Troy’s youngest and most intense sister Di has a message for her doofus older brother. When you’re the outcast sibling in a royal family, that message isn’t just “get out of my room.”
My bonny lies over the ocean / my bonny lies over the sea / my bonny lies over the ocean / Haha Troy’s dating someone named Bonny!
Sponsors
- Volante Design, which makes some of the coolest clothing we’ve ever seen. Use code jointheparty at volantedesign.us for 10% off your entire order!
- Tab for a Cause, a great way to raise money for charity while browsing the internet. Join team JTP at tabforacause.org/jointheparty
Find Us Online
- website: https://jointhepartypod.com
- patreon: https://patreon.com/jointhepartypod
- instagram: https://instagram.com/jointhepartypod
- twitter: https://twitter.com/jointhepartypod
- tumblr: https://jointhepartypod.tumblr.com
- facebook: https://facebook.com/jointhepartypod
- merch & music: http://jointhepartypod.com/merch
Cast & Crew
- Game Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Umbi), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Chamomile Cassis), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Co-Host (Troy Riptide), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric (as Separatist): So, you think— you think there is— there is treasure here?
Eric (as Di): Of course, my friend. Why would there be so many guards around?
Eric (as Separatist): Oh, I don't know. It's still dangerous. I cannot even see anything. Are you sure you know we're going, Marie? No, mon frere, mon ami, no.
Eric (as Di): Of course. I've never steered you wrong. Just— come on, come on, just watch these spines. [falling, violent noises]
Eric (as Separatist): No, mo— mon frere. Mo— mon ami, no. [more falling, violent noises]
Eric (as Di): I'm so glad I don't have to do that stupid, big forest accent anymore.
Eric: Troy, this is your sister, DiAnnalyse, but of course, you know her as Di.
[theme]
Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. "The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire." This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!
[theme]
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: First stop in investigating the Kompos prison facility, the Big Hill, organized and dominated by Captain Graft and prison pirates wile away their time chasing cheese wheels and other leftover food that they throw down said hill. After playing a few games, the crew learns two important facts. One, Captain Graft has to be cheating, and there are barnacle eyes and ears everywhere, so you better watch what you say. All of a sudden, someone new is falling from the cave at the top of the facility, making a beeline for Troy. It's his precocious and incredibly intense sister Di. Here's a fun fact, when a new character is your brother or sister that means you're NPC-lated. Let's get the party started.
[theme]
Eric: DiAnnalyse jumps from the ledge inside of the spiny thorned cave, does three languid somersaults down, she opens her arms wide, almost flying squirrel-esque, slowing her descent as much as possible. And there she sees him, this doofus, this idiot, this absolute goober, Troy— she doesn't know how Troy got into this mess, but she knows that she did— that he definitely did. And he did it like walking into a room filled with mouths traps and saying, "Oh, what does this do?" And then, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap.
Amanda (as Troy): I was once really surprised by a mouse trap.
Eric (as Di): Ugh. This is just like the time he was surprised by the mouse trap. Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap.
Julia: Melon mice.
Eric: Yeah. The honey mi— honey, honey—
Julia: I'm going with melon mice because there is a melon that is called the mouse melon.
Eric: Oh, that's good. I like it.
Brandon: Oh, that's good.
Eric: I was thinking of rodent dew but I like yours.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: I like yours more.
Brandon: Rodent dew is both the worst and the best thing I've ever heard in my entire life.
Eric: Only at Taco Bells can you get this queso flavored Mountain Dew.
Julia: Gross.
Eric: With her eyes locked on her target, that's when Di pivots into a dive and focuses right on Troy, gaining speed, gaining speed, knowing that his muscles and the marshmallow fluff that occupies where our brain should be—
Julia: Damn.
Eric: —would probably cushion her fall, and slam. One forearm on his throat, she throws the hood of her cowl off and says—
Eric (as Di): Troy, what do you think you're doing?
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, my God, Di, that's crazy you're here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Di, do we need to kill her? What— what's going on? Oh my god.
Julia (as Cammie): Hi.
Amanda (as Troy): Guys, this is my little sister, DiAnnalyse.
Julia (as Cammie): Whoa.
Brandon (as Umbi): What?
Amanda (as Troy): Gu— Di, Di, these are my brothers in arms. This is my crew. There's Cammie, there's Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): You have a family?
Amanda: There's also— there's— there's Havana and, there's Sil and Harold. Oh, there's so many people I want you to meet.
Eric (as Di): Of course, that's the thing that you're focused on. And don't think I didn't notice that you did— you threatened to kill me, old man. I heard it, and it's noted in my— in my bra— in my brain notebook. I have it up there.
Brandon (as Umbi): No, no, no, no, I wasn't— no, I wasn't threatening. I just heard my crewmates say, "Di," and I was like, "Oh, no." I'm like, "Do I need to be activated?" You know?
Amanda (as Troy): Diana, I did learn how to read. I read a whole book. My whole personality is different now.
Brandon (as Umbi) : He did do it. I saw it.
Julia (as Cammie): It was about barrels.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. I know so many things about barrels and also friendship. But this is great. I was just gonna approach the guards and be like, "Hey, I'm Prince Troyvides Riptide. You should just let me come over. Let me in— let me out— let me out of the prison thing. You have like a friend of mine. Like, let's— let them all out." And now, there's two of us.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, you have an envoy now?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Di): No, I'm not here. I'm not here, Troy. And you two never saw me.
Amanda (as Troy): Huh?
Eric (as Di): Old man, floppy hair-- floppy hat.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Eric (as Di): I'm not here. Actually, Troy, can you hold this?
Eric: She pulls a backpack out from behind the cloak that wa— has been fluttering behind her. She pulls out two little figurines, they're of stags, but the stags have like little oranges on their antlers.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: Adorable.
Brandon: Cute.
Eric: They're carved out like a dark wood, and she gives both of them to you and be like—
Eric (as Di): Can you just— just hold this for a second?
Amanda (as Troy): Are these gonna explode like last time?
Eric (as Di): No, those were birds.
Julia: Can I do an Arcana Check on these?
Eric: Sure. And she's rooting around her backpack.
Julia: That's a 14 plus 5 for a 19.
Eric: Ooh, interesting. Sometimes figurines are imbued with magic.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And they can turn into full size animals.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: These are little, like, figurines of power. So theoretically, if you say the magic word, a figurine like this could turn into a fruiting stag and run around and do some damage. But you don't know what the magic word is, and also, which one of these is magic?
Brandon (as Umbi): Only one of them?
Julia (as Cammie): Only one of them is magic?
Eric: Question mark.
Brandon (as Umbi): Question mark?
Eric: Maybe?
Julia: Can I also, potentially with my 19, tell whether or not this kind of magic would work in the kind of non-magic bubble we're in?
Eric: Maybe.
Julia: Maybe, okay.
Eric: It's possible. It's possible. I mean, bomb— some bombs have worked, some bombs haven't. If you found more magical objects, maybe they would work and maybe they wouldn't.
Julia: Maybe if it's carved, it's very possible, like, nature magic works. But I think Cammie looks at them and says—
Julia (as Cammie): Just as a heads up, those might not work down here. They're very cool.
Eric (as Di): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): I like them.
Eric: As she— she's still rooting around in this bi— backpack. She's now, like, fully inside of it, her entire top half is now like jammed inside of her backpack and be like—
Eric (as Di): Oh, wow, really? Cool. I'll— I'll look into that. For sure.
Julia (as Cammie): Are you stuck? Do you need someone to pull you out?
Eric (as Di): Oh, no. I just needed enough time to find this.
Eric: And she pulls a lily out of her backpack. She drops it on the ground and then you hear [unfolding noise] Umbi and Cammie, you can't see Troy anymore. Troy, you're inside what feels like a little tent, is like the— the diffuse light kind of strea— is now streaming through. You know when you're in a tent, and it's just kind of like orange and hot in there?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah. Like, the light from outside is— is streaming through and you're like in this cramped little tent with your sister.
Amanda (as Troy): Di, I thought we were never going back in the chrysalis.
Eric (as Di): Only when we're— only for emergencies. Troy, do you know what you're doing?
Amanda (as Troy): I'm trying real hard to do the right thing, and I know that one of my friends was trapped down here, so I came in to bust them out.
Eric (as Di): You can't— Troy, you can't— you can't just do— you can't just do things because you want to do them, because you got to think at least two steps ahead, if not one, think one step ahead.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. This step is get to the prison, get out Kidd, get all the keys, find the Salmon. That's four steps.
Eric (as Di): And which part exactly was take your wings out and fly it around like it's a big target on your back. Which one was that?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, that was several steps in the past, so— like a few, and it was sort of an emergency.
Eric (as Di): Well, everyone knows now, so good job. That's— so they're here. I'm just— can you—you're—are you okay? Are you fine?
Amanda (as Troy): Are you okay? Where have you been?
Eric (as Di): I'm— I was on assignment.
Amanda (as Troy): With like—
Eric (as Di): Well, I guess you don't know that. I was on assignment. I'm very good at everything I do and— and Hy was like, "Oh, go do something, stop bothering me." And I'm like, "Fine." So and then they throw me in the big forest and I've been destabilizing Separatist groups there. It's very fun. I'm really enjoying myself.
Amanda (as Troy): One of my best friends is a Separatist, is the— is this sort of like the new development here.
Eric (as Di): Oh, my God.
Amanda (as Troy): And I've been thinking they might have a point.
Eric (as Di): My god!
Amanda (as Troy): And maybe our just, like, iron-handed rule over a part of the country that does not want to be ruled by us, maybe is like a conversation that we should have?
Eric: She puts a dagger in your hand and says—
Eric (as Di): Can you stab me?
Amanda (as Troy): Okay, hold on.
Eric (as Di): And then I'll go see the Planter and say, "Can you do something about my brother?" And then the Planter will be like, "Oh, I don't know, he’s on his journey." I'll be like, "Okay, fine." And then I'll claw myself back from being dead, and come back to you, and still be deeply annoyed, and everything that's happening here.
Amanda (as Troy): I kind of met the Planner, it was really interesting.
Julia (as Cammie): Knock, knock.
Eric: Cammie and Umbi, you just hear—
Julia (as Cammie): Knock, knock.
Eric: You— you're like— it's like invisible, but it's that thing where it's like that invisible camo sort of thing where it looks shimmery.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: And now, you're hearing— [muffled voice]
Julia (as Cammie): I'm hearing a lot of angry voices, knock, knock. Is everything okay in there?
Eric: It's like the kno— you're knocking and it's like soft. Again, this is like a tent. You just hear like the rubbing of— of your hand on, like, nylon windbreaker material.
Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie, do you just want to, like, brew some tea or something while we wait?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, what— what are you in the mood for?
Brandon: You know what I would like to do, Eric, actually?
Eric: Yeah, y'all— y'all can do stuff.
Brandon: I would like to— while we're waiting here, Umbi is just gonna rack his brain, and he's not sure, but maybe he thinks he knows her.
Julia: Sure. Why not?
Eric: Alright, let's do it. Let's see.
Amanda: Are you my father?
Brandon: What a twist.
Eric: On a 10, maybe?
Brandon: It’s a 3.
Eric: It's a 3. Yeah, give me a history check, though.
Brandon: I got a 9 plus 4 for a 13.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Pretty good.
Brandon: Not bad.
Eric: So what do you do when you're a royal in power, whether through divine right or you push yourself there, and you have, like, 10 siblings?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: What do you do with them? Well, some of them, you tell them to go and join a religious— a reli— some of them you want them to be part of the religion which is— because it's helpful.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: You kind of send some of them abroad to marry a princess or two.
Brandon: Right. You eat some of them.
Eric: And yeah, you gotta eat some of them because they're too small, so you might as well just—
Brandon: Right.
Eric: —take care of that. And then for the most precocious ones, maybe you send them into— I don't know, if the American Secret Service is a scalpel, maybe you send them in the hammer version of that.
Brandon: Otherwise known as the SEA-IA.
Amanda: Ooh.
Eric: Pretty good, pretty good, pretty good. So well, if Troy has a sister who can dive bomb out of the— like a thousand feet up and hit them squarely in the chest, maybe she's a more powerful character than—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —you would assume for Troy's baby sister.
Brandon: Well, as Umbi takes a long slurp of delicious—
Julia: Oolong.
Brandon: —oolong, he says—
Brandon (as Umbi): You know, I've seen—seen some people like this before. They think they sort of own the Bialy. They think they can go around and do whatever they want, so maybe we should be careful.
Julia (as Cammie): I mean, we're pirates. Don't we also go around thinking we can do whatever we want?
Brandon (as Umbi): We go around thinking we could take what we want.
Julia (as Cammie): Is that not doing?
Brandon (as Umbi): We don't think we already own it.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh.
Brandon (as Umbi): We ca— we can own it.
Julia (as Cammie): We— we acknowledge that it's stealing.
Brandon (as Umbi): We have a— we have a humbleness, you know, a modesty.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-huh.
Amanda: Just the transparency about what's going on here.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, transparency.
Julia (as Cammie): Uh-huh.
Eric: We weren't born on third base. We're just trying to scalp tickets outside.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Sometimes you steal second and then you go, "Sorry."
Eric: Yeah. And then I was like, "I— were you using this base? I'll put it back. If you'll— if you pay me for it." Inside the tent, Di says—
Eric (as Di): I'm just looking out for my little brother when he's doing something that's incredibly stupid and is walking into things that he doesn't understand, which is fine because Troy, my sweet Troy doesn't understand lots of stuff. I just— and also, I'll tell you that Hy is worried about you and wants you not to be, you know, pinned up by your wings when something that's a little bit outside of his— a little bit— that's even outside of his ability to help you.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh. I get it. Hy is not worried about me. Hy is worried about the things I do affecting how people see him. Oh.
Eric (as Di): Wow, it sounds like you read more than just a barrel book, huh? Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): And in case you've forgotten, I'm older than you.
Eric (as Di): Hmm, I think that when you leave, you definitely drop down in the age order.
Julia: Not how that works.
Eric (as Di): So I'm gonna continue— I'm going to continue with that. There— and you know, I— you know how Hy goes, it's one and the same. And I don't— and I think you should give him a little bit more credit that he doesn't want you to be— have your guts all over this— spread all over the Great Salt Sea.
Amanda (as Troy): Sure, but his guts are going to be spread all over his bed throne one day, and until that day comes—
Eric: Okay. Damn, dude. Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): —I'm trying to make sure that our world doesn't run out of, like, water and food, because someone from Hothouse or whatever thought it was a good idea to take over.
Julia: Rude.
Amanda (as Troy): Or Open Fields, or Overstalk, or any of them, or the Crags for that matter.
Eric (as Di): Troy, you have no idea what you're talking about—
Amanda (as Troy): Maybe I'm the one who knows—
Eric (as Di): —especially when we're talking about international politics.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, maybe I'm the one who knows something about what the real world is like, having lived in the Great Salt Sea and not in some backwoods corner of the Crags for the last two years.
Brandon: Got 'em.
Amanda (as Troy): Things are bad out here, and we're not helping. We, the Crags, we the Breakstones, we're not doing anything to help people, okay?
Eric (as Di): I—
Amanda (as Troy): And the Diamond Knot, they're making things worse, not better.
Eric (as Di): I killed a caterpillar the size of a bus for lunch one day.
Julia: Pretty dope. That's pretty dope.
Eric (as Di): So don't tell me what I've seen and what you've seen.
Julia: Seems like a waste for just lunch.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: How big is a bus in Verda Stello? Is that like— is it like really big or really small?
Julia: Pretty big.
Eric: It's bus— Brandon, it's bus size. They have buses. Brandon, they have buses.
Brandon: They have buses?
Eric: They have buses. That's fine.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): So unless you're here to help me break my friends who have been unjustly imprisoned out of this Diamond Knot prison secret facility where they have, by the way, a blackberry dragon just eating people after they give them lunch.
Eric (as Di): Yeah, I have a dossier.
Eric: And she hits you with a folder.
Amanda: Can Troy grab it?
Eric: Make a dexterity check against your— against your secret agent sister.
Amanda: 16.
Eric: I roll—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I rolled a Natural 20.
Julia: Fuck.
Brandon: Fuck.
Eric: She— she crafts— yeah, you go after the folder, she hits you with it again and then puts it back in her backpack.
Amanda (as Troy): No, no, no. Are you here to break me out and no one else or are you here to tell me I'm embarrassing Hy?
Eric (as Di): The second one, but also that I want you to be okay and no, I can't break you out. I shouldn't— they don't even know I'm here. They shouldn't— I shouldn't be— only a very select number of people know I'm even here in the first place and they certainly don't know that we're related, and we extremely certainly don't know that they're in— we're inside— we're inside of a tent together talking about this.
Amanda (as Troy): So how are you gonna get out?
Eric (as Di): They're gonna let me out.
Amanda (as Troy): You're gonna walk up to the door and say, "Hi, I'm Prince Troy's little sister."?
Eric (as Di): No, I— no, that's what I'm trying to tell you, don't do that. You can't—
Julia: Too late, too late
Eric (as Di): Don't do that explicitly.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I'm gonna.
Eric (as Di): Okay, I know that— you're gonna— you're gonna help me?
Amanda (as Troy): I'm gonna help myself.
Eric (as Di): I— you already have, that’s what I'm telling you. The barnacles have eyes and ears, you've already done— everyone knows. It's in the dossier.
Eric: She hits you with it again.
Amanda: Can I try a second time?
Eric: Yeah, sure.
Amanda: [dice roll] Oh. Natural 1. Sorry.
Eric: Oh, yeah, I rolled high. She hits you with it again.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. So the resources of a covert, yeah, I know what that means, Operation of the Crags have sent you here—
Eric (as Di): What does covert mean? No, Tro— hold on. Wait a second. Troy. What does covert mean?
Amanda (as Troy): It means you do it behind everyone's backsies.
Eric (as Di): Oh, I thought you were gonna say you do it in a cove. Okay, continue.
Amanda: Troy tries really hard not to laugh.
Amanda (as Troy): You've been sent here to tell me I'm embarrassing Hy?
Eric (as Di): No. What— hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): Tell him—
Eric (as Di): No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I— I was being— I was being mean, no. Hy sent me here to make sure you're okay, which you are a little bit, I guess.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm great.
Eric (as Di): Just— can you be a little smart? They're not going to let you out. They know you're here. So if you're gonna get out, do it however you want. That's fine. But saying your Prince Troy is not going to make it happen. Say— saying you're the abdicated now pirate Prince Troy isn't going to make it happen. That's what I'm trying to tell you, because I ha— looked at how big this dossier is.
Eric: Then she flips— she, like, shows you, like, 30 pages.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay. And does it have, like, the secret way for prisoners to get out that we know about but we haven't had time to fix yet?
Eric (as Di): See, look at this. [pages flipping] Yes, it does.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. So what is it? Give me a hint. Because sometimes being smart is saying, "I don't really know that word." What does that mean?
Julia: It's true, Troy. It's true.
Eric: Make a charisma check against your sister.
Amanda: [dice roll] It's just an 8.
Eric (as Di): They would know if I told you. Just— just think for a— just think for a second. This place might look impenetrable and sad and depressing, and they constantly make you feel sad and depressed at all time, but it's just so that you can't rub two brain cells together because you're too busy getting slur— you're too busy getting slurped up by the dragon.
Amanda (as Troy): How about this?
Amanda: And Troy takes a dagger out of his boot, holds it up to her throat. And can I do an intimidation check where I'm like play acting that she can truthfully say I was threatened into saying what the escape route is?
Brandon: Hmm. Smart.
Eric: That's pretty good. That's pretty good.
Amanda: Can I try?
Eric: No, you don't have to roll for that. That's a good idea. Just show me how it's going.
Amanda: Troy's gonna think for a second, very slowly and obviously like a giant dog trying to play like take backsies with a puppy. Take a dagger out of his boot, slowly hold it up to her throat, and say—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, no. It sure would be bad if you did get murdered by your rogue brother Troy. Unless, of course, you told me the one way out of this underwater prison. Heh? Heh?
Julia: Heh? Heh?
Eric (as Di): I'm trying to think if it's more embarrassing that this was a good idea or that I couldn't subdue you because you got the jump on me? Okay. What can—what can your friends do?
Amanda (as Troy): Cammie, law magic, mostly based on tea. Sometimes it is tea from her, sometimes it is tea from other plants. Umbi throws lot of bombs, knows a lot of random people, seems to have slept with a lot of people's wives, where I'll get into that. Also friendship and firing cannons.
Eric (as Di): Alright. I can— alright. I can make it up. So—
Amanda (as Troy): Also, what's this lily? This is amazing.
Eric (as Di): It's classified. I can't tell you about it.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, my God.
Eric (as Di): Well, I— oh, I thought I was in the middle of being interrogated and threatened with a knife.
Amanda (as Troy): I still know where you're ticklish. I still know where you're ticklish.
Eric (as Di): [shouts] No! Okay, fine. I'll tell you— I'll tell you myself. Troy, I hate you. Don't do that.
Amanda (as Troy): I love you too, Di. It's really good to see you. I miss you a lot. Did you know men can be doctors? Blew my mind, blew my mind. Now, I work with one.
Eric (as Di): I think you should pay special attention to next time the blackberry dragon comes out. Maybe get as close to it as you can.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric (as Di): But you wouldn't do that because it's ferocious and terrible, and you'd die.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Di): So don't do that.
Amanda (as Troy): Good thing I'm so brave and stupid.
Eric (as Di): And also don't threaten me with a knife.
Eric: She knocks it out of your hand with the— with the dossier.
Amanda (as Troy): Hey, look.
Amanda: Troy picks it up. It's the retractable souvenir knife from the Book Depository.
Eric (as Di): Ugh. Okay, fine.
Eric: On the bottom of the tent, there's like a little rug that's in like an extended lily, she steps on the middle and it goes— [folding up noise] the tent disappears back into the lily.
Julia (as Cammie): How does that work?
Brandon: And you see Umbi with a bomb in his hand and he slowly puts the lit fuse to his tongue to put it out.
Eric: Oh, can I have that? I'm gonna do a dexterity check for her to take it from you.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: I'll give Umbi the help faction.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Okay. 19 total.
Eric: Oh, I also got a 19. Let's roll again.
Brandon: Roll again. That time I got a 4 and an 8, so an 11.
Eric: Okay, I got a 23.
Julia: Jesus Christ, Brandon.
Eric: She— she takes the bomb from you, be like—
Eric (as Di): Oh, I— I needed one of these. Thank you—
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, do you know—
Eric: She just— she just drops it into her backpack.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, no.
Amanda (as Troy): And— and so, yeah, stay out. I love you. I'm sorry. I really miss you.
Eric (as Di): Yeah. Okay. Sure. Alright.
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you, like, want to have dinner or lunch or something with us?
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, I'm super hungry.
Brandon (as Umbi): And chill?
Eric (as Di): I— the—
Julia (as Cammie): There's a bad banana, that was the only real food I've seen.
Eric (as Di): Oh, sacre bleu. I— I did not know what you're talking about. I am— just been thrown into the prison and I guess— when is the food call around here?
Amanda (as Troy): Do you know Jacque?
Brandon (as Umbi): Why are you French?
Julia (as Cammie): What— what's your name?
Eric (as Di): I am Marie. I am the ones— the leaders of the separatist group fighting against Cragish mo— monarchist, terrible, putting us all out.
Julia (as Cammie): You're one of the leaders?
Amanda (as Troy): You're the leader?
Eric (as Di): Yeah, in the— well, I'm not the leader. Just a fraternity— just a fraternity— we are a—
Julia (as Cammie): You should probably know the whole phrase.
Eric (as Di): I'm near the top, they believe— they trust—we trust in each— in each other.
Amanda (as Troy): And because you're like three years old, that's very impressive how quickly that happened.
Eric (as Di): I am— I am 7— I am— I am 17 years old and I have a lot of experience and— and my youthful spirit takes me—
Amanda (as Troy):Yeah, raised out in those forests, a hard life certainly—
Eric (as Di): I— I was captured from— from the— the— from a Cragish town and then I found— but I found purpose with the— the separatist group of Le Mans.
Julia (as Cammie): I was also very precocious when I was 17.
Eric (as Di): True. I was also thrown— yeah, the— the— those are my comrades, I need to go find them.
Amanda (as Troy): So you're with those guys?
Amanda: And Troy gestures over at— where the other Separatists are picking themselves up from the floor.
Eric: Yeah, there were, like, next to the dragon and you see like—
Eric (as Di): Oh, no, my head, it hurts so much.
Brandon (as Umbi): I thought members of this SEA-IA were— were better than this—
Eric (as Di): I am not talking about this. I needed to go find lunch. Pardon me. Excusez moi.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Okay.
Eric: And she—she, like, whips her— her cloak away and she trudges over to the food pile.
Amanda: Troy is gonna rummage around his pockets. Does he have a— just like a notebook?
Eric: Yeah, I'm sure.
Amanda: Yeah, he's gonna— he's gonna write a note real quick that says, "Di undercover, gave me a hint. We need to get close to the blackberry dragon." And shows it to Cammie and Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, we kind of figured that first part.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. Okay. I think we could do that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, but— yeah, we could do that.
Amanda (as Troy): Nice to have some new neighbors, I guess. Good thing I never met this one before, pretty awkward. They're couping against my brother. Okay, let's get lunch.
Julia (as Cammie): Your life seemed complicated before you became a pirate, Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Certainly, the life for me. I don't like being reminded of the old one.
Amanda: And then he scribbles down on the page, " I am lying. Underline, underline."
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Cool. So the food's out. There's still some time when the— before the blackberry dragon comes out. You don't know when it is, because it's kind of— the food's been put out on a different time schedule than what is usually assumed that Bramble told you. But what do you want to do?
Julia: Eric, I have like logistics question about the dragon.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: So this thing, when it comes out of its little like porthole situation.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: It seems like it was kind of like sucking through the town, and I'm picturing it as like a cone of impact and stuff like that.
Eric: Yeah, sure.
Julia: Is there a way of, like, getting around it to the other side to kind of not be impacted by the sucking?
Eric: Oh, that's a good question.
Amanda: Like if we stood right next to the collar.
Julia: When it first comes out, or like behind where we think it usually faces. I know probably there's still a sense of danger, but there's not as much danger in the sucking.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. There's certainly space to do that if you'd like. Without experience, I cannot tell you, or you would not know whether or not this is actually a safe space to go or like if you've been close to a upset thrashing blackberry dragon, is it a good idea or a bad idea? But that logic is sound, for sure. You're not like in the immediate sucking facility.
Amanda: You can say splash zone. It's not copyrighted.
Eric: You're not in the immediate sucking splash zone.
Brandon: Jesus Christ. I hate this game. Well, that's a good point, because I would love to go to that area and do a little scout, a little scout around to see what the, like, largest rock or tree or bush or whatever is around there that's like, you know, an object of some kind,
Julia: Something that has survived to the sucking in the past.
Eric: Yeah, for sure.
Brandon: Assuming there is something like that, I would love to just pour a potion of growth on it because I can use that on a creature or an object.
Julia: Oh.
Brandon: It doubles in size in all dimensions and its weight is multiplied by 8.
Eric: Ooh, that's interesting.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Brandon: So that means that, like, we have at least some sort of anchor while we're next to this dragon.
Amanda: So smart. We can use the friendship necklace to hold us.
Brandon: Ooh, that's smart too.
Eric: Okay, yeah. Yeah, y'all can— you can definitely go over there. So if we look back at our map, right now the food pile is over next to the door, but the blackberry dragon porthole is its own section. So you can definitely go over there, yeah.
Brandon: Toit.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Yeah. I— I think it looks like— look like we're taking the long way to the food or something just in case we get looked at, but I think that's a good idea.
Eric: Yeah, you can take a long way, for sure. Cool. I like it. So yeah, it's pretty far. It takes you a little while to walk over that you like— you're kind of crossing the whole town to get there. But you are now over— you're now over the blackberry dragon. So, again, it is this massive porthole. There seems to be some sort of opening mechanism that lets the— the blackberry dragon come out. But right now, there's just like these chains that are crisscrossing in front of the porthole with his big iron collar, which you saw the blackberry dragon get in there. They're huge. Each link of the chain is bigger than your body. Like, these are— these are huge, huge, huge, strong chains. The chains are stuck into the ground. It is pretty desolate around, though I can say that for what you're looking for, Brandon, there's like some stumps, for sure. There's things that may be used to be there that got ripped out of the ground from various sucking. So you would be expanding something that is pretty negligible, but you could make it pretty— you could certainly make it pretty large.
Brandon: Well, I imagine anything that's still there is at least strong enough to withstand some amount of suckage.
Eric: Yeah, like the angle, because it's close enough, the angle of suckage is not as strong, for sure, for sure.
Brandon: Yeah. So, yeah, I think like a trunk is a good idea to just, like, make it big.
Eric: Yeah, there's a stump that's there. Yeah.
Brandon: Cool. Let's make that shit big.
Eric: Okay, cool. So as you're pouring the potion out, because you're pouring into a liquid, right?
Brandon: Goddammit.
Eric: It starts to dissipate a little bit.
Brandon: No, no, no. I put it right up on the stump.
Eric: No, no, no, I'm not just—
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Wait for me to say what I'm going— let me just say what I'm going to say.
Brandon: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Eric: The way it starts to dissipate, like it starts to spread out. You know, I don't know if you've ever seen like, you know, in— when you— you see a— an octopus shoot ink out in the ocean—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —or trying to drink water in space, like it just starts to dissipate because you're not in— you're not in oxygen.
Brandon: Right.
Eric: You're in the sub thing. So it dissipates a little bit. So both this stump and then there's like a little sprout next to the stump and a rock next to the stump, each of these grow five times the size.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: So there's a lot— a few of these things grow. So now you have like a little— almost a little— not like a bunker, but you have a line of stuff here. There's like this big sprout. Now, this kind of like the strength of a vine and thickness of a vine here. You have this rock that's kind of expanded from just like a little, maybe, a rock that's in a wall. It's kind of expanded to like small boulder size, and now this stump is like, boom, size of car.
Brandon: Fuck yeah.
Eric: And I know I said 5 times, but this is what it is.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: But it's not as large as it would have been. You said 8 times, it's 5 times, but it spread out and got some stuff. The stump also has some roots. You see it starts to poke out from the ground. Like, you— when you're pulling driftwood out of the beach, it like pokes— because the ground around here is so fucked up by all the suckage, it's like really— it's so arid, it just kind of like the—the growth of this thing breaks the soil down there.
Brandon: That's fair. That's fair.
Amanda: I wonder if that destabilize is any of the chain anchors.
Brandon: Who can say?
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: As Umbi's doing that, Troy crouches down and like gestures Cammie over, looks around— actually, any— any barnacles that I see nearby?
Eric: Yeah, make a perception check.
Julia: I'll do a perception as well.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: [dice roll] Oh, it's Natural 20.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Oh, never mind, then. I rolled a 2, so fuck me.
Eric: Cammie's like, "This dragon's so big."
Julia (as Cammie): I wonder if you can see it—
Julia: Like, is the porthole close?
Eric: Porthole's closed, you can't— that's a good question, actually. With your two, I'll let— you can't see inside of the porthole. It is this foggy, smoky, something— nothingness that's on the other side.
Amanda: Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): I wonder what his home looks like.
Eric: What do you think it looks like? As Cammie— a thought bubble appears above Cammie's head.
Julia: Cammie pictures basically the first room in Willy Wonka where they walk in and it's Pure Imagination playing.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia: That's what it looks like in her mind.
Eric: And there's a blackberry dragon going— [roars]
Julia (as Cammie): There is no life I know. [roars]
Eric (as NPC): Oh, no. Let's go. Aaah! Every Oompa Loompa for themselves. Get out of here. Get out of the way.
[theme]
Amanda: Hello, everybody. It's Amanda. And welcome to the mid-roll, where we have two new friends to hang out with. It's Alex and Kira, the newest people to join our Patreon over at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. I know that they are in Discord already, aka the best place on the internet, and they have dozens and dozens scores, in fact, if you would, of bonus posts to catch up on on Patreon. There's Party Planning, our patron-only podcast that comes out every other week in both audio and video form. There are bonuses from Campaigns 1, 2, and 2 and a half. There's all kinds of great stuff. There's ad-free episodes. There's even the chance to play a custom One Shot RPG with the four of us and you on a video call. It's truly so much fun. So join us for as little as five bucks a month at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. This week at Multitude, it is one of the best times in this job because we get to welcome new friends to the club. We get to welcome a brand-new member show to the Multitude Collective and two incredible new hosts. This is Wow If True. And it is your one-stop internet culture shop, explaining how what's happening online shapes the real world. It's hosted by internet experts and real-life besties, the tech culture journalist Amanda Ralts Silberling and science fiction author/attorney/— I'm going to add this, this is not in the copy, meme lord, Isabel J. Kim, Esq. More importantly, this is the only podcast that will mention both Neopets and horizontal mergers in the same episode and I truly can't think of anything more me and more exciting. Trust me, you're gonna love Wow If True. They are asking and answering your burning questions about the internet, like who is Bigolas Dickolas? Why are Silicon Valley bros. biohacking their mouths? Why are YouTubers locking people in grocery stores? And so much more. So check out Wow If True wherever you find your podcasts. New episodes come out every other Wednesday. You're gonna love it. I promise. We are sponsored this week by Volante Designs, an incredible website that makes you feel like you are the protagonist, the main character in your own story, no NPC fashions for you, okay? They make high-quality handmade jackets and other apparel that bring that energy into your everyday life, whether it's you're officially licensed lines like Assassin's Creed, Devil May Cry, and Star Trek, or their original collections, like their cyberpunk and modern ninja lines. They have something that is going to make you feel incredible. Their sizing and size charts are fairly inclusive and don't put you in weird gender boxes, which I really appreciate. And they even were kind enough to make a discount code just for Join the Party listeners. And listen, as a small business, I know that it is difficult to do discount codes and not always possible, so I really appreciate that they made one for us. And so if you go to volantedesign.us, you can use the code jointheparty for 10% off your order. That's jointheparty all one word for 10% off your order. Trust me, if you are going to Gen Con or any of these other big conventions coming up soon and you see someone in a badass leather jacket, know that it's going to be from Volante Design, okay? We are also sponsored this week by Tab for a Cause. And those of you who maybe don't have a ton of discretionary income or you live outside of the US or North America, and you're like, "Oh, some of these sponsors sound amazing, but I don't necessarily want to pay high shipping fees." I have a great sponsor for you, it's Tab for a Cause, a totally free browser extension that helps you, as part of team Join the Party, raise money for charity while just doing your thing online. Doesn't matter what country you live in, and it doesn't cost you a thing. Basically, you install the browser extension, and then whenever you open a new tab, it shows you a really pretty photo and a small text ad the bottom of the screen. And the way it works is that that ad money goes toward a charity of your choice. So you can join team Join the Party by signing up at tabforacause.org/jointheparty. We get reports every month about how much money team Join the Party has raised for charity, and it makes me incredibly proud. So if you want to raise money for charity and see pretty images while doing your thing online, totally for free, go to tabforacause.org/jointheparty. And now, let's get back to the show.
[theme]
Brandon: Do we think maybe that the chained up dragon is the baby of this larger dragon, which we fell down its mouth into this prison?
Amanda: That'd be really interesting and fucked up. I definitely want to let the dragon free.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: That would be fucked up.
Brandon: I was also wondering like, do we think that it's not a, like, organic versus magic thing? It's just like every other spell works?
Julia: I don't think so.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: It's possible. With my Nat 20, Eric, do I see any surveillance devices that's close to the dragon?
Eric: No. There— you would not put surveillance devices this close because why would you need surveillance devices when they're all just gonna die? With a Nat 20, I can tell you for certain, there is no one watching you when you're this close to the dragon.
Amanda: Cool. So Troy huddles in with the team.
Amanda (as Troy): So we're going to let this dragon free, right? Because it looks so upset.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, I think we should— yes, but I think we should maybe wait one cycle to just, like, observe first.
Julia (as Cammie): We want to figure out what's going on that— that French lady told us about.
Brandon (as Umbi): Your sister?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, no one— no one can hear us hear by the dragon because they're— because it's like, "Hey, I'm designing a prison. I'm not gonna put a camera by the guillotine because why would people like hanging out over there?"
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. I mean—
Amanda (as Troy): You know?
Julia (as Cammie): —we should probably set the dragon free, if only so that it stops eating prisoners.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, maybe it can eat the guards instead.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh. That's a good idea.
Julia (as Cammie): I don't— I don't think there's a guarantee that it particularly focuses on the guards and not the prisoners if we set it free.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is there a chance that it really likes wheels of cheese? We have a lot of those.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): That's true. That's true. But yeah, anyway, sorry about that. I don't know where she got that tent from, but she's basically saying like, oh, I'm being embarrassing and I'm gonna get myself in danger if I—if I'm like in this prison, and then say like, "Hey, I'm Troy," which I was going to do. But I like the idea of— of breaking this collar, freeing this dragon a lot better. So if they want to, like, come out here and try to arrest me, like, I'll re— arrest me more then I— that's fine, but I like the idea of trying to get in, and get the dragon out, and break everyone out of here.
Julia (as Cammie): I wonder if they would intercede if like, you know, you got eaten by the dragon, and that might start an international incident?
Amanda (as Troy): That can be kind of fun.
Brandon (as Umbi): Well, I mean, like no offense, but like your own country kind of does its own murderers all the time.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Brandon (as Umbi): So like—
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, but his brother is currently the king.
Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah, but will he be the king tomorrow? Who knows?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, but I think he would— like, here's the thing, Umbi, it's not that like he doesn't want me, his brother, to die, it's more like you can't kill my brother, I gotta kill my brother. Like that's— that's the situation.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): Does your brother want to kill you? Is that something we should be concerned about?
Amanda (as Troy): I mean, probably— pro— maybe— maybe in like— with like noogies. Do you guys have noogies in Open Fields?
Julia (as Cammie): No.
Brandon (as Umbi): No. What's that?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah. It's when you get your sibling under your— your elbow and then you, like, rub them into— into the scalp real— real hard and—
Brandon (as Umbi): Why would you do that?
Amanda (as Troy): Just to, like, make them sad and hurt them a little.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah, we don't do that.
Amanda (as Troy): And show your dominance. Anyway, I think he'd be upset with me but more upset with someone else if they killed me before he got a chance to, like, embarrass me.
Brandon (as Umbi): Hmm.
Eric (as Di): Oh, it would just be like this.
Eric: Troy's pulled into a noogie by his sister with her cloak billing— billowing behind her.
Amanda (as Troy): No. No.
Eric (as Di): I got it, I got it, I got, I got it, I got it.
Amanda (as Troy): Marie, stranger, no.
Eric (as Di): Say I'm the best. Say I'm the best. Say I'm the best.
Amanda (as Troy): Get— get down here, Di. How do we get out of here? I think the dragon’s free.
Eric (as Di): Say I'm the best. I'm noogieng. I'm noogieng. No one— no one's watching. There's no— I—
Amanda (as Troy): You're the best.
Julia (as Cammie): Di, your— your brother wants to set the dragon free, good idea?
Eric (as Di): You don't—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, it looks sad.
Eric (as Di): What?
Amanda (as Troy): It looks sad. It's being held captive.
Julia (as Cammie): It looks sad.
Eric (as Di): Yeah. I'm sure it's sad. It's kept— its captive inside of this terrible prison.
Amanda (as Troy): Like me, and so I need to set it free.
Eric (as Di): You're cap— who are you captive by?
Amanda (as Troy): Diamond Knot, underwater prison, Kompos.
Eric (as Di): You walked—
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, we really fell in accidentally after Umbi fell in on purpose.
Brandon (as Umbi): What up? That's me.
Amanda (as Troy): We're trying to get our friends free. We wanted to be here.
Julia (as Cammie): Are— sorry, let me clarify. Are we not being kept captive here?
Eric (as Di): No, you are. No, you definitely are.
Julia (as Cammie): Okay.
Eric (as Di): No, that's true, but it's— it's—
Brandon (as Umbi): It was a trap, you know? Like, it's not— yeah, it was a trap. It's not like we volunteered to fall into a trap, you know? You just go into a trap.
Eric (as Di): Yes. And that's part of the— some people— yeah. It's about 50/50, people who fall into the trap and people who are thrown in here. But sometimes you think that if you fell into the trap, you were supposed to be here in the first place.
Julia (as Cammie): Huh?
Eric (as Di): Yeah it's not, it's— it's— yeah. Hmm.
Julia (as Cammie): That seems victim blaming.
Eric (as Di): It seems bad— it's bad when you think about it like that, but think about it from the other people's perspective and how it's not bad, so—
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, I thought about it. It's still bad.
Eric (as Di): Hmm. Hmm. I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree on this— at this point.
Brandon (as Umbi): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Cool. So how do we make this dragon free?
Eric (as Di): Don't— don't do that.
Brandon (as Umbi): Why?
Julia (as Cammie): So what— what if Troy got eaten?
Brandon (as Umbi): Separate your sibling feelings from objective feelings.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm asking the politician, the person who works for your government.
Eric (as Di): I— one, that would be really funny, but follow-up, two, don't do that.
Amanda (as Troy): Actually, can you just— Di, help me out one second. Could you show me that— that folder from before? I'm— I'm not gonna grab it. I— I— I promise. She has like a folder about the prison.
Eric (as Di): No, I'm not showing you the dossier.
Brandon (as Umbi): You have a whole fucking folder—
Amanda (as Troy): You just like show— just show the first— just show me the— the title page.
Eric (as Di): No. Oh, my God.
Amanda (as Troy): Just show me where it says like—
Brandon (as Umbi): You have a whole folder about this place?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, I tried to grab it. I could not.
Eric (as Di): No.
Amanda (as Troy): She got little fingers, little hands.
Brandon (as Umbi): Give me that folder right now!
Eric (as Di): No. I'm— no. Why? Well, here's what I'm trying to— here's what I was trying to show you.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm gonna practice my reading, Di.
Eric (as Di): Here's what I was trying to show you.
Eric: And she's holding a pitcher filled with juice and there's a top on the juice. There is a stopper on the juice.
Eric (as Di): Okay. How are you going to drink the juice?
Amanda (as Troy): Pour it into a cup?
Eric (as Di): Alright.
Julia (as Cammie): Probably pour it directly into my mouth, because we just saw that liquids disperse in this liquid we're in.
Eric (as Di): That would be helpful.
Brandon (as Umbi): Why— why are we drinking the juice? I'm confused. Is this is a metaphor?
Amanda (as Troy): Because we're thirsty.
Julia (as Cammie): We need things to live, Umbi.
Eric (as Di): And there is no cups, right?
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.
Eric (as Di): Why— what can you do with cups?
Amanda (as Troy): Move liquid?
Julia (as Cammie): Hold liquid, yeah.
Eric (as Di): Yes, but also you can keep liquid out. If you turn it upside down—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Eric (as Di): —no liquid gets in.
Brandon (as Umbi): But there's already liquid and you turn it upside down, then there's just liquid in there.
Eric (as Di): But if you— you—
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Eric (as Di): But if you— but what if there wasn't liquid in there?
Brandon (as Umbi): So we need to make some sort of bubble when we came down here. We fucked up already.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, there's no way to get the air from the outside into the inside.
Eric (as Di): Well, I guess maybe if there was somewhere that you could have air somewhere, then you could figure it out.
Brandon (as Umbi): We can go to the top of the— the thing. We can swim up there.
Julia: Or it's where the dragons coming from?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Umbi): Or is where the dragons coming from?
Eric (as Di): I don't know any— that's— I can only tell you as much as I can tell you. I don't know— I don't know how to do it.
Brandon (as Umbi): I can't tell you. It's surprising that you don't want to, like, help your brother out more.
Eric (as Di): What do you think I'm doing right now?
Brandon (as Umbi): Do you know more than you're not telling us?
Eric (as Di): Yes, of course, I do. But, like, about lots of stuff, not about this specific thing. I can tell you— I can tell you about what— I can tell you about what government representatives are doing in various places at various times, but I'm not going to.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah. What do they want to do with the salmon? What does the salmon—
Eric (as Di): My in— my information is telling me— my information is telling me that they want the salmon to help Verda Stello. That's what I'm told.
Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, I think your sister's a liar.
Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, that's for sure, but she usually wants to do the right thing. You—you think what the Diamond Knot wants to do with the salmon is going to help the people of Verda Stello, really?
Eric (as Di): I didn't say that.
Amanda (as Troy): So they think they're helping Verda Stello, but here's the thing, Di, and I know that I am older than you, so maybe I know this and you do not. Often people think they are doing the right thing when they are really doing the wrong thing. And I think that is what's happening with Diamond Knot, which is why you want to break the hell out of here. And if you just show me the folder and show me one page of the folder, I can learn something that will help me without you telling me. Trust me. Just— just you hold it, take a step back. Hold it. Trust me.
Brandon: Eric, do you regret making a charac— an NPC that has so much information?
Eric: No, I don't. That was just a really sweet thing to say.
Eric (as Di): I just told you the things the cups, they're gonna kill me, the things with the cups. Um—
Eric: She scratches her face off and she like holds it, be like—
Eric (as Di): I shouldn't be even doing this but okay. Fine. Did you— you— was this— this tree— this stump, it's big?
Brandon (as Umbi): Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Di): How?
Brandon (as Umbi): I did a potion of growth on it.
Eric (as Di): Okay. Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): My best friend, Umbi.
Brandon (as Umbi): What up? That's me.
Eric (as Di): That's— that's deniable. Fine. Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): Deniable?
Eric: She goes over the stump, and she sees the root and how it's like bursting out, and it's made a line. Just kind of— you know— you know roots go in weird— weird and wild directions, right?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Not a real straight line, so it kind of like wiggles out. She kind of like follows the light of the root and it's moving over from a diagonal, from one of the chains. Like, the chains are into the ground, right?
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And she finds this like perpendicular path from where— if you— if you figured where the chain went, and where this root could theoretically go from where you saw it burst out. She takes out a dagger. She starts to dig into the ground. She does like a really sloppy job with it. She's like going in all directions. She's just, like, flailing in trying to throw the dirt in the sand in all directions, right? And then you hear a clang.
Eric (as Di): Oh, I hit something.
Brandon (as Umbi): Is it a treasure?
Amanda (as Troy): I bet it's the end of the chain.
Eric (as Di): Kind of.
Brandon (as Umbi): Oh.
Julia (as Cammie): What you got there?
Eric: In this kind of scrabbled hole she made, you see there's something big and metallic. It is old and dirty from being buried under the ground like this for so long. And you can make out a letter. There is a letter that's carved into the— into this metal here. It is the letter W.
Eric (as Di): There's something here alright, but you sure don't have a lot of time to deal with it because I think the blackberry's dragons coming out in a few minutes and I have to go. My ride's here.
Brandon (as Brandon): Your ride?
Eric (as Di): Troy, be smart about this. I belie— I trust you're going to do the right thing. You always do the right thing even when it's terrible. You are always going to be my brother, but you are no longer Prince Troy. You're the rebel pirate who used to be Prince Troy, and that is a different power than it had— and that is a different power than what you were before.
Amanda (as Troy): You're right, Di. And no matter what you're called and no matter how many ribbons and letters and how much gold the Crags gives you, you're still a person in Verda Stello like the rest of us people, okay? And when you're in the room where they make the choices, when you're in the position to let people win and pirates win or a temporary ruler win, I hope you keep that in mind, okay?
Eric (as Di): I'll try. I'm not as good as it— I'm not as good at it as you.
Amanda (as Troy): That's alright. Just think about what Threelips would do in a given situation and do the fucking opposite. That guy sucks.
Eric (as Di): That guy sucks so much. I don't know why you're friends with him.
Amanda (as Troy): Sucks so much.
Eric: So where do you want me to stab you?
Amanda: I guess the wing.
Eric: Okay. Ahh!
Amanda: Ahh!
Eric: She pulls a dagger out of nowhere and stabs you with it, leaving it in your wing.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, God. Ow. You're much better at that than you were when you were 10.
Brandon (as Umbi): That's gonna get infected.
Amanda (as Troy): I don't really need them. It's okay.
Julia: Cammie's already rubbing a poultice on it without asking, being like—
Julia (as Cammie): I got this.
Amanda: I'll save the dagger, though.
Eric: Okay. I'm also doing sneak attack damage.
Julia: Oh, my God.
Eric: 21 points of damage, getting stabbed by your sister.
Amanda: Hey.
Julia: Yeesh.
Amanda (as Troy): I'm a father now. It's a pumpy. I love him.
Eric (as Di): Sure. Okay.
Brandon (as Umbi): You're an aunt.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah, you are.
Brandon (as Umbi): Congrats.
Julia (as Cammie): Are you an uncle to anyone, Troy?
Amanda (as Troy): Not that I know of.
Julia (as Cammie): Hmm.
Amanda (as Troy): But they— Hy has gotta get on that heir thing, so maybe.
Eric (as Di): Yeah.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, yeah. Am I an uncle?
Eric (as Di): Yes.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, tight.
Eric (as Di): Okay.
Amanda (as Troy): Are any of them named Troy?
Eric (as Di): No.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, really?
Eric (as Di): No, all the—the septuplets are not— none of them are named Troy.
Amanda (as Troy): Not one?
Eric (as Di): Not one.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, shit.
Eric (as Di): That's what happens when you become the— the rebel pirate Troy Riptide.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, I don't think about that.
Eric: She's almost laughing when she's saying this like—
Eric (as Di): No, no.
Julia: No, you idiot.
Eric (as Di): No, absolutely not.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Eric (as Di): Yeah, you can kee— you could also keep that one.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, thanks.
Eric: Umbi and Cammie there's a dagger sticking out of Troy's—Troy's wing. I's just like bleeding everywhere.
Julia: Yeah, I'm rubbing poultice around it.
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Eric, I have a question.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: If the Cervantes siblings don't have mouths, are they ingesting this liquid?
Eric: Uh-hmm. Yeah.
Brandon: Just like through photosynthesis or whatever plant bullshit?
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, things like all the biz. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Okay. Okay.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Like how we eat with our feet.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric (as Di): I— my ride's here. I gotta go.
Julia (as Cammie): I gotta know what that means. I simply gotta.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh, what— what you riding these days?
Eric (as Di): Oh, you know, just getting— just getting pulled out of dangerous situations.
Amanda (as Troy): By?
Eric (as Di): Mobs of people.
Amanda (as Troy): Oh.
Eric: [hydraulics opening] Behind you, the porthole opens and you hear [roar] as the blackberry dragon is once again being forced— its head is being shoved into the iron collar. The chain that you're looking down on, you see it's tightens and moves and shakes some of the soil that's around the metal thing, around that metal object that you were looking at, the metal W. It's been 12 hours. The blackberry dragon is here again, like—
Eric (as Prisoner): Oh, run, my schedule is all thrown off. Everyone, get behind something, but not before me.
Eric: As all of the pirate prisoners scatter from the food pile. It is time to hold on.
Brandon: Woo.
Julia: Wee.
Eric: Woo.
Julia: Woo.
Amanda: Let's lash ourselves that stump, yeah?
Eric: So you guys are really close, right?
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: So one failure, y'all are going to be all up in that biz.
Julia: Here's my question, Eric.
Eric: Sure.
Julia: So the porthole and the collar are separate entities, right?
Eric: Correct. Yes. The collar is kind of on top of it in layers.
Amanda: So like clip-on sunglasses.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah. And the porthole— you can imagine the porthole like opens inward, not outward.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Now, theoretically, wouldn't that mean there's space between the collar and the porthole for like, say, a small person to slip through?
Brandon: A Julia-sized person maybe?
Julia: A Cammie-sized person perhaps?
Eric: You— yeah. That would be— that would be the case.
Amanda: Because Eric said it's a very bulbous head, but a skinny neck. And so once the dragon's head pops through, there should be some room between the collar and the neck for us to slip in.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda: And everyone knows you hold an alligator right behind its head.
Brandon: Assuming that, like, the shoulders don't, you know, meet up against the porthole or something, but I don't know.
Amanda: Yeah. No, I'm— I'm all for it. Let's— let's go in.
Brandon: Maybe we should form some sort of— oh, fuck. We should have got the cactus friends over here. We should form some sort of—
Amanda: Oh, like a cactus chain.
Brandon: —chain.
Julia: Where did Di/Di go when the—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —dragon arrived?
Eric: Oh, she's like hauling ass. She's running—
Amanda: Away.
Eric: She's running away from y'all.
Amanda: Alright.
Julia: I'm curious if it's like worth us being like— so here's— here's my thought process to— kind of diversions on the path.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: We can do the thing that I kind of just suggested, or we can try to survive our best this round and then dig more around the thing once the dragon is gone to see what she was kind of revealing to us.
Brandon: I don't think it hurts to just try to, like, send one of us in. You know, split the party or whatever.
Amanda: I mean, we could certainly die and I don't think we should split the party in this particular scenario.
Julia: Well, then we all die if we all go in.
Amanda: I'm a little worried about that.
Brandon: Like, dive we go into the portal?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Why— just automatically?
Julia: I don't know. We don't know what's past it.
Amanda: Yeah, we don't know what's in there.
Julia: It's the unknown. It's a real Umbi jumping down the tunnel thing.
Brandon: I mean, I think it's just going to be the place where the blackberry dragon is, and obviously, they have to open it from the inside, so someone else is in there.
Amanda: Alright.
Julia: It might be automatic, though.
Brandon: They have to force the dragon head through the hole, though.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Someone does—
Julia: Yeah. Like, is there like a platform that's raising this thing?
Amanda: Yeah, right.
Julia: Answers we could solve by going in.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: If there's space, let's sneak in, or if the chain has been destabilized at all in the ground because the fissure caused by the trunk, then maybe we can loosen one of the chains.
Brandon: Yeah, loosen on its own, even.
Amanda: Yeah. So let's try and slip in. And best-case scenario, the dragon loosens itself and gets out.
Brandon: Well, I think— I— someone should stay back and dig out the thing, so I— I'll do that.
Amanda: Okay.
Brandon: If y'all want to try to sneak in, or if one person or whatever.
Amanda: Yeah, I think Cammie's the smallest.
Julia: Cammie is the smallest.
Eric: This will be difficult. It's certainly possible, but the dragon head is huge and it's like getting sho— it gets shoved through this porthole, for sure. So there is space to try to wiggle your way in when it retreats, I guess. But it would be— it would— certainly, it would be difficult.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. I think it's worth trying. I think— yeah, obviously, it's gonna be difficult to do, though.
Julia: I'm— I'm just like— I'm trying to picture it in my brain and my thought is like, you know, collar is— big circle is porthole. Smaller circle is collar. How much space is between the collar and the porthole?
Brandon: It's two loops that are stacked on top of each other of the same diameter.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: That's what I was picturing.
Julia: Oh.
Eric: Correct.
Julia: Oh, okay. Because I— because it was on chains, I was picturing there was separation between the porthole and the collar. You know what I mean?
Eric: Oh, sorry, let me clarify. No, it's like what Brandon said, if theoretically there would be a moment when the dragon is being pulled back for you to slip in, but only—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: —by making it in the— in the— in the moment—
Brandon: Right.
Eric: —while that's happening. Not like— it's not shoving yourself into a small space.
Julia: I was picturing kind of, like, not telescoping.
Eric: Oh, no, it's the other thing.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Sorry about that.
Julia: Okay. Then I don't want to do my plan. I thought it would be easier to attempt.
Brandon: I think it's worth trying still if you want to.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You just have to do it in, like, the— the real— the final moment and try not to get crushed by the various things that can crush you.
Julia: Right. I'm still gonna have to do all those fucking skill checks, so it's—
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: —it's not gonna be good.
Amanda: I can tell the rest of the stump or 10—
Julia: I need to be tethered.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia: Cammie goes—
Julia (as Cammie): Uh, I'm not strong. I will get pulled in.
Eric: Alright. You need three successes to weather the dragon. You are right up on it right now, so one failure would get you all sucked up in the blackberry dragon's maw as it opens its massive jaws and you see it's terrible spiny rows and rows and rows of teeth and starts to suck in. What do you do to prepare?
Julia (as Cammie): Troy, help. Troy, help.
Amanda: Yeah, Troy's gonna yell friendship and use the arrow to run around the stump and tether us to the backside of the stump. Basically, I want to use my rope like a— like a— like a rope. Sorry. I want to— I want to run around the stump a couple times and then tie us to the tree like a lady in a— in a silent movie on a— on a railroad track.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: So the stump is between our bodies and the dragon's body.
Julia: Amanda wants to pull a Odysseus listening to the sirens but tied to the mast of the ship.
Amanda: Yes. Thank you, Julia. Thank you.
Eric: Got it. Of course, of course. Alright, give me a survival check.
Amanda: Alright.
Julia: Can I get the help action?
Eric: How would you help Cammie?
Julia: I think Cammie is also very skilled at survival and nature and grew up as a pirate, so knows a lot about knots.
Eric: Sure. Yeah, you guys can do that together as your action.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: Cool. It's a 13 plus 4 for a 17.
Eric: 17. Good knot, we'll see how it holds. Umbi, what are you doing?
Brandon: I don't think there's really much anything else I can do right now.
Eric: That's alright. You don't have to do anything.
Amanda: Oh, Umbi, what if you threw a Bramble bomb into the doors as they're closing?
Brandon: I don't know if that would work, but that is an idea that I like. What if we shove something, a simple machine like a wedge—
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: —between the two collets?
Amanda: Or a letter?
Eric: Ooh. What an interesting idea.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Or the two— they're not collets, but the two rings.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Well, I can get something to scurry into there.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Maybe like a rock or a stump or something.
Brandon: Ooh.
Amanda: That's good. Because that's a hex?
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: I like it.
Brandon: Yeah. Okay. So why don't you— so we're attached to the stump, and then we have the two other objects, I believe, Eric, that you said also grew in size?
Amanda: There's a rock that's not a small boulder and a seedling that is now like— that's like a vine.
Eric: That's— that's like a— that's like a vine, yeah.
Brandon: Can you make the rock scurry on top of the first ring?
Julia: I think so.
Brandon: Tight. Okay. So then Umbi is just gonna like hunker down right now.
Eric: Okay. So here's we're going to do this, so the rope is going to be holding you guys instead of holding yourself as the blackberry dragon sucks in. I'm just going to see what— how many successes the rope can hold y'all down before it starts to unfurl. I'm looking for 20s, but the rope is pretty strong itself, it would be a plus 5—
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: —holding you all down. So if it even holds you all, then you just get those successes.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Alright. Hell yes. Alright. I rolled three times to see how many times it would hold you down. I got a 10 plus 5, which is a failure. I got 11 plus 5, which is a failure, but then I got a Natural 20.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Ooh. Can that count as two?
Eric: I'll give you all two successes there.
Julia: Exciting.
Brandon: Ooh, he did.
Eric: The blackberry dragon starts to suck, more food is just flying through the air. There is like meat that's about to turn, squishy fruit, terrible produce with eyes on it, moldy bread, all this goes flying past you as the rope tied around, the stump is holding you down. Some pirates fly by you. You can see Bramble again, going like—
Eric (as Bramble): Oh, hey, guys, what's up?
Julia (as Cammie): Bramble, no.
Eric: And once again gets jammed underneath like the bottom there, of the dragon.
Eric (as Bramble): It's easier if I just stick— if I stick here. I don't hold well with others.
Julia (as Cammie): Yeah. You look like you're struggling.
Brandon: We cut back to five seconds ago when the group of people he was trying to hide with push him out of the hiding spot.
Julia: Aw.
Eric (as Blackberry Dragon): Bramble, you talk too much in dangerous situations.
Eric: But Troy, your rope is starting to fray as— even— even magically, the vacuum of a blackberry dragon is too hard for your magical rope. It starts to fray, the knot starts to undo. You have two successes, what are the three you want to do?
Amanda: I mean, Troy can use whatever action I have to, like, hold on to you two or to try to, like, keep you anchored as you focus on the scurrying.
Julia: Yeah. I— at this point, I will use scurry to move the rock into the spot which will hopefully keep it somewhat open.
Eric: Scurry is a hex, yeah?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Okay, cool. So yeah. So what do you do? While— while this is all happening, this wind tunnel you're in, you— you're giggling, gets caught in the— in the wind tunnel, thrown like a 100 feet into the maw of the blackberry dragon. And what are you scurrying? Tell me what that looks like.
Julia: I choose the rock that is kind of closest to us that grew. And it grows little chicken feet and it runs, runs into that spot.
Eric: That's so funny. Can this rock run on little chicken feet through a wind tunnel to get in there?
Amanda: Well, it's perpendicular to the wind tunnel.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. It's also five times its normal weight, so it's—
Julia: Oh, I might not actually be able to move it, then.
Eric: Oh, yeah. That thing's huge, right?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: What is the weight limit?
Julia: 10 pounds.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Oh, no, that thing's too big.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Hmm.
Brandon: Oh, shit.
Amanda: Shit. Well, maybe Umbi can cast around for some debris that— because, again, it just has to be as wide as one of us. So like it can be like a rod, a branch, like something.
Julia: Well, there's the vine, but that's going to be too flexible. That won't—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —keep things open.
Brandon: Eric?
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Would it be insane if I took a potion of growth and then tried to push this boulder into it?
Julia: Yeah, bro, it would be.
Brandon: I mean, like, is that even a possibility, or is that just a cartoon?
Eric: That— you could do that, but like it would also—
Brandon: I'm imagining Umbi growing tall, just so he has more strength, putting his back up against the boulder while still perpendicular, and then pushing it towards the collars. But I don't know if that's just a cartoon fantasy that I'm having.
Amanda: Is regular Umbi strong enough to push the boulder before it grew? Probably because he said it was like a big rock, right?
Eric: I wanted to do a Jimmy Neutron brain blast for Umbi when he's doing a mad scientist thing. I want you to think— give me a roll to think this one through. Is this even poss— is this possible? We're going into Bra— Umbi's mind palace, which look— I feel like looks like a bomb shelter after the bomb goes off.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Okay. So can I use arcana since that's intelligence?
Eric: Whatever— what— yeah, whatever you're thinking, whatever you use to— to come up with your crazy bombs and— and potions and stuff.
Brandon: I think it's arcana.
Amanda: Is Umbi developing a— an idea right now?
Brandon: Come on, whammy. No whammy, no whammy, no whammy, no, whammy. [dice roll] 15 plus 8—
Amanda: Brandon, that's good.
Brandon: —for a 23.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: I feel like Umbi's insanity is a bell curve, right?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: He's like people won't—
Julia: It's true.
Eric: —can't move up the peak that is getting to the top of the bell curve, which is coming up with crazy ideas, right? And eventually, you spend so much time thinking about the idea. You think about all of the possibilities for yeses and noes. And if— how you get magic and science and chemistry and alchemistry— and alchemy to work with you, right? Then you come down the other side of the bell curve and you're like, "No, this is easy, I'm just gonna do it, right?" So you're like, "Okay, what if I got big? Is there enough in this potion to make me big enough to throw the rock, to jam it in between the porthole? Would that even make sense?" And you're— you're— you're— you're figuring out. You're like, "Yes, no. Yes, no. Yes, yes, yes." And you're— you're finally get— as Umbi usually does, you get to enough yeses in a row that you're like, "Good enough for me." And then you do it, right? Here's the thing, it's not about the potion, and it's not about the rock, and it's not about the dragon, it's about the fucking porthole. You take a second to look at it, this thing is massive. And it— how is it strong enough to keep this dragon inside? What is the latch? What is the mechanism? Who is using the mechanism? How is the dragon even getting forced through the porthole in the first place, right? If you jam something in between the porthole, it's gonna get destroyed because this thing is powerful. The pressure that the porthole would need to close and keep the blackberry dragon from breaking it, from wrenching it open, from doing whatever it does is too powerful to jam anything in there and would slice a person, a boulder, et cetera in half with sheer— with the sheer pressure, it would need to keep something in.
Brandon: Okay. Yeah, I guess I had just assumed it was like an electric fence situation, not a pressure situation.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Uh-hmm. But I think it gives you another clue that this thing, this porthole, someone made it and they were not fucking around.
Brandon: Okay. So— sorry, did I— did I actually attempt it or was that just all in my mind palace?
Eric: That was all— you were— that was— you— you had a brain blast.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: You saw not just the ball in the air, Brandon, but the trajectory it was going to fall down.
Brandon: There was a billion combinations, but only one where we defeat Thanos.
Eric: There was one— you saw it, you drank the bould— you drank the potion and you got big.
Brandon: I drink the boulder.
Eric: You drank the boulder, you push the boulder in there, and you imagine getting sucked in with the boulder, and you and the boulder are large and are— are trying to keep the porthole open. And as the blackberry dragon retreats and the porthole closes, it cuts you and the boulder in half.
Amanda: In his imagination.
Eric: And your top half goes into the porthole and your other bottom half and half of the boulder, your little legs are just running— and bottom part of your torso are just kind of running around, because also it's in your head. So there's kind of a cartoon situation thing happening.
Brandon: What does the top half of my body see? The hole, Eric.
Eric: You're dead, so you don't see it.
Julia: Shit.
Eric: But that doesn't happen because you imagined it.
Brandon: Right. Okay. Probably best to just hunker down and try to withstand this and then dig the thing out, is that what we're going for?
Amanda: I think so.
Eric: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Unless, Julia, you have another idea?
Julia: No, I'm just thinking about, like, magical effects on this thing and what would be useful to us and what wouldn't— like I was like, would the frightened condition help us at all if the strength was frightened?
Brandon: I was thinking of giving it a— a cure all potion where it, like, removes any reduction to ability scores, maybe it can burst out of the chain by itself or something if it does that. Or maybe I just give it a potion of growth.
Amanda: That's not bad.
Julia: I feel like that would kill it instantly if this thing is as strong as Eric is saying, because it would just choke it to death, probably.
Brandon: That's—
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Brandon: —possibly true.
Amanda: Yeah, I— I think we should keep hunkering, maybe try to notice what you can about the mechanics of the porthole closing.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Like, one of you can go straight on that as the other, I assist them in succeeding your strength.
Julia: Yeah, I'm going to use the hex fortune on Troy.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Julia: As an action, you choose one friendly creature other than yourself, you can see within 60 feet. The creature has advantage on saving throws until the end of your next turn.
Amanda: Hey.
Brandon: Oh, great. Then I— I would feel selfish doing this, so I'm just gonna— but now, I don't. I'm gonna use a potion of heroism on myself.
Amanda: Nice.
Brandon: And that gives me the bless spell.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Hell yeah. For how long?
Brandon: One hour.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: Great. Alright. Keep that in mind. Yeah, I think the rope is starting to fray and the knot is starting to come apart, but you can hold yourself down behind the stump and the boulder and everything. I'll give you— because you're in such a good position, I'll give you strength checks with advantage.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: All of you get advantage and then you all get your bonuses. Looking for 20s.
Amanda: Hmm.
Julia: Ooh, okay. [dice roll] Oh, I literally can't score— I— I literally can't do it, then.
Eric: Oh, no.
Julia: Because I have a negative 1 to strength.
Eric: Well, maybe you can get a Nat—
Amanda: You could crit.
Eric: Maybe you can get a Nat 20 if you want to.
Julia: Well, I rolled a 19 and a 1.
Eric: Oh, no.
Amanda: Well, Troy rolled a Dirty 20, can I hold on to Cammie? Like, my— my intention here is to try to help her stay.
Brandon: Okay. Well, I got a 1 and a 7, so I guess 7 plus 3, 10 plus 3 for bless is 13.
Eric: Hey, shit's dangerous. Alright, 20, 20 for Troy?
Amanda: Dirty 20 for Troy.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: 19 plus 1.
Julia: We barely— Troy barely made it, too. It could have been bad.
Brandon: Can I borrow Captain Copernicus Cobb, Julia or—
Julia: No, because I'm probably going to die, bro.
Brandon: You could take one half of him and I'll take the other half. Maybe they're twins, we'll Parent Trap.
Julia: Copernicus and Cobb.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: Is his name Cornpernicus?
Julia: No.
Amanda: It's a good pun.
Julia: I won't allow his name to be a pun. I won't allow it. He's not allowed to be corn, either.
Brandon: What is he?
Julia: I don't know, Brandon.
Brandon: He's a cob, I thought.
Julia: I hadn't created him yet.
Brandon: Oh, okay. I guess he could be a Cobb salad.
Julia: Oh. Well—
Brandon: It's okay, Eric. If you want to kill me, it's fine.
Amanda: I mean, listen, if they get ate by the dragon, then at least they're behind the porthole.
Brandon: I mean, in a stomach being—
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: — melted by stomach acid.
Amanda: Brandon, if only there was a parable about somebody getting out of a stomach.
Julia: I always said that Umbi and Pinocchio have a lot in common.
Amanda: Jonah, Jonah from the Bible.
Julia: But it also happens to Pinocchio.
Amanda: After.
Brandon: I'm gonna roll a quick D100 to see if I just die in my sleep real fast.
Julia: Umbi falls asleep, that's why he failed.
Amanda: Umbi develops narcolepsy.
Brandon: I got a 3.
Amanda: That's so close to a zero.
Eric: Okay. The thing about having a prison with a death trap that goes off every 12 hours, is not necessarily that you want everyone to die, but you want everyone to know they can die and live in that fear all the time, right?
Brandon: Right.
Eric: So what I did, I rolled a D10, and I want both of you to take 54 points of damage.
Brandon: Holy fuck.
Eric: 54 life points of slicing damage as you are sucked into the terrible maw, the 5, 10, 15, 20 rows of Bramble teeth that this dragon has. As you're sliced up by them, this whirling vortex of thorns, it envelops you. Everywhere around you is just spikes and pain. But at the last moment, the vacuuming stops and you crash onto the ground. Bleeding in all directions, it— dissipating into the atmosphere of this liquid prison. Because the blackberry dragon is once again being pulled back out of his iron collar and the big porthole goes [creaking noise] slam hard. And you are just left there without ceremony, without celebration of your enemies, you have just been slashed and cut. And who cares? And that's what you need to sit with as you lose 54 points of damage. Who fucking cares if you live or die? It just is. It just happens. Alright. How many hit points do you have left?
Julia: 14.
Brandon: 11.
Eric: Uh-hmm. That's how they like it.
Julia (as Cammie): I'm gonna be honest, I'm kind of surprised it didn't swallow us. Am I not yummy enough for a dragon?
Amanda (as Troy): It's kind of rude now that I think about it.
Brandon (as Umbi): Ooh.
Amanda (as Troy): Can anyone count to 12? Because we got— we got 12 hours.
Julia (as Cammie): Oh, I want to take a nap so bad.
Eric: Cammie and Umbi, you're also covered in dirt. The hole that I had made loosen the earth and sprayed some dirt up.
Julia: Can we see more letters?
Eric: I think you can.
Amanda: Yeah, Troy's gonna run up and join them and start uncovering more of whatever this word is.
Eric: The word is water, and you can reveal more and more of this big metal thing in the ground.
Julia: What does more of it say/what is more of it look like?
Eric: You can keep digging if you like.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Real fucked up just like with— I'm like—
Julia (as Cammie): It doesn't matter, I'm just gonna get more hurt. It's fine.
Amanda: Yeah. Troy still has the dagger in his wing, and they're just like— like scrambling and uncovering everything they can to see what has been buried.
Brandon (as Umbi): Havanaaa.
Julia: Amanda, I have a question.
Amanda: Me? Yeah.
Julia: Yeah. If you would take in the 54 points of damage, would you be dead by now?
Amanda: I'm at 36, so it wouldn't be insta dead, but I'd be down.
Julia: Wow.
Eric: Damn.
Julia: Damn. Damn, dude.
Eric: You're scrabbling at this metal thing, trying to reveal more and more and you get another word, the. You got another word, will, and another word, slow. And it's starting to arc around. You get a whole sentence now. The water will slow to fall. You can push more and more away. This isn't a chess, this isn't a chain. This isn't a plaque because it's arc, and then comes down a little bit because there's a hole there. In fact, you're revealing is a big, big, big padlock that's buried in the ground.
Amanda: Oh, my God. This is so fucked. I love it.
Eric: Far away from you, back at the doors, Di left the three of you as the blackberry dragon was forced into its collar. And that is when the big doors open and 20 guards with their tridents in their Diamond Knot uniform, they're tied to each other with rope. They're all like blade to each other and they are like pushing food— the pile of food out of the way, they're pushing pirates out of the way. People were trying to hold on to them. People get stabbed with the tridents, so they tried to make a break for the door.
Julia: Are they all going [punts] in unison?
Eric: Yes. Oh, you know— oh, you know they are, Julia.
Julia: Yay.
Eric: And Di makes a break for these guards. She gets tangled up with one of the other prisoners, pushes them out of the way as they go end over end, and sucked into the dragon's maw. You hear—
Eric (as Bramble): Hi, I'm Bramble. You should probably get some— braaa!
Eric: As Di pushes Bramble out of the way.
Julia: How did Bramble get all the way back there?
Brandon: Bramble's wherever you need Bramble to be, Julia.
Julia: That's true.
Eric (as Bramble): I'm aero— I'm aerodynamic.
Eric: As he flies— as he flies through the air. And then she gets tangled up in the guards. And six guards descend on her and get— all get a hand on her, roughing her up, pushing her in all directions, and a bunch of them get their hands, like, under her armpits. And the whole group of 20 guards are then slowly pulled back by their ropes. In the guards' clutches, she looks back over her shoulder towards the three of you, bunker down and tied up to this stump, she takes a deep breath in and says—
Eric (as Di): As soon as these doors close, you're gonna get your hands off of me. My brother is a king and you know I— and you know I have information on all of you.
Eric: And the big doors slam behind all of them.
[theme]