- Theme Song: Lyrics by Eric Silver, music by Brandon Grugle. Vocals by Brandon Grugle, Lauren Shippen, Julia Schifini, Roux Bedrosian, Eric Silver, Tyler Silver, and Amanda McLoughlin. Available for purchase here.

- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman

- Multitude Podcasts: https://multitude.productions

About Us

Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into our current campaign, a pirate story set in a world of plant- and bug-folk, or marathon our completed stories with the Camp-Paign, a MOTW game set in a weird summer camp, Campaign 2 for a modern superhero game, and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.

Transcript

Eric: I remember a time before the Cascade dried up. Here in Verda Stello, the four nations of plant and bug people flourished and thrived. But the great waterfall that fed the land slowed to a trickle, revealing a vast Salt Sea and unknown islands. The only guide were the words of the 13 Dried Carvings. "The water will slow to fall, but the tides are turning. Find the Infinite Lake to replenish the world and discover the Salmon who will grant you a wish of whatever you desire." This marks the beginning of the Tide, as many Greenfolk hauled onto ships to find the Infinite Lake and maybe riches, adventure, excitement, and purpose along the way. And what exactly is a Salmon? Is that a berry? That was 50 years ago, and the Tide rushes forward ever still. There are many stories caught on the wind between sails, but why don't we hear just one? Of a butterfly gunman with clipped wings, a ripened and explosive piece of produce, and a witch made out of tea. This is Join the Party Campaign 3, The Rising Tide!

[theme]

Eric: It doesn't make any sense that Greenfolk ran towards the Great Salt Sea. There's only so much a plant/bug person can do in terms of swimming, especially when your bones are dense with mitochondria, so you sink. It is a futile gesture of movement. But with a ship, the tide moves for you, hard, fast, all the time. I'd say it's the exact opposite of the inevitable mistake of drowning. Normal Greenfolk, and we can only assume the peoples that came before them and after them, built ships to exercise control on a literal force of nature. But as we have seen in this story, these are not ordinary Greenfolk, especially those who get drawn to the Great Salt Sea when revealed after the Cascade dried up. They are not normal, and certainly want to control how their lives go. Certainly, not a prince looking for purpose, a representative of government more comfortable in the radical than the mundane, and a witch so powerful no one other than the truly cursed will ever use the word witch. So Cammie, Troy, Umbi, and the male doctor, Havana Tropicana, splash down in an even more desolated South Kompos city, after hopping from ship to ship, avoiding pirates and zombies and government agents and guns and swords and bites, and yet are only up to their waists in brine, instead of fully submerged. That is a surprise because of the meddling of the Diamond Knot, the release of the blackberry dragon, and the collective decision of "Fuck it" from so many characters that we've met, the tide has once again been bridled for the whims of Greenfolk. Tracking their descent from the mouth of the no longer spiky cave, like hunting dogs waiting for birds to fall out of the sky, Lucky Edie, Piney, and DiAnnalyse are ready. As the three of you settle, Lucky Edie takes a step forward, never missing a chance to be the self-selected spokesperson and forewoman of any group. When you met Edie, she committed very hard to the pirate life esthetic, vest, big pants, gold accessories, her knife hand, an appropriate kind of hook. But either because of the biohacking scars or all the extra knives, her only esthetic is cuts, both through her government agent suit and the various stages of healing on her body.

Eric (as Lucky Edie): Good. The final box in my to do list is here. You know what? When the leaders of the four countries of our world asked me, Lucky Edie, to take care of you, I had a moment of regret. My friends, my pirate friends from the hold, could I even do that? But I realized that the leaders, the Diamond Knot knew more than my heart did. You three are no intention and all power, the most dangerous combination on Verda Stello. You keep half-assing, stumbling through, like you did with the Bullseye Games, getting destroyed, like you did letting the blackberry dragon go. I heard about that. Like filibustering around at the pirate meeting, like when Umbi and Cammie never liked me from the moment that I met you. And Troy had the chance to kill me, and you didn't. You didn't take me down. I'll show you a follow through, and the world will be better for it.

Eric: Piney can't stay still, bouncing on the balls of their feet, constantly swishing their pine needles around with every nervous movement.

Eric (as Piney): Edie, it's time. I'm tired of talking to these stumps. They want the Salmon. Everyone else with a lick of sense doesn't want them talking to the Salmon, so they're digging their heels in because they were told no. Tessie is waiting for me. We got plans to open a bottle of wormwood and capture a new island. You know, put a lazy river there, charge extra. It's date night. Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Eric: Di keeps her eyes down. She's fiddling with a dagger, balancing it delicately on her thumb, ring finger, and pinky. It's absent-minded, and she is still a jerk, even when she's thinking about it absent-mindedly. Shoving the fact that she is more dexterous in your face, but she's not doing on a purpose. Her thoughts are somewhere else. She won't look at Troy. She won't look at his friends. She can't look at him any longer. Edie gives her a moment to speak, waiting for her to pipe up and cajole her brother and his compatriots one more time. Then she sighs, pulling her hair out of the ponytail it was in, and the knives fall to her shoulders, dangerous and shaking like Medusa snakes.

Eric (as Di): All right, then. This ends now.

Eric: I'm sorry to everyone's computers right now, or the refurbished PS4s that you bought, because this cutscene is making all of these machines get real hot. It's loading in so many polygons, so many pixels are being stacked together for this particular standoff. I— I'm just imagining Umbi, like, flicking in and out of, like, N64 polygons, still like getting fully rendered at all times.

Brandon: For anyone who is maybe below the age of 28, imagine when you're watching a YouTube video and it buffers from 1080 to 480 but more triangular. That's what we're talking about.

Amanda: It's like 144p, I'm trying desperately to download this video before the subway leaves the station kind of ish.

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: Hmm.

Brandon: And also, when we were young, we had to wait an hour for a picture to load, so—

Amanda: Yeah, it was worse.

Brandon: Just— I just wanted to say that one out loud, so you know our suffering.

Eric: No, that's good.

Amanda: And Lara Croft's boobs were full pyramids.

Brandon: Yeah.

Julia: Just triangular.

Brandon: Well, that was a benefit that we had. They don't have that now.

Julia: Hmm.

Eric: In my head, Cammie's hat only is just like either a triangle or a fully rendered hat.—

Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.

Amanda: That's good.

Eric: —on one side. Cammie, Troy, Umbi, Nonny, Havana, on the other side, the only thing standing between you and the portal to the Salmon are a bunch of decimated buildings, three locks, and three Greenfolk who hate your guts. Lucky Edie swinging of the knives attached to every joint in her body, swinging it menacingly like a clown at a playground.

Julia: A clown shouldn't be at playgrounds.

Amanda: No, they shouldn't, and they certainly shouldn't have knives there.

Julia: Definitely not.

Brandon: No. Why do clowns have knives? Stop it.

Julia: Stop it.

Eric: It's a scary clown, Brandon.

Amanda: Aah.

Julia: Uh-hmm.

Eric: Or swinging menacingly and absent-mindedly like a swing at an abandoned playground.

Brandon: Aah.

Eric: Thank you.

Brandon: Who's in it? Who's in it?

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: Aah.

Julia: Eek.

Eric: Thank you. Thank you..

Julia: Eek.

Brandon: It's a ghost with a knife.

Amanda: Aah.

Eric: Piney, only alive by Cammie's mercy, haggard and angry, two things you didn't think would be able to show itself on a nondescript face, but you're getting it. You're really getting it.

Brandon: Swollen with seawater.

Eric: Swollen with water, and also just dragging pines patchy like a Christmas tree in February.

Brandon: Uh-hmm.

Amanda: Ooh. Nice.

Eric: And DiAnnalyse Breakstone, the angry secret younger sister of Troy Riptide, trying to hold composure, but as shown by previous episodes, unable to. She was openly shaking with frustration at this point.

Eric (as Di): Do you know how dire things need to be for an assassin to be out in the open like this? You still have an opportunity to stop. We all have the opportunity to stop what we're doing here.

Brandon: Umbi looks at his compatriots from the left to the right and says—

Brandon (as Umbi): I think it's time to take this tree out to the curb.

Julia (as Cammie): What, so like just Piney? What about the other two?

Brandon (as Umbi): Okay, hold on. Let me revise it. It's time to take this tree out to the curb, put this carrot in the compost, and get this assassin on our side.

Julia (as Cammie): Ooh.

Eric: Piney coughs hard and spits out water, and also loses a bunch of pine needles.

Julia: Aw.

Eric: And says—

Eric (as Piney): I'm gonna take you apart, seed by seed, and your friends are going to watch.

Julia (as Cammie): Me specifically?

Eric (as Piney): Cammie, you're all going to watch.

Brandon (as Umbi): Kinky.

Julia (as Cammie): Okay. Interesting theory.

Amanda (as Troy): DiAnnalyse, you can walk away now, or you can find a final resting place in this, because it's not going to go any other way.

Brandon (as Umbi): Yo.

Amanda (as Troy): I'm warning you now.

Brandon (as Umbi): Cammie, Cammie, did you hear that? That was dark.

Julia (as Cammie): That was really cool. Hey, hey, Piney.

Eric (as Piney): What?

Julia (as Cammie): Did you get any of the trauma magic yet?

Eric (as Piney): Yes.

Julia (as Cammie): Fun.

Eric (as Lucky Edie): All right, let's— I think we could stop doing this.

Eric: As Lucky Edie then kind of spins her knives back like dangerous yo-yos.

Eric (as Lucky Edie): Let's stop saying one-liners at each other. I don't think this is working. I don't think this is working out for any of us. Either we're gonna do this or we're not. And right now, I'm gonna tell all of you this is happening until— we unless someone here chooses to walk away. And I've seen a lot of us here walk away from opportunities to take each other down. I know Troy's done it. He let me off the hook, now I got all these— now I— now I'm more knife than Greenfolk at this point. Umbi's been alive more times than anyone should be allowed. I know certainly Piney— whatever is going on with your whole thing. DiAnnalyse, you're the worst assassin I've ever heard of, and I've looked at the files. And you have a nurse over there? You have—

Amanda (as Troy): Excuse me.

Julia (as Cammie): He's a doctor.

Amanda (as Troy): Men can be doctors.

Brandon (as Umbi): Holy shit. That was sexist and terrible.

Amanda (as Troy): Wow. And we are not walking away. Just ask the body of Threelips outside.

Eric (as Piney): Who?

Amanda (as Troy): Does that show you I mean business, Di?

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, shit.

Eric: Piney says—

Eric (as Piney): I don't know who that is.

Amanda (as Troy): My kissing friend.

Julia (as Cammie): Wait, what?

Eric: Di says—

Eric (as Di): Oh, so you did kiss?

Amanda (as Troy): Not yet, but I was thinking about it before he became evil.

Julia (as Cammie): Oh. I'm sorry for the loss of the potential of kissing for you, Troy.

Eric (as Di): I'm also sorry for the loss of you potentially kissing, Troy.

Amanda (as Troy): That's not the point.

Brandon (as Umbi): Eh, that's not that great, Troy. You didn't miss anything.

Amanda (as Troy): We are going to the Salmon and we will go through you if you won't move.

Eric (as Di): I hope you're not waylaid by thinking about that for the rest of this fight, because you will die because of it.

Amanda: Can Troy shoot an arrow at Edie?

Eric: Sure.

Amanda: [dice roll] Well, the first attack's a critical one.

Julia: Nice.

Brandon: Oh, shit. All right, that's how this fight's gonna go, I guess.

Amanda: So, one of Troy's standard arrows flies away. Then he cocks the next one.

Julia: Cool. Two left.

Amanda: All right. Well, the next one's a 22 to hit.

Eric: Okay, that hits.

Amanda: And let's roll damage. That'll be a D8. [dice roll] All right. That is a 7 plus 1 plus dex. That's 10 points of damage for Lucky Edie.

Eric: Let me get all my— where did my— where did all— I feel like I lost all my dice.

Amanda: Oh, no. He needs the metal D 20, what means business.

Brandon: Oh, no. All right, guys, when he gets back, we're gonna have an anti-birthday party.

Julia: What is— what does that mean?

Brandon: That's when we celebrate his characters leaving the world.

Julia: Die?

Brandon: Yeah.

Julia: Hmm.

Eric: There it is.

Brandon: Oh, happy anti-birthday party to you.

Julia: Happy— day to you.

Amanda: Happy death-day.

Brandon: Happy anti-birthday party to you.

Julia: Happy anti-birthday party to you.

Amanda: Happy death-day.

Julia: We're gonna kill your characters.

Amanda: Happy death-day—

Eric: This is the party where they die.

Amanda: —to you.

Julia: That was the best, guys.

Amanda: Brandon will sync it up in post. It'll be fine.

Julia: Brandon, please. Brandon, please.

Brandon: I'll auto tune us. It's fine.

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: Troy fires two arrows quickly instead of talking about the kissing he may or may not have done from his now dead friend.

Amanda (as Troy): I would just think about if it was a person I cared about enough, okay?

Eric: One arrow flies totally off course, just sailing into the sky, and the second lands with a thump in Lucky Edie's leg.

Julia: Nice.

Eric: And she says—

Eric (as Di): Well, I guess this is happening.

Eric: Roll for initiative, please!

Julia: Nine.

Eric: Troy has disadvantage because he rolled a Natural 1.

Amanda: No, I don't.

Eric: Yes, you do.

Julia: On an attack?

Amanda: Okay, that's fine. That's a 15, but I have disadvantage instead of advantage?

Eric: No, that would have canceled out.

Amanda: Yeah, so regular?

Eric: Yeah, you have regular.

Amanda: Okay, all right. Good. 17 for Troy.

Brandon: I got 2 plus 3 for a 5.

Eric: Great.

Amanda: Okay.

Julia: Sick , bruh.

Amanda: Brandon, someone has to be the closer. A very important role.

Brandon: Thank you for that positive spin, Amanda.

Amanda: You're welcome.

Eric: Oh, who wants— can someone roll for Havana, actually?

Julia: I'll do it. [dice roll] 13 for Havana.

Eric: Great.

Julia: I'm taking that as a good sign, because it is Friday, the 13th as we're recording this.

Eric: Oh.

Amanda: Ooh.

Julia: And I believe in Havana, heart of the cards.

Brandon: I believe you can heal.

Eric: All right, folks, the initiative has begun. Troy, you are first.

Amanda: Hmm. Now, does anyone have anything that will help me roll better?

Julia: I simply don't. I'm sorry, buddy.

Amanda: Does either of you have luck? Can either of you assist me? Like, what are our options?

Brandon: That is so funny.

Julia: I mean, like, you could ask if Havana can give you some help actions, I guess, throughout the fight. I'm looking to see if I have any sort of thing that would help you, which is don't have bless, that's not a thing that they can do.

Amanda: Yeah.

Brandon: Yeah, I don't think I really do either. Was I— just giving you a bomb?

Eric: If you want to, Havana was planning on doing something else, I'll tell you. But if you want Havana to try to bless you, to use the mechanics of bless to give you bonuses to stuff, I could look into that.

Julia: That would be nice, because bless is a 1 D4 to saving throws and also to attacks.

Amanda: It's pretty good. I am debating between having Havana bless me and just dodge rolling past them to try to sprint to the Salmon.

Brandon: How long is dodge roll?

Amanda: Well, I'm— my full movement, and I can also move up to 15 feet in a way that doesn't provoke opportunity attacks, ignore difficult terrain, and can move through a hostile creature's space.

Eric: Is that a bonus action?

Amanda: I can expend a risk die as a bonus action, yes, so I could, like, dash—

Eric: So you could also dash?

Amanda: Dodge roll past them and then continue to dash.

Brandon: Not a bad idea.

Eric: Okay. If you'd like to do that, that's certainly on the table. You can dodge roll past them. You're also going first, so everyone would see you do it.

Brandon: Do you get any advantage from hitting someone in the back in D&D? Like, could you dodge roll behind them and then just, like, stab him in the back?

Amanda: We've never dealt with like obstruction. The dodge roll doesn't allow me to end my movement in a creature's space.

Brandon: Oh, okay.

Amanda: Unfortunately.

Eric: If you wanted to stealth it, you could do that as well. That's certainly an option. Troy's not a very stealthy guy, but—

Amanda: I am athletic, though.

Eric: If you wanted to dodge roll past, you could, but I would tell you that—

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Eric: —everyone would see you do it.

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Eric: I think— so it's like there's pluses and minuses to it.

Julia: I also— I have a spell that I think would be useful against Lucky Edie, maybe not Di, but faerie fire would give you advantage on the effective creature, and it's like a first level spell.

Amanda: Cool.

Eric: So you could also— you would— You could always hold.

Amanda: Yeah. Troy's gonna look over his shoulder and make eye contact with Havana and say—

Amanda (as Troy): Can you give me a little get up and go juice, bud?

Eric (as Havana): I can look through my bag. I think I have something to help you with that.

Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.

Eric (as Havana): Because I'm a doctor, and doctors have stuff in their bag. Not that nurses don't.

Amanda (as Troy): Yes, you do.

Eric (as Havana): Nurses also have stuff in their bag, but I went to medical school, and I want people to know the distinction between the two.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah, you did.

Eric (as Havana): I did.

Julia: Proud of you, guy.

Brandon: He takes on that baggie of cocaine from the 19th century.

Eric (as Havana): Hold on, I have some medical grade heroin in here. Hold on.

Amanda: Oh, good. Yeah, Troy's gonna hold his turn until after Havana's.

Eric: All right. You can hold that. It is now Di's turn.

Amanda: I'm sure this will go great for Troy.

Julia: I'm sure it'll be all fine and good, and nothing bad will happen.

Brandon: She has a change of heart.

Eric: Di says—

Eric (as Di): Actually, being a part of the Imperial is bad. I don't like that.

Eric: Di runs hard at Troy, then stops on a dime, and runs back around towards Piney, and whispers something into Piney's tree hole ear.

Julia: Hey, what?

Brandon: I never— I hadn't thought about where the ears go on the tree, but that does make sense.

Eric: Just like in the— yeah, in the little knot, which is where Piney ears are.

Brandon: Yeah.

Julia: Did she plant something on you? Like, what's the deal?

Amanda: Can Troy do a, like, perception check? Did she get close enough to touch me?

Eric: No, she just ran and—

Amanda: Oh.

Eric: No, she ran at you and then pivoted away before she got to you.

Julia: That's weird. It's a weird thing to do.

Eric: I know. She fades towards Troy and then pulls back and runs kind of around Piney, leaning down and whispering something to them.

Amanda: Troy's gonna lean over and whisper to his colleagues like—

Amanda (as Troy): Watch my back, guys. We can't lose the keys, okay? Whatever happens.

Brandon (as Umbi): We got you.

Julia (as Cammie): One's attached to Umbi, so I think we should be somewhat okay with that.

Amanda (as Troy): Yeah.

Eric: Remind me, who has the rest— who has the other ones? Is that you— Troy has the rest of them?

Julia: Yeah.

Amanda: Troy has the Maze—

Brandon: Uh-hmm.

Amanda: —and the corpse of the Key with a Gaze wrapped up on his back.

Julia: Yerr.

Eric: Got it.

Brandon: It's just a key now. You don't have to keep saying corpse.

Amanda: Oh, but I miss him.

Julia: But we're gonna.

Amanda: Yeah, the inert Key with a Gaze and the Maze key wrapped up in Troy's wings on his back.

Eric: Hmm. All right, it is Lucky Edie's turn. And Lucky Edie confidently strides forward, not towards any of the four of you, but just kind of welcoming the violence. And you can tell, because she unravels her knives and sort of drags them across the ground, splashing them through the anti-magic brine that surrounds all of you, until she finds a piece of rubble that's big enough, and she starts to slash her knives down on the rubble over, and over, and over again. Just like whipping them over and over, sparking them, until [explodes] her knives light on fire.

Brandon: Yo.

Julia: I was like, "She's just blunting her knives? Okay, if she wants."

Eric: In fact, the opposite. Lighting them on fire, glowing menacingly at all of you.

Eric (as Lucky Edie): If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this right. I'm not only Lucky Edie 2.0, I'm Lucky Edie, The Sharpened, The Inflamed. What?

Julia (as Cammie): That sounds like a disease.

Eric (as Lucky Edie): You're a disease.

Julia (as Cammie): Maybe.

Eric (as Lucky Edie): “The Inflammation.”

Julia (as Cammie): The itches when it pees.

Eric: And then she's gonna attack Cammie a bunch.

Julia: Jeez. That feels right. That makes sense to me.

Eric: [dice roll] All right. I rolled— what's your AC, Cammie?

Julia: 14.

Eric: All right. I rolled a, 19, a, 15, and a 4.

Julia: Okay. Well, one of those doesn't hit, at least.

Brandon: [dice roll] A 15.

Julia: Getting— I'm getting my calculator out so I can start subtracting damage.

Eric: [dice roll] Oh, my God.

Julia: Yeah, roll bad, roll bad.

Eric: [dice roll] And she slashes into Cammie. That is 2 points of slashing damage, but 18 points of fire damage.

Julia: 20.

Amanda: Oh, damn.

Eric: Truly wild, those rolls, 1, 1, 8, and then 10.

Julia: Oh, no, I'm at 76 hit points.

Eric (as Lucky Edie): Now you're the one who's inflamed. You're the one who's a disease.

Julia (as Cammie): Oh, okay.

Eric: And then she pushes you.

Julia (as Cammie): That's even less cool than I think you thought it was gonna be. Ow.

Eric: It's like, "Oh, what? What? You don't have anything to say back to that? No? Huh?" Cammie, it's your turn.

Julia (as Cammie): Oh, cool. There's a bunch of stuff that I wanted to do, but now she's right in front of me, and it would be cool to break this out, so I might as well just do it, right?

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Who can say what it is, Julia?

Julia: I'm gonna go ahead and use my other grand hex.

Amanda: Mage Hand Mike, you're crazy for this one. I'm just saying it in advance, so Brandon, you can cut that in wherever you want.

Julia: So I think what happens is, out of Cammie's teapot, Nonny emerges and, like wraps her tentacles around Cammie's arm. And then slowly, Cammie's arms starts to resemble more and more of the seaweed material that makes up Nonny.

Eric: Hmm.

Julia: And Cammie is going to use her other grand hex, which is called hybrid.

Eric: Oh, God. Uh-oh.

Brandon: What does that mean?

Eric: Oh, God.

Julia: As a bonus action, if your familiar is within five feet of you, you can meld with it, transforming into a magical hybrid. For the next minute, you gain the following benefits. I get temporary hit points. My armor class goes up to, I believe, 15.

Brandon: Yo.

Julia: I gain two natural melee weapons that correspond with my familiars attacks. I gain proficiency in these weapons, and I use charisma for the attack and damage rolls. And on a hit, they deal 1D 10 bludgeoning, piercing, or slashing damage, my choice, and I can attack twice.

Brandon: That's awesome.

Julia: I can also use any action or movement that my familiar possesses.

Brandon: You're drift compatible.

Amanda: So what I'm hearing is that you're gonna have an electric whip appendage now.

Julia: I think that's actually up to Eric, if you'll allow me to have the electric whip. Otherwise, I can just use the bludgeoning, slashing, or piercing. I wasn't asking for that, but now that Amanda's put it out into the universe, and it's your wife, I'm not gonna say, "Oh, no."

Amanda: No, no, no. No, no, no.

Eric: Sure. Let's make this 2D 10. You can add an extra electric guy. So now you just have an arm that is a octopus sea— electric octopus seaweed arm.

Julia: Oh, no, it's my full body. It starts at the arm. Now, Nonny is fully melded with me and Cammie resembles a cross between a tea plant and a seaweed octopus.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: That's awesome.

Eric: For the next minute, whenever you speak, I'm gonna have to speak at the same time being Nonny.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: So that we have it layered on top of each other of you going [octopus noises] while you're speaking.

Julia: Yeah, I also gain— I only gain extra three temporary hit points, but—

Eric: Pretty good.

Julia: —they're there.

Eric: Pretty good.

Julia: They are there.

Amanda: Listen, sometimes that's all the difference.

Julia: What's cool about that is hybrid is a bonus action, so I'm gonna take my two attacks now if that's okay.

Brandon: Holy shit.

Amanda: Yay.

Eric: All right. So here's what happened, Lucky Edie turned on her fire slashers, and then Cammie undercut her cool thing that she said. Then she slashed you with fire, and in response, you turned into a— an electric seaweed octopus hybrid?

Julia: Yeah.

Brandon: Hell yeah, dude.

Julia: Yeah, that's what happened.

Eric: Interesting. Okay, cool. I just wanted to make sure that was the series of things that happened. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Julia: Beautiful. So I'm gonna take my two melee attacks.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: I get plus 8 to each of these attacks.

Eric: Great.

Julia: And here we go. [dice roll] 8 plus 8 for a 16.

Eric: That hits.

Julia: [dice roll] And 15 plus 8 for a 23.

Eric: Yep, that hits.

Julia: Cool. And it's gonna be 2D 10 per attack.

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: Okay. And then I think I also add plus 3 to each of those attacks.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: So I'll do my first attack and then plus 3 to that, hold on.

Eric: Yeah, yeah.

Julia: [dice roll] 8. [dice roll] 1, so that is 12 on the first attack.

Eric: Okay.

Julia: [dice roll] And then 5. [dice roll] 4, that's 9 plus 3 is 12 on the second attack.

Eric: Right. And remind me, what was yours, Troy? 10?

Amanda: It was 10.

Eric: Jesus Christ. How was Lucky Edie already taken 32 points of damage? Jesus Christ. Okay.

Brandon: Let's kill her dead.

Eric: Just smack— yeah, you're just smacking her around. Sure. Yeah, absolutely.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: What do you— yeah. What are you doing? What does this look like?

Julia: I think it's just like— it whips, but it— it's also tentacles.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Love that.

Julia: And they crackle with electricity. And I like the idea of, like, the first one, like, whacking at her legs to take her down, and then the other one hitting her once she's down, like a karate move.

Eric: Yeah.

Amanda: Hey, I love that.

Eric: I love a karate move.

Julia: Uh-hmm.

Amanda: Octopi would be so powerful if they could access martial arts.

Julia: We should teach more martial arts to octopi.

Amanda: No, too powerful.

Brandon: They've already got sports betting down.

Julia: Hmm.

Brandon: Now, they're gonna get martial arts.

Julia: That one died, Brandon.

Brandon: Well, I'm— that's sad.

Julia: Yeah.

Amanda: But Pesto can swim now.

Julia: But Pesto can swim now.

Brandon: Pesto could swim now?

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Brandon: Oh. Is he still large, or is he getting slim?

Julia: He's still large.

Brandon: Oh, that's good.

Julia: He's really growing up before our eyes.

Brandon: Wow.

Amanda: I know, Moo Deng is five months old.

Julia: Moo Deng.

Brandon: Moo Deng's five months old?

Amanda: She's still warring with her basket, though.

Brandon: Oh.

Julia: Makes sense. I would, too.

Eric: Jesus Christ.

[theme]

Amanda: Hey, it's Amanda. Do you remember as a kid if you had yourself or if you had friends that had glow in the dark stickers on their ceiling? Now, I was permitted to put exactly one of those stickers on my ceiling fan, but not my ceiling itself, because my parents correctly sussed that it would be very difficult to get them off when they eventually sold our house. But I found the adult equivalent of those glow in the dark star stickers, and it's a Disco Ball Planter. My mom got it for me for the holidays, and at first I was like, "Oh, mom, that's sweet." And then I hung it up in my window, and I have not felt serotonin like this for years, people. Just having these little prisms of light scattered all over our room. When the sun beam hits the planter, it gives me joy like I have not felt since seeing those glow in the dark stars on my friend, Alisa Sylling. Shout out, Alisa, you are a real one. So welcome to the midroll. You can get a planter. It's very cheap. Thank you and welcome to everybody who has joined us for free on Patreon. We would love if you'd consider joining as a paid member. You get things like ad-free episodes, episodes a full day early. Imagine getting the finale of Join the Party Campaign Three early? Amazing. Plus Party Planning, access to Discord, and so many other fabulous benefits, all of that and more at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. And hey, in case you forgot, we made dice especially for this campaign. They are gorgeous, plant-pirate dice produced by the one and only, Dispel Dice, our favorite dice makers out there. And you can get them before they're gone at jointhepartypod.com/dice. Now, these dice are a Campaign Three exclusive, so once we run out, we will not be making more. So if you want a D8 with a Kraken eye on it, if you want a D6 with some beautiful, like, seaweed-y flowers in it, if you want that gorgeous D 20 with all kinds of friends from the campaign, a D 12 with Bartlett, the parrot on it. You have got to get it today at jointhepartypod.com/dice. And remember, another Patreon benefit, if you're a patron at the $10 tier or above, you get 10% off your merch. So check your Patreon messages for the code, and if you can't find it, just message us, and I'll send it to you. All of that and more, jointhepartypod.com/dice. There's so much happening at Multitude these days, and if you love all of the biology and the pickling and the discussions of the sea and its science in Campaign Three, you have got to listen to Tiny Matters. This is the newest show in the Multitude collective, and it's where you can dive into genes, microbes, and other tiny things that have a big impact on our world. It's also got my favorite cover art of the moment, apart from Join the Party's. It's so beautiful. Scientists Sam Jones and Deboki Chakravarti take apart complex and contentious topics in science and rebuild your understanding of everything from deadly diseases to ancient sewers, to forensic toxicology. Sam and Deboki really embrace the messiness of science and its place in the past, present, and future. Episodes come out every Wednesday, so a fabulous chaser to Join the Party and is brought to you by the American Chemical Society, a non-profit scientific organization connecting and advancing chemistry and to the broader scientific community. Once more, that's Tiny Matters. Look it up in your podcast app now. Now, we are sponsored this week by United By Blue, which is a sustainable lifestyle brand that prioritizes sustainable materials and ethical manufacturing to lead the charge toward better business practices. For every product purchase, they remove one pound of trash from oceans and waterways. That's why we're united by the blue of the ocean, you know? They've removed over three and a half million pounds so far. And I have a ton of stuff that I use every single day that I've gotten from United By Blue, including my bag, a very cute nine-liter sidekick backpack, my incredible insulated steel water bottle. It keeps stuff cold forever. So good. And I also have United By Blue branded socks that are in bison shield TM fiber. This is made from salvaged bison wool, which is intercepted out of the waste stream, meaning that it's reducing waste. It is super, super warm. You have to say, "Thanks. They're bison," whenever somebody compliments your socks, which I try to say whenever possible. So if you go to unitedbyblue.com, you can use the code jointheparty to get 20% off your order. That's unitedbyblue.com and the code is jointheparty, all one word to get 20% off your order. And finally, we are sponsored by Shaker & Spoon, a subscription cocktail service that helps you learn how to make handcrafted cocktails right at home. I'll also say, they are an incredible thing to do if you are also in the practice of making low or no ABV mocktails, because adding things like bitters, syrups, new techniques, fat washing, egg washes, can really elevate any kind of drink you are making, whether that is a mocktail to go with a cocktail, or just a low or no ABV drink to enjoy on a weeknight. They are incredibly wonderful because every box of Shaker & Spoon comes with enough ingredients to make three different recipes developed by world-class mixologists. You can pair their box with one bottle of that month's spirit, and the best thing is, it's designed to use the entire bottle so you don't have, like, 14 dusty bottles of, like, a spirit you're never gonna use again, taking up space in your house. Or also, you can add it to all kinds of other drinks and use their techniques, recipes and ingredients to just basically expand your knowledge and your home bar. It just costs 50 to $59 per month, and the cost of liquor, if you choose to add liquor. It is a super cost-effective way to enjoy craft cocktails, and again, just to learn some more skills at home. So whether you are going to invite some friends over or bring this to, you know, your next friend vacation, or just class up and level up your skills at home, get 20 bucks off your first box at shakerandspoon.com/jointheparty. That's shakerandspoon.com/jointheparty. And now, back to the show.

[theme]

Eric: All right. So, yeah, in sound effects, we— it's going slash, slash, spark, [flame noises] slash, slash, burn, and then whatever the terrible sound is of Cammie turning into a monster hybrid, and then electrical crack, whip, whip. Okay.

Julia: Yeah.

Eric: Great.

Brandon: Wa-paaaa.

Amanda: That's what we like to call the old slash, crackle slay.

Julia: That's my favorite cereal slogan.

Eric: It is now Havana's turn. Havana is going to back up as far as possible, going—

Eric (as Havana): Too much. Already too much happening.

Eric: While reaching into his medical bag and pulling out what looks like a cross between a vial and a silly straw.

Julia: Okay.

Eric: That twirls around and tosses it to Troy.

Eric (as Havana): Use it in good health. Use it only— did you eat— you should probably eat first.

Amanda (as Troy): Uh—

Brandon: Don't— but no grapefruit juice.

Eric (as Havana): Yeah, if you're taking other antibiotics, it's gonna knock it out.

Amanda (as Troy): That's fine. I'll deal with that later.

Amanda: And Troy's gonna down the potion.

Eric: All right. This is gonna give you some get up and go. Troy, you are feeling 110%. You're vibrating. You— it is liquid goodness flowing in your veins. This is an updated version of the bless spell. You can roll 1 D6 and add it to your rolls.

Julia: Ooh.

Brandon: Ooh.

Julia: Holy shit.

Amanda: Oh, thank God.

Brandon: That's great.

Amanda: Which roll?

Eric: To either attacks or saving throws before the spell ends. The spell usually end for the duration of one minute.

Amanda: All right.

Julia: That's pretty good.

Eric: So the same amount of time while Cammie is a terrible octopus, is an awesome octopus. Troy—

Julia: You could say terrible.

Eric: Troy is vibrating with excitement.

Amanda (as Troy): Thank you, Havana.

Julia (as Cammie): Havana, could you do that this whole time?

Eric (as Havana): I had it. No one— you have to ask me for it.

Julia (as Cammie): I forgot. I didn't know. I didn't know to ask.

Eric (as Havana): Patient, heal thyself by asking your doctor.

Julia (as Cammie): Damn.

Eric: Brandon, did you like that?

Brandon: I did it. I did.

Eric: Thank you.

Brandon: Are Troy's biceps, like, twice as big now or—

Eric: I like the idea that Troy's— maybe like Popeye, when he eats spinach, you swirl up into this silly straw for a moment.

Amanda: Ooh.

Eric: And it goes through your entire body.

Amanda: Aah! That's great. So can Troy take his delayed turn days now?

Eric: It is now Troy's turn.

Amanda: Hoo. Okay. We are going to use this D6 to make an attack roll with my final metal repeating damage arrow aimed at Piney.

Brandon: Get him.

Eric: The terminal velocity arrow.

Amanda: Yes.

Eric: Hell yeah.

Julia: Get him, Troy. Get him.

Amanda: All right. So my first roll is a 15 plus 2 on the D6 for a 17.

Eric: Okay. That's—

Amanda: Plus 7, so 23 to hit.

Eric: Okay, that definitely hits.

Brandon: Get him.

Julia: Finally.

Amanda: Thank God.

Eric: I'm gonna tell you right now. Piney, being a magician sort, has an AC of— hold on one second.

Julia: Better be low as fuck.

Brandon: Yeah, of 11.

Amanda: How could it be less than 23— I mean, more than 23.

Eric: No, it is— it's not—

Amanda: Okay.

Eric: —more than 23. I'm—

Julia: Amanda, that would be so broken.

Amanda: Listen, I know I don't know that much about D&D, but—

Brandon: But I do know about numbers and 23 is high.

Julia: Don't know much about D&D.

Brandon: Bop, bop, bop.

Julia: Don't know much about numbies.

Brandon: Pom, pom.

Julia: I can't do more. I can only do—

Eric: All right. Piney's AC is 13.

Amanda: Uh-huh.

Eric: Let's just let it rip. As you fire the terminal velocity arrow.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: And it slashes past Piney, and it whips back around, and is starting to gain speed. Just let it rip, baby. I'll keep counting for you. You just need to roll until you roll under 13. And because you have the silly straw potion going, just add D6 to each one of those rolls.

Julia: Hell yeah, dawg.

Amanda: Hell yeah, dawg.

Julia: Let's go.

Amanda: All right. The next one is an 11.

Julia: Plus?

Amanda: 11 plus 7 for an 18.

Eric: Okay.

Amanda: Thank you, thank you.

Eric: Great. So that's two.

Amanda: Now, we have a 14 plus 7, 21.

Eric: 21, three,.

Julia: Excellent.

Amanda: Now, we have a 17 plus 7.

Julia: Excellent.

Eric: Four.

Amanda: Yeah.

Julia: What do you crit on, 18 and higher?

Amanda: I do crit on 18 and higher.

Julia: Okay. Let's go.

Amanda: Now, we have a 14 plus 7 for a 21.

Eric: All right, five.

Julia: Got it.

Amanda: Then we have a 19.

Julia: A crit.

Eric: Finally, a crit.

Julia: Finally, you got a crit on it.

Eric: All right, that's seven. Then we're up to seven now.

Julia: Keep going, girlfriend, keep going.

Eric: Let's just add two more.

Amanda: Okay, that's a 4 plus 7 for an 11.

Eric: All right, that's an 11. I have 7 hits here.

Amanda: So my damage is a D8 piercing plus dex plus Gloria's plus one. So it's D8s and then every roll gets a plus three.

Julia: Okay. So that's 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21. So it's going to be plus 21 and then you should roll the 7D—

Amanda: Yeah.

Julia: —8.

Eric: All right. Plus—

Amanda: 7 D8 plus my aggregated modifier plus 21.

Eric: All right, 7 D8 plus 20— 7 D8 is— big money, big money, big money. No whammy, no whammy, no whammy.

Julia: Big money. How much is it?

Eric: [dice roll] 37.

Julia: Yeah.

Amanda: Hell yeah, dude.

Julia: Worth it.

Eric: 37 plus 21.

Brandon: Not to be that guy, but Eric isn't the damage edition of just once?

Eric: That's fine what it is. I'm gonna say it hits— because it hits every time, the whole thing is multiplied by 7, not just individually.

Brandon: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm. That's true.

Eric: It's 1 D8 plus 3, plus 1 (7).

Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah. PEMDAS, baby.

Eric: Yeah.

Brandon: Hit them with them PEMDAS.

Amanda: Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

Eric: Okay. So 37 plus 21 is 58 points of damage. [explosion] And the infinite velocity arrow disappears in the— in a sonic boom, in a flash of light as it eclipsed what we're able to see, which includes you being able to collect it again.

Amanda: Does Piney's trunk fall into nine discrete sections like a cartoon?

Julia: Yes.

Brandon: Yes.

Eric: I think it does that anyway. We'll come back around if Piney's dead, but I think Piney has been slashed into pieces.

Brandon: Ooh. So Piney is down, then?

Amanda: Because that was technically my first attack.

Brandon: Oh, shit.

Amanda: Well, I could do one more thing.

Julia: Hit it. Hit it.

Eric: No. Piney is in pieces on the ground. For the time being, Piney is out of the fight.

Julia: Good.

Brandon (as Umbi): Troy, have you always been able to do that? What the fuck.

Amanda (as Troy): I don't know, man.

Julia (as Cammie): Troy, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen.

Amanda (as Troy): Thank you.

Amanda: And with my second attack—

Julia: Uh-huh.

Eric: Asshole. All right.

Julia: Uh-huh.

Amanda: —I think the last thing Troy's gonna do is just to see what happens. Troy will grab his mundane dagger out of his left boot and throw it at the DiAnnalyse.

Brandon: It just like has the words mundane written on it.

Amanda: Yeah. That is a 3 plus, nope. Nothing. Nothing will make it happen. Okay. Nope.

Julia: Nothing will make it happen.

Eric: I love you firing a terrible Omni/arrow, and then you go, "Eh!" At your sister.

Amanda: My dull dagger just flies past her head. Stop it.

Amanda (as Troy): Stop it.

Brandon: The handle breaks off.

Amanda (as Troy): Stop it.

Julia: It was less cool than you were hoping for, certainly.

Amanda (as Troy): Just stop, Di. Just go home.

Eric (as Di): You go home. You don't know what's at stake.

Amanda (as Troy): I don't know what's bigger than my life and the life of this bialy, but that's what's at stake here.

Eric (as Di): I'm doing what's right for our for our great green bialy.

Amanda (as Troy): No, you're not.

Eric (as Di): Then what am I doing it for?

Amanda (as Troy): I don't know, man. I wanted to make dad proud, too. But, like, not like this.

Eric: Di is going to slip into the initiative now.

Julia: I want to know what she told Piney, who's maybe dead now.

Eric: She's going to run over to Piney, assemble their parts back together, and reaches into her secret spy pack, pulls out a glass container that she twists off and smoke comes out of it, and there is an incredibly delicate rose inside.

Brandon: Oh, cool.

Eric: Glistening with dew, which she grabs fully with her hand, swallowing the pain, and smears her blood over the parts of the deconstructed parts of Piney that slide back into place with a pop.

Brandon: Cool.

Julia: Okay, interesting.

Amanda (as Troy): Really? And you couldn't do that for the key? Come on, man.

Eric (as Di): It's not how— Piney is a Greenfolk. You can't do that to objects that don't have souls anymore.

Brandon (as Umbi): Necromancer, necromancer.

Julia (as Cammie): Hey, we shouldn't be all up in arms about a little necromancy.

Amanda (as Troy): Okay. So you take care of Piney. You stay out here and let us pass.

Eric (as Di): I wonder if necromancy is gonna be my trauma magic. Let's find out.

Julia (as Cammie): I mean, try.

Eric: All right.

Julia (as Cammie): I'm sure there's plenty of skeletons around here.

Eric: All right. Umbi, it's your turn.

Brandon: Yay. And my move is so banal. I'm just gonna turn towards lucky Edie and say—

Brandon (as Umbi): Oh, fuck, hot potato, hot potato, hot potato.

Brandon: And throw the hot potato at Lucky Edie.

Julia: I knew it. I knew it.

Brandon: Because that gives me the heat metal spell, and any creature in physical contact with a metal weapon takes 2 D8 fire damage when I cast the spell. And until the spell ends as a bonus action, I can cause this damage again.

Amanda: Yeah.

Julia: Can you try to throw it so that it, like, skewers on her knife? So that it stays there?

Brandon: Oh, hell yeah, Julia. That's exactly what happens.

Eric: That's fine. I think it's fine. That's cool.

Amanda: She goes, "Oh, ah, oh, ah."

Brandon: Oh, ah, oh, ah.

Julia: Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Brandon: It's like at least 140 degrees hotter than her knives.

Amanda: Oh, boy.

Eric: No, no. That's fair. So like this— so the hot potato itself is doing the heat metal. That's the wonderful thing about the item, is that you don't have to do it, right?

Brandon: Right.

Eric: The thing is doing it. We're using the mechanics of heat metal.

Brandon: Oh.

Eric: It's not the same, but you can just throw it.

Brandon: Okay, cool. Great. Yeah.

Eric: Yeah. No, no, I'm using— as if it is using the heat metal spell, and it scales like the heat metal spell.

Brandon: Got it. That makes sense.

Eric: So you can just toss it at her.

Brandon: Yeah. Cool. Then, yeah, I do that.

Eric: I like it better that she has these flaming knives, right?

Brandon: Uh-hmm.

Eric: That she's trying to slash at all of you. And instead, you toss her the hot potato, and it like hits her in the chest, and she has to try to grab it with her knife hands. So it's just, like, straight up just burning her.

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: Hell yeah.

Eric: All right.

Julia: Hell yeah, dawg.

Brandon: Yeah. I throw it and say— Umbi says—

Brandon (as Umbi): Do you want this fully loaded?

Eric (as Piney): Want what? Ah, oh. Ah, ah, ah.

Eric: Give me two D8, please.

Brandon: Two D8.

Julia: A little bacon, a little chive, a little sour cream.

Brandon: A little ba— oh, and also, sorry, I forgot to say, I would also like to use my hand, my metal key hand to hit two times then.

Amanda: Your throwing arm?

Brandon: My throwing arm.

Eric: Oh, throwing arm? All right. Give me a dexterity throw to toss it.

Brandon: Okay. It's just a D 20 plus my dex?

Eric: Yeah.

Julia: Does he have a proficiency in throwing the hot potato?

Eric: No. No, he doesn't.

Julia: Okay. All right. I tried.

Eric: Can you have proficiency and underhand tossing in a potato?

Amanda: Yes.

Brandon: I have proficiency in simple weapons.

Julia: Is a potato a simple weapon?

Eric: All right, all right. Take proficiency in a hot potato.

Brandon: Yeah.

Amanda: Yay.

Eric: Fine, fine.

Brandon: Plus 8.

Amanda: Bullying works. Bullying works.

Julia: Bullying works.

Brandon: Thank God because I only got a 13 total.

Eric: 13 total?

Brandon: Yeah. Is that enough?

Eric: [dice roll] I think that as you ready yourself to do something as basic as underhand tossing a aluminum foil wrapped hot potato, you just— you overclock it with your new thorn hands and just whip it at Lucky Edie incredibly hard. But it also rings out your old man joints—

Brandon: Fair.

Eric: —extra hard.

Brandon: So I'm not gonna say that you don't do it, so Lucky Edie is just gonna still take the damage, but so do you.

Brandon: Okay. Do I get the two times damage or just normal damage and I take some damage?

Eric: I— that's gonna be normal. It's with a 13.

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: I'll say it's successful and you take damage.

Brandon: Great. That's what I figured. Cool.

Eric: So give me the D8 first.

Brandon: 3.

Eric: Okay.

Brandon: [dice roll] 5, 8. Do I add anything to this? I don't think so, right?

Eric: No, no, no, just that.

Brandon: Yeah. 8 damage.

Eric: 8 damage, and Umbi takes— [dice roll] you take three damage in your joints.

Brandon: That's fair. Not bad.

Julia: Joint damage.

Brandon: Not bad.

Julia: That's the reality of getting older, joint damage.

Eric: You over strain your shoulder.

Brandon: Julia, yesterday, we were recording for Attach Your Resume, and I looked to my right, and I strained my neck.

Julia: Oh, see, buddy? It happens to the best of us.

Brandon: Like—

Amanda: It's like, did Brandon not like it was just said that much? But he's like, "Help."

Brandon: I pulled a muscle podcasting.

Julia: It happens. It happens, buddy.

Amanda: Our workers' comp does cover that, but—

Brandon: Oh, that's nice. Is it like a hot water bottle, a hot compress or something?

Amanda: Probably.

Eric: All right. Wonderful. All right. It is now Piney's turn. Piney is back up, recon— and reconstituted. And Di says—

Eric (as Di): Do it anyway. Do it anyway.

Eric: As Piney starts to conjure magic logs that they start to stack up into a ramp, just building it, like I said, Fortnite style. Building a ramp that goes up like, I'd say, two stories, you know, part, part, part, part, part, part, part, part.

Julia: I'm trying to figure out why they're doing this before I—

Brandon: Uh-hmm.

Julia: —decide whether or not I want them to do it.

Eric: And grabs Di by the hand and runs up half the ramp, dragging her with them.

Brandon: Hmm.

Amanda (as Troy): Are you announcing that you're in love with Piney and Tessie now? Because, like, that's fine, but like, damn.

Brandon (as Umbi): It's not fine. They suck. Choose better partners.

Eric: They don't respond because they're doing a action move, and don't have time to give you a witty banter.

Brandon: Don't have time for a witty banter? What the fuck?

Amanda: Damn.

Julia: Where does it seem like they're going? Like, are they heading in the direction of the keys? Like, what's up?

Eric: Oh, that's a good question. Okay. The ramp is going forward. It's just going up. It's not pointing in a particular direction. Piney has built it, like, facing forward and is just building upwards.

Brandon: Towards us or towards the locks?

Eric: Towards you, in the battlefield.

Brandon: They're gonna try to pile drive us from 20 feet up?

Amanda: Right? What else could it be?

Eric: I don't know, that'd be cool if that's what happened, that’d be dope.

Amanda: Maybe like building some kind of shield that we can't get past. If, like, the radius of a shield is, like, at the top of a ramp, then it would like cover the whole Z-axis.

Brandon: Hmm.

Eric: At that time, as you contemplate what Piney and Di are going to do to you next, and how sick it might look like if they pile drive you from above.

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Eric: Something catches your eye instead. Falling slowly, ever slowly from the sky.

Brandon: Oh, no.

Eric: Is it snowing? Well, when snow hits water like that, they don't kind of inflate, and—

Julia: This motherfucker is back.

Eric: —blow up even larger into brine, waterlogged dandelion pieces.

Brandon: Oh, fuss out of a fucking bitch.

Eric as (Threelips): I don't think you thought you saw the last of me.

Eric: And as these dandelion puffs cover the entire battlefield, obscuring your sight and floating, bobbing around you. Now, just echoing from nowhere, just—

Eric as (Threelips): [scoffs] Did you miss me?

Amanda (as Troy): Fuck you!

Brandon (as Umbi): No!

Julia (as Cammie): No! We did not.

Eric as (Threelips): I'm sure you did.

Brandon (as Umbi): Fucking pervert.

Eric as (Threelips): The Rotten Key is coming. The Rotten King is here to rule. [scoffs]

Brandon: Goddamn it's.

Eric: It's Lucky Edie's turn now, and I think— you know what? You know what? Lucky Edie is gonna drop the hot potato.

Brandon: Rude.

Julia: Okay, fair.

Eric: And one of the water— the brine log dandelion pieces, which is now like— that gets the size of a basketball in front of her, goes up in flames.

Brandon: Oops.

Eric: It goes—

Eric (as Lucky Edie): Oh, that's interesting.

Eric: She spins around with her flame knives and clears a radius around her, also slashing into Nonny, Cammie.

Julia: Oh, okay.

Brandon: Let's see, Canonny? Hmm. That's not a really good combination of those two.

Julia: I like Canonny.

Eric: Canonny.

Amanda: Nammy.

Brandon: Nammy.

Eric: [dice roll] Oh, that doesn't even hit Cammie. Goddamn it.

Brandon: Huh.

Amanda: Nanamil Cassis.

Eric: Yeah. I think you can put your Nonny— your hybrid Nonny arms up and block them as Lucky Edie fire spins around you.

Brandon: Quick parry.

Julia: Yeah, I catch the knife in between my two whip tentacles.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: Hell yeah. Cammie, it is your turn. The dandelion puffs have swollen in size and are blocking your sight to see anything else going around you. They're almost— they're just like bobbing in the waist-high brine around you, lurking menacingly, terrifyingly. They're not sticking to you like they did before, but they are— they're certainly blocking your path to see anything or get anywhere else.

Julia: Well, I'm still pretty close to Edie, right? And she just cleared a whole big circle of them?

Eric: Yes, you can see Edie in the middle as the dandelion puffs are crumbling and smoking around her, but you can't see anything else.

Julia: All right, I'm just gonna whack the shit out of Edie still.

Amanda: Smart.

Julia: I think I can handle that. You know?

Amanda: It's like a little black dress, Julia. It's always appropriate.

Julia: Exactly. All right, here we go. [dice roll] First attack is a 9 plus 8.

Eric: Oh, yeah, that hits.

Julia: That hits, all right. Cool. [dice roll] And then a 13 plus 8 for a 21.

Eric: 21 ,that hits.

Julia: All right. So [dice roll] 4 [dice roll] and 7 that is 11 plus 3 for 14 for the first hit.

Eric: Love to hear it.

Julia: 6. [dice roll]

Brandon: Do you, Eric?

Julia: 7, that is 13 plus 3 is 16.

Eric: I'm trying to be supportive, Brandon.

Julia: I appreciate it. Thank you.

Amanda: Keep the vibe up. Remember, we're all on the side of fun.

Julia: We're all on the side of fun.

Brandon: I don't know. I think I need to take fun down.

Julia: Take fun down a few notches.

Amanda: It's had its day.

Eric: Crackling whips in return. Love it.

Julia: Woo.

Eric: Love to hear. It's now Havana's turn again.

Brandon: Ooh. He's gonna have a panic attack and lay down?

Julia (as Cammie): Havana, you're doing great. If you have any fire, that's apparently useful. I know you love a Bunsen burner.

Brandon: That's true.

Eric: [dice roll] Oh, hell yeah. All right.

Julia: Go, Havana.

Eric: Havana's gonna say—

Eric (as Havana): Umbi!

Brandon (as Umbi): Yeah.

Eric (as Havana): Umbi, where are you?

Brandon (as Umbi): I'm here, over here.

Eric (as Havana): Throw your hands up.

Brandon (as Umbi): They're up in the air, like I don't care.

Eric (as Havana): Well, you should care about this catch.

Eric: As overhand, Havana tosses you—

Brandon: A hug.

Eric: Throws you a football because your father and son and he wishes that you two would be closer.

Julia: Oh.

Eric: It whistles like a nerf football through the air and splashes right in front of you is one of your old bombs that Havana had held onto. That gives you two new reagent dice.

Amanda: Hey.

Brandon: Hell yes, that's great.

Julia: Whoa.

Brandon: I had zero.

Amanda: Yes.

Julia: Havana is coming clutch this time.

Eric (as Havana): Take two and take— and call me in the morning.

Brandon: Do I have to use an action to drink it or can I just drink it?

Eric: No, no, I rolled an 18.

Brandon: Okay.

Eric: So— on the dice, so it's—

Julia: It landed directly in your mouth.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: It's right at your feet.

Brandon: That's great.

Eric: I thought the reagent dice was like potion versions of your bombs.

Julia: Yeah.

Brandon: Yeah, they are.

Eric: Okay. Well, don't drink it.

Brandon: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yes.

Julia: I made a joke about that last night.

Eric: Like, don't drink it. Havana says—

Eric (as Havana): Don't drink it. It's a potion.

Brandon: I— yes, you're correct. I made a mistake.

Amanda: Funny one.

Eric: It has an oversized label on it, like old people text, but on the side of a medicine bottle.

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Julia: He needs it.

Eric: It's like, "Umbi, don't drink this. Umbi, this is for— this used to be one of your mom's. Umbi, this is not a morning juice."

Brandon (as Umbi): Then what do I take two of? I'm so confused.

Julia (as Cammie): You don't— you just take them. You don't take them.

Eric (as Havana): Take two and half of the potion.

Eric: Wonderful. Good job, Havana.

Julia: I love Havana.

Amanda: Proud of you.

Eric: Sick.

Julia: I'm so glad he, you know, stayed with us.

Amanda: Uh-hmm.

Eric: Yeah. Troy, it's your turn.

Amanda: How far away are Di and Piney?

Eric: You can head up the ramp. You can see them. They're floating above the dandelion puffs. I think that as the dandelion puffs continue to sit in the brine, they get bigger and bigger. I think now they're the size of, like, a really big beach ball.

Amanda: Oh, damn.

Eric: Really obscuring your sight. But you can see— because Di and Piney went up, you can see where they went and chase after them.

Brandon: Don't do that.

Amanda: I'm not gonna do that, no. How far away is Lucky Edie from me?

Eric: I would say that Cammie and lucky Edie are battling it out on the other side of this battlefield, so nearby, but you need to look around for them, because your sight is obscured by the dandelion puffs.

Amanda: Man, I don't know what to do.

Eric: But whatever you want to do, you're gonna do it really well.

Julia: That's true.

Amanda: That makes me nervous.

Julia: You're gonna do great. We're being supportive, because it's a tough fight.

Eric: With the extra D6 and—

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Eric: —liquid fun you have coursing through your body.

Amanda: Yeah. You know what? Troy is going to drop into a crouch and using the beach ball-sized dandelions as cover, is going to start sneaking around to get closer to the locks, stealthily.

Eric: Oh, baby. Let's go.

Julia: You go. You go, Troy.

Eric: All right.

Amanda: Yeah.

Eric: I'll give you advantage on stealth here, because that will be pretty easy.

Amanda: [dice roll] Okay. I rolled a 16, plus my bless is a 5, and then just for advantage.

Julia: Hell yeah, dawg.

Amanda: All right, yeah, 16 plus 5, so it's a 21 plus 2 for 23.

Eric: 23.

Brandon: Yeah.

Eric: That's stealthy, baby. You got— you are sneaking through this now swamp of dandelion puffs and anti-magic brine. Here's the issue, though, do you know where you're going?

Amanda: I'm going around the ramp and toward the back of the destruction, which should hopefully be fairly easy to see of where the blackberry dragon burst forth.

Eric: Because these things are in your way, that might be harder to do. What would you say is you orient— what would be a check for you to orient yourself?

Brandon: Like survival?

Amanda: Yeah, I could definitely do a survival check.

Eric: Yes, I'll give you survival.

Amanda: [dice roll] Okay. So this is helping. So— all right, 15 and I do have proficiency in survival, so that's plus 6, 21 survival check.

Julia: Hell yeah, dawg.

Eric: All right, you can add your— add that D6 as well.

Julia: Troy always knows where he's going.

Brandon: Mariner feet.

Amanda: Plus 6, 27.

Julia: Mariner feet.

Eric: All right.

Julia: He is technically on water.

Brandon: Yeah.

Amanda: Julia, I really thought about it, and then I thought, "We can't do that twice, and also, what would I be surfing on? Nothing."

Brandon: The beach balls.

Julia: No, you don't want to touch those. You break off a little bit of the ramp and just surf on that.

Eric: Incredible. Yeah, I— you can use the ramp as an orientation. You can head towards the locks.

Amanda: Awesome. And I'm going to use my full action to dash, that's 60 feet.

Julia: Hell yeah, dawg.

Eric: All right, you're making your way. I'm gonna make a note of that.

Brandon: Making your way downtown, walking fast.

Julia: Sneaky baby. Troy is sneaking through the battlefield.

Eric: It's here.

Brandon: He's not gonna get hit by anyone.

Amanda: Wowie.

Julia: That's our Troy.

Eric: Boop a doop, a doop, boop, boop.

Julia: He's the sneakiest butterfly around.

Eric: All right. It is Di's turn. It's a—

Brandon: I hate being last.

Eric: You're not even last.

Julia: Boo.

Eric: Piney's after you.

Brandon: Okay, great.

Julia: You know what? I think we actually, like, consensusly want to take a vote and say we're gonna skip Di's turn this round.

Eric: Oh, weird.

Brandon: Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah, democracy dies in darkness, so—

Brandon: Three out of four. Eric, are you against democracy?

Julia: We'll go on a joke strike again. Just watch us.

Eric: I can just offer Brandon pizza at a pizza party.

Julia: Brandon, don't cave.

Brandon: You're gonna give me pizza?

Amanda: He already caved.

Julia: Don't cross the picket line.

Eric: Actually, Brandon, how would you like your very own ice cream party?

Julia: Brandon.

Eric: And you can invite only one of your friends, and there's pizza there.

Brandon: Yeah!

Julia: Brandon, don't across the picket line.

Amanda: It's done.

Julia: Don't be a scam, Brandon.

Eric: This is a new type of comedy where Brandon evaluates how much he likes the first joke or the iteration of the joke. All right. No— all right, Brandon, but you can only bring one of your friends who makes jokes with you.

Brandon: Okay, it's gonna be my dog.

Eric: Okay, good.

Julia: Good, no jokes from Amanda and I for the rest of the episode, then.

Eric: All right, fine.

Amanda: Hmm.

Eric: It is Di's turn. Di runs to the end of the ramp, and I'll just admit, she was gonna jump down and dive on Troy and stab him really hard, but now, can't find you, goddamn it.

Brandon: Oh.

Julia: He gone.

Eric: So she's gonna look— she's gonna have to pull out her spy goggles, the ones that zoom out really far and are gonna try to find him. But he rolled a 23 on stealth, so now I'm gonna have to try to find him.

Brandon: Good fucking luck.

Julia: I think this assassin's not very good at investigating or proceeding.

Brandon: Classically.

Eric: 23 is tough, Julia.

Julia: I know.

Eric: Even for me.

Julia: Yeah, yeah.

Brandon: Natural One.

Julia: Fuck you.

Brandon: You got busted. I got a Natural One.

Eric: No, the thing is, is I rolled a 15, but even with plus 7, that's not enough.

Brandon: That's awesome.

Eric: Goddamn it. All right. So Di can't find Troy.

Julia: My old-timey Eric failure dance.

Amanda: [sings old-timey music]

Brandon: [sings old-timey music]

Julia: Amanda, join us.

Amanda: [sings old-timey music]

Brandon: [sings old-timey music]

Eric: What would she do instead?

Brandon: Just quit. Sit down and quit.

Eric: Amanda, can you remind me? What would you do— when you were a rogue trying to get advantage, what would you do?

Amanda: Is this is a trick question because I never once did it correctly?

Julia: Amanda, we're on joke strike. Stop it.

Amanda: Because it's a— that's not a joke. It's— if you go before the creature, if the creature has disadvantage or if you are close enough to— if you're in their space, I think.

Eric: Right. Yeah.

Julia: If someone else is flanking them, then you get advantage.

Eric: Right. If someone else is flanking them.

Julia: It's basically anytime you get advantage on someone for an attack, you can also add sneak attack bonus.

Brandon: Sneak attack.

Julia: Sneak attack.

Brandon: Well, I mean, technically, I think she used an object, so that's an action. So, you know, technically, it turns over.

Julia: Yeah, I think she did use her action to search for Troy, so—

Brandon: Yeah, I think that's fine.

Eric: Sure. And she dives off the side of the ramp silently, cutting through—

Brandon: The waist-high water? She's going to hurt—

Eric: Yeah, she's really good at it, Brandon.

Brandon: She's not a fucking Olympic diver. That's Umbi.

Julia: Only Umbi ever competed in the Olympics.

Amanda: Only this svelte pawpaw-shaped form can cut through water like a hot knife.

Julia: I like the idea that Umbi was the only one who competed, and then they got rid of that category in every Olympics afterwards.

Eric: No, wait. No, Brandon is trying to get in my head. She jumps into the water die— and—

Amanda: And dives.

Eric: And dives as delicately and silently as she can, slipping between two of these inflated dandelion puffs.

Brandon: Dude, I don't know, man, I'm not trying to get in your head. That's a really shallow dive—

Julia: A very shallow dive.

Brandon: —rom 20 feet up.

Amanda: It is?

Eric: I— she's not diving. She's trying to get in the water— she's just trying to get in the water.

Brandon: From 20 feet up, two stories, you said. That's high.

Amanda: They're halfway up the ramp, which is based on the Pythagorean Theorem, 13 feet up.

Brandon: That's fair.

Eric: No, she went up to the top.

Amanda: Oh.

Brandon: I'm not saying she can't do it. I'm just saying it would be difficult.

Eric: You're right. She jumps from the top of the ramp into a dive and tries to curl up into a somersault to get into the water as silently and stealthfully as possible. I'm gonna roll a stealth check for her to get back into the water. You're absolutely right.

Julia: Oh, my God.

Brandon: Holy shit.

[theme]