It is summertime in LTC, and it is a hot one. As we break out our short-sleeve button-downs and turn on the AC, remember that a superhero's life is never, ever normal. But we can try. Aggie starts fundraising, Val steams. Milo remakes a classic movie.
This episode contains discussions of death and dying. Please be advised.
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Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Milo Lane), Co-Producer, Editor, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Aggie O’Hare), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Co-Host (Val Vesuvio), Co-Producer, Editor: Julia Schifini
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is a collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast, powered by the rules of Dungeons and Dragons. That means a group of friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that takes us beyond the tabletop to parts unknown. In the first campaign, we explored fantasy adventure, intrigue, magic, and drama. In the newest story, we tackle science, superpowers, a better future, and the responsibility to help others.
Every month, we sit down for the Afterparty, where we break down our game and answer your questions about how to play D&D and other roleplaying games at home. We also have segments at the beginning of each campaign to teach people how to play the game themselves. It’s a party, and you’re invited! Find out more at jointhepartypod.com.
Transcript
Amanda: Last time on “Join the Party”…
[Theme music starts]
Eric: We took a day trip out to New York City and checked in with everyone's favorite media company. But, now, we're coming back to LTC, and seeing where Vulcani, Kilonova, and Multitool are at in the hot, hot summer, after the time loop. Let's get the party started.
[Theme music fades out]
[Hip hop music starts]
Eric: We return, once again, to the action-packed lives of LT3. Vulcani—the one-person firefighter, fighting fire with fire, fire on the dance floor like Nelly Furtado. Kilonova—where villains know, no one in space can hear you scream. cuz you're dead. He has ghost powers—
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: —and Multitool, the multi-faceted, multi-layered hero who contradicts herself because she contains multitudes.
Amanda: Whaddup.
Eric: Also, we all need to take a shot because we said “Multitude” on the podcast [Laughs].
Brandon: You do a hard cut to the very action packed and glorious shot of Milo on the couch eating chips watching Netflix [Laughs].
Eric: The LT3 have taken down Ma’s gang of no good Nick shrimp children, defeated the Giga bear, and save the mama fufu ka, kept the LT3 mob at bay, and escaped a pernicious time loop created by a guy who got broken up with and wet on the dark web.
Julia: Checks out.
Eric: But, maybe we can take some time to chill out, because it's summer, right at the back end of June. And, it's a hot one bah nah nah—
Brandon: Doin’ it!
Julia: Oh, boy…
Eric: Everyone take a different shot—a shot of something different.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: The temperature in upstate New York fluctuates between 60s all the way to the high 90s—shout out to global warming—but it is holding fast at 83 and partly sunny. And, it is mostly gorgeous in Lake Champlain, with the bridge that is totally fine and nothing ever bad ever happened to it. It is so nice at Arancini Yards, the lakeside park that was redeveloped out of the majority of the docks in Little Italy—
Julia: [Laughing] What a good name…
Eric: Thank you. Where there's a beautiful elevated walkway, playgrounds and a few second locations of the restaurants in the neighborhood including El Pulpo and Dominic's. Who gets credit for the high spirits and the safety that allowed this improvement? Either the glad-handing, ever-present Aunt Min or local defender Vulcani, is being debated over espresso and Bocce by grandfathers who look like their entire skin are good baseball mitts.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): Grandfathers love me.
Eric: I'm sure they—I’m sure they do. They like—they like that you reheat their espresso when it gets cold.
Julia (as Val): I love it. Whatever makes them happy. They're from the old country. They deserve respect.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: But, everyone's just feeling good and LTC, because they can take off their coats for a few months of the year and show off their knees and their new tattoos. Which might be why there isn't all that much explicit crimefighting needed at the moment. No one is destroying the Thornhill Saltwater Taffy Factory—
Brandon: Thank God…
Eric: —or forcing lookers on to buy painkiller-Larson-super-celery-juice-product-of-good-health-forever, or stealing from banks by eating the entire vault door hole. Not to mention, the bullets, the guns and the bodies of the security guards trying to stop them.
Julia: Who—who—who that—?
Amanda: This is not happening?
Eric: That's not happening.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: And, as you can imagine, Councilman Burdock is doing a victory lap, laying out on a lawn chair in Westin, in a, “Don't Keep LTC Weird” t shirt that he had made by his nephew, who has, like, a t-shirt printing business. But, as you're all breaking out your short sleeve button down and turning on the AC, a superheroes life is never ever normal. But. you got to try. Hey, let's check in with all you guys. It's summer, baby! Hot Stuff.
Julia: Hot Stuff.
Brandon (as Milo): It's summer, baby! I'm wearing my summer jeans!
[Everyone laughs]
Julia: Because we never see Milo’s knees, confirmed canon.
Eric: Confirmed. I will say, that we were too busy playing some regular ass people that now the LT3 are Level 10!
Julia: Wow!
Brandon: Yay!
Eric: Sorry, we usually use the entanglements to do this, but we were having too much fun doing a totally different thing. Hey Brando, what's new with the Circle of Spirits in Level 10?
Brandon: You know, we're all having a drum circle, having a good time, doing our thing.
Julia: Even the ghosts?
Brandon: Yep. I got a few new cantrips, nothing super cool. But, the big thing I got was an ability called Audience with Death, which means I have advantage on saving throws, and when I do a saving throw I'd like it to ask a yes or no question with each throw—
Eric: On death saving throws?
Julia: Oh, no!
Brandon: Yes, on death saving throws, correct.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Wow.
Brandon: And, if I'm at 0 HP, and I’m healed or stabilized, I get to raise one of my stats by one by decreasing another stat by one, up to three times per character.
Julia: Interesting.
Brandon: So—
Amanda: Cool stuff.
Brandon: Yeah, I thought that was really cool. And, that was directly from this thing I found on the internet called No Cah-pes? I think? Is that how they pronounce it?
[Amanda and Julia laughs]
Eric: Rude. So rude.
Amanda: No cafes. Not one more. We have enough.
Eric: Yeah, I wrote—I wrote a thing about how you shouldn’t put cafes in your game. It's called no cafe.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: But, it was really dope, I think, so everyone should probably go search it and find it and buy it.
Eric: Yeah, if only it was on the Join the Party store, that would make it so much easier.
Amanda: Yeah, it would. We should think about that.
Eric: Yeah. Hey, Amanda, what's going on with Multitool? What does a monk get at Level 10?
Amanda: Got some hot monk shit, called Purity of Body, which means that I'm immune to disease and poison. And, I like to think that, ah, Aggie has accidentally eaten enough tree sap in her—
[Everyone laughs]
Amanda: —in her career, that it just really built up like a true kind of immunity there.
Julia: I feel like Aggies really into eating local honey before allergy season starts—
[Brandon]
Julia: —so that no allergies flicked her whatsoever.
Amanda: Oh, hell yeah, Julia. You know it.
Eric: There has to be a scene where you look around, and there's no one looking, and, like, you just shoot your hand like up 10 feet and grab honey from a hive.
Amanda: Eric, I was picturing that exact scenario—
[Everyone laughs]
Amanda: —where, as Aggie does her rounds of the same quadrants of Adirondack State Park, that she knows where the beehives are, and she'll just hold her hand up there for a few minutes, just very slowly until some honey drips out organically. And, then, you know, licks it and goes on with her day.
Eric: Yeah. Hey, let's pop over to Julia. Val, we've talked about this a little bit a while ago. So, the thing that you have for your barbarian that you usually get at Level 10 is actually what you get for your feet. It's the charger feet. So, we decided to do something a little bit different.
Julia: Yeah, it's technically Level 9, because I took that one level in sorcerer, baby!
Eric: Oh, that's right.
Julia: But, we decided to take a skill set—because, I'm probably not going to take enough sorcerer levels for us to actually get to this and me to use it. So, we took something from the Phoenix Soul Sorcerer, which is traditionally called Phoenix Spark, but we've rebranded it to Volcano Armor, which I love—
Amanda: Yeah!!
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: So, basically, if I'm reduced to zero hit points, I can use my reaction to make it so that I'm only reduced to one hit point. And, each creature within 10 feet of me takes fire damage equal to half my sorcery level + my charisma modifier.
Amanda: Nice!
Brandon: That's dope. I love it.
Amanda: It's a focus sash.
Eric: It is—it's exactly a focus sash. Yes.
Julia: The nice part is, if I'm also using my Mantle of Flame, it does the fire damage equal to my sorcerer level and double my charisma modifier, so like double bonus fire points. But, if I use that, all of my sorcerer abilities become unavailable until after a long rest.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric: Yes, originally, this is like a real—it has some real Phoenix shit, that, like, you can always just pop yourself back up. But, I thought it was like a focus sash from Pokémon, or it was like a Kevlar vest. You know, when you shoot a bulletproof vest, it only actually has one shot in it because the fibers and stuff. So, I like to imagine you have, like, a volcano magma bulletproof vest on underneath your shirt and all times.
Julia: Mhm. Mhm. It's just part of my skin now.
Eric: [Laughs] My skin, it's all craggily!
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: I hope that your live-in girlfriend knows that.
Julia: We'll find out.
Eric: We'll find out. And, that is an interesting question, which leads into something I wanted to clear up as we go into a new arc. Because of all the timey wimey-ness, who knows that each of you are super heroes?
Julia: My mother. End of list [Laughs].
Eric: Great. Thank you.
Brandon: Apple and Zack Rose…and my dad. And Dr. Morrow, and Multitool…and—
Julia: Lucas.
Eric: And also Lucas.
Brandon: Lucas. And, Vulcani strangely doesn’t?
Julia: Weird. I don't know who you are.
Eric: Tuna’s iffy. We don't know about Tuna.
Brandon: Yeah, Tuna doesn't think anyone has powers, except for Tuna.
Eric: Yep. Did Multitool tell more people?
Amanda: No, I think it's still just Danny and Quinn. But, there was an overdue conversation with Teagan, that—[Laughs] I definitely need to have.
Julia: Oo, boy…
Eric: For sure. Well, I think that we should figure out what we've been doing over the last six weeks and what's been going on. We are in late June right now, very similar to where we are when we are recording this, it is currently June 23. First day, technically, of summer. So, just to give a little bit of the orientation, remember, “Join the Loop” happened May 1 many, many times, May 2—Happy Birthday, Eric silver, you all wrote on his Facebook wall. You all remember that. Teagan went back in New York City, and everything that happened in “Join the Paper” happened on May 3, which was a Sunday, and then May 4 were the layoffs.
Brandon: Oh, on a national holiday! Come on…
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: Is May 4 a holiday?
Brandon: May the fourth. It was a Star Wars joke.
Eric: Oh no! I'm sorry, Brandon. Yeah, I did not—unfortunately, it was Star Wars Day. Which wasn't even referenced in—they should have referenced that in the meeting that they were doing
Julia: Why didn't they, instead of the spring bullshit, they should have just done that.
Eric: Yeah, it should have just been, “May the force be with you, laid off.”
Julia: Aww.
Amanda: A lot of, a lotta drink specials at the bars nearby though.
Julia: Mhm.
Eric: 100%. And, of course, that was reported on, Average Bear lays off 20+ people, including veteran reporter, Teagan Murphy; Rose Gold; some manager no one really knows; etc., etc., etc.—
Julia: Lost to time.
Eric: Like, who could remember his name? I wouldn't be able to. No one tweeted. [Laughs] No one tweeted, trying to get that guy a job.
Brandon: Could be one manager, could be 100 managers. No one knows, they're all the same.
Eric: No one knows. And, I think that Teagan was running out and texted Multitool, like, “Hey, can I stay your place? And I got laid off.” Of course, Teagan has a place in Laketown City, still—still has that apartment that they were renting around the train station district, as like semi-permanent housing. As we've talked about, there's a lot of like renters or people who come in just for business who, who lives in around that area. But, Teagan definitely needed some comfort after getting laid off.
Julia: Mmm, sure they did. Ooo!
Eric: Ooo! I want to pose this to you, Amanda, like, what happened? Like, what did Multitool do? Like, what—what happened here?
Amanda: Yeah, I think Multitool met Teagan at their apartment. I think it was probably paid for by Average Bear. So, it's like at the—you know, the end of like, it was already May, the lease was probably paid up through, like, the end of that week or the end of the following week. Sure. And, then they would have to find somewhere new to be. But, I—we probably just talk about the fucking injustice of those big companies, and Aggie has absolutely no frame of reference for private employment, because she's worked for the state—like, the parks department in New York State her whole life, and so she's like, (as Aggie) Yeah, I don’t—you know, I don't really—can't really empathize with this. But, you know, I can I can sympathize, that sucks.
Eric: Sure. I think Teagan has like, used Drizly, to get, like, a really good bottle of whiskey or ordered. And, I think, I'm sure that you're like, however much through it, by that point. I feel like after an hour or so, of Teagan, just, like, laying all this out to you and being like, (as Teagan) I can't believe they laid me off. They must—and they hated all the stuff that I did. Then, they also laid off like a bunch of other people, like random people, like the CEOs assistant got laid off? I—I—it doesn't even make any sense. There was like a manager I never really talked to who also got laid off who's like, trans-department or cross-plat—I don't even remember—remember his job. I can't believe—it was so weird that all this happened. (Normal voice) And, it's just, like spilling out of them—
Julia: Wow, don’t even mention your ex-girlfriend got fired, I see how it is.
Eric: You're pointedly left out.
[Julia and Eric laugh]
Eric: And Teagan’s like, (as Teagan) Wait, am I keeping you from, like, fighting crime? Because, I don't think I can have that on my conscience. I know I feel bad, and I'd be alone. I know—but, I'm not telling you that I would be alone, I just don't have any friends here—which is—also makes it worse, I shouldn't tell you that I don't have any friends here. I just—are—am I—am I keeping you from, like, fighting villains? Like, that's—I shouldn't do that. Is that—is that okay? Like, do you have time?
Amanda (as Aggie): No, you're—not at all. I—I'm glad to spend time with you. If I—if I got a call, I would tell you, you know, I know that you wouldn't want me not to do my job. But, like, you, you need me right now. And, I—you know, I know we haven't talked a ton about me outside of my, you know, job. And, you know, you and I met because of yours.
Eric (as Teagan): Sure.
Amanda (as Aggie): And, I just—you know, I'm—I'm conscious that it's something that I'm very protective of, and, you know, I don't have a—I don't know, it's something that I very much did not want to bring into my life as a hero. And, so, the fact that we met, um, on the job, you know, I—it seems like this is in this part of my life, and that's in that part of my life. But, I also want you to get to know me better, so I guess what I'm saying is I—I'm not sure if I'm ready yet to—
Eric (as Teagan): Yeah.
Amanda (as Aggie): —you know…
Eric (as Teagan): Come—come out?
Amanda (as Aggie): To—
[Eric laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): No, I’ve been on dates with you, I’ve been out my whole life, babe, that’s not a—
[Everyone laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): No one—no one thought I was straight, um—
Eric: [Laughing] That was—I’m sorry, that was a funny thing.
Amanda: No, no—yes.
Eric: [Laughing] They’re like, still half crying, like—(as Teagan) I don’t know, it was a funny thing, I didn’t know what to say, I don’t know why I said—
Amanda: I slide tissues closer. (as Aggie) But, no, I—I just I didn't want to not—not say it. And, I guess I'm saying, you know, if—if you can have some patience with me there, I’d appreciate it. But, I will every—every part of my life that is open to you is open to you. You know what I mean? Like, I’ll—I'll never, um, I'm not going to try to do my job less well to make you think I'm more available than I am. Like, we're both—that's something I liked about you a lot, you know. You're dedicated to what you do. And, I know that wherever you do it next, you're going to kick ass. Whether you keep writing about Laketown City and the super beat, or, you know, you do something else. I can't imagine you failing at anything.
Eric (as Teagan): Thank you. [Sniffles] That's really nice. I’m just…I’m so mad. I—I—this was not how I wanted this…this is not how I wanted this to go. I—I don't want the, like—good, I don't want your—your mask to be, like, a consolation prize for my job. I—I 100% don't want that.
Amanda (as Aggie): That is way more astute than I was thinking, but I'm glad you agree.
Eric (as Teagan): Yeah, no, I don't—I don't want that.
Amanda (as Aggie): Well, listen, you…people must be emailing you already that they want you to work for them? Like you—you, if you can, just take a vacation hang out, you know, go—go off the grid or stay here and staycate—if that's a verb in—in Laketown City. See, I read all your pieces. I know your piece by the Staycation.
Eric (as Teagan): Yeah. No, it's… I try. Yeah, good. Staycations are actually better because there's no, [sniffles] you know, like death rays outside.
[Julia laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah.
Eric (as Teagan): No one can hit you with a death ray, if you're inside. That's—that's a whole—that's real thing.
Amanda: That's—that's true. But, my point being, I—I know, it's—it's very acute and unexpected right now. But, I—you know, you're Teagan Murphy, like, people are gonna want you to be on their masthead, right?
Eric (as Teagan): I don't know. I can't…I have, like—I threw my phone out of the bullet train.
Amanda (as Aggie): Honestly, that sounds really smart. I'm proud of you.
Eric (as Teagan): It's somewhere in Poughkeepsie.
Amanda (as Aggie): Sure.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Teagan): You know, um…no, I'll try. Thank you. That's—that's nice. And, if you can just keep hanging out, that would be really great. I guess I'm Teagan Murphy in your Multitool. And, I'm like, Lois Lane. But, like, with pants on. I feel like Lois Lane was always wearing a dress, but I wear pants.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah—
Brandon: Thank you for clarifying that.
Eric: Yeah [laughs].
Amanda (as Aggie): She never had a sick jacket like yours either.
Eric (as Teagan): No, it's true. She never had a sick jacket. And you're Super Stretchy…Man. And, I like that. That's cute.
Amanda (as Aggie): Thanks.
Eric (as Teagan): Can you say a bunch of other nice things about me?
Amanda (as Aggie): Of course. (Normal voice) And, then, Multitool, who has been practicing for this day—
[Julia laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): —goes over the kind of constant litany of small things that she really likes about Teagan.
Eric: Yeah, that was a really good way to deal with that. I—I think—yeah, it was neat. I'm all flustered, now. I can't believe I did that to myself.
[Everyone laughs]
Amanda: Sure. I think if Teagan was looking to take time off, Multitool could kind of, like, use Aggie’s connections to help them out. But, like I said, I imagine there's lots of shit coming in for them. So—
Eric: No, I like that a lot. I think that Teagan would definitely take at least, like, two weeks to just like be in the middle of nowhere, and you, like, don't hear from them for like five days, and then you get, like, a text from them being like, (as Teagan) I’m so bored!
[Amanda laughs]
Eric (as Teagan): I’ve looked at so many fish, the same fish!
Amanda: Yeah, no, I think Adirondack State Park has, like, a writer's residency, Multitool texts the link to Teagan, and then, Aggie strongly recommends that whoever's in charge of the application make sure that they read Teagan’s app.
Eric: Hell, yeah. So, I think that for the rest of May, that's where Teagan is, and you—you get intermittent texts from them, and maybe—they'll probably finish sometime. They finished in May, they came back in June. They're kind of still, like, they, like, re-rented that apartment, and—just to—just to keep that going to keep all their stuff there. But, yeah, I think that Teagan is still hanging around Laketown City. And, Teagan still does not know the secret identity a Multitool.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Hell, yeah. Let's go to Julia.
Julia: Hey, what's up?
Eric: Hey, what's Val been doing the last few weeks?
Julia (as Val): Getting ready to move in with—
Amanda (as Aggie): Aw, fuck yeah, dude!
Julia (as Val): —Hitomi—
Eric: Yeah!
Julia (as Val): —like, I'm thinking, like, they're moving date’s like end of July/early August, but like prepping and, like, you know, picking out furniture to be delivered around that time, etc., etc. Amanda: Cute.
Eric: Hell yeah. I love that. I think it’s just like, your—your entire apartment is awash in catalogs.
Julia: Mhm.
Eric: Hitomi likes having real catalogs, cuz like, (as Hitomi) You can envision it when you're looking at a screen, you got to envision it in an actual catalog. And, I know we spend so much time coding and looking at screens, that, like, you know, if I'm going to talk about my real life, I want to deal with that, I want someone to have taken the photograph, and then have to lay it out in a magazine and, like, this is where my sneaker tower is going to be. Like, I need to know what the sneaker tower is gonna look like. And, I very much just need to look at those—look at the catalogs. (Normal voice) So, like, there's this catalogs—Crate and Barrel, Land’s End, somehow, like, so many different—IKEA catalog—just everything is all over your apartment.
Julia (as Val): If you want, we can, like, make that one wall, I could take down this poster of the Brew Ha Ha’s, and you can make it into, like, a real-life Pinterest board.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Hitomi): Hm, yes. (Normal voice) And, quick—quickly, like, cork board goes up!
Julia (as Val): Where did you get a corkboard from?
Eric (as Hitomi): I was waiting for you to do this! (Normal voice) Uh, ripping things out of the catalog, pinning it up, and everything.
Amanda: You know, color fidelity—it's much easier to match color from a printed page to real life than a digital screen. It's just not the same.
Eric: Thank you, Aggie—[laughing] Aggie showing up at apartment, saying that.
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Brandon: Just through your window, just pops out.
Amanda: Aggie, in fact, left the Land's End catalog, and then you guys are like, “What am I gonna buy from Land's End for my apartment??”
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: It’s like, oh, there's some blankets—
Julia: The pillows?
Eric: —I guess that could work. We could put blankets there. Yeah, and I think that Hitomi is like, (as Hitomi) Yeah, so, when do you wanna—I guess, I can move whenever, there's something—everything—it’s pretty slow, in the summer, like, people love taking off for, like, weeks at a time being like, “Oh, I'm unplugging,” but really you're just, like, at home for like—you’re just at home and you don’t want anyone to talk to you for like three weeks. But, like, yeah, everyone keeps taking, like, massive vacations. Do you want to, like…I don't know, is there, like, a time you do want to move? You don't want to move? Like, what, uh—
Julia (as Val): I mean, my calendar is pretty free. I also have a van to help us move, because I'm a person with a van.
Eric: Yeah, I think Hitomi, like, kisses you hard, and is like, (as Hitomi) God, I love someone with a van.
[Amanda laughs]
Julia (as Val): It’s a very sexy thing.
Eric: Incredible. (as Hitomi) Do you have—did you put anything new on your, like, Amazon wish list?
Julia: Oh, yeah, I think Val has been using it to kind of curate things that they want for the new apartment—
Eric: Sure.
Julia: —like Hitomi’s physical Pinterest board, very useful, but also reminding themselves like oh, yeah, I actually would have to buy these things and that we can just look at pretty pictures.
Eric: For sure. I think that you get a package delivered that day.
Julia: Oh, of what?
Eric: You get a massive box. And, you look inside, and it is like a 42 set of containers [laughs]. Containers of, like, every single different shape and size—
Julia: Are they the nice glass ones with the, like, suction clip on?
Eric: Oh, you know it! The one where you like hit the button and it goes [imitating suction clip box] boop!
Julia: Yep.
Eric: Brandon, can you sound design a better—a better sound for that? [Laughs]
Julia: A better splat noise—
Brandon: There is no better sound. That was perfect.
Eric: It sounds like some ship bay doors closed.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: And, yeah, you get a massive package that has this massive amount of containers in it. And, there's a little note inside that says “Glad you're getting—You're looking for new ones of this. I guess you're becoming more of an adult in front of my very eyes. What are you doing for Father's Day? Come down.”
Julia: Yeah, I think I just text him and say, (as Val) Yeah, I'll be there. See of then.
Eric: Wonderful. Yeah, like a few weeks later—what—hey, what's your summer outfit? What is Val’s summer outfit?
Julia: I think it's just the same outfit, but no sleeves. There's just no sleeves. Actually, I think Val has a, like, sleeveless leather vest version of their jacket—
Eric: Sure. Sure, sure, sure.
Julia: —like, it's still covered in spikes, but it exists.
Eric: I love that. I want you to be very honest with me, Julia. Did Val rip it off of a different leather jacket?
Julia: No, I think they bought this one as a vest.
Eric: Okay. Because, you—did Val try to do that, and realize [laughing] they couldn't do that?
Julia: No, they could if they tried. I've lifted trees before.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: No, no, it was that, like you ripped off too much sleeve.
Julia: Oh, yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: The thing is, you have to—you have to, like, gently rip the seam first, and then you can rip it off. Otherwise, it just tears in the place you don't want it to tear from.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Otherwise the jacket just tears completely in half.
Julia: Mhm. That's happened [laughs].
Eric: That's just physics, guys. We're just talking about physics.
Amanda: Where does Val get their jackets from? I'm picturing, like, some grandma in, like, the garment district, who gives you, like, cast offs and, like, a smaller or buffer size than usual.
Julia: Yeah, I think that there's definitely like a place in Little Italy that does, like, Custom Leather Jackets. And then, Val will get them, kind of, sewn or hemmed by someone, like, in the punk scene who is a little bit better at, like, making things a little bit more stylish, because the grandma who runs the leather jacket shop doesn't really understand what I'm going for.
Eric: Yeah, there's—in Little Italy, one of the grandfathers who look like they're pure first baseman men has a tailor shop called Peresi’s Three Piece Suits, in parentheses, And Other Numbers of Suits. And, then, on the sign, like, painted below it was, like, “Suits and dresses and jackets and Uggs and pants.”
[Everyone laughs]
Julia: —really important.
Eric: And, it just keeps adding on things that the Italian grandfather inside is able—is able to do
Julia: It fully almost goes to the ground now, they're very concerned about what's going to happen when it hits the bottom.
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Eric: There's like, someone's nephew is gonna have to come and, like, reshape everything—
Amanda: Can we lower the sidewalk? That's the main question.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: But then no won't be able to see it!
Eric (as shop owner’s grandson): Vulcani, my grandma, my grandfather, he needs someone to move the sidewalk for us!
Julia (as Val): It's not how that works.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as shop owner’s grandson): Well, you can do it! You have super strength, right?
Julia (as Val): Just change the sign!
Eric (as shop owner’s grandson): All right, I’ll go talk to the mob. That’s fine.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as shop owner’s grandson): Aunt Min will fix it for me.
Julia: [Laughs] Val just runs after, like, (as Val) Get back here!
Eric (as shop owner’s grandson): Ahhh!!!
[Eric laughs]
Eric: I think there's a shot of Val on the bullet train, like, shivering a little bit in the air conditioning. And, then, you are in New York City—
Julia: Val’s never cold. Excuse you.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Yeah. You’re shivering, but you're doing it to fit in with everyone else [laughs].
Julia: Just so no one’s suspicious. If anyone asked, Val’s like, (as Val) I'm from Canada.
Eric: Yeah. (As train passenger) Um, excuse me? You're, you're steaming. Are you okay?
Julia (as Val): I’m from Canada.
Eric (as train conductor): Oh, okay, yeah.
Amanda: Makes sense. Makes sense.
Eric (as train conductor): I love timblie tomblies.
Julia (as Val): They're great.
Eric (as train conductor): They’re delicious. All right—
Julia (as Val): Poutine.
Eric (as train conductor): All right, can I see your ticket?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: All right, yeah. And, I think that in New York City, you're there for Father's Day. I think your dad has—has a nice house, like, in the outer boroughs, you know, like, all the way out. I guess we haven't really talked about this, but all the way out in Queens, or like, all the way out the in the Bronx, or maybe, like, even further out into Brooklyn on the water. Pretty much anywhere you can have, like, a regular sized house. And, like, you spend the time grilling and your dad swats your hand away when you try to reach over to grab a hot dog. The kids, Veni Vidi, and Vici—I know there’s other names, but that's what your dad calls them, the three v-names. They're running around, and they ask you a lot of questions about your tattoos and your leather jacket. They're like, in my head, they’re like 9?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: And, they jump on you, and they make you played Nintendo Switch. And, your step mom is just, like, around.
Julia: Sure.
Eric: [Laughing] Is always just, like, around. But, yeah. Is there anything else you want to do in New York City? I know that we talked about this a little bit.
Julia: I think I wanted to have Val, like, gently question their father about whether or not he's seen an influx of truffle or mushroom trade coming in, and who might be, you know, dealing in that kind of thing?
Eric: Sure. Hell yeah. Why don't you give me an insight check?
Julia: Oh, yeah, dawg.
Eric: I’m gonna give you advantage, because it's your dad, but disadvantage, because it's your dad.
[Brandon laughs]
[Dice rolls]
Julia: I got a 13 + 4. So, 17.
Eric: Great. Yeah. Why don't you ask the question that you want to ask? And, well, I think your dad is grilling. He's turning over hamburgers or some big, like, really big Italian sausages, and also some like peppers and onions and, and corn and small and regular hotdogs, all the like—he has a massive grill.
Julia: There's sauce inside. It just hasn't been brought outside yet.
Amanda: Mmm.
Julia: You know what I mean?
Eric: Yeah, there's a whole pasta course and like a salad and like an antipasto course, as well. Julia: Oh, that was out before I got there.
Eric: Yeah. [Laughs] You've already eaten through all the little tiny mozzarella. Yeah, for sure.
Amanda: He has, like, a custom, you know, a hot play but a cold version of that to keep antipasto crisp.
Eric: Ooo, like an anti-griddle sort of situation?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Ooo, hell yeah!
Julia (as Val): So, I don't know if you heard about this new, like, health kick that's going on up in Laketown city. It's all about this, like, mushrooms and Vitamin M and stuff like that.
Eric (as Val’s Dad): Yeah. Yeah, you know, they—I don't really give too much mind for that. I just…you know. If he's gonna make me eat—if someone’s gonna be like, “Hey, stop eating that steak” And I'm gonna be like, “No!” And, then, they usually leave me alone from that, but, like, I eat enough vegetables and stuff. I don't take it. I've heard—I've heard of it. It's definitely—it's come down here.
Julia (as Val): Yeah. And, like, the truffles and stuff that are really popular, that they're shipping from LTC down here.
Eric (as Val’s Dad): Mm hmm. Yeah.
Julia (as Val): I know a lot of Italian restaurants, it’s very popular because it's easy to get then, you know, shipping it over from Sicily.
Eric (as Val’s Dad): Yeah. Yeah. No, I have—I've—I've heard that. I don't think—it's—it's not this—it's obviously not the same, if it doesn't come over from, ah—
Julia (as Val): No, of course not.
Eric (as Val’s Dad): For the old guys, it's just not the same. I don't know what we're—what we're doing with that. (Normal voice) And, your dad, like, flips over a burger [laughs].
Julia (as Val): But, like, people like a cheaper alternative, you know, and I imagine that there's going to be a boom in kind of business for that soon.
Eric (as Val’s Dad): Yeah. Listen, I understand—(Normal voice) He looks around looking to see if the kids are around, but they're inside watching Doc McStuffins—that's too young.
Julia: Yeah, they’re too old. They're watching, like, Teen Titans Go.
Eric: Yeah, they're watching Teen Titans Go, and they're playing Super Smash on the switch. They're inside, and your dad looks around and says, (as Val’s Dad) You know, I understand what you're getting that Val. And, you don't have to ask me things like that anymore. You're old enough that you don't have to, like, you don't have to worry about what I'm getting into or not getting into. But, I'll just tell you, you don't have to dance around it.
Julia (as Val): All right.
Eric (as Val’s Dad): We're not—there—we're not involved in that. There's not a—listen, they, ah, I’m looking around, I go into GNC. You know, I'm getting a little older, trying to keep my health, my nutrition stuff going on in there. I go into a GNC, I'm trying to buy something. There's like a whole package of Vitamin M in there. It just distri—it's just distributed in there. And, I go into—I go into a grocery—I go into a grocery store, I'm looking around. I'm like, Oh, where's the gluten free…pasta? Rice—?
Julia (as Val): You okay, Dad?
Eric (as Val’s Dad): No, someone's always gluten free. You have to have someone who's gluten—gluten free, you have to have a gluten free things in the house. I'm looking at gluten free stuff, I’m looking in the—in the healthy things, like, in the grocery stores there’s Vitamin M powder—there's Vitamin M powder on the—on the on the shelves. So, it's $20 for like a little a little shaker thing is wild. But, the—I'm not—I'm not touching that. That's not—I don't—I don't subscribe to that whole, uh, self-care, self-help sort of thing, that's not in my—it's not my—my space. Now, maybe if there was a—if there was a gun that shot a bunch of that in a row, and it exploded and turned into fire. Maybe, that would be something I'm into. But…
Julia (as Val): Fair enough, dad. Fair enough.
Eric (as Val’s Dad): Yeah.
Julia (as Val): Do you know anyone who might be, you know, trading in that? Because, I'm sure that these companies that are charging, like, 20 bucks for, like, a couple of ounces of powdered mushroom might be looking to, you know, cut some costs on the other side. You know what I mean?
Eric: Interesting. Okay. Your dad thinks about that for a second, and says, (as Val’s Dad) You know, I don't know anyone specifically who's into those things. I think that…you know, don't tell anyone I said this, but we live in a capitalist society, and—
Julia (as Val): Oh, fuck.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric (as Val’s Dad): And, you know, we—we have to do what we got to do to make—make ends meet and things. So, I'm sure that the people who are stretching that, that's what's—that’s what's in the can already. If you know what I'm saying?
Julia (as Val): No, I don't know what you’re saying, Dad, explain it to me—[Laughs]
Eric: [Laughs] Okay. With a 17, I'll say that your dad is not lying to you—
Julia: Sure.
Eric: —this was straightforward. And, your dad’s saying that he's not involved in the underworld and the mob, or the—the—this is not a crime, right? It's not a crime to distribute these truffles. They’re just—
Julia: Sure, I think Val is more, like, is someone distributing them on the down low? Like, cutting corners through the FDA and stuff like that.
Eric: Right, this is the thing your dad says. Your dad says, “You know what's already not part of the—regulated by the FDA? Fucking supplements.” Right? So, like, no one has to do that. It's like, it's already when you're worried about who's cutting corners, it's probably the thing in the container in the first place is cutting corners. So, if you're talking about like the good shit, or, I guess, if we were talking about, what, you having, literally, the little nugs that you did in the—that was in the test tube that you found in Knight of Mirrors, the New York City mob is not affiliated with that. And, that also might not be what's in the shaker.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Like, that might already be cut.
Julia: Okay. I think Val just kind of end the conversation with, (as Val) Well, if you hear anything about anyone peddling in something that's a little bit stronger than truffles and supplements, you let me know. Okay?
Eric (as Val’s Dad): Absolutely. I will definitely tell you all the things that I'm doing about all that. If you're interested—
Julia (as Val): Are you being facetious to me, Dad?
Eric (as Val’s Dad): I don’t know, take it or leave it. I'll see how I feel later—
Julia (as Val): All right.
Eric (as Val’s Dad): It's Father's Day! Be nice to me!
Julia (as Val): I'm being nice to you, I took a train! And then—and then an Uber. They don't even have the MoroLift here. The MoroCar, we call it.
Eric: Yeah [laughs], MoroRide, or whatever we call it—
Julia (as Val): MoroRide!
Eric: Yep. He’s like, (as Val’s Dad) Yeah, they should! It's so expensive now. I don't know why it's more expensive. All right, kids! Food’s on! Course four!
Julia (as Val): This is the sausages—sausage and peps.
Eric: Yep. You know, the sausage course?
[Everyone laughs]
[Transition music]
Eric: Hey, it's Eric. Did you know you can get the ice cream bars that you get from the ice cream truck, in your freezer section at the grocery store? Then, you'll always have chocolate eclairs and strawberry shortcake at your fingertips, all the time! And, it won't look like the deformed SpongeBob—unless you want it to, and then you can buy it for yourself, in your own freezer. Welcome to the Midroll. I got myself some chip witches. Firstly, welcome to Kathleen and Sasha who joined our Patreon last week. This show is made possible by all you incredible patrons out there, and we could not do it without you. If you got $5 a month, and you want to support “Join the Party”, you get access to all kinds of excellent bonus content and join the best place on the internet, our Patreon-only discord at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Be a part of the Patreon. Also, I don't know if you hear, announcement bell, woo, woo! Woo, woo oo! See, that was me doing it with my mouth, I'm such a good Dungeon Master, I can just do a siren about announcing something. We're doing a digital live show next month [imitates airhorn]! Join the Party Live 3: LTC Drift, is a brand-new one-shot set in Laketown city featuring Vulcani, Multitool and Kilonova on August 26 at 8pm Eastern. Get your ticket now, it also includes a VOD copy of the show that you can watch afterwards. Whether you're attending live, catching up after, get your tickets at jointhepartypod.com/live that is August 26 8pm Eastern or afterwards, add that VOD LTC Drift, neon lights drifting mechanics, a quarter mile at a time, family—jointhepartypod.com/live. I'm gonna be there, are you? Check out the other shows that are part of the Multitude Collective! I really think you'd like, Spirits. I don't know if you've heard of these hosts, Julia and Amanda, maybe on the Join the Party podcast, but they have this other show called Spirits, a history and comedy podcast focused on everything folklore, mythology, and the occult, told through the lens of feminism, queerness, and modern adulthood. Every week, mythology buff Julia and her childhood friend and very smart person Amanda get together to learn about a different story from mythology or folklore over drinks. That is everywhere from the mythological origins of Lord of the Rings and Wonder Woman, to modern urban legends, to around up a werewolf stories from around the world. And, tons of interviews with very exciting authors who were inspired by mythology, which I think is pretty neat. You can listen to any of the 250+ episodes they've released over the last five years, there's so much to enjoy. Dive in at spiritspodcast.com, or search “Spirits” wherever you download your podcasts. We are sponsored this week by Storybrewers, the creators of the tabletop RPG Good Society. I'm just gonna say this for you clearly, all of y'all better listen. This is a tabletop RPG about Jane Austen Regency. Good Society is an award-winning Jane Austen tabletop RPG, that seeks to capture the heart and countenance of Jane Austen's work. Play the type of characters that captured your imagination, while you were reading Pride and Prejudice, and tell your own Regency story with your friends. This game was sold out worldwide earlier this year! You can pre-order the second printing from their website, at storybrewersroleplaying.com. We bought this book all the way back when it was on Kickstarter. It is incredible. It is so fun to play this out. Shout out Storybrewers, shout out Good Society.
We’re also sponsored by Elixir, a new Prohibition-inspired fantasy show by Realm. Two women from opposing sides of a ban on magic unite to solve a mystery...and end up falling into forbidden love. Basically, it’s Moulin Rouge, but about lesbians and magic and potions in speakeasy. What’s not to love? And, it’s from Realm, which collaborates with bestselling and award-winning writers, directors, artists, and actors, to create expansive, diverse, and immersive shows. Learn more about Elixir at realm.fm, and be sure to listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. That’s Elixir, available at realm.fm or your podcast app.
And, finally, this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy. When there are things you can’t tell anyone, or feel like you can’t unload to family and friends, you need to put it somewhere, and that’s when therapy can come through. I’m not going to talk about the Bone Witch here, I know that I definitely could, but I think that some people feel there is a level that you can talk to your friends and family before they, like, think you’re too annoying, and you can’t tell them your problems anymore—which also might factor into the, like, anxiety of talking about it in the first place. And, you need someone who’s, like, paid to be there, who is, like, mandatory, has to listen to your problems. And, that’s where BetterHelp can help you. BetterHelp is customized online therapy, that offers video, phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist, so you don’t have to see someone on camera if you don’t want to. And it’s much more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can start communicating with your therapist in under 48 hours. Unload the stressors, and get some unbiased feedback. You’d be pretty surprised at what you might gain from it. See if it’s for you. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Join the Party listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/jointheparty. That’s B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash JOINTHEPARTY.
And now, back to the show!
[Transition music]
Eric: Hey, Brando! So—
Brandon: It's me!
Eric: What's going on with Milo over the last six weeks, as things are getting—things are getting hotter? What does—what does Milo want to do?
Brandon: I mean, Milo doesn't like to go outside during summer, because he has very pale skin.
Eric: Hmm. Is it—is it from the ghost powers?
Brandon: It was—it was a pre-existing condition.
[Everyone laughs]
Brandon: Yeah, I mean, I think, definitely, because all of his friends are…his friends, you know. And, so, they've been, like, kind of poking and prodding at what he can and cannot do, and—
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: —what movie references they can make, to what he can and cannot do [laughs]. And, trying to get it him to, like, make the Stormtrooper in the bowling alley move and walk.
Eric: Right.
Brandon: I think at one point, Apple and Zack Rose are, like, on a—they're trying to stay inside, because it's super-hot. So they—on, like, a 90s movies binge—
Julia: Oo!
Brandon: —and you got to start with the classic 1990 film, Flatliners, and that gave them a lot of ideas—
Julia: Oh, no…
Brandon: —with [laughs], with Milo’s powers.
Eric: Yeah, so I guess… Flatliners is, like—and I am such a horror movie scared person, so let me know if this is the true thing. Flatliners is, like, a bunch of scientists try to put themselves into death to see what's happening in death? And, then, like, try to come back from it to, like, learn things? And, it's a horror movie, because death follows them?
Julia: I would say sci-fi horror, but…
Brandon: Yeah, sci-fi horror. But, it's med students. And, one of—some—there's an impetus for it. Someone has a near death experience. And, he—you know, they see something, and he's like, “We got to go back!”
[Julia laughs]
Brandon: “We got to go back, Marty!” So, I think Apple and Zack Rose approach Milo, and be like, “Hey, you do this?” And, they hold up the Flatliners DVD. Because, they still have DVDs.
Eric: [Laughs] Of course they do.
Julia: No Blu-ray.
Brandon: And, for once in their lives, you know, this kind of sounds like a good idea, you know? Maybe learn a little bit more about himself, maybe learn a little bit more about the extra dimensional plane, you know?
Julia: What??
Eric: Hell, yeah.
Julia: This is a buck wild decision you're choosing to make here. Go on.
Eric: I think, Apple and Zach Rose are also, like, they look at each other, and Apple’s like, (as Apple) What?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: And, Zack Rose is like, (as Zack Rose) We didn't—we didn't think you would actually—we didn't think you'd actually do this—
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Zack Rose): What?? Is this a thing you can do?
Brandon (as Milo): I have a rule that once in every 10 asks you make of me, I have to do. So, this is number 10 [Laughs].
Eric (as Zack Rose): Don't—do not make this our responsibility! We—[laughs] if you want to—
[Brandon and Eric laugh]
Eric (as Zack Rose): If you want to do this, that's fine. Not us.
Brandon: So, he's not going to put his friends in danger, obviously. But, he's got to find someone who has sort of healing powers or can stop him or bring him back. So, I think he's obviously going to text his colleagues in arms, and probably January and maybe Dr. Morrow, to see if Dr. Morrow has any scientific interests in such an endeavor.
Eric: Dr—[laughs] Dr. Morrow immediately texts back and says, (as Dr. Morrow) Yes! Let me bring a camera!
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: And, now, this has become Milo's bonding activity with Dr. Morrow [laughs].
Amanda: Oh, good.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I want to watch you die and come back! Hell yeah!
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: If we can do it in her lab, if she has any kind of health and safety support mechanisms—[Laughs]
Julia: I trust Dez the most for this—
Eric: Yeah, Dr. Morrow says that you could totally do it in the lab. I think you definitely should, so that I can observe you. And, then, January's, like, (as January) And, also to, like, support you and make sure everything’s going okay, and all this stuff—
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, no, he’s fine. He's definitely gonna take care, he’s got ghost sci—he’s a ghost and a scientist! It’s perfect, exactly what we need!
Brandon: Ghostentist.
Eric: A Ghostentist, yeah. So, Dr. Morrow says, (as Dr. Morrow) Yeah, well, we have plenty, we have medical, uh, medical things here. I think we might have, you know, like a defibrillator around just—just in case. We don't have anything that will necessarily, like, heal you, specifically. (Normal voice) I think this is when I, DM Eric, comes in here, and, like, if you want to do this, I would say that you would have to figure out a way to get yourself down to 0 HP, and then bring yourself back up. And, let's talk about death mechanics a little bit here. So, you can get stabilized from medicine. Like, someone can do medicine checks on you to stabilize you, and then you're passed out and then you can do this long rest and you can come back. Or, you can get someone to heal you, you spare the dying as that spell or you can get someone to heal you bring you back up to 1 HP. Brandon, I will give you this opportunity here: if you're looking into this—and I think that maybe, if you were looking at this, before you started getting people involved—do you want to try to find someone else to help you?
Brandon: Yeah. I think it would be an interesting opportunity, also as a player, to like, investigate, put some feelers out. Try to find some other superpower folks in the area that aren't part of the country keepers.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Brandon: Maybe see if the Knight of Mirrors has some buddies or something.
Eric: For sure. Yeah. Why don't you do an investigation role for me? And, I'll give you advantage if you—the Knight of Mirrors is helping you.
[Dice Rolls]
Brandon: I got a 6 and a 3.
Eric: Okay—[laughs]
Amanda: Oh, Brando…
Eric: [Laughing] You go out in, like, in the middle of the night, if you'd like—to like a warehouse, and you see the Knight of Mirrors is like streaking by—[laughs] You, like, wave them down, and the Knight of Mirrors is like, (as Knight of Mirrors) What do you want?
Brandon (as Milo): Uh…do you—? Uh, do you—do you want to do something super cool and dangerous?
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): Always.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): Can you be more specific?
Brandon (as Milo): Have you seen the 1990s cult classic, Flatliners?
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): Yeah, of course. Yeah, there are med—med students, sci-fi, horror—love it. I'm pretty much living in a sci-fi movie right now. It's 100% my shit, yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): That's true. (Normal voice) And, then, Milo just kind of, like, puts his arms up and is like, (as Milo) Eh? Eh?
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): Do you think…and, I don't think you have been paying attention. So, I'm saying this with a grain of salt. Do you think I have healing powers?
[Everyone laughs]
Brandon (as Milo): I do not. I just thought you might have some friends, you know?
Eric: [Sighs] Interesting…
Brandon (as Milo): Or, maybe heard some rumors around town about other powered folk—?
Eric: A 6 is so low—
[Amanda and Julia laugh]
Eric: —that, I think the Knight of Mirror says, (as Knight of Mirrors) Listen, I have heard some things. But, I feel like I'd be a little remiss to say, I think it's not actually real. I heard that—agh…There is an insurance office—
[Julia and Amanda gasp dramatically]
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): —in Weston, where—
Julia: No!!
Eric (as Knight of Mirrors): —the guy—well, not really a guy. The person leaving the—not even a person. The thing, the entity working there might be able to help you out, maybe as simpatico powers to your death.
Brandon (as Milo): Hmm…okay. Okay, okay. Seeing as how I've never done my taxes or seen an accountants, which direction might I go in?
Eric: [Laughs] Wonderful. I think there's a little, like, editor's note block at the bottom of this panel of this comic that's currently happening, Milo talking to the Knight of Mirrors—
Amanda: With like a cheesy representation of the author [laughs].
Eric: Yeah, there’s a—there’s a little chibi Eric face—[laughs] glasses and a beard. And, it's like editor's note, “Hey, Eagle Eye listeners might recognize this as the Actuary! The Actuary who Milo has interacted with in an entanglement, but, uh, it was actually someone playing a prank as the Actuary. But, you might also recognize the Actuary from the Join the Party live show fantasy party, where there is actually a harbinger of death working at an insurance agency in Weston. And, that's where who were referring to, and also Milo would know, and would have remembered this, because the Actuary also gave Milo a boon during that live show. You can also read more about the Actuary in, “Hello, Laketown City”.
Brandon: Hmm!
Eric: So, that's the lead that the Knight of Mirrors gives you, is that you can go talk to the Actuary in Weston, if you'd like to. [Laughing] Works in an insurance office, in a strip mall near a 7-Eleven, that for some reason, makes much bigger slushies than every other place.
Julia: Cool.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, I do know that one! Thank you for that reference point! [Laughs]
Eric: There you go.
Brandon: So, I think Milo is going to go back home and sort of, like, get all the accoutrements that he thinks he might need, you know, blankets, a tarp…who can say?
[Julia laughs]
Brandon: I'm gonna text my colleagues and say—or, drop a pin and give them the address and say, like, (as Milo) And we're not doing taxes, winky face.
Julia: Val just goes, (as Val) I don't know what that means.
Amanda (as Aggie): What? Insurance is very different to taxes.
Julia (as Val): You guys pay taxes?
[Eric laughs]
Brandon (as Milo): And we're not doing any insurance claims! [Laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): Val, you don't pay taxes??
Julia (as Val): On what? Everything I do is a cash business.
[Eric laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): Oh, wow…
Eric: Incredible. Milo, you get a text message from an unknown number. I don't know if Milo keeps his phone on light mode or dark mode—
Brandon: Definitely dark mode.
Eric: Definitely dark mode? It seems like your phone has shifted to even darker mode—
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Like, everything is now black, like, and there's just, like, very faint white outlines around, like, text messages and everything, like, it's like black on even black on black and, like, very small white outlines. And, he gets a text message that says, (as unknown number) Messenger of the spirits, have you summoned me? Do I need to make an appointment at the insurance office? Because, it's not business hours now. So, you could just call me and my direct line that we have connected through our spirits portals. What do you need me for, Messenger of Darkness and Death?
Brandon: Milo texts back, (as Milo) Whaddup!!!! [Laughs]
Eric (as unknown number spirit): Could you be more specific, child?
Brandon: And then he types, (as Milo) Have you seen the 1990s cult classic film, Flatliners?
Eric (as spirit): Of course, I am versed in all media that has to do with the portrayal of death in popular culture.
Brandon (as Milo): Right, yeah, you're probably there for the filming of that, actually. Yeah.
Eric (as spirit): I was brought on as a consultant. But, they weren't aware.
Brandon (as Milo): That makes sense.
Eric (as spirit): I came to Joel Schumacher’s dreams, and I told him what was real and what wasn't.
Brandon (as Milo): You want to—you want to do some, you know, maybe make a remake?
Eric: I think there's a moment, and another moment, and there's, like, the texting, you're—like someone's texting back. It goes on for like a minute or two minutes. And then a text message says, (as spirit) Good. It's time for you to reconnect from whence you came from, and where we all come from. But, you live in between those worlds. And, you deserve to go home.
Brandon (as Milo): [Pauses] Temporarily, right?
Eric (as spirit): That is not my decision, ultimately.
Brandon (as Milo): I'll take that as a yes.
[Julia groans]
Eric: Let—we speed forward, we have a few pages of the comic book, we are now back at Dr. Morrow’s lab. January and Dez set up; January is like hopping around very quickly, nervous. Dez is setting up all of the proper things that need to happen. I think Val and Aggie are also there in the lab.
Amanda: I think Aggie and Val have their heads been very close together. And, Aggie’s like, (as Aggie) And, then I said to her, like, I'm not—I'm not ready to—to kind of show you that part of my life—
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): —that doesn't mean that I don't acknowledge it, like, it's there. And, like, I think one day, you know, but, like, I I just—you know, I—I value them so much—
Julia (as Val): Sure.
Amanda (as Aggie): And, like, it's—it's not a thing that I ever want to intersect with my—with my public identity. And, so, it's just like… uhh… I hope it was okay.
Julia (as Val): I'm sure it was fine. I'm sure that they, like, appreciated that you were there for them in the moment, you know? But, at, like, at some point you're gonna have to deal with—and, like, you know, I know that I—take it with a grain of salt, because I haven't come out to my girlfriend about this either. But, you know, because you are in a relationship as your public identity or your super hero public identity, that's gonna make things hard to, like, you know, go on dates, or, like, consider moving in together.
Amanda (as Aggie): I mean, maybe we—we go on a date, all of us together, and then, it's like, hey, oops, I—I came as Aggie, and you came as Vulcani, and it's—it's, like, oh no! And, then—and, then, everyone knows—
Brandon (as Milo): All right, who wants to die?!
Eric: And, I think ,behind Milo, as Milo walks in—on first glance, you'd see a six-foot tall…what looks like a man, short hair, gray flannel suit, black shoes, black tie, very stark white shirt, walking slowly behind Milo. And, then, if you look a little closer, though, and you try to like get a bead on—on—on this figure’s face, you can't hold it. You think you see the outline of some eyes, maybe like a slash of red where a mouth would be, but you can't, like, remember the face, necessarily, but you know a face’s there. And, by the jovial, Milo's like (as mysterious spirit figure) Greetings, all. I'm the actuary. I actually know when you're all going to die, but I won't tell you. It's not soon. Or is it? I've said too much.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): Like, statistically or individually?
Eric (as the Actuary): Statistically.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay, that’s an important distinction. I—I just—you know—
Julia (as Val): Oh, okay. Yeah, if it's just statistically—
Amanda (as Aggie): Oof…
Julia (as Val): —when I'm gonna die, that's fine. If you knew—if the actual, like, physical time, then I would be, like, how much money do you want for that information?
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): You’d want to know? That's a big difference. No, I would not.
Eric (as the Actuary): I am—I am not going to share it. Money means nothing to me, when you live upon the mortal coil as a small spring, springing between life and death.
Julia (as Val): People pay you to do their taxes!
Eric (as the Actuary): No, that's not what I think I do—
[Julia laughs]
Eric (as the Actuary): What, you think I do taxes??
Julia (as Val): Yes?
Eric (as the Actuary): No—
Brandon (as Milo): Wait, you don't do taxes?
Eric (as the Actuary): I'm an actuary, not an—insurance, not accounting.
Julia (as Val): Oh, okay, okay.
Brandon (as Milo): Okay.
Julia (as Val): Those are different things?
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: They are—
[Everyone laughs]
Amanda: Aggie has her head, like a deeply in her hands, having taught all of her siblings through the fact that you do need, in fact, to pay taxes if you live in Berlin, Aaron!
Eric: [Laughs] Dr. Morrow has, like, a camcorder. [Laughs] Like a handheld camcorder—
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: —and, is like, (as Dr. Morrow) Oh, I love this science! I love my job. You know, if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life. Oh my God…
Julia (as Val): All right, let's kill Milo.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Okay, let's do it.
Amanda: Hang on, Brandon, is this your way of telling us that you're quitting the show?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: The Actu—I think the Actuary goes up into the house, and then, like, very quickly moves an overstuffed chair into the middle of the lab. It's almost like the chair is—is gliding, necessarily. There's, like, no friction, helping—helping it move. (As the Actuary) Our messenger of Death should be comfortable when he moves on to the other plane to go home. Sit, child.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, thanks! (Normal voice) And, Milo takes a seat.
Amanda (as Aggie): I mean, you really do keep saying, “go home,” and I just—I would love to know, kind of, what our—what our plan is for getting Milo back here. Like, wha—I—huh?
Eric (as the Actuary): Well, if—you know, if you—if… math, I think of things mathematically, of course. But, if you imagine your life force to be, you know, like, ah, hits points, maybe, in a game of some sort—
[Amanda laughs]
Julia (as Val): Like a video game, yeah.
Eric (as the Actuary): In a vi—in a video game, of course. Or, any of the games of war and violence and fun and glory that we played over these—
Julia (as Val): Sir, please… [Laughs]
Eric (as the Actuary): —thousands of years—as I said, thousands of years, in our society. I could reduce them down to, ah, 0 hit points, then bring him back to 1 at will. However, I am only a vestige of the power of Death itself. Much as our good—our good messenger, Milo here, is here, as well. I will do my best to bring him back. But, ultimately it is his decision.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, I mean, I—I made that decision, like, four days ago.
Julia (as Val): Cool.
Brandon (as Milo): Is that—we good?
Eric (as the Actuary): Of course.
Julia (as Val): Milo, just remember, you have things to live for. And, also, like—I don't know…
Brandon (as Milo): I’m not going to die. It’s fi—I mean, I'm going to die. But, I'm going to come back. It’s great!
Julia (as Val): Okay! He just made it seem like you could—it might be really nice in death, and you might choose to stay there!
Brandon (as Milo): I mean, yeah, I have like, friends and a good job. And, have you ever had a timblie tomblie before?
Julia (as Val): They're making another Indiana Jones movie, so like, you got to be around that.
Brandon (as Milo): Exactly!
Julia (as Val): Alright, cool.
Brandon (as Milo): I can’t see that if I'm dead!
Eric (as the Actuary): I want to be more clear, that this is as if Milo is going on a vacation. And, then, he realizes that the place where he goes on vacation is super cool and neat—
Julia (as Val): Yeah, see this is where—
Eric (as the Actuary): [Overlapping] —and wants to stay in that place.
Julia (as Val): He’s making death seem very cool.
Brandon (as Milo): It’ll be fine! It’ll be fine.
Eric (as the Actuary): It’s fine. It—it will be fine…
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Oh, I hate that.
Eric (as the Actuary): Okay, is everyone ready to get started? I want to make sure everyone here is calm and safe. And, ready. Just don't—honestly, I have to say this to all people who walk into an insurance office, but don't freak out. [Beat] Please.
Amanda (as Aggie): I will do my best. I am trained in CPR. I hate every part of this. Here we are.
Julia (as Val): I have never been calm or safe in my life. But, I can—I can keep it together for this.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: [Laughing] Dr—Dr. Morrow says, (as Dr. Morrow) I have 45 minutes of battery! Let's get it going!
[Julia laughs]
[Spooky, ghost-like music starts]
Eric: And, I think the actuary puts their hands on Milo’s shoulders. And—
[Music abruptly stops]
Brandon (as Milo): Before we do this, am I more of a Kiefer Sutherland or like a Kevin Bacon? I just need to know. Which role…?
Julia (as Val): Do you—do you need to know?
Brandon (as Milo): Kiefer Sutherland, let's go!!!
[Music begins again]
Eric (as January): I feel like you're being very cavalier about this entire situation.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: And, the Actuary puts two hands, one hand on each of your shoulders and you feel kind of like, the—your energy's kind of, like, slipping to your feet, like it's coming out of your head, and then it's moving slowly out of your—out of your chest, and down your legs and into your feet. And, it's like you're sliding into, maybe like, a chilly bath, a little bit. Or, you're lowering yourself into a swimming pool that's a little too cold. But, then, your—your body finally gets used to it. I think that from the outside, you see the Actuary has their hands on Milo shoulders, and Milo just looks like he's taking, like, a really nice snooze. His mouth is open a little bit, and he's drooling. And, January says, (as January) Wow. He's—he looks almost peaceful.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as January): Oh, he's drooling a little bit. I should get that.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: And, Dr. Morrow is like, (as Dr. Morrow) Oh man, this is amazing! I can do this! Like, this is great. And, you know, maybe if I—if I study this enough, then like, I can—maybe I can make something that would help people bring them back when they're on the edge, as like an emergency safety thing or something like—(Normal voice) And, she starts like pulling out papers and starts like sketching things. They're like schematics for a new invention. It would, like, bring someone back, if someone, like, zero’d to one health, or something like that.
Brandon: Hmm.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Do you think this would be cool? Would this be cool? Would you like this?
Julia (as Val): That would—yes, that would be great.
Amanda: Aggie is, like, frozen, just staring at—at her shoes.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Okay, I’ll do it. I'm just trying to, like, do better things for other people, you know? Like, I'm just, like, anything that I've taken through my ideas and my thoughts here is, like, I can—I can, like, make it happen for others. And, I just really want to do that. I think that the people of Laketown city needs to know that, like, I'm doing something that's worthwhile, and that, like, you can trust in me, and I'm gonna, like, make this stuff, and it's gonna be great. Julia (as Val): Oh, yeah, we got to talk to you about that.
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, this might not be exactly the time to have this conversation. But, I mean, I—I have not forgotten that, like, six or seven weeks ago, there was a museum gallery exhibit filled with, like, detritus that you did not dispose of that ended up, like, really harming a person—not to mention very bad PR for the whole team.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Whaaaat…?
Amanda (as Aggie): And, like, I've been thinking about this, obviously, you have not been thinking about this. And, like, I mean, no disrespect to you, maybe some of it—really, I know, it's like a harsh thing for me to say, maybe some disrespect intended, but, like, someone has to be responsible for cleaning up the many, many dangerous artifacts that you've apparently just let go back into the world. And, so, I don't know if like a buyback program or an amnesty program are the right templates here. But, we need to find some way to collect this kind of stuff. So that the Byron Zorn's and Emily Slaughter’s of the world, you know, are not buying them thinking that they're harmless and putting them into private collections that could then very, really, really harm people. So, that's the thing I've been thinking about. And, if you're not going to deal with it, then—then…I will. So, there. Sorry
Julia (as Val): Yeah, so—just because you're famous, Dr. Morrow, doesn't mean your trash is safe.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, very well put, Val.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Wow.
Amanda (as Aggie): You should—we should have talked about how we're gonna break that, uh—
Julia (as Val): No, you did a great job, I feel like, uh—
[Brandon and Eric laugh]
Amanda (as Aggie): Thank you. Thank you.
Julia (as Val): Yeah, we need to get your unsafe trash off the streets.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I mean, to be honest, I just truly do not have the time to organize something like that. But, if, you know, if Aggie, if you would like to take care of that, that would be wonderful. It's sounds like your idea. Just run with it. Go—go ahead do that.
Amanda (as Aggie): I mean, why don't you give me money, and I'll, like, take it to the—
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, talk to January, and January has my checkbook. And, yeah, that's fine.
Amanda (as Aggie): Okay.
Julia (as Val): January, you have her checkbook? Can we—can we get more money for stuff?
Eric (as January): Yeah, she shouldn’t have told that. It—it has the Muppets on it. It’s a Muppet checkbook.
Julia (as Val) Very funny. Can we—can we get paid like a salary for being superheroes? Maybe? I don't know…
Eric (as January): What are you talking about? You—you—it goes into your—right you’re your accounts. You've had direct deposit for a year now.
Julia (as Val): What? How much???
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as January): How do you not remem—a decent amount, a decent amount, you’re on Dr—you’re on MoroCorps payroll!
Julia (as Val): What do you get—I don't even know my bank account information. How did you guys get my bank account information?
Eric (as January): That feels like a conversation you should be having with yourself. I cannot help you [starts laughing] with that—
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): All of my businesses are in cash!
Eric (as January): We set one up for you. We asked you for it, and you said you said that exact thing. And, then, we set up an account, so I'll give you access to that.
Julia (as Val): I would like access to the account that apparently I have money in, yes, thank you.
Amanda (as Aggie): Cannot stress this enough, Val, you do have to pay taxes on that money.
Julia (as Val): Well, that money, yeah, because that's not cash—
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as the Actuary): I also want everyone to know, I can't do your taxes. I want to be very clear as we're having this conversation here.
Julia (as Val): Why not?
Amanda (as Aggie): So, wait, how—
Eric (as the Actuary): It’s not my job! Not my job!
[Julia and Amanda laugh]
Eric: Um, okay—
[Everyone laughs]
Julia: Now that we've had this conversation, while Milo is dead on the chair…
Amanda (as Aggie): Yeah, I mean, do we—how long is it going to take? What do we—what do we expect Mr…Faceless Death?
Eric (as the Actuary): A few minutes, but possibly longer if the return trip is…well, there's an ancient Phoenician word for it, I have to translate it…bumpy.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): Oh.
Amanda: Aggie’s head drops back into her hands.
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Val just rub her shoulders.
Eric: Yeah [laughs].
Julia (as Val): It'll be okay.
Amanda (as Aggie): [Groans]
Eric: Let's pop back to Milo. You have entered into this pool, and it's a little chilly. And, it looks like, I guess, you're—you're riding in an elevator. Like, all of a sudden you're in an elevator. And, I think it's, like…this isn't like an old timey elevator, where there's a grate, or it's not even, like, a fancy new elevator, where there's, like, a screen with advertisements that tells you the weather. This is just like, you're in a box, going somewhere, and the door—there's, like, metal doors are closed in front of you. And, you feel yourself moving in no particular direction. You feel yourself moving slowly, in that way, because it's not down. I want to emphasize, it's not down. You're just moving. And, I think that at that moment, you realize that Tuna is on your shoulder. And, Tunas says, (as Tuna) Mmm, where are we going?
Brandon (as Milo): [Voice echoing] Oh, hey, Tuna! We're dead!
Eric (as Tuna): I—who—you can't just say—is that like when you say we, like, we're gonna take a bath, but you mean me?
[Julia and Amanda laugh]
Brandon (as Milo): You—you caught onto that? Like, you get that? I thought I was a little too nuanced of grammar for a cat.
Eric (as Tuna): No, you say we when you mean me. So, you take responsibility away from yourself, and you try to make it simpler for me. So, where—so am I dead? I've been dead. I knew that.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, you've been dead. But, I'm in your play now! This is your—this is your realm.
Eric (as Tuna): Mmm…okay—
Brandon (as Milo): Thanks for the invite!
Eric (as Tuna): Thanks. I appreciate that. I guess, your first time, do you want any—do you need any recommendations?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, if you have any good restaurant wrecks, or any, like cool museums, and also, like, if you could tell me, like, you know, how to figure out the basis of my powers and, like, where they come from, and the meaning of life would be cool if you have that. And, also, like, remember when you got disconnected for me while back? Like, you could help me figure out why I felt, you know, suddenly weaker because of that…?
Eric (as Tuna): Mm…yeah. I think we can figure that out. I know someone who knows better. I mean, we'll—we'll talk—we'll talk them, that's fine.
Brandon (as Milo): Burgers! If there's burgers, I would like a burger.
Eric (as Tuna): I don't know if there's burgers in Hell. I'll look into it.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: And, that's when the doors open, and you're back in this space with all of this shag carpeting. I don't know if you remember this, but you saw this once before, right at the end of the first arc, when you put—when you went down to zero hit points, because of the mob neck. It's like there's nothingness everywhere, except for just, like, tons and tons of shag carpeting in all directions of that, like, dark—you know, dark 70s orange. And, standing in front of you is an incredibly dark robed hooded figure. Like, the—the traditional looking Grim Reaper, with their incredibly dark black on black robes. They're—you don't see any skeleton hands, and there's no scythe necessarily, but, like, it looms there, like as we said the, like, scary demon exorcism aura that's there. And, as the doors open, they go, ding! You hear, in like the scary demon voice, like, (as Grim Reaper, in a booming voice) Come forward, and meet your fate…
Brandon (as Milo): Hello!
[Eric laughs]
Brandon: I walked forward.
Eric (as the Grim Reaper): A little bit closer. I can’t see you that well.
Brandon: I walked two steps forward, more.
Eric (as the Grim Reaper): You can come closer, don’t worry. (Normal voice) And, then, [coughs loudly] (as Grim Reaper, with a regular human-sounding voice) Sorry, I—sorry, I couldn't hear you that well. I don't know why…oh, this hood is on me. (Normal voice) And, he pushes the hood back. And, it looks like—and, you realize that the robes they're wearing are actually just kind of like a black bathrobe, like a comfy, laying-around bathrobe. And as they throw the hood back, you see that it has the black furred face of a jackal. And, you're looking at Anubis, God of Death.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh hey, I know you! Anubis, right?
Eric (as Anubis): Mmm, yeah, everyone thinks that, like, their own respective way of dying is, um…the this it is, but actually, this is the only way that people die, they come see me. I'm—this is the real—this is what happens when you die, is you come and you see me.
Brandon (as Milo): That's great to know! I can—when I get back up top there, I can, uh…or when I get back, I can—I can let people know!
Eric (as Anubis): Mm…yeah, I mean, they won't believe you, but you can try. Oh my god, Tuna! It's been so long! (Normal voice) And, Tuna’s like, (as Tuna) Mm, yeah, I know, thanks for letting me stay at your place for a little while.
Brandon (as Milo): Tuna, you knew this? [Laughs]
Eric: Well, no, Tuna hops off your shoulders and says, (as Tuna) Yeah, when we got separated by those terrible YouTubers, I've kind of stayed at Anubis’s place for a little while.
Brandon (as Milo): And, you didn't think that was a worthwhile thing to tell me?
Eric (as Tuna): Mm, I actually couldn't remember until I got right here. So, I wasn't actually keeping it from you and fucking with you, I promise.
Brandon (as Milo): Hm…we are going to have a talk and the bath later.
Eric (as Anubis and Tuna): No!!! (Normal voice) And, that's both from Anubis and tuna.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Anubis): Oh, wait, hold on, you probably didn't recognize me. (Normal voice) And, I think Anubis claps twice. [Laughing] And, like, from the ground, from the shag carpet arise the scales of Anubis, obviously, it’s like…yeah, you weigh all the bad things that you've done in your life against the—the Feather of Ma’at—which I learned from Spirits, great podcast—and, there's like a little feather there, and then both, like, Anubis and Tuna, like, go over to the feather and, like, paw at it, a little bit, like meh—
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: And, then, like, floats around a little bit, and then Anubis says, (as Anubis) So, what are you doing here? What, uh, what's going on? What do you need?
Brandon (as Milo): Love the carpet, by the way. Great choices, um—
Eric (as Anubis): Thanks, it feels really nice on my paws.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, I can imagine that. I'm not really here to, like…like, it's not the end, you know? Like, I don't need to necessarily weigh my stuff here. Unless, you really want to just let me know in advance, like where I'm—where I'm at? Where the balance is, you know?
Eric (as Anubis): Yeah, I could tell you. I could definitely tell you. You should worry less about torrenting programs. That's actually not a bad thing. It's more of a net neutral.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, that's actually great to know, thank you. I'm gonna tell everyone when I get back about that.
Eric (as Anubis): You'll forget that one, don't tell everyone that.
[Julia laughs]
Brandon (as Milo): But, mostly I was just wondering, like, what this is, (Normal voice) You know, Milo gestures towards his chest ghost portal thing, and to Tuna, (as Milo) My parents got hit by a Dr. Morrow energy thing, I don't really understand the details of it. But, then, I was born. And, now I can do these things! (Normal voice) And, Milo does a little, like, magic card trick [laughs].
Eric: Yeah, I think that, the ghost hand, which has been rerouted onto your other arm, like, with the phantasma duct, like, is now, like, slips back out of the phantasma duct, and then, like, does sleight of hand with a coin out of your chest [laughs].
Brandon (as Milo): I can do much better things, bigger things than that. It's just—I just thought that was be fun.
Eric: Yeah, and the phantasmal hand waves at Anubis.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, so you two know each other?
Eric (as Anubis): Oh, yeah. I mean, we all know each other really well, it's a lot of, you know—you know, everyone knows someone. It's a lot of, like, death geography, like you kind of—someone's cousin died, and then—who then died and moved over, went on the River Styx and all of that. It’s one of those things. Yeah, you know, which is one of those things that you have a direct connection to what all of this is. Think about—it's like someone has laid down the same carpet here that they have in the middle of your chest. And, I just think that's pretty good and neat. I think the real problem here is—(Normal voice) As Anubis licks their paw, from underneath the black bathrobe, he says, (as Anubis) I think the real problem is that, like, you and Tuna, just don't—no longer have a connection. And, that it has been severed from what happened with the bones body and the YouTubers. And, I think that that's something that you need to do to connect with each other.
Brandon (as Milo): Is it, like, a thing where we have to, like, talk it out and figure it out? Or is it like a—like something that I can just get…like, to the metaphorical that, you know, down here? Just have it fixed?
Eric (as Anubis): Yeah, I think that you need a—you definitely need to talk it out a little bit. I mean, we can—we can—I can make sure that it works in a way. But, if you two don't connect, you can't get closer and reestablish the connection between your spirit guide and the spirit portal itself.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, that was the worst case scenario. Uh…
[Julia laughs]
Brandon (as Milo): Okay, I guess I'll get some more of the good treats, or whatever, and we'll have a sit down.
Eric (as Anubis): Oh, no, I don't—unfortunately, now that you're down here, we're gonna have to do it in our own place. (Normal voice) Anubis claps their hands twice again, and then you find yourself—you're actually in the scales. You look around and it's just like this wrought black iron around you, that’s in—right now, it's very even. And, you're looking out on another scale that has Tuna, just, like, laying down on their back, [Laughing] on Tuna’s back. Just, like, in the other scale. It’s like, (as Anubis) This will determine whether or not your relationship is actually equal. And, you'll be able to get closer with each other in this way, and—
Julia: Oh, no…
Eric (as Anubis): Unfortunately, if it doesn't work, then you might be able to get guided back towards the living world. It's actually quite high stakes, when you think about it.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, I can see that. Tuna, I'm sorry for giving you a bath, when all I wanted was for you to stop meowing.
Eric (as Tuna): You admit it, you did do it on purpose, because I wanted you to play a rocket league with me!
Brandon (as Milo): You can't play Rocket League.
Eric (as Tuna): I'm very good at Rocket League.
Brandon (as Milo): [Overlapping] You think you can, you think you are good at Rocket League. You're good for a cat.
Eric (as Tuna): Thank you. That was almost a compliment. (Normal voice) Brandon, I want you to make a charisma—a charisma role for me.
[Julia laughs]
Brandon: My notoriously good at skill.
[Dice rolls]
Brandon: Well, Eric, my friend, what is this say?
[Julia gasps]
Eric: Uh, is it a Nat 20?
Julia: Are you serious??
Amanda: What?!
Brandon: It’s a natural 20!
Julia: Oh my god.
Amanda: Oh. My. God.
Julia: Oh. My. Anubis.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: You see Tuna wiggle to the other side of the—of the scales, and Tuna says (as Tuna) I just want you to—you have to realize that we're not just, like, a pet and a person. I mean, I was Hank’s pet, and he loved me dearly. But, we have to meet each other somewhere a little bit closer than just, like, you pick up my poop and I meow at you. Like, I'm here to help, and you can't just like throw me into dangerous situations where I might be—something might happen.
Brandon (as Milo): You know, it's fair. To be—To be honest, like, you know, I didn't—I didn't know my actual parents. So, like, it was kind of, like, the trio of us, you know, it's—it's dad and—and Tuna! And, we were…we were a thing. And, I know that, like, it's weird that it's you and me stuck together in this way and not you and dad, but I am glad that you're still with me.
Eric (as Tuna): I'm glad that we get to do this together. It's fun! We get to hang out. And, that's nice. And, I won't have to stay at home—all the other cat spirits are just, like, in the pet cemetery.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Tuna): That's also real, Stephen King's Pet Cemetery is also real.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, no!
Eric: Anubis says, (as Anubis) Yeah, that's real. I approve that.
Brandon (as Milo): Oh, no!
Eric (as Anubis): Sorry about that. (Normal voice) Brandon, make a death saving throw with advantage for me.
Brandon: Is it just 10 or more?
Eric: Yeah, death saving throw is 10 or more. You already get—you get advantage, because you get advantage on death saving throws when you're talking to death. So, you already do that. So, you all need—you just need to beat a 5.
Brandon: Oh, wonderful.
Eric: So, you get advantage, and you get to beat a five.
Brandon: And, I don't add anything to those, right? It's just straight up?
Eric: Nope. Straight up.
[Dice Rolls]
Brandon: Well, one, I got a Nat-20, and the other got a 3, so—
Eric: Jesus Christ.
Julia: Seriously?
Amanda: Wow.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: [Laughing] Damn…
Julia: Two Nat-20’s in a row???
Brandon: It wasn't same dice, either.
Eric: Geez—
Amanda: [Overlapping] Oh my gosh—
Eric: —okay. I think that's when Anubis says, like, (as Anubis) Okay, it seems like you guys are pretty well connected. I don't actually have to do all that much. I felt like a lot more dire when you were dealing with it. So—humans, they just don't deal with their—their shit, really. And, I think that's the real flaw of humans, is that you could actually just do like one really small thing and fix everything. But, like, yeah, if you have a question, I can—(Normal voice) Anubis claps their hands, once again, and you and Tuna [Laughs] are back on—our back of the beautiful shag carpet.
Brandon (as Milo): Thank you.
Eric (as Anubis): No problem. Well, yeah, if there's anything I can do for you, do you have any questions that you—you have? (Normal voice) And, Brandon, because you wrote that Nat-20 again, if you want, when you ask your question, it should still be yes or no. However, Anubis will give you a sentence of elaboration.
Brandon: Oh, cool. Okay.
Julia: Hm!
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, I mean, I have so, so many questions. God…where do we go after—after we get weighed? Is it bad that I have this connection? Is there a way to make it stronger? [Pauses] Can you, like, see the future? Or, are you just more—more, like, just, when folks die that come to you?
Eric (as Anubis): You know how…sometimes—
Brandon (as Milo): That wasn't my question! I want to be clear, that wasn't my question!
Eric (as Anubis): Oh, we're—I'm not. We're not trick—we don't do tricks here.
Brandon (as Milo): Okay.
Eric (as Anubis): You know how, when someone pretends to be clairvoyant or have the sight, and by actually just reading people really well, they're actually able to tell the future in some ways, or at least make people believe that? Well, I see literally every single person who has ever died come through here, and I have a pretty good understanding of the human experience. So, I can tell you what I think is going to happen, and I'll probably be correct in that way. At least, my predictions might be pretty good. I'm like a friend, who, like, really you can come to, that is able to help.
Brandon (as Milo): Okay. Unrelated, should I be, like, worshiping you? Like, what do you—
Eric (as Anubis): No, don’t—
[Julia laughs]
Brandon (as Milo): Okay—
Eric (as Anubis): It's more like—it just gets all complicated, but again, don't tell—I mean, don't tell—if you want to try to tell people that I'm what's there at the end of the rainbow, they won't—they won't, ah…[sighs] They won't believe you, anyway, so, like, it's—you know, it's just like a comfort you can have for yourself.
Brandon (as Milo): Hm. Are my birth parents alive?
Eric (as Anubis): Hm…[pauses] I will ask a follow up question, because you were so willing. Do you really want to know?
Brandon (as Milo): Yeah, I think I do. I think, ah, knowing is always better than not.
Eric (as Anubis): [Long pause] The answer to that is yes. Though, they might not be what you were anticipating.
[Julia makes surprised sound]
Eric (as Anubis): Okay, well, I guess that that’s it! Thank you so much for coming!!
Brandon (as Milo): I know I'm a little nonchalant about this, but I am truly in awe, you are wonderful, thank you so much for your time. I—I don't worship you, but I am forever thankful. And, when I come back down here next…we—we good?
Eric (as Anubis): Yeah, just like try—I feel like you have more time to spend up there. So, like, you know, help yourself help others.
Brandon (as Milo): Got it.
Eric (as Anubis): If this were a video game, and, like, life force was interpreted as 0, you know, HP, that's kind of the thing that we do. You know, use some healing spells, is what—
[Everyone laughs]
Brandon: That's good. That's good. And, just another quick question, like, Hank is the best human on planet so, like, he's good too—?
Eric (as Anubis): Mm, sorry, you can only ask one question—
Brandon (as Milo): Aw, fuck!
Eric (as Anubis): No, the scales! They’re—I would stop asking Anubis questions ever, Anubis really nicely told you to leave, oh no!
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: But, I think Tuna hops in your arms, and, like, snuggles real good. (as Tuna) Milo, let's go home. I'm tired.
Brandon (as Milo): All right, bud. Let's go. (Normal voice) And, I'm gonna step back into the elevator.
Eric: Yeah, and the elevator, once again, closes around you. And, Brandon, as Milo is standing in the elevator, with Tuna curled up, you feel connected to Tuna in a way that you haven't in a very, very long time. Maybe since you were a little kid, and you weren’t crime fighting with Tuna before. And, your HP is back to 100%.
Julia: Woo!
Brandon: Oh, hell yeah!
Amanda: Hoorah!
Eric: And, next time—also, Brandon, you can do that +1 up stat +1 down stat. And, also, I’ll clarify this in “No Capes,” when I do a version two and fix the errata, you can do up 1 modifier and down 1 modifier.
Brandon: Oh, cool. Okay.
Eric: Yes. And, you feel yourself moving. Moving back. And, I think that you were you get the reverse sense, you were like coming out of a cold pool. And, you're like, mm, I’m like cold and warm at the same time. You're like a burrito that's being microwaved, and, like—
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: —one part of you is hot, but the other part is cold. And, I think, back on the outside, Dr. Morrow is still like, (as Dr. Morrow) I have, like, five minutes left on this camcorder. I really hope what happens, happens. (Normal voice) [Laughing] And, then, January is just like, (as January) I’ll send you the files if you just give me the invoices. I have, like, an entire, like, system for this. Like, we have a—we have, like, a portal that you can enter things on. Like it's fine. You want to—I mean, do we want to throw a gala? Should it be a party? Are we raising money? What are we thinking?
Julia (as Val): I do love parties.
Amanda (as Aggie): I just feel like some kind of community engagement in the fundraising will also make the community feel invested in the outcome, you know? And, like—
Eric (as January): Yeah, for sure.
Amanda (as Aggie): [Overlapping] —telling the people all about the program is—is kind of the point of it. So, it could be good, kind of, dual, like, marketing, fundraising. You know what I mean?
Eric (as January): Yeah. We do, like, some superhero stuff, like, make you guys—like, it won't be, like, a silent auction for a date with you. That's like…what is this? A rom com in 1995?
Amanda (as Aggie): No.
Julia (as Val): [Overlapping] Unless you want to do that, Aggie, that'd be a good setup for you and Teagan—
Amanda (as Aggie): Unless you want to do that, huh, Val?? Unless you want to do that, huh?!
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Both of you get hit on the—on the head by January, who has curled up, like, a magazine and is like, (as January) No! No!
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: And, when that—when that happens, the Actuary has their hands on Milo's shoulders, and then, like, all of a sudden, Milo, you're back.
[Brandon gasps loudly, like he just woke up]
Eric: You're, like, waking up from an incredibly deep nap. And, you have, like, a little bit of drool on one side of your face. And, the Actuary, like, throws their hands up and says like, (as the Actuary) Messenger, how was it? Did—did Anubis say anything to me?
Amanda (as Aggie): Anubis?
Julia (as Val): Anubis??
Brandon (as Milo): Uh, not to you. I forgot to ask. That's my bad, I'm sorry. Well, in the future—
Eric (as the Actuary): Wow. Wow.
Brandon (as Milo): Um, but they also didn't mention you of their own accord. But, they do have some ugly ass shag carpet down there!
Eric (as the Actuary): I hear it's comfortable on their little feetsies.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): Anubis?! You mean St. Peter, right???
[Everyone laughs]
[Outro music]
Transcript by Sarah Patt