Bring glory to yourself and your leader as you pick fights, make alliances, and win diplomacy! This is Model Our Nations, a new GM-less TTRPG about a secret meeting of the world government, from Eric Silver.
Hear the members of Join the Party play a one shot set in a brand new Animal Space Western world (and check out Ep 43: The Diamond Knot for a Campaign 3 episode using the game).
The game is out starting today! Pick up a physical or digital copy HERE.
Cast & Crew
- Game Designer: Eric Silver
- Players: Brandon Grugle, Julia Schifini, Amanda McLoughlin
- Editor and Sound Designer: Mischa Stanton
- Multitude: https://multitude.productions
Transcript
Eric: Hello. I'm Eric Silver, game designer, guy who likes hats, and the best GM in podcasting.
Brandon: Whoa.
Eric: And welcome to a playthrough of Model Our Nations.
Julia: Whoa.
Brandon: Wee!
Amanda: Oh, my God, it's real.
Eric: A tabletop RPG about words standing in the way of actions. The first play test of this game came on our actual play podcast, Join the Party. So if you listen to the show, you might have heard it already, but we decided— I was like, "How are we going to play out a game about the world government conspiring?" And I wrote this game. And now, it's real. Look, it's all real and everything.
Amanda: Oh, my God, you're holding it.
Brandon: Wee!
Julia: Yay.
Brandon: It's so pretty. I love it.
Eric: It really is.
Amanda: Let us hear the pages, Eric.
Brandon: Those are some thick-ass pages.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: Good pages.
Amanda: We don't skimp on quality here.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: At jointhepartypod.com/merch, where you can pick up this and many other games.
Brandon: Yeah. Fuck yeah.
Eric: I've been describing this as a GM-less game, a Model UN-like, about running the world government. And I'm pretty excited about this stuff. You don't need dice. You just— you don't need someone to prepare ahead of time. You just need a bunch of friends to come together and indulge someone who did Model UN in high school.
Brandon: I did not, so—
Amanda: Me, neither. I did Lincoln-Douglas debate.
Eric: That's close. That's cousins.
Amanda: Kissing cousins.
Brandon: Did Lincoln and Douglas kiss, Amanda?
Amanda: Brandon, there is a fair amount of fanfiction on AO3 implying that they did.
Julia: Nice. Good for them.
Eric: I appreciate you indulging me. Thank you to my players, the players of Join the Party. Amanda, Brandon, Julia, thank you for coming here and playing the game with me.
Amanda: Whoa.
Brandon: Thank you for letting us play.
Julia: I doff my hat to you, sir.
Eric: Thanks. I— I'm, like, a little nervous. It's— we played this before and, like, you guys play-tested it. But now, we're making, like, marketing material, so I'm like, "Here's my game. I gotta be smart. Here it is."
Amanda: Don't worry, I'll plug it for you. Just focus on doing a great game, and then I'll say jointhepartypod.com/merch every time—
Eric: Okay.
Amanda: —I feel like sneezing.
Brandon: jointhepartypod.com/merch.
Amanda: There you go.
Eric: Oh. So you can use this game both as a standalone One-Shot for you to play with your tabletop RPG group or trying to get your friends to understand better what tabletop RPGs are. Or you can use this as a way to, you know, facilitate a world-building activity or a world government meeting within a longer campaign, which we did on Join the Party. We had, quote-unquote, "pre-generated characters" that we got from our setting of Campaign Three, a world of plant and bug pirates. Lots of governments that were already established that we were pulling from world-building we already did. But now, we're going to do this from start to finish. We're gonna play the game all the way through and use a fresh world that we're all going to invent together, and then we're gonna move forward.
Julia: Woop.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Julia: I love world building.
Eric: Okay. Here's the intro. Look, it's so pretty. Look at it.
Brandon: It is really pretty.
Julia: It is.
Eric: The Diamond Knot is a model of unification, even if no one without level Emerald clearance knows about it happening. You are an important government representative for your country, sent to the secret annual meeting of the Diamond Knot. At a secure location, representatives decide the supposed united path for all the supposed power players, creating the path for the entire world to follow. The Diamond Knot only ratifies up to three motions out of the 10 suggested on the docket. Ratifying emotion requires a majority vote, and wrangling those votes is the name of the game. And based on how everything goes, one or more player will win out. Bring glory to yourself and your leader as you pick fights, make alliances, and achieve the goals for your country and yourself.
Julia: Woo.
Amanda: Woo!
Eric: Let me walk you through the order of play, which we have delightfully just kind of laid out here on the first page.
Brandon: Yes, please.
Eric: Okay. So first thing, we're gonna sketch out the world and decide our characters. That's, like, the first thing you do, which is separate to everything else. I can't be asked. You are going to do this so quickly. It's seamlessly. You're gonna see how it goes. Then you're gonna pick the docket time and prepare the document. You literally need to fill out the docket, which is filled with all the motions that each of your representatives are going to propose.
Amanda: Eric, are you telling me that loving paperwork is a pro and not a con as a player?
Eric: Oh, baby, you know it.
Julia: True.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: You absolutely know it. Then we're going to open and fill the document, which you do kind of, like, in a interplanetary space that is neither playing the game, nor not playing the game. Fourth, we're gonna play out the meeting of the Diamond Knot. And then five, you end the meeting and establish the winner. This is kind of like at the end of board games or Mario Party, where, like, you gotta review everything and see how all the points do.
Amanda: And at the end, there's a freeze frame of, like, a Goomba sitting on Donkey Kong's head as like Peach is fainting in the background.
Eric: Exactly.
Brandon: Is that in the back of this book? Oh, yeah, it is, right there.
Julia: Yeah, there he is.
Amanda: Holographic foil, it sure is.
Eric: Please don't tell Nintendo I used their IP. Please don't.
Julia: Immediately sued.
Eric: No. Okay. Let's go into the first step, which is setting. As all of you decide to play, the first thing you'll have to do is decide the world you're living in. Pick a genre you're working within, an important resource or two, and a summary of the country's deal that could fit as a movie summary. In the post-apocalypse, city states move with robot crab legs or animal folk fight against the darkness, blocking out the sun, are two examples. Even throw in a MacGuffin, if you're feeling spicy. You're sketching out some basic ideas, so you're all on the same page, but don't go into too much detail. The characters will flesh out the majority of the world. Think of it like this, if you're watching a cartoon and there was a group of druids and shamans that had to live alongside a steampunk nation state of biohack gnomes, you wouldn't blink an eye. They're united by the fact that the great darkness is coming, and the only way to fight it off is to empower the liminal orbs.
Julia: Naturally.
Brandon: Of course, of course. That old chestnut.
Eric: Hey, Brandon?
Brandon: Uh-huh.
Eric: Shut up. jointhepartypod.com/merch. So, yeah, we're just gonna give the larger sketch of what this whole world is dealing with. Does anyone have, like, a genre or a vibe that they want to play in?
Brandon: I can throw some out. I don't have any opinions or preferences, but like, we got, like, sci-fi, we got horror, we got thriller, we got action, we got—
Julia: Fantasy.
Brandon: —fantasy. We got—
Julia: Western.
Brandon: —Western. You can do just, like, specifically space, space cowboys.
Amanda: I'm feeling space. We don't—
Julia: Feeling space?
Amanda: —often get to go to space here in Join the Party, except during One Shots, and this feels appropriate.
Eric: We could do space. We could do— they could also— I like Western, too. I just always think it's fine.
Brandon: Western's funny.
Julia: We could do space Western. That's easy.
Amanda: We could do space Western.
Eric: Space Western is good with space cowboys?
Julia: Hmm.
Amanda: No one's ever done it. It's the first.
Julia: No one's ever— famously, no one's ever done it.
Eric: I was thinking a lot about having little animals.
Amanda: Ooh.
Eric: And now, we—
Julia: We could also do that.
Eric: We don't have to do space Western animals, but like—
Brandon: Space Western animals is also very good. My brain also did just say circus.
Julia: I don't want to do circus. Not to know, but you, Brandon, but the idea of one of you playing a clown, I will die. I will actually die.
Eric: Brandon, "I don't have any opinions." Also, Brandon, "What if we did circus?"
Brandon: What if we did circus?
Eric: No, no, let's do—
Amanda: What about a cute little circus?
Eric: I like space Western. I think that's fun.
Julia: I think if you wanted to do aminals, Eric—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —you— your, like, country, your planet, or whatever, can be a planet of tiny, little animals.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I can be animals. That would be fun.
Amanda: Space Western where we're all different species and non-humanoid animals.
Eric: I think that would be fun.
Amanda: Good?
Eric: Yeah. The other thing about this is, like, you know, it is a world government, but it's also just like a meeting up of power players.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: like, if you want it to be smaller or— it can be as small or as large as you want. This can be a meeting of the gods, or it can be like of a cabal—
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: —at the same time.
Amanda: I like the idea of a Trade Federation. Maybe it's my Star Trek nerd coming out.
Julia: Star Wars vibes.
Eric: We are walking so close to the prequels. I do like it.
Brandon: I know, yeah.
Eric: I find that very funny.
Amanda: Yeah. What if it's a bunch of, you know, like spacefaring nations or groups, each of which is a different little spacefaring animal?
Julia: Oh, I like that. It's not planets. I like this idea of, like— like you said, Amanda, space-faring people. Like, they're all different, like, colonies of spaceships that come together to, like, trade goods and stuff like that.
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Brandon: Hmm, that's fun. I like that.
Eric: It can be a— one can be like a union. One can be like a mob or a cabal. I like that a lot.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Yeah. Like, the idea of a state fair is that you come together from all different parts of the state, like, with all your stuff and your people to trade and, like, do whatever, so I think it'd be fun.
Brandon: I would like to be a ship full of badgers that are a mob.
Eric: You can definitely do that.
Julia: Do whatever you want, bro.
Brandon: Or skunks. Skunks.
Amanda: Do it.
Brandon: Skunks.
Julia: Skunks? Okay, interesting.
Amanda: Do it.
Eric: I do like the idea that can we just have, like, one, like, hero who's ruining everything for us?
Brandon: Yeah, I do like that.
Julia: Oh, yeah. I like the idea of someone who truly thinks that they are, like, trying to save the universe, and all they're doing is creating more problems and drama.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: We're, like, moving away from the Star Wars thing. It's like— but it's like a one person Rebel Alliance who's ruining everyone shit.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: That would be very, very funny for me. So, yeah, the McGuffin itself is just this dude or lady—
Julia: This fucking guy.
Eric: —who's ruining everyone's time, shaking everyone down in the universe.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: I like that a lot.
Julia: We need a good name for him.
Eric: Dexter—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —Mick—
Brandon: Yep.
Eric: —Shootski.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: Done.
Eric: You might have stumbled at the end there.
Julia: May I suggest Dexter McSorley?
Eric: It's good.
Amanda: McSorley, like the pub?
Julia: Sorley. Yep.
Brandon: Dexter McSorley is pretty good, yeah.
Julia: All right. It's in there. I wrote it down.
Amanda: Do it.
Eric: We really Harrison Ford-ed ourselves there for a second.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: I just want you guys to know that my character is gonna be a spacesuit full of bees.
Julia: Fuck yeah, dude.
Eric: I like that. As a representative from the hive, yeah.
Julia: No notes.
Amanda: First thought, best thought. Yeah. Uh-hmm.
Eric: No, that's good as hell. It's good.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: So, yeah, the fun thing about making the character is like you're making the character who's going to the meeting of the Diamond Knot. However, there are representative on behalf of this thing, so that's going to work out really nicely. Okay. Is there anything else we want to do here? I think our movie summary is cabals of animals that control space are meeting to discuss Dexter McSorley, who's the hero ruining everyone's time?
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Yes.
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: I think that's the occasion and we'll get some other business done while we're all together.
Brandon: I do like the idea that he's not doing it for good, even though, in his mind, he's thinking— doing it for good. I know we're getting specific there, but like—
Julia: That's a true hero, though. Yeah.
Brandon: —I like that it's like we're meeting because this asshole is creating chaos because he's not doing anything, like, important or good or bad, or he's just being an asshole.
Eric: I feel like I'm already foregrounding this, but I like the idea that it's like, yeah, he did free that town that was under my control, but he also, like, ruined the native habitat while doing it—
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: —because he lit everything on fire.
Brandon: Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Eric: I like that. That's gonna be good. Okay. Let's go into characters, because we're already teasing it, so this is great. I think this is exactly the stuff you want to get. You really want to make sure you have your summary written down and any sort of extra details that all of you agreed on. So let's go to characters. It's time to flesh out your world. As people create their characters, each player should retreat to their own space to do this, as the countries have developed independently, and the Diamond Knot is the loose confederacy that holds them together. So no one finds out your moves and goals, which is part of the thing you do with your character sheet. Your character is a representative for this country, so you're creating two intertwined things at the same time. Create your country goal, personality move, and personal goal with help from the list on page five and six, and use ideals to help craft your country goal. Remember to keep these to yourself. It's way more fun to reveal your move during play and goals will be how you try to win. Here's a few guiding questions to ask as you develop your country and character, what does this country want in the setting, and how do they get it? Why did the government leader choose this person to go to the meeting? How did this character embody what the country is trying to do? There's a list of country goals, personal goals, and personality moves right there, but you can also flip to the back of the book and check out what a character sheet looks like. Ooh. Ooh.
Brandon: Ooh.
Julia: Ooh, aah.
Eric: So there's two different ways for you to make character sheets all the way in the last, like, full page of the book. There is a straight up character sheet where you write down your character, your country, the country's government system, and the country ideals, how you would describe yourself, most others would describe you as. And then you write down your personality move, your personal goal, and your country goal, which is—
Amanda: And hey, if you buy this at jointhepartypod.com/merch, whether you buy a physical copy or a digital copy, it'll come with not just the full color digital PDF, but also a printable character sheet. Whoa.
Eric: Whoa.
Brandon: Whoa. Amanda, I forgot. I didn't hear you. Where can they find it again? What was the—
Amanda: Oh, Brandon, it's www—
Brandon: w.
Amanda: —.jointhepartypod—
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: —.com—
Brandon: Uh-huh.
Amanda: —/. Stay with me. You're almost done.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Merch.
Brandon: Merch? Okay, great. Thank you. Yeah.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: Nice.
Julia: Is that a forward or a backward slash?
Amanda: Julia, it's the only type you've ever seen in a URL bar.
Julia: I always get confused which one is which, so thank you for clarifying.
Brandon: No one know. No one's sure.
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: No one knows.
Eric: And now, back from that plug, the country goals are what your country wants, the kind of— you're refining what it is your representative is going to do. The personal goals are an extra thing that you have that gives you bonus points for you to win later on. And the personality moves are something you can do, usually once a play session, in order to kind of shake up what's happening during the Diamond Knot meeting and it makes your character particularly special, and it reflects, like, the kind of person that they are. So all of that you write on your character sheet, if you flip to the other side of the page, there is a character sheet version that you can fold it over so it looks like it's a little like—
Brandon: A— like a name card?
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, you can show everyone, like, your name and your country, while also keeping all of your character sheet stuff to yourself.
Brandon: That's the coolest shit in this entire book. I love it.
Amanda: Yeah. Graphic designer Bren Frederick even included very friendly how to fold infographics that are much better than IKEA.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. When I say the coolest shit, I mean after the game itself.
Julia: Yeah, that too.
Amanda: I was gonna say earlier, my favorite part of the game is, I think the subtitle, just because I'm really obsessed with a game about words standing in the way of actions. It gave me shivers when I read it, and it's—
Brandon: Yeah.
Amanda: —still staying with me. Game's great, but like, there's just a lot of highlights.
Brandon: Yeah. My third favorite thing is my name on the credits. That's my third favorite thing.
Julia: Fair.
Amanda: Because it's me.
Eric: All right. So we're gonna go off and make our characters, and we're going to come back together to figure out when the docket opens.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Let's do it.
Eric: Okay, bye.
Julia: Let's go.
Brandon: Bye.
Julia: Bye.
Amanda: Oh, so quick and fun. What a good opportunity to go on my phone and buy a copy at jointhepartypod.com/merch.
Brandon: Oh, yeah, I also went to jointhepartypod.com/merch.
Amanda: No way?
Brandon: Yeah, it was really great.
Julia: Guys, we have copies already. Why did you buy more?
Brandon: Shut up, Julia.
Eric: To support their friend Eric, that's why.
Julia: For gifts?
Eric: Oh, gifts. Yes, gifts.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That's why. All right. So we made our characters, and we're going to get into the docket portion in a moment, but I want to review the three secret things that we might not reveal except during play and at the end of the game, the country goals, the personal goals, and the personality moves. So the country goals is the mission your ruler— the ruler of your country has tasked you with. This kind of fits alongside you coming up with your country. This is going to be something that's going to give you an extra point at the end, during scoring, but it's something that you get to come up with no matter what, instead of using the list of personal goals and moves that were provided by moi. The personal goals are something that you can do, that's something about your character that will also give you an extra point. But I've laid out quite a number of them to kind of, like, keep it within what is possible during play of this particular meeting. For example, a personal goal could be busy schedule. If you're the last to show up and the first to leave, you can get an extra point. It can be something that ends up— like, where you want the situation to shake out. Like on the road again, you get a point if a situation arises that you have to leave your spouse and kids for a year of war.
Brandon: That's really good.
Eric: I love that one. This can also be a thing— it can also be like a challenge for you, like taxonomy, where you get a point if you name three of an animal group during the meeting.
Amanda: Not always as relevant as it is for this one, but particularly—
Eric: I—
Amanda: —relevant here.
Eric: For sure. Or old sport where you call everyone else up by a nickname the whole time, and you don't get to the point if you use anyone's full name. So, yeah, all, like, little challenges for you to help guide yourself during play. And then finally, you have the personality moves, this is something, you know, a little bit inspired by Powered by the Apocalypse, and also those board games where you were playing a faction all trying to win. I really do love those, and I really love having a guy who is specific and does a special move, and trying to render this in tabletop RPGs. So these are moves that you can pull out most of the time, once per game, maybe multiple, depending on what you pull, that makes your character special. For example, you can be well read where you can invoke arcane regulations to stop the flow of conversation in its tracks up to two times, and everyone has to respect that. You can be fashionably late if you do enter last, and you must enter last, then you get to enter an extra motion into the docket. Or you can just be— it's kind of a plus or minus here with quick witted, where you always speak first after someone presents their motion, but you get to— you have to talk over someone while doing it. You're always interrupting. Of course, for this one, specifically—
Brandon: What's that like, Eric?
Eric: Shut up, Brandon. For this one, specifically for the moves, you can make up your own move that is a designated move, but you have— the rule is you have to run it by the group first, not to be checked, but so that they know how much to hate you when you have an OP move that ruins everyone else's time.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Wow. Rewarding creativity.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Okay. So, yeah, we all have our characters here.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: And now, we're going to go to the docket opening. The docket is where the seeds of discussions are planted, either to bloom into action or wither into infighting. It is the soil and should be treated with care. It is also first come, first serve. The docket can be a piece of paper or a shared online document with 10 pre-prepared empty spaces. That is what we're going to do. We're going to make a Google Doc here, and we're going to have a video of us filling out the docket that we will have on our Patreon at patreon.com/jointhepartypod, so you can— and for free, so you can watch us put the docket together if you're so interested.
Brandon: Oh, yeah, the sister URL to jointhepartypod.com/merch?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Yes. All right. After all the characters are created, which we just did, the player should decide when the motion docket opens. It can be immediately, five minutes from now, midnight on a Tuesday, whenever, but it should be a defined time that theoretically all players will be able to fill it out. Because we're playing this and recording this for an actual play episode, we're gonna do this probably right after I'm done describing what we're doing.
Julia: Yay.
Brandon: Where did— where did this quote come from, "Underneath the docket, remember late diplomats create early coups."? It's really good.
Eric: Oh, I wrote all the text in the margins, Brandon.
Amanda: Eric Marginalia Silver.
Eric: This is important because the last time we ran this, when we were doing this in Join the Party, Amanda was looking in the wrong document and was five minutes late, and she did not get to write down nearly any of the motions that she want to do.
Brandon: Yeah, that was really funny.
Amanda: That's right. I had to snipe a couple spots for my good friend Julia, who was a little bit real mad at me.
Julia: I was a little mad only because I was going to move it to a lower spot and then you stole it.
Amanda: Sorry. Them's the rules.
Eric: Okay. So here's how this works. This is the motion section. As soon as the docket opens, players can add a motion. A motion is a proposed idea or action that all of the members of the Diamond Knot will agree to execute together. It can be broad or specific on company or esoteric, cautious or reactionary. Maybe it doesn't mean anything at all, but it's certainly written down on the docket. A spot on the docket is claimed once your character's name is written there with a quick summary of what the motion will be about. There is an example docket that we've already filled out from our previous episode that we use as an example in this tabletop RPG, in the document. The ideas on the docket can be changed, removed, edited or reworked any time until the meeting begins. Motions can be combined and consolidated with agreements for both parties. You can decide if you want to have, like, a cooling off period. Like, if you want to play this one day and then do the whole actual rest of the game another day, so people can, like, conspire, feel free. This doesn't have to be all in one session. We're just doing it, of course, because we're recording it. Here's the important thing, by rules and regulations of the Diamond Knot, every character has a right to present one motion, which can be waived if you decide not to write one down. All other allocations and distributions are fair game, although people might have something to say about it. The docket is open until the moment before the Diamond Knot convenes. So basically, everyone has the right to have one motion on the document. These are going to be the proposed ideas that you are going to discuss in the rest of the game.
Amanda: And to win, you got to get some of them passed.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: You got to get some of them passed.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: That is definitely how you get points. There— and remember, there can only be 10 items on the docket. Before we start, I just want to make sure that all of us know each other's names. So you should all go around and make sure that everyone knows what— whose names are whose.
Julia: Hmm. My character's name is The Attested Tandlemuir.
Brandon: That's really good. What does that mean?
Eric: What is the name you're going to put down on the docket?
Julia: The Attested Tandlemuir.
Eric: The first— full thing?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: I love it. I'm going to be putting down Zazz, Z-A-Z-Z.
Brandon: That's the most—
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: Goddamn it, Eric. Yeah. Like, if you threw some names up on a sheet at 800 meters away, and I looked at them, I could snipe an Eric name out of thin air.
Julia: Yeah, that's true.
Eric: It is, of course, a nickname for a larger name.
Julia: Oh, of course.
Eric: But that is just— that's my nickname.
Brandon: Mine is Papa La Pew.
Eric: Are you gonna put Papa down?
Brandon: You can call me Big Papa if you want.
Julia: I don't—
Eric: What are you putting down at the top, you idiot?
Brandon: Papa, Papa.
Eric: Okay, you're putting down Papa.
Amanda: Wow. And mine is QDB26.
Julia: Sick.
Eric: Wow. QDB26.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That kinda— you're either a robot or you're definitely a royal.
Amanda: Hmm. Who can say?
Eric: Or both. It's bo— oh, robot queen?
Brandon: Robot queen?
Julia: Robot queen, robot queen.
Eric: Robot queen, robot queen. Incredible. Okay. So we're gonna go fill out the docket, the bell is going to sound, and you can check out the video at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. It's going to be free, anyone can watch it, or maybe we'll make some social graphics out of it, too. But we will be back here when we open up the docket and play out the meeting of the Diamond Knot.
Brandon: Wee!
Julia: Woo!
Amanda: Get my typing ready.
Eric: 3, 2, 1, go.
Julia: All right. There we go. Got my two in.
Eric: I cannot believe you copied it fast.
Julia: You guys have to pre-write these and copy paste them. What are you doing?
Brandon: Yeah, we didn't cheat, Julia.
Julia: That's not cheating.
Eric: Tandlemuir is so upsetting.
Julia: Thank you. I do what I can. Sorry, now I'm finally reading everyone else's.
Brandon: What's the guy's name again, that we named?
Julia: Dexter McSorley.
Brandon: Dexter, thank you.
Eric: Oh, no, I got caught.
Julia: Did Amanda just snipe you?
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah, she's good at that.
Amanda: Don't come at me if you're trying to get Ticketmaster tickets before me.
Eric: Sorry, Brandon, you didn't put your name there. I took it.
Brandon: No, you got it. I didn't have one. I was just trying to type so you wouldn't take it.
Julia: You gotta put the name at the top, Brandon. That's the key.
Brandon: Well, I— sorry, I assumed if I was writing something down, I wouldn't get shook.
Julia: Doesn't count.
Brandon: What about that, Eric?
Eric: No. That's cheating.
Julia: I got some questions as to— Zazzle has rich bounty, and then number nine is place a bounty. So Brandon, you can always swap yours out for something else if you want it.
Eric: I just thought it was more important to put it higher up on the docket, that's—
Julia: Yeah. No, I agree.
Eric: You know?
Brandon: Oh, seems like someone's stallin'.
Eric: No, get out of here.
Brandon: Done.
Eric: Got— get out of here. You can't take that.
Brandon: You took one of mine, I can take one of yours.
Eric: Brandon, do not take my— do not take that.
Julia: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Eric: Okay, good. Good, good.
Julia: Who's playing a bear? Is it Eric? Am I assuming?
Eric: Wow, really rude.
Brandon: Yes.
Julia: Well, let's be honest with each other. This is really like— it's one of those things where I watched you guys do this, and I'm like, "Oh, I'm playing a whole different ball game than everyone else.
Eric: I got it. Okay, I'm set.
Brandon: Okay.
Eric: [bell dings] All right.
Amanda: All right.
Eric: How do we feel?
Brandon: I mean, not good, Eric, but fine.
Amanda: My palms are sweating, but you know, it's nice.
Julia: Mom's spaghetti.
Eric: All right, folks. We got it?
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: All right, wonderful. Now, the meeting begins. We have written out, filled out our document, and now we're all meeting together for the Diamond Knot conclave? Convention?
Amanda: Convent? Shit.
Julia: Wrong.
Eric: No, that's not right.
Julia: That's not it.
Eric: Okay. So the meeting begins. Each character should arrive at the meeting of the Diamond Knot in their own time, place, and order. With a short scene, each player should introduce their character, their country and their adjectives, but keep your goals and moves a secret, if you'd like. You can also describe how you got there, how they made their entrance, what mood they're in, what else is relevant and fun. As each character shows up, the characters who are already there should talk to each other, stir up drama, and get settled. Once all the characters are there, the moderator will walk in, and we'll talk about that in a second. There is a moderator who is someone different than the four— than the— all the characters that are the players.
Julia: I'm like so hyped up, I was shaking during that.
Brandon: Jesus Christ, Julia.
Julia: Competition. Competition gets me going.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Julia wants to win.
Julia: Julia always wants to win.
Eric: I like the idea that this meeting is held on a moon, a singular moon, that's orbiting a planet that no one could live on.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Like, it's not— it is a gas giant, but there's nowhere to go. And also, it's all terrible evil purple gas that turns you evil.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: That makes sense.
Eric: The poison is in your heart. It's called Heart Poison planet. The Heart— the—
Julia: I feel like I should have known about that before, then I could have used that for my world-building.
Eric: Well, Julia, it's all there. Now, it exists. Now, it's there for there.
Julia: That's true.
Eric: But there is a moon— there is a small moon that orbits around it that clandestine groups use as a way station, and I— and it's actually quite an affordable conference area.
Julia: That makes sense. Yeah.
Eric: That is on this moon. I just think that there's just like a habitable bubble that is on top of a regular hotel conference room.
Julia: True. That makes sense.
Brandon: Pretty good, pretty good.
Eric: So we're— we are loo— you're constantly just looking into the terrible recesses of space that goes endlessly into nothingness.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And you're sitting on a three out of 10 comfortable chair at a very large oak table.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Julia: Cheating is comfortable than that.
Eric: Well, then, Julia, you just can't beat these prices, and also it being part of the black market, you can't use your Hilton points.
Brandon: Nice chairs cost money. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Is this also like someone's room, like there's a Murphy bed that can swing down from the wall?
Eric: Yeah, absolutely. You can stay there.
Julia: That's weird.
Eric: One of— the person who wins gets to stay there on the Murphy bed.
Julia: Oh, exciting.
Brandon: Does the moderator swing down from the bed whose name was Murphy?
Julia: Yeah, save that for later.
Eric: Well, you better believe it. The moderator is staying there, yes.
Amanda: Okay. Very good.
Eric: I like— the moderator is staying there, but—
Amanda: Comes down fully dressed like a vampire at the coffin.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: Exactly.
Eric: I like that. All right, folks. Who does— someone want to go— does someone want to show up first?
Brandon: I mean, I'll show up first. That's fine.
Julia: Big Papa's gonna show up first?
Brandon: The door of the conference room opens and slowly, purposefully, powerfully, Papa Le Pew enters the conference room. A probably like two, three-foot tall skunk, white and black striped.
Eric: Okay.
Brandon: Which his stripes end up looking like a suit, like a tuxedo kind of situation.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: Love it.
Brandon: And he has a corn cob in his— or like a corn— a piece of corn in his mouth.
Eric: Oh, an actual corn cob?
Julia: Just a piece of corn?
Brandon: Not a piece of corn.
Eric: Not a corn cob pipe, but a corn cob.
Brandon: Yep. Just a full piece of ear of corn. That's the word I was looking for, an ear of corn.
Eric: Oh, okay.
Brandon: It's just an ear of corn in his mouth, and he is both smokey and munching at the same time.
Eric: Hmm.
Amanda: Wow. Like an apple Bong.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: They're not good. Don't eat them afterward.
Brandon: Don't do that. And he goes to the head of the table and sits down, and puts his arms and says—
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah. See here, all these fools are late again.
Amanda: This is an all-time Brandon Grugle character voice.
Brandon: It's gonna be tough for me to keep up, so don't judge me.
Amanda: As if she sensed that somebody else has sat at one head of the table, Queen Deborah B's the 26th or QDB26 on government documents.
Julia: Jeez.
Amanda: Ambulates into the conference.
Eric: Ambulates?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Who knows how she's moving? She's just doing it. There's two legs. It could happen anyway.
Amanda: Well, I say it that way, because even though this is a habitable, like a climate dome, QDB26 is still in a space suit, and it is a humanoid space suit, but—
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: —in the fish bowl style helmet of the space suit—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: —is a large queen bee.
Brandon: Ooh.
Amanda: Like, probably the size of like a terrier or a dachshund.
Julia: Ooh.
Amanda: Or maybe like a medium cat.
Brandon: That's a large bee.
Eric: That is a very large bee.
Julia: Good dream. Damn.
Amanda: And the rest of the space suit is filled with, why not, worker bees, which allows—
Brandon: Yes.
Amanda: —her to operate legs and hands in concert in the hive mind, all in perfect unison, as if she, in fact, had those limbs. And so she looks like she's walking, but she is just, in fact, hovering slowly within the space suit to the other head of the table. Snaps her fingers a little bit, looks around, is confused when nothing happens, and then snaps them again. And some more, just loose bees drift in from behind her in order to pull out and then push in her chair as she settles down.
Brandon: Loose bees?
Julia: Yeah, the phrase loose bees is real fucking good.
Amanda: Now, Mischa, I hope that doesn't cause you too much trouble, but I would just like for you to have my same voice duplicated like two to 10 times, and that is going to be my character voice when embodying QDB26.
Brandon: Hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: Yeah, that won't be difficult or time consuming.
Julia: No, not knowing at all.
Brandon: Could you give us 100 takes of every line that you do, Amanda?
Amanda: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Amanda (as QDB26): Now, Papa, I'm so glad that you could join us, but you are in my second favorite seat.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Okay, I'm at the front.
Amanda: The Queen is ignoring you, looking off to the side.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Rude.
Eric: I feel like we're having a real, is Papa Le Pew too old to be running the skunk thing happening right now?
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): I take off— yeah, I take offense to that.
Julia: Brandon has to start every sentence with hey, yeah.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): I do. Yeah, I take offense to that.
Eric: Hey, yeah.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): That's a slight upon us.
Amanda: QDB just likes to make everybody slightly off put.
Julia: I think the next person to waddle into the room is The Attested Tandlemuir. They are sort of, I would say, taller than you would expect, with robes covering every part of their body, except for their feet, which you can see are kind of like scaly and webbed.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: And they waddle into the room and, without really saying anything, take a seat in the middle of the table, not at the end seats, whatsoever, which are already occupied, but wouldn't have taken it anyway. And they sit there. They're bogged down and they wait.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, you're not gonna say hello?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Hello, Big Papa.
Brandon: I love that no one else has actually called me Big Papa] except for you, Julia.
Julia: I'll remember what I remember.
Amanda (as QDB26): Your grooming is excellent as ever. Who does your toes?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): I have a bot for that.
Eric: Walking in 17 minutes late, but holding out a golden box of donuts just glittering and the smell wafting off of it is a VP of sales and operations and everything going pretty okay. Zazzle Grizzly. He's a younger grizzly bear wearing— like a bear wearing a human's suit. Not human skin, but like a suit for a person.
Julia: I thought we were all doing Star Wars robes. What the fuck happened?
Eric: I'm sorry, I forgot. Never mind. Never mind. Okay. So he's wearing space robes, but it's for a human.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Just bear arms— big bear head, arms and legs are busting out, so they look like shorts and a T-shirt.
Brandon: Good, very good.
Eric: So it's like what something that should be total swaddling space wizard robes look like something you would wear if you were going to Bonnaroo.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Nice outfit, brother.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): You know, I had to borrow my brother's. This doesn't fit me as much. You know, I'm a grizzly, and they're just a little panda, so it's— it doesn't work as much, but I— I'm sorry I'm late. I got donuts for everyone. You know, donuts. We're gonna be hashing this out. We might as well be filled. Get some space sugar inside of it. This is the best donut place in this quadrant of the galaxy. I know the guy, he— and he loves you, and he loves us, and I got all of your names written on all of the donuts.
Eric: Each of the— you open it up, and there's, like, Boston Cream donuts that had each of your names spelled wrong, which is impressive, because Papa's just Papa.
Julia: Yeah. There's three P's.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: I mean, you can spell Le Pew wrong. Yeah.
Eric: No, no, no. They're spelling Papa wrong. And Zazzle Grizzly just like—
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Oh, I guess we took all the chairs already. All right. Don't— okay. Don't worry about it. I'll put the donuts here.
Eric: And just, like, slides it too hard, so it slides all the way across the table and hits— I'm sorry, Julia, what is your character's—
Julia: The Attested Tandlemuir.
Eric: And hits Old Testy right in the chest.
Brandon: Old testy is not good, Eric. You should not say Old Testy.
Eric: And hit The Attested Tandlemuir like kind of right— falls into their lap. Be like—
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Oh. Too hard. Okay, never mind. But, yeah, we'll just— we'll pick it up while we're doing it.
Julia: The Attested Tandlemuir picks up the box and you can't even see their mouth, but you just hear clicking and then the donuts are gone.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: All of them?
Julia: All of them.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Good.
Brandon: What the fuck?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Hey, I told you all to get them. That's good.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, those are for everybody.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): They were delicious.
Amanda: QDB snaps her space suit again and says—
Amanda (as QDB26): Zazzle, would you care for those robes to be altered while you wait?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Oh.
Amanda (as QDB26): We have a bee for that.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): You know, Queen, sure. Your Royal Highness, I would love that. Thank you. I would love that. Another example of the ever present relationship between the Grizzly Cooperative and the Space Bees.
Amanda (as QDB26): The Royal Hive, yes.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): The Royal Hi— I'm sorry, the Royal Hive.
Amanda (as QDB26): Very well.
Amanda: And some of the loose bees go over, like, Cinderella's birds.
Brandon: Yes.
Amanda: And pluck the robe off of him, whisk it outside, and sometime later, we'll have an extended version back.
Eric: All right.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Oh, he's just nude now.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, nice hog.
Eric: I'm wearing like Joe Boxer smiley face boxers, like big boxers, like in the cartoon.
Brandon: Very good.
Eric: And— but smiley bear faces.
Julia: Adorable.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, Zazz.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Yes. Big Papa, how's it going?
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Just clarifying here, yeah, did you give all our names of the secret meeting to the donut shop owner?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Oh, they— I know the guy. It's fine. He is part of the corporation. It's one of our preferred vendors. Don't worry about it. Yeah— I mean, yes, but, like, yeah, don't worry about it.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Okay.
Brandon: And Papa puts his Tommy gun on the table.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Seen, heard and understood, my man. Seen, heard and understood, Papa. All right, okay.
Eric: I would really love— just because we're doing this for an actual play, can we all talk about the stuff on the top part of our character sheet?
Julia: Yes.
Brandon: Yes.
Eric: Because I love all these so much. You don't have to do this, but I'm very excited to hear what all of you— we— all character built while we were away.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Julia: Would you like me to start, or do you want to do it in the order in which we appeared?
Eric: Let's do it in the order which we appeared. That's great.
Julia: Great.
Brandon: So my character's name is Papa Le Pew.
Julia: Big Papa.
Brandon: Big Papa if you are nasty.
Julia: If you're nasty.
Brandon: The country/ship, because we're all on ships, it's called— his ship is called the Mephitidae, which is the order of animals that, like, skunks and badgers and stuff are in.
Eric: Oh, nice.
Amanda: Cool.
Julia: Oh, okay. Cool.
Brandon: Mephitidaes, which is pretty cool. The government system is a mob, an organized crime unit.
Eric: Love it, love it.
Amanda: Rico, as we call it.
Brandon: That's what you call a group of mobsters, a Rico?
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And what happens if you get a bunch of skunk mobs together? It's a Rico.
Amanda: Yep.
Brandon: And my country ideals are, obviously, loyalty and power. And I would describe myself as focused, powerful, and cunning. Others would say ruthless, uncaring, and brutal.
Eric: Hmm.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: Love it.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: Queen Deborah Bees the 26th represents the Royal Hive of Space Bees. The government system is an unrepresentative monarchy, on account of the monarch is the only monarch, and everyone else is very different to the monarch. So it's actually representing the opposite of what everyone is.
Eric: Oh, my God. The monarchy insists upon itself.
Brandon: The monarchy represents itself.
Amanda: Yes. The country ideals of the Royal Hive of Space Bees—
Brandon: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: —are obedience, cooperation, productivity, sustenance, and self-sufficiency.
Julia: Oh.
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: The Queen would describe oneself, ourself, using the royal we, as a trustworthy steward of the hive. Others would describe us as worthy of total obedience. Why would you ask that question?
Brandon: Hmm. Uh-hmm.
Julia: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: The best part about this game, Eric, which I don't think you've touched on, is that you get to play the worst characters imaginable and it's so fun.
Julia: Because that's who goes into politics.
Brandon: I know.
Eric: I love it so much. It's like you either play the most cunning person and then you have to role play that, or you play the dumbest person who exists.
Brandon: Yep.
Julia: I am playing The Attested Tandlemuir who is a representative of the Sanitary Compendium of the Neath.
Eric: Ooh.
Brandon: What the fuck are you saying, Julia?
Amanda: Julia has been reading so much sci-fi.
Julia: Julia is also writing a lot of sci-fi, so Julia's got a couple of names in the pocket here already. They are a technocracy, and their country ideals are sustainability, technological innovation, and reclamation. The Attested Tandlemuir would describe themselves as inquisitive, innovative, and resourceful. And most other people would describe them as a weird, little freak.
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: So, like— so a technocracy is a— the power is in the robot? Like is in technology?
Julia: The government or control of society or industry by an elite of technical experts.
Eric: Oh, that's cool.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: It's what we have in America, you know, because Elon Musk and—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Elon Musk, Vice-President of the Republican Party, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: And Facebook man and other—
Julia: Tough.
Brandon: —and the other Twitter boys, yeah.
Eric: True.
Julia: I was originally gonna have it— there's another one that's like Plato ideal of governments, that is, like, only property owners can be able to vote.
Amanda: Oh, so early America. Good.
Julia: Exactly.
Eric: Landed— oh, yeah. Shout out landed gentry.
Julia: However, because we're like all on spaceships, that doesn't really quite work, so I was gonna have it like the fir— when you get your first piece of technology that you own yourself, that is when you become, like, part of society.
Eric: That's so cool.
Amanda: Word.
Brandon: Cute.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: That's like—
Brandon: So, Julia, are you Wall-e?
Julia: No. No.
Brandon: What the fuck are you?
Amanda: What species is Tandlemuir?
Julia: I will reveal that shortly.
Eric: Oh, my God.
Brandon: Oh my god.
Amanda: Oh.
Julia: When we get there.
Eric: I love it. And I'm playing Zazzle Grizzly. Zazzle Grizzly, as I said, is the VP of Various Things at the Grizzly Cooperative, which is an intergalactic family business/corporation.
Brandon: Oh. That's cute.
Amanda: Ooh, yes.
Eric: Yeah. So whatever that means to you by smashing up those three ideas together, right? So the count— the ideals of the Grizzly Cooperative is bringing honor and pride to bears throughout the galaxy, calmness to the point of hibernation by clear systems and maintaining the flow of honey, and then relying on those systems to work, to distribute honey throughout the intergalactic places and stuff, and peoples—
Amanda: Soup.
Eric: —and shit.
Brandon: The soup.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Eric: As Zazzle would say, the people and shit. Zazzle would describe himself as the true heir to Zehnhoff Grizzly, the grand— his grandfather who founded the Grizzly Cooperative, the family business, but most others would describe him as idealistic, too trusting, and easy to manipulate through flattery.
Julia: Oh. That's good to know.
Eric: Just so you all know those things about Zazzle, because you would definitely know these things about Zazzle.
Amanda: Oh.
Eric: Okay. Sick. So—
Brandon: Grizzle Zazzly.
Eric: Thank you, Brandon. You honor me.
Julia: Helpful.
Eric: Okay. So once all the characters are there, the moderator will walk in, and each player will describe one thing that is incredibly boring about the moderator. The moderator's—
Brandon: Very good.
Eric: —job is to keep decorum, arbitrate rules and regulations, and if needed, break ties. All players control the moderator together, so anyone can hop into their shoes if they're currently not speaking. Again, GM-less game, this NPC is up for grabs, whoever is— needs to be the moderator. So let's all describe the moderator. So the moderator pops out of the Murphy bed that’s in the corner.
Amanda: Hurray.
Julia: Correct.
Eric: And everyone has described one thing about the moderator that is incredibly boring. I will go first. The first thing that is boring about them is the moderator is human.
Julia: Oh.
Amanda: Oh.
Brandon: I was gonna say, what's the most boring animal? And it's human. You're right.
Julia: I didn't Google boring animals. I was ready for it.
Amanda: Oh, damn. What'd you get it?
Julia: So it's the— so, it's in ZooChat, which I assume was a forum talking about animals in 2008.
Brandon: Very good.
Amanda: Whoa.
Julia: And the first thing it says, quote, "Boring animals," and the line is, "That includes llamas, obviously."
Eric: Whoa.
Amanda: Whoa.
Brandon: Shots fired.
Amanda: Damn.
Eric: So should it be a llama or should it be human?
Julia: No, no. I think it's funny that it's a human, but—
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: —shout out to ZooChat having real strong opinions.
Amanda: I can't believe their SEO is still so strong that they're still number one.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: The thing I would like to say about that the— I think just to double down on its boringness, I would like for the three of us not to describe any physical characteristics of the moderator.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Just a person.
Amanda: Got it.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Just a person.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: May I then throw out— may I describe something about this person's speech?
Eric: Yeah. No, no. I just want to— like, we don't know hair color, we don't know eye color, we don't know gender, we don't know anything other—
Brandon: I mean, Eric, we do know it, right?
Julia: We know it's a white guy.
Eric: We know it's a white guy.
Julia: We know, we know.
Eric: But like, I just want to— straight up physical characteristics. And if you—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —got robbed and they asked you to describe the person, what would you say? None of those.
Brandon: I love the idea that they're so boring that if you look at them and you look away, you immediately forget what you just looked at.
Eric: 100%.
Amanda: Yes, yes.
Eric: 100%. Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: All right. So let me throw out then, may I use he/him pronouns for the moderator?
Julia: Yes.
Amanda: Just so we're making assumptions.
Eric: I mean, we don't know.
Julia: We don't know.
Amanda: The moderator has that speech affect where they will draw out a word as they're thinking. So—
Brandon: Hmm.
Amanda: —he will say something along the lines of, "We call this meeting to order. I'm very glad you could make it."
Brandon: That sucks.
Amanda: Et cetera.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: That sucks. I love it.
Eric: Established.
Brandon: I think this person also, like, does the thing that's really annoying, where they sort of, like— they don't pace back and forth because it's not consistent. But every now and again, they just, like— they never sit down and they just move a couple steps to the left and a couple steps to the right.
Eric: Hmm.
Brandon: And, like, they're always sort of, like, hovering, you know?
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: A little bit over you.
Eric: The thing— there's a thing you notice with, like, people who aren't good at public speaking, or like, you know, when you saw, like, a middle school play where, like, people can't stay still and they're always bouncing from one side of their feet to the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Yeah. And then when they're talking about you, they're talking to, like, someone across the table. They're hovering over the person—
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: —closest to them.
Eric: I like this because it's like, where did— we needed to get a moderator. And it's like, when you talk to judges, like— you know, in like, all the— like, the cop and lawyer shows that exist, the judges, like, has their one weird thing, and you can't do anything about it, because they're a judge.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: I like this. It's like, well, this is the only moderator we could all agree on, so we gotta—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —whatever this guy wants, I guess.
Brandon: Yep, exactly.
Amanda: Why was the first thing that popped into my head that this judge will call a recess every time the Yankees are on the field?
Eric: That's exactly what I was thinking. Yeah, yeah. There's like, so much Yankees memorabilia in the office.
Julia: Yeah. And his name is Joe.
Eric: Joe.
Brandon: Joe.
Julia: Just Joe.
Amanda: Nailed it.
Eric: All right. Asked and answered. All right. So let's play the game, yeah?
Brandon: Let's do it.
Julia: Yeah. Okay. So here's how the game works. The moderator will call the Diamond Knot to order, and we will work through the motions of the order on the docket. For the rest of this section, the flow of the game will go like this, going by docket order, the first or next character will introduce their motion. They will talk as much as they want for as long or as short. Characters will discuss question, clarify, interrogate, compliment, intimidate, and more about the topic. When the conversation lulls, the moderator will call for a vote of yes or no. If it gets a majority vote, it is ratified, and we move on to the next motion. If it fails or there is a tie, it is kept on the docket to attempt another vote later, and then repeat. If there are no more motions left to be introduced, you can bring back motions and re-argue or revote. The Diamond Knot meeting ends when three motions are ratified, or a majority vote decides that it is over. Remember, the Diamond Knot can ratify up to three motions, but it doesn't have to be three. Once we ratify three, it's immediately over, but we could also call it whenever we want— if a majority vote agrees, or we're just all tired and we don't want to do it anymore.
Amanda: That's a good rule.
Eric: So the character—
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: The character is not the people.
Julia: Got you.
Amanda: That's a good rule for any board game.
Julia: Hmm, true.
Amanda: That's true.
Brandon: I don't have any regrets about my placement in the docket now.
Amanda: Oh, sorry, Brandon, are you nine and 10, is that right?
Brandon: Yep.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Yep. Yep, yep.
Julia: Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, Brandon.
Eric: There is another section called verbal weapons that comes next that I think we should all keep in mind while you're doing this, so just ways to have the game be fun. Players are encouraged to follow the improv rule of Yes, and. If someone says you did it, you probably did it, but you can spin it around as you like. And you can, of course, do it back to them. Everyone can and should bring up people, factions, historical events, and places of this world. Once established, they are locked in the canon, also known as Magic Tavern theory. Especially when you were doing a One Shot like this, where you just came up with the world, and we just invented stuff, and now they exist, that should be consistent within conversation as well, and is encouraged. To that end as well, invent and invoke rules of the meeting at your discretion. If you want to revote, then revote and cite the rule, or revote because you said so and everyone likes you, so you can do whatever you want. This is important for your personality moves. When you use a personality move, you should narrate and play out the action. And then once you do that, clearly announce the move you are using, so everyone knows you have used the move.
Julia: Gotcha.
Eric: Again, this is like real basics of tabletop RPG. Before— don't just say, I swing my sword. You got to do the thing, and then we let the game mechanic do the thing. Okay? Finally, if you're playing with an even number of players, like we are, the moderator can break the tie to decide if the moderator votes yes or no, flip a coin or roll a die. Yes is heads, no is tails. Yes is odds, no is evens. You can decide whether or not to do it, as I said. You can also come back to ties if you want to, or if you want to immediately do it, force the moderator's hand. Someone controls the moderator, and then does the thing.
Brandon: Cool.
Amanda: Hell, yeah.
Eric: Okay. So—
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): [gavel bangs] We are so happy to be here, and I think that we should get things going, because the Yankees are starting in three and a half intergalactic hours.
Brandon (as Moderator Joe): Did everyone have a bagel that I brought?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Oh, I brought donuts. I didn't even see your bagels, Joe. I'm so sorry. That's so rude of me.
Brandon (as Moderator Joe): Oh.
Amanda: QDB lays a hand on Zazzle's forearm and goes—
Amanda (as QDB26): Everyone knows donuts follow breakfast.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Whatever the Queen says, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess donuts are the dessert of breakfast. Sorry, Joe. I guess we had dessert before— we had dessert in the wrong order, buddy.
Brandon: The dessert of breakfast is a really good concept.
Amanda (as QDB26): Shall we?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): I'm in.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah.
Amanda (as QDB26): Before the meeting begins, may I suggest each of us says a nice thing about me?
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, now?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Yeah, I'll get started. I think the Queen— I think Queen Deborah 26 is way better than Deborahs 21 through 25, I know and I heard from stories from my brothers and from my grandfather, may he rest in peace somewhere, floating in the intergalactic dust that does exist here and as given to be by the bear religion, where we all sleep and only through our sleep is the holiest thing that we do. It's called the hibernation religion. I don't know why I'm explaining it. It just feels like a regional thing, and I feel like I needed to say it. The holiest thing to do is sleep, and that's where your dreams happen, and that's where you commune with the holiest of holies, and that's where he is. You know, we've had problems with the other Deborahs— Queen Deborahs in the past, and this one seems pretty good. So don't— hey, bees, don't eat this one.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Oh, hey, I thought of something.
Amanda (as QDB26): Yes.
Brandon: And Papa takes a little chew of his corn, and he says—
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): I like how quickly you die when you sting someone.
Amanda (as QDB26): Thank you. Us as well. A swift death is better than a prolonged one.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): I am always saying this.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): I think your space suit looks quite nice and the glass extremely shiny.
Amanda (as QDB26): Thank you. I have a shiner in here with me.
Amanda: And up pops a little worker bee who is wearing— or is holding a, like, microfiber cloth.
Brandon: Is holding or he just uses his little furry butt to—
Amanda: Yeah. No, you're right.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: You're right.
Julia: Yeah his butt.
Amanda: Fuck what I said. He uses his furry little butt.
Eric: Ee-er, ee-er, ee-er, ee-er.
Eric (as Moderator Joe): Then the docket is open.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Hey, you know, I'm— I didn't mean to take the first spot, it was open. I just thought we could start with something.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Classic
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): If you're not sleeping, then you should be first when you're waking up, because of how much we sleep.
Amanda (as QDB26): Makes sense.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): You talk about sleep a lot. Do you need a nap?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): No. Just part of my religion. Am I talking too much about sleep?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Quite a bit.
Amanda (as QDB26): Yes.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Okay, I won't talk about sleep anymore. Okay. First, I just wanted to start with a moment of silence for the recent passing of my grandfather, Zehnoff Zazzle. I know he thought all three of you were very good friends and co-workers in maintaining the flow of the intergalactic highways. And, you know, outstanding, what happened on Omicron 12. I think we can all put it in— put it past us and I think that's what my grandfather, my grand pop-pop, Zehnhoff Zazzle— no, that's my name. Zehnhoff Grizzly would really like. So let's just have a moment of silence.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, seconded.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): May I honor him in the way of the Neath?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Sure. Well, I— what is— what's that? How do you do that?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Ahhhh!!!
Eric: Good stuff.
Amanda: The Queen stands, her space suit salutes, and you hear all the low hum of the bees go silent for a heartbeat before they resume.
Brandon: Papa shoots a few rounds of his Tommy gun into the air.
Eric: While there's a moment of silence—
Julia: Does that count as a moment of silence if one of us is shooting a gun and the other one screams?
Eric: Well, it's all— in all of our regionalities, for sure. Also, the Tommy gun bullets bounce off of the—
Julia: The dome?
Eric: Bounce off of the dome. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.
Amanda: It must be bulletproof, yeah.
Eric: Yeah. While there is a moment of silence in between ever— all of the sounds, Zazzle picks up a donut and eats it, and then chokes on it. So during the silence, he coughs very, very hard.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): [coughs]
Julia: Now, I have to ask if this counts as a motion passed?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): No. No, I just wanted to do it.
Julia: Okay, okay.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): It's— this doesn't count. I didn't want to take up too much time. I just wanted to— I appreciate that.
Brandon (as Moderator Joe): I would say—
Julia: Oh. Oh, it's Joe.
Brandon (as Moderator Joe): —this is not emotion.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): That's fair. Sorry for doing something inappropriate. I hope I don't get any strikes against me.
Amanda (as QDB26): Cease the apologies.
Amanda: And then the loose bees come back in with the robe, drop it over your head, and it's been extended.
Julia: Aw.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Ah, I like the hog.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): I don't like you all saw me cough with my— with— in just boxers, but okay. Probably wasn't bad. All right. We can move on.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): The Sanitary Compendium of the Neath inquire into the timeline for the detainment and arrest of the dreaded Dexter McSorley.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, maybe dread it for you. That guy's a punk. You know what I'm saying?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Then, why have your people not taken care of him?
Amanda (as QDB26): McSorley has been removing Flora from all over the galaxy, not even because he wants to, but because he is very clumsy and keeps stepping off paths into gardens. Any of my subjects have orders to shoot and kill on site.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): You know, we could take care of that for you, if you wanna maybe go to number nine and place a bounty on his head for us, you know?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): I think we can all agree that Dexter McSorley has been fucking shit up for all of us. The destruction that he caused on Omicron 12 was disastrous, and lots of pollution.
Amanda (as QDB26): We hate pollution.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): I don't mind it.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): I would like to take this opportunity to say I would take care of Dexter— I'll take care of Dexter McSorley. He led to the death of my beloved grandfather, and I won't stand for that. And with the bee— with the information, and the support, and the infrastructure of the bees, and hopefully with the weaponry of the skunks, and any sort of technology and gadgetry that the technocracy can help— that help me with, I can be the one to execute this order, and I can tell you I'll do it in three days' time.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): You specifically?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Me specifically.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Wow.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): I— hey, I don't want to be a real knicker-knockers, what come to my part. I don't know what that means.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Knicker-knocker.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah. But you just choked on a bagel not but two seconds ago.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): First of all, it was a donut, ha! You're send— maybe we should be discussing if Papa is too old to be giving criticisms to others.
Brandon: Papa fires his Tommy gun in the air.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Oh, hey.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): To be fair, a donut is easier to eat than a bagel.
Amanda (as QDB26): A bit of a self-own, Zazzle.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): You know, one of us here at this table has a track record of taking care of enemies, and if y'all maybe want to vote it in number nine, and hey, maybe we take care of it for you. Maybe you don't have to think about it.
Amanda (as QDB26): Papa, you will never have my vote for number nine, because the rest of us don't need financial incentive to do what is best for the entire group.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): And I think we all remember what happened the last time that Papa Le Pew was put in charge of an assassination.
Eric: And we cut to a llama president leading on—
Julia: Not the llama.
Eric: —a platform of universal basic healthcare.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: And then we see Papa shoots the llama with a Tommy gun on stage.
Amanda: Oh, no.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: He's like—
Eric (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah, it was us, the skunks who did it.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, yeah, that's why we rose to prominence.
Eric (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah, that's what we—
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): We also made merchandise and made millions.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): You know, the llama was not beloved by all, but he did have some good points.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): He got lots of points in his body, if you know what I'm saying.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): So what I'm hearing, back to the point, is the Grizzly Cooperative is offering to detain and arrest Dexter McSorley in three days' time?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Yes.
Amanda (as QDB26): With support from the Hive.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, you wanna just detain and you wanna end this problem, but you just wanna let it fester in jail?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): I think detaining and arresting does end the problem.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): I'll do all, end both.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Okay. Not very final, if you ask me. Look, Zazzle, come over here for a second. Come over here with the side— on the side here.
Eric: Zazzle lumbers over and leans down with— any or down to Papa's mouth.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, if you support us here on the benign, maybe we split the profits, buddy?
Eric: And he tries to hide his mouth with two paws.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): I'm sitting right here.
Eric: Be like—
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Yeah, you know— no, I will— yeah, of course, I will, but you gotta vote for me. I gotta do the thing.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah. We'll split—
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): We'll do it together.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): We'll split the bounty. Yeah.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): All right, yeah, we'll do it. All right, all right.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah. Yeah.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Yeah. All right. I think we've discussed it, and I think it's time to vote on the— it's time to vote.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): On the timeline?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Vote on the timeline.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Excellent. I am in agreement that three days' time for the detainment and arrest of Dexter McSorley is optimal.
Amanda (as QDB26): We would agree, provided that should Dexter be unable to be brought in alive, he be brought in deceased.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Thank— that honestly makes it easier for me. Thank you for your consideration, Queen.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah, I support you, Zazzy.
Eric: [gavel bangs] All right. That's obviously yes for me. That's one.
Julia: Motion passed.
Amanda: Ratified.
Eric: One ratified.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): That was nice.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Good job.
Amanda (as QDB26): Thank you, Joe.
Brandon (as Moderator Joe): I have a question for you, Zazzle.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Yes, Moderator Joe.
Brandon (as Moderator Joe): Is motion three emotion, or should we just skip it?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Motion three is, once again, not a motion. Again, I'm— do not put strikes against me. I'm so sorry. I would really like it if you didn't put strikes against me. Please, I just wanted to keep number three to move on to number four, importantly, because I think it is a very time-sensitive and relevant point that the Queen has brought up for all of us to discuss.
Brandon (as Moderator Joe): Okay. The floor is yours, Queen.
Brandon: I don't know why I'm doing this, like, "Waa, waa."
Amanda: It's great.
Julia: Mm, mm.
Amanda (as QDB26): In observance and memory of the former leader of the Grizzly Cooperative and the excellent relationship that me and certainly none of my predecessors have had with said cooperative, I would like to formally propose an alliance between the Bears and the Hive. This cooperation will allow for uninterrupted trade, maximized profits, and of course, the sharing of information and enforcement against such characters as Dexter McSorley. Do I have a second?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): I seconded, definitely me.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): May I raise—
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, yeah, I gotta ask.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): May we raise the point real quick?
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah, you go ahead. You go ahead.
Amanda (as QDB26): Certainly, Tandlemuir,, I like you much better.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Why does a proposed alliance between the bears and the hive need to be a agreed upon motion by the Diamond Knot?
Amanda (as QDB26): Excellent question. That is because it must be understood in the greater galaxy that interfering with the creation, harvesting, and sale of honey is bad for all of us. If anyone is to interfere in the processing of honey, it ought to be enforced, not just by us, but by all. An alliance between the Hive and the Cooperative is not, in fact, consolidating power against the rest of the Knot, but is a foundational corner upon which the rest of the Knot can flourish. I wish to do it not behind closed doors, but here in the open.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): While the Sanitary Compendium appreciates the honesty of both the Hive and the Bears, I don't know if we need to ratify this as a motion, because that would mean things end.
Amanda (as QDB26): Counter proposal, then. Shall I instead amend it to say no group shall interfere with the harvest and sale of honey?
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, I don't know if we can agree to that.
Amanda (as QDB26): Are your bodies on the line when creating the substance that feeds, if not garnishes, most of our meals?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): And all of the employees of the Grizzly Corporation are my brethren and kin. I see them in thanksgiving.
Amanda (as QDB26): Is this not a—
Amanda: It's very funny.
Amanda (as QDB26): Is this not a sign to the rest of the galaxy that greater cooperation, instead of infiltration of one another's business may indeed lead to greater prosperity for all? If the bear knocking down the hive can be an image of the past, can we not help each other into a better future?
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): I got two problems. One, and I don't mean to point this out, madame.
Amanda (as QDB26): Your Highness.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Ain't nobody else here got number in the name because they die so frequently.
Amanda (as QDB26): Ain't nobody else have such a long lineage that they need one.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hmm. Hey, yeah, and ain't nobody here at this table, I'm not naming names, but maybe there's someone who does some fake honey sales on the side for a little extra scratch.
Amanda (as QDB26): Tandlemuir, your support in this matter will not go unreciprocated.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Well, I appreciate that this proposed alliance is important to the hive and bears. There are other issues that I feel need to be addressed. And were this motion to pass, we will not be able to address them.
Amanda (as QDB26): Papa?
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah.
Amanda (as QDB26): Would you like 4,000 credits?
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Maybe, I ain't saying who it could be, but some at this table. Maybe we could sneak some— maybe some weapons, maybe some drugs into your jars of honey.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): We'll make them big enough to fit anything, even those big Tommy guns you have, the Thomas guns.
Brandon: The Dave Thomas guns is what my brain said.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): The Dave Thomas guns, they're square, and they're never frozen.
Brandon: That's so stupid.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, if you can agree to that, maybe we can make a deal here.
Amanda (as QDB26): What finds itself into the false bottoms of my hives is no concern of mine.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Heh, false bottoms.
Amanda (as QDB26): That was my nickname for you in college.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Heh, college.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Heh, college. Like I went to college. Then let's take a vote maybe, see where we land.
Amanda (as QDB26): Aye.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Aye.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Tester?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): The—
Eric: Calculating, calculating, calculating.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): I'm not a robot. I just sound like that.
Eric: Processing, loading.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): The Sanitary Compendium of the Neath would agree to this proposal between the bears and the hives, if the bears and the hive will agree to the next on the docket proposal.
Amanda (as QDB26): Too bad, I've already made my offer. Papa?
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Aye. Hey, yeah.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Fair enough.
Eric (as Moderator Joe): All right. I'm going to write note it down that there is bribery.
Julia: Fair enough.
Brandon: No, Eric, I think it's spelled like this, briberry.
Eric: Ah.
Julia: Oh.
Amanda: Ah.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amanda: That's good.
Eric: [gavel bangs] Two ratifications, folks.
Julia: And hopefully one more.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Yeah, who cares if we get ratified as long we can keep moving on guns and drugs? I don't know why I got Southern there for a second.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Are you— I said he's too old. Look at the stroke he's having.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): The Sanitary Compendium of the Neath would like to propose an offer of sanitation and recycling services in the wake of the destruction left behind by Dexter McSorley. We know that he has been, as we said, fucking shit up around the galaxy, and many people have been left with a lot of waste, which we believe could be reclaimed and then recycled into better goods for everyone in the galaxy, but particularly, the numbers of the Diamond Knot.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, I gotta say real quick. Sounds like someone is a little bit of a stink hater over here. You hate the stink?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): No. We love stink. I want all your trash.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hmm.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Now, I didn't go— I also didn't go to college. I just went to Grizzly Management University. I don't really understand— how does the recycling work in the first place and why do you want all the stink?
Eric: And that's when I use my move, my friends.
Amanda: Hey.
Eric: My move is— my personality move is trustworthy.
Brandon: Yes.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: I was hoping you're gonna say that.
Eric: Trustworthy says one time you may ask one player to reveal their personal or country goal to you. The information should be revealed secretly, out of play, but should be rendered in world as that character letting information slip out at an inopportune or vulnerable moment.
Julia: It's ironic because I think the Attested Tandlemuir did kind of say exactly what I wrote down for my country goal.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Which is—
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): We want your trash.
Amanda: Yeah. Great.
Eric: What the fuck?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Give us your trash.
Eric: What the fuck?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Your trash is our treasure.
Amanda: Incredible.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Your— our trash is your treasure?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Yes.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): How— that— it's just all, like, bit of honey wrappers and honey barbecue wing bones, and Mountain Dew cans, but they're honey.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): And they stink, which we all love, right, guys?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Yes.
Amanda (as QDB26): We love to cover that stink in the stink of one's own spit, therefore, making new honey combs with which to make new honey.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): The same thing that the Queen said is also true for the bears?
Amanda (as QDB26): Uh-hmm.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): What are you doing with your trash? We could do things just because you don't have an idea of what to do with them, we can come up with something.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): I smell it.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Very nice.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): We burn ours on a planet that we use, where the workers work.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): But do you understand that perhaps that is not the most sustainable use for your trash?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Sorry, not where the workers work. Where the workers who aren't my cousins work, that's where we burn it.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): That seems— I know perhaps you do not care about that. Do you care about that?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): No.
Julia: And I'm gonna use the— oh, well, there you go. I was gonna use my personality thing of guileless, which means I could ask an honest question of someone and get an honest answer back.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): No, we don't care about any workers that aren't my cousins.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Interesting.
Amanda (as QDB26): And we spit all over it until it becomes hospitable for a new generation of workers. So while I am happy to table the thought of recycling, perhaps, our comb with the Sanitary Compendium in the future, for now, this remains a nay.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Wait, hold on. Is this— and please forgive me, all three of you, if this is a stupid question, what are you going to do with the trash?
Eric: And the thing about guileless is that—
Julia: Yes.
Eric: —every time you use the move, they get to use it back to you. So I'm asking you, what are you gonna do with the trash?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): We're gonna make it into other things.
Amanda (as QDB26): At a profit?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): No. Just because it's cool to make new things.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Like weapons? Like things that will kill us?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Not kill you specifically. Sometimes they are weapons, sometimes they're newfound energy, and sometimes they're new forms of transportation. Sometimes they're new business models. Who can say? It's trash, but it becomes treasure.
Brandon: So you are Wally.
Amanda (as QDB26): We cannot, in good faith, promise to you resources that we may be able to use.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Well, then, it would not be trash. I would just like to say, Dexter McSorley has been sowing chaos and destroying a lot of our resources. If you have no place to send those resources, why not send them to the Neath?
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Let's see what happens with this.
Brandon: And Papa takes a bite of his corn cob and throws at the Attested Tandlemuir.
Amanda: Oh, my.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): What do you do with that trash?
Julia: The Attested Tandlemuir takes the trash, pulls it into their robe, and then when it comes out again, it's like a box, like a sphere.
Eric: I love it. Yeah. Hell yeah, dude.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Holy shit!
Julia: And he opens it up, and he's like— says—
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): And then there's the corn. We could use this for fuel later.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Holy shit!
Julia: Closes it back up.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Queen, this is impressive. I think we should let the Tandlemuir do what she does.
Amanda (as QDB26): May I add, Tandlemuir, not that I believe anyone has done this, but will you, in turn, assent that none of your membership will take any object currently used by the Royal Hive for production?
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): We only will take what is offered to us. It is a sanitation and recycling service, not a power grab.
Amanda (as QDB26): In that case, you may have my attestation.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): May I remind you here? That if we all say yay— if we all say, hey, yeah, to this proposal, we got no read— we ain't got no time to read anymore.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Well, I would like to say the next several on the docket are, make me an offer, bear, ensure ongoing availability of flowers, not that that's not important. Discussion of space honey for all lunches, and then a bounty on Dexter's head, which we've already sort of agreed to, and then replacing all— exhaust ports on ships with upgraded versions. Something that you and I, Papa, can discuss in the future.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, that's not a bad idea.
Amanda (as QDB26): And I quite like the idea of every child buying— I mean, eating our honey.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Both. And she said it wasn't a power grab. It's perfect.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): We could give kids guns in our honey, in their lunches.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Fresh, never frozen.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): May I propose that we vote?
Amanda (as QDB26): Aye.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Yes.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): I'll say aye as well.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Well, a mobster knows when to go with the group. So I say, aye, yeah.
Eric (as Moderator Joe): [gavel bangs] And the docket is closed. Good thing I can see the Space Yankees.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Is that what you're calling, Zazzle's hog?
Eric (as Moderator Joe): Yes.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): A space Yankee?
Eric (as Moderator Joe): Meeting adjourned. I'm going back to bed.
Eric: And Joe walks over to the Murphy bed and bloops back into it.
Julia: I think The Attested Tandlemuir reaches across the table for more of the bagels and takes off their hood, and goes to scarf them all down, and you see the Attested Tandlemuir face and—
Brandon: Visage.
Julia: —body for the first time.
Brandon: Uh-huh.
Julia: And I'm just going to quickly share—
Brandon: Goddamn it.
Julia: —a thing real quick.
Eric: It was a baby penguin the whole time.
Julia: It's Pesto the penguin.
Amanda: Oh, my God.
Brandon: It was Pesto the penguin?
Eric: Wow.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Oh, what a sweet—
Julia: Real big, giant Pesto penguin.
Brandon: Oh, that's so good.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Incredible.
Julia: Anyway, I just wanted to share because that was what I was picturing when I was picturing the Neath. They're all just big, furry penguins.
Eric: So is it like— it's a big, furry— does it have, like, cybernetic enhancements, or it's just a penguin?
Julia: Just a penguin.
Eric: That's fucking hilarious.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Why did they talk like that?
Julia: Because that's the voice I came up with.
Eric: I just like the idea that it has, like, a robotic voice box, because the more—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —computerized your voice sounds, that must be, like, a sign of class or something.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: I was trying to do, like, little child voice, but then I was like, "Don't make it silly, and then don't make it Cammie." And then it got too robotic, so I was like, "Just go with it."
Eric: No, robotic's good.
Amanda: Great.
Eric: That totally makes sense.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Good thing.
Brandon: I love it. I love it.
Eric: All right. Once the meeting is over— this is the wrapping up section. Once the meeting is over, each player should narrate a short scene as they leave the Diamond Knot, return home, and have to convince their ruler that they achieve their country's goal. Other players should embody the leader, or leaders, and decide in the spirit of the country based on the country goal that's then revealed, if they achieved it or not.
Julia: Should we go in order that we've arrived/left?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Oh, God. I— I'm late for sleep temple. I gotta go. It was so nice to see all of you. Thank you for honoring my grandfather. This is great.
Eric: Handshake, handshake, handshake. It's all way too hard because Zazzle is rushing out.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Ow.
Eric: And then, like, hustles out of the dome and immediately jumps on, like, a space moped.
Julia: That makes sense. That checks out.
Amanda (as QDB26): We shall send him more robes of a proper size, for all of our sakes.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): That's very kind of you. It seems like he's a bit of a mess.
Amanda (as QDB26): Uh-hmm.
Eric: Okay. And then we— I go back to the Grizzly Cooperative, which is a floating office building that has, like, boosters and thrusters on it. It has, like— it's mostly made out of glass, and it's like a new— a cool office, but it also is radiating a terrible, angry energy. The biggest thing you can tell it's a cool office is because there's sleep pods everywhere.
Julia: Sure. Naturally.
Eric: And there are mostly bears sleeping a lot if they're not, like, hooked and— but they also have, like, wireless keyboards all— at all times.
Brandon: Yeah.
Julia: Oh, you haven't come up with the technology that lets you dream and also work?
Eric: Julia, you better believe that that's actually what this— the Grizzly Cooperative's main goal is.
Julia: Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
Eric: That's what all the money's for, Julia.
Julia: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: I get it.
Eric: For being able to work while you sleep.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Do they have a keg ready full of honey?
Eric: Oh, yeah, but it's like— a lot of people don't know that it's double strength, so you get really—
Brandon: Oh.
Eric: —whacked out on honey for the first few weeks if no one tells you.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Julia: Yeah, makes sense.
Eric: Lots of honey lattes. And that is when I take the elevator and I go up to the secretary, and they say—
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Is dad in?
Julia (as Dolores): Yeah. What do you want?
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Dor— Dolores, is my dad— come on, give my— where's my dad?
Julia (as Dolores): He's busy.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): What— he's pu— is he golfing? I told him I was gonna be back.
Julia (as Dolores): He's practicing his short game.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): In the office or at the other range?
Julia (as Dolores): Yes. No, no, in the office.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Okay. Then I'm going in, Dolores. You never liked me.
Julia (as Dolores): Yeah. You're a disappointment to me.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): And you're a bad math tutor.
Julia (as Dolores): You should have scored higher on your SATs.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): I tried. I have anxiety.
Eric: And he kicks open the doors. And—
Amanda: Guys, what if the SATs are about sitting?
Brandon: Oh.
Amanda: That'd be really good.
Julia: I was trying to think of how I could include bear in there, and then I just couldn't get to it.
Eric: No, that's good. That's good. And my dad, who is Zeffy Grizzly, is currently the CEO of the Grizzly Cooperative, and is just a mean, old, grizzled bear.
Julia: Grr.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Hey, Dad, I'm back from the Diamond Knot, and I got it all done that you— all the stuff you asked me to do. I took care of it.
Amanda (as Zeffy Grizzly): Try again, son. I heard it too many times.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Heard what too many times?
Amanda (as Zeffy Grizzly): This story. "Oh, Dad, I did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah." And then nothing is done.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Look ,the bee— the queen— the bean— the bee queen, she— the— you know—
Amanda (as Zeffy Grizzly): Bean queen, you should call her that.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): All right. The bean queen, we like— she voted everything that I wanted her to. We voted at the same time. And we— I formed an alliance, and everyone saw it. And they— and, like, the skunk was like, " Yeah, sounds like a good idea." And the weird— and the robot penguin lady was like, "That was— I want your trash." And we're like, "Fine, I don't care about it." But the— with— the bees are closer than ever.
Amanda (as Zeffy Grizzly): Well, well, well. Color me surprised.
Julia: Amanda, this should be your character voice next season.
Amanda (as Zeffy Grizzly): Good job, son. Maybe the passing of my father means that I should rethink your role in the family, as I've had to rethink mine. Nah. Can you caddie for me later?
Julia: Fuck.
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Yeah, Dad.
Brandon: "I would never retire."
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Yeah, but thanks for saying good job, though. So—
Amanda (as Zeffy Grizzly): Did I? Might have been a mistake, but I'll let you have that one.
Eric: All right. So my country goal was make sure the bees fall in line beside you.
Amanda: Hmm.
Eric: And I would say that I noted— and I noted that the Queen and I voted yay on everything together.
Amanda: That's fair enough.
Eric: Sick. I'll take that point.
Julia: So I think Tandlemuir after eating every single bagel that remains in this room—
Eric: It's funny that you have a beak because you can't chew it.
Amanda: I know. It's great.
Eric: You're just like— [chomping sounds]
Julia: Well, that's why I said you hear clicking and then they ate all of the—
Eric: Oh, sure. I thought you had like robot mouth.
Julia: No, no.
Eric: Oh, sick.
Julia: They waddle out of the room into what looks like kind of a slide, I would say, because the way that the Sanitary Compendium of the Neath works is it is a series of ships that are all connected via, like, slide and tunnel and tube.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: You better believe it.
Brandon: Perfect.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Perfect.
Julia: Because they could just slide on their little tummies back and forth, back and forth.
Brandon: Perfect.
Amanda: Incredible.
Julia: And they get back to rather than going face-to-face with the Sanitary Compendium's technocrats—
Amanda: They go butt-to-butt?
Julia: No. They go back to their own laboratory, and they sit there, and they, like, phone in because a lot of the meetings have to be, like, Skype meetings and not in-person meetings.
Eric: Oh, no, Skype exists?
Brandon: Oh, they still have Skype?
Julia: Yeah, they're Skype-ing, because it's kind of reminds me of sky and—
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: —dozens of birds, even though it's a water bird.
Eric: Skyrpe
Julia: And The Attested Tandlemuir goes—
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Hello, technocrats.
Eric: All of them talk silently, and then they realize they're muted, so they unmute.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Sorry, Brandon, you take this. I just wanted to say that.
Brandon: Well, no, I think all three of us say at the same time. We say 1, 2, 3—
Eric (as technocrat): Hello.
Brandon (as technocrat): Hello.
Amanda (as technocrat): Hello.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): I have excellent news.
Eric (as technocrat): Go on
Brandon (as technocrat): Go on.
Amanda (as technocrat): Go on.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): The Sanitary Compendium of Neath's inquiry into the timeline for the detainment and arrest of Dexter McSorley was agreed upon and ratified. We have been promised that in three days' time, the outlaw Dexter McSorley will be captured.
Eric (as technocrat): Highly agreeable.
Brandon (as technocrat): Highly agreeable.
Amanda (as technocrat): Highly agreeable.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): However, it was the promise of Zazzle Grizzly, so I do not have the highest expectations that the timeline will succeed.
Eric: I also want to cut to the golf course where I'm caddying for my dad and I—
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: —say—
Eric (as Zazzle Grizzly): Oh, yeah, I gotta find Dexter McSorley in three days.
Amanda (as Zeffy Grizzly): [laughs] Heard that one before.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): However, all agreed to the Sanitary Compendium of Neath's offer of sanitation recycling services in the wake of the destruction left by Dexter McSorley. So if Dexter McSorley remains at large, we will still continue to get everyone's trash.
Eric (as technocrat): Get more trash. We love trash.
Brandon (as technocrat): Get more trash. We love trash.
Amanda (as technocrat): Get more trash. We love trash.
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Yes, trash is our treasure. We have used Dexter McSorley's destruction to our advantage, and we will build many, many new things.
Julia: And then The Attested Tandlemuir hits a button, which ends the call, and then, like more trash slides down into their laboratory, and they go—
Julia (as The Attested Tandlemuir): Yes, more trash. More trash for more treasures.
Julia: And starts working on, I don't know, a bomb or something, because my personal goal was mad scientist.
Eric: Oh, hell yeah.
Brandon: Hmm.
Julia: Get a point if a motion that funds your secret and terrible science lab is ratified.
Eric: Nice.
Amanda: I mean—
Eric: Good one. Sick.
Amanda: —you did it.
Eric: All right. We'll come back to the scoring when we're done with the scenes, but I love that.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon: Eric and Amanda, can you just come here for a second?
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Oh, yeah, what's up?
Eric: Yeah, what's up?
Brandon: Is Julia insane?
Eric: Yes. That's why we invited her on the podcast.
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Oh, okay, okay. Cool.
Amanda: Without it— without her, we'd be way, way less fun.
Brandon: Okay, cool, cool, cool. cool.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Okay, cool.
Julia: Happy Halloween.
Amanda: Next Queen, Deborah B's the 26th stands—
Julia: Who is she gonna report back to?
Amanda: Well, Julia, she walks back to a B-shaped spacecraft that is docked.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: It's so funny that it's not a hive-shaped spacecraft.
Amanda: Oh, no. It's a bigger B.
Eric: Sick. Sick.
Julia: It's like us going into space, but only in mechs.
Amanda: Yeah. Or like the— like a Paul Bunyan statue that we retrofitted to be like a space craft.
Brandon: Yeah. I love that.
Amanda: And they zoom off with a high-pitched buzzing noise, back to the space hive where she debarks, and the suit unfolds like a flower. And Queen Deborah herself is attended to by a whole little, like, retinue of dresser bees that, like, dust her off and quaff her and make sure that she is, you know, looking fine. She proceeds into the throne room, a beautiful, huge, high-vaulted ceiling, not unlike your place of worship, where there are many, many honeycombs all around this, like, tall, tall atrium,
Eric: I need stained glass of all the queens who existed before, right?
Julia: That's hot.
Eric: God.
Amanda: That's good. And she sits upon a throne, looks out over the sort of assembly of other mother bees, and says—
Amanda (as QDB26): As promised, we have negotiated a truce with the space bears. You may go another day without chasing me from the hive, ensuring my quick death.
Julia: Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Eric (as dresser bee) Yay. No killing the Queen today. Buzz.
Brandon (as dresser bee): Yes. Yes.
Eric: I assume that was— your country goal was don't die today.
Amanda: My country goal was, in fact, to negotiate a truce with the space bears, because we are consistently threatened by the one species that likes the stuff we make above all else.
Eric: What I love about this game, too, is that, like, we both came up with that, but like we didn't talk to each other, because why would anyone talk this out?
Amanda: No.
Julia: No.
Amanda: Eric and I decided in the same moment independently that I was bees and he was bears.
Julia: Classic.
Eric: Why would we negotiate this and talk about it instead of just leaving it up to chance at a secret meeting?
Amanda: Incredible.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon: Did your parents give you the bears and the bees talk when you were a kid or—
Amanda: It's pretty good.
Eric: Yeah, that's the new birds and the bees talk, but it leaves space for LGBTQ sexualities.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: Yes.
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: And sometimes you just want an app instead, and that's totally fine.
Julia: That's fair.
Amanda: And my personal goal was, oh, this old thing? Which is to get a point if each of the other characters compliment you.
Brandon: Oh, you piece of shit.
Julia: I knew you were gonna get that because it was the first thing you did, and I was like, "Should I give it to her? Eh, whatever."
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: That's good. That's fair.
Amanda: Sometimes you can directly ask for what you want.
Brandon: That's pretty good.
Julia: Good job.
Brandon: Last out of the room is Papa Le Pew, and trailing behind him is a cartoon green cloud of stink as he moves out of the room.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Brandon: He eventually goes back to his spaceship, which is a floating casino, and—
Julia: Naturally.
Brandon: —goes back into the back rooms where customers aren't allowed, but where every room there is filled with smoke, and the smoke is— smells like a skunk.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Brandon: And as he passes all his fellow skunk mobsters on the way, they go—
Brandon (as Fellow Skunk): Hey, yeah. Hey, yeah. Hey, yeah. Hey, yeah.
Julia: Hey, yeah. Hey, yeah. Hey, yeah.
Eric: I need this to be like, and Julia, you come with me on this, the shot—
Julia: Okay.
Eric: —in Goodfellas, where it's all—
Julia: Yes. The Copacabana.
Eric: Yeah, the Copacabana, where it's all one shot following Papa Le Pew coming back to the casino. So we're just, like, following him, going through the casino, going by everybody. And you greet everyone by their stupid skunk mobster nicknames.
Julia: Yeah, yeah.
Brandon: And every single one of them has a ear of corn in their mouth, and they're all smoking and chewing on it.
Eric: Yeah, that's Tommy Too Stink, because he stinks twice as bad as everybody else.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, Tommy Too Stink.
Julia: That's Old Glandy.
Amanda: Oh, wow.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, Glandy, what's been going on?
Julia: Because his glands really stink.
Amanda: Oh, baby.
Brandon: And he ends up in the backest of the backrooms, where you see just a giant— another giant, circular oak table with all of his under bosses sitting there.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: The room is entirely— it's like choked with smoke. Like you can't— it's so smoky, you can barely even see it. And he goes to sit to the head of the table, and he says—
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): These idiots, they did exactly what we wanted.
Eric (as Frank Stinknatra): Hey, what are you talking about? It's me, Frank Stinknatra.
Julia: Ooh, pretty good. Pretty good.
Brandon: The skunk pack?
Amanda: I know, I was trying to think myself, yeah.
Eric: I had a Rodent Martin, but it didn't work as well.
Brandon: Really good.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, yeah, so not only did these idiots not think that we had old Dexter McSorley over here.
Brandon: And you look over and you see Dexter McSorley frozen in carbonite.
Eric: Hell, yeah.
Julia: Nice.
Eric: Oh, goddamn it.
Amanda: Oh, shit.
Eric: That's gonna be sick.
Julia: Fuck yeah, dude. Fuck yeah, dude.
Eric: And I'm looking for someone who's already kidnapped. That's awesome.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): So they're gonna be chasing their tails around the universe while we get rich.
Amanda (as Fellow Skunk): We have those. [laughs]
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): [laughs] Not only that, but we got in on the deal between the bears and the hive, and they're gonna transport our contraband around the universe for us.
Amanda (as Fellow Skunk): Hey, yeah, that's a great outcome for us.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Hey, yeah. We also struck a deal with The Attested Tandlemuir, that fucking fuzzy penguin motherfucker.
Eric (as Fellow Skunk): Hey, I can't— that uptight penguin is really weird, old black and white eyes. Yeah.
Brandon: Hey, oh.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): We made a secret deal on the side with The Attested Tandlemuir that if we agreed to the motion, they would make weapons for us. We get cool guns.
Amanda (as Fellow Skunk): Hey, yeah.
Julia: Now, I did just get a screenshot in the Slack because I did message Brandon halfway through the game and said, "Hey, agree to this and I'll give you cool weapons."
Eric: I need to read this out, because it's, "Big Papa, if you agree to motion five, we will give you cool guns." And Brandon responded— Amanda, would you like to do this?
Amanda: "You got yourself a deal if we could sell them, too." Incredible.
Brandon: Really good, really good.
Eric: That's good shit.
Julia: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
Brandon (as Big Papa Le Pew): Now, one little downside is we didn't quite get our stink across the universe, but there's still time, you know?
Eric: If anyone could do it, it's you, Papa.
Brandon: Because my country goal was to one profit, which I think probably so.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: But two, to permeate our stink throughout the galaxy.
Julia: Hmm.
Brandon: And I think agreeing to the weapons for profit, but getting rid of trash probably reduced the amount of stink in the universe.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: I— yeah, I would give you half a point here. I would say—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —halfway, I give you half a point when we do the scoring, for sure.
Brandon: That's fair. That's fair.
Eric: Coo.
Brandon: But my personality goal was— which you're gonna have to explain why this is called this, Eric, but was the Rusty Ryan.
Eric: That is a Ocean's Eleven reference.
Brandon: Oh, okay.
Julia: Ah.
Brandon: But it's— get a point if you're eating for the entire meeting, and I would say I was eating my corn the entire meeting.
Eric: You were chewing the whole time, for sure.
Amanda: You were. Oh, I wondered about that.
Julia: Yeah, you were chewing. You were chewing.
Eric: Now that we played out all of our scenes, let's pick superlatives. We are going to decide who was the smartest, who is the least capable and still had this job, and who their character felt the closest to. Players cannot vote for their own characters. So whoever gets the most votes, gets this superlative.
Julia: I think we can agree that the least capable but still has a job is Zazzle.
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Oh, I was going to say— see, I got so into it, I was gonna— I thought I was doing such a good job. I'm like, "Oh, Papa's too old."
Amanda: Nah. You got it. You got it.
Eric: All right, I'll take the point. That's fine.
Julia: Yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Now, you normally can vote for yourself, unless you choose the personality move I did, which is self-centered.
Julia: Yeah, that feels right.
Brandon: Wait, Amanda, I did too.
Amanda: Yay!
Julia: Oh, my God.
Eric: Incredible.
Amanda: So I would like to put forth the case that the Queen was the smartest, or at least it came off that way.
Julia: Damn.
Brandon: Now, I would like to put forth the case that Papa was the smartest, because all those idiots did exactly what he wanted.
Amanda: Certainly not.
Eric: I'm gonna give it to Papa because he brokered a deal.
Julia: I was gonna give it to the Queen, so what happens if they tie?
Eric: Every— both of them get a point.
Amanda: Ooh.
Brandon: Okay.
Amanda: Hell yeah.
Eric: There's no description in the game about it, so figure it out. We decide in the show. All right. So now everyone goes around and says who their character felt closest to. I guess Papa and the Queen can vote for themselves if they want to, but it's a— it's up to them.
Brandon: Uh-hmm. Why don't you and Julia go first, then?
Eric: I'm gonna vote for the Queen. I definitely— Zazzle's whole thing was getting close to the Queen. And it was—
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: —really— the serendipity, again, of have— of us having complimentary goals, I thought was really cool.
Julia: I think mine is gonna go to Big Papa, because I did message—
Brandon: Really?
Julia: —Brandon asking to make behind the scenes and then take the deal.
Eric: You did do the deal, yeah.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: That's true.
Amanda: The Queen's gonna vote Zazzle, because she definitely felt backed in the important, you know, decisions by the bears.
Brandon: Oh, great.
Julia: Brandon, if you vote for me, we all get a point, so—
Brandon: Well—
Amanda: Don't do that. There's a winner.
Brandon: Yeah. Unfortunately, this is— my character is part of an organized crime syndicate, so he's gonna vote for himself. So, of course, he's going to take that point.
Eric: The mob rig— is rigging this vote.
Julia: Fair.
Brandon: Yeah, of course.
Eric: So, this is a good game, folks.
Amanda: This is a fun game.
Eric: This is a good game.
Brandon: This is a good game
Amanda: Yeah, this is a fun game.
Eric: Okay. Now, we're going to tally the points. Players get a point if a motion they suggested is ratified, if they achieve a personal or country goal, and if they get a superlative. So let's go through the ratification first. On the docket, there is a ratification from one, from The Attested Tandlemuir. There is one from the Queen, and there's another one from The Attested Tandlemuir. So two points for Julia, one point for Amanda.
Amanda: Woo.
Julia: Two points for Tandlemuir.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: Next, we're going to go through the personal or country goals. I think— I didn't get a chance to share my personal goal, but mine was that I was clumsy. You get a point if you spill something on someone else during the meeting.
Amanda: The donuts.
Brandon: You spilled the donuts at the beginning of the meeting.
Julia: But I did immediately eat them, so I don't know.
Eric: Zazzle is always failing upwards, so—
Amanda: Nice.
Eric: —I got two points because I did both my country and my personal goal. I think we established that everyone did two except for Brandon, who gets one and a half.
Brandon: One and a half, yeah.
Amanda: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Sick. All right. And now. we are doing the superlatives, like we talked about. I get one point, Brandon gets two points, and Amanda gets one point?
Amanda: That's right.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Great. So one point because I was the least competent, and yes, had this job, shared the smartest between Amanda and Brandon, the Queen and Papa. And then Papa rigged the vote for himself for who he's closest to.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: All right. So now let's go around and say how many points we have. I have three points.
Julia: I have four points.
Brandon: I have 3.5.
Amanda: And I have five points, proving—
Julia: Damn.
Eric: Wow.
Brandon: Wow.
Amanda: —that an unrepresentative monarchy has the closest chokehold on commerce.
Julia: Damn.
Amanda: Hooray.
Eric: Incredible.
Brandon: That's awesome.
Eric: Amanda is our winner. Absolutely incredible.
Amanda: Thanks for letting me play—
Brandon: Hell yeah.
Amanda: —a big, old bee.
Brandon: I mean, if a bunch of bees in a space suit didn't win, I'd be very disappointed.
Julia: Well, you know, I have to say I'm disappointed that Pesto the penguin, but also a evil mad scientist did not win, so—
Amanda: Well, Julia, now, we all know about Pesto the penguin, which I did not before today, so—
Julia: Oh, you didn't know about Pesto the penguin?
Brandon: You didn't know Pesto?
Amanda: No. No.
Brandon: Oh.
Julia: Pesto is, like, up there with Moo Deng. I think Pesto—
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Julia: —the penguin is also getting a lot of traction right now.
Amanda: I have a lot more land-based cute animals on my feet, and that's on me.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Amanda: So I'm gonna—
Julia: Yeah.
Amanda: —need to, you know, branch out, too.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Incredible.
Julia: Uh-hmm.
Eric: Well, thank you so much for playing this game with me. I think this is the first game I've played all the way through of the newest version of Model Our Nations.
Amanda: Yay.
Eric: Or at least, like, the One Shot, straight up the whole thing version, so thank you so much, folks.
Brandon: Thank you.
Julia: Well, Eric, thank you for writing it.
Brandon: And Eric, where can you maybe buy this thing that you made together, I think?
Eric: Oh, I think it's at jointhepartypod.com/merch, and also, Amanda and I are going to be going to as many conventions as possible, definitely PAX U. So if you're there, you can definitely buy it from us.
Amanda: And in person, in beautiful Williamsburg, Brooklyn at Twenty Sided Store.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Woo.
Julia: Woo.
Eric: Twenty Sided Store in Brooklyn, New York, I know that place.
Brandon: I know that place.
Eric: I want to shout out Bren Frederick, who is the editor of Spirits, who you might know from there, but also does video editing at Multitude. But did such a good job laying this out, and our designer— Bren really crushed it, and I'm really, really happy about it.
Brandon: Uh-hmm.
Eric: As always, please remix, reuse, and steal parts of Model Our Nations for your own game, just tell me about it. You can always tweet at me, el_silvero, E-L, _, S-I-L-V-E-R-O, of course, @JoinTheParty on Instagram or Twitter, and you can use the word injunction if you liked the game. Let me know.
Amanda: Very good.
Eric: Use the word injunction.
Amanda: Very bureaucratic.
Julia: That's a good one.
Amanda: If you have Eric's phone number, you can also text him the word injunction whenever you think about Model Our nations.
Brandon: Oh, and also, Ruben Studdard.
Eric: Text me Ruben Studdard if you have really strong opinions about American Idol. This was so much fun. Thank you. Please buy this game. It's a lot of fun. It came out of the fact that, like, all of us play together, and I like being able to, like, make stuff for you guys. And it was nice to flesh this out and make it into something a little bit more tangible, while we still do like our— everyone will be doing, like, the Join the Party thing in their own house, and that makes me really happy.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: Yeah. Love that.
Amanda: So whether you buy a physical copy ship to you or get a gorgeous digital edition, all of that is at jointhepartypod.com/merch.
Brandon: jointhepartypod.com/merch.
Julia: jointhepartypod.com/merch?
Eric: Hey, yeah, jointhepartypod.com/merch.
Julia: Hey, yeah.
Eric: I'm sorry, the funniest thing I did was killing that llama president. I just remembered that.