What do you call it when you challenge a CEO to throw down? A boss fight.
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Cast & Crew
- Dungeon Master, Co-Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Host (Milo Lane), Co-Producer, Editor, Sound Designer, Composer: Brandon Grugle
- Co-Host (Aggie O’Hare), Co-Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Co-Host (Val Vesuvio), Co-Producer: Julia Schifini
- Multitude: multitude.productions
About Us
Join the Party is a collaborative storytelling and roleplaying podcast, powered by the rules of Dungeons and Dragons. That means a group of friends create a story together, chapter by chapter, that takes us beyond the tabletop to parts unknown. In the first campaign, we explored fantasy adventure, intrigue, magic, and drama. In the newest story, we tackle science, superpowers, a better future, and the responsibility to help others.
Every month, we sit down for the Afterparty, where we break down our game and answer your questions about how to play D&D and other roleplaying games at home. We also have segments at the beginning of each campaign to teach people how to play the game themselves. It’s a party, and you’re invited! Find out more at jointhepartypod.com.
Transcript
Amanda: Last time on Join the Party.
Eric: With Dr. Morrow locked in, the LT3 sped towards the Vitamin M Factory to take on Gutenberg, but Threadbare and Mega muncher were securing the perimeter and chomping their way all the way around and cloaking the factory in an impenetrable yarn quilt. Everyone snuck up with some incredibly tense stealth roles, but Multitool alerted the bad guys as she scrambled on top of the quilted dome. Fighting ensued with Vulcani shot away up in the air, and Dr. Morrow getting buried under rubble and saved by Tuna. But with a surprise burst of confidence from Fritz Brightstone rolling onto the scene, the LT3 broke through. Gutenberg is right there. Time to rumble. Let's get the party started.
[JTP Theme Music]
Eric: I think the cover of this issue, Episode 41 of Join the Party: Gutenberg Revealed in big comic font.
Brandon: Gutenberg revealed.
Eric: Gutenberg revealed.
[Brandon snickers]
Eric: Gutenberg with his feet up on the big oak desk that he has somehow pulled or created in the distribution plant of Vitamin M, and the five of you, Vulcani, Kilonova, Multitool, flanked by Dr. Morrow looking particularly haggard in clutching the gym bag that she's had slung over her shoulder the entire time. And Fritz Brightstone, you get, we had a new Illustrator. So, this new illustrator is doing a new, a new look of Fritz Brightstone because the writers couldn't remember what Fritz Brightstone looked like. He has, like, golden hair, like, big shaggy beard, like six feet tall, stocky, wearing a leather jacket, and a ripped gray sweatshirt underneath.
Brandon: Eric, don't put me in your game.
[Eric Laughs]
Julia: I was gonna say, "Oh. So, a hockey player?"
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Yeah. Exactly, hockey player. And Gutenberg just looks as happy as can be. He's chilling. He's absolutely vibing. Gutenberg looks a lot different than Brett. Remember you met Brett before he was the camera man? And Brett had five o'clock shadow and he had, like, intentionally bought and distressed Levi's and.
Amanda: I should have tipped us off guys.
[Julia humms]
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: And flannels and carhartts. Gutenberg on the other hand, just incredibly clean shaven.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: [Stammers] At like the, the dad fresh cut, where it's like, "Oh, you should probably have waited two days because everyone can see your widow's peak." It's a little spiked in the front. It's still gray and salt and pepper. And it is still the height of summer, so he's wearing a, a light blue polo with three buttons, but two of them are open.
Julia: Okay.
Amanda: A real undercover boss situation.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: And really crisp jeans. And like, he's wearing, like, white and blue Balenciaga, like, high fashion shoes, but you, they just look the same as any other chunky white dad shoe.
Julia: Hmm.
Eric: It's just like, "Oh, this was made by a fashion designer and they are definitely $800, but they don't look different than, like, the Adidas shoes you can get at Costco for like $15."
Brandon: I, I am so poor, I don't even know what Balenciaga shoes are, Eric.
Eric: [Stutters] It's fine. You're fine.
Brandon: And that is in character for Brandon.
Eric: Brandon and Milo are aligned on this but they do not understand this.
Amanda: I'm just sitting here wondering if the cover of this comic book is, like, in a sleeve and shrink wrapped so that you have to buy it to see Gutenberg revealed like it's a Nirvana record in the 90s.
Brandon: Brilliant.
Eric: 100%. Yeah, this is all the front. Yeah, he's like looming super large even though he's in the back. Like, the, the image is, like, from behind, the five of yours perspective. They were looking at all of you from the back, and it's just this massive desk with this 55 year-old white guy with the freshest haircut just with his feet kicked up on.
Amanda: It's like a haircut tan line.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: With his feet kicked up on the desk.
Amanda: Can I do an intimidation check?
Eric: You just want to intimidate straight up?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, sure.
Julia: I'm gonna do that too.
Brandon: I'm not gonna try.
Amanda: Okay. Well, with my Air Jorban sneakers, I got a 17 intimidation check.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: I rolled an 11 + 7 for an 18.
Eric: Cool.
Brandon: Pretty good.
Amanda (as Multitool): Multitool is going to stage whisper to Val, "You know, I just don't ever go out the day after a haircut because, like, sometimes you have a tan line and it's visible and that's just like really embarrassing for you."
Julia (as Val): It's really fucking embarrassing. Yeah, yeah.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah.
Julia (as Val): Imagine thinking like you look cool and you're gonna do a fucking villain monologue while having that haircut? Jeez.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah. Didn't, didn't your, doesn't your, your half brother have shoes just like that?
Julia (as Val): Oh, my god. Yeah, probably.
Amanda (as Multitool): The 5 year-old?
Julia (as Val): He got his, you know, on the DL and didn't pay a ridiculous amount of money for no fucking reason.
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah. Payless toddlers is actually pretty fashion-forward when you think about it.
[Eric laughs]
Eric (as Fritz): I think Fritz says, "So, he got that at, he got that at Menards? I don't know why, you know, I guess that's, that's how billionaires stay that way.
Amanda (as Multitool): Normally, I say there's nothing wrong with a bargain but sometimes there's something wrong with the bargain.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon (as Milo): Milo looks at all of his clothes and it's like anxiously detailing everything in his mind.
Julia (as Val): Not you, Milo. Not you.
Amanda (as Multitool): Not you. Not you.
Eric: What I love about this whole thing that's happening, the like Laketown city three, what I love about it is, it's the banter. That's why people have must have fallen in love with this scrappy, not actually good at their jobs team that we have here. I love it. It's for people Oh, I could do this as well if I talk to ghosts, or was a volcano person. It could be, I could be me, that could be me if I, my arms were longer than the regular person. Wow, wow. I can connect with that, that's incredible. Wow.
Brandon: Yeah, it's relatability. You should try being human sometimes, sir.
Eric: So relatable. I love, I love how relatability also leads to, you know, less people getting saved. And just Laketown City being thrown into the absolute chaos that it's a part of. [stutters] But if people have relatability and can follow you on the Instagrams, that all kind of shakes out, right? Yeah.
Brandon: Oh, man. You guys, he really is a dad. He just said Instagrams.
Julia: Instagrams too, like geez.
[Brandon winces]
Amanda (as Multitool): Were, were you always a sit behind the desk kind of villain or have you, like, devolved to that over the course of your career?
Brandon: Got him.
Eric: I think he just, he just straight up ignores you.
[Brandon and Eric laughs]
Eric: Like, lets that hang, lets that hang in the front. It's like, "Cassandra, come on. I thought that would be better more than this. You've had a year, more, to pull all of this together. I think you just love it when it's fun, don't you? You'd rather just make things. See what happens, not really think about the consequences of what you're going to do next. I mean, it must be fun putting a superhero team together and you'd be like, 'Oh, I'll choose the one of you, and that, and let them run a, run out on the city and just watch it all happen.' And no one knows that it's you, but you know it's you and I guess that's enough. Talking about yourself and everything else that you do, I guess you can sit back and watch everything work." Dr. Morrow, I think, takes a second and opens up the gym bag and says, "Gutenberg, what do you, what do you want? What will it take for you to bring January back? What do you want?"
Julia (as Val): Val is gonna move slightly in front of Dr. Morrow so if there is a incoming attack it hits them first and not Dr. Morrow while she's rooting around in a duffel bag.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: Yeah. Can I, can I go ahead and ready an action? Maybe?
Eric: Yeah, what do you want to do?
Brandon: I just want to get prepped to, like, shoot a spell off as a reaction to jerk face's advances if there is an advance.
Eric: Sure. Right now, you don't see anything. You can, you can, you're ready to go if he pulls any shit, but right now he is--.
Amanda: We're sparring with our words.
Eric: Yeah, [stutters] he's still chilling from behind his desk. I think that at this point, hearing Dr. Morrow offer this, he brings his feet down off the desk and leans forward, and his two, his two elbows just leaning on this big desk and says, "What do I want? You know, it's, it's really hard to shop for the guy who has everything, doesn't it?"
[Julia groans]
Eric (as Gutenberg): I don't know. What do you, what can you offer? What do you have?
Brandon (as Milo): Your life. Was that good?
Julia: Val just kinda laughs. Like, Oh, Milo.
Amanda (as Multitool): What is even your villain thing? Like, your branding is so weak.
Eric: I took that personally as the DM.
[Brandon and Julia laughs]
Eric (as Gutenberg): He's like, "Multitool, is it hard being the only person in your relationship that makes a salary? Is that, is that hard under strain on what the things you can do .I know that, you know, I've had a lot of my friends really kind of working through that as well. Is that tough on your household?
Amanda (as Multitool): It's not, because once you're outside the hetero patriarchy, all of that bullshit really falls away. Was it hard going after a superhero's partner instead of coming after them directly?
Eric (as Gutenberg): No. Actually, it was really--
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: --easy. I was able to do, kind of work behind the scenes in that way. It was actually quite, quite good.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah. It seems to be your whole thing. Easy, behind the scenes, from afar, employ subcontractors, don't pay them benefits.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Well, it should. Shouldn't it be easy? Shouldn't it be easier than this thing than you three and whatever beef that you have with the Upcountry Keepers? Like, what? What is that? Like, isn't that just standing in the way? Shouldn't you all just kind of consolidate? You know, humans? All this stuff. People are figuring it out, doing a, having to trust their gut and figuring out what's happening. I just. Listen, it's not my style. Wouldn't you rather have, you know, superheroes you can rely on? Defenders that are always there exactly when you need them. Maybe, you know, you, you make sure to tell them exactly what they want, and they'll be there in two seconds flat. Maybe you could order the, the type of superpower you want. Maybe at exactly the same time, wouldn't that be wonderful? Instead of like, "Oh. Maybe they'll punch them on fire. I hope that helps my cat get out of the tree." [stutters] It's too messy. It's messy.
Julia (as Val): So, you're just trying to disrupt the superhero business by creating something that already exists?
Eric (as Gutenberg): It's not really disrupting with it. No one has really solved the problem yet. There's not an industry here.
Julia (as Val): No, and superhero-ing shouldn't be an industry.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Vulcani, that's why you're just going to be a one neighborhood superhero your entire life.
Julia (as Val): That's fine. I would rather protect the people that I love and I care about than get paid money by participating in an app like a fucking Lyft driver.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Yeah, haven't you heard of Spider-Man?
Eric: Kilonova, you're crushing it? What, everything you're doing, so good. Keep doing it.
Brandon: It’s your neighborhood Spider-Man. He, he just does Queens. It was-. Okay.
Eric: It proves my point when you do the things that you do, that there should be more standardization in superhero-ing. Please, Kilonova, no notes. Please continue. But like, wouldn't you want a little bit more? And then, he leans back in his big oxblood chair. And you see he like, you know the move in every Marvel movie? When people, like, are conjuring something and you make that circle around magic and everyone does it from, like, Dr. Strange to, like, someone with ice powers, but it comes from, like, the Ice Netherworld. They do, like, the swirling hand?
Julia: Sure, sure.
Eric: He does that swirling hands motion and his fingertips glow purple. And from there, you see he, like, shoots both of his hands out dramatically, like he's doing bend and snap with those two hands. And then, building from the ground up, just pixel by pixel are two figures, broad shouldered, over six feet tall, but they are kind of, like, featureless. It's like someone is, like, rendering these images out of nowhere. And like, they don't have a, it's just kind of gray and black with no actual definable features, but they're just like bodies there. And he's like, "But what if, you know, I, I think you could figure it out. I like older tech. This new stuff, where people can customize and tell people what they want. What if we just gave it to them? I like just the one player mode where you just play it, and you have to, don't have to worry about anyone else. Just play the game. I could give you the game. What do you? What do? What do you want? What do you want one of these-. What do you want one of these guys to do? You want him to fly? Lightning? Super speed? I could do. I'll do it."
Amanda (as Multitool): I want him to, to maybe share the Vitamin M Resource with, like, I don't know, healthcare research to actually improve humankind as opposed to, you know, trying to, like, manufacture superheroes.
Eric (as Gutenberg): I think that the medical field is a little volatile right now, so.
Julia (as Val): Oh, yeah. Not unlike the superhero market. Sure.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Listen, there's always gonna be bad people doing bad things. Someone's gonna have to fill that void.
Brandon (as Kilonova): There's going to be a point where there's no longer disease. So, the medical field.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Exactly, exactly. Kilonova, do you hate. Kilonova, do you um. You're a bright. Yeah, you're a bright young man. Would you, like, want to work for me?
Julia: Oh, my god.
Amanda (as Multitool): Do not recruit.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Do you want a job? Kilonova, do you want a job? Do you want to work for my side?
Brandon (as Kilonova): I have a job. I have two jobs, thank you.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Oh, what are they?
Brandon (as Kilonova): One, kicking your ass and the other is taking your name.
Eric: Oh, I thought I could trick you into telling me your actual job. Okay. No, no. What? No, notes. Still no notes. You're great. You remind me of me when I was younger.
[Brandon laughs]
[Julia groans]
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I think Dr. Morrow says, "Can we stop fucking around and you tell me what you want for January? Dr. Morrow reaches into her gym bag and takes out a Manila folder. He says, "I have your internship file. Do you want that? They can go out if you, if you want that. I, you don't want to. I can destroy it. I'll, I'll do that. Was that good for you? Is that, is that enough?"
Julia (as Val): Dr. Morrow, why would he want that? What? Like, he's pissed at you. What does that intern, internship file have to do with anything?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): "He was really, he was a real bad intern. You see, he was bad and we fired him after six months, because he wasn't fulfilling his duties." Gutenberg like, he makes a face, like, I'm gonna yell at you. And then, he's like, he pulls it down. He's like, it’s more of a — depends which side you're looking at it if someone wasn't fulfilling their duties or not, but I'm going to need more. I'm definitely gonna need more from that, because I have just this sweet, sweet little bunny rabbit. It's just here. It's just here for me. And you see, like, a little, a little bit of a little brown ear just sticking up from behind the desk, and he's like patting it.
Julia (as Val): Alright, you clearly have something in mind. Why don't you just tell us and we can skip the bullshit?
Eric (as Gutenberg): Oh, okay. I mean, if you're ready to negotiate. You're ready to do that part, to negotiate.
Julia (as Val): Let's just fucking do it, bro.
Eric: Vulcani, incredible. I love you getting down to brass tacks. I was gonna string this out for at least 20 more minutes of airtime--
Julia: Yeah, I could tell.
Eric: --on this podcast. He's self aware. He's Deadpool.
Amanda: And then Gutenberg looks into the microphone.
[Brandon and Eric laughs]
Eric (as Gutenberg): This is my opening offer, it's also my closing offer. This the only thing I'm going to negotiate on, alright?
Amanda: Wow, pretty bad negotiating you're already telling me your bottom line, but okay.
[Brandon and Julia laughs]
Eric (as Gutenberg): Here's what I would like. I would like the file, and I would like you to publicly come out and say that you organized a superhero team without the consultation of the Laketown City Government, the New York State Government, and the United States Government. And that they did because this has left you in such a state of disgrace, you're stepping back from this superhero team and also from your mayorship of the city immediately.
Brandon (as Kilonova): So you can go in and just campaign and become the new mayor?
Eric (as Gutenberg): Oh, I don't have any interest in politics. Dirty business.
Julia (as Val): You'll just back someone who agrees with you and will let you make your superhero business.
Eric (as Gutenberg): And if I find someone who is a like-minded individual that, who is to say that the, the free market will just wield its, its hand in the proper way? The free market does finger guns at the person who I love the most. I.
Amanda: Wow.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I, you know, I don't want to speak out of turn for our team here, but I think, would you consider a counter offer of us kicking your ass and taking January back?
[Eric humms]
Eric (as Gutenberg): I would I, yeah. I consider it.
[Brandon and Eric laughs]
Julia (as Val): Great. Let's do that then.
Eric (as Gutenberg): If you think that's something you could provide, I guess you could try. But, you know, this would make me, it would make everything just a lot easier if you did this instead.
Amanda (as Multitool): Could we have a moment to confer?
Eric (as Gutenberg): Oh, sure. Take your time. I'm not doing anything. As he, like, swirls his hand and a basketball appears in, in one hand. And then, he's just like, tossing it up in the air to himself. Like, "Oh, I got plenty of time."
Brandon (as Kilonova): I want to kick his ass. Let's kick his ass.
Amanda: Can just the three of us whisper for a second? Is, is that okay?
Julia: Without Dr. Morrow?
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: Okay.
Brandon: Oh, I thought you mean without Milo. I was just like, "What?"
Julia: Yeah, without Milo.
[Eric laughs]
Amanda: No, no, no.
Eric: Yeah. Brandon, can you turn off your camera and pick up your headphones really quickly?
Julia: Can you leave the room for a second?
Amanda: We'll text you in a second.
Julia: We'll text you and you can come back.
[Brandon groans]
Amanda (as Multitool): Guys, I, I don't think it's the worst idea in the world for Dr. Morrow not to seek re-election. Do you think we could counter with that or do we want to just kick his ass and not even be at this table?
Julia (as Val): I mean, I don't think Dr. Morrow necessarily should be mayor either, but I also so far do not like the other options. But at the same time, I would like to get January back.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I don't want to set a precedent where, where, you know, our biggest supervillain can just say, "Here's what you do," and then we do it, you know?
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah.
Julia (as Val): Yeah. We, like, negotiating with supervillains, not the best policy to put in place.
Amanda (as Multitool): Word.
Julia (as Val): I agree with that, Milo.
Amanda (as Multitool): Word.
Julia (as Val): At the same time, is this what being a good superhero is for him? Like, would this be, like, he would be less pissed about it?
Amanda (as Multitool): I don't know, but I do know that the, the voters of Laketown City need a chance, deserve a chance to decide who their next mayor is and I hope Mona Adil runs, but apart from that, okay, break.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Dr. Morrow says, "Oh, can I just talk to the three of you? Sorry, Fritz. I just, I'm sorry. Can you just. I love. I have your jersey, can you? [stutters] But after, we'll talk about this.
Brandon: Again, Eric. I, I had anxiety that you meant Fritz, and Val, and Aggie, and not Milo.
Eric: Fritzonova. Fritz shrugged, just does a big, like, a big guy shrug. And Dr. Morrow comes over to the three of you and says, "So, we're all in agreement. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna do it. I'm just gonna give it up."
Brandon (as Kilonova): Give what up? Give the-.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I assume that all of you, you were just, you were talking to each other about the way you were going to break it to me, but I'll just do it. I'm just gonna say yes.
Brandon (as Kilonova): No, that's, we weren't thinking that actually.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): But what if, but he has January.
Julia (as Val): He does have January. We also don't want to negotiate with supervillains, but at the same time, we also think, like, maybe, you not running for mayor next turn might be, not the worse situation.
Amanda (as Multitool): Good for you, honestly.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Brandon (as Kilonova): We can have that discussion later. I think that's something we should definitely have.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Do you have a big gun in that bag?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): No, I just kind of. No.
Brandon (as Kilonova): You brought, you brought one Manila folder in a gym bag?
Julia (as Val): What else is in the gym bag then?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I'll, I'll look around. I wasn't really, I wasn't thinking straight. I don't really.
Julia (as Val): Were you just going to the gym?
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: I'm gonna, I'm gonna roll on that.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I thought you had some Deus Ex Machina that we could pull out of this bag.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I rolled a 16. It's like, "No, I just. I heard January was gone and I just kind of grabbed anything that was closest and I grabbed the Manila folder as well."
Julia (as Val): Okay, okay. Your house is full of, like, scary science trash though. So, like, maybe there is something in there that can help us if we want to, like, if he decides to renege on the, the whole situation.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Oh, yeah. I can just route around, but I just, like, he's gonna, he's gonna hurt January.
Julia (as Val): You need to be more organized Dr. Morrow, just like as an aside. I know, we don't want January hurt, but you need to be more organized.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Well, okay. We're all, he's given us this time to plan, right?
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Why don't we just plan one trio or quartet giant move where we all just, like, just plan it now and like, as soon as we, we break in, like, he's all caught off guard, and we, we do the thing and it's one action and we get January and then we bail.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah. I can stretch my arms and grab January, that I can do for sure.
Julia (as Val): Okay.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): I think Dr. Morrow looks very serious for a moment just the, the determination and the goofiness and the, I guess, single-mindedness of science is wiped totally off of her face. It's just, it's, it's nearly blank. And she says, "If someone hates me, as much as he does, what I symbol. I, I am his opposite. I am everything wrong with the world to him. And he has the thing I love the most in the world. I am uncon-. I, I am so sure the first thing he's going to do is hurt that thing. I will do it. I'm serious. I'll do it. If you think you can get January back immediately. I trust you, but I, I don't know. It's a risk."
Brandon (as Kilonova): Maybe we should get Fritz in here and see what the fuck his power is because I still don't think we know.
Julia (as Val): Just very quickly, Fritz. Fritz, join the circle.
Eric (as Fritz): Oh, yeah. Yeah, what's? Yeah, what's up?
Julia (as Val): Fritz, what do you do?
[Eric grumbles]
Brandon (as Kilonova): We know you play hockey but power-wise.
Julia (as Val): Yeah. Besides hockey.
Eric: Okay. I think Fritz looks at Multitool. "Are they, are they good?"
Julia (as Val): Oh, my god, Fritz. No time.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah, they're, they're, they're it. They're best.
Eric (as Fritz): Okay. So.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Hey, thanks.
Julia (as Val): That was really nice, Multitool.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I don't think you've ever said that.
Amanda (as Multitool): I, I stretch my arm to give everyone a fist bump.
[Eric laughs]
Julia: Big hug. Big group hug.
Eric (as Fritz): So, my family is descended from the goddess, Nike. And it wasn't really a big deal for a while. You didn't get a lot of boons from such a, from a low-level God like that, but as the name got more famous, that kinda like, is the connection.
Amanda (as Multitool): Sure, sure.
Eric (as Fritz): You know, like, as the, as more people said the name, it's kind of the equivalent to being followers of, Yeah, when you, where the iconography. So, I, that does give me some pretty great, some pretty great luck, both in my daily life and in action situations.
Julia (as Val): Cool, cool. Lucky, gotcha.
Amanda (as Multitool): Awesome.
Eric (as Fritz): Yeah.
Amanda (as Multitool): So, we're gonna ask him to provide proof that he has January.
Julia (as Val): Mhmm.
Amanda (as Multitool): And we'll do an exchange of January for the folder, but instead of actually doing that, we're just going to take January. So, are you down?
Eric (as Fritz): Okay. Let's, let's see.
Amanda (as Multitool): Wait, if you have good luck, why don't. Can you, like, challenge him to, like, a gentleman's coin toss or some kind of game of chance or something? You do coin tosses in your sports do you not?
Eric (as Fritz): I mean, yeah. I mean, I could. I could try. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'll try.
Amanda (as Multitool): Let's do it.
Eric (as Fritz): Okay. Fritz puts his hand in.
Julia: Alright, I'm into this.
Eric: And he just, like, assumes everyone's gonna put their hand in.
Amanda: Yeah.
Julia: No, no. Val's in into it.
Amanda: No. We're in. We're in. We're in.
Julia: She's like, "Yes. Alright. Cool."
Brandon: Oh, totally. And tuna puts their paw in too,
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): What do we? And Dr. Morrow says, "Laketown City on three. 1 2 3.
Everyone: [screams] Laketown City.
Eric: She's frightened. Gutenberg from behind, flanked by his two, like, faceless, featureless guards.
Amanda: I'm picturing, like, the Art Deco statues on, like, the Hoover Dam.
[Eric laughs]
[Julia humms in agreement]
Eric (as Gutenberg): Yeah. He's like, "Are we calling lawyers? Do I need to go get my lawyer?"
Amanda (as Multitool): Well, you mentioned you like simple games, right? Old, old technologies? Reliable. You know, historical ways of settling disputes.
Brandon (as Kilonova): They're simple enough for you to understand them.
Amanda (as Multitool): But also, like, elegant, you know, with, like, [stutters] history and weight.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Yeah.
Amanda: I'm gonna whisper like, "This is the soft sell. This is the soft sell."
Brandon: Alright. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
[Amanda shushes]
[Brandon and Eric laughs]
Eric (as Gutenberg): Yeah. I, I love a game. What can I say? I love a competition between bad, two foes. Final Destination.
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Single, single player. I love it.
Amanda (as Multitool): What if like, the backroom deals of old, we settle this with a coin flip?
Eric (as Fritz): I think Fritz also comes up behind you and puts his hand on your shoulder and says, "Yeah. Let's just uh. What if we just play kind of an old fashioned, Who can do something better than another person?"
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Classic.
Eric (as Gutenberg): And Gutenberg says, "Hmm, interesting. Pinning all of my plans together on one single gambit. One competition. Okay, fine. How about this," and he's holding the basketball, and he gets up from behind the desk, and stands to the side of it. And then he swirls his hand around, and then a basketball hoop, like, one you would nail onto the side of a house appears 10 feet up on the other side of the warehouse. He says, "Okay, whoever can make the farthest basketball shot wins. And if I win, Cassandra steps down, announces everything, etc, etc, etc. And I get the file and if you win, you get January back. Dr. Morrow looks at all of you and say--
Julia: Yeah.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): --She's like, "Is that good? Is that what you want?"
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Yes, yes.
Julia (as Val): Yeah.
Amanda (as Multitool): And you never kidnap anyone again and you leave Laketown City forever.
Eric (as Gutenberg): No. Oh, no. I'm just gonna give January back.
Amanda (as Multitool): Oh, I'm sorry. Are you not gonna agree to our terms? No?
Eric (as Gutenberg): No, because I'm the one with the rabbit.
Amanda (as Multitool): Well, why don't you provide proof of life for that matter? Why don't you make sure, we showed you the file, show us the rabbit.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Okay.
Eric: Gutenberg goes back behind the desk, and he pulls up January. January is wearing his suit from earlier that day.
Julia: It's so cute.
Eric: He had with a big floppy brown ears and January just seems to be looking in fear and has, like, the only thing I could say here are, glow, big glowing manacles holding both his hands and his feet together.
Julia: Eric, I'm gonna go ahead and use the unknown glasses to identify whether someone or something is an illusion, construct, or something else that is not what it seems.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Yes, Julia.
Julia: And I would like to look at January and make sure that is our sweet baby rabbit boy.
Eric: Great. This is your second charge?
Julia: Yes.
Eric: Wonderful. You put the unknown glasses on and Gutenberg is holding what looks like MissingNo from Pokémon. It's absolutely garbled pixels. That seems vaguely in the shape of a rabbit.
Julia (as Val): Cool. That's very neat. That is a fun thing that you've presented to us. That's not January, though.
Eric (as Gutenberg): What do you mean? That's, this is Ja--.
Julia (as Val): That's one of your little pixel constructs. That's not January.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Ah, nuts. You got me. Well, boys, come on in.
Julia: There we go.
Eric: And I need all of you to roll for initiative, please.
[Amanda laughs]
[Midroll music]
Eric: Hey, it's Eric. Oh, baby. More Fall stuff. I'm so ready to celebrate Fall. I think for this session of Eric tells you about how much Fall stuff is nice, I recommend apple picking. If that's something that you can do. It's, it's like a chance to be outside and do something, like, a little bit active. And then, you get to, like, drink apple cider, and then you could take home all of these apples. And you're, you're going to taste types of apples you never tasted before, and you pick them. So, maybe you're going to feel, like, a little bit of ownership over these apples. Welcome to the Midroll. I've already eaten all the apples. Can I have some of yours? Thank you to all of our patrons and all of you who have joined us recently; Witzzzian, that is three z's. I want to be very clear about that. Bethany, Kenzie, Cheryl, and The Dominator. This show is made possible by all of you incredible patrons out there and we could not do it without you. If you want to support Join the Party, get access to all of the excellent bonus content and join the best place on the internet, our patron only discord. You can do that at patreon.com/jointhepartypod. Party Planning is on and poppin'. Episode 4 featuring Mischa Stanton is out right now, and a new episode is being recorded as we speak. patreon.com/jointhepartypod, join on up. You should check out the other shows that are part of the Multitude collective. I think you'd really like Meddling Adults. A whodunit game show for charity. Each week, two guests go head-to-head in a contest of solving children's mysteries from classics like Encyclopedia Brown, Scooby Doo, Shelby Woo, Clue Jr. Everything that you love to amuse yourself with when you were, like, 7 to 12 trying to figure out if you were the detective, you always thought that you were. Play along with the show, test your sleuthing prowess and see if you can outsmart these fictional crooks and crack the cases. And the money that Meddling Adults raises will then go to charities of the winners choice. It's incredible. Search for Meddling Adults wherever you listen to podcasts, or visit meddling.adults.com. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help. Better help is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist. You get timely and thoughtful responses. Plus, you can schedule weekly, video, or phone sessions. So, you never have to wait with other people for your therapy session ever again. Listen, last time that I talked about Better Help, I didn't know that the bone witch was my therapist, but I figured it out. And I was able to switch away from the bone witch with an actual therapist who is helping me out. And we've kind of worked through some stuff that I was dealing with. Like, you know, sometimes I don't know how to communicate when I'm having a problem with other folks, and I've talked to my therapist about it, you know? She's giving me some really nice strategies. Like, I should think about being in the other person's shoes. Realizing that something that they've done to me might not be about me, but something going on in their life. And I should ask them questions. Like, what are you feeling right now, and can I have your bones? Oh, wait a second. My therapist is the bone witch still. Damnit. I'm going to switch off again. You're going to have better luck with your therapist. Visit betterhelp.com/jointheparty. Better H-e-l-p and join over 1 million people who've taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help. And Join the Party listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/jointheparty. That's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p.com/jointheparty. This episode is also sponsored by Brooklinen. Have you ever wondered if you could pull off just wearing your entire comforter all day? I very much would want that, copy for this ad. This loungewear launch from Brooklinen is the socially acceptable equivalent of wearable duvet days. Yes, please. Copy, tell me more. The same coziness of your Sunday morning snooze comes in tees, tanks, joggers, and more. And yes, there are sweats. Let's go. This is the 3rd time I'm doing a Brooklinen ad and these sweatpants are still incredibly comfortable. The fact that I don't get to wear them all the time because, like, Amanda would know that I'm wearing it all the time. I, I just I love them. They're really good. Get comfortable and get it for less at Brooklinen. Go to brooklinen.com and use promo code Join the Party to get $20 off of a minimum purchase of $100. That's b r o o k l i n e n.com and enter promo code, Join the Party for $20 off of a minimum purchase of $100. That's brooklinen.com promo code Join the Party. We are also sponsored by Quip. I am always here for technology to simplify my life. I usually need a to-do list to keep all the things that I need together, but I always lose just the pieces of paper. But now, I have an app on my phone that lets me keep track of all my to-do lists, and I could still, like, kind of check it off when I put a little. Like, I smush my finger down on the screen, and then it gives me a little checkmark, and that's what Quip has done for toothbrushes. They have Sensitive sonic vibrations for an effective clean that's gentle on your sensitive gums. There's a built-in two minute timer that pulses every 30 minutes to remind you when to switch sides and help you clean your whole mouth evenly. And there is a multi-use travel cover that works as a stand, mounts to mirrors, and slides over your bristles to pack and protect your Quip on the go. Start getting rewards for brushing your teeth today. Go to getquip.com/jointheparty right now and save $10 off on a Quip smart electric toothbrush. That's $10 off on a smart electric toothbrush at getquip.com/jointheparty. Spelled g e t q u i p.com/jointheparty. Quip, the good habits company. And now back to the show.
[Midroll music]
[Instrumentals]
Brandon: We do prepared-actions so does that get, we get, like, an opportunity to attack or anything?
Eric: If he attacks Brandon, I'll give you an opportunity attack of some sort. And then, Julia, what was yours?
Julia: Oh, I was just in case something comes towards Dr. Morrow, I'm standing in front of her to make sure that it does not hit her.
Eric: Bang. That'll, that will still ride. This would be a perfect time for you to tell me where you're at in terms of HP and also rages and spell slots and key points.
Julia: Sure. So, I have 58 hit points left. I've used two out of my four daily rages. I don't have Mental Flame anymore, so I can't use that for later. And I haven't used any of my first level spells for my sorcerer stuff.
Eric: Sick.
Julia: Oh, and I just rolled a 16.
Eric: Let's go.
Brandon: I'm what is colloquially known as fucked.
[Amanda and Eric laughs]
Brandon: So, I have 15 hit points + 17 temporary hit points so 32. My spiritual search is at 1 which is good.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: But I also currently have only two spell slots, both level three.
Julia: Oof.
Brandon: And I got a 14 for initiative.
Eric: Wonderful.
Amanda: I have a 56 of my 76 normal hit points. I got 10 of 12 key points. No luck points left, and I rolled a nine in initiative.
Eric: A nine. Although, we broke for initiative, in real time, he said, "Come on in, boys." And a rip in time space has opened up and someone has ripped the yarn apart as the giant mouth of Mega muncher with Threadbare riding behind him charges in, and I need everyone to make dexterity saving throws. Julia, if you want to give advantage to Dr. Morrow, but you will, you will take her damage if she gets hit.
Julia: Yeah, that's fine. I'm gonna give her advantage then.
Eric: Yeah, wonderful.
Julia: I rolled a 16 myself.
Brandon: I rolled a 18 + 2 for a non-nat 20.
Eric: Hell yes.
Amanda: 6 + 7.
Brandon: Milo's skittishness comes to the rescue.
Eric: Multitool, please take 23 points of damage.
Amanda: Oh, sure. No problem.
Eric: Everyone else only takes 11, and Vulcani take the damage on behalf of Dr. Morrow.
Julia: So, that's 22 for me?
Eric: Mhmm. And everyone who saved, please make perception checks for me.
[Dice rolls]
Julia: I got a two.
Brandon: Jeez. 3 + 9 for 12.
Amanda: We're fucked.
Julia: Oh, god.
Eric: Alright, yeah. The Muncher, just, just slams through this warehouse bursting through the hole in the yarn, and knocks all of you off your feet. It's like someone unleashed a train just in the middle of this fucking warehouse. And of course, immediately another rip disappears to the other side.
Amanda: Was that an area effect, Eric?
Eric: Yes. Why?
Amanda: I take no damage on a success and half damage on a fail because of my evasion.
Eric: Oh, with evasion. Yeah, take half.
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: Wonderful.
Amanda: Phew.
Eric (as Gutenberg): It is now Gutenberg's turn. Gutenberg stands up like, "I wanted, you know, I was a point guard of my high school team. So starting point guard.
Julia (as Val): Of course you were. Of course you peaked in high school.
Eric (as Gutenberg): I think I'm peaking right now.
Julia (as Val): I would disagree, and I'm sure your mother would too.
Eric: And, and he swirls his hands again. And then, he's like, "You know, the best part about just being able to support yourself is that you always have your own back." And then, you see, like, a version of Gutenberg stepped to the left, and then stepped to the right, and then stepped forward and climb on top of the desk as he uses Mirror Image. But now, there are four Gutenbergs standing there. He was just like kind of surveying everything, looking approvingly. Like, "Wow, look at this. Look at the world. Look at the life that we live."
Amanda: As a reaction, can I just whip out my bear spray from my thigh pocket and spray him and his duplicates.
[Eric grunts]
Brandon: Yes please.
Eric: Yeah, this is only a level two spell so you fucking got it. Yeah, as soon as the duplicates stepped out and, like, all admired each other, you just what? You just spray them with the counter spell spray?
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: Hell yeah. He's like, [coughs].
Amanda (as Multitool): Not today.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Fuck. Why would you use this indoors?
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Gutenberg): God.
Amanda (as Multitool): Why would you do your whole thing at me?
Eric: Oh, yeah. It is now Vulcani's turn. Gutenberg is still standing behind his desk, there is a basketball hoop on the other side there. That's really the only stuff that's happening there. He seemed to have been holding a fake January and then there are these two guards, formless, like undetailed models that are standing on either side of him.
Julia: Okay, how far away is he? And where are these two guys in relation to where he is?
Eric: They're flanking him on either side of the desk. I think that you're, you're within, if you want to go up and punch range.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: You definitely can do that.
Julia: Sure. I'm going to bonus action and go into a rage then.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Julia: And I'm going to charge forward and I'm going to punch Gutenberg in the face twice, please. And thank you.
Brandon: Yay.
Eric: Wonderful. Gutenberg has a reaction. When you go into a rage and you start to vibrate, Gutenberg, he stops coughing and tries to get the, the bear spray out of his face. He reaches down and he grabs the basketball, and he tosses it, just kind of out to all of you and he says, "Hey, catch," and I need everyone to make charisma saving throws.
[Amanda gasps]
Julia: Great.
Brandon: Charisma saving throws.
[Dice rolls]
Julia: 18 + 3.
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: 5.
Brandon: 14.
Eric: Wonderful.
Amanda: This face is going to jail.
Eric: With a five I think that the basketball is up in the air and Multitool, you're compelled. You're just absolutely compelled to grab this thing.
Amanda: I've had too many brothers and sisters throwing objects at neighbor's windows for me not to grab this basketball.
[Julia laughs]
Eric: I think that, you're, you automatically your, your hand just stretches out and you grab it and..
Amanda: My palm expands a little bit.
Eric: Yeah, your palm--
Brandon: Nice.
Eric: --extends upon yet to palm the basketball. And then, immediately Multitool, you look around and you're standing on a fire watch tower. You're looking out and it is quiet in the forest. You're out in an ironic forest. It is sunset. There's some birds flying above and all of a sudden you're, you're here. And it's quiet and peaceful, and just ah, it's just nice. It's just good. Here is how all of this works. Right now, the everyone else, Multitool is now just palming this basketball. And he's just like in a reverie right now.
Amanda: Just like stock still.
Eric: Yeah, stock still to somewhere else. Here is how this is going to work. If you want to step out of initiative, you can step out of initiative in trying to figure out and help someone else as they're dealing with this problem. However, if you do that, there will kind of be, like, you guys figure out this problem while you're still, like, the bad guys get to fuck your shit up. Julia, you can still slip back into initiative where we were and you can still do that, but it's like, do you want to step back and help Multitool out with this. Help Amanda's character?
Julia: I don't think Val's even noticed to be quite honest.
Eric: Hell, yeah.
Amanda: Yeah. I'm fine.
Eric: Wonderful.
Amanda: Focus on this.
Eric: Wonderful. Alright, yeah. Then Vulcani, keep doing your shit.
Julia: Cool. So, I'm going to roll my first attack. 16 + 8 for 24, I believe.
Eric: Who you doing this to?
Julia: Gutenberg.
Eric: Sure.
[Dice rolls]
Julia: It's a nat 20, seriously.
[Amanda gasps]
[Eric winces]
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Let's go. Yeah, do that damage then.
Julia: Okay, okay, okay.
Amanda: Does that mean double damage?
Eric: Yes it does.
Julia: 15 for the first attack.
Eric: Wonderful.
Julia: And then the second attack is double damage. So, 22 damage on the second attack.
Eric: Hell yeah. Holy shit.
Brandon: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, what do you do? What, what does it look like?
Julia (as Val): I'm just so mad. So very, very, very, very mad. And I just am all of a sudden, like, in his face and it is just a one, two punch in the gut.
[Amanda gasps]
Eric (as Gutenberg): Oh, my god. Yeah, he's just like, [grunts] Yeah. You know, for, for neighborhood superhero, you're pretty, it hurts a little bit.
Julia: Mmh.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Gutenberg): I can automate this. We wouldn't just need you to be pissed. We can do other shit.
Julia (as Val): You know what, man? When I'm around you, I'm pissed already.
[Brandon clears throat]
Eric (as Gutenberg): That's the secret, I'm always pissed.
[Brandon snuckers]
Eric: Hell yeah. Alright, it is now the, the faceless figures turn. And they're gonna, hey, they're gonna attack Val. They didn't, they didn't like that Vulcani did that
Julia: Cool. Shield.
Eric: Wonderful. What’s your AC--
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: --now?
Julia: 18.
Eric: 18.
Amanda: I've just named them in my head, Herbert and Hoover.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: The first one attacks twice and the second one misses both times. Here's what happens. They both kind of square up on you, and one of their hands keeps growing, and growing, and growing. And they have, they have these massive fists and just comes down, boom, boom and it hits you twice. The other one's hands' kind of flattens out and gets longer and longer and longer, too. Points at the end, like they're giant spheres coming off of this creatures hands and tries to stab into you, but just pings off of your metal armor. And you're going to take 20 points of bludgeoning damage which you're raging so that goes down to 10.
[Julia scoffs]
Eric: Hell yeah. It's Dr. Morrow's turn. I think Dr. Morrow is looking around and it's just like, "Can we, I'll, I'll take, I'll do it. I'll take this. Whatever you want. I just get, where is January? Where is actually January? Please tell me where is January? And I think Dr. Morrow reaches into her bag and takes out, like, a little, you know, just like a little scientific device. It like has a screen with, like, a little knob on it. It has a little antenna on it. It is like in her hand, and she's gonna roll.
Amanda: Quick, what remote from your childhood are you picturing? Mine is our little, like, four wheeler electric car.
[Brandon and Julia laughs]
Eric: In my head, I immediately went to Dexter's lab when they.
[Amanda humms in agreement]
Eric: When they're drying like a remote.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: It's just like a metal box with a, with a fucking red button on it.
[Amanda humms in agreement]
Eric: That's what I'm envisioning. And I think that Dr. Morrow is, like, holding this device up, and looking around to be like, "January is not, January's not even here. Where are they? Where is January? Where is everybody else?" I think Gutenberg spits blood on the ground and says, "Why don't you use your big brain and figure it out?"
Julia: Wow.
Amanda: Wow.
Julia: Val slaps him but for no damage.
[Amanda and Brandon laughs]
Eric: Kilonova, it's now your turn. So, here's the thing, those hostages, everyone, they're not here. They are not in the area. They are not in this building. They're not here.
[Brandon humms]
Brandon: Can you tell me the, like, exact, everything right now again?
Eric: Sure. Why don't you make a perception check for me? Yeah, everyone do it. Everyone make a perception check.
Brandon: Everyone do a perception check.
Amanda: Except me?
Eric: Except for Multitool, who's having a reverie right now.
Julia: Is Threadbare in the room?
Eric: No. Threadbare, they ran through, like, a goddamn train and they disappeared.
Julia: With Muncher?
Eric: Yeah, with Muncher.
Amanda: I'm assuming that won't be the only time they do that.
Julia: Yeah.
Brandon: 25.
Eric: 25.
Amanda: Wow.
Eric: My man. Yeah. Okay. What are you looking for? What would you like to know?
Brandon: So, they basically, like, in portal. They just, like, opened a portal, ran through, hit us, and ran out the other side of another portal?
Eric: With a 25, you're a magical sword, right?
Brandon: I'm a magical sword.
Eric: The second portal seems not to be closed all the way. It looks like a bad stitch. Maybe Threadbare has been hitting the mushroom sauce a little too hard.
[Amanda and Brandon laughs]
Eric: And is running out of steam a little bit.
[Brandon humms]
Julia: I love mushroom sauce.
Brandon: Mushroom sauce, that sounds so good.
Amanda: Guys, stay focused. Stay focused.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: So, you're in a literal forest revelry right now.
Amanda: You hear Aggie's voice, "Stay Focused."
Eric: So, the other side seems to still be left a little loose. As maybe, like, if this was a bow or a knot in a rope you are keeping it a little loose if you're going to come back in through it. Also, with a 25, and a fucking good roll, you're looking around and I think that you see something up in the rafters that catches your eye. Something metallic glints up in the rafters.
Julia: Can, can you send the cat to investigate either the, the hole or the glinting silver?
Brandon: That's a good idea, Julia. Thank you.
Julia: You're welcome. Use the cat. You love the cat.
Eric: Also, going to something that Amanda said, I'll just confirm with the 25. Hey, if that's open, later on, Mega muncher and Threadbare are gonna come back through that portal, right? Just to put a real fine point on it.
Brandon: Eric, how far away am I from the portal,
Eric: Everything is within access, but the rafters are pretty far up in the air. You'd have to, like, fly or it would take a lot, you would have to dash up into the air to get to the camera, but everything else is pretty accessible.
Brandon: Great. So, I'm going to do a couple things here. Milo sees an opportunity, and he's, you know, a little panicked. So, I don't know if he would necessarily think about this before doing it.
Eric: Sure.
Brandon: But he's going to, in slow motion, very cinematically, turn to Tuna and go, "What's that?" And then start dashing over to the portal. And he's going to, like, jump in the air as if like sliding underneath a closing garage door. And at the same time, cast confusion on one of the big weirdo guys, and then slide into the portal.
Eric: Wonderful. Okay.
Amanda: What a turn.
Eric: Let's. What a fucking turn. Let's do Confusion first. I need to make a wisdom saving throw.
Brandon: You do. Oh actually, sorry. It's each creature in a 10-foot radius. Are they within 10 feet of each other?
Eric: Yes, they are.
Brandon: Then both of them.
Eric: That's fine. I'll give those to you. I'll make wisdom saving throws. They have a + 0 to wis.
Brandon: And you gotta get a 17.
Eric: Oh, no. I rolled a 2 and a 7.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: They're both confused. You can see, even on their inscrutable faces, you just, you just like, they're just like, "What am I doing here?"
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: What is my purpose?
Brandon: So, both of them can't take reactions and must, must roll a D10 at the start of each of their turns, and there's a table that I'll tell you the effect.
Eric: Oh, I love this. I love confusion. Let's fucking go.
Amanda: How the tables have turned.
Eric: That's true.
[Julia snickers]
Eric: Here's the thing, I'm gonna say this is a pretty small, pretty small rip in time and space for you to jump through. If you're doing this at the same time as something else, while you, while you have your back turned and directing Tuna, and doing the confusion, you got to make a deck check for me, my man. And this is a DC15, this is not easy.
Brandon: Alright, I'm gonna roll my spell search first.
Eric: Do it.
Brandon: 13. So, all good there.
Eric: Let's go.
Amanda: You hit your spell search and become an arrow? That's-
Julia: Odd.
Brandon: Oh, my god. Eric I got a 14.
[Julia grunts]
Amanda: No.
Julia: Brandon, no.
Brandon: Am I famous though? Am I famous?
Eric: You're not famous. Though, Fritz Brightstone looks up and says, "Bud, arch your back." Advantage.
Brandon: Oh, fuck yeah.
Amanda: Fritz! Oh, I bet he's so good at encouragement.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Yeah. If you, you also, if you want to say, like, your favorite athlete's name, that helps you. Like, you say LeBron James and you're shooting something, that actually helps you out. LeBron James, swish.
Brandon: Okay. Well, with that encouragement, Milo looks up and thinks, because he can't remember any sports person.
Eric: Name any athlete. It's fine.
Amanda: No, no. Guys, what are you doing? Name your favorite Star Trek captain.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: They're athletes if you think about it. That counts.
Julia: Do it, Brandon. Do it.
Brandon (as Milo): So, Milo looks up and says, "Bugs Bunny," and he rolled a natural fucking 20, my dude.
[Amanda exclaims in excitement]
Julia: Oh, my god. You gotta be kidding me.
Eric: Okay. I'm gonna let that ride. I'm, we're gonna resolve Tuna first. I'm gonna give advantage on this deck check for Tuna to get up on the rafters. Cats get +2 to the dexterity--.
Amanda: Is that all?
Eric: Yeah, just 2, weirdly.
Julia: That should be much higher for a cat.
Eric: What? I rolled a 19, buddy.
Brandon: Oh, yeah.
Eric: 19 + 2, that's 21. That's perfect. Okay.
Julia: You're just vibing so hard with Tuna in this moment. I'm so happy.
Brandon: Vibin'.
Julia: And proud of you.
Eric: Fucking absolutely goddamn vibing. Alright, so Tuna's. Oh, he's gonna hop up into the rafters and then go, "What's this? This looks weird." And knocks something off of the rafters and if tumbles down onto the ground, and you see that there is a, an iPhone is recording something.
Julia: Stupid motherfucker, again.
Brandon: When it hits the ground does it, like, shatter or anything?
Eric: No. It bounces. It's still recording.
Julia: He's got a good case on that thing, huh?
Amanda: Fucking OtterBox.
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Kilonova, as you go in there and you arch your back, and you say Bugs Bunny, and it gets you inside of the little slot. You roll out and--
Brandon: Tuck and roll, baby.
[Eric laughs]
Eric: And you arch, and you perfectly somersault in. And you kinda do like a, like a crouching superhero pose, and you look at me, you see that Threadbare and, and Muncher. They look tired and ragged and trying to knock away two enemies. A 12-foot-tall mushroom man with a, a high schooler riding on their shoulder, and two giant shadow hands grabbing at the teeth, trying to keep them open.
Julia: Ah, squad. Such good squad.
Eric: As Smart Girl says, "Hey, I know you told me not to show up but we showed up anyway. Wendy gave me a ride. It's fine."
Brandon (as Kilonova): I told you to show up. It was Vulcani that said, "Kids shouldn't fight." Let's go.
Eric (In a deeper voice): And you hear, "It was all you. You all told us not to show up."
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: As Wendy in full shadow mode with the giant in stride of fighting it off. It is now 10. They are all, all together. I'm gonna roll with disadvantage because all, you're all up in each, in the business right now. Oh, buddy. Okay. Threadbare is just looking, he's looking haggard in fighting off these giants, these shadow claws that are reaching out to him, he says, "I don't. I can't. I feel, I'm only held together by yarn, this is too much for me."
Brandon: He's got like loose threads hanging off of him and unspooled.
Eric: Truly a little unspooled. And he is not able to conjure the portal to get back into the fights. So, that just not happen. It is now Multitool's turn. You're standing out there. It is quiet out in the forest.
Amanda: I think that lots of times throughout Aggie's life when she's been working like this, you know, solitude really suits her. But she was also raised in a house that was never quiet.
Eric: Mmh.
Amanda: Not, not one moment of one evening, one day, one weekend, was there not someone home. A dog home, a cat home, a sink that needed fixing, a floorboard creaking, shutter flapping in the wind. And so, there are moments when things are really, really quiet that high up on the Firewatch Tower. And when the quiet gets to her, and Pete is napping, and there's no one there to talk to and the radio is off, you know, she would just whisper under her breath. Aggie, Danny, Aaron, Regan, Ryan, Kelly, Quinn. Aggie, Danny, Aaron, Regan, Ryan, Kelly, Quinn.
Eric: I think as you're doing that, a large blue heron lands on the side of the Firewatch Station. This massive bird, massive mouth goes, "Hey, Aggie. What's going on?"
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: This is a new hallucination.
Eric (in a higher pitched voice): You're doing a really good job. Just, like, doing everything you're doing. I think you really deserve a break.
Amanda (as Multitool): No one's ever said that to me in my life, bird.
Brandon: What the fuck is happening?
Eric (in a higher pitched voice): Alright, you do as I, kick your shoes off. Take your time.
Amanda: Aggie is gonna, like, fake punch the bird. Not really push the bird to be clear, but like shadowbox pouring through. Does it flinch?
Eric: It did. Yeah, it does flinch in 5 seconds. It's like, "What, I'm just telling you to chill. What's wrong with chilling?"
Amanda: Get the fuck out of here. I don't have time to chill.
Eric: Make a charisma saving throw for me.
[Julia laughs]
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: Chad dice, 16.
Eric: Yeah. I think you, you, you finally punch at the bird, and the bird goes, "I just want you to chill. I'm not actually to be involved in this fight." And then, you shake your head, and you're back in the warehouse as everything is just happening all around, is happening all around you.
Julia (as Val): Aggie, why were you yelling at a bird? There's no birds, Aggie.
Eric (as Fritz): Fritz says, "Oh, did you have that dream where everything was quiet?"
Amanda (as Multitool): Yes.
Eric (as Fritz): Yeah.
Amanda (as Multitool): I think it's pretty fucked up that I wouldn't even let myself be quiet for a second, but I'm glad I didn't.
Eric: And you're still holding a basketball.
Amanda: Yeah, no. Still holding the basketball. I think as Aggie gets her bearings, like, looks around and still holding the basketball, and notices the phone on the ground.
Eric: Sure.
Amanda: Can I see what the phone is doing?
Eric: Yeah. You go grab the phone.
Amanda: Yeah, I'm gonna crouch down and grab the phone.
Eric: Sure. Can you, can you stretch your arms out to grab the phone?
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: I just didn’t know if you wanted to...
Amanda: Always, always.
Eric: Yeah, I think you grab the phone and you see that it's recording something. There's, like, a red dot blinking, and it says streaming on it.
Amanda: I mean, it's connected to something, like the internet or, or Wi-Fi or something?
Eric: Yeah, it's connected to 7G.
Amanda: Fuck, right.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Can you reverse the hack? Reverse the hack.
Amanda: I mean, is there any information on where this is broadcasting to or who's accessing it? Is it, like, a local network? Like, can I tell anything?
Eric: Yeah, make an, make an arcana check.
Amanda: Alright.
Eric: That's our tech check.
[Dice rolls}
Amanda: 16.
Eric: Alright. 16. I think if you are able to, you're able to swipe it away. And you see that it is, so it's connected. It's on 7G here. So, it this, it does have connectivity, but here's, let me say because I don't know exactly how you, this would work functionally. But if this was a 90s movie, you'd be like, "Oh, I'm in," and this is what I would tell you. It's going.
Amanda: Zoom in, enhance.
Eric: So, it is streaming to a server somewhere and it is streaming out to lots and lots and lots of devices.
Brandon: Oh, no.
Julia: Yeah. It's on, like, YouTube or TikTok or Instagram or something, probably, or every TV in Laketown City.
Amanda: While I'm crouching down here inspecting the phone, I'm gonna grab the file out of Dr. Morrow's bag and start reading it out loud.
Eric: Just reading it out loud?
Amanda: To the camera, yeah.
Eric: Hell yes. Alright. So, Amanda this is for you, this is for John Press, 22. Who went to Cornell and then got a Doctorate at Morrow University, this is like in the, in the 90s. And he was a, he was kind of a bad intern.
Amanda: Yeah. I'm gonna just start reading to like room for improvement.
Eric: What does it say?
Amanda: Attitude: two out of five. More concerned with the potential personal contributions he might be able to make to science, which is capitalized, rather than the mission at hand. Not something that we think can be meaningfully changed in terms of hiring and training. Would not recommend a permanent job offer.
Julia: Wow, that's absolutely brutal.
Eric (as Gutenberg): Gutenberg says, "Ah, my one weakness. Written evidence that I'm bad at things."
[Brandon laughs]
Amanda (as Multitool): I'm just gonna keep reading until someone stops me.
Eric (as Gutenberg): No, no. My feelings. Hell yeah. Sure. Hey, Brandon, how many HP do you have?
Julia: Uh-oh.
Brandon: Well, Eric.
Eric: How, how well he does go to like, "How fucked up do you look right now?"
Brandon: I look about a third fucked up. Sorry, two thirds fucked up. 1/3 Okay.
Eric: I'm not sure. How many HP is that?
Brandon: 21.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Eric, no. Eric, no.
Amanda: Eric, he's not ready to meet Anubis again yet.
Eric: It is now Threadbare's turn. Mega muncher's mouth is being held open by the shadow. Like, the shadow hands and by Room who doesn't want to be munched again. And I think Threadbare is looking around frustrated like, "You. How dare you use my own teleportation against me. Those are my rips in time and space."
Brandon (as Kilonova): It was, it was open. The door was open.
Eric (as Threadbare): And you know what I'm gonna open up your body.
Brandon: Please, don't.
Eric: And, and he.
Julia: Eric, this is a family friendly podcast. No.
Eric: And he's gonna attack you twice.
[Dice rolls]
Eric: Now I rolled a 4.
[Julia gasps in surprise]
Eric: Brandon, what's your, what's your AC?
Brandon: 15.
Eric: Oh. I got a 16, buddy. Please make a charisma saving throw.
Brandon: Well, I have a +0 to charisma.
Julia: At least it's not negative anymore.
Brandon: Six.
Julia: Mmh.
Eric: Six?
Julia: Could have been a five. Could have been worse.
Brandon: Could have been a 5.
Eric: You take 3 points of physical damage and 18 psychic damage.
Brandon: Are you sure?
Eric: I am positive. You're lucky I rolled a one and one D10. You're lucky you only got three physical.
Brandon: Are you sure?
Eric: And he, he tries to grab you once with a yarn whip and miss. And he grabs you again as it wraps around your ankle. And then, whips you backwards and, like, throws you through time and space. And then, whips you back flying through both the bounds of time and space.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Cool. Milo very cinematically and dramatically holds a hand out to Lou and Room. And now I faint. And then, he faints because I'm out of HP.
Eric: In reality, Room, Room, and Lou see, [Fainting noises].
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: As you just collapse. Kilonova is down.
Brandon: But that does mean that my Audience with Death is active, which means I have advantage on death saving throws.
Julia: Whoo.
Amanda: Oh.
Eric: I forgot you got advantage on saving throws.
Brandon: I am a ghost. I am already, I am always half dead.
Eric: I know. I should have known that. It is back to Mega muncher who's going to try to munch through. I roll the disadvantage throughout a bust through. The massive jaws snap away from Room and the shadow hands, keeping them away as Threadbare, holding on by only.
Julia: A thread?
Eric: They're holding on by a thread.
[Everyone exclaims in excitement]
Eric: Rips open the, the yarn.
Amanda: Eric looks at the microphone.
Eric: Rips open, it's the time and space, but keeps it open on this side as well. But everyone is gonna have to make dexterity saving throws, who is in the path. So, Multitool, Fritz, and Dr. Morrow.
Amanda: 22.
Eric: Guys, Dr. Morrow got a Nat 1.
Julia: Ugh, Dr. Morrow. Our healers down. Dr. Morrow is down now, probably.
Eric: You're right. Multitool you take 11 points of damage as does Fritz.
Amanda: I take no damage because of my monk evasion.
Eric: You take no damage. You just fully get out of the fucking way as Dr. Morrow is still, like, holding that, that machine up, looking around for January. And then, just gets absolutely bodied. Absolutely bodied by the Muncher going past. 22 points of damage, she has 25. She's down to 3. At this point, it's Gutenberg turn. And Gutenberg sees Dr. Morrow get run over by, by the Mega muncher. And he immediately says, "No one gets to beat her but me. You got that?" And he moves his hands around and he conjures a giant pair of night guard braces--
[Brandon and Julia laughs]
Eric: --that keeps the mouth of the Mega muncher up. And then, hangs that from the ceiling of the warehouse. And as this mouth just snaps and snaps against this metal cage that's keeping him up there. He's like, "No one touches Cassandra. That's my job."
Amanda: Oh, no. I feel bad for Mega muncher now.
Julia: Gross. I slap him again for no damage.
Brandon: Well, they're infighting on this team. I don't want to sound like they're not very good team
Julia: Yeah, not really optimized for combat, huh?
Brandon: No. Not at all. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm dead.
Eric: Just nothing. Absolutely no one hears any of those bon mots. Wonderful. It is now Vulcani's turn.
Julia: I'm, I'm gonna punch him more.
Eric: Do it.
Julia: He, he, he done.
[Dice rolls]
Julia: 16 + 8, 24?
Eric: Yeah.
Julia: Alright.
Eric: Nice.
Julia: And then, 14 + 8 for a 22.
Eric: That hits.
Julia: Cool. My roll damage.
Eric: Vulcani is really good at doing damage, guys.
Julia: That's my specialty actually. Alright. 18 on the first attack, and then 16 on the second attack.
Eric: Hell yeah. Alright.
Julia: Cool.
Eric: What does it look like when you, has you fuck him up?
[Brandon snickers]
Julia: Oh, I'm just gonna punch him in the face this time.
Eric: Nice. Right in the face?
Julia: Yeah, just right in the face. Like, [punching noises]. Just.
Eric: Yeah, I.
Julia: I'm so mad at this man. I want to beat him to the ground.
Eric: Yeah. You punch him in the face and he makes that daze, like I just got punched in the face. Look, and then you hit him again, as your, your fists are just flaming. And as you pull it back, there's just a hole in his face. You can see all the way to the back, and instead of blood and gore dripping down, you see pixels.
Brandon: Oh, fucking goddammit.
Amanda: Fuck.
Julia: Okay, so I didn't see that when I had the Unknown Glasses on?
Eric: No. You were looking at January.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Remember we said specifically.
Julia: Yeah, I know. I know.
Eric: The Unknown Glasses look at one thing.
Julia: You would think that I would be able to see the things around it, but that's fine, I guess.
Eric: Unfortunately, you can only perceive one thing at a time with the Unknown Glasses. I was so specific.
Julia: I know.
Eric: I absolutely knew it. And he says, "Ah, but it seems you found me out. I guess, well, I guess we'll call it a draw, honestly." And as his body just like, crumbles into pixels, it's like there's a pile of little, of little pixels at your feet.
Julia (as Val): Fucking. If you were here, you'd be dead. You'd be dead.
Eric: It is now the faceless guards turn. They're going to attack you.
Julia: I think I have one more shield that I can use. I'm going to use that. I don't want to die today.
Eric: You're gonna use that?
Julia: Yeah.
Eric: Hell yeah. With your AC at 18, you get hit once from the Big Fists Guard and you get hit once from the Lance's Hands Guard. You take 26 points of damage which are halved to 13.
Julia: Well, that's really good because I had 26 points of damage left.
[Brandon winces]
Julia: We're at 13 now, buds.
Eric: Hell yeah. It is now Dr. Morrow's turn. And she says, "Are you kidding me? January wasn't even here at all. What was the point of this? I was. Oh, God. And I was willing to give all this up."
Amanda (as Multitool): I'm so sorry. We're gonna find him. Oh, can you? There's a, there's a phone. Can you, like, trace it?
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): The phone? I know what I'm supposed to do. Can I have it?
Amanda: Yeah. Aggie will extend her arm to deliver it into Dr. Morrow's hand.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Actually, can you, can you take this for me? I, I can't. I'm not really good at doing it. Filming yourself.
Amanda: Oh, sure. Sure. So, I'll hold it up at a flattering angle. Like a, like a 15 degree angle up from her eyes.
Eric (as Dr. Morrow): Who's ever watching this, this is Dr. Cassandra Morrow, PhD, Mayor Dr. Cassandra Morrow. I think you know what it's like if, when someone you love is unsafe. When you put someone you care about in danger. It's not what you wanted to do, it just happens sometimes because you're who you are. The point of being a superhero, of having the mask is that when people don't know who you are, it's not about you. You're the one with the powers. It's that the people who you care about, they'll at least be out of the way of the people that want you destroyed. I organized the Laketown City 3. I did it because I thought it would be better for this city. I put too many people I cared about in danger, and you don't deserve a mayor who puts people in danger. I'm stepping down. Soon. Laketown City, January, all of you, Multitool, Kilonova, Vulcani, I'm sorry. I should have been more careful. Also, sorry I left all that, all that science trash everywhere. It was kinda, it was kinda, kind of rude of me to do. You can bring that, a lot of you clean up on a lot of it already, but you can bring it into my house. I'm not going to read my, my address on whoever's watching this. I shouldn't do that, but okay. Multitool. Multitool, turn it off. Turn it off.
Amanda: And yeah, I'll try to hit End.
Eric: Yeah.
Brandon: Does your finger stretch out and around? Can you do that?
Amanda: No. This one, I'm just gonna actually cover the camera with my thumb and then try to hit end furiously until it works.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Like I end every Skype call.
[Brandon and Eric laughs]
Eric: Kilonova, make a death saving throw for me, my man.
Brandon: Eric, I just want you to know that I'm using one of the dice that you gave me. So, if I die it's on you.
Eric: Oh, no.
[Dice rolls]
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: What happened?
Amanda: A Nat 1 and a Nat 20?
Julia: You either rolled, rolled two Nat 1s or a Nat 20.
Brandon: I got a Nat 1 and a 2.
[Eric laughs]
Julia: Jesus Christ, Brandon. At least it's not a Nat 1.
Eric: You have one failed death saving throw.
Julia: Just the most Brandon-ass roll I've ever heard.
Eric (as Anubis): Kilonova, I think that you're, you're now sitting on the shag carpet of Anubis' place. And Anubis was like, "Weren't you just here? Why?"
Brandon (as Kilonova): I didn't want to be here this time. The other one was on purpose.
Eric (as Anubis): Okay.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Can you, can you just put me back? Is that a thing you can do?
Eric (as Anubis): That's very much out of my control. That's like a whole thing. I, I feel like you would have known that like, death is coming for all of us. I'm more of, like, an administrator of death. It's outside of my realm, but I can make you have a good time while you're here.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Okay.
Eric (as Anubis): Do you want, Can you give me, like, a little ear scritch?
Brandon (as Kilonova): Yeah, do you like snacks?
Eric (as Anubis): It's like you don't know anything about me.
[Brandon wheezes]
Eric: Brandon, because you're, because you're the death guy.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: I feel like you deal with death twice as fast. Please make another death saving throw.
[Dice rolls]
Brandon: 4 and 17.
[Brandon and Julia sighs in relief]
Eric: Alright, that's a, that's a one. You want to, you want to keep going?
Brandon: Fuck yeah, let's go.
Eric: Alright, keep going, buddy.
Brandon: It's like Vegas, baby.
Eric: Yeah, Vegas, baby.
[Dice rolls]
Brandon: 9 and 19.
Julia: Okay.
Eric: Okay.
Julia: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: One more. One more, again. One more, again.
[Dice rolls]
Brandon: 12 and 14.
Julia: Alright.
[Amanda exclaims in relief]
Eric: There you go.
Julia: We're good. We're stabilized.
Eric: Hell yeah. And the entire time, you just spend the time scritching Anubis' ears as you're laying down with chaos all around you.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Anubis, before I go.
Eric (as Anubis): Mmh.
Brandon (as Kilonova): Can I ask you a yes or no question?
Eric (as Anubis): Do you have any raw meat on you?
Brandon (as Kilonova): No.
Eric (as Anubis): Oh, okay, but just a yes or no question.
[Amanda and Brandon laughs]
Brandon (as Kilonova): Are my birth parents also powered? And also, do you really like Tuna or is like just like a thing that you guys, just like professionalism?
Eric (as Anubis): Shut up. I think Anubis looks at you right in the eyes. Like sweet little doggo eyes and then for a second they go all black. And Anubis says, [in a deeper voice] "Yes." Then the elevator behind you opens, and Anubis gestures you towards the elevator.
Brandon (as Kilonova): I'll bring some raw meat next time.
Eric (as Anubis): You better. Don't forget. Tuna tells me, you're not, you need to be more thoughtful about this.
[Amanda laughs]
Eric: Hell yeah. Well, it was Mega muncher's turn but Mega muncher is currently in a, in a terrible dentist cage.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: Aren't we all?
Eric: Yeah, emotionally. So, it's now Multitool's turn.
Amanda: I think Multitool is kind of frozen and just, like, staring at the phone in her hands. It's like, "Did I just help make this happen. This step that I don't think is merited and that I specifically said that she didn't do." So, I'm just kinda frozen.
Eric: Sure. Make an arcana check as our tech check.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: 17.
[Eric laughs]
Eric: With a 17, a 17, the phone gets a text message.
Amanda: I open it.
Eric (as Wyvern): It says, "Hey, it's Wyvern. Who is, whose phone is this?"
Amanda: I'm gonna call it. Did that work on 17?
Eric: No, no, no. It rings. It rings. It rings, and then it fails and Wyvern says, "I don't like taking phone calls."
Julia: Wow.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: I knew it. I knew you're gonna say that.
Julia: Mood.
Eric (as Wyvern): Who is this?
Amanda (as Multitool): Multitool. Gutenberg just disappeared on us. He still has January. Where are you?
Eric (as Wyvern): Oh, that was you with the phone? That's wonderful. I got it in one. Hell yeah dog. Yeah, no. I was trying to follow up. I was trying to follow up with you about--.
Amanda (as Multitool): Didn't you just snatched up?
Eric (as Wyvern): Yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%.
Amanda (as Multitool): Where are you? Is January there?
Eric (as Wyvern): Oh, yes. January's right here. And takes a photo, and then a photo comes through. And it's January with Hive, and Tough Stuff, and a bunch of other folks from the party. And they're all kind of like posing in this, like, super hyper futuristic, like, Mission Control Room. And you see there's also a bunch of people who are tied up in the corner with, like, our little like ropes and, and gags and stuff.
Amanda (as Multitool): Did fucking Tough Stuff actually worked out?
Eric (as Wyvern): Oh, yeah. Lots of people. They all kind of showed up eventually. Turned out we were being held. I don't know where you are. We're in the middle of Lake Champlain.
Amanda (as Multitool): Oh, tight. Do you have an escape? Do you need some help getting out of there?
Eric (as Wyvern): No, we're in the water base. The upcountry keepers figured it out.
Brandon: Goddamnit.
[Brandon laughs]
Julia (as Val): The upcountry keepers have a water base?
Amanda (as Multitool): ...Whose water base?
Eric (as Wyvern): Oh, I mean.
[Brandon laughs]
Eric (as Wyvern): Oh, the people of river had a water base. It was between states, so no one felt like, like neither Vermont nor New York. We're dealing with it. So, it's actually pretty easy to have a water base there.
Julia (as Val): Okay, okay. As long as it's not the upcountry keepers.
Amanda (as Multitool): But it's, it's Gutenberg's.
Eric (as Wyvern): Yeah. Like, Gutenberg was involved but, like, people of river is just like a bunch of hippie nerds. So, kind of take them up.
Amanda (as Multitool): Great. So, please, let's meet somewhere safe in Laketown City.
Eric (as Wyvern): Yeah, definitely. Where do you want to meet? I know this really pizza place. Like, it was full.
Julia (as Val): Do we meet at Dr. Morrow's house? They already know Dr. Morrow is affiliated with us now.
Amanda (as Multitool): Yeah. Let's meet at Dr. Morrow's house. There's a training dome of doom, you'll love it.
Brandon (as Kilonova): If I were alive and around, I would also say, "But bring that pizza anyway."
[Amanda laughs]
[Brandon snorts]
Julia (as Val): I feel like Milo is gonna be hungry wherever he is currently. So, bring the pizza with you. I'm also very hungry.
Eric (as Wyvern): Hell yeah. What a night, right?
Amanda (as Multitool): Night’s not over yet, bud.
Eric (as Wyvern): Emily Slaughter is very scary.
Amanda (as Multitool): Mhmm. That's correct. You've got the internship.
Eric (as Wyvern): Hell yeah. I feel like I was always the intern, cause I found you.
Amanda (as Multitool): End the conversation.
[Brandon laughs]
Brandon: You, you text that?
Julia: You text that?
Amanda: Yes.
Eric: Alright, well yeah.
Amanda: I'm gonna, I'm gonna, like, stick my head into the rip of time and space and be like, "Guys, I. Everyone's okay. Dr. Morrow, we January, they, they. He's in Lake Champlain, he's fine."
Eric: Everyone's kind of still looking down at you. Like, you put, you stick your head in through the rift and time and space. And Room, Wendy, and Smart Girl are, like, looking down at Kilonova's body. Trying to keep Threadbare away from his body and being like, "No. Just let me, let me, let me throw him through time and space again, that was great. I love that.
Brandon: Eric, are you saying that Wendy cares about me?
Eric: I'm saying that Wendy is defending your limp body on the ground. So, if that's your standards of that then, yes.
[Amanda laughs]
Brandon: Great.
Eric: Yeah. There you go. Yeah, Threadbare is still up.
Amanda: I mean, my action is probably doing a text message combo, right?
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: Oh, I can make an, an arm strike as a bonus action. Let's do that. I'll punch him in the face.
[Brandon and Eric laughs]
Eric: You're gonna stretch your arm all the way through?
Amanda: Yeah.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: 22 to hit.
Eric: Yeah, that hits.
[Dice rolls]
Amanda: That's a 9
Julia: Is that enough to knock him out? Please let it be enough to knock him out, please.
Eric: Oh, God. Yeah. Well, finish him. What do you do?
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Your head is stretched all the way through. Your arm stretches all the way through this--
Amanda: Yeah.
Eric: --rip in time and space.
Amanda: I think, like, when you're feeding a baby, I'm going to go, "Oh, oh." And then, like, kind of circle all around like a spoon of applesauce.
Eric: Yeah.
Amanda: And then just, like, bop him quick in the nose.
Eric: Yeah. Bop and he's fucking down. Actually, Threadbare as you bop him in the nose, he, like, sways from one side and another side. And then, he just unravels from the top of his head down.
Amanda: That's scary.
Eric: Just the yarn, just like kind of comes apart and winds down in just a pile of yarn on the ground.
Brandon: And then you roll it into a ball and you give it to Tuna.
Amanda: Oh, yeah. I'm totally gonna grab it, and I would love to toss that yarn over to Tuna.
Eric: Tuna's just like, "Oh, yay. Something else to play with. I love it." And Room, Wendy, and Smart Girl are just looking down at Kilonova's body. It's just kind of laying there and being like, "So, Danny. Do you also have healing ghost powers?"
Amanda (as Multitool): I'm going to look at Kilonova for a second, I see his chest rising and falling, I'm like, "He's good. He does this sometimes."
[Brandon laughs]
Eric: Hell yeah.
Amanda: Are the guards kind of, like, were they, like, deactivated after he left or are they still an issue?
Eric: Yeah. I think that as, as Gutenberg dissolves into a pile of pixels, so do the faceless guards, kind of just like crumble and is off. So, y'all are out of initiative.
Brandon: Yay.
Julia: Oh, that sucked.
Amanda (as Multitool): I'm gonna stare up at Mega muncher and say, "Will you behave if we let you down? I think it's pretty fucked up that Gutenberg put you up there like that.
Eric: As you're up there, the mouth gets smaller, and smaller, and smaller. And the body gets larger, and larger, and larger. And he's, Mega muncher is now back to Regular muncher who still has big mouth, but is now just kind of, like, trapped in this, like, fucking mobile-esque cage. That it's just keeping him up in the air.
Julia (as Val): Just leave him up there.
Amanda (as Multitool): I'd like to stretch up, get him down, and set him facing outward in, like, a pile of rubble on the corner.
Eric: Vulcani, at your feet, the pile of pixels just kind of like, you know when you don't pick up an item in an arcade game for a while, it eventually, like, it fades away. Like, it, it blinks once and then blinks again and then it blinks a bunch of times. Like a, like it go, [Fading Video Game SFX]. And then it just disappears. I think Dr. Morrow looks over and says, "Alright, this is too, this is too much. Let's, let's just go home."
[JTP Theme Music]
Transcriptionist: John Matthew Sarong
Editor: Krizia Marrie Casil