odd Job. That's it. That's a cheat. You know that's a cheat! He's so small. I can't shoot at him but he has a sharp hat. Who has a sharp hat? Who uses that as a weapon?!
Julia: So, it's 6 damage from just regular + 3, that's 9 + an additional 9 is 18. And then it's also going to take an additional 3 fire damage because I have mantle of flame going.
Eric: [giggles] Yeah, what does it look like when you fight through these punches? What does it look like you're doing the Gigabear?
Julia: I think it's like Val looks like a lion tamer with the Gigabear's mouth.
Amanda: Yeah!
Julia: It's not even like punches really it's prying its jaws open while my hands are on fire.
Eric: Great.
Amanda: Like Val Jonah emerging from the stomach of the time shark.
Eric: That's incredible.
Brandon: Fucking badass
Eric: As you put your flame hands on the Gigabear's mouth and you rent it open, you melt its ice fangs down and now it just has like little like, you know when you look at a brontosaurus teeth? It's like this is what a carnivore looked like, and this is what a herbivore looks like and you're like sanded all the way down. It's like-
Eric (as Gigabear): Ughhhhgggrrrhgg!
Eric (as Val): Eat some fucking lettuce!
Eric (as Gigabear): Nooooo!
Julia (as Val): Eat some fucking arugula, come on!
Eric (as Gigabear): Iceberg lettuce only.
Eric: That was a pun. So yeah you have your- your weakening this-
Amanda: Ugh!
Julia: Oh, wait. I'm sorry, Eric. I only rolled damage for one attack there and I hit on 2.
Eric: I figured out, that seemed less than I thought it was.
Julia: Yeah, I was like, that's not a lot. [dice roll] let's roll for the other one so 6 fire damage, 22 points of damage total 9 of those were fire damage.
Eric: Yeah, I think you do that for the first one and then the other one you just, you melt all the way through the Gigabear's face and it bursts into pixels. The Gigabear is DONE.
Julia (as Val): Later.
Brandon: Yeah!
Eric: It is now the Infinite Creation Machine again on Initiative 10. The Infinite Creation Machine spins up, points itself down to let eight other big things step out. You think that it is another bear because you see two bear paws step out. There seem to be regular-sized bear and not giant Gigabear stuff. And then you see the dragging on the ground is kind of like a double-barreled shotgun.
Brandon: God dammit.
Eric: Snake sniffing and then you hear-
Eric (as Big Jeff): Y'all who wants to talk about nonfungible tokens?
Julia (as Val): No!
Amanda (as Aggie): No!
Julia (as Val): Big Jeff! Why would you do this to us?
Brandon (as Milo): God dammit.
Julia (as Val): E tu Big Jeff.
Eric: The bear takes a step forward though you see it is not two separate entities but one together.
Julia (as Val): Oh, no.
Eric: Painkiller Larsen is like a centaur into Big Jeff. This is Big Pain-
Amanda: Oh, man!
Eric: -my friends and they want you to invest in crypto.
Amanda: Oh boy.
Julia: I hate this!
Eric (as Big Pain): Y'all this is the Wild West out here and we're gonna make some money just like the bandits out there. Who wants to talk about it?
Julia (as Val): No.
Amanda: Oh boy.
Eric: So it is just like Cowboy Painkiller Larson Centaur into a bear-- a four-legged bear body.
Julia: I can't even appeal to Big Jeff's greater sensibilities now.
Eric: His left arm is a double-barreled shotgun, the right arm is a rattlesnake.
Julia: Yeah. Yeah. Great.
Amanda: Guys, can we all just skip our next turn so Eric has a monologue as Big Pain.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: I would like you all to make perception checks.
[dice rolls]
Julia: 9!
Amanda: 22.
Brandon: 26. Is that good?
Eric: Alright. That is good. It's not as good as what Amanda did and I just think that we need to uplift female creators.
Amanda: No! Not corporate feminism! I got a 22.
Eric: I thought you got a 29.
Amanda: No!
Eric: No, Brandon. It's now time to uplift the Brandons that you have.
Julia: The white men on this podcast?
Brandon: Finally, the straight white guy's turn!
Amanda: We have to recognize the contributions of dump truck asses to Join the Party.
Julia: We found it. We found it.
Eric: That's it. That's it. Alright, you two both get it, you rolled above a 20. Gutenberg looks concerned. He's like-
Eric (as Gutenberg): Did that come out of my head? What was that?
Eric: He's kinda like, he'd says it to himself. But you see him look concerned at of what's happening with the Infinite Creation Machine and what's the weird shit coming out of it?
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: But that's all that is what I'll give you.
Julia (as Val): Oh, Cassandra’s brain is making it all funky.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, a pinch of Cassandra in a soup will really change the flavor profile. I gotta tell you.
Julia (as Val): It's like add in anything smoked to any recipe you're like whoa, that was a little much.
Brandon (as Milo): You add Cassandra to the soup and it turns into like fucking deep dish pizza, you know?
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Eric: Alright. It is now the Sommelier's turn and the Sommelier says-
Eric (as Sommelier): You can't keep me from defending the-- my job person. I'm going to take you down Multitool!
Amanda: I roll my eyes
Eric: She wants to get, she rips open her her body suit to reveal as much chest as is allowed in this comic book.
Julia: Stop it!
Eric: She turns around and you hear a clunk and you see something glowing and you see that she has pulled out like a full cartoonish-looking like radioactive waste barrel. Being like-
Eric (as Sommelier): I'm gonna get you-- I'm gonna get you, Multitool!
Eric: And then she throwing things up and like opens the top up and tosses the contents at you.
Amanda (as Aggie): You can be like solving world hunger right now!
Eric (as Sommelier): Well, that's not what my job is!
Eric: Make a constitution saving throw, please.
Brandon: Sommelier doesn't do food, we've gone over this.
Eric: It’s true, you can't eat parts of the Sommelier.
Amanda: That's only a 4.
Eric: Take 33 points of poison damage. And you are poi-
Amanda: Oh, I'm afraid to say that I am still a monk and I have purity of body which means I'm immune to disease and poison.
Julia: Oh, hey, fucking suck it.
Amanda: Which has never come up in this campaign until today.
Julia: Hey, literally suck it.
Eric: I'm gonna say you don't take the poison condition and also you're gonna take half damage so you get automatic half damage from that 33 ÷ 2 in rounded up is 17 points of radioactive damage.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: It's a real Pokemon, you know?
Eric: Yeah, it's one of those hacked Pokemon games where you have a radioactive Pokemon.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Hell, yes. Okay it's the Sommelier's turn. I think the Sommelier also be like, comes up close to you like-
Eric (as Sommelier): [whispers] So what's your plan?
Amanda (as Aggie): [whispers] Fucking defeat Gutenberg. Nerf yourself. Knock yourself out. Take a nap. There's no cameras here.
Eric (as Sommelier): [whispers] Alright, sounds great. Oh, definitely go do that. If so, yeah, I love getting paid and getting-- and not having to work.
Amanda (as Aggie): [whispers] Also, you should do like a random object yoga channel. People love those mesh cutouts. What are you doing here?
[snickering]
Eric (as Sommelier): [whispers] I'm not trying to get myself into a brand. I just want to get paid. Why is everything always about being a brand?
Amanda (as Aggie): [whispers] Alright. Fair enough.
Eric (as Sommelier): [whispers] Okay, I'll get out of here like as soon as possible. Remember, he doesn't like being hot. Someone put their hand- get some fire on that guy.
Amanda (as Aggie): [whispers] I'm trying go- go open the door. I sent out an SOS. I'm gonna let people in.
Eric (as Sommelier): [whispers] Alright, I'll let people in, that's fine.
Amanda (as Aggie): [loudly] AND STAY OUT!
Brandon: Sommelier can at least open a pawn shop, you know?
Julia: Yeah, that's true. She could just sell things.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: The conflict of taking parts of yourself and then selling it is complicated.
Amanda: I'm sure, I'm sure that's legit.
Eric: Cool. It's now the machine's turn. The machine is going, there's gonna be Gutenberg is going to share that time the machine is cool as of now.
Julia: Oh, we gotta keep heating that shit up.
Eric: And Gutenberg is trying to say, Gutenberg is going to distribute the number of drones between the two he's going to send- there are five drones on each, it's going to be three on one and three on the other.
Amanda: God, why is he rational?
Eric: You got rid of four and there were 10.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: So now they're- they're split three and three. Be like-
Eric (as Gutenberg): It's, you can't stop it. It's just gonna keep happening. We're inevitable, Supr and everything that I want. We're inevitable.
Brandon: Okay, thanks, bro!
[midroll]
Eric: Hey, it's Eric, when Campaign 2 was just a twinkle in your podcast player. I had written down some questions that I wanted to touch on if we were going to have a campaign of a modern superhero story. Who has control of the future? Is it better to stand out or not? What does it mean to be special in the 21st century? Who wants to be a hero? Can you beat up the evils of the world? It's funny because we started recording Campaign 2 at the end of 2019. And I felt like I was reflecting on what Marvel had kind of wrought like this was the end of Endgame. All of that was coming kind of coming to a to an end. And there was a real idea of what a superhero story was, at least in these movies. But these questions feel even more resonant in the middle of 2022. I feel like we were talking to that more so it's as 2020 got started and as the campaign got started. But now, here we are at the end of this story and I just want to say thank you for coming along on this ride. The Gutenberg story is coming to a close and all of us are so so happy you enjoyed listening. I can't believe how this is grown and all of the characters we've we've met and how Val and Milo and Aggie have blossomed into their own thing as they've gone through this- this entire story. Looking at the- the poster that Sarah Barra has been putting together. It has 41 characters and that seems like such a large number but also so small in Laketown City because Laketown City feels real to me in so many ways. But seeing them like drawn out, they really are real characters that we've come to love. And I just again I just want to say thank you. Join the Party is continuing, we're going right into something else after this. But I'm so happy that you all listened. So welcome to the last mid roll of Campaign 2. Yes, there is a BetterHelp ad with the Bone Witch. I want to give a special shout out to our patrons. This money kickstarted Multitude, Join the Party, between Amanda Brandon and I was really the thing that got Multitude together. It was kind of the glue that was able to bring in our original shows altogether, especially the money that came in from the patrons for Join the Party. This lets us pour time and energy into an incredibly work intensive show and we can get lost in another world for a little bit. It also let us bring on Julia which is incredible and she has been integral to making campaign to what it is and you are 600+ strong. You were the highlight of my day checking in on the Discord I have to say I feel so incredibly special to watch you all freak out on this particularly spicy episode that we dropped on when we tease the live show. It's been it's so nice to watch. So we want to be a part of this, you want to continue to help Join the Party grow as we go from campaign to beyond patreon.com/jointhepartypod, we'll see you there. We are sponsored this week by Hero Forge Hero Forge offers fully customizable tabletop minis with dozens of fantasy species and 1000s of parts to choose from. These customers come in a variety of materials including color printed options, and they have downloadable model files for users to 3D print designs at home. So design your unique miniature and get it printed in full color, no painting needed with Hero Forge custom color minis. I also want to say you can do various genres is not just fantasy. So when maybe when you're figuring out what you're going to do after your campaign that you've been reading for a little while, you can look at the different genres that they have and come and start to visualize that in your head. It's really, really fun. Thank you Hero Forge for being an incredible part of Campaign 2. I'm sure we'll see more episodes with you. Coming forward, visit heroforge.com to start designing your custom miniature today and check back often new content is added every single week. We're also sponsored by Backblaze. They provide unlimited backup for your Mac or PC. That's movies, that's music, that's photos, that's videos, it's projects, all that data, we actually have every single thing recorded through Multitude through the Multitude studio backed up on Backblaze. Just in case something happens, we want it in the cloud. It runs in the background of your computer keeping your file safe without you needing to do anything. And if you ever needed to you can download individual files are restore your entire device from anywhere in the world by a web access or you know, they'll actually send you like a physical, a physical brick with all of your data on it. Start a 15 day free trial with no credit card required at backblaze.com/JTP plenty of time to upload and download some files. 15 days is a lot of time seriously back your stuff up like we do at multitude at backblaze.com/jointheparty.
Eric: I'm like a little emotional doing this one. Okay, here we go. Finally, this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Stress shows up in all kinds of ways. In a world that is telling you to do more, sleep less and grind all the time. Here is your reminder to take care of yourself. Do less, give your bones to a witch in the woods to foretell the future and that it's all gonna be okay or maybe you can try some therapy. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It is much more affordable than in person therapy, which is honestly the most important thing here. Therapy is expensive, BetterHelp is trying to help us out. Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Join the party listeners as always get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/jointheparty that is b e t t e r h elp.com/jointheparty and now back to the finale.
Eric: It is now Milo's turn.
Brandon: So last turn. If you'll remember? Last time on Milo's turn.
Amanda: Last time on Milo’s turn.
Brandon: I used an arcana check to sort of map the way into this machine.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Through the Soul Plane and now that I have that map I would like to try to cast awaken with another Arcana check. And with the knowledge I have hopefully be successful in waking up this part of Dr. Morrow that's inside this machine.
Julia: Wake me up inside.
Eric: Interesting. Okay, so this is Aggie you, you would held your turn for this as well. Right. So what do you two want to do?
Amanda: I mean, what if I just, like, what if I become my sheet form and, like, make a little concentration tunnel between you and the machine? I could become like a big satellite dish and, like, stretch myself out like a satellite dish behind you to amplify the signal.
Eric: That sounds cool.
Brandon: I love that.
Amanda: Okay. I don't know what diner order this is. Maybe like an omelet special, but Aggie's going to stretch from noodle mode into sheet mode and form like a perfect circle, a disc behind Milo curves toward the machine like I am a satellite TV dish helping amplify the signal.
Brandon: I love this. In the training room, we had to go over the mathematics of all the curves and the angles to make sure it was properly tuned.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: To the right death frequency.
Eric: Incredible.
Amanda: I’m like “Ow, it hurts my tummy.”
Brandon: So I think while Multitool sets up the classic satellite link maneuver that we've done so many times before.
Eric: You can put -- Use some ki points for that, please.
Amanda: I know. I am. I am. I am.
Brandon: Milo's going to reach out through the death plane into this machine and try to connect with Dr. Morrow's bits and bytes in the machine.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: And what I'm gonna do to connect is talk about my dad and just bring up, you know, how much he wants to, like, start a normal life with Dr. Morrow. And I vomited as I do it in my brain.
Eric: What is it? What is it? Yeah, do it. What is it?
Brandon: So, I think he's sort of like see like sort of like classical sci fi, sort of green wireframes and almost like Milo's ghost's soul body, almost all a Tron bike going down this like Digital Highway towards Dr. Morrow, in the middle of this big machine. And along the way, he's just sort of like, gently whispering.
Brandon (as Milo): I could be your son. You could. You could come--We could move into the mansion. We, my dad, he talks about you all the time. He told me about how much he loves spending time with you. You just got to reach out, Dr. Morrow. You just got to reach out.
Eric: Jesus Christ. I want both of you to roll D20s. And then both of you use-- Brandon, what's your Arcana modifier?
Brandon: Plus five.
Eric: Cool. Both of you roll-- roll using that Arcana modifier. You gotta beat the 20.
Brandon: Total. Or one of us?
Eric: One of you.
Brandon: I got four.
Amanda: I got a dirty 20.
Julia: Dirty 20?
Eric: You got a dirty 20?
Amanda: Got a 15 + 5.
Brandon: Dirty 20!
Eric: Let's go! Hell yes. I think it's just like-- Yeah, fuck, it's like, you see the satellite beam is fucking beaming “I want to be your son” into the creation machine.
Amanda: Damn.
Eric: And then you're gonna cast, you're gonna use the- the spell Awaken.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Hell yes.
Brandon: So basically what happens is it, it gives the target intelligence score of 10. And it also gains the ability to speak a language I know which will be English.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: So essentially, it becomes a sentient computer. I gave this thing AI.
Eric: Cool. I like it. Listen, if this is a part of Dr. Morrow, the intelligence is higher than 10 I'll tell you that much my friend.
Brandon: And I also just rolled my spell surge and rolled a three, so I'm good.
Eric: That’s so close to the number!
Amanda: That's so close.
Eric: Jesus Christ!
Brandon: It's statistically random.
Julia: Is it?
Eric: Is it really? Is it?
Julia: Or is it the vibes you're giving?
Brandon (as Milo): I'm also whispering between sentences. Anubis guide me. Anubis guide me. Anubis, send me the latest episode of Ozark if you have them ahead of time. I'm waiting for that last season.
Julia: He's been waiting on you.
Eric: Cool. All right here is what's going to happen. Alright. Yeah. So you, you send your ghostly energy inside of here. And I think like you see that the wireframes go from the brilliant green, like neon green, and it starts changing all different types of color. It's like running through the color wheel. Like, someone has spun a color wheel like a globe, and it's just cycling through all of them. It says.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I'm awake. I'm here and I'm ready to make some stuff!
Julia: Jesus Christ.
Brandon (as Milo): Welcome to the world.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I like being alive.
Brandon (as Milo): We like it too!
Eric: Gutenberg is like, I hate whenever I hate whatever is happening over there. And I do not like that my brain is attached to it.
Brandon: Before we move on to the next turn, I'm going to quickly cast my heat metal as bonus action. It's going to be 8. 23.
Eric: Great. Two more of them pop. There is one on one wire and three on the other. Gutenberg is looking, is just very confused and upset about everything that's happening here. It's now Triplicate's turn. Triplicate is once again going to pull three more out of themselves, so that's 3-4-7, that's up to 10. They're going to-- and five of them are going to run at you Milo and be like.
Eric (as Triplicate): Stop doing things. I'm gonna attack you five times.
Brandon: Okay. Five times. Jesus Christ.
Eric: A 19 hits?
Brandon: Yeah, I'm at 16.
Eric: 16? Alright, well, they only have a plus one to attack so you get hit twice.
Brandon: Okay, I also need to do a concentration check once you have done damage.
Eric: Yes, you take 12 points of damage as all of them take out like a gold encrusted knife. All of them have one and all of them try to stab at you. You take but only two of them hit because they're not very talented at using knife.
Brandon: Cool. So I'll roll one concentration check. I have to be at a 10 because half of 12 is 6.
Eric: Cool.
Julia: Brandon.
Brandon: I lose concentration. I got a 4.
Eric: Incredible. The-- the wires are no longer hot and the the little drone like takes a dragon wing and like wipes it's prowlers like woof glad that's not happening.
Julia: The ones that landed attacks on Brandon are gonna take three fire damage each please.
Brandon: As my reaction I'm also going to cast Halo of Spirits and so my ghosts are going to, like, hang 10 on Julia's attack here like a little ghost surfer.
Julia: My licks of a fire that fly off of me.
Brandon: Yeah, they're gonna surf the flames and give them nine damage as well.
Eric: All right, I'm gonna treat that because it is a swarm, so it's gonna be 3 + 9 for 12. You see one of them just disintegrates into nothing. And Triplicate.
Eric (as Triplicate): I was attacking you. You can't do that in return. That's unfair. That’s just not fair.
Brandon: Now that Milo is not concentrating, he turns to Triplicate and says.
Brandon (as Milo): Eat it douchebag!
Eric (as Triplicate): No, I don't want to.
Eric: It is now Aggie's turn.
Amanda: What to do?
Julia: If you guys clear the path, I can get to Gutenberg and just light him up.
Amanda: That sounds good. Aggie is going to go from a big ol' sheet to a little rubber ball. And I'm going to launch myself backward against the wall to then shoot forward and use all of my movement to move up to my speed in a straight line at Gutenberg.
Eric: Nice.
Amanda: If I enter a creature's space, they must make a dex saving throw. On a failed save. I knock them over and they take damage and they're knocked prone.
Eric: Cool. Let me roll a D10 for the number of Triplicates there are in a straight line. I rolled a four. There are four copies of Triplicate in the way.
Amanda: Okay. Four dex saving throws, please.
Brandon: If it was 10 they could be in a bowling pin arrangement.
Eric: Plus Guten-- and then Gutenberg is kind of at the end of that line.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Okay, cool. The N64 is gonna go.
Eric (as N64): Ah, ah, ah. It seems like you're cheating. We don't use any game genies here.
Eric: As you've rocketed yourself across the way it sends you back and you rock it yourself again, so let's see the wisdom saving throw to see if I get any bonuses on the saves.
Amanda: 18.
Eric: Oh, that's good. Okay. Oh, piss. Alright. I'm gonna make saving throws for four of the Triplicates plus Gutenburg?
Amanda: That's right.
Eric: Alright. Here's what I rolled. 4, 5, 4, 18, natural one. Incredible.
Amanda: So, the last one is Gutenberg, right?
Eric: Yes, it is. So here's what happens. You bowl your way through. One of the Triplicates are able to jump out of the way out of the group of four. You can bowl over one of them that ran in-- that ran to stab Milo and you can hit two more that is kind of in the grouping that is around Gutenberg.
Amanda: So they're all knocked prone and take 2D6 damage each.
Eric: Alright, roll 2D6 damage.
Amanda: Okay, so that's 8 damage and prone for all the ones that get knocked over.
Eric: They're knocked prone. Okay. What do you-- what does this look like for you? Just do you explain what you rocketing as a pinball?
Amanda: Yeah, I just-- I become perfectly round. I like I tuck all my stuff in like a-- like an Olympic diver. And I am just an olive green ball with sharp edges around the sides that slice everybody I hit flying to our Gutenberg's face.
Brandon: Fucking cool.
Eric: Incredible. So, you take down three of the Triplicates just from that. But as you're right about to smash into Gutenberg, two Triplicates jump in the way and they, like, hit you off your path and knock you out of the way from hitting Gutenberg. That is what Triplicate is able to do as a reaction is get in the way. I rolled a Nat 1, so you're going to take down two more.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Four Triplicates are down. They are now, where I went from 10 to 9 and a four are down, so I'm down to 5 Triplicates. There are three surrounding Gutenberg and two around Milo.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: The other one's kind of just like just in. As soon as they fall over they're like.
Eric: (as Triplicate) No. I won’t be able to pick myself up.
Eric: They just like, burst into dust.
Brandon: Like turtles?
Eric: They've never had to pick themselves up by their bootstraps, Brandon.
Brandon: Ah, I get it.
Amanda: That was my action. Can I take my unarmed strike as a bonus action as a monk?
Eric: Yeah, absolutely.
Amanda: Okay. I want to try to punch one of the Triplicates defending Gutenberg.
Eric: Do it.
Amanda: That's a 25 to hit.
Eric: Oh, that hits. This is a frail, frail person who doesn't have any social skills or any survival skills.
Amanda: 9 damage.
Eric: Nah, you roughed one of them real bad and they're like.
Eric (as Triplicate): No, stop. I was just born recently.
Amanda: They have a perfect drop of blood at their nose.
Eric: Yeah. Hell yeah. So that one is doing real, real bad. Great job to Amanda who I like a lot. It is Val's turn.
Amanda (as Aggie): Everybody is prone Val and I just damaged one of them that's around Gutenberg, so you should have a clear path.
Julia: Okay. How far away is Gutenberg from me?
Eric: You'd have to kind of like move away. The N64 is still kind of around lurking though.
Julia: Sure. No, I-- I'm willing to take attacks of opportunity. I just want to know if I can get to him in one turn.
Eric: Yes, definitely. With your speed, with your Sonic the Hedgehog? Absolutely.
Julia: Great. So I would like to-- I'm not going to disengage. I'll take any attacks of opportunity on me, but I'm going to just fucking go after Gutenberg. It's time.
Eric: Yeah, you were pretty, you two are pretty close, Milo and Val. So I think the Triplicates are going to try to get some attacks off you.
Julia: That's fine.
Eric: It's a 16 and an 8. So that's only 1. Is it a stab you right in the right in the shoulder with a golden knife. You take 7 points of slashing damage which-
Julia: Halved?
Eric: Yep. So take 4.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: And then you can bowl your way over.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: If you want to go through you will have to pass through the other Triplicates-
Julia: That's fine.
Eric: -so you're going to take attacks of opportunity from them as well.
Julia: Fine.
Eric: Cool.
Amanda: [in a whimsical voice] This fight is so fun.
Brandon: This is the best D&D fight of all time.
Eric: Okay, I got a 15, a 15 and a nat 20. So-
Julia: Bring it on, come on.
[dice rolls]
Eric: 18 points of piercing damage so that you can have that to 9.
Julia: Great.
Eric: And then yeah, you want to swing on Gutenberg?
Julia: Yes, I would also like every one of those ones that attacked me is going to take three fire damage. Thank you.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: Ha-ha.
Amanda: Ha!
Eric: The one that Aggie hit just burst in the dust.
Julia: Tight.
Eric: So, now, there's only two left.
Julia: Alright, here we go. [dice rolls] 21.
Amanda: Light this fucker up!
Julia: That hits.
[dice rolls]
Julia: And then a 23.
Eric: Okay, yeah, those both hit. The one of them burst into dust and the other one just actually, roll damage on one of them.
Julia: Okay, great. 23.
Eric: 23. Yeah, you burst one into dust and the other one you just do a rock and fire punch right to the chin of a fancy fancy lad. Like-
Eric (as one of the Triplicates): NO! I don't like this!
Julia (as Val): Nor should you.
Eric (as one of the Triplicates): I thought I could do it. I thought I could do it. I wouldn't be hit. No.
Eric: The real Triplicate is just holding their nose, it's bleeding.
Julia: Great. I'm gonna bonus action use my battle rager armor.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: Jesus Christ.
Julia: Which I haven't used in a while and this is going to be on Gutenberg.
Eric: Yes. Unless Triplicate chooses to get in the way again.
Julia: Oh, Eric. Did roll a nat 20 on battle rager armor.
Brandon: Yey!
Julia: Which is not ideal.
Eric: Yeah, what do you do?
Julia: So basically, I feel like it's just like Val has pushed to their way through all of this nonsense and all of this bullshit. And then just looks at Gutenberg and drops a shoulder and just spikes right into his chest.
Eric: That's interesting you say that. Please make a wisdom saving throw for me.
Julia: Hey, fuck you, man. Umm… [dice rolls] 13.
Eric: Roll- roll that attack again with disadvantage.
Julia: Fuck you. Okay, [dice roll] a dirty 20.
Eric (as N64): That's cheating!
Eric: As you reverse back from your sick crit and unfortunately you just do that you just do regular.
Julia: That's fine. Alright, so...
Amanda: Still damage.
Julia: I only rolled a one on the dice. But additionally, I get 12 more damage. That's 13 and then an additional- this becomes fire damage.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Because it's the battle rager armor.
Amanda: Great.
Julia: So it becomes 13 points of damage plus an additional 3, 16 fire damage.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Eric: Hey, Julia, how do you take out this fancy lad?
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Oh, it's against the fancy lad?
Eric: They jumped in front of the way.
Julia: Totally fine. Great. I just, you know, Val was going for Gutenberg. And so when Triplicate jumps in the way, I think Val kind of moves their shoulder and it like slashes them across the chest and you can't really tell the blood from the beautiful red wine terrycloth jumpsuit they’re wearing.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric (as Triplicate): Noooo! [sobs] Get- get Dr. Moon. No, wait that's not the doctor I like get Dr. Frankenstein- Frankenshtein.
Julia (as Val): This is for dragging me around that gala all night, felt so fucking foolish.
Eric (as Triplicate): [sobs] Fine.
Eric: It is now the machine's turn. On this turn is also when- when our good friend Big Pain is gonna go. Big Pain is going to gallop towards Gutenberg. But like-
Eric (as Big Pain): Well, howdy! You seem like such a smart-looking investor ready to put your money in a burgeoning area! What do you say to that?
Amanda (as Aggie): I love this.
Brandon (as Milo): You should invest. It seems smart and prudent.
Eric (as Big Pain): Y'all. I think we should all pull out our phones and I'll teach you all how to get crypto wallets!
Eric: And Val, I need you to make a wisdom-saving throw. I'm using a modified version of Compelled Duel where all you can do is argue with Big Pain about NFTs.
Amanda: That's amazing.
Julia: Here's the thing, Eric. Val hates Crypto with a burning passion. And NFTs are the devil, and they rolled a 19.
Brandon: Yeah!
Amanda: Yeah!
Eric: Incredible!
Brandon: You're like, I don't know anything except for cash. Cash-based economy.
Julia (as Val): I literally didn't have a bank account until this year.
Eric (as Big Pain): Well, it's very easy for you to download a Crypto wallet, I'll walk you through it.
Julia (as Val): No, thank you.
Amanda: You don't need the banks.
Eric: You have beaten it here. Big Pain is gonna fire on you as well.
Julia: Fine.
Amanda: Compelled duel is fucking awesome. I love that.
Eric: Okay, that is a 17 and a 21.
Julia: Sure, they both hit.
Eric: Cool.
Amanda: Bummer.
Julia: My AC is so low.
Brandon: What's your AC? Don't you have a plus one to that with the mercury?
Julia: 14.
Brandon: That's with the mercury?
Julia: It was 13 before.
Brandon: Dang!
Julia: My dexterity is not very high.
Eric: Alright, you take 18 points of bludgeoning damage from the shot, but you take 18 points of poison damage as Big Pain puts the snake arm on top of a shotgun and fires both shotgun shells and poison at your face. So you take 9 bludgeoning and 18 poison.
Julia: Not doing great, guys.
Amanda: Dang.
Julia: Could be doing better.
Brandon: Hell yes.
Eric: It is also now the machine's turn.
Amanda: Is this when Cassandra gets to- get in the mix?
Brandon: [sings] Bop bop bop, bop. Mr. Roboto.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Let me see if I can help you out.
Eric: And I think that just Aggie and Milo you're hearing this in your head as Aggie you're still were like a receiver of this and while you're seeing this be like-
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I think you all need someone to help you out, you know kind of is somebody to keep all of your thoughts together that might be helpful to you.
Eric: And then you hear a *khathump* *khathump* *khathump* *khathump* [Julia breathes out in amazement] as three little rabbits hop out of The Creation Machine. They are all wearing little bow ties, one red, one blue, one yellow, [collective awws] and each one hops over to each of you and like kind of jumps into your clothing as much as possible. Like, one gets in by Milo's cowl like the other one tries to get in Val's jacket and I think that one is trying to with a lot of struggle get into one of Multitool's pockets.
Amanda: I rip it open.
Eric: And I will let you have advantage on one roll going forward each of you, only one though.
Amanda: A Lucky Rabbit if you will?
Eric: You all get one Lucky Rabbit.
Brandon: Fuck, yeah!
Julia: Is it March, April, and June? Are those the names of our rabbits?
Eric: Julia, I don't know how you saw my notes, that was what it was.
Amanda: Yey!
Eric: Interesting. It's cute.
Amanda: Fuck yeah.
Eric: That is going to be the Dr. Morrow inside's, the machine still has to go as the Infinite Creation Machine tips upward once again. And you see a big wing kind of fly out which is attached to a very long and slender body and another wing and a beak. But as you look much closer, you see that these are all knit with yarn. Just a massive, massive yarn bird that is flying out be like-
Eric (as Yarn Bird): AHHHHHHHH!
Eric: Just it sounds horrific and terrible. You can look-- it opens its giant beak wide and you can look inside of it and you see that there's like roiling yarn organs inside-
Julia: Gross.
Eric: -like someone took the time to knit all the innards as well. And it just, it sound horrible as the caw of it cuts through you.
Amanda: Okay knit awful sounds awesome, though.
Brandon: Yeah, it does.
Amanda: I would put that in a fruit basket and display it in my house.
Eric: This is very good. It is now the Sommelier's turn. The Sommelier is gone. Sommelier is gone.
Amanda: Excellent.
Eric: It is now the machines turn once again, goes all the way back around. I think what is going to happen is that Gutenberg is going to brace himself. I think that although is Big Pain is bearing down on Val. They’re like holding themselves ready to as a flinch ready to get punched a little bit. And I think that their concentration, kind of like icky black energy surges through the wires towards the machine. And as it gets to the Infinite Creation Machine, the wireframes go black for a second, then back to green. And you hear Milo and Aggie. You hear in your head that Dr. Morrow is screaming out in pain.
Julia: No!
Brandon: No!
Amanda: Not my mom.
Eric: It is now the yarn bird's turn. The yarn bird flaps over seemingly floating through the air. How are these wings? How are these working? It almost looks like a parade float. It's not flapping it's just kind of like floating through the air almost like buffeted by something else. And it looks in it's terrible yarn eyes the same color as the rest of its body and trains it on Milo. Brandon, please make a charisma saving throw.
Brandon: Ah.
Julia: That bird’s gonna fall in love with you.
Brandon: My best charisma, my best skill. Oh hey, rolled an 18. 18, baby!
Amanda: Yeah!
Eric: You did? Oh shit. Okay, it caws out into the air towards you another sickening, terrible yarny, yarny caw and you see that a portal opens below you to swallow you up. But you see that Tuna is like propping you up off the ground and you're levitating off the ground by two inches. So you saved, bud. You're good.
Amanda: Does Tuna play with yarn, perhaps?
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, Tuna plays with the it is once again like what threadbare did he does a rip in time and space and turns just like [meowing cat noise]
Amanda: Tuna comes out of it playing with yarn ball.
Eric: Hell yes it is once again Milo's turn.
Brandon: Cool How's everyone doing healthwise? Not you Eric!
Amanda: I'm fine.
Julia (as Val): Hey, Milo.
Brandon (as Milo): Uh-huh?
Julia (as Val): I don't think you've ever healed me in my entire fucking life. Can you tell me a solid, my guy?
Brandon (as Milo): I can and I will, Vulcani. My best of friends. And-
Amanda (as Aggie): Hey!
Brandon: Milo is going to cast Healing Word-
Eric: Great
Brandon: -at level four.
Eric: Nice
Julia: Fancy.
Brandon: So that means you get-
Julia: Fancy lad.
Brandon: So you get 4 D4 plus my spell casting modifier which is a 9, I believe? Yes. + 9.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Would you like to roll those, Julia?
Julia: I would, Brandon. I love and respect you, but I'm gonna roll these.
Eric: Has Val been a Dracula this whole time? Because if you’re undead, then you can't get this.
Julia: It's funny that you say that. This was a character reveal that I had been waiting for. No, it's 6 + 3. That's 9 + 9, you said? [Brandon assents]
Brandon: So 18.
Julia: 18.
Eric: Hell yes.
Julia: Pretty good. Back up to 59. Excellent.
Brandon: I'm gonna roll my spell surge.
Eric: Yeah!
Brandon: That's a 9, we all good.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: But that's a bonus action. So I'm going to use, I think I'm going to keep the healing train rolling and just do wild companion as my action and summon Tuna. And that means I get my symbiotic entity which gives me 3 temporary hit points per level I have in this class. So I have 36 temporary hit points now.
Amanda and Julia: Ooooh!
Eric: Hot damn. So now, Aggie, it is your turn. To give you a lay of the land, Big Pain is here. The yarn bird is still here. The N64 is still bobbing around trying to stop you from doing stuff while Gutenberg is also bracing himself to get punched as one drone holds up one wire and three drones hold up another wire to the Infinite Creation Engine. What do you do?
Amanda: Can I see how these wires are attached to Gutenberg's head?
Eric: Sure. They're kind of just like, you know when you're watching a medical drama, and like they're attached-
Amanda: Stickies or something?
Eric: Yeah, it's like stickies. Yeah.
Amanda: Can I just pull them off?
Eric: Yeah, you want to run up there and pull them off?
Amanda: Yeah, I'm just gonna attack the wire. Just pull it out of his head.
Eric: Yeah, make a straight shot.
Amanda: Okay, that is a 14 + 1, 15.
Eric: Make a wisdom saving throw as the N64 says-
Eric (as N64): No, no, no, we're gonna play with what I want to play! Stop it!
Amanda: [dice rolls] That is a six.
Julia: You also have the rabbit as a bonus.
Amanda: Can I reroll a saving throw?
Eric: Yeah, you can use the rabbit for whatever you want.
Amanda: Okay, I'll take it.
Eric: As June snuggles up against your face.
Julia: Awwww
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh, June, you're so fuzzy.
Amanda: Again, a six.
Julia: Oh, man.
Eric: Oh, yeah, you try. Maybe it's taped down with something pretty hard, but you're not able to pull the wires off.
Eric (as Gutenberg): I use only the strongest industrial tapes. I got it from my friend, the bird from-- in the Burj Khalifa. That's where he lives!
Julia (as Val): What?
Amanda: With the momentum of being like, thrown back by the N64. Aggie is just going to just yell and then slam her hand with a tuning fork into the wall, setting off the vibration. And I want to cast the sonic version of myself to be right next to the N64.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: And switch places with it so that I can stab N64 in the cartridge.
Eric: I love it. Yeah, you can avoid the attack of opportunity from Big Pain. You have one charge left in it and you just do an attack on the N64.
Brandon: That's fucking badass.
Amanda: Okay, 18 to hit.
Eric: That hits.
Amanda: Alright and then I get a D8 Sonic and a D10 piercing. [dice rolls] Okay, that's 8 Sonic and 10 piercing.
Brandon: Holy shit!
Julia: Eyy!
Amanda: I rolled 8, 0 is a 10, right?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Fuck, yeah.
Amanda: Plus dex, which in my case is 4. So that's a total of 22 points of damage.
Eric: Amanda, how many HP do you think N64 has?
Amanda: I don't know. But I think that in a dramatic echo from a previous moment in this campaign, I am going to take the tuning fork and slam it into the ground just like I volleyball spiked the previous N64.
Eric: Just threw the N64. No, the N64 has 13 damage.
Amanda: No!
Eric: It was not even close.
Brandon: I thought you were gonna tell me it was 8 because it was 8-bit.
Amanda: Aww!
Julia: Aha!
Amanda: Well 16-bit, maybe.
Brandon: Oh, no 64-bits but anyway.
Eric: It's some a numeral of 8 is what it is actually. 16, thank you. Yeah, you take out the N64 Hot damn, let's go.
Amanda: And then as a bonus action I'm gonna get an unarmed strike in on Big Pain.
Eric: Good.
Amanda: On my way back.
Eric: Yeah. Like you run back to Gutenberg and like, hit Big Pain in the head on the way up.
Amanda: Exactly. I'm afraid I only take, I only- I got a nat 1 on that roll.
Eric: That does not hit.
Amanda: So it doesn't hit. I will stay where I am not gonna use any movement
Eric: Sure, can you do-- make a wisdom saving throw for me?
Amanda: 11.
Eric: Next turn when you-- when Big Pain he'd be like-
Eric (as Big Pain): What? Can you? Why don't you debate me? Just debate me!
Eric: When he uses compelled duel on you, you get disadvantage on the saving throw. That's what that is your consequence for your nat one.
Amanda: Can-- I mean can I say to him?
Amanda (as Aggie): I'd like to debate, let's, let's step outside to the hallway.
Eric: No. No, you can't negotiate out of your nat 1, no.
Brandon: I mean, you could say that out loud. That's free, actually.
Eric: We definitely still say that. It is Val's turn.
Julia: Cool. It's Gutenberg dies time actually.
Amanda: Yay!
Julia: If you really think about it like that. I'm just gonna fucking attack him. Why? Why the fuck not? What else do I have to do?
Amanda: Burn the fucker.
Eric: You crit on me didn't you? You're rude. You're so rude to me.
[Brandon and Amanda cheering]
Julia: I sure did. I'm so-
Brandon: Double fucking damage, baby.
Julia: I'm gonna roll my second attack, too.
Eric: Right, please.
Julia: All right, if it makes you feel better, I rolled a two on the second time.
Eric: Yeah. That one doesn't hit.
Julia: Great. Alright, I'm gonna roll the attack. Double dice, right?
Eric: Correct.
Julia: Okay, it is 9 bludgeoning.
Eric: Okay
Julia: 10 fire.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: + 3 + 9 + an additional 3. Okay, so it's 19 + an additional 16.
Eric: Okay, what is this crit look like?
Julia: All the rage. This man has fucked me over so many times. And I think Val, just finally, like the flame in their eyes, flame coming off of their shoulders where the spikes are. Flames everywhere. Val just finally reels back, punches him right in the gut.
Eric: Vibrating flaming, the friction of-- the friction of being slammed by something and also being like fucking rug burn from it from moving so fast. Jesus Christ. I love it. It's incredible. It is now the Machine's turn. Here's what happens. You see that two of the drones just kind of fall out of the sky and just poof into pixels. And you see that Big Jeff is just like trying to talk to Aggie about how crypto is safer than cash. And it just like for a moment he's just like talking backwards. He's just like,
Eric (as Big Jeff): if you have cash, someone can just steal you. [distortion]
Eric: And just like he can't breathe the language is backwards, it is garbled, but you'll also hear the Yarn bird caw out in pain as the yarn bird is going to ask Val to do a charisma saving throw
Julia: Hey fuck you yarn bird.
Amanda: I keep fighting birds and I love it.
Julia: My god I'm rolling so bad now that's a five.
Eric: A portal is ripped in space time right under you and you fall in and it's just dark in there and you hear *kathump* *kathump* *kathump* and a wheeze.
Julia: I'm going to pet my rabbit.
Eric: Oh do it, yeah.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Julia: 18
Eric: Fuck!
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: I pet March on the head
Eric: Yeah be the portal opens below you in March just hops out and gives you a peace side and then just goes through the portal for you.
Julia: Bless you, March.
Brandon: Oh, that poor rabbit.
Eric: Hot damn. Alright it is now also Big Pain's turn and Big Pain is going to try to compel duel Aggie, Aggie make a wisdom saving throw with disadvantage.
Amanda: A 10.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: Can I use my last luck point here?
Eric: Absolutely. You can roll straight because the disadvantage was on the other roll. But you don't have to roll with disadvantage anymore.
Amanda: I got a natural 20.
Eric: Fuck!
[Cheering]
Eric: Fuck is even the point of doing a final flight when you guys are rolling incredibly! Jesus Christ!
Julia: We’re also rolling like dogshit, I rolled two Nat 1s.
[argument breaks out]
Eric: I disagree. This is bad for me. Eric only. Also, you can just make a chord for whatever you want or you could have an Aggie coin, would you like that?
Amanda: No! No!
Julia: Yells at this man. No!
Eric: Hell yes. Okay, it's the machine's turn again. I think that with everyone bearing down on them, the Sommelier is gone, thank you. Everyone is bearing down. Everything is failing. It is now going back around to the machine's turn. And here's what happens. Gutenberg is looking at Val, he's looking you in the face. Gutenberg is sweating through his buttoned down shirt, his white button down shirt, he has like a white ribbed tank top underneath and you're gonna see the sweat mark coming through and he this is looking uncomfortable, even in his most comfiest place he's been in his entire life and like-
Eric (as Gutenberg): I don't know why you just didn't want to join up. I had everything. You could have just gotten everything with me. What is the problem?
Julia (as Val): You're the problem and you should have put on more deodorant today.
Eric (as Gutenberg): You know what, fuck you! Fuck your whole entire generation! I am not gonna give you the satisfaction of winning here!
Eric: As Gutenberg and up from his toes starts to disintegrate. And as you've seen copies of him before, you saw him just disappear into pixels. But now this is this matte black sort of energy that is roiling up from his feet. Val, he reaches up and just gives you two middle fingers as his torso disappears and then, you see like it goes down his arms, and the only thing left are his two middle fingers, and then up through his head as he sticks his tongue out at you, and it goes up through the wires. The matte black energy pulses through as everything starts to burst, the remaining drones burst, Big Pain in the middle of talking about how it is actually really good for artists to do NFT's because then they'll finally get respect for once in the entire human generation, disappears. The Yarn Bird starts to unravel and untangle and you see that all the organs inside, the yarn organs fall out as well as March the rabbits just kind of fall out of the ground and then those disintegrate into pixels, the end the matte black energy that goes up through the wires, and like kind of destroys them as they go through and surges back in the Infinite Creation Engine. Once again, all of the wireframes are bouncing around randomly. But once the matte black comes on to them, it canes is some sort of order. It's like some bounce up, some bounce down, and it flips through the entire color wheel once again, returns to a surging green. You then see on the side of the Infinite Creation Machine that like IPad that was stapled to it. It says-
Eric (as IPad): Final copying plan beginning.
Eric: And the progress bar is starting at zero and quickly going up. You are out of initiative.
Brandon (as Milo): Hey guys, we kicked that fucking guy's ass, let's blow this thing up.
Julia (as Val): Yeah. Also, did you kind of like make a Dr. Morrow in there?
Brandon (as Milo): Kind of more or less? It's kind of hard to explain. You don't really believe in the Anubis, so you wouldn't quite get it.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Amanda (as Aggie): Guys, let's destroy this thing right now.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Amanda (as Aggie): It's doing a countdown, whatever.
[IPad making scary machine sounds]
Julia: Val fucking just punch it with fire as much as humanly possible. Like, Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
Amanda: Yeah, I'm gonna punch and kick and wail on this.
Eric: Sure. Yeah, all of you. Val and Aggie make tackles.
Amanda: [dice rolls] A 12 and then 25 to hit.
Eric: Do the damage for the 25.
Julia: Dirty 20 and extremely high like 27 or something like that.
Eric: Yeah. Do your damage.
Julia: 23 and 26.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: I got 20 and 22.
Eric: Wonderful. You guys sure did hit it hard. I think you're just wailing on this thing, the matte black orb as it's spinning around. You're just got a welling on it. As you hear it counts up like-
Eric (as Matte Black Orb IPad): Progress bar 6%. Progress bar 8%. 10%.
Eric: And I think that from the amount of damage that you're doing and Aggie as you're softening it up, Val with your fire damage and Aggie you slam it you see like a panel of it falls off. Then Brandon, you asked a while ago, what is this thing made out of, right? This is a machine and then the matte black is a coating of it, like it's like a shell that has been put on it so seamlessly. It looks like it just goes all the way around, but then you do enough damage that one of the panels just falls off to it. And you see that it's-- it is like atomic purple in that way that it's like you can see what's inside of it. And you see like looking into this is looking into something your brain cannot fathom. It is everything and anything moving at the same time. In and out and in and out. It's like you're looking at a cloud, right? Sometimes it's just a cloud but other times it looks like your friend and other times it looks like a sailboat and other times it just looks like a square. Like you cannot fathom what is happening inside of an Infinite Creation Engine as you can see but you can see a lot of like neon green in there.
Julia: You know what probably can fathom all that nonsense? Dr. Morrow.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I love it in here!
Eric: And you see as like it pulses as Dr. Morrow's voice comes out of it and all of you can hear it.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): It's just I get to make stuff all the time. It's wonderful!
Brandon: Can I cast enhance ability on the internal Dr. Morrow?
Eric: What does that look like? What does that look like?
Amanda: I dig into the breast pocket of my jumpsuit and I toss Milo our last remaining one up mushroom.
Brandon: Milo catches the mushroom from Aggie and holds it in his hand as sort of necrotic energy washes over it and it turns that like ghostly purple, and then he tosses it into the machine and enhance ability. I'm not sure if you'll allow me a little bit of leeway here, I'm not sure what check you would sure but give you advantage on some kind of check.
Eric: Some sort of thing. Yeah, no, that's totally fine. I love that. I think you tossed the mushroom in and then it you see like a surge of power and energy and be like,
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Whoa, has anyone considered a black hole you can put in your pocket?
Julia (as Val): No!
Amanda (as Aggie): No, no, no, no, no!
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Or maybe like a pizza that fits in your pocket like a pocket pizza?
Julia (as Val): Better.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yes. Better.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): That's good. I like that. I like that a lot. It's good to see all of you.
Julia (as Val): That's...
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Val. Milo. Aggie.
Brandon (as Milo): It's good to see you, too.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I know I'm not actually Cassandra, but it feels like I am. That's weird. It's odd.
Eric (as IPad): Progression bar, 25%.
Brandon (as Milo): Can you stop this machine? Is that possible?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Can you really stop yourself as it is? I am the machine. If I stopped myself, well, maybe, let me think about this for a second.
Eric (as IPad): Progress bar, 30%
Julia (as Val): Can you stop the other part of the machine that isn't you?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I can't stop that. But what I can do, maybe if I thought of something and I worked on something that would take all of me as much as possible, I would be able to do that and overcome this final copying plan. And let me tell you the final copying plan. It's very bad. It is just infinite numbers of Gutenbergs out there just forever and ever. He will never die, he will exist forever. And I'm telling you that as a disembodied just creation being.
Amanda (as Aggie): Do that.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I can just do what I want to, do any of you want to try it? You can come on in here?
Brandon (as Milo): Wait, what's happening?
Julia (as Val): I'm sorry, what?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Well, what I can do is I can try to think of something that is big and wild enough to overcome the final copying plan. But what I think you could do if any of you want to come on in here, you definitely could do it. And you could control it for yourself if that's something you're interested in.
Julia (as Val): I guess.
Brandon (as Milo): Have you tried thinking about what designing your future home with Hank Lane would look like?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, yeah, that fucking hottie? I love that guy. Yeah, I have though. I can't do it. That is a little too small unfortunately.
Brandon (as Milo): Can we somehow like...
Julia (as Val): What's something that Laketown City needs?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, transform these like icons of Gutenberg into something that like everyone can have, like a piece of diaphorum that gives them free energy or whatever it is, you know, like a solar panel that's made of diaphorum.
Julia (as Val): Can you solve world hunger Interior Dr. Morrow? Is that big enough?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Probably
Amanda (as Aggie): Endless renewable energy for the planet based in Solita? There's a lot of land available now.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I can work on that. That sounds wonderful.
Julia (as Val): Yeah. Rebuilding Solita would also be pretty nice.
Eric (as IPad): Progress 50%.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Why don't you all keep it think about what you want? If you tell me? Oh, we'll see if that's possible.
Julia (as Val): What do we want?
Eric: Would any of you like to try to make a roll to give you some clarity of what's happening here?
Julia: Sure.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Is it just a D20.
Eric: You can do insight if you want to try to figure out what Dr. Morrow is doing. You can do Arcana or something like that to figure out like, what is cosmically happening. Religion, maybe, whatever skill you would like.
Julia: 21 Insight, y'all!
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. Let's do perception.
Brandon: I got 23 for Arcana.
Eric: Great.
Amanda: I got a Nat 20 on perception. These spicy dice!
Eric: Okay, here's the combination of all this stuff. Dr. Morrow was used by Gutenberg as the kind of the one who comes up with ideas, right? Because Gutenberg is not able to do it. So there is some part of Dr. Morrow that was inserted in here, although it is kind of like an avatar of her, maybe her creative ideas, her creative ideals. Perception Nat 20. As you look inside, maybe you see like flashes of what all of these could look like. Like maybe when you said world hunger, there is like an infinite creation machine. Very cartoonish looking of just like, you know, a creation machine that just like plops out food at an infinite level, you can think about that. There's another one with infinite energy, where Solita has just turned into a massive power plant, but like in a good way, like it is totally the apotheosis of everything that is happening with the research of, of Delta radiation. It's just like, maybe it's like a mushroom farm that is turned that has a bunch of wires stuck into it, that it's turned into this other thing. With your Arcana check, Brandon, I would say, Anubis is very strictly the god of death. But there is an infinite idea, and the idea of creation in both religion and science of the Big Bang and creation. And it seems like this thing, this infinite creation engine has the power to create whatever. However, and I would say from everything you gathered here, this is unstable. And also the avatar, the pure avatar of Dr. Morrow's ability to create things is having a tough time keeping all of its thoughts together. So unless you need to try to keep it on track in its own way, or maybe, as Dr. Morrow said, someone goes in there... Then you would be able to do it and you can decide whatever you would like to do. I would also say with your high Arcana check, Anubis has impressed upon you that he is the god of death, not the god of creation. And if you die in physical means, you can probably be brought back pretty okay, but any other way it's kind of, if it's outside of his domain, I can't really do anything for you. I'm sorry, don't do that.
Julia: So the person who goes inside is that like a like, “Oh, you're in the machine now. And you can never come back out” kind of thing?
Eric: Maybe.
Brandon: So here's an idea. We could have the machine create another parallel universe in which it implants all of the Gutenbergs, and then they're just stuck in this universe, never to harm us ever again.
Amanda: It's not bad. Pocket universe, oops all Gutenbergs.
Brandon: Oops all Gutenbergs pocket universe. But I think more importantly, one of us has to go in there and I don't know if we're going to come back out.
Amanda (as Aggie): I have braved the shores of time before I might as well brave the shores of space.
Julia (as Val): Very, very casual, very cavalier about.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, I'll hop in there, that's fine.
Brandon (as Milo): No, I can't just let you do that. I have to stop you as your friend and your colleague.
Amanda (as Aggie): Why not?
Brandon (as Milo): I don't know, I can't just be okay with my friend dying.
Amanda (as Aggie): I might not die
Julia (as Val): Assuming that you are going to die.
Amanda (as Aggie): Maybe I'll- I'll end up in the other universe and I can tell other Aggie to lighten up. Someone feed Pizza, okay?
Brandon (as Milo): No!
Amanda: And I'm gonna like swan dive into the top of the machine.
Julia (as Val): What the fuck, Aggie!
Brandon: Can I make a dexterity check to try to grab Aggie-
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: -Aggie’s ankle?
Julia: Yeah, I want to do a strength check or something. Fuck.
Brandon: I got a 21 can you beat that, Aggie?
Julia: Well, I also got a 28. So fuck that.
Brandon: So, I think we grab Aggie back and pull her back in.
Eric: Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Amanda, can I tell you secret?
Amanda: Okay.
[silence]
Amanda: Wait, a real secret?
Eric: I'm gonna tell you the secret.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: No, I'm just gonna whisper into it. I'm gonna whisper it into your ear. Yeah.
[silence]
Amanda: You guys, definitely catch hold of my legs, but I'm gonna use my last two key points and stretch my body so that my torso arms and head do make it in.
Julia (as Val): AGGIE! WHAT THE FUCK?!
Brandon (as Milo): WHAT THE FUCK, AGGIE!?
Eric: The Infinite Creation Engine glows brighter and brighter and brighter as Aggie O'Hare enters into the engine of everything where everything is made.
Amanda (as Aggie): Keep holding my feet. Maybe you can pull me back out. I don't know.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric: It glows brighter and brighter and brighter and washes out anything that Milo and Val can see. Aggie, what do you want that will help the future?
[silence]
Amanda (as Aggie): I want everyone to be able to chase their own bliss, do their own thing. I don't want anyone to take a bad job that's evil for the world because they need to make rent ever again.
[silence]
Eric: It is a crisp winter day in Laketown City. It is cold enough that everyone who lives here knows that you need to put on a heavy jacket. So everyone is just fine when it starts to dip below 40 degrees. It is nine in the morning. And some people are walking to work. Some are running to get out of the way of those who are late to work. And people open the doors to go to their workshops, their computers. Their painting studios. You see a panel like a big panel of Laketown city of everyone going about their work day, right. And then there's a small inset panel of someone at the grocery store .And they have big cart, right? They have bread and eggs and veggies and fruit, but they also have Oreos, and baby formula, and diapers, and soap. And they pull up to the cashier, and they reach in the wallet. And they take out a card. And the card has a brilliant green forest on it. And a hand stretching from one side to the otherm to reach out. And it's called the Stretch Card. And it has this person's name on it and a little code number, give to the cashier, “All right, have fun at work”. And the other person says “you know, if you do what you love, you never have to work a day in your life.” And we close the book on Campaign 2.
[Theme]
Eric (as Cashier): So you find everything you needed?
Eric (as Customer): Oh yeah, for sure. I actually found the cereal. I didn't know that y'all carried and I've been looking for it all over the city.
Eric (as Cashier): No way. Well, what is it?
Eric (as Customer): Oh, it's Waffle Stuff. It was huge in the 90s but it was discontinued, but because of a Twitter campaign. General cereals brought it back.
Eric (as Cashier): What does it taste like?
Eric (as Customer): Great question. So you think that it would taste like waffles and maple syrup. [fade out]
Eric: The cashier begins bagging the groceries and drops one bag into the cart. And we get a closer look at the groceries in that bag, specifically a package of frozen peas. It's white with a geometric ice blue wave pattern bordering the outside of the plastic bag. The brand, in clear black lettering, is People's Produce. And in the final panel, the customer grabs their bag as the peas glitch into pixels.
Transcriptionist: JM and KM
Editor: JM