Something’s fishy in the Council’s stronghold, so the party explores the basement to figure what’s splashing around. Inara uses the power of love. Tracey hangs out. Everyone gets stumped.
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Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master: Eric Silver
- TR8c (Tracey): Brandon Grugle
- Inara Harthorn: Amanda McLoughlin
- Creative Contributors: Connor McLoughlin, Heddy Hunt, Julia Schifini
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is a collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast. That means a group of friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that everyone from seasoned players to true beginners can enjoy. Where else can you get adventure, intrigue, magic, drama, and lots of high fives all in one place? Right here.
After each episode we sit down for the Afterparty, where we break down our game and answer your questions about how to play Dungeons & Dragons and other roleplaying games at home. We also have the Punchbowl, an interview series with people pushing D&D forward creatively, communally and socially. It’s a party, and you’re invited! Find out more at jointhepartypod.com.
Transcript
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party…
Eric: The party sneaks into the Council of Bright’s stronghold through an invisible back entrance. Once inside, Tracey causes a commotion in the kitchen, as he is wan to do, and Inara, Captain Alex, Brink and Chad make a break for the ballroom. Inside awaits a clockwork dragon, who is fierce and powerful and...
Amanda: I’m going to cast Mage Hand, my single cantrip, and try to boop the dragon on the nose.
Eric: Inara boops the dragon on the nose and in various vulnerable spots, but not before that dragon summons a SECOND dragon, this one made out of crystalline stone.
Brandon: [scared] CHAD?! We gotta go! Where is Inara? I’m-I can’t boop two dragons!
Eric: Everyone’s favorite human/ooze throws himself into the fray, engulfing the enemy with acid damage and love. Once the dragons are dispatched, the party checks in with Tracey’s magical arms...
Eric: And suddenly, it points up. And just as suddenly, it points straight down.
Is this elevator going up or down? Both? That doesn’t make any sense. Let’s get this party started.
[theme music]
Eric: Tracey, Inara, and Chad are high fiving sloppily after the dragon fight.
Brandon: Chad is sloppy, we’re-we’re all pretty practiced at this point.
Eric: Do you want me to roll? I’ll make you roll. I’ll make you roll Brandon.
Brandon: [teasing] Yeah, let’s go.
Eric: [laughing] Alright, go ahead and roll for high fives.
[dice rolls]
Amanda: I got a 15 +…[pleasantly surprised] OH! 35 for a 50.
Brandon: Yeah…12 + 35 for whatever that…[chuckling] number is.
[Eric laughs]
Amanda: 47! Very good!
Brandon: [laughing] Thank you.
Amanda: Your best roll ever!
Eric: Alright, well to each other I’ll give you a + 35, but to Chad, it’s pretty sloppy. But I guess that’s the only way you can do it. It’s like sloppy, and very sloppy.
At this point, the scouting team of Captain Alex and Brink have come back inside and have given you more of a layout of the land. There are some more rooms on this floor, there is a spiral staircase that goes both up and down and as we checked in with the Tracey mini-map, uh, there is a magic item up and down.
Amanda (as Inara): What do you think Trace? Up or down?
Brandon (as Tracey): Should we flip a coin, or…?
Eric: [laughing] As Tracey is rooting around for coins in his pockets, Brink says,
Eric (as Brink): You know, I think we should go down. I think that down is probably the best. I mean, I-I assume that the Council is up there, and we need to get as much stuff as possible, so we should probably go down.
Amanda (as Inara): [smitten] Oh, that’s what I was going to say honey!
Eric (as Brink): Oh! Oh my god…[similarly smitten] thanks…
Brandon (as Tracey): I found a coin!!
Eric (as Brink): Oh, great.
Amanda (as Inara): Let’s go down.
Eric (as Chad): [enthusiastically] I also think we should also go where the fight is! I’m a hero.
Amanda (as Inara): Chad I’m so glad you came with us.
Eric (as Chad): [laughs] Me too!!
Amanda (as Inara): Now let’s book it.
[Brandon and Eric chuckle]
Eric: Okay, so there is a very large spiral staircase. It’s like rot iron, just ornate and ridiculous. And it’s very very tight. It’s kind of like you’re looking like a video from science and it’s like, [stuffy professor-like voice] this is one DNA and it’s a double helix!
Amanda: It’s funny that they haven’t discovered DNA when there are double helix stairs…
Eric: [laughs] Yeah, I know. But it’s like very tight together to go up and down. You can’t really see anything, like, above it. Like there’s no banister above or below. It’s just like there’s this very tight circle. The stairs seem to go directly up into the upper floor and directly down into the floor that you’re currently standing on.
Does anyone want to do anything fun on the stairs? Just like, slide or whatever?
Brandon: Uh, Tracey’s gonna take two at a time. That’s the most fun he’s willing to have on stairs.
[Eric chuckles]
Anything else is too risky.
Eric: [still laughing] That’s fair, that’s definitely fair.
Amanda: Inara is going to brush her hand against the back of Brink’s hand as uh she takes the lead on the stairs.
Eric: Inara, I want you to make an Insight check.
[dice roll]
Amanda: [whispers under breath] If Brink doesn’t love me, I swear to god.
[Brandon laughs]
16.
Eric: Okay, with a 16, Brink is…uh walking down the stairs slowly, and looking around. Her head is very much on a swivel. And when you brush your hand with yours, she grabs it immediately.
Eric (as Brink): [in surprise] Oh, hi! Hey. Hello. Um, I’m not uh, the adventuring type, I’m just a little-I’m just a little…jumpy.
[foreboding tense music]
I don’t know, are you allowed to have a good time while also saving the world?
Amanda (as Inara): Yeah! Because beating bad guys is great.
Eric (as Brink): Okay, um…I mean, it could be dan-dangerous down there. Do you think that they’re, the three of them are pretty rough and tumble, with the slime man and the robot man, and the octopus lady. They got it right?
Brandon (as Tracey): [singing] One and two! One and two!
[Eric laughs]
One and two! One and two! One and two!
Eric (as Brink): [yelling awkwardly trying to sing along] Well, I am also walking down the stairs. I am also looking down the stairs.
Amanda (as Inara): Listen, I’m…
Eric (as Chad): [interrupting] Slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp!
[Brandon chuckles]
Amanda (as Inara): I’m going to level with you, this of course is dangerous. Everything we do is dangerous. I came here to live a life and that life is way more dangerous than I thought it ever could be, but we know what we’re doing and someone has to save the world. If we don’t succeed here, we’re kind of doomed anyway.
So we’re kind of already you know, less than screwed than before because we’re here. And we’re good. And we’re together. And you know, if you’re scared, just look for me and I’ll be there. I promise.
Eric (as Brink): Yeah, I’m definitely good. Definitely scared. What is good anyway though? Like what’s good for us would be kind of…you know, getting out of here.
Brandon (as Tracey): [singing again] Three and four! Three and four! Three and four!
Eric (as Chad): [joining] Slurp! Slurp! Slurp! Slurp!
Eric: It’s a very long staircase.
Amanda (as Inara): Listen, I already had to give you up once for the fate of the world and I don’t want to do it again. But if you need to go, you need to go. I just hope that you’ll stay because I need you here. We need you here, and we are kinda the last line of defense for the world right now.
Eric (as Brink): [unsure] Yeah, that’s just a really big responsibility. I hope we can do it and save the world and you know keep the Council from doing their grand plans. Definitely. Yeah, definitely.
Amanda (as Inara): At the risk of sounding like some stereotypical you know adventurer, [sighs] I sure would rather meet my fate here, trying to stand up for what’s right, for what’s good, for my right to live a peaceful life, than try to suffer under his rule outside of this castle. And that might not be everyone’s choice, but it’s mine and we’re here now. And it’s kind of, I mean I guess you could go back, but I really hope you don’t.
Eric (as Brink): No…uh. Alright. We’ll…we will meet our fate here. Okay. Yeah.
Eric: Inara, you still feel like she’s wavering.
Amanda: Can I do a Deception check?
Eric: Sure.
[dice roll]
Amanda: I got a 22. Inara is good at lying and Deception.
[Brandon and Amanda chuckle]
Eric: What exactly is the thing that you’re trying to uncover?
Amanda: I want to know if there is any bit of compromise in her. In terms of the Council being in there. I know Inara doesn’t know that. I as a player want to know it.
And I think what Inara is looking for is whether or not Brink is more uncertain than she is letting on. Whether she is more likely to try to escape than she is telling her.
Eric: [breathes deeply] Okay. So Inara does know that she had been compromised because she said that she’d gotten controlled by the Council of Bright in the stadium.
Amanda: Yes, that’s right.
Eric: So…I would say yeah, she seems very wavering. She’s holding onto your hand tight, there’s some weird stuff in the things that she said there and I think that you’re like, ‘That…that was kind of odd. Hm.’
You try to step to say a follow up question but Captain Alex kind of just walks between you guys and is like,
Eric (as Captain Alex): [moans] Ugh…sorry. Gotta-gotta go down and fight-fight some stuff.
Brandon (as Tracey): [singing] Five and six! Five and six! Five and six!
Eric: And we made it! [laughs] You are now on the basement landing. It’s kind of just concrete floor. There are two archways that lead to different sides of the building.
If you go to the right, you would be going toward the right side of the building, which is the one that you did not go to. And if you go towards the left side, that would be the way you came from. That doesn’t give you any details, but just to orient you and how you are in the building.
Uh, why don’t you both make Perception checks?
[dice rolls]
Amanda: Inara was distracted, that’s an 8…
[water dripping]
Brandon: Tracey’s feeling super alert. 17?
Eric: Okay Tracey, you turn up your…[chuckling] listening devices…
Amanda: Ears.
Brandon: [laughing] I’ve got…
[Eric laughs]
Amanda: What do you call them?
Amanda and Eric: Ears.
Eric: To the right, you hear water dripping. You hear water dripping very high in the air. And it just drips and you hear silence as the water droplet falls and a big sploosh as water hits a very large surface of water below.
To the left, you kind of just hear like nothing? Like when you’re in a cavern and you know that there is a lot of space. It’s kind of like you hear the emptiness to the left side.
Amanda: Well that’s terrifying and will haunt my nightmares.
Amanda (as Inara): Uh, Tracey. Are the uh, are the ol arms there doing anything?
Brandon (as Tracey): Uh…let’s see.
Brandon: And I spin around a few times to confuse them.
Amanda: Good.
[Eric cackles]
That’s how you calibrate a compass, after all.
[Eric continues laughing]
Brandon: Exactly. I’ll do some figure-8’s.
Eric: We put Tracey and a pin in water and make sure he’s magnetized.
Brandon: [giggles] And then I say to my arms,
Brandon (as Tracey): Um…any-anything guys?
Eric: No, they do not respond.
Brandon (as Tracey): Well I think they’re broken, um, I think they’re better off with the dripping maybe.
Amanda (as Inara): Alright, let’s give it a go. Let’s see if the arms react.
Brandon (as Tracey): Let’s do it.
Eric: Okay. You guys walk towards the dripping and it seems like it’s just a continuation of the other room as you walk through the archway. Except, you see that there is a very very large lake that just starts about ten feet into the room.
[sound of water running]
That stretches, about one hundred feet out. You also notice that there are these little tops of plants that are peaking out of the water. It seems that it spreads the entire distance of the entire lake. Just these little tops of green.
Amanda (as Inara): I kinda bet those aren’t plants, huh?
Brandon (as Tracey): Yeah…I-I highly doubt it. Um, arms you got anything for us? Any closer?
Eric: The arms [laughs] the arms point like diagonal down? Towards the lake.
Brandon (as Tracey): Well…
Amanda (as Inara): [whispers] Good…
Brandon (as Tracey): Anybody got a boat or like?
Amanda (as Inara): Captain how do you feel about taking a little, taking a little cephalopod jaunt today?
Eric (as Captain Alex): I feel, ahh, I feel pretty good about it. Listen, Cephalopod Jaunt was my punk band in high school, so you know. I feel very good about that.
Brandon (as Tracey): That’s an extremely good name for a band.
Eric (as Captain Alex): Thank you. I was in seven at the same time. They all wanted me.
Amanda: Inara grabs Captain Alex’s wrist.
Amanda (as Inara): Please be careful.
Eric (as Captain Alex): I never am. Has never been a problem for me before.
Brandon: Tracey grabs her other wrist.
Brandon (as Tracey): Don’t be so careful that you don’t do the thing we need you to do though.
Amanda (as Inara): Okay Tracey my heart’s hurting a little bit right now, we get it. The mission’s more important than all of us.
Eric (as Captain Alex): Wordy, but I appreciate it.
Eric: So as she runs over to the uh, lake and she says,
Eric (as Captain Alex): [yelling] CANNON-BALL!!
[loud splashing]
Eric: She curls up into a cannonball, and before she hits the water, she turns into a giant octopus.
Amanda: Amazing.
Brandon: How big of a splash? What’s the diameter do you think?
Eric: Well, if she spreads her entire all of her legs out?
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: P-large.
Brandon: Wow!
Eric: P-large.
Brandon: Wow.
Eric: P-large.
Brandon: Cephalo-pretty large?
Eric: [laughing] Cephalo- [laughs] Cephalo…
[Amanda and Brandon laugh]
I’m sorry, no, that’s it. That’s the description. That’s it.
So, she floats over to all the plants and she touches all of them, and remember, Captain Alex can talk to you while she is in animal form, like her brain.
Amanda: She sure can.
Eric: She’s like,
Eric (as Captain Alex): [echoing underwater] Oh, that’s weird. These are-these are trees? They’re just trees.
Brandon (as Tracey): Like actual trees? Treeees?
Eric (as Captain Alex): [underwater] Yeah, they’re just like actual trees. It’s like a forest down here. That’s weird. Okay.
Brandon (as Tracey): Like treetops or like trunks and stuff?
Eric (as Captain Alex): [underwater] Yeah, they’re like treetops and stuff.
Amanda (as Inara): Well, look for whatever we might be here for and then we can leave! Leave being the operative phrase!
Brandon (as Tracey): What about birds? Are there birds?!
Eric (as Captain Alex): [underwater] Okay, let me look for a second.
Eric: And then a little bit farther away, she’s like,
Eric (as Captain Alex): There are no birds!
Eric: So you guys wait around for a little bit.
Amanda: Speaking of which, can I roll Perception to see if there is any immediate threats around us?
Eric: Sure.
[dice roll]
Amanda: That’s a…14.
Eric: With a 14, you’re okay. You’re both sentry. Chad has-has his sword floating within him. And Brink is kinda looking over her shoulders at all times.
Eric (as Brink): Uh…you think she’s okay? You think what do you think is going on?
Amanda (as Inara): Captain Alex sailed us through uh, a literal magic thunderstorm and we got out of the other side just fine.
Brandon (as Tracey): She chopped a hurricane in half with an axe.
Amanda (as Inara): It’s true.
Brandon (as Tracey): I saw it, it happened. [echoing loudly, yelling] HEY ALEX!
Eric: As you say that, uh the giant octopus surfaces with two chests.
Amanda: With six to spare!
Eric: She drops it on the bank, she turns back into regular Captain Alex, and her red hair is just sopping wet. Nothing else, just her hair.
Amanda: Inara whispers,
Amanda (as Inara): [quietly with excitement] SO cool!
[Brandon chuckles]
Eric (as Captain Alex): News, uh…good news is, booty. The bad news is…
Brandon (as Tracey): [in realization] Oh! The chest.
Eric (as Captain Alex): Yeah, the chest. The bad news is, it’s this guys.
Eric: And you see behind her, you see a little light is starting to come up through the water.
Brandon (as Tracey): BAD.
Amanda (as Inara): Bad…
Brandon (as Tracey): BAD.
Amanda (as Inara): No…I don’t like it.
Brandon (as Tracey): Alex…
Eric: Coming up and up and up. And it’s the size of a streetlight that is dangling off of this fishy cord and you see that there are these milky white eyes that are coming up and a jagged unkempt mouth and there is a giant anglerfish…
[big splash]
That is now floating right on top of the surface that is now looking right at your party.
Brandon (as Tracey): [nervously] Alex, you can talk to this, like we don’t actually have to…
Amanda (as Inara): We don’t need to fight. They’re just doing their job. Just at work, just clocking in like the rest of us.
Eric: You hear another voice, just this slow and deliberate.
Eric (as anglerfish): I’m very good at my job and I want you all to know that I need to do my job now.
Hello. I am the anglerfish at the bottom of the underground forest. It is nice to meet all of you. Promise you don’t look very delicious to me.
Amanda (as Inara): Thank you. And we don’t want to inconvenience you, mess up your house. It seems beautiful down there, I’m sorry my poor, you know, my poor elf form can’t go in and experience it in its totality. Um, tell us what you need. Tell us how we can help.
Brandon (as Tracey): [whispering urgently] Inara!
Amanda (as Inara): We, need to you know take these things out of here, obviously. I think the master you serve here is kind of evil, so we’re to be honest with you, out to get him and don’t want you to suffer because of that.
Brandon (as Tracey): [still quietly] You’re talking to a fish.
Eric (as anglerfish): You’re all talking to a fish when you think about it.
Amanda (as Inara): Aren’t we all fish in some ways Tracey?
Eric (as anglerfish): I have no master. I have been the keeper of this treasure from long before the rise and the fall and the rise again of the Council. The underground lake exists, I exist in the underground lake. Therefore, a fish does as a fish does in water. All you must do is answer my riddle and then tell me a riddle back that stumps me, an ancient anglerfish that’s been living alive and conscious for a very long time.
Amanda (as Inara): thank you. You know, it’s a real pleasure to have a challenge in front of us that doesn’t involve stabbing and I never thought I’d say that but you never know. Here we are.
Brandon (as Tracey): Does that fit on like a name tag or do you have to like have multiple name tags to fit the whole thing or…?
Eric (as anglerfish): I have no name, this is only the thing that I’ve been called before.
Brandon (as Tracey): Right. You’ve always existed, everything. Okay, I’ve got it. Cool.
Eric (as anglerfish): Thank you.
Brandon (as Tracey): [quietly] Gotcha.
Eric (as anglerfish): Here is my riddle. What has roots that no one sees? Is taller than trees, up and up and it goes and yet, never grows?
Amanda (as Inara): Is-is it, wait hold on. Do we each have a guess here, do we just guess until we get it?
Eric (as anglerfish): If you guess wrong, I might eat you.
Brandon (as Tracey): [tentatively] Eh…okay.
Amanda (as Inara): Um…
Eric (as anglerfish): If you all guess wrong, I will definitely eat you.
Amanda (as Inara): I see, I see.
Brandon (as Tracey): [sarcastically] Great!
Brandon: Can we roll to see if uh, Alex, or Brink or Chad have any ideas?
Eric: Sure. I’m just going to roll straight-up Intelligence.
[dice roll]
Chad says,
Eric (as Chad): [loudly] As a human, I definitely have experience with riddles!
Amanda (as Inara): [whispering] Chad, let’s just say it really quietly to each other first…
Eric (as Captain Alex): Is it…trees?
Amanda (as Inara): I think trees grow, maybe it’s uh, building? Like the capitol building?
Brandon (as Tracey): I don’t know, that seems like a simple answer for a million-year-old fish you know?
Amanda (as Inara): I think that’s the thing, it’s kind of like back to basics you know?
Eric: Alex leans down and is says,
Eric (as Captain Alex): I also think it’s trees…
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay…
Amanda (as Inara): Hold on. I don’t think it's trees though because, you know. Buildings before they were buildings. A mountain?
Brandon (as Tracey): A mountain has roots.
Amanda (as Inara): Does it have roots?
Brandon (as Tracey): A volcano?
Eric: Brink also leans in and says,
Eric (as Brink): Yeah, the anglerfish also says is taller than trees, so I don’t think that the answer is trees if he explicitly said trees earlier.
Amanda (as Inara): See? Great contribution, you’re killing it!
Eric (as Brink): Thanks.
Brandon (as Tracey): Um…is it something more metaphysical like relationships?
Amanda (as Inara): [hums in understanding] Hopefully those grow, hopefully love grows.
Brandon (as Tracey): They have roots.
Amanda (as Inara): Mhm.
Brandon (as Tracey): [short pause] Maybe it’s trees?
Amanda (as Inara): I don’t think it’s trees.
Eric (as Chad): I am out-receding my answer of trees.
Eric: Brink puts her hands on your shoulders and says,
Eric (as Brink): Babe what did you say?
Amanda (as Inara): I said buildings first because we just came from the capitol, but also mountains…
Eric (as Brink): No, mountain. I like that. I think you should do mountain.
Amanda (as Inara): I think a century’s old anglerfish is more likely to choose mountain than buildings.
Eric (as Brink): That’s fair.
Brandon (as Tracey): Hey! Do we have two guesses? Can we guess…trees? He did say…
Eric (as anglerfish): I will eat whoever I see fit.
Amanda (as Inara): ANSWER! Mountains.
Eric: The anglerfish looks at all of you through its milky cataract eyes and says,
Eric (as anglerfish): It was indeed…mountains.
Brandon (as Tracey): Trees? Oh…mountains.
Eric (as anglerfish): I don’t know why you were all whispering trees, because it said trees in the riddle.
Eric: Now the anglerfish rises up…
[lots of splashing]
To truly be facing all of you.
[Amanda groans]
Brandon (as Tracey): Too close! Too close! Too close!
Eric (as anglerfish): Alright, now you have to tell ME a riddle that I have never heard.
Brandon (as Tracey): Well can you tell us all of the ones you have heard, or?
Eric (as anglerfish): No, that’s the whole point.
Brandon (as Tracey): So you don’t have to actually have to…you can guess the…it doesn’t really matter whether or not you answer the riddle, right? It’s just that you have to not have heard it before?
Eric (as anglerfish): [taken aback briefly] That’s a good point and I was not clear with my language. It’s been a long time since someone has tried to take my things.
Amanda (as Inara): So it has to be an answerable riddle that you haven’t heard before?
Eric (as anglerfish): Yes.
Brandon (as Tracey): So, if you answer it right though, do we win? Or do we still lose? That’s not very clear.
Eric (as anglerfish): Alright, let’s start this again. I told y9ou a riddle and you answered it. Congratulations that’s phase 1. That is part 1 of the adventure. Part 2 is you tell me a riddle and try to stump me. And if you do, you can have one of the things.
Amanda (as Inara): How do we get both though?
Brandon (as Tracey): Wait…yeah.
Eric (as anglerfish): Well, that’s the third part, you choose the cool thing.
Amanda (as Inara): But what if we tell you two really good riddles? Can we see them both, or take them both?
Eric (as anglerfish): Hm…
Amanda (as Inara): Just trying to bring some spice to your work day, we’re just like, in the machine together so…
Eric (as anglerfish): That’s a fair point. I do need some spicing up of my day to day routine. Alright, two good riddles please and then you can have both.
Brandon (as Tracey): You do this every day?
Eric (as anglerfish): NO! Which is why I’m having fun. Couldn’t you get that from my general demeanor?
Amanda (as Inara): Okay, maybe a moment to confer together?
Eric (as anglerfish): Okay, go ahead.
Brandon (as Tracey): There’s that one about the-the um, the human where it’s like, multiple legs and stuff?
Amanda (as Inara): Yeah, that’s true.
Brandon (as Tracey): Is that spiders or humans?
Amanda (as Inara): Something about newspapers but I’m a millennial, I don’t know anything about that.
[Eric chuckles]
What if we ask them something about loooove?
Amanda: And Inara does not look at Brink.
Brandon (as Tracey): Yeah, I don’t think fish know anything about love.
Amanda (as Inara): I mean, is that a weird assumption? Maybe they do, I don’t know?
Brandon (as Tracey): They’ve been down here with just trees for a long time so…
Amanda (as Inara): What-what if we just ask them a very, and I’ve never done this before, we ask them a very direct question about what it is we have to do? Like, um…how do you defeat the Council? How do you tell a good riddle? Maybe it’s one of those things where they know how to do it, but they don’t know how they know how to do it.
Brandon (as Tracey): Mm…maybe they implode when they do that.
Amanda (as Inara): Mhm…
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay. Okay, it’s a bit of a risk.
Amanda (as Inara): How about the other one though?
Brandon (as Tracey): Um, well it has to be one they’ve never heard before, so maybe we just make up one now, on the spot?
Amanda (as Inara): Yeah.
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay. What…blue, but is not a color and…
Eric (as Chad): [loudly and confidently] I think it’s a blueberry! [short pause] Was that it?
Brandon (as Tracey): No Chad. Lower your voice, we’re whispering.
Eric (as Chad): [still loudly] Okay!
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay. What is blue, but is all tan, completely tan.
Amanda (as Inara): Is it Brink? Honey, you’re kind of blue, right?
Eric (as Brink): [genuinely confused] What?
[everyone chuckles]
Amanda (as Inara): It means sad, it’s a play on words.
Brandon (as Tracey): It’s a play on words.
Eric (as Brink): No I get that, I don’t like this riddle at all.
Brandon (as Tracey): I think it’s good!
Eric (as Brink): I think you should do the one about love. Talk to him about love.
Brandon (as Tracey): What’s the one about love?
Amanda (as Inara): So, uh, something about self-sacrifice, right? Uh…what-what makes you happier than anything else and more likely to put yourself in harm’s way and um, I don’t know, makes you choose something over your own self-interests.
Brandon: Oh! I have an idea. I have an idea! Eric?
Eric: Yeah?
[Amanda laughs]
Brandon: Can I roll maybe a History or Insight to see if I know any riddles?
Eric: Why don’t you roll a History check and then I will give you a riddle of some indeterminate quality and you can figure it out.
Brandon: Okay. Can I also roll to check the quality of my good blue riddle?
Eric: Okay.
[dice roll]
Brandon: Okay, that one was for the blue riddle, and it was 6, so…great?
Eric: [chuckles] With a 6, you think the blue riddle is choice. You think I'm so smart, no one is as smart as me. I got him.
Brandon: Okay, great. Now I’m going to roll for History or Insight?
Eric: History.
Brandon: Here goes nothing!
[dice roll]
Well that one was a 9, nice. So, 11. Greater than 10…
Eric: Okay, here’s a riddle you can ask. Ice melts when it’s heated up. Will I solidify when I’m heated up? What am I?
Brandon: Determined.
[Amanda chuckles]
Eric: The answer is, an egg.
Amanda: [laughs] LOL.
Brandon: That’s the worst, that’s worse than my blue riddle, legitimately.
Eric: Well, that’s the one that you think of.
Brandon: So I say that out loud and then I look very ashamed.
[Eric giggles]
Brandon (as Tracey): What do you think of that one Inara?
Amanda (as Inara): Love ya buddy, don’t think that’s the right one.
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay…
Eric (as anglerfish): [impatiently] I’m waiting.
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, okay. We can just kill this fish if we need to, let’s just…
Amanda (as Inara): Okay, okay, okay. [breathes quickly, repeatedly] Um, what infects most humans and makes them more likely to get hurt and often ends in death, but is something people seek?
Eric: Okay, I want you to make a Performance check, cause this is oral performance.
[dice roll]
Amanda: Brandon, what is that?
Brandon: Oh, let me…oh it’s a natural 20!!
Eric: Oh my god!
[Amanda squeals, Brandon cheers]
Amanda: DO IT FOR LOVE! DO IT FOR LOVE!
Brandon: Can you take it again and make your riddle worse and then roll a natural 20?
Eric: [laughing] Okay, goddamn it. You really roll nat 20s when you need them the most. Um..
Brandon: We cook the fish, we have a nice meal, and then we take his treasure.
Eric: With a nat 20, the giant anglerfish swishes around in the water a bit, and thinks little while and says,
Eric (as anglerfish): My answer is [long pause] murder.
Brandon (as Tracey): [whispering] Oh, damnit. He got it.
Amanda (as Inara): Respectfully, not the answer.
Eric (as anglerfish): [hums] What was it?
Amanda (as Inara): Well that sounds like you were stumped, so number 1, down.
Eric (as anglerfish): What was the answer? [hums] Yes, you got me.
Amanda (as Inara): You did ask us to stump you, and not to give you the answer, so what if we take a look at both of these treasures and if you let us walk out with both of them, we can also give you the answer. So not just a riddle that stumps you, but a riddle you can put in your-put in your rotation.
Brandon (as Tracey): What a good deal!!
Amanda (as Inara): And stump the next person with!
Brandon (as Tracey): That’s a good deal!
Eric (as anglerfish): [sighs in contemplation] What if you just tell me what the answer to the riddle is?
Amanda (as Inara): Respectfully, no.
Eric (as anglerfish): Ah. Respect, of course.
[Amanda laughs]
The backbone to any working workplace.
Brandon (as Tracey): That’s not the answer to the riddle, it’s not respect.
Eric (as anglerfish): It’s not. Okay. With a natural 20 I’ll let you have both.
[Amanda giggles]
What is the answer to the riddle?
Amanda (as Inara): Um, folks, why don’t we pick up these chests and…
Eric (as anglerfish): [intensely] What is the answer to the riddle?
Eric: And he puts fully his top half of his giant anglerfish body on the-on the side of the lake.
[splashing]
And you can see every weird jagged edge of his weird jagged teeth.
Brandon (as Tracey): [mumbles] So many weird jagged edges.
Amanda (as Inara): The answer, and I will trust that you will now allow us to leave peacefully per the terms of our deal, is love.
Brandon (as Tracey): Ta-da!
Amanda (as Inara): THANK YOU. Have a wonderful rest of your day, goodbye!
Brandon (as Tracey): It’s been fun!
Brandon: And Tracey grabs a chest.
Eric (as anglerfish): [sadly] I should have thought of that one. How long have I been doing this? How long have I been the ancient riddle secret keeper?
Brandon: And his voice gets quieter and quieter.
Amanda: As we leave successfully, peacefully.
Eric: [laughing] As the anglerfish continues to berate themselves, you drag the treasure away.
Amanda (as Inara): [rushing] That’s not your fault, it’s structural and systemic! If you want to change your life, I think you could! Okay. Goodbye!
Brandon (as Tracey): I love your forest!
Amanda (as Inara): It’s very pretty!
Brandon (as Tracey): Have you tried birds?!
[midroll begins]
Hey, it’s Eric. Oooooh, it’s turning into fall now, and you know what that means: chunky sweaters and boots and hot apple cider and apple cider donuts and crunching leaves and opening your window to let that cool breeze in and red and orange and yellow and pumpkin pie and spookiness and candy and hayrides and football and everything else is so freaking CRISP! Welcome to the midroll. I found a squash!
Hello everybody. Thank you to everyone who came to our live show in Boston, it was splendid and wonderful and I hope I was funny – I mean, I’m recording this before we do it, so I don’t know if I was funny, I can only hope that you laughed at the right times. You’re all my favorite person and your support means everything. Really, it was awesome to see you.
Welcome to our newest patrons: Axu, Shavawn, Will, Ryan, Nathan, Mary, Liat, Luke, and Sara. We’re mulling cider, it’s almost ready. Come on in. We hope you’re enjoying the very good pet photos, RPG media discussions, and game advice and everything else in our patron-only JTP Discord. And of course we got bloops, we’ve NPC backstories for 53! Episodes! And I wrote all for them and it was fun! And the other fabulous benefits that you now have access to now that you’re a patron! You too can get access to all this and more by joining our Patreon family at patreon.com/jointhepartypod.
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Alright, let’s get back to the show.
[midroll ends, [light splashing of waves]
Eric: So you pop open both chests, uh one is a very small pocket watch. And the other one is an oversized key.
Amanda: Grab them both, leave the chest behind.
Brandon: Does it look like my pocket watch? Or is it like more magical?
Eric: Why don’t you make some sort of roll to figure it out?
Brandon: Okay. I’ll do a look roll.
Amanda: Yep.
[Eric sputters, dice roll]
Brandon: 5!
Amanda: And I would like to compare it to Ze’ol’s compass please.
Eric: Cool.
[dice roll]
Amanda: That would be a…[chuckles] 23.
Eric: Okay, Tracey. You’re like, look a watch!
[Brandon chuckles]
Inara, you look at this and you see how similar it looked to Ze’ol’s compass, although the hand of a compass is inherently different than the hand of a pocket watch. You see that they have very striking similarities, and you know that it is imbued with similar powers that Ze’ol had. So this is, the Time Traveler’s Timepiece. This is a pocket watch that, when clicked, gives you a full extra turn.
[Amanda gasps]
Brandon: I’m assuming it’s also super annoying.
Eric: [laughs] Yeah, you just hear the ticking at all times. The other thing is that the Time Traveler’s Timepiece also returns you back to where you started during that extra turn. If you want to use it out of combat it takes you back 10 seconds to where you started, use it in combat consider it as another turn and you start in the same place that you ended. You use it as a bonus action.
Amanda: And it’s one use only to like one use per day or?
Eric: Be careful with it. It’s pretty fragile and I would say even with a 23, you can’t figure out how many charges this thing has.
Brandon: And the key just look like a normal key?
Eric: A big honking key.
Brandon: Oh, a big honking key!
Eric: Yeah, it has a lot of teeth, like…
Brandon: That’s weird…
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Like the anglerfish? Mhm.
Eric: Like the anglerfish, yeah.
Brandon: Gotcha.
Eric: It goes in all weird different directions.
Brandon: Are my hands pointing to either of them or?
Eric: Yes! I mean, I assume, as you pop those bad boys open, your hands are doing grabby hands at the key.
Brandon (as Tracey): Guys! Calm down, we got it, it’s fine. You don’t have to, it’s okay.
Amanda (as Inara): Trace, why don’t you actually keep this one and I’ll keep the Timepiece? Just in case we’re split up, I want to make sure that one of them are safe.
Brandon (as Tracey): Yeah. It’s just a watch, I got one already. It’s fine.
Amanda: So…
Eric: Thank you.
[Eric laughs]
Brandon: I play your game Eric!
Eric: Thank you, I appreciate that.
[Eric continues laughing]
As the anglerfish continues to berate themselves, uh, you realize that there is no door on the other side of the lake. Like it’s just the lake as far as you can see.
Brandon: Tracey forgot his board shorts, so…
[Amanda sighs]
So there’s no swimming without those.
Amanda: No. Not at all. That’s illegal.
Brandon: [chuckles] So we go back the way we came….
Eric: Okay, so you want to go through the other archway, toward the emptiness?
[dripping water]
Brandon: Uh, Amanda, how do you feel about existential emptiness?
Amanda: Uh, feel like I have enough of it.
Brandon: Great.
Amanda: And I prefer I think, to go upstairs.
Eric: Your arms are pointing toward the emptiness.
Amanda: [short pause] Oh good.
Brandon (as Tracey): Well, um. It looks like we don’t have a choice.
Eric: Brink pipes up and is like,
Eric (as Brink): You know, we always have a choice, really.
Amanda (as Inara): Uh, can we take a break for a moment?
Brandon (as Tracey): Sure.
Amanda (as Inara): Can you guys give us a sec?
Brandon (as Tracey): You need, like, a candy bar or?
Amanda (as Inara): No, just maybe stand near the void and make sure that nothing is going to jump out and attack us. But I’ll be right back.
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay!
Amanda: I’m going to kind of gesture Brink over so we can stand sort of to the side of th4e lake archway.
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: And have a private moment.
Brandon: Tracey is stretching.
Amanda: Mmm. What’s Alex doing? Is she whittling jerky?
Eric: Yes!
Amanda: Into her mouth?
Eric: Yes! How did you know?!
Amanda: [exclaims] YES! [short pause] YES!
Eric: Yeah, she has a giant block of jerky [laughing] and she has a pocket knife, that she’s using it to peel it off each strand and she puts it in her mouth on the knife.
Amanda: Oh, beautiful.
Brandon: That’s the best way to eat steak that I’ve ever heard of.
[everyone laughs]
Eric: Yeah, you dry it first and then you just shave it off.
Brandon: It’s delicious.
Amanda: We have a little carving. And then you behead it with your teeth.
Brandon (as Tracey): Alex, don’t forget your hamstrings!
Eric (as Captain Alex): [offended-like] I’ve never stretched in my life and I’m not going to start now! Charlie horses are fates way of saying that you’re doing the wrong thing!
Brandon (as Tracey): That seems intense, okay!
Amanda (as Inara): Hey…talk to me! What are you feeling?
Eric (as Brink): [nervous mumbling] I’m just…I wanna-I wanna do this, I wanna do this, I don’t want to go back. I just want to do the thing and I’m definitely afraid and this is not going great. I just want to do it, I just want to do the thing. And we’re going to go to the next room and we’ll find the thing and it’ll be good, it’s…we’re going to do the thing in the next room. Yep.
Amanda (as Inara): Okay, from your tone and demeanor I am worried, but I am going to trust you and I hope that if you feel that you’re at a breaking point, or you don’t think that what we are doing is right anymore, I really hope that you would tell me. Because you’re really important to me. Like, as important as the fate of the world.
Eric (as Brink): Yeah, uh, thank you.
Amanda (as Inara): Okay.
Eric (as Brink): Yes, thank you. Yeah. I will, okay. Yeah.
Amanda (as Inara): Okay.
Eric (as Brink): Yeah.
Amanda: I squeeze her hand. Can I roll for receptiveness for a cheek kiss please?
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Sure.
[dice roll]
Amanda: With them?
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Uh that would be a 19 +1.
Eric: She’s smiling at you but like you can see it’s pretty hollow. She’s nervous about what’s going to happen in the next room.
Amanda: I give her hand a squeeze and then walk back over to the archway.
Eric: Yep.
Amanda (as Inara): Alright. Who is ready to confront the void?
Brandon (as Tracey): Hold on, let me just…[counting] one!
Brandon: If you look over at Tracey…
[Amanda chuckles]
You see that he’s doing nothing that anyone has ever seen before…
[Eric laughs]
In terms of stretching, he just has one limb, he just has two limbs…all of his left limbs. All two of them.
Amanda: He’s suspended!
Brandon: Off of the ground, and he’s just like sort of…
Eric: He’s being propped up by the Long Arm of the Law and he’s like 10 feet off of the ground too.
Brandon: Yep and uh, for him it’s doing a lot of things though, it’s great.
Amanda: Good.
Brandon: Mhm.
Amanda: I’m glad he got centered, he got ready.
Brandon: Mhm.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: Alright, you guys are going to head over to the empty room.
Brandon: Before we go in there, I’m going to take that coin I so thoroughly searched for earlier and just-just throw it in the room.
Eric: Great idea Tracey.
Brandon: That seems like you’re lying.
Eric: SO you flick it into the room…
Brandon: I overhand toss it.
Eric: You overhand toss it through the archway…
[clanging of metal coin]
And you just hear it go, you hear it flip through the air, flip through the air and you’re waiting for it to fall, and you’re waiting for it to fall, and you’re waiting, and it just never comes.
Brandon (as Tracey): That’s bad. Um, either I’m extremely good at throwing things, or this place has no floor?
Amanda (as Inara): Uh, Captain? Any chance you have a flying form?
Eric (as Captain Alex): [nonchalantly sighs] Yeah, uh…no I never got to that level of druid craft. I, uh, dropped out of school, just look to the high seas.
Brandon (as Tracey): So, giant octopuses.
Eric (as Captain Alex): I always had a bird by my side.
Brandon (as Tracey): It was below…[chuckling] bird.
Eric (as Captain Alex): Yeah, I dropped out before I got to bird.
Eric: So you walk into the next room, and uh…
Amanda: Gingerly, watching where we step…
[hollow wind blowing]
Eric: Everything’s fine and you see that the emptiness makes a lot of sense because there is a just a deep yawning chasm in front of you. You cannot see the bottom of it, there’s just darkness all the way down.
But don’t worry, there is a way to cross the chasm! There is a rickety rope bridge crossing from your side to the other side.
Amanda: Uh, how does this chasm’s width compare to Captain Alex as an octopuses diameter?
Eric: What are your speeds? Like 40?
Brandon: 40 with my fast movement yeah.
Amanda: I have 40 with my grind machine, faster going downhill.
Eric: Right. I would say it’s like 80 feet across. I mean you can cross it pretty quickly, but it is kind of large, and it’s a rickety rope bridge.
Brandon: Eric, did I say 40?
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: I meant 5.
[Amanda laughs heartily, Eric chuckles]
Eric: No.
Brandon: So, is it smaller?
Eric: No, it’s not.
Brandon: Okay. How far could I toss Inara?
Eric: You could do it, high-high degree of difficulty, but again, there is the rope bridge, and to all intents and purposes, you can look at it, and it looks pretty okay.
Amanda: You mentioned when we were selecting our team members that Brink can go fast. Can you tell us more?
Eric: Right. So Brink has…
Brandon: Oh yeah! She has boots that help her on rough terrain.
Eric: Yes! So she can cross very easily and pretty quickly, because she has those dope boots.
Amanda (as Inara): Honey, how would you feel about scouting this? I know that with your boots and everything and experience, you know, I think this would be safer for you than anybody else.
Eric (as Brink): Uh, okay, yeah? I can-I can, yeah? I can give it a shot.
Brandon (as Tracey): You got it! Just walk forward.
Eric (as Brink): Okay. Gonna give it a shot.
Brandon (as Tracey): You don’t look down.
Eric (as Brink): I’m not.
Brandon (as Tracey): In fact…just look up the entire time.
Eric (as Brink): [nervously] Okay! Uh, okay…
Amanda (as Inara): I mean you need to watch where you’re going but beyond that you can just try to not look at the void.
Eric (as Brink): [dismissing] Yeah, yeah okay….um. Alright. Well here I go!
Eric: And Brink puts her foot gingerly on the first wooden wrung, and seems okay. And then very quickly she just kind of gets her nerve up and she just like runs across the bridge. And it seems fine. She hustles across and she’s over on the other side. And she says,
Eric (as Brink): Alright. Hi. I-I did it! It seems pretty okay.
Amanda (as Inara): That was amazing! Can you see if there is any like, artifact, treasure chest, anything we should take over there?
Eric: She looks around her says,
Eric (as Brink): No! There’s like another door.
Brandon (as Tracey): Is it a cool door? Does it look like a door we want to open?
Eric (as Brink): Yeah, probably if we want to keep going forward.
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay!
Eric (as Brink): Yeah.
Brandon: Are there any like, rocks or like stalagmites, the ones on the ground, you know?
Eric: Stalactites?
Amanda: Stalagmites! Cause stalactites are tight to the ceiling.
Eric: Stalagmites?
Brandon: Yes.
Eric: Yeah, I mean it’s pretty cavernous in the basement so I would say yes if-if you want to crack one off you can.
Brandon (as Tracey): Alright. Well I think it might be a good idea to like, we can just start with the lightest person maybe Inara? And um, and then I’ll tie a rope around you and I’ll tie it to myself and the rock and then uh, if something happens, we’ll be able to get you back up.
Amanda (as Inara): Uh, yeah. I mean I’m fine with that. I’ll-I’m small and pretty fast, I will do my best.
Brandon: Do you want me to roll for knots?
Eric: No, you’re good. So you’re tying it, everyone to each other?
Brandon: Uh, so I’m tying the very end of the rope to a stalagmite.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: And then I’m going to tie it around my waist as well and then I’m going to go behind the rock to have like foothold.
Eric: Right.
Brandon: So I have two points of failure basically.
Eric: So you’re going to hold whoever is going to go first.
Brandon: And, if they fall.
Eric: Right, if they fall.
Brandon: Yeah. Yeah.
Eric: Okay, cool.
[wood creaking]
Amanda: So, I will head across the bridge and if I’m successful, unknot myself at the other end.
Eric: Okay. Inara I want you to make a Dexterity roll, just to make sure you hold yourself on it, it’s still a rickety bridge.
[dice roll]
Brandon: I just want everyone to take notice of the character growth that Tracey has gone through…
[Eric chuckles]
I don’t have to roll for knots, because he learned knots.
Amanda: Good job bud. I got a 16 Dexterity.
Eric: [breathes deeply] Okay. With a 16, it’s pretty hard to hold on, it’s pretty rickety. So you almost slip at some parts but you, I think it went okay.
Amanda (as Inara): [further away, echoing] So Tracey, I’m going to tie to this end of the bridge.
Brandon (as Tracey): Awesome!
Amanda (as Inara): Go ahead with Brink…
Brandon (as Tracey): Love it!
Amanda (as Inara): And on the way back, use it.
Brandon (as Tracey): Great!
Amanda (as Inara): Cool?
Brandon (as Tracey): Wait! Shit. What do I do about Chad?
Amanda (as Inara): Y'all three stay on that end and make sure no one is coming after us okay?
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, I guess we can do that. Are you going to come back this way?
Amanda (as Inara): Yeah!
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay. Okay! I like that.
Amanda (as Inara): And if we need your help, I’ll yell- I’ll yell at Stoneface. Ey! Help!
Brandon (as Tracey): Holy crap! I think Stoneface is here!
Amanda (as Inara): Cool, thanks bud!
Amanda: So, uh, I’ll walk forward, smile at Brink, and pause outside the door. Do I notice anything dangerous?
Eric: Why don’t you make a Perception check?
[dice roll]
Amanda: I’d like to investigate this for traps please.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: I got a 26 Investigation.
Eric: Uh, the door is warm, which is pretty impressive because it’s a wooden door.
Amanda: With a 26?!
[metal clanging]
Eric: Yeah, and you hear like some metal banging. Like someone working on an anvil basically.
Amanda: I make sure I have my gloves firmly on and open the door.
Eric: So how are you going to go in the door? You’re just going to open it? Or do you want to slip in, what do you want to do?
Amanda: Yeah, I want to open it stealthily and uh, slip in and press myself against whatever wall is on the inside and instruct Brink to do the same. Kind of stay in the shadows, stay out of sight, just kind of gather what is in there.
Eric: Okay, as you peak into the door…
[door creaks open]
And you get half of your body in through the door as you look in, and you see that there is a warforged in front of a very large furnace who is banging a giant hammer into something. And you see that there, the warforged is surrounded by five very squat warforged, that are like a third of its size, but they’re red. And they are walking around like clockwork soldiers kind of walking around going ‘beh-beh-beh-beh’.
And it’s also incredibly hot in there. As you open the door, it’s just like waves and waves of heat are coming at you.
Amanda: And do I notice an item, is there like a pile of stuff to be smelt or is the item that is being created of interest?
Eric: The warforged is on the other side of the room, you can see that they are banging on some price of metal. But there’s also this big red button that is behind them that is attached to the very large furnace.
Amanda: I wanna push it. I wanna boop the button.,
Eric: Now Inara, I want you to make a Dexterity saving throw.
Brandon: Uh, this is the thing that has been true for forever, it’s hasn’t come up. He hasn’t been scared.
[Eric chuckles]
He just has to like sing to himself. So he’s just singing the national anthem of the Concentric States.
Eric: Sounds good.
Amanda: How does that go?
Eric: [laughs] We’ll go back to that after Inara finishes rolling.
[dice roll]
Amanda: 15.
Eric: 15. Uh, roll again.
[dice roll]
Brandon: See, the thing is that he doesn’t know the words to the anthem, so you just sort of hear like,
Brandon (as Tracey): [singing out of tune] And we as people love each other! And there’s states and there's a few of them! And they came together!
Brandon: So, that’s most definitely not the words though.
Amanda: Love it, great. Uh, I got a 5.
Eric: A 5, okay. Inara, as you are peeking into the room, you’re checking out what’s going on with the warforged over there, suddenly something pushes you and you trip into the room. And the door closes behind you.
[loud slam of door shutting]
And the warforged hears the door close, and looks up at you and says,
Eric (as warforged): Oh you shouldn’t be down here.
Eric: I want everyone to roll Initiative.
[intense music plays]
Amanda: I got a 16.
Brandon: Including me, right?
Eric: Yeah, including you.
Brandon: A non-natural 20!
Eric: Ey! Alright, with a 20, so Tracey you look up and you see that Inara is now no longer in the room, it’s just Brink. I want you to make a Perception check.
[dice roll]
Brandon: Uh, 5.
Eric: Alright, with a 5, you don’t know why Inara is not in the room. You just see that Inara’s not there anymore.
Brandon (as Tracey): Uh, BRINK!? Uh, what happ-what’s going on?!
Eric (as Brink): I don’t know! The door just closed! Come over here, get over as fast as you can! Come on!
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, okay! Um, shit, Alex? Okay, are you going to be okay? You’re brave, you can do this right?
Eric (as Captain Alex): Yeah, we can cross. I mean, the-the sloppity boy! We got it!
Brandon (as Tracey): Okay, well here’s my idea. Alex, wait until I’m over there because I’m not sure how much weight you can hold. Or you can go first, either way. Chad, um, hold on to me.
Eric (as Chad): I love a piggyback! I’ll go with you!
Brandon (as Tracey): [enthusiastically] Yeah, it’ll be fun!
Brandon: Because, Chad doesn’t hurt me, I’m immune, I’m just going to let Chad Engulf me and have my feet free.
Eric: Okay. So the bridge is 80 feet across, so it would take you two sets of movement to go across. Okay?
Brandon: Right.
Eric: Alright, so as you’re running across the bridge, I want you to make a Dexterity saving throw to see if you hold yourself.
[dice roll]
Brandon: 16.
Eric: Alright with a 16, it’s pretty rickety, but you get yourself to the middle of the bridge.
Um, it’s now the warforged turn. And the warforged hits the big red button and you see that a compartment opens up and you see that ten more red warforged boys start walking out.
[loud heavy clanking]
And…okay. Well their Initiative is 4, so [laughs] they’re still like walking around and don’t really understand what’s happening and you see that the warforged is like,
Eric (as warforged): Get her! Get her now!!
Eric: It’s now Inara’s turn.
Amanda: Inara crouches down, pulls Mr. Sippy out of her bag, and yells,
Amanda (as Inara): [yells] BLOOD!
Amanda: I want to blast whatever of the small combative warforged is nearest me, but mostly I want to shut down the furnace.
Brandon: They most certainly have not learned to swim Eric.
Eric: They most certainly have not learned to swim. Uh, why don’t you make a uh, attack roll, to try and hit the furnace?
[dice roll]
Amanda: That is a 15.
Eric: With a 15, you hit the furnace, just kapoos out.
[sound of steam]
Cause who would have thought…
Amanda: Makes some steam, hopefully it obscures the fuel a little bit!
Eric: Oh yeah, lots of it. And I think that is a jet of water that knocks down about five of the little red warforged boys in the room.
Eric: It is now Brink’s turn. Brink looks over at Tracey and Chad as one…
Amanda: Trad.
Brandon: Trad? Yeah, that’s it.
Eric: She looks at Tracey and Chad who are running across the bridge and says,
Eric (as Brink): I’m sorry. He’s just…he’s in my head.
Eric: And she points up at the stalagmites above you and she casts Shatter.
[crashing sound of rocks]
Tracey, I need you to make a Constitution save with disadvantage.
[dice roll]
Brandon: Tracey got a 16 total.
Eric: So you feel shockwaves are just running through you, and you take half as much damage. You’re going to take 9 points of damage. Of thunder damage.
Brandon (as Tracey): [angrily] Brink when I get over there, we’re having a very long discussion about your behavior!!!
Eric: Tracey you also look up and you see that the stalactites burst…
[loud crackling]
And now the stalactites are falling down on the bridge.
Brandon: [screaming] SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!
Eric: It is now Captain Alex’s turn. Captain Alex is going to try really hard to help you.
[dice roll]
She rolled a 7. So she tried to use her speed to run over there and pull you guys over, and tries to turn into an elk as she’s running over because it’s the fastest animal she knows….
Amanda: No!! And the heaviest.
Eric: [laughing] So you see Captain Alex just running at you and then turns into a giant elk with antlers and tries to pull you across, but big Chad and Tracey and big elk ,you all get tangled up in the middle of the bridge.
Brandon: [yelling] THIS WAS LESS THAN HELPFUL!!
Eric: And now it’s the tiny red warforged turn. And then ten that see Inara run over to Inara, and they all hold hands, and they say,
Eric (as red warforged): Three, two, one, BOOM!
[sound of explosives]
Eric: And they all explode. [laughing] I want you to make a Dexterity saving throw.
[dice roll]
Amanda: I got a 1…
Eric: Oh beans bud. [short pause] Alright, well. I need to roll 20 d6.
Inara, you take 60 points of fire damage.
Amanda: Sure.
Brandon: 6-0?!
Eric: 6-0. Luckily, ten of those guys are dead, so…
Amanda: Five are under water.
Eric: Five are under water and five are submerged so, that’s pretty good. So it’s going back now to the warforged turn and they duck down into the compartment that the red warforged boys came out of, and they disappear. They just run right through it.
Amanda: Did they leave behind whatever they were smelting?
Eric: Yeah. Okay. Tracey, it is your now your turn. There are rocks that are falling towards you immediately. Also, Chad’s around you.
Brandon: Well that part’s just delightful.
Eric: Yeah. What do you do?
Brandon: Uh, I take stock about how I got here.
[Eric chuckles]
Eric: That works plays, but then [laughing] what do you do?
Brandon: I’m gonna push my arm out of Chad and shoot the Long Arm of the Law across the bridge to the other side and try to grapple something.
Eric: A stalagmite on the floor?
Brandon: Yeah, or the bridge that’s holding the bridge up. Or whatever.
Eric: [laughing] Make an attack roll.
[dice roll]
Brandon: [disappointed] 6…
Eric: A 6…
Brandon: Actually I got a 6.
Eric: I know. Okay, Tracey with a 6, you shoot your Long Arm of the Law out in a panic, through the ooze to whatever you can reach onto. And you’re waiting for that moment that the Long Arm of the Law starts to pull you in…
[creaking of arm]
Unfortunately…it’s just not working. Your arm is shot out, but the reset isn’t happening. Like a seatbelt that’s pulled too hard in the car. You just cannot get yourself back.
[rocks crashing down]
So you’re holding, and the rocks fall on top of you, Captain Alex, and Chad. And the rickety bridge just can’t hold it and it collapses underneath you.
[booming crashes continue]
You throw one arm behind you to hold onto the giant elk, and you are literally cliff hanging off the side of this castle.
[theme music]