Camp Diogenes Staff Handbook, Rule #505: In regards to the last night of camp: Save tonight and fight the break of dawn. Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone.
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Cast & Crew
- Co-Host, Co-Producer, GM: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Les Proenneke), Co-Producer, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
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- Co-Host (Phoebe Cooper), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Artwork: Allyson Wakeman
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About Us
Join the Party is an actual play podcast with tangible worlds, genre-pushing storytelling, and collaborators who make each other laugh each week. We welcome everyone to the table, from longtime players to folks who’ve never touched a roleplaying game before. Hop into the Camp-Paign, our Monster of the Week story set in a weird and wild summer camp, or marathon our D&D games with Campaign 2 for a modern, sci-fi superhero game and Campaign 1 for a high fantasy story. And once a month we release the Afterparty, where we answer your questions about the show and how we play the game. New episodes every Tuesday.
Transcript
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party
Eric: Phoebe replaces Assistant Director Z as controlling the stone Johnnie that's fighting off the Bonezilla destroying camp. No one talks about Charles, and Assistant Director Z explains how to defeat Steven. There are two choices. Either you can assemble the sacred snowballs that are stashed in freezers all over camp. Or you can get Jennii's soul kicked out of camp by committing mischief crimes as her behalf, in a sort of Weekend at Bernie's situation. After Phoebe comes back and doesn't talk about Charles because that's what being an adult is like, the best friends choose the latter and do crimes in Jennii's name. The first prank. Deface the sports shed, which includes trying to remember how to spell fuck, which draws a lot of ire from the campers under Steven's summer spell. This isn't gonna be easy. There's summer zombies everywhere holding hockey sticks and lacrosse sticks and Ultimate Frisbees that want to kill you. One mischief down, two to go and a whole ritual to set up. It's the last episode of the campaign. So let's get the party started.
[theme]
Eric: You've all spent some time outside it is getting hot. If you do not use one of your waters or something, this could be uh, this could be pretty tough.
Julia: Gulp, gulp, gulp.
Brandon: Yeah, I'm gonna sip some snow baby.
Eric: I think that you have three quote-unquote “charges of snow”.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: So you would have to expend one.
Amanda: Let's do it.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Done.
Eric: You only have two bottles of Magic Snow Water left.
Brandon: Each, Eric?
Eric: Communally, three. Communally.
Julia: Oh, Okay.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: What I would suggest is one of our shenanigans mischief pranks, take place in the director's cabin or the director's office so that we can find the secondary snowball—
Amanda: Exactly.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: And also—do a—do a prank.
Amanda: I was thinking that. I think we should go there next and either like say profanity on the loudspeaker or steal money.
Julia: I was—I was gonna say trash the place, but let's say profanity. Oh my goodness.
Amanda: Hmm.
Brandon: Here's my thought for my final prank. So we want to maximize recharging our snow, right? So we want to at least get to two. So let's go to the kitchen first, do the waffle iron prank.
Amanda: Got it.
Brandon: While we're there, I would like to grab some saran wrap. And then we'll go to the director's office—
Julia: Cover her toilets with saran wrap, sure.
Brandon: —recharge our snow. Cover her toilets, wrap all of her furniture. Say profanity on the loudspeaker.
Amanda: Yes, yes, yes.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: 100%. Let's limp toward the cafeteria and collect some like frisbees and tennis rackets along the way.
Julia: Excellent.
Amanda: So it's both cover. And also we're gonna make waffles out of them.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: Great.
Julia: So we're gonna head towards the—the cafetorium and make some waffles out of non-waffle things.
Amanda: Oooh, hohoho—
Eric: Oh no.
Amanda: —good prank.
Eric: Liste—Springer has worked really hard on maintaining those things.
Amanda: I feel terrible.
Brandon: I think maybe what we do also is like, while the rubber or the plastic is hot, we shape it into Jennii's name.
Eric: Nice, damn. Fuck.
Amanda: That's good. That's good. Like, yeah, we could like draw like on the griddle. You know, like—
Brandon: Exactly.
Amanda: —Jennii was here.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Good.
Eric: Yeah, yeah. As you are heading over towards the—I keep calling it the cafetorium or the mess hall or whatever, all the different names we have for this place. You hear,
Eric (as Chef Springer): Get out of my way, I’m making my roll. You're in the middle of my bocce game.
Julia (as Phoebe): Uhh.
Amanda: We look around.
Eric: While you looking around, and you're standing right in the middle of the most number of bocce balls you've ever seen laid out in the—in the time, and Springer is, is rolling some custom made like, it looks like a galaxy. [laughs]
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: The bocce balls. As Springer's tried to roll it, you need to get it in—you're standing right in the way.
Eric (as Chef Springer): Excuse me. It's time for me to Bocce.
Julia (as Phoebe): You go, Springer. We'll get out of your way.
Brandon (as Les): Sorry Springer. You got it, you’re gonna win.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Sorry. I just—I wanted to go grab some juice. I'm feeling faint. I'm just gonna go, go do that.
Eric (as Chef Springer): You shouldn't be grabbing juice. You should be playing bocce with me. I'll teach you the best way to spin the ball.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah, no problem.
Eric (as Chef Springer): It's counterclockwise.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): Thank you for teaching us that.
Amanda: Yeah, I'm gonna like wave off my colleagues and be like,
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Go ahead. Go ahead.
Eric (as Chef Springer): Where are you go—All of you need to stay here and look at my lesson.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): No, you have to teach me and then I'll teach them, and then I get to be a teacher.
Eric (as Chef Springer): I'll teach a man to fish, learn—win at Bocce.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah.
Eric: Manipulate someone, please.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: That's a 9
Julia: Good.
Eric: They do it, but only if you do something for them right now.
Julia: I'm gonna give the help action.
[dice roll]
Julia: I rolled also a 9.
Eric: Okay, so yeah you do get plus one—
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: —to your action so that's up to 10—
Amanda: That's a 10.
Eric: You do expose yourself to trouble or danger. Oh, I know what it is.
Julia (as Phoebe): Springer, remember the bond that we have—
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): Because you thought me how to cook better.
Eric (as Chef Springer): Oh, well. [laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): I mastered the waffle because of you, Springer.
Eric (as Chef Springer): I remember that I told you I only did Bocce on my off days, but I'm doing it now.
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah, I can see that. I'm glad you're taking time off to recuperate.
Eric (as Chef Springer): Thank you. Do you have any uh—any like—I feel a little parched. Do you have any sort of liquids or things up on you?
Julia (as Phoebe): Yes, bring her here.
Julia: And then I hand Springer the flask so that they can drink.
Eric: Springer immediately dumps it on their head and be like—
Eric (as Chef Springer): Whoo, it's time to go!
Eric: And then rolls the perfect bocce, the smoothest curve. Beautiful. It makes you all weep of how beautiful the Bocce roll is. It's so close to the little—the little white ball. It's supposed to go and it looks like as you stare into it, you see infinity, a galaxy of where we've all been created, the Big Bang in front of you.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): Springer, you're amazing.
Eric (as Chef Springer): I won this route.
Julia (as Phoebe): Good job.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): We're gonna go practice. We're gonna go practice with tinfoil okay, we'll be back to give you a rematch in like an hour. Is that okay?
Eric (as Chef Springer): No, Phoebe has to stay here, and I gotta teach you-- I gotta teach you the mysteries of the mysteries.
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay.
Eric: Okay. So yes, because of the manipulate someone, someone needed to stay. That's now Phoebe.
Julia: Okay. I—I whisper into the puppet of Jennii's ear what to do while I’m distracted by this.
[Eric makes crunching noises]
Julia (as Phoebe): Oh, the skin is so dry.
Eric: And also one of—you have lost another charge on the water bottle—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: —and you’re down to just one.
Amanda: But good news is, this prank is not dexterous. I can just like grab Jennii's hand and like make her close the waffle iron.
Eric: Yeah, you are inside of the mess hall. It's kind of as laid out for regular lunch. I think it was going to be grilled cheese—
Amanda: Oh yeah.
Julia: Oh wow.
Eric: —In a waffle iron
Brandon: Waffle cheese.
Julia: Oh, that sounds so good. I'm hungry, guys.
Brandon: I'm hungry too.
Amanda: Yeah, I—I think I'll go right to the back. Maybe Les can gather up those supplies we talked about—
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: —like the tin foil and saran wrap.
Eric: Sure. Yeah. Sure.
Amanda: And I'm just gonna open up the line of waffle irons, put frisbees and tennis rackets in each. And then use Jennii's hand to close all of them down in sequence. So that when it comes out, all pliable and liquidy, I'll shape each of them into letters.
Brandon: What is Jennii gonna spell with the letters?
Julia: Jennii was here but with a WUZ.
Brandon: I was gonna say maybe Jennii rules with a Z.
Julia: Yup. Also very good.
Amanda: Yup.
Eric: Jennii rules with two Ls and two Zs.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Alright. Wonderful. Give me the mischief. And remember, it’s plus cool.
Julia: You got this, Amanda.
Amanda: Alright, 9+2 for an 11.
Julia: [shocked] We crit’d!
Brandon: Fuck yeaaah.
Eric: Damn. Rousing success, that's the crit you also need. It looks incredible. It really helps because Jennii doesn't have any nerve endings.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: So one time she got her hand stuck in a waffle iron and it was fine.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Oh, no. That's gonna sting later.
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay. It's even drier.
Eric: Yeah. The skin as a waffle iron imprinted in it.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Are we match?
Eric: Jennii's soulless and meatless face stares back at you.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Alright. Good job, Jenni. Les, you ready?
Brandon (as Les): Yeah.
Eric: Tell me again what—what you're looking for.
Brandon: Yeah, so I'm definitely gonna get some plastic wrap. And also, I'm gonna grab the tinfoil. Because Amanda, when you said that, I thought, why don't we just wrap ourselves in tin foil or at least a large portion of our body to stay the heat from getting to us?
Julia: If I can also suggest, there's probably a large walk-in freezer in the cafetorium kitchen, and maybe we can grab some like frozen peas or something to keep us cool.
Brandon: Yeah, that too. You know, like mascots at Disney, or something. Where they put on the suits, but they have ice packs inside of it?
Eric: Oh, that's cool.
Brandon: Yeah, it's like that.
Eric: Yeah, you're like wrapping the tinfoil around you to keep the frozen peas attached to your body.
Brandon: Yeah, it's like around our—our midsections, and around our heads, and around our arm like, our biceps and our thighs.
Julia: Oh we look so silly.
Amanda: Carrie-Ann is gonna say—
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Target the lymph nodes, and then shove frozen peas under her pits.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: [laughs] That's—God, that's really funny.
[Julia laughs]
Eric: Fuck.
Julia: Thanks.
Eric: Les. As you go to the walk-in freezer, you open it up and you immediately hear—
Eric (as Frankie): Don't move. I have a grappling hook. Right now, you get right out of here.
Brandon: Before the sentence even like finishes leaving this person's mouth, Les is going to react and try to disarm them.
Eric: Okay. Do you want to use your act under pressure move? Do you want to use your limits? What are you thinking?
Brandon: Umm. Doesn't really matter because they're both the same. But I think this would be sort like Les is like magic thing, right? Like he's just quick. So I—I would use no limits, but either one works.
Eric: Sure. Yeah, do no limits.
Brandon: That is 8 + 2 for 10.
Eric: Alright for 10. Wonderful. I want it— how is it you pushing your body past its limits in you doing this?
Brandon: Yeah, so I think like, you know, like in movies where like something happens a split second and you like, like the camera goes into their body and you see like, the shot of adrenaline, like shoot out of their brain and like it, goes through their body and it's like—
Amanda: I love this Osmosis Jones Join the Party crossover.
Brandon: Yes. And then you zoom back out, and it's like bullet time and Les is like moving so fast, that like, the other person doesn't really recognize what's happening. And so he like, does a quick, disarming turn and grab, and tries to grab their hand that holds the grappling hook.
Eric: Yeah, sure. I think you just hit the grappling hook out of the way and it scatters away—across the walk-in freezer.
Brandon: Perfect.
Eric: And it's Frankie, the—the leader of the Trippers.
Amanda: Woo.
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: From all the way—all the way back in, in the first mystery.
Eric (as Frankie): Oh, I should have known, Les not to pull a grappling hook on you because you don't like it when people pull guns on you. That's like your specific thing.
[Julia laughs]
Brandon (as Les): Yeah, that's my specific thing. What are you doing? Why are you threatening me with a grappling hook?
Eric (as Frankie): I'm not. It’s that whatever someone—if someone is trying to come into my bunker to keep myself cool from the weird summer happening outside, then I'm going to do that to everyone. I didn't know it was you. You didn't come and say, I'm Les, like you should whenever you interact with Mother Nature.
[Amanda laughs]
Brandon (as Les): Okay, Frankie, are you okay?
Eric (as Frankie): No! Of course not, I'm not okay.
Eric: And Frankie—Frankie pulls out another grappling hook from her pocket.
Brandon (as Les): [laughs] Okay, put that one down too, please. And I'm trying to help. I— we—me and um, the best friends are—we're doing a plan. And we need this to stay cool as we go to the next area, where we—we execute our next part of the plan.
Eric (as Frankie): Okay, yeah, I mean, like, I'm not using all these peas. Yeah, if you want some peas, that's fine. But Les, you can just stay here, you're gonna stay here in the freezer.
Brandon (as Les): I know. I know. But I don't—I need to help uh—I need to help everyone. Um, you know like—
Eric (as Frankie): Okay, I mean, if you want to go out there and just like incredibly die, you could go out there. But you could also stay in the freezer, which is the smart thing to do. And don't tell them we're gonna lock it. And then you—I'll shoot them with a grappling hook. And then if anyone tries to make us play soccer or something, then I'll just shoot them with a grappling hook and you'll—be—run at them really fast which, which is the thing you're best at?
Brandon (as Les): Well, it honestly the math is either I die in here in the freezer with you, or I die out there trying to fix it. So like, I think this is good. Like, stay in here. You stay in here, because clearly you gotta chill out, and I need you to not play sports. Good call. But I'm gonna take these peas and go.
Eric (as Frankie): Les, the first rule of wilderness survival, is to protect yourself. Just like—
Brandon (as Les): That's literally not it. The first rule is like, make sure everyone you're with is okay. Like, our fir—like the first thing they taught us was like—
Eric (as Frankie): Alright. Agree to disagree. I guess some 14-year-old kid is gonna tell me the thing that I know about wilderness. Fine. You know what, you're gonna get the bad peas. You're gonna get the one from the not— from the no-name company.
Brandon (as Les): That's fine, I'm not going to eat them.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Not generic peas.
Brandon (as Les): I maybe give them some ducks afterward or something.
Eric (as Frankie): It's so generic. The name of the company is it has no name. Fine. I'm gonna keep all these peas uh, I'm gonna keep all this stuff, the carrots mine.
Brandon (as Les): Okay, that's fine. Are you— okay, never mind. I already asked that question. Thanks, Frankie. I'll catch you after— after I fix all this.
Eric (as Frankie): Sure. Okay, when you stop the Giant Skeleton that's creating an eternal hot summer.
Brandon (as Les): Yep. That's—that's a correct read of the situation. Alright byeee.
Eric: You close the door behind you to the walk-in freezer and you hear the clang of grappling hook hit—hit the door on the way out.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: And it was directly where your medulla oblongata was in place.
Julia: [shocked] Huh?!
Brandon: Whoa! What is that?
Amanda: The medulla!
Eric: It's in your brain Brandon.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Wonderful. Alright. You have all—you got—you gather all the stuff. Jennii definitely did this. You have two mischief points, with one crit. What's the third one?
Julia: Well, Phoebe’s still playing bocce. [laughs]
Amanda: Yeah. As—
Eric: Phoebe is still playing bocce at that.
Amanda: —as we leave the cafeteria, can we like gesture Phoebe over toward us?
Julia: Phoebe's talking to Springer and she goes—
Julia (as Phoebe): So, so Bocce means kiss?
Julia: And then you see her blush.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric (as Chef Springer): I guess! It's making the balls gets as close as possible to win.
Brandon: Is that what it actually means?
Julia: Yeah, it does actually mean kiss.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): [whispers] Wow. Wow. Okay.
Brandon (as Les): Cool.
Julia (as Phoebe): So like when you—when do you kiss?
Eric (as Chef Springer): In the traditional rules, but people haven't done that since that Pope.
[Amanda laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): Which—which one?
Eric (as Chef Springer): Pope Jonathan who hated kissing.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): Oh no. Why would the Pope hate kissing?
Eric (as Chef Springer): Catholicism.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): Fair.
Eric (as Chef Springer): Yeah.
Julia (as Phoebe): Alright, Springer. I'm just like—I'm so jealous of your beautiful bocce balls that I'm going to run to the sports shed right now and get better ones.
Eric (as Chef Springer): That's smart. Also, stay outside.
Julia (as Phoebe): I will. Don't worry.
Eric (as Chef Springer): Okay.
Julia: And Phoebe goes in the opposite direction of the sports shed—
Eric: Incredible.
Julia: Since she's gonna join the best friends.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon (as Les): Pheebs, check out our fashions.
Julia (as Phoebe): Wow!
Brandon (as Les): What do you think?
Julia (as Phoebe): Did you know that Bocce means kissing?
Brandon (as Les): What?
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah.
Brandon: And then Les starts walking towards the Director's cabin. [laughs]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Phoebe put these peas in your lymph nodes.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): Thank you. I don't know where those are.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Under your pits.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): Oh, that's really cold.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah.
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay.
Eric: Wonderful. Okay. So you're heading towards the director's cabin. What are we doing at the director's cabin again?
Amanda: To the office, sorry. But we—were going to the main office to sneak into the director's office.
Eric: Got it.
Amanda: And saran wrap the toilet. I think we should tin foil like all her office supplies. How people do that, like wrap the computer and stuff?
Brandon: Yep.
Julia: Trash the place.
Brandon: Trash the place, wrap up all of the furniture. So like it's impossible to get out.
Amanda: Yeah. We can spell Jennii's name out of like office supplies, but I also think she should steal money.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: And we should put money like in the pocket of her jeans or her coat. Because if I'm thinking about what will make a camp fire somebody, I think that's kind of the—the most.
Brandon: Hmmm. Just hang dollar bills from her ribs. [laughs]
Amanda: Yeah. It's very dry. They're not going to get wet at all.
Brandon: That's true.
Julia: Honestly, the dollar bills are more moist than Jennii is right now.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Umm, but in our just total trashing and like pranking of this place, do we find the freezer that holds the snow?
Eric: That's an interesting point.
Amanda: That was my thought is, maybe the safe has like a little freezer section in it. Assuming there's a safe in her office.
Eric: Yes, before you do that it is getting even hotter. And you would have to use your final charge of snow. If you don't want to have any issues. Do you—would you like to use their snow or do you want to chance it?
Brandon: I think we should use it.
Amanda: We should use it.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: If we’re about to find another snowball.
Eric: Wonderful. Alright, final charge is gone. You head over to the office. I feel like the office is almost radiating with heat because it's the place that has the air conditioning. So it's like it's all made of metal and like conductive, it’s like fucking steamy in there. As you get closer and closer to it. It's like you keep a— when you keep an oven on in the summer and it's just too hot.
Julia (as Phoebe): Oh boy.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Good idea with the peas, Les.
Brandon (as Les): Thanks.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Sorry, I didn't say it at the time.
Brandon (as Les): Now let's chill. Get it chill.
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah.
Julia: Phoebe laughs, then like blushes.
[Amanda and Brandon laugh]
Eric: As you head over to the office, you hear thump, thump, thump [dino roars]. And as you look up, and the stone Johnnie and the Bonezilla are fighting each other right in front of the office.
Brandon (as Les): Shit.
Amanda: I whisper.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Out of camp, out of camp.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: The—the stone Johnnie is separated from the pushes of Bonezilla away and gives you a shrug. And then immediately charges back and like does a dive and spears the Bonezilla.
Brandon (as Les): 2,4,6,8. Get that thing out of camp.
Eric: Alright. What do you do? How do you get it—how do you get a—how do you get through?
Amanda: Is there something preventing us from just walking into the cabin apart from the heat?
Eric: You are chancing being squished.
Amanda: Ohh. I didn’t realize that.
Eric: Which you can. You can chance being squ—you can definitely chance being squished if you want to just try to make a break for it. But you could also try to do something else.
Brandon: I would rather not one of us die personally.
Amanda: Hmm. Ideally.
Julia: Can I try to kick some ass with big whammy?
Eric: Okay, what are you thinking?
Julia: Because if I roll high enough, and because big whammy allows me to roll with weird. If I roll high enough with kick some ass, I can force something where I want it. And what I can do is hopefully force this away from the entrance to the office.
Eric: That's a good point, Phoebe. What I think that anyone who has a move that is magical, or it has some sort of like ignore magical properties. I think you can do that as well. It doesn't just need to be Phoebe.
Amanda: Okay.
Eric: Or like wants to use Phoebe's bow, or I don't remember what the net can do.
Julia: Oh, I can use my bow.
Brandon: Oh, the net gun. Oh, that's a good idea. What if I just use the net gun to shoot at the Bonezilla's legs and just trip it up?
Eric: Yes. So the thing with that, is that it would be similar to what Julia just said, is that you need to get a 10 in order to put it where you want it, and then you would be exposing yourself to danger, but you can still do it and try, for sure.
Julia: Okay. Can we combine a couple of things here? Because I like using the net to trip this thing up. I can also try to use Jinx in order to interfere with it and like make it hopefully trip and fall because that's kind of the—the flavor of Jinx is little accidents happening to things.
Eric: So the Bonezilla one of its pow—the—the fact that it's kaiju size, it's super-sized. So doing something relatively small would not be able to do it, so you can't use Jinx.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: That was one of the powers that we revealed in the last mystery.
Julia: Excellent. So maybe I'll just try to big whammy it.
Eric: You can all try to do it. It just it depends who's doing it, exposes yourself to danger in return.
Brandon: Well, yeah, I think the good idea is to like yeah, shoot—I'll shoot the net gun on its legs while you big whammy its top half, and then that'll have it trip.
Julia: So that would be exposing myself, which I'm fine with.
Amanda: Yeah, and I—I still have my flare gun so I can try to hit it in the middle.
Brandon: Oh, yeah,
Julia: That's true. How smart is this thing? Can we trick it like the T-Rex in Jurassic Park by shooting a flare?
Eric: A 100%. I’m just saying--
Julia: Oh, let's do that then.
Brandon: Oh yeah, let's do that.
Eric: I’m just saying that it's big—It's so big because of its power, Is that like you—you would have to crit to make it do the thing.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Which is, you move it where you want to.
Brandon: Well, why don't we just do all three in case one of them fails?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: You can all do kick some ass, but you would all be exposing yourself to danger.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Final idea. Is there a way we could try to distract it? Like what is—what do we think its mandate or its motivation is? Just to like cause havoc and, and fight stuff?
Julia: Yeah. It wants to destroy the camp and the stone Johnnie is—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: — stopping it.
Eric: Correct. Yeah.
Amanda: Then maybe we could use, like maybe the net gun you know, with some kind of like magicking by Phoebe could look like you know, a big foe or like a giant flag or like something up in the air away from us, to sort of like try to send it away.
Julia: Did I take the moose hat with me? Can I try to put on the moose hat and like distract this, or grappled with this thing as Charles, while you drag my unconscious body into the, into the camp, into the office?
Brandon: Well, I think what Eric is saying is that all of us would be effective, we just have to roll well enough.
Julia: Right.
Eric: Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm saying all of this would work. If you want to do it all at the same time, you can. All of you will then be exposed to danger. If you want to do it in succession. And for example, if Les rolls a seven, and then gets squished, he takes the harm and then someone else can go, it's up to you. I'm not saying no to any of this, I'm saying yes to all of this. I'm telling you because we don't kick some ass all that much. That if you kick ass, you do expose yourself to danger just as much as when you help someone. Then again, if you are going to get squished, you can then protect someone to put yourself in the way. You see how it's catch, it’s a domino, you see how these roles are all dominos.
Amanda: Let's do it. Yeah.
Eric: So do it, so whoever wants to do it, say they're gonna do it, so we can start the domino.
Brandon: I think this is Les's time to shine.
Amanda: Okay.
Brandon: Because he's a big silly boy who was raised in a patriarchy.
Julia: Yeah, that's fair.
Eric: Or in a positive way, you remember Assistant Director Z telling you all about how important it is to protect your friends which could be comparable to the scene you just had about someone defending themselves.
Brandon: Yeah that, instead of what I said [laughs]
Eric: Yeah. They'll be either one. I—It's either one.
Brandon: It's probably both honestly, Eric.
Eric: Whichever one! Whichever one you want.
Brandon: Um, so he's got to take out his net gun and shoot it at the Bonezilla's legs and try to trip it out.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: Alright, so this has kicked some ass, you're rolling plus tough.
Julia: Brandon.
Amanda: Brandon.
Brandon: Wow, the one time I roll poorly in this campaign.
Julia: Brandooon.
Eric: Wooooh!
Brandon: I got a 4.
Julia: Oh, Brandon.
Amanda: Oh, buddy.
Brandon (as Les): If this is how I have to die.
Julia (as Phoebe): No. No, it’s not.
Brandon (as Les): I'm glad it's me.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): No, I can't reach the ceiling fan.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): You're the tallest of us.
Eric: Right. When you fail you're ass kick, it literally says you're asked gets kicked. So you set up that, you set up the shot of a net gun. You fire it at the Bonezilla's legs?
Brandon: And I say something cool like—
Eric: Yeah, what do you say?
Brandon: Something really super cool like—
Amanda: Trip on this?
Eric: Or this is a net good for all of us.
Brandon: I know. I was thinking about like net zero emissions or something like that.
Eric: I think that’s good. I think that's not bad.
Amanda: You've been captured. Gross revenue minus costs equal net profit.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Don't worry guys, I got this one in the net.
[Eric and Amanda laugh]
Brandon: Okay, that was pretty good.
Eric: As you're thinking about what—
Brandon: I say that—I say what Phoebe says.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: And you're thinking about what cool thing to say, you fire the net gun. It captures the little pinky toe for Bonezilla, and it immediately just steps on you, take four harm and negative one ongoing
Eric: Oh boy. Alright, I'm gonna big whammy this thing. I'm gonna trip it. I'm going to kneecap it.
Eric: Les, you're currently being ground into the dust and the dead grass. And it's all crinkling around you as you're getting smooshed in there.
Brandon: I just want to say, I am one away from dying.
Julia: I'll heal you.
Amanda: We’ll save you next.
Eric: And you're also—so you're unstable.
Brandon: I'm very unstable.
Eric: Okay, great. So that was going to be bad for the--
Brandon: Actually, you know what? Fuck you, Eric. I'm using luck to make that 0.
Julia: Oooh. Shit.
Eric: You're using luck too, alright, you can.
Brandon: I can use one point of luck to reduce all of one injury down to zero, baby.
Amanda: Wow.
Julia: Why don't you—why don't you just use it so that you don't get stepped on?
Brandon: Well, I yeah, I—I could have done that. But I also did not think of it.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: Do you have a special thing? Oh, right. Do you have the thing with the, if you use luck then you're the—
Brandon: First encounter, which is Bigfoot, which is very funny.
Amanda: As you’re being crushed under a big foot.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Here's what happened though. I—It reduces harm. I like that you've missed it.
Julia: Oh my God.
Eric: Reduce the harm to zero, because as soon as it comes the foot, comes down to squish you. You hear [roar] as Bigfoot is holding the Bonezilla's foot—
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Woah.
Eric: —up above you.
Brandon (as Les): Oh my god.
Eric: And it's also biting into the—the Bonezilla's foot with its razor-sharp teeth.
Brandon (as Les): Sasquatch. Are we on the safe side? I thought you were trying to attack me that one time.
[Bigfoot roars]
Brandon (as Les): Does that mean that you were just trying to say hello? God, I don't know.
Brandon: And I roll out of the way.
Eric: It bites hard down on the toenail of the Bonezilla, and it snaps right off.
Amanda: Oh no. I'm picturing the bone-on-bone sound.
Julia: Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.
Eric: In my head Sasquatch has like jaws from the Bond villain, Jaws.
Brandon: Oh yeah.
Eric: It's like the metal teeth in my head.
Brandon: I mean, the silverback gorilla alone has a bite strength of something like massive, so yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: And then imagine if it had metal teeth.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: Oi.
Eric: That’d be tight as fuck.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: Wonderful. Carrie-Ann, what are you doing?
Amanda: I can just be lurking in the bushes with Jennii's body and the supplies in my hands, just like waiting to see what happens.
Julia: Well if I need an assist, I would like maybe the flare gun is a good use for the assist.
Eric: Alright.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Yeah, big whammy it Phoebe.
Julia: Imma kneecap this bitch. Let's go.
[dice roll]
Julia: Uhhh...
Brandon: Oh no.
Julia: You know what, I'm gonna use luck this time.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Yaaay. Play like there's no to Episode 20.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Hey, what—how many luck have you used?
Julia: I have used—this is my third luck?
Eric: This is your third. What's your luck move?
Julia: My dark sides needs get nastier. Which fun fact Eric, I found out my dark side doesn't actually need anything because it was an educational tool. So fuck this.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Hey, here's the thing Phoebe. What does it look like when you use your big whammy?
Julia: It almost looks like a big fist made out of big blue shiny energy.
Brandon: It looks like Miss Marvel thing?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. I love that because of course you're not necessarily tethered to the nature of stuff anymore.
Julia: Right.
Eric: Like you're not a conduit of nature. Those—you're no chosen one, you're just a person with powers. And the big fist, it just like, fully like, opens up and upends the Bonezilla. It like pushes up one of its feet, Bigfoot and the big hand upend the Bonezilla, and the Bonezilla is on its back and scrambling around like a giant turtle.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: And then like Phoebe, you just keep going. You just keep trying to wail on the Bonezilla with your big fist, and you realize you were blaming all of your dark stuff on Charles before. It's just you. You are the only one dealing with this magic inside of you. And this is coming out of just you. This isn't the woods telling you what it is. This isn't some magical guy talking to you in your head. You are the one doing overkill on this Bonezilla, more so even though it's Steven's pet, this feels like a little much.
Brandon: Holy shit.
Julia: Phoebe's eyes glowing turns to look at the giant stone Johnnie that she knows is being controlled by ADZ, and goes—
Julia (as Phoebe): How's that for a fucking educational device?
Brandon (as Les): Holy shit. Carrie-Ann, We gotta Phoebe, we—Carrie-Ann, help. We got—Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoe—Phoebe. It's good. It's down, Phoebe, we gotta go.
[Phoebe screams]
Eric: Steven says—
Eric (as Steven): This is a lot to handle. [laughs] Can we just wrap this up?
Amanda: Carrie-Ann's gonna run over and give Phoebe a big hug and be like—
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): You did it, you did it. Let's get inside.
Brandon: Yeah, Les is gonna grab the other side, and [laughs] start carrying Phoebe.
Eric: [laughs] I like that.
Julia (as Phoebe): It's all bullshit guys, it's all bullshit.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I know, we'll talk about it after.
Brandon (as Les): It's all bullshit, I know.
Eric: I think Steven also he's like—
Eric (as Steven): I'm gonna wrap this up because it sounds like one of you is uh— is a loose cannon.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: And like you see, like almost a wave of heat is starting to shimmer—
Amanda: Oh, God.
Eric: —towards you. As you can uh, you hustle inside of the office to get out of the way. This is like in the day after tomorrow when the ice is following them.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: It's like ice can't don't that, but and so they're like the heat is following you.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: You slam the doors on this wave of heat. It is toasty in there, it is hot in the office.
Amanda (as Phoebe): [pants] This isn't better.
Julia: Phoebe's panting but for different reasons.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Is there a kitchenette? Like an office kitchen?
Eric: Yeah, for sure. There are a bunch of different offices in here. There's a little like break room kitchenette. It's totally clear out, there's nobody in here.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: So you kind of have free rein of the place. You'll can see that there's like plenty of folders and files and stuff everywhere. Everything that the camp office, all the secrets that it would hold.
Julia: Phoebe's still absolutely raging and just like picking up things and like throwing boxes across the room, papers go flying.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Good work.
Julia (as Phoebe): Fuck. Camp. Fuck camp. Come on!
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Just use Jennii's hands while you do it, you know.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Phoebe like, stops doing it with her physical body, and just starts controlling Jennii's body.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: [Rage screams]
[theme]
Eric: Hey, it's Eric. You know what's good? Chocolate-covered strawberries. Like, it doesn't have to be romantic. It can just be good. There's chocolate covered strawberries. There's a lot of chocolate. It's great. Welcome to the mid-roll. Thank you to our newest patrons. GL Gruhn, Dwayne, Agnes Jin and Big Al. Shout-out to Big Al. We love all of you and you make the internet a better place by being a part of our Discord, which you can only get from patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Truly I love our Discord so much. Nothing makes me happier than on big episode days, when everyone goes into the spoilers channel, and to screams about the episode. I'm recording this early, but I know that all of you are doing this right now. It's wonderful. This year in December, remember to support the small business that gives you the wonderful things that you hear in your ears, Multitude, and Join the Party. 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[theme]
Brandon (as Les): Carrie-Ann, let's get to work, I guess.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah, you—you do the pranking stuff.
Brandon (as Les): Okay.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): And I am just going to check the freezer real quick.
Brandon (as Les): Cool.
Amanda: So I'm going to a few times throughout my camp life over the last 10 years, I've, you know, had to like conspire to run an errand or like claimed that I needed insulin, and then they're like you're not diabetic.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: I've tried various reasons to like get sort of behind the counter at this camp office.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: It's like the inner sanctum. And so I do know where the kitchen is. And I'm going to run back there and throw open the freezer and see if the snowball is there.
Eric: The Snowball is not in that freezer.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): FUCK!
Brandon: Every now, and again while Carrie-Ann searching for the snowball, you hear Les just go—
Brandon (as Les): [witch laugh] Hehehehe.
[Julia laughs]
Eric: Speaking of Les going hehehe to himself. Why don't you roll to destroy mischief?
Brandon: Okay, and this is—
Eric: Plus cool because you got to be a cool person to do crime.
Julia: Buddy, you’ve got this.
Brandon: And cuz, snow is cold. Do you get it, Eric?
Eric: No. What—remind me what your prank is?
Brandon: Well, I'm Saran wrapping all the toilet seats. I am Saran wrapping all the furniture together so like the chairs, and the desk like all one big pile.
Eric: Incredible.
Brandon: Like no one can use their computers or their desks or anything. And if you've ever had a saran wrap, like prank pulled on you, uhh, it is tough to get that stuff un-Saran wrapped. So it's a pretty good prank if I do say so.
Eric: And how are you making sure people know it's Jennii?
Brandon: Well Jennii is the one tossing stuff around the cabin, too. But also like I'm sure there's permanent markers.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Somewhere that would be--
Julia: Yeah. Just Sharpie.
Amanda: Is there a wall of like distinguished counselors, or like employees of the summer? We can just like have Jennii, write Jennii.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Over all of them.
Amanda: On all of them. Yeah.
Brandon: There's like an employee of the month or something and Jennii just draws her face.
Amanda: Exactly.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Crosses out their name and writes Jennii.
Eric: Yeah. A 100%. For sure. Alright, give me plus cool, buddy.
Brandon: [sighs] Well, I have a minus one.
Eric: Cool. Hey, at least you're not getting squished by a— by a big dinosaur.
Amanda: That's true.
Brandon: At least.
Amanda: And listen we can use luck with abandon.
Julia: Yeah. Just gotta get a 7 or higher bud.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Just a 7 or higher.
Brandon: With either of you two, like to like say some blessing on my dice as I throw them?
Amanda: Brandon, the power of dice compels you.
Brandon: Power of dice compels me. The heart of the dice. I got a six. [laughs]
Amanda: Alright. I am going to help. I am going to, with my frustration when I couldn't see the snowball in the freezer, help drag all of that stuff together, and like hold the pile shut, as Les runs around with the saran wrap like Scooby Doo.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Thank you, yeah, because I could not do it on my own. I don't have enough hands.
Amanda: And then oh my god he saran wrap my leg.
Brandon: AHAHAHA.
Amanda: I have to extricate myself, yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: IYou just hear Phoebe screaming in the background.
Julia (as Phoebe): [screams]
[Eric and Brandon laugh]
Amanda: I got the devil's ass cheeks, so I'm going to use another luck point.
Julia: Oh my God, guys.
Amanda: To get a 12. To give you—
Eric: Oh my god.
Amanda: —the help action, Brandon.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Or what happens when you use luck?
Amanda: Well, Eric, um, an ill-advised project or disastrous operation happens for my sect. You could say that's already happening, and I don't know how much worse it could get.
Brandon: Shit. So we really made the— the worst of a bad situation [laughs] by doing that.
Eric: Classic monster of the week. Okay, you go from a 6 to an 8.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: That gives you a success, but you have to choose one. You get seriously hurt. You get in just as much trouble as Jennii does, or it makes you look really stupid.
Brandon: Yeah, I think I'll just look stupid. I mean, like, there's ample opportunity for Les to trip, ample opportunity for Les to saran wrap his own arm.
Amanda: To get like a bruise right in the middle of your forehead.
Brandon: Ample opportunity for Jennii to draw a mustache on his face with a Sharpie.
Amanda: Good.
Eric: Cool. I think that yeah, you— you mess around and you get Saran wrap wrapped around you?
Brandon (as Les): Shit. Shit. I did it too good. I did it too good, guys.
Eric: Unfortunately, there is a CCTV camera that is in the office, and it is recording this whole thing and later on the nephew of Janine from the office takes that and uploads it to Reddit.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: And you are Saran Wrap kid, and he gets 30,000 Karma upvotes.
[Amanda and Brandon laugh]
Eric: So everyone knows, everyone you go to school the next year, every one, a bunch of kids knows you as Saran Wrap kid and you don't know why.
Brandon: And years later when I start my own survival school business. It really helps me get business [laughs]
Amanda: Like Charlie bit my finger is in college now.
Eric: Yeah, there's a—there's a lot of things of Les and ads of me like, you won't believe what Saran Wrap kid looks like now. And everyone thinks you're dead.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: Incredible.
Eric: Okay. Wonderful. So all the pranks are good. You're all the pranks are down.
Julia: We did it, we prank.
Eric: Do you've done enough, okay? So yeah, what do you—what do you all do now?
Amanda: Let's do the ritual in the director's office, right? It's the heart of camp.
Eric: Everyone knows that the Office—that the Office of the Director is the beating heart of what makes camp camp.
Amanda: Yeah. Don't you guys love going to school and visiting the principal's office as much as possible?
Eric: Thank you. Yes.
Amanda: Come one.
Julia (as Phoebe): Carrie-Ann, that's the place that I want to go the least at school.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): That's why our friendship is so beautiful because we're so different.
Brandon (as Les): Yeah, I like the cafeteria. That's where the food is.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Okay, everyone can be weird. That's fine. Let's go.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Alright. Yeah. So the director's office is like in the right wing of the office, you head over there, after you Saran Wrap everything. And Carrie-Ann, remind me what is your luck move?
Amanda: Well, Eric, it’s that an ill-advised project or disastrous operation happens for my sect.
Julia: Oh no.
Eric: [sighs] Carrie-Ann, you know, that there are protections that are set up in specific places around camp.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: And you then realize, hey, you know, what would set off all of the protections that happen around camp? Is if a terrible Steven-sized event would happen. So standing outside of her office, as you take the right down the hallway, is the great stone Guardian that protects the secrets of the office. Carrie-Ann, what does that look like?
Brandon: So small, it's the size of a needle.
Eric: [laughs] It's a—it's a— he's a little guy. He can think, he can pick you up.
Amanda: No, I—I think that this was one of the kind of original outbuildings of camp, like even before it was purchased by Camp Diogenes. And much like it, you know, it's the closest thing to the Covered Bridge. This might have been like an entrance hut or you know, keeper's cabin. And over time, they added you know, annexes and air conditioning, and a kitchen and stuff all around it. But the director's office is the heart of that building and the oldest one. It has a fireplace. It has like flagstone floors underneath the layers of kind of dusty carpet that have been put in there over time. And so I think this is the actual lintel of the door. I think that—
Eric: Oooh.
Amanda: —the lintel of the door like that big long piece that makes the top of the doorframe and the two stone pillars that make the door have like stepped forward in the wall leaving a gap behind them. And the legs shrinks down, and the lintel gets taller and little arms pop out. And it's basically a small version of the stone Johnnie, but made from the like, blue stone lintel of the director door.
Eric: I like it.
Amanda: Maybe little stained glass face, little wooden arms.
Eric: Cool.
Amanda: But the doors come to life.
Brandon: May I also say, as we're devising a way to get past this thing. We do still need to demonstrate that we are worthy of judging camp. So maybe we somehow show this—this guy, this friend, this buddy that we are worthy somehow.
Amanda: I like it.
Eric (as Great Guardian): I’m the great stone Guardian of the director's office, please state your business. We are here in an emergency.
Amanda: Carrie-Ann fall to her knees and prostrate on the floor, like raises up her arms and bows her head and says—
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Oh Great Guardian. Thank you so much for, for your protection, we are trying to expel this threat from camp. Where's the holiest place in camp that we should do it?
Brandon: Les follow suit, gets on his knees, prostrates.
Julia: Phoebe’s still throwing things in the other room.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Great Guardian): Before I let you, I tell you important information.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Great Guardian): What makes you seem like you're somebody who deserves this important information about what the heart of camp is.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Camp is my life, and I would give it up to protect it.
Brandon (as Les): No, Carrie-Ann.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): That's what happens today.
Brandon (as Les): [whispers] Carrie-Ann, no.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): It's what happens.
Brandon (as Les): Carrie-Ann, you have to— you have to just demonstrate what you've learned. How like, camp is important, but also, it's about you know, like having a good time and understanding that like it's part of a balanced life and all that stuff.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): And furthermore, I know that camp is not my entire life and that the purpose of camp is to make me grow. And one day I will come back here and look back at all the memories and realize that what camp really prepares you to do is, is to leave camp [crying voice]
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Great Guardian): That’s all very nice, can you give me an example?
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I never say cusses and I love my campers, and I own more camp T-shirts than anyone ever has.
Eric (as Great Guardian): Yeah, Carrie-Ann, I know you very well. That's fine.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Thanks.
Eric (as Great Guardian): Alright. What about you? You're—whoa you're as tall as I am.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Great Guardian): Are you also part of a door? Are you one of our— are you a door Guardian as well?
Brandon (as Les): That's—my mom calls me sometimes but I—
Eric (as Great Guardian): Your mom was part door?
Brandon (as Les): My mom was part door. Umm.
[Eric laughs]
Julia: Her name was DOOReen.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Great Guardian): My mother was a revolving door.
Amanda: Oh, no [laughs]
Eric (as Great Guardian): It comes from the matrilineal side.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: That sounds like an insult, but okay.
Brandon (as Les): Sho—She was also a big fan of The Doors. Um, well, sir, great, sir. Uh—I, oh, here's okay. So, here's what I've learned this summer camp is that camp is not the boundaries of camp, it's not about the wall. It's not about the activities, or the watering hole, or any of the cool geography. It's about the kids and the staff that inhabit. And what we're trying, and, and the relationships they formed between them, you know? And we're—we've spent the past like two months like developing relationships that are very important to everyone here. And what we're trying to do is defend those relationships, those bonds that we formed from an outside intruder who would—who would—who would rather see it all crumble, like have some sort of superficial facade of summer camp, all year long, as opposed to like, the—the point of camp is that is, it's short, and it's ephemeral and like that's how we build the bonds between us. Is because it's only two months long. If it's—if it's all summer it doesn't—it's meaningless.
Eric (as Great Guardian): I like that a lot. Could you tell me more about a specific example when you demonstrated that? [grumbles]
Brandon (as Les): [laughs] My father was a chicken [laughs]
Eric (as Great Guardian): I'm half door, half chicken, all lintel.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: Les looks back to make sure [laughs] that Phoebe is still in a rage throwing shit.
Eric: Yeah. [laughs]
Amanda: She's like, stapling flyers to the wall.
Julia (as Phoebe): Fucking moose, God damn it.
Brandon (as Les): Well, you see, sir, I started this summer camp. Well first, we were put into the best friends as a group. And then I learned some stuff about one of my colleagues that scared me, and I learned that it's just part of who they are and it's what makes them unique. And I really respect and admire that. And then I got to know them a little better and the bonds, they formed, you know.
Amanda: Carrie-Ann was like—
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): What— what kind of bonds, okay?
Eric (as Great Guardian): That sounds acceptable. Now what— what about the young woman who’s destroying everything in the office?
Julia (as Phoebe): [screams]
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Great Guardian): You seem-- I feel like you’re part of a unit, and she seems to be working-- [laughs] She seems to be working through some things right now.
Brandon (as Les): Yeah, I think she's kind of learning, the, the camp thing that we're talking about right now.
Eric (as Great Guardian): Oh, okay. So she's like, Oh.
Amanda (as Carriee-Ann): No, she—she definitely has and nobody is, is fiercer or more willing to look into the parts of themselves that scare themselves more, than—than Phoebe is, and put those things to use for camp. Even though it, it would be easier not to.
Brandon (as Les): And that's what camp’s about right, learning— learning about yourself.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Also, she definitely saved Boo's life.
Brandon (as Les): Yeah.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah. Which helped me not get in trouble. So that was good.
Eric (as Great Guardian): Not getting in trouble is a big part of being in camp.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah.
Eric (as Great Guardian): After doing things.
Brandon (as Les): But only the rules are just. That's what I've learned at camp.
Eric (as Great Guardian): You've all demonstrated, you're worthy of being part of camp secrets and specialness from how you uphold your duties. You're allowed to pass.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Thank you.
Julia: It's just so funny that we took this whole ritual in, and Phoebe's just in the background screaming.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Like Phoebe's like—
Julia (as Phoebe): I didn't learn shit.
[Amanda and Brandon laugh]
Eric (as Great Guardian): Also, is she-- please make sure she doesn’t hurt me or any parts of the door.
Brandon (as Les): She—she won't hurt you.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Oh, of course, yeah.
Brandon (as Les): Of course.
Brandon (as Les): She thinks that she hasn't learned anything, but the fact that she's actually acting out like this means that she did learn something so yeah,
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah. It's like a big journey.
Eric (as Great Guardian): Hmm. I understand. I learned things once, and then I was turned into a door.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon (as Les): Wait, so your mother wasn't a door?
Eric (as Great Guardian): Okay, goodbye.
[Eric, Amanda, Brandon laughs]
Eric: Alright, the lintel recedes back into the door, and you hear a click as the door unlocks.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Phoebe, come on.
Julia (as Phoebe): What's happening?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Bring Jennii, come over here.
Brandon (as Les): We did it.
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay.
Eric: Incredible. You are in the camp office. These are the awards this year in the director's office. Carrie-Ann, you've been here quite a lot of times, you've burst in here quite a number of times before.
Amanda: Yeah, I end every night manifesting me sitting in the director's chair and turning around and seeing Director Price—
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: On the nameplate.
Julia: Wow.
Brandon: Yeah, that's nice.
Eric: What do you all do?
Brandon: Well, Les, as Les walks in just to set the scene, he's sort of holding his hands out because he doesn't—he wants to make sure he doesn't touch anything. You know?
Eric: Sure. Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. I think we'll all walk in. We can like sit Jennii or lay Jennii down.
Julia: I arranged her like crisscrossed applesauce.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Exactly. Yeah. And I'm going to place the original camp manual kind of right in front of her, as our offering. And then I think Carrie-Ann will step back and hold each of her best friend's hands with her obviously in the middle. Because why would Phoebe and Les want to hold hands?
Amanda: Phoebe and Les reach over and grab each other's hand so we form a circle.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Okay, fine, whatever.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: And then she's gonna look from side to side and be like,
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Okay, what do we do now?
Julia (as Phoebe): Well, in every book that I've read, and at this point, books are all I know, because everything else I've been told about my magical powers is a lie.
Brandon (as Les): Right.
Julia (as Phoebe): We need candles.
Brandon (as Les): Okay.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah.
Julia (as Phoebe): And we need to sit in a circle.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Cool.
Julia (as Phoebe): And we got to hold hands—
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Great.
Julia (as Phoebe): And then we can do the ritual, probably.
Brandon (as Les): Tight.
Eric: I need everyone to roll plus cool because it is incredibly freaking hot in here.
[dice roll]
Julia: Uh, I rolled a 9.
Amanda: I've only got a 5.
Brandon: I got a 7.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: That's a pass.
Eric: I need everyone to take negative 1 ongoing because it's hot and you're sweating and you don't have any more water.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: Carrie-Ann, I need you to take 2 harm because you are overcome by the heat in here, and it's hard for you to stay on your feet.
Amanda: Well, sure.
Brandon: I have the vapors.
Julia: The vapors?
Amanda: That brings me to 3 harm.
Julia: You're okay.
Amanda: I'm okay so far.
Eric: Oh wait how many—wait. How many luck have you used?
Amanda: Oh Eric, I've used 5 of 7.
Eric: Oh, no. Hold on. That's 4 harm. No, no, no, no, four harm.
Amanda: Oh, okay. Great.
Brandon: 4 harm, total of 4 harm hits.
Eric: That is the 4 harm hit.
Brandon: Okay.
Julia: So does that subtract 1 since baby girl's got armor?
Eric: No. This is heat, armor would not protect her from this.
Julia: In fact, it would probably make it worse.
Eric: It would probably make it worse. Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. I thought that Julia, but did not say it. No, so now I’m at 5 of 7 and unstable.
Brandon: Oh, great.
Julia: Great.
Eric: Carrie-Ann is unstable. She is unstable on her feet. And all of you get negative 1 ongoing.
Brandon: Cool.
Julia: Do I have time to this might sting Carrie-Ann, just to try to stabilize her?
Eric: Yeah. If you'd like yeah, if you'd like to you could try.
Julia: Because I'm no longer trying to control Marionette Jennii, so.
Eric: Yeah, for sure. You could try.
Brandon: While you all doing that. I'm gonna start looking around for candles.
[dice roll]
Amanda: Yeah, there should be like an emergency kit.
Eric: Oh, there's definitely, I mean—listen, she's a camp director. She needs to have tea lights on hand at all times. Just in case.
Julia: That's an 8.
Amanda: Oh, amazing.
Julia: So heals and leaves gnarly scar.
Eric: Great. So you heal two. It's incredibly painful again Carrie-Ann.
Amanda: Uhhh.
Julia (as Phoebe): Carrie-Ann, we can work through it. It's like period cramps, I assume?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah. yeah, yeah.
Eric: Where's the six scars?
Amanda: It just be on my ankle like I imagine that Phoebe just kind of lunged toward me, instinctually. And if Carrie-Ann, is like, kind of slumping down the wall slightly. I imagine she just kind of grabbed my ankle and did it there.
Julia: Excellent. Yeah.
Eric: Cool.
Julia: I think Phoebe when it's done is like,
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay, well—maybe we'll make you a cool anklet. So we can cover it a little bit.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): No, this works for me. This works for me.
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah. Yeah.
Eric: Les, you have the—you have the candles, you have all have the things you need.
Brandon: Great.
Amanda: I'm healed for three, right?
Eric: You're healed for 3.
Amanda: Alright. So, I'm back down to just 2 harm.
Brandon: Oh, sick.
Eric: Carrie-Ann, I would say that you have another negative one as sacking. So just for the next one, so you have negative one forward and negative one ongoing. So the next roll you make is negative 2 because that incredible pain. I'm using a harm move against you.
Amanda: Okay.
Brandon: Yeah, so Les sort of sets up the candles in, he assumes, a pentagram, I don't know. He's like, looks at Phoebe and he's like—
Brandon (as Les): Uhhh?
Julia (as Phoebe): Whatever your heart tells you bud.
Brandon (as Les): Okay.
Julia (as Phoebe): Pentagrams are cool.
Brandon (as Les): I thought so.
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah. It's like a star but upside down.
Brandon (as Les): Yeah. And if you turn the other direction, it's right side up again.
Julia (as Phoebe): So like on my side, it's right side up, and on your side it's upside down.
Eric: Oh my god, you idiots.
Julia (as Phoebe): Wild.
Amanda: Carrie-Ann has a one hand over her forehead, and the other one she reaches out and she's like,
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Bring me some memorabilia.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay.
Amanda: And just like make a little grabby hand toward the wall. If there's like a staff photo or a pennant or just like something from old camp.
Julia: Phoebe just grabs like a staff photo from like 1964, and it's like,
Julia (as Phoebe): Is this one good?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Thank you.
Brandon: May I suggest, is it a staff photo of the director’s, like senior year at camp and it has ADZ and all the other ones and what they look like.
Julia: Oh, and the Puzzle Cleric is there too.
Eric: Crudo Anaconda, there she—is a young— a young like he's a 16 year old with his arm around a young Friday Löw.
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: You can tell which one it is because it was only one that was facedown on the credenza.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Yeah, so Carrie-Ann is gonna clutch that to her chest and then be like,
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I guess we start now.
Julia (as Phoebe): Okay.
Eric: You're arranging— you're arranging all of this together and then you hear a big like a, like a thump, thump, thump on the window. And you look out and there's a big, weird face looking at you.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Quick.
Brandon (as Les): Shit.
Eric: Steven's like,
Eric (as Steven): Hi. What are you all doing in there? You don't want to participate in the sports?
Julia (as Phoebe): Fuck you, Steven.
Amanda: We close the blinds.
Brandon (as Les): Let's just ignore it. Let's go. We got—what do we do Phoebe?
Julia (as Phoebe): We grab each other's hands.
Brandon (as Les): Okay.
Brandon: And Les, grab each other's both hands, and be like, oh shit, no.
Julia (as Phoebe): No, we need to include Carrie-Ann.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Me. Me also, me also.
Eric (as Steven): Hold on it's the— I— you're not including your good friend Steven. I thought we were playing together.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): No, fuck you.
Eric: It's hotter, and it's getting hotter. It's like you're in a sauna now.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I would die.
Julia and Brandon (as Phoebe and Les): For Camp Die.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I would die!
Julia and Brandon (as Phoebe and Les): For Camp Die.
Eric (as Steven): I could arrange that for you.
Julia (as Phoebe): You can fucking try.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I’m sorry, camp, I feel like Jennii has to—is not worthy of us anymore. By the power vested in me as a CIT. Not a girl yet, not a woman. I mean, not a camper yet, not a counselor. I declare Jennii banished.
Eric: I think I need all of you to roll plus weird. I need all of you to do a quote-unquote “magic roll” here. Remember, you all have negative one.
[dice roll]
Eric: Carrie-Ann, you have negative 2.
Brandon: I'm back, baby.
Amanda: 3.
Brandon: Did you say 3?
Julia: 3.
Brandon: Shit.
Amanda: 5 minus 2.
Julia: 13.
Eric: 13 with a negative 1?
Amanda: Hohohohoho.
Julia: Oh, sorry, a 12 with a negative 1.
Eric: Oh, okay.
Amanda: Oh, okay, okay.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Well, Eric, I got an 11 plus 2 for 13 minus 1 for 12. So.
Amanda: Woahh.
Eric: [sighs] 13.
Julia: Be aggressive. Be, be aggressive.
Eric: Be, be aggressive. They both got 12. I don't think so.
Brandon: I think Carrie-Ann dies.
Julia: No!
Amanda: Yeah, Carrie-Ann is just go. It's just monologuing. And it's like, that's not the spell but okay, okay. Great. Okay.
Julia: We're both like,
Julia (as Phoebe): Don't stop her, we like the energy.
Amanda: Yeah. Yeah.
Eric: Alright. I think because two out of three of you succeeded. I'm gonna treat that as if it's a middling success in terms of use magic.
Amanda: That's fair.
Eric: I think that's fair—
Amanda: Sure.
Eric: — because this is not how you do these things. So I think that the magic is in short duration. And the thing that happens here, is that as you all are holding hands, the phone on the director's desk kind of shakes and moves towards you and glows within golden amber light. And the phone turns on its speakerphone and goes [phone ringtone]
Brandon: Hey, Eric, that was great foley for an office phone. Genuinely.
Eric: Thank you.
Amanda: [makes dialing noises] That was just the tone.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): [imitates ring] Hello, this is the Morgenstern residence.
Julia (as Phoebe): Wha—what, what?
Brandon (as Les): He—hello?
Julia (as Phoebe): Who are you?
Brandon (as Les): What's happening?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Hello, this is the director.
Julia (as Phoebe): Shhh. Carrie-Ann.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): The director of— the director of what?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Fun. Who are you?
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): I'm Morgan Morgenstern.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Ms. Morgenstern. Thank you so much for calling. How can we help you?
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): That’s Mrs. Morgenstern to you.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Oh, I didn't want to age you. Sorry about that.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Oh, thank you, sir.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Of course, madam, How may we help you?
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Well, you called me. Wait, the director? Are you—are you from that summer camp that my sweet granddaughter Jennii goes to?
Julia (as Phoebe): Oh my god.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I am, and I am so sorry to say that Jennii has violated the code of conduct for our CITs, so we are open to having her back next summer, but I think it's best for everyone that she heads home for this summer.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): What?! My sweet Jennii?
Eric: Phoom, Phoom, Phoom.
Eric (as Steven): Who are you talking to?
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): What do you mean? What did she do? Jennii's the nicest, sweetest child I know.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I'm afraid to say that she did do some graffiti. She did deface the cafeteria waffle machine.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Waffle machine detritus?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah, exactly. And she did also pull some pranks in the office and destroyed some office supplies also. Also-- [whispers] Can I say that she was kissing?
Julia (as Phoebe): [whispers] No, no. Carrie-Ann, you can't out someone to their grandma for kissing.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah, that was it. But it was enough.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): What? I'm sorry. You cut--
Eric: And then like the magic that you see like the—the glow of the phone goes [stuttering noise] Like it’s going in and out.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): So anyway she's banished right now and has to come home.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Where are— so she did grafittus?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yes.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): And murder of the waffle degree?
Brandon (as Les): We have a three-strike policy.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): We have a three-strike policy. Unfortunately,
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): What was the third one again? I don't remember you, you cut out a little bit.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Office pranks, ma'am. So she Saran wrapped all the furniture in the main office.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Oh. Did someone poop there?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Someone might have peed on the toilet, but we're not positive.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Oh, okay, well.
Brandon (as Les): Why would she—why would she assume that?
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): I know how brakes go. Well, these seem like very serious charges. Can I talk to Jennii?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): We actually have—
Julia (as Phoebe): Yes.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): — her packing up her. Oh, yes. Yeah. Oh. Come here Jenni, yes. Come here.
Julia: Uh, I want to—I want to remove my soul from my body.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: Holy shit.
Julia: And put it into Jennii's body, so we can use Jennii's voice.
Eric: Roll magic, my guy.
Amanda: Extraordinary.
[dice roll]
Julia: That is an 8 plus 2 for a 10.
Brandon: Shit.
Eric: Jesus fucking Christ.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, dude. Your body crumples.
Brandon: I—Les charges over real quick and grabs Phoebe's body so it doesn't hit the floor.
Eric: Wonderful. Thank you. Thank you.
Amanda: Adorable.
Eric: Phoebe, your soul comes out of your body. It goes into Jennii's skin and bones.
Julia (as Jennii): Hi, this is Jennii, I committed a lot of real bad pranks here, and I really should come home.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Jennii, why would you commit so many pranks?
Julia (as Jennii): Because I don't like camp. And I was acting out because I'm a teenager.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Oh, no. Well, I'm your grandmother and guardian. So, I don't really know how to deal with all this with my arthritis. So, if the director says so, and you're acting out--
Julia (as Jennii): You should listen to the director. I will atone for my crimes next summer if they let me back. But for now, I have to face the music.
Eric: Alright. I'm gonna need a manipulate roll from Carrie-Ann, and I'm gonna give you plus 1 from Phoebe. So you are kind of just back at zero for manipulate.
[dice roll]
Amanda: 7.
Eric: 7. Let me see what manipulate is. Manipulate is 7. It's a success as long as you demonstrate to them that you mean it right now.
Julia: We're booking her a bus ticket home.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah. We actually have a staff member heading out your way, so we will actually drop her off. You don't even have to come get her. So she— she's all packed. We've paid her wages through the end of the summer, not to worry about that. But we'll we'll—we'll set a meeting for—for the post season to, to figure out our plan for next summer.
Julia (as Jennii): Wait, We get paid?
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Jennii, I'm very disappointed in you.
Julia (as Jennii): I'm disappointed in myself.
[Amanda and Brandon laugh]
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Jennii, that is your catchphrase. Okay.
Julia: Phoebe in Jennii's body gives Les a look like, that's her catchphrase?
[Brandon and Amanda laugh]
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Alright, Director. I'm so sorry to hear this, Jennii will be under strict guidance during the school year.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Thank you so much—
Julia (as Jennii): As I deserve.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann):—Mrs. Morgenstern. Jennii, I have full faith that by the time we see you again next summer, you will be ready to commit yourself fully to camp.
Julia (as Jennii): I totally will. No problems at all.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Thank you, Mrs. Morgenstern. We'll—we'll give you a ring when we're a few hours away, okay?
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Okay. Thank you. I'm very disappointed. Goodbye.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Goodbye.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Oh no, I can't believe my Jennii would do this to my weak heart.
Brandon (as Les): Hang up the phone. Hang up the phone.
Amanda: Carrie-Ann, hangs up the phone.
Eric (as Morgan Morgenstern): Oh no, aaaaaah.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: As you hang up the phone, the brilliant blue light of Phoebe's magic surges into the sky. As you look out the window, yeah, it was Steven is knocking. He says,
Eric (as Steven): No, wait, I'm not a camper anymore. No, I can't be here. No! And then you just see a flash of light and he goes, AAHHHH!
Eric: And Steven is gone.
Brandon: Yay.
Eric: The color returns to its natural form. And you look outside the window and everyone's like,
Eric (as a random kid): Football sucks.
Eric: They like, they throw down the balls and they all like go about their day. And then you see. [warbling noise] Jennii's spirit flies through the air. It goes into Jennii's body and Jennii goes,
Eric (as Jennii): Uh-huh, You're in my seat.
Julia (as Phoebe): Uh, I don't want to be in here anyway.
Julia: And then Phoebe's soul leaves Jennii's body, it goes back into her own, hopefully.
Eric (as Jennii): Ugh, you rearrange all my feelings to be sad.
Julia (as Phoebe): I think you did that to yourself.
Eric (as Jennii): No, my feelings were not this-- were not this oriented before.
Julia: (as Phoebe): Oh my god.
Eric: Hell yes. All of Jennii's fluids return back to her body. Her eyes popped back into her head. And she stands up straight and be like,
Eric (as Jennii): Thanks. I really didn't like being a pile of skin and bones.
Julia (as Phoebe): You might want to like, moisturize a little over the next couple of weeks, like more than usual.
Eric (as Jennii: Oh, 'cause I'm so dry. You know, that's—
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah.
Eric (as Jennii):—really that's actually really nice advice. Thank you.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah, and maybe like find Conway right away, because they were really brokenhearted. And I'm really worried about them.
Eric: Jennii turns to Les and says,
Eric (as Jennii): Do you also want to say something mean to me while I got put back into my body?
Brandon: She turns to Les and she sees that Phoebe is in Les's arms, and Les is staring down at her face.
Eric (as Jennii): Oh, okay, sorry. There's like a thing going on.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric (as Jennii): I'll go I can go. I mean, like, you know, do your whole thing, it is the last day of camp after all.
Brandon: Les like mutters like
Brandon (as Les): I—I like, I like, I liked that you-- I like that. I—Oh.
Brandon: And then he drops Phoebe. [laughs]
Julia: Phoebe goes,
Julia (as Phoebe): What? Ow.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Carrie-Ann, Jennii says it is the last day of camp after all. It's not the last day of camp. You have two weeks left.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Jennii,we have two weeks left at camp.
Eric (as Jennii): Uh, no we don’t, it’s the last day camp.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Says who?
Eric (as Jenii): Well, summer's over so, so is camp.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Oh no.
Julia: The ritual ended summer.
Eric: You're looking at the calendar on the director's desk. And like, it's like it's fast forward in two weeks. Like there's more and it's like, well, it’s the end of summer. The end of campus today is now written on the calendar.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah I wish.
Brandon (as Les): What?
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Big red circle.
Brandonn (as Les): There's no more time. Wait, what? Hold on—What?
Eric: (as Jennii): Yeah. You know, when summer is over, it's just the last day of camp.
Julia (as Phoebe): Wow, Jennii, thanks for ruining the last two weeks of camp for us.
Eric (as Jennii): Thanks for saving the camp, I guess.
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah, you should thank us.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Don't ever promise an outsider a like blood oath in exchange for--
Julia (as Phoebe): Kisses.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): From the camp. Yeah.
Eric: She looked at Les and Phoebe and says,
Eric (as Jennii): I think you'd like kisses.
Julia (as Phoebe): I wouldn't know Jennii. Ugh.
Eric: Carrie-Ann, I think you'd like filing papers or something.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah, I would. That's not a burn. Bye. See you next summer.
Eric (as Jennii): Alright, HAGS. See you next summer?
Eric: No, wait, it's the opposite of HAGS.
Julia: HAGY.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Have a good year.
Eric (as Jenii): Have a good year.
Brandon: HAGW? Have a good winter.
Julia: HAG Wuh.
Eric: HAG wuh.
Amanda: I think Carrie-Ann is gonna just run out of camp, like into the office and like look at the clock and look at the calendar and like, go to the director's cabin maybe and try to figure out what's happening.
Eric: Yeah, you see that as everyone dropped like their sports equipment. They all went to their cabins and they started taking like their bags from the luggage closet, they start packing up their stuff. And you see crutching over is Jane with Tater Tot, and be like,
Eric (as Tater Tot): Oh man, you all learned so much this summer. You are all the best. And I love you all so much. You're the best, best CITs, and I think you're ready to be staff members next year.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): [sighs] I don't— I didn’t see this ending this way. Wow.
Eric (as Tater Tot): Listen, I'm sorry, the summer's over too. But you know, we'll all see each other next year.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I have to see the director. Is that a— is that allowed?
Eric (as Tater Tot): Yeah, I don't know. I'm not sure where she is. But uh, listen, I just want to all of you to—hey, you know how—this is the thing that I want to tell you this from a staff member to CITs. Written in the bylaws of Camp, is that—written in the bylaws of Camp is that ordinarily, camp takes nine and a half weeks, or if summer is over, because summer, the avatar of summer is defeated, then camp is over. That's just how it works. We've just never had to use it in our entire existence of camp. But congratulations to the three of you. You all did it.
Brandon (as Les): Great. Cool.
Eric (as Tater Tot): Okay.
Julia (as Phoebe): And everyone just knows that? Like--
Eric (as Tater Tot): It's kind of like a thing that, that washes over everyone that needs, it's kind of a— a feeling that, you know, it's like, oh, I have to go back to my friends and then you all just start spontaneously crying a lot. And that's when you know, that camp’s over.
Brandon (as Les): I don't want to alarm you. But at least one child is dead.
Eric (as Tater Tot): Yeah, that happens. We're going to talk to their families, maybe find a necromancer. Yeah, we—we have procedures.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Oh, okay.
Brandon (as Les): Okay.
Eric (as Tater Tot): Hey, Les?
Brandon (as Les): Yeah?
Eric (as Tater Tot): You keep being you.
Brandon (as Les): Thanks.
Eric: And Tater Tot licks your face.
Brandon: And I give Tater Tot a giant hug.
Eric (as Tater Tot): [Dog whine]
Amanda: (as Carrie-Ann): Maybe this was covered in the pre-orientation orientation. That's just for staff.
Julia (as Phoebe): You know what probably? Do we want to be staff next year?
Brandon (as Les): Maybe we start our own summer camp, you know.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Les, that's blasphemy.
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah, there's only one camp Les, and that's Camp Die.
Brandon (as Les): What if it's— what if we call it Camp Alive?
Julia (as Phoebe): That sounds silly.
[Everyone laughs]
[Folksy music plays]
Eric: Elsewhere in camp, everyone says goodbye in their own way. While the inside of the director's cabin seems to be ransacked, with furniture pushed in front of doors, chalk drawings of eyes and hands, drawn and redrawn across the walls, and books tossed in all directions, like a paper blizzard, Friday Löw, methodically folds Boo's T-shirts, and tucks them gently into a duffel bag. She zips it closed and hefts it down on the floor with a oof. Where a clay statue, the size of a 10 year old boy says,
Eric (as Boo): Mom, wait, but you said!
Eric: Director Löw sighs, reaches into a five gallon bucket from Home Depot, and pulls out wet clay. After a few busy moments, she presses the clay into two clumsy wings on the clay figure’s back.
Eric (as Boo): Look mom, I'm a bird.
Eric: In the new big girls cabin, everyone has pulled out Sharpies and are writing all over the wall, signing their name and declaring who their bestie was that summer. Many say, Brenda, many say it is Mary Sue's foot that was seared clean off. No one remembers the names of their counselors. Assistant Director Z stretches like a massive cat as he steps out of the staff lounge. He looks over his shoulder at the moose helmet, which is sitting almost dejectedly next to the other items on that folding table. He sighs deeply and mutters something into the side of the cliff. Once again, it is a cliff again. ADZ smiles and looks directly at the camera. Are his teeth a little too sharp? Are his eyes a little too yellow? Yes, he needs to go to the dentist, and to the doctor. And he's been putting it off all summer. Dougie Juice left early in a helicopter. With the new space, Jennii grabbed the top bunk so she could sleep next to Conway, who stood guard on two and four feet intermittently. There wasn’t a lot for the sport staff to put away since the majority of the equipment snapped from 72 hours of constant use. But the dumpster’s like all the way over there. So they shove most of it in a storage space under the gym. As they close the door, they might have heard a “thank you”. But they weren't listening. So probably not. John's Bonez Bones read the end of the summer survey.
Eric (as John Bonez Bone): The obituary. Get it? Camp Die.
Eric: Best place to kiss? Under the sovaĝa tree. Most fun activity? Cannon balls in the waterhole. Best friend at camp was a tie between three campers. But they all had their names stolen by fairies, so no one knew what to call them. Les came in second as hottest counselor, then Tater Tot, then Sidney Selznick, the art teacher. Number one was, why are we even voting on this, this is really inappropriate. Springer got a bunch of doughnuts because there really wasn't enough time to do the final dinner in the way they wanted to. Later tonight, everyone does what they always do on the final night of camp, tell their crush they've loved them the whole summer, cry, stay up too late. laugh too much, promise to stay in touch, and eventually fall asleep wearing their jeans.
[music ends]
Eric: I think we move forward a little bit. All of you go back to the judo hut and pack up your stuff and um, listen, it seems like the saberwings are doing something else because they are all super tired from playing sports the entire time. So they're all just kind of laying on the ground of the mess hall, while like, under the sea is the banquet theme.
Amanda: Aww.
Eric: And they're all just kind of laying on the ground and like Springer's spoon feeding really special chili to eat to all of them.
Julia: Aww.
Eric: The Saberwings are just like,
Eric (as Saberwing Camper): I love you, I love you so much.
Eric: And they're just laying on the ground next to each other.
Amanda: Aww.
Eric: So the locks are open. No one's using the locks tonight.
Julia (as Phoebe): Let's go to the locks tonight.
Amanda (as Carriie-Ann): No matter what we decide to do next. This summer deserves an ending right?
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah.
Brandon (as Les): Yeah. I mean, we got to end it on our terms, not Steven's terms. Yeah.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah. If I ever—If I meet a person named Steven during the school year, I'm just gonna be like, you're bad. And then leave.
Julia (as Phoebe): I think you should punch him in the face.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Oh I was. I was thinking about that. But then I was like, maybe I’d get sent to the principal's office, and Phoebe, I've been thinking and I don't know if I want to go to the principal's office.
Brandon (as Les): What?
Julia (as Phoebe): Wow.
Brandon (as Les): Whoa.
Brandon: Les takes out three locks from his trunk. You know, he has a big bag of them to give to the people he takes out to the woods. He hands one to Phoebe and one to Carrie-Ann.
Brandon (as Les): Well uh, let's—let's I can—I know the way if you want to go now.
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): let's do it.
Eric: The sun is setting over Camp Die. And you head out to the locks which is this like clear brush area with a big tree overhanging wood, I guess it just kind of like you know, it's an oversized firepit with like tons and tons of sanded down and cut wood benches and plenty of places to sit. And there are a few groups of locks, locked onto this fence that has kind of like ingrown with the wall. And like the woods themselves. There are groups from a few summers ago where they first started using locks. So there's plenty of space for you to put your stuff wherever you want. There's also some people left some sharpies if you want to write some— write a message on your own lock.
Julia: I think Phoebe takes a Sharpie and writes on her lock.
Julia (as Phoebe): Found who I was at Camp Die.
Julia: And then clicks it against the fence.
Amanda: I think Carrie Anne writes on the back of hers,
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Off to find out who I am outside.
Amanda: And then clicks the lock close.
Brandon: And Les takes a Sharpie and writes.
Brandon (as Les): Camp Die. Year XX, found out that magic is real.
Brandon: And then clicks his lock on the fence.
Amanda: Aww.
Eric: As you sit around the fire pit and the sun starts to go down. You hear something paddling through the forest. It's one step. Step in a little brush in the woods. And it's Tater Tot, who says,
Eric (as Tater Tot): You all did a great job this summer. I saw everything you did.
Brandon (as Les): What the fuck?!
Julia (as Phoebe): AHHH! Phoebe like throws things at the fucking dog.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Tater Tot): I'm just a talking dog. I can't really do anything more than that. I just wanted to tell you all of you did a great job.
Julia: Ughhhh.
Eric (as Tater Tot): Can—can someone pet my belly? Please?
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Okay.
Amanda: Carrie-Ann reaches down and scratches.
Eric (as Tater Tot): Oh yeah. Nice. [Happy dog grumbles]
Eric: Tater Tots like
Eric (As Tater Tots): so, are you all gonna, like, tell each other how great you love each other? Or like do like—or is it gonna be like, a candle thing? Or are you gonna write down like, like, how much you care about each other, then throw it in the fire? Like which one are you going to do?
Julia (as Phoebe): I mean, do we have to do any of them? I—I think this is the one year where, when we leave camp, like it's not like I'm gonna stop talking to you guys until next summer.
Brandon (as Les): Yeah, that's because hey, it sounds it sounds final when this is just a, an ellipsis you know?
Julia (as Phoebe): Yeah.
Brandon (as Les): Cool.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah.
Julia (as Phoebe): Like two-quarter note measures.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Exactly. It's just a talk to you soon.
Brandon (as Les): I mean, I'm gonna see Carrie-Ann in like two weeks at the fucking family reunion down the block. So.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): Yeah, we normally miss it—
Julia (as Phoebe): Can I come?
Brandon (as Les): Yeah.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): —Because of camp, but now, now it's um, now we can make it. Yeah.
Julia (as Phoebe): Awesome.
Brandon (as Les): You’re family now, In a normal way.
Julia (as Phoebe): Super strictly platonic way.
[Eric laughs]
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): What else—what else would you mean?
Eric (as Tater Tot): You're like my brother? [laughs]
Julia (as Phoebe): I didn't say that. Don't be weird, but. Shut up Tater Tot.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric (as Tater Tot): What? Why I'm just getting scr--?
Eric: Tater Tot was like on four legs are like curled for getting such good pets from Carrie-Ann.
Eric (as Tater Tot): Sorry did I say something? I forget what I say when I have my belly touched.
Amanda (as Carrie-Ann): I know you're just a dog, Tater Tot, but best friends don't stop at camp.
Eric: With that the camera looks up, out of the forest, out into the sky of the setting sun on another great, eventful, action packed, romantic, ridiculous, dangerous, fun summer at Camp Diogenes. Be what you say, say what you do.
[everyone cheers]
Julia: That was great!
Eric: Can you believe Tater Tot could talk?
Julia: I’m so mad.
Amanda: I can't. I thought that was gonna be the last line.
[everyone laughs]
[theme]