Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook Rule #128: Every person, whether camper or staff, must pass the swim test if they want to swim at the Water Hole or participate in water-related activities. The swim test consists of, but is not limited to: swim six lengths of the water hole, tread water for one minute, and open their eyes under water to look out for aquatic creatures.
Camp-Paign Merch
You can preorder your Camp Die hats, shirts, posters, and logo stickers AND get the Camp-Paign theme song at jointhepartypod.com/merch
Sponsors
- Hero Forge, where you can start designing your custom miniature today!
- Squarespace. Go to squarespace.com/jointheparty for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use offer code JOINTHEPARTY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
- BetterHelp, a secure online therapy service. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/jointheparty
Find Us Online
- website: jointhepartypod.com
- patreon: patreon.com/jointhepartypod
- twitch: twitch.tv/jtpsidequests
- twitter: twitter.com/jointhepartypod
- instagram: instagram.com/jointhepartypod
- tumblr: jointhepartypod.tumblr.com
- merch & music: jointhepartypod.com/merch
Cast & Crew
- Co-Host, Co-Producer, GM: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Les Proenneke), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Carrie-Ann Price), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Co-Host (Phoebe Cooper), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into the Camp-Paign, our Monster of the Week story set in a weird and wild summer camp, or marathon our D&D games with Campaign 2 for a modern, sci-fi superhero game and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Eric (as John Bonez Bones): [Over PA] Good morning, Camp Diogenes, this is your PA system and morning wake-up call, John Bonez Bones. The first one’s with a Z, the second one's not with a Z. It's gonna be the first-day camp but it's not the first day of camp yet. That's only once the campers start showing up at 3 PM when the buses go rocking and rolling and whatnot, through the covered bridge in the front. So all the staff that's been staff week-ing it up and making themselves ready to deal with some younger children. Get ready. They're coming. The camp is about to begin. Bonez Bones out.
Julia: How early is it, Eric?
Eric: Bonez Bones makes PA announcements at 8 AM every morning, but depending on who you are, you might be awake and you might not be.
Julia: Yeah, that's– that's early, but not too early, I feel like. We're not yet in that full like pubescent teen spirit where it's like, I need to sleep till 12 PM or else I'll die.
Brandon: Julia, when do we get out of that like in real life? Does that ever end? Or am I just like this forever?
Julia: I don't know. Some people are just morning people and I don't understand morning people that well.
Amanda: Or trust it, frankly.
Eric: I don't know what you mean as I drink my second very large iced coffee of the day.
Julia: Who can say?
Eric: Who can really say? We begin in the Cafetorium. We’re eating breakfast before the campers show up on the first day of camp. The thing about camp is and this is something that Director Löw says, is that it really is in full until everyone is there, including the campers. So there is a certain amount of like, you know, it's like an empty apartment, right? Like it exists, but there's something missing in there. But like it is nice to just hang out at the camp that all of you love without, you know, eight-year-olds needing juice or whatever. So it is pretty empty because all of the tables for all of the different age groups and all of the staff have been set up but all of you kind of like eat in like the middle few tables that have actually been set up and Springer has made the thing that they make for staff all the time, which is waffles. It feels very on the nose, but–
Eric (as Chef Springer): [in a husky but oddly high-pitched voice] I gotta do what I do best.
Julia: Oh, I love Springer's voice. Yes.
Eric (as Chef Springer): We got all the toppings. I'm not gonna pull them out for all the kids because we got sprinkles and we got whipped cream and we got the strawberries without the sauce of the strawberries with the sauce. Because I can’t trust the nine year olds not to go saucing it up. You got to keep the strawberries without the sauce separate for the strawberries with the sauce and the various other types of compotes.
Julia (as Phoebe): That's true. If they get sauce all over themselves. They're just gonna attract bears.
Eric: I also want to say that I am intentionally not describing Springer so you can come up with what Springer looks like in your own minds.
Julia: I know exactly what they look like in my head now. There we go.
Eric: Everyone, tell me your headcanon please Tweet @JoinThePartyPod, what is Springer look like to you? So yeah, all of you are sitting down. The various CITs have also been kind of set into different pods or little CIT groups. And the three of you kind of have your own group over the last few days of staff week of specifically CIT staff week, the three of you have been like working together solving problems, like doing a ropes course that Jane has set up, apparently overnight, impressing Tater Tot, rubbing Tater Tot's stomach. So the three of you are kinda like a CIT cohort.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: So I think the three of you would be eating together, especially as Jane comes along and gives everyone nicknames that he's come up with the night before being like–
Eric (as Head of CITs Matthew Jane): Alright, Strike Team killing it. Hey, The Smartest People I Know, you're all great. Oh my god. It's my Best Friends. That's your name, the cohort. You're all the best friends to each other, to me, and to the campers.
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): Jane, quick question. Do you have a policy of food for Tater Tot?
Eric (as Head of CITs Matthew Jane): Uhh...
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): Can I give Tater Tot some waffles?
Eric (as Head of CITs Matthew Jane): Hey Les, great question. I love the enthusiasm and I love that you asked consent. Do not give Tater Tot food.
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): Cool
Eric: And then Jane turns around and says–
Eric (as Head of CITs Matthew Jane): But that's not what Tater Tot wants.
Eric: And Tater Tot's like has paws on table like [puppy dog eyes] Is Tater Tot winking at you, Les? I don't know.
Julia: Oh, no.
Brandon: I'm gonna give Tater Tot a little piece of my waffle.
Eric: Gobble Gobble Gobble. Lick lick lick lick lick.
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): Les, he said not to.
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): Yeah, but then he- he winked at me.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): He could get like a stomach ache.
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): But-
Eric (as Head of CITs Matthew Jane): I'll never tell.
Eric: Jane says coquettishly walking away.
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): You just told us-
Eric (as Head of CITs Matthew Jane): Tater Tot, come on.
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): Okay.
Eric: Tater Tot bounds away, licking the floor in case someone spilled any compote.
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): Here's the thing that I believe y'all, I just want you to know about me is that like life is too short to not eat waffles if you're a dog, you know? That's my-- that's what I live my life by, my credo.
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): Especially if you're a dog.
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): If I'm a dog, eat waffles.
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): Because like dogs live shorter lives than us humans too.
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): Exactly.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Was I dreaming? Or did Jane call us best friends? Was that one of us? Was that our name? Or was that a dream?
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): Are we the best friends?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Because like I couldn't, I've had that dream before, so I just wanted to make sure I didn't dream it this time.
Eric: Director Löw gets up to the front of the Cafetorium holding Boo's sticky hand in her hand. Boo is still holding a watermelon rind in his hand. New watermelon rind? It still, it looks fresh. There's still like a little bit of pink in it. Maybe Boo's saving it for later.
Brandon: Does Boo eat the rind?
Amanda: Do you think it's pickled?
Julia: I'm so suspicious.
Eric: And the director starts rattling off the various things that y'all gonna need to get set up. She looks even more frazzled than she does usually. There are four pencils and three crayons in her hair, trying to keep that whole thing together. And after she makes the announcement, she steps up to your CIT cohort and she says–
Eric (as Director Friday Löw): Okay, CIT Cohort 3, or as Jane told me to call you, 'The Best Friends'
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yes!
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): We're the best friends. Oh-
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yes!
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): That's really cool.
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): Sorry, I know that we're- we're best friends. But like, was Jane designating us his best friends as well? Or was that?
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): I do think it's just a name, but like-
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): Okay.
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): I think we can put whatever power we want into it, you know?
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): I agree. I love that. Thank you for suggesting.
Eric (as Director Friday Löw): Les, you're gonna have to follow that up with Jane. Whatever. I trust whatever Jane says it's fine. Listen, I'm so busy. I gotta-- I have to set up all this stuff is so much set up. I noticed that a bunch of the swim staff aren't here. Can the three of you check into that? They should need to be here for breakfast and I have to give them kind of an orientation. I don't have time to run over there. To run over to the waterhole. Can you- can y'all just go check that out? That would be a huge help.
Julia (as Phoebe Cooper): Absolutely, Director Löw, I do have about several dozen more questions about the skeleton named Steven who lives outside the camp.
Eric (as Director Friday Löw): Yeah, sure. Ask--
Brandon (as Les Proenneke): Oh, shit. That was real? I thought that was a prank or like an orientation thing.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): That was not a dream I'd had before so I was pretty sure that one was new.
Eric (as Director Friday Löw): Yeah, Phoebe, what do you want?
Eric: And Julia, I want you to roll your-
Julia: My premonition?
Eric: I want you to roll your premonition, please.
[shaking dice]
Brandon: Phoe-be-be-be-be.
Julia: Oh, no!
Brandon: Oh, no!
Amanda: Oh, no.
Julia: I rolled two 1's. I believe I add my + Weird so it's a grand total of 4.
Eric: Wonderful okay, what does it say when you fail this?
Julia: On a miss, you get a vision of something bad happening to you and the Keeper holds 3 to be spent 1 for 1 as penalties to rolls that you make.
Brandon: Oh, boy.
Eric: Incredible.
Julia: I'm gonna die in the first episode.
Eric: As Director Löw gives you the opportunity to ask you a question, you immediately feel drenched in water. Your whole body is just wet and you go like That's So Raven looking into somewhere else. You feel yourself drowning. It is dark and getting darker and you are sinking and sinking and sinking and you're struggling for air and you're trying to find where the light is coming from. [intense music] But it's all dark. It is dark above you and getting darker below you and you are drowning and drowning and you snap back and Director Löw says-
Eric (as Director Löw): Phoebe, do you have a question? I don't have a lot of time. I only have time for one question.
Julia (as Phoebe): Uhhhh, you know what, Director I have no questions about the weird skeleton in the woods anymore. Can we do like, archery or something this morning? Like something? Can I play with fire? Literally anything? Anything but swimming would be great today. Like I'm just really not feeling swimming today.
Eric (as Director Löw): Well if there's not a lifeguard, don't swim, obviously. But I need you to do this. Carrie-Ann, please.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yes! Sir, yes, sir.
Julia: And like Phoebe give us carry on such a look be like, please no.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): We will go together and somebody can do like a perimeter or look out for the skeleton in the woods while the other people go toward the watering hole. So we'll right, is that okay?
[Phoebe groans]
Brandon (as Les): Yeah.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): You don't have to swim, you don't have to get wet.
Brandon (as Les): Phoebe, if you don't want to– if you don't want to do this, that's fine. We'll just come with us and we'll- we'll do it. That's chill.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah.
Eric: (as Director Löw): Yes, please. And again, remember if there's not a lifeguard don't go in the water. That's- don't do that.
Brandon (as Les): Yeah, of course.
Julia (as Phoebe): Right.
Eric: (as Director Löw): Carrie-Ann, before you all run off to this, can you do it? Can I just grab you for a second?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): [excitedly] Yes!
Amanda: I like step forward too fast and like, accidentally sort of like hit my shoulder into her hand like-
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to touch you. Sorry.
Eric: So here, this is a learning opportunity. That is a zero harm hurt, and you drop your waffle.
Julia: Oh, no!
Amanda: And then I hiss like-
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Tater Tot!
Amanda: And then I do a little like pat against my knee.
[Tater Tot gobbles the fallen waffle]
Julia (as Phoebe): [feigned disappointment] Oh, no. Tater Tot got the food.
Eric (as Jane): Oh, no. Tater Tot got the food. I hate that as Tater Tot’s dog owner slash friend forever. Just kidding. It's fine.
Julia: Jane's a bad dog owner. Alright.
Brandon: There's no, there's no chocolate chips or anything in these waffles. It's fine.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: No, Springer does not put chocolate chips in these waffles specifically for Tater Tot.
Amanda: I'm sure Tater Tot doesn't have to get fed at all during camp.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Because kids feed them constantly.
Eric: It's the Tater Tot clause. Everyone knows that.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Chef Springer): I have it right here in my cookbook, the first thing, The Tater Tot Clause. Nothing that could be bad for dogs because Tater Tot's gonna eat it!
Julia: That's fair.
Amanda: Fair.
Eric (as Chef Springer): Who knows what I look like? Hihi!
Brandon: It's rude of you to put the name of my first restaurant in your game, Eric, but that's fine-
Eric: Tater Tot Clause is actually my favorite mystery novel written by Agatha Christie.
Amanda: It's true.
Eric: So Director Löw pulls you aside and says–
Eric (as Director Löw): Carrie-Ann, listen, I am so busy right now.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Anything I- anything? I will be your second in command. I'll do anything you want.
Amanda: And let me just roll Charm real quick.
Eric: Sure, this is your sect thing, right?
Amanda: Okay, well, that's only a 5. Meaning they asked me to do something bad. If I fail a mission or refuse an order, I'll be in trouble with the sect until I atone.
Eric (as Director Löw): Great, that's actually really helpful. Can you take Boo with you? This- Boo needs, if you can do this ahead of time, if there was a lifeguard take Boo, Boo can do their swim, their like, swim test. So they can be swimming before so they can do it before the other kids just to get it out of the way.
Eric (as Boo): Ah! I want to swim. I'm really good at swimming and I can tred for 10 minutes! More!
Brandon: That's impressive, actually.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I am. I am here to help you in whatever way you need, even taking care of your only child. Yes.
Eric (as Director Löw): Thank you. I really appreciate that. And again, if there is no lifeguard, don't swim. Only do this if someone is watching. It's- it's not worth it otherwise. And like you need to model that behavior because the campers need to know that the staff should follow it too. So those two things, that would be really helpful.
Eric: This is not necessarily something bad, but I'm going to say something very stringent for Carrie-Ann. If there's not a lifeguard, you cannot swim, okay?
Julia: I'm just so- I'm terrified.
Brandon: I'm so scared right now.
Julia: This is a horror game.
Amanda: Okay, well, it looks like we're down to one member of this party is able to enter the water.
Eric (as Director Löw): And also and please model that for others. If other people were doing it. I needed you to be my eyes and ears. Okay?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Okay, but okay. Okay. Just, quick clarification question, please?
Eric (as Director Löw): Yeah, yeah, please Carrie, I have to go. I gotta. I have to set up the Art Barn. We have to open up the gates in the front. We have to clean the covered bridge, just please, quickly.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): No, yeah, just like if for example, the whole swimming staff is, I don't know, stranded in the water or seems to need help. But they are the lifeguards and they're in the water. Like what– what am I-- what rule wins?
Eric (as Director Löw): Carrie-Ann, I don't have time for hypotheticals, okay? Just figure it out. Don't- if there's no lifeguard, don't swim. Okay? Okay. Thank you. Boo. Hey, Boo. We're gonna hang out with Carrie-Ann who's your babysitter today, all right. And then once all the other kids come you are this is the last time you're going to be a staff kid, remember? You're officially going to be a-
Eric (as Boo): I'm a cardinal! Yay!
[Julia giggles]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Okay, Boo. Let's hold on tight to your- to your snack there and come this way.
Eric (as Boo): It's not my snack. But okay.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): What is it?
Brandon: Oh god!
Julia: See. My problem is whenever Eric introduces a character with a weird voice and a snack affinity, I'm suspicious now.
Amanda: I know.
Eric (as Springer): What do you mean? I just love making food for other people
Amanda: Carrie-Ann walks back over to Best Friends and says-
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I'm sorry to say that we have to look after this- this one over here.
Brandon (as Les): Oh, tight tight. What’s up-- what up, Boo?
Eric (as Boo): I'm gonna be a Cardinal at 3.
Julia (as Phoebe): You're gonna-
Eric (as Boo): I'm gonna turn into a bird.
Julia (as Phoebe): You're only 3?
Eric (as Boo): No at 3, I'm turning into a bird.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Oh, when the other campers get here, right?
Julia (as Phoebe): Oh, at 3 o'clock you're turning, okay.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah.
Julia (as Phoebe): You're right.
Brandon (as Les): That's tight, man.
Julia (as Phoebe): Not-
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): For sure.
Julia (as Phoebe): Not literally, metaphorically, right.
Brandon (as Les): You want to go hang with us at the pool swimming area thing?
Eric (as Boo): Yeah.
Brandon (as Les): Get on my back. Let's go.
Eric (as Boo): Oh, nice! I'm climbing up. You're so tall. I can see everything from here. Look, there's my mom!
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Scramble. Scramble. Scramble. Boo is riding on Les' shoulders immediately. You're sitting down, I don't know how Boo got up there. Yes, so y'all are gonna head out to the waterhole. Again, as we've established in the world building, we don't have a lake per se. But this is kind of like a quarry situation. There's a lot of detail that you know just offhand about why it's like this. For those of you who do go swimming in a swimming hole, or a quarry, it’s kind of bigger than that. Think of this like a very small lake, you can kind of see the other side. You can always see all the other sides of the waterhole, and the waterhole gets water fed from a stream that kind of comes in through the woods. And also, the water hole is incredibly, incredibly deep, like most quarries and swimming holes. So it's very, very difficult to see the bottom.
Brandon: Is it like super clear water, but it's so deep that we can't see the bottom kind of thing?
Eric: Yes, exactly. Right. And it's clear, you can see as far down but it gets so deep that it's too dark to see the bottom. But it does have that thing where it's big enough that there's a little bit of movement from the wind, and has that dappled thing when the sun hits the water while it's windy.
Brandon: Beautiful.
Eric: And it's always moving a little bit because of the natural spring, the stream leading into it. So it's always moving a little bit.
Brandon: Delightful. I live here now.
Amanda: I want to swim in it right now.
Julia: I'm terrified of this place.
[Giggles]
Eric: Wonderful. Alright. So yeah, y'all want to head over there and you want to do something else before we do it?
Julia: No, I think we should head right over there.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: I think like on the way over there. Phoebe's going to be like-
Julia (as Phoebe): Alright, so like, I know I kind of chickened out on asking the director about the skeleton named Steven in the woods. How are we all feeling about that? Because like, I have a lot of feelings about that.
Brandon (as Les): So we're sure that this is-- that that was real like, that was for real, that wasn't just like a new camp counselor prank?
Julia (as Phoebe): I mean, as a pretty good prank, if that's a prank, right?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I feel like most pranks we would have heard tell about, right? And this, it feels like adults only keep secrets that are real and scary and bad usually.
Julia (as Phoebe): Those are three words that I would use to describe the skeleton, real, scary and bad.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah, yeah.
Eric (as Boo): I don't know. I feel like my mom. If my mom said it, it's probably real.
Julia: Phoebe goes-
Julia (as Phoebe): [whispers] I forgot Boo was here. Dang it.
Eric (as Boo): That's a credo I follow in my own life.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): That's- that's really sweet. Me as well about your mom. Not- not mine. What is mom say about Steven? What? When did you meet Steven for the first time?
Eric (as Boo): I meet Steven. I've seen Steven a few times in the beginning of summer, but I don't like hanging out with him. Because my mom says I should do that.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Are there any rules we should know about Steven?
Eric (as Boo): Yeah, don't talk to him and don't interact with him. That's what my mom tells me all the time. Boo, don't interact with him, don’t talk to him. And do what I say that's what my mom says.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Good. Good rule.
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay. So no- I just to clarify, no one has taught Steven how to read yet, right?
Eric (as Boo): I'd be like, I can read a little bit.
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay, cool. That's, that's awesome.
Brandon (as Les): I didn't know birds could read, Boo.
Eric (as Boo): I'm a cool bird.
Brandon (as Les): Little scamp.
Eric (as Boo): I'm a smart bird.
Julia (as Phoebe): You're- you're a little red bird.
Eric (as Boo): See?
Eric: Boo jumps off your shoulders-
Brandon (as Les): Ahh!
Eric: -and hold his arms out like he's flying.
Julia (as Phoebe): Les, catch him. Les, catch him.
Brandon: Can I act under pressure to try to catch him?
Eric: Absolutely.
Brandon: Great. So when I act under pressure due to a monster phenomenon or mystical effect, which I would say Boo is one of those--
Eric: No, no.
Brandon: Okay, fine. Then I'll act under pressure which is Cool, which I have a -1. 7 - 1 is 6.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: I- can I help you?
Eric: Yeah, you can do it. You can do a help.
Julia: I mean, I think we all just scramble towards him at the same time when he tries to take off as a little bird.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. No, I totally also lunge for Boo because it's my sacred mission to protect him today so I think maybe I'll catch like you know a foot or an arm or something and help Les out.
Eric: Yeah, roll Help. [dice roll] Help out is + Cool as well.
Amanda: Well, I only got 6, Brandon and so I'm really sorry, I'm gonna mark experience.
Julia: I'm gonna- I'm gonna use Jinx which allows me to interfere with either a Hunter-- which I guess Boo is not, right?
Eric: No, Boo is not.
Julia: But Boo is a bystander.
Eric: Correct.
Julia: And I can interfere with something that he's trying to do.
Eric: To-- for sure.
Julia: Yeah. [dice roll] 7 + 2 for 9.
Eric: Hell yes. Okay, so what happened with 7 and 9, a mixed success.
Julia: I get to hold one, which means I'm going to interfere with what a bystander is trying to do.
Eric: Great.
Julia: So I think that like Boo tries to take off from Les' shoulders and like fly but obviously, he is a small child and cannot really fly. So I think Phoebe like goes like-
Julia (as Phoebe): Ah!
Julia: And then Boo's like foot catches on like the strap of Les' like backpack or bag or something?
Brandon: Yeah, definitely have a backpack on.
Julia: His foot catches onto your backpack and he gets like all tangled up and he like it's just hanging there until we can correct him.
Brandon (as Les): Boo, I don't mean to be like the rules guy here but like if you're gonna be on my shoulders I do need you to like hold on and not jump off.
Brandon: And I'm gonna put Boo back onto my shoulders.
Julia: And Phoebe's like-
Julia (as Phoebe): You're not a bird yet so I appreciate you trying to practice to be a bird but not quite there yet, bud.
Brandon: Do I mark experience because I got a roll of 6 or less?
Eric: Yes, you both mark experience but because you both failed, okay. [giggles] Give me a second this all you guys, this is all went to shit all at the same time. This is so funny.
Julia: We're rolling like dogshit. We rolled so well in the unrecorded practice that I think this is just like coming back to haunt us.
Eric: Brandon, can you tell me what your– your equipment is?
Brandon: Yeah. I would like to say, Julia, I've never rolled well in my entire life. So I don't know what you’re talking about. So I have my quote-unquote weapon which is my walking stick. And I also have my investigation tools, which are my cryptid hunting gear and my Book of the Damned.
Eric: Okay, cool. So here's what happened, as Boo jumps off your shoulders and you all scramble to catch him. Phoebe uses her powers to make sure that Boo doesn't, doesn't hurt himself because the backpack and Boo is all stuck to the straps. Some of your cryptid hunting gear falls out and as Carrie-Ann is scrambling around, Carrie-Ann steps on it and smashes something.
Julia: Oh, no.
Eric: Which I'm going to give you-- now when you use your cryptid hunting gear next, unless you get it fixed, you get -1.
Julia: No!
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Ah, I'm so sorry. When we get back I can- I can totally do something. I have like so many glues in my duffel bag, I promise.
Brandon (as Les): Hey, don't even worry about it. You know, it's just stuff. I can always replace it. I appreciate the apology.
Eric: You're using-- it's like a ghost-ometer. And now the screen is cracked. So you can't tell what the ghost thing is. But it is glowing if that helps. Yeah, so what happened there is that Brandon, you failed that. But-- and then Carrie-Ann tried to help but Carrie-Ann failed that, exposing yourself to that failure as well. But because Phoebe saved Boo, it didn't go on to Boo, that wasn't the problem. So that was Carrie-Ann stepping on Les’ thing, causing a problem and exposing both of you to an issue.
Julia: Gotcha.
Brandon: Cool.
Eric: This is how that sorted out. Because you can stack stuff like this into exactly what you all did, which was great that you can like help or do something to kind of mitigate it. But you can't like undo the failures necessarily, even if you mitigate the actual situation that it is.
Brandon: Gotcha.
Julia: Makes sense.
Eric: Great. I appreciate you all rolling and indulging with me because you didn't even have to roll, Boo's just fucking around. But I appreciate all of you.
[midroll]
Eric: Hey, it's Eric, I got a brown sugar cold foam iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts the other day and it was really good. The cold foam is like a cool new addition that all those coffee chains are working on and the brown sugar actually comes through. And for all the random garbage that corporate food chains and fast food places turn out. It's wild, that one connects with you that it becomes like your thing and you can hold on to it. And hopefully, it stays for as long as possible if it's a seasonal thing. It's like Oh, at this place, which is the same all across the world. I know what I'm going to order when I go in there, no matter where I am. Welcome to the mid-roll. Those workers should unionize of those corporate fast food chains as well. First and foremost, thank you to all of our newest patrons. Hello, Henry. Ashley, Meredith, and Jelly Belly. There is so so much happening at Join the Party right now and you are at the beating heart of it when you're a part of the Patreon. You get the Discord, you get Party Planning episodes, you get bloopers, you get character playlists, and so much more. And if I say so myself, the most recent Party Planning was very, very good and I put a lot of work into making it super awesome. If you like good stuff, which I think you do. Join us at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.Camp Diogenes is open and that means so is the merch store. That's right you can preorder your Camp Die merch now. Plus download a copy of the summer camp theme song. We are so obsessed with the merch and pre-orders are filling up fast. You can get a dad hat you can get an extremely camp vibes t-shirt, you can get a spooky poster. And of course, you can get a vinyl sticker to stick onto your water bottle or laptop or cooler anything that you got to take on your summer adventures. Honestly, I'm picking up one have every single thing. And as soon as we get them, we're going to show them off on the socials. And you can see them for realsies they're going to be great. preorder them now and pick up the theme song today and jointhepartypod.com/merch Did you know that Join the Party is part of the Multitude Podcast Collective and there are other podcasts in that podcast collective? One such podcast I think you're gonna like is Games and Feelings! Games and Feelings is advice show about games. Join me, Question Keeper Eric Silver and a revolving cast of wonderful guests as we answer your questions at the intersection of fun and humanity since you got to play games with other people. And we're tackling all types of games, video games, tabletop games, party games, laser tag, escape rooms, game streams, D&D podcasts, that companies and workers that make games anything you can think of. If you like what you hear and you want to level up your emotional intelligence stat, subscribe now wherever you get your podcasts, or just look up Games and Feelings, new episodes every other Friday.
Eric: We are sponsored this week by Hero Forge. Hero Forge offers fully customizable tabletop minis with dozens upon dozens of fantasy species and 1000s of parts to choose from. Their easy-to-use design tool lets you build your perfect mini online using a fully 3D in-depth character creator right in your web browser. I know if you're like me at the beginning of RPGs you spend like an hour making the perfect character think about doing this, but then you get to turn them into a custom mini that you can hold in your hand. And if you don't want to paint them, you can get color-printed options for not that much more. But right now here I'm going to admit this, they don't have every single possible head, arm, leg or face part for any of the genres you could think of just yet, but you can suggest new items if you go to heroforge.com/suggest They welcome all new parts submissions through that survey and they want to hear what you have to say. So visit Hero Forge. Hero Forge. hero like the person who saves the day and forge like Hephaestus' place where he hangs out.com to start designing your custom mini today. And check back often new content is added every single week sometimes based off of what you suggested. We're also sponsored by Squarespace. This has been our lives forever. It's super easy-to-use and beautiful tool for building your brand and growing your business online. Make that pretty website. Join the Party's website is made with Squarespace and we just gave it a makeover from the campaign going from the greens and blues campaign to to the woodsy, spookiness of campaign. We changed the header photo we changed the colors, we changed the font and it was super easy. They offer beautiful custom templates very easy-to-use SEO tools, and a simple to set up online store to sell physical or digital products. If you're launching a podcast, a brand a business, just want to do it for funsies. choose Squarespace as your website host, go to squarespace.com/jointheparty for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code JOINTHEPARTY to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain squarespace.com/jointheparty use code join the party. And finally, a word from our sponsor BetterHelp. The world is pretty bad right now. And we keep reaching for words that we see other people say so we feel seen our feelings, whether it's imposter syndrome or burnout, we want someone to say I understand how you're feeling and it's bad and you can talk about it. But you don't need to use Twitter likes or viral Instagram reels for that you can use therapy and the therapist can talk to you about your complex life experiences, wants needs and conflicts more than just like saying you have burnout. You can talk to someone about feeling better. And an easy way to do that is with BetterHelp. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't have to. It's much much more affordable and then in person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. And you can switch super simply because finding a good therapist is harder than finding your soulmate our listeners get because you don't go to college with your therapist or you didn't like they weren't your lab partner in when you were in eighth grade and then you fell in love. Your therapist is much harder to find than that. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/jointheparty. That's better H E L P.com/jointheparty and now back to the show.
[theme]
Eric: Alright, so you head over to the waterhole, the waterhole is doing the classic thing that it does. It's on like postcards that they send out to prospective parents and to campers coming back the next summer.
Julia: It's on the brochure.
Eric: It's right on the brochure, and it's doing the dappled thing. The water is kind of like moving a little bit as it's trickling down from the natural spring from the woods. And you see, it's pretty abandoned much like it was before because the campers aren't here. So like usually it's filled with some age group, maybe two age groups swimming or jumping into the water or doing something. And especially it's extra eerie because staff members have been hitting the super sick slide the entire staff week.
Julia: I forgot about the danger zone slide.
Eric: Julia, this was your thing, please explain what this slide-- where this came from, and what exactly the slide looks like.
Julia: So for anyone who has not heard of the park, Action Park in New Jersey, it was also referred to as Class Action Lawsuit Park.
Amanda: Yep.
Julia: They had all kinds of extremely dangerous rides. In particular, they focused on like waterpark kind of rides. And the most dangerous of the water rides was the Cannon Ball Loop, which was basically a long blacked-out tunnel that then did a loop de loop at the end and so many people, so many people got hurt using it. So many people.
Brandon: You don't want a loop de loop in your waterslide.
Amanda: No.
Julia: Here's a quote which is-, "It was widely rumored and reported in Weird New Jersey that some of the test dummies sent down before it opened had been dismembered and decapitated."
Brandon: That's bad.
Julia: So we have one of those at the camp.
Eric: Cannon Ball Park was closed and it got resold and Assistant Director Z really wanted it and grabbed it. So now it's there and the staff has been really enjoying it during staff week. So it's very-- it's super quiet. Except that you hear,
Eric (as Kathy): Kay? Kay? Where are you? Kay, we have to get back for breakfast.
Eric: And as you look up you see that one of the swim staff members, Kathy Vashion, which is fashion with a V, who is wearing like jean shorts over a one-piece bathing suit. You- you know you all know Kathy, she is best friends with the head of swimming who is Kay Cannon.
Julia: These are great names.
Brandon: Cannon with a K or Cannon with the C?
Eric: Cannon with C. Kathy has long pink hair, which is just starting to show her brown roots and will continuously show more and more of those roots as the summer goes on. That's how you can tell how long the summer has been going on, is Kathy's roots.
Julia: That's how we measure time here at Camp Die.
Amanda: No clocks at camp but we do have Kathy's roots.
Eric: Exactly. Kathy has big pink glasses that she has on a chain because she swims with them because her eyesight is so bad. She is also a white woman. Pretty short, stocky, high schooler.
Julia: Cool.
Amanda: Do we see them or just hear them?
Eric: You see Kathy is standing on the side of the waterhole, kind of shouting.
Amanda: Like calling out for Kay who we don't see.
Eric: Absolutely.
Amanda: Okay.
Julia: Phoebe is of good five paces behind you guys and not moving anywhere closer to this.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah, yeah, guys, um, Director Löw explicitly forbid me from going in the water if there's not a lifeguard, like on duty. So I just, I gotta just tell you that she like explicitly told me not to and I'm not gonna stand here while her kid drowns. So-
Brandon (as Les): Yeah, okay.
Julia (as Phoebe): Is Kathy, a lifeguard though? Like, does Kathy have her lifeguard training?
Eric: Yes. Anyone who works at the waterhole is certified-- is a certified lifeguard.
Amanda: Oh, there you go.
Julia: Alright.
Brandon (as Les): Hey, hey, Boo. How good are the swimmer are you? Should you hang back?
Eric (as Boo): I'm an incredibly good swimmer. I just don't have a certification yet. But I can tread water for 10 minutes and I can hold my breath under. I can hold my breath for a long time like this [takes deep breath]
Brandon (as Les): Okay, well, why don't you just hang back with Phoebe here while we figure this out.
Julia (as Phoebe): Boo, Boo, Boo, you got to, Boo you gotta breathe.
Amanda: I tickle Boo.
Eric (as Boo): Oooh! No, you can't tickle me. I hope that is one of the challenges of this swim test?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Might be.
Eric (as Boo): Are they going to come and tickle me while I'm swimming? No!
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): You gotta practice.
Julia (as Phoebe): No one's no one tickles you while you do this one test
Eric (as Boo): Okay fine.
Julia (as Phoebe): That'd be weird.
Eric (as Boo): I wouldn't like that. That would be bad. Okay.
Brandon: Can I read a bad situation and see what's going on?
Eric: Yeah, absolutely.
Brandon: I rolled a 7 + 1 for 8.
Eric: Actually, this is actually Investigate a Mystery here. Because there's-- nothing bad is happening just yet.
Brandon: Oh okay. Yeah, I see what they mean, my bad now. Okay.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: So it's still roll + Sharp. So that roll still holds. So that's an 8. So I asked one of the following questions. I just want to know what happened here. What's going on?
Eric: Wonderful. Yeah. So the way that I think that we can do Investigate a Mystery unless you do it later on in a conversation, you can kind of use it as a way to spur conversation with a bystander, so who is Kathy here. So like you can start-- use that as a way to engage Kathy and then you can Kathy will tell you what's up. Or you can do it in the other way where you want to start a conversation. And then when you want to get specific information, you can roll Initiate a Mystery. It's kind of up to you about how you want to do it. Like if you want to start talking or you want to roll first either way. But then like, it still has to go off of the questions you ask from available information, you know what I'm saying?
Brandon: Yep, yeah. So I'm going to drop Boo off of my shoulders and give his hand to Phoebe. And walk over to Kathy and be like-
Brandon (as Les): Hey, Kathy, what's up? How are you? Everything chill? What's going on?
Eric (as Kathy): Yeah. Hey, Les. No, everything's fine. I just did you see-- you see Kay, go back to the Cafetorium before me? I just didn't see her get out of the- get out of the water. We were. We're doing, you know, testing the slide before.
Eric: Do we have a name for the slide, Julia?
Julia: It's the Cannon Ball.
Eric (as Kathy): Oh, we were testing the Cannon Ball before the campers came and I just didn't see-- maybe she got up and left and left me here. I just, did you see her inside?
Brandon (as Les): I didn't see her.
Brandon: And I turned back to my– my friends.
Brandon (as Les): Did y'all see Kay?
Julia (as Phoebe): No.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): No, the director actually sent us out here to search for you guys because none of the swim staff were at breakfast. So-
Julia: How many people are on the swim staff?
Eric: There are five people on swim staff.
Julia (as Phoebe): So where's the rest?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Where's everybody else?
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah.
Eric (as Kathy): I don't know. I can just so I thought we were all going to meet up early just to test the slide you know, before breakfast. Because you know, that's what swim staff does. We want to make sure that it's good and stuff for all the for all campers.
Brandon (as Les): Have you checked in the slide? Are they all in the slide?
Eric (as Kathy): Yeah, I actually, I went through the slide multiple times.
Brandon Eric (as Les): Okay.
Eric (as Kathy): And I didn't see Kay there.
Brandon (as Les): Cool.
Eric (as Kathy): What I am worried about is- no-
Brandon (as Les): What?
Eric (as Kathy): I just didn't– I, you know, I just didn't see Kay. Kay is an incredible swimmer. So I don't think-- they didn't like, drown or anything. But like I just didn't know. I don't know where she went. So-
Julia: Phoebe is sweating. Phoebe's like-
Julia (as Phoebe): Definitely not. That definitely is not what happened. That would be weird if that happened because Kay's a great swimmer.
Eric (as Kathy): Yeah.
Brandon: I like it in my head because you're like, you know, a good couple feet back from us. You're just kind of-
Julia: Muttering to myself.
Brandon: -loudly whispering to us.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Is- do you guys have like a procedure for- for if someone goes missing or is suspected of still being in there?
Eric (as Kathy): Yeah, I mean, but that's not what's happening. Kay's not, didn't drown. And maybe the swimmers have just all slept late. I just don't- Yeah, that's all I'm that's all I think what was- what was happening there.
Brandon (as Les): So you haven't checked their cabins yet?
Eric (as Kathy): No, I didn't get a chance to do that yet. But like, you- I mean, the other thing that I could have thought of is like, maybe it was the waterhole monster, right? Do you think so?
Julia (as Phoebe): I'm sorry…
Brandon (as Les): What?
Eric: The waterhole monster is an Urban Legend here at the camp. You would all know this, where you could go deep enough in the waterhole. There's a monster down there. And usually, that's what swim staff tells the campers so they don't swim too deep in the waterhole. There's like, vaguely, maybe it's a Loch Ness monster sort of thing. There isn't a lot of description of it, because you're telling it to 10-year-old and they're like, oh, okay, I won't do that. But that is like the urban legend of the waterhole.
Eric (as Kathy): Like I don't know, where we are, we do get pretty deep in the water when you get out of the cannonball. Because you know, it goes all the way up, and then you were like in the air for 20 feet and then you cannonball in. Like, we-
Julia (as Phoebe): That’s so dangerous.
Eric (as Kathy): -we get pretty deep in the water. So I just, I don't know.
Brandon (as Les): I would be the first guy to tell you that. A thing is real. A monster is real. But there's no food source in this lake. So I don't– I don't think there's a big monster-
Julia: Logical.
Brandon (as Les): -in this. This one just makes sense to me. But who knows?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Unless like, I mean, can’t snakes eat like once a year and be fine. Do they just like eat one kid a year? I feel like we would have known about that. They would have mentioned that in the training?
Julia (as Phoebe): A kid being eaten every year. Yeah, I think they would have mentioned that.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah.
Julia (as Phoebe): Probably not in the brochures that they send home but in our training.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): No, no. But us, yeah.
Eric (as Boo): I saw on the local news that an Anaconda ate a lion and that it was fine for two years.
Julia (as Phoebe): Boo. Okay. Okay.
Brandon (as Les): Boo. What are you watching on television?
Eric (as Boo): Local news channel 2 and 1/2.
Amanda: Oh. Eric, I would love to trust my gut. This is my weird move. So I'd love to consult my instincts about what to do next.
Eric: Absolutely.
[dice roll]
Julia: Your instincts say, 'go swim'.
Amanda: Okay, amazing. So I got an 8 + 2 for Weird meaning that The Keeper should tell us where to go, wherever that is. It will be important I get + 1 ongoing on our way to this place.
Eric: [giggles] Oh, incredible. Okay, wonderful. So you have a feeling in your gut here, right? That's if this is a Camp Urban Legend, Steven's real, maybe the waterhole monster is real as well. I mean I'm sure that you-- if you just find a place where you can look up Loch Ness Monster-esque stuff you could do that. So where are we-- if you do that and you look into that those things I think you can, you can figure that out as well.
Julia (as Phoebe): The Trippers would know right, Les?
Brandon (as Les): Yeah, I mean, Frankie would definitely- definitely know but probably first thing we should check to see if they're in their cabins.
Julia (as Phoebe): I volunteer to go do that.
[giggles]
Julia: Phoebe like, grabs Boo's hand and is like taking off away from the swimming hole.
Amanda: Can we like, pass their cabins on the way or ask Kathy to do it, what- what's best to do?
Julia (as Phoebe): Kathy you like, definitely should not go swimming anymore. They're definitely almost assuredly asleep in their cabin. So why don't you come with us and not stay near the water where people can drown?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah, it feels like a very bad idea for us to like, and by us, I mean camp because we are camp and camp is us, to- to buy the slide that makes you go really deep in the watering hole where there probably is a monster. Because if it was just a lie you said to stop kids from something without supervision than like, why would you say that? So-
Brandon: In my head, Assistant Director Z is just walking around the camp when they got the slide and just saying-
Brandon (as AD Z): It was pennies on the dollar! It was pennies on the dollar!
Eric (as AD Z): If you think I'm going to turn down a deal, and it's going to benefit the camp, you don't know anything about me and what I stand for, my friend.
Julia (as AD Z): This is the real benefit of police auctions.
Amanda (as AD Z): No one should be able to buy it but as long as we do, I will.
Eric: Yeah. I'm gonna roll something really quick. [dice roll] Oooh!
Julia: Did he use the big dice, Amanda?
Eric: I did. I used big dice.
Amanda: A big dice. Yeah.
Eric: Alright. Yeah. So I think that Kathy is very, still very freaked out. And Kathy's like-
Eric (as Kathy): Okay, well, I don't want to miss breakfast. And you know how Springer hates it when you don't eat all four meal square meals a day.
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah.
Eric (as Kathy): So I need to go. So I need to go to the Cafetorium but-
Brandon: Does Kathy say square because they're all waffles?
Eric: Yes. And Springer also needs you to eat four of them because Springer made too much food.
Julia: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: I've never noticed the inherent contradiction in saying three square meals a day.
Julia: There it is.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: So Kathy says–
Eric (as Kathy): I'm just gonna keep looking around. I'm gonna- I can go check the cabins if you want me to. But or I can do-- I'll do whatever but like, it's fine. I– I'm probably just gonna run. I probably just missed-- We probably just missed them like it's fine.
Julia (as Phoebe): Why don't you go eat breakfast? Because then you can't swim for an hour and then go check the cabins and then I'm sure that's where they are.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): There you go, Phoebe. Nice.
Eric (as Kathy): For sure.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah.
Eric (as Kathy): I will. Yeah, definitely. Like, it's fine. Sorry. I mean, like, there's no waterhole monster so it's fine. Like-
Julia (as Phoebe): Great.
Eric (as Kathy): -it's fine.
Brandon (as Les): Yeah there's-
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Are you saying that in the way that we're all like, I'm gonna have a great time in high school. Are you saying it like, like, you know, for sure?
Eric (as Kathy): High school is great. I- I love social studies. I don't know what you mean.
Eric: Kathy takes like a step toward Carrie-Ann. Like how dare you say that about high school?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Okay.
Eric (as Kathy): Well, if I wasn't such a big fucking nerd and cared about what teachers said all the time, then I would have a better time in high school, right, Carrie-Ann?
Amanda: I cover Boo's ears with my hands.
Eric (as Kathy): Sorry, I didn't know there was a kid here.
Eric (as Boo): It's fine. I love swears.
Julia (as Phoebe): No, you don't.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Not in front of your mom, okay?
Eric (as Kathy): You know what, you didn't you? I don't need the fucking CIT narc squad here. Just whatever. Whatever.
Julia (as Phoebe): What? What did we do?
Eric (as Kathy): I'm going to breakfast. I'm gonna breakfast here.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): We got sent here!
Eric (as Kathy): Bye!
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Maybe if your team showed up on time, you wouldn't get narc-ed on. I don't know.
Julia (as Phoebe): Carrie-Ann!
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): What?
Eric: Kathy storms away towards breakfast.
Julia (as Phoebe): We're The Best Friends, we're supposed to be best friends to everyone.
Brandon (as Les): Yeah, that was really rude of Kathy.
Amanda: I crouched down at eye level with Boo and say-
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Boo, if you're really good today, don't go in the water unless there is a lifeguard there who invites you to go in the water. I'm gonna teach you a new swear.
Julia (as Phoebe): Oh!
Eric (as Boo): Is it the– what letter does it start with?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I won't tell you until the end.
Eric (as Boo): Oh, I bet it starts with Q?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I don't know. There's a lot of good swears.
Eric (as Boo): Oh, yay.
Eric: Alright. Yeah. What would you all like to do?
Brandon: We should definitely just go buy the cabin just to like- Obviously, they're not in the cabins but like we should triple check.
Julia: We know how this mystery works. They're not the cabins.
Amanda: Can we walk past the-the Swimmers’ Cabin on our way to the Trippers.
Eric: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Kathy said they were going to go to these rivers cabins. Kathy did not. Kathy stormed away and the three of you swing by the Swimmers’ Cabin? Yeah, they're not there. There's no one in there
Julia: Naturally.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: And if you just want to swing by that’s not going to stop you from doing anything.
Julia: Can I look and see if they're like one of their alarms was- was set like before the morning announcements/wake-up call like if they did get up early and actually go to the Swimming Hole?
Eric: Yeah. Do you want to go? You want to go in there?
Julia: Yeah, I'm gonna just like poke my head in real quick.
Eric: Cool. Okay. I can honestly just tell you, it's not like you don't have to like roll Perception. You know what I mean? I can just tell you.
Julia: I was gonna investigate a mystery. But yeah.
Eric: Oh, yeah, you're gonna- yeah, investigate. Why don't you investigate a mystery, sure.
Julia: Great.
Eric: It's just like, like, that stuff is like intentional, you know?
Julia: Right.
Eric: It was the biggest difference. So if you want to check out the swim staff cabin, you can.
Julia: Great. I rolled a 7.
Eric: Okay. With a 7, please ask one question.
Julia: Sure. Oh, I can ask “where did it go?”
Eric: Sure.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That's a great question. So you look around. Yes. Yeah. As you like poke the like really chunky alarm clocks. They all have individual alarm set for 5, 5:05, 5:10, 5:15.
Julia: That's so early.
Eric: Where did it go? Here's the thing. You can poke around and you see Kathy's diary, which is sitting on her bed. And in there it says, "Ugh, I'm so annoyed that Marco went home early before camp even started. I know his grandmother died. But like, camp's more important. Or at least like me hanging out with Marco is more important. Not more important than hanging out with Kay who's my best friend but very important."
Brandon: I have two thoughts. One, Marco is very funny. First of all, his name.
Julia: Is his last name Polo?
Eric: Yeah, with accents on the on both O's.
Julia: It's Marco Pollo.
Eric (as Marco): No, it's Polo, don't say Pollo. The campers are gonna catch on to that. Come on.
Julia: Marco chicken. Marco chicken.
Brandon (as Les): But two, I think we have a Barb situation.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): That feels right.
Eric: Interesting.
Julia: Can I look around in like, Marco’s bed, is Marco, just fully gone?
Eric: Yeah, Marco. Well-
Brandon: He's only partially, his legs are still here.
Julia: Did he leave his stuff here is what I meant.
Amanda: Just the bottom half.
Eric: Marco's stuff is still here. So he went home for his-- I'm not doing quotes. Amanda's doing air quotes.
Julia: "Grandma's funeral."
Eric: So maybe Marco went home like four days ago and is going to come back maybe in a few days. So he packed like, maybe he packed some shirts. You're- I can't say.
Brandon: But no pants because his legs are still in the bed!
Eric: You can't count the number of shirts and know that but he has bedding is still there.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: So he didn't pack up all this shit.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Suspicious.
Julia: Suspicious. Alright, I think I poked around enough in the Swimmers' Cabin. Let's head over to the Trippers.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: On the other side of Camp is the Tripper Shack. The Tripper Shack is kind of just like a building that's attached to kind of just like a general purpose building. And like, it's like someone just put up a wall and a roof on like a part of it. And this is like, yeah, this is where the Trippers hang out. It's like old and like, it smells a little weird, because that's what happens when you have a lot of slimy canoes around at all times. Inside of the Tripper Shack, there's also like tons of snacks and equipment that all of the tripping staff who takes the kids out on camping trips, that's where they keep all of their stuff that you can take out on camping trips that you wouldn't take out at camp, you know. Because there's like, there's canoeing equipment and camping gear, and like plates and burners that you can like are waterproof. And also all of the Trippers are fucking weird. So they all have their weird hobbies there as well. You see, like, like a dozen Sudoku pads just kind of sitting on a stump as you walk up. There's like a jai alai set, which is wild. There's a lot of stuff happening here. And sitting out front is Frankie, who is the head of tripping. Frankie is going into college. She's going to be a freshman next year at Tulane so that she can investigate the bogs over there. She has a shaved head. So it's just like little spiky stuff coming out. She also has a cool-- but she does it because she has a cool birthmark that covers the majority of her head that she says looks like a bigfoot footprint. And it kind of does I guess if you squint. She is a Asian woman with short spiky hair that has kind of grown in. She has shorter hair than Jane. Jane has longer hair because Jane shaved his head two weeks ago and she shaved her head last week.
Julia: Again, this is how we tell time and how long people’s hair is.
Eric: Truly truly, she's wearing like waterproof pants and waterproof boots, and a tank top with a rain slicker tied around her shoulders like a Soc. If it was doing-- was doing a sweater. But it's like a-- it's like a heavy duty $150 rain slicker that will never get you wet if you have it on there. Guaranteed. And Frankie is whittling something into a massive like, like wood that's cut for massive fires. Like if someone was making firewood. She's just like whittling a-
Amanda: Like an unsplit log?
Eric: Yeah, she's a good like a split log and whittling into it and she is not far into it. There's just like a few cuts in it.
Brandon (as Les): Yo, Frankie. What’re you making? That looks ambitious.
Eric (as Frankie): I mean, like, You're not gonna believe me, brah, but like it's got to be a jackalope.
Brandon (as Les): Fuck.
Eric (as Frankie): Yeah, dude. I mean, like, I know it doesn't look like anything yet. It's gotta be a jackalope.
Brandon (as Les): I fucking love that. Let's go.
Eric (as Frankie): I have not cut a jackalope on this hemisphere yet, so I'm working on it.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Whoa, you've been outside the northern hemisphere?
Eric (as Frankie): Yeah, dude, the global south is where it's all at. Everyone knows that.
Brandon (as Les): Have you met Phoebe and Carrie-Ann yet?
Eric (as Frankie): Oh, what's up? Okay. Hey, what's up? I'm Frankie. Here's some facts about me. Bigfoot is real. The Loch Ness Monster-
Julia (as Phoebe): That’s a fact about you?
Eric (as Frankie): Yeah, that's just a fact about me. Bigfoot is real.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Shh. Don't question it.
Eric (as Frankie): My favorite food is Chef Boyardee ravioli with the meat in it, but cold. Just pop that shit right out of a can. And-
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): So, you keep your cans in the fridge, can I keep my cats in the fridge?
Eric (as Frankie): No you-
Brandon (as Les): I mean no, that's the point of cans. You can. There's nothing wrong with it.
Eric (as Frankie): Oh, I guess when I said cold I meant not heated up but I'm going to keep it in in our ice chests. That's a great idea. I should do that.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Oh damn.
Eric (as Frankie):I hadn't considered that. See like, cold to me is just like not cooked.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Sure, sure.
Brandon (as Les): It's like a fucking like, shrimp cocktail. But with ravioli.
Eric (as Frankie): Exactly. Les, Les, you get me and that's why you're gonna be a great Tripper one day.
Julia (as Phoebe): Hi. You seem really cool. I'm Phoebe. I read a book about a jackalope once and the main character's soul was bound to the jackalope and she could see through its eyes.
Brandon (as Les): Whoa.
Julia (as Phoebe): It was like a weird West fantasy novel. It was like-
Brandon (as Les): Was it, oh, it was fiction. It wasn't real?
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah.
Brandon (as Les): Have you, Phoebe, have you read this book?
Brandon: And I pulled out my Book of the Damned. And I slip to the chapter about jackals.
Julia (as Phoebe): No.
Brandon (as Les): You should check this out.
Julia (as Phoebe): Who wrote it?
Brandon (as Les): This guy is named Charles Fort. It's basically like a book of encounters with weird stuff. I think you might like it.
Julia (as Phoebe): Does he have like other YA fantasy-like series as well or is it just-- is this a standalone?
Brandon (as Les): You can call it a standalone.
Amanda: Julia, playing a bully. Julia, playing a bully.
[Julia laughing in the background]
Brandon (as Les): It's definitely a nonfiction book.
Eric (as Frankie): Yeah, Les. No one has read the book you carry around all the time. And you have the only copy of, you-- you doofus.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Um, speaking of which, Um, Frankie. I just. Hi. I'm Carrie-Ann my other initials, I'm not gonna say them because I don't want to come on too strong.
Julia (as Phoebe): It's CAMP.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Okay, my initials are CAMP. It's my birthright. I'm gonna.
Eric (as Frankie): CAMP
Amanda: I'm gonna and then covered Boo's ears with my hands again.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I'm gonna be Boo's mom one day-- not actually Boo's mom, but like I'm gonna. I'm gonna be her job. Okay.
Julia (as Phoebe): Carrie-Ann!
Amanda: Anyway, is there anything that you have-- you know about the monster in the watering hole because some people disappeared. We think they got it.
Eric (as Boo): Should this knife be out?
Eric: And Boo is holding like a four-inch camping knife.
Julia: Phoebe just grabs it.
Julia (as Phoebe): Stop it!
Brandon (as Les): Yo Carrie-Ann, I love your ambition. That's like it's really cool to see.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Thanks. People normally call me weird. So like, thanks. You really are my best friends. Okay. And then I like, sit down.
Julia (as Phoebe): That's our name now.
Brandon (as Les): But, Frankie. Yeah, we were-- We were hoping to learn some more about the watering hole. The water hole.
Eric (as Frankie): Yeah, dude. I know Swim staff says it is not real. But it's definitely real. Right? Like the Loch Ness Monster. Champ, the one in the Maryland Bay, the one and all the other lakes. Like, they show up because they grow there. Right. And we definitely have one in our in-- our waterhole, we gotta.
Brandon (as Les): This is this is what I'm confused about. Because like, none of those places and our waterhole don't have a food source. And also I think Nessie is a whale penis probably or some other thing, you know?
Julia (as Phoebe): How do whales get into Loch Ness though?
Brandon (as Les): That's a good question.
Julia (as Phoebe): Thank you.
Eric: So Carrie-Ann, because you have the +1 forward, why don't you investigate a mystery here? And we can see what Frankie can tell you.
Amanda: You got it. [dice roll] Oh, hell yeah, that's an 11 + 1 forward for 12 + 1 Sharp.
Brandon and Julia: Damn!
Amanda: I don't know if you can go above 12. But that's what I got.
Eric: That is a 13 so I- you get to ask me any questions about this mystery? You hold 2, you can ask me 2 questions that you want to know about what's going on here.
Brandon: Just ask Eric what's the resolution to this?
Eric: Brandon, flip to the back of the book.
Julia: Cheat codes, please.
Amanda: Eric, is the Loch Ness monster real, and how? That's-- No, that's not it. So then let me choose from the list.
Eric: Just hold- just choose 2 from the list.
Amanda: Right, okay.
Eric: And I'll give you a little bonus.
Amanda: Yeah. So what is being concealed here and what can this creature do?
Eric: Good questions. Okay, so-
Amanda: Are you guys happy with that?
Brandon and Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Cool.
Eric: Frankie thinks about it for a second and says-
Eric (as Frankie): Alright, well, because I guess because Les is going to be a Tripper soon that I can like drop this incredibly smart and knowledgeable about all things facade and say, you know, I actually don't know if the water hole monster is real, because like, again, what does it eat? If the water- okay, water is coming down? Well-
Julia (as Phoebe): Is it kids?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Is it kids?
Eric (as Frankie): Well, here's the thing about- here's the thing about water monsters, right? Is that they're, they're omni- they're omni-eating-things, right?
Julia (as Phoebe): Omni-eating things!
Eric (as Frankie): They're eating vegetables, and they eat, they also eat vegetables, and they also eat meat, right? So it might be yeah, it might be even kids, but it also needs veggies and like the veggies even from the stream coming down from the woods. That's not enough vegetables to be feeding in a very large water monster that seems to be lingering out there. If the waterhole monster is the same, is the same as what is-- the same as like a Nessie sort of thing, that thing is huge, and it's gonna need a lot of food. So it's probably yeah, if it's eating-- if it needs to eat meat, it's eating. It's eating campers, for sure. But I don't know of-- I don't know of other vegetation. If it can eat but if it can grab it, it can grab kids, then. It definitely has long enough limbs to reach up on the side of the waterhole and grab folk and grab folk and also we could definitely swim and dive incredibly fast. And they can see on any can see in the dark. And you can see in the dark with like underwater stuff.
Julia (as Phoebe): So this is like less of a Nessie thing and more of like a Kraken thing, maybe?
Eric (as Frankie): Somewhere in between? I don't know-- Nessie's not much of a diver because the Ness is not too it's not that deep. Our water hole is definitely deeper than that. So maybe somewhere in between.
Brandon (as Les): You mean the loch?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah.
Eric (as Frankie): Yeah, the Ness-- what? What did you say?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Is there any chance that this is just campers dropping waffles like they do for Tater Tot?
Eric (as Frankie): I don't know. I mean.
Julia (as Phoebe): Is the swim team dropping like campers? Like we drop waffles for Tater Tot?
Brandon (as Les): So you haven't seen anything while you went? Oh, you've been diving in the waterhole?
Eric (as Frankie): Oh, I don't dive in the waterhole. There's a water hole monster in there.
Brandon (as Les): Jesus Christ.
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay.
Eric (as Frankie): There may be, maybe-maybe not. Not enough for me to do it. I definitely have some-- I have like a breathing apparatus. Do you want to borrow it?
Brandon (as Les): Yeah, I'll take it.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Sorry.
Julia (as Phoebe): Les!
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): No, we super can't, we super can't swim without a lifeguard.
Brandon (as Les): I'm certified. Are y'all not?
Julia (as Phoebe): No, why would I be certified?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): You’re certified as a lifeguard to swim in camp without a lifeguard?
Brandon (as Les): Scuba, scuba. I'm certified scuba?
Eric (as Frankie): Yeah. You don't -you don't need to be a lifeguard to be a Tripper. But you need to like know how to swim and have some sort of cool things so that definitely helps scuba. I don't have like a full scuba thing but I have this I don't know if-- I have been messing with it. I don't know if it works but I hopefully you can use it.
Eric: And Frankie like goes in the Tripping Shack and like pushes things around and takes it like what looks like like a facemask that's attached to like, like one of those air pressure bottles and they use for like paintball, you know, like that co2, but it's like-
Eric (as Frankie): Yeah, there's oxygen in there if you want to use it. You can't go too deep but it will definitely help you out. I- it's just like, you know, I've been messing with it. It's not like regulation or anything but you can use it.
Brandon (as Les): Okay, cool.
Eric (as Frankie): Cool.
Julia (a Phoebe): This is like asking to be drowned. I don't- Les...
Amanda: Carrie-Ann is covering her ears.
Eric (as Boo): I can use this so that I could get my swim test so easy!
[everyone disagreeing]
Eric (as Carrie-Ann): No.
Eric (as Boo): I want it! I can swim for so long if I could just breathe. That's the one thing that's keeping me from winning.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Do you want to know curse word or not?
Brandon (as Les): Boo, the only thing keeping you from winning is your attitude. Just believe you're gonna win, and you'll win.
Eric (as Boo): Fine, but you have to tell me a curse word too. It has to start with a different letter.
Brandon (as Les): Fuck.
Eric (as Boo): No, I knew that one.
[music]
Eric: We cut back to the waterhole. Kathy is standing over the waterhole just eating a dry waffle that is like twice the size of her hand and she's just taking snacks in it and she's like-
Eric (as Kathy): Kay, if you're making a joke, it's not funny. It's definitely not funny.
Eric: And in the water, you see two big gold glowing eyes and then a massive wave and-
Eric (as Kathy): Ahh!
Eric: -and the water is glassy again.
Brandon: God damn it!
Amanda: Aahhh!
Julia: Ooooh, no.
[theme]
Transcriptionist: KM